00:00:00
hey bad friends I am on tour this fall coming to see you I'm all over the place we're adding shows we're adding dates I am so excited in between Bobby and I going to Australia New Zealand I'm going to be going everywhere man I'm going all
00:00:11
over the place I'm going to Indiana I'm going to Ohio I'm going back home to Chicago uh I'm going to Oklahoma I'm
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going to Omaha Nebraska uh I am going to Charlotte uh Atlanta you name it I'm there Kansas City Cleveland I am there come see me in Boston in St Louis and Grand rapin come on and see boy go to
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Andrew Santino docomo [Music] docomo my dude and an Asian dude you two are disgusting oh you two or something we're bad friends oh my
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wow oh really what are You The Dark Knight wow The Dark Knight you're not the Dark Knight wowow
00:00:56
dude he walks in here like he Bruce Wayne this guy ladies and gentlemen it's m r sit down in the blue chair My Little
00:01:04
Prince is this tap we have to refill the bottles that is true we do refill guy sells out Arenas and we give him the
00:01:11
wrong address he was wait right there I'll pick you up it's sweltering outside what address did you give him dude and I have the funniest Uber driver
00:01:22
on the way over put on your cans if you want them if you don't want them you don't have to I I'll wear them I'll wear them hair's melted anyways no no no
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beautiful fro fancy do you care to talk about your mistake already yeah I I I know this was coming just a numbered off just a number off of our address our
00:01:40
work address so copy and paste is a thing that most people use pretty frequently or share the contact location
00:01:47
yeah we've been here for three years and you let our guest array five miles down the road pretty bad they have Google
00:01:53
Maps in every country I'm every country and by the way five miles in Los Angeles a different state oh yeah but he said
00:02:00
like 30 km down the road or something he does see he doesn't know he doesn't know what's going on well let's give it up
00:02:06
for our beautiful wonderful guest Matt R buddy buddy buddy thanks for having buddy buddy buddy you know um I remember when you were a youngster yeah I know dude soft and young you know what I mean
00:02:19
I know very malleable at the time yeah first of all he's still young I'm a younger though people are young but they
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can also be younger at one point yeah I feel like you were never young I feel like you were always Bobby I don't know
00:02:34
if you ever had a youthful phase dude I'm youthful Now dog yeah no no really no you look like you sell Gremlins now dud that's so good and I do yeah and
00:02:46
I do the B how old were you on Matt TV 42 I was in my late 20s yeah for real yeah why no you started at 25 right isn't that what it was 23 is what I start stand up no no no on Matt TV 25 I
00:03:01
was 30 really he looked so young on that show he did he looked like a little baby I didn't even I didn't even have hair
00:03:07
down there what yeah yeah I got my first hair at 39 good boy yeah and um Matt how
00:03:12
old are you now I'm 28 you and I met I want to say tell me if I'm wrong 10 years ago is that how long I've known
00:03:18
you yeah i' say so I've been in La for 11 years so 10 sounds I met you about 9 to 10 years ago uh Bobby and I have
00:03:24
known Matt for a long time we've watched your Ascension and uh couldn't be prouder and happier for a good person that got you're good great comic good
00:03:36
dude and uh when you know sometimes you know when he was blowing up for a second
00:03:42
there yeah I hear some girls got well he's just hot and I just be like no D he's got a skill set you can't get there
00:03:48
without the skill set because a lot of hot guys have come and gone in this business and I and honestly I've always
00:03:54
thought you were ugly and you don't do white dudes like you it does nothing for my me me me really
00:04:00
I'm not even nervous right now D who who's like who's your like male celebrity crush I I'm more Sandy
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Danto right herey dantoy you know mean I like Pudge a little Pudge in there yeah
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little character I like the the black ones you know what I mean that's reasonable you like the Ian Edwards you
00:04:18
like to think realistic that was the polar opposite of Sandy Danto I know I like can I have a variety yeah can
00:04:24
there's a variety of men that I I like that you like attainable though that's really that's that's I think wait wait
00:04:29
wait I think I think that you're getting somewhere I don't think you can get Ian I think you can get Ian I think you
00:04:35
can get Ian get Ian well first of all Ian's a vegan and you're the opposite get one of the Ian I get Ian bag can
00:04:43
Canadian I get I can get a Canadian yeah I can get um Ian McKay not Ian McKay um hold on hold on hold on
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hold on hold on did you spell my name wrong what does it say Matt Rice oh yeah I did it because I love everything's Asian with so if I when I read it it just did you do this yeah that's fancy
00:05:05
hold on is his name fancy yeah not so more I'm so sorry not so more what no Matt Matt Rice is because of uh Bobby he has he dreams he dreams in Chinese and
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uh I dream in Chinese dude and with you he dreams of you let's be real you do look a little Asian like a little you do
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have a little bit of Asian which country uh so you know more jungle Tai yeah yeah
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yeah closer to South Asia okay and it's because your hair is your nut sex are like dumplings I thought you were saying
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I look preop thanks do you have even do you have even balls or does one hang lower no one's
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definitely lower which one do you know I think the left everybody knows I think I think the left left I'm pretty sure are
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you left or right which one hangs lower left or right they're all equal I'm asan you're an equal guy interesting what
00:05:53
about you science I'm a lefty but a lot of people are righties I'm righties I don't now now I'm questioning I know
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dude you look down at it you can't tell my my left nut has always been longer than my right nut [ __ ] but my skin is
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thick my Skin's thick and it's extra wrinkly it looks like it's wise no might not have you seen it ask
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him a question seen your sack it's so is yours wrinkly yeah yeah mine's so wrinkly though yeah you know you know it
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looks like remember in aliens on the planet they had the eggs uhhuh it look you that stuff on the
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outside I think I have that it kind of looks like dmbe mumbo's head you're you're nuts at yeah let me see let me see like his bald wrink head that's
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balls look like brussels sprouts yeah yeah yeah you kind of look at top of DM that's my I thought that was my nut sack yeah whoa now when it's shaved yeah yeah anyway go back to the testicle thing I
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want I do want to see okay so unilaterally and bilaterally the left testies is usually lower than the right because of it's heavier weight so we're
00:06:49
in the we're in the uh we're in the majority my friend I like that but my my my my my mind doesn't sag can I just
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show you real Qui your nuts are tight can I just show you yeah please yeah Matt close your eyes no yeah yeah
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yeah no Matt a Matt what I'm not kidding they're the exact same size no way no they're perfect for real well someone's GNA get someone's getting famous on Tik Tok you do have
00:07:15
very parallel nuts how do you like I said did to work at it or is just naturally like that like it's just well
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you know I don't use it much well you know how you can like if you for like a what you know for like a for like a
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physical you cough and they they go up are you able to like cough one up higher than the other no no no no no no I think
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there's only one in there maybe yeah just there could be just one in the middle a lot of sense on which can you
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look into this cuz I've heard this Theory before that if the left one hangs lower it's like you're supposed to be more creative I've heard this like left
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brain right brain except the opposite for your balls but still a brain that makes sense you know how your your nose is stuffy on one side and you lean to
00:07:53
the other side and then the boogers will go and then you can breathe on that yeah that's what my you can do that yeah yeah
00:07:59
are like that I've just stayed congested I didn't no you no you've never laid in bed and like on one side of Stuffy so
00:08:04
just lay on the other side and then just let the the boogers go on oh you you you got try that I'm just learning lay down
00:08:11
on the bed and grab your legs and tuck them over your head and that you clear me out you just
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reminded me dude when I was when I was uh going for basketball in high school they make you go get a physical you know
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you had to get physicals for school and I went to this like janky you know I don't know like a quick they needed me
00:08:27
to go to like a quick dock someone to have knew before back before uh what do you call it uh Urgent Care was a thing I
00:08:33
went to like a a local yokal and I just needed it cuz practice was the next day so I go into this guy I'm not kidding I
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go with my dad I'll never forget he's like uh would you like to come in the room and my dad was like no what the
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[ __ ] no why would I go in the room with he's like oh just for Safety and Security and he was like no it's fine I
00:08:50
don't want to see my son's penis what I get in the room he's like go ahead I drop down he's feeling around doing his
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thing blah blah blah pull it up I go back out we're checking out he's filling out the forms my hand to God he goes
00:09:02
your son's growing up no your son's growing up he had never seen me before he didn't
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know I could have peaked you know what I mean I could have already peaked he didn't know I was still growing whoa but
00:09:14
he said Your son's growing up I don't like how much he really tried to sell your dad on the safety aspect after like the third pitch I would have been like
00:09:20
should I be in there with him what are you going to do to my son yeah yeah your son's growing up that's what that guy said he got disbarred we sued him so
00:09:27
your dad's never seen your panis of course my father seen my what are you talking about but he doesn't want to stand there and see a doctor examine it
00:09:32
okay n has your father seen your penis uh my dad's dead so probably probably ghost oh yeah that's
00:09:39
that's that's that's the worst not now as a younger as a youngster you saw it right I don't know he and my mom weren't even together when I was alive how old did your dad die when you how old were
00:09:50
you when he died one and a half oh my god well his dad just died for real I relate how recently four
00:09:57
years ago while that's not even just yeah it's a long time yeah how how old was he he was like 80 106 but so you
00:10:05
never knew your dad no no he was like I think he was 21 when he died oh how did he die oh wait let's
00:10:12
guess let me let guess always a let's guess oh I know he was 26 21 21 okay I got it yeah yeah what's yours 21st birthday your dad goes out right he's partying he's having a good time uh
00:10:27
somebody goes uh what was his name Mike Mike Mike Mike let's get on a motorcycle let's do wheelies yeah right
00:10:35
they're doing wheelies yeah really bad accident uhhuh he's alive okay he's totally fine yeah he goes back to the
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bar drinks some more parties uhhuh picks up a strange man to hang out with to go
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do go Roo and toting right goes back to the man's apartment boom Jeffrey dmer whoa I'm not going to confirm or deny until Bobby pitches this okay go ahead oh mine oh yours I I know it fully
00:11:01
it's almost as if I was there okay Fourth of July your dad was naked with bunch of his buddies in the South
00:11:07
Arkansas in a backyard right he's not from Arkansas he's from Ohio for he happened to be there on a business trip
00:11:12
yeah he was traveling and your parents didn't know your mom didn't know it was what was he selling on the business he's a Salesman right firecrackers oh he's
00:11:18
selling firecrackers Fourth of July state to state yeah yeah and he's going to the South to sell this you know what
00:11:23
I mean it's actually a trucking company right and this the guy the head of the trucking company's house he was like a
00:11:29
your dad was like amen I have the best fir so they have a thing they get drunk they're all naked right it's like eight
00:11:36
at night that's how you sell firecrackers right right you know I mean and you know there's no gay things going on what what no one even said I know but
00:11:42
I just they were they were you didn't know my Dad yeah I didn't know your dad yeah they were like you they're poking
00:11:47
yeah yeah you know what I mean and then your dad [ __ ] why he did this he threw a little firecracker in the air a sparrow
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came down bit the [ __ ] firecracker Right and started going doing loopy loops uhhuh like you know what I mean
00:11:59
like a sparkler in the sky right right and then your dad was naked you he bent over to get on the firecracker The Spar
00:12:05
goes right into his butthole with the firecracker yeah yeah yeah right there's an explosion but he doesn't die wow but
00:12:11
it hurts so bad so bad and here's the thing they all start laughing no all the people yeah the trucking company that's
00:12:17
how you agree you [ __ ] it and they see the f word for some reason yeah why I don't know why okay that doesn't mean he's gay no yeah yeah yeah and they spin
00:12:25
on him too wow I don't know why it's a South right but the Sparrow's still alive [Laughter]
00:12:31
dude that's my mom listens Sparrow my mom listens to every podcast I do and this can't be the one the Sparrow's still alive dude it's unbelievable it's
00:12:42
like a zombie Sparrow right the the wings are gone spine face right and out of the left eye of the sparrow comes out a little tapeworm oh wow this tape room right has
00:12:57
[ __ ] the first case of Co W way before Wuhan did a little Chinese tape one yeah in the eyeball of the sparrow wow what are the odds what are the ODS right yeah your ass your dad's
00:13:12
ass exploded he's still alive he's still alive your dad but he is like call the cops strong guy he was a strong yeah he
00:13:18
was he was his hands were in the dirt the Earth Scrat scratching call the cops please or the police I mean ambulance he doesn't even know what he's saying he said cops first uh-huh doesn't even know
00:13:29
what he's saying cuz he's so [ __ ] honestly right I know dude this [ __ ] little
00:13:35
[ __ ] maggot NOP yeah not a maggot try again this um worm this little worm tapm
00:13:42
tapeworm tape worm yeah well you know in the South they call it both oh that you do you're right yeah right it goes
00:13:48
inside the opening of his ass and he gets infected he dies two weeks later anyway wow what really
00:13:56
happened it was a [ __ ] Chinese tapeworm are you serious from the Arkansas how did you know that I just [ __ ] you read about it yeah you yes anded a sparrow in
00:14:08
his that could have been it sounded reasonable I'm so sorry good oldfashioned suicide oh
00:14:14
[ __ ] I know oh good old fashioned good old fashion the American dream really was he um
00:14:20
depressed no he was stoked he was [ __ ] he the happiest suicide got a new gun yeah he was on some uppers I mean see you later
00:14:32
son my God was he happy yeah he was amped what I was asking Jes I know sometimes I'm Walking on Sunshine Jesus I'm so sorry hold us I'm
00:14:47
so sorry that was rude what I'm saying is that sometimes you know no yes if he was drunk right he wasn't and he was thinking right that maybe you know what I mean that's what I was asking so he had you at 20 years old yes wow and
00:14:59
unfortunately took his own life a year later I'm so sorry man I I want to believe that didn't have anything to do with it but certainly did had he known
00:15:07
you'd be selling out Arenas he would have waited probably would have waited yeah would have stuck around I would think so you know there's also there's
00:15:14
also a theory my own Theory right he uh he's not even on the birth certificate CU he did he didn't think I was his cuz
00:15:20
my mom he and my mom weren't like officially D did you think your mom was hooking up with other guys yeah definitely thought she was she
00:15:27
swears right don't think I look anything like my dad at all and my mom always tells me I look like this guy she dated in high school like before she met my dad well get DNA test I I've thought
00:15:40
about it you got it dude you got to get a DNA test at the 23 now it's like but I
00:15:45
don't want to like now that I'm at where I'm at in my life now I don't want to like go and tell this guy hey by the way you got a Golden Ticket No you don't
00:15:52
give him money he doesn't get [ __ ] well yeah no he earns it he earns it what could what could I use him for at this point tour manager tour manager not a
00:16:05
bad idea sneaker cleaner okay there okay can I just let me just say something to you Matt
00:16:10
okay that was the grossest way I've ever seen life right so anyway like you were drinking from a hose okay come on let's move on the fact that you guys have won
00:16:21
any gold medals is insane to me yeah yeah we ping pong see that yeah anyway um congrats by the way ping pong was
00:16:28
huge Arrow too archery archery yeah yeah we kill it yeah you did okay okay anyway can I ask how many gold medals does
00:16:34
Korea have right now oh my God are you Korean yeah for now [ __ ] off 21 total medals nine Golds yeah it's amazing yeah it's pretty good is it not amazing it's not America 33 okay yeah what' you say
00:16:46
Britain Britain is 33 yeah yeah us 61 medals Come See About Us wow yeah know you know who's in first yeah but we're also the size of Delaware Korea yeah what does that have
00:16:59
to do with it it's a small country dude so what go back up to the top yeah France isn't [ __ ] that big no France
00:17:07
is not big at all 41 yeah okay is it bigger than Korea though everything is everything's bigger and Korea Okay no
00:17:12
Okay anyway let's I I forgot even what I was going to ask Matt man you talking about his dad how did your dad
00:17:18
die oh no choked on a piece of kimchi it was awful to watch he was there he wouldn't do the him like
00:17:30
anything joking almost joking I thought he was saying I'm joking cuz we were just [ __ ] around the whole time we're eating dinner you I'm a do I'm a do no what I'm saying let me go this a serious
00:17:42
point he died of natural causes he dies of natural G but um get let me get to this point please
00:17:49
so one of my favorite shows I've talked about I know you guys are bored that I talk about all the time but long lost family I know yeah because there's an
00:17:55
episode of you ever seen it never even heard of it it's on TLC it's one of the greatest show ever made it's pretty incredible to watch incredible what's
00:18:00
about it's about either someone that was adopted or somebody that um gave up a kid you know before adoption they try to find them and they reunite and it's super sweet yeah okay so there was this
00:18:11
one girl on it I think it was the first season she she's from California am I boring you no dude I'm listening okay
00:18:18
okay okay I just don't like the way you do that okay well you go like that I was burping okay I'm not going to start over
00:18:25
so anyway so this is girl right and when she was like 19 years old some guy said
00:18:30
what you're Italian she I'm not Italian you look at your face you're Italian so she went to home she goes this guy said
00:18:36
that I'm Italian I'm not Italian and then her mom goes well your dad's really not your real dad and told her that oh
00:18:42
that that would kill you man I thought you would just keep lying at you say no you're not [ __ ] Italian I think she
00:18:47
would the mom was holding in for so long and it was like a she was waiting for a window and that was the window it was
00:18:52
killing her it was killing her so and then the girl freaks out like what the [ __ ] and she's like yeah I mean she you
00:18:58
that's your dad she he loves you like you know yeah she yeah but I want to so then 20 years later this show comes
00:19:05
about and she's like I want to try to find this guy and he knew so she um had an animal sanctuary in California she raised llamas and you love sari any
00:19:15
story with a sari a sari a sanctuary yeah we're working on it we're working on we're working on it right and and so so they find the guy right and he's like a park Granger in um
00:19:30
Oregon and he has an animal sanctuary no way yeah yeah Cent her blood yeah so what I'm saying is is that you know they and then they when they met they look exactly alike and they just you can see
00:19:41
in the show they're just bonded like it was an instant so beautiful right and so it's like she's not going to go he's not
00:19:47
going to go hey can I have some of your llamas like that's your parano right no they just want to meet yeah but you mean
00:19:54
so what I'm saying is is that cuz she has a bigger Sanctuary than he does right you know he's not going to go give me some of your [ __ ] you know marup
00:20:01
he might yeah yeah I got a lot of platypus so what I'm saying if you find your biological dad you just want to
00:20:08
meet him and you who knows there might be a connection he might he's not going to ask for anything how do you know you're like you you you're assuming that
00:20:14
that's a you don't know because because then if he does you know let me put my [ __ ] smart hat on okay okay
00:20:24
so it didn't work you you yeah with your hair off front you look like that kid from up
00:20:31
little what with your hair coming to the front you look like the little fat kid from up oh really yeah that kid that's
00:20:36
exactly what you look like right now so [ __ ] cute yeah I'm so cute cute you are so cute that's you that's 100% you
00:20:42
when your hair goes up wait wait let me see if I can do that kid that's that's you that's you dude adorable dude you're
00:20:48
so adorable dude but I [ __ ] like a machine no and I have to throw that out there so so no I just everyone I'm cute but ladies I [ __ ] like I'm a sh anyway
00:21:00
okay did you ever did you ever get a did you ever get a backup dad did you ever get a backup Dad yeah I had a stepdad
00:21:06
stepdad of course was he is he still around uh no he and my mom got divorced like probably six seven years ago
00:21:12
something like now is she going to swing again your mom or do you think this is it oh she's dating on a new guy yeah she a new guy would she get married for the
00:21:17
third time you think she was never married the first time okay right second time we're basically trying to ask you
00:21:23
is if she was single and I'm single would can I go on with her cuz your mom and him might be the same age your mom
00:21:29
how old your mom oh no my mom's 48 dude you're [ __ ] 52 older than his mom your mom's 48 yeah I'm 52 I know God dude I'm the same age
00:21:43
as your mom first of all you could never yeah you st she's an angel no stop stop
00:21:49
stop no she wouldn't no just stop stop stop stop stop everyone stop okay cuz what he just did maybe you stop
00:21:56
honestly I I'm sorry I know he's a big St he said you can't M my show dude okay dude your show right you're the captain all right so so can we let's admit I am the captain
00:22:08
now you are the captain all right so what I'm asking you Mr R is is that I ain't good enough for your mom dog what
00:22:15
is that I don't know I just south Kore what yeah yeah hey man I ain't good enough for your mom dog he's from he's from Ohio doesn't smoke American Spirits okay she smokes
00:22:29
marble maral light Amer but if I called you and I said yo dude mats your stepdad
00:22:35
Bob that would feel weird yeah yeah but why I'm a good dude no you're not Acorn hey investing can feel very very intimidating a lot of people think
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00:23:01
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00:25:36
what do you think you could offer me as a father figure this is good this is like Shark Tank okay what I can offer you is um spiritual
00:25:43
guidance spiritual gu guidance yeah spiritual guidance did I stutter dog I did uh yeah so you couldn't be my dad possibly what could you teach me about spiritual guidance like you teach me I
00:25:55
don't know what the problem is right now dude maybe I'm lost maybe I'm maybe you lost about maybe I'm trying to navigate
00:26:00
uh who I'm going to be for the rest of my life okay what I would you offer what what I would sit down with you is right now is seriously an exercise and I say
00:26:08
just put your hands on wherever the surface of that of this pool floating yeah pool yeah and just really feel the
00:26:13
texture the temperature of it right it feels plasticky yeah feel your feet you're grounded right yeah one of them
00:26:19
the smells right now right whatever you're smelling even the office smell right edamame exactly a little Anam Mame
00:26:27
right the a condition you can hear that little little purr right it's a window and all those senses right now really
00:26:33
just kind of [ __ ] cling on to those [ __ ] senses mhm right now that's the only thing that exists now the present
00:26:40
the present moment is it working is it working it's actually pretty good is it working it's pretty good what I'm saying is is that Matt you see one side of me but there's
00:26:52
many sides to Namaste Bobby Lee Namaste Bobby Lee and I have other knowledge and
00:26:58
wisdom that I could give you but you're not just you're not open to it right so for you to say that I'm not good enough
00:27:04
for your mother is quite frankly Rude by the way a spiritual an aggressive passive aggressive spiritual coach is so
00:27:11
funny yeah man so funny dude pass aggressive what kind of toxic Mr Miyagi [ __ ] is this you feel that for you to even think all right all right all right all right I I won't I won't I won't I
00:27:24
won't you gas lit me in my own therapy I know I know I know mom is an angel I know she is but yeah it's just rude for him to say that it's not it's his mom it's not it's not that I think she could
00:27:35
do better I do how about this okay no here's what I'm afraid of as a third party viewer of all this uhuh you're going to come in there try to get into his family cuz you
00:27:46
want some of his llamas I got llamas too you don't have as many llamas as he does but I got llamas old llamas frdy your
00:27:53
farm from different countries your farm needs a new fence okay this [ __ ] has acreage you okay can I just say you
00:27:59
understand yeah when it comes to llamas though right all you need is a certain amount of llamas to survive yeah you were worried about selling out stand up
00:28:05
live okay so you're you know what I'm saying that's a say Comedy Club yeah guy's doing [ __ ] Arenas I think he's
00:28:11
got a couple of more couple more llamas but we sold out we did sold out but it's just different yeah together together
00:28:18
yeah together oh really oh oh really all right all right right you're a solo artist fine let's move on was Bobby on Dave I can't wait to the east re band leaves you Matt yeah yeah um can
00:28:30
we go can we go back to um so Matt what I'm saying is that yes um the guy that your mom's dating now not that I want to destroy the relationship with M but what I'm just hypothetically saying is is
00:28:42
that you've met him before yeah you like him so let me I I can already bet this now I might have more llamas than him
00:28:49
you probably do yes okay way more credits look at my mg has you been on TV or film he was in jail so probably cops hey that's a good show that's a good show
00:29:00
highly show bad boys love that show also I I've never cheated on anybody good that's a truth thing that's a good thing I always pay for meals good that's a good thing okay two for two ballet and
00:29:14
whatnot and guess what pal for your birthday mhm you get not something that has a price tag to it but something ingenious and something that you're going to go you know what I'm going to
00:29:26
put this on my mantle it's an oron towel is it you should see this guy make a swan on a bed it's unbelievable no I I
00:29:33
would I would be very mindful about making you something that you're going to go oh that was you know really thoughtful so that's it wow I threw my
00:29:41
pitch what do you think nah all right all right I'm out you know why you're saying that and let's move on it's because I'm Korean yeah no yeah you're being R that's not true that's
00:29:54
not that's not I'm kid that's not true let's move on yeah yeah are you well my mom's single are you single right now I am oh you are good for you well my mom single how old's your mom 80 ageless
00:30:07
yeah yeah yeah ageless but her a her vad 23 uhhuh really yeah reconstructive or just oils and stuff Essentials you know she just burns in
00:30:21
she lives in a genie lamp you got to rub the lamp to get her out of there do you think your mom would ever date again be
00:30:26
old AG it's dead the Shop's closed we'll see yeah there there's no more M rickety gate down there yeah it's
00:30:33
rickety but so you were the last time I talked to you you you you were in a relationship yeah and then who broke up
00:30:39
with who we broke up together Mutual yeah that's the best answer I've ever heard we broke up um it's not the right
00:30:46
time can I can I ask you what because you know I have a checklist of what I like in a woman okay so can to ask you
00:30:53
some checklists by all means okay so um from scale the 1 to 10 um what's the number the lowest number you'll go like of just physic aesthetically aesthetically we're
00:31:04
talking like La numbers or like genuinely reg real world numbers real world numbers in Ohio 8 I think oh that
00:31:13
great yeah yeah that's my standard Ohio 8 oh Ohio 8 that's great do she um need a college education no okay do you have a college education I didn't even graduate high school yeah he didn't
00:31:24
finish do you have a GED uh I have what's equivalent to a GED can we order him a GED please you get him on Amazon
00:31:31
Prime yeah you can yeah we can get it same day if we order it before before yeah okay she says to you Matt I hate
00:31:38
all animals o tough that's really tough that's hates them I mean she's just like
00:31:45
I just like if I'm touch him and stuff but it's like I'll never own a dog cat let's be two candidates for him and you
00:31:52
be that girl I'll be this girl and we'll see who okay we'll see well let's start from the beginning cuz I want to introduce myself though yeah go ahead okay
00:31:59
okay hello pass man no I'm sorry go ahead go yeah just disregard this I'm a oh8 okay okay okay just visualize it oh8 right okay
00:32:11
yeah my name is Shuki shooki yeah and and my last name Shaka so I I go by sh Shi Shaka okay Junior anyway um so I I never
00:32:26
went to college I know have an accent I don't want to have an accent iut shut up Shi shooki you do I don't want one okay
00:32:32
cuz I don't think you'll like it all right I might like it no no I just want to do this my just I'm Shi Shuki sh okay
00:32:37
all right okay Shi yeah all right anyway um yeah so I never went to college but it's like um um I really don't have any dreams or aspirations and I hate animals
00:32:48
like if I see a llama Or if I see like a mongoose or something I'll go oh look there it is and I might like touch it
00:32:54
but it's like I have no connection I've never connected with an animal and I just think the animals are out there for
00:33:00
eating you won me at the end yeah big fan of eating animals but also I feel like animals kind of connect with your soul a little bit so to have never connected with an animal is a bit
00:33:12
of a bit of bit of a red flag a little bit but I I have a talent and what's that and I make um sculptures out of pine cones what's the scale of these pine
00:33:24
cones gantic I use maple syrup cuz I'm Canadian as well shook shooki the Canadian Shaka the Canadian and I do this art with pine cones and needles pine needles all right
00:33:37
yeah I like a girl who sells [ __ ] on Etsy and the last one I did was of one I did a big sculpture of Brian fery from
00:33:44
of what Brian FY the lead singer of Roxy Music some you described it and somehow
00:33:51
I knew L also and also Toto the band Toto no Toto the dog from wi Wizard of Oz yeah it's like a bran fairy and Toto's on his shoulder and the other other other one right is
00:34:06
Hae ha from Harry Potter what's her name Hermione [Laughter] Hermione yeah and it made hermion out of
00:34:17
all pine needles all right I'm back in yeah she doesn't look spiky what's your Harry Potter house my Harry Potter house
00:34:23
well you know it's like um I don't do dumbledor you think the house is Dumbledore well I [ __ ] him when I was there I [ __ ] dble which is he's old
00:34:35
but no um Hufflepuff okay I'm Hufflepuff okay that's pretty Ravenclaw I I kicked out
00:34:41
of Ravenclaw you know what I mean but Hufflepuff for sure who's this yeah who's this who's this fine piece of meat
00:34:47
whoa first of all hey yeah we've met met Shaka remember so go ahead I'm Martha I'm 68 I like sushi I don't I have never wiped once poop or
00:35:02
pee I don't believe in matching shoes I drive a geom Metro I live in Acton Acton Acton Acton Ohio
00:35:15
yes and I'll suck your bone dry sold wow it's literally all it wow easy all it took the suing sucking bone dry is good yeah man no no pine cones just get
00:35:28
she has a dream [ __ ] face ew I'm trying to support my own no I know but you don't want somebody that has a dream [ __ ] nard no no all right no
00:35:39
preferably they have a dream here's what I don't like when I'm going on a date and I go what do you want to do like I
00:35:45
don't nothing oh yeah that's like you can't that's so such a turnoff what do people like that you know what's
00:35:50
interesting you get I'm sure you're you're a very eligible bachelor right uh what are you now doing doing
00:35:58
cuz you're not on the apps what are you doing to meet people now I don't I don't meet anybody so you just are date if
00:36:04
it's organic and you meet through a friend or through the grape vine I suppose but dude I'm but you're out for
00:36:10
now you're not interested yeah I'm not interested in anybody good for you I don't I just I I can't stay stay working
00:36:16
actually but be careful on the work part do you remember what I told you at Bert's Premiere do you remember when I pulled you aside in what I told you uh
00:36:23
yeah don't don't go to Bobby's house don't go to Bobby's ver what' you say at First Premiere I said
00:36:29
to you I'm H I'm proud of you I'm happy for you um and I said just don't let them work you to death and they sure did
00:36:36
and then a and then within like a month we were in I saw that yeah Riverside or some [ __ ] and this [ __ ]
00:36:42
announced like a three-year tour I'm like they got his ass they got him good dude how are you feeling being T touring
00:36:48
so as much as you are uh well I had to take two weeks off cuz I almost I thought I was going to [ __ ] die I I
00:36:54
went seven straight days without a single minute of sleep whatever and I was doing this casino in um was it was
00:37:00
it Sun Valley in NorCal I don't know I don't maybe I havea casinos up there sure and I was on like I was on like
00:37:06
four days there no sleep and I'm I'm sitting down I got this [ __ ] Wireless handsfree mic now yeah I'm one of
00:37:14
thosee and I'm like holding on I'm sitting down the whole time holding on holding on to the stool like trying to keep myself from like falling over I
00:37:20
can't look out into the crowd I my vision just going so in and out I'm like if I just get through this I have three
00:37:26
days off before my next show show I'll just rest I didn't sleep for those entire 3 days why so then when I I just
00:37:33
I couldn't sleep what I said that just can't sleep I'm glad you didn't remember it because it was a good piece of advice
00:37:38
but I did mean it when I said it to you because I'm being genuine I've known you for so long I've seen your career it's
00:37:44
been wonderful you've been humble the whole time you've been a gracious dude um you've worked through all sorts of
00:37:50
[ __ ] a lot of up and downs from a perspective that America may not know you know I've seen you do the Gambit
00:37:57
I've seen you run the Gambit from a from from a from a very low low level that I saw you at when you first started and
00:38:03
you were young and I think what's Wild is people think well this is what you asked for but when I meant when I said
00:38:10
that to you was because we're a little older I've seen it before and I was like just don't let them run you into the ground and of course they ran you into
00:38:15
the [ __ ] ground and I we had heard cuz we know your old team or and all that stuff and when you announced all
00:38:22
that [ __ ] I thought you got to be careful dude because they'll they'll work you till you break you're also allowed to say no allowed to say no know
00:38:28
that at the time when you're used to having nothing and hearing no no no no no and then you're getting all yeses of
00:38:34
course you don't know how to when they're offering you a paycheck for one show that's more than you've ever made
00:38:39
in your entire life combined who in their right mind knows how to turn that dude trust me I told you I get it and I
00:38:45
said go get your thing but also you got to be you have to watch out for you because you will have an emotional breakdown Theo's talked about it we've
00:38:51
talk to the about it he he called me just the other day to he's had big heavy hits where he it's tough sometimes if you're just go go go go go go go you're
00:38:58
this is not this is this goes away you lose your [ __ ] the last year and a half I've been doing 40 to 50 shows a month
00:39:05
oh my God yeah it's been you owe the mafia a bunch of money what going on what are you doing gam I thought I thought I could handle it I really I really thought I could do I promise you can't I apparently I couldn't I when I
00:39:18
had to I had to take these two weeks off from shows was [ __ ] brutal I never thought I was going to have to do that but I was just like I cannot possibly
00:39:25
[ __ ] perform and it was because I was on a tour bus for 9 months so every day was Groundhog Day right I would perform
00:39:32
till 2:00 in the morning stay awake till 5 or 6 then try to go to bed couldn't sleep so I'd sleep till like 2:00 p.m.
00:39:38
I'd stay on the bus which was wrapped so basically blacked out until like 400 p.m. just meetings writing whatever I'd
00:39:45
go outside I'd see the sunlight for like two minutes a day walking to the gym and walking back and then I'd do the shows
00:39:50
and repeat so when I had to come back here and take all these doctor's appointments they were like oh dude on top of you you have like severe insomnia
00:39:56
and like really bad anxiety I don't know if you've ever talked to anybody about this before but it's not even that you
00:40:01
have a bad circadian rhythm you don't even have one at all it's like you know when you have a baby you have to like
00:40:07
teach your baby when it's supposed to go to sleep like what night time is right and that's all based on sunlight I never
00:40:12
knew that I knew sunlight was good for like vitamin D or whatever and good for like your immune system but I had no idea it had to do with your sleep clock
00:40:19
as much so my body and brain had no idea when it was supposed to go to sleep ever
00:40:24
wow so I had to like those two weeks off I had to like retrain my brain to like be like okay stick to some kind of loose
00:40:30
schedule at least a little and new meds like are you staying clean outside of that though do you don't you're not a big drinker drug user you don't do any
00:40:36
of that stuff drink I don't really drink unless I'm like I mean maybe like maybe four times a year I drink I but stay off
00:40:42
of it because I that's the that's the one thing that I think gets people you're on the road and you think well I'll I'll do this because this will help
00:40:47
or I'll pop a pill or take a drink or smoke or and it's that's when it starts to spiral especially in your case when you're like just constant constant constant Conant so it's good St away
00:40:58
from it but also met um Sirus note I'm going to put on my Sirus hat okay um it's about longevity too you know of course you know that's the hard part him and I been we've been around for a long
00:41:09
time you know him longer than me how old are you s you know 40 he's 40 yeah I'm well but I've looked 40 since you met I've been I started when I was 23 oh my
00:41:22
God and since the '90s all the way till now and it's like and there was a lot of opportunities I didn't get D and also
00:41:28
admit I was never like the kind of what you got you know what I mean I never got
00:41:38
what what do you mean well you were never dude dude dude you're uh you're being so [ __ ] rude right now it makes me so [ __ ] mad you were never I tell
00:41:54
you what I'm [ __ ] talking about right now d never hot no [ __ ] that's what I'm saying no [ __ ] you didn't get a phone
00:42:01
call term oh dude you make me so did you haven't made me this mad since the early days dude good dude yeah no [ __ ] you
00:42:07
dude I'm not all you [ __ ] you Porky God Dam God damn this is so hot any anyway yeah you never got these opportunities but you got some amazing
00:42:19
but you had amazing opportunities I've done a lot of great things in my care but what I'm saying is is that um I I
00:42:26
it's just just know that you're always going to work I think the thing in our minds is like if I don't do it now it's
00:42:33
going to disappear it's not now it comes about in different forms you might do see see you might do bigger things right or you might do you know mean
00:42:47
there there'll be a couple of slim years but trust me you will have you'll come back and then you'll back and that's
00:42:54
what life is like this like a are you okay [ __ ] dude it's like this you know yeah okay the roller the roller
00:43:05
coaster back and forth like this the roll this feels racist even you yeah yeah so that's what you know that's the inside of your grandfather clock CH I need to drink some water hold on
00:43:19
you need to you yeah you need to get your sleep schedule right cuz it's healthy for you dude to get get back to square one then you get healthy
00:43:25
physically and mentally cuz I think the mental thing is like you're in the gym all the time but that's not helping this
00:43:31
thing no of course just cuz you're getting in staying in shape it's not going to help your brain and a lot of people don't understand it's like okay
00:43:36
you get to this point what is there to be anxious about like you made it right but it's like okay well how do you keep making it it's it's easy to have like a
00:43:43
hot couple of years but then you go okay the anxieties is of like okay am I ever going to have money to like support a
00:43:49
family or anything like that that's that's cool that's taken care of but it's like what's how hard this moment is
00:43:55
right now I go [ __ ] like what what's the next 60 years well but who cares I would
00:44:01
say this I'd say the one thing I would say is if you're not enjoying it no matter
00:44:08
what you acquire will never be worth it that was the no matter what you cons matter what come if it's not fun anymore
00:44:15
and it's just work to for the perspective future of the hope that I'll be settled at some point you're never
00:44:21
going to you're going to lose your mind and you'll get there and you'll be miserable as [ __ ] you'll have whatever
00:44:26
you need you'll go [ __ ] this sucks I don't even like this yeah there there would there would definitely be times in doing you know 10 to 14 shows a week
00:44:35
that I'm like there was nothing that upset me more than whenever I would go I don't feel like performing it's like
00:44:41
dude you have a theater full of [ __ ] people right you would have killed to just have one of these shows like this ever in your lifetime and you didn't
00:44:47
feel like doing it because it just felt like Groundhog Day over and over again so the be the best part was like having my friends around to remind me of that
00:44:53
and make the entire experience as fun as humanly possible how many people do you take on the road uh there's my videographer my
00:45:00
photographer um two openers two people same two guys uh yeah host and a feature uh I keep the same host and then my feature just kind of in out yeah yeah it depends I just I just
00:45:11
said Eric Griffin was with me in uh Atlantic City hosting uh no featuring let's move him down to host happily let
00:45:17
move him to host he loves you so much he loves you so much he talked about you last night we ran I ran into him last
00:45:23
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blue.com for more details important safety information and we thank blue Chu for sponsoring the podcast so that you don't say it Bobby um so so you know who
00:47:57
guy Tori is yeah so guy Tor once asked told me he goes you know why I'm happy I go why in my career he goes I don't have
00:48:04
like the amount of money that some of these other guys have but every year I there's certain milestones and markers I
00:48:09
look for and it's am I doing something different than I did last year right because the whole thing about this business is about surprise and living life experiences and Matt you know maybe
00:48:22
you'll spend a year maybe doing a movie you have you have some movies coming out right or no you already shot some no
00:48:27
we've got like we got like six in development for that's what I'm saying once those starts start those then you're going to be in a town for a month
00:48:34
and a half doing that and meeting different actors and doing that creatively you're going to do different
00:48:39
things right so just as long as every year you're mixing it up and not just constantly touring cuz then that would
00:48:45
be that's like a a sad life you'll burn out you'll burn out you just burn out and we don't want you to burn I think
00:48:50
that was pretty good advice that was really good advice that was really good advice thank you all right I need to ask this because I know and I know it's not
00:48:57
favorable conversation but I do I am curious you you have become very successful since since i' we've seen you on this rise have you spoiled yourself have you done something where you're
00:49:08
like I did I bought a thing and I did a thing yeah and I never could do it before uh I bought my mama house was the
00:49:14
first thing I did great great class act act Class Act I just bought my first house you bought her house first yeah you're a class what city did you buy it at mine or hers hers hers uh she's she's
00:49:26
in Georgia out outside of Atlanta book a flight okay good good to know send just give us the address yeah yeah um no and then you bought one here in La no I
00:49:38
don't live here anymore I live in Rhode Island wow why this City's dead dude there it is this city is so there's no energy drive down sunset on a weekend
00:49:49
night there's no traffic why did you pick Rhode Island it wasn't even the top 10 places I look trust me I just there
00:49:55
was three things on my check this I wanted to land I wanted to like get what I was actually [ __ ] paying for and I found this massive place for probably
00:50:02
the same price as a two-bedroom with no yard two bedroom one bath yeah out here yeah uh wanted to get what I was paying
00:50:09
for in land uh needed to have some kind of a comedy scene and Providence has a comedy connection out there it's a great
00:50:15
Club sure Boston's 45 minutes away amazing comedy scene and also convenient for travel well I guess that was the third um and Rhode Island Providence is like my Burbank Airport and Boston's my
00:50:27
LAX so it really stays about the same I'm just but dude it's so beautiful I've never been a morning person as we just
00:50:33
discussed my sleeping problems every single day I wake up there the the seven days I've been there in the past four
00:50:38
months I've owned it yeah you don't even live there I wake up so happy it is so [ __ ] beautiful that's wonderful dude
00:50:44
yeah I'm so happy I did that so nothing here no apartment here no connection to Los Angeles anymore I couldn't dude my business managers explained that I
00:50:50
looked into even just getting like a condo here or something if I own any kind of property here because I've lived here for 11 years they'll say that this
00:50:57
is still and that's my vacation home somewhere so I'll still get Califoria taxes and I was like [ __ ] that wow wow
00:51:03
wow wow yeah RH island did you have you ever visited before nope wow no I just went I was performing at Mohan Sun uh five shows out there or something light like that um and Dro that it's about an
00:51:16
hour see what he just did like it they made us play the parking lot of moan son we we we did moan sunet we didn't even
00:51:23
get the [ __ ] full sun yeah moan Moon oh yeah [ __ ] dude it was an hour away and we were I found it on Zillow and I was like oh I'll go I'll peep this real quick we went and checked it out and I
00:51:33
was like oh this is like one show at Mohan son awesome so wow good for you it was awesome dude wow buying your mama
00:51:40
house first was a Class Act that's a cool thing to do you know when you told her how did you tell her I told her I
00:51:46
called her I was like hey I called her like it was like maybe like a week after the the tour sold out um and it like
00:51:53
obviously the first time I knew I was going to have any money at all I was like hey in your [ __ ] face you know
00:51:58
told told you I was a silly [ __ ] and no obviously no I called her very lighthearted I was like Hey things worked out finally now that I have some
00:52:05
money I want to like I want to I want to take care of you you know you have you still have to work but like your bills are taken care of right wow I I bought
00:52:11
her a car the year before when like things were like just kind of starting to take off a little bit oh wait let's
00:52:16
guess the car can you guess the car go ahead let's get hers yeah yeah a Tesla no no in Georgia she would have no idea
00:52:23
what to do with the Tesla she he bought her an F350 LIF truck an F350 lifted truck with hydraulic jacked up truck
00:52:29
nuts yeah truck nuts dangling Smoke Stack yeah come on Matt let's go dude what' you buy her she wanted a Hyundai dude really Humble Pie awesome she thought it was a nice car I was like
00:52:41
they are really good Korean cars yeah very good is that is got Dum lifts and ation beepa Bea yep yeah she didn't ask
00:52:49
for anything crazy exactly got to that got to the house she was excited about it you know you the best son ever oh
00:52:55
cried yeah it was the first time I had heard that do you have a sister or a brother uh yeah I I have four sisters
00:53:01
are they biolog or fafy no three half sisters one three step sisters one half sister one half sister well we don't know who's biological CU this are you none of them might be biological are you closest with the half sister or all
00:53:13
closer than the step sisters yes for sure for yeah I would say so is one of them an evil step sister an evil step
00:53:19
sister yeah like the F like the fan fairy tales none more than the others I suppose if your step sister went hey man
00:53:26
uh I'm down on my luck uh I've been using fatl go yeah yeah doing the fat you know but I'm not shooting it up anymore you know I mean I I Dro four them in my eyeballs I just drip them in
00:53:37
my eyeballs anyway um I need about 20 grand cuz I'm like I'm dying I would say Bobby Lee is single and he has a lot of llamas hit him up you would do that I
00:53:48
would do that for you I would I don't want it do I don't want your sister y [ __ ] drop sister you want all three
00:53:54
of them no are they hot okay no turn right around what do you mean why no no let me you were first no then you're like when you ask like you know hey is your brother hot why is that like your
00:54:08
sister your sister's hot give a hot sister this is why your sister's hot and guess what dude yeah dog do you I'm
00:54:14
going to hurt you today yeah yeah what are you doing you got to go no I got I'm sweating oh God look at those
00:54:20
stretch marks from when he gave birth isn't that crazy you don't got anything like that how many days of the week are you in the
00:54:26
gym Bud five six six or seven yeah listen to that Bob how many days of the week have you gone to the gym this year how many days have you gone to the gym this year I haven't been in gym in 12
00:54:37
years and look at this n and who and this looks good this is good I don't I don't do any movement like I rarely move little mental movement I do but it's like I
00:54:48
don't do really anything I go upstair that was kind of a crunch the the lean lean back again thank thank you thank
00:54:54
you don't don't don't don't don't shame me I'm not I'm hyping you up yeah yeah you know I'm not ched like you but does anybody's voice go this High when
00:55:00
they're not likey good that's hype that's hype dude that's all hype yeah but um you know I
00:55:06
do fine in the arena of the opposite sex even though I look like this no but I say I want you to go to the gym for your
00:55:12
health I don't give a [ __ ] about the I really I'm trying to get my Comm doctor to get me on on zic please would you
00:55:17
really do it I'm I'm asking doctor my doctor to do please don't do that I have to do it please Bob who's your doctor
00:55:23
Ken and there goes there goes my career cuz as CL that was a lot it's a big laugh yeah it was it was a great joke it was a good joke but that was a lot I know you
00:55:36
know I mean I just knew how it affect you yeah yeah yeah oh oh oh no I'm going to get on it I'm going to get on it
00:55:42
because um please don't do it I I swear to God it can't be good for you dude I don't care I'll die let's go to the side
00:55:48
effects yeah let's go oh nausea constipation you have those already diarrhea you got it dizziness you got it
00:55:54
I have I already looked I have all of it right now thyroid cancer I don't have that all right burping yeah you did that
00:55:59
on the show you saw that what's D dysphagia dysphasia dysphasia Oh you mean d fagia right
00:56:09
here dude dude dude OIC breath what do we think that smells like dude that was dude that was funny thanks dog don't do it again dude shut up do what I want it's my show hypoglycemic blurred vision
00:56:22
oh my God all right look at this one Theory suggests the drug could be contributing to gut disp disbiosis gut
00:56:29
imbalance of bacteria in the intestine that can lead a variety of digestive problems and oral health issues such as bad
00:56:35
breath it's fine I'm going to do it for like a couple of months please don't I have to do it I look like [ __ ] and then
00:56:41
you know what dude you don't look like [ __ ] you look wonderful I just want you to walk if you walk every day two miles
00:56:49
listen two miles a day I want this is the truth okay yeah I was with a girl a couple of months months ago mhm MH and she goes um and she she goes she saw my
00:57:02
naked body we're in bed she saw my naked body well the lights on yeah the Lights On The Lights yeah the lights are on
00:57:08
they're dimmed they're dimmed they're not they're not like these and she was looking at it not in a disgusting way but more in for like you know like you
00:57:15
know when you used to dissect frogs at the in in in biology yeah you I mean like you I mean looking what is what is it is that supposed to be out like that she goes there's something wrong with me
00:57:27
and I go why she goes cuz I know who she used to used to date she I you know I dated these guys and then this is and I
00:57:33
and I go I looked at her with my doughy eyes and I go I'm so sorry and she goes no I think you're sexy I just don't know why well because you and then as soon as she said that I was like oh a zic I had
00:57:46
to be on it no she likes your aura she said you're sexy yeah but you you he didn't even [ __ ] he questioned it you
00:57:52
can love like a pure bread Golden Retriever and still still adore like a a dog from the pound you know what that's right yeah Matt you you think I look like Shir no no anyway so and don't
00:58:05
Korean Elvis so racist no it's not yes it is for us I'm still I still can't get over the fact that you moved all the way East yeah it bums me out actually because we have no allies here anymore man no man you just you don't have to
00:58:16
live here anymore in the entertainment industry you don't have to live here promise me one thing we will see you on January 6th you're going to come back
00:58:23
what's January 6th okay dude don't play DB with us when we go to the capital again our yearly triply tripd the
00:58:34
Excursion why do you think I move closer come on dude get the bricks I have some good bricks this this time now are you
00:58:41
are you going to are you going to break in when who wins anybody we're there anywhere be either way it doesn't matter yeah okay I like this you Clos you are
00:58:52
much closer we could use your house as a hub we could have his house as a love and you got a lot of land does anybody live with you or you by yourself on this
00:58:58
I live with two of my boys and there's another house on my property that I also bought that another uh friend of mine's
00:59:04
going to move into you would never charge any of these people rent or anything of course I do oh you do yeah it's not a lot but like I I believe like
00:59:11
you still have to have responsibility keep appearances they won the lottery your friends yeah no cuz
00:59:19
were friends yeah but they also earn it you know what I mean like all of them work for me and they [ __ ] earn that
00:59:24
money like it's so great when I can't sleep and I'm up till 2:00 in the morning editing my own [ __ ] when I can
00:59:29
text my my my videographer and be like hey when you wake up if you can see this and he's like dude I'm also upw working right now I'm like I [ __ ] love that
00:59:36
you still are doing work you're still cutting Clips you're not making other people I I have to cut them because I just don't trust anybody else to do the
00:59:42
exact timing I mean you know [ __ ] a half second beat can change a joke right so it can just it can lag on I don't trust
00:59:48
anybody else to edit it comedically so then I edit it comedically and then I send it to him and he does like the camera switching and the captioning and
00:59:54
[ __ ] it's funny cuz we don't do of that [ __ ] we have no idea no we just let them do it I have no idea how to do it I I
01:00:00
mean I I in theory could learn or I've learned in the past but oh no bro I had I had to go to my friend's house and he
01:00:06
had to download premere Pro on my laptop and then I recorded him teaching me for an hour how to do premere pro and then
01:00:12
for like months after I had to watched that video any time I was Ed that's awesome though wow the fact that you like the fact that you did it though is
01:00:18
great I mean that just shows you're still doing it on your own and like I didn't have any op dog you have a dog no
01:00:23
God I want I'm gone too much I can't I know that's the thing I'm not going to get a little I but you but Al so your
01:00:29
the guys they go on tour with you yeah they're going you got to get a couple of guys that live there that don't go on
01:00:34
tour with you so they can take care of the cat two do the two cuz I know you're going to get one dog and two cats I can
01:00:40
feel it oh I can feel it no no more dogs than cats no he's going to get one dog you're not you're not going to like the
01:00:46
cats I might get a little farm cat that could be kind of cute you mean an outdoor cat yeah I have three cats
01:00:52
they're the best they're all outdoor cats they're inside well me just pisses all over every furniture that I have
01:00:58
yeah it's awful it's awful which one's your favorite gonner goar is the best his name is gonner yeah do you know why
01:01:06
why well you don't your little mind can't understand it I'm that was so rude you're right it's not even like a
01:01:13
you're right dude that was so rude he's an Arsenal soccer fan yeah a what Arsenal team Arsenal is that a soccer
01:01:20
team yeah North London North London North London northon over here we root for [ __ ] Aral I'm his friend you know we root for
01:01:32
[ __ ] Aral anyway how come you don't play England Matt I am in September I com finally M I'm coming what are you playing the oo Arena not yet what are you playing in England ah D I don't even
01:01:43
know there a bunch of theaters the Royal wer donga Palace D I want to do Royal Albert Hall more than anything oh let
01:01:50
you in we have to talk to the queen going to dig her up yeah we'll dig her up is it all right lady R plays a royal all you're so good what
01:02:03
a talent we'll get you whole plate of bangers and MH do we should start a sketch group
01:02:11
don't you think we should start a scratch group no man okay [ __ ] okay [ __ ] it but I want to can I just see one last piece of advice before I you know what I
01:02:16
mean AD more advice one last one yeah all right okay last thing is cuz you got to be very picky on what projects you do
01:02:23
okay n take them all no no take it from guy I passed on Borderlands I'm way ahead of
01:02:29
you this guy's so good I'm kidding they did not they did not offer it they did not offer no what I'm saying is you know
01:02:34
like when Paul Shaw Paulie sha was like he said yes the first five things yeah but inom man was a hit they're all [ __ ] iconic dude son-in-law one of my favorite like in the Army now you think
01:02:45
that's a master I love it okay okay actually was a great movie I love Pa sorry anyway let's move are you talking
01:02:51
about me bro don't y you yawning are you tired from giving people the wrong wrong address what's exhausting [ __ ] up
01:02:58
your gig the amount of times these guys have [ __ ] up we gave him a raise I think we just gave him a raise he keeps
01:03:03
[ __ ] up please he's going through some personal things what he's going through some personal things I heard you
01:03:10
were going to send him to Spain are you going to get a double masectomy or no I yeah finally wait masectomy yeah he's
01:03:16
got breast cancer look at those titties you're lying do you really yeah you for real
01:03:22
have breast cancer M like not for the bit like do you for real yes he doesn't know how to not do the bit you know what
01:03:29
by the way good for you yeah yeah I thought that was great yeah it was actually good it look real yeah yeah he doesn't have titty K on
01:03:35
can you are the only guy I know that is of your weight class and size that has small tits you have nine nice little
01:03:42
tiny be cup tits yeah yeah they don't Point uhuh it's it's tested all my weights in my stomach yeah yeah yeah
01:03:49
would you prefer it in the tits honestly I would maybe the dick the dick s are you having what okay
01:03:57
so are you eating like a maniac are you doing all this you doing diet [ __ ] or no dude that's my biggest thing I don't eat enough for sure I have such a
01:04:03
fast metab that's why I work out every day cuz I don't retain any size what do you eat at all are you eating anything fun or no yeah dude no I eat fun [ __ ]
01:04:10
all the time I you're not eating just like chicken and vegetables every day no I'll do burgers and [ __ ] you do whatever all the time isn't that nice to wish be
01:04:16
that age you can just do that all the time yeah I have a cheeseburger I can't do anything for like a week and a half
01:04:21
even assai bowls I can't do anymore no yeah because it's so much sugar to too much my left foot fell asleep yesterday yeah
01:04:28
out of nowhere I just got for like a whole day my left foot was like asleep yeah I got to cut it out man yeah my
01:04:34
sugar to my sweet tooth has gone through since I put away booze man my sweet tooth you don't drink at all no I don't
01:04:39
not drink at all I just I I you know I I just go through phases of when I just stop and then I have a couple and then I
01:04:44
stop I do na beers once in a while I like those non-alcoholic beers yeah love one that's the most alcoholic thing I
01:04:51
can imagine drinking well dude to like to drink to like to drink for the flavor but not the results insane I love it I I
01:04:59
like the flavor of beer I do like the flavor so gross see na uh uh D alkalized liquor terrible like bourbon de alkalized that's ter but an NA beer is
01:05:09
pretty [ __ ] close to the same thing to beer tastes like piss dog well when you grow up you'll like it hinin let you
01:05:16
know in eight years I got you hinin makes a double zero beer that I think is I don't know it tastes it's so clean and
01:05:23
good it tastes just like that and if I'm out with friends I'll have one of those instead of getting cooked because I just so crazy
01:05:30
to me I know what do you drink Bobby when I do cowg piss cups of piss when I when I do cowgirl I have to put a pillow between my back cuz my back hurts mm when you're riding somebody no when I'm in no do you do reverse cowgirl when
01:05:43
you're on when you're on your buddy no when she's on me I have to put a pillow on my back because my if it hurts my P
01:05:49
yeah we're getting older enjoy it right now dude it's all going to break down yeah what I like to drink um I like to
01:05:55
drink I'm in AA you know that right you really yeah I've been for almost 3 years what really no two and half years been
01:06:01
two and a half years that's almost good dude thank you man of course and so um but you know if I was drinking those
01:06:06
Fireballs I really liked Fireball yeah yeah like the little like like the the the what like a cinnamon whiskey yeah
01:06:14
really I like that those get [ __ ] on a lot but they actually taste kind of good like it why would get those right from
01:06:19
the um in Hawaii they have the little bottles I used to drink like 15 of them all right that's enough no what
01:06:26
I love that remember yeah yeah we do remember yeah yeah cuz I relapsed when they were in they in Hawaii well they
01:06:32
saw me in Mexico and I got drunk and they they had to follow me around and and and be my shoper had to send him to
01:06:38
rehab I go after Hawaii after Mexico Oh some somebody got shot at the resort next to us remember that in Cancun no [ __ ] way yeah a tourist or no no they
01:06:49
never kill a tourist they kill a local yeah oh so it it was uh Cartel Cartel 100% no [ __ ] way they walked to the
01:06:55
guy shot him and then they walked out casually I think they took a mint on the way out very smooth yeah yeah it it was
01:07:01
really like they didn't feel they would never heard of tourist it would [ __ ] up their business that's what I've heard but they tried to shut down the resort
01:07:07
remember this it was a panic and then I was freaking out because I had to put him in rehab and he was causing me a lot of Anguish and I trying to find where he
01:07:12
was off to and he was hiding and he was asking you were hiding yeah well he was asking other people to buy him booze and
01:07:18
then he got in a fight with me because I wouldn't get him alcohol and then he locked himself in his room and he got [ __ ] on the wall he pooped all over the
01:07:24
wall no no he didn't yeah he did you [ __ ] on the wall oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and that those are like 15ot I mean all
01:07:30
the way up like B thing it's he's an artist yeah yeah yeah I'm not kidding dude I opened the door to his hotel room
01:07:37
there was throw up yeah yeah yeah yeah okay let's move on we talk about no no descript descript it there was it looked
01:07:43
like like it looked like a one a 180 sprinkler head that's like that's what it was W the at times no I'm glad I put you in there no I feel great I feel free yeah yeah was that was
01:07:55
that like the final straw when you just I've had a lot of final straws in my life you know I had a final straw at 17 when I was 30 I had a final straw you
01:08:02
know over my lifetime i' I've relapsed and and gone that deep but um this time it looks I feel like it's sticking we've
01:08:08
been to rehab three times together yeah yeah yeah we I put him through re Tak care of him take put him where he needs to belong and that's cuz I love him so much that's so the one in two
01:08:20
song was the worst that was the worst it was a b it was a bad rehab it was like one of those places were like they I had
01:08:26
to wake up at like 6:00 in the morning wait in this line I'm I'm in like hospital gown right and then like it's
01:08:32
like that Queen's Gambit where they give you like a cocktail of pills and I would go what's in this and they go drink it
01:08:40
or eat it I would and then I would just be a zombie all day and there was like no counseling or anything I was just
01:08:46
walking around smoking cigarettes just a mental Asylum yeah it was a mental asy and I was there for two weeks and then
01:08:51
one day I just called my agent I was like I got to get out of here you know what I mean they're draging me you know
01:08:56
what I mean right and I got out and I I changed facilities but that was a weird do you guys remember that it was a weird
01:09:02
I can't tell what place you could check yourself out of rehab at any time that one I couldn't because in the middle of the desert and like I I didn't know how
01:09:08
but legally yes correct yeah I had no money I did I they took away my cell phone they took away everything he was
01:09:14
deliberately put in a place where you were a little more controlled huh but but it was too controlled but yeah well
01:09:21
yeah I mean it's also I'm smoking cigarettes with a bunch of like 20 young kids kids in the middle of a soccer
01:09:26
field and they're just like what are you doing here man and I'm just like I don't know man you know crazy they're like
01:09:33
aren't you on TV me it's like crazy yeah Andrew do you is there anything you think you're close to addicted to um uh work that's that's not a bad no
01:09:48
he has what har Mandel has he can't stop he he always has to be doing something and it's not something it's a real thing yeah probably a sickness for like I look I look at him I go what you're going
01:09:59
where what you know I mean like 24/7 it's always doing something yeah and it's not healthy no [ __ ] I probably have
01:10:06
that as well dude when I had to take two weeks off it felt like taking six months off it was awful I was going [ __ ]
01:10:14
nuts I've gotten better at taking time off I take we take vacations uh my wife and I like go we we
01:10:20
we carve out time to do things but but your work is is different than my work my I mean like you're on tour you're grinding you're doing [ __ ] 50 shows a month mine is this job that job this job
01:10:34
that job it just I'm just spreading myself too thin of course uh something you could consider spreading yourself
01:10:40
thin but um that hurts that's I'm going to give be Pi beauty is pain okay hey hey be my little Korean Elvis I'm sorry come on give me a Bo
01:10:55
wi we going to win we going to go dude have you ever played Memphis Yeah I was just there maybe maybe a month ago we
01:11:02
[ __ ] hat I love Memphis are you serious you it's for you they hate where where did you play with uh we played at Elvis's estate at graceand yeah yeah yeah yeah no you did not yes we did yes
01:11:13
you can play at graceand you can play at the stages of yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh I'm [ __ ] furious I did the I
01:11:20
think did they didn't like us they didn't like us it was like uh hated us was it aive podcast you did stand up we
01:11:26
up it was like we doing a TED talk about death mhm you know what I mean hey guys this is what death you know what I mean they were like in a [ __ ] zombie
01:11:33
everyone in the audience had just lost somebody that's what it felt like that's what it felt like like everybody just we ate it we ate it we ate it it was one of
01:11:39
the worst shows we've ever done you know what I should take it back we don't hate Memphis we hated what happened there
01:11:45
yeah we got Louisville what happened in Louisville I like Louisville oh the flying the food at Chili's yeah the
01:11:50
flying the but the show was weird do you guys have any like stalkers or anything on the tour
01:11:56
uh we had one guy that was [ __ ] in Dallas that I was at the meet and greet and he was like uh he goes hey man I broke in here yeah yeah what he goes I broke Asian guy Asian guy yeah Asian
01:12:08
yeah yeah he goes I broke sorry he goes I I broke in here no of course not no he
01:12:13
goes uh he goes I broke in here man I was like what do you mean he goes I didn't I don't even have a ticket I don't have VIP or anything I just broke
01:12:18
in he's like this is what I do I have a GoPro or something he recorded himself breaking into his favorite concerts and
01:12:24
venues and so we were like cool man security yeah and what the [ __ ] yeah why would you admit that yeah does he like
01:12:31
post them online I don't know I think he probably does a YouTube show or something about it you got to find it yeah well dude I said to him I go hey
01:12:37
man as long as you're cool chill and you're not trying to hurt anybody like fine but like don't don't tell anybody
01:12:43
that yeah you're going to get arrested like I'm not going to arrest you but they're going to arrest you so I was like don't say anything just get out of
01:12:50
here that's [ __ ] terrifying it was weird as [ __ ] that was the only time but him and I though um well my concern was cuz we had really never toured together
01:12:56
before literally never literally had never done it so in my mind I'm like what is is it going to affect our relationship or our friendship but I I
01:13:03
don't think it I think it strengthened it you got share a room no but we're I you're doing it wrong yeah you're
01:13:09
supposed to share a Double Tree really full bed of course you've done that with people that's what I was doing in the
01:13:15
beginning of touring yeah not not like the Live Nation Tour but like when I was first starting a headline on my own like
01:13:20
beginning of last year yeah cuz I couldn't afford to get everybody their own room yet right but we
01:13:26
can you know fine [ __ ] weird about don't do that you know what I mean no we slept on the bus we lived on the yeah oh
01:13:33
you said a bus we didn't get a hotel we were on the bus but I A gry Hound oh it more like a brown hound okay yeah not so gray it was a brown hound it was from Mexico but you but the power dynamics
01:13:46
hey where we going bro I sorry I give him more of the power what did you do I give you more of the power give it to me I am it yeah I
01:13:57
know I'm saying was there one big room in the back or was it all bunks there's one big room in the back he gets the back room you got the back room I get
01:14:03
the bunk yeah little bunk on the side and how did you how did you uh decide this he he just called me and said you can have it yeah because I know see
01:14:09
these are the things that break up the Beatles these are the things that break up like bands and stuff okay
01:14:18
Yoko dude you know what's you know what's worse than that the smirk you had before thanks thanks I saw go Ed your
01:14:26
brain and then when you said it very good John doesn't hurt as much John it doesn't hurt as much John right on his arm wow what's that doing for you gives me my pussy's wet my go pussy's wet my
01:14:39
point is no let's quit that out but my point is um I he you I have to give him I go you know you can do it you take it
01:14:45
he likes sleeping in the coffins yeah yeah he does I told my friends the same thing I said it's too much space back there you guys wouldn't yeah they don't
01:14:51
like it he likes sleeping in the coffins I like that he likes that he likes it that he likes that yeah well no he
01:14:56
really does I will say this no lie this is not me saying this to say it I've slept in the coffins before and the
01:15:02
coffins are nice because it's just it's a light Little Rock in the back you're like rolling around it's it you it's not
01:15:08
as stable you got to sprawl out look what what happened to me well that's on BT's bus he fell out of the he fell out
01:15:14
of the coffin no you fell out of the out of the bunk yeah the bunk and I hit my head on a Ledge and I had to go to the hospital holy [ __ ] I got nine stitches I
01:15:21
got little baby and I got off the really no I'm saying I took a [ __ ] you got all bit dizzy what about that time you got
01:15:27
dizzy from a [ __ ] yeah this guy gets oh 40-year-old [ __ ] I've ever heard [ __ ] I took a [ __ ] and I hit my head don't call
01:15:33
me a [ __ ] cuz I'll fight you and I'll beat the [ __ ] out of you you know dude today because he's here it's a
01:15:41
dynamic what is it I don't know what it is but him being white guy thing no you and I have this this this thing that we
01:15:46
used to have in the Pod is back yeah and I think he's doing it he's in yeah well it's something you specifically doing
01:15:53
it's just it's there's something about it think you can move here and live here for us and do this with us every week inste if you guys if you guys want to
01:15:58
split the profits like 50 25 25 or something well I hate hate to tell you but uh we're not making that many llamas
01:16:05
yeah sad well these M we look over none of these mics are even plugged in do you have one do you have a pod no I just don't have the time yeah yeah you'll have one one day don't wish that
01:16:17
on me to pray upon my downfall is very funny Matt yeah yo we love you to death great we're so happy for you um genuinely uh it's welld deserved and
01:16:30
you've taken everything in stride uh the love the hate all the above and all that stuff comes along with being as popular
01:16:37
as you are and good for you and we're stoked for you man I think you're [ __ ] you've always been a great dude
01:16:44
since I met you that first time I met you you 19 years old or whatever it was when I first met you it was wild and uh
01:16:50
back then you were like one day I'm going to be a big old star comedian you sound back then and uh man I'm happy for
01:16:57
you dude dude thank you so much so happy for you thank you dude and thank you so much for doing our podcast really thanks
01:17:02
for thanks for letting me do are you [ __ ] serious I mean this is we've I wanted to do whiskey ginger for like 5 years I never got a text back never I'm
01:17:09
kidding I never it really have you done it before no he's never done it is it still
01:17:17
on very good barely little dig I like it it's barely on have you have you done tiger belly what
01:17:24
heard of it you never heard of tiger belly the stretch marks I know it's my podcast yeah anyway any Matt thank you
01:17:32
so much thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend Matt love you thank you for being a bad
01:17:40
friend oh my God this is racist hey wow stop wow love it I love Asian we got welome to [Music]
01:18:03
Memphis yeah I did Asian Asian yes so I did and so burning [Laughter] [Music] R woo [Music]