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hey i want to promote a few things first of all badfriendsmerch.com this stuff is on sale this great hat we have shirts
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we got all sorts of stuff go to bad friendsmerch.com to get any of this stuff and also bobby's excited to let
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you know that i've got some dates coming up to warm up for my new special i'm
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taping an hour so excited aren't you excited for me to do my hour yeah i'm
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going to salt lake city september 9th and 10th um at brea the 13th i'm also adding many more dates and the specials
00:00:26
being shot in denver colorado at the paramount theatre those stickers are going to be available uh as soon as
00:00:31
possible they might be up now go to andrewsantino.com andrewsantino.com salt lake city come
00:00:36
out bray california come on out and see me andrew santino.com i just shot i just
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shot this big goon in the face well shot what did you we're playing rage shadow
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ledges everyone knows ray shadow legend is going into my battle right now and i'm going i'm doing the campaign this is
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actually very cool and then i did that there's four of us together marching through this game
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the graphics are actually really good they're really good at graphics i just
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killed as a big dragon this dragon looks a lot like me yeah this year raid celebrates its third year anniversary
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these are my top three champions coronar cleopa turks by stofus i love that he has a high accuracy aura for all allies
00:01:16
and these are our top three places to play i play in the shower you play in the shower yeah i play it while i'm
00:01:21
punching jumping i play it i play it when i'm in bed that's the most time i
00:01:24
play video games on my phone is when i'm in the bed or when i'm in the backyard
00:01:28
sometimes i just sit outside by myself basically you can play it anywhere it's fine
00:01:32
anywhere yeah anytime you can do it on mobile or pc yup it's for both it's a
00:01:37
great guy the graphics are insane they're console level graphics and this month raid's got a non-stop schedule of
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uh special events and activities including forged past season three with some amazing rewards uh on offer
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including a limited edition artifact set limited edition if that's not enough
00:01:53
raid's bringing out some new champions along with some awesome looking champion skins for the
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incredible medam series and uh um but wait big news got some big news right here we have big news raid is giving
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everyone's favorite champion the upgrade he deserves you might have seen his
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struggle for awesomeness in some raids hilarious videos but finally death knight is becoming a legendary champion
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it's something we've all been waiting for and i can't wait to see how ultimate
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death knight turns out man there's never been a better time to get started new
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players use our link or scan the qr code right here on the screen and get a free
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starter pack worth almost 30 dollars for free champion and yeah and also this cool in-game loot you'll
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find your rewards here on your inbox for the next 30 days only you two are bad friends who are these
00:02:40
two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two are disgusting well you two or something we're bad
00:02:49
friends do you do you feel better when you get like a white limo driver or a white driver you do you do you like that
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more yeah but i don't like it because whenever if they know who i am it's okay yeah but sometimes when not
00:03:02
all every time if i get a white driver and they see it's me they get bummed right away why because i
00:03:09
look like i don't have money that's true last night you did it espy's after party yeah i
00:03:17
don't by the way did you watch espys steph did stand up uh sarah tiana wrote
00:03:21
some of his stuff uh chris spencer uh who else he crushed actually he's a really nice guy no but he actually did
00:03:28
really well at the espys like he roasted a little bit it was kind of fun man yeah
00:03:32
because even when i mean uh collide did his game show you know his wife at a game show he was very funny and loose
00:03:38
and good he's a dope dude he's a good dude what he's very cosmetic yeah he's
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extreme that's not your guy though like spud webb that's your guy this guy he walked in this morning he
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walked in and was like he's like man tino do you see what happened with the pentagon and i was
00:03:51
like of course oh my god and he's like man they released a whole new subcategory tell them what it is oh so
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you know how they get the uap task force so now they open up an office for anomalous vehicles that's going from
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space into the water so they're trying to monitor everything oh they go to water now they've been in water season
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that's what i'm talking about they never even mentioned the [ __ ] they've been
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there is this it this is what the new thing is oh my god you know he does this late at night he's
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on these docks late at night what a sad world just type in ufo and then type and then click on news type in
00:04:39
ufo news i can imagine dog with his alien pajamas right late at night experience mission
00:04:50
just reading the stuff it's so sad it's so sad [Laughter] yeah after only eight months of
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existence the pentagon's office tasked with investigating and tracking ufos or
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unidentified aerial phenomena will look beyond the stars for objects of interest
00:05:04
on wednesday the pentagon announced that it renamed and expanded the authority of
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the government's chief ufo office that someone just got a promotion formerly known as the airborne object
00:05:14
identification and management group or aoimg the office will now be known as the all
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domain anomaly resolution office or aaro arrow i got to be honest with you all jokes
00:05:29
aside right now yeah all jokes aside this this is going on so under the radar that a piece of me knows
00:05:39
they have so much information sure uh honestly this is how is this not the front page
00:05:45
news that like they've slid this under biden has coveted do you know what i mean yeah like biden
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has covered like big [ __ ] deal everyone has covered right now literally everybody how come we don't hear about
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that but also are you scared are you scared of you but doctor you got to do it the way they're doing it because it
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scares everybody it should scare everyone i didn't know what a galaxy was i've been because since i met you i've
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been like googling things and trying to learn about it there's 300 billion planets in our galaxy wait wait there's
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300 billion planets in our galaxy alone yeah i think 200 billion yeah 200 billion yeah you're off by 100 billion i
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don't know but that check this out right and then there are 300 million planets
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that could be like earth in that 200 billion right so and then that's just our
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galaxy's other galaxy so in my head i'm like theoretically right you're right i
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mean it's the odds there's got to be other life intelligent life on on the
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planet right right we can't be the only thing we can't be the only because we're
00:06:37
not that good look at us in this room yeah can you imagine that they came back but that's what they haven't been there
00:06:42
we're so dumb you know you know how like the last time we was talking about this
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and y'all name some some of those groups of different species y'all name yeah
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let's think about this all right okay yeah what else name another one the gray people yeah
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uh blue man group okay man you're awesome [ __ ] that's the [ __ ] michael
00:07:02
stipe from like 100 percent michael stein you think that you don't think that guy's a [ __ ]
00:07:08
yeah vern troyer was definitely right definitely what so let's just say this let's say let's
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pretend right now that those are all real they are yeah they are real so what that means they're all coming here and
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they're able to get to us but we're not able to get to them it means we're in
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the middle of something that's why we don't know what to understand what's
00:07:29
going on well yeah we don't i don't think we're the end of it we're in the
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middle of i think we're just in the middle of something and we're starting
00:07:35
to find out yeah but the theory that they're having a war if you look online there's like a war
00:07:40
between five different alien races right possible who's winning what who's
00:07:44
winning you would think that you would walk outside and see a shrapnel of uh something something but they're
00:07:51
like well there's no sign of look at the distance we are from different solar
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system what the [ __ ] are you talking about see but you said that they're here
00:07:58
yeah yeah they've been coming here and they are here they're here now they're here
00:08:03
where are they where are they underwater are they underwater in the water they don't want to stay on the
00:08:08
surface or whatever they got there with the government no no i'm saying are there
00:08:13
any of them walking free well amongst us according to the government is possible
00:08:21
what right so according to the documents like unaccountable pregnancies that would be they're walking to monsters
00:08:28
just depends on how many women or how many people didn't have that if it's if that's true you know you
00:08:33
understand what i'm saying so you're saying women are getting pregnant by aliens you want to call them aliens
00:08:38
whatever you want to call them yeah well okay what what do you want me to call them
00:08:41
well because they they can still be human be like you know what your problem is you think that we probably are the
00:08:47
only human beings hey type in 1977 staffordshire youtube on youtube so theoretically look at me theoretically
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i could be an alien that's possible hey doc that would explain it you know it's bringing you
00:09:02
that explain a lot yeah my great dick that my great dig that would explain my great day
00:09:16
spots in the sky lights in the sky strange things but the strangest of all was seen one day over this cottage
00:09:23
mr mrs rustenberg were living there quietly out in the country and well pause it stop what i believe
00:09:29
nothing that's going to come out [Laughter] this woman escaped eastern european
00:09:35
the block came to [ __ ] wherever she what is this isn't is it england now yeah she
00:09:40
made it out alive but dude 1954 look at what she's wearing that shirt by the way
00:09:45
she's she's 28 years old she's in really bad condition yeah no let's hear what she says let me ask you
00:09:53
something i could tell you you would [ __ ] her before you would [ __ ] me of course i would give it to her in a
00:09:57
heartbeat okay without the accent though if she wasn't british i smeared [ __ ] before this guy of course
00:10:08
you're [ __ ] dumb you're dumb you would you would [ __ ] her before you
00:10:12
[ __ ] andrew anybody dudes look at me i'm taking that [ __ ] though tell me what you saw
00:10:23
well it was one ordinary day i was waiting for my husband to come home from work and my two sons
00:10:31
went to cypher to school and i was getting changed and i heard this terrific noise it was just
00:10:37
like a giant cauldron of water being poured onto a fire ash sort of noise you know and my first reaction was oh the
00:10:46
children i thought maybe a plane was crashing or something like that and i slipped my jumper on and went outside to
00:10:55
find my two sons lying flat on the ground in the garden in front of the house shouting mummy mummy as a flying
00:11:01
saucer well naturally i just said come on don't be stupid come in the house but felt
00:11:09
sort of a strange sensation when wended my way up the side of the house to where we had
00:11:16
a pump where we used to get all our water from and um automatically looked up to see this
00:11:25
all i can describe this huge mexican hat it was stationary this thing and it was brighter
00:11:47
[Applause] she's talking so you watch this [ __ ] late at night no yes three in the morning this is an
00:12:06
alien pajama this is porn you're playing underwire this was after i watched the scientists in his
00:12:20
approach on the whole situation and he was about to collect the information so he said it's not about what bubblers are
00:12:27
if he proven him real or fake he just wanted to hear what he said and he's after listening to him he was convinced
00:12:32
that's my approach so i said okay let me let me try to listen to some of this
00:12:35
[ __ ] this [ __ ] sounds crazy but i'm just saying this just because we were talking
00:12:40
about pregnancies and and and y'all were saying about aliens but i'm about to show y'all that the aliens
00:12:46
could be these go ahead and show these [ __ ] wait what can we watch more there's more
00:12:51
well let's listen she's about to explain she's about to get to the part where she
00:12:54
about to tell who was in the vehicle okay i don't believe her i don't believe
00:12:58
her okay but i'm just she said it looked like a mexican hat yeah at that i'm done
00:13:02
after that's her only description yeah listen i'm not saying i believe her i'm
00:13:06
saying that there's a possibility what she's saying could be true facts no play
00:13:11
them on the phone [Laughter] a dome it was tilted to sort of i could see the occupants in it you saw
00:13:24
people in it you're telling me yeah these people have the unimaginable technology to [ __ ]
00:13:32
come to earth in a saucer yeah but they've got a dome and you can see inside who's in it and
00:13:39
they're going how are you get the [ __ ] out of the [ __ ] out of here yeah yeah get the [ __ ] out of here hello
00:13:48
they would let you see them yeah they wouldn't do that no it'd be like one of
00:13:51
those if there was a window one of those fbi interrogation windows where it's
00:13:54
like one way a little slit you can't see it they can almost yeah hello how are
00:13:59
you yeah we have big heads sorry and her she's playing like the jetsons with the
00:14:03
bubble like that's insane it's insane why would they let you see them and then they would
00:14:10
come down on a saucer otherwise they would come down and make a big [ __ ] stink anyway but how come they disappear
00:14:15
all the time if you hear about the majority of the saucers back then that's what they were they had a clear dog so
00:14:20
oh they declare don't yeah oh so they've they've advanced they're right
00:14:24
i'm a [ __ ] y'all know yeah yeah according to i ain't saying that she was real i'm just saying okay
00:14:29
let's hear what this woman has to say people in there and these people were beautiful people that's the only
00:14:38
way i can just describe them stop stop saying this no so they look like brook shields
00:14:46
and steve mcqueen waving hello we're the beautiful people what the [ __ ] are you saying they're
00:14:53
beautiful people now is your assumption that they have taken our form because they can see us
00:14:58
and they can i mean no it doesn't what i'm saying is is you are in your minds
00:15:03
right you would think that we're the only ones made here that look like us and it's that doesn't have to be the
00:15:08
case i think that we're the only ones that look are you [ __ ] me you guys can i just ask you something right i
00:15:13
think we look like us yeah when people are telling me stories i look at the person first and go what
00:15:18
is this guy's credentials yeah i mean do i know this person like if lex friedman
00:15:22
yeah right pulled me aside and goes listen dude i saw it he described it i would be like you know what lex friedman
00:15:28
is one of the smartest guys on planet earth yeah right he was a goddamn dummy who you why because
00:15:36
because of a goddamn that he could be lying to you and you're going just because that's his job he's a scientist
00:15:40
that'll make he's not one of the smartest people in the world that's what
00:15:43
the [ __ ] he does he's just assigned you think lex is smarter than you no yeah
00:15:47
they just do science that's all they do this [ __ ] is crazy to me when people put
00:15:50
scientists on this level that they shouldn't it's [ __ ] crazy dude he's about to tell him
00:15:59
he's about to literally be like and they're out here telling us the earth
00:16:02
can't hide when [Music] yeah what they think that black you know the the the demon coveted lady that
00:16:10
trump was using that one right yeah like you would go to her that's your family practitioner
00:16:16
doc there's some people with credentials because he's a scientist no i'm not saying that but what i'm
00:16:23
saying is is he's just taking that guy and saying if he said this i would believe him because i know him
00:16:30
it doesn't matter that's cause you're a little [ __ ] he's not smarter than you that's just
00:16:42
his job time out time if you was in the science you would be doing it if you was
00:16:46
in the science you would be there or not we're he's a [ __ ] science teacher just like
00:17:03
anybody else you can do that [ __ ] no no science what he's just hungry for dude
00:17:09
scientists or different people in these positions yeah yeah time out yeah just stop the
00:17:18
yelling cause you're talking over each other yeah but i do want to say this and
00:17:21
i'm making this announcement to the fans to bobby lee to the crew and to doc
00:17:27
i want lex friedman on this show to go toe-to-toe with you yeah on who's smarter because you just said
00:17:34
do you think lex is smarter than those and i said yeah i think he is smarter than me and you said why
00:17:39
because i know he's smarter than me yeah in what way robotics yeah engineering but that's
00:17:44
what he does for a living yeah yeah i don't know how to do it i don't know how
00:17:48
to do it but but here's the thing if you can help me i wouldn't be able to
00:17:51
comprehend he could do step-by-step with me i'd forget the moment he left exactly
00:17:56
how many people know how to do what you do what do we do what do we do you're
00:18:00
stand-up comics this is an accident we're idiots this is goofball weirdo [ __ ] because
00:18:07
we're [ __ ] up in the head the first year my first joke was wet farts into the mic
00:18:12
yeah yeah but that's all i know how to do we're stupid weirdos we're brave
00:18:17
we're brave right right you're elevating them and you shouldn't do that so we should bring them down
00:18:24
right and on level with you there's no difference between them uh intelligent wise i don't i don't feel
00:18:32
like nobody is depending on what which which you do it's what you do so you're
00:18:36
going to be doing it stephen hawking me and stephen hawking are the same yes you can be but you're dumb because
00:18:44
you feel you're done and you act dumb because that's how you feel about yourself i don't feel like i'm dumb i
00:18:49
don't feel like i'm dumber than alex i'm lex i don't feel like that i just feel
00:18:52
like that's what he does you think you're as intelligent as stephen hawking yes
00:19:01
it's insane i love it so no one is smarter than you no i've been this is what i feel like
00:19:08
this is what i feel like if if yeah if you're talking about on the scale of what that profession is he's way more
00:19:16
intelligent let's remove the professions stop with the profession right let's
00:19:19
take stephen hawking away from his job as a [ __ ] molecular biomechanics because
00:19:25
you only know him as a scientist okay but let's just what about in terms of getting sick for example do you if you
00:19:31
are smarter you get sick uh you get covered for example more times or less times okay fancy taking shots did you
00:19:38
see what he just did yeah you just did that yeah what did he say no never mind yeah
00:19:44
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know it's kind of like uh it's like tetris you just put everything together
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all i do is flip the piece and put it here and put it there and cook it and eat it yeah uh need another reason to
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hello fresh america's number one meal kit i don't know um there was a zombie apocalypse it's here
00:22:30
now okay a zombie apocalypse oh no right here there's 30 people right that's surviving you know i mean and
00:22:38
lex friedman and me are part of this 30 people right yeah who do you think they would ask to be in charge to get things
00:22:44
right they would go down as far as work for what in any survival getting electricity
00:22:50
almost any strategy strategy is after a long day of trying to rebuild society and build up the wall so the
00:23:14
zombies don't kill us all everyone's tired and at the end lex comes up to bobby and he's like will you
00:23:20
do like the penis dance for everyone to get the morale up and you do any crushes
00:23:25
right and that rewards him as a higher value however exactly in that scenario not gonna
00:23:32
that's not gonna make the group go this is the smartest guy in the group right now they're gonna go this guy's
00:23:38
the most fun exactly i love this guy he's the king that's my role that's my role we play our roles yeah
00:23:46
we're just we're jesters yeah but what you're doing whatever you're
00:23:50
doing dude what is your problem think about what you're saying i know what i'm
00:23:54
saying because they listen none of those guys have contributed to science as far
00:23:59
as technology and uplifting do you know that i know that no but here's what i'm saying this is
00:24:04
what i'm saying you think teaching is well i will say lex he does build [ __ ]
00:24:07
he does build but he hasn't look those guys haven't invented things the the guys that you think that are
00:24:13
really smart are the guys that invent and create you on their own so stephen hawking with the whole black hole thing
00:24:18
in the theater the whole black hole thing that [ __ ] is always getting his [ __ ] ain't even 100 they gave him a
00:24:22
nobel peace prize on some [ __ ] that he hundred percent don't even know he just
00:24:26
basically go okay no because they they've been showing to his [ __ ] but he was wondering am i about right am
00:24:32
i right but he was one of the first people to come up with a lot of these theories yeah yeah so theorizing is the
00:24:36
part i was one of the first people that came up with some of the most of this [ __ ] yeah okay so it's einstein smaller
00:24:41
than me of course there are people then right no here's what i'll say we got one albert einstein guys
00:24:49
not stephen hawking but but einstein yes hey i'll be honest i'll be honest with you yeah he wasn't
00:24:55
as smart as you oh yeah he was [ __ ] his own cousin he cheated on his wife with his own cousin okay you
00:25:01
don't know how good his cousin's [ __ ] was yeah yeah yeah yeah you weren't a
00:25:04
[ __ ] round but what i'm saying is is he was a you you say he's a genius in
00:25:09
science but as a man as a as like all-around genius and understanding love and connection all they eat it he's [ __ ]
00:25:16
see there's an intelligence involved in just okay speaking of the microphone you're going
00:25:21
against just speaking the mic yeah we've got to stay in the mic i know you're
00:25:23
getting passionate you're getting what i am you're going into the science the art
00:25:26
like it's just it's science okay the same dumb [ __ ] that made nuclear weapons that we're having a
00:25:31
problem with today dumb ass scientists you think you say they smart because they could create the weapons but
00:25:36
they're dumb because they made them okay okay they may not have social empathy
00:25:41
right it's kind of like how sometimes higher intellectual people have are on the spectrum they don't they're
00:25:45
not good at social cues or they're not good at looking people in the eye and
00:25:49
certain types of conversation rhythmic beats right you may be more intellectual when it comes to those things but as far
00:25:56
as the far-reaching things that are much more difficult to compute with the regular brain they're smarter in science
00:26:02
yes but science is almost everything what do you think everything is everything is [ __ ] science but they
00:26:07
don't have they're not you are science we are intellectually superior when it
00:26:23
comes to comedic rhythms timings thought processes right but that's a almost
00:26:29
unusable skill outside of what we do in another society it wouldn't even be functioning as is like a hundred years
00:26:37
ago i lived in korea right and i was my families were rice i'm back in ireland
00:26:42
he's in korea yeah my we heard rice and i'm a potato farmer yeah right and i'm
00:26:47
cracking jokes in the field yeah that's it that's it that's what i'm doing i'm
00:26:51
running a day in the rice field right right but if i was like friedman i'd be
00:26:55
in the government well you'd own the rice field yeah i would own the rice field by the way you collecting rice
00:27:00
cracking jokes oh my god so [ __ ] funny yeah but we need to do a movie where it's like dual world's happening
00:27:06
and i'm in a potato farm and i'm stuffing potatoes in my ass to get a laugh you know how those rice
00:27:10
teddy hats when i'm doing you could if you had an aerial view you could see the
00:27:14
hats go up and down because i'm chilling so hard know what i mean but that's all i'm good
00:27:21
at how many bushels did you pick i killed today yeah yeah i know what you're saying
00:27:26
there's a question here's a question you guys never wanted to be a scientist
00:27:35
[Laughter] this is good sit this is really good let me just explain something no i never
00:27:42
watched let me explain something okay my parents said to me at the age of 16 because i got all f's
00:27:49
right like v's for fun i for fun right my dad goes i'll buy you brand new car if you just get c
00:27:57
in biology right i that semester i [ __ ] studied i did the tests right i got a d
00:28:09
are you serious yeah and i never got the car you know it was crazy okay so my point is this and i remember every night
00:28:15
i go you know what dude i am going to [ __ ] study all the i couldn't comprehend it
00:28:20
[Laughter] and i get there yeah yeah you worked so hard i worked so hard to get it to get
00:28:27
10 more points you know sorry i ain't trying to diss you but i got locked in juvenile yeah
00:28:44
and still gotta see in goddamn chemistry after i got locked up that's how [ __ ] smart it was i
00:28:50
even posted it on instagram you [ __ ] you see i guess cause i was trying to prove my point
00:29:01
all i'm saying is everything is information and information is all about your desire and what you want to learn
00:29:06
it's just like did they ask neil degrasse tyson was he great at math he said no he said i just love to do the
00:29:11
science so i learned and i pushed to learn the math that's all it is some people have a better comprehension level
00:29:17
comprehension level something like this okay i would say that like physically there are some people smarter than
00:29:22
others because of physically they can't but just because you're in your positions doesn't mean you're not smart
00:29:27
it just means that they didn't say we're not smart i'm saying they're smarter
00:29:31
than me yeah i'm smart they're smarter than me that's all he's saying here here i'm
00:29:37
tall nba players are taller than me it can cause they both can exist but you to say that those people aren't
00:29:44
smarter than me i know what you mean you're picking out certain certain scales of intelligence but there is an
00:29:50
over okay iq iq is a broad test that shows your level of intellectual abilities to comprehend different parts
00:29:59
of of of math science social blah it's everything right iq is the basis stephen hawking's iq is higher than
00:30:06
yours and mine and his probably combined if i'm being honest but what i'm saying so yes he's smarter
00:30:12
than us that's only there has to be a scale but that's only because that was his see
00:30:17
also you have to remember you can't refute the iq testing you it depends on how you were born where
00:30:23
you were and what you what it just depends on what you're attracted to so you're if i believe this is what i
00:30:28
believe you're either everyone has the ability to be a genius physically how do we go from aliens to
00:30:33
this i forgot i totally forgot i totally forgot we just went into a completely different oh yeah the lady the other
00:30:39
lady that lady they showed the video who has the highest iq on earth who has the
00:30:42
highest iq alive despite being a college dropout marilyn vos savant that's where the word savant
00:30:48
comes from gaining significant attention when her estimated iq was scored two two
00:30:51
eight was listed in the guinness book of world records in 85. famous for her common parade magazine where she gained
00:30:56
critical uh attention for solving the famous mathematical monty hall problem oh so you could just take care of yourself
00:31:15
anything else is what you apply yourself to right so whatever she does that's
00:31:21
what she wanted to do she loved doing that so you're gonna i'm telling you you
00:31:25
would be great at science you would be great if that's what you had a desire you're not that just wasn't i
00:31:31
had a desire to get a c to get a car and i didn't happen i put my desire in it
00:31:39
trust me right i hated taking the boss all my friends at cars my desire was pure 100 a lot of
00:31:47
desire a lot of desire okay i got something no because my my teachers used to say i was a potential a student but i
00:31:52
played too much and that was the thing i played too much and then once i got so why didn't you have the intellectual
00:31:56
desire to not play too much why didn't i have the intellectual desire to not play
00:32:00
too much you know grew up different everybody has no because i think that's not your path
00:32:06
i don't think it's meant for you okay because your brain doesn't have that
00:32:09
thing i think that [ __ ] savant her brain had the thing whether she liked it or not we had the comedy thing whether
00:32:16
we liked it or not it was developed it was developing it to make it a career that is the next step but this
00:32:23
[ __ ] was born a genius she just had to like child prodigies that can play like
00:32:28
a rock monologue piece at the age of three i i can't play that's just like a
00:32:32
higher level of [ __ ] intelligence every time they're sitting nothing it don't is this maryland savannah what is
00:32:38
all that benefit them what is it does for now oh i don't know change culture
00:32:42
inspire first where first of all so many people that's what you do you change
00:32:46
culture you inspire doing what you do okay but so many of our scientists have come along that are look at this uh
00:32:50
[ __ ] elon musk 155 this picture was two two eight that's how smart this woman was right and timing
00:33:00
is it difficult for a woman but go ahead no i'm saying i'm saying what science
00:33:04
has contributed is we've cured disease let's go back to aliens nothing there's no cures so if
00:33:10
the government created this other agency this these this agency to specifically look for ufos right doc
00:33:17
do they have an agency for like exorcisms and you know i mean that kind of a realm
00:33:24
like spiritual realms they haven't announced nothing like that so there isn't one i don't know it's not
00:33:30
the vatican city oh you think vatican has one shadiest place on earth it's pretty shitty no i've never been there
00:33:36
no scary have you been to the vatican so scary why it's it's it's it is it is its own i'm
00:33:44
gonna misquote this it's its own jurisdiction of everything they have their own police their own banks their
00:33:50
own government they don't have to obey to anything no outside force can influence them
00:33:56
if someone gets murdered yeah in the walls of the vatican it doesn't need to ever leave the walls
00:34:01
of the vatican dude and i asked one of our tour guides when i went there oh you were just there well we didn't go this
00:34:06
time but i went the last time i went and i said let me ask you a question you're
00:34:09
gonna find annoying and she was like yeah yeah and i said how many people do you think get killed or accidental
00:34:14
deaths in these walls and she's like a few times a year i think something happens
00:34:20
within these walls that never makes it out wow a few times that's incredible
00:34:24
because who would know because you know the gates are open during mass thousands
00:34:28
of people flood the square so if there's beef or there's something going on
00:34:31
beneath the surface if it happens in the square no one will know it's like the da
00:34:35
vinci code it is like the division yeah yeah it is like that [ __ ] davinci code
00:34:40
okay it's just shady to me dude god bless the vatican good for you guys don't kill me don't [ __ ]
00:34:46
maim me but i just that that to me that's alien [ __ ] that's ufo stuff yeah
00:34:50
because you know they got some [ __ ] in the vatican yeah all right so you set the tone set the mood
00:34:55
set the tone ladies and gentlemen hold on start again fancy's got to get ready with this little [ __ ] camera
00:35:01
are you ready ladies and gentlemen straight from the paulie shore tournament into polly
00:35:30
that's what this is that's not cool dudes yeah yeah polly oh just like what's up all right first of
00:35:37
all it's the juicy it's the juices here the juices first of all i got a bunch of uh dms i
00:35:44
got a bunch of ats and mentions paulie tagged us because he took her out to dinner
00:35:51
and trying to like show us up and you had the [ __ ] nerve to say that his was better than ours i
00:35:57
said that's pretty this was really good thank you paulie and he said it was it wasn't even the same dimension
00:36:05
not even close you guys went to outback steakhouse what was it called what was it called i
00:36:09
was i don't i don't even know that's how good it was what was the one that we took you called
00:36:16
match does yeah you got it all right you remember yeah you remember that you never bought it
00:36:20
the one we went to wait what michael jordan ate it the one we went to okay first of all okay
00:36:28
let me show you something that's pretty good let me show you something look up
00:36:30
michael jordan's steakhouse chicago so michael jordan if you're gonna talk
00:36:35
about is he does he know about stakes he knows about basketball steakhouse one of the worst let's look up some
00:36:42
reviews for michael jordan's steakhouse maybe one of the worst steakhouses that
00:36:46
ever graced the city it was you went there terrible you went there terrible yeah i went there years and years ago
00:36:53
give me one review from this [ __ ] i had one in new york and it closed down it closed down it closed down in chicago
00:36:57
too it's not even open purse stolen while eating a table the food was average the steaks are
00:37:02
overcooked they also had a blue cheese butter on top that was not that was a weight or two that
00:37:06
stolen extremely disappointed in this experience i am in chicago starting a new medical residency
00:37:13
oh my god this guy's a nine-page dissertation anyway michael jordan doesn't know [ __ ] about steaks guy can
00:37:18
hoop but [ __ ] steaks we took you to the spot and by the way now that he's trying
00:37:23
to trump us we're taking you to mexico i said you're getting authentic mexican food we're
00:37:28
going to mexico also you you you said to me yesterday right that you have stories
00:37:32
about me right things that paulie told you yeah yeah i'm giving you the the platform yeah to
00:37:39
run wild with them what's up jesus could you you seem like you knew information
00:37:44
that's going to embarrass me okay go ahead you guys want to know the juice all right all right um well there
00:37:55
was a story that he led into by uh a time he made you cry okay how what was it do you know it no i don't
00:38:02
he's made me cried so many times oh there wasn't one yeah um well i will say i don't remember i would
00:38:10
let her do it i wanted to see if you knew it i do remember this it was in michigan
00:38:14
i don't remember it let her do it oh well he wanted to go hang out with you in
00:38:20
your hotel room that's not the story well that's what he said no he goes
00:38:26
dude right i'm not making a lot of money on this gig so we're sharing this room
00:38:33
right and i was in my room he had walked in with his luggage right and i thought he
00:38:38
was being real and i go oh but um well why don't i just take like the money you're paying me and i'll just get
00:38:44
my own room no dude we're i'm staying in and it was like a queen-size bed
00:38:50
right and i just thought oh this is gonna be the worst weekend of my life and i i just started weeping
00:39:02
well he did tell me that earlier throughout the tour he would lay on top of you yeah which he did to me a couple
00:39:08
times and would yell bobby lee wait he would just jump on top of you and well like twice in north carolina it
00:39:14
would just stay did you want to tell that story he has a way of like you know he's not
00:39:21
you know a mean guy he's a nice guy right but he's so eccentric and weird
00:39:26
right so he doesn't know like social rules or you know people's personal
00:39:31
space maybe he's a genius maybe he's a genius like the people we talked about before nah he was an
00:39:38
absolute gentleman on the tour and i think bobby ran or walked so i could run bobby walked so she could run yeah what
00:39:46
does that mean because i'm kind of following in your pocket i played the groundwork yeah
00:39:50
i'm a door guy yeah i'm going on tour just like you then yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:39:54
yeah yeah so i'm leading the way yeah and he he he treated you a lot worse than he
00:39:59
treated me yeah he treated me really good he got his massages wow the [ __ ] blows my mind we had so many
00:40:07
fancy dinners like that blows my mind you were with him on tour 20 [ __ ] years ago
00:40:13
so dude one time i did you're paying for this you had to pay for the game yeah and i'm
00:40:18
like i have no money i'm like oh i'll pay for it i get you know what i mean
00:40:23
yeah but look at you look at you now look at you now yeah she's right look at
00:40:26
you now yeah so um it was a pleasant experience yeah but it was kind of weird because i thought paulie shore was like
00:40:32
a ladies man and he didn't get laid once oh he's getting old he said cause i'm woke and
00:40:38
he didn't want to get busted but i think i got the old polly yeah you got the shriveled up propolis
00:40:44
that looks like a turtle yeah frank and i were already like we're like i bet
00:40:48
he's gonna get laid at this one and he didn't he's like let's just go back wow
00:40:52
it's so sad and you and frank are both of you are in a relationship yeah yeah
00:40:56
his wife was a little concerned because we were sharing a room the whole time but she was concerned because of his
00:41:01
snoring so she she was concerned for me not that something would happen or his smell yeah he doesn't smell good
00:41:09
frank castillo yeah why it just smells like weed old weed oh well he smells he smokes weed yeah yeah
00:41:16
you don't like the smell of wheat yeah well that's a youth did he smell no
00:41:20
he was he was great yeah do you smoke weed no not really did he smoke in the room no no oh he had his pants and stuff
00:41:28
yeah he gotta hit that pen also like she's the way she's dressed you can tell she
00:41:32
gets just got off tour with them just like that the scarf oh yeah i guess he has rubbed off on me
00:41:38
a little bit literally that's his t-shirt his face on him yeah he signed it is that his merch i got the whistler
00:41:50
hey i got something uh a little souvenir for you guys okay cool oh my god this is
00:41:54
so amazing by the way doc's been on the show for a year never got one thing not one
00:41:59
thing but he also doesn't leave l.a yeah that's true or yeah that's pretty good you could bring us
00:42:06
something from home from amazon you know what andrew you know sometimes i go on vacation yeah right and i just
00:42:12
sit in my hotel room because i don't know what to do i know you usually don't
00:42:15
have anything to do but i gotta tell you with viator it's gonna make it easy it's
00:42:18
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00:42:25
adventures and all at the niche interesting stuff in between see someone will say niche some of them say niche
00:42:30
and that's a niche thing about us they put the critical combination of um extensive options ease of selection and
00:42:36
flexibility at your fingertips to ensure your time on vacay is wonderfully spent
00:42:40
and viator is the place like i like when i go on vacation i like simple stuff yeah a guy like you you like extreme
00:42:47
adventures very extreme dude i want to jump out of a plane yeah yeah with a horse below me viator has over 300 000
00:42:54
bookable experiences to choose from in over and ninety countries that's so many
00:42:58
countries you know i don't even know how many countries that sounds like a lot yeah uh they have
00:43:03
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00:43:22
good oh my god are these polly shirts and they're signed they're signed oh my
00:43:30
god this is bobby oh this is so cool oh this is so fun look at this sentinel oh this is so [ __ ] cool so
00:43:41
cool and you know what we should frame these and put them up on the pocket look at the new ropes near the bathroom
00:43:49
yeah they [ __ ] hate it well if you guys if you guys want to keep on their 20 for
00:43:57
the shirts and 25 for the headshots dude you are learning you're really good yeah this is really
00:44:04
[ __ ] nice thank you paulie man we oh we would love to have him if he wants to do it yeah tour was amazing though i
00:44:12
want to go back i loved it so what what places you play um good nights um i met this guy i love charlie love raleigh uh
00:44:18
raleigh is great hephron john heffer i love him brian brian yeah wait what is that donor right you're not a road dog i
00:44:25
guess is that the owner brian wait wait wait john heffron is a comic yeah but brian hephron is too right yeah if you
00:44:31
guys were road road dogs you know yeah so that's a cool club uh good night i've played it before good night so it's
00:44:39
great hephron runs all the comedy zones oh right right right so you want charlotte to that that one we went good
00:44:45
nights and then uh comedy zones and uh greensboro uh charlotte which was off charlotte was
00:44:54
this huge room and then a in greenville the greensboro one was like applebee's
00:44:59
turned into a comedy club which one was outside i saw you guys doing it like an outsider that yeah that was silverados
00:45:04
that was like a music venue wow did you do well there or was it hard it was awesome every show you killed
00:45:11
yeah and i got i got way better like as the weekend went up as it went yeah it happens
00:45:23
and then eventually maybe when we do our bad friends tour when we do the theater tour yeah no she
00:45:30
can't come on the tour that's right of course she can come on yeah of course you can like magically
00:45:35
black magic has to be on the tour you guys have never met no it never feels like i've known you for years though
00:45:40
yeah everybody talking you evolving from the store yes look how different he is we worked a lot
00:45:52
i told you that's what you guys had in common you both are young two black young black people and you both worked a
00:45:57
lot when you were coming we told her told them that you were black and you believe jet ski johnson was
00:46:03
black can i tell you something a woman named jessica johnson definitely is a black
00:46:08
lady yeah i love that you guys are calling me jet ski because you through one episode single-handedly changed my
00:46:14
name to juice well juicy is you you're still juicy to us you'll always be juicy
00:46:17
in our hearts you know we could come up with a different uh do you like that one
00:46:20
or should we change it it's just hilarious because i've gained probably over seven thousand
00:46:27
keep followers her from you guys and now and on the road i'll get on stage juicy no
00:46:34
no be real yes that's awesome it might be you know three out of a hundred still
00:46:39
that's good yeah so can you tell us did you do a joke that did you do a new joke on the road
00:46:46
that bombed did you have anything that you hate [ __ ] on i never i didn't really like eat [ __ ]
00:46:51
but i figured some [ __ ] out like some premises that i started out early that didn't really have an ending yeah and i
00:46:57
would and frank and i would as soon as we were done we'd go back and we'd just
00:47:01
like work on wow it was awesome yeah i'll miss those days cause that's over for us did you bring a
00:47:06
trumpet no i like that bit yeah i saw i used to do that and then i stopped because i wanted to be like a real
00:47:13
stand-up because i thought having a trumpet in my act was not real it doesn't matter
00:47:18
but the trump because let me just see if i get this bit right right but you bring the trumpet right
00:47:23
and you go this is my rape whistle yeah about like eight minutes yeah i hold it for about i don't mention it for about
00:47:29
eight minutes and then you go oh this is my trunk right and then you play it right you go
00:47:33
right then you play a little tune yeah and then how does the bit go like say you're walking down a dark alley at
00:47:39
night and someone's following you and you just burp that's great hear you hear you
00:47:50
it's a good bit but like where do you i do some impressions of like louis armstrong and miles davis
00:48:00
yeah but like where do you go from there anywhere you [ __ ] want to go that's
00:48:05
incredible and i hung out with your boyfriend a little last night we had a conversation did you tell you he told me
00:48:09
about it yeah and he tried to get me to go to um he goes hey you want to do this
00:48:13
gig in mammoth yeah i'm like okay let me hear it right he's like yeah it's a couple receipts
00:48:19
but you know it'll go real well oh it's actually good is that the brewery really
00:48:23
sarah mello used to do one there oh you know about it well is it still it's at
00:48:26
the brewery there in town i think he's since moved it to a i don't i can't keep track of it it's
00:48:32
but it's grown a lot and it's good and you had mentioned that you wanted to
00:48:35
play at like s'more alt rooms yeah so i was thinking because i want to help there i
00:48:41
want to help him yeah what do you do you and i just as fun go out there i'll do
00:48:45
that 100 this do what it's like 200 seats or 300 200 something seats if it's the same
00:48:50
spot sarah mello you know mello i love her she did she's her birthday today is it really it's ceremony i send her a
00:48:56
video she did a show up there that i was at the little brewery that's there in town
00:49:00
in mammoth and it was [ __ ] oh yeah yeah it was do you remember this yeah it was a
00:49:04
short-lived amount of time but that's like it's fun oh can we uh show you some of
00:49:08
his theories earlier on right and this is a real thing he wasn't kidding so at all it was sincere and any argument
00:49:18
argued it to death right so basically did you know that me and stephen hawking have the same intelligent level same
00:49:31
do you believe that oh that's the whole theory yeah that's the theory of he was basically saying
00:49:36
that there's no difference between intelligent levels between me and stephen hawking and him
00:49:42
essentially essentially it's you you're only as smart as the things that you
00:49:46
care about to be smart at that's kind of like if we cared about like quantum
00:49:49
physics then we could be and black holes that we would be immersed in that information and we'd know as much as
00:49:54
stephen hawking that's what you that's your theory yeah yeah if you read like if you love it and
00:50:00
you put yourself into it then i gave him an example of him yeah because neal said uh
00:50:06
he wasn't good at math neo like the major oh neil yeah what did you think so but he said that he just because he
00:50:21
loved science he pushed he he was able to go and dive into a deep so that's the
00:50:25
thing that i was trying to bestow upon them like hey man you if you if you're in that field and you love it
00:50:32
you're gonna become intelligent in that just like they just like they their style of comedy there's an intelligence
00:50:38
behind that because nobody can do that what we do is rare so scientists are rare if you go into
00:50:46
science you're going to know how to so theoretically theoretically if stephen
00:50:49
hawking wanted to do stand-up and his heart was in the up he could do be as good as us can i tell you
00:50:55
something that's what he wanted to do if that's what he wanted to do welcome
00:51:01
i'm glad to be here this guy knows what i'm talking about we used to do character shows in arizona
00:51:10
where you dress up as a character and you stand up as that character and i would go as nebula hawking who was
00:51:16
stephen hawking's niece and i would write my set out on an ipad and i'd had someone push me up to the
00:51:22
microphone and i'd hit play and it would play the act that's that's amazing would it do well yeah it would
00:51:30
kill you it was like while my uncle spent his life studying the stars i spend my life
00:51:35
trying to be a star do you have a manager yes who rachel williams levity oh that's cool
00:51:43
yeah jessica that's amazing agent no oh asian asian you have asians yeah do you have any
00:51:50
just one you need at least one in this town yeah yeah you know you have a goldy hot like
00:51:56
old school goldie hunt likeability okay don't you think she does i i i couldn't even comment about that
00:52:03
i don't know about goldie hawn's like a bit i mean i mean back in the day she
00:52:06
was like when she went uh what was that that she was the sergeant what was the military one that she did
00:52:13
paulie said he's going to take me to perform for their troops have you guys ever done that oh private
00:52:18
benjamin yeah private benjamin right there you are you i could see you as the next private benjamin
00:52:24
take me there bobby like she's like just kind of like your fish out of water you know what i
00:52:29
mean i couldn't agree with you more yeah yeah honestly that is juicy right that's
00:52:33
juicy maybe we could call it in the army now part two part two part two part two let
00:52:39
me ask you some serious questions about paulie are you a fan of his movies yes now i hadn't seen like any of them
00:52:47
she never saw all right how old are you 20 32. oh you are yeah so you saw you saw what you saw biodome i've seen them
00:52:54
all now yeah son-in-law son-in-law yeah yeah i literally just watched them like on the road just now just to catch up
00:53:00
yeah yeah cause he was like halfway through the tour he's made a joke about one of the movies and then looked at me
00:53:05
and he's like have you seen any of my movies and i think he felt kind of sad
00:53:09
you know people don't really remember i mean the dude [ __ ] jury duty encino
00:53:13
man so many [ __ ] like so many huge movies for the for those times where polly shore is dead
00:53:19
i haven't seen that one yeah he cut me out of that oh he's mad at you by the way okay tell
00:53:25
me why because he said that he had this movie idea a long time ago and now that you're like famous you
00:53:33
can't you won't produce it it's called capture go ahead bob you want to comment about
00:53:40
that okay can i tell you the movie idea yeah i don't even know we'd love to hear it did
00:53:49
did you do it as you too okay well that's how he said it to me oh oh oh he's pitching it to me he was
00:53:55
pitching it to me oh go ahead go ahead dude so you're my neighbor right right and you
00:54:01
you just got a college guy right just normal guy right how long ago was this pitch 15 years ago at least and he
00:54:09
goes d did i capture you did and you're in a well i go i'm in a well you know like silence of the lands dude
00:54:18
yep right and i like feed you like mochi balls funny right and i go okay what happens we become best friends
00:54:28
this is a great movie i know but at the time i'm like he feeds you mochi balls and you become friends do
00:54:34
you put the mochi in the basket yeah i don't know i mean that's as far as he
00:54:37
went i didn't maybe i should ask more questions he puts the mochi and the best
00:54:43
yeah and he by the way i don't know dude i think that's a good movie you think so yeah why not but to
00:54:52
me at the time there was like no let me put some other parameters around okay okay
00:54:56
so creepy by the way um uh let me put some parameters here's what here's like the time period you
00:55:02
have to shift to okay what i think it is is like let's say there's a fake war times that set up
00:55:09
and he's there he's captured an asian right and so when you're saying this is a
00:55:15
period piece yes and you're trespassing on his property he's a guy i got it right now yeah he's a guy
00:55:22
because he has that like surf revive see he's in hawaii during pearl harbor that's right right dude
00:55:29
you're right look at all the planes dude and incoming they're can you play japanese right
00:55:37
perfect right yeah well you play paulie and then i'm yeah you're right so are they bombing us dude yeah
00:55:44
i'm like your plane crashes on his property but you live well i'm the worst of them yeah
00:55:52
you're the worst comic book my eyes are not good what if your vision you're
00:55:56
slanty but also i don't have good vision you have bad vision right and i'm kind of little you
00:56:02
know what i mean what's up a little off upstairs yeah a little off so you crash
00:56:05
on his property after a minute right and i go land i crash into his house dude you crashed into my jello pit
00:56:13
oh you're not you know emperor hirohito is a sun god oh bro are you trying to hurt america
00:56:21
yeah oh i've got to lock you up so you become a prisoner of the world right okay
00:56:27
i get it i like it and through connections you slowly bond this beautiful loving
00:56:32
friendship right do you have more of the mochi boy you like the most yeah yeah you know i
00:56:38
want the more multi-board one more idea thank you and what happens is hey hey that's not a mochi ball that's my sack
00:56:46
that's my sack bag yeah he tricks me right right right but it's still good
00:56:53
so now you're sucking on his mochi balls and then later at night you share stories about your past and his past and
00:57:00
you find out you have much more in common than you ever dreamed oh what is it that you're both outcast losers and both
00:57:09
in your families never accepted you for who you really were you tell me story i see i relate
00:57:14
okay okay here we go when i was a kid well real quick quick lick of mochi bar please oh here
00:57:22
we go thank you continue when i was a little boy dude fatty my family didn't like the way i was so i
00:57:33
played by myself in the neighborhood and one time i was molested by a mentally handicapped
00:57:39
person oh me too why oh yeah buddy he was number one rice maker okay i don't know if i can relate to
00:57:52
that part no but i'm going to tell you oh he has a part okay but he does not
00:57:57
think i'll go right make myself oh he put me down like you right right right yes and that one
00:58:05
[Music] and then my dad would hit me with golf dude but he hit me with his uh your
00:58:12
seminars same thing yeah look at this this is the tale of two friends yeah i really like this a
00:58:20
pearl harbor kamikaze pilot gone wrong what i think doctors realized how brilliant
00:58:27
that was and that is the same level of genius as stephen hawking is so bad go piss yeah thank you doc thank you
00:58:36
talk do you need help to get there do you know where okay good thank you doc thank you doc
00:58:41
that pinot is it's it's next level pinot i'll tell you he's on the pinot he's yeah
00:58:48
what do you think of our new captured movie yeah i think it's brilliant i think that doc's right you guys have the
00:58:54
same level of genius as stephen hawking maybe we do yeah maybe so you'll produce
00:59:00
it no he's gonna we pitch it to paul right but you know um i'll produce it
00:59:10
i i think here's my problem with it right i think that you know the movie's
00:59:15
fine it's just what happens in between the movie when we're shooting i'm a
00:59:20
little afraid of he's different now i'm telling you like he pinches my nipples
00:59:24
really hard well you know what i mean you got pinchable nipples i do he didn't
00:59:28
do that to me once you're a girl he also lays on you but he did lay on you right
00:59:32
yeah but he was showing me what he did to you oh god that's a good way around
00:59:36
in the past i never laid on any of my features there's never a thing really it was more like he sat on me i've never
00:59:52
sat on any of my feet did you guys do a tour bus or no no we did rental car oh cool it's a great experience god it was
00:59:58
so fun you guys have just been doing this for a long time then yeah it's a little different when you're headlining
01:00:05
though yeah it's it's not as fun well the responsibility level is much higher
01:00:08
featuring i've always said is [ __ ] such a sweet spot it's such a sweet it's not going to last forever you
01:00:13
obviously want to ascend and have your own thing but it's it's so fun man the pressure it's almost
01:00:19
non-existent you you worry about numbers you start worrying about like everything
01:00:24
selling tickets selling worry about selling tickets and filling seats and it becomes a whole thing how much money you
01:00:28
can make because you can make enough to take other people on the road and that that analytics of all of it it
01:00:33
stinks but when you're in your spot yeah [ __ ] it forget don't even think about
01:00:37
your prime time have the most fun you've ever had this is the best time of my
01:00:40
life deserve it man it really is the best it's the best time of my life like
01:00:44
i i i look back and i'm glad i have been grinding and all that stuff and blah blah blah
01:00:50
but yeah this is awesome and then i literally just got off the plane from the tour and walked right into the
01:00:56
studio here with you guys like it's a dream how [ __ ] party is that that's
01:00:59
amazing that's [ __ ] really [ __ ] that's amazing and we're gonna go on tour together we
01:01:04
are we are we're going to mexico yeah we just have you have to kick someone out so you're taking someone's seat it's
01:01:10
one of those two guys in the window so i think you can guess what you want what she said that she wants to kick
01:01:15
george out after last episode yeah george is absolutely not coming on tour with us i'd rather kill myself and have
01:01:20
that guy in the [ __ ] bus are you kidding me you okay yeah i was holding this [ __ ] for about an hour i said god
01:01:25
damn how often do you pee do you pee a lot no once a day i'll pee about about maybe four or five times a day how
01:01:33
many times do you pee a day i've never counted how many times do you pee a day
01:01:42
three or four times i feel like i'd be way more than that three times for me that's eight four
01:01:46
times yeah i piss right in the morning then i piss after i've had my coffee [ __ ] breakfast combo
01:01:53
and then i probably don't piss again until the after like i'm about to piss
01:01:55
in about an hour from now you don't drink a lot of water i drink a [ __ ] load
01:01:58
i try to drive yeah i do but it stays in there the worst though is when you're
01:02:02
big sleeping the boy's got a big block dude my dick's been getting so how'd you
01:02:09
know because you know that that's a reaction to make sure you don't piss yourself is that
01:02:13
really yes yeah my dick gets hard all the time now at night at night yeah yeah that's also your libido checking in
01:02:19
being like hey i'd like to come sometimes is that what it is yeah yeah sending a signal from your brain but
01:02:24
also at night you will get a hard on you'll get an erection your [ __ ] will
01:02:26
fill with blood so make sure that you pinch it now well you don't do that you
01:02:29
don't have to do that yeah i pinch it hard you don't have to do that to go go
01:02:32
down go down you don't have to do that yeah you don't have to hurt it you can
01:02:35
just talk to it yeah but i ca it doesn't go down if i don't pitch it you can
01:02:38
think about to watch something awful and gruesome does it i have to hurt it is that funny that our dicks can fill
01:02:43
with blood to stop us from urinating in the middle of night but like you can't
01:02:46
there's nothing that happens to you no i just bleed through my vagina that's pretty cool i don't think that
01:02:53
has anything to do with you having a piss but yeah does it affect your mood like like some
01:02:57
girls it affects them does it affect your mood welcome back hell yeah i get really sad like a week before
01:03:08
i always forget because it's pre-menstrual pms i it took me like a billion years to learn that did you have
01:03:14
an embarrassing period store when you first got your period because i know a lot of girlfriends of mine had like a
01:03:19
yeah like they always had a shitty first time story because they didn't know or
01:03:22
their mom didn't tell them or they had like a very vague conversation about it
01:03:26
my mom like told me about it and was so cool and got me like you know a variety of
01:03:32
supplies and i it was just confusing and i told her afterwards i was like i'm just glad
01:03:38
it's done yeah and she said you know this is gonna happen every month right forever and i was like
01:03:45
what i thought it was a one and done like you get it and then that the reality of the
01:03:51
world set in on me but it was hard to get a hold of it i remember being in class and like oh i
01:03:58
guess it started and getting up there's just blood on my seat wow and i just got
01:04:01
to shuffle out of there because i've heard that story a few times yeah yeah in junior high i might have just blood
01:04:06
came out of your dick once a month what do you mean imagine yeah yeah it's an extra thing to think about
01:04:19
imagine if it came for guys if it just came out of your mouth if you just were talking yeah
01:04:23
all right if you just started bleeding if you're like yeah we're going to go to
01:04:25
blind there's blood boring you're like i'm so tired and you have to see cotton in your mouth
01:04:34
yeah yeah it's [ __ ] awful yeah but sometimes i kind of like it because like
01:04:38
oh like the pain i i think i kind of have a high tolerance for pain and so like i'll start to kind of hallucinate a
01:04:46
little bit whoa but not in like a dangerous way like i don't think it's like a
01:04:51
whoa but you know when you're in pain sometimes and yeah but you mean like from the blood loss
01:04:56
i i know like the cramps oh oh the pain the physical pain the physical the physical pain
01:05:00
and you don't take anything you don't take advil or [ __ ] no i take this stuff that my stepmom
01:05:06
she's like neopathic so she'll she sends me some stuff like like a essential oil
01:05:11
well tell the girl fans what it is there's some there's a lot of chick fans
01:05:14
out here that want to know we'll put a link i don't know what it's called but
01:05:16
fancy i'll get you the link fancy get that [ __ ] for the period i was listening because it is a [ __ ]
01:05:22
nightmare yeah let's get some bad friends i don't want to overstep i know
01:05:25
i just you're here baby i was listening with this american life and there was a story of a girl who met
01:05:31
this guy and she really liked they were an acting class or whatever and in new york and
01:05:36
they hook up one night and then she was on her period and she goes i don't wanna
01:05:40
you know i'm i mean it's that time of month he's like i don't care but like
01:05:44
four in the morning she looked at all the sheets and they're all bloody right
01:05:47
so she stole his sheets and put it in her bag and she left like and she was walking
01:05:52
down and she had to go through some sort of security check or something and the cops saw the bloody sheets so they
01:05:57
thought she murdered somebody so then she had to go back to the [ __ ] apartment and the cops had a knock on
01:06:02
this guy's door and to see if he was alive right and then she had to go yeah
01:06:06
i stole your sheets how embarrassing is that how crazy of a story if he went if she went back to the apartment he was
01:06:10
dead that's that's a good show yeah that's the start of a good [ __ ] series yeah yeah the coincidence
01:06:17
of it right but he's but he's dead but it's with a handgun to his head and
01:06:22
they're like this couldn't be blood from that that would be impossible yeah this
01:06:25
is not that the blood's on the wall it's that way how do the how do the sheets
01:06:28
have all this blood but then they test the dna on the sheets and it's not even
01:06:31
her blood it's not even her blood it's someone else's but it's not even his blood
01:06:39
it's not his blood either where on the wall from his head yeah yeah it's a blood from this wall right yeah
01:06:46
well i'm a chimp it's from a chimp yeah a chimp blood whoa a chimps period blood
01:06:53
chips period blood make this move and that's why if you're a female killer
01:06:59
you always kill while you're menstruating that's right if you're gonna stab someone ladies
01:07:03
that's the moral of the story make sure you're bleeding yeah make sure it's just spraying
01:07:08
everywhere you're stabbing and spraying get a little [ __ ] funnel to spray it
01:07:12
on him when you're chilling oh sorry officer i was on my period the twin the twist is the office there's
01:07:20
a chimp oh yeah it's a chimney got one of the cops the chips you're knocking the door and you answer
01:07:27
the door it's a chimp and he's got two knives he's like yeah and he starts stabbing you
01:07:33
then you're like what are you doing you're a cop he's like yeah yeah whoa crazy world what a crazy
01:07:38
world what a great you want to direct it i want to be in it oh what do you want to play i'll direct it you saw how good
01:07:43
of an actress she was when we did acting scenes in the room here oh that was amazing
01:07:47
really good stuff yeah doc would would you mind directing it yeah yeah okay because we don't have anybody in our
01:07:55
crew that directs anything do we yeah i want to do a movie with them and do the loving story what's that sorry that
01:08:01
story about the two you know remember is it that they're called the loving i mean
01:08:06
they were the um the first people the black and white couple right and then they it was against the law
01:08:11
and then they did that oh what are the last names um find out the last names the first interracial couple i know what
01:08:18
you're talking about yeah the first interracial couple but we're not the
01:08:21
first of all we do a comedy spin on them though um it was the first interracial couple uh
01:08:28
like in a first generation interracial marriage loving day june 12th is loving day yeah
01:08:34
interracial marriage uh finally became legal in the united states june january 26 1965 this photo shows mildred is
01:08:40
about wild that they were gonna didn't they go to prison for it or something
01:08:44
because they were well no no they were they were this caused this to become a law that it's legal for
01:08:52
interracial but in 1965 you couldn't do it prior to that insane yeah yeah no it's
01:08:57
[ __ ] jackie roberson was getting it in though just let that sit i wasn't let it sit because i don't know what the
01:09:08
[ __ ] you mean i know what he means yeah explain it to explain he was smashing white women back in history he
01:09:14
was [ __ ] these white houses yeah he was getting it he was out in these streets okay it depends on who you are
01:09:18
you can [ __ ] out there in the streets back when you could [ __ ] but you couldn't get married that was what you
01:09:22
all thought was yeah i'm sure sydney pointy [ __ ] white girls too that's my
01:09:25
point they would he they they had to hide it he actually liked asian women sydney pottier did he
01:09:30
really big time loved asian girls was not a big fan of of uh of white women oh wow i have a story that
01:09:37
somebody told me that's a lie i have a story that somebody told me and i i feel so guilty because it's hearsay
01:09:44
yeah but we gotta hear it a huge fan of this woman that i'm about to talk about so i don't want to hurt
01:09:53
her feelings oh go ahead okay i'm going to do it all right so back in the day 90s i used to do
01:09:58
shows with this guy named dave tyree don't remember that person okay he was a
01:10:02
old black comic oh yeah dave you know dave tyree right he used to do a bit about um oh yeah that's dave tyree
01:10:10
right that's just paulie by the way yeah yeah and he was a funny guy right yeah um sure
01:10:17
i don't know he really was yeah okay for the time i wasn't there yeah and tyree
01:10:21
was like let me tell you a story and i go where's he from i don't know detroit okay
01:10:27
why it's just a little accent i heard a little actually was it asian yeah right
01:10:31
yeah let me tell you a story every time you got an accent you go let me tell you a
01:10:34
story i don't know i don't know where it is is that what you heard guys is that what
01:10:40
you heard absolutely let me tell you let me tell you a story let me tell you a story is that fine sure let me just keep
01:10:46
doing it yeah yeah yeah i go i don't want your story right now i'm gonna tell you a story okay fine no
01:10:51
it was different than the first time thank you yeah so anyway he goes back in the day when i moved to la right i met
01:10:57
richard pryor i'm like cool is that it no he invites me to a party right and
01:11:05
cocaine everything's happening i mean people having sex in the living room right it was wild he
01:11:12
said right drunk and then [ __ ] pryor comes up to him and goes you like asian [ __ ]
01:11:20
and dave tyree goes i guess yeah it's alright you know what i mean come here
01:11:23
come here he goes in a room there was an asian lady laying on her back she was completely naked
01:11:30
she wasn't passed out she was loose you know he goes go ahead right are these guys
01:11:34
dead by the way david tyree dead no he's still alive okay we'll find out where the story goes
01:11:41
but the girl was a naked asian it was connie chung shut the [ __ ] up whoa connie chung and she was just letting
01:11:49
everyone have i don't know that's what he told me and i didn't sleep for a week man
01:11:54
comedy's just not like that anymore i know you you're never at a party and
01:11:59
you wanted some did you go and it's anderson cooper completely naked i have been to that party yeah actually
01:12:04
yeah i have been to that point and i don't even think that's true there's no
01:12:07
way that story's true why why would it not be because she's a newscaster and she you
01:12:11
know they don't like dick yeah what was that nancy pelosi she was getting it on right getting [ __ ] sm
01:12:18
by who like it wasn't she blowing everybody blowing everybody dude wait wait wait nancy pelosi was blowing who
01:12:23
the insurrectionist what happened nancy pelosi is that the story maybe i got the wrong person yeah i don't know
01:12:39
was she was she with jfk are you thinking she was blowing him that's what made his head explode
01:12:49
how did jackie not see pelosi sucking off kennedy in that car that's the conspiracy
01:12:56
so she was the second shooter yeah yeah i could have sworn there was this big story going around that when she was
01:13:03
younger she gave everybody hand chops that's that's cool that's cool
01:13:08
i like that one is cool i like that that's a cool thing to do yeah so you know they get around
01:13:14
well i love how i love how p types and nancy pelosi hand job when they when they seize that laptop
01:13:19
from the fence where that guy went to remember the insurrection and he was sitting like this on nancy
01:13:28
pelosi's office maybe he was looking for a hand job oh waiting patience yeah like
01:13:32
i heard about this girl maybe that's what he was saying some it's probably
01:13:35
some other white lady in politics and all the fans are gonna say it on the comments who do we think it could be
01:13:42
yeah i don't think you can hear the connie chunk thing i feel bad about saying it it's just a story that you
01:13:47
heard from somebody that says it's not a real story times we're different times
01:13:50
we're different 70s 70s 70s yeah yeah you're right 70s yeah i just don't want more pokemon have you
01:13:56
ever been i want maury povich to come after me here i mean he's in a wheelchair maybe
01:14:02
have you ever been to a hollywood party where was like filled with sex and drugs
01:14:04
like that one i've been to one as well really yeah yeah one time it must have been a long
01:14:10
time ago yeah long stops canceled was it in the hills no what was it so um so i did this naka conference
01:14:19
[ __ ] do you know what naca is oh that's so funny that was our journey naca was the the national association of
01:14:24
college yes it's something it was for to do college shows yeah and they stopped booking me because
01:14:30
you know basically you go and they have all these colleges in the region and they come and they always said to me you
01:14:36
have to be squeaky clean and i never did you had to be so every time i would perform half the room would walk out
01:14:41
yeah they just would walk out and i could see my um college age agent just go in the back like
01:14:49
because back then he just showed his [ __ ] pews when you were young back then you couldn't make any money doing clubs
01:14:55
because you weren't a headliner yet you couldn't get eight rooms but you could
01:14:57
get paid big money to do college college schwartz and those guys did i mean they'd clean up but i did not book a lot
01:15:05
but there was one girl who was religious but she thought i was attractive right so i exchanged numbers and i go you know
01:15:12
what i want to do i'm gonna i'm going to vegas and i'm because at the time dave navarro
01:15:19
i knew dave navarro dave navarro the rockstar and so i bring this religious girl to
01:15:27
his bachelor party what yeah right and it's in vegas i forgot what hotel is bringing a girl but i remember
01:15:34
going to the floor of the hotel and everything's pitch black with these candles and there was like blood on the
01:15:40
wall it was like [ __ ] crazy right and you hear like bats like you know what i mean
01:15:46
and she's like i can feel it she's i'm holding her hands and she's shaking
01:15:50
right and i go i don't know what's going on here you know what i mean just we open this door
01:15:55
and there's this table with two women and they have two dildos right and they're [ __ ] each other on
01:16:02
this thing right and other men are on their jerking off right and i'm trying to act cool like this is
01:16:09
a part of my life this is normal right i'm just kind of you know what i mean and i just remember
01:16:16
it being the scariest place i've ever been did you do anything though i made love to her in the hotel
01:16:22
room you did yeah sweet love no no yeah though kind of like sexual experience but i
01:16:37
just remember that was like my first there was like you know it was weird and you know what's normal christian sex
01:16:43
like what i do well i'll tell you what i do right i take the sheet i take scissors
01:16:48
and i put a little hole in it for your mouth right you say grace first yeah and i lay her on her back god please bless
01:16:55
this food that i'm about to receive i lay the whole sheet over her body right so you can't see each other so i
01:17:01
can't see each other and i see the little opening right and i [ __ ] in the belly button
01:17:07
no i do missionary and maybe a couple of extra side moves i went to a celebrity's house a long
01:17:13
time ago that i didn't belong at and it wasn't like anything absurd people were doing drugs for sure
01:17:20
but i walked in on somebody [ __ ] in a room and i was like oh [ __ ] and i and they both looked at me and
01:17:27
they were like what's wrong it's okay and then i thought should i stay because they both are very casual about
01:17:36
it it wasn't like get the [ __ ] out they were [ __ ] and i was like oh [ __ ] and
01:17:39
they were like let's go it's cool it's cool it's totally cool and i was just
01:17:42
like sorry and i just left real slow because i wanted to give them a chance to be like get over here
01:17:50
do you know but i was like both of these guys were just too big you know i didn't
01:17:54
want to i have one more i always talk about the asian sex did you miss the whole gay part of that
01:18:00
i i got it thank you yeah it wasn't 2000 i heard it i just wasn't alarmed by it yes you should you
01:18:07
shouldn't be i wasn't alone either and you shouldn't be juice yeah and you
01:18:10
shouldn't be did i tell you about the asian sex party no no it was right by the comedy store
01:18:16
okay the andes it used to be what was the hilton yeah so you know how you know i love to go to
01:18:21
carnegie the highest you know i like to go to cars and get those gigantic um chocolate hot dogs do
01:18:27
we right do you remember i used to do that yeah yeah yeah so they're the the
01:18:31
corners they have these gigantic chocolate um bananas i mean right and i used to go to
01:18:37
doc and i used to suck on the thing yeah that's how i do it right but i used
01:18:44
to get those chocolate things and i was walking with this chocolate it was like maybe 12 30 at night right
01:18:49
and there was 200 asian young people all dressed in white standing outside of the [ __ ]
01:18:58
this hi the hyatt what do you guys think we're from san francisco we do this like
01:19:03
yearly thing in l.a it's a sex club oh yeah right and i go oh good good and they go um come up
01:19:11
i go okay what no no i know the story david told us on this podcast before well then i want to [ __ ] do that
01:19:20
that's fine tell jews me too because i don't even know yeah tell them they
01:19:23
haven't heard it okay so they had rented out this whole floor right and you know
01:19:27
how sometimes hotel rooms have other doors or just an entrance to the other hotel room
01:19:34
so all those doors are open all the doors are open you know i mean on this [ __ ] thing it was just like you could
01:19:40
just walk into a room yeah right so i'm walking oh there's two guys i walk into
01:19:44
the room and there's these two girls on the bed completely naked i don't know i still have half of the
01:19:49
hot dog i gotta finish that before so i just sit there at these jeans i'm just sitting there just eating
01:19:56
the hot dog i see them both get up from the [ __ ] bed and come toward me one girl starts kissing my
01:20:03
neck and the other girl starts you know touching my pee pee toki right and toki's like thank you thank you thank
01:20:10
you thank you thank you but i knew at that moment that i was about to cheat on sarah
01:20:15
and i just something just came over and i just pushed them aside right and i ran
01:20:21
out still the chocolate hot dog i'm running out right i finished it at the store the chocolate
01:20:26
thing yeah yeah but uh clean from your guilt can i tell you the funniest part to me about
01:20:32
that so far is that you they invited you to the sex party you went up to the rooms
01:20:37
watched the naked girls they came over to you start kissing you and then you said
01:20:42
i'm not going to cheat him yeah this is too far i wouldn't know what do you mean explain
01:20:47
no no i like this i like this stop hold back hold back like if there was some wild sex party
01:20:53
and they invited me i'd be like oh no i'm in a monogamous relationship yeah
01:20:56
because hilarious oh she's coming from a woman's perspective yeah but you're not but
01:21:01
you're not an asian tv star i'm not an asian tv star i don't want my
01:21:05
let my face thanks for reminding me number one not even a woman's perspective it's just a loyal
01:21:11
perspective shut the [ __ ] up so what you're saying to me is this you had so many chances to leave
01:21:24
but no i want to ask he is showing up to that and being on the side about cheating no no to walk into a hotel room
01:21:32
where people are partying knowing it's a sex party is that cheating to you no
01:21:37
like if you found out that your boyfriend did that would you be upset yeah you'll be upset just on that alone yeah
01:21:45
i'd say we should redefine things because i've been turning down all these
01:21:48
sex parties i keep getting invited to all these [ __ ] parties yeah it's more of like an equality thing
01:21:55
all right okay okay you want things to be equal don't you yeah uh but let's
01:21:58
let's have juice uh say goodbye in her traditional uh paulie shore sign off uh
01:22:03
to take us out what's up bad friends thank you yes what a good episode [Music]