00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian
00:00:05
dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're
00:00:10
bad friends I dude I was so worried about you thank you
00:00:18
baby thought you were going to die I definitely thought I was going to die I can do the quickest version of the story
00:00:24
no we want the slow version slogan well first of all welcome back fancy B from
00:00:31
y yay second of all my agents call me they go you're not doing it and I go
00:00:37
what what the zombie movie oh his movie and I go I have to do it you cannot do it I've never I've never I've never seen
00:00:44
my agents call me and just and just beg me not to do a movie did they read the script yeah they let the script they
00:00:51
they saw the no money right Spain years a lot of things ler yeah there's not
00:00:57
really a lot of incentive to do it I read it on the plane and that's why I had a medical emergency because I was reading I'm doing it anyway I know I
00:01:04
love you so I get a text message I get a text message from Jesse
00:01:10
our old friend jety right it says oh my God I can share the
00:01:16
photo oh my God I'm on a plane and Andrew Santino just overdosed okay I
00:01:24
know but okay not just that yeah I get a call from TM Z they called my agents
00:01:32
yeah right and TMZ is like is he is he alive you didn't answer the did you
00:01:37
answer the phone yeah yeah what are you why are you answering the phone I go who's alive yeah who's alive your boy we
00:01:45
heard drugs and this that I go it's crazy no what no right it was
00:01:52
diarrhea it diarhea right it was diarrhea do you fainted on the plane
00:01:57
though kills people every year which kills a lot of people 5,000 people in First World countries by the way 200,000
00:02:02
over uh globally uh it how does diarrhea kill you what you dehydration drink
00:02:08
water you can no dude when I have diarrhea I I drink water while I'm doing diarrhea to replenish right then 1.5
00:02:15
million people died from diarrhea dis 2019 that's so many so here's what
00:02:20
really happened I didn't overdose and also we apologized already to the fans of Abu Dhabi I was advising oh my God
00:02:27
I'm so sorry I'm sorry we couldn't go so so I was sick in Nashville right
00:02:33
Saturday I didn't feel that good Saturday late show okay no booze no nothing nothing just eat a meal not
00:02:40
feeling right go to bed Sunday morning I wake up back up back up back up yeah what's the feeling how do I start what
00:02:47
what's the beginning of it no no what I'm saying is is that I'm not feeling right I want to be specific because I want to know if I have those symptoms
00:02:54
what to do okay so well I'll tell you not what not to do don't get on a flight all right juy farts no it's not farts
00:03:00
yet okay so what started as nausea up high high in my throat and then foggin oh my so on the second show on Saturday
00:03:07
night I felt like the set was good but you know when you're there but you're you're like I'm I'm on autopilot I was
00:03:13
on autopilot I was just kind of doing the jokes but I was like I feel so weird I go back to the hotel that night I sit
00:03:20
in bed can't go to sleep super nauseous I go to the bathroom take a shower come
00:03:26
out real nauseous achy strange go to sleep Sunday morning I wake up to go
00:03:31
golfing with court Macau the whole morning I feel like I'm going to throw up the whole time feel like I'm going to
00:03:36
throw up I feel wozy and out of it I'm eating and drinking you know I'm having like healthy stuff nothing crazy then s
00:03:44
then Sunday night I get back to the hotel I call Lucy at Nashville zany and I said something's wrong I don't even
00:03:52
know if I could do the shows like I feel awful dud why do you do a Sunday show I did two Sunday shows for the fans baby
00:04:00
okay so I get I she says I'll get you an IV she calls Nate bargaz sister who was
00:04:05
an angel who came through with her friend who got does mobile IVs are they hot in between shows none of your
00:04:11
business don't say that that's our friend's sister Oh no just not not Nate's but it's Nate sister not the other one the girl who administered the
00:04:17
IV yeah okay just move on okay okay it's fine okay okay so then I get the IV in
00:04:24
between the shows yeah it it's not working like I get a boost of energy for the second show can I tell you something
00:04:30
but I feel dog [ __ ] I'm sweating I'm vibrating can I interject something I
00:04:36
know it's your story but I want to interject gone yeah it's not funny what I'm about to say is not going to no mine
00:04:42
has not been funny I love it though okay go ahead yeah it's very interesting yeah I knew something was wrong because you
00:04:47
called me on stage I did yeah and usually when he calls me on stage it's what's up uhhuh I'm doing a show this
00:04:55
time he's on stage there's a crowd behind him he's like hey
00:05:00
and I so in my mind I'm like oh he's not doing a shell he's calling me off I was so out of it he was out I was there was
00:05:06
something wrong but I'll tell you why there was a weird Omen in the air a guy oh [ __ ] Damien was there Damen was there
00:05:13
oh [ __ ] 666 on his dangling his penis fingers all over the crowd that's not Daman that's Casper oh
00:05:20
that's Casper up in the balcony of zany in the middle of my show no a guy passes
00:05:26
out medical emergency medical emergency how weird is this second show first show second show oh no medical emergency
00:05:34
they're yelling and our good buddy great great musician Noah Khan came with his
00:05:39
never heard of him really one of the biggest musicians right now you don't know who Noah Khan is he's [ __ ]
00:05:45
massive is it Shaka Khan's brother yes it's shaka's younger brother yeah yeah
00:05:50
yeah he's the man oh I love noan he's the [ __ ] man anyway in the middle of
00:05:56
the show a medical emergency we stopped the show I think somebody's dying or having having a stroke or a heart attack or something bad we get through that I
00:06:03
feel like I might have a stroke or heart attack so it's already this weird Omen energy I go back to the hotel that night
00:06:09
feeling not good all night long po po po poop puke poop puke p po not good can I
00:06:17
can I I ask a question in that order po po po
00:06:23
po puke p po yes okay okay exactly can I ask another question please what is the
00:06:30
ratio in terms of puke diarrhea it's 2:1 poop to puke 2: one diarrhea always wins
00:06:38
it always wins it always wins they're like the Manchester City of whatever that is they always win yeah my puke was
00:06:45
Arsenal on I'm sorry so anyway I go to
00:06:50
bed sweating sweat through the sheet your body fighting it off oh bu big time I
00:06:56
wake up the next morning and I said get room service get on the and go home just go home I get room service I eat a bite
00:07:03
of a waffle right back out wow one bite of a waffle a berry smoothie I figured I
00:07:09
can't eat solid so I'm just going to chug a smoothie I chug a
00:07:15
smoothie everywhere oh so your poo was purple it went right through like on
00:07:20
power wash wow it was Unreal I get to the airport I'm woozy goozy people are
00:07:26
passing me like best friends and I'm just like man I'm out of it wow I sit
00:07:31
down this is an insane story I sit down on the plane I know this one and I look to my left there's a bag on my seat it's
00:07:37
like a from somebody bought stuff from one of the shops and I go whose bag is this man is this anybody's bag like I'm
00:07:44
tired yeah you know it's right behind me it's MGK and Megan Fox that's right I
00:07:51
don't even see I didn't even see him I swear to God I'm so out of it I literally didn't see the guy and he goes
00:07:57
yo you're the comedian Santino yeah right away and I go what's
00:08:02
up he goes yo you're the [ __ ] so now I'm sick I'm like sick he touched him yeah I
00:08:10
gave him I gave him a dab right now mpk yeah yeah yeah Megan [ __ ] is everything
00:08:18
okay yeah so MGK is behind me so now I
00:08:24
have to turn you know when you're like talking to someone behind you you got to like do the so I'm sitting on the side because I'm I want to cool and talk to
00:08:30
him but I can't tell him like Hey dude I'm so [ __ ] I feel so sick right now so we're just sharing ComEd he's a huge
00:08:37
comedy fan loves you which is annoying as [ __ ] uh is a fan of the show like
00:08:43
like name all of our friends we were talking about Tim Robinson show I think you should leave we we're just cracking up sharing stories it was great then
00:08:50
finally I turn back around the flight starts and in the middle of the flight I put on my headphones right the thank
00:08:57
shout out to Phoenix standup live gave me the app over their ear Beats okay as a gift
00:09:03
anyway selling out all the shows okay wait wait wait look stop for a second did they give you a gift let me
00:09:09
ask you something did they give you a gift I sold every show too yeah did you get anything well I did you get a gift
00:09:14
you they gave you what Apple Beats over the ear headphones all right okay after your story I'm calling the owner of the
00:09:19
club yeah do it and I'm I have a [ __ ] issue how much are they 500 bucks was a they gave you Apple beats stand up live
00:09:25
the I sold out too yeah same one okay note that go ahead I'm mad go ahead it's going to be back
00:09:33
yeah it's good to be back so then I put on my headphones and I lay down to go to sleep I miss like the the flight attendant coming by to like see if I
00:09:39
wanted to eat or drink I'm out I'm cold I'm out cold right then my body does
00:09:45
this one of those oh and I'm like I'm gonna throw up I'm gonna [ __ ] throw up I [ __ ] and dude I get up so fast
00:09:52
my seat belt still on right back on the seat nobody saw thank God was it like when remember I sat next to you had
00:09:57
diarrhea same thing same thing same feeling been there done that this guy
00:10:03
yeah I get up I rip the seat belt off she can kind of tell something's up the way she looked at me Megan Fox
00:10:09
no Megan Fox is paying no attention to my loser ass just what question they're behind me is she hot
00:10:15
huh is she hot pretty is Megan Fox hot look let's move on [ __ ] what the [ __ ]
00:10:20
we talk already already stunning yeah what yeah dude she could have been covered in [ __ ] in my [ __ ] I still been
00:10:26
like she gorgeous yeah I [ __ ] run to the bathroom I bust in the door and I'm real
00:10:31
Dizzy cuz my blood pressure must be super low because I'm sick and I haven't eaten anything so I close the toilet
00:10:38
seat and I sit down on it because I'm going to throw up in the sink to the right of me or to the left of me you
00:10:44
know because I can't even stand up I'm so weak and then I get really woozy and
00:10:50
[Music] then you know you hear the [ __ ] the TV noise you passed out I fainted I
00:10:57
passed out hard and I woke up I was on the floor of the bathroom at that point which my nightmare my nightmare yeah pee
00:11:05
all you know I wake up sitting on the floor of the bathroom to the flight attendant going sir sir sir and it's
00:11:11
kind of like muffled I can't really hear it how did they open it and I hear no no the door was oh I'm sorry I'm skipping a step when I sat down on the seat I
00:11:17
opened the door and I said can I get a cold towel and she goes sir we're not supposed to get up right now because the
00:11:22
seat belt sign was on yeah and I said can I get a cold towel around my neck and then the door was open at that point
00:11:28
I didn't close it thank and then you passed out and then I must have fainted pants down slum no dude I was fully
00:11:34
clothed I was going to throw up I was about to throw up so then I pulled them down after I woke up and they were
00:11:41
giving me metalic attention so I I wake up I'm I'm sitting on the floor of the bathroom and I hear her like shaking me
00:11:48
sir sir sir and then I hear another one going do we have a doctor do we have a doctor on the plane and I'm kind of
00:11:53
coming to but I can't really come to cuz I'm like I feel myself like mumbling embarrassing yeah so embarrassing and I
00:12:00
look down to my right and I have throw up everywhere I've thrown up all over
00:12:06
myself like the amount of throw up is hilarious it's it's like a [ __ ] it's like a Nickelodeon show was
00:12:14
like they turn on a faucet and she's trying to help me and then this guy shows up who's a doctor who's a
00:12:20
psychiatrist but he was a doctor and he's a psychiatrist but he was a doctor but he was a psychiatrist he was a
00:12:25
doctor but he was trying to help me out and she was talking to me and they were making me chug apple juice and they were trying to recount what happened and then
00:12:31
he was like did you take drugs or did somebody drug you and I was like no no no no no I'm sick something's wrong I
00:12:36
have like a bug he gives me Naran Naran for op for people that are [ __ ]
00:12:42
having like an OD opioid opioid OD shoves it up my nose and he's like
00:12:48
breathe and I was like I don't know if I'm comfortable with n and then up my [ __ ] just had Naran on his on him
00:12:55
that they gave him the first aid kit it has Narcan as an IV bag he just had him pocket I got eight of them yeah I I can
00:13:01
spare one so they Goose me with [ __ ] Naran he stabs me to give me an IV but the
00:13:07
bag's not working because my positioning is weird I'm imagine if you had the stuff remember when Batman the the Batman yeah at the end when he was
00:13:13
finding the Riddler and his little army right and he pulls out that green thing anyway
00:13:19
adrenaline adrenaline so he Nars me hits me with an IV the IV BR my vein [ __ ] severs so
00:13:26
the thing is my arms all bruised blood squirting every blood is all over the place I'm sitting in Piss I'm sitting in
00:13:33
piss and puke not my piss just airplane toilet bathroom piss oh yeah it could be good
00:13:38
piss you don't know who's pissing is don't I doubt it okay yeah if it was Megan Fox's yeah if it was Megan Fox if
00:13:44
it was Megan Fox it would have been fine yeah yeah I would have taken some home could I get a can I get a cup a to go
00:13:49
cup so I'm sitting in piss and puke all over me and then MGK comes walking up oh
00:13:55
here we go this is how cool of a guy this guy is I'm so embarrassed I'm sitting there I'm sled in a [ __ ] in
00:14:02
the airport bathroom oh my God in the airplane bathroom and he goes you Andrew are you okay do you want some apple
00:14:08
juice or orange juice and he's got like both like he bought it from the store and I go I'm literally like my neck is craned against the and I go oh thanks mg
00:14:16
very nice of you man it's so good I'm craned against the
00:14:21
sink I'm tucked against the sink it's so good and he he goes okay bro and then he walks away and the flight attendant's
00:14:27
like do you want your phone do you want to call somebody cuz I'm kind of like they're giving me oxygen cuz my my blood
00:14:32
my oxygen level is super low cuz I passed out wow they take my vitals and she goes does he know your family uh and
00:14:40
I go we just met she goes you guys seem like close friends and I was like I he's just being very nice wears love well you
00:14:48
know gay um no so then he comes back like 5 minutes later they've got me hooked up
00:14:54
to an oxygen tank to level my to get my levels right and he's got this sweater in his hand this is his sweater this is
00:15:02
MGK sweater he's got it balded up in his hand and he sees that I'm soiled and he and and he goes yo do you want my
00:15:08
sweater cuz I had taken my sweater off cuz they were like take your sweater off we need to like get you know we need to be able to take your blood pressure so
00:15:15
take I take my sweater off you can tell I'm in like a shitty old bed you know like a night shirt or something and he
00:15:20
goes uh do you want my sweater and I said no dude I'm going to get it's got I puke and [ __ ] and he goes I don't
00:15:26
give a [ __ ] and he throws it to me and he goes keep that [ __ ] dude I don't give a [ __ ] he's like he's like get warm and
00:15:33
I almost started crying I was like MGK like like he threw it to a kid at a
00:15:39
children's hospital thanks MGK so he gave me his sweater like a [ __ ] Prince he hasn't even washed that why
00:15:45
would I wash this I didn't get anything on it smells bad anyway no i w we wash it when
00:15:54
I got home no I'm not didn't yeah I did well I I didn't so this was wor on the
00:15:59
earthquake concussion in the bathroom oh my god dude I'm telling you right now
00:16:04
that was a good one pretty close that was a Zinger so then that was very very very provocative so I'll finish it okay
00:16:12
I get up out they're like can you sit in your seat at this point I'm fine yeah I can sit in my seat I'm woozy I'm texting
00:16:17
my [ __ ] wife I'm like you need to pick me up I cancel my car because I was like I can't ride in a car cuz I'm still [ __ ] up I get back in my seat I turn
00:16:25
to MGK and I just go sorry man thank you you're real one he goes I'm just glad that you're good and I was like thanks
00:16:31
and then I just couldn't look at any I just didn't want to look at anybody I was so embarrassed you know and I get
00:16:37
off the plane or I we we and then they say everyone has to stop so the EMTs can come get me I said for my own
00:16:43
embarrassment can I just get off the plane I can walk I'll meet them in the Jet
00:16:49
Bridge if you can walk yeah I grab my [ __ ] I Sprint up the Jet Bridge I throw
00:16:56
this hoodie over my head and I sit in the corner as far as I can let the [ __ ] paramedics do my vitals and take
00:17:01
care cuz they have to check you out when you land they're doing the vitals I'm texting I'm getting binging bing bing
00:17:07
bing text are you dead did you o You're Dead are you dead yeah people were hitting someone texted from the flight
00:17:14
Jesse and Carlos and said Santino OD on my plane they were saying I [ __ ] overdosed on the flight oh they don't
00:17:21
have the information then TMZ is calling my agents you yeah I pick up why I love
00:17:28
them no they're my friends they want to know what's going on of course I get my
00:17:34
wife picks me up we make it at 5:30 p.m. we're sitting in rush hour traffic holy
00:17:40
[ __ ] and I'm shaking in the front seat cuz I can't hold it in we get to my
00:17:46
[ __ ] front lawn my hand of God I held out the moment I open the car
00:17:51
door my neighbor just like hey Andrew clipping his [ __ ] head I projectile
00:17:57
my dog in the window wow I'm holding my [ __ ] oh [ __ ] and
00:18:03
for the next 4 days I know I lost 9 lbs yeah I was on the
00:18:08
toilet spraying out of my butt I've never had this kind of it was water every time I
00:18:15
sat water I had to go to the [ __ ] doctor twice I know cuz I was like dude something's wrong bro and my doctor was
00:18:22
like where'd you come from where are you going I was said Nashville Abu Dhabi he goes no no
00:18:29
he's like you natur already you did it already yeah he was like he's like he's like he said no to that though you've
00:18:35
been there okay okay okay go go back he went he goes go back in time and change it no he was like no more you he's like you can't travel dude he's like you
00:18:40
cannot be S he's like you need to take a a break your body he's like even if I give you [ __ ] he's like you shouldn't be
00:18:46
traveling so it took me four days I called I called everyone a million times to say I'm sorry took me four days of
00:18:52
losing 9 lbs you know we were so worried but now I'm a cutesy pootsie now I'm a
00:18:58
little p girl yeah now I'm a little skinny pinup girl and I finally feel better you know you look like Philadelphia
00:19:04
dude yeah yeah yeah I mean you look you look when I just saw and that's the last time I'll party with Magic Johnson you
00:19:10
know what magic that's enough wow it was a crazy story incredible so shout out to MGK for
00:19:15
the sweater that was very nice so we want to apologize to Abu Dhabi sorry about that guys who do guys sorry about
00:19:21
that guys Abu Dhabi Abu Dhabi and I know you guys are mad but there's nothing we can do there's no way we're going to put
00:19:26
our boy in je I was not allowed to [ __ ] fly I mean what what's going on did we get something so we got something
00:19:32
let's let's see what we got here give it to me yeah this is straight from uh UAE oh
00:19:38
no oh no is this real yeah this is this is bad Bobby Blue Cho this episode is
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00:22:26
badri we're wanted did
00:22:32
alive I can read it who made that wanted by the United Arab Emirates I I know you
00:22:37
let me read whoa you have to read this wow this is this this is serious huh this is [ __ ] wanted by United Arab
00:22:44
Emirates bbby and Andrew Santino no call no show no call no show being stupid
00:22:51
American disrespectful Behavior show your anus to anyone with eyes show your anus to anyone with eyes cancellation
00:22:58
nor FK Virginia appears in 2023 don't turn off less successful
00:23:03
podcast to focus all your energy on the ones people are actually watching sexual harassment in the workplace no giving
00:23:10
caros to the FBI no giving fancy B to ice wow wow anyway uh thank you thank
00:23:17
you to the Fine people of Delta Airlines for being a bad friend and taking care of me I really appreciate it thank you
00:23:23
shout out Dr Warren down in Orange County hey Dr Warren thanks thanks for your help Dr Warren thank you and Delta
00:23:29
thank you shout out Delta they killed it unlike that girl who got mad this past week at Delta did you see that thing but
00:23:35
but did you she's like screw you Delta I missed my best friend's wedding did you it's like you missed the flight know how
00:23:41
you got it did I know how I got bug yeah through food or through so I went to the
00:23:47
Urgent Care yeah and I went to my doctor doctor I went to both cuz I was that scared because dude on day three I lost
00:23:53
six PBS in one day wow and I went to Urgent Care cuz I was concerned I couldn't think right I was like you know
00:24:00
and he was like is there blood can are you incoherent or have you passed out again I said no no no he goes good you
00:24:06
don't need to go to the emergency room okay but he goes we'd have to take a stool sample to find out what it really is but he's like there's been a lot of these things going around where people
00:24:12
are catching these bugs these flu like symptomatic bugs and it rushes through
00:24:17
your system and then it but do you get do you do you get it by just eating or do you get it by talking to people like how do you get here he doesn't know my
00:24:24
bad my bad but I took the flu I just don't want it but I took the flu test the covid test I took all the tests nothing wow couldn't explain it
00:24:32
but he was like this is not the first time I've seen this he's like I've seen people this is not this is I've seen people get these stomach things in the
00:24:38
last couple of months I don't even know what it is he's like could be something that's new in Nashville that hasn't made it back here yet he's like you I have no
00:24:44
idea wow yeah it's crazy but no I don't think it's that contagious because no
00:24:50
one I was hanging out with you know yeah Zack uh um uh Zack Townsen who opened
00:24:58
the show fine Court M fine Court did it too yeah love those guys're fine they're fine
00:25:04
yeah so well I'll tell you something I realized I went to I went to Tony H H
00:25:10
Hing Cliff show at the Forum oh yeah how was that yeah packed was it was incredible yeah thousands like 10 15
00:25:18
thousand people that's why he canceled on us he did oh yeah oh yeah well you know people on the internet go after him
00:25:23
but uh oh here we go here we go here we go jel batov
00:25:30
hey hey Joel I'm here with Andrew Santino you're on bad friends what's going on hey buddy hey
00:25:36
buddy I just want to ask you a question is that cool sure and if you don't want this on the internet that's fine we can cut it out but um so Andrew played your
00:25:43
Club at standup live we love the club by the way it's one of the best comedy clubs in America that's
00:25:50
right okay and Andrew Andrew I do we both I
00:25:55
mean I did I did I make you happy with the shows or Oh no you're incredible
00:26:01
both of you were great we all sold out right oh absolutely yeah it's interesting that Andrew
00:26:07
got um your air what is it Apple airpods M airpods
00:26:13
headphones go ahead what did you get oh yeah you got me shoes yeah badass
00:26:20
shoes you [ __ ] spoiled Brett hang up the phone Joel I'm so sorry Joel I
00:26:26
forgot Joel I'm so sorry I forgot [ __ ] you oh [ __ ] I'm so sorry I love you Joel apologize apologize we'll play next year
00:26:35
Andrew yeah they were Golden Goose oh my Sho oh I know they were good shoes he's
00:26:40
a [ __ ] [ __ ] he said you didn't get him anything jel have a good day bye gu bye
00:26:46
dude wait okay you're first of all you're such a [ __ ] [ __ ] this is
00:26:52
exactly oh my God I [ __ ] forgot this feels so right this feels feels so right no it feels so right yeah you're right
00:26:58
he bought me these $850 pair of shoes [ __ ] you and I've been wearing them and then but I forgot so I'm like I wear
00:27:06
where I got these shoes such a piece of [ __ ] and now I connected so anyway okay
00:27:11
you happy now I feel so embarrass okay so to make it even you have to let me piss on those shoes and throw them away
00:27:18
you have let me okay did you get fomo from the Netflix luncheon
00:27:26
photo it's funny you say that I almost texted you about it because I edited myself in I have a photo of of
00:27:33
you in it yeah I'm in it show me the Netflix lunch in photo you w invited no we weren't no we weren't you were
00:27:38
invited to do the the show this is just for people who did the no no no that's
00:27:43
you know that's funny because let me say something okay all right I've been doing my investigation yeah and I've been
00:27:49
doing my homework that is not correct why not there are people there that didn't have anything to do with any shows yeah
00:27:56
well case some point no go to the left he didn't do anything he probably did
00:28:02
Eric Griffin I called Eric I go hey bud I I saw the photo I go hey I go hey bud
00:28:08
I didn't know well he he brushes Matt R's hair at
00:28:14
night oh that's so funny yeah yeah I go hey but I didn't did you do any Netflix shows he goes no man they just I just
00:28:20
went to the the lunch no yeah so now I mean Paulie's there celebrating next to Jimmy Carr there's some really good
00:28:25
people there Shang Wang some hu D dude here's what here's let see yeah
00:28:31
everyone's there and here's and look at that Cher in the pool next to next to Ted Sandos yeah no this is this is a fun
00:28:37
photo it's a great I'll tell you why I have fomo yeah you because everyone in that photo are people that either know
00:28:43
or I completely respect and it's like I'm like you know one day maybe I'll
00:28:49
go now how did you feel when you saw it be real if do you want me because I've talked to Esther about it and you know I
00:28:56
mean she's fomo oh yeah yeah yeah I um I think you know me well enough to know
00:29:01
better I think everybody in this room know I couldn't [ __ ] care less this means nothing why who cares this is so
00:29:08
meaningless meaningless to me this is funny a zoo in China has been accused of dying dogs black and white to look like
00:29:14
pandas brilliant that's what they do in Mexico is that brilliant that's so brilliant well the dogs are all
00:29:21
gone this is the save this is the save the dogs this is the save the dogs campaign they got to pull them off the
00:29:26
streets and so they had to put them these dogs the dogs couldn't roam around the streets of China so they had to put
00:29:32
them somewhere dog eating joke I got it I just got it I got it
00:29:38
yeah yeah a zoo in China has painted it's so funny to paint that dog actually I would love a panda dog dude those are
00:29:44
so cute I would 100% buy a panda dog dye that thing permanent yeah what is that Hell's Angels having
00:29:51
homoerotic all right anyway no this is so interesting do you know about this there's a bunch of
00:29:57
photos that are going on the internet that have been like revived from Hell's Angels La division right aren't these Los Angeles Hell's Angels these West
00:30:04
Coast Los Angeles Hell's Angels they would make out with other Angels like this look at that guy yeah yeah and they
00:30:10
did it to to what is it display of a comfortability in their own masculinity
00:30:15
and if other people got uncomfortable they would beat the [ __ ] out of them and kill them that's why I do it no it's not
00:30:21
no honestly last yeah no you guys do it cuz you're gay no no I'm no I'm I'll do it right now to I'll do it right now to
00:30:27
do it no no you no dude you just hit that's I got to [ __ ] listen Okay no
00:30:33
this is cuz you're gay no it's not because I'm G no check it out dude these guys do it because they want to start a fight they're looking to fight so at
00:30:41
Tony show Hing Club show right I went I bet you a lot of this [ __ ] was going on at Tony show yeah I I I I I went and
00:30:47
gave Hans Kim an award what was it to induct him in the uh Tony Hall of Fame whatever so I
00:30:54
walked up with the award and I I see um congratul [Laughter]
00:31:00
they had to get you to give it to him yeah yeah and I see um Dr Phil to my left Adam right yeah in front of the big
00:31:07
crowd and he stood up and I stood up and we just kissed on the lips you and Adam
00:31:13
Dr Phil sorry yeah Dr Phil and there's a there's a sense of like it seems cool to
00:31:20
whom to us like we're so above it almost like this is like we see past you know
00:31:26
what I mean how far does it go that's it okay all right then last night I'm just saying last night I was at the
00:31:32
[ __ ] um Josh Adam Meers was at the [ __ ] uh his show another gay kissy show yeah and um I went I so I do my set
00:31:42
and then he came out to sing a song with du what yeah and then during the song we just looked at each other and we kissed
00:31:48
twice on the lips see I think this is gay [ __ ] it's not g it's not gay it's not gay it's like we're artartsy we're
00:31:55
above it but see people use art as a distraction funny dude no I relate
00:32:00
that's what right do you right do you understand what I'm saying oh yeah yeah come here right now this is some Catholic School yeah come here right now
00:32:06
yeah this is repression this is repression is what this is you guys are
00:32:11
it's like this it's like yeah it's for the laughs yeah for the look he wants more get out of here get out of here
00:32:18
dude God I don't want I just don't get it have I done it with you no I've kissed you on the lips before on the
00:32:23
cheek we kiss you I'll kiss you on the cheek on the lips no yeah yeah he's yeah you've done lips for the gag you you've
00:32:31
done it to act artsy we did it Hive at one of the
00:32:37
[ __ ] gigs right and you looked at me and you you were in one of those like Botti moods you're like I'm R brand
00:32:44
whatever and you were like you looked at you locked my eyes when we did it and then you kind of went yeah that was cool
00:32:49
that's what they're doing [ __ ] you the rest of the country is right we are weirdo lunatics yeah West Coast it's
00:32:56
like when David Bowie and [ __ ] Lou Reed and MC Jagger used to kiss on the lips right they gay that's not they're
00:33:01
not gay they're [ __ ] artsy dude art is gay CBGB art is gay right we just you
00:33:07
know art is gay yeah the album below we were in Germany IG and David they were
00:33:13
in Germany together be [ __ ] that looks like uh I love it dude I wish I was a Hell's Angel back then that looks like
00:33:18
me and and Raj Sharma yeah you and moam yeah me and
00:33:25
moam and and why is Daniel Stern watching over yeah yeah it's [ __ ]
00:33:30
nuts dude Rick lman Rick lassman's there but what's wild about this it would start fights these guys would and they'd
00:33:35
fight to the death for some of these guys for criticizing the sexuality which is ironic because they also were
00:33:42
homophobic they would go beat the [ __ ] out of any minority black gay Jewish if
00:33:48
they felt so yeah I mean but they're to different things it's you're acting as
00:33:54
if they're they're completely two different things no hres Thompson wrote they can't stand it says Terry it blows their mind every time especially the
00:34:00
tongue bit the side of a photographer invariably whips Hell's Angels into a kissing frenzy so whenever there's a
00:34:05
someone taking photos they start kissing tongue that's what it says Hest Thompson wrote all about it and Hell's Angel is a
00:34:11
great book tongue have you done tongue Tong is not artsy I've done tongue once as all with who um uh a guy kissed me in
00:34:19
the back of an Uber and he took his tongue down my throat and I kissed back cuz I didn't want to be mean now you
00:34:24
know how girls feel exactly when they put when they put up with some [ __ ] creepo dude yeah I just had to put out
00:34:30
so that it wouldn't be awkward I went on a date with a girl from Los felis and at the end of the Daye I turn I go to kiss
00:34:38
and she went the Cobra and I you got Cobra I got Cobra dude you got
00:34:46
Cobra the Cobra whoa dude yeah and I kissed her cheek whoa
00:34:53
you know you know when you go in for a kiss guys we all done it we've all done it right yeah but but yeah yeah you you
00:34:59
have yeah but I mean I I rarely got in Cobra I think I only know never got Cobra Well I go in when I know it's
00:35:05
appropriate I thought sometimes my insects wrong but I got I think this is the right time obviously you were wrong
00:35:10
I was wrong where was it outside of the restaurant no it was dropping her off at at her house so you turn in the car so
00:35:16
I'm like had a great night she goes yeah me too we should do it again I go
00:35:21
yeah cob cob what did you say what do you then say after she doesn't give
00:35:28
you make it like a little oops have a good night oops oopsies oops Daisy you get out and open her door no have you
00:35:34
ever opened a door for a girl it's funny last night I was I was with a girl at dinner and then she goes you're not
00:35:40
going to open the door for me which I've never like I've never no one's ever asked it's like a real white thing yeah
00:35:47
really was it a white chick yeah oh you got to do it white people love it white girls like stuff like that yeah that
00:35:53
reminds I want I'm going to write it down so what else do whites like white girls what do whes like yeah they like
00:35:59
when you hold the door for them I already got pumpkin skatt spray yeah any kind any kind of Latt spray in my car
00:36:04
when I go on a date so pumpkin spres they like the door open flowers any flower but you could pick a flower off
00:36:09
the [ __ ] side of the road they love it they don't care Platinum cards no they don't care as long as you're paying okay whatever card yeah
00:36:16
whatever card doesn't matter whatever card you need money though you not got to have money you got to have money they
00:36:21
love a good deal they love like thrifting so they love like they they like Chic thrifting so I go to oh my God
00:36:27
you want to get some real good white [ __ ] go to a farmers market I went to one with them that's where all the girls are yeah and we got granola oh they love
00:36:33
that they love granola D they buy their own honey and [ __ ] like that they're really into that coconut yogurt yeah yes
00:36:41
chicks [ __ ] like farmers market right yeah uh what else aloe you know what aloe is yeah don't talk to me like
00:36:48
that what is it it's workout gear okay aloe work it's
00:36:54
like uh it's like Lululemon lemon okay okay but the aloe is like the new [ __ ] it's like more is it really a workout GE
00:36:59
Al look it up it's popular as [ __ ] I see it all the time alo alo they like it's like a hip you know yeah they love
00:37:06
Pilates go hang out outside of a pilates class what fisting huh fisting fisting I
00:37:11
think you're going to get less than 1% a pound I mean a pound oh they love that the word wrong but Alo so and they love
00:37:18
Palm Springs that's why people love Palm Springs the location they just like to
00:37:24
go out there the desert I don't even know what the [ __ ] they do they love they just go take a a picture in front of that sign that says drugs at that
00:37:29
hotel that every girl like look at the [ __ ] look at Palm Springs drug sign watch this look how many [ __ ] white girls are below this thing yeah that
00:37:35
[ __ ] dumb sign whatever it is whatever hotel that is they look like dolphins yeah I noticed they love
00:37:41
Dolphins they love Dolphins dude I dated four girls in my life with Dolphin P tattoos shut the [ __ ] up where are they
00:37:49
they're like either in the back or like on the shoulder really they're just really smart creatures right and they're
00:37:55
just like sentient beings so are pigs pigs I know exactly get a pig back there you cuz you look like a pig anyway oh my
00:38:01
God that's too much that's too much that's too much get a pig tattoo though but i' actually respect it second
00:38:07
smartest animal on the planet next to humans who says we're the smartest on this [ __ ] planet disagree with that cuz I saw that documentary I don't know
00:38:13
the Cove I side doph I side with the poachers I side with the poachers yeah
00:38:21
me too I'm a dolphin right I see a bay it's filled with Dolphin blood yeah all
00:38:27
right it's just eyeball dolphin eyeballs floating around yeah and he's like
00:38:32
there's a part Rave there's a rave you know what I mean if I'm in the alleyway and I see a a human hand I'm
00:38:40
not going to walk down the alleyway hello it's not even a bit I'm not doing it sounds like a comedy bit I'm doing I would never do it's a good bit it's a
00:38:47
good bit and it's true are they smart they're they're apparently they're second to us but which means nothing cuz
00:38:53
look at how dumb we are exactly that's what I'm saying cuz we love self destruction huh we're the number one at
00:38:59
Destro I otters are smart complex problems solving and understanding abstract situations so they understand
00:39:04
they kiss but for the art for the art yeah not they like for the art yeah yeah yeah
00:39:11
yeah um it's not gay it's just you know why it's okay if it's gay you're gay it's fine I love gay yeah I know I love
00:39:18
Gay I love not only are they adorable they're also incredibly intelligent have unique adaptations SE ERS are
00:39:24
intelligent see see ERS because they can also build [ __ ] you know why they're so smart they're ugly they're [ __ ]
00:39:31
hideous looking ot are the cutest Cre what the [ __ ] are you talking about SE are ugly they know they got to be smart when they're that [ __ ] ugly let see
00:39:38
see otter bro cute as what are you talking about got a good photo have a Hitler [ __ ] mustache that's a good photo
00:39:45
look at that look at dude bro I want one I know exactly D those are great they're so they're great
00:39:51
look at that I'll tell you what's funny we had raccoons in the backyard for so long and raccoons they're little
00:39:57
[ __ ] but they're so cute dude what what's going on don't even get me
00:40:03
started with raccoons right now don't you get me started don't get me [ __ ] started with r I have I have six rat
00:40:09
traps set up in my backyard the biggest ones I can find to try to catch one of these [ __ ] I'm not right now in my driveway guess what's on it coons
00:40:15
baby no kungpow chicken kungpow chicken kungpow chicken oh okay I thought you
00:40:21
meant like Kung like you made it all right so I went to um um Cohen what's his name genas Cohen genas Cohen I love
00:40:27
that PL right and I got three dishes yeah beef and broccoli sweet and sour
00:40:32
pork got white rice yes and I got kungpow chicken yeah so right so I'm eating you know what I do over I I over
00:40:40
order you take one bite of each and you throw it away right so I'm like oh [ __ ] I want to [ __ ] with this Kow chicken but
00:40:46
if I put in the fridge it'll be there for nine months at least yeah yeah so I go I'm just going to keep it in the box
00:40:52
and stick it in a trash you know the trash bag put it in the trash bro
00:40:57
all over my oh yeah you did that and I want clean it you knew about it they clean it they ate what they needed and then
00:41:04
they're done and then come back tonight tomorrow night and come clean up did they knock over the can or they just open the lid they somehow climb on top
00:41:10
of it I've seen them open it up and they can balance like circus solay [ __ ] yeah it's amazing right and they can get the kuma out yeah yeah wow no it's
00:41:17
incredible I've seen some of their their skills are incredible but if is it illegal to murder one no we looked it up
00:41:23
you can catch him but you're not supposed to kill him but if you do kill him who's going to know throw it in the LA River but they're so cute too some of
00:41:31
them for sure yeah you can kill it any time day or night in any legal manner hey is that what it says yeah if it's
00:41:37
causing property damage you can kill it is eating Kuma chicken property damage yes okay then I'm going to I don't want
00:41:42
to kill I can't kill that but I don't know I don't know if that's eating if that's it's not like ripping up your
00:41:48
lawn or anything it's not doing anything yeah I know what I'm going to do imagine that Bobby has to go to court for
00:41:53
killing a raccoon you can use a lethal body grip trap that will snap its neck
00:41:58
or you can shoot it don't attempt to poison it why you wind up with bigger problems on your
00:42:06
hands a CO2 chamber that sounds like a mafia threat you're GNA you're going to try to
00:42:12
[ __ ] poison me and the other boys you're going to end up with a bigger problem than you ever [ __ ] wish all right Morgan and Morgan oh my God you've
00:42:21
been in accidents ow ow ow what happened I just got into an accident I hit you ow why would you hit me yeah what are you
00:42:26
going to do now I'm going to call Morgan and Morgan pal you know why because they're America's largest injury Law
00:42:31
Firm they have over 100 offices Nationwide and more than a thousand lawyers you're done for pal Morgan
00:42:37
Morgan is America's largest injury laer is that what you're saying that's what I'm saying to you over 100 officers Nationwide and more than 100,000 lawyers
00:42:43
more than a thousand lawyers with over 20 billion recovered from over 500,000 clients Morgan Morgan has a proven track
00:42:49
record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation you know what you know what dude what dude walking the entire
00:42:54
Wall of China is hard yeah submitting an injury claim with Morgan and Morgan is easy yeah I got one understanding what
00:43:00
Terrence Howard is talking about is hard submitting an injury claim with Morgan Morgan is easy if you're ever injured
00:43:07
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00:43:28
Ming Ming Ming has been you know I bought a brand new couch oh my God
00:43:35
please tell me Ming ruined your couch not just ruin it she and I'm going have to take her to the hospital how much was that
00:43:41
couch 105,000 $15,000 and the cat [ __ ] ruined it not just ruin it she
00:43:47
pees and then there's blood in her pee why she's dying no I think she has a UTI
00:43:54
or something just like her papa yeah yeah yeah and so I put down Saran wrap
00:43:59
on the couch yeah what you my grandmother that's so funny like Saran and wrapped the furniture I come in the
00:44:05
morning I see pockets of pee and blood on my new couch I catch it with
00:44:13
the San why don't you just put her in a room like I can't cuz she's a free she's a free she's a free bird she's a free
00:44:19
bird dude and she's half black half white she's free she's like Obama yeah
00:44:25
which does she identify she white passing or black passing she's definitely white she's white passing yeah yeah yeah right until she needs to
00:44:32
use that she like this as if she was like a human right like hi I'm in but then around other black cats does she
00:44:37
like yeah she gets into character what's up I'm a cat yeah meow [ __ ] [ __ ] yeah me ow [ __ ] me
00:44:45
[ __ ] that could also be its Asian name me ow me ow so here check this out I
00:44:52
bought they delivered it so I bought this stuff called Nature's Miracle
00:44:57
Advanced Platinum no more marking potty trainer for indoor what is it I bought two bottles
00:45:03
of it I don't know what it is it just drinks it no and I'm going to spray it all over my couch oh so ruin the couch
00:45:08
more yeah yeah I I don't care right at this point because and you're going to think this is a joke you're going to
00:45:14
think this a joke I swear to God I'm my mother's life this happened yeah
00:45:21
okay a week ago I was with a girl on my new couch hooking up we were making out
00:45:28
hell yeah all right and she rolled on not just the pee but she had poo two
00:45:33
poos in there cute right and so when she got up I could see the Poo stuck to her [ __ ] t-shirt right and I I I I you
00:45:41
know I saw hey was you know what I mean let's go to the bedroom and I knocked him off with my hand and we went to the [ __ ] because I know how do you say
00:45:48
there's poo on you it ruins the vibe yeah it ruins the vibe I think I think I don't know right and I knocked it off
00:45:54
and I still haven't hung out with her since she doesn't know though she doesn't know she does know I think when
00:46:00
I dropped her off she probably looked at her shirt and goes why is there you know mean imagine she was embarassed she's like I went over to the guy's house with
00:46:06
poop on my shirt she didn't know it came from your house oh [ __ ] she could have thought she brought poop I could have
00:46:12
just blamed her like hey [ __ ] [ __ ] don't come over my wash your [ __ ] shirt why you have cat pee and poo on
00:46:17
your back [ __ ] [ __ ] shirt dude you so I I don't think as quick as you spin it dude dud I have to spin those situations
00:46:23
you have to be like get your [ __ ] shirt off my couch yeah it's like like I used to when I was a kid me and my friend
00:46:29
Brian Bradley we used to steal weed from this guy's house right yeah and after we would steal it cuz we knew we went to
00:46:35
this dude went to work and we when he would come back from work we would go to his house and buy weed from
00:46:41
him you'd steal it then buy it yeah we'd still and buy he goes and he would go look and he'd freak out like oh my
00:46:47
weed's gone you're like well we'll pay you for some yeah and we go let's let us help you cuz if you're that guy yeah
00:46:54
right then you don't think that they're that people no why would they steal from me they just bought for me yeah it's actually brilliant that's I should do
00:46:59
that with the cat PE poo thing you 100% spin it on him a little spin it you got to spin it dude one time I pretended to
00:47:05
roll up a joint from this girl's weed at her birthday party when we were in England we went to like a random house party yeah and my buddy Travis was like
00:47:11
rolling up the weed and the British guy was like here you go here's our tin roll up you know you guys know how to roll up
00:47:17
and he gave him like the whole tin of weed yeah and Travis looked at me I was like so get the [ __ ] out of here we stoked our tin of weed and we walked out
00:47:24
wow so mean wow yeah yeah and they were looking for you it was a party he thought he was like cuz he was like he
00:47:30
was like the cool American guys roll up a blunt what would you do we went to your party Carlos and we stole a tin of
00:47:36
weed from here if you guys literally did no just we no my name is uh Marcos maros
00:47:43
maros we're from Spain and I'm Wilfred I'm from Sweden I feel like I'd be legitimately
00:47:49
really upset oh what you going to do about I'm Marco I'm from Sweden TOS yeah I need my I need my the same country why
00:47:58
do we have to be from a different country well you don't know how to do accents I know but I want to be okay you're from Sweden yeah yeah I'm Mar I'm
00:48:05
a maros for Sweden I'm a maros for Sweden and I need my weed back I'm addicted no we're not done we no this is
00:48:10
what we walk in just let us do that Marco I Marco no
00:48:17
you are Marco what I'm a willfred you're a Marcos I'm a mar for of Sweden hey man
00:48:23
you got any bad for us to smoke you have the Cockroach for us no yeah
00:48:29
here's oh is that ctin if your marijuana lot of marijuana no can we take it outside with us can we take a really no
00:48:36
do do it right here oh hold on look oh good good you get him to look the
00:48:45
other way yeah you have to do that right look over there so if you're if you're at home and if you're going to steal weed from somebody just do the whole
00:48:51
look over there and that never worked I don't think look over there yeah look yeah and
00:48:57
then we would have to run I bet you look over there does work what is that oh look what is that and then you just walk
00:49:03
away with the weed casually say what it is what is that uh
00:49:10
ghost too F too slow yeah what is that what is that is that a crack in the foundation of the home getting to really
00:49:17
start looking yeah yeah your lamp fixure is on fire well no it have to be on fire then for it to be real oh [ __ ] right it
00:49:23
looks crooked something do a small meticulous give me another yeah small detail yeah dude is that black mold on
00:49:30
your tile on your Sky tile yeah yeah yeah yeah there's a hole in that grout
00:49:36
in the corner there's a I want to create my own though please yeah is that grass growing inside your living room it's not
00:49:43
they take two seconds to look and then they're like no oh how about this I like your rug where'd you get
00:49:49
that West Elm that now but they're still looking at you oh [ __ ] I I'm not good at
00:49:54
it no I'm not good at stuff like that try to look over there look over there
00:49:59
there we go gone gone okay anyway don't steal weed don't steal weed you know what steal it steal it yeah yeah who
00:50:08
cares now you can just go to the store and buy it there's way too many stores that sell weed by the way there was a weed store next to the Home Depot and I
00:50:14
was like okay you know what's crazy the accessib is it for I I know it's like really but the accessibility of
00:50:20
mushrooms now oh yeah they're everywhere it's just laying last night the ComEd are just laying around big bags well you
00:50:26
know what how is so I get mushrooms every time I go to The Comedy Store and our friend Carol that hooks us up that we love from New Tropics and I I have a
00:50:34
basket of party I have a party drug basket at my house so when people come over I always have weed for people
00:50:40
mushrooms I've never seen this you're not invited I don't show it to you okay okay for very obvious reasons yeah I was
00:50:47
just trying to think of what when you were so when you were not sober I definitely didn't want to show it to you that bumps me out well because you would
00:50:53
consume at a rate that was probably dangerous I know I just thought that maybe we could add had a fun night yeah but like together you just go too far
00:51:01
yeah but like if you went too far with me that could be fun once yeah I mean I've been [ __ ] up
00:51:06
with you Carlos I know we should just do it we part no we're not going to part you're sober I know I know I know no more I know I party with you no more we
00:51:14
can't reminisce on no enticing why can't I cuz that's against the [ __ ] rules party together dude no more party stuff
00:51:20
I have a basket of drugs at my house and when the movers came to move us the guy was like Hey I'm so sorry I can't
00:51:26
legally move drugs no my wife is like what are you talking about he's like there's a basket in a laundry room that's filled
00:51:32
with drugs no yeah we have it for when people come over for parties wow because when I have people come over I'm always
00:51:38
like here here's drugs if you want them you know wow it's a courtesy it's a nice thing when am I when am I it's kind of
00:51:45
rude I know you've been sick but you invited me over to your no one's come over to my house I just moved in I
00:51:51
literally just moved in am I going to have a house party yeah
00:51:56
you guys got the invite didn't you mhm yeah I didn't get anything you didn't get anything no the joke was that I know
00:52:03
and I was doing a SE I know it wasn't working yeah when you do offshoot jokes
00:52:09
doing an off I was doing off isn't that interesting how far he's fallen he's fallen so bad that's you fallen far your
00:52:14
instincts are wrong it was an offshoot okay then I don't even no no whoa dude I
00:52:20
don't even I don't even understood the joke I think you just said that I understood no I when I
00:52:28
was get your mind together dude you can't fool a fooler you can't fool a
00:52:33
fooler you can't fool a fooler right damn it yeah you by the way this is Stolen Valor you're trying to act fooler
00:52:41
you're not a fooler Bud Stolen Valor you're not a fooler yeah don't fool a fooler that's a real [ __ ] fool right
00:52:47
here jonov AR's Valor this is a grade A [ __ ] fool head you're not fool in a fool head pal my bad I'm I'm foolish
00:52:53
beyond my ears Beyond yeah yeah yeah it's like Infinity foolishness oh my God
00:53:00
speaking of which before we go any further yeah did we watch Terrence Howard on Joe Rogan no everyone in this [ __ ] room
00:53:08
has an assignment you need to go home and watch this entire interview it would it's going to blow your [ __ ] mind is
00:53:16
Terence good better than good buddy better than good he's going he goes off
00:53:22
he goes ham Sam he's like the he is like a neuroscientific Cat Cat Williams wow
00:53:28
he's gone he's gone it's [ __ ] awesome yeah yeah he's loopy poopy look up one
00:53:35
[ __ ] clip of this guy I can't wait remember they have a thing called
00:53:40
zero they they they go from one to zero to negative one there is no zero to even
00:53:48
hold on the guy that got fired from Iron Man the amount of times I've sat in a
00:53:55
garage in high school yeah getting stoned out of my [ __ ] mind and heard this in the background and then had to go I got to
00:54:02
get back to my mom's house yeah yeah like the amount of times high in a garage in high school get an Xbox that's what I do this but this is seriously
00:54:09
this conversation is happening right now in someone's garage yeah right now one guy's going the magnetism was never
00:54:15
stood still and then that's me too high going I got to go back to my mom's house I got to go get a gatorade at the gas
00:54:21
station and go back to my mom or or was one guy going yeah dude yeah not paying attention at all doesn't know what the
00:54:27
[ __ ] he just said go I get it by the way this is how wonky this [ __ ] is go halfway go halfway down go halfway just
00:54:33
in the middle and now listen to where he's at now go ahead there I don't need anything else because they just they
00:54:39
didn't want me to go and talk about this and that's why I went out there and said hey pull out your
00:54:45
calculator wow what the [ __ ] are we talking about w wow wow W pull out your calculator you listen to the whole thing
00:54:51
it's it's it's it's you know it's like it's like it's what I imagine reading the Bible would be like wow it's eating
00:54:58
the thickest pie of chocolate cake it's annoying as [ __ ] I could I couldn't stop listening to it yeah I was like what in
00:55:03
the [ __ ] the first recorded zero appeared in Mesopotamia around 3 BC the Mayans invented it independently Circ at
00:55:09
4 ad he would have a Twist on this okay okay okay I want to be real for a second
00:55:15
let's can we just I'm a lay person ditto excuse me I just said ditto you [ __ ]
00:55:21
[ __ ] okay that's an agreeance I'm saying me too okay let's have it
00:55:28
anyway touche my friend by the way how far away is this show from that
00:55:33
show full opposite no I'm a peasant okay yeah same I'm a lay person and I don't I
00:55:39
don't know what the [ __ ] that means so what does that mean what does what mean how is zero invented in Mesopotamia I
00:55:45
think zero was something that was just like always a part of no he's saying zero is public they're saying it was publicly recognized as a thing that
00:55:51
Mayan's used but is as calculation
00:55:56
they had to the idea of zero is something that's just a truth no now you're Terrence
00:56:02
Howard now you're Terence what I'm saying is that there's a caveman right one caveman had three sticks yeah I
00:56:09
don't know what they collected rocks rocks and one caveman didn't have any that's zero well they killed that guy
00:56:15
you had nothing oh you killed the guy with the zero zero is dead right if you had nothing you die all right am I okay
00:56:22
I guess you're not wrong no explain it to me man what do was the talking about when they they started to recognize zero
00:56:29
as a numerical identification of nothing so there was a point in time that that no one really knew that there's a point
00:56:36
in time when I'm sure it wasn't communicated clearly okay it's like gravity it existed before people knew what it was I know but that's that's my
00:56:43
point existed though look at that they use a blank at first they use a blank space to indicate nothing as a value and
00:56:49
when that grew confusing they began using a pair of angled wedges as a placeholder for Blank Space oh so the little circle of it yeah the symbol of
00:56:56
it yeah the symbol you mean the zero yeah yeah yeah zero and know physically
00:57:02
zero I'm so sorry maybe I'm like Dr am I drowning no no honestly am I drowning am
00:57:08
I tarded you're trying to figure out zero nobody it's okay yeah no they it's
00:57:13
uh yeah okay it's it's relatively new it's only it's only 3,000 years
00:57:20
old also God bless the guy for having a new
00:57:27
yeah God Bless America God bless Terence Howard um I it just he said he's going
00:57:32
to reinvent the periodic table wow he said it's he said it's vertical and it's through sound colors are sound wow
00:57:40
pretty cool I hope it all comes true I Googled when marriage became an institution it's 4,300 years ago yeah
00:57:48
it's been around for a long time yeah but what did they do before I know what they did what do you mean before marriage what did they do there was like
00:57:53
two there there were groups right tribes and like two or three alpha male dudes just pretty much [ __ ] everybody right
00:58:01
and then guys like me and Carlos and uh Andreas not yon I think you're one of the members we were just we were cucks
00:58:08
or something we jerked off in the watching you defin yeah for sure you're yeah historically you and another
00:58:14
Universe was cucking you guys were cucking fancy People Like Us invited invented a word you know what that word
00:58:22
is oh my God hey I can't put it I'm just saying
00:58:27
that's what happened I think yeah you need to watch it I want to watch it ca I think it'll help me go to sleep yeah
00:58:34
you're not going to retain any information yeah I don't think so what is this evil laugh competition oh [ __ ] I
00:58:41
would love to try you would crush all right let me hear
00:58:49
[Music] [Applause] [Laughter]
00:58:58
now these guys are all practicing what they're going to do after they shoot up the school yeah
00:59:05
yeah that one's pretty good Amic just pause it what did he say this is an
00:59:10
American thing no there's nerds all over the [ __ ] world look at you you
00:59:15
[ __ ] nerd this is this is just a different kind of nerd you're a you're a visual [ __ ] nerd these are sound
00:59:22
dorks you like [ __ ] cameras and all filming invite you to the party [ __ ]
00:59:27
yeah you wouldn't get invited you're not even invited to that party dude yeah cuz you'd have to you'd have to bring let's do it let's try a symbol you do one
00:59:33
first no you go first you wanted to try let me can I just I've never done it before let's hear one more I want to hear the last yeah I I want to see the
00:59:40
landscape of
00:59:46
it and they all want to [ __ ] that chick all these [Laughter]
00:59:53
[Music] nerds is this this is happening at a school what are they teaching these
00:59:59
[ __ ] [Applause] kids all right po all right let's hear
01:00:05
your evil laugh I'm trying it oh go ahead just practicing
01:00:12
[Laughter]
01:00:23
no no that's really good that was actually really [ __ ] good you would have won that whole thing you go no no I
01:00:31
want to I want to Envision I'm tied to we're knocked out I'm tied to a tree I'm in a forest right and you know what what
01:00:37
do they say whenever someone's like kidnapped their first words out of their mouth is always this hello
01:00:46
hello hello hello you know who I am no I'm one of
01:00:54
the Hell's Angels please don't kiss me oh I'm gonna kiss
01:00:59
you baby please don't kiss me I'm gonna kiss you so hard okay I'm like
01:01:08
G that's good yeah that's who wow that's good that's good right
01:01:15
yeah that's like different that's my little Hell's Angel yeah that's really good Kissy Kissy yeah all right I got to
01:01:21
get on my bike that's really good how funny Would you to H see hell's anger [ __ ] what [ __ ] and then kiss a guy
01:01:29
and then and then roll away well if they have the evil laugh there's other things they could probably do like climax
01:01:34
competition yeah evil climax uh how about not evil sad climax well that's
01:01:41
[ __ ] I can do that one every time okay do it oh that's
01:01:49
good I had a two yeah the first I think it's happening little half shot once it
01:01:55
happened nothing happen yeah yeah you know you know what fancy sounds like when he nuts oh would tell
01:02:01
me hi yeah yeah yeah what does my con sound
01:02:08
like ah I was glass in the tong Oh No Cap oh oh I gassed inside your
01:02:16
puss uh Gass inside your puss no cap on God when he comes on God gen Z coming oh
01:02:24
[ __ ] on God
01:02:29
your generation [ __ ] sucks sucks you're a bunch of [ __ ] losers yeah um thank you for being a bad friend
01:02:44
[Music]
01:02:55
a
