00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends
00:00:12
you know who i am right now man who are you dog coven 19 bobby lee 2022 wuhan dog what's up from the streets of san diego power california what's up
00:00:24
what's up deep the titans are in the house dog are we gonna keep our mask on the whole time rudy no keep your mask
00:00:30
off dog yo dog be like herman cain dawg herman cain do what are you gonna do rudy gonna keep it on i mean i have
00:00:37
immunity for like four months since i got covered last night i know but i don't know about you you can't get
00:00:43
it from that distance dog says who since the fouchy brah you know how crazy it is how annoying you and kalila were during the the whole pandemic you guys were so [ __ ] annoying yeah about
00:00:55
[ __ ] everything yeah yeah yeah and then now it's like yeah go do the podcast when you got kovitz it's insane
00:01:01
bro i was working brah what is this [ __ ] accent that you've got sorry i'm back all right there we go i have covered man
00:01:07
tell everybody tell everybody what's going on are we rolling yet or no he was rolling man and we're gonna keep all that in dude
00:01:14
dude i'm super sick right now man i'm not myself how stupid is this so we're doing this episode while you're
00:01:19
like this but we waited all week dude i got first of all number one do dude let me talk to you bro yeah i'm listening i'm right here shaka oh are you shaka guy now because you
00:01:30
bought a house in hawaii shuck i did does everybody know this have we talked about this that you guys bought aloha aloha how big is the house
00:01:38
it's a condo dog wakaliki what the [ __ ] is this thing that you're doing right i'm sorry man be you i'm sorry he was listening to tupac
00:01:48
and eminem oh this is when you do your rap days this is when you do your rights i get influenced by the music i listen to him
00:01:54
on all right we'll get okay get it out of your system all right no get out of your system be the rap guy that you want to be what's up what's up what's up
00:02:03
uh i'm god i'm good that's it that's enough so you're not gonna be able to do it then no i thought for sure you would no so what happened
00:02:10
was i was doing um tiger belly last week or whatever and gilbert he comes in right he's like he gives everyone coven me and kalyla
00:02:21
and dude i was so sick man monday tuesday wednesday i just don't even remember it i was a [ __ ] blur bro did you take monoclonal antibodies
00:02:32
well trump took it you know you told me he caught bobby called me for the fans at home
00:02:38
bobby called me and said i want to do the thing that trump did oh oh bob you just kicked that camera
00:02:47
hold on oopsie oopsie daisy i'm sorry dude i haven't left the house in a week no i know but yeah i know and i'm sick so it's like i'm just happy that you're sick and
00:03:03
we're together yeah i don't even i think this is a great idea take your mask off absolutely [ __ ] not [ __ ] you
00:03:09
what is your aggro [ __ ] attitude right now dude because you got kovid and you're dancing around thinking who cares i know you're still going out and [ __ ] around with covet
00:03:20
aren't you no no i i can't let tonight we were supposed to do the goddamn comedy jam i have to go
00:03:26
right did we not i had to cancel that i cancelled all week i also had a show at the improv tonight had to cancel that
00:03:32
yeah right i canceled all week bro so no i haven't been going out have i been going out no yeah
00:03:39
like i [ __ ] believe her this is the [ __ ] first time yo dog hill [ __ ] how come you're just getting into hip-hop now so you're so late it's so late and you're getting into
00:03:51
hip-hop that's do you know any do you like you know tyler the creator just won another grammy for album of the year
00:03:56
have you heard that album no what's it called i don't know i just said no man you heard it
00:04:01
who are you talking to are you talking to who are you talking about who you talking about i don't like when you challenged me man
00:04:08
you're not a good friend dude i'll tell you why i'll tell you why because you got you were so free free fiddly diddly you were
00:04:15
so fruitily diddly when the pandemic goes up no i wasn't yeah you're golfing you're hanging out with your [ __ ] wife
00:04:21
golfing you can be outside you could you could golf you're hanging out with your white friend doing fantasy football
00:04:26
[ __ ] at bars i wasn't i don't do fantasy whatever watching the game whatever that game is outside we watch
00:04:31
it outside whatever you got it right dog yeah and you know what i didn't subject you i didn't do i didn't subject you to
00:04:38
it dude it's we have to put on a [ __ ] podcast this is our business right so i'm going and and we have to get it done by tonight we're doing it so how the [ __ ] are we going to do it fancy
00:04:50
fancy i didn't want to do it i'm [ __ ] sick i know but you're you're doing a great job oh god did you get a fever
00:04:57
yeah man i got the whole thing dude i got night shivers i started sweating oh my god i had [ __ ] dreams about um do
00:05:04
you have fever dreams yeah i had a dream about brad pitt and he was just like i'm a big fan of
00:05:10
your comedy and i gave him a hug and i just started following around this [ __ ] um party and stuff and then i ran into dove david off i knew it was
00:05:17
him because he has crossed eyes he does and i saw him from apart i go that's why guy looks like a [ __ ] you
00:05:23
know those pinheads yeah from the [ __ ] circus back in the day yeah that's what dove david all looks like to me and i what's up and he said what's up
00:05:31
and then um that's it that was a dream i'm gonna take my jacket off are you on steroids you're so [ __ ] antsy it's crazy
00:05:41
no i haven't been what the [ __ ] man let's be real dude what's going on i'm just so upset that you have coveted i know i know what is going on you you i feel like
00:05:53
you're criticizing every thing i'm saying every move i'm making every move you make
00:06:00
every step you take everything day every time i pray probably i am gay i'm gay okay i wanted to come out and tell you i'm not you're gay you're gay rudy how's the house been with with all
00:06:17
these coven patients dude don't do that what's up why are you coughing how just cough into your shirt if you're gonna
00:06:23
cough this is such a bad idea to do this episode no it's not it's going great he's coughing out loud it's going great who's mike is that doc's that'll be good yeah yeah oh man
00:06:34
bob you all got me sick again yeah when he comes back he's gonna be sick how's it been at the covered ward house when i found out about it i was
00:06:41
kind of happy that they got it yes because i was a little happy too because it's what you'd get for talking [ __ ] to
00:06:48
everyone else right yeah isn't that nice air high five but bobby has been really dramatic oh no
00:06:54
[ __ ] in what way you [ __ ] ungrateful [ __ ] don't don't we're not doing that
00:07:00
today you ungrateful [ __ ] in what way come on i just have to do everything because he
00:07:05
keeps ex um making excuses that he's so sick he can't move he can't do anything i have to do all of it that's right so listen yeah
00:07:17
i want to tell you how happy i am that you've graduated to like a car guy now do you want to tell everybody what you did this week and what i helped you do come
00:07:28
on so here's the deal i have never had a nice car ever correct right i've always had priuses ask anyone at the comedy store parking lot guys
00:07:39
for the last 30 years i've just the hood is off the window's broken they're always worth about five grand 10 grand
00:07:46
max max right and um i liked it i smoked in it i [ __ ] in my car like literally [ __ ] yeah right i pee i put burritos all over the place
00:07:57
pepperonis all kinds of stuff and um i always just used a card just to transport me from one place to another you know how cars do sure they transport you yeah the minimal
00:08:10
the minimal you just want here to hear it doesn't everything else doesn't matter but i quit smoking
00:08:16
and i look at your fancy cars and i went man i should give myself you know a nice thing so i bought it i bought a an audi
00:08:28
sports back a5 standard um but i matted it we got it mad black man and i tinted the windows it looks pretty dope it looks real nice so sexy
00:08:40
and now do you feel a little bit more special do i look like when i was driving today
00:08:45
pretty [ __ ] special yeah a lot of people were looking at the car they look at it yeah well she got confident and i
00:08:53
stood outside my car and leaned against it like oh wow james dean does and i crossed my
00:08:58
legs like this so you lean and cross your legs and i pretended i had a cigarette i was gonna say dude can we
00:09:03
get you candy cigarettes maybe yeah yeah and i was and and this kid from t-mobile came up and he goes that's still around
00:09:10
huh i don't know what even what t-mobile is is that so it's like pep boys do they say cell phones oh it is oh i have no
00:09:16
idea the only person that we know that has it is eric griffin yeah please be real yeah that's just cause cricket went
00:09:22
out of business um shut up tito yeah so um then i asked you who you know that could matt it and you said um i
00:09:37
said this guy i got the guy and he's amazing he's incredible he really is amazing his place the place looks really
00:09:43
nice i mean if you look around there's like old like rolls-royces he's fixing up and
00:09:49
porsches so that's that that i got him from tommy segura segura gave me his information because he's done all his
00:09:55
cars for him oh wow and he was like anything you need this guy can do literally anything yeah yeah he's hand rebuilt cars they'll rebuild them from
00:10:02
nothing yeah he's my guy for life isn't that wild to think that so we have no skill like that we have zero skills
00:10:07
outside of being funny you i have more skills outside of being free name any [ __ ]
00:10:13
skill you have outside of funny go i can tell you the difference between good sunflower seeds and bad sunflower seeds
00:10:19
i'll tell you how do you know what's the giveaway it's the christmas of the shell right
00:10:24
what the nut tastes like yeah i mean sometimes the nut is chewy that's not good it's stale you like you like you
00:10:30
like hard nuts i love i've had if you're going to be human in my mouth so i know
00:10:36
nuts more than you do what does a ball taste like if you put a man's testicle in your mouth
00:10:42
it's like a dried squid oh okay yeah they take a dried squid dip it in water you're right kind of like
00:10:48
that texture don't look at her you better not know what balls in your mouth you know what happened to her she was on a date
00:10:55
when last week just let me finish she went on a date i'm not gonna say his name he's cute none of the guys that she hangs out with that she dates right what does that mean
00:11:06
why do you why'd you do this because dating to me implies that he's trying to woo her and court her and and go to movies and dinners there's a couple of dudes she
00:11:18
dates that's not that and what does that mean rudy explain it that we just [ __ ] i don't like it i don't like it either
00:11:31
it's so disgusting as your tito okay as your as papa santino i just we're not going to talk about anymore just tell me you're being safe yes okay that's all i
00:11:43
want to know you never raw dog no okay i try to say it's so nice i was like are you being responsible he's like do you ever get [ __ ] smashed out raw dick okay you get raw
00:11:55
dick down so sh but none of these guys knows who she lives with what she does in the event some of them have to know no they don't you're saying not one guy you've been on a date with knows that you're on the show no but so this is the
00:12:08
[ __ ] how do you meet them online there's no [ __ ] way they don't look at your instagram
00:12:13
i have another instagram so she she has two right her regular one which is no followers and a bad friend the bad friend really has a hundred thousand but she doesn't tell people about that she's ashamed of it are you really ashamed of
00:12:25
the show i just don't want them to know because i don't want i don't know i thought you
00:12:30
were like proud of this thing that we built i am i just don't want them to know immediately so anyway
00:12:38
that's shame she's ashamed of mom and dad she is all right go ahead so anyway what so
00:12:43
this kid doesn't know i have any so they're at in-n-out right chick-fil-a chick-fil-a and um sorry so
00:12:50
good so good what sauces do you get let me guess polynesian you get the chick-fil-a sauce yeah uh that's it that's it yeah [ __ ] snooze fest so
00:13:03
they're actually so a guy that worked there went ape [ __ ] when he saw her rudy right can i take a photo please look at it right and then so she takes a photo with
00:13:16
him right yeah and this kid who has no idea is like are you famous oh no yeah what do you say to that i just said kinda
00:13:28
but then that's true you are kind of famous kinda yeah a hundred thousand followers is a [ __ ] a lot a lot yeah
00:13:34
but yeah he just he he got really shocked oh yeah but did she but now she has the
00:13:40
power oh yeah right right now it's like chick-fil-a no take me to the [ __ ] maestros yeah master say i don't think he has a lot of not your [ __ ] problem yeah
00:13:51
you're famous now say put it on the card [ __ ] put it on a credit card when he says when he says listen i only have you know 45 dollars to spend on
00:13:58
dinner you're like not my problem get the credit card out yeah and let's go to [ __ ] mastros does he pay for
00:14:04
the chick-fil-a no we have [ __ ] that oh my god you can't even play the full chick-fil-a i i want to pay her
00:14:12
no you don't no you don't no you don't no yeah first of all no no you don't i want to say this too
00:14:18
yeah i keep telling you haven't i told you this right you have a power yeah all right
00:14:25
and guy i remember being 19 20 years old right yeah and just like whatever a girl
00:14:31
wanted you know run 30 miles that way peace pick up a piece of rock and bring it back you got it i got it how big is the
00:14:37
rock yeah yeah it could be a boulder oh i'll die i'll bring it i'll die i'll break my back yeah yeah they'll find my
00:14:42
skeletal body with a boulder on top of my body but also this guy is paying only paying half but if you start boinking
00:14:49
this guy he then has to pay for sure yeah that's the definite rule one from now on yeah right okay and when you guys
00:14:55
watch movies together at the theater does he go half half he paid he pays for the movies what does
00:15:01
he do what does he can we not say what he does no he's he's in college oh she has so he doesn't have any money they're in class together yeah would you ever
00:15:07
pay for the whole bill would you ever go let me get this um maybe if i invited him to a date not
00:15:14
him right but have you ever invited a guy on it have you ever asked a guy on a date no no so it's never gonna happen no
00:15:22
this is the thing though from now on you have to know as a woman you you it's very noble of you to pay
00:15:27
half you don't have to but i feel guilty though why for what i don't know because it should be okay there's men's cologne the reason why there's fancy cars the
00:15:40
reason why there's like nice jeans guys don't want to do any of it here it is the reason why there's anything
00:15:45
yeah is because of a vagina a vagina that's yeah that's only buildings that's why there's anything yeah yeah a
00:15:51
skyscraper vagina this desk yes corporations this guy that built this for us yeah yeah he started building
00:15:56
stuff to get vagina yeah yeah vagina is the everything it's better than crack it's everything heroin everything
00:16:02
opiates all together everything it's better vaginas like all the your worst and favorite things rolled into one it's
00:16:08
like vagina is like it's like riding tatsu when you're when you're feeling just the most elated and free and in love when you can't get vagina you start
00:16:19
shooting things yeah you have to god is vagina god is vagina when they say jesus and the lord in the bible
00:16:26
they're talking about vagina they are yeah god is vagina jesus is the [ __ ] yes the holy ghost is the butthole
00:16:36
right so you have the power look i think it's noble of you to pay i agree but if you don't want to here's my thing if you're hooking up with a guy he has to pay
00:16:47
okay yeah if if a girl is willing to put a penis in her mouth the guy should pay
00:16:52
i think that's the rule yeah yeah like because who wants a penis in their mouth that it's so weird and
00:16:58
gross also i've never had honestly be honest with me go for it before you you were married when you were single ender which is a scary thought
00:17:10
very scary thought okay like a [ __ ] wild animal on the [ __ ] in its land hunting down prey okay anyway that's who you are you're a [ __ ] hellfire
00:17:22
i'm the gazette i'm the gazelle broken leg i'm the predator yeah you're the prey i am a pro
00:17:27
and sometimes the prey gets a little bit of scraps thank you that's definitely me yeah but right i
00:17:34
have never gone half this with a woman um on a date i've always paid never once never once although i will say i almost made a girl pay me too i i have
00:17:47
a claws dude go ahead i was here here's i was so i went on a blind date i think i literally talked about this the other
00:17:52
day i i went on a blind date i took a bus from culver city to west hollywood i didn't know west hollywood i knew it was
00:17:59
a gay neighborhood but i didn't know no yeah i was new to hollywood and this girl was like a hook up a blind date
00:18:05
through a friend and she suggested one of those places on santa monica like uh you know the rusty manhole or um
00:18:14
oh god what was it what's it called trunks or one of those but this was the mexican one it was the mexican themed
00:18:20
gay bar [Music] right and i didn't know what's it called fancy's gotta know what's it called
00:18:26
what's the mexican gay bar black bean the black bean and i got and i gotta tell you
00:18:32
i went there i'm super comfortable and open with my sexuality i don't give a [ __ ] about any of that [ __ ] but in the
00:18:38
middle of the date she's getting wasted dude it's like 2 p.m right and the guy comes over he's like somebody's ready to party and she's like more drinks and he's like okay next round's on me but
00:18:49
you guys got to do body shots and i was like no i'm okay i didn't want to drink anyway right and she's hot she
00:18:56
was very good-looking yeah yeah and she kept being like come on do it don't be so annoying that didn't turn you on to
00:19:02
do body shots off of a guy oh off a guy he the server was saying i'll buy the round you have to suck it off my [ __ ]
00:19:08
chest oh i thought shoot you i thought it was oh it was my bad i thought the liquor was gonna be on her that would have been fine all
00:19:15
right no i didn't know i didn't know i didn't no i he this guy was like i'll take care of the round you got a body shot and of course she did one
00:19:21
she's already blacked out it's 2 30 in the [ __ ] afternoon i should have known this girl was a [ __ ] psycho and
00:19:27
she sucks liquor off this guy of this beautiful black man's abs you know the liquor got in the crevasse of his abs at
00:19:33
like in it like like a little like the la river like you know when it gets a little bit of water yeah yeah and it like made its way down to the channel
00:19:40
and she's slurping all of it oh my gosh she's like now you don't be [ __ ] annoying yeah
00:19:46
and and i and i did and i did and i did a body shot off this guy yeah were you laughing you must have been laughing did it feel good for me or him for you
00:19:59
you're this you're just you're just sucking off of a guy he has abs it was on his abs and his belly button i licked his belly button too yeah and then she
00:20:10
made nothing of it so i went to great lengths and she was like and i was like cool
00:20:15
i better get some [ __ ] head i just sucked that black guy's beautiful [ __ ] abs yeah and and she was like
00:20:21
she [ __ ] me off she was like not paying attention didn't give a [ __ ] i thought if i do this i'm in with this
00:20:26
girl she didn't care and then she was like what are you doing tonight and i was like i don't know what are you doing she's like i have plans maybe we can
00:20:32
meet up later and i was like this is she's [ __ ] me off she's used me to get drunk and get lunch
00:20:37
so in my mind i thought should i ask her to pay half i knew it wasn't going to go anywhere and i still paid for her i have
00:20:43
a question for you yeah i remember her name was margot robbie i don't know what she's up to but i think she's if there was a male comic that you had to suck a liquor off their body
00:20:56
which one would it be jamar neighbors probably the most sexy in shape black dude yeah yeah probably two more neighborhoods i mean like not eric griffin how could it stay on uh what where he's
00:21:09
got pockets oh oh right it'd be like a [ __ ] a river a lake oh it would be like a
00:21:16
little pot like a little lake and you have a bunch of big lakes oh you're right fat pockets of lakes
00:21:22
but no who would you suck it off who would you do about a dozen like probably because you think he's sexy no does he
00:21:27
know you have a little bit of a physical crush on him i don't have a physical crush on him you've told me before that you think he's hot you've said this off camera like i think i've told him that
00:21:33
all right so you do have kind of a crush on him like a man crush yeah like you do find him attractive and if let's say no
00:21:38
one's in the main room the door closes and he's like i'm thinking about having you suck me
00:21:44
bobby what are you gonna do no he's stronger than you bud he's no but he's he's got like no upper
00:21:50
body strength that's not true he you're totally wrong no he doesn't he's like ken jong like i'll break every from the
00:21:58
waist up he'll break every bone in his body do you think we can set up a match between you and kenjung to box or wrestle or
00:22:04
something i would [ __ ] destroy him well let's [ __ ] do it then he won't do it why not
00:22:09
that's just not his brand what's your what's what's his brand what's your brand my brand is anything goes what's
00:22:15
her brand anything goes what's my brand anything goes what's fancy's brand kenjung kenja
00:22:26
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00:22:32
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00:22:37
like they're quicker well let's be honest it's the only one that we use all right so what i know well yeah i don't know anything yeah yeah uh did you
00:22:44
forget one thing at the store yeah yeah you just talked about it right i did but dinner check yeah deodorant check
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00:23:09
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00:23:15
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00:23:34
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00:23:47
code bad friends 2022 for 25 off your first order with doordash subjects to change terms apply headspace
00:23:53
bro yeah i have a very difficult time relaxing man well i have so much anxiety and stress and you know that's overwhelming
00:23:59
and the fatigue that comes along with it it's eroding my mental health yeah yeah but headspace what it does for me is it's like i like listening to relaxing
00:24:06
you know i mean their meditation music i also like their um soundscapes and stuff like rain falling and stuff i love
00:24:12
yeah i like the interface of their app right the app is easy to use yes and it's by the way headspace is scientifically proven to help you manage
00:24:18
your feelings and your mental health in fact a study that they had recently it proved that in two weeks headspace can reduce
00:24:24
your stress by up to 14 that's pretty impressive because i got a lot of stress and by the way
00:24:30
i've been pooping as much i'm gonna be real with you i love it from all my stress and head space stuff headspace is
00:24:36
the way to get a clearer mind whether you want andrew to relieve stress anxiety sleep better or improve your focus headspace is your everyday dose of mindfulness for real life
00:24:48
you can do uh you can go check out their mini meditations they got trials they have all sorts of stuff on their app to try to get you in a better hey headspace
00:24:55
you like that i love it however you're feeling uh you can try headspace at headspace.com bad friends and get one
00:25:02
month for free of their entire mindfulness library some of it that bobby talked about before this is the
00:25:07
best headspace offer available so go to headspace.com bad friends today that's right that's
00:25:13
headspace.com bad friends your skin is frail i have shitty skin yeah when we saw you at magic mountain we were so concerned for you and your sister we put on
00:25:25
sunscreen three times we thought you guys just burst into [ __ ] [ __ ] i put on you do you don't you know i put it on oh my god there's ghost rider i mean
00:25:31
that's literally how i thought you were you're gonna burst into flames i put on sunscreen multiple times i was very it
00:25:36
is really different it is different it's weird it's weak right yeah yeah what do you mean what's weak about my skin it just looks like not suitable skin for outside
00:25:50
temperatures don't talk about my [ __ ] skin pal yeah what about my skin yours is
00:25:55
honestly yeah it's so multi-colored too it's the best because there's parts that are red there's parts that are yellow
00:26:00
there's parts that are white yeah let me see your palms what's the palm inside of your hand
00:26:06
see that looks like a white guy's hand thank you that's why i purposely did that you made someone wave right
00:26:13
and they don't see my face and they wave they hear them i have our next adventure by the way i know we did six flights already we're
00:26:18
going we're going to a nascar so check this out i got i got an email from a buddy who is like
00:26:24
we've got the hookup vip for you guys i already did that though not with her what's that nascar do you
00:26:31
know what that is oh my god so it's that guy bush what's his name kyle bush his last name is bush yeah kyle bush he put me in a car once did you drive it he no i did went to a nascar racing event
00:26:43
and before his run i did a run with him wait cut that i think it's kyle busch right it's one of
00:26:49
the bushes kyle busch yeah he's an american professional so what they do is what uh a nascar is well it's just a car
00:26:56
but they go around in a big circle super super [ __ ] fast but all the party happens on the infield that's where you have drinks and food
00:27:02
and let's do it because i can get they literally were like they want to give us free tickets and all that stuff let's go
00:27:07
you down do you like fast cars not trump supporters huh a lot of trump supporters you mean righteous americans
00:27:18
let's just let that sit i just want that to sit i bought a house in mar-a-lago by the way did you really yeah
00:27:25
no did you see that clip of trump by the way was so funny there are these guys called gays for trump there's an organization called gays for trump
00:27:31
and they go mr trump over here he's at mar-a-lago he's like doing a speech and they're like we're it's gays for trump
00:27:37
and he goes where who where and then he points and when the guy goes right over here and he goes you
00:27:44
you don't look gay no and the guy goes we are and he goes yeah well i'll take it
00:27:49
it was awesome oh my god the gay's for trump baby yeah that i i know one but let me tell
00:27:54
you something yeah we're going to go to a nascar you're going to really enjoy it is it scary no you don't do
00:28:00
you don't have to drive but you said it's so fast yeah but you're nowhere near the cars they just go in a big
00:28:06
oh you're not getting in the car we can get you in one of the cars no that's fine in fact you know what we should take her to a place where she can get into a car yeah i want to do one of those like a bumper ride kind of a thing
00:28:17
no no no no no you know where we should go what down to porsche has a track and you can you can actually like drive in a
00:28:24
porsche with a professional driver would you do that around a track would you do that bob
00:28:30
yeah i've done stuff like that yeah but this is like not just a circle this is going to be like i'm just saying i've
00:28:36
done stuff like it all right you're the hate when you do that you're the best you've done it all no i've done a lot of
00:28:41
sky dive skydove or david david skydiving yeah should we go bad for that no no no no no no no why why are you still shaking your [ __ ] head why wouldn't we go skydiving what's
00:28:53
wrong with that it's too scary that's too much the chance is a sky what are the chances of dying skydiving
00:28:59
yeah yeah yeah give me the odds let's see i play by the odds what are the odds of dying while skydiving
00:29:05
let's see this according to most recent data gathered by the united states parachute association there's some bias
00:29:12
of the 3.3 million skydives that are completed there are 15 skydiving fatalities based on this data that is
00:29:18
point zero zero zero four five percent chance of dying on a skydive the statistics for dying on a tandem skydive
00:29:25
or even less so if you go with their five point zero zero four five percent okay what are the chances of dying just regular just living your life [Laughter]
00:29:36
can i tell you yeah a hundred you have a hundred percent chance of dying oh interesting yeah you're going to die a hundred percent there's like right now
00:29:49
what what are the chances bobby lee dies right now according to the census of asian american
00:30:02
comedians so the aac no bobby lee has a point 0.025 percent chance of dying so that's a two and a half percent chance or no all right so let's skydive so it's worth
00:30:14
it let's do it all right let's go you're going you're going to go but you go tandem you go with a coach you go with a guy like a trained
00:30:20
professional yeah yeah okay yeah yeah you're not scared i i mean it would be so scary but i'll
00:30:26
do it have fun it'll be fun fancy you got to do it you got to do it fancy i'm serious
00:30:32
i have to catch the you guys landing oh he wants to oh he has to film it no no he needs to be part of it you need to
00:30:39
be part of it because pete can film because pete camp probably can't go yeah yeah he's too big he'll fall right to the plane's like
00:30:44
this yeah we'll go in a circle uh listen we take um but but before we do that right we have to do superman's revenge
00:30:59
no yeah we got to go back yeah yeah we got to do superman's revenge and then we'll do skydiving and i think this year
00:31:05
we really should amp it up and go to like not scary farms when we get to halloween i think we should go i think we should
00:31:11
go to knott's berry farm do you don't you know what that is yeah but i've never been there i think we need to go
00:31:16
do they have rides there yes but scary ones i don't know i don't know i mean not
00:31:21
like six flags i don't think yeah but who goes there little kids and families and us oh really well we're family
00:31:27
that's true is this not our family that's true don't you feel like as we've grown this is more
00:31:34
like when i called you the other day and to check in on you like i did every [ __ ] day tell the audience that i really have been a good friend and
00:31:40
checking on you every day yeah you're not been the best guy to check in but who's checked in who's checked in of
00:31:47
your friends who's checked in on you dominic monahan dominic monaghan the actor yeah how many
00:31:53
times did he call you every day did he say he was gonna bring you stuff yeah did he bring you stuff no no did you i
00:32:00
asked you would you like anything you said no he offered legos i offered food i said bobby can i bring
00:32:05
you anything yeah and i said i'll be i'll go get you i said i'll get you steak from [ __ ] mastros i'll get i'll get you whatever
00:32:12
you want can i get you anything and you said no don't yeah but for a hobbit that i barely know
00:32:18
to do it i mean he has to travel from middle earth i don't know where he lives with pippin but well he's got to get on one of those big uh what are those things that they ride
00:32:29
too those elephants yeah elephants can he just does he call it and it comes running yeah yeah it can't is it on standby i don't i don't know but uh oh you know you know how he
00:32:40
travels how those large eagles yeah i mean what those large eagles remember remember when yes remember when you don't mean frodo and samwise gamgee
00:32:51
that you thought they were gonna die but then gandalf i don't know the wizard though who swooped in
00:32:57
because what happens is gandalf has to take a moth yeah and whisper right who i like and then the moth has to fly out you've never seen those you have to watch those movies lord of the rings
00:33:07
yeah well we haven't talked about the slap have we no but we've talked about it it's been
00:33:13
ad nauseam i talked about it so much already it's like it it you know what i think will smith was in the right
00:33:19
[Laughter] after a week that's the conclusion yeah cause i'm so tired of it now i'm like
00:33:25
yeah no it was yeah well it's just because i you know just real quick comment on it is that yeah you know there's a guy james o'brien who has a
00:33:32
radio show in england it's a call-in show and a lot of people from england that called in especially
00:33:38
we're on will smith's side no way yeah saying what citing what there's literally we know you know
00:33:45
it was guys calling is that my wife has the same disease so right it's not a disease by the way
00:33:51
alopecia yeah it's like a condition a condition has the same condition you don't die nobody dies i understand that
00:33:56
but women right care so much about you know i mean how they look and their hair and it becomes a very self-conscious thing right okay they look in the mirror and they you know
00:34:06
think when clumps of hair are coming out of your head imagine i mean i can i can only imagine
00:34:11
kalila my girlfriend walking in the bathroom and her holding a chunk of hair and crying and going oh my god it looks so ugly or whatever people go through but you still wouldn't use violence if somebody made a joke about it because i
00:34:23
physically can't no because it because you know better that's a psychotic move what he did that's crazy person [ __ ]
00:34:28
that's scientology being like you are king richard become king richard he's a [ __ ] psychopath and during his [ __ ] acceptance speech the nut bag was like love makes you do crazy things like no it doesn't yeah you [ __ ]
00:34:40
nightmare of a human being i'm not agreeing with it i'm just saying what people's point of view is but people are dumb i don't listen to people because
00:34:46
they don't know what the [ __ ] most people are [ __ ] it was assault yeah straight and also you can't just smack a dude
00:34:53
you're a performer yeah will you should just that's like the biggest no-no when somebody's performing yeah especially when you're a performer to bombard a stage like that it's just
00:35:05
so [ __ ] if will yelled out from his seat shut the [ __ ] up and got serious i would
00:35:10
still have respected that because he i was like oh man he's got something going on he was upset about the joke and the
00:35:17
joke wasn't good and nice and blah blah i would have got people would have gotten over it but the fact that he
00:35:23
walked up there and physically did something you're like just yelling your seat go shut the [ __ ] up
00:35:28
shut the [ __ ] up or afterwards grab his arm because you know him and go can i talk to you talk to him backstage and go
00:35:34
don't ever do that [ __ ] ever again and guy i need to tell you or that message would have been stronger because now rock is on tour and i bet he's lighting
00:35:40
his ass up he is yeah well that's what he's going to get now and now now will has to [ __ ] disappear or he walks up
00:35:47
on stage spaceship or whatever the [ __ ] he grabs a mic and he he does a joke back or he he starts around parents just don't understand he
00:35:58
starts doing no or he just he basically says listen you know i mean my wife has alopecia and she's very self-conscious about it and i
00:36:04
just think that that was you know not cool and just walk off stage yeah and that would have been even not more awkward there okay
00:36:12
there's no way to do it yeah he should have broke out into a song from wild wild west and that would have been i think everybody everybody would have
00:36:17
forgiven him somebody said to me the other day though and fancy will probably go in and out on this someone goes
00:36:24
will smith is the most respected like actor who's transcended race and class and like dude everybody loves him of every color ever everywhere everywhere you come from yeah but he's not that good of an actor and i
00:36:38
was like well and i literally couldn't think of one movie where i was like wow he was so good and that movie was so good he was
00:36:44
good in conclusion you didn't even see it you didn't even see it that's how i know
00:36:49
you're a [ __ ] liar you didn't even see it an award nobody saw it he wouldn't ask nobody saw it
00:36:56
that they showed where he was like you know oh he was crying yeah yeah that's a good scene who the [ __ ] cares name one movie he made
00:37:03
that you go he was a great actor and the movie was great oh um 60 degrees of separation not a real
00:37:09
thing seven degrees what's the movie called six degrees of separation six degrees of separation did you see it though yeah
00:37:16
what is it about well it was 20 years ago i forgot okay so he's been he was i remember watching
00:37:21
it going because i remember him go being in fresh prince and him transitioning into movies
00:37:27
yeah this is not gonna work right but what it's like you know um what's his name in the lighthouse um batman yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah one of those movies where you go oh this kid
00:37:38
got skills okay so my point is fancy can attest to this he's never made a movie where he was a
00:37:45
great actor and it was great i just said there was one but anyway he was pretty good happiness was fine
00:37:50
the movie was fine yeah bad boys but okay but these are actually are you better than him as an actor yeah you
00:37:57
better believe it you better believe it you better believe it you better believe it because i believe it
00:38:03
but you're not no he's awesome yeah i think he's incredible i loved wilson yeah i've always loved him yeah bad boys was amazing i think men in black was incredible i'm just saying
00:38:14
he was never it was he was never a great actor he's just a lovable awesome dude yeah he was a great actor and what
00:38:21
you named a movie 20 [ __ ] years ago he was very charismatic he was like a tom cruise type correct charismatic tom
00:38:27
cruise actually is a great actor i'm sorry but he is yeah but he he wanted to get his roles you can't because tom cruise is a better actor but here's my
00:38:33
argument though dude and little white guy huge buff black guy big difference i hate it when people go
00:38:38
kyoto reeves isn't a good actor he's a great actor okay he is he's a he is awesome to watch he's amazing he i believe him
00:38:50
in every movie yeah right because he's playing no it doesn't matter right it's like pointing i know what it's like i know what it's like what's the through line of point break of bill and ted
00:39:02
[Laughter] john wick what's the through line he was good in glass house with sandra bullock sure okay sure movie tank but yeah he was another movie it was a simple plan or one of those kind
00:39:13
of movies was that that yeah where you played a really bad guy yep yeah he was amazing in that he's a great actor yeah
00:39:21
right that anyone right that can hold an audience right that can lead a movie and have
00:39:28
years of of of a career i mean keanu will are both examples of that right they're great actors great leading men and i believe everything they do and i and i will always maybe
00:39:41
not will now but i will always buy a ticket to watch keanu reeves yeah me too but he's amazing but i love him great
00:39:47
actor and i'll still support will smith by the way i don't give a [ __ ] dude you know i'm down for five yeah you know
00:39:52
i'm right and just tell me i won that argument he's not a good actor and fancy kind of tested he's not you know you really [ __ ] are going to
00:39:59
offend me because i have covet and i know what you're trying to do what am i trying to do you're trying to provoke my [ __ ] cop i want to get your heart
00:40:04
beat up so you get a heart attack right i'm going to cough in your face imagine how hard i'll punch you if you do imagine think about it right now
00:40:11
i'll punch you so [ __ ] hard the mat will come off your car the matte finish it'll be it'll be [ __ ] all right let's not do that
00:40:18
i like that oh anyway who's your favorite actor rudy jules i i'm not good with movies don't ask me that i said your favorite actor just a person that you like it's funny because
00:40:31
the other day we watched she'd never seen truman show oh my god so like 45 minutes into the thing i go you know
00:40:37
what's about she goes i don't know what's going on i was confused did you figure it out at some point i had to tell her
00:40:44
no i i said that i had to tell you i had to [ __ ] tell you no did you know what's going on i don't know what's going on i said oh he's in the show and then after like 10 minutes you said yes
00:40:55
it's in the show no but i know but you didn't know you go who is he what's going on yeah i do you knew that it was a show but you didn't know that he didn't know that he was on a show yeah i didn't know he was born and it
00:41:07
didn't know what's happening ed harris by the way dude ed harris is so good in that movie
00:41:12
it's it's like annoying where you're like this guy is so believable as this sociopath who's puppeteering human
00:41:18
beings yeah but you you still like him yeah how crazy how crazy that he's love okay now there's a great actor that's a good actor ed harris is a [ __ ]
00:41:29
superstar actor i can't watch him why because he's pale because of two moments oh no what are they number one moment right if you watch he did a movie called history of violence love okay
00:41:43
if you watch the press conference of history of violence he does a panel with of the other actors
00:41:50
he does something where they had to shut everything down and they had to end the [ __ ] press a conference well here at
00:41:55
this panel sitting next to me he seems fine sir yeah and director mr ed harris love that dude yeah
00:42:06
and he wanted to add honey watch not particularly [Laughter] oh yeah you did do one i like that that no because what is that
00:42:20
what is that you know what is that what is it what is it what is violence what is it
00:42:28
you know that's what the movie's about absolutely love that he he's making an example of what violence is he shocked the room that's what the movie was about
00:42:41
i absolutely love that clip i see nothing wrong with that guy did you see anything wrong with that
00:42:46
rudy yeah that was scary that was [ __ ] scary the guy said the movie is called the history of violence
00:42:54
yeah he just showed what violence can do yeah but the problem he didn't do it to
00:42:59
anybody else will smith he didn't smack anybody that is that the lesson that's the lesson if you want to be a crazy
00:43:05
actor yeah display it yeah don't hurt other people yeah on it you know joe told me right about
00:43:11
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off your first box box of awesome dot com code bad friends let me say this yeah you've never seen a great actor of that caliber yeah that isn't loopy
00:45:54
name one right marlon marlon was gloopy yeah the loopy loopiest yeah who would you say metal strip meryl streep we just haven't seen the truth yet we haven't seen the truth we haven't
00:46:09
seen the will smith moment because they all have it yeah but he but his snap merrill has done all the right things
00:46:14
for so long i cannot wait until somebody says the wrong thing and she whips out a tit
00:46:21
and squirts milk this is milk all right all over a [ __ ] reporter's face what is that yeah that's me yeah it's mel yeah yeah but did you see the [ __ ] pre he goes okay that's the
00:46:32
end of the press conference maybe he wanted to go home maybe ed was like if i [ __ ] freak out i can get back to the hotel faster yeah but his energy before
00:46:38
that i just that's what my dad used to do it's like smiling yeah everything everything's fine right
00:46:46
hey bobby how are you i love it like that kind of switch yeah i don't like it i know yeah every greta every every great actor does it but it not
00:46:57
well i don't want to watch it now but um anyone listening watched the rock bloopers he does even more uncomfortable
00:47:03
[ __ ] and as a director i would just be like okay um we're gonna call it a day i i would i would have just called it a day i mean you can't wrap the day yeah it's the same thing that christian bale
00:47:14
did when he went on that rant yeah but that but but i got to tell you something yeah
00:47:19
what is that sound guy doing walking around yeah yeah fancy takes the side of christian bale don't you it is distracted it's remarkably distracting when you're trying to get deep in character and you know what yeah what
00:47:31
the public doesn't know that we that we heard afterwards was they already had had an interaction where christian had
00:47:37
asked him politely please don't move across the shot right two times two times i see okay man
00:47:44
right now you know it's deliberate yeah because you've been on set you've been on set you know it's a difficult job
00:47:50
it's all everyone's trying their best you know what sucks though i was on magnum once not the same kind of thing but same same
00:47:57
sound caliber same caliber anyway magnum piano i was on magnum once and i remember people talking during one
00:48:03
of my close-ups it's hard and i just i i wanted to do a christian bail right but i'm like i i'll get fired there's no i don't have the power yeah or the providence to do it so i just
00:48:15
went i'll just do it again guys yeah i mean but it's like it is rude it is rude i hate it speaking of which
00:48:22
we've just lost um oh no we just lost uh a great man who in acting in the world of acting who well he's not dead but we've lost him as an actor bruce willis man i know aphasia do
00:48:34
you know what aphasia is no aphasia's um i think it's the the definition is to be looked up because i'm not i'm stupid but
00:48:41
you basically your communication skills go out the window so you you can think stuff but not say it um bruce
00:48:49
who's bruce willis all right let's wrap this up let's get the [ __ ] let's get the [ __ ] out of here i just
00:48:54
that was the craziest thing i've ever heard who's bruce willis bruce willis that's him do you have you
00:49:00
seen him before i think he was in fast do you think he was in fast in the future not diesel you think it's in diesel no no
00:49:11
not here yeah do you think do you think that's ludicrous yeah yeah who do you think that is who do you think that is i don't know but i think he's in fast and furious was
00:49:23
he ever in a fast and funeral movie he was he was uh alright you know bruce willis
00:49:30
congratulations how can we not know that i've never seen him yeah i mean i don't watch all the [ __ ] festive furious i would i know yeah yeah he's got a
00:49:36
condition where he he starts to be able to not aphasia i think it's called aphsia maybe
00:49:42
um i heard there was problems already on set or whatever where he was like okay so i i mean
00:49:48
i told it what a guy that i i'm new a guy that i don't know that well that works in our business and who knows if this uh story is real
00:50:01
he says years ago him and sam jackson were in morocco uh at a at a like a a release party for something yeah and they were at this nightclub
00:50:12
and he's sitting at a booth and the base is bumping so hard and they're so it's so filled with people
00:50:18
and everyone's rummaging about a thing fell off the wall and hit him in the [ __ ] head sam jackson no bruce
00:50:25
bruce willis yeah and he had to be rushed to a hospital for to because his head sliced open his [ __ ] head and he says that
00:50:36
with all of these stunts that he did amongst bashing up his body in his head is where
00:50:42
maybe some of this could come from i don't know if any of that's true yeah but they do say it does can come from
00:50:48
head trauma really that's a part of it it says it's either from head trauma it's hereditary head trauma or there was another thing
00:50:55
that could have led to it he also looks like he [ __ ] like die hard but he [ __ ] hard so you think if he if he [ __ ] so
00:51:01
hard his head is yeah yeah he's like banging his head because you know they say your head moves around in your skull
00:51:06
like your brain like a football player their brain moves yeah so if he's [ __ ] hard enough his brain is bouncing inside of that yeah they should
00:51:12
do a movie called [ __ ] hard well that could be his last film yeah and let me tell you something god
00:51:18
bless bruce willis that dude's the [ __ ] guy he's a legend give it to me so uh when i first moved to la this is in 97 77
00:51:29
1977 yeah no 1997 right i was at the chinese man theater that's appropriate i'm gonna let it go they just named it after you
00:51:44
really funny but i'm gonna let it go that's fine okay so um you're at the wong theater what
00:51:50
you're at the wong theater okay oh am i supposed to be across the street no this is the wong theater
00:51:56
[Music] bang the gong wong all right go ahead all right clip that don't yeah don't don't shane gillis man yeah yeah just clip that but anyway um
00:52:08
i was i don't know what movie i was gonna i was watching but i see two gigantic bodyguards crouching tiger hidden dragon or something
00:52:16
no so anyway um you see two gigantic bodyguards can you get all the asian jokes out right out of the way because they throw me off a little bit i didn't have any that's all i had yeah yeah that's all i
00:52:27
had because you did the wong the wong was good just give me the give me the thing anyway two big guys are they sumo
00:52:32
wrestlers yeah i like it [Music] go ahead and so um and i go wow there's two guys suits and then behind them i see
00:52:43
a guy with bald head and i realize it's bruce willis right and i kind of follow them because i never in my mind
00:52:51
have been around at that time i've never seen a celebrity before you're brand new sure
00:52:58
you know comics and stuff right but you've never been around a movie star a movie star like a real bonafide movie true movie
00:53:05
star true movie star and i follow them and there's an elevator that goes up somewhere
00:53:11
and they both they get in brute gets in and i they won't let me in the elevator i literally followed i stalked them
00:53:18
right and i smile and he winked at me and then the elevator closed and they went up i never saw him again so sexy but i just remember going like it i just i still remember it you know it was like
00:53:30
wow wow that was amazing yeah he still he's one of those guys because there's no star like even like i've seen oscar isaac before okay you
00:53:41
know what i mean and i've said hi to him and stuff like that he didn't even look at me but my point is
00:53:47
but my point is i don't have that same like aw anymore with people you know who who
00:53:52
could still make you feel that way there a celebrity it has to be like it has to have it has to come from an older
00:53:59
era when you were when you were a kid when i was a kid you know i mean so if i um
00:54:04
i don't know who anybody with you i think when i dinero yeah i think de niro probably deniro yeah i think like um um pacino yeah but pacino but if i but
00:54:19
you know if you met pacino now it'd be tough why because i think he's a little yeah yeah yeah he's up there i think it'd have to be someone like that from my youth like
00:54:31
well for me jim carrey and then i get making when he became my boss was yeah that was very surreal
00:54:37
yeah i always felt i always felt like it was fake i ran to him last week where malibu no
00:54:44
me and me and kalila went to keegan michael key's birthday party oh nice and and um jim carrey was there
00:54:50
with standing there with kevin nealand and when i walked in it was a small group maybe
00:54:55
60 people mask-less yeah yeah but this is before pen i got covered it was a friday mm-hmm sure maybe who knows but go ahead ron howard was there he definitely gave you covet
00:55:08
yeah and once i walked in i was just like we were already uncomfortable too many famous people yeah was it no it
00:55:14
was just like it's too intimate and you know it's just not my deal what do you mean by that
00:55:20
well because it's just not my i'm not i don't feel like if it was comics it's one thing but it's like it was just a
00:55:25
bunch of like elements i didn't know anybody yeah but you could get to know any of them right so anyway we walked in
00:55:31
and jim immediately waves to me which makes me feel comfortable yeah i walk up he shakes my hand i go what's up
00:55:37
dude and he goes hey man and bobby lee or whatever and then he goes and kalila shakes his hand
00:55:45
and i just thought i've always just thought he was like one of the nicest guys he's so nice he is
00:55:51
he's a lot he's lovely but what was great is i then i went right to the buffet because you know what i mean that sounds right and there was another guy
00:55:58
there kind of mumbling was like i don't know what i'm doing here it's not and look up it was tony hale you know tony i love
00:56:04
tony hale and while we hung out with him all night i mean he came to our table we just hung out all night but um
00:56:09
anyway that was my jim carrey i just watched a korean drama 21 and i finished it today and it was so sad and i cried a lot did you cry today
00:56:21
yeah do you cry a lot yeah but i'm on my period so maybe i'm more emotional good to know yeah
00:56:27
i have been going on a cry fest yesterday do you see me crying when i was watching my ipad no yeah i was who
00:56:34
were you watching do i watch um fathers holding babies for the first time oh no then bursting into tears oh my god or like i like reunion stuff oh yeah you know i mean like when a soldier
00:56:46
comes home and sees their kid you want a really good cry video watch a guy get listened to sound for
00:56:51
the first time with cochlear implants i've seen that do you know what that is or the glasses oh my god they're called
00:56:57
glasses see for the first time no the they can see see for the first time no no what where they can see color for the first
00:57:09
time yeah they can kind of yeah you're good it's amazing like the old man you know man putting the glasses on he's
00:57:15
never seen purple he starts bawling he starts bawling is that that makes you really take it that really takes it for granted because look at how beautiful
00:57:21
all these colors are and some people can't see them yeah look at me i'm filled with color i know you are and
00:57:27
i can see you for the first time you see me now yeah yeah see me hear me son i am a son yeah yeah i'm a son i'm a
00:57:34
brother hey here's another thing that i want to say to to you okay is that i really think that you and i should have way more gratitude in our lives i agree i i don't think that i think you hold on
00:57:46
to anger and i think that like you you just don't don't don't gaslight me don't do that don't just say i hold on to
00:57:51
anger that's not real i can get angry but i don't hold on to anger okay you um don't hold on to anger but you absorb it
00:58:03
and i redistribute it you redistribute right through violence correction okay i'm that's why i tell you i'm on wheels
00:58:08
right but what i want to say is is that like when you see undercover boss what a show what a show
00:58:15
and you know when an employee does well yeah and they give them a show emmanuel what you did for me is you opened my eyes up right and this is you know all the you know
00:58:28
difficulties that you've gone through your life and you're still got a positive attitude on the floor
00:58:33
and i'm going to give you 300. right and i'm going to contribute it to your college fund oh let me tell you i'm
00:58:40
about to quit this job [ __ ] so i'm out well no but emmanuel what i'm saying to you is that we want you at the job i don't want to be at this [ __ ] anymore i'm not trying to work for general mills for the rest
00:58:52
of my life [ __ ] i'm out but you were so great on the floor yeah [ __ ] because i'm high as [ __ ]
00:58:58
well emmanuel will you take the three hundred dollars and then i mean give it to me cat you got cash is it just a chance no no well you know it's we're
00:59:05
incorporating this [ __ ] well we anyway thank you me [ __ ] thank you emmanuel thank you whenever those undercover boss it is funny they're like you're such a good little worker yeah
00:59:17
we're going to give you a thousand dollars yeah and they think that's going to like be the thing for these people
00:59:22
you're like what i'm saying this make them ceo you want to be a real boss yeah swap swap you want to try it here what's
00:59:29
that you guys want to try here yeah i want to try it here you're fired yeah isn't that the right show but what i'm
00:59:34
saying though is you're fired people basically you you you we need to be more grateful no but you
00:59:40
also realize that people like have real struggles and stuff and you know a little helps you know i mean all right so let's do this then yeah i get it i get a i get barrages of
00:59:51
messages to like fan pages or whatever that says bad friends has helped me tremendously
00:59:57
during tough times yeah so we want to take a second to thank everyone for listening to the show for watching
01:00:02
the show yeah and if we're helping you that means you're helping us we're doing this together yeah and if we
01:00:08
need more gratitude what do we need to do then do you want to set up a foundation or something we should be do a fan a foundation for some of our fans
01:00:15
okay that are maybe uglier so you want an ugly fan fund yeah ugly fan fun so we can get cosmetic surgeries for people all right so listen up if you are or if you are a cliff note what's
01:00:27
that what's that a cliff palette a cliff no no it's a cliff note yeah it's a b sharp a b sharp yeah i mean yeah a
01:00:33
diminished b sharp cliff mouth thing right then we will help with the surgery okay
01:00:39
how about this i had a good friend who had that when we were young by the way and it's a serious thing so it's not funny
01:00:44
uh how about this if you're an ugly fan yeah if you're a uf we're going to start a uff with an ugly
01:00:50
fan fund and we're going to raise some money i think we might need to help out old
01:01:06
you're perfect you're beautiful just the way you are yeah what no a real fun for a fan if you have something surgery that you can't afford yeah it'll hit us up
01:01:20
i'm being genuine yeah i had a friend with a cliff note yeah and i didn't ever want him to smile because you because
01:01:26
why you saw all of it no no because when the cliff when cliff people with clifford smile the cliff opens up a little bit it's a cleft palate
01:01:33
a cleft a cleft cleft a cleft note is it a cleft note i don't know what it is you keep
01:01:39
saying cliff notes you know cliff notes are like uh with books the cliff notes i've covered man i know yeah i don't know what i'm saying but why do you feel lately what has been hitting you about
01:01:51
gratitude for real is it because when you got sick you thought i'm lucky that i'm alive and life is good i don't know when you turn 50 and
01:01:58
you get sober again you know and you just kind of look at your life and you just kind of go
01:02:04
you know i should be the happiest man alive are you not happy right now bob no i i'm getting there i want to get happy
01:02:10
you know and so i'm just you know doing different things to get there and it's it's you know i've always and i'm sure you know you're probably dissimilar
01:02:21
is we're always like there's a carrot yeah you know ahead of like we're holding a carrot and we're constantly chasing it like a horsey you're saying like the carrot is on our back and we're just no
01:02:33
no like you know when your horse you put a carrot in front of the horsey and that's how they walk you know what i mean and it's like so we're horses
01:02:39
and the business has the carrots yes and i don't want the carrot there you don't want to carrot at all anymore yeah
01:02:46
because it's like there's nothing i already have it you already ate but i'm always constantly thinking that there's
01:02:52
a [ __ ] carrot in front of me i agree right but now what are you gonna eat that's true potato potato put a potato
01:03:00
like a baked potato right they closely chase that that's what happens when you make a little bit of money you just get fatter so it went from a carrot to a
01:03:06
carb you went to vegetable to carbs yeah that's really what it is but my point though is is that you know you we have to kind of go
01:03:13
this is it this is good everything that i have is it this is it yeah that's like
01:03:19
everything is [ __ ] it's the same thing like i was really bummed about like the show that you got that i didn't get
01:03:25
what show beef beef on netflix coming out hopefully right so like i was when you when i
01:03:31
first found out and i i want to talk about it i'm only on three episodes it doesn't matter i wanted it bad
01:03:38
why did you think you wanted it so bad because i like ravi a lot and i like a24 and i
01:03:45
like steven and ally and i like the provenance of the show and um i just wanted it you know i auditioned for a couple times and i didn't get it it's fine but
01:03:56
you know i was bummed that you know no i was happy that you got on congratulations i'm happy i'm so so talented you're allowed to be bummed
01:04:02
that i got it but i have to admit there was but that's where it stemmed from like like what am i
01:04:08
like i should here here's the thing one time when i was a kid i started doing stand-up i started with a guy named freddy sotel i know freddie well go ahead okay and he passed one of the
01:04:20
funniest guys i've ever seen yeah stage but when we were younger him and i did open mics together
01:04:26
okay and then a couple years down the road he got a show and he i was living in san diego he was
01:04:32
living in la he came down to do a show in san diego and he told me i got this stand-up show
01:04:39
and instead of saying congratulations go how'd you get that i want to get it and then he looked at me and he goes no
01:04:45
congratulations like what the [ __ ] man right and i realized then it's like that's not
01:04:51
who i want to be that's gross who do you want to be i just want to be happy for other
01:04:56
people's success and just be happy with what i have and then like that's it that's good yeah
01:05:02
but you know sometimes i slip into a competitive like where's mine kind of a [ __ ]
01:05:08
mentality and i don't want to be there anymore i like that a lot yeah yeah so um congratulations thank you
01:05:15
we just got picked up for a second season and a third i think yeah congratulations oh i'm getting a [ __ ] phone call
01:05:21
hello no i'm on the show and i'm off you know i'm only doing a couple episodes yeah
01:05:26
i'm really literally barely on the show but i will say it is daunting it's all curry it's literally all korean people
01:05:33
yeah it's hundreds we played basketball at a korean church yeah and they took a photo yeah
01:05:38
and it and it looks like i'm adopted it's it's a hundred korean people and me yeah it's weird very just amazing that i
01:05:46
couldn't get a korean channel i was um i was a little shocked yeah yeah well you know the roles were for us that's even more painful it's okay the carrot's gone
01:05:58
the carrot's gone and i'm happy to be where i am and i'm grateful that i have the what i have how about this the character's name is bobby i know that i read it the charac the
01:06:08
carrot is right there i know but i couldn't get it no it's not that i think it was more that uh i think it's more i'm not a good actor no it was more that you went away to
01:06:20
rehab which is the truth that is the truth so unfortunately if we want to be true to the fans it's that they know i
01:06:25
mean you went away to rehab when they were doing that show and then you i also lost another movie you but you had to
01:06:30
focus on you dude that was more important man i lost i had this other movie with zoe dashnell
01:06:35
and i was in rehab and they're like you lost it because you they were shooting and you lost so what
01:06:41
that's what i'm saying is is that i know i'm calm well i'm [ __ ] calm what i'm telling
01:06:47
everyone listening right yeah is is that it's just everything is just meant to be
01:06:53
and it's fine if it happens it happens it happens it happens it doesn't it doesn't and it's like i don't want to live like that
01:06:59
anymore i like that yeah you're feeling more at peace now i'm trying this is i like this you do i just think maybe maybe sobriety your age and kovid
01:07:11
has kind of all combined to just level bob out maybe yeah it's good is there anything else you want to say or admit yeah i'm so jealous of you
01:07:24
i want to kill you sometimes i want to kill you well honestly yeah you're better than me huh yeah a little bit yeah you're better than me
01:07:35
you know you know there's one thing i did tell we did talk about me and david cho talked about you we talked about you all the time
01:07:40
actually yeah you're kind of the point of conversation often but he said he said a lot of stuff about you a lot of it good a lot of it bad yeah yeah
01:07:52
but he i did say to him you know being along and i'm being genuine right now yeah yeah being along with you for this ride and as close as we've gotten over the past couple of years we've been friends for
01:08:03
years we've gotten so close yeah and i said there's a side of you that that he david or other people don't know
01:08:10
that i do know and i'm going to be honest yeah is that beneath the things that i
01:08:16
[ __ ] hate about you yeah and there's a bunch there's things i don't like about you as
01:08:22
well but just just let me finish all right do you know there's a scene in beetlejuice
01:08:28
a different movie please there's a scene in beetlejuice where he's trying to dig in the in the
01:08:34
in the fake um world that alec baldwin alex baldwin stephen baldwin alex alec was alec was had made that little model wait beetleju that that's
01:08:45
the one that he didn't kill anybody on anyway and beetlejuice was digging up the fake
01:08:51
model and he had to rip up all this ground and it's very vivid in my mind because i watched a lot as a kid and he
01:08:57
was digging and digging and digging and i feel that way with you i feel like i have dug past all of the
01:09:04
[ __ ] that i don't like that i know is just you being you sometimes being mean to me for no reason or saying
01:09:10
[ __ ] up [ __ ] for no reason and then i get down to the guts of it all and down inside is beetlejuice
01:09:16
is my sweet little lord of the afterlife yeah my little prince my little spiky weird hair yeah
01:09:24
um your sister's hot oh you [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] i should be genuine yeah yeah i know what i don't know that those guys is that you deep down are a super caring i
01:09:36
am what do you mean deep down it's off the surface you have to go deep the surface the surface is [ __ ] with you it's all
01:09:42
[ __ ] what are you talking about you know what i'm talking about can i say something you bury yourself in
01:09:47
your phone you disappear from conversation you oftentimes go blah blah blah i don't care goodbye and you hang up the phone
01:09:53
on me you're short with me sometimes you can be rude dismissive mean you can be a
01:09:58
bully even though you're tiny you can be a bully but but really what i've seen the last couple of years oh my god
01:10:06
he's a sweet sweet sweet man a sweet caring loving little man who just wants to be around people that love him
01:10:13
that respect him and enjoy him yeah you say go to me may i go to you now may you say go to me now all right so um thank you for being a bad friend
01:10:29
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google it a brand new server presented by google [Music]