00:00:00
we're taking iphone pictures while your dad was dead so we're dangerous well III
00:00:43
was thinking I was meditating you know I meditate every night you meditate every single night I know yeah so in my
00:00:48
meditations last night I thought to myself Bobby Lee has no social cause I want to
00:00:55
be a social warrior you know because on the internet and on the gram I want to influence what do you mean
00:01:01
what you what social cause what social cause do you want oh you know Joaquin has that like you know did the cows you know I mean the Milky kids you know the whatever you don't mean like he wants to
00:01:14
save a mother exactly he's saying we shouldn't drink milk anymore yeah whatever right so he'd and he's Adam
00:01:19
about it he's Adam about it he's adamant adamant about it he's agging Hindman about it yeah what's
00:01:26
the word he's adamant adamant about it is adamant about it but he's thinking about it cuz he actually cares he he did I wouldn't care about something I don't
00:01:33
know why I don't care about [ __ ] but if you cared it would already happen you'd already care I know but I would have forced myself to care because I feel
00:01:39
like I wouldn't check a mark okay what's a social issue that you think you want to have as your new social issue to care
00:01:44
about let's do it today it makes me sad that like but not really no you're not sad at all yeah but like you know the dolphins and the end and the turtles with the straws and what's going on with
00:01:54
the dolphins they're I don't know how they're getting straws in their mouth dolphins are getting straws in their
00:01:59
nose okay there's no there's no cocaine dolphin no but what do you want whoo what do you think what do you think you want to say what's important to you um what do you think what do you think
00:02:12
matters the most for me personally yes it the things that I think that matter like people don't
00:02:19
this is not a thing you know it's not a it's a thing that like people are gonna be like what would a stand behind what
00:02:25
is it um I don't even know that's the thing I have I I literally have no there's no thing care about anything homeless people health care I guess kids kids what aids
00:02:41
kids age kids oh I care about no oh you know what I care about is the kids that are like starving in Yemen
00:02:47
can you help them no you don't want to help them I want to but it says oh it's a war stricken area and I can't get in
00:02:53
there okay let's skip over then the war kids from yelling Southwest they don't fly there you know no they don't they're
00:02:59
not gonna go to Yemen no but so I'm trying to cause I'm trying to have social justices all right why don't you
00:03:04
ask the fans - I have one though what but it's my own personal to social justice about my own point what is it
00:03:10
well what it is is this is that um so my brother and I we're having a Korean barbecue the other night not surprised did you go did you go to parks finest parks finest is a yeah we did with the
00:03:23
parks fire well there's the parks that I went not parks downtown out the parks downtown the one in Echo Park that you
00:03:29
and I went to but that's a Filipino barbecue place Filipino / Korean there's Koreans - food there - right no no these
00:03:35
it's racist why because it's like saying like you know I went to Italian restaurant you go to Taco Bell
00:03:41
no that's Mexican food yeah it's they're two different things Filipino food and [ __ ] Korean no what I said was
00:03:47
basically going hey I had I had Mexican last night and then you said did you have Taco Bell and I said that's racist
00:03:53
I went to El Pollo Loco that's what that's saying that's not what that's not what it is because the
00:03:59
for Asian food is Asian food that's that true yes it is they all had to google it
00:04:05
but Asian food all has the same ingredients right I had Thai last night they have noodles and rice and meats and
00:04:13
curries yeah I went to an Italian restaurant they had noodles mm-hmm and rice there no we don't have Renta they
00:04:20
don't have rice lenta polenta is not Italian first of all I know he knows polenta don't you yeah yeah yeah you know he's Mexican her we got it we have another
00:04:31
mine or two for the fans at home two minorities in the room so in case anybody's checking the social justice meter yeah two four two four four no
00:04:38
because I honestly think that it would help if I if I was like a comedian that had something to like that's not that
00:04:45
you are name a famous comedian that has a that a thing that you approve that you're like damn I wish I was like them
00:04:50
that they have a movement they like that Australian lady the lesbian lady with the glasses hey Hanna Gadsby yeah what's
00:04:56
her thing she's lesbian and she would quit and she's lesbian that's her thing so you think she was meditating one day
00:05:03
and she was like I'm gonna I don't know what you're doing it I don't know what you're trying to do right now I just I'm sure I'm trying to help you find
00:05:10
yourself a every time you call me yeah I have a good day every time you call me about anything right it ruins my day yeah puts me to bed my neck starts
00:05:21
hurting and I suppose getting spasms and my [ __ ] front though I won't call you anymore but just beat nice about it okay
00:05:28
how would you like the phone call the girl can't [ __ ] believe what you did you [ __ ] did that and I'm like what
00:05:34
say whatever cuz you [ __ ] up stuff all the time but there's a nice way to [ __ ] do it anyway um what I want to
00:05:40
say I have a social thing what's your what is it what's your social thing well my brother and I we're having parks on Vermont got it not the Filipino place
00:05:51
that I took you to from okay you're [ __ ] it racist no I'm not it was good food either way it was very good I go that's why I go there but I know I um cuz of kalila I Bose I did they're
00:06:05
really [ __ ] you on that on what I'm gonna get into it I know I'm sorry go ahead yeah God dude they're really [ __ ] you on that I go what and he goes ah hey
00:06:18
high school did hall-of-fame you're not on it you're not on it right so I went to high school at paui high school yeah poet waited in 1999 tea yeah 1990 a.m. I
00:06:31
wasn't even born yet I know I was born you know what i won i Nate Bryan Callen was 49 years old so follow a high school yeah let's see
00:06:43
who's that Joe Biden was Bryan Callen for like I'm not kidding you every time I see Joe Biden I go coughs killing it highway high-school let's see the notable alumni so yeah that's what I'm saying so what then I went no not not no
00:06:57
go don't go there cuz I'm on that I'm on the Wikipedia comedian on MADtv yeah there you go I'm on that but go to Maui high schools Hall of Fame they're their Hall of Fame but I want to look up some
00:07:07
of the people that are on here before we go to the one because the other one is hold on let's see some of these names Aubrey Aubrey battle former American
00:07:15
football defensive lineman okay killing it Jud Buechler look at Judd yeah those pantless hits dude nice pits went to
00:07:22
show none Kelly Cash American musician beauty pageant titleholder yeah but there's other cause Oh Tom DeLonge
00:07:28
blink-182 exactly so he's the most famous from your school for sure white without a doubt you're not even close to
00:07:34
Tom DeLonge Tony Gwynn oh dude he's more famous than you too Wow oh dude Alice Dickerson Wow look at all these guys that are more famous that's not whoa Hector Maldanado dude
00:07:47
this there's some legit people that once your school exactly right Wow yeah Stephanie Seymour model remember she had
00:07:53
a baby with Axl Rose she did they have a kid Yeah right okay so whoa so to even Brian Rass the
00:08:01
professional poker player everybody knows rasty you don't know whatever you're doing is not gonna work
00:08:07
you don't know him they call nasty rest no no that's a real thing nasty rest he's like one of the top poker players
00:08:13
in the world of them he's incredible bets fine now go to the [ __ ] power high school alumni site they go fast -
00:08:18
bye nasty rat CD takes the pot home begets Emma go to the [ __ ] site go to what Poway high power high no he says
00:08:25
Paul my alumni go power high hall of fame Google that Poway High Hall of Fame a Hall of Fame
00:08:32
yeah Paul Paul way Poway high school Hall of Fame Poway High Alumni Association there we go that's it oh three new names got entered by the way right look at this hold on one second
00:08:44
let me see this it says three new names just got entered into the Poway High Hall of Fame oh my the red carpet
00:08:50
they're two of the thing right they pay for red carpet so the Hall of Fame inductee Sean Tom Murray class of 79 nice yeah
00:08:57
Oh an Air Force guy I get that okay and then another guy and you're not in the Hall of famous I said go to the [ __ ] thing man how many times I have to tell you right there the first one I don't
00:09:09
need the I don't go down first now I don't need all that okay here we go now these are the names yeah okay Wow okay
00:09:14
so um now you know let's make an argument sure do you think that they're more famous than me um well your class doesn't even
00:09:25
in here 1990 I know no one because no one in my class got into it well what they're saying is is that yeah you're not famous enough to be in it and
00:09:36
I will say that that's true cuz to look at Tina Ghul she just got in from a class of oh four yeah everybody knows T
00:09:43
hey you don't know tdawg Tina goes internationally renowned cellist being honored for accomplishments in the arts Grammy nominee partner with Bentley Motors in the ritz-carlton classical electrical cellist dude she's heard on
00:09:56
hundreds of soundtracks all right go back hundred go back click on some man on actually go back I'd like to see how
00:10:03
famous is Tina goooo by the way Tina goooo was how famous they do you really think how many plays
00:10:08
do you think she has on Spotify on her most famous song this will kind of dictate whether or not she's actually that famous okay but I Wow Tina your
00:10:15
hold on you're supposed to be on my side doing and money like you're like on that [ __ ] board there's no way I'm on that
00:10:21
board this week we have a meeting Tina cool there you go look whoa yeah every month she has two hundred twenty three thousand listeners her most famous song she did the Wonder Woman theme okay she
00:10:36
deserves to be on it that's [ __ ] mine but look at the other names I don't know I think some of
00:10:41
these people might be know because they're choosing people based on a Christian ethic right right Oh cuz you
00:10:49
knocked you're not Christian any no because I'm a filth hmm I'm a filth monger with no Poway hi a Christian high
00:10:56
school no said the boy so why are you putting everywhere not what I'm asking bad friends fans to do yeah it's good to
00:11:02
the public high school okay let's do it let's look all of Fame site right here everyone we're
00:11:08
gonna put this in and then I want you to submit my name so here you go guys we want you to go to Poway high school's
00:11:14
website really easy to find it's Poway USD and once you watch our website just go to the Poway Hall of Fame thing okay
00:11:20
go go there go go to one that you were just at can we get into the computer guide this guy Poway high hall of fame organization so all you need to do to
00:11:31
get Bobby into the Hall of Fame is go ahead and go down to scroll down on tact the school knows it's right down there it's right let's see it says have a
00:11:38
question no they go down a little bit see down there nominate accomodate a candidate so guys everyone go here and go nominate a candidate online we're
00:11:44
gonna do it right now live on the show yeah yeah yeah sorry this forum is no longer accepting submissions look at that they're full the Hall of Fame is
00:11:51
full damn that sucks do you know why because your have been doing it in 19 other podcast why do you
00:11:56
even care about Poway high so much anyway I didn't care it to my brothers that I should care you shouldn't care all right
00:12:02
well then I'm gonna let it go because there's nothing about pop oh my god one of the most prestigious high schools in the world anybody who's anybody is a
00:12:09
Hall of Famer here well like it says what it is dude I'll tell you what it is what you know you're not an ally yes I am no you're not yes I am you're like
00:12:20
I'm I'm Japan I'm I'm borough here rito and you're mussolini but you're not first of all you're not Japan
00:12:26
you're not Japan I'm Tim ask George I'm 10% Japanese I think that [ __ ] 20 for me at 23 you do you might have an extra gene but it is 23 he's at 43 yeah you
00:12:37
might have one I did 23 of me okay and you're Jupiter jet you Japan I temper I'm tempers and Japanese you're tempura
00:12:42
Japanese you're tempura Japanese yeah you're tempura % yeah um I want to say this what you deserve to be in the Hall
00:12:48
of Fame and you know I mean that I genuinely do I also want to say I apologize to David Attenborough because on last week's episode we said that he
00:12:55
was dead and he's alive so I apologize to David Attenborough and all of his friends and family because we I thought
00:13:01
he was dead I'm sorry about that did you really people complain David Attenborough's estate reached out to us
00:13:07
and threatened to sue us if we didn't take it down I swear to god you swore to God they sent us a cease and desist and
00:13:13
said David is alive if you keep putting out this stuff we will see you in court oh look he's definitely alive alive yeah
00:13:19
we you he just looks dead here's what I'd like to do we got a dead we got a dead dad excuse we got a Facebook user Justin Morris who Santino has to guess how many
00:13:32
times Bobby used his dead dad's and as an excuse just this week and we have to guess the reasons how many times we've
00:13:38
used your dead dad as an excuse to get out of things I would I would say you've gotten out a to podcast by using your dead dad as an excuse the past this past
00:13:45
week I use my dead dad for a lot of things yeah did you get out of podcast this week by saying that stuff I get out
00:13:50
of a lot of things okay suggestion one for one I would also think you got out of having sex with Collider doing
00:13:55
something sexual with kalila button you quote a dead dad stuff yeah okay perfect two for two there's got to be one more
00:14:01
somewhere in there I think you got out of a I think you got out of doing a set or doing a dinner with somebody either
00:14:08
stand-up or dinner because of dead dad you said use dead as dead dad as an excuse did you
00:14:13
kalila just text you text me what if she's high school website just broke from all the submissions that's
00:14:19
fantastic that's all I wanted that's all I wanted Buffy Buffy makes super soft earth friendly betting because comfy night's sleep is even comfier when it doesn't harm the environment now here's my personal endorsement on it
00:14:33
when you gave you that Buffy bed sheeting I um I took it home and Mike now kalila
00:14:38
and I only use that blanket it is one of my favorites of all time here's this here's why though you don't sweat I used
00:14:45
to sweat all the time and I don't sweat cuz I sleep naked because I know you and kalila sleep in full our armor you guys
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sleep in full armor head to toe and you don't you won't sweat whether you have clothes on or whether you don't have clothes everything is made from ultra
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smooth eucalyptus fiber that feels softer than cotton it really does it's breathable it's cool to the touch and
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maintains the ideal sleeping temperature and I got to tell you you're not gonna overheat you stay cool man yeah we know
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and it consumes ten times less water to grow eucalyptus fiber it's renewable force it comes from an eco-friendly way
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to produce a genuine and we're being very serious right now both of us use it I swear to god it's my
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favorite thing I've ever have almost 20,000 five-star reviews overall average rating of 4.6 stars
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00:16:04
dad died yes dad is dad guys why don't you put him in the thing you know it's funny but I'm in the things your dad alive I have two dads I have two dads
00:16:20
yeah I have two dads um would you consider Buffy's or dad who buff eyes who's buff eyes Logan you think he's my dad yeah is he my dad you get like a
00:16:32
little like you know I mean you look at him like your dad guy why don't why don't you like Rogen I love them hmm
00:16:40
interesting what what's so funny what you're doing right now because obviously I love what
00:16:46
you called him my dad my daddy like he oye impressive like you don't like him you love him I love Rogan but I I'm
00:16:52
intimidated by him every time he comes to the store do you get nervous well okay it was three weeks ago his wife was there I love her yeah she's cool she
00:17:02
noticed the shoes I was wearing which I really liked and then um Rogan pulled me aside and he
00:17:09
goes okay so scared around me it's a legitimate question and I go I'm not scared I go because he what you you
00:17:15
white people don't [ __ ] understand is that in Korea don't ever look like that again man you kind of did like who you talking you're not Joe George Oh George
00:17:27
Amit he did it like a little squinty like confused kind of like George said that you know what it is he's got that
00:17:33
hit he's behind that Hitler used that Hitler Youth in him he is not having it he's getting a little cocky not cocky
00:17:40
there's something he's going like megalomaniac ego crazy you know he got engaged did you congratulate him anyone any
00:17:49
white dude can go to China and get it or whatever and get away okay did you see her the ching chong be she's not Chinese
00:17:56
is she what do you know she's not she's not shining what is she what is she dude okay oh really really my mom won after
00:18:04
your heart my dad died I need to swim oh he's poking him up I want to do I want to do something real fast because everybody loved it when we did a little scene reading and I'd like to do a scene reading right now but I don't know what
00:18:18
movie it is it doesn't you'll figure it out almost right away I want you to put on this if you could and I'll put on one
00:18:28
of these things so we're gonna be doing a little classic scene reading and put on you have to put on that you put on
00:18:35
one of those around your neck as well I'm gonna be doing a little little classic scene reading here for Bob this
00:18:43
is one of his favorite movies he said this so we have to abide by what Bob likes and wants I forgot I have to take my headphones off but we're trying to
00:18:55
get dressed here you let Andre let Andres do the directions that would be great all right give me those scripts are right there what do you mean what
00:19:05
are the beads for yeah you got to put them on okay okay put them on and put you are you gonna put back on your
00:19:11
headphones or no yeah you don't have to if you don't want to give me a script and give him a script this is something
00:19:16
that the fans really wanted and also it's something that you love with um what is it alright so you're gonna be the role of rose and under this is gonna
00:19:24
read some of the scene direction okay go ahead on today's what what what movie is this you'll figure it out almost right away is it the notebook it would be
00:19:29
almost impossible for you I figured like their notebook nope but you'll just figure it out almost right away you're close okay so guys ready interior
00:19:37
Rose suite 1912 like in a dream the beautiful war work cut just project a little bit more need to project a little bit more good you know you're acting as if you're the director you know he went to they
00:20:03
went to film school I know they did sorry there's got to be more right slow it down a bit okay start from the top go
00:20:09
ahead okay here we go interior hold on one second my phone's ringing hold on it's Rogan I'm not gonna answer it yeah yeah no he won't want to be on the show okay
00:20:21
okay hold on why let's start from scratch here we go let start from scratch go ahead okay interior rows sweet like in a dream the
00:20:31
beautiful war work and satin upholstery emerge from the rusted ruined deck is overwhelm by the opulence of the room he set his sketchbook and drawing
00:20:45
materials in the marble table with this light you don't always need good light that is true I am not used to working in such variable conditions a Monet crisis
00:21:02
he crutches next to the painting stacks against the wall isn't he great the use of color I saw him once through a hole in the scarred in fence in given Airy she goes into the adjacent walk-in
00:21:17
wardrobe closet he sees her girl he sees a go to the safe and it starts working the combination he's fascinated insists
00:21:30
unlocking this thing everywhere should I be expecting him any times sure not as long as the cigars and brandy hole out clunk she unlocks the same glancing nap
00:21:44
she met his eyes in the mirror behind the safe she opens it and removes the necklace then hauls it out to Jack who
00:21:52
takes it nervously you hold it to me give me [Laughter] what is it us what is it is it a
00:22:07
sapphire what is it what is it is it what is it is it a sapphire a diamond a very rare diamond called the heart of
00:22:22
the ocean sad gaze has had well beyond his compensation he looks on her surprise and then we cut to endear
00:22:50
Bedford daggit laid on his fences like surgical tools his sketchbook is open and ready he looks at us she comes into the room wearing a silk kimono the last
00:23:02
thing I need is another picture of me looking like a china doll as a paying customer I expect to get what I want she hands him a dime and steps back part in
00:23:15
the kimono the blue stone lies on her creamy breasts her heart is pounding as she slowly lowers the Rope Jack looks so striking it is almost comical the kimono
00:23:26
drops to the floor tell me when it looks right to you she poses on the divan said
00:23:33
in like a cat into the position we remember from the drawing almost uh just bend your left leg a little and lower your left your head eyes to me
00:23:44
that's it text - the sketch he drops his pencil and she stiffly sir laughs I believe you're blushing mr. big artiste I can't imagine Mangiamo knee blushing he does
00:24:01
landscapes tied on Jack exercise can apt to look out of here over the top edge of the
00:24:08
sketch back we want him to finish we have seen this image half hidden before in her memory it is an image she will carry in the rest of her life push it
00:24:23
slowly in unfroze this face Wow you still don't know what movie it is how can you not know what movie is it Jack Rose a draw me like one of your
00:24:35
french girls when I will never see what movie is it Titanic I've never seen it you've never
00:24:41
seen the movie Titanic no how have you never seen the movie tight I don't like a boat movies it's
00:24:46
not a boat movie I mean it's a boat movie but you know what I mean it's the [ __ ] it's a great film it's a beautiful Fred don't know what it I I
00:24:52
know that can't be Leonardo DiCaprio's in it I know that James Cameron directed it how have you never seen Titanic just
00:25:00
because it's the same reason why I haven't seen Beauty and the Beast I refuse the Disney movie Beauty and the
00:25:06
Beast whatever the new one or the old one either one why what are those those things have nothing to do with one other yeah they
00:25:13
look like classics that people like I don't have as an animated Disney movie I like main street's Scorsese's [ __ ]
00:25:20
first second movie okay I like you know Apocalypse Now gritty [ __ ] okay both I
00:25:26
don't like over 30 you know I mean some dude on a boat doing this the whole time you don't like that no how can you not
00:25:33
like that it's is that my [ __ ] big beautiful okay it's a beautiful love my [ __ ] day it's a beautiful love story you don't [ __ ] believe that I love the Tilted yeah you like it I
00:25:44
love the Titanic yes I do Oh what do you like about it I like I like I like when the boat sinks that's my favorite part yeah when everybody dies is the coolest thing in the world you see guys ping-pong off the bang bang bang bang
00:25:55
bang all the way down yeah yeah like that yeah you don't like to watch death scenes yeah maybe the ending part I'd
00:26:02
probably watch that part it's a it's a finale you know why I didn't like it I didn't want to watch it because I remember wimp chicks going uh we love
00:26:09
that and then it's like you remembered women liking it and so that no but they wanted it because people liked women
00:26:15
liked fried green tomatoes - you didn't like that movie either so I'm like so I saw fried green tomatoes
00:26:21
and I'm like that's not for me I don't like vegetables and I don't like women walking around and talking about things
00:26:27
like that is that what you think the movies about yeah just vegetables and women oh and here's
00:26:32
another thing that I'll and now I will never watch it because I got shushed by somebody on that [ __ ] [ __ ] movie what
00:26:37
so I did Pauly Shores movie last summer what was it called I don't remember you don't remember the movie you did last summer he goes did my movie did and I
00:26:49
showed up and I couldn't did it so you don't remember at all no okay go ahead I mean I remember doing it because I have
00:26:55
a story about it all right L I'm saying yeah go ahead so I show up and you know some girls like you want to go to the
00:27:01
sad like I like fine so we're just talking and then but we're just talking look eating and talking listen this lady that's bringing me to the set but she walked me into the set while they were
00:27:14
shooting what do you mean like watch you on in middle take they were doing a take
00:27:19
but I didn't know that I was just following this girl so you got in trouble no and then Billy Zane he's in
00:27:27
it right Titanic Billy Zane is in it yeah you know what he said Billy Zane's in the Polly movie what's a movie I want to
00:27:34
know what movie the so that Billy Zane goes like this he turns to me goes in he goes at this to me hmm and then I didn't
00:27:42
you know I got rage eyes yeah like [ __ ] don't [ __ ] shoot me don't [ __ ] shush me [ __ ] then I just talk to
00:27:48
myself I was gonna it was on my checklist to watch Titanic but now no more the guest houses I would've thought
00:27:54
yeah I'm in that what's your name I don't remember dude guest house is a newly engaged couple finds the home of their dreams and it clearly becomes a nightmare when the previous owners friend continues squatting in the guest
00:28:05
house it leads to a turf war Bobbie Lee was in this Billy Zane Charlotte McKinney Aimee Teegarden Pauly Shore Bobbie Lee you played Benny you got played Benny your character was Benny can you name any lines from them no I
00:28:16
don't remember even doing it I don't remember the scenes I remember I got naked at one point no [ __ ] Nolan I'll
00:28:25
tell you how much [ __ ] can I tell you what yeah all right you can tell me there was a scene where Paul all these in this bungalow and he's just
00:28:32
kind of like his character is just kind of just walking around is he the guy that's squatting he watch the squad and
00:28:38
I'm and whose house was a billy Zane's house obviously no but what happened was um there was a scene work he just got just sit on this hammock and read a book and you just gonna be in the background
00:28:51
I didn't be funny okay and I just say it'd be funnier if I was just completely naked for no [ __ ] reason I totally
00:28:57
agree that's the go-to so I just did that she got butt-naked in the back of the scene yeah no explanation there's no
00:29:03
lead into it no one talks about it he just walks into his place and he's just like talking somebody I'm just in the background swinging on this little
00:29:09
hammock complete with your little dick out no I got cross my legs tuck it I can tuck my dick when you cross your legs I could tuck it right now do it Oh God
00:29:26
that chair oh look at that mangina hold on let me get that get a little photo up
00:29:36
there we go perfect this is why you have like a Fupa you know what that looks like stand up first like that looks like you're with me and that looks like you
00:29:42
have a [ __ ] stand up stand up for a second isn't that look like he has a [ __ ] cuz it's like thick right there
00:29:47
that little bump that's so good do we have a marker can we sharpie like a clip yeah I want a Sharpie draw like a little clip oh my god wait a minute let me get
00:29:55
close cuz it here come here it kind of looks like you have like if I jet hold on one second if I just I'm gonna send
00:30:03
that be like look at this babe send me your [ __ ] bro Galia well look at that look at that looks like a [ __ ] yeah it's look the stomach looks bad though no but I'll just go just as heavy
00:30:14
girls spray is sending everybody DMS of her naked you know what I mean can we draw a little [ __ ] on you let's draw a
00:30:20
little tiny [ __ ] all right here we go let's draw a little clear here you and then you're kind of lippy look
00:30:35
at that you have big puss lips you look good that looks really good hold on one second you gonna suck in your stomach 1 2 3 you have a cute little puss-puss
00:30:52
looks like Oprah's [ __ ] you have a half any half Audi all right no no I just noticed that it's either an Emmy now D
00:30:59
or it could be a butthole with a hemorrhoid [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] hey man 60 per six percent of men start to lose their hair by the age of 35
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important safety information remember that's for hams dot-com / bad France yeah babe that looks like it's either a
00:32:59
butt hole with my belly button don't zoom in on that man that's your belly button it's not that big of a deal we were stuffed [ __ ] it your belly but you
00:33:04
showed me your you show me your [ __ ] your foot I just forgot why I just did that why I don't know why what what prompted me to just do that again I hey
00:33:11
with you it's anything I think you said that you could I think you said that you could tuck your dick ah that's what it
00:33:16
was and there's a pube now on your Mike look at your Mike has a pube on it on the other side oh he's gonna say it was
00:33:25
red I thought that was mine I did watch Titanic I think it's I think it's a phenomenal movie I mean look at let's let's like I say something to you yeah
00:33:32
I've seen it I know what did you think about it though I liked to have seen it like 10 times what do you think the rating is for Titanic only the rating seven out of ten
00:33:44
can you believe that seven point eight out of ten damn 900,000 people rate it it's a [ __ ] phenomenal movie it's not
00:33:50
a masterpiece it's not like absolutely as a masterpiece it's okay you know what a masterpiece is is like the hidden
00:33:57
fortress you know it's a Kurosawa film I'll tell you why that's more important than Titanic even though Titanic made more money is that the hidden fortress influenced Star Wars you know like in
00:34:10
the hidden fortress in the beginning of the movie they have an r2d2 c-3po but they're samurais but the same kind of
00:34:16
like okay you know I mean and it end the way it shot like the panning and when you see the scenes Lucas took that from you know the Kurosawa film ah the hidden
00:34:28
fortress my point is is that it's Titanic isn't an influential movie in terms of wow what look at all of these
00:34:36
[ __ ] awards Wow a Best Original Music Screenplay Best Picture Best Director Best holy [ __ ] when does it end I don't
00:34:48
does it end of it an Opie white dudes like you look at me right now look at me right now cuz you're like you know how I know you're a dopey jock dude you know how to bowl I love bowling
00:35:00
I know but when we bowled and I saw your technique yeah you actually cared and you actually practiced your form the way you whip to spin the ball yeah and you
00:35:12
did a thing and you turned around either I got a yeah I mean and I was just kind of you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah for
00:35:19
even doing that yeah because that means you spent time as a kid I remember a pig
00:35:24
imagine you as a kid with a coconut or something mm-hmm little coconut in the backyard your little Chicago Irish [ __ ] yeah well there's always
00:35:31
coconuts laying around Chicago yeah go ahead and coconut tree yeah whatever you you use okay okay yeah and you're gonna
00:35:38
set a potato I used a potato do I need to write your jokes for you okay so what I'm bored on the phone I'm gonna go there yeah because you know what you're mocking me and my boat might
00:35:49
like for bowling no I can't [ __ ] you I'm just telling you what kind of guy you are and I'm good because you're you're so adamant about defending
00:35:55
[ __ ] Titanic as it's a great movie and you love the bowl and I love to bowl guess what's who you are I love Titanic and I love to bowl hi I'm Andrew Santino
00:36:07
welcome you're Bobby Lee you like Kurosawa and making your dick look like a clip that's who you are this is why it's working okay are we fine don't make
00:36:19
fun of Titanic or bowling anymore you could be a tear about Syria said that got serious for a bother I'm gonna be a good pop I'm in a good pop up and that's it my nickname is gonna I don't like
00:36:31
daddy I don't like when girls say when they call their father daddy I think it's gross I'm gonna be called pop up or
00:36:36
paps did you see the documentary up sea trials of Gabriel Fernandez yet I don't think I can watch it why because they did they beat the [ __ ] out of that kid they torture him they feed him cat food
00:36:48
which is normal for you guys but they do all that stuff they didn't feed them cat food they fed him cat litter with pee on
00:36:54
it so it's the woman and it's her son and it's her boyfriend and they just torture him why for shits and giggles I
00:37:02
know what the real reason why is it because that they suspect the kid to be gay oh is that really what I she knows definitely I wanna watch this is so gross and sad yeah the boyfriend
00:37:14
admits that he did it doesn't care no you can't he's on trial and he just his defenses I did it but I didn't
00:37:22
intend to kill him what is that how is that that's insane that's like saying I know and to death
00:37:28
but I didn't do it for me is is that every time you brutalize a boy you know that death could be a concept riled by the way not a boy that's eight-year-old boy yeah that's a little little tiny boy
00:37:39
right so the dudes on trial right and the jury all of the jury is like yeah guilty guilty yeah except for juror number seven a Chinese man no and he this fools is
00:37:53
like I don't know you know from where I come from I swear to God you know I don't know if
00:37:59
it was like antequera because the thing is I don't know his heart no way it heart could be you know dark and evil
00:38:07
but a nun literally called you check I'm literally [ __ ] you mean yeah oh my god but they finally flipped them they
00:38:18
both got the death penalty right well yeah I'm pretty sure one of the jurors got he Ching Chung look at me right I
00:38:24
don't think they said that yeah don't focus right we gotta get a bigger Gong yeah we have to get rid of the Gong I didn't have to get rid of the guy didn't put this in here and I didn't put this issue with the gong there somebody bug
00:38:39
somebody did Oh somebody all know he's pointing down there he got it from down there no he got you a gift over there
00:38:44
oh you did what is it serial how do you not know what it is how do you not understand this joke that he George George put this stuff in here as a bit
00:38:55
he thinks this is there I am there I am on the box Oh George good one see very good Bobby
00:39:05
yeah put it right there it's fine there I am this looks like we're sponsored by them what do you guys like clothes so much clothes cigarettes you know like the clovers
00:39:18
we don't like what do you mean we don't like them yeah you do nobody dunno what you're left Green why
00:39:24
do you guys like green because it's good Ireland is green it's a very green country there's a lot of places of green you know what else is green [ __ ] West
00:39:31
Covina no it's not the same [ __ ] do I'm gonna sign that let me sign the but you decide it's not you that is you me
00:39:38
he is more famous than you you want to go into Fame okay artificial person that's not even real
00:39:44
that was drawn you it has more famous than you Sheamus charms he I know who he's a very famous guy yeah you know
00:39:51
where he went to highschool Poway high he's in the Hall of Fame good call back in fact I'm gonna [ __ ] have everybody
00:39:58
vote for Sheamus charms you guys when the website goes back up by PI way high why don't you go ahead and vote for
00:40:03
Sheamus trends Sheamus charms that's what I want I want the Sheamus lucky charms guy to be voted on yeah Jorge got all this fun stuff for you Jorge got that he got this this is
00:40:13
racist he got you the ouya hands watch the documentary I just don't think I can oh yeah cuz I can't watch kids get
00:40:19
abused do that [ __ ] Sinestro's oh but you know what it is no but if the conversations about the abuse that [ __ ] me up
00:40:24
it's like those documentaries like don't [ __ ] with cats right that was another Netflix one two three huh I hate it out
00:40:29
you see it that Jorge right you what you learn it's repulsive it's repulsive but
00:40:37
I feel like um it's better to be knowledgeable about these incidences no I don't disagree you live in a dream like steak well it's not a dream I just don't want to know I wanted to live in a
00:40:48
white dreamlike state I don't want to know the extent in which they abused this human cuz I think that's [ __ ] disgusting they like how much deep how
00:40:55
much depth do I need to know other than what you told me that they abuse this kid so horrifically because the system's
00:41:01
broken rights social workers and the you know they didn't even do anything about it that's what I'm saying is is the one
00:41:06
you want like I wasn't even aware of this and now I'm aware of it and I know that and now if there's a campaign and
00:41:13
there's a measure on a ballot right to like I want to know what happened to us but you can't you can't tell me girlfriend is the mother who's just as guilty and but she copped
00:41:24
you know me and a plea a deal yeah so she's but um some other lady on Twitter some girl was like um my mom's in prison with Perelman
00:41:35
Fernandez at this woman's prison whoa and she was saying that yeah Perle friend has just gets beat down
00:41:42
every [ __ ] day Oh correct gray can't go on the yard great yeah yeah yeah great because you know what if all those
00:41:47
women that are in prison I bet you most of them are in for some [ __ ] not for child abuse yeah child abuse as though
00:41:53
it's the you know the thing about prison is if you if you touch her you arrested huh was I molested not no I was never listen
00:42:08
no I was never molest you act like you were you have an anger you you act like you were molested was molested I know so
00:42:16
we don't act alike at all what do you mean you're the one who whips out your dick all the time and tucks it in your
00:42:21
butt and does weird stuff molestation signs me you know but you have some sort of like you know anger issues III know I
00:42:28
have anger not what this is uh about a fight I don't want a fight we're not fighting not fighting just discussing
00:42:34
you seem like you were molested is all I'm saying break it down for me how do you think I got molested well because you're you
00:42:41
have this anger but you don't have any anger and you were molested you're so you're the happy case of molestation is that what those different people get molested they react differently to it I
00:42:52
was not molested I promise okay will you beat probably no will you beat by your dad no so you never beat at all I mean
00:43:00
we got hit but like a normal kind of hit then what happened to you um honestly yeah I gotta be honest I got molested I
00:43:14
think I didn't get so I didn't what do you mean what happened their anger in me is just a part of that's a symptom of them Who I am I have just a hive run hot and I know
00:43:25
it's like a genetic thing I run hot uh-huh daddy runs hot did your dad run hot we all run hot
00:43:32
did your dad run hot of course so if I hung out with your dad for a weekend and he would never hang out with you and he
00:43:38
would never go to Tahoe when I go to Tahoe with your dad do you want me to call him and see if we go to Tahoe with
00:43:43
you I mean but could you set it up here just that be a fun experiment your dad and me one week in Tahoe Tahoe you would
00:43:51
know our last you would never last what he'd rage out on me he'd rape you no he wouldn't he wouldn't
00:43:56
rage out on you know but it just said that that's a pairing out whatever were [ __ ] you would annoy the [ __ ] out of him he does drunk he would have a stroke
00:44:02
yeah yeah you would kill my father not with your own hands but China your own volition yeah I can't watch
00:44:12
documentaries like that that make me sad I did watch the McDonald's thing he's that good because I want to watch it it's fine it's it's ask it's all about
00:44:18
the scam of the monopoly pieces and that's that's fine to me it's not it's nothing that you're gonna go whoa it's not that big of a deal but
00:44:25
you're but you are you are gonna go wow they could have done this in one you know I don't wanna fail cuz of my trauma because of the way I was raised and because you know I had to mention my dad
00:44:38
again he died support for bad friends is brought to you by Matt's gay and escapes are the best right the best I literally use it I used to use a drive saver Oh
00:44:52
like in prison now really like a prison dress the shaver and even just like a razor little Nick's and it used to bleed
00:44:59
and then I went to the store and I got like another one and didn't work that good but then when I started using this
00:45:05
it's perfect everybody is tell them more it's great I just use it buzzer is one of those and
00:45:11
it nicked up by nut sack so bad and you when you bleed in the shower it's so sad but the first time I used the electric
00:45:17
trimmer from the lawn mower from them I'm telling you I you can get right up against your sack it's not gonna cut it
00:45:22
it's incredible when I'm telling you this is premium I mean pretty even the battery will last up to 90 minutes so
00:45:28
you can take a longer shave 90 minutes dude 90 minutes is a long time to shave your nuts I don't know if your nuts are that big but if they are you can go the
00:45:34
full 90 minutes they're third-generation trimmer has cutting edge ceramic blade to prevent manscaping accidents millions
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really enjoy it listen listen up listen very closely trim the junk Bob and I know Bob trim
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bad friend and escaped dot-com by the way I saw your dad over at your brother's house that he had the box yeah your brother's so heavy it was so heavy
00:46:26
with so much the box yeah it was so heavy I have the other half is it heavy - yeah or is your box the same box I got was a fatty did your did your mom get
00:46:37
any no she didn't want any actually want any of it don't keep me know yeah it was the
00:46:43
weirdest thing because it's like when he died and then we went to the funeral home or whatever we sat in his office
00:46:50
yeah like what do you want to do what you know so we want to set up a no we just just cremate him just put him in
00:46:55
the box they want to put him in a coffin in the ground no they did they wanted some sort of service you want to do a
00:47:01
service and us three were like no no just put him in the Box put him in the mob put him in the [ __ ] box and now
00:47:08
how much money do you want the cheapest spa there's like a target bag that you can get yeah yeah yeah maybe I'd trade
00:47:15
it draws one really nice or one but okay yeah you could do that but then the second step is the brown box that we got
00:47:20
how much is it just so I know but but what engraving and then the actual photo on it that's a little money I saw that
00:47:26
yeah how much I know it was like how much does a grand dad cause that grand maybe a thousand yeah when you die soon do you want to be cremated or do you want to be put in the ground I think I
00:47:41
want to service yeah I want to be I want to be in a coffin you want to be put into the earth yeah really yeah I don't
00:47:46
see that for you why you know I just think that's like it's just it's it's you know I know you want a big show I know you like a big
00:47:53
show but you want to be in the earth creepy earth bugs creepy crawling into your eyeballs yeah because if there was like some sort of apocalypse and like you know zombies came out and you want
00:48:04
to be able to come back that one can you imagine everyone's like and then you pop out you like a
00:48:10
[ __ ] your dick yeah a little and you walk around with your little [ __ ] out with little zombie copy do that yeah
00:48:17
someone's inside the house who is it the zombies have broken in here they're trying to eat us
00:48:22
except for that one who's supposed to show us his weird penis yeah did you like The Walking Dead sure I never saw one episode and I never saw one episode
00:48:35
of The Walking Dead you want me me angry about the walking dead though but I loved zombies and the Korean dude why
00:48:42
Steven Yeun you because it was a role that you said no no I look he's a friend of mine huh okay I know yeah what made
00:48:50
you mad about him though he didn't make me mad okay what you said in in the show he is he marries a white chick ooh God
00:49:03
and then Ryan Seacrest on his radio show God he tried to go that guy couldn't in
00:49:11
real life date that girl really yeah and then he let it go because he realized that nobody else was like I'm bored of what he was saying that's really [ __ ] up to say it was [ __ ] up to say writes his name again
00:49:22
what Steven Yeun steai Steven Yeun by the way I know him he's so very handsome good god is no handsome Jiminy Cricket him jiminy crickets is he good-looking
00:49:34
yeah he's good-looking yeah I would definitely hang out with Stevi own right wow he's a sexy guy he has that little
00:49:40
kind of he's got that cute that little asian mustache the little non-threatening asian hairs the guy do
00:49:45
yeah little non-threatening ones what are we non-threatening you know like beards kind of make men look like men and Asian
00:49:51
beards just like it just looks like a carton cute and cartoony yeah that's why I wouldn't make I wouldn't make a good
00:49:57
pioneer do you know why because you would you would never last out in like a wagon you would never a pioneer like discovering new land no like Abe Lincoln the odd the Abe Lincoln so a president
00:50:09
what are you talking about because we were able to grew up in the you know in the pioneer days where he in a log cabin
00:50:14
sure right and they had these gigantic beards mm-hmm I would look weird out there could that have a foo Manchu
00:50:20
[Laughter] you know me yeah I never full on full Manchu but don't wouldn't you love that
00:50:26
you know because they're people like Izzy chopping wood or gonna kick me in the face you know why can't you just -
00:50:31
why couldn't you just you could just trim it up a little bit no it would just be look I think we would look weird I think honestly if
00:50:36
there were ages he's good-looking he's cute there were Asians in the pioneer days and the days where Pioneers existed
00:50:42
well in Deadwood yeah like no Western towns we had opium dens opium opium don't correct the way I talk cuz you got you got what I said opium dens opium
00:50:56
deaths there's opium dad dead dad's there's opium dead dead opium dens there's a Dell BM dead dad den and
00:51:02
Pasadena you can go to and just do opium because you're dead dad do you know that you know $35 an hour
00:51:08
stop doing that sorry but look so that Justin young guy is a cute guy Steven Yeun sorry whatever yeah sorry whatever but but he
00:51:19
looks like this kid Justin shown that I know you know justin chon yeah yeah he kind of looks closer but this
00:51:25
guy secret said couldn't date a white girl that's what the discrepancy was yes I think Cygnus goes he couldn't get one
00:51:31
no he goes he would in real life that guy wouldn't be able to get that girl and so that was on the show wasn't she
00:51:37
was average she wasn't like you know means stunning what was her name I don't even remember what was the show The
00:51:44
Walking Dead what are the biggest hits of the last decade I didn't see I don't know anything about it yeah but um I did a good job is it
00:51:50
really yeah The Walking Dead and it was it Walking Dead what was his name again Steven Yeun yeah Steven Yeun girlfriend yeah that's the easy way to check in our
00:52:03
life is that her no wife and the show oh it's wife on the show yeah okay where is
00:52:10
she there no this is all his wife in the real real life yeah that's the problem that they're gonna show all this stuff
00:52:16
yeah yeah there's him with the bat I don't know I never saw the walking dead but I know a lot of people liked it a
00:52:22
lot Laura cohan is that her yeah that's her so now you would you would he could get
00:52:28
her okay I don't wanna I don't want to offend either of these people cuz I don't know them in the real world okay good based on the photo they seem quite comparable exactly yeah right so it's
00:52:42
not it's not a stretch not even remotely yeah but [ __ ] stupid Ryan Seacrest right yeah you know first of all he's so
00:52:50
white he's white right yeah he says I want to have a message to Ryan Seacrest it'll add yeah
00:52:56
we're here dear Ryan Seacrest here Rambam fat I'm misshapen you're not you're not a
00:53:04
girls wet dream your body is your body's probably average I would say you're very
00:53:10
ever I'm pretty fat you're not fat right now okay yeah but I'm but I'm not like yeah but I
00:53:16
you wouldn't think that I would be able to kill it with women that's not true okay well I want to have a messenger
00:53:23
Ryan Seacrest I my message is that I've dated girls comparable to her or even harder that's right right Ryan mm-hmm and you know and you [ __ ] on the
00:53:34
internet go you look at girls because you're you do stand-up and you have money or whatever yeah yeah yeah I got
00:53:48
no [ __ ] it when I when I was 23 years old zero none I know your brother told me
00:53:53
that he was a virgin till he was 20 yeah yeah so none none right and I go I'm gonna have to do something figure it out and figure it out so I'll just go do stand-up
00:54:04
that was why yeah and then four months in hmm Jennifer field there was a white girl named Jennifer field Jennifer field walks up to me she goes hey you want to eat my [ __ ] in my mom's house in
00:54:16
Oceanside I got why for free yeah your field what do you think she is now by the way I don't be please don't google her because she's probably whoa yeah
00:54:32
that's her no she was white did all this girl is white that's Jennifer field she was an F Asian she was she an actress now you're never gonna find the Jayce is the girl that said that to buy
00:54:43
that's not the girls is the girl okay but my point is is that she lived in Oceanside and I
00:54:50
remember going into her mom's closet need sixty-nining her you did yeah and I remember so check this out
00:54:56
Wow so she's on top of me like this okay and her cheeks on my face like this mm-hmm
00:55:01
and it looked up at I literally did this I looked up at the sky and if God could
00:55:06
if there was a camera you just see tears these tears and I did a little wink to God to the Lord and you think he was
00:55:19
watching I'm pretty sure what you think God was watching you go Jennifer I always thank God for things like that
00:55:24
are you becoming more religious now I believe in God yeah you believe in God or you believe in a thing like God do
00:55:33
you actually believe in God I don't believe in Jesus Christ Jesus Christ yeah I believe in that we're all connected by energy and that there is
00:55:45
some sort of loving optic omnipotent loving and I'm the force yeah force do you did was your before your dad died did he pray you would see like big I'm a completely atheist
00:55:56
see they always say a guy a man always finds God on the deathbed your dad had no nothing like that
00:56:01
well my brother I don't know why he did this but my brother would take photos of my dad dying what why what he goes as he
00:56:11
was dying what my but my dad was in a hospice for seven days nap chatting your dad's death you know those photos where
00:56:18
someone does a a picture every single day your debt your brother was doing I never saw you showed you these photos all these are gonna [ __ ] boggle your
00:56:24
mind I don't wanna I don't do I want to see him are they [ __ ] up it's so hard to see like that like when people also
00:56:29
you know when people did you look at your dad when after he was dead I was in the room when he when he finally left
00:56:36
when he left and did your mom cry oh my god yeah she was um so look at this but your brother spent a good chunk of time taking photos of your father as he passed away oh my god is this hard to
00:56:51
look and your brother's crying your mom is crying yeah Jesus Bob this is sad this is very
00:57:00
sad here's a [ __ ] you guys just show your photo funny that's not I hope it's not like that is
00:57:05
that that's not funny yeah but then my mom goes my mom goes do good she goes put that put the fall here
00:57:20
to the timer so you can be in the picture I go what put the time on how many seconds 10 seconds right and then the first time I did it the thing fell over right and then the second time I
00:57:34
couldn't get around this like other thing that was in up in the one instruction yeah so then we did it like
00:57:40
10 times but then we finally got it well Bob yeah this is such a sad photo yeah oh your poor mother yeah so then did your dad know that you guys were taking pictures was he conscious enough he's
00:57:53
dead here oh that's he's out he's dead yeah yeah holy [ __ ] Bob so yeah that was he dead in the other one yeah you were taking
00:58:00
iPhone pictures while your dad was dead my mom wanted it he heard Korean people are so that's so weird that's wild because what are you gonna
00:58:11
do with that photo it's AI cinetic Oliver and Kate Hudson why would you send that to Oliver and Kate Hudson and
00:58:18
they were like don't ever send that again no [ __ ] I don't know I'm Korean I know you guys do yeah we do different
00:58:24
things death his death is a different thing but anyway the week two days before that yeah my brother was like I'm just gonna stay here like sleep in the
00:58:34
room with him yeah then I'm like as he was dying yeah and like all right yeah but all night long he just took photos
00:58:42
of him like stages and I texted him back I go why is he doing this and then one of them was this though huh my dad doing
00:58:48
this look he did that that's so sad right so maybe there is a god thing okay sure maybe there is a god thing but your father didn't believe in God you said yeah but maybe you think that was
00:59:06
maybe lying toward Oh going towards the light maybe you think so yeah there was a yeah he was doing that I'm sorry I
00:59:12
don't you don't being genuine with you don't ever send people those photos ever again that's an insane that's like a
00:59:18
literal insane thing to do no it's not it's insane I'll tell you why here have you heard of ROM DOS
00:59:23
I know ROM das so Westerners have this skewed or different idea about death right and ROM das you know when he was alive he died in December but he loved
00:59:35
being in the presence of death because he's being in the presence of truth cuz it's liberating
00:59:41
you know Securi is the most truthful thing that you can witness okay right and for me I believe that my dad moved
00:59:48
on to the next phase or at the afterlife and I think that it's not I don't think that you view it as some sort of weird
00:59:55
personal you know I mean private thing that I think death is kind of pry it's not you don't think death is Mary that's
01:00:02
Ruth so death is truth but it's not pride shouldn't so should we put should we parade around death a little bit more
01:00:08
no but I don't think that we should like hide same be shameful about it's not shameful but it's but it's almost like
01:00:15
God like rest the dead type of [ __ ] where you're like when they're gone they're gone some countries they say
01:00:20
they have different ways of dealing with it they celebrate you mean the right party that goes sometimes they have a party around the dead body yeah that's
01:00:26
what I'm saying is so it's like I don't like - yeah but that's you're like angry Chicago no nearest [ __ ] lucky charm
01:00:34
thanks most you [ __ ] particle if there's a rainbow Seamus charms there's in Poway Hall of
01:00:40
Fame by the way most you don't do that again I really I was really adamant about this
01:00:47
people are gonna vote for you I mean they're either gonna vote for you or Seamus there's one of the two we're gonna get in I can I tell you a story
01:00:53
real fast this is insane a guy at my Bakersfield show passed out cuz I think he was on too many edibles they said we
01:00:59
passed out in the middle of the [ __ ] show and they to turn on lights and I was like man what happened with the [ __ ] lights and they said it was probably because he was they were like
01:01:06
he was drunk but he was acting real weird so I was like he wasn't drunk he was [ __ ] high and he passed out in
01:01:11
the middle of the show slammed himself on the floor this this [ __ ] poor dude and they had to turn lights and drag him out in the middle of the show and then
01:01:17
and then another weird thing when I was in Atlanta maybe Atlanta was I just in they tell people you know no cell phones you know all the [ __ ] like no cell phones all I like don't know record another day whatever no pictures until
01:01:30
after the show I got a grown man adult male they had to throw out with her all cuz he was drunk on his phone you know like taking photos are [ __ ] around and they threw him out and he cried and
01:01:41
he was bawling and I thought I'm not kidding from the stage I thought I was like in my mind he was so distant and
01:01:47
faint cuz it was up in the balcony I thought that's weird that's like a thing in might like I think I'm here it sounds
01:01:53
like someone but it could be something outside yeah a grown man was bawling because they were kicking him out of the show oh I know it broke my fighter why
01:01:59
he was crying yeah because he loves you I know I know I'm what am i I didn't have an angle that you probably like saved all his money for - I had nothing to do with this huge whiskey ginger
01:02:12
oh [ __ ] you whiskey ginger fan ya know I either way I'm sorry I feel bad and he
01:02:19
like probably I don't know why he likes whiskey ginger but he's like I love whiskey ginger so much yeah yeah yeah
01:02:26
then he's just like being torn out of there I had nothing to do with that he's going I didn't do it I didn't throw the
01:02:33
guy out I feel bad for the poor guy I feel like they told me the security guard was like laughing about his big news I yeah he's [ __ ] crying like a
01:02:40
[ __ ] yeah that was like oh okay at a comedy club what are you okay so let me ask you something I felt bad if they were if
01:02:46
they're if the club is rude to you what do you do what do you mean like manager treats me like I was in Seattle once and
01:02:54
when I walk arler yet the parlour yeah and I did a show a couple shows already that you know was a third I did show
01:03:01
Thursday I did first show Friday it's not there anymore is it it's not it should and in the second show in between
01:03:07
shows I took like a 20-minute nap because I was really tired I've done that yeah and then I came back to the second show and the doorman wouldn't let
01:03:14
me in to your own show yeah cuz he was like I know who you are bro he goes eh oh man we're all sold out
01:03:20
it's me no I didn't do that I just walked in the club and then did they get into a fight with you they he he he as
01:03:28
I'm walking forward he walked in front of me and started walking backwards it whoa whoa whoa buddy why don't you just say it's me I'm no
01:03:34
you do you think he should know is that what that is I don't know if you're at a
01:03:40
comedy club he's a security guard he's in [ __ ] care he gettin paid [ __ ] eight bucks an hour to make sure drunk
01:03:46
people don't throw [ __ ] at you so you would have just said I would have gone hey I'm the guy nice to meet you I'm Andrea what [ __ ] he doesn't care
01:03:52
that's what I've done that guy doesn't [ __ ] care or [ __ ] it up you know when he probably hates comedy
01:03:58
he probably just like [ __ ] comedy after listen he's laughing at the helium in Portland they had a little girl that was
01:04:04
reading a book it during the show no she was a book she was the door woman oh and as I walked in she goes ID I love that
01:04:13
and I go my ID yeah I'm Bobby Lee ID she needs to she needs to know you're of age so I had to
01:04:18
[ __ ] pull out my idea did you go I need to go to my own [ __ ] show yeah but you know what I mean what are you [ __ ] you so like you know you don't
01:04:25
you don't take that personal here's the thing here's the thing why do I care if that guy knows who I am or not the
01:04:31
people in the room all are there to see you I don't care that the [ __ ] security guard is like I don't know you bro fine dog nice to meet you bud I'm
01:04:39
gonna go play a sold-out show for my fans sorry you don't know me I don't know you know what I mean so you
01:04:45
weren't molested I was not yeah that's right that's that's because a molester goes you wanna
01:04:50
know who I am yeah that's the difference right yeah you don't get molested you're fine I want to tell you one quick thing
01:04:56
to that do we do enough we did but this blew my mind I want to tell you something hold on I'm sitting on the
01:05:02
plane I'm going from the plane from Detroit to Atlanta the woman sees me on my website checking the dates because the the my [ __ ] dates were broke were
01:05:16
wrong it was going to wrongs pages so I'm like kind of scrambling I'm texting someone I'm dating hey man these pages are not happening like something's wrong
01:05:22
it's sending people to the wrong page and she's staring over my fight I can [ __ ] feel her looking at my phone you
01:05:28
know and I'm kind of getting annoyed I'm like turning a little bit and then she goes you're musician
01:05:34
no I go no I'm not a musician I'm a performer I'm not a musician Oh what kind of performer I just do a live performance readings I do art readings I
01:05:46
do I read art art yeah I'm trying as hard as I can to get out of it yeah she goes hmm she sees me with a microphone
01:05:53
cuz that's my [ __ ] she goes do you Duke are you a comedian I go yes yeah I get
01:05:59
like at some point like yes okay this is how you're reacting to these are a little nicer right no well just how you react no because
01:06:05
I'm feeling it's so invasive all right like you why are you [ __ ] looking at my phone that's that's insanely invasive it wasn't organic at
01:06:12
all yeah and then she goes I'm I'm not making this up she goes I love comedy I said oh yeah like we haven't heard this before I go oh yeah okay yeah um who do you like she goes yeah white this is
01:06:26
white lady and there's a black guy to my left okay black guy to my left white woman on my right going to Atlanta if
01:06:31
anybody knows Atlanta yeah very diverse right a lot of black people this woman's gonna Atlanta she goes Bill Cosby I go
01:06:39
bill cot Bill Cosby and I go oh okay and then she goes yeah I like I like I think
01:06:45
he's he phenomenal and I go yeah yeah bill was very good comic it turns out he's a piece of [ __ ] and she goes what like this yeah I'm not kidding what I go
01:06:59
I you know he raped women I mean he raped a lot of women he got caught raping women
01:07:05
I'm not joking even a little bit yeah well you know why I liked him cuz he told blacks to stop complaining and lift themselves up by their bootstraps black
01:07:19
out of my left I'm in the middle black guy here is it for sure I'm sitting there begging for the plane to crash um
01:07:25
please crash I was I please hit a bump and let's [ __ ] tumble dear ma she goes blacks he told blacks to stop complaining and lift themself up by their bootstraps Rob that's what she
01:07:37
said and by the way of a black out of my left who now thinks I'm buds with her I'm white so right away he's like oh yeah
01:07:45
my god so here's me what do you say in that situation I had to go oh uh I don't know you know I'm not a huge I don't not a you know I should have pulled out a gun and shot my own [ __ ]
01:07:55
head there was no way out of it yeah and the black guy I can feel his energy I can feel him going huh that how you feel
01:08:02
- and there's no way for me I'm at a loss I can say this say it to me well I like Bill Cosby because why why do you like him well because he told blacks to
01:08:15
stop complaining and to lift themselves up by the bootstraps yeah no I didn't do
01:08:26
it I try she made me so [ __ ] give her a swastika pen huh a pin well when I say goodbye I said take it easy yeah it was
01:08:34
insane I didn't it was such an uncomfortable [ __ ] I hate being put in those situations that's why I don't want to tell someone that you're a comic I do it is what I don't yeah but when they
01:08:41
put a gun to you and it's like a their grant they want to know it's it's hard but the guy another guy on the way to
01:08:47
Detroit he I got um I got a snack thing at a protein box and he goes I pay I paid for it and I was like oh why and he
01:08:59
goes pay it forward man I think it's a cool thing to buy people stuff on planes I go well thank you but then I realize
01:09:05
that's him kaboom sink in the bait now he gets to talk to me the whole [ __ ] time oh my iPad yeah this is me I had to
01:09:13
do this the whole time watching a movie yeah I do do this but what's up all the time I had to take off my [ __ ] headphones go what's up and then he would ask some question about what I'm watching and then I go oh it's um love
01:09:27
his blah it's love is blind on Netflix okay all right yeah then I would watch it again and no [ __ ] again what's up
01:09:35
yeah yeah yeah no I don't want to die I don't want to drink thank you that's why you where I put the sleepy mask on I know I put the earphones on
01:09:42
your guy leet I'm not even asleep no no you just disappeared I'm not even asleep I'll just have my eyes open with the
01:09:49
mask on and just and just stare in the darkness yeah but it's because it's better than that thing it's better than talking to people I want to talk to you about the guy that
01:10:00
you had me open for me who you requested your friend are you gonna talk [ __ ] no
01:10:07
oh great yeah he's phenomenal Matlock would ya yeah Matlock was a great comic he did he did a whole
01:10:12
weekend with me well he he went to San Jose with you yeah no we his family was there right yeah and I had his mom and I
01:10:19
yeah you had to do the thing didn't you I had to do I because I work two different masks I have the dirty the guy
01:10:26
right here you're in the real authentic real deal but then I can do a real suburban how are ya Oh your son you raised him so well that's really not but
01:10:38
that's what I did you should do that they're like oh yeah yeah because one day they're gonna be gone yeah and and
01:10:44
they'll remember you as that nice kid who just did the right thing by them by just saying hey how's it going instead
01:10:50
okay you wanna see my dick no of course that I know I know when to do that I know when to pull my dick out and how
01:10:56
did he do he did great although it was funny because the first show the host was really good the local host in San Jose he's from San Francisco's name is mark smalls he's really good Nikki Glaser
01:11:08
uses him oh I know who he is yeah he's very funny I've heard his name before yes yes so he was killing it yeah so me
01:11:15
and Lockwood were backstage and he was a little nervous he was like a vocally sang to you Yahoo you would feel like cuz he because he was pacing he's like it's like I got this I cop you're gonna
01:11:26
eat it dude you asked fine his eyes why would you say that - that guy night he goes what do you mean I go I don't know man like robber Hartman's here he's not there above no because I know we have
01:11:38
not yeah yeah but I'm telling him people that are there just to make him nervous yeah that like honestly dude it's like
01:11:44
oh if you don't do well you might not do the next out of the show this is the first show that's the first job the sweat in his eyes vibrating and so then
01:11:54
he gets up on stage and me in the manager come on let's go so we're in the audience right and you could see him on stage kind of eating it
01:12:06
no yeah a little bit like he's starting to struggle dry again and how I uses what I'm doing the back you know be just like tears I
01:12:13
have a great time right and the man the managers like we're having a good time but then five or six minutes in I could
01:12:19
see him gain come to resident the rhythm yeah and then I was just like I'll call the room cuz he did well yeah that's
01:12:25
good see you take my suggestions but then we went to get tacos just real quick because you said the thing and then um we sat there any tacos and I had
01:12:32
to do the whole how do you eat this girl comes in how do I know you - you yeah oh
01:12:38
I don't know wait you've been in movies right mm-hmm like yeah she's like hangover yeah and I go yes no yeah you
01:12:52
were the guy in the trunk and hangover that right okay okay stop Bob come on Bob Bob Bob come say goodbye come here
01:13:06
obviously it's finish the story though so she says so she said stop she says you're in the hangover and you go
01:13:11
obviously not you go no you guys now everything I'm gonna see after that that was the laughs no you know what you just
01:13:17
did it was how we she's closer look at me look at me look at me yeah tell the rest this story I won't she goes no no I know what
01:13:25
you're trying to do just end it look at Nikki why can you get me a napkin look in the camera yeah and one two three thank you for
01:13:33
being a bad friend [Music]