00:00:00
hey bad friends my special cheeseburger is out right now on Netflix please watch it please share it tell people double
00:00:07
thumbs up like it and tell everyone you know to watch cheeseburger on Netflix right now you two are bad friends who
00:00:13
are these two idiots
00:00:19
[Music] or something we're bad friends
00:00:29
yeah yeah oh that song yeah well that's Blondie I stole yeah I stole I had I
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stole I shouldn't say that I took two bags field of clothes it was so cool and
00:00:40
guess what Jesse did juicy what she stole her shoes from Herman Munster
00:00:49
let me see your shoes what the [ __ ] oh those are tight those are tight who makes you like them no oh I thought
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would you wear them what would you these aren't for Andrew you would never wear
00:01:01
those Orthopedics yeah they're good for my back yeah they're very um juice what
00:01:07
are you doing with these big old stilts I want to be taller no they look tight I'm not gonna lie that's what's tipped out for the kids yeah these are cool
00:01:14
wait wait that's what's hit for the kids 100 that is absolutely a hip shoe for the kids type in Hip shoes for kids I
00:01:20
will say I had red laces on them and then last night at the store people told me to take them off because I guess that's what the Nazis are doing yeah
00:01:26
yeah you know that yeah well they love the color red yeah and black yes we do yeah yeah wait what no do hip shoes for
00:01:35
Gen Z you're gen Z aren't you I'm a millennial but thank you are you really I thought you were gen Z 32. oh you just
00:01:41
made it right is that what it is or no you're the you're like oh there they are wow wow batega that's how much mine was
00:01:49
yeah those are fifteen hundred dollars yeah oh wow wow I've been saving up all
00:01:54
my money for that amazing well let's give a lot of let's give love where love is due what I gotta tell you something
00:02:02
man I love you you've been I love you you were a little hostile the other night can I let's move on can I talk
00:02:08
about it a little hostile but let's move on from it no because can I talk about it it's gonna enrage me and I want a
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moon no you're not listening please go ahead can you let me finish it's an apology I'm saying I I am I told you I'm
00:02:20
sorry that night because I didn't like an interaction and I love you and I even sat on the stairs
00:02:27
I said I don't want something like that to get between us and look at me in the face it never will it never will again really yeah because I was pissed off not
00:02:34
at you but it came at me well you know why I was mad and you agreed that it was not okay what happened I didn't do
00:02:40
anything no no so the interaction that you had before me was not okay which I agree with yeah but you brought that
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hostility into into my life look at me I apologize I love you one two three I
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love you I love you so much I apologize I was bummed and Bobby didn't deserve
00:02:58
any of the anyway I saw him walking to the hallway and I can just tell he has like that Northman thing
00:03:03
he brings his shoulders in and he's just like Walking Dead He's directly toward me right now I look for axes when they
00:03:09
have you know when they walk like that I look for the axes and the night yeah that's exactly for all that [ __ ] right so does he have that no it's probably in
00:03:15
the car in my head right it is and he comes up to me he goes hey you yeah like you know like a biker like a bike
00:03:21
Japanese Viking oh that's my Vikings hey you
00:03:27
is that a pirate kind of yeah I don't know kind of piratey yeah hey yo hey that's good yeah and you just how come
00:03:36
you like something about like phone calls I haven't make any phone calls for people I love when you make phone calls
00:03:42
yeah that's what it is I need you to make phone calls no because you were trying to get me to call people no I
00:03:48
know what it was yeah I know exactly what it doesn't matter no I wanna could I just bring it up yeah fine all right how come your agent you bought my agents
00:03:55
yeah right and it was about like what do it have to do with my agents I say pick up the [ __ ] phone and tell them to say yes to the goddamn I understand
00:04:01
we're trying to go on tour it's eight o'clock at night though we're trying to go one tour see there it is send them an email anyway I accept your apology and
00:04:09
they're well that's that I love you God bless I love you too and can I say something what
00:04:15
two things one thanks to the fans locally in La sold out the shows for the
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bad friends uh uh two nights and all the money's going to the um door humans what can I just say
00:04:28
something yeah you want to keep some of the money no can one of the doorman not get any money
00:04:33
yeah you know what's so funny yeah no not you no no yeah she doesn't get anything no I want her to get them we
00:04:39
did the math because we were talking about what if there's one door guy that doesn't do a good job we're like What if
00:04:45
he doesn't get the money and we did the math and it's like an extra 22 dollars for each of us nice so it's kind of not
00:04:51
worth it that's how much you're making no if you we divided it into oh I see the 26 26 door people right so it's kind
00:04:58
of not worth just like stabbing them in the back
00:05:07
he's so [ __ ] funny yeah whatever he did I'm gonna laugh go ahead
00:05:12
go ahead okay Arrangement you're doing the Northman thing again I'm not North Menon at all yeah he's not doing the
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shoulder but I can tell the shoulders are down all right good what do you do so you know how the main room front door
00:05:24
after the show starts is completely closed yeah right so then what we have
00:05:30
to do is we have to go all the way around the building it's not that big of a deal yeah
00:05:37
no I started with you yeah yeah I was just saying yes I have something in my throat I know his house
00:05:43
still I'm good okay so anyway um so I'm in the patio I'm gonna make me go
00:05:48
all the way around that's not the point you're gonna be making me go all the way
00:05:54
around you're gonna make me go all the way all the way around Oh no you're gonna make
00:06:01
me go all the way around dude okay so he made you go all the way around
00:06:10
so what the door was closed you made you go all the way no that's not what happened I'm in the patio I'm like I
00:06:16
gotta get in the main room because I lost I left my jacket in the main room Green Room you've done that it's everything so I go let me just
00:06:23
check the front door right so I go out in the front door I'm about to approach
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it right I'm kind of where the opening where the patio is I'm coming around the corner yeah I see Lockwood walk out of
00:06:34
the main room front door he looks at me smiles and shuts the door
00:06:41
awesome shout out to Matt Lockwood and I go the bro you look you saw me you couldn't hold the door and he's like hey
00:06:48
my man policy dog right and so I had to go all the way around
00:06:53
hello yeah why don't you keep a couple jackets in the main room green room because you've left so many why don't you just act like a secondary closet
00:07:00
what do you mean I still have to go back to get the jackets no but I'm saying leave a couple jackets there if I leave the jacket all the jackets will be there
00:07:06
no I have to go all the way around oh wait you know I mean I don't go all the way around make it your jacket closet
00:07:11
just or what about this how about not close the front door I like that that's better it makes more sense it doesn't
00:07:17
make any sense because what if people come to the show late they gotta do little knock right they do
00:07:22
but that that's their message that's the store's message saying yeah don't be late show already started anyway so can
00:07:28
we not give him money [Laughter] that sounds good because I gave him [ __ ] about it and he goes I
00:07:35
don't give a [ __ ] dog he does not he does not he does not and so now I'm believing that he wants to start some
00:07:41
sort of war with me he does okay that being said I need to win
00:07:46
let's call him up yeah let's see what this [ __ ] guy's got to
00:07:52
say I told him you really like to be like uh complimented and stuff yeah I
00:07:57
don't need that what the [ __ ] you're talking about delete that yeah you do leave that in you're a
00:08:04
little bastard hey you're on bad friends Bobby's out here saying uh that he
00:08:09
thinks you're trying to start a war with him because you closed the door on him from the front and you made him go all
00:08:15
the way around to the back yeah [ __ ] can do some exercise whoa oh [ __ ] could use some exercise
00:08:23
listen I'm not trying to start a war dog but you know if he wants to come at me he's gonna he's gonna come at somebody
00:08:29
who's gonna fight back so what do you got to say buddy the war zone the war is on the world
00:08:36
let's go let's go all right he's not afraid of you I know you're not because I'm small and you're a big guy I get it
00:08:42
oh so you're saying he's vegan High School in high school you were able to do that to little Asian guys in high school I know you did that but my point
00:08:50
this is a different world all right and I'm a big boy now all right you want to start a war I'll start a war
00:09:01
let me ask you this Matt did you close the door on me yeah I slammed it I slammed it up there
00:09:07
we go so that's the war you started the war that's First Blood all right okay
00:09:14
yeah you got my back yeah I love you Doug
00:09:19
all right I'll wait bye he's the best all right so I gotta tell you you're gonna back him well here's
00:09:26
the deal no he's like six six he's big he's a big big boy yeah fat though and
00:09:31
he's got nothing though I've seen 600 pound life he's not they're tall as well
00:09:36
but they can't move I gotta tell you right he's a big boy I know he's a big boy but he looks like he might have some here's what I'm gonna say to you whoa
00:09:43
just run I don't no I think you should run bro I don't need your help in the war because the kind of war that I the
00:09:50
kind of War I'm gonna fight is not physical what kind of word do you do career Korean what do you say Korean oh
00:09:58
Korean War Korean war part two we already won that one didn't we we were on our side what are you talking about wait I'm a Korean no America was on the
00:10:05
Korean side during the Korean War it was North Korea versus South Korea in the war I was rooting for North I know I
00:10:11
wanted them to win so it was one redhead guy it was at your family on the other side I I know would that be an image of
00:10:17
like panning overseeing all these Koreans and they just one red-headed guy with a gun what is he doing yeah two
00:10:24
things first of all we do like the shoes and second of all the teddy bear shirt fire I like it I love it you like it
00:10:30
pretty good I like your style I love that you guys are complimenting me well because you're the best juice we love
00:10:35
you it's the holidays I'm feeling good happy Hanukkah merry Christmas happy Kwanzaa
00:10:41
um when does this come out yes yeah it's already over yeah happy New Year happy New Year is this happy New Year happy
00:10:46
New Year have we had a great New Year great it's Let's uh for a second because it's the
00:10:52
new year let's reflect yeah what happened great in 2022 oh [ __ ] I have so
00:10:58
much to do [ __ ] let's hear it um let me see
00:11:04
go ahead no I'm saying I hope I'm part of it well I mean you're going to be in the
00:11:09
book what you're definitely in the book what do you mean the book my audio autobiography when I die footnote I'll
00:11:17
be a footnote no no if I have a book about my life yeah I'll be I'll have ghost writers I'll be a chapter
00:11:24
you think you have how many chapters on the book three thousand three thousand chapters you'll be a chapter that would
00:11:29
be awesome if you don't think the bad friends chapter of your life is a
00:11:35
massive part of your life you really do you really don't think so I don't understand the question
00:11:42
can you explain it to me I don't think you're gonna get a book oh yes not with this kind of [ __ ] no this one so how
00:11:48
many chapters are in the book can I ask you that in a book what is the average I've never read one so okay
00:11:57
40. 40 40 you'll be a chapter 40 chapters that's good he doesn't know what he's talking about all right he's
00:12:03
never read a [ __ ] book yeah I'll say this this is your chapters of your life ready
00:12:09
San Diego abuse no drugs laundromats that's
00:12:15
chapter one chapter two Dynamite detail on the railroads chapter two don't forget that chapter
00:12:22
two stand up struggling no La Jolla absolutely not Comedy Store chapter
00:12:28
three kalila okay chapter four The Santino years is that
00:12:34
what you're [ __ ] saying yeah yeah oh so chapter four is Santino here yeah the Santino years all
00:12:42
right chapter five uh let me ask you death death can I ask you
00:12:48
as a question though real quick about books right can the chapter be one page sure then you'll have the fourth chapter
00:12:54
wow yeah if the chapters one page you can have and there's 30 chapters so disrespectful well how many chapters am
00:13:00
I in your book get the whole book oh it's called Bobby Lee and me it's
00:13:05
called me and Bob yeah me and Bob and Bobby Lee Me and Bobby Lee listen to how
00:13:10
that Rings Me and Bobby Lee you know what dude I'll be honest with you if my book is Tom Sawyer you're Huckleberry
00:13:16
Finn that feel better if this is Mice and Men you're the guy
00:13:24
am I I'm the one you are um I crushed the mouse in my hand if our book how
00:13:30
about this if our book is Phantom of the Opera yeah I've never I don't know I'm the Phantom yeah and I'm the Opera
00:13:35
you're Christine oh I can't be the Opera because I love you but I can't really have you oh but I
00:13:41
really really want you all right and I want to capture you and bring you down to my Lair and hold you captive and sing You songs but in mice and men that big
00:13:48
guy what was his name do you guys remember uh uh stop stop hold on don't even Google it it was uh his name is uh
00:13:55
Lenny but in the book I I don't know if I read it but does he kill mice I don't
00:14:00
know if I read it the book I don't know if I read it okay what are the chances that you read it then
00:14:06
I think I read it because I think this I just I distinctly I can't even say the word I distinctly
00:14:12
remember did you relapse I just can't say that word okay I
00:14:18
distinctly remember that he kills a mouse with his hands because he doesn't know how strong he is you're thinking of
00:14:24
Green Mile that's right is that what the green mileage yeah so does Lenny know
00:14:29
what you didn't read a book you watched it because then he's black right in your world yeah
00:14:36
it was then he kills Curly's wife because of his inability to control his own strength and emotions but he he does
00:14:42
have a mouse as a pet oh he doesn't kill him yeah it's like his friend oh it's his friend my bad speaking of pets
00:14:49
show them Santino did you hear about this all over the news what that's
00:14:54
Santino right there zookeepers noticed after observing Santino behind blind uh behind blind
00:15:01
glass the chimpanzee had been busy stockpiling ammunition in anticipation of the visitors dragging stones from a
00:15:08
protective moat and even thumping chunks of concrete into rough discs he made the
00:15:14
piles of stones only on the part of his Island facing the crowds
00:15:19
Santino the chimp has been Huck and poop and stone at visitors in the zoo he's a
00:15:24
bad boy what a bad boy I have a photo of Santino's wife and my phone would you like to see it yeah okay yeah I can't
00:15:31
wait to see it you would like to see it I haven't seen what what photos this must be a it's a photo of Santino's wife
00:15:37
me or this chimp The Chimps uh I'm being held at the zoo in Sweden
00:15:45
by the way I I heard he got out what did it say in December I can't see because he just died he just died yeah rest in
00:15:51
peace send it to the boy so they can put it up on the screen this phone on the screen this can't be seen let me see
00:15:59
oh my God oh my I know you sent that to me have
00:16:05
you seen do you are you offended by that by the way no I'm happy to see Bobby so happy you need to delete that off your
00:16:11
phone immediately why because in case something happens you're in big like you if someone hacks your laptop you don't
00:16:18
want that evidence around yeah and you're prone to getting hacked yeah it's getting up yeah it's on Twitter you're
00:16:24
still hacking yeah like it could happen by the way shout out to everybody on Twitter who's bought a laptop from Bobby
00:16:30
Lee I mean dude you realize people are still buying laptops from you I I went to a private company they still can't do
00:16:36
anything this guy's incredible this might be one of the best hackers of all time he's had your account for how long now like a month
00:16:42
yeah yeah he's racking up them laptops am I losing I probably lost so many followers three forty three thousand still pretty
00:16:48
good still pretty good and you probably sold a couple of thousand can I sue him for the money you
00:16:55
can I don't you can sue him maybe for uh I mean if he's using my [ __ ] likeness
00:17:00
Twitter to sell products isn't this funny though that Elon Musk Elon Musk
00:17:05
aside Twitter in general the fact that like Twitter doesn't understand how to stop this is crazy
00:17:13
that's crazy to me but it was anyway that's your monkey that's my monkey yeah yeah yeah and hold they call this monkey
00:17:18
the city you know he just died he just died he was shot after escaping the enclosure I got out
00:17:24
my boy got out said dude he got out and then uh they he went missing and then
00:17:29
they killed him wow they shot him they were afraid they're afraid of what he was gonna do
00:17:34
and I gotta tell you it looks a little bit like me we have the same eyes the eyes are yeah we have the same eyes
00:17:40
similar the same yellow eyes the same yellow jaundice alcohol Layton dies I
00:17:46
wish yeah the Santino chimp he's cute dude there's a guy on Tick Tock who has a chimp as a pet and I it
00:17:52
would be tight it's crazy but it would be tight I think you just got to make them a little smarter than they'll be
00:17:58
able to communicate with us I think they're really smart with English though oh they only speak it's a physical thing
00:18:03
why they can't talk yeah it's their throat their larynx hasn't drowned that's right oh see what you're saying to me right now is that if they had a
00:18:09
larynx yeah did they be able to go what's that Bob probably of course they can't form the same you think they're
00:18:15
not thinking that stuff they're so smart they're so smart yeah they can put blocks together and [ __ ] you know what I mean and like escape a maze maybe but
00:18:21
like you can't escape a maze I know well if I could do the blocks pretty good I
00:18:27
know I have trouble with my blocks by the way how this is a science question how many times larger is the human brain than a chimpanzee's brain I already have
00:18:33
it don't look it up I already know men are females right oh sick burn dog
00:18:38
um dudes first how much larger is the male brain to the human brain I don't know that I mean I
00:18:46
don't even know the right measurement lingo how many times larger two pounds I don't know how what do you say how many
00:18:51
times larger is our brain than their brain times times
00:18:57
um it's not even a time it's like it's I don't think it's that much larger I
00:19:02
would say one time one time larger no time so it's the same size
00:19:09
do you think I'm talking about time no no no I'm saying I'm confused you're
00:19:14
confusing me with a very easy question because I've been to the [ __ ] zoo and I've seen their heads and their I've
00:19:20
seen some Koreans with that style of head and so it might just I'm like oh that's
00:19:25
a Korean head you know okay yeah the answer is three three times our brain is three times larger than wow their brains
00:19:32
that means we're three times smarter no it just means we've got more mush there
00:19:37
we have more good we have more goop and mush up there that goop's got to do something isn't it true that we only use a certain percentage of our brains too
00:19:43
like we use 16 almost nothing yeah it's less than a quarter of our brain yeah I want to be able to connect it all man
00:19:48
you can do take DMT it connects the brain get to the next level dog ten percent of our brain is
00:19:54
it's a myth uh civil actually required most of the brain to be active right well this is this is a two-way street
00:20:00
most of the brain is required to be active but but it's saying we we typically only use certain portions of
00:20:08
our brain the majority of the time so you need a lot of your brain to still fire something like you know when you uh
00:20:15
you know when you remember somebody's name that you forgot for a long time oh yeah that's a little crazy
00:20:20
huh like when you're in that situation what do you say that's what he says huh huh oh you go huh
00:20:26
hey Andrew huh that's what you do well let me see if you're a guy I don't remember your
00:20:32
name yeah but you know I'm important and I see your I recognize your face all right I'm gonna go ahead I'm at a party yeah
00:20:40
this DJ is amazing what is what song is this hey oh what's
00:20:45
up Alfred what's up goodbye whoa what what the [ __ ] [ __ ] Anderson
00:20:53
Tina what's up dude what's up dude Andrew what's up how are you yeah you
00:20:58
don't call me man I know dude I've been so busy are you all right are you doing good when's the last time I saw you um
00:21:05
oh my God forever ago it feels like a month ago no had been was it longer than that
00:21:11
no we shot Dave a month ago I know but it just feels like it was way longer very good yeah I like it I'm so good at
00:21:18
this watch I'm not good at it I've done this my whole career all right so keep going I don't know who those guys are on the boot in the booth yeah
00:21:25
no but go ahead all right well this is my friend Felicia you know Felicia remember you met oh wait we have have we
00:21:30
met we have Andrew hey I just said her name [ __ ] that's my dad it's Felicia I know it's so good to see you you
00:21:37
remembered yeah yeah of course yeah what's my name again
00:21:43
can I be honest with you dude I'm at this party and and I'm you know I saw you and I you
00:21:49
know we've had this little interaction you call me dude the first time right right you didn't remember that we shot a
00:21:54
month ago I'm beginning to feel like you don't know my name so what's my name I just told you we did shoot a month ago I
00:22:00
do remember and I gotta be honest with you you're a little offended and I I don't I don't want to be here for this kind of attitude that's fine I apologize
00:22:06
the idea that the I don't know your name how about this dude I know exactly who you are why would you do this to me what's my name then this is insane dude
00:22:13
you don't know my name you need help you don't know my name you need help you don't know my name yeah of course I know
00:22:18
your [ __ ] name what is it you know what bud
00:22:24
what this isn't the way to treat people okay it's Tony
00:22:31
okay is it really Tony yeah it's me Tony
00:22:37
are you sure yes I feel like your name's not Tony it's Tony Tony Asian guy named tone Anthony yeah
00:22:44
Tony Chong Tony Sean yeah yes no my name is John
00:22:50
[ __ ] you oh wow see is her name Felicia no what is her name Coco that's how'd
00:22:58
you forget because people are unimportant all right well I gotta go bye get out of my house this is my party
00:23:04
what is it Tony this is your party get the [ __ ] out I wish the other Santino was in but they would never do that
00:23:11
socially they wouldn't take it to that level no that's crazy yeah you just walk away at some point this is really funny I have a friend who's I have a friend
00:23:17
whose friend I thought his name was Gabe but his name was Brian yeah but for the
00:23:24
first like five times I met him I was like are you sure your name isn't Gabe and he was like it's Brian I was like
00:23:30
but I know it's Gabe yeah because he looks like a gay oh I know that yeah and so now even when he texts me years later
00:23:38
he saved him my phone as Gabe I call him gay yeah yeah and he loves it it's a
00:23:44
joke but it's a term of endearment now it's yeah it's fun but sometimes I forget his real name I did that to Ryan
00:23:49
sickler what do you call him two weeks ago and he caught me and I [ __ ] up and I feel so [ __ ] I haven't seen him since
00:23:56
then I want to apologize what did you call him I go what's up Stout Stout Ryan
00:24:01
Stout yes right you thought Ryan Stout yeah another community and he would ignore me and I go stat what the [ __ ]
00:24:06
bro you thought Ryan said yes in my mind right and I go uh
00:24:12
he goes um dude I don't respond to Stout what does it even mean in my mind I just
00:24:17
was I thought literally still at that point his name was Stout he gave you an out by the way you could have been like
00:24:22
I know I'm trying out new nickname [ __ ] didn't work yeah no I mean I doubled down yeah
00:24:27
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that's rocketmoney.com bad friends rocketmoney.com friends this episode is
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sponsored by betterhelp better help is so great Bob and I have used therapy for a long long time and I gotta tell you
00:25:41
something I'm a big proponent of getting help mental health help is huge and you
00:25:47
might think you're on the right track and you don't need to talk to anybody but I got to tell you it builds up and it comes out in bad ways especially if
00:25:53
you have trauma it stays in your body right and you if you keep it and you don't deal with it it turns into other
00:25:59
things yeah man issues like stress and your physical symptoms sometimes in a
00:26:04
lot of cases strokes and stuff like that that's why I believe that doing therapy is so good for your spiritual emotional
00:26:13
and also physical health I agree if you're thinking about giving therapy a try better help is great options convenient flexible affordable it's
00:26:19
entirely done online all you gotta do is fill out a brief questionnaire get matched with the licensed therapist and switch therapist at any time for no
00:26:26
additional charge all you have to to do is try it what's the worst that can happen you don't got to go to a therapist office no doctor's offices no
00:26:32
weird uncomfortable waiting rooms you can do it from your house wherever you are if you want to live a more empowered
00:26:37
life therapy can get you there visit betterhelp.com bad friends data to get 10 off your first month that's better help
00:26:44
h-e-l-p.com slash bad friends these things happen yeah this has got to
00:26:49
happen to you I went a whole year I think it was like third grade and I I missed one of the days like when we got
00:26:54
this teacher so I never knew my teacher's name and I went I was too embarrassed to ask so would you ask your
00:27:00
friends I didn't have any friends I was just gonna say there's no way she had it was like you know we moved a lot oh Jews
00:27:08
so I just got a teacher but they are teacher yeah for what it's worth they are is there any way you can like ask
00:27:15
like another teacher or a principal or somebody it's too late now it's too late it's a long time for a year you called
00:27:22
her teacher yeah that's insane but to be sure she was teacher that's true like if
00:27:27
she was was like podcast host yeah I'd be like well yeah like if I was in the middle I called the guy Captain if he
00:27:33
was a captain yeah oh if you can't do it with their if they're like you have to be a certain rank you have to be a captain Oh [ __ ] General Captain so if I
00:27:40
call an admiral Captain that's bad yeah you don't want to do that they'll [ __ ] you up who will the the Admiral will oh
00:27:47
the captain under the Admiral either one of those guys are gonna beat the [ __ ] out of you probably both of them okay officer ranks second Lieutenant first
00:27:53
lieutenant Captain major lieutenant colonel colonel brigader General Major General is it brigidaire I think I'm a
00:28:01
brigidaire you know what this is I don't like the way that they did that first of all major major general should be after
00:28:07
major and bring it to your general should be the top thing let's break a deer huh [ __ ] I [ __ ] that up would you say I
00:28:14
think I think Major General sounds bad General is whack because something that's General is basic oh that's right
00:28:20
so it's like majorly based yeah your major basic I think the top dog
00:28:26
should be the kernel because Colonel sounds dope everybody loves the colonel yeah KFC KFC
00:28:32
well that everybody loves the colonel where's Commander he's in Chief he's someone there's no
00:28:37
Commander up there oh well there wasn't a first officer either zoom in on that one this is how little we know about the [ __ ] I don't know what you think
00:28:43
about it but thanks for doing it guys military people out there we really respect you and appreciate you because I'm I can't do it I really couldn't zoom
00:28:50
in on any of those tits I call Carlos tits now oh that's nice because he kind of he's like a little
00:28:56
cute little pair of tits all right let's see the ranks baby what do we got scroll down just in the
00:29:02
list so we don't look at it like that all right private private private first class specialist That's when you really
00:29:08
moved up in privates was a specialist like someone that specializes in something I think he's a little special
00:29:14
private oh yes on the Spectrum he's on the Spectrum price then it goes Corporal Sergeant staff sergeant because he
00:29:20
didn't count all the enemies yeah one two three very good special prize how
00:29:26
many is there behind the [ __ ] Bush three loses count Corporal Sergeant staff sergeant has a
00:29:33
staff infection Sergeant First Class will not fly coach first sergeant Master Sergeant sounds racist command sergeant
00:29:41
major that sounds fake sergeant major sergeant major of the army
00:29:46
wow then a bunch of warning officers just get numbers Warren officers I don't want the commissioner office let's move
00:29:52
on from that second and first lieutenant Captain major lieutenant colonel colonel Brigadier General Major General
00:29:58
Lieutenant General Army Chief of Staff General Army Chief of Staff General that's too
00:30:05
many words for the guy who's supposed to be the number one that's no I thought that was the least
00:30:10
so wait what no no oh wait is that the time no you're right this is the Army
00:30:16
chief of staff is number one your top yes your top deck because can Major
00:30:21
General talk [ __ ] about Army's Chief of Staff in front of his face not in front of his [ __ ] face can you do it of
00:30:28
course you tell Lieutenant Colonel and Captain oh I see I see you know who's gonna have the hardest laugh his second Lieutenant he's gonna be cracking the
00:30:33
[ __ ] up yeah so if I if I was Lieutenant General yeah right you'd be ahead of me
00:30:39
maybe oh yeah all right all right so you're you can be Lieutenant General then I guess no no no no no you would be Colonel a special person I'm Colonel
00:30:46
right she's lieutenant colonel she's taking Lieutenant okay
00:30:51
yeah and what are you then in this situation Lieutenant General okay so I can come between Lieutenant General
00:30:57
what's up Santino I'll go how are you sir God I'll go wait where are you again I'm you just you said I was carnal oh
00:31:03
yeah I'll go I'll go yes Colonel what's happening oh did you be that formal because I'm
00:31:09
about to talk [ __ ] about [ __ ] Army Chief of Staff if you came up to me like that I wouldn't say [ __ ] colonel colonel
00:31:14
colonel what calm down oh sorry man this is a free [ __ ] talk uh room that's right we're by The Watering Can by the water
00:31:20
he needs to salute you though even if you're by the watering can and then you have to tell him that he's no that's not
00:31:25
a thumbs up you think that's all how funny if the army saluted that way if they're like Colonel
00:31:32
oh they do this right yeah can you do both yeah I've never seen that that's
00:31:37
that's what that's what the Koreans do yeah is that a lot is that a lot too much
00:31:42
respect I would do that for you you got to pick a hand I go hey lieutenant general Santino what's up what's up
00:31:48
player oh [ __ ] you're in a good mood can I tell you about Armor shoes what the [ __ ] did he do he stinks he stinks
00:31:56
that's [ __ ] garbage man I hate him yeah should we kill him when we're doing Desert Storm should we kill him oh [ __ ]
00:32:03
yeah you're under arrest oh [ __ ] and I'm in trouble yeah I was just kidding though we're high-end flying second
00:32:10
lieutenant the second Lieutenant take care of this that's what you would do yeah oh that
00:32:16
sucks entrapment dude that's entrapment I can't have you hurting my own crew oh and I see what you do colonel
00:32:22
this is this entrapment let me ask you something wait what what I just that was not entrapment oh what was that then
00:32:30
uh that was some [ __ ] [ __ ] oh you just [ __ ] [ __ ] that's what they call [ __ ] all right but would I still get arrested
00:32:37
yeah for sure yeah yeah but I'd get I did [ __ ] me up wait I would get arrested for calling Army Chief of Staff smelly
00:32:43
no saying he should be killed killed yeah you said you were the one that brought it up I just gave you the bait
00:32:49
you ate it I said I said should we kill him and yeah and I go yeah as a joke I
00:32:55
think I think I can fight my way I don't think colonel was joking whatsoever there's no jokes on Army okay there's no jokes in the Army there
00:33:03
is no jokes in the Army what's entrapment you were just going to ask me what do you think isn't drama did you feel like you got in trouble no no what I'm asking
00:33:09
you like for instance if I'm with a um not that I would do it but if I'm with like you know
00:33:16
oh oh boy this sounds like entrapment no if I'm you know
00:33:24
if I'm with you know the lady of the night a hooker that's what I said a juice no
00:33:30
juice juice why do you sound like a TV character a hooker
00:33:35
are you talking about a hook it's like keep it down Mary Lou or Mayberry or
00:33:40
something yeah hypothetically no but if you if you say to a lady of the night you go hey are
00:33:47
you a cop and they said no they don't have to tell that that's is that a myth that's a myth
00:33:52
okay they don't have to tell you if they're a cop that's a great the idea that people you have to tell me if you're a cop no they don't they don't have to do it why that's where is that
00:33:59
rule that's a weird fake law that's true by the way it's important to understand military crimes that you could be charged uh one such crime is pandering
00:34:05
under article 134 of the Union uniform code of military Justice the UCMJ of course pandered by including inciting or
00:34:11
procuring an act of prostitution is a crime so if you're in my army colonel yeah and you're [ __ ] hooks you're
00:34:17
done for pal right 134 you know what I thought Patrick was what for gold oh pandering oh
00:34:29
we came all the way out west to Pander for gold yeah come on gold
00:34:34
is that pandering though or not panning that's panning how bad would you and I be at panning for gold I'm serious oh
00:34:41
I'd be patient no the only the only thing that I would be bad about it is distinguishing if it's gold or not yeah
00:34:47
but I could do this all day yeah I could be out there for 16 hours there
00:34:53
you are like yeah there you are there yeah I could do that all day if that's my job you could pan for gold yeah
00:34:59
because in my head I'm like there's a means to an end to this maybe you're there's no guarantee imagine because back in the day when they did this
00:35:05
imagine the dopamine hit if you got like a nugget amazing I mean look I gotta knock it
00:35:12
like you're just you know you out brag look at all the Nuggets I got but here's the problem yeah this incited so much
00:35:19
violence this is this was the problem with the gold rush the amount of violence and war that broke out because
00:35:24
the amount of people that were killed in the middle of the night because they they know that you found I don't got a nugget right that's right you already
00:35:31
yelled it out but nothing I've been here for three days there's a great show there's a great movie called The Ballad of Buster Scruggs do you remember this
00:35:36
oh yeah and there was a bunch of vignettes and one of them was uh short films inside of inside of the movie was
00:35:42
about a guy who found gold and then you know the guy that saw that he found it was like oh it's [ __ ] so dirty
00:35:50
because immediately dude you've been out there look there you are right there that's Bob yeah you're panning foreign
00:35:56
that's definitely you you're panning for what 10 12 days you're paying for rice
00:36:03
is that right is this obviously Panic for rice or something crispy rice or regular they're panning for gold these people yeah I don't know Carlos is
00:36:10
[ __ ] Google Asian panning for gold wow she's typed in Asia but look at the wishes you probably haven't found
00:36:15
anything she probably what hasn't found anything in her whole life well if she has she no
00:36:20
maybe she's just saving see this is the problem with you oh the moment you found some gold you'd put on a Gucci shirt and
00:36:25
be panning that's right with my Golden Goose shoes no she knows don't let them know
00:36:33
that you got the money so then when you find the little I don't know how it works but I'm sorry I'm asking questions no please all right
00:36:39
like how you know my dad was yeah that's what he did how do you think we ended up out here but if I found like are they
00:36:45
nuggets you find like I found a nut like a bunch of nuggets gold nuggets most of the time they find flakes in this day
00:36:50
and age they find a lot of gold flakes so I got a bunch of Flakes and then you melt smelt it down into into liquid gold
00:36:56
like that right there that's exactly what most people find these days but can you find nuggets yeah of course you can look there's one
00:37:02
in the corner but like the weight of nuggets that are found Now isn't as prominent as it was in the [ __ ] Gold
00:37:09
Rush days let me ask you something yeah why do I know this no I have another because I watched the show Gold Rush it's great I have another question
00:37:16
please one of my favorite disaster movies okay is called the core
00:37:22
just hear me out okay and in the movie decor the center of the earth starts to stop
00:37:28
spinning all right so what they do is they develop a spacecraft or like an earth craft to go into the middle of the Earth
00:37:36
and they let anyway when they're going down they run into all these diamonds
00:37:42
right hmm and when I was watching that in the movie theater I'm like that's what I want to do is get diamonds
00:37:49
if I could just get that [ __ ] craft because in the movie there was so much
00:37:55
[ __ ] time it was like caverns of diamonds yeah like just coming down from the you know I mean so
00:38:01
let me ask you something right if I dug deep deep enough would I be able to find China no oh what
00:38:08
caverns of diamonds no why do you think there is a layer of Earth that is just
00:38:16
diamonds yes okay no there's not how do you know there's
00:38:22
not yet thank you juice you know what yeah yeah I want both of you guys to start digging
00:38:27
no you because there's no way right here both of you guys to start because you have to go through the mantle all
00:38:33
scientists have discovered a full layer of diamonds in Earth's core there we go there you go
00:38:39
if we can make it there just hear me out I'm listening right it's a lot of diamonds I how deep is it
00:38:47
let me figure it out it's that website was in Spanish I don't know yeah well Fancy's right there yeah
00:38:54
how much Diamond that is dude can you imagine imagine if we discovered that
00:38:59
much Diamond how could we lug it out how heavy would that be you don't need to take on it all whatever your pocket oh I
00:39:04
have a [ __ ] Patagonia backpack or something I would like core the core is found at
00:39:10
about 2 900 kilometers that's 1800 miles below our surface radius how far below are Earth diamonds there we go
00:39:17
well these are just natural diamonds that's naturally occurring not the diamond place right there is no diamond cutting so it's not real you guys yes
00:39:24
there is there's a diamond plate all right I believe it I believe there is yeah but don't I mean they're in our
00:39:29
earth right a quadrillion tons of diamonds lurk deep in the Earth but they're spread out over the end
00:39:38
well let's get the [ __ ] diamonds dog we gotta get the diamond I'm trying to convince you dude dude in our Earth
00:39:43
there's just plenty of diamonds but we have to spend so much we don't have to do this acting podcast and [ __ ] no more
00:39:48
dude we're the diamond brothers are we are we the diamond bro we're the diamond Brothers dude this that's the Mario
00:39:54
Brothers spin-off is the diamond Bros yeah and what we do is yep yep yep we just dig for diamonds all
00:40:00
day I can't say all of it because the thing is is that you know Demand right so we just make get selling off uh-huh
00:40:06
right we quarter the mic market and die how much money do you need to sell how much money do you want to make on diamonds to be good a billion okay once
00:40:14
we hit a billion you're okay yeah we're done okay so a couple hundred million and then we're not gonna do what we do yeah once we make a billion dollars in
00:40:20
cash right then we just give all the diamonds away so that it loses its value Diamond yes but I'm amongst the door
00:40:26
guys oh first yeah okay wait a minute that's so funny I like how Bobby wants to run
00:40:33
like a crypto scam where he's like once we've made our money we dump the whole [ __ ] thing and nobody makes money
00:40:39
yeah yeah it's basically what crypto yeah once we make our cash we [ __ ] it that's what I want to do okay that's fine what else is who's going to give us
00:40:46
money for the diamonds that's the problem who has the capital who are we selling them to
00:40:51
um I don't know them careful what careful
00:40:57
okay for the teeth they love it
00:41:03
do you think rappers are going to buy all of our diamonds they either Lodge them in their teeth they do you're right imagine if like
00:41:10
they had like the first front tooth just full of diamonds you can make a tooth out of diamonds I think you should have a mouth filled with actual diamonds I
00:41:16
think your teacher be replaced with diamonds because diamonds hardest some of the hardest thing on earth right look
00:41:21
at that oh Bobby it looks so look at the grill like that let's get you one of those Bob I gotta get but is that real
00:41:27
diamonds yeah yeah it's gotta be right yeah but no no you know what I want to make it out of that fake steel so that
00:41:33
my my everything turns green in my mouth like chains from high school yeah yeah
00:41:39
Amber Rose boyfriend Alexander Alexandra Edwards shows off permanent Diamond Grill so it's permanently put inside of
00:41:46
his mouth that's what I'm saying that's what you want yeah or that's our audience whom we're selling it to yeah
00:41:51
okay and once we make a billion we give it all away well then what are we gonna do with a billion dollars oh [ __ ] what
00:41:58
would you do with a billion here you're you're on the level of Elon Musk right let's say you sell some thing what would
00:42:04
you do with a billion oh I got a lot man I would buy a Pottery Barn oh you know also Pier One Imports
00:42:11
the first thing you said was buy Pottery Barn the chain yeah yeah yeah why I like
00:42:16
it okay if you can't afford it it's uh over three billion dollars [ __ ] well with me with my boy Pottery Barnes a
00:42:23
billion three billion uh all right [ __ ] I didn't do it that much 2.5 billion yeah it's an international company how
00:42:29
about this how can I buy period of One Imports how much is Pier One Imports I mean I
00:42:36
don't know if we can afford Pier One either I need Pier One Imports Pier One a net worth of 512 million I
00:42:42
just said I could buy a half I could buy it with half my money all right 500 so you can buy Pier One yeah can I buy West End how much is West yeah I West End
00:42:49
dude because I want rear Restoration Hardware but I know I can't afford it you can't afford that no it's too fancy yeah I can buy West you buy Pier one
00:42:55
I'll buy West End yeah and then juice what do you what company do you want to buy I just want a studio apartment man
00:43:02
oh yeah how about this can you imagine getting getting a billion dollars and she's like
00:43:08
I just want a studio with this billion she might you might by that time I still can't afford it in LA yeah now by then
00:43:15
you won't but free furniture because I'll hook you up from Pier One oh you would and West End and West End
00:43:21
um maybe I'll get a one bedroom I will say I currently live with five dudes
00:43:27
and it's been like over two years because you are moving out in your own in your your solo spot right it's yeah I
00:43:34
mean I am but there's no like no timeline I mean I don't know you live
00:43:39
with Five Guys for how long it's been like over two years yeah one of them has a workout a gym a gym outside your
00:43:47
window invites more comics over to work out today it's kind of cool which I can
00:43:53
hear them early in the morning do repetitions well I might want more buddy get up get out and get lifted dog I
00:44:00
think that's what he thinks he's doing for me it's a nightmare motivating you yeah that's the one thing I love about
00:44:05
you know finally living in a house is you don't hear like this yeah rub it in yeah that's the one thing I like about
00:44:13
luxury listen up juice no but you know it's the the garbage man what it what
00:44:18
the garbage man what because I've lived in the city for so long in an apartment I always was awakened to either
00:44:24
construction or the garbage van [Music]
00:44:30
I hated it but now what do you hear no you hear something what still happens
00:44:37
oh leaf blowers in every part of the city oh yeah yeah but mine comes at two I
00:44:44
told him to come at two oh see my neighbors it's just [ __ ] it's constantly yeah it's constant I hear this
00:44:52
is that your neighbor it's an owl that's an owl hey let's let's try this is my
00:44:58
neighbor stood outside my window went oh I would call somebody hey Mike
00:45:05
he's a little sick but we love him yeah what do you say we should trade places for a week no oh yeah yeah like Jerry
00:45:12
and Kramer did on Seinfeld you guys should swap swap places I live with the Five Guys yes actually dude that's so fun awesome
00:45:19
you're gonna have to sleep on the bed with your boyfriend yeah but it's a California king that's like
00:45:25
oh it's a Calvary king cow king but six foot eight this [ __ ] guy how tall is he it's six foot two yeah that's not
00:45:33
that big and California king is wide so you're it you're not you're anywhere near him I have a California king okay so you
00:45:40
know yeah I do you should rush in a bit I mean rough it a bit get in with like the people the working people I think
00:45:47
you should let her live at your house and you live at her house I think it's a great idea I would do it for a reality show well fancy welcome to the podcast
00:45:53
yeah Babble one of the most exciting things about a new year is that you have no
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Scorch new hot sauce sexy Scorch package filled with hot sauces from all the brands from all over the country from
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Texas Nevada California and more and a lot of people say to me a lot of people are like uh because I've had the cast
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that's the barrel uh that you can Aid your own uh whiskey in and mix it and match it
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um and it's so good A lot of people say how do I get this people say how do I get this Andrew all you have to do to be
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for 20 off your first box box of awesome.com code bad friends speaking of sleeping Arrangements let's talk about
00:48:31
it real fast I got the I got the I got the update from the bus that's available for the bad Friends tour
00:48:37
we have a bus oh my God but
00:48:43
it's not so cheap it's very expensive to get a bus but here's the problem it
00:48:48
sleeps six to eight in the vertical bunks but then there's a bed in the back I know I I already I've already thought
00:48:54
this well let's talk about it I already thought the scenario I already thought about it too listen I want to hear what you think and I'll show you what I and
00:49:00
I'm gonna be the better man um in this situation better man
00:49:05
you're going to demand the the yes you are no you you don't don't you you you can't assume it's so ridiculous what
00:49:12
you're doing dude I know I've already played it out in my [ __ ] head dude all right so you're gonna be like I'm
00:49:17
the bigger guy you know what I mean sometimes you say I'm a beer comic bigger name I've never said that I've never said that you've never said that
00:49:23
to you fancy have my back I've never said that kind of [ __ ] to him thank you
00:49:30
I've never said that when have I ever said that in a joking way but you have okay so we're joking I know I've already
00:49:37
played this out of my head and I have two okay so when I did Canada with Tom seguro he had a bus right and I slept in
00:49:45
the side bunks yeah loved it I slept like a baby all right all right and
00:49:50
while I was laying there I did a meditation okay in Canada okay and I played it out Andrew's gonna demand the
00:49:56
bag and just listen it's so annoying because you know you're more demanding than me
00:50:06
crazy dude [ __ ] you you're way more demanding than me you know you're using slurs what slur did I say [ __ ] you
00:50:12
that's not a slur it is no I just said [ __ ] you that's a slur [ __ ] that's a
00:50:19
slur what I'm saying is let me you're asking me to talk and you're asking me
00:50:24
to share my point you're not allowed to tell me what you think I'm gonna do I'm just telling you what in my what I
00:50:29
meditated on in the back of the thing slander Center your honor Ellie you're the honor you could defend yourself all
00:50:34
right but let me finish my okay so what do you want to have happened I'm not done with my meditations for bro go okay
00:50:40
so I lived there you're gonna demand it hearsay you go I'm basically you say you
00:50:48
know I you know I draw more I never would say I have a bigger I'm in a bigger TV show you know what I mean
00:50:55
I'm white probably in your mind well that part yes yeah yeah I am one why right and then I'm my ego is gonna get
00:51:01
in the way and I'm gonna argue those points and then we'll have a heated thing when we have to do business and in
00:51:07
my head I'm gonna be the better man just listen to me you know what Andrew I was gonna say you're such a fun I guess this
00:51:12
is gaslighting yes Carlos is this this is actually what gaslighting is I don't I you've or you every day you [ __ ]
00:51:18
give me the definition of gaslighting and I don't want to [ __ ] see it I already know what it means someone using psychological methods in into
00:51:25
questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning you're [ __ ] manipulating the conversation no your experiences
00:51:31
with you we've never had this before ever order okay thank you I'm just using Patrick's person so anyway [ __ ] liar
00:51:38
right you're gonna demand and I'm gonna I'm gonna go you know so what what I planned was this and you should have waited for me to do
00:51:44
this you know what I mean I was gonna the first day we were on the bus I was gonna look at you pat yourself on the
00:51:50
back and go you know what you're the bigger comic you're the better comment such an [ __ ] you draw more you're an [ __ ]
00:51:56
I'm not done all right and you know what dude you deserve the [ __ ] main room in the back and I'm oh happy with the
00:52:02
side with the other you know I mean and can I tell you something that's your are you done finally no because this is my
00:52:09
this is my speech that I've created and I go you know the all these years it's been wonderful experience tour is
00:52:15
canceled We're not gonna do it nobody gets the bed I came up with a good solution what is it I really did truth
00:52:22
be told what is it and you know by the way for the record for all the fans that [ __ ] play into this game none of that
00:52:27
stuff is true I've never said that I've never said any of that stuff that's not [ __ ] true that's [ __ ] [ __ ] and
00:52:32
B you guys never back me up based on my experience with this Matlock let him talk based on my experience
00:52:39
flying to the Philippines with him he you know we all flew him first class except for him he went to the back of
00:52:44
the plane so I can back him up on this video I gave you my first class another level of magic
00:52:50
Bobby I already made up my mind we're doing the short
00:52:59
I already made up my mind and I thought this was could be a fun a fancy go [ __ ] yourself by the way and you know what
00:53:06
also you're not coming to dinner and I mean it you're not see the one you know what also no you are coming to dinner and you know I'm not gonna let you
00:53:11
[ __ ] eat how about that Carlos you get two meals thank you um uh I already decided what we're doing
00:53:17
I have something to do about beef with Carlos in a second no I but well I [ __ ] I'll back him up uh fancy
00:53:23
[ __ ] piece of [ __ ] um but I already decided here's the best way that I think is going to be fun go
00:53:28
ahead it's a rotation no well yeah that's what I decided yeah you
00:53:35
see that's see what you're doing everybody gets a fair shot at sleeping in one of the everyone you don't want to
00:53:40
negotiate this is my decision it is and this is the way we're gonna do it no we have to talk about it no it's a rotation
00:53:46
everybody on that that's on that bus gets a chance to sleep in that bed it's the most fair thing in the world I'm not
00:53:51
gonna sleep on that but after this [ __ ] animal over here sleeps on it animals because you told me you're gonna go on [ __ ] Ryan and bang oh my God
00:53:59
every city every city you're gonna bang I was there's gonna be attempts sure yeah I don't want his juices on the bed
00:54:06
let's forget it this is what I want he doesn't get there is a but there is a first of all time out there is a bang
00:54:13
bunk on the bus that you can occupy thank you it will just be for Carlos Bangin
00:54:19
no no we'll be off the bus while he's banging no banging welders on the bus this will be when we're on stage there's
00:54:25
two rules no banging on the bus from other people on it you only bang in the Bang Bus bunk okay and you don't poop on
00:54:30
the bus nobody poops on the bus nobody absolutely unless it's an emergency it doesn't no we pull over you poop on the
00:54:37
side of the road you're not pooping on a bus I pooped on the bus and Tom Segura and he was fine with it he was pissed he called me and was like your little
00:54:42
[ __ ] he was your little [ __ ] Korean friend pooped on my bus he was livid anyway okay no we're rotating no
00:54:49
we're not rotating end of discussion see that everyone listening right now did you just hear what he said end of
00:54:55
discussion it's my way or the highway that's right literally his way is the highway okay you do the opposition you
00:55:02
do the rotation I'm just gonna keep I'm gonna sleep on one Bonk bunk number five I'm gonna put all my stuff in there and
00:55:10
I'm gonna stay there for the rest of the tour you know what what good compromise okay good compromise all right and you
00:55:15
do the king room no and I'll rotate with these people who thank you so much all right you claim
00:55:21
your bunks I'm I mean if there's rotating going on I'm rotating the guy's gonna rotate okay you know what dude
00:55:29
let me tell you what he did you know about it time out two ways yeah
00:55:35
I agree with you no rotating thank you hey give it to him now okay here we go all right I owed him four hundred
00:55:42
dollars I know right I know he he comes from money don't do that let's rewind don't do that
00:55:49
I'll take that out you owe him 400.4 it had been a couple of days right and then he texts me his venmo thing and
00:55:56
hey man yeah like two days later it's like I'm gonna get you no we work together we're
00:56:02
friends I'll get you when I get you okay a timeout Carlos I could read it right now you
00:56:08
want to read it how many days how many days after he said he was going to pay you the money did he pay them designated
00:56:13
a time we didn't designate a time that's right it was that it was when I remembered that I texted Bobby I didn't
00:56:20
want to forget yeah that's him because he's a [ __ ] pothead he doesn't want to forget that he that you owe him money he would
00:56:26
eventually remember dude these [ __ ] Stoners they're so [ __ ] dumb that he has no idea what's going on is this
00:56:31
[ __ ] pot guy he's a pot guy I I I walked in I did your venmo yeah yeah you
00:56:36
did immediately right yeah there were some things said in between there was something said all right so I'm gonna look up your [ __ ] thing right now
00:56:42
dude okay it was just yeah I mean you didn't call me any words via text so he goes hey the money owed me that's
00:56:50
not what he wrote read what you wrote there literally is nothing said he did it I paid you
00:56:58
end the story how many days after the money that was owed from the thing that I think it was
00:57:03
like four days four days is kind of a good window if you work together and see each other every day we don't see each
00:57:08
other we don't teach it you don't see him every day let me ask you something are we um flight attendants on different
00:57:15
airlines no we're podcasting exactly we work together right so during a month
00:57:20
how many times do I see you during a month 10 12 times exactly yeah eventually you
00:57:27
have to worry about it it's weird anyway let's move on I know 50 50 on this I think you're both in the
00:57:34
wrong I think I think you should let it you should have let it chill you should have also I think I'm sounding like a
00:57:39
baby today yeah right yeah or let me regroup yeah regroup you know what I think I need to read the
00:57:45
money do you know what I think you should do give them another 400 right now
00:57:56
I'll give you another 400 but you'll see when you get it no make it more of it for fun you know what you should you're
00:58:02
gonna give them 10 grand no let's play this game no no no no no no oh for you
00:58:07
yeah fancy we're gonna give you 20 bucks but we're not gonna tell you why no no no no
00:58:12
by the way yeah fancy I know I'm [ __ ] he's a little
00:58:18
Snappy little [ __ ] I'll tell you why fans are doing this though he wants something out of me I'll tell you what I know I know he wants you right he's
00:58:23
trying to get on my good side and that's what I like about him he's a weasel he's a snake he's a snake in the [ __ ]
00:58:29
grass yeah yeah he his what do you want out of Bobby you snake I just want him to be professional what
00:58:37
the [ __ ] does that disease what do you mean what does that mean speak your mind dude it's New York go ahead and say it it's 20 23. yeah let's change we didn't
00:58:44
do New Year's resolutions yeah we will but I want to hear this [ __ ] out of this guy okay what do you want so Bobby
00:58:50
got him involved in a project uh-huh that sounds good yeah and thank
00:58:56
you we did the project with some pulling teeth from me yeah and then the project
00:59:01
is ready to be discussed in he left me hanging and when I text him
00:59:08
about it he just blows me off uh-huh welcome to texting Bobby right no and he
00:59:15
told me the other day when a girl a friend of his was around here that he was a new man and he was gonna really do
00:59:22
it
00:59:27
throw me right on the bus huh wow look no trans bar I like fancy of buses
00:59:33
coming okay Bobby dude you're nuts all right all right all
00:59:39
right you want to go that way okay see now you know why I get mad at this [ __ ] guys you know I'm on your side [ __ ] snake you're a snakey little
00:59:46
[ __ ] yeah let's go to New Year's resolutions Jules what are yours my name's not Jules whoa
00:59:52
whoa whoa that's your New Year's resolution memorize people's names well this goes back to the thing yeah yeah I
01:00:00
think I had no idea her name I think my first the second no no no I just I just wanted you gave it to me no you know we
01:00:08
don't know real name her real name is Jessica yeah okay juicy
01:00:17
her name's not juicy is her name juicy juicy yeah no no she dropped it she doesn't want you juice what is it I
01:00:22
can't drop it oh okay okay if I called you that that's so wild I'll post a fly
01:00:28
or say jet ski and all the comments are like it's juice when you [ __ ] up you claimed Alzheimer's that was your
01:00:34
defense mechanism yeah my dad does that too yeah yeah that's crazy where are we yeah you did that one of those all right
01:00:41
who's that yeah Larry David uh what's your New Year's resolutions juice uh
01:00:47
probably to be more memorable yeah yeah no to get my own place what's
01:00:53
your real New Year's resolutions juice to get a house wait is that not how resolution Works what no no no no
01:00:59
usually it's like I want to change your behavior change something oh no I think I'm done
01:01:05
you know what I'm good you're done changing yeah okay so the New Year's
01:01:10
goal is for you to get it get your own place that's my goal yeah well let me
01:01:15
tell you something whatever you need to make it happen will help make it happen you guys already are yeah but I mean
01:01:21
whatever you need we'll help you okay thank you whatever you need we'll do it and if it comes at a cost of the show
01:01:27
like we have to pay these guys less that's fine too that's fine with me as well yeah that's [ __ ] fine right if
01:01:32
we have to duck their pay don't you think that's fair deduct their pay to give get her a place to live at the beginning what did you say I've been
01:01:38
wanting to do that me too but we have to find a [ __ ] way to do it that doesn't seem so on the nose I just need 1500 to 2 000 a month got it extra
01:01:48
that's what a studio apartment is now in L.A wow two grand a month two grand a month but isn't that crazy in L.A that's
01:01:55
what that is now what did you pay back in the day my first apartment in Los Angeles is 417 a month yeah mine was
01:02:01
like 500 417 but I shared it with four other men in one bathroom that's where I'm at right now I was there dude we did
01:02:07
it we [ __ ] did that [ __ ] yeah and then my second place was
01:02:12
um 850 because I had my own bathroom yeah because it was me and three other two other guys and they shared a
01:02:18
bathroom and I had my own bathroom and I was like I'll pay as much as it takes yeah to struggle just to get my own
01:02:23
bathroom and then after that my first one bedroom by myself uh was 11.95 I
01:02:28
remember it 11.95 how great was that bro when I got my first one that's why I want her to have that she deserves to
01:02:34
have that [ __ ] feeling most of next year I'm I'm not even going to be home I'm like I know but you need a place to
01:02:39
call your own when you are home you need a place to like be you be get away from the [ __ ] [ __ ] you know what I
01:02:45
mean like you need a place to call your own we're gonna make it happen when I got um right before Mad TV I made a chunk of
01:02:51
money on a commercial uh and I remember moving into my own studio apartment it
01:02:56
was exposed bricks hard wooden floor sexy you know what I mean I painted it you know there was like this um vintage
01:03:03
like um furniture store by my house this guy Barry ran it and he gave me some deals it was so dope so cool oh my God
01:03:11
having your it did change my life being able to do
01:03:16
it was a big [ __ ] I remember I remember one time coming home when I
01:03:21
first like moved in there and I closed the door and I was by myself and I like looked around and I remember being like
01:03:28
I don't have to talk to anybody yeah it was incredible I was like for the first time I lived in a place where I didn't
01:03:34
have to talk to any humans that's my dreams I didn't have to say hi or do like a [ __ ] I don't really want you
01:03:39
guys to be smoking bongs right now I just kind of want to have to like do a thing and I was so stoked to just know
01:03:45
the place I moved out of was three floors up so that my roommates were still up there oh [ __ ] right and they
01:03:52
would always want to come down no you're not coming no you don't enter into my [ __ ] place right yeah yeah that is
01:03:58
kind of a problem though to be like I'm still here you're gone but you're still there I was still kind of still there
01:04:05
terrible okay what's your New Year's resolution Bob real or no whatever you want to do
01:04:13
can I say what you're what I think yours should be I think I know what it is go ahead I want to spend some time alone
01:04:21
hmm I really know okay there's no joke we need to get to know myself better are we
01:04:28
talking like go on a trip alone no just be alone in La yeah for how long
01:04:33
maybe a year what we have a huge tour coming up no no not that in terms of like seeing people
01:04:40
yeah he means he means romantically alone oh I was like we're sharing bunks on a bus
01:04:49
I'm gonna go leave me alone in the Box no I I think it's all okay yeah because
01:04:55
I One calendar year you think you can go a year yeah really
01:05:02
I do do you want to make a monetary bet I already owe you a thousand from them
01:05:07
yes you [ __ ] do no I don't a year is a lot how about let's just do three months of just
01:05:14
complete uh what's the word I'm looking for celibacy
01:05:19
it's not just the celibacy it's like I'm and I mean intimacy with others then how about that how about no dating no
01:05:25
nothing for three months that's fair right let's do it yeah let's see how it feels I just I just feel lost
01:05:32
well let's talk about it right now well that's what yeah I feel lost oh
01:05:38
it's more real than you know I mean comedy but this is fine too what's what's going on you feel like you're not
01:05:43
connecting with anybody it's not that it's like what's the whole reason behind
01:05:49
in the beginning it was exciting because you know I mean oh I matched with somebody you know I mean I'm gonna go on a date this and that sometimes you would
01:05:56
make out whatever it might be but it's like it's all just like kind of surface and um
01:06:02
it doesn't have to be it doesn't mean it yeah but it's like I don't even know what I'm looking for that's okay and
01:06:09
that's what I think I need to figure out what exactly am I looking for what do I want in a partner yeah what you know
01:06:15
what are my intentions here well that's nice you can slowly but surely um figure that out I do think being alone
01:06:22
and understanding who you are that's an important piece of this but also you're kind of sounding like
01:06:27
what's the point of it all that's kind of it sounded like you almost said what's the point of it
01:06:32
yeah um I mean I look at people's relationships and um
01:06:39
and I go you know like like I've been watching Deep Space Nine
01:06:45
deep face nine is your window into relationships and uh so Star Trek is the window that
01:06:53
you use that's the barometer this is what I've been wanting you know I mean yeah and like you know Jeremy Cisco you
01:06:58
know the captain he's the black guy with the bald head there what's so funny Carlos his wife was
01:07:06
killed by the Borg in the beginning of the show you realize he has a son and his wife is killed by the Borg and he's
01:07:13
like I just can't believe they killed his wife I don't know well it was when jean-lucard became aborig he became
01:07:20
lucutus do you remember that he became Lucius and he and who were you asking do you remember yeah
01:07:28
they don't know how would they don't know this you're asking why I look at the Google you Googled it we don't know
01:07:34
this though you don't know any of these people
01:07:42
are you telling me that the guy with the big ears is in sport well he looks like a sport his name is Quark Spock well
01:07:49
that looks like a spork to me okay his name is not his core and the guy to his left is my dad
01:07:55
is that 100 not someone related to me that's called mini it's Chief O'Brien O'Brien okay so come on okay potatoes
01:08:03
call them potatoes and Quirk is a Frankie anyway can I just and then the bottom left is is Juicy that's a
01:08:08
descendant of Juicy yeah that's my grandma and who's top left go for it Wharf Wharf that's his name is Wharf you
01:08:15
don't know that buddy don't buddy me 15th time yeah I've never
01:08:21
seen Star Trek oh you're missing out then no I'm not I'll tell you why no I'm not can I tell you why you're not oh you
01:08:27
are okay sure go all right you know Adam Eagan nope you don't know Adam Egan I do
01:08:33
all right so Adam eager I was just in Austin I did the Tom Segura thing and me and
01:08:39
Adam eager went up for [ __ ] um um barbecue yeah right and we're sitting
01:08:45
there eating meat as you do as men correct right yeah and he goes he goes what's your favorite d space nine
01:08:52
episode we talked about it right and the reason why we talk about it and we talk about Star Trek is because years ago
01:08:57
when he lived in La I go do you know Star Trek next Generation and he goes um that those are for neuros I would never
01:09:04
watch it I go watch this one episode he watched it he watches next-gen and DS9 t-space nine
01:09:12
consecutively every episode it's so good right you're just you don't know because
01:09:18
you're not willing to know right but if I told you to watch a certain episode of [ __ ] Star Trek next Generation you
01:09:24
would go oh my God this is a great show the writing Have You Seen the Last Dance the documentary about Michael Jordan yeah oh you did I loved it you did yeah
01:09:30
okay why no I just didn't think you'd like that I've I watched you know you know what else I love um Ken Burns Vietnam
01:09:37
War a documentary series I watch good [ __ ] yeah and I'm telling you this is a good show I just don't like it you've
01:09:44
never seen it the look of it makes me mad I know in the beginning it's a little weird I just don't care about
01:09:50
these I don't I don't give a [ __ ] about what fantasy it's not fantasy oh it's
01:09:56
reality it's science fiction sci-fi fantasy I just it doesn't do it that's the space station right it looks
01:10:03
dumb and is it Wormhole you know why it looks dumb because I know that is there's a wormhole that's not what it's gonna look like that's why it bothers me
01:10:09
it's [ __ ] [ __ ] it's not that you're right it's never gonna look that way yeah there would be like a McDonald's logo that's right there's a
01:10:15
lot of there's a lot of things about that show where I go well how do we sponsor by Bank of America exactly
01:10:20
um any Kardashian but he's a spy and I just
01:10:26
don't like the way he looks I don't want to watch he's a Kardashian you know how you know how you know why do you know why people like Brad Pitt get so much
01:10:33
work over the years beyond the fact that he's a good actor because it's really nice to look at him on screen it's
01:10:38
really nice to look at [ __ ] George Clooney on screen yeah bring back spork I don't want to look at this [ __ ] guy
01:10:45
for a half an hour at a [ __ ] time that's the future that's not Spork that's [ __ ] a Kardashian that's Guerra okay a Kardashian that Kardashian
01:10:52
Butch Kardashian is that Google frengy which Kardashians is that
01:10:57
Chloe yeah as Hollywood gets more these are ferengis this is what it's gonna
01:11:03
look like this is what happens yeah Brad Pitt's out so here's my point yeah the
01:11:08
reason that you and I yeah and I'm putting us into this Okay the reason that you and I only get a limited amount
01:11:13
of work in television and film isn't because of our skill set we're very skilled you are a great actor yeah
01:11:18
you're [ __ ] phenomenal uh-huh right but you don't look like people should be
01:11:24
watching you all the time me too nobody wants to see our faces on
01:11:29
TV for a super long amount of time we look like that that's what people see us
01:11:35
in the midwest he just died in real life yeah well don't do that to me God bless I'm sorry
01:11:41
well the makeup I'm just saying [ __ ]
01:11:46
I go back to my [ __ ] race let me make my point um I don't want to look at weird ugly alien creatures look at that
01:11:52
look at how [ __ ] weird that looks no thanks look at how [ __ ] weird what are they doing they're a race of Frankie's that
01:12:00
they're old and I'm racist against friends the whole culture is based on Commerce and business
01:12:06
what's so funny so funny are wait their race is based on what Commerce and business like all the
01:12:12
races have a certain ideology and a language and a culture and it brings it's cool I don't like it I just don't I
01:12:19
don't want to look at that but then you don't have to thank you all right here's my problem I this guy looks nice rest in
01:12:26
peace I'd like to see his beautiful smiling face on TV instead of when he's in makeup looking like a [ __ ] go back
01:12:31
to it click on when he's in makeup down right there I don't want to watch that I
01:12:37
don't want to watch him with his weird [ __ ] balls on his testicle head
01:12:42
and his number no but let's can I just finish what I'm gonna say there's a principle about you mean that world that
01:12:48
I love what is it there's several of them the prime directive is what's so funny the prime directive I
01:12:56
mean look at this long-necked penis guy why do they have to look so [ __ ] you know what this is do you know what start
01:13:02
do you know what Star Trek is to me what it this is how why electric like electric cars that's what this looks
01:13:08
like no no here no let me finish this is ridiculous let me finish let me finish yeah how come just because it's an electric
01:13:13
car does it have to look annoying why can't it just look like a cool car so we
01:13:19
have cool cars I get what you're saying you have a cool looking car yeah but if they made an electric it would look [ __ ] stupid they put weird [ __ ]
01:13:25
like this I like it they make it for me
01:13:34
I know but and you land on a planet right yeah and you know I mean it has the same kind of atmosphere conditions
01:13:41
that Earth does and you could get off of your ship and you well you think the alien's gonna look like Anthony jeslin
01:13:46
like walking up no they're gonna look like that they're not gonna look like that we made that up they're gonna look like something we've never seen or
01:13:51
thought of before the king we can't imagine it's called imagination yeah but I like my imagination I don't like this
01:13:57
guys whoever the [ __ ] wrote that the prime director prohibits Starfleet personnel and spacecraft from interfering in the normal development of
01:14:02
any society and mandates that any Starfleet vessel or Cruise member is Expendable to prevent violation of this
01:14:07
Rule and we can apply that to our life that's [ __ ] crazy yeah you're crazy it's like
01:14:14
America going into [ __ ] you know Nigeria and opening and being capitalism and opening up these and think the way
01:14:19
we think and believe what we believe we shouldn't do that we shouldn't do that we shouldn't do that no and there are things in the show that I believe in
01:14:26
that's all I'm saying I know I want to say something to you because you don't like to Facebook reality so you want to live in a fantasy no I'm going to say
01:14:31
one thing that's what it is I'm gonna make you watch one I'll watch one with you okay but I'm
01:14:36
gonna make fun of it the whole [ __ ] time I will film it he's gonna eyes wide shut you all right can you can you watch
01:14:42
one and not make fun of it absolutely not well I'm not gonna watch it with you because you know what that's my Bible
01:14:49
this is your Bible dude ask anyone kalilo or anybody in my life right all I
01:14:54
do is all-day watch is it available on YouTube how do I see this [ __ ] [ __ ] you gotta buy it on iTunes well that I'm definitely not doing something
01:15:01
oh my God give me money right now 20 40 60. three seasons okay right of of
01:15:10
the sets we start with Star Trek next Generation okay I haven't seen any other Bobby no
01:15:16
you're already a convert you're already a comfort those that money goes to Juicy that's in the juicy pile okay so okay so
01:15:22
let me tell you something all right I'm gonna watch I just want you to watch one the one
01:15:27
episode that got Adam eager hooked then pick then send it to me I will tell me the one you want me to watch and I will
01:15:33
[ __ ] watch it okay it's season five but I'm gonna be somebody in episode apps I'm gonna tell you what it is
01:15:38
season five yeah next next generation second to last episode the episode's
01:15:44
called the Inner Light it's considered the greatest Star Trek episode ever
01:15:50
written I'm so mad you don't need the context though yeah do I not need any context not really I can just watch it
01:15:55
yeah I'm gonna get pissed I know I'm gonna be so pissed off when I watch this it's 45 minutes long I know
01:16:02
that's a long time for me to get pissed off is that penis looking guy is this what
01:16:09
they look like what do you mean all right I mean if you see that's that spot right that that shot right there bro let
01:16:15
me say something who is that is that true no but Patrick Stewart it's Patrick Stewart right if you see that scene
01:16:22
and you don't shed a tear you have no empathy in love
01:16:27
I don't know what you're laughing at when they pan away from him playing that flute dude every single dude
01:16:34
does he actually play the flute yeah oh I don't want this is gonna piss me off
01:16:40
all right stop showing Clips because I'm gonna watch the [ __ ] oh my God I'm about to cry now I love it I love it
01:16:45
anyway is this the one that teach you about relationship no that's not the one I teach it's a different show the next
01:16:52
show that they do after the next generation is DS9 anyway what are you so angry about
01:16:57
because I'm a bum bum that I gotta watch this I have to for the sake of the show
01:17:02
I have to do it yeah and you're gonna make fun of it and you're gonna make fun of the thing that I love the most yeah yeah that's part of our
01:17:09
relationship no I understand that but I don't attack things like yes you do let
01:17:15
me you make fun of me in golf all the time let me say something what
01:17:20
if you had a baby yeah and you want one right yeah okay and
01:17:28
it's like my baby I would never make fun of your baby Star Trek is your baby I love it
01:17:35
that much you didn't make it it feels like it was made for me this
01:17:40
it's a so it's adopted yeah you feel like it was made for you so you adopted a baby it makes me feel you tell me I
01:17:47
can't make fun of your adopted baby it makes me feel it's like my religion it makes me feel a part of the world it
01:17:53
makes me want to live I'm being real this gives you life I'm being real yeah I love it that much and
01:18:00
I was trying to get Adam Eagan and I to do DS9 we're trying to figure out what DS9 is calling it stop calling it that
01:18:06
what tattoos is that what's called DS9 we're gonna get tattoos right in our next DS9 tattoos what does that mean DS9
01:18:12
Deep Space Nine oh I like it less that's why I said do you like God damn
01:18:18
it I don't I know all right well anyway could I have my assignment let's call Adam me again thank you did
01:18:24
you get something Max no hey buddy Adam yo you're on bad friends
01:18:31
for a second [ __ ] I know listen you know I brought up D SP Deep Space
01:18:37
Nine to Andrew and he starts making fun of me call me nerd and all this stuff and like you know it's stupid can you
01:18:43
just tell to him that it's good
01:18:55
he he's embarrassing I love you Adam God you Son
01:19:00
of God you admit that on a live podcast love you Adam I love you too Andrew I'll
01:19:08
see you soon see you soon dude I'll see you in a couple weeks thank you for being a bad friend
01:19:15
such a good way to oh my God [Music]
