00:00:01
we're back and guess who we're back with the return of Juicy Juicy I didn't know I don't know
00:00:08
what was it gonna say Jamie is that juicy right Jesse her name is Jamie because you're going yeah I go Jamie okay Jamie yeah yeah all right so Jamie's back he's here hey Jamie Jessie
00:00:20
yeah are you excited to get on the bus and go on tour with us where are we going first Bob what city Oklahoma
00:00:26
Oklahoma City city you better come out and see us Kansas City what's uh is that the okay Corral okay Corral is that where that is okay see at the okay Corral where else are we gonna go we're
00:00:37
gonna go up to Kansas City Kansas barbecue then we go to St Louis that's where um the wire the Baltimore that's
00:00:44
Baltimore okay and then we go to Indianapolis oh my God I love that then we go to Detroit Michigan Motor City my
00:00:51
sister my sister's going to that show your sister's gonna be at that show then we go to Louisville well I'm gonna go to Flint and drink the water okay it's
00:00:57
supposed to be pretty good I want the water we go to Louisville where the horses are you want to go see the horsies buddy they don't oh do you have
00:01:03
the miniature ones yeah for you I like them they have ponies after Louisville we go to Nashville Tennessee April 20th
00:01:10
4 20. bring your pot bring your acoustic a guitar in your cowboy boots and let's
00:01:15
Boot Scoot and boogie down right now then we go to Atlanta Georgia we got two shows Late Show got added first show done late show in Atlanta added Atlanta
00:01:26
come on out then we go to Memphis Norfolk Virginia we go to Durham come on North Carolina and Charlotte then we go to San Antonio Texas one of my favorite towns how many shows do we have in San
00:01:37
Antonio 52 2222 show two shows I mean two shows in San Antonio we got Bayou Music then Center Houston Texas and we go to Value music center and then we finish it up at the Pavilion in a
00:01:50
factory in Irving Texas which is actually where at the Dallas it's at the factory Toyota factory where we all
00:01:56
everybody gets a Toyota in Dallas if you come out to the show yeah ayaris everybody gets a Yaris
00:02:03
we go to Spokane Washington Seattle Washington Portland Phoenix Arizona where Juicy's entire friends and family
00:02:10
are coming out and then we go to the dingleberry of the United States Florida Jacksonville St Petersburg Hollywood
00:02:17
Orlando let's go and we finish off a few of these dates with two shows in Riverside one in San Diego and then we peel back off to the east coast Montclair New Jersey Port Chester New
00:02:30
York let me read one then we go to where Philadelphia that's where the um the AIDS movie is that's right I love that
00:02:41
Tom Hanks is going to be joining us on stage in Philadelphia at the Met dude out of all the AIDS movie that's my favorite it's your favorite yeah then we
00:02:47
have two shows in Toronto where Drake is going to be at one of the two shows We're not gonna say which one yeah so
00:02:52
hopefully you'll pick the right one okay and after that oh is the weekend coming the weekend has nothing to do with
00:02:58
Toronto I don't even know what that is Canadian he okay cool I heard he likes me he's going to be there Rochester New
00:03:03
York guys at the Kodiak Rochester Northfield Ohio Homestead PA we're bringing it home you guys let's party go
00:03:10
to badfriendspod.com come see us badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com all right let's start
00:03:17
the show [Music] we're bad friends um I want to ask I want to ask Jesse sorry for calling you Jamie earlier it's all right I just had a my dad used to date this lady named Jamie we hated her
00:03:39
oh really oh tell me I want to know all about Jamie yeah she used to steal stuff from us uh I remember she like went to
00:03:47
like hit my sister one day and my sister was like 12 and she goes what are you gonna do hit me and I was like I thought
00:03:54
it was the coolest thing I've ever did she have freckles uh why I I needed I need a description of my mind yeah but
00:04:01
don't be discriminatory to people with friends no if she says no it could be no but you're taking a shot at me by doing
00:04:06
that okay does she look at a size Russ that's again that's at me yeah I'm a b-plus right now is she like five eight she dead now oh she does so she's three
00:04:17
foot one she's six she's six feet down yeah yeah hey why did she die no I don't know much it was just like posted on Facebook I found out a couple years ago what a bummer that that's what death is
00:04:29
equated to now yeah Facebook but when you she died did you cry at all no I was just did you smile so my dad's remarried and I love myself and so and she's been
00:04:41
in we've been a family for so long this is ancient history so I just kind of forgot about this lady it was just awful
00:04:47
but but I think you told me one time I think you told me one time that she died Jamie died in a crazy funny way what was
00:04:53
it again a a whoopee cushion accident I'm not kidding well what happened she sat on it and it was like it like blew up but it also made the
00:05:05
noise which is why I'm laughing because oh she died so she got it it was like and then she died you know what a
00:05:10
whoopee cushion would be even better if you could put farts in it people put air in it but if you can
00:05:17
actually put a fart in it it gives it that double you know what I mean like it's a fake fart but not it's real it's
00:05:24
real almost that's actually but not having a out of a butthole yeah but we should invent that here but how how what
00:05:29
do you mean how would you feel like where do farts come from we gotta figure it out what is a fart
00:05:35
air it's gas it's gas it's a buildup of gas check it out right I got it right here it's air or gas is it a gas it's a gas
00:05:43
if you put air unless you put um poo think about it poo in a plastic bag and then yes correct you could do that does it turn into a gas that's right it would right yeah somehow put that
00:05:55
no you yeah put that in there should I call my engineering buddy I don't know it's just an idea you need
00:06:00
to you need to look up this video right now there's a guy that they so sometimes they can extricate gas from cows watch a
00:06:06
guy release gas from a cow and then light the the methane on fire so check this out okay this this guy extricates like gas from the cow and and he lights it on fire look at
00:06:17
this like a that's like a like a flamethrower wow that's because all the gas coming out of that cow
00:06:23
wow the flammable methane gas from Macau is displaced uh what is it called Ebola
00:06:29
uh embolism I got it I got it you take the whoopee cushion you put it at the end of that instead of lighting it on
00:06:36
fire you let because it's coming out right but the but the flame is burning off the methane yeah we take the flame
00:06:41
out you don't flight it that's how we fill up Bush that's what I said I know but we sell that we have to sell them
00:06:47
full but then how do you refill them you and if you want to put regular air you can use it after that but then it's going to taste like fart oh you blow
00:07:00
anyway yeah tastes like interesting um yeah so anyway um by the way have you ever had a valet fart in your car when you go to pick your car back up yes what do you mean I thought in your car well
00:07:12
that's probably true yeah yeah no but I picked my card from the valet the other night yeah and a hundred percent he
00:07:17
farted in my car yeah you can't you can't prove it that's why what do you mean you weren't witness to the fart
00:07:24
if it could be anything I had dinner for an hour and 25 minutes right a fart cannot sit that long so I didn't do it
00:07:31
what's a rat huh a rat a rat a mouse you think I have animals in my car where are
00:07:38
these there could be a little mouse underneath your seat he farted yeah so the mouse farted to check this out you're drunk one night
00:07:44
you get Taco Bell right never but yeah okay okay hypothetical okay good right half a bean burrito right Mouse [ __ ]
00:07:52
I've been down here for six months man how did why did the mouse get into myself
00:08:00
bean burrito right he eats it right fart and then he knows the valley is going in
00:08:07
blame it on this guy right well Raul right right well he doesn't have to blame anything because I don't know the
00:08:13
mouse is under there for six months okay how did he get the Burrito dead mouse you dropped it drunk one I dropped a
00:08:19
huge burrito you were drunk driving so first of all I'm drinking and driving and I just drop a whole Burrito on my
00:08:25
seat because when I used to get drunk I used to wake up with like a um what do you call it a sausage McMuffin with egg
00:08:31
you wake up and you're like you have something on your face yeah I mean like a sandwich you fall asleep you fall
00:08:37
asleep like that one time in college we did the thing where I cooked a pizza I put in the oven and it caught on fire because I left it and I fell asleep oh
00:08:44
almost burnt the apartment down my bad boys it didn't it didn't yes but it was burnt
00:08:50
to a crisp and it was stinky stinky and smoky smoky that was my fault I bet you are fans at home someone's falling asleep and put a pizza in the oven I've
00:08:57
done that but I took it out but it was already burnt anyway so I just woke up the next morning and there was a burnt
00:09:02
pizza in my bed did you eat it no but it felt like a one night stand where I woke up and I was like oh what did I what did
00:09:09
I do with you last night burnt pizza have you ever made a homemade pizza I tried it oh yeah no you go to what Vons
00:09:15
and they have that one thing it's like um yeah what's it called it's like it's already crusted well they're pizza dough
00:09:21
No not pizza dough it's another thing that's already like the and then you just put cheese and it's crust no it's
00:09:27
pizza crust that's already cooked yeah right and that's what I meant and Frozen no not frozen where what do you mean I
00:09:33
can't even explain it it's like a dried I know what you're talking about what you do really it's in that clear bag yeah yeah it's clear back yeah yeah and
00:09:40
it's like baked already it's already baked so it is cooked like I just said is that what you said we keep saying the
00:09:45
same thing yeah right right now don't do that but whenever I did that it just didn't taste good night I've never done it with a Riddick real dough oh I've done it with
00:09:57
real dough really is it worth it yeah it's so worth it I have a bread maker oh not to brag but rich now Tanya Papa over here yeah little Tom Papa where do you get that my
00:10:10
grandma gave it to me oh it's one of those it's hand-me-downs he doesn't like stuff I don't like
00:10:15
hand-me-downs because you can go to Bed Bath and Beyond and get a new one right yeah like a high-tech one I Like Mine by
00:10:21
Dyson it tastes better when it's made with love look at that oh wow it does it does no my friend's mom my friend
00:10:27
Michelle's dad I mean mom my friend's dad um had a brick brick uh Brick Pizza Oven
00:10:33
in their backyard brick oven pizza oven and it was that's what they say it's good it's so good and he would make us
00:10:39
pizzas I would sit there I'd eat pizzas all night what do you do with about sauce what do you mean what kind of sauce yeah do you go like Prego no you
00:10:47
gotta get in the shop gotta get yourself a can of smashed tomatoes and uh put it
00:10:52
in uh put it in an emulsify it you gotta emulsify the smashed Tomatoes but parsley you could put a little bit of uh
00:11:18
all over the pizza yeah and you put your toppings on you put mats you get fresh mats then you put a little bit of Basil
00:11:26
you like basil put a little bit of Basil yeah he drizzle some olive oil on there extra virgin you know what I'm used you
00:11:34
want them extra virgin and then you slide it in there was Sebastian Maniscalco that was very
00:11:39
good what's a movie that they cooked Italian food and you were like I want to eat that right now I have it in my mind Casino Good Fellas veal parmigiano yeah good Fellas when you're in prison when
00:11:51
he's slicing the [ __ ] garlic garlic oh my god when I watch it I want to eat that and also because his fingers are
00:11:58
his fingernails are oily I like that so much you can see the Italian grease ball oil coming off of his hand yeah I'm a
00:12:03
grease ball sorry internet yeah don't get mad at me I saw um what are you juice are you Italian oh my stepmom was
00:12:10
Italian so I was like raised part Italian but I think I've got German and Welsh a little bit I'm like an eighth Jewish oh don't do
00:12:26
that I don't do that right don't do that thing I am I'm probably the same Jewish as I am German so they cancel each other
00:12:32
out so I'd say I'm Welsh I saw cocaine bear did you yeah did you like I don't know why made that yeah separation when you said I saw cocaine I was like Bobby
00:12:46
do we need to have a talk cocaine bear what happened how was it it's a true story yeah it is a partially true story
00:12:52
that was my biggest beef with it that's not the real it's not no yeah I was like rehab no really because if he's addicted
00:12:59
you know what I mean he needs to go yeah but it was pretty good movie I thought it was yeah is there any stars in it Ray
00:13:06
Liotta he's in it yeah oh no is that his last movie so oh [ __ ] that's a that's
00:13:12
tough yeah but I was I was thinking like what what's part two is it meth bear that's fair yeah you know what we the scariest bath salts bear oh my God I
00:13:22
hung out with that guy hold on look at this poor little girl zoom in by the way to this girl look at look at what her parents did to her Brooklyn Prince
00:13:30
[ __ ] these people Brooklyn Prince also they spelled Brooklyn wrong no she added the extra
00:13:37
and probably she did I want to be different [Laughter] Brooklyn Prince she's 12 years old I
00:13:44
know she's I know I'm not making fun of her I'm just saying how is it being back in uh L.A I feel like I feel terrible
00:13:50
about it I hate it here no it's great I'm so happy to be back I'm just teasing I love it here especially when I get to
00:13:56
come back and see my little juicy did you make love a lot with your wife first day what is that first day nothing online no
00:14:10
it's fine first day she showed up we were Porky Porky yeah yeah first day Porky Porky second day porque Porky
00:14:16
Porky Porky third day no Porky see you later all right I gotta you're done I gotta go yeah well you need a day rest
00:14:23
you did one day rest yeah yeah God took one right on the seventh day on the third day I rested hey Porky Porky
00:14:28
because six six days we had a it was all it was actually it's so fun when you when you have sex down
00:14:35
under because um you come backwards yeah does God have sex no one ever thinks no one's ever asked that question does God have sex yeah I
00:14:45
mean I imagine because he has he created it all he must be like you know I mean I tried
00:14:50
you know what I mean a more viable question would be does Jesus jerk off oh yeah because they made him a figure of a
00:14:56
man well and a human for me must have tried it he probably did it so much that's why they nailed him at the wrist
00:15:01
[Laughter] here's the joke that's what he couldn't get down to him he's like let me down I
00:15:07
need to jerk off yeah you know Jesus died with a boner you know he died with an erection oh he died with a hard on
00:15:12
that was a knife some people have autorotic asphyxiations some people are sexualized um um yeah uh what's that violence yeah and apparently
00:15:23
when they hung him up there he had an erection he had a death erection Angel lust rigor erectus rigor rectus that's our new band or terminal erection is a
00:15:30
postmortem erection technically uh a priapism observed in the corpses of men who have been executed particularly by
00:15:36
hanging right that's the thing but for Jesus nailed to the cross he had an erection he had a death erection wow Angel lust dude that's what they say
00:15:42
well the only way you would know that is somebody witnessed it when he was doing it like some Roman probably can you
00:15:48
imagine well yeah because they're crazy They're All Creeps the Romans were all weirdos imagine ever they they put him up there and then everyone's like all
00:15:53
right that's it for the night that's enough of the viewing and then one guy was like I'm gonna stick around and then he lift open right he lift
00:16:01
something open he goes yeah no by the way Jesus was naked all these depictions of them have him covered he was they were nude when they did public and he sort of that public stuff you were nude there wasn't any
00:16:12
like decency 100 how do you know this but because I was around yeah how old how old are you I'll tell you exactly how I know yeah in what world would a Savage brutalization like
00:16:25
nailing someone to Wood and been putting them up in public for other people to see die slowly yeah would you have the
00:16:31
decency to be like cover up his penis you nailed him to Wood that's true you literally hammered a man's body to Wood why would you have the psychopathic decency to go all right don't let his
00:16:43
nuts hang out come on we're not months yeah we're all animals I wouldn't even show up to that thing would you to what
00:16:49
the heck to the you see the flyer I'm kidding he must have Flyers what you don't got a lot going on that
00:16:56
day I know you went to the market you got to have Netflix right there's nothing else to do that is Netflix right
00:17:02
right that's their Netflix and when they hang them up they go [Music] [Laughter]
00:17:09
those days by the way were consumed with like one task you imagine there was nothing to do so I'm sure that was you
00:17:16
know like just like gossip that's where gossip started they were bored and they were like you did hear they're gonna hang him tomorrow and he's like oh I'm gonna
00:17:22
check it out there was probably one guy that was late he's just oh you guys did it
00:17:28
take him down whatever he's like bro yeah oh my God he got a pocket full of stones do it again do it again I was gonna throw these yeah yeah yeah I mean you
00:17:42
know they would go to public stuff like that that the the idea also that like in Gangs of New York I remember when they had those like Town squares where they
00:17:48
had executions or like punishments and stuff the the awful thing was even the most like good-hearted people had to be
00:17:55
observant of it because the whole town had to make sure it went according to plan so then you had to have like not
00:18:01
just ratty scumbags you had to have like the lawyers and doctors and dignitaries
00:18:06
that would have to be there to make sure that it didn't get uh abusive that they were doing it by the book because it was
00:18:12
legal to do all that stuff back then wow wow yeah so you had to have someone there for like decency yeah otherwise it'd be run by tyrants it would be like
00:18:19
you know if you like Carlos you know run this show [Laughter] the glory holes all over this by the way is there a glory hole behind that sign because I moved it the other day and it
00:18:31
looks like there is somebody taught my good buddy Corey said to me who's a fan of the show who I love
00:18:36
my boy Corey and he says he goes man Carlos and that [ __ ] stuff that's interesting to admit
00:18:44
I know that is but you know what respect for you respect to you for admitting because you know hey you did it no big deal yeah and it's and it's fine I'm
00:18:55
owning it it's funny you have to own that kind of stuff no has that since it's out there right is it [ __ ] up
00:19:01
your game or no no actually actually I had a girl be like I saw that glory hole video and I
00:19:06
was like oh my God and she laughed and I was like oh gosh so she's cool she's cool she's down yeah yeah she's so wait
00:19:12
do you think what if okay what if you meet a girl okay beautiful girl you're like in love with this girl and she's
00:19:18
like I kind of want to take you to glory holes and I want to watch you get gloryholed and you're like okay and
00:19:24
she's like I know but it's Gotta Be It's gotta be in West Hollywood yeah it's got to be by men but I want to
00:19:31
watch you and it turns me on and makes me love you more are you going I don't think he is it's a good question
00:19:37
I think he is I mean I'm thinking about it obviously what if he got mentally or prepared to do it and then they got
00:19:43
there and it was just a mini golf place called [ __ ] [Laughter] wow yeah do you think you'd be able to get erect um no on the other ones I was able to
00:20:00
you were yeah because because the element of of naughtiness turned you on yeah we're like I'm not supposed to be
00:20:06
in this glory hole but this is kind of hot yes that's why I went anyway for the element of naughtiness or danger or
00:20:11
whatever right yeah so you get it aroused by the danger is that what you're saying yeah well because he's a drug addict that's what it is yeah I'm like dopamine thing would you say fancy he's from Mexico
00:20:24
oh you need some Mexican food oh yeah yeah dude that border wall is filled with holes you go down there yeah
00:20:37
butcher box every time I see a butcher box outside my front door I'm so excited yum yum yum yum I just got myself some butcher box I love it so much high quality meat 100 Grass Pad beef free
00:20:50
range organic chicken pork raise crate free and wild caught Seafood delivered delivered right to your doorstep free
00:20:56
shipping always created to customize box plans a variety of high quality cuts at
00:21:01
an amazing value let me tell you something my favorite thing is that I'm gonna get some good red meat and then I
00:21:06
get some good chicken for the puppuccino for my cute little pup and then I get some wild caught salmon for both of us how about that I get mine she gets hers
00:21:13
and then we get a little share you know what I mean oh and guess you like free stuff free chicken thighs for a year and
00:21:19
20 off your first box when you sign up today that's three pounds of bone in chicken thigh free wow in every single
00:21:26
box that's three pounds of bone and chicken thighs free in every box for a year plus 20 off your first order when you sign up at butcherbox.com bad
00:21:33
friends and use that code bad friends claim this deal at butcherbox.com bad friends and use code bad friends Morgan
00:21:41
and Morgan I was just in a hit and run I know you got your car has so many digs so many things in already and it's a brand new car yeah and guess what you do you go to Morgan and Morgan and Morgan
00:21:51
because they know what to do I gotta tell you in 2020 alone there's over 5 million car crashes that's more than 15
00:21:57
000 a day and 600 an hour it's happening to someone you know and I gotta tell you
00:22:03
you don't know what to do what do you sued you talk to Insurance uh do I have to have a lot of money to hire a lawyer
00:22:09
uh Nobody Knows the details of this and that's why Morgan and Morgan is here to help you did you know that you don't
00:22:15
need a lot of money to hire a lawyer okay not everyone has the money right oh yeah that's true yeah multiple times
00:22:21
yeah I've I've we got hit I got hit years ago when I got my first Hyundai Sonata yeah and I got hit I didn't have
00:22:26
any money didn't know how to turn to I wish Morgan Morgan was there because Morgan Morgan is America's largest injury Law Firm they ever have over a
00:22:32
hundred offices Nationwide and more than 800 lawyers with over 15 billion dollars recovered for clients Morgan and Morgan
00:22:38
has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation if you're ever injured you need to check
00:22:44
out Morgan and Morgan submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is so easy it's more like using an app than hiring a lawyer in fact it's so easy
00:22:51
it's more like ordering takeout than hiring a lawyer with Morgan Morgan you can submit a claim without ever having
00:22:56
to leave the comfort of your couch just open up your phone and in eight clicks or less you're already done if you're ever injured in an accident you can
00:23:01
check out Morgan and Morgan their fee is free unless they win for more information go to forthepeople.com bad
00:23:07
friends or dial pound law pound 529 from your cell phone that's for the people.com bad friends or pound law pound five to nine from your cell this is paid advertisement are there glory
00:23:18
holes on that wall [Laughter] there's probably tunnels there too right 100 they've already found a bunch of them yeah in Texas for years they've
00:23:40
been doing this yeah but what kind of tunnel are they nice yes because you've seen turtles in movies
00:23:46
that you know and you know is there lights there's got to be there's gonna be string up lights at the bottom of it
00:23:52
have you ever seen when they do the night Crossings yeah when they go across like the river at night it's like a full coordinated effort they have like it
00:23:58
planned out they have break stations where they hide water and stuff my tunnel dude would be so dope you would have the dopest tunnel cement I'd do a
00:24:06
cement thing be a little Korean barbecue half way through yeah yeah right you get hot pot halfway through right and then I
00:24:13
would probably have drawings on the side yeah I mean little etchings no just people jumping over fences or intermitting like just fun stuff Freedom
00:24:19
right El Chapo that was El Chapo's beautiful that's what I'm talking about right there oh here oh yeah whoa
00:24:28
whoa so cool El Chapo dude so oh look at that it's a motorcycle attached to a push cart like
00:24:34
a train push car wow that's really cool it looks like those carts from the cartoons where they go like this on one
00:24:40
side where they pump and pump to the other side have you guys ever seen the videos of the guys I mean we might have talked about on the show but I watch it
00:24:45
every once in a while it pops back up on my feed of people caving going um into these little like tiny crevices of caves
00:24:52
have we talked about that on the show well I've seen movies like that oh brother this one this is so scary yeah
00:24:58
that gets my heart going oh it gets me there's people that go like tiny cave people caving in Chinese I can't watch
00:25:04
it it's [ __ ] it because yeah look at this guy he's climbing through this little tiny cave entering a cave no it gets so there's there's a there's a father and son oh my
00:25:17
God who do it and they go to the ones that are like the most challenging like this is nothing you see how wide
00:25:22
that is that one was nothing there's one where he barely fits through go go more into it go more down the line
00:25:28
where you can see how small it gets it creeps me out so much but I watch it when look at that look at that this this one's big he's at a break point I watch it when I'm on the toilet and
00:25:38
I'm constipated because I'm like if this guy can get in there you guys are going to be able to get through
00:25:45
wouldn't you look panicked yeah I would be uh look at you I had a joke but I can't say it
00:25:50
because you're gonna be mad say it no I don't want to do it say it yeah we have the power to edit oh you do yeah yeah I
00:25:56
thought he was crawling for your mom's vagina that's funny no it's very funny because that's what happened to me but anyway um uh can you Google can you can you Google
00:26:11
real fast yeah um uh squirrel suit flying cave squirrel scoot squirrel suit cave flying because I want to show you a video of somebody going through your mom's [ __ ] real fast
00:26:25
yeah here we go I go there that's him yeah so this is a guy jumping into your mom's vagina here he is here he goes there we go he's about to do it if Carlos could only help
00:26:43
me with this joke there it is it's right to your mom's vagina there it is oh cause it's yellow
00:26:48
yeah and then oh and it was last and it was last seen in 2013. yeah I don't know why people do that but um I gotta tell
00:26:55
you something when they die though I don't feel bad well because they're in stuck in a cave yeah yeah but also you know how much money it probably costs to
00:27:00
get them out of the cave they have to give paramedics to go get all this stuff to get them out that's probably costing the city millions of dollars that's tax
00:27:06
money tax money that's tax money spoken like a true Spanish Republican what about that movie that James Franco did
00:27:12
and he got his arm stuck in a cliff what was that 125 hours 127 Hours right yeah
00:27:18
even more two hours I had some bearing and sickness he lost his arm right one arm right yeah yeah
00:27:25
Big D by the way big deal lose both arms and then run run cut it off with a knife this big like a Swiss army knife right
00:27:32
oh he cut it off the real guy did oh my God that's amazing now there he is yeah wow he couldn't have waited a couple more hours apparently not 132 hours baby yeah
00:27:45
was he getting what's that his arm fake armor oh my God well that's incredible dude and there he is stuff that was such a that was such a lazy Halloween costume that year how
00:27:56
many guys were just like I don't know just pretend to cut my arm off like the 127 Hours Guy what's the worst Halloween costume you've ever done juice
00:28:03
um I was a tourist once I regret that so cheap yeah I would like to take pictures
00:28:09
of people it's like offensive and I like that she acted Asian she actually remember to you don't ask me what is it I can't tell you come on I'll get it oh I know come on
00:28:21
what black face not really no no no no whoa no no no no did you ever do blackface I didn't put I wore a wig what was the character who was Michael
00:28:31
Jackson Well he kind of was white yeah yeah so that's what I'm saying I'm like I think a Duke and Michael Jackson so I
00:28:37
did Michael Jackson but I remember getting the black right right because you could do it at school we're in
00:28:44
middle school and you can dress up for that day yeah it's Middle School it's Middle School 40 years ago yeah as a kid
00:28:49
I'm like I put one on and I went nah and I put the soap I took the black off and
00:28:55
I just put the wig in the glove but it's not because you were conscious of what blackface was going to mean in the future you just didn't like the way it
00:29:00
looks no you didn't know I'm like no this is wrong now when you're a kid you don't know any better yeah that's there's no
00:29:07
way you know any better yeah in a bit of kid on a thigh what as a Michael Jackson
00:29:12
I bit a little boy on the thigh to play the park why can't I say that why can't I say that you can yeah of
00:29:19
course you can yeah yeah why did you did he not do that do you remember the name of the kid that you bit that was a joke
00:29:24
man I didn't do that I know and then you make it up right what are you new to the show with a chimpanzee
00:29:30
it was bubbles okay bubbles yeah yeah remember when he hung his kid over the railing blanket insane which kid was it
00:29:37
blanket oh it was Blanket yeah the kid's name was Blanket are you kidding me kid's name was Patrick kid's name is
00:29:43
blanket wow he hung his blanket out the porch you know what Brooklyn Prince I take it
00:29:50
back Brooklyn Prince your name is fine Blanket Jackson although Blanket Jackson sounds like a superhero yeah like a 70s
00:29:57
you know like I found a blanket Jackson you know you guys said when I started this if you get me to 100 000 followers we're all getting tattoos and you got there I'm
00:30:09
pretty close 99.1 oh my God look at that wow watch this watch us juicy watch us how many followers away is that from a hundred thousand
00:30:20
what are you talking to is it less a hundred more why you why are you putting me on the spot because I knew it would be it's not because you're you're basically going oh he's a broken Asian he doesn't know
00:30:34
numbers you're like a discount yeah yeah I'm a discount you're the 99 Cent Store ratio yeah yeah and that's why I'm not
00:30:39
good at numbers I know buddy I'm good at like history [Laughter] I don't know anything you're good at present was it present you're good in the present I'm with the president I know what's going on in the present
00:30:51
moment right now yeah who's the president me Joe Biden that's right you Joe imagine if Joe Biden took off his mask and he was you just a little Korean guy yeah
00:31:02
I have something to reveal yeah oh that's why it keeps falling down because he's on still yeah you can't see it can't see through the top of that mass
00:31:14
remember when Joe Biden [ __ ] fell off he was go getting onto the plane He Slipped yeah and people saw them it was
00:31:21
Jim Carrey yeah like a bunch of like Trump supporters that's Jim Carrey man remember when Joe Biden talked out of
00:31:27
his butthole when he got on that plane and everybody thought it was joking he made it though he made it his entire term knock on knock on wood I'll be I don't
00:31:39
want him to run again I don't think he's going to okay good I don't think he's going physically he can't
00:31:45
yeah so how was the jeselnet tour good oh wait a minute we should be we should ask that a little bit angrier how was
00:31:51
the Jesuit yeah yeah betrayal betrayed you have fun on that tour without us it was one weekend
00:31:57
you were filming a whole movie I can't have any fun your arms your arms I am yours for the next three months no forever
00:32:10
contract yeah he's a great guy we love him he's a fun it was fun good I'm doing half hours so I feel like I'm getting sharp in every show there were bad friends there which
00:32:21
was really cool oh that's [ __ ] awesome we love him so much he's so [ __ ] funny that guy man yeah he's probably one of the best joke riders in
00:32:27
town yeah you said that I was I couldn't think of a better person to go out with that I'd like respect as a comic enjoy
00:32:43
as a human like all the above Sacramento punchline which I loved it there yeah it's a smaller Club but I'm going back
00:32:50
you sent me a picture of Mine played Sacramento punchline it was so he he was telling me like with his hour he's gonna like put in the most work and do those clubs before doing the theater
00:33:03
I think that's so smart he was telling me that last time too I love that idea yeah you went in a second I put up my uh
00:33:08
my poster back then from Sac yeah and I said Andrew was in the that was the club that I made love to the 60 year old
00:33:13
woman a waitress no she was a can I say oh yeah yeah that was the club where the
00:33:19
the grandma came up to me and goes I think you're so funny young man you made love to a 60 year old woman no I just
00:33:26
sucked on her titties oh that's sweet yeah in her in a car and then she had uh the toys from
00:33:31
um her grandkids and had to readjust my you know adjust my body in a second seat
00:33:37
and the rest was very beautiful her brother large breath uh not nipples uh large freckles maybe they're lesions I don't know what they are but like what I'm curious about is after you had
00:33:49
boob play Nothing Else and then I called her at like one in the morning I go come over and she's like I'm just I'm tired
00:33:55
yeah I mean because you know you don't they get up at like four you don't put that in your mind because it was my
00:34:01
first you know I mean old lady hookup right right so you don't know you know what I mean so they have different schedules well she drinks her Metamucil
00:34:06
at like five she's in bed by seven you know after she watches her programs yeah but you know yeah I liked her you know you remember her name no Sacramento
00:34:17
shout out whoever you are in Sacramento please ma'am find us reach out to us Bobby still is in love with you and he's single now so let me tell you something
00:34:23
he's ready to suck on those 80 year olds yeah it's so funny because it's like you
00:34:29
know she was probably only 45. and you were like 20 something yeah yeah well yeah
00:34:35
that's right in your mind they always it's always so much anything over 40 to when you're in your 20s you go that's
00:34:41
pretty old well I was at what I went to my buddy's uh birthday party or wherever at Universe at Boulder in uh Colorado
00:34:48
and I went there for his birthday and I hooked up with the chick I like ditched them to go hook up with this girl that I met who had her own apartment and we
00:34:55
were like 20 years old and I thought I was like what is this [ __ ] 50. she had her own apartment that was insane yeah
00:35:01
everyone I knew lived with like 40 other people yeah so to have someone that that I I don't know how old she was she was
00:35:07
significantly older than me but I was like in my mind I was like this [ __ ] has got to be a lawyer she
00:35:12
has her own apartment is she a millionaire like I was blown away and I left my glasses over there and I had to
00:35:19
go back and get my glasses my sunglasses and uh she didn't look the same as she did before wow why it was tough what do you mean my boys were making fun of me
00:35:30
foreign yeah she was pretty she was pretty yeah she looked different he went away though in like her face like Dark Crystal it's
00:35:44
almost like it's almost like she wiped off her makeup and it was just like oh wow yeah yeah she did that trick by the
00:35:51
way and that's the whole you want to talk about uh [ __ ] throwing us a curveball I see these girls on Tick Tock
00:35:57
and on Instagram and like they show you their makeup tutorials and they do like a 40 minute makeup like you're a
00:36:03
different person now you're not even the same [ __ ] person that should be illegal they change shape have you ever
00:36:09
seen these Tick Tock ones where they go like um I don't even know what the like the hashtag is but it's basically like
00:36:15
transformation yeah you see you see a before picture of a Joey Diaz a woman that looks right and then she looks like Kim Kardashian it's unbelievable it's unbelievable but they but they posted on purpose they do they
00:36:27
say like catfish bait transformation because they know yeah and it's insane these women look nothing alike that they
00:36:33
also do the whole body what I mean if you do the face through the whole body why not look at that catfishing makeup transformation yeah it's [ __ ] nuts it's nuts look at that
00:36:44
girl but she was hot though she was cute I'm not saying I'm just okay yeah she's cute
00:36:51
that's a guy no I'm not I don't think so I think she's pretty that's a guy that's
00:36:57
a guy that wasn't a guy that's 100 a guy back it up that's 100 a guy let me look oh it is a guy
00:37:03
yeah it is a guy you're right that's okay you can't read it it doesn't say that it's a guy look at that I don't think that's a guy Carlos that's your glory hole Yeah Yeah
00:37:15
100 keep going turn off the tunes turn off the tunes though we came running again what are
00:37:21
you getting angry oh wow well she just that's not that's that's not that's not what I'm talking
00:37:26
about oh that's not she's trying to make herself look bad yeah that's not what I'm talking about yeah let's see
00:37:32
let's see let's see it's too much of this way too much of a setup yeah yeah what is this an Andrew Santino joke too much set up here just get to the punch
00:37:42
line pal no oh nice whatever that's beautiful made fun of myself there thanks guys yeah
00:37:48
it was actually pretty good yeah I could have put that on somebody else but I didn't I put it on me okay no get to just scroll to someone
00:37:55
that you see Carlos can I ask you something Andrew can I ask you something look at this one uh that is that one
00:38:00
good no she's actually she's very pretty that's [ __ ] could I do one and look like Randall Park
00:38:07
I wish you don't think that I could do a tutorial and look like how is that not you is that not you yeah yeah okay
00:38:17
that's you that's me that's 100 you're right you're right by the way for the record the amount of [ __ ] people in
00:38:23
Australia the amount of people in Australia they're Asian that yelled at well first of all they're all there's so many Asian because where it is the
00:38:29
amount of people that yelled at me in the street yelled and I have proof of people that were with me that just go yo
00:38:38
Imam they love that trip so we have a viral thing on the internet you and I are a viral thing we do I cross my eyes from when I did it really dude people
00:38:52
lose their [ __ ] mind and they do it they yell it in the street at me Mom they all yell to me in the streets that's my newest fan fan base thing yeah
00:39:03
it's yeah people going and they love it and they're all their friends you know what I'm known as what people welcome to
00:39:09
me hey man Down Syndrome guy Down Syndrome guy yeah yeah you are I'm not oh yeah if say Down Syndrome guy and no one knows what they're thinking people think
00:39:21
I have Down syndrome no but like okay if somebody goes who are your closest friends in comedy over the years and I name a bunch of people yeah and if I get
00:39:28
to you and they're like uh and they don't know you which is rare but if they said who and I go Bobby Lee yeah the
00:39:33
Asian Down Syndrome guy and they go oh yeah yeah yeah yeah really then they know right away yeah
00:39:38
Carlos we've had this conversation a fan came up to came up to Carlos crazily enough yeah this girl was like I love
00:39:45
Carlos I think you're so funny I've seen you on um the trash show or whatever and then Carl's like oh thanks introduce me
00:39:52
and she's like oh hey what's up are you a comedian I said yeah and she's like oh I'm really big like I love Comics who
00:39:57
are you like who's your crew and I was like uh I don't know and then I'm just name myself a show with Bobby Lee and
00:40:02
she goes I don't know who that is I'm like you don't know who you do not know any Comics choose well who is he I go Asian comic Down syndrome and she goes
00:40:09
exactly oh Bobby reach right away she almost like right away oh that hurts well it burns that's what's going on in the streets yeah yeah that's fine oh yeah are you serious yeah say that
00:40:22
again slower why because I want to soak it in I'm doing one year celibacy one year when did you start the last time I got laid when was the last time you get laid two months ago
00:40:35
a woman whoa whoa whoa whoa clip that part yeah no no I'm saying you let's use that for yeah yeah yeah yeah a woman I want to say to people and you don't
00:40:47
have to say their name yeah a woman I met on uh a dating app Raya no hinge uh before I
00:40:54
got banned oh okay oh you got banned right because you were lying about your age yeah seed Everybody Poops Everybody Poops
00:41:01
that I know I've done it and when you were a kid did someone read Everybody Poops uh by Taro gomi to you let's just
00:41:07
say many adults have forgotten the details pooping anxiety self-controlled constipation nervous diarrhea conditions
00:41:13
many adults experience throughout their lives but at the end of the day it's just poop and seeds ds01 makes it easier
00:41:19
to go have you ever had a time when you just couldn't poop oh my God all the time constantly every single day but I
00:41:26
gotta tell you seed makes dsl1 daily symbiotic supports healthy regularity healthy motility and ease of evacuation
00:41:33
get it out seeds ds01 daily symbiotic has four specific probiot probiotic strains that have been shown to promote healthy skin and reinforce a healthy gut skin access similarly in your gut your
00:41:48
skin has its own microbiome your skin is home to trillions of micro organisms and their byproducts collectively known as
00:41:55
your skin microbiome yeah pretty impressive with seed uh it helps your skin and helps you
00:42:03
on the go DSO on daily symbiotic is an effective way to start supporting your gut microbiome well nurturing your gut
00:42:09
skin access for healthy glowing skin start a new healthy habit today visit seed.com bad friends and use code bad friends to redeem 25 off your first
00:42:20
month of seeds ds01 daily symbiotic that's seed.com bad friends and use code bad friends uh are you on any of these yeah but when we go on tour though can I
00:42:32
just ask a question when we go on tour what if there's like a man right handsome man I'm gonna
00:42:39
describe them he's got like Michael Shannon eyes and this that one of them's always looking out for you and the other
00:42:44
one's looking out for someone else right he's got um a luscious goatee right a couple of tattoos on the neck what do they say
00:42:57
like a pita bread or are you saying Peta the the Organization for Animals [Laughter]
00:43:05
yeah he loves bread that is two totally different guys yeah yeah Peta for people have still treatment of animals and the
00:43:11
peanut loves pita bread guys and the next tattoo is Euro oh he loves Gyros and pizzas and pitas yeah but what do I
00:43:18
sing Euro huh what am I saying when I say Euro the meat yeah not that not the money oh so he's got Euro oh the money yeah yeah but not the money it's the meat so the meat Pita right so
00:43:30
they can make a sandwich oh shoot does he have a little sandwich right yeah yeah does your tzatziki sauce right down here right right so there's that that
00:43:37
right yoked he's jacked skinny right skinny yeah yeah and he's also check this out he's um Bitcoin Okay Google Google this
00:43:49
Bitcoin bro who's skinny jacked with neck tattoos right here he is that's the guy we're talking about this is the guy right here isn't that that looks like
00:43:56
that's Israel yeah that's him do you like guys like that no that guy maybe five years ago this guy I I think I really have to get
00:44:10
know someone's personality I I cannot be on dating apps at the whole like just like judging them like obviously that
00:44:17
plays a factor but I'm I a lot of what I'm attracted to and people are their personalities
00:44:23
um [Laughter] like a connection with somebody like do you like wacky guys like what's up how you doing
00:44:35
[Laughter] I'm here that kind of personality like yeah ten percent for sure hey what's up smooth guy smooth guy 60 that yeah ten percent wacky what's the
00:44:54
biggest red flags give this is a big thing building like a red flag Sims character right what's a red flag what's
00:45:00
your red flags oh how about this we'll play a game I'll give you a thing that they do right and see if that's a red flag for you okay you want to do that
00:45:06
yeah right eat their boogers they're boogers why though but what if they're mango boogers yeah yeah and they were
00:45:17
extracted that wasn't a joke by the way huh it's just a joke sure yeah I Vape through my nose and eat the boogers
00:45:23
that's insane oh yeah it says mango booger friends just wondering about this yeah so um okay how about this yeah um I'm a
00:45:35
millionaire but I got my money you know through you know my Grandpa died what do you think red flag or no not yet cool
00:45:42
great yeah yeah how about this one uh I'm a millionaire and I acquired most of my money through unethical business practices that I could go to jail for at any given point red flag of course okay
00:45:55
no I don't know you know she could be into guys that go to prison yeah um so I have two testicles missing I have two testicles sorry to laugh so
00:46:06
hard though but I have you know what I mean plastic testicles oh right and they look good because I went to Tokyo to get them right do they have good ones yeah they have great ones oh yeah yeah okay and so
00:46:18
but we can't have kids right but you know my brother thank God my brother he let me the sperm to go inside my fake test testicles so we could have a baby
00:46:30
it's my brother but you know it's coming out of my anyway red flag can I kick you
00:46:36
in the nuts yeah I don't feel the thing that sounds pretty fun all right that's good that's good I'm glad your
00:46:42
priorities I just wanted me to kick you in the nuts give her another one funny in public we can just stage things how
00:46:50
about this hey uh I'm I'm an okay looking guy but at any given point my my teeth can just fall out of my head they just start falling out and I have to pick them up and put them back in it happens to me all day long is this a red
00:47:02
flag it's probably is a red flag you wouldn't really I would like date him if his personality was like really cool
00:47:15
what if he has Tourette's red flag I could never bring him to any thing I do okay yeah all right a guy says right you know what I mean I'm a good dude where
00:47:26
are you guys finding these guys when I was 22 2 years old I was a school bus driver and dude you said that that's so Asian I was school bus drivers dude what it's
00:47:41
like the old it's like the old you comes back into play a high school bus right and uh amazing I was in an
00:47:47
accident right how you doing it again it's gonna do it okay [ __ ] it right I'll do a light [ __ ] Asian right do a live
00:47:52
yeah we'll do it live right and um accident uh Ed all the kids died I'm not blame I'm not playing okay but I drunk oh no oh no that's a good one red flag
00:48:06
that was 20 years ago long time ago he's paid his pen he got out of prison but he killed like 38 kids
00:48:13
let's order dinner first yeah do you have to see if you're gonna pay yeah but like you don't care for like a guy like us hey we'll go to
00:48:24
Ruth's Chris I mean you don't need anything fancy I forgot whatever guy says on your first date Red Lobster can
00:48:29
we go to what if a guy says can we go on the first date to like Chili's or TGI Fridays or like a chain restaurant
00:48:35
that's fine it's fine yeah what if he says can we go to fast food what if he said can we do Wendy's because I don't have a lot of money right now
00:48:41
or Burger King I mean I the idea of dating is so weird to me I didn't even fathom it but if I was like if I met somebody I really liked then he's like let's go to Burger King I'd be like all right
00:48:54
so [ __ ] a nice person what would you say if a girl was like can you take me to Burger King
00:48:59
I go do we still smash oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah as a guy you go stuff right she goes I want I want a Whopper in me before you put your junior
00:49:12
Whopper you know you you go I had to take this girl to a fancy arrest you just assume
00:49:18
that yeah right so you know I've been taking girls to Damien best deal why are you doing that yeah I just think that
00:49:25
like you don't have what they want no it's not what they want I know that I I I know I spent thousands of dollars knowing that I found that out but I
00:49:31
think yeah I found that out but you also like to eat at those places yeah but he'd rather go alone and not pay for two people yeah and you're paying for are
00:49:38
they having like wine or drinks I mean I had one that's because they make you mad go ahead so I went on a date with this
00:49:44
girl and um took to a nice place and then a week later let's hang out again and when I picked her up she had her
00:49:50
friend right she had her friend and she goes um what nice place are we going to and I had already made a reservation and during dinner I realized you know I mean they're poor girls yeah they're
00:50:02
playing you they're playing me and it really hurt might hurt me that's [ __ ] up did you you ate the meal though didn't you took them out didn't you I
00:50:08
did yeah you're too nice that's you're a nice guy that sucked I've taken them out every night since then
00:50:15
no it broke my eyes it's like and then when I dropped him off I knew I would never see them again you know what would be awesome though if you would have ate
00:50:20
your mail then be like I'm gonna go to the bathroom and then you just left them there yeah that's Revenge they [ __ ] you
00:50:26
out of it they like basically manipulated you into me or you pay for your half yeah and then the waiter goes hey so he paid
00:50:33
for his half but yeah you guys have to pay for your phone no I'm not mean but just do it no but it's me I'm the
00:50:39
sucker it's me I'm the sucker it's mean of her to bring her friend yeah I didn't know that you know no that's [ __ ] me
00:50:46
yeah that's me what okay give us let's be honest no jokes what's real red flags that guys do for you what's actually red
00:50:52
flags like what's your ick what's the ick that guy's doing you're like [ __ ] that's gross I hate when you guys are that well like really I don't know if this is
00:50:59
one but like it doesn't have a car it would be really hard for me that's a red flag no car red flag really yeah because
00:51:05
like I know dudes that are rich and don't have a car yeah okay but that's in New York yeah but also the guy in La she's referring to that
00:51:16
doesn't have a car it's not rich right what if he owns a house owned a house and doesn't have a car yeah what the [ __ ] this guy's upside
00:51:22
down the motor skills carpal tunnel oh that's different what is wrong yeah is that what your hands yeah yeah I have carpal tunnel and I have spinal Biven up beneath the knees
00:51:34
do they have that it doesn't mean anything I've seen I've seen a guy that drives with his mouth oh I've seen that there's a guy who like hits the thing
00:51:40
yeah I've seen that okay so that's not no no no no I feel dry that's right so no car red flag what else um what if he said something like the best movie ever made is Fast and the Furious
00:51:55
part four well five really but yeah yeah I understand like any other fast food like the greatest better than best
00:52:01
cinematic film ever made ever made I'd hear him out why do you have to it's more like uh
00:52:07
like if something is mean to people you know or like littering lettering Native American they hate it she has one eighth oh that's right yeah
00:52:21
uh wait a minute uh littering and what was the other one you just said um if somebody's like mean to other people that I really don't like rude
00:52:31
yeah like rude what if a guy spits a lot outside you gotta like I don't really like this he doesn't like spitting no
00:52:36
spitters no spitters what about gleekers no I don't like it you know what he can't you can't help but every time he opens another little squirt comes out controlling that's fine or what are your
00:52:50
red flags this is a better one what are your red flags things that I do bad yeah
00:52:55
yeah this is a trend on the internet now they ask people okay those are the Red Flags because everyone has these high standards of people that are around them
00:53:01
what about you what do you think I want to play I want to play you will do one second baby no
00:53:07
um like I'm pretty selfish with my time okay I'm like very like career oriented so that always comes first okay what else um I
00:53:19
uh you're perfect in any other way I'm pretty much ready I'm narcissistic wow wow I'm trying to think of like uh things like I wouldn't like that
00:53:31
um well what is any other X you've oh here's one that's I'm a really particular about time like if you're
00:53:37
like 10 minutes late I'm like really upset about it you you overreact to to Really overreact to it okay in what way
00:53:43
so like I think I have like control issues maybe I know right right yeah because we only see this aspect because
00:53:51
in a way in a way we're your boss do you feel that yeah I feel like I'm giving you like yeah you're giving us our best
00:53:57
you know the best Jesse my weakness I want to see the on the road I want to see the other side you're gonna yeah I
00:54:03
wanna you know I want to see random queefs [Laughter] just a random one you know what I mean
00:54:11
right I want to see stuff you know what I mean and go you want you want to be grossed out by her not grossed out I
00:54:17
just want to see some of your Character defects okay what are yours what are your red flags 12 hours of video games
00:54:23
huge red flags right I mean it's massive no movement yeah you mean a lack of exercise no movement yeah that's what I meant yeah yeah yeah just
00:54:39
um I I do things oh uh the way I clean the cat litters wrong you know what I do no I just put more litter on yeah that's not good and then I pile it to the point where there's a mound and now the cats
00:54:51
are like they're freaking the [ __ ] out they slip they don't like it you make them play King of the Hill of [ __ ] yeah yeah they have to get up a hill of poop yeah and then what I do is this instead of
00:55:02
clearing it up I'll go buy more Cat boxes so there's like 15 of them right and they're all mounds and they'll get a new one put the thing in and then so yeah what else is that a red flag
00:55:14
massive it is yeah for some people you know that's why I'm taking a year off celibacy you're taking your Wits of
00:55:21
celibacy because I just need to find my way you want to get rid of some of these red flags you know what I mean and I used to
00:55:28
do yoga yeah yeah and I need to do it again I'm gonna do it I'm gonna yoga I'm gonna get a haircut
00:55:35
and I'm gonna get abs do we want to make a monetary bet on this oh yeah that you won't get abs what
00:55:42
do you mean by ABS abdominal muscles that show with definition four pack okay I'll give you a two pack he's not getting two four that's insane
00:55:54
one Puck Tupac oh one muscle I want to show any definition you're not showing [ __ ] oh I'm gonna okay yeah so what what's my thousand dollars what's up my timeline
00:56:06
you tell me your timeline a year yeah all right so what's the date now that's plenty of time I know yeah I'm gonna do it in three weeks watch I'm gonna do it in three weeks we're on the
00:56:17
road for a month okay after and then another month yo after the the tour and then you're going on vacation yeah I'm
00:56:24
gonna take a break the break after the break by that time you'll have three months left and then the video game championships come up oh yeah I gotta do that
00:56:36
you don't realize this though this is what people don't realize right when I was um 37 years old I got a
00:56:42
trainer right and for a year I lost 20 pounds and I was kind of ripped okay and then when I got in a relationship I started yeah yeah and I think I'm gonna do it again you're gonna do it again I
00:56:56
think I I I'm 51 so I go you know I have one last shot at 52 this year yeah I have one last shot well let's get you a trainer I'm down yeah should we have a fun Should we hire a trainer to get with us on the bus on the road to make us do
00:57:07
bus workouts we've spent enough money it's been actually ever learned it's pretty insane yeah be our trainer please
00:57:13
you want me to train you guys can I ask you one last thing about you too I just and don't make don't be offended okay
00:57:18
what I'm not gonna say okay well whenever somebody says don't be offended I know now I'm embracing brace yourself
00:57:24
no I'm just casually talking okay as a friend you're right that's your boss you're right maybe a little tan oh my
00:57:31
God yeah what do you think well I used to want her to get tan look let's see what happens wait why do you care if she's tan look at how [ __ ] white I am I know I don't think you can
00:57:43
I don't think you can get a tan I can I can get sun kissed it's been raining non-stop you're right in the summer it's
00:57:50
not my fault no I'm not you're perfect if I was a little more tan you just have a vampire vampire like vampire you're one to talk will you go to the
00:58:04
tanning bed with me where can we just during my vacation I'm being real when I go on my vacation I'm gonna do a month
00:58:11
in Tulum okay are you gonna come well let's not tell people where we're gonna [ __ ] we're not going to too long that's
00:58:17
right yeah yeah we're gonna go somewhere else we'll go to Fiji somewhere but we're ruining all the all these spots I
00:58:24
want to go to a place where I can drink pineapple juice and lay down do my ab work
00:58:29
yeah I'll do my ab work you know it's so funny you're smiling you don't think I'm gonna do it everyone's smiling and you
00:58:35
don't think I'm gonna [ __ ] it why are you smiling that's [ __ ] rude dude dude [ __ ] you man dude dude what show
00:58:40
your stomach right now on camera just so we can see it okay it's actually not as big but stop
00:58:47
sucking it in now put it out [Laughter] holding on for dear life that was tough okay we're gonna document it yeah I want to do it because um I want to live for a
00:59:13
long time I want you to live forever yeah I want to live for you guys know you guys are known to live a long time aren't you it was you guys you people in
00:59:20
Okinawa they do what's so funny okay what's the uh what's it what is that in South Korea 83
00:59:27
years is that good wait we've got to be almost the same in the United States Japan more Japan 84. yeah you better
00:59:32
believe it 83 years who's the low that's average right longest life expectancy who is it longest life expectancy let's
00:59:38
guess real fast uh I I you know I say Sweden I was just gonna guess that it's gonna be a Nordic country no no Greece
00:59:45
turkey something like that no Mediterranean no what is it Japan and Singapore yeah that
00:59:52
kind of makes me sad 85 years but the reason why in Japan you know why right why in Japan yeah because they blur the
00:59:59
blur the porn they don't get you know why why do Japanese live so long especially in I only know in Okinawa is because they have communal living
01:00:11
so they live in villages right so if a baby you know I mean a kid is lost the whole you know the whole neighborhood
01:00:16
takes you know it's a whole neighborhood they take care of each other right it's also a lot of fishing yeah so it says
01:00:23
low rate of obesity low consumption of red meat High consumption efficient plants yeah soybeans and tea but Soy is
01:00:30
not great for you particularly as a man soy is not good for you because it has a lot of um
01:00:35
estrogen but Soy processed or just soy in general well soy process that's what we eat here in the states yeah just get
01:00:41
the bean but you know just the bean yeah that's not what people do that's the way I do Japan's Okinawan Island nicknamed
01:00:46
the island of longevity locals refused to die residents suffer from low levels of heart disease cancer dementia and okinawan's robust social life and strong
01:00:53
sense of ikagi a unique purpose in life often keeps them alive and healthy past the age of 100.
01:01:00
it means uh when you have something to do this is why I think like they have the best denim
01:01:06
Japanese denim is the best no Okinawa it's Okinawan yeah Okinawan denim yeah because I go to self Edge and that they
01:01:12
get all the Okinawa denim is the best place if you're ever in San Francisco New York or La the best place to get
01:01:17
denim is self-edge but it's so it's so like it's cool strong you got to wear it in look at these
01:01:24
yeah yeah how long did it take you 36 years yeah they do look dope I get it yeah are those sauconys I didn't know you like soccer I like second he's alive yeah those are really nice when we were kids
01:01:38
we used to say sakani um okay so on the road we're gonna document some of this I'm gonna bring
01:01:43
stuff to work out because I want to work out on the road because you know I like working out and you know who we're gonna have documented we have somebody Macon
01:01:49
Macon come in here in the chair there he is this is my boy right there this is this is our new little
01:01:56
filthy dirty repulsive skank yeah yeah he's a little skank [ __ ] [ __ ] look at
01:02:02
him a little can I say something about this guy I remember when we met at the store and you gotta put the mic in your mouth
01:02:08
Rudy yeah it's like the old days and put it near there where did you guys meet again okay and
01:02:15
um usually when people come out to me right at The Comedy Store I'm a little defensive I'm nice yeah right but there
01:02:21
was something about this guy I'm like what do you think it was he's got that 70s he was confident drug dealer Vibe he
01:02:28
was confident and he talked I think you opened up with movies yeah in film what'd you open up with
01:02:35
um because we had actually talked once before then and you told me about uh Let the Right One In Let the Right One In so then that's how you opened yeah so we started
01:02:49
talking about that and then and then we started talking about dermer my girlfriend our good boy one of the
01:02:56
greatest of all time yeah because uh before I when I was still in college like in 2020 during the pandemic I was
01:03:01
back in Minnesota and I heard Durham run an episode of tigerbelly and he gone to the same college that I did Columbia
01:03:07
Chicago so then you know y'all were talking about how just like approachable he was so then I reached out to dermer
01:03:12
and then he like you know put me on when I got out here and then yeah eventually through that you know we're all full
01:03:18
circle because I fell face first into luck it's incredible he's a lifesaver yeah people are like that well you know
01:03:24
what it is also helps I don't think it's it's not a coincidence he's a handsome looking kid he's got ice blue eyes look
01:03:30
at ice ice is what I call them that's quirky eye size yeah you know Corky from Facts life remember Corky oh yeah I got a Down syndrome yeah that's him of
01:03:36
course the eye size oh yeah his name on my phone is porky eye size yeah also when you have a kid that has Down
01:03:41
syndrome don't name him Corky it just doesn't sound right why give him a strong name
01:03:47
what's wrong with Corky what's better yeah what what's better what do you associate Jackson OH Jackson yeah yeah I
01:03:55
like that yeah yeah anyway mccomb's gonna come with us are you in a relationship no wow single ready so you
01:04:01
and this guy's gonna tear it up Carlos right don't even bring any by my way I'm in celibacy
01:04:08
did you hear that yeah it's all yours guys and by the way it's all you want to see him flirting with someone that he kind of started no like uh [ __ ] block
01:04:15
him real bad yeah we'll shut that down you'll see you're gonna see a completely different human being there's a I have a
01:04:21
um a date coming to the Vancouver okay good do you really yeah are you excited for that a little bit yeah she seems
01:04:28
cool why are you saying it like my friends get joy what if she's beautiful which probably is and what if she's kind of into you but no she won't be listen they kind of get I mean I've
01:04:38
seen the girls he's been with yeah it's not my level what do you mean he's he's above you he's out of your league is what you're
01:04:45
saying is he's out of eBay no I do we just we plan two different teams uh games and what are yours my game is like
01:04:51
I'm very pure shirts he skins yeah yeah I'm very picky right but you I've seen you you know you you know what that was a shock by the way what him saying picky means like you you're cool with some uh
01:05:03
so [ __ ] crazy that's not what I meant if you say I'm picky he's not really that means he's okay with trash
01:05:09
sometimes that's what you're saying he's is that right he's willing to explore further in the
01:05:15
forest that's probably true that's what I'm saying that's a couple of beasts yeah yeah yeah yeah
01:05:24
and how have you been in L.A uh just over two years hour and a half has it been rough or has it been I don't know I came in during a really weird time because it was like January 2021 so
01:05:36
it was like the height of the Pandy and everything so there was like it was like like nothing there was no bars nothing
01:05:42
was open so I just kind of like started my internship working on sets and there was nothing else to do so I really just
01:05:48
had to focus on work and finishing the last semester of school and then I told you now I'm 23. okay wow that's when I
01:05:55
started stand up me too at 20 22 23 yeah my God and he's way ahead of where we were back then yeah and you're not intimidated by us I don't feel I'm terrified yeah he is really he's
01:06:06
just he just hides it really well wow that you know he didn't grow that much for nothing that's interesting do you
01:06:12
remember Bobby when we were talking you were like I was like stumbling over my words and you're like here like hold on
01:06:18
haha look at this guy is in the South or whatever he has a stutter but no you're like slow down like let's we'll grab a
01:06:25
seat yeah but you were like um you couldn't catch your words yeah I'm like relax sit down right and then you you got in the pocket but now you're
01:06:39
here now you're here look at that cold as ice baby why are you grabbing your wrist like that that's what happens when you get
01:06:45
nervous I don't know I kind of have to go to the bathroom too but I don't actually yeah he does have to you know
01:06:51
the hand thing what is that I read on um an article about when people you know there's certain hand gestures they do that dominate the room and Elon Musk and other powerful people they do this with
01:07:02
their hands when they talk to people really yeah and this is supposed to like do something yeah shut up what is it
01:07:07
real I do feel more powerful yeah yeah look at this yeah try it that's the Illuminati this [ __ ] I see that you see
01:07:14
this a lot yeah politicians do that that's what Mr Burns does yeah this is something doing it no but that's got it have you
01:07:21
seen this one yeah do this here you go here you go here you go yeah what's that you ever seen this one
01:07:32
rad this is a crazy one never did that you never did that when you're a kid don't
01:07:38
ever want to do it again check out this one yeah whoa whoa you know you guys are
01:07:43
placating me no no no um you've never seen anything like this all right so here's here's a couple of rules that we're gonna go over for the tour
01:07:55
bus when we're on tour I'm gonna say it again no pooping I'm gonna say it again though pooping
01:08:03
uh another rule whoever does the worst on stage that night has to drive the bus what is it because we don't have a bus driver you want me to drive the bus three of us or is everybody
01:08:16
try it on stage yeah it will just be me you him and Carlos will be roaming with us it's gonna be like an Lynyrd Skynyrd if I drive foreign
01:08:37
all right listen I'm happy to go on tour we're going to so many cities we better you better pack
01:08:43
the seats when we come out particularly Oklahoma City we're coming to see you guys St Louis Louisville uh Fairfield
01:08:51
Virginia Raleigh Durham North Carolina uh uh Charlotte uh all of Florida All Over Texas you guys show up show out go to badfriendspod.com and see us and at the same time we're all gonna say how we
01:09:04
end the show one two three hmm [Music]