00:00:00
Hello. Hello. Hello, mate. My Benjon to We're coming to London, England and
00:00:05
Dublin, Ireland. Right. London, England. Dublin, Ireland. July 18th and July 19th for Ireland. That's right. 18th in
00:00:11
London, 19th in Ireland. You guys come out and see us. Go to badfriend.com. Kicks are going fast. They are going
00:00:17
very fast. Dublin's about to shell out. Sell out. So July 18th to 19th, go to
00:00:23
badfriend.com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude
00:00:29
and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad
00:00:35
friends. What is this shirt that you got in Australia? Look at Bobby got a shirt in Australia. It's a stress. Dude, you
00:00:41
cannot fit in this. Why can't he fit in it? Dude, this is this is You saying that I'm fat. I think you fit in that
00:00:46
easily. Thank you, Benny. What are you talking Do you actually think he can't fit in it? No, dude. Put it on a part of
00:00:52
him. This is No, I It looks exact problem. Oh, look at this. I want to
00:00:57
wear it now. You clearly can't fit. Take that one off first. No, I'm going to do it off. Why do you have to do it off? Do it on. Do you have boobies? On
00:01:05
on. You look great. Ompic. Are you on Ompic? He is. Actually, yeah. Why are
00:01:13
you on OM? He's on the other one. So, so you can fit in the shirt you bought. That shirt was $9,000. So, it's got to
00:01:20
fit. Okay, let's see. It fits. It fits perfectly. Fits good. It's perfect.
00:01:26
correctly. I like it. I want to now. Wait, are you actually on Ozic? Yeah. Yeah. Really? Not Ozic. He's on the
00:01:32
other one. Mjaro. Wug. No. Wovi. No, but I was on O. What's Wugi? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wo. No, there is no W. You just
00:01:38
made up WA. Hey, dude. We're not as successful as you. We can't afford premium brand. What are you talking
00:01:44
about? That shirt was $9,000. I know. It was $9. Yeah. So, Benny, the reason why because a girl told me I was fat and I
00:01:51
was and I was she was not attracted to me when we were making out and I I had to lose the Why do you keep going like
00:01:56
this with your hair? Because I'm emo, dude. Okay. And you're a musician, so I'm trying to be cool. Cool, dude. Okay.
00:02:02
What's up, Mom? It's very difficult to get comfortable in this chair. That's the point of the chairs. I I love those
00:02:08
pants. Thanks. Are those uh Are those cowhide? No, they're they're uh they're I was shopping with my fiance
00:02:17
at what? Now he's changing again.
00:02:25
It's continuity. No, we were just we Why does everyone have to use these mics?
00:02:31
Why can't they find a better system? This is one of the best mics in the game. You've been complaining since you've been here, Betty. Yeah, can you
00:02:39
complain? I wanted you to put on your shirt and I thought you look beautiful. Oh yeah, thank you so much. Wait a minute. You don't like these mics? As someone who is No, I do like these mics,
00:02:45
but I did I don't understand why there's not a version at this point where it's like we're like hands-free. Well, we
00:02:53
already are handsree. We're like, but we're like there's nothing in our face. We're not wearing a headphone. Like we're just talking in a room. You don't
00:02:58
have to wear headphones, but this is how we hear each other more crisp and you can hear the levels if we play video. I know what Benny's saying. What you're saying? Like a lav mic or something? Or
00:03:04
like maybe a mic here? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe just simple, right? Vinnie, what's it like having um a super famous fiance?
00:03:11
Very good question. Can you go to Can you Wait, wait, wait. Can you go to um a mall? Like, can you go to the Beverly
00:03:17
Center with her? No. You never try. No. Like, let's try. Well, you don't go to
00:03:22
the Beverly. I know. I know. Well, okay. Okay. Here's here's here's what it is.
00:03:28
She's like a homebody. Like her favorite thing to do. Let's not talk about a woman's body on the show. That's so
00:03:34
demanding. Your wife's body is insane, dude. I know. I'm shaming. No, the her body's like a house.
00:03:42
It's a big burly house. She uh No, she just likes to chill at home. So do you
00:03:47
though? Yeah. Yeah. I'm like a big ch like I don't want to go to like like we're not going to like we want to like
00:03:52
chill at us every night. Every night I go to all I want like I want to I want to I
00:03:59
want to relax at home with like my friends and like drink wine and like you know what I I feel like I think I think
00:04:06
I'm just getting No, I think I'm just getting old. Like I think I'm getting older. 35 36. Wait, are are you are any
00:04:14
of you guys sober? No, you're not. You just I'm I'm in the program. Okay. Okay. Are you in the program? I'm not. I'm
00:04:19
not. But but some of my some of my No, some of my family. I just want to say so like
00:04:26
I have powers too, dude. Okay. I don't have Selena Gomez power, but I buy my own power, dude. Okay. Okay. He is
00:04:32
Hector Gomez, the guy that works at Yeah, dude. Guy we buy fruit from. He works at Pep Boys, dude. Okay. Okay. No.
00:04:39
No. I change your tires. Yeah. Go ahead. I don't even know what I
00:04:45
was talking. Yeah, you do. Oh. Oh, alcohol. Okay. When I was like until
00:04:50
like 31, I would I could drink the entire night, sleep zero, wake go to bed at
00:04:58
5:00 a.m., wake up at 6:00, like work a full day. Now I have like two drinks and
00:05:03
I feel like hung over for 3 days. I I and and I just can't I can't take it.
00:05:09
Why don't you get in the program? He's in the program. Get in the program. Also, Benny, check this out. I'm 53. Yeah. See this right here? You're 53?
00:05:14
Yeah. Thank you. You look so young. Thank you, Benny. See this right here? That's a gun. Do you see it? Yeah. Right. Yeah. What? No. It's not a gun.
00:05:20
This is a gun. Okay. What's What's this? This hurts. Going in your ass. No. I'm just saying.
00:05:27
I was trying to make a point that everything hurts. I should have done that. Why didn't you just show You're right. You're right. You're right. I
00:05:32
should have just done this. Yeah. Why did I do that? I don't know. I That's like Are you sure like that
00:05:39
you're like feeble and crippled at this point? Like No, what I'm saying is is that you get arthritis. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? And your body just
00:05:45
breaks down. So, and and I'm sober and it happened. In fact, I had my um three-year AA birthday Saturday and
00:05:52
nobody came texted me in this room. I texted you. Do you know why? Why?
00:05:58
Because you've had a lot of sober birthdays. Yeah. We've had to change the date seven times. I know. But remember
00:06:03
this trophy we gave you for kicking it the habit in 2022? Yeah. Yeah. So, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I relapse too much. Yeah. It happens. It
00:06:10
happens. Well, Benny Benny is It does. I I come from my family is he's a child of fetal alcohol syndrome. No, I'm I can
00:06:17
already tell. I can tell already. Don't bring that. Don't I look Don't I look insane? Can I clear the air? Yeah. And I
00:06:25
have known each other for so long and that is And you're my dog and I love you. And when you did my show and I
00:06:32
asked about Selena, the internet got so mad. They thought I was picking on you. I was like, we were teasing each other.
00:06:38
People were like, "Don't be [ __ ] mean to I don't read any comments." The fans came at me. Dude, my fans look crap.
00:06:44
Dude, not your fans. First of all, they're your [ __ ] Weiss fans. You nerd. I mean, when you're married to
00:06:49
Selena, oh, you're married. I'm engaged. Engaged. Does that make your upper lip moist? Cuz your upper lip right now is
00:06:55
so moist. Dude, he chapsticks a lot. You do? Why?
00:07:01
You don't? Because I have to now. I have to have the upper lip that's
00:07:07
moist. Dude, that's so funny. He's right. Yeah. When you start dating someone hot and famous, you have to have moist lips. Yeah. Look at all the hot
00:07:13
guys. They always have moist. I got to have moist. What? What? What am I supposed to do? My chips My lips are supposed to look like an [ __ ] Like
00:07:19
like be cracked and you doing He's moistening. It's not It's not making them moist now. Oh, now you look insane.
00:07:26
Yeah. Whoa. Hold on one second. Are you Hello, Sydney Sweeney. Yeah. Yeah. Bobby Lee's right here. Oh my Whoa. Dude,
00:07:33
that's all it took. It worked, right? Yeah. Dude, are are are you in a relationship? That's [ __ ] He knows
00:07:39
I can't I can No one wants to [ __ ] me. Shut up. What do you mean? No one wants to Nobody wants to [ __ ] me. You're bringing it up. Why? Cuz you're with
00:07:44
Selena. I think you're so cute, dude. Okay, I'm going to say something right now and we're not going to bring it up again. I'm so tired of this. I know. I'm
00:07:51
tired of it, too. Cuz you're so love. Well, I'm I'm tired of it, too. Right now. Yes, Benny. Yes. Right now,
00:08:00
what I'm doing is I've talked to my therapist and I'm going to spend the next six months to a year completely
00:08:06
alone. Why? Because celibacy. Yeah. So, no dating at all. Yeah. And
00:08:13
I'll tell you why. It's just not happening. That's not No. No. I'm meeting people, right? But it's just
00:08:18
like I, you know, I want to be able to click like this guy and ride on a unicorn. What? You deserve to be on that
00:08:26
unicorn. Thank you so much. I like the way you did that. Okay. I can't do that because I'm stuck in a plastic chair in
00:08:31
between a like where's my unicorn? Now, if I'm a unicorn, right, where am I on the unicorn? Can I be honest? That
00:08:37
doesn't look like a unicorn at all. Korean Korean unicorns are different. No, I don't think it's I don't think
00:08:43
that's the unicorn. I think that's him on top of me. Yeah. Why are your arms hurt? Is this cuz arthritis? Yeah.
00:08:49
What's wrong with your arms? And why have you been out of breath? Like, like I smoke cigarettes. So, you're just out of breath all the time. This [ __ ]
00:08:56
guy. Why does everyone come out here? I'm not saying you're picking. I just wanted all my frailties. Okay. Wait. I'm
00:09:02
a unicorn. Where am I on the What happened to your other arm? I'm going left. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going left, dude.
00:09:10
He's never going anyway. I'm I'm sitting on the I'm sitting on the horn. You haven't found the one. I'm sitting on the I haven't Yeah. Yeah. Um Yeah. I
00:09:17
haven't You deserve the one. Anyway, so go. What's What What was the question? This is your date. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:22
Okay. The rest of the date. What's the rest of the [ __ ] date? Well, it's the get to know you portion of the date. Get
00:09:28
to know her. She's right there. Oh, really? Yes. So, um, hi. My riot profile is set to 20.
00:09:36
I know, but I'm assuming it's 30. Okay. Okay. So, um, hey Klaya. No. Oh, yeah.
00:09:44
No. No. Right. Right. Hi, Mayo. Would that be a good name? Mayo. Hi,
00:09:50
Mayo. Hi. Hi. Hi, Bobby. I would probably do a joke like, "Do you like mayo?"
00:09:56
Bobby, that wasn't funny. Bobby, Bobby, can you keep going? I know I'm drowning. I like this. I'm already drowning. I'm
00:10:04
already drowning. Bobby, can you keep going? Yeah, I'll keep going. So, mayo, um, are you LA raised? Born. Good. Am I
00:10:11
uh raised or born? I was born in Tallahassee. Tallahassee, New York. Tallahass. Tennessee. New York. Yeah.
00:10:17
Yeah. Tallahass. Florida. Oh, I love Florida. So, how long you been in LA?
00:10:22
Um, Bobby, I get asked this on every day. Oh, forget it. Um, what are your dreams? My dreams getting better. Oh, I
00:10:30
like that. Yeah. Well, I kind of want to be You're not gonna make it. What? I'm
00:10:36
not. Yeah. I don't think you're gonna make it. Why? Can I get you guys something? Oh, hi. Hi. Oh my god, you
00:10:41
look so hot. Cut it out. Jesus. Oh my god. Are you doing your Leo face? Hey, Mayo. Yeah. What the [ __ ] you doing?
00:10:49
Whoa. No. What do you mean? Whoa. That's weird. Watch. Oh, I bring you on a date. You this redheaded [ __ ] thunder
00:10:55
sticker. Ma'am, I'm just Is this guy bothering you? He might be a little I'll throw him out. You will. This is not how
00:11:02
you want the date to go, sir. Yeah, [ __ ] you, sir. Whoa. Yeah. [ __ ] you. You know what, Mayo? I'm going to go grab you.
00:11:07
I'm going to grab you by the shoulder. Get in the car. Oh my god, dude. Right. We're going to where you deserve to go.
00:11:14
Shake Shack. Oh. Oh, I love Shake. Now we're in Shake Shack. And that's cool. Is it Does Okay, now you're at Shake
00:11:19
Shack. Is he coming? Yeah. Of course. You guys want something to drink? Yeah. He just work he just works he works at
00:11:27
every restaurant he go and I'm like and I'm like oh my god that the guy he No
00:11:32
what I ask about you know who they are there what they're what I'm trying to get to is if there's like if they're
00:11:37
damaged if if and you you want to stay I want to see if there's trauma no if there's like some sort of deep trauma
00:11:43
going on you know what I mean if they have a dream here in LA you know can they make it if they can't make it I
00:11:49
don't want to do it how do you know how do you how do you know if I'll go on their Instagram 40 years to make. It
00:11:54
takes everyone so long. And you can tell, Benny, let me ask you something. You know, you're a producer, right? Yeah. Right. You can hear it when when
00:12:02
you if you saw a girl's Instagram and saw her singing, would you be able to Can you tell? Well, I don't know. Yeah.
00:12:08
Yes, you can. Danny, look at me. This is your your a singer? I thought she was a boom mic. I made No, but what I'm saying
00:12:16
is that can't you tell as a standup if a girl if you're at the open mic level that she can may or may not make it? You
00:12:23
can usually tell a standup if they're going to if they're going to grow, if they're going to grow. Exactly. Usually
00:12:28
you you'll know if they're, you know, so you want someone to grow with you. No, I just want to be able to look and she at least she can, you know, she has the
00:12:33
ability to make it. Sure. She has I don't like when people are like, I'm a good singer and then they can't and that
00:12:39
means they're delusional. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want delusion. You don't want Okay. Yeah. Yeah. No delusion. I want a good family upbringing. Okay.
00:12:46
Delusion. Boom Mike. Yeah. Boom. Not delusion. Family upbringing though. This is I always talk about No, no. Because
00:12:53
my mom my mom always said my mom always says this. She always says she's like
00:12:58
but you know before before I started you know dating Selena she would always say
00:13:04
I I want you to be with someone from a good family and then I don't agree with
00:13:09
that. My mom was from a shitty family. Like my mom has a terrible I don't you don't get to choose who your parents are. Sometimes your parents are
00:13:14
[ __ ] I don't know. I don't believe I I believe that they should have like a a a close relationship with like someone
00:13:21
in their family, but I don't think you have to be best friends with all your family. It's great if you are. It's [ __ ] amazing. But most people's
00:13:27
parents are divorced. Most people, you know, they're I don't I don't know. Your parents aren't divorced. My parents are both are the divorced. Oh, they are.
00:13:34
They are the divorce. Do you talk to your dad? I I speak to my dad. Uhoh. Uhoh. You heard a daddy issue come out,
00:13:40
right? Yeah, I saw it. I saw it. I wouldn't date you. I'm mayo. But I'm mayo. I'm mayo. You're mayo. I know. But
00:13:46
mayo. Check this out. Okay. Yes. Stop pointing at me when you talk to me. Okay. What's wrong with you? Arthritis.
00:13:53
Yeah. Okay. If they're in a Let's say their family died in a fire. Yeah. Can I be honest with you guys? I have to go
00:13:58
back to the kitchen. Can I get your drink order? Cuz I need No, no, no. No. We have our order. Just give us a
00:14:04
second. We get this out of here. Okay. Yeah. I have like five or if your if your parents were died in a fire, right?
00:14:10
And then years later, I want to take you camping. Yes. Right. And I light a campfire. You might have PTSD from him.
00:14:16
And I want that. You go camping? He does. I do. You actually camp? Big camp guy. You never camped before. I actually
00:14:22
did a couple months ago. No, he did. He does. And what did you think? Hated it. Okay. But he doesn't. But you want to
00:14:28
know that if you do go camping and you light a fire, your imaginary Mayo
00:14:33
girlfriend won't have trauma from that. This all adds up to me. It all adds up. You don't You guys know what I'm saying?
00:14:39
You want to know? He's not here. He's not at the date in. He's in my waiter, Benny.
00:14:45
You're just keeping He's the waiter, Benny. He just has to stay here. Yeah. Yeah. I don't have a choice. He does tip me very well, I guess. So, yeah. Okay.
00:14:51
What What are your some of your check marks? Okay. I had I had Give me your check mark. Okay. Okay. I did cuz before
00:14:57
before um I met Selena, I Well, how'd you meet her? We had we had known we've known each other for like 15 years. But
00:15:03
I'm saying before we started dating, I remember I remember being like, "Fuck,
00:15:10
like I keep doing the same thing over and over again. Like I'm just dating. I'm doing this." And uh my therapist was
00:15:16
like, "You got to make a checklist." He was like, "You got to make a list of the things you want and need." And I had a
00:15:23
checklist. And And Okay, you want to know what mine were? Super famous. Yep. Yep. Very rich. Yeah. Hispanic for some
00:15:30
reason. Hispanic. For a good reason. Yeah. Hot. Yeah. Okay. Empathetathetic.
00:15:37
Yep. Yeah. Did you say pathetic? Empathetic. Oh, I was like, what the [ __ ] Yeah. Empathetathetic. Okay. And
00:15:42
pathetic. Yeah. And pathetic. Okay. And pathetic. Yep. Uh, and tinier than you.
00:15:48
That was all of them. Really? What was the checklist? That That was it. No, really. What? Um, no, the checklist was
00:15:53
uh I wanted I said 30 or over for me, right? 30 or older. That's what I wanted
00:16:00
at the time. That's that's how I felt. 30 plus. I um I wanted someone who was
00:16:06
passionate about something. They didn't have to make money or anything. Just that they have a passion and they're going towards something. I like I don't
00:16:12
care what it is. Like if they were like I'm I do those little paper football
00:16:17
things and I'm the best at flicking it through the like this. I would say you keep doing that, babe. You make Well,
00:16:23
hey, this is my dream woman. I didn't get mad at you when yours was mayo made of sand. Okay. All right, Benny. This is
00:16:29
how Koreans when they listen, that's what the face they make. Watch any movie.
00:16:36
So true. Yeah. Have you seen Watch Parasite? Rewatch Parasite. That's everyone in Parasite.
00:16:42
Thank you so much, Andrew, for defending my culture. It is true. Yeah. Yeah. Is he the waiter or is he Andrew again?
00:16:47
He's He's still the waiter. I'm Andrew the waiter. Andrew the waiter. All right. So, keep going. I like because I'm learning from you. Okay. And I
00:16:53
wanted someone who was I wanted someone who was uh who was kind and like who actually like
00:16:58
like Selena is incredible. when I wake up in the morning, I know what's going through her head and now now what's
00:17:05
going through my head too is like how can we make like today like the best day for both of us like like she's thinking
00:17:11
about me and she's think and and I feel like a lot of times in relationships uh
00:17:16
I felt like I was always giving and I wasn't getting what I wanted in return and she's so thoughtful, so caring, so
00:17:23
compassionate. So I really wanted someone like that. I I basically manifested the perfect person for me and
00:17:29
I wanted manifest. That's what I want to Let's go down your realistic. What was
00:17:35
your first date like? Uh our first date. Our first date was insane. Okay. So, I
00:17:40
didn't know we were on a date. Okay. So, here's what happened. Here's what happened. We had like left. We we we
00:17:46
left the studio one day. We start texting. And so, you're producing her album. I produce I produced with her. Um
00:17:52
and I have for years. For years, for 10 plus years. So, you guys are in the studio. What about this? Yeah. Yeah. I
00:17:57
was I was chicken. Yeah. And she's like, I don't like that sound. How about that?
00:18:04
Oh, you listen. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Go. And then afterwards, go ahead. Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:10
Okay. So, afterwards, she texts me. Oh, no. I texted her and I was like, "Oh my
00:18:15
god." I was like, "Uh, I was like, "What a great set." I forget what happened. Something. And then we start texting
00:18:21
back and forth and I'm busy that night and and we're just texting back and forth and and real quick. Yeah. Is there
00:18:29
sexual when you worked with her before? Was there some sort of sexual tension between? There's never been sexual tension. You never even thought about
00:18:35
No, I never thought We've always been in relationships. We've always like there's there's always there's we've never even
00:18:40
been single at the same time. Professional mode always. Okay. So, so
00:18:46
we start like texting and somehow we start sending like selfies back and forth. Oh, that's how it starts. It was
00:18:52
like a selfie thing and um you guys are giggling. There was there was giggling but I wasn't thinking of anything. I was
00:18:59
just like oh I'm just like we're working on a song. It's cool. And then she was like
00:19:04
uh you want to you want to get some food tomorrow? And so, okay, so before while we were at the session, I was talk we
00:19:11
were talking about our dating lives and I was like, "Oh my god, I know so many great guys. Why don't you like come to our house one day and like we'll have
00:19:17
like a dinner and you can meet some people?" Like I literally wasn't even thinking about it.
00:19:23
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00:19:30
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or more disc plates. Displate, collect your passions. So, she decided to come
00:21:59
over and I was like, "Oh, my friend has a birthday party. Let's go get some drinks first." We went to my friend My
00:22:05
friend has a bar called Stir Crazy. It's like a wine bar. We like went there first and then we went to Jitlada was
00:22:10
where my friend was having. You know that place? What is it? What is it? Invite me. It's delicious. You never invite me to LA. It's delicious. Jazz.
00:22:17
She runs. I love jazz. I love jazz, too. No, her name is Jazz. Okay, keep going. You like it? Stop getting so Stop
00:22:24
getting so horny. We're like, I'm a hard Yeah. Yeah. So hard. Yeah, he's Keep going. Jazz Thai food. My favorite.
00:22:31
Okay. So, we're just sitting there and then she's like, uh Oh, no. First, we're at the wine spot and she said, "Oh my
00:22:37
god, if this was a if if uh uh" she was like, "Man, I would have worn something different for this date." And I was like
00:22:44
I was like we're on a date and then she was like what? And then I was like and I was so confused. And then she didn't
00:22:49
bring it up again. And then we're like hanging having the best time. She leaves the date like she leaves the dinner
00:22:55
party and it was with other people. She leaves kind of early. She's like, "I got a video shoot. I got to do something early." And I was like, "Oh, okay." And
00:23:00
then she texts me. She's like, "I haven't had that much fun in so long." Then um Are you No, I still don't I'm
00:23:07
not like putting this guy. He's like having sex with He's like, "Is this a date?" Yeah. Yeah. Half of the date,
00:23:12
right? Yeah. I'm so clueless. So then we're on our we're we're like second date. We're we're just chilling at my
00:23:18
house and we're like who organized a second date? You said come over. I think she was like let's hang out again. It was so casual and it was so and I was
00:23:24
like I'm so I'm so dumbfounded that she could ever even
00:23:30
like me that I'm like okay yeah let's hang out again. So So we're we're we're
00:23:35
at my house and we're playing this like little game and it's like these cards you pull out. It's so funny that you say
00:23:41
that. What? That was a Wiggoi burp. Wiggoi burp. Sorry, it was I vomit. Wovi
00:23:48
burp. I had an injection yesterday. What is wiggoi? It's the same thing as um Oh,
00:23:55
Zmpic and Mjaro. Yeah. Yeah. Where where does it like dip is the Chinese version.
00:24:00
Dipick. He gets waggoi from overseas. How long have you been wagiing?
00:24:06
Two months. No, it's more than that. Three months. Three months. And and how much weight have you lost? 15. Almost 20
00:24:12
lbs. Really? And what how when will you do it till till you have no torso left?
00:24:19
No, I want to look I want to look I want to look like um Steven Yun. I was just about to say that. Tell them what you
00:24:25
told me in Australia. What did I say? What are you going to get? Oh yeah. A sixpack. You're going to get a six-pack.
00:24:30
He's going to get buff. You are? Yeah. He's going to get super Are you working out? No. No. You don't need to work out.
00:24:35
Yeah. Yeah. Well, go literally does all all that for you. Well, let's go let's
00:24:41
go back to you and Selena because I just it was a side second date she comes over to your house. Second day she comes over
00:24:46
to my house. We're playing the game there. How many people are there? No, it's just me and her. Oh my god. It's
00:24:52
just me and her. And then Wow. And still in this moment, I'm just like I'm like
00:24:58
I'm not even thinking about it like that for some reason. She's at my house. There's this game and in the game it
00:25:04
says take a selfie with the person next to you and I
00:25:09
was the only one next to her. So she like comes up towards me and like is on my chest and takes a selfie and then I
00:25:16
was and I said, "Oh my god." And then I turned Oh my god. What?
00:25:22
I let him do it. Oh, sorry. And I was like, "Oh my god." And then I just kissed her immediately and that was our
00:25:28
first kiss. It has to be a 95%. You I mean you have to be
00:25:34
95% 99% sure with Selena Gomez. You do it. With Selena Gomez. How did you know
00:25:39
it was 99%. I felt it. When you feel it, you feel it. Really? Yeah. I felt it. He felt it.
00:25:46
You're acting like you've never kissed a person before. We're getting there. We're getting No, I have. But Oh, so
00:25:51
99%. You can't be You can't be You can't be 80% sure. Oh my god. Do you do like if
00:25:58
she would have went like this? If she would have went and turned away, is that the is the working relationship done at
00:26:04
that point? No more songs. No, I don't think so. Really? No. I think we just talk about But you would have to
00:26:09
apologize like I'm sorry I read it wrong. I guess so. I don't I I Yeah, I guess. Have you had to do that before?
00:26:15
Have you you've read it wrong? You've read it wrong? That's never happened to me before. Wait, have you have you read it wrong
00:26:22
many times in your life? No. Like one time I read it wrong. No, you it was more than one. I know it's more than
00:26:28
once. You're lying. Nope. You're still lying. Sometimes my time's right. No, maybe still lying. I think every time.
00:26:34
Every time. Not every time. I think there's I think there's six to eight in your life. You know what, Benny? Your
00:26:40
tone today. No, it went Dude, it went from like equal grounds to like you being like them. No, I have you on a
00:26:46
roller coaster. That's right. I'll defend Bobby again. You know why? You know why? Do you know why he reads it
00:26:52
wrong sometimes? Cuz Bobby lives in the moment. He flies free and beautiful. Exactly. On the unicorn. He's the
00:26:58
unicorn. And so therefore, he's living in the moment. He assumes, "Let me try." And if he reads it wrong, he says, "I'm
00:27:03
so sorry. I thought you thought I was wonderful." And she said, "No, I'm not sexually attracted to you."
00:27:11
Hi, I'm not sexually attracted to you. Will you be my friend? All right, guys. Honestly, can I take a drink order at this point?
00:27:17
We have our appetite. We're going to work on the appetizer for a second. We have to discuss this first. You come here every week. You know the menu. I I
00:27:23
know. There's only two things on the appetizer, but you know what I mean? We're not going to get both. So, after after the kiss though, that was it. That
00:27:28
was off. And then we we hung out constantly. Oh, can I ask you this before you're not getting into Yeah. Did
00:27:35
the Just You don't have to get into specifics, right? But did the kiss lead to more that day? It did not. It did
00:27:41
not. Okay. When did that happen? She She's He wants to know date and time. No, I don't want to know date and time. I just eventually like And don't get
00:27:47
specific. No, no, no. Uh, when did you guys start dating then? Immediately. That's what that was the Did you spend
00:27:53
every day together? No, because we're both so busy. Yeah. Um
00:27:59
but very very quickly we realize, you know, when like you first start dating someone, you're like, oh, I can't give
00:28:04
them all my time. But then very quickly, like it's like, oh, I have an hour free here. I'll hang out with them. Oh, I
00:28:10
have this time here. And very quickly, we realized that we were I have goofy
00:28:15
burp. Very quickly, I realized we were like inseparable. And no, I love Yeah.
00:28:21
And I met my best friend. Who said who said I love you first? She did. She said it so many times by mistake even. What
00:28:29
do you mean? Just like on a phone call like all right, I love you. Bye. She was getting like uh uh um I forget. She she
00:28:36
was getting like dental work or something. Something happened and she was like a little woozy and uh as she
00:28:43
was coming too, she was like, "I love you." And I was like, and I and I and I and I I was so scared like to work.
00:28:51
Yeah. I didn't say it back. I didn't say it back. And then one time she was her
00:28:57
and Taylor Swift were at a sushi restaurant and they were sending me a voice memo and they were like, "Oh my
00:29:03
god, this is so much fun. We miss you. We wish you were here." And she's like, and she was like, "We love you." And
00:29:09
then just like she literally said, "We love you." What? And then it was like And then it ended. And then and then I
00:29:17
was waiting. I I knew we were taking this trip to New York and I was like first class. No private. No, I don't
00:29:25
even fly. I take He drives. He drives. I don't like planes. I don't like planes. Do you take planes? Yeah. You Southwest,
00:29:34
baby. You like Southwest? Every time this guy has to go to New York, he has a drive. He's like, I'll be there in three
00:29:39
days. Yeah. Yeah, I drive. I do. I take a boat to Europe. Are you being real?
00:29:44
I'm being for real. There's no way. I swear you will get nothing done. I swear I take a [ __ ] boat. So you don't fly
00:29:51
ever. Be honest with me. I haven't flown I haven't gotten on a plane since two
00:29:56
Oh, I got on a plane but I got off of it. I haven't successfully flown on a plane since 2018 and before that 2015.
00:30:03
Before that 2009. So you really drive to places? Yes. And I take a boat. But I just decided two
00:30:10
days ago that I'm gonna fly again. Thank you. I just decided I was in the I was in the shower and I was sitting on the
00:30:17
ground in the shower. I sit on the ground every time I get in the shower. Yeah. And I said, "How old?" I said,
00:30:23
"How of what?" That's funny. Yeah, it's insane. What? You don't sit It's insane. You don't ever sit on the ground in the
00:30:28
shower. What? What? No. In the bathtub? In the tub? No. No. In the shower. Sit on the ground. Let it wash over you.
00:30:35
Sometimes I Sometimes I actually lay down and let the water shoot into my
00:30:40
[ __ ] Oh, you never You never do that? You never did that before. Yeah. Never done.
00:30:45
This is what producers him. Rick Rubin. That's That's Yeah. Yeah. Quincy Jones. Yeah. That's a Quincy Jones move right
00:30:52
there, dude. You let it go right in your butt. Yeah. Yeah. That's where all the good ideas come from. It feels so Okay.
00:30:58
So, I was just sitting in the shower and I was like, "How old am I?" I'm 36.
00:31:04
And I said, "Fuck." I said, "You know, I someone died recently and they were like
00:31:09
90." And I was like, Jimmy Carter. I was like, "That's 100 years." I was like I was like, "Shit, I only get to live my
00:31:15
life like two more time." I was like, "I'm going to die and I'm not going to get on an airplane." I was like, "I should just get on an airplane cuz I
00:31:20
might die on that. I I might get cancer tomorrow. I might you I don't know." Was that When's the last time you were in
00:31:25
New York? 2018. No, I was in New York like a month or two ago. And you drove there from LA? in I was in New York in
00:31:32
December and I'm going back in 2 weeks and you're driving there. Yeah.
00:31:37
Okay. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I guess. I thought you were kidding, dude. Do you still want to date me?
00:31:42
Yeah, I may. I may. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Male. For your male. Is the fear of Is
00:31:48
it because of death? I'm becoming more attractive to you. Oh, it's working. It's working. See, dude, you wear them
00:31:54
down. Yeah. You think? Wow. No. No. Does that work? Wearing down. Be honest. Be
00:31:59
be your truth. Yes, I wearing down helps. I think I don't know if I don't know if you want to be like we fell in
00:32:05
love cuz I wore her down. Yeah, but you wore I mean in many ways you wore Selena down. No,
00:32:12
I mean you were working together for years, right? So you had that friendship trustworthy. There was no trying though.
00:32:18
All right. So I'm not going to try. Yeah, just go on maybe just go on friend dates.
00:32:23
Anyway, I don't know. I don't know yet. I don't know yet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to die soon. What's the
00:32:29
special today, sir? Oh, today? Yeah. Crab crab rangon. Oh. Uh, and then crab
00:32:36
rangon with like a a housemade uh faua sauce. I don't know if you guys you probably not traveled. I don't know.
00:32:42
Have you been to France? I haven't. Oh, how'd you get there? Uh, I've been a few times by flight, but many times by boat.
00:32:48
Wonderful. So, you do fly, sir? Uh, uh, before I used to fly. Wonderful. Uh, and
00:32:54
for our main course Yeah. is going to be a handcaught squirrel. Uh, squirrel
00:32:59
loin. Oh, okay. And it's slightly seared. It's served pretty rare. Do you have hedgehog?
00:33:06
Let me check with the chef. See if we still have the hedgehog. Because you got it last week. Yeah, I got it last week. We might have run out, but I will check
00:33:11
it. We love the um the the belly fat of that baby hedgehog. Oh my god, it melts right in your mouth. Please check,
00:33:17
please. Yes, I will. One second. Did Did Chef Yeah. Did you when you were
00:33:23
younger, do you are you finding it that you're getting girls easier now or when you were younger?
00:33:29
Bro, do you find it easier now that you're [ __ ] rich and famous to get girls versus when you were poor? I'm all
00:33:36
here with you, Bobby. The way you laugh just now, dude. Really pissed me off, bro. It did. When you were poor mad in
00:33:43
real life? Yeah, it did. Everyone laughing. [ __ ] off. Did it make you mad in real life? I was just trying to I got
00:33:49
I was being honest. I know, Benny. I got um when I was 23 and I was performing as
00:33:56
a o like an open micer is when I got the confidence to meet but before that I was
00:34:01
a virgin. And now he's the king. And now you're the king. Mhm. Were you confident as a as Yeah, he got [ __ ] in high
00:34:08
school. Everybody got [ __ ] Got [ __ ] in high school. I never got one. Not in high school. I said 23, dude. 23
00:34:14
was first [ __ ] Was 23 first kiss? I mean I kissed out a girl. I kissed out a girl. She was knocked out. I kissed her
00:34:21
out. He kissed her so hard they not that room.
00:34:27
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So, I I kissed a girl in high school. Her name was um No need
00:34:33
to say the full name. Why doesn't need that on the internet?
00:34:39
She's Why? That's nothing happened. We just kissed. Why is that not a bad thing? Because what if she doesn't want
00:34:44
her name attached to that? All right. Julie Mangle and all. There it is. So, you kissed Julie Magenol? Yeah, Magenol.
00:34:52
And then um then the next Monday, it was a weekend. Yeah. She denied it to
00:34:57
everyone that she kissed me. That's why I said you shouldn't put her full name in this. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember
00:35:03
thinking about it for years. It hurt you. Oh my god. Well, we've all had this moment. I had a Okay, let's all give our
00:35:08
embarrassing. I had one. Yeah. My freshman year of college, a girl lived literally two doors down. So gorgeous.
00:35:15
Like so cool. and we're all in like a little friendship circle. And then one night I wrote her a note like kind of
00:35:22
like a confessional being like I have this crazy crush on you d and I was like my heart you know when your heart like
00:35:28
hurts it's beating so hard and I slid it under her door and then I went back into my dorm and I was like [ __ ] was that
00:35:35
stupid? Should I have not done that? Like what you know like and I just kind of blacked out in thought for like an hour and I my hand to God. I come I go
00:35:43
get something to eat from the commissary. I come back and she's down at the end of the hall with a group of
00:35:49
like the other people at the end of the hall like a girl and and another dude and they were laughing at the note. No.
00:35:55
Oh, that's so funny. And that [ __ ] No, that's so funny. In your face, you [ __ ] idiot. Killed me.
00:36:02
That killed me. Oh, that's so sad. I'm so sorry. It [ __ ] me up so much. Oh my god. Or so there's a girl at the Addison
00:36:07
Improv. God, it hurt. That hurt. She was a waitress. Okay. And I I opened it for Carlos Mensia back in the '9s. Mhm.
00:36:14
Right. And I hooked up with her. I had sex with her. Right. Then years later, I ran into another comic and he's like
00:36:20
talking about her. You know what I mean? Yeah. She she hooked up with all these comics. He listed the name, right? And I
00:36:27
go, "Was I in the name list?" And he goes, "No, she never mentioned you."
00:36:32
And I it was so hurt by that. That hurts. Yeah. Give me your hurt. When I was 13, I asked out my first girl. Okay.
00:36:41
Like on a on a date. My mom literally helped me. I got flowers and chocolates
00:36:46
and I did everything. And and I went to a school that like it wasn't a great school. So, and there was like a lot of
00:36:53
fights. There was a lot of bullying blah blah and there was like a big locker commons and there was like, you know,
00:36:58
almost 2,000 kids that went to my school and she was in the middle and everyone knew it was going to happen. So, I went
00:37:05
and I did it and she said yes. Okay. Okay. So, I'm like my I'm like so happy,
00:37:12
but we're so awkward and nervous. We like don't even know. We did like this like weird church hug like where your butt sticks out. And then like we didn't
00:37:18
look at each other. And then we both walked our separate ways and I was like, "Will you be my girlfriend?" And she was
00:37:23
like, "Yeah." And then I get to class and I sit down and I remember I'm
00:37:31
wearing gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt and do you
00:37:37
know you know when like Okay, so I dropped a pen and you know when like you bend over and you bend a little too
00:37:44
quick and you fart? Yeah, you did that. I bent over and I [ __ ] my pants just
00:37:50
full. Full [ __ ] Didn't see that coming. 100% like like not even not like a
00:37:56
squirt like a full like a like that like that smart water bottle just like inside. And I'm sitting there and I'm
00:38:03
like, "Oh my god." And I and I do the thing where you like wiggle and I'm like, "It's there. It's in there." And I
00:38:08
And I'm like, "It's warm, too, right?" Yeah. It's It's so hot. I do the thing where you wiggle. I don't I don't I have
00:38:13
no reference to it. Yeah. Most people don't [ __ ] their pants. No. What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You [ __ ] your
00:38:19
pants before. You see Stop. Wait. Stop for a second.
00:38:24
Did you just hear your tone? We just met today. Yes. And did you just hear your tone? He [ __ ] his pants, too. I I know,
00:38:31
but I'm saying the way you talk to me, though, is crazy, dude. No. Acorns. Hey,
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00:41:34
wiggle, you feel it, it's warm. Back on track. Wait, let's go back. Have you [ __ ] your pants with many times? Millions of times. He's seen me. Yeah,
00:41:40
I've been with him. It's been my Prius. Remember the Prius? Yeah. Yeah. So, I [ __ ] my pants. Yeah. And I say I say,
00:41:48
"Hey, can I go to the bathroom?" And in my school, they don't let you go to the bathroom for the first 15 minutes or the
00:41:55
last 15 minutes cuz they think everyone's going to skip. Okay. And I was like, I really have to go to the
00:42:01
bathroom. And they were like, no. And I was like, I'm sick. And they were like,
00:42:07
I'm sorry, you're going to have to wait. And I was like, I have to go. And I was so scared that with any movement, any
00:42:14
movement, if I move the wrong way, it could like break the seal through like the bottom of my sweatpants and it smells like I have no And so I'm I'm I'm
00:42:22
sitting there and I'm like And I just get up and leave. I get up and leave and
00:42:28
she says and the teacher goes the teacher goes wait. And as she's saying
00:42:33
wait, I just turn to the girl and I say I go I'll be right back. Um, and I I
00:42:40
close the door. The teacher is like coming out. I run full speed. Okay. I
00:42:46
run to the bathroom real quick. See if I can fix the situation. It's unfixable. It's gone through my pants. It's in my
00:42:53
It's like it's it's it's probably seeped through the other side. It's unfixable. I don't know. I first I throw away the
00:42:59
pants and they're still like it I I it cannot be fixed. So, I run full speed
00:43:05
all the way home. All the way home and for some reason my mom is Wait, wait, wait. You left the school just running?
00:43:12
Yes. Are you [ __ ] kidding me? I [ __ ] And I lived close to the school. Okay. Okay. I went in your underwear or what? No, I had my I had my sweatpants back
00:43:18
on. No underwear. And I remember I go home. I get home. Somehow my mom was
00:43:23
there. She's never there. She doesn't even work. My mom worked in another state. She's like, "Hi, honey. The gardener's just leaving.
00:43:30
We don't have a gardener." Yeah. I'm like, "Mom, we don't have what? What's Bobby doing?" Um, and we're just
00:43:35
friends. She's not sexually attracted to me. Fine. It's a We're just It's a running. It was
00:43:41
a bit I don't like it. Bobby, drop it. Drop it. Drop it. I've been defending you all. Your mom was your mom mad at you? My mom immediately sends me back to
00:43:50
school. Doesn't even let me change. Well, you you told her the situation. Yes. And she said, "I don't care. You're
00:43:55
going back to school." She said she said I said, "What's wrong with you? What's wrong with your mom?" She goes, "Get back." She was probably [ __ ] the
00:44:02
guardian. She was like, "Get back to school." Yeah. So, I had to go back to school. No, you go to the forest. I I
00:44:10
went back to school and I I I had missed that period and somehow like I I had
00:44:16
actually had like an extra pair of underwear in my gym like thing cuz it was gym next and like I escaped. It was
00:44:23
all good. But it was it was fully traumatizing. I Wait a minute. The girl never found out you [ __ ] your pants.
00:44:28
Never found out. But she did. But she broke up with me. I think like 2 days later. She never found out. Never found out. You need to retell that story and
00:44:34
say she did find out. Okay. Um, she found she found out. Why? She found out
00:44:40
I [ __ ] my pants. I thought it was heroic what I did. Yeah. I thought it was heroic. No, you
00:44:47
weren't. We did stories where we were embarrassed. What are you talking about? I was so It was the most She never knew. She never knew. All that stuff just was
00:44:54
meaningless. So it doesn't count. You just gave us a [ __ ] story. Wasn't even about heartbreak.
00:45:00
The [ __ ] section's at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so you so get [ __ ] But that wasn't heartbreak. Okay. So you
00:45:06
never experienced real heartbreak? Yeah. No, he's never had it. And that's why he gets Selena Gome. I know we have had
00:45:13
heartbreak. We've had real heartbreak. Yeah. By the way, I asked out a girl uh
00:45:18
I asked a girl to [ __ ] spring or not prom, but like spring or one of those things. And she denied me. No, thank
00:45:25
you. This is really This feels good. Okay. And then years later hit me up online to come to like a show. I was
00:45:31
playing a show in whatever city she lives in now and hit me up online. Hey, we can't wait to see you get at the show, you know, can we get some tickets?
00:45:37
Da da da. And I never responded. And it felt so [ __ ] good. Really to deny her. Oh, it was such good payback. Yeah.
00:45:43
One time I was at the San Diego American Comedy Company, okay, and the hot chick from school, right, came from my my high
00:45:51
school went, the ones that never even talked to me, right? And they're sitting there with their husbands, but they now
00:45:56
all look like, you know what I mean, sperm whale. I mean, they've got barnacles on their
00:46:01
faces, right? There's plankton, you know what I mean? It's just like they don't look good, right? And they're just killing,
00:46:08
you know, I mean, I'm looking at them. It feels so good. God, that feels good. It feels so good. My friend has the best
00:46:14
story of that I've ever heard. So, my good friend growing up, we were all doing this thing. When you were younger,
00:46:20
like, you know how like everyone's like first kiss? Well, you don't know this part, but but no, I'm just I'm I'm just
00:46:25
saying you said you didn't kiss when you were 23. I'm just saying. Oh, he kissed in high school. Oh, you can't. Okay. So,
00:46:31
do you remember? It's It's unbelievable. It's It's outrageous.
00:46:38
Just It's It's It's I've never seen it. He's just trying to be relatable. A big time producer comes in here. It's just
00:46:44
[ __ ] You know what I mean? I've defended you. No, you haven't. Yes, I have. Keep Keep going. We'll let we'll
00:46:50
let the crowd decide. Yeah. Do you guys want to order your main course at some point? No, no, no. We're going to order. What happened? Well, what would you
00:46:56
like? Mayo. mayo. What? What do you want? I like his little mayo voice. Yeah. So, you Well, your friend What?
00:47:02
Okay. So, you know, when when you're experimenting, everyone's like starting to experiment. We're all at one house
00:47:10
together, and my friend is about to get the first hand job. All of us. Nobody's
00:47:16
getting a hand job. He's about to get the first one. I I'm I'm not going to say his name or her name. Famous person
00:47:22
out of No. What do you mean? I'm 13. This is back home when he's a kid. I'm I'm 13. I don't know. I'm not from LA. I
00:47:28
don't know if I'm from Virginia. Oh, your attitude right now, Benny. Okay. You're I'm sorry. You hang out with the
00:47:33
top. Let's talk about that question. I wasn't hanging out when I was 13. Oh, that's right. Okay. Okay. So So I'm 13.
00:47:40
My friend's about to get a hand job in rural. Is there flyers? How do you know? Um it there's flyers. There's flyers.
00:47:47
And he took the little thing that says hand job. Yeah. And so so he's about to
00:47:52
get the hand job. We're all waiting outside the bathroom. They go into the bathroom. Okay. And it's like there's
00:47:59
like rustling and then there's laughing. The girl runs out and she goes like this. No. And he and he says and he's
00:48:08
he's mortified. Mortified cuz we were all figuring out. We're like in that stage. We were about to go through puberty. We not we're not sure. Like
00:48:15
some of some of us had like hair and like our dick was still small. She's a girl, right? So her pink is even smaller than a
00:48:20
normal Asian girl, no less. And he's and he's he's he's traumatized. She leaves.
00:48:27
Everyone leaves. I said, "You're going to be fine. Nobody's even going to remember this. We're going to go to school tomorrow. Everything's going to
00:48:33
be perfect." He kills himself. He kills himself. We get into school. We get to school and there's a substitute teacher
00:48:39
and our substitute teachers were like so young. They were like college students. This girl's like 21. And I guess someone
00:48:45
had told her the thing. The sub. The sub's just like the sub mark here. Yeah.
00:48:50
She That's literally what she did. She goes She goes, "Is blank here?" And he
00:48:56
was so embarrassed. He even I remember that day. She did that. Yes. I remember that day. Subs are red. We were at home.
00:49:03
We were at home and he was contemplating changing schools. Changing schools. He should have done it. Okay. Genders.
00:49:11
So gender. So Okay. Yeah. He was so close already. I mean, fast forward.
00:49:18
This man goes through puberty and his [ __ ] becomes huge. Love this so I love
00:49:24
this one. Huge. He's got like a He's got a [ __ ] python in his pants. It's thick. It's huge. It's How do you know?
00:49:30
He knows. We all know. How do you know? You know. Yeah. Everyone knows. Everyone
00:49:37
know. You know. You know what? You know [ __ ] know. Okay. So, he's in
00:49:43
college. He's at a party. Same girl. No. No, no. Perfect. He [ __ ] her. Sends her
00:49:50
to the hospital. He [ __ ] her. Wow. She's And she's like like And he's like And he And he said it
00:49:58
was like the best performance. He's like, "Usually I'm terrible at sex." He's like, "It was the best performance I'd ever done." And and he said he said
00:50:04
as he's leaving the next and she's like she's like like the next day he's he's leaving and he just goes as he walks
00:50:11
out. That's a movie. This is a movie. That's it. Never spoke to her again. It's like that. Um, how's them apples?
00:50:19
Right. Yeah. That's that that scene. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? It's a true
00:50:25
wonder story. I have never had a wonder story. Have you ever had a wonder story? You live a wonder story. Yeah. What are you talking about? Your life is perfect.
00:50:30
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But not like that wonderful. We all know. We all know the guy. We had a guy in my high school named Kyle. I'm not going to say his
00:50:36
last name, but he they called him the elephant cuz he had a trunk in in high school. Yeah, he had he had a [ __ ] so
00:50:42
big in gym class, you know, like you put on the like school issued gym shorts. And I'm not kidding when I cuz they were
00:50:48
short back in the day. His his penis, if he didn't put it away, would come out of the bottom of the gym shorts. It was
00:50:54
[ __ ] unreal. Here's another thing that I want to tell people right now. I'm glad we're bringing this up, okay? And I just FYI, anyone that sees me at
00:51:00
Weispa, right, don't recognize me. What do you think? You I mean, I'm in this You're right. You're in a steam room.
00:51:06
It's steamy. Are you Bobby Lee? Like they say that to you? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you we're all naked, right?
00:51:11
It's And I always have to go not here. Not here. You say you're not Bobby Lee here, but you're Bobby Lee outside or
00:51:17
just don't I'm Ken Jung here. Yeah, you're right. I'm Ken Jung and then we'll go outside Bobby Lee. My point is
00:51:23
is that it's one of those places like when you're eating at a restaurant where it's like you don't do it here when if
00:51:29
you're on a date or something. Yeah. Right. But do you think naked in a spa is not a good place? Just wait till
00:51:34
we're wait till we're out of in the locker room. Spa might be number one not to get recognized. Bathroom is weird,
00:51:40
too, when I'm like pissing your Oh, yeah. That where a guy like comes up and hits you on the back, touches touching you in the bathroom is insane. A guy,
00:51:46
you know what happened to me? Yeah. The other day, it's happened to me so many times. The guy's just pissing and starts
00:51:52
talking to me and then after he talks to me, he gives me a high five with his
00:51:57
dick hand. Not necessary. Not necessary. Don't need to do that. I get picked up.
00:52:02
Yeah. He gets lifted in the back. Like a trophy. No. Anywhere. Everywhere from behind. They're like, "Hey, you're and I
00:52:08
won this or whatever." Why do they pick you up? I'm small and I look like I'm like I can be picked up. How tall are
00:52:13
you? 53 5'4. Oh, how tall am I? I You're 5'5. I'm I'm 5'5. Yeah. Thank you,
00:52:20
Waiter. Yeah. Can I honestly get your drinks? How tall How tall are you? 6'1.
00:52:25
Yeah, he's tall. It's good. You're good. That's That's good height, right? Well, people always say, a lot of people always say from the internet, they
00:52:30
always they don't know how tall we are because of the at the desks and stuff and then they see us together and they're like taller than I thought. I
00:52:36
thought you guys were the same size. Do you know in real life everyone says you're so much shorter than I thought. Yeah, because they only see you on a
00:52:42
they only see you on on a screen standing up. You also look like bomb Dylan a little bit. I do. You should
00:52:47
have done that. Just a little bit. Can you sing like Dylan? Come on. Can't Can anyone Oh, not not like Shalamé did.
00:52:53
Yeah, dude. I haven't seen the movie. Did you see him on SNL? No. [ __ ] killed. He needs to die. What? Too
00:53:00
talented. Oh, the kid is [ __ ] amazing. He's so [ __ ] amazing. He's
00:53:06
likable. He's funny. He can sing, play the guitar. I mean, what the [ __ ] I saw
00:53:11
him on uh I like that Call Me By Your Name. That that uh that movie from four
00:53:17
years ago. That was the one. You didn't see the new movie he's in? You didn't see the Dylan movie? I didn't see it yet. Dude, you're a musician. Yes.
00:53:23
You're you're so you're so I usually don't like those type of biopics. They're usually like kind of corny.
00:53:30
Okay. I I I agree. Right. But this one's not like that. This one is not [ __ ] corny. Elvis one. No. Did you see um
00:53:37
Elvis one was corny as [ __ ] Okay. Did you see it though? No. Yeah, I saw it. But you're He is right. Did you see Bohemian Rapsid? That's the one I saw
00:53:43
and I was like, "Oh, I still can I can I'm like I was right. I can't see these again." Cuz that one was a little corn.
00:53:48
Yeah. It just like there as someone who like I really love like all documentaries like Dylan's documentary
00:53:54
incredible and I love for me it's just like okay the type of movies that turn
00:54:00
me on and turn me off like I don't love like those like super Hollywood biopic
00:54:05
things. I don't love like action movies. They're not like my favorite type of What do you watch? Nothing. Okay. I love
00:54:12
like I love a movie that's going to like rip my heart out or I love like a Amelia
00:54:17
Perez Yeah. No, I do. No, but I also love like like Fort Triangle of Sadness.
00:54:23
Like I love like Triangle of Faith Satis. Yeah. Yeah. I love those type of movies. And I like like uh horror. I do
00:54:29
like I like some horror. Okay. And and I like and I really like uh what's it called? I Cuz horror is different than
00:54:36
action. It's like more It's like action's like like horror you're like horror you're like whoa. Like they
00:54:41
really did. It's not just like like a really good horror movie is like so beyond. Yeah. You've never seen
00:54:46
Avengers? No. Oh, you won't. No, I've never seen any of them. You know any of the Avengers? No. Name me an Avenger.
00:54:52
I've never I don't even I don't know. You got to know. You got to know the superheroes. You're pop culture. So,
00:54:59
name just guess an Avenger. What do you mean guess what? Okay. You're the You're Okay. You're an Avenger. All right.
00:55:05
You're Nick Fury, right? You're like Samuel. Jackson's character. Who the [ __ ] is Nick Fury? He's just in it. You
00:55:10
don't have to guess him. Okay. I already just named him, right? And so, so now you're there's an emergency, right? There's like Mexican aliens coming down.
00:55:17
Okay. Right. From the sky. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Mexican from the sky, right? You need to hear their spaceship coming
00:55:22
from a mile away. Yeah. There's a thousand of them in there. Wait. Yeah. Yeah. And you're saying you're saying
00:55:28
who's the actor? What? You're saying who's the act? No. No. No. That you you have to call the actual superhero. So, who you calling? I'm your sidekick. I'm
00:55:35
your I work for you. Spider-Man. Is he an Avengers? Yes. Yes. Call Spider-Man. Call Spider. Yeah. Call Spider-Man. Okay. I've only seen one Spider-Man. I
00:55:42
know. Let's go to Avengers. We're back in New I don't know any events. Just trying to guess. Throw it out. Okay. Uh, the the Hulk. Yes. So, you do know?
00:55:49
Yeah, you know. Wait, really? Yes. I just guess two. Are they actually Spider-Man and the Hulk? They're in the Avengers. Yeah. Okay. You could name any
00:55:56
one of them. You'd probably get it right. Those are That's it. That's all you know. Oh. Uh, Wolverine. That's He
00:56:02
It is Marvel Universe, not an Avenger. I've uh I've I've only seen um
00:56:09
Copyright. I've only seen I think I've only seen one Marvel movie. Which one was it? Um Spider-Man then. It's got to
00:56:16
be. Oh, is that Marvel? Okay. Then I I saw the original Spider-Man with Tobey McGuire. Yeah, I saw that one and then
00:56:21
Oh, I've seen two. I I saw the one the animated one. The Okay. open verse or
00:56:27
whatever. I saw I saw that. Okay. And someone I I went with someone's kid to
00:56:34
that one. Like we all Let's clarify that story. And then like So obviously you've
00:56:40
never heard you've never seen any Star Wars or anything like that either then. When I was a kid, I saw Star Wars in
00:56:46
school. Like, we had to watch it in school. So, but that's the only time you saw it. I've only time I've ever seen. That's so fascinating. I've never seen
00:56:52
Lost. I've never seen That's nothing to do with superhero. No. No. I thought JJ JJ Abrams I never saw Glengary Glenn
00:56:59
Ross. No. JJ Abrams made Lost. JJ Ross did. He did lost. He made some
00:57:06
Star Wars. Okay. Yeah. Oh. Uh, okay. And then I've never seen um what's another
00:57:11
big one of those movies. All right. So Lord of the Rings. Never seen it. Wow. Harry Potter. I've never seen that. I
00:57:18
like Harry Potter. I've never seen Game of Thrones. Wow. Not one episode. Uh I just one episode when Ed Sheeran was at
00:57:24
my house and he wanted to stream it because he was in the episode. It was the only episode I ever So let's say I'm a girl, right? You break up with Selena,
00:57:31
which is going to happen eventually. But my point is is that I'm kidding. And I'm like I'm at your house. It's like what do you want to watch? What would we
00:57:36
watch together? Me and you. Yeah. Yeah. As guys. No. As I'm a girl. No. Don't
00:57:42
say that with some hot girl. This is This is Mustard. Yeah. I'm Mustard. No. Mayo's Cousin. I would say Yeah. Yeah.
00:57:48
What would you watch? I would say let's watch Ameilia Perez. I miss my wife. Um, she was good at her. Yeah, she's
00:57:55
great. You still have to suck him now. She's Well, you watch Amelia. I can't
00:58:00
even get a commercial agent. Yeah. Mustard doesn't get a lot of work in this town. And I love I really love
00:58:07
like the like slapstick comedy that's just going to mind the naked gun. Yeah,
00:58:13
I love that airplane. Yeah, I love that. And I also love like I loved like like like early days of Seth was so good. I
00:58:20
loved Super Bad all that [ __ ] All right. Love that. And then and then Yeah. Otherwise, I want to watch like an
00:58:25
indie like my mom took me when I was a kid. I was watching like we were going to see like the squid and the whale like
00:58:31
you know what I mean? It wasn't like All right. How about this? Have you seen all the way through Sopranos? Of course.
00:58:37
Don't [ __ ] of course me, dude. You said a lot. Okay. Okay. My family My family like very important shows growing
00:58:43
up that we that we watched as a family. We watched um Sopranos, The Wire, Curb
00:58:50
Your Enthusiasm, and Seinfeld. That's great. Those were those were our And my my my parents both have pretty good
00:58:56
tastes and stuff. I'm also obsessed with any mafia movie. So like So like I'm Scorsese. I love Scorsese. Yeah. I was
00:59:03
actually just re-watching um I had COVID like two months ago and was re-watching so many movies and I'm just like oh I'm
00:59:10
just like I forgot like how good Cape Fear was. I'm like oh my god and I was just I I was going through like all my
00:59:16
favorite movies and like all like you know like a Bronx Tale all those old like those movies are so perfect. Bronx
00:59:22
Tale is so good. All of them. All of them. What's your favorite gangster movie? Probably either Casino or Good
00:59:27
Fellas. That's everyone's that's everyone's too. Casino Casino More. Casino More. I just love I always love
00:59:33
What do you guys think of Untouchables? It's good. It is good. It's not It's not It's not at the level. All right, let's
00:59:38
end smoothly cuz he's got to go cuz the sweetheart's got to go. Okay. Um Why are you looking at me like that? I don't
00:59:44
know what the [ __ ] He's a pro. I don't know what the [ __ ] you're doing, Penny. That's why I'm looking at you. Um I uh I
00:59:51
have an album coming out. Uh with with my better half. We're doing
00:59:56
a joint album. Yeah. Plat more for her, not me. Yeah, we are. Yeah, we are. Okay. Good. Yeah. Don't clap for me.
01:00:03
Selena and Benny dropping an album. Yeah. What's it called? Selena and Benny. It's called Selena and Benny. Really? No. Oh. Wait. Wait. Wait. Let's
01:00:10
guess the album. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You guys You guys each get three guesses. Okay. That's impossible. What
01:00:17
do you mean? Very. Anything's possible. It's It's possible. All right. Kentucky Lightning. That's good. That's really
01:00:23
How did he get it? That's really good. No, it's not Kentucky Lightning. No, it's got to be a duo name. It's her and
01:00:29
him. So, it's got to be like um Almond and Nutcake. No, no, no, no, no. This is just our You have two now. Wait, this is
01:00:35
just It's the album title. We're We're going as separate. We're doing album cover album. So, I gave two. Yeah. Don't
01:00:41
give now you give two. Fontina cheese. Close. [ __ ] Okay, you do one more.
01:00:49
Crush veneer. Okay. Can I do one more? Yeah. Isabella. Isabella. Not in this
01:00:55
lifetime. I like that one. That's beautiful. Is that yours? Yours is
01:01:01
That's beautiful. Yeah. No, that was gorgeous. Oh, okay. Isabella. Isabella, not in this lifetime. It's pretty good.
01:01:07
Your album is going to be called uh Wonder. Yeah. What is it? It's called
01:01:15
uh I said I love you. Love you first. Change it.
01:01:22
Change it to Isabella. Isabella, I do think it's better. Can we change it? I think you should change your album to uh
01:01:28
[ __ ] pants and Gomez. Yeah. Yeah. Which one? So, when does the album drop?
01:01:34
Uh I think it's already out by the time it's out right now. It's out right now. Go check it out on everything. This is the future. So, it's already out. Well,
01:01:41
this is We are living in the future. But is it hard to work with your fiance or No, he's been doing it for 20 years. Um
01:01:48
is it No, no, no. But it wasn't romantically. It wasn't Yeah, it wasn't It wasn't It wasn't romantically before.
01:01:53
Well, what is it now? romantically. Um, no, but it didn't change the work relationship. Well, you
01:02:00
guys just hook up mid session. Yeah, we're just we're just just mid session hook up. No, uh, it's actually better
01:02:07
because we can I know her so well now. We can say we can speak so freely to
01:02:14
each other and like really, you know, if we're like sitting in bed, I'll be like, "Oh, actually that thing we did earlier,
01:02:21
I thought it'd be better if we did it like this." and then she'll be like, "Oh, like I either like that or I don't." And we can just talk about it.
01:02:27
Some things you might you might walk on eggshells a little bit more when you're working with artists you don't necessarily know that well. And I think
01:02:34
it's so much better. And we've been able to like you can say whatever you want. Like you can talk about there's no rule.
01:02:40
Like it's like you know how in comedy like you might say a joke that's something that you would never say in
01:02:46
real life, but it's the art of the joke. that's why you're saying it like it's not how you actually feel about a person but you're saying it because you think
01:02:52
it's funny in in music it's the same thing like you can say something like let's say I was talking about like
01:02:59
someone from my past or she's talking about from someone from her past in a song if you can like talk about that way
01:03:04
more than like talking about you know what I mean like so it's it's e it's like therapy and it's I I I found it to
01:03:11
be much easier to work with her than I've worked with anybody else I Wow. Because
01:03:19
go listen to the album. That's I mean you sold me on it. I got to tell you. [ __ ] pants. You sold me, bud. Thanks. Yeah. And we love you. And you're
01:03:25
welcome back anytime. Go check my new album. Isabella. Isabella. [ __ ] pants. What is it? Isabella. Isabella.
01:03:32
I forgot. You forgot? No. Because I want to say something real though. Can I say something real to you, buddy? Yeah, you
01:03:37
can say something. Um, we didn't know much about you before. Yeah. Um, I really like you, man. He's a nice guy.
01:03:43
Intelligent. I think we have a lot in common. And I don't know about that one. No, I think so, too. We're We're the
01:03:50
underdogs. We're the underdogs and you're winning and I love it. You're winning. Yeah. Yeah. So, give Benny a round of applause, everybody. Thank you
01:03:57
for being a bad friend.
01:04:03
[Music]
