00:00:00
come see me and Christy Stephano on the East Coast as I do October 8th 9th 10th and 11th go to Andrew santo. you can
00:00:06
find out where I'm doing all that stuff you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian
00:00:13
dude you two are disgusting you two or something we're
00:00:18
bad friends bro Jules [ __ ] man she's acting like Ali Shey from The Breakfast
00:00:23
Club today why what happened she wore the mask on the car right over as if I [ __ ] have it and I go are you going
00:00:30
to take it off she's like no whoa whoa hot [ __ ] crazy introduce
00:00:35
Our Guest Bobo we're not starting yet yeah we are I to get into it did you see I bought you a cake y you smell [ __ ]
00:00:41
good dude what is it scent shut up Chrissy no I swear to God man I'm [ __ ] you on my birthday pre post oh happy
00:00:47
birthday happy birthday happy what you what did you get me can we sing what did
00:00:53
I get you yeah [ __ ] you I let you have the day off yesterday and I bought you a cake that says happy birthday I had a cake yesterday F friend how many cakes
00:01:00
am I going to get friend I got you a birthday gift something give him his birthday gift give him his birthday you see what it says on here it says happy
00:01:05
birthday sleepy Bobo noodle oh [ __ ] and how old are you theod how old are you sleepy bubble noodle how old are you 32
00:01:13
no you're not you're 49 you old [ __ ] good but that's only seven in Chinese years I look good though he can we play
00:01:20
this be honest dude when you see China happy birth dayti it stick it there stick
00:01:27
it happy birthday and then also hold on $1 no I got it from the gas station and
00:01:33
then I got I got everybody um chocolate chip uh [ __ ] bars espresso car cake
00:01:38
things from the French the French across the street man you want here move your
00:01:43
glasses $1 here here got some I got some forks and I got I got no Co or anything
00:01:49
like that happy birth I not touch that ever happy hey so um let me play this Andre I
00:01:56
want to play this for you because this is from my family to yours this is happy birthday in Korean let's
00:02:01
all sing along for [Music]
00:02:23
Bob happy birthday to you you're welcome dude that was so nice do [ __ ] like that
00:02:30
for you in North Korea no they don't yeah yeah okay can I say thisy yes all
00:02:36
right have you ever met anyone from North Korea yes yes no you haven't it's
00:02:41
like an Eskimo you've never met an Eskimo you've read them all the books and the fairy tales what you could play
00:02:46
with them on V in video games maybe but you've never met one I've I've met someone from North Korea who who what's
00:02:51
his name it's a girl it was a girl wa concubine was she concubine she was a concubine yeah yeah she was a slave that
00:02:58
escaped she was a female slave she was uh she was like a she was working she was working I think in like a shoe Mak
00:03:05
Factory and she escaped bro Koreans don't sweat that's a [ __ ] fact you can Google that I swear to God they
00:03:11
don't sweat and they got the gene where the sweat doesn't smell that's a fact you can Google that he smells I've never smells fantastic I've never had
00:03:17
deodorant I know but you smell though I I I analyzed it I have a microscopic equipment at home there's no pores down
00:03:23
there no no no it's like it's like [ __ ] an Android skin dude just poreless you don't sweat no bleed I know
00:03:30
but you bleed you bleed he bleeds yeah it'll come dud come on my no no that's it's an
00:03:37
actual thing if you I'm not even making that out if you Google they they have a a thing in genes one of the enzymes that
00:03:43
produce Korean specifically where they it's either they don't sweat or the sweat doesn't smell yeah but Chris how come hey how come [ __ ] white dudes
00:03:50
smell like [ __ ] what um not just Korean dude you you you you you jog 20 ft and
00:03:56
you you smell the pit it's like [ __ ] be [ __ ] water I got to be honest with
00:04:02
you I used to smell a lot but then recently over the past like 6 months I've been on estrogen therapy cuz I'm
00:04:08
transitioning I'm serious dude yeah so I've been on estrogen therapy and I don't smell anymore I don't smell yeah
00:04:16
are you really by the way I want us to look at the camera real quick because yes yesterday or whenever this comes out Andrew let me on his podcast whiskey
00:04:22
Ginger thank you very much and I told everybody that I was gay and I said I was being very serious and I'm not I'm a
00:04:28
heterosexual M I just want to let everyone I was Kidd around but I am I am not I am a straight
00:04:34
male now why do you think people think you might be gay um because I looked in the camera you sit up
00:04:39
straight yeah because I looked in the camera on the podcast the other day and said I was gay but I'm not gay so I want
00:04:45
to say nope I'm straight okay but there's a few things that we might give it away that you might be gay what is
00:04:50
that you got good skin you got straight teeth you wear jewelry you are nice and in great shape you're always at the gym
00:04:55
you only hang out with dudes yes all right I'll tell you why you're gay why can I tell you where you gu yes because
00:05:01
um when I when when I see dudes like you that are like um you know handsome with your body size you know what I mean you're handsome guy for Comic it goes
00:05:08
Dane Cook it goes there's people ahead of you it goes Dane Cook it goes Dane Cook Dan cook a couple
00:05:14
of M I know a couple micers on you your friend right here yeah he's handsome guy take off his hat take off his hat look
00:05:20
at this look at this guy's hairline it doesn't where does it start and stop look how hairy he is oh [ __ ] no
00:05:26
Bobby don't Bobby don't Bobby oh [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] you dude oh [ __ ] you suck my dick suck my dick you take out good
00:05:31
hair like that I'll suck it that's gay I'm not gay I'm not gay
00:05:36
that's full BL gay percentage can I finish my point yeah pleas let me finish my point okay but usually that dudes
00:05:42
that look like him right they bully me a bit right they hey little my little Hop Sing they always say that put me in a
00:05:47
little they give me a Nookie right they he's like gentle gentle right yeah he's
00:05:53
soft gay oh that's why yeah but no I you're not aggressive I'm not aggressive
00:05:59
I don't know no i' like I said on the podcast the other day I I don't know that I'm gay but I will say confidently that I I I I have sex with women but I
00:06:06
fall in love with men so I would I would I would very much i' you're emotionally gay I'm emotionally gay but and yeah so
00:06:13
but and I have nothing against the gay community at all nothing against I support and like the gays but I am not
00:06:20
gay I'm not gay I do but I'm not gay but I am a Democrats I don't know but you're
00:06:25
because they're mostly gay Democrats yeah what do you think the percentage of that are gay I I thought 100% all like
00:06:32
like somebody somebody Bob's a Dem what Bob's a Dem yeah but Bob's gay he told me he's gay like somebody the other day
00:06:39
somebody I was walking and he's like yo and they said the f for they're like you [ __ ] fs and I was like Oh I thought I was like I'm I thought it was like a
00:06:45
democratic Rally or something like that right I was like oh those guys vote for Joe Biden which is fine that's fine who
00:06:51
are you going to vote for huh who are you going to vote for uh in the November election yeah uh d o n a l d t r
00:07:00
u m Trump Trump trump
00:07:08
see holy [ __ ] I feel at home when he does that though I feel at home I feel very comfortable this is why we built
00:07:14
the wall we built the wall for you we buil the wall I told you going to build a wall with the bodies of dead Democrats
00:07:20
yeah I'm kidding buddy I'm kidding about you he about the North Korean though that escaped right lived in South Korea
00:07:26
for a little bit and he goes [ __ ] this and went back really was that much better wow no he just couldn't deal how
00:07:32
good it was it was too nice free Bobo free you know what I mean like when they get milk tea in [ __ ] North Korea they
00:07:38
probably don't even get free Boba like for fre yeah like [ __ ] I can get [ __ ]
00:07:44
anytime I want you know what I mean look it's overwhelming look at the TV what you asked not just Koreans but east Asians
00:07:49
in general Koreans or any human for that matter wouldn't last very long without the ability to sweat so humans all produce body order having said that East
00:07:55
Asians do have less sweat glands which results in reduced ability to sweat there you go I
00:08:02
like two African sweat glands show them there it is yeah there and there yeah right none have you been doing a little
00:08:08
bit of working out your muscles look a little bit look good it's fat it's fat [ __ ] you no no no jiggle the bottom jiggle the bottom that's how you know no
00:08:14
no kind app cran frch you look good but you know what you know what
00:08:19
honestly going back to the guy who escaped from North Korea to South Korea and then went back to North Korea there is a freedom in communism I would
00:08:25
imagine when you don't have much Choice yeah like you ever watch Netflix manyo like there's with Communism
00:08:32
there's no choices you just have to do it so I could see if you were a of that and then you go back it's a freedom and
00:08:38
now it's communist right they're like burger burger with with or without cheese kind like I want all the options you know like track homes all the houses
00:08:44
look the same like if your dad was like kind of a bum right and you lived in a track home and then your friends in the
00:08:50
same neighborhood's dad is a doctor they could brag all they want right they can go my dad's a doctor our houses look
00:08:56
exactly the same that's true true the same thing I don't think your dad who would be a bum would have a track home though I don't think the mom works the
00:09:02
mom works so that you're what does she do what what she do she works for a track home oh the track home company
00:09:08
yeah no she cleans the house houses she's a made she's Mexican your mom does what size is your mom what size is
00:09:13
your mom's feet I always uh three small feet is that for women women three is that women three yeah yeah small feet
00:09:20
yeah yeah it's like a kid's half yeah yeah yeah your mom has tiny little feet no my mom has beautiful feet dude I bet
00:09:27
you [ __ ] you my mom has a prettiest feet have you ever seen his mom no like a
00:09:33
hammer like a hammerhead shark [ __ ] really one's over here the other one's over here it's unbelievable unb Ser you
00:09:39
talk [ __ ] about my mom all the time your mom is a [ __ ] beist beast a beist a beist beast aist you your mom is a
00:09:46
builda bear and the [ __ ] eyeballs are on his cheek and its forehead it's my [ __ ] birthday dude you attack my mom yesterday was your birthday yesterday
00:09:53
post and pre I got you a cake I got you a cake this is you know I'm not you know
00:09:59
I'm not eat it I know why don't you eat it you don't like sweets no I have a [ __ ] you know how many cakes I got Chris from last night so what keep
00:10:05
eating cakes Netflix sent me a [ __ ] cake really Netflix send you a cake but it felt not good did they really it felt
00:10:11
good that's some young girl you know me the hipster girl they sent you a cake yeah does Bobby Lee live here and I was
00:10:17
smoking a cigarette I go yeah what's up she I got a C like she didn't want to be
00:10:23
there I got a cake I'm not it was the cast of cuties was on it it to me because you know you know I've you know
00:10:29
I've only been a couple things but that was really nice on Netflix you've been on a few
00:10:35
times oh wow that was Ripper I got Co now huh no no I got I told tested
00:10:41
negative oh okay he test negative farts yeah no yeah no no yes you can the CDC
00:10:47
said you can collect Co one of three ways in this in a small room with other people after confined spaces and times
00:10:53
breathing spitting and also any sort of feal matter that's in the air so if you fart feal Matter's in the air I could
00:10:58
Huff your feal matter and I could get Co but I'm wearing Lululemon pants I they're $110 pants so they're not going
00:11:03
to go through this and I just told you I tested negativo for Co yeah but what if it's what if it's a false negative
00:11:09
that's true too it could be a false negative but are those Lulu these are Lulu espensive you smile a bit yeah yeah
00:11:16
yeah let me see you know what you [ __ ] your teeth your [ __ ] gums too big
00:11:23
yeah let me see you don't have big gums no what do you mean you smile you know has 19 teeth really yeah
00:11:31
he's missing most of his teeth L teeth really there's one going I'm taking you got another one going yeah Frankie
00:11:37
Frankie oh no what happened to him I name all my teeth Frankie G is gone why hey bro I can't do it
00:11:44
anymore now ask yeah yeah and so there's a hole in
00:11:49
Frankie like he got shot in the head right and then when wind goes in there everyone suffers it whistles no everyone
00:11:55
goes ow imagine if you open your mouth and a car is going down the road it's like
00:12:00
Frankie G got shot and he's dead and he's gone are you going to have it removed are you going to let it fall out no because now the um the nerve I think
00:12:06
the nerve died oh [ __ ] so since the pandemic since the pandemic hey since
00:12:12
the p hey since the Pand since the pandemic um um I've been in a lot of pain I never told you that wait
00:12:18
seriously you've been in pain this whole time yeah you know when CU you know when the whole Frankie G is whole and then there's a nerve that stick Frankin che's
00:12:24
head you could see the [ __ ] nerve well you can't see the [ __ ] nerve matter I don't have that kind of equipment to microscopic thing to check
00:12:30
out your aspar the app but no um no the thing is but I've
00:12:36
been in a lot of pain so are you going to use that as an excuse you going to do another thing or no it's dead it's dead
00:12:41
what's another thing well you know you use pain as your trauma as an excuse for all sorts of [ __ ] up [ __ ] that you'd end up doing I'm saying like what give
00:12:48
me an example being late not texting back not hanging out not returning call privilege
00:12:53
huh you love it yeah I do that's why I got it like [ __ ] down dude it's [ __ ] it's good to be on top
00:13:00
are you jealous of our White Privilege this is what that's why I said it let's gang up on I to see what this was let's gang up on him now I know what it is
00:13:05
it's I know what it is I it's the win what they say Cahoots the winning team what they say what they say Cahoots
00:13:12
you're in what they say Cahoots about you dude you know what you know what you are what we say
00:13:19
cute that's Al another thing I found out what to that you're gay so what do you mean nothing I'm not gay I know but you
00:13:26
know what dude let me say so this though and I'm going to say this openly please serious that U let's just suppose Jesus
00:13:32
came down yeah yeah not God just some Mexican guy no Jesus and he goes um you
00:13:38
know you must you know what I mean [ __ ] one comedian male comedian right he's
00:13:43
saying that to you you're saying that to me okay um do you even he might be he
00:13:49
might be in the top I'd have to him there's a couple of other guys who the top five that I would I would Fu correct
00:13:55
um a couple of them are canceled so um I don't want to make name them okay mhm I know who I know who dom deise dom
00:14:03
deise and um no um I see the ones that aren't so I would probably he's up there
00:14:10
and then uh I'd have to say jez on neck yeah I'd have to say JZ he seems like
00:14:15
he'd be a dead fish yeah he angry like he has a fra yeah take it he would just
00:14:20
take it and he's also emotionalist he's like a um Romulan to me there's a lot of who would I have SE I have sex with
00:14:26
somebody fun like earthquake yeah it's is funner to say I [ __ ] earthquake I [ __ ] earthquake yeah I I
00:14:33
[ __ ] him i' i' bang earthquake and then who's another guy take narid Bang Yeah
00:14:39
big leap that's a big leap that's a big leap from earthquake to T yeah I would [ __ ] him too TIG yeah I'd [ __ ] him I'd
00:14:45
go after the big dogs yeah yeah who Rock Chappelle just for the clout yeah you
00:14:51
know because then I have why I'd hold it above their head everyone would [ __ ] the rock everyone even without Jesus coming down Chris
00:14:57
Rock oh no no no no I'm saying I'd hold cuz i' hold it above him I'd be you I still to this day jerk off to I jerk off
00:15:03
a lot to uh to Barbara Walters I still jerk off to Barbara Walters yes yes she's you used to be big Larry King do
00:15:08
you are you not big into him anymore no I now now now say most people I Dr off to is is uh is I Dr off to Barbara
00:15:14
Walters um I Jer off to Tucker Carlson a lot from Fox News and I I Jer off a lot
00:15:20
to uh Lebron James oh yeah oh since we're opening up I Dr off to you that seen the Silence of the Lambs when they
00:15:27
when they [ __ ] flipped the girl over and she had strips of Flesh Miss missing from her back yeah that's it that's
00:15:33
it something about yeah just something about it I took off a lot to jod Foster but from Nell you ever seen the movie
00:15:39
Nell when she's being raised in the Woods by Wolves I took off to her because there's one scene where they show full Bush and I like that oh Jody
00:15:45
Foster huh yes but from n not from Silence of the Lamb Jerry Maguire yeah the beginning scene in Jerry good gets
00:15:52
takes his thing off when he says show me the money that's when I come yeah he I went to Arizona State Jerry I bust right
00:15:58
there yeah that's the real sex scene at the beginning of that movie is so hot it is really hot that is and you know it's another one I used to seriously I swear
00:16:03
to God jerk off to all the time True Lies when Jamie Lee Curtis was dancing and there's about what about 35 40
00:16:09
seconds in her a little top of her nipple comes out and I would [ __ ] jerk off and I would always [ __ ] hold it and I would wait until [ __ ] Arnold
00:16:14
gets punched in the face at the end when he [ __ ] and his lip is all bleeding and then I go yeah I [ __ ] do it dude yeah my mom do
00:16:23
do you find yourself I mean I this I don't want to go too blue but we're here already um we're already here so um do
00:16:29
you do you masturbate offense yes yes and I and I don't jerk off like this I
00:16:34
think I've talked about this before I don't do like this I make my hands uh I lay down on my back and I make my hands
00:16:39
like I guess it's kind of like a [ __ ] or whatever and I rub the base of my penis and I come directly into my belly
00:16:44
button I swear to God that's a true story I'm not lying I'm not lying really no I swear to God I swear to God I swear
00:16:50
on everything I would jerk off uh a lot and I still jerk off uh like that so like people like oh jerking off in the shower is the best I can't because I
00:16:56
don't do it like that I have to lay lay my penis against my body and and push it down you know what I physically push
00:17:02
Force against your I push down and I go to the base of my penis and I push down right above my balls in the lower part
00:17:08
of my uh penis shaft and I just push keep pushing down and then I I and uh
00:17:13
you know I come into my belly button usually wow yeah yeah you know I you know the hole of the penis yeah you blow
00:17:19
on it you I don't blow on it and I that's [ __ ] weird and then you know that's [ __ ] weird and the stem right
00:17:26
right below the um right I take my two fingers like this and I squeeze as hard as I can oh see oh yeah the blowing was
00:17:32
weird compared to that right you're insane you squeeze your penis as hard as you can it feels so good no it does not
00:17:38
yes I do I could take it like that I make him I I talk to her if you talk to your penis yeah you don't talk back to
00:17:44
me yeah right and it goes like this yeah dude I don't know who's Dave because you know my penis right I I want to get it I
00:17:51
[ __ ] talk about but um I used to call my penis by a girl's name what was the name well because well let's just cuz I
00:17:58
don't cuz she listens to the podcast yeah what's her name yeah I'm not going to I'm going to make it up yeah go ahead Katie let's what's the real name though
00:18:04
I'll later what's the real name what's the real later real name but this girl Katie I used to work with right went out
00:18:10
with this so I liked her right and then she went out with another bus boy
00:18:15
mhm so okay so no so here's the deal of all the bus boys yeah yeah yeah so I was
00:18:21
a bus boy yeah no [ __ ] right and this guy Dave was a bus boy mhm and then she was a waiter waitress server server
00:18:27
whatever yeah and and then um you know I used to like walk by her while she's like taking orders and smell her hair oh
00:18:34
my God Bob like a psycho I'd have to [ __ ] bucket like this and and smell that yeah yeah yeah what would Katie say
00:18:42
she would know she's [ __ ] taking order like what you want to hear about she had no idea you hair sniffer and I would try to get as close as I can and
00:18:48
sometimes if I snipped hard enough one hair would go shoot into the nose that's [ __ ] awesome dude all right but then
00:18:53
like she she D this other guy Dave liked her and then she um she she went out
00:18:59
with him MH and then they got married they have children oh really really Katie and Dave so I call my penis Katie
00:19:06
right right and I squeeze it the tip go what's up with Dave and then you [ __ ]
00:19:11
come Out Come is she the one that got away well no because I have the one the love of my life is I'm live with her now
00:19:18
yeah but what Kila didn't get away did that one get away she's trying to we won't let her though let try and do yeah
00:19:24
you know we won't let her that's right you know what I've noticed ever since I've had genital warts I have a I I when I my penis is so much more
00:19:31
[Music]
00:19:39
sensitive when I I'm coming so much quicker when I masturbate because I was removing them but now I haven't removed
00:19:44
them and and and I've noticed that since I've had genital Wars and it also is
00:19:49
good because I I I'll be honest with you guys I have my penis is about 5 and a half inches but it's six with warts and
00:19:55
I feel like and I feel like that makes it the wart on the the warts are on the tip the W on the tip I thought you know
00:20:01
when I imagine warts you would think that it's the width part that would thicken it right but you I've never seen
00:20:07
the warts just congregate on the tip I actually have what's known as Geno anal uh uh uh Geno Geno anal warts or genital
00:20:15
anal warts where I have I have I have right now maybe 10 warts a couple on my testicles one on the base of my shaft
00:20:21
two or three on the tip of my penis and then I do have one on my [ __ ] and that's normal and cuz at first I said
00:20:26
cuz when I went to the doctor cuz I went to doctor and I said and I said you know
00:20:31
I've never had I've never had MSN man sex with man but I do have a ward on my [ __ ] and he said that's that's just
00:20:37
it's fine it's all from the wart family and he said would you like me to remove it and I said no because I've recently found out that my penis and [ __ ] is
00:20:44
more sensitive like right now I'm sitting on my the ass on my war and I do have a heart I how do you not know that it's not a hemorrhoid um because I don't
00:20:52
what I don't I don't bleed uh when I when I [ __ ] anymore did you ever have
00:20:57
hemorrhoids I don't know but I was I was [ __ ] pure blood for a little while wait wait wait stop stop stop all
00:21:04
right yeah when you ship like I don't know B when I shoot pure blood right immediately I just kind of stand up
00:21:10
right and I go to a facility called you know the hospital the hospital no yeah you didn't do that not me when of you guys have you ever [ __ ]
00:21:17
blood I think one time it was beat oh be juice it ended up it was beat right
00:21:23
right but I thought it was blood yeah because I did no honestly I had beat I love Beats by the way who what you love
00:21:29
beets it's one of my favorite veggies of time yeah I like the way it bleeds you know what I mean it's cool but uh I like
00:21:34
the texture everything about it right but sometimes I like don't chew it I swallow beets whole swallow the whole
00:21:40
thing like if I'm had a salad right and there's a big chunk of beet I don't even swallow I just suck it a little bit I love sucking juices me too that's my
00:21:46
thing yeah any kind of juice I suck the [ __ ] out of it yeah you know what I mean lollipop right like even like if I have
00:21:54
a Bice in a lollipop if I have a bob and there's some juice in like there's some sort of like oh yeah thing yeah I I'll
00:22:00
dig a hole I'll suck the [ __ ] out of the juice yeah you know that little gum with the little thing yeah with the juice in
00:22:05
the middle yeah yeah I suck the juice out before I the whole [ __ ] thing in my mouth baby yeah that's why either the
00:22:11
burger the Juicy Lucy you ever eat a burger where you find it and then a cheese comes and H dude one time I was in Minnesota that's where they have and
00:22:17
I bit into a Juicy Lucy and the cheese hit my esophagus and I came because it was just like and was like that's anytime I get
00:22:25
violently hit in my uula I it's an automatic uh thing I don't know why I would juice what was I had a point to make what was it uh that the Holocaust
00:22:32
isn't real yeah yeah the Holocaust that's why how I know that that the Holocaust isn't real it's a [ __ ] ho hoax yeah just like Co just like Co I
00:22:40
don't know what know you do think Co is a hoax you told me that the other day you said I don't want to talk about it on air but I don't believe in it I don't
00:22:45
[ __ ] believe Co is a [ __ ] hoax man that's why I haven't left the come on man what are you [ __ ] saying [ __ ] like that there a lot of things I think
00:22:51
that are hoaxes what's a HOA um I think that um I'm G to get in trouble here but
00:22:57
um I think that the sun is a hoax it's not
00:23:03
there well let me ask you this let me ask you this really what is it what what is it it's just an illusion you know how
00:23:09
we illuminate light from our eyes we illuminate light from our eyes well we you know everything is an illusion right
00:23:15
sure and every everything's transfixed into a you know visual cortex yeah yeah so I just think it's an illusion for
00:23:23
them dude well Don it's funny because the reason why we brought Don here is Don's a director don don direct videos
00:23:30
well no no we're going to do but we're going to do a movie pandemic no pandemic pandemic 2020 is what we're we're writing I told Andrew about this
00:23:37
yesterday uh we're going to we have Parts Andrew of course uh we would think Andrew wants to play uh the president he
00:23:43
wants to play president Trump red hair red face I was going to play Nancy Pelosi and then you're going to play the Corona
00:23:50
virus under the microscope we're going to do it under the microscope on the Spore and oh CGI what I love about a
00:23:56
movie like that is that I don't really have to work that much no it's just going to be it yeah yeah you can actually even CGI like I go in and they
00:24:02
put the green suit on me they put the balls on my they want you to get tattoos they want you to get real coronavirus tattoos yeah little red nodules all over
00:24:09
your body okay Ken Jong Kim Jong Ken Jong would love it he's dead though Kim J is dead Kim jong-un's dead no Ken Jong
00:24:16
oh ken Jong-un Ken Jong-un no Ken Jong the actor is Ken Jong and Kim Jong-un
00:24:22
related no why do they look the same they do they look the same I can never jum just K I'm just kidding I'm just
00:24:28
kidding yeah you know who Ken Jung is huh yeah he did yeah he did the special
00:24:33
when he was pregnant on Netflix yeah I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm kidding
00:24:39
have some very underrated Special by the way better he hey guys um during this pandemic I use this and it saved my life
00:24:47
you know it's it's it's nice to have a to get a therap therapist you know and talk about your feelings and what's going on yeah and it's I've also used
00:24:54
couple this as couple therapy with me and my Kila yeah that's really well when you were going through your
00:24:59
tough time I know you used a lot of therapy and that was good to get you back out and back sober again what's great about better help it assesses your
00:25:05
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00:25:16
matter where you are and they pair you with who they think you would match up with the best they're committed to
00:25:22
facilitating great therapeutic matches well guess what too it's more affordable than traditional offl counseling so
00:25:27
that's good and Fin finial aid but buddy financially a financial aid m is
00:25:32
available you need some help you can get some help both financially and with all the issues in your life start living a
00:25:38
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HP visit betterhelp.com badf friends HP the millions of people who have taken
00:25:50
charge so many people been using it they're recruiting new counselors so maybe bbo you want to be a counselor one day I have to go classes but I'll do it
00:25:57
special offer for bad friends listeners 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com badri that's betterhelp.com badri oh
00:26:05
yeah tush you know Andrew um there's one thing in my life that you know when you try something you go where was this my
00:26:10
whole life like you when I I've had a dirty [ __ ] all my life yeah you have you know and as soon as first of all
00:26:16
tushi is so affordable yeah it's extremely $100 yeah you get up a day it's like eight grand or something right
00:26:23
right number one two you can just install it yourself yeah we did it we installed it number three it's powerful
00:26:29
this tushy is powerful it goes right into the hole and it cleans it out no
00:26:34
you know toilet paper it's obsolete almost thing of the past the thing of the past yeah no we both use tushi we
00:26:39
have it I have it at my house and here at the studio and let me tell you something if you don't have a butthole stop listening if you do you're going to
00:26:46
like this tushi cleans you right out if you don't have a butthole you should get one you should get one yeah yeah yeah because you probably um backed up
00:26:53
they're backed up there's no electricity no additional Plumbing it's simple simple to use and uh it cuts toilet
00:26:58
paper use by 80% you're saving the planet Earth you don't even have to wipe honestly I tushy and I get in the shower
00:27:04
it feels so good it's a simple bday attachment it's got a 60-day risk-free guarantee and a 12 Monon warranty join
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00:27:16
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00:27:28
anyway why did I say about the juices though I my mind you really wanted to talk about the juice for some reason I know but my uh I was talking about um
00:27:35
it's good is it good mhm no it's not it's not good I swear to God it's good hey hey do
00:27:43
you know why I because I have ooc you know I have what's that thing called OCD not OCD you have you have uh add hey
00:27:49
what's bigger this or your mom's foot what's bigger that yeah
00:27:59
what is that is that ice cre is that a a chocolate chip cookie bar it's a chocolate chip uh Snicker doodle bar Snicker Doodle Bar what is it coffee
00:28:06
cake that's coffee cake want some Andrew no baby you don't like sweets huh I like you know what's so funny I'm Savory over sweet so is he he's the same way this
00:28:12
guy will eat 14 [ __ ] steaks but he won't eat no no like if I eat a cake I will not eat the icing I'll only eat the
00:28:19
breading part just I hate icing really yeah it's the I hate it what is it I don't like it's pure sugar sugar sugar
00:28:25
sugar I don't like it let me let me CU yesterday my birthday right I yesterday was your birthday I want to say something what did Rudy get you Rudy
00:28:31
what did you get uh she gave me um she gave me three um cartridges for my um Nintendo switch 49 49 so can I just say
00:28:39
something yesterday so you know my therapist was like um you know because
00:28:44
you know I have a thing about not texting people back yeah it's the thing that we have together Bingo yeah so um
00:28:52
so um she's like I think you should be a happy birthday
00:28:58
[Laughter] what do your therapist say
00:29:04
Bob I know but let me just can I just [ __ ] the therapist for a second okay I
00:29:10
just want to look at you dude you know when one's when one's speaking right especially the host of it you know right
00:29:16
and you do [ __ ] you know that style of farting right which is the worst
00:29:21
style right it's a cheeks clothes probably a little sweat build up right
00:29:26
and there's a little Force going right for timing yeah you are pushing a little bit too much pushing a little I
00:29:33
know farts because I've done it before right well if you're going to wear Lululemon pans you might as well test them they're
00:29:39
$110 that's true so anyway so let's go back to the thing my headphones are coming off but I can't adjust them cuz I
00:29:45
have chocolate on my hands you will you get them something from out there yeah could somebody come adjust my headphones so I I so my my ther is like what what
00:29:54
your my ther is like um you know you have a problem with testing p so you should text everyone back thank you when
00:30:00
they say you know text you happy birthday right I knew that's why you responded so [ __ ] fast I [ __ ] knew
00:30:07
it dude I [ __ ] knew something was a foot when you responded immediately I was like something's up but you should see my face doing it yeah such a piece
00:30:14
of [ __ ] how many texts did you get you think happy birthday 75 maybe 75 to 100
00:30:19
I texted you happy birthday as well yeah did I text back yes she did thank you okay you're welcome I didn't want to but
00:30:25
um so I appreciate it but here's what she now I'm going to ask you yeah I texted people thank you I even some of
00:30:31
them I even did an extra word to make them feel like it's just not like you know know thank you right so it's like
00:30:37
you know if it was like like Candace Thompson you know she's a very funny comic she texted me and I said Thank you
00:30:45
Ian you know what I mean just to make a a joke yeah but half of the people I texted back then did another text back
00:30:53
to me because they're so [ __ ] surprising I know but no but then do I respond to that text as well well you
00:30:58
when does it end so it's like it's fine I wrote Happy Birthday [ __ ] and you wrote thanks red he added one word yeah
00:31:05
to make it more specific to you but I knew look at this I texted you at 143 you texted me at 143 you texted me the
00:31:13
same minute I my therapist what did I what did I say to you okay uh by the way
00:31:18
143 143 that used to mean I love you when you had beepers remember that 143 143 is I love you 823 was thinking you
00:31:25
8008 was boob remember that 8 five boobs boobs so I said to I said to
00:31:30
Bobby Lee I I said to Bobby Lee happy birthday babe and he wrote back thanks tits and then I wrote I do have tits and
00:31:37
then he just left it on red right so the third so the third one was the one who was like do I text even back because now
00:31:42
I'm not in a text chain with [ __ ] 60 people so there should be a rule that if
00:31:48
you say happy birthday to somebody on the text you know what I mean and then the guy says thanks that should be it
00:31:54
that's fine I texted you something that's not what that's not it no it is it I know but people don't think it's it
00:31:59
so then they keep going depends on the relationship it's going and then you got to go I'm not responding to that I don't have to respond to that it's contextual
00:32:05
right like you you have a different relationship with some people so some people some people that okay someone you don't know that well right I text you
00:32:11
happy birthday thanks that's all you need someone who you're a good friends with that you do know well that knows you well if they're going to engage more
00:32:17
then you engage more that's how text works but a good friend a good true friend that loves you which I believe Andrew does he knows and and I and I
00:32:23
love you I love you as well unconditionally in unconditional text means I send happy birthday and I don't
00:32:30
respect I don't expect anything from you anybody who gets upset about why they're not responding to you is does not love you unconditionally the way they they
00:32:37
you may think they do that's exactly what I was saying so unconditional love is what you should seek so really you
00:32:42
should only have that from people and I believe you do you just hit it on the [ __ ] head right there yeah you should
00:32:48
have it from that you just bro you just did it for me this values and what I want to tell to you dude is that do you
00:32:54
have unconditional love for me and if so right if if you text me and I don't text you back nobody loves you don't act like
00:33:00
a [ __ ] bit because then it's not unconditional the way you've been acting like a [ __ ] [ __ ]
00:33:09
biai you biai and he knows I love and he knows
00:33:17
that like I want to throw this cake at a stupid [ __ ] face no but if I do because who's going to clean it up
00:33:22
you're a [ __ ] us us oh yeah cuz I got crumbs over here he'll never clean this up really he goes back to his booger
00:33:29
layer after this he doesn't have to [ __ ] do anything he's got a nice know oh I see you're attacking now I I am uh
00:33:35
yeah could you call me a [ __ ] so I'm gonna attack you back you little short fat piece of [ __ ] no I'm not kidding how about that you [ __ ] low to the Earth
00:33:45
turd I love getting him I get him there cuz he knows I get so deep he's one of the only people that gets me [ __ ]
00:33:51
actually like angry and annoy angry love and you called him a load of the earth turd [ __ ] that's funny man
00:33:58
he is [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] I love him why are you wearing a beanie it's 92 outside I know because I cuz I was I
00:34:04
want to impress him but the thing is is that by the way he knew you were coming but he knew you were coming he got really [ __ ] excited and I know he
00:34:10
chose his outfit particularly because he wanted to impress you that's what he did stand up and what you what kind of what are you wearing below what are you
00:34:15
wearing below gray sweats what the [ __ ] are you talking about yeah but gray sweats because that makes your dick look big exactly that's all the girls wear
00:34:21
gray all the guys wear gr that's a thing that's a thing it is a thing that's a thing abolutely sweats
00:34:26
grce sweats is a thing Google look big it yeah let me see yes see
00:34:32
stand up again stand up again let me see yeah yeah yeah I've touched penises
00:34:40
before you never played Sports so you never saw other men's penises like that though huh bro that's so insulting that
00:34:46
you say that well you never played Sports dude I was on the junior varsity wrestling team in high school mhm you
00:34:51
know that right are you serious yeah for one year no I wrestled all through
00:34:57
Middle School I was on the tennis team Middle School doesn't count in high school you play for one year in high school no three years I was on the
00:35:03
tennis team no way oh yeah really you played three years of tennis he dude if
00:35:08
you look at my early Instagrams dude I have photos of my high school yearbook how are you so unathletic now you have
00:35:15
tennis hair right now by the way bro I'm 49 you [ __ ] I know this is what your
00:35:21
body looks like no this is what your body looks like no all right so I just want to say this no one's surprised that
00:35:26
this is what you turned out to be so Tuesday I shot I shot a um a short
00:35:32
film appropriate right and I and I you would just call that a film yeah for you it's just a you shot something
00:35:41
yeah go does it feel good no I'm going to ask is it does it feel good to be
00:35:47
tallan he's not tall he doesn't [ __ ] know what feel good and then the little the fat little guy go what the little
00:35:54
guy right yeah yeah right right you poke you poke wrote that one too like you
00:36:00
does that feel good to youg and theg 5 and he's your height how you're 58 and a
00:36:05
half he's your height oh my bad does it feel good anyway yeah it feels good so I shot this thing with it was just me and
00:36:11
Vin vongh doing it right wow that must position yeah right he's tall that was like the movie stomach his stomach right
00:36:18
is a little bulby MH and then we're talking about like our age and how we metabolize men our age metabolize harder
00:36:24
right how old are you I am uh I turned 36 last year you're a young man still okay when you're 49 right it's just
00:36:31
harder to lose weight I believe it particularly when you eat pizza every day and you don't exercise how's your
00:36:36
cholesterol and blood pressure through the [ __ ] roof is it no good is it CH blood pressure no good yeah it's bad but
00:36:41
you know what's interesting about Koreans and all Asians is no matter how out of shape you are you can still get you can still squat all the way down
00:36:47
where your [ __ ] is just like a millimeter off the floor and smoke a cigarette all Chinese and Asian men all
00:36:53
people from Asia can squat down really low and smoke cigarettes on their bricks yeah I know know Chris 100% beli you
00:36:58
were Chinese he was convinced he was like there's no way you're Korean he doesn't believe it I didn't believe it he doesn't he needs proof he thinks he's
00:37:03
like there there's no way he said all Asians are from China he thinks everything brands from China no one is originated from anywhere like I believe
00:37:10
all whites are from Germany I just want to say this to make an argument against that the the squatting and the smoking yes right so um before West the
00:37:17
westerners took over [ __ ] America right introduced them to like fast food and you know and and our before the
00:37:24
westerners took over America or Asia no when the Western took over Asia like in terms of your corporations going and
00:37:30
cultural going in there right right you know generally Asians were small right Still Still I know but all right but no
00:37:39
because now you the average height of a Korean right is what a male is like no
00:37:44
55 5'8 5'9 really do you have proof on that cuz I feel like it's on it's about
00:37:50
55 5'6 he's just so insulting no I'm being serious I'll bring it can this finish my point though I'm going to
00:37:55
guess by the way I just want to put in a guess I'm going to put in uh 57 57 I'm going to put average he of Korean
00:38:02
male 170 cm that's tiny that's like right here that's like a little tiny yeah it's like a trophy you look like a trophy what what is that in a feet 170
00:38:10
cm in feet um I would say a one uh what is a centimeter 100 centimeters make an
00:38:15
inch is that right yeah and then and then 12 Ines 12 Ines is a foot that's 55
00:38:21
170 cm is 5'5 I was [ __ ] right [ __ ] all right but and but I'm who's a [ __ ]
00:38:28
now me finish though let me finish though okay let me finish right but probably 20 years ago the average height
00:38:35
was probably 53 less 20 years all right so what I'm just saying though and now
00:38:41
we have Asian now we have Asians that are much taller like if you look at Korean soap opers where they're 6 foot
00:38:46
62 those guys are genetically modified ya was made in a lab exactly ya was made
00:38:51
the same F Yao Ming was made from the same [ __ ] pach dish they made Corona virus in so y Ying is like a Franken shink
00:39:00
yeah yaming Franken shink say it clip it he say let's bring it back trink and
00:39:05
[ __ ] right so so I'm regular that's what it is here here you go here but my point is this is but here Yao Ming right
00:39:14
the reason why we could squat like that is cuz we're shorter dudes right yes right but Ying can't do that yes he can
00:39:21
yes he can no he can't do that they all have all the Asians have unbelievable
00:39:26
unbelievably uh hip flexer muscles because they need to get down to smoke cigarettes it's
00:39:32
part of what they need to do look at that look at how low he is there's him and Bobby Lee right
00:39:38
there you can look at how low he is look at how low his ass H against what he's saying every human can do that no they
00:39:44
cannot not like that not like that listen stand right there and do it che check check that right okay right you're
00:39:50
looking at this all right yeah yam's going um go over there to the little
00:39:55
girl right and the little girl's going hold the you Franken right he's like I
00:40:00
am and before I destroy you you go over there right that's what he's doing go over there you're right right but this
00:40:07
check this out right yeah this is he's not doing this right you know me down
00:40:13
right this is different then go over there yeah but it's still the same athletic muscles look at the ability to
00:40:19
do that y even the fact that you can just do that all the way down no dude it's uh there he is smoking
00:40:26
is smok against the magic and what's he
00:40:32
saying look at Dwight Howard's arms Jesus [ __ ] my God Mugsy bogs look at Mugsy Bogues
00:40:39
Michael Jordan used to call Mugsy bogs a [ __ ] [ __ ] you ever seen that he used to talk sh like take the shot you
00:40:44
[ __ ] [ __ ] and Mugsy bugs interview was like it was so upsetting it was so emotionally scarring cuz Jordan would just call him a [ __ ] [ __ ] with the
00:40:51
T you see that I was right tiny men when you say [ __ ] mhm does it feel because
00:40:58
you know they want you to change they change he's saying what Jordan said I'm paraphrasing what Michael Jordan said yes cuz I would say if if Michael Jordan
00:41:05
called somebody the f word you know what I mean what's what's the f word agot without the
00:41:11
FH with the F no without the F that's the word so I don't get in trouble oh God an a right you wouldn't say would
00:41:17
you say that even in the what do I say what let's say Michael Jordan called some other guy an agot with right okay
00:41:24
would you have repeated that would I have repeated that word yeah no but that's because but that's
00:41:30
because agots are are real people and midgets aren't they're half of people they half
00:41:36
of people they're half people yeah yeah like they not have I don't have real like they don't have full Social Security numbers or full lives so but
00:41:42
the agots do so then you know yeah it's like you know when they say count to three count to three one two
00:41:49
three oh my God oh my God like when they say like if there's a helicop right and
00:41:55
there was two midgets and they go four people die I go you know what I mean I go three whatever is that what you do
00:42:01
that's what I do in my mind I go three people die three people di yeah yeah yeah but what they can mistake you people could mistake you for oh my God
00:42:07
sorry [ __ ] you that's [ __ ] you I the choca chake cha Chaka cha cake I can't smell all my God oh my God oh my God
00:42:13
it's going my way I don't know why sorry I can't smell it yeah do you guys ever do you ever fart on the podcast I
00:42:19
apologize if I did he does fart eat sushi before with a fork and makes me fart only when I eat the sushi with a
00:42:24
fork I fart with a chop of sticks I don't fart dude I swear to Bobby I'm sorry sit down
00:42:32
I can't do it sit down it smells so [ __ ] bad dude deal with it I'm sorry
00:42:37
he LIF the cheek on my side he did he did he did I'm sorry Bobby cuz I ate a I ate chocolate uh cake it does smell and
00:42:44
I had salmon with a fork and I apolog sushi with a fork sushi with a fork I apologize I'm sorry I swear to God that
00:42:50
won't happen again I realize I'm a guest on the show and I apologize no I apologize do to him on his side I can't smell or taste anything I don't know
00:42:56
what the [ __ ] going but my Lululemon paner will be no holes I haven't been able to smell or taste for the past like
00:43:01
three three days I can't smell anything are you serious you really can't smell can't taste anything either that's one
00:43:06
of the symptoms no it's not smell it's not smell is and taste you can't smell or taste and you [ __ ] the other you
00:43:13
were when we were doing whiskey Ginger you were like I told you you had like that little like the little striations in the lungs I told you when I was a
00:43:19
physical therapist I used to see people like that and I don't think you have covid but I remember like the cough I was like that's coming from the center
00:43:24
of the chest [ __ ] yes maybe you're just depressed you seem depressed I am yeah you SE it because of you okay here we go
00:43:31
no no no I'm serious you do make me depressed most of the time what what about is does it make you depressed let
00:43:37
me just ask okay um hey I just out of nowhere like does a man do this to another man he's about to get mad look
00:43:43
at him he just did up breathing right unconditional love remember the so in our merchandise on what shirt do you
00:43:49
like and then I don't respond hey buddy yellow blue or green buddy right I I
00:43:54
didn't say buddy I didn't say buddy or whatever right I said shirts do you like for the show for Merch for the show I go I don't care come on buddy pick one yeah
00:44:02
pick one no if Giannis was like hey what shirts do you like would you be like I don't care would you go I should put in
00:44:07
my [ __ ] input but if you didn't care would you'd say you don't care if if if Giannis if Giannis said if Yannis texted
00:44:13
me and said what merch do I like what merch do I like I gave you options and it's like option if he sent me that text the first text I'd say back is say do
00:44:19
whatever you want egot and then I just and then I and then I leave him on red for the rest of the
00:44:25
day that's exactly that's exactly yeah yeah yeah it doesn't matter it doesn't matter man it get you crazy it gets you
00:44:31
crazy you're right yeah see what you're doing right there no no no you're right see I love that I you're I'm like a [ __ ] dad and when the kid is here I'm
00:44:38
not going to say what I want to say and when he when the kid leaves then mom's going to [ __ ] get it I'm going to beat the [ __ ] out of you when a little
00:44:44
boy goes off to school Little Mommy's going to [ __ ] it's insane that's crazy I'm going to beat the [ __ ] out of
00:44:50
him that's crazy I'm going to beat the [ __ ] out of you you little bag of rice I'm going to [ __ ] beat the [ __ ] out of you and then what what what what do
00:44:55
like they they go race the first thing that go is racist you go racist against me all the time what how you talk bad
00:45:00
about white people what you can't be racist oh really the [ __ ] oppressor I can't talk about the oppressor I'm not the opk in a free market the oppressor
00:45:07
huh I'm not the oppressor look at the oppressor like a [ __ ] now just oppress
00:45:12
and just take it well okay you take no you I then I oppress and you shut up yeah you shut up you shut up or I'll
00:45:19
send you back see that's you'll be right back on a boat wait what race are you
00:45:24
Italian he's Italian but from the yeah yeah I thought he I thought I could find some Solace you know you know I
00:45:31
mean hey right ombre you know what I mean but he's like I'm Italian he does look Mexican looks Mexican my my uh daughter's Puerto Rican so you can say
00:45:38
that stuff to me because I your daughter Puerto Rican because I I I had my balls do Zumba no no I had cuz I I had sex
00:45:46
with a spicy Latina 5 years ago yeah is that your wife now or no no not my wife but I think soon to be we're back
00:45:52
together and it's it's been great I was Chrissy co- parents for for a while but now I'm back back in the house oh good so just waiting to get killed through
00:45:59
domestic violence are you going to move out here or no MM no [ __ ] going to stay in New York yeah now I'm going to
00:46:04
stay in New York uh I love do like it here uh it's been on fire since I've been here for a week better today well
00:46:11
it just goes I mean it keeps going on fire and you know you start to wonder why and uh you know Jesus I think is
00:46:18
sending a message yeah he's saying saying something interesting interesting you would never so you you would even what if you got a big show out here you
00:46:24
would never move to LA I I don't want to say now I just can't go too far from my daughter even now being away from her
00:46:30
for just a week and have to be no would you move the family I would move the family if they all came with me I don't care where we would go but to if you ask
00:46:37
me I do like to be I do like to be close to like uh you know the the water like
00:46:42
the Atlantic Ocean I like being close to Atlantic Ocean and I like being near Puerto Ricans and that's New York City what a better Ocean Atlantic or Pacific
00:46:48
I would say Pacific I like the Atlantic Ocean better because but I'm I'm sexually attracted to fisherman yeah you
00:46:54
know oh yeah because when I think of Atlantic like I I I think of like you know the very very the Matthew um Perry
00:47:01
no no the the the the you know the Godzilla with the
00:47:07
Matthew guy who killed the woman in England mat killed the woman in England Matthew Matthew he got drunk he killed a
00:47:13
woman and and then he went out he also was married to the SE City lady Matthew um um Matthew BR that Godzilla I had to
00:47:21
go that way to get there I got you right so um I don't know if he did I don't know if he killed somebody I heard I heard
00:47:27
he he was Godzilla what do you mean he was Godzilla Matthew brck played Godzilla after my point though after my
00:47:32
point after my point though right um look up if Matthew Brer killed somebody he did he did in real life you're saying
00:47:39
or in a movie he hit somebody oh okay he hit them with a car yeah okay it's like when Brandy remember Brandy did that too
00:47:47
she goes oopsie whatever and she killed somebody what what is it [ __ ] Caitlyn Jenner same thing right Ken Jenner did kill someone on August 5th 1987 when
00:47:53
driving a rented BMW 316 in inisan Northern Ireland brought her across the wrong lane collided head on with a Volvo
00:47:59
the driver Anna Gallagher Hana Gallagher 28 and her mother Margaret dhy 63 were both killed instantly he later forgave
00:48:06
bradrick ID plans to meet him in 2003 okay there you go he got forgiven I know but does that you think that that waves
00:48:12
on you no not at all yes I do no no no I think if he kills somebody yes not if you're rich enough D you think he still lays in B if
00:48:19
you got enough money he doesn't care anymore he I don't think that's true dude Mark wallberg killed somebody too they say yeah yeah I don't that's true
00:48:25
think they of course it's not true yes it [ __ ] it [ __ ] with his head probably for a long long time yeah it affects every aspect but not Caitlyn
00:48:31
Jenner because [ __ ] Caitlyn Jenner paid them off and they got a sex change and then the thing went away do you know about that no [ __ ] he killed someone
00:48:37
on the PCH when he was still Bruce uhuh killed someone on the PCH and then paid them a quarter of a million dollars and
00:48:43
it went silent then he became a woman and got time one woman year do you think then that is the reason do you think in
00:48:49
a I think it helped speed up the transition in an effort to hide his identity that's why he became Caitlyn because of the crash I think it I think
00:48:55
it helps their hair I mean I right I think it help sped up the transition though I he killed someone and then not
00:49:02
too long after was [ __ ] I don't think that was the catalist but I do think it I do think he wanted to get the [ __ ] away from the accident and turn the
00:49:09
attention to something else and be like oh that didn't happen [ __ ] that now cuz now if you have children would you allow
00:49:15
them to get a sex change um if I have a kid and they say I want to be a boy and they're a girl yes
00:49:22
I'll say sure when I'm [ __ ] dead right right no I would do I would say uh
00:49:29
I'd say yeah when you're a grownup when you're a grownup right and not when you're a kid I think yeah because if before 18 they shouldn't yeah you can't
00:49:37
you can do that you should legally be allowed to do that but you as the father have to also get a sex change with the
00:49:43
child that's what I believe both parents what about both parents both parents then yes swap swap they have to swap
00:49:48
actually yeah that's what you have to do if you want if you're going to allow to get your child to get a sex change then I you the mom takes the dad's dick and
00:49:55
then I'll cut some fat off my ass and make a p or comes to Fat of her ass and make a [ __ ] and then if we like
00:50:00
comfortable in our bodies for a year and our child's under 18 then then they're allowed to then get a sex if my daughter
00:50:06
right now is 5 years old if that's what she wants and she's listening and 13 years old then she can have my I'm going
00:50:11
to get my penis you would never do that yes that's crazy I'll take the warts off well what this is what is and I'm going
00:50:17
to open I'm going to be really honest yeah be honest if my daughter was 18 she goes dad that's that's that's my
00:50:24
daughter yeah yeah I don't do that with your voice anymore yeah me out D all right Dad I'm going to do the sex change
00:50:30
operation now socially yeah think about it yeah I would have to go because I'm a
00:50:36
liberal I'd have to go you're a hardcore [ __ ] Lefty yeah and we have a word for that
00:50:48
egot right I would have to go um all right well what what are the procedures
00:50:54
what are the what's the next step right and then she would go through the transition and but the whole time M do I
00:51:02
have to be like Yay yes if you want to work in television and film yes or do or
00:51:08
can I go it's just what the truth is I hate I I I wish that this wasn't the case I think that's what would enter my
00:51:15
I'm just being I'm not no jokes jokes aside in my head I'd just be like you know I don't want this for some reason
00:51:22
I'm not really fully on board but I think I have to be socially so and that's what she wants so I just is that
00:51:28
all right for me to say sure of course yes of course if she's an adult who cares if your daughter's an adult and
00:51:34
she's like I'm getting a sex change why would you even [ __ ] care anymore she's an adult she's can do whatever she wants would you care though deep down
00:51:40
the side there would be no question no why would so then I'm the bad guy yeah if my kids are grown up and says I'm G
00:51:46
to do something I go good luck you're [ __ ] not you're I you would really do that if she's a grownup if she's an
00:51:53
adult that makes decisions and is is outdoing being an yeah what what the [ __ ] if she's [ __ ] nine and it's like
00:51:59
I want I want to I want a penis I'd be like well let's talk about it in 9 years cuz Juliana's 18 I know if she wants to
00:52:06
get a penis go go who cares I would allow I have a 5-year-old daughter so I
00:52:11
would allow her if she came up to me tomorrow and was like I think I'm a boy I want to start dressing like a boy I
00:52:17
would allow that I would allow that not allow her to have any type of operation
00:52:22
until she's 18 and has been living comfortably in that body and if she's like I'm I am now making my own choices
00:52:28
I would say then you have to do what you'd like to do but my son's not playing softball he's not no no I cross
00:52:34
the line of that yeah he don't he won't I want to play softball you don't [ __ ] play baseball right right right
00:52:40
yeah yeah same thing just smaller ball same thing smaller ball that's it just practice on the tinier one yeah yeah I'd
00:52:45
let the kid do any whatever they want when they become a grown-up but you don't let your kid do anything on their own can't do anything my daughter wants
00:52:51
to do all types of crazy [ __ ] I I won't let her do it but what's the craziest [ __ ] she asked you to do so far
00:52:57
right now uh heroin what did you say I said how do you shut that down I told
00:53:03
her I told her that you know she shouldn't do it and that if she wants to do it she's going to have to do it when
00:53:08
she's with her mother she can't do it with me and then her mother gave it to her when you're when your when your kid's old enough and she goes daddy did you ever do drugs what did you say I
00:53:15
well the TR the the God's honest truth is I never have done drugs nothing not what I swear on everybody not once in my
00:53:21
life I smoked a little weed once yeah that's it that's the only thing I've ever done you never been drunk have you been drunk yeah yes I've been drunk so
00:53:27
if you want to count that as a dry guess I've been drunk he means no weed no Coke no [ __ ] smoke weed five times in my
00:53:33
life never I did an edible once in my life uh never did any cocaine mushrooms
00:53:38
heroin nothing NADA zero nothing nothing of drinks I've met Comics like him before
00:53:45
they they exist yeah there's a lot of them I yeah menia used to be like that no no but he drinks Mania didn't even
00:53:51
drink right oh that's true yeah yeah no he still likes to have a couple of sodas I'll have some drinks I'll have some pops it's just so weird
00:53:57
Buffy is my favorite thank you for Buffy by the way that's the one good thing exide from the birthday cake which is
00:54:03
cheap but Buffy is the most high class thing that you've ever bought me that was the nicest thing I've ever given
00:54:08
yeah because the cake sucked but the thing is is that when you when I take the [ __ ] Buffy right it is the most
00:54:14
comfortable U blanket I've ever had is the most comfortable comforter you've ever had and I gave it to you and you
00:54:20
appreciate me you know why cuz it's soft temp it's a linen fabric it comes with all this easy breeziness softer than
00:54:27
cotton it's more durable it's better for the environment it absorbs five times more CO2 from Air than trees it's
00:54:32
naturally resistant yeah it it just it's soft and cooler dude I've never ever sweat since I've had a buffy I swear to
00:54:38
God in my life I used to sweat in everything now that I've got this I never sweat at night so if you like me missing out man you got to get one you
00:54:44
have to get one um we both have it we both use it it's definitely worth a try it's good for the environment and it's
00:54:50
soft on your skin and by the way here's the best part about Buffy you don't like it you don't like it send it back okay
00:54:57
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promo code is bad friend I played basketball in high school and college and I always would you know we get thrown off the team for that and also I
00:56:49
always worried it would like [ __ ] with my heart somehow but now I'm just been you know now L bias or something yeah
00:56:55
but now I but now my cholesterol and everything is through the roof because I eat like [ __ ] so I'm [ __ ] with my heart
00:57:00
anyway it's my cholesterol and blood pressure is high Donnie was in the room with me when the doctors came to give me a covid test and the blood pressure is
00:57:06
too high baby so I'm going to have to go on blood pressure medication is is stroke running your family mm what about diabetes no stroke no heart attack di my
00:57:12
dad's diabetic but you know he's a fat muffin yeah but you might you might be pre pre-diabetic I no my blood sugar my
00:57:17
A1C which is the main factor it's 5.2 so that's fine I want blood pressure medication you are for how long for
00:57:25
about a year yeah need to be on it what was the blood pressure at its highest reading what was the I don't know what the number is top number bottom the
00:57:31
doctor told you you have to go the doctor like trembled people trembled in the room really yeah yeah when they did it they go ah and they they could they
00:57:37
almost dropped the thing you know why one day in in one day we were doing the show and he had ordered 10 ladti deep
00:57:43
dish pizzas and he ate them every every single day until the next show we did the following week and then I told him
00:57:49
baby got to stop and then he did one the last okay I have we have six luminal pizzas in the freezer right there's one
00:57:55
here at work yeah there's one here at the stud I will not eat them right I one the last time I ate
00:58:01
it last two weeks last two weeks what what what do
00:58:06
you um have you taken your blood pressure since no but dude last night um
00:58:12
here's what happens I know when my blood pressure is high is when like um my neck hurts M right look at her laughing she
00:58:19
knows what Jewels so it's for two weeks you know I haven't been eating pizza what and whatnot right yes two weeks no
00:58:24
pizza no two yeah ask her what have you been eating I go I'll go to like um Tender Greens and
00:58:31
get a salad very good right or do I not do that why you laughing nothing huh you're acting like Aly sheety from the
00:58:37
breakfast today I don't like it all right and I'll go to creation and only drink juice $4 juice $40 juice uh last
00:58:46
night you know no big deal I was playing and did you have some cake for your birthday yeah a little bit I was playing video games I have the headphones on
00:58:52
yeah and my brother and I were um you know we're in a house and we could hear footsteps coming in
00:58:59
right and we're scared right I'm like Steve waiting flank him flank come right
00:59:05
and I'm upstairs with a gun right we already had a load out right so I have my load out right I'm you know my point
00:59:11
right all of a sudden he is happy birthday right and literally right my
00:59:16
[ __ ] net clinked like that and then and my left arm came numb and like I
00:59:23
almost had a [ __ ] stroke I turn around is these [ __ ] little [ __ ] Island gos sneaky little island gos like
00:59:29
they did in [ __ ] platoon yeah right in platoon the hoim hoim right remember
00:59:34
right they dig ho they they live in a tree for three weeks with a banana and a [ __ ] handgun ban that's why they
00:59:40
that's why they won the [ __ ] War bananas good to low blood pressure I know but they yeah right but that's how they won these little [ __ ] little
00:59:45
[ __ ] right they know where all the holes are yeah they don't give a [ __ ] they just hide in a hole for [ __ ] a month and then when somebody come they
00:59:51
snatch them she put it on Instagram didn't you guys put that up on Instagram the video right I almost had a [ __ ] stroke so you know when when I get you
00:59:58
know what are you doing go I'm going to show I'm going to show everybody in the nice video of you almost had a heart attack no but go ahead say it you almost
01:00:03
had a stroke you I almost had a [ __ ] stroke dude and I and I looked at Kila I go you can never do that again right I
01:00:09
could [ __ ] die right but you could you weren't going to die you weren't going to die though dude I know but I could have a stroke no but the chances
01:00:14
of you as 49-year-old with having a stroke or heart attack is low even with high blood pressure yeah it's all
01:00:21
preventative they they want you to go on the medication now to prevent something happening when you're that's why I've been Tak I take it every day I take it
01:00:27
every day yeah yeah wait you but you're not oh well your dad did die of a stroke dude all my family members all right
01:00:35
have had strokes and they've been paralyzed from the neck down they smoke cigarettes though cigarettes is Big Smoke oh you smoked too okay okay so you
01:00:41
know I I told you about my grandmother for 25 years she never left the house right and then you know I told you about the wels and stuff didn't you have a
01:00:47
grandmother too who got run over by a tank or something what was that story oh [ __ ] you told me that on tiger on tiger
01:00:53
belly I had a aunt you know I mean who was run over by a milit oh there it is
01:01:00
two happy
01:01:05
birthday dressed like Freddy Krueger happy birthday to you oh it's so funny I
01:01:11
like at the end the last part when they just still look at his face bir right here at the
01:01:18
end I watch this birth I would have came at the end and
01:01:23
hit him with a [ __ ] whiffle ball bat look at his face happy birthday to
01:01:29
you you oh oh man that's happy birthday buddy funny to me dude you're gonna be
01:01:35
fine you'll be fine do you have an insurance policy on yourself by the way do they have an insurance policy on you because if they [ __ ] kill you they're going to get paid is there any money to
01:01:42
be had or is it just savings well um K said that
01:01:48
um um kala said that if I um if we have a baby yeah that she she needs her to be
01:01:55
on the whe she needs to be on your will yeah of course cuz she's going to raise your child yeah I got a life insurance policy
01:02:01
if I die my kid's mom will get it all tell how much is your life insurance policy for 2 mil wow yeah did I tell
01:02:08
worth a lot tell you about the the [ __ ] she gave you a couple weeks ago no oh go on I don't know if I
01:02:15
should well I I don't know if this a problem I can ask a question yeah um so she likes this actor what's the actor
01:02:21
that she likes who like hispan some Hispanic Act that she lik Michael Peña no if it's him
01:02:28
I'll kill myself uh uh fluffy glacius yeah so anyway I go she was we hooking
01:02:34
up and I go blow me I go blow me like that actor the guy that you like right and she did things that she's never done
01:02:41
before to my day cuz she pretended you were who some other actor right she start she the shaft and she started
01:02:47
leaking my balls right and then she spit on it and she was like sucking on the like I was like and I go stop I go stop
01:02:54
doing it like that and then I got I got mad I go that you do it better for the
01:02:59
other guy yeah of course but that's okay but that should be okay in a healthy sex relationship fantasy fantasy fantasy you
01:03:05
don't do ever Fant you don't ever think she's somebody else don't do I want those moves too you you just got them
01:03:11
you got exactly yeah but as for me no well you're not you anymore yeah you're not you anymore you've been together too
01:03:17
long because if I'm eating out grocery I do it like Natalie Portman I wouldn't go and do you me spit and do the whole
01:03:23
[ __ ] thing you know what no you sit and have a conversation with her she's Natalie port a winning actress yeah yeah what do you what do you mean do you ever
01:03:29
visualize she's somebody else when I'm in my mind maybe yes yeah
01:03:34
do you do it you have to yeah you don't have a choice you have to what do you mean once
01:03:40
you've had sex with your significant other enough dud your mind has to make make up that there's something else yeah
01:03:45
absolutely man we do role playing oh you do what role play I she I have okay I
01:03:51
I'll say it and then and then I'll I'll see if it's okay to say it yeah yeah we'll see if it's okay okay hold on we do camp we do Camp stuff
01:03:59
like you're camping no like like we're at a summer camp what like she's a counselor and you're a
01:04:05
student no [ __ ] dope what is her name does she have a counselor name no I just call her counselor counselor like
01:04:12
counselor kalila and she's like yes little boy how old are you in this fantasy are you Jewish do you put on
01:04:18
Yamaka Jewish summer camp but I have asthma like Jewish Jewish people do I have sist like a Jew oh yeah yeah so um
01:04:24
no Dairy go ahead so I um yeah I'm a kid you're a little boy and you're what happened did you be bad
01:04:30
were you bad by the lake look at look at look at her is that uncomfortable no it's fine okay do you wanted her out she
01:04:35
can get out of the room while you tell this nasty story it's not nasty well it's beautiful okay yeah so I'll go like
01:04:41
U did you get in trouble by the lake what did you do huh what did you do bad boy she's like come here Timmy she'll give me a name Timmy yeah yeah I go what
01:04:48
did I do wrong I'll do a boys yeah we're like you know and she's like you know you know I told you you know to put away
01:04:55
the the the equipment and you didn't put over the equipment right you left the balls out no but I know I was playing with um Johnny and the boys or whatever
01:05:02
and then she'll go like yeah but I when I say something so let take your pants off you need a spanking okay I'll go
01:05:12
okay right now slowly right meanwhile like when she sees the underwear it's just already right hard is a I like it
01:05:20
do you have on little boy underwear for the fanty I only have tidy wetes so and um
01:05:26
it's one pair there's a brown streak and it's all wet in the tip it's a tip there's a tip there that's wet yeah so
01:05:33
um and then she'll go um lay on your back I'm going to give you spanking right and I'll go I'll lay on my back
01:05:38
but how can you spank me if I'm on my back right right she goes you're clever
01:05:46
Timmy right and she go she goes you know she goes you know your magic stick I go
01:05:53
you need you mean my pee peee your magic stick and I
01:05:58
go PE right yeah take out your peeee what are you going to do I scared oh I
01:06:07
always say that you scared I scared right yeah and then she okay you
01:06:13
know what I mean let me kiss it like a lollipop I'm already coming sure I mean that juices are just like you know what
01:06:19
I mean it's like bubbling yeah you know what I mean like little [ __ ] [ __ ] bubbles that's hot right right that is
01:06:26
OD but then it's like you know what I mean but then it turns into well I'm
01:06:31
Timmy and she's on top of me right she'll go she'll switch it up which is I
01:06:36
don't like she's like I'm Mark now no but no something like that she'll
01:06:42
go like you know what do you like it Mark or Frank so I have to be play a
01:06:48
different character oh she wants you to switch right right so like she's now [ __ ] everyone at the camp oh [ __ ] yeah
01:06:55
you know I mean like she's like a cereal she's like run a train on me but now it's now it turns into like very
01:07:01
aggressive right right where like I've already now I'm Mark and I've already heard the rumors right so you know what
01:07:07
she's been up I knew all the things and I don't want to because maybe I'm gay or whatever right so it turns into me
01:07:12
trying to get not maybe yeah what not yeah no we are did she choke you did she
01:07:18
ever choke you oh my God yeah yeah I'm soorry I was a little upset with you I was a little hypocritical of your
01:07:24
fantasy um when you was Timmy and all that and Andrew that's why Andrew and I were looking at each other because you
01:07:29
the fantasy even though he was just talking so much [ __ ] about us his fantasy I was presuming was he was
01:07:35
acting like he was white cuz like Timmy Frank until he said I scared then I knew he was Chinese in the fantasy no no no
01:07:41
no you got it wrong what I am white in the fantasy in the fantasy I'm white
01:07:46
right right and what is she is she white in the fantasy too she's Colombian is that white oh no it's not no Colombian
01:07:52
is uh Latina latinx despasito Jo Joe Biden she has like a mustache a little mustache okay yeah and U I love hair
01:08:01
she's a guy you know that in the in the scene yes yes oh yeah yeah I I did it I did it yes okay no she's a girl and U no
01:08:08
um and then like I scared don't oh bro he just when I say I scared right it's
01:08:15
like you know um not Asian it's just a kid playing around you know what I mean
01:08:20
with his accent a little bit okay right so it's that's what it is so it is a white kid do you have fantasy fantasies
01:08:25
of being a little white boy like often I've had fantasies like that yeah do you ever fantasize of being not white me
01:08:32
yeah yeah really of course I call those nightmares exactly
01:08:38
dude I did this gig once I had a f I had a fantasy that I wasn't so pale one time I had I've had fantasies that I was when
01:08:44
I when my wife and I when we have sex we we play We roleplay really yeah but it's nothing like that it's always small
01:08:50
small happiness victories you know it's like we'll be [ __ ] and she'll be like I [ __ ]
01:08:55
I paid for the new water heater and I I like oh you [ __ ] she's like oh and
01:09:00
I'm going to fix the Dr I might paint the bathroom by myself without your help o and she's like oh and I'm going to
01:09:06
cook and clean and I'm not going to say anything and I'm like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and she's like and then also I
01:09:12
invited a bunch of my friends over to just hang out with us I'm like yo yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and she's
01:09:19
like and then and then you can just like leave the country forever and go live somewhere else yeah yeah yeah yeah and
01:09:25
Bobby Lee's next and Bobby Lee comes in next yeah yeah yeah yeah I don't have we
01:09:31
don't I don't ever do fantasy stuff I just imagine I know she thinks I'm Tom Hardy she wishes I was Tom Hardy yeah
01:09:37
that's her [ __ ] you watch you never watch porn and do it we'll watch porn and [ __ ] that's fun yeah one time I watch porn and then she just blew me
01:09:44
yeah but the first time I as an adult I slept in a white person's house MH was I used to do these back in the '90s I used
01:09:51
to do um these uh nacka yeah the college thing College thing yeah so you would go
01:09:56
to like the regional thing right did you ever do NAA I did did you ever go do colleges I did how many uh whenever I
01:10:02
did nacka 2016 or something like that I got like 30 of them wow that's what I did I did one in Indiana Illinois
01:10:10
Indiana so I had to go to Illinois and Indiana for a whole year right and do
01:10:15
all the schools right that's [ __ ] incredible but they would book you in clumps so they would go like all right so Bobby's going to play this school in
01:10:21
m and then he's going to go here right but two days is here we're not going to
01:10:26
fly him back home right so he has to stay somewhere so they had me at a faculty old man's house and his wife and
01:10:35
they lived in a wooden house right crickety and they go um so young man
01:10:41
bedtime at 10:00 and you're sleeping in the attic I not even know what an attic was weren't
01:10:47
you like 30 years old when you were doing this oh yeah so go for two I had no car right
01:10:52
and they also lived nowhere near anything so was like the wooden house and just snow oh creepy you were in get
01:11:00
out yeah snow right you were in get out and then I just remember smelling things
01:11:06
that I've never smelled before like like Foods no it's white people's houses smell like baseball glove mitts oh love
01:11:14
it oh love oh God love that in combination with some sort of coffee ass
01:11:19
yes and then right and then some sort of like you know um you know pumpkin
01:11:25
pumpkin spice yes a pump like a hint right a pumpkin spice in the air right
01:11:30
always pumpkin right and then there's it's everything's you guys Creek love to Creek well we like creeky floors well
01:11:36
you I don't know if you do it with your mind or if you do it with your [ __ ] body right but you guys love to make well because we believe in ghosts you
01:11:42
know mean so we like creaky stuff fre us out because we believe in ghosts there's only ghosts are white there is no Asian
01:11:47
ghosts they don't you know what I mean it's ours and then what's up with you look like a ghost thank you yeah quilts
01:11:53
we like quilts what the [ __ ] is a [ __ ] you and the quilt we love quilt well we love the Amish you know what's a great
01:11:58
thing too it's called it's called a quillow I used to have a quillow it's a quilt inside a pillow shout out the Amish people I just
01:12:05
remember like like I I don't go to bed till like I've always been like that 4: or 5 in the morning yeah so mind you and
01:12:11
I'm starving you can't go to the kitchen before 10 you know what I mean after 10: yeah so then I'm like Starving 3: in the
01:12:19
morning no money right in a dark attic with a quilt it's freezing right
01:12:27
trembling right and like you're you start thinking things like should I just get out of the business why you go
01:12:33
downstairs and just get food they wouldn't let you they had like a rule that you could do and you didn't want to Creek yeah I don't want to Creek also I
01:12:39
I don't know I don't want to people those little shoes those little tiny shoes that tie your feet don't you bind your feet don't you guys bind your feet
01:12:45
at night to make your toes smaller yeah is how did you eat did you bring your own Chopsticks or did you just use their
01:12:50
utensils how do you eat so much pizza with chopsticks you didn't want to go downstairs you
01:12:56
want to get out of the business but then what what woke you up to stay in the business huh the money the
01:13:02
checks Bobby close your eyes close your eyes count to
01:13:09
three we're just kidding that's so racist I'm just kidding kid the racist thing I've ever heard that's the most
01:13:14
racist thing you've ever heard well when I'm I'm I'm my eyes are obviously closed right and goes close your eyes right I
01:13:22
can't you you really couldn't tell well okay close them now let me see oh yeah
01:13:27
no not really can't really [ __ ] tell the first they didn't even know the people
01:13:34
in Indiana didn't even know you were Asian probably they just thought you had allergies or something like it's hay fever season no
01:13:42
but can I ask you Bobby though why didn't you just go because you know I I understand at that point you know I know there was some money to be made but so
01:13:49
why didn't you just stay in like a Remada or like a [ __ ] hotel instead of the the white people weird white people's homes because you you know at
01:13:54
back then I had such little money and control but you had the college books college but they control everything back
01:14:02
then they controlled everything they didn't send you the money right away and all that imagine having no money in your
01:14:08
bank account and you're relying on these checks and then but these checks you won't get for another four [ __ ] months it's a terrible way to live but
01:14:15
and it's like at the time you know I had no choice and then the gigs were ter you know you bit done those gigs yeah and
01:14:21
you also feel scared to not do what they tell you to do absolutely like if I if they told me I have to stay with these
01:14:26
old [ __ ] weirdos I have to because if I don't they'll go you're never working again we're going to make sure that you don't you know that's the fear in your
01:14:32
head is like well I'll just play by their [ __ ] rules and I'll just do what they ask me dude for years I never
01:14:38
asked for a a better room you know when they like check in and the beginning and they put you in a hotel next to like the [ __ ] dumpster in the basement next to
01:14:44
like the elevator and I used to just be like I can't ask for a new room because I didn't pay for it and [ __ ] they'll tell me to go [ __ ] with myself and then
01:14:50
finally you get the confidence to be like hey can I not sleep near where the janitor masturbates at night like I don't want to be in the [ __ ] crowded
01:14:56
weird corner of the hotel and they're like oh yeah we didn't you just have to ask but you're nervous back then you don't want to [ __ ] even now ruin the
01:15:03
relationship you ask now I didn't ask [ __ ] yes what you ask now but it come but it just comes from a PL just but I
01:15:09
only started doing those things when I had my daughter because I started a lot of self-worth came when I became a
01:15:16
father because I would start to say well I need to feel good about myself and re and justify leaving her for x amount of
01:15:22
time so I if I'm going to be away from her what helps me feel better about myself is if I'm ultimately comfortable
01:15:28
and that that's why I would upgrade the room so I would never introspectively look at myself until until I had a daughter right but at the comedy club do
01:15:36
you do you like if there's something not right with it would you say something yes and I wouldn't stay in the condo
01:15:41
anymore just because I'd say I'd rather not do the gig than do the condo and it's not a I think I'm so good thing
01:15:47
let's say I'm a club owner right yes and you're headlining right yes and and I say to you you come in I go hey Chris
01:15:54
big fan ha love the ha yeah podcast it's great oh yeah yeah but um um great we
01:16:01
love it and that that punab what's it the hairy guy that you do it with he's Alie oh oh yeah love Alie yeah he's
01:16:08
Turkish very funny guy yeah is he pun jaab or yeah Yan small heads yeah so um
01:16:13
anyway um there's no green room because um you know during the day we do this um you know we do a onean show you know
01:16:20
Todd MCG is doing a oneman show he's [ __ ] so funny so funny he you know
01:16:25
he's doing a onean show about his trauma and how was he was he was molested by pikm oh really Bobby Lee doesn't act
01:16:32
just like that yeah yeah and uh and then I walk the [ __ ] Italian guy um but no
01:16:39
because yeah he's Pro pygmy yeah so and then he goes anyway so there's no green room and um it's weird it's like we're
01:16:47
you do great numbers for us thank you so much but we don't really have any water for you so if you can go across the street and go to the just go get your
01:16:53
some some water if you want right no green room and you get your own water we have a hallway where next to the bathroom so you we have a couch
01:17:00
there you can just hang out there yeah what would you say uh initially I would
01:17:05
I would have just done it and taken it but today yeah today I would I would just say no you have to you have to go
01:17:10
you have to go get me water I would tell him you have to [ __ ] go get me water and then uh and then if he didn't i'
01:17:17
obviously you know cuz I'm US Passport whatever I brandish my weapon and I put it in his [ __ ] mouth and and I'd say
01:17:25
listen [ __ ] nuts either you go get me some [ __ ] Aquafina right now some jelly donuts with some straws because
01:17:31
I've never done drugs so instead I snort the jelly or I'm going to [ __ ] put two in the back of your skull I'm going to get going to get away with it cuz my
01:17:37
father's a criminal that's what I'd say though yeah that's what I'd say to them you would really say that yeah and then I not without the gun you would say that
01:17:43
probably I would I would probably say something similar I'd say something like yeah I'm not you have to go get me the
01:17:49
water now because uh you know [ __ ] them it's like uh they can't treat me that way anymore but I say that but again
01:17:56
that's probably more fantasy because probably I guess yeah maybe I would I don't know I'd probably call my mom and ask her tell tell her to tell me what to
01:18:02
do I take go to yeah I would I would probably do even something like I'll be passive aggressive you are fine passive
01:18:10
aggressive I'd say that's fine right it's just that I'll just tell every and
01:18:15
I you know I don't know if you know but I know everyone I just tell everyone after to play this real
01:18:21
get you know what he would do he would come on this show and talk [ __ ] about it yeah and light them on fire and and then
01:18:26
the internet would take course of it and then the club owner or the or someone would reach out to hammer a manager and
01:18:32
go hey why would you being why did you say that about the thing and then he would let other people deal with the the the ramification Ramic you know me well
01:18:38
you he's very good at that but that's smart he drops a bomb and goes they they'll figure you got to put put people
01:18:43
to protect you you're so funny no I had a couple of bombs like a couple of zeros you guys met at op Anthony yeah yeah op
01:18:51
did you ever do op and Anthony or that was never yeah that was like the last like that was like New York [ __ ] but it was also like I had no I had no
01:18:57
connection to New York I started out here and I and I continued my career out here and I never when I went to New York the only reason I got spots is because
01:19:03
they knew who I was by the time I got stuff out here I understand when I went to New York people like you GNA bounce
01:19:08
around and do shows like I didn't [ __ ] know anybody I I do the stand or standup New York or whoever would let me
01:19:13
in but that's where you learned I learned how to do podcasting op and Anthony it's op and Anthony same with me
01:19:19
because when I went there I'm like because you know how you do normal radio shows and like uh so we don't talk about
01:19:24
about sex here we don't talk about um just do your act that's what works here you know I mean you're like I don't want
01:19:30
to this is not fun they're like Bobby you're from South Korea right tell us about it yeah but then Opie and Anthony like they're like you were you were
01:19:36
molested whatever and I was like oh I like it I was and oping and it was good
01:19:42
because what you what I learned the would learn the hard way and they kept inviting me back which I was thankful
01:19:47
for because it did not go well the first few times is when you bomb there's no fake laugh when you bomb they [ __ ] like
01:19:53
well if you bomb in front of like one time I was on it was me Rich Voss Bobby
01:19:58
Kelly Colin Quinn Opie and Anthony and I said something that [ __ ] bombed and then it was just which if that was a
01:20:04
radio show they would just laugh and hi and they move on to and what do you think about it Colin but it's not that
01:20:09
it then the camera's on you and it's like what the [ __ ] are you doing and then it's just and then it's just for an hour just ripping you but that's how you
01:20:16
get the skin you know I you know the first time I did it did you know that I left what do you mean yeah when you
01:20:21
started to cry or whatever yeah yeah so I remember that I didn't know what it was right so I show up it was Norton um
01:20:28
it was Greg it was Patrice it was a bunch of people right yeah and they were ripping on me so hard I didn't know what
01:20:33
it was and I just stood up and I left you walked out yeah and then so the next
01:20:40
year I had to do it again and I and I looked at the like press thing I go oh you got to do it again right so but this
01:20:47
time I go I'm going to go in like self-deprecating myself yes right smart
01:20:54
right yeah I'm fat I'm ugly I mean just I went crazy and that's what fit in there you know what I mean so yeah it
01:21:00
was really hard at first but it's it it changed the way I approached things man
01:21:05
it was a really cool show you just have to get used to I remember like one time piff the Magic Dragon came in and he was
01:21:10
a little late and I felt bad cuz he like I'm stuck in traffic he got his [ __ ] dragon costume on even though he sells tickets you're like Jesus it's got to
01:21:16
suck you know him no American got he got America's Got Talent yeah like one America's Got Talent he's got millions of dollars but he's got to walk around
01:21:22
in a in a [ __ ] Dragon suit and I remember he was like yeah so you know you feel bad you're like what the [ __ ] this kids in the
01:21:27
dragon suit it was the summer time but he's got to do it it's the actor he's making real money so so he sat down and I was they had some sandwich shop had
01:21:33
come with sandwiches and I went to go give piff a piece of Sandwich because I felt bad and Jim Norton was like don't give him any food this isn't a [ __ ]
01:21:39
Fort and then he just and then Jim and
01:21:45
then he said and I was like I was trying to give the kid to say she goes he give him a piece of food you get the [ __ ] off my show and I was like oh this is great
01:21:51
you know he said this isn't a fort yeah yeah yeah yeah so that's just how they are but it's great I don't know why do I
01:21:58
not know who piff is you would have killed on OPI and Anthony oh you would have been the guy for them that was if
01:22:03
you lived in New York you would have been a regular there you Norton all those I wish I lived in New York I I when I started I started out here and I
01:22:09
thought it was a bad decision but I already moved out here right and for me it was like am I going to move to New York or am I going to move to LA the
01:22:15
difference between living in New York and La is you have a Mercedes and I have a Chevy Equinox that's the
01:22:21
difference that was we talked about this the other day the funniest quote that Tim Dylan ever said me he's like I got to get the [ __ ] out of New York all my
01:22:27
heroes take the train Joe Rogan's going to gigs and spaceships and [ __ ] yeah he would I mean honestly it's it's it but
01:22:35
the difference is like we just the difference from why why I had to start out here I think was New York to me was
01:22:41
too tough in my mind I was like I'll never make it in that comedy scene out there there [ __ ] because they all
01:22:47
most of you guys are East Coast guys that grew up there right yes yeah not out here it's [ __ ] from everywhere so it was more comfortable for me to go
01:22:53
if I'm going to go to a place where most people aren't from there at least we'll have that in common right that you're from even you from San Diego it's like
01:23:00
this isn't your home you know so like even guys that are local here no one's [ __ ] from here right like the only
01:23:05
guys I can think that were born and raised in La were like [ __ ] I don't know what famous comic what Comics do we know
01:23:11
they're born and raised here I can't name [ __ ] one I don't know any of my friends that were born and raised here they were born
01:23:17
and raised in Los Angeles in La no I don't know any I mean surround near La a lot of guys are from like either
01:23:22
Riverside or Inland or Orange County or but no one's from like Hollywood or La yeah yeah no right yeah so I felt
01:23:29
comfortable because then whenever I go to New York it's like you're off of Brooklyn or queens or whatever I'm like that's like your home so you're already
01:23:35
safe to me that was the scariest thing that's yeah I think too like sometimes people I remember early on would be like
01:23:42
oh you know it's crazy really taking a leap doing comedy it's like I'm not I'm taking the train six stops to [ __ ]
01:23:48
live my dream you know this was insane for this is insane what you guys did is left your home to come that to me is way
01:23:54
more impressive than I took literally took if it didn't work I could just take the train back I was living with my
01:23:59
mother it didn't out what were you going to do for I was a physical therapist I was a pediatric physical therapist yeah
01:24:05
what I mean that's I had a doctor degree have it still in physical therapy so I just [ __ ] was a pediatric physical
01:24:10
therapist it's just what when the when the pandemic H Governor CUO from New York just gave every health care
01:24:15
professional that licenses had expired or lapsed they didn't have any criminality on it or anything they just reinstated our license I got an email
01:24:21
they're like congratulations you've been reinstated so now I techn a licensed physical therapist I could give both of you guys advice on camera no problem no
01:24:29
I cannot be sued really yeah and I haven't I haven't done it in six years it's been laps for whatever six seven
01:24:35
years when yeah I left I became professional comedian or left physical therapy to do comedy full-time in3 so
01:24:41
yeah seven years so you were taking on you were taking on PT clients while you were still doing stand up oh of course dude that's how I used to get any any
01:24:47
show I got on in the beginning would be doing the open mics and then either you know bringing three people or handing
01:24:53
out flyers or but most of them were uh hey I have a bar show I don't know who you are but heard you're a physical
01:24:59
therapist which is a doctor to them can you take a look at my back or my knee or so many dicks I'm not even trying to be
01:25:05
funny it's like so many comedians would be like can you look at my penis for what for like something wrong STDs and
01:25:11
I'd be like but I'm a physical therapist like I can I give massages they're like just they were like look at my dick look
01:25:16
at my dick and I'd be like look I'm not licens to tell you this but it is herpes
01:25:21
but but I'm not but don't but but then they would give me spots on the show so so many comedians that like I've looked
01:25:27
down their [ __ ] dick holes many times and like oh okay go up go do five and that's got the nicest the nice truly the
01:25:33
nicest dick I've ever seen and it's by the way it's clean as a [ __ ] whistle comic Dan Soder sod sod beautiful
01:25:41
beautiful [ __ ] beautiful [ __ ] he's got that deep guttural voice too and clean clean clean who's the dirtiest dirtiest
01:25:49
dick I've ever seen Gary Gman uh
01:25:54
just throwing it off who's the dirtiest [ __ ] that I really saw that was like o there were like flies coming up no he
01:26:00
seems has a dirty dick I don't know I don't have a dirty penis my my pen can't think off the top of my head now who had
01:26:08
just a real dis Joe D Roa disgusting [ __ ] Pig no Joe de Roose is clean clean
01:26:14
about Joe yesterday I love you Joey D Joey Joey Joe De Rose yeah but that's
01:26:19
that's well it's funny to think that you you could if this all falls apart you could still do pt like if this falls
01:26:25
apart you're not you're [ __ ] if like if you get out of Comedy you're can't you can't do anything you'd be a great
01:26:30
PT by the way Asians are great pts thank you I will do pt cuz they have little hands they get in between the bones of
01:26:35
your I'll go right in between the bones p p yeah they go P oh most of them a pilipino no pilipino you know it's
01:26:40
offensive that you say that like for I I I I would have I'd have to work I would figure it out no you wouldn't it's like
01:26:47
if there was an a zombie apocalypse right am my good is going to go okay I'm going to die yep no no no no I'm going to go yes no I'm going to do the [ __ ]
01:26:55
what is this Bobby I'm to [ __ ] no dude the window right and the [ __ ]
01:27:01
wood planks I'm going to board it up I'm boarding up the windows Bo right no you're not you don't have a hammer in
01:27:07
your house or nails or [ __ ] wood dude I'm going to [ __ ] Farm dude baby right we got to eat I'm going to farm
01:27:13
plant seeds organic seeds this is a guy that guy that orders food every [ __ ] night he's never his life Bobby is very
01:27:20
smart and very I remember when we went out for that breakfast after the first time we met you were the told me you said hey you should have some real
01:27:25
estate you should invest you're very good and smart with your money thank you very good remember that but thank you
01:27:30
right I'm going to put the barb wire I'm gonna do it put the barb wire on the top
01:27:36
of the [ __ ] fence right you know what I'm goingon to do c brick layer Chinese the no the
01:27:44
Chinese do that they're good at it the Chinese right and then put the [ __ ]
01:27:50
pole in the ground so when they get stabbed right here's you in reality it's a zombie
01:27:57
apocalypse internet yeah there will yeah there will will you think nerds are going to take ner nerds will preserve
01:28:03
the internet before anything else everything else will fail they're like we need to have [ __ ] internet they'll still you'll still be online playing a
01:28:08
game there there was there was a um call Korean zombie film on Netflix called hash alive MH pretty good right never
01:28:15
seen it yeah and it's about a Korean kid right he lives in an apartment complex
01:28:20
everyone goes zombie right and he now has to survive I I did when I was watching the movie I
01:28:26
did think oh I die I would die like you wouldn't I think her Survivor Bobby you're you are
01:28:33
Survivor no I need like Ramen or something you know what I mean here I couldn't it's the lob I got you the
01:28:39
lobster flavor for your birthday oh God Lobster sounds like the [ __ ] a n n shim bow noodle Savory
01:28:47
soup Lobster artificially flavored it's BPA no offense no offense no offense but I'm not going to take it are you serious
01:28:53
seriously yeah no I bought you a gift that's food that's a dollar no it's not but then I bought you the chocolate chip
01:28:59
uh espresso cake I know you f I went out of my way to get this cake and I knowing that see there's a relationship that you
01:29:05
have to understand about like I already knew that this was a waste of money and time but I did it anyway because unconditional love is what you have
01:29:11
thought that counts though I'm going to say that the cake in itself right yeah I'm not probably not going to eat it of course not right but the idea that you
01:29:18
went out of your way to buy it right it flutters my heart but would you ever say that could be the blood pressure medication that could probably is yeah
01:29:25
it probably is could be having a stroke yeah yeah yeah I thank you so much for it do you mean it yeah I can I nitpick a
01:29:33
bit yeah yeah I like the nitpick right yeah cuz I know it's coming yeah it's just you know because you know I got
01:29:40
cakes from my girlfriend last night right and you could tell that it was from a high-end like a high-end Bakery
01:29:48
and that that you know she she put like a month in it's one of those places like you got less than a month in advance cuz
01:29:54
we enrich the wheat or whatever however they make cake right yeah they enrich the wheat yeah and we get like you know
01:29:59
I mean Himalayan Himalayan salt zero FL and we use you know I mean U duck eggs
01:30:05
instead of you know I mean they really well for you yeah everything's organic and American free right but um this was
01:30:12
like Ralph's that's Ralph's two things that's
01:30:17
we made 10,000 of these and we don't give a [ __ ] so first of all how much is that $3.99 first of all it cost a dollar
01:30:23
if you put stuff on top of what that is 1899 yeah that's
01:30:28
Van's yeah really words you get that V yeah exactly it's not from a bakery it's from V the bakery at Von's the grocery
01:30:35
store oh yeah and the woman said I said can you write stuff on cakes she said no we usually can't write stuff anymore
01:30:41
because of people want obscenities or something gross and and we can't do that so you did that no she said she said but
01:30:46
I will write happy birthday I said well will you write his nickname yeah and she said uh I don't think we can I said it's
01:30:53
my friend Bobby Lee she goes the comedian I said yeah and she goes I I love him I said really she goes yes she
01:30:59
goes I'll be right back so she wrote Happy Birthday sleepy Bobo noodles I did
01:31:05
not tell her to say that she wrote that for racism I she wrote that why right
01:31:11
because she was Asian oh oh that's fine then she was Asian but um so I appreciate the gesture it's in my heart
01:31:18
Martha at Martha ghetto [ __ ] oh this is ghetto [ __ ] elevate your game this is ghetto [ __ ] elevate your
01:31:24
game is there anything fun if you cut into it yeah am I not right
01:31:33
Italian don't do it do it it'll end everything yeah it'll end the episode no it'll end
01:31:40
everything do it you [ __ ] pun you appreciate the gesture right but please don't do it don't do it do it do it and
01:31:46
then I'll [ __ ] punch him in the face exactly oh threaten me again do it
01:31:53
say I won't do it all right but all right I'm going to do it but I will do it I promise you okay but I'm going to I
01:32:00
promise you if that cake hits my face uhuh you haven't seen the side of me and it's going to cause problems right so
01:32:07
you're you think I'm scared of you [ __ ] you think I'm [ __ ] scared of you you're a full-blown [ __ ] right if you
01:32:15
don't [ __ ] throw that cake at my face so you said don't throw it at your
01:32:20
face and now you want me to throw it at your face I don't want you to do it but you're a [ __ ] if you don't but if you do it it's going to end the podcast oh
01:32:27
this is it forever this is the last episode but if you're you're a [ __ ] if you throw it how much longer you going to do the podcast anyway though dude
01:32:33
maybe another week or two do it dude do it you [ __ ]
01:32:38
Democrat you know why no I'm kidding no do you know why I'm not going to throw why won't you do you know why cuz he's a
01:32:44
[ __ ] no no because because I'll have to clean it up right cuz he doesn't do anything here he's a lazy piece of [ __ ]
01:32:49
he shows up late and doesn't contribute at all right so I don't want to clean it up or comes to worse he'll make [ __ ]
01:32:55
he'll make Rudy clean it up which is even more disgusting is it good the cake you didn't bring any utensils no no
01:33:01
there's utensils there if we want to eat it let's eat it happy birthday you piece of [ __ ] happy birthday look into the
01:33:07
camera there um uh Chris and say um thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend let Chris say
01:33:13
it uh thank you for being a bad
01:33:22
friend you're an animal you're a now say it thank you for being a bad
01:33:28
[Laughter] [Music]
01:33:42
friendo wo [Music]
