00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two
00:00:07
are disgusting oh you two or something we're bad friends andreas can you hear me right
00:00:13
now yes i can
00:00:20
we are going on a traveling adventure today i am going to be riding on a matchstick down a river i'm going to be in a
00:00:26
riverbed riding down on a matchstick and today i might eat a whole blade of grass
00:00:32
that's my andres yeah that's good is that good yeah i'm a latinx boy i come from a span and now i work
00:00:39
now i work for george for minimal amounts of pay george takes all my monies
00:00:45
you just sound like you know in every western there's like that seventh guy that's a mexican guy yeah we don't need to we don't need to
00:00:52
rob the bank tomorrow are we children are we sure it's gonna be safe yeah tonight we can dance and sing
00:00:58
and drink our whiskies you know i was thinking maybe i could kiss one of the girls yeah
00:01:04
i love that guy i love the good the bad and ugly ever seen that movie love good bad in the ugly what a good one such a good movie do you like movies
00:01:10
like that well i just like certain directors i like sergio leone okay yeah i like spaghetti his stuff but spaghetti western once
00:01:17
upon a time in uh uh in the west was great he directed that yep the good bad and the ugly he directed that really good
00:01:23
really good stuff do you like do you like jelly you like do you like do you like do you like
00:01:30
i gotta get in the mood bud it's not against you it's it's i gotta get the engine running so it's like me attacking you it's just i'm just
00:01:36
trying to get some vocal exercises done so i can get into the mood to do it right do you like do you like do you like
00:01:42
hey we don't need to rob the bank tomorrow compadre but um you know uh i'll tell you
00:01:49
something right now i'm in a funk i'll tell you why because um a couple of things number one something happened yesterday
00:01:55
in the house i'd like to talk about may i yeah of course may i haven't i haven't even
00:02:02
[Laughter] ow so um
00:02:08
there's some sabotage going in my house so the other day i i was writing something
00:02:14
on a piece of paper with a felt pen right and i asked jules i go hey jules
00:02:19
if i write on this paper will the felt pen seep in and and mark
00:02:24
the table of course it will yeah but she says
00:02:30
it's impossible why did you ask her i thought she was in school yeah she's used writing implements
00:02:36
before did you not take felt bleeding one-on-one you didn't take that so then um
00:02:41
yesterday i did it again i had a piece of paper and i just put i had to put some numbers down a code
00:02:47
it seeped in it marked the table right i don't use your phone because i i had to put in the code on
00:02:55
the phone you hit it on speakerphone and go to your notes oh i didn't think of that i always go to notes what what table did
00:03:00
you ruin the dining table yeah oh my god so then i so then i write i write it seeps in i
00:03:08
get yelled at by my girlfriend rightfully so right for lasalle and then i go to um
00:03:13
my girlfriend i go but [ __ ] you know she told me that it was okay and she goes no i didn't
00:03:21
i never i never said what do you have to say for yourself you have to say for yourself did you tell him it was okay i never
00:03:28
said that did you tell him it was okay did you tell him it was okay
00:03:33
no i said it might stay in the table and then he said no it's fine
00:03:40
who do you believe who do you believe let me close my eyes yeah say the arguments one more time so
00:03:46
rudy i'm gonna ask you without looking at you because i don't wanna influence you by looking at you okay did you tell tito bobby that it was
00:03:51
okay to draw on the table no i said the opposite time out you told him not to do it yeah bobby did
00:04:00
rudy tell you did you tell me and you're and i want to know what position you have and what side you're on because
00:04:06
it's going to really dictate the way our relationship is going that's a side note let's shoot it down to fancy
00:04:11
b fancy b who's guilty bobby oh boy okay well you know it's so
00:04:17
funny fancy b because yesterday no i mean no no it's so funny no no you just [ __ ] yourself
00:04:22
yourself because it's so funny that you say that because yesterday what you're on a zoom meeting with a bunch of guys that you
00:04:28
want to write a movie with me in it and get me get me involved now you're out uh oh bye i can't [ __ ]
00:04:34
believe you fancy bee wait a minute what movie are you guys writing we're writing a movie you're in it okay we're writing a movie together
00:04:40
you're in it all right can i uh do you have to understand where you are
00:04:45
well we're we think about your [ __ ] actions yeah i'm in rudy sorry buddy thank you
00:04:50
that's exactly right we have him down near uh but he's behind plexiglas i apologize by the way fancy b i
00:04:56
apologize i'll tell you why i apologize because he's viable to us he's viable not only that is um
00:05:01
you know this morning i had a discussion with my girlfriend and um you know david spade was on my podcast
00:05:08
saw it loved it great pod i'm dead serious great all right great
00:05:14
pod but he he said something um he goes nobody really basically just nobody really knows who
00:05:21
you are you're hard to get to know to you yeah and i'm like and then i kind
00:05:26
of been thinking about that and i realized yeah who am i you're having an existential crisis
00:05:32
i don't know who i am why i do what i do why i treat people the way i do oh this is great who did this david
00:05:38
spade did this yeah i think you did and now no and now no i'm being real so am i and so it's like i'm not really in
00:05:44
a funny mood i'm more in a crisis mode no you call it introspective it's very introspective right now yeah
00:05:50
you know you're thinking okay so let's say this yeah look at look at look at her look at her look at how [ __ ] sour she is
00:05:55
are you really pissed off no yeah are you thinking about the [ __ ] marker thing yeah sure yeah what did i tell you
00:06:02
because here's the thing you're right i'm i [ __ ] i'm the one that says it's impossible
00:06:08
and she said tito don't do that don't do it i did that right but when i got yelled at right i turned
00:06:13
to [ __ ] her and i said in front of my girlfriend i go didn't you tell me that i needed some backup
00:06:19
well i needed her to lie on my behalf do would you ever would you ever do that for him would you back him up yeah
00:06:25
but why didn't you do it and then one time you backed me up one time you've been living in my [ __ ] house for six months
00:06:32
when the when's the last time you back me up every time you back her up i always smack you when the kawaii said
00:06:38
yeah is he gonna be safe is he gonna be responsible i always say yeah that's a vague
00:06:44
you know that's a vague thing i want specific things next time next time i do something wrong
00:06:50
specifically a certain act that i did that i got in trouble for even if i'm in the wrong i need you to
00:06:55
back me up because that tells me that you're a part of the [ __ ] group yeah that tells me a part about the part
00:07:01
of the gang and also it gives it tells me a lot okay you got to back him up you got to back
00:07:06
me up you promise yeah all right say say repeat after me say i i
00:07:12
rudy jewels will always back up tito bobby we'll always back up peter
00:07:18
bobby even if it's a lie if it's a lie even if it's a lie and i get deported because of the lie
00:07:24
and i get deported because of the lie very good there we go that's great and that you have that's a that's called
00:07:29
in america baby that's called a verbal contract okay hey can i uh can i show you
00:07:34
something i'm very excited about this is for rudy baby listen up okay uh oh boy wrote a song for rudy wow
00:07:46
listen to this [Music]
00:07:51
rudy rudy you wanna be my girlfriend girlfriend
00:08:11
prescription i know what i'm first first no i ain't gonna change it up swear i'm loyal till it's done tell this where i'm from me for me
00:08:17
that's why i need your love gotta make me for you showing signs i'm looking up above you know i'm across the country
00:08:22
but i'll fly you hit us like a duck i'm only 17 but i'll be 18 in a couple months drunk off of your love but it's a
00:08:28
long time i'm 20 once my life gets where it should be i'mma give you the world an insane if you don't know what i mean by
00:08:33
you designer couple bans drugs hey julie juliana juliana
00:08:39
do you think of that you know she has 28 000 followers on instagram now
00:08:45
what yeah that's more than most of our friends i don't know and she's like she goes i don't care
00:08:51
it don't mean much to me do you engage with anybody yeah i talk to them when they talk about anime
00:08:58
[Laughter] i know yes i talk to them they talk to
00:09:04
me about anime yeah first of all how did you did you like that song or no it's nice do you but you don't you
00:09:11
haven't you have no interest in in that boy no okay based on the song she doesn't want to
00:09:16
date a robot based on the song what ethnicity is the person singing white
00:09:22
white no no no he's not he's a black dude that's a black guy that is it's a black
00:09:27
eye that's a black guy and you know what what shame on you for not knowing yeah don't know what i mean by you designer
00:09:34
couple bands trucks hey juliana i need you to make your what amazing swear to god that i'ma treat you
00:09:40
and i've never fell in love but once we meet i'm guaranteed to got a heart that stanley fix i got some flaws the woman's
00:09:46
lead you rudy rudy you wanna be my girlfriend girlfriend this is great do you wanna be my
00:09:54
girlfriend you don't wanna be that guy's girlfriend no he says so many you know what first of all he doesn't cuss he says he
00:10:00
wants to treat you better than you've ever been treated he says he lives across the country but he wants to get you a plane ticket to come
00:10:06
meet him where does he live i don't know he didn't say he just said i don't live i live across the country but i'll fly you out here
00:10:11
like a dove yeah yeah i listened to that song like 19 times in the shower this morning i listened to it that's weird
00:10:17
on loop oh it's a little weird i was just rudy
00:10:22
yeah but so rude also somebody on on her direct message goes i want her to
00:10:27
be my girlfriend so guys are hitting her up are you engaging in any of these guys that are trying to be your boyfriend or no
00:10:34
no yeah good you don't need any of that [ __ ] you don't need anything it's gross you focus on school and life right yeah
00:10:40
yeah she really is a really good girl i've she i i mean well how old are you know
00:10:46
18. when i was 18 oh my god piece of [ __ ] i was a piece of human garbage
00:10:52
same what a tur what a turd i didn't know who what was going on ever just was either
00:10:58
partying i didn't pay attention to anything yeah yeah i was just on drugs and drinking yeah yeah yeah you probably you you you
00:11:04
have a good keen mindset of what's going on who did joe biden pick as his running mate um
00:11:10
it's the black woman perfect no no [ __ ] that [ __ ] that give me the name or you're gonna make
00:11:16
our households look like [ __ ] i forgot you did yeah give her some
00:11:22
hints okay her first name starts with the k let's go last name h
00:11:31
all right i'll give you the first two initials of the first k-a last lightning h-a
00:11:39
kate yes kate kate yes he he
00:11:48
son yeah that's kate hanson kid hanson kate hanson very good very good let's
00:11:54
let's go let's let's this is very good so let's let's go with this yeah let's go with this all right so
00:12:01
what is the the current vice president's name
00:12:08
i don't know okay well we'll play start the game first initial right an m right last
00:12:14
right last initial p so go ahead uh uh mi is the first last pe
00:12:25
[Music]
00:12:34
[Music] [ __ ]
00:12:42
[Music]
00:12:50
yes arcanish it's marpinish is our [ __ ] vice president isn't this [ __ ] fun that's really good yeah
00:12:57
so so so the so the vice president that's running right now is what kate kate kate
00:13:16
that's who she that's who they are you should know our history you should know the current history yeah
00:13:21
let's go to the back in the time let's go back in time then let's go um who was the uh our very first president
00:13:28
the first president united states do you know who that was george washington oh you know that just comes out like [ __ ] forefathers
00:13:35
yeah do you know who's on mount rushmore no do you know who's on mount rushmore oh [ __ ] this is fun no
00:13:41
it's not he's gonna make me look like a fool i don't know either yeah you do i'm pretty sure you know no washington
00:13:48
jefferson lincoln fdr
00:13:54
theodore roosevelt yeah that's fda yeah yeah wait what no no john adams i think john
00:14:01
adams is on it yeah i think john adams is on it wait wait wait wait adams has to be on it who's on mount rushmore i'm dead serious
00:14:07
i don't know you know why lincoln's on it i said lincoln i said john adams
00:14:12
i said washington i said washington i said lincoln who did i say
00:14:19
oh [ __ ] did i say him all right there's wash jefferson i said that teddy roosevelt
00:14:25
and lincoln oh [ __ ] i didn't get i said fdr i meant teddy roosevelt i tell you that you didn't mean that no no i did i did all right all right
00:14:32
fdr was frank i look like a [ __ ] idiot no you don't give me another history question without even googling it i want
00:14:37
to see if i can get it uh declaration of independence when do we sign it oh [ __ ] you 17 18. 17
00:14:46
nope what is that 36 17 76 1776 deck of independence
00:14:52
was 1776 the fourth of july okay well i i know
00:14:58
questions like this i'll ask you a question now all right fine who produced the first four talking heads albums
00:15:04
uh mark paynish yes mark peters did and yeah and the
00:15:10
engineer was i think it was kate hanson said yeah she was good
00:15:15
she was so good yeah but you know i'm not oh ryan brian enough yeah what band was brian
00:15:21
eno in in the late 60s and early 70s beaters no skinos roxy music so i know information
00:15:28
like that i don't know that kind of stuff yeah i know i don't know historically because i was doing meth and falling asleep in in class when i was
00:15:36
her age that's really funny i didn't do math and i still didn't pay attention i was really so bad in school yeah that's not my
00:15:42
fault is it yeah it's it's funny it's like i have interests i have certain interests and i'll learn
00:15:48
about those interests yeah but if i'm not interested or it doesn't pertain to my life i don't feel like i need to
00:15:53
absorb that information it's just too hard for me to retain it if i don't care yeah it's like it's just [ __ ] they
00:15:59
gotta change just the high school curriculum well look it's important to probably know some history but i also think i don't
00:16:05
know if i why because it's nice to know where things what the past is right but if you have no interest in it
00:16:12
how does that pertain to your life though i think it's probably good to have like a general knowledge yeah i know what
00:16:18
generally what's going on okay so that's what i'm saying i think what we do is fine we don't have a i don't have a good i couldn't tell you
00:16:24
okay when was the civil war what year don't well i said i don't want to play this no but it's my point i don't know
00:16:30
it either yeah i don't know i know it was back then that's what i say yes back then back back then different clothes racist guys that's i
00:16:37
got that down yeah did you see the black did you see the real life clayton bixby on the news the black white
00:16:43
supremacist no for the grandsons of the kkk or i mean of the whatever well before we do that
00:16:49
tell me but i want to show you go ahead you haven't mentioned anything about my shirt i know i saw it you know what it is
00:16:57
no these are the first african-american astronauts no [ __ ] yeah can you name any of them
00:17:03
yeah right here frederick d gregory frederick and the gregory institute of harmonix
00:17:10
whoa yeah who else we got uh is that tony rock yeah and we got
00:17:19
john wayne's frank waynes oh the wayne's brothers it's the waynes you don't know oh those
00:17:26
the other ones yeah yeah ricardo wayne's are these really the first ones yeah that's what it says the first black astronauts in space
00:17:32
well it's funny because i saw this it says african-american astronauts and um when i saw this at a thrift store
00:17:38
i had to get it yeah because and because i wanted to learn but you haven't learned any of them i
00:17:44
know but but i know that they exist it's like saying you know they're a dwarf it's like says
00:17:50
oh i can't say it say it i'll get canceled no no no no no come on come on say it it's like saying you know
00:17:58
there's a drop dwarf running back for the minneapolis vikings what do you mean no
00:18:03
no there's not i'm just saying that's how i didn't know that there were african-american astronauts
00:18:11
that's how shocking it was to me right not that i i believe that everyone has a skill level i just had never heard of
00:18:17
one because nasa is ten old old nerdy white guys yeah in your mind you watch all the movies yeah but look at this this is
00:18:22
this is uh gion stewart blueford jr yeah that's one of the men on your shirt i imagine correct well maybe
00:18:28
that's him at the top isn't it thank you look at the very top by you look at the top by your channel by your chin by your chin dr guillon s
00:18:35
booth blufford yeah yeah yeah yeah dion stewart bluford yeah he's here he's at the top by your chin he's on top
00:18:41
yeah top guy yeah do you know do you know about him i knew a lot about him well what could you just
00:18:47
i could tell you about this close the window before okay i know he was born in philly [ __ ] you i don't know what are we gonna
00:18:54
show me what were you gonna show me no i wanted to show you the first i wanted to show you the black uh black white supremacist
00:18:59
you know remember that dave chappelle sketch um do you remember what i'm talking about
00:19:04
do you know what i'm talking about the black the black the black white supreme he was blind oh yeah yeah let's say their names alabama has some
00:19:10
opposition from about two dozen members and supporters of the sons of confederate veterans
00:19:15
regardless how the next person feel i'm not going to take my flag down if i got anything to do with it ain't no
00:19:21
monument going to come down daniel simms says he was adopted as a child my whole family is white
00:19:27
went to all white school grew up in all white neighborhoods my grandfather was white and he was the
00:19:33
main one that fought in this war here and he's taught me everything i know he explains how he'd feel if the statues
00:19:39
and flag were relocated it may make my blood boil if they just come up here and feel like they could just tear it down
00:19:45
i don't see me still living if they do that right there that monument ain't hurting nobody that moment ain't killing my soul it
00:19:51
ain't talking bad to nobody it ain't it ain't even racist but dunstan says she's confident her
00:19:57
group will be successful in getting the flag in mind i mean you can't blame the guy though
00:20:05
because he was growing up in a because if he grew up if he grew up in like an all black home you know like in you know then you would
00:20:12
think what happened in his life was he watching too many like you know movies this guy not watch any
00:20:19
movies right or maybe no movies yeah but because you're a product of your environment
00:20:25
this is definitely that it's that it's uh nurture over nature in this regard
00:20:32
raycon's great recon recon's my favorite wireless earbuds yes they are um they're slicker than the
00:20:38
other ones they're smooth they're tiny they're tiny they're compactable they're easy to go the case is beautiful it's
00:20:44
it just it looks better than all of the other ones i've seen it feels better also the way to switch songs and off
00:20:49
there's an actual button yeah there's an actual button right you know sometimes the the other ones have like bump up
00:20:55
yeah yeah no i want to know that i'm switching songs look these things are also half the price of most uh
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00:21:06
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00:21:11
um and you know what snoop dogg and cardi b cardi b and mike tyson all like it so
00:21:17
you know it's good all right yeah unlike the other earbuds that are expensive uh these things have the sound quality that the other ones do
00:21:24
without the expensive price tag it's the time to get the latest and greatest from raycon get 15
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00:21:35
favorite yeah we love them do you have a butthole yep well this ad
00:21:41
is for you right on dude andrew honestly dude i don't know how long i've
00:21:46
i lived without a bidet right for years for all my life same as soon as it got tushy
00:21:52
right it's changed the game buddy i know man i'm professional now yeah everyone was panicking about toilet paper during
00:21:57
covet not me i was touching it up at the house and we got one here at the office which is so nice and the other bidets are like
00:22:04
thousands and thousands of dollars toshi is very 79 you get oh my god a fancy bidet it's
00:22:11
really nice and it's easy to install we did it here at the office and if bobby and i can install something like this i swear to god you can too
00:22:17
uh it attaches the toilet it saves you tons of money no electrical or plumbing you don't have to mess with anything it
00:22:22
snaps right on twists also you know it comes with a 60-day risk-free guarantee
00:22:27
and a 12-month warranty dude an entire year millions of people are using the tushy to get cleaner in the basement go
00:22:34
to hellotushy.com bad friends to get ten percent off that's hellotushy.com bad friends
00:22:39
like my parents i don't know why but my parents had like these crazy racist ideas about things
00:22:46
and my brother and i were just like nah what like what would they say that would blow your mind
00:22:53
oh all vietnamese they deserve to die what's wrong i don't know i'm just
00:22:59
saying he would say crazy [ __ ] like that oh i know at the dinner table and you're like six and you're like i don't think
00:23:04
that's that's right or like you know if you're gay everybody's gonna die right yeah
00:23:11
i don't think that [ __ ] that's deserving of death you know you're a kid and you would lay in bed
00:23:17
and just think of all the things you and your brother talk about it would you guys sit up and yeah i'd be like stacey
00:23:23
um i don't know how you feel about being gay or whatever i'm not gay but i just don't think that they deserve to be dead do you right and my brother
00:23:30
no bob i don't bob bob i don't think they should be die because they're human beings and they have a heart
00:23:35
and they have a family that's exactly yeah but we would have our own little you know wow powwow did your mom feel that way
00:23:41
was she racist i mean she would say that if you don't you know marry korean i never meet your wife does your
00:23:49
does your mom so it's like that was as a kid but as we but then what i did was i went
00:23:54
all right i'll show you and i just did a bunch of drugs and stuff like that and so it got to the point where they were more
00:24:00
concerned if i was going to be alive or dead so they stopped like you know trying to
00:24:06
skew my mind or you know or mold me they're just like if he meets anybody
00:24:15
that's a miracle yeah right yeah if he is just walking around if you put one foot in front of honor
00:24:22
right yeah i'm happy with that right yeah so then it got to the point where they were like you know
00:24:27
and then later in life before my dad died they i made them vote for obama i know that's wild yeah they waited in
00:24:33
the livestream yeah but see but that he was do you think i'm gonna ask you a real question do you think if you never got through
00:24:39
drugs and you never had a tumultuous up like childhood do you think they you would be able to get through to them if you did
00:24:46
exactly what they wanted do you think you could have changed their opinions on things like that or do you think because of such chaos it like re-centered their
00:24:52
viewpoints on you i don't understand what you're saying because you were
00:24:58
because you were a drug addict it's because i'm a drug because they had such a hard time raising you yeah do you think that's why
00:25:04
they were more open to be yes that's what i'm saying so if you had done by the book they probably would have never been influenced by you
00:25:10
yeah if i was done by the books then i would i think they would be like um still trying to throw their ideas yeah
00:25:18
but i have to say drugs saved your life it i think it did drugs saved your life
00:25:23
in a weird way i think in many ways because i can't imagine um
00:25:28
because the way i think it [ __ ] my brain up where i behave in the way i behave you behaved like this before that didn't
00:25:34
you no you just think this was this was all posted i just think when i was a kid i don't think that this was the final product
00:25:40
that it was intended what was going to be what was it going to be i think it was more like um so i'm here to talk about your insurance
00:25:47
and this policy here is you know not really great for your i mean that's the kind of person i think i would have been maybe an insurance
00:25:53
salesman or you know i mean it's just a regular job yeah hey hey boy
00:25:59
you know clear up table number seven we got a party coming okay i could be that guy too just putting in
00:26:05
dishes and uh busboy yeah okay by the way you as a busboy at your age would be [ __ ] hysterical a busboy
00:26:11
at 48 years old not at 48. i know i wasn't one when i was 20. it was so hard i was a
00:26:16
busbo when i was 20 as well it was hard where'd you bus brockton villa it's the only restaurant i've ever worked in promoted
00:26:22
as a uh yeah as a waiter yeah but that's a nice restaurant dude in the mornings though it's like
00:26:27
the busiest restaurant no but you made good money i mean right not as a buster or maybe 40 50 bucks a
00:26:33
shift i bust at outback steakhouse okay why do you have to do an accident and i'll be i had to go i clean your tables
00:26:39
mike yeah they go i go would you like another shrimp from the baby i had to bust it out backstage house
00:26:45
because they wouldn't give me a serving job yeah that's what i got they were like now we have we don't have any positions available
00:26:52
you can be a busboy so i bust and wash dishes i also remember i don't know how i got there i don't know how i got the job
00:26:58
but i remember i was at like a congress person i don't know what congresswoman
00:27:03
it was what do you mean someone who was in congress you worked for them no i was there was a banquet
00:27:09
i don't i don't because i i just vividly remember yeah and i remember this guy going i was
00:27:15
wearing like some weird like valet kind of a costume were you a valet no i was like i
00:27:21
was supposed to just pour water oh you're you're a uh uh like a um
00:27:26
but i remember just being yelled at like hey man people you know the congresswoman right and we're just shaking putting but
00:27:33
i i don't recall how i got the job it had been just like through a friend was like hey they need somebody to do it's like catering or whatever yeah
00:27:40
i'll tell you all the [ __ ] job and then when i came to la i had a job um licking envelopes
00:27:48
shut up i'm not kidding you 12 hours a day leaking envelopes like the whole i was
00:27:54
in the bottom of a beverly on beverly boulevard right in some office
00:27:59
and there were just piles of envelopes and it was licking licking all day and after two days did
00:28:06
you have water to dip yourself no they never gave me any water and remember my mouth get all dry and i
00:28:12
had scat like cuts and scabs cuts on my tongue and i would still do it you know what i mean and i
00:28:17
i did like [ __ ] 3 000 a day how much did they pay you oh it was like under the table i was
00:28:23
there was another mexican guy there too he said april go faster you know what i mean and i was like i'm going as fast as
00:28:30
i can man i'm a comic i don't give a [ __ ] bro yeah and then they would give us like 20 bucks under
00:28:35
the table i don't know what it was 20 bucks whatever but i remember like afterwards i was like
00:28:40
yeah yeah i'm done and then i i shall do another i'll do another one another shitty job i've had
00:28:47
there was this guy named f scott collins he used to be an actor wait i know who that is no you don't yes i do oh he was in he's
00:28:53
been in stuff a couple things yeah after scott collins goes um hey man you need a job
00:28:58
and i go yeah i have no money yeah i'll give you a hundred bucks right just
00:29:04
to clean my garage holy [ __ ] and i'm thinking [ __ ] cha-ching
00:29:10
yeah literally it was not a garage it was a warehouse what like yeah you
00:29:16
like like an airplane hangar it was like an airplane hangar it wasn't like a garage it was like this separate building right yeah that was
00:29:24
probably formerly a house yeah and they gutted it and now it's a [ __ ] garage what the
00:29:30
[ __ ] was in there oh my you know you know you know what it looked like german silence of the lambs
00:29:36
when she has to break into that storage house that's what it looked like there was a car you know with a head headless you know a
00:29:43
head in it you know i mean like just a bunch mannequins [ __ ] everywhere and it was just cobwebs and spiders and i remember like
00:29:51
and i had a [ __ ] paper towel and windex walking in you mean i i this is a three thousand
00:29:59
dollar job yeah and it was a hundred bucks a hundred oh it took me probably four days did you do it you finished it
00:30:05
i needed the money hundred bucks for four days of work it was terrible now holy [ __ ] by myself i've had so many
00:30:12
i've had so many shitty jobs i was a stock but when i first moved out here i was a pa and i was doing stocking stuff like just stocking in their [ __ ]
00:30:19
room of like organizing dvds and just hours and hours and hours and hours of nothing yeah and i had been getting super
00:30:25
depressed and i was drinking a lot because i was just sad so i would just go get like a 12 pack of beer every night the cheapest [ __ ] i could buy yeah and just
00:30:31
drink it till i woke up the next day yeah and we were cutting boxes i'll never forget
00:30:36
we're cutting boxes and i was just like just terribly hungover and the kid that i was working was brand new and i cut open a box
00:30:44
and as i open it i crack it open right and stuff falls out ever the dvds fall
00:30:49
everywhere and i was like [ __ ] and he goes whoa that that box smells like [ __ ] i had
00:30:56
just farted but i didn't say any you know i just i just did one of those like little pinch and pulls you know where it's like let it a ghost
00:31:01
you know like a balloon but he goes whoa that box smells like [ __ ] and i pretended i go oh no yeah
00:31:07
that's gross i must the box smells yeah i'm blaming it on the bottom why do you own up to it it's a guy and then he goes and then he goes oh
00:31:13
it's so gross i know he goes it smells like a rotten pumpkin and i was like does it he goes
00:31:18
yeah it smells like a [ __ ] like a rat died inside of a rotten pumpkin and it had like it had a disease and i
00:31:26
kept thinking that's what my [ __ ] belly smells like right now so then i had to fart again had to go
00:31:31
open another [ __ ] box i just kept opening be like dude these boxes are all boot boxes where are these from
00:31:38
i was embarrassed because he said it smells so [ __ ] bad i would i just own it i'll do it in front of you i didn't really know him it was wrong
00:31:43
we were in the stock room and i didn't know the kid that well i was embarrassed i was embarrassed yeah i'll fart in front of my friends i
00:31:49
didn't know that guy and i didn't want to get fired i didn't want him to be like this guy's ripping [ __ ] in the [ __ ] storage room
00:31:55
it was my first it was like my first job in la and i was so nervous to lose it oh i don't know why but that brought up
00:32:00
a story i've never told before where i was like
00:32:06
i met a girl i saw nirvana play where it was in orange county and it was
00:32:13
like three weeks later he died he died wow but i remember um
00:32:19
i asked this girl from work who i had a big crush on yeah to go i spent money all the money i
00:32:24
had and she goes i'll go watch nirvana and we were in the parking lot and she's
00:32:30
like do you mosh pit or i do like are you a mosh pitter and i'm a little guy right mm-hmm it's like
00:32:36
yeah [ __ ] it [ __ ] it you [ __ ] yeah mosh pig you're like i [ __ ] i'm small but man i'm
00:32:42
like [ __ ] like a piece of iron what yeah i go yeah we want to see it's i
00:32:49
start mosh pitting around right i don't know why i did this in a parking lot yeah in a parking lot just showing her
00:32:54
trying to be funny too and i and i started swinging my head like and i hit her [ __ ] mouth and her
00:33:01
tooth broke shut up i swear to god it cracked and she goes
00:33:06
like that i'm also sorry and i remember she her mom picked her up or something
00:33:11
she didn't even get to go she never i went i was by myself and i remember like being so i was sober too
00:33:18
and i remember being at the concert being by myself and i remember they were smoking pot in
00:33:25
back of me and i was like i and i was sober for like a couple years
00:33:30
and i remember turning going can i take a hit of that they [ __ ] you and so okay as if they knew
00:33:36
about what happened in the parking lot no but it was almost as if they saved me from relapsing that's nice though yeah thank god whoever those whoever
00:33:43
those non-shareable stoners poopbox story i don't know what got there they got there in my mind was that your first was it like a first date for
00:33:49
you with that girl i never saw her again no but oh that was the first and last date that's it first and last adversary the first date i ever went on in los
00:33:56
angeles i took a bus to a gay bar in west hollywood met a girl didn't know it was what i didn't know
00:34:01
it was a gay bar just took a bus to meet her somewhere i met her at this bar right on santa monica naked dudes i mean
00:34:07
just everywhere and i'm like oh is this a spot she's like yeah it's really cool like there's like a hip area i was like oh okay
00:34:13
and then the dude serving us was like body shots so i took a body shot off of this guy
00:34:18
yeah yeah oh wait wait wait a guy goes wait a guy goes i got that works body shop
00:34:25
yep body shots and you took a body shot what so what what does that entail i put he poured it on his chest and i drank it on his
00:34:31
shrink off a man's chest big black man yeah a big black man i wanted to impress this chick i thought it was fun
00:34:37
and wait she's watching you do a body shop off of a black man yeah and
00:34:44
then what did she do she didn't do one i did one that's it i know but afterwards was she weird like i never saw her again
00:34:53
i didn't know what was i supposed to do i know you we make mistakes because you think i want her to like me no we make mistakes so this gay guy
00:34:59
comes over i want to show her that i'm okay with my sexuality that i'm not so the big black guy gets on the table
00:35:06
oh i wish you know what i wish i was there body shop yeah yeah and he lays down on the table i would have been like no i would have
00:35:12
grabbed her arm no dude dude you're reading it wrong i was 22. i didn't i would have grabbed a wrist i thought no no
00:35:18
you samantha's here no no no i would have done that there's no way by the way though she she was planning on like leaving me at
00:35:24
the bar i'll never forget she was like i think i'm gonna go home i was like i'll get out here too she's like no you can stay i was like oh she
00:35:30
does she think i'm gay ah and i'm not but it's the first time you had sex i
00:35:36
did have a good time 15. marco island florida on uh hotel room are you smiling and
00:35:42
licking your lips that's weird you're really weird in the corner what
00:35:48
happened i traded uh i traded a bottle of captain morgan for a hotel room key you did yeah and you're with do you
00:35:55
remember the girl's name oh yeah she was my she was my girlfriend it was my high school girlfriend my god yep
00:36:00
condom no condom condom broke that's right dad condom broke i'm dead serious condom broke on purpose
00:36:11
oh no this one ripped no the condom broke in the middle of us having sex is the only kind of well first of all
00:36:18
you're acting as if your dick was so powerful no no no no no no no no no no no my it's probably sheepskin no
00:36:26
it was a nice trojan it was just pointy and my penis is pointy he's circumcised right yeah but no i
00:36:31
mean i have a tip i have like a sharp tip it's like a pencil seriously it broke you know how it broke
00:36:37
i know it was in my pocket at the beach all day ah it was in the ocean with me but then when when you did you tell her oh it
00:36:43
broke i well i guess i went oh no and she goes what and i go nothing
00:36:49
no no i told her immediately i was like oh my god the condom broke she was like what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] did you do and i was like i didn't do
00:36:55
anything i had to like dude i had to like maneuver a condom from a friend i was so scared to go buy one
00:37:01
why can you buy condoms at 15 i think you can you should right you
00:37:06
should be able to yeah but i was so scared to go get them i had to get one from a guy who got one from a guy yeah it's weird it was probably like a
00:37:13
30 year old on the 90s this was in the year 1998 or something
00:37:21
like that 1998 eight or nine yeah wow that's when i moved to l.a really yeah i lost my virginity when you
00:37:26
moved to los angeles wow so wow i mean that's the that's the difference
00:37:32
the age difference between you whatever yeah look at we caught up in that weird okay bob because it's so it's it's funny how
00:37:38
you call me and and you you you start crying i do and you said when it worked and you said i'm gonna
00:37:44
get involved i can't get any work i really can't get any work everyone's in a pandemic what do you need to do
00:37:50
you are working all right stop bobby no bobby stop first of all i've had a
00:37:56
conversation with somebody that we both know that told me that you just got another or another offer for a job who none of
00:38:01
your [ __ ] business it's somebody i know that we know that just said you got another offer for a job it's fine
00:38:08
don't play dumb with me pal bro you act like i don't [ __ ] know if you're independent i don't care why do you keep getting stuff
00:38:16
are you more talented than me no you're way more talented no we're going to do no we're the same you can do accents i gonna do a sentence
00:38:22
no no but my point is you're just prettier than me right now you're prettier than i am in hollywood
00:38:28
right now when you got all right i auditioned they don't like me when i auditioned for mixology
00:38:34
right i didn't even get past the casting director um right you got that that specific job
00:38:41
that's a specific role i remember in my head laying in bed right going i couldn't
00:38:47
even get the producers on that and then when i found out that you got it right i went yeah it's over for me
00:38:52
this is the new the new age that's and it's so not true it is that's so this is the new group this is the young
00:38:58
hot people right and it's same thing happened you weren't in this but undateable when undateable happened
00:39:04
yeah same thing i didn't couldn't who were you going to be i couldn't even get an audition funches
00:39:10
i couldn't even get an audition yeah and then whenever all my friends everyone got on it you did live and the
00:39:15
people started guest starring on it and was never asked whitney i you know i want to say this
00:39:23
do it and you know i love whitney we're like this but like an a-frame house
00:39:31
this is how does it say is the truth but i just feel like this is gonna be one of those regrettable
00:39:39
all right so you know i know whitney you're true and i love her i've always loved her
00:39:46
so when whitney was casting they were casting everyone went in did you read for
00:39:52
whitney nope oh [ __ ] that makes me feel better but everyone that i knew aside from you
00:39:58
went in everyone except everyone not you not you
00:40:04
but everyone went in and um i just started and i call my age and i go can i get in
00:40:11
like there's nothing in it or i don't know i don't we don't get we're not getting an appointment or there was a weird vibe
00:40:16
right so i just started like outwardly complaining [ __ ] whitney brought her on the road
00:40:24
you know what i mean can't even get an audition were you saying that to address everyone everybody yeah everyone outwardly
00:40:31
so then one day i found out that the thing is pretty much cast or done casting then i get a call yeah
00:40:38
they want to see you so i memorize it right i go i'm going into producers i'm going to nail this
00:40:44
[ __ ] thing i walk there i go there no producers
00:40:49
there's a girl with braces okay are you ready for your audition and i go what and they put me in a
00:40:56
storage room and they just kind of film me on a little chunk
00:41:02
little handy-dandy handy handy cam yeah right and she okay thank you no notes no notes
00:41:09
in my back in my head i'm thinking did they just do that so i would stop complaining
00:41:14
or they just said all right you went in but i didn't have a shot they did that so you would shut up
00:41:20
that's genuinely someone being like just let him [ __ ] read for something then buffy oh my god dude thank you so much
00:41:27
for turning me on to buffy dude you're welcome i actually did turn you on buffy you gave me one and i'm like what is
00:41:32
this and i use it and now this is the only thing that's on my bed honestly no joke bob and i have talked about this for a long time
00:41:38
we love buffy they are so comfortable it's unbelievable it's like it's smooth eucalyptus fiber
00:41:44
and it feels softer than cotton bra it is softer than cotton and it's earth friendly it's easy to grow and it doesn't hurt the environment it's
00:41:50
breathable cool to the touch you are not going to sweat at night if you sweat at night get a buffy me and bob swear on our lives you will notice
00:41:56
all the products are also dude dude cruelty free and hypoallergenic that's right doubts or animal products here buddy yep they
00:42:02
got twenty thousand five star reviews look if you don't take anything from us take this buffy is worth every single cent they
00:42:09
offer a free trial free shipping and returns you can give it back if you don't like it try their products on your own bed for free before you commit to
00:42:15
buying if you don't love it give it back and say i don't like it and then they'll go fine you have to pay anything uh for 20 off your buffy betting go to
00:42:22
uh buffy.co and enter the code best friend that's right for 20 off uh
00:42:27
the best sleep of your life go to buffy go to buffy.co enter the code best friends
00:42:32
doordash sure dash has saved my life my friends i love doordash i don't like the house it's like they deliver food you know
00:42:39
everything that i eat now is uh through you know doordash it's super easy it's a it's the app i'm sure
00:42:44
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00:43:35
with all the stories i just told you right there was a big time period in my career
00:43:41
where i couldn't even get into rooms so yes
00:43:46
i might be doing something with mark and j dupless okay i pitched you know i mean andres if
00:43:52
i hear you laugh again i'm gonna break your [ __ ] throat i pitched an ab to abc they bought my
00:43:58
show right okay you know i might have a campaign here a commercial campaign
00:44:05
right a couple of other things and two two other shows up to next week but um so five things we're pandemic body
00:44:14
obviously we're not we're in a pandemic obviously you're not your business is not in a pandemic so
00:44:19
you know hey hey kiddo hey kiddo you'll get back on the horse
00:44:25
you know what they say you know what you know what they say you know what they say mm-hmm always stay out in the rain always stay out in the rain yeah when
00:44:30
it's who says that i'm going inside it's wet you don't because um if you don't stay out of the way you might not get struck
00:44:36
by lightning why would i want to get [ __ ] wet and then struck by lights like an analogy that's a terrible an
00:44:43
analogy how about this one i've been told how about this one i've been told what right don't you hate it
00:44:48
when things aren't going well in your career people give you analogies yeah they give me something that they think makes sense that makes nice hey man i heard someone once told me hey man
00:44:55
it's just like it's like surfing and i go okay it's like sometimes you know you'll ride
00:45:02
a big wave meaning you know i mean like you'll get on a show yeah and you'll you mean it's a long
00:45:08
ride right but then sometimes right there are no waves at all and you're just sitting out there right
00:45:15
but the most important thing buddy is just have fun with this being out there you know what i've been doing what
00:45:21
i've been boogie boarding for the past ten years i know i hate i don't like that kind of
00:45:27
stuff when someone tries to tell you like there's like a light at the tunnel for a thing it's like yeah but it's my these are our jobs yeah i hate you know
00:45:32
what i hate the most stay out in the footprints in the sand oh god the jesus thing you carry them it's like yeah
00:45:39
that i don't know i i don't know i don't have a member on wait is am i am i saying the same one as you are the footprint the jesus carried me or
00:45:45
whatever yeah so you know in my life right i saw footprint prince with me and jesus
00:45:50
back back but in my in my hardest times there's it was only one for the set of footprints
00:45:56
and then it basically got going yeah that's when i was carrying you mm-hmm right footprints in the sand so
00:46:02
basically it's this if if i went to let's say i died of cancer what kind pancreatitis do you think
00:46:10
you'll get pancreatitis no i'm just giving you a [ __ ] a a analogy let's say i died from pancreatic cancer i got it
00:46:16
and i go to heaven and i'm like bombed right and god's like what's the matter buddy like
00:46:21
i just you know all my life man we had footprints side by side bro you know and then
00:46:26
when i had the [ __ ] cancer right there was only one foot a set of footprints and god going that's because
00:46:32
i was carrying you oh cool um how about the second option now don't give me cancer
00:46:40
by the way thanks for the ride can i see you thanks for the ride god but how about no cancer i want to see the footprints
00:46:45
of the sand of him trying to pick you up and then stumbling
00:46:51
sideways yeah and then it's like a drunk drunk on the beach
00:46:57
what was this big lump in the ground do you think tito bobby's gonna go to heaven when he passes away rude
00:47:03
big paws wow big paws no [ __ ] you big
00:47:09
[ __ ] you were looking for me no i was thinking what were you thinking about yeah what did you have to analyze are
00:47:15
you thinking about yesterday when i walked into your room and i go what's up jules and she looks
00:47:20
at me she has tears what happened running down her face and i'm like oh [ __ ] someone died what
00:47:27
happened jules um i finished an anime
00:47:32
what the [ __ ] is that what world are we living in you finished an anime yeah and it made
00:47:38
you cry what was the end of it uh did everybody die no the best friends were parting ways
00:47:44
wow what do they go off to school or something no the other the other the other one is
00:47:50
going to his father and the other one is going back home but none of them are dying they could see each other again right no
00:47:56
one's going to pick them up in the sand right they still have to keep walking yeah wow and that made you cry
00:48:02
yeah because it's the end of what of their friendship no of the anime of the show
00:48:11
i mean by the way that's what i'm dealing with i know you wouldn't even die you wouldn't cry at a funeral would you has you have you ever been to a
00:48:16
funeral yeah do you cry or no i cry you did every funeral you've cried i've only
00:48:23
went to like two did you cry on both dude i went to my grandmother's funeral and i didn't
00:48:29
cry i didn't know how yeah i i didn't know how dude i got to the casket
00:48:35
i got up to the casket right up next to it what was this by the way i was i was a
00:48:41
kid i was young 10 11 something like that i thought recently you no no no no no no
00:48:46
my this is my dad's mom and i go to the casket and someone next to me he's like it's this is so sad and i'm not kidding
00:48:54
i'm like this yeah it's sad i didn't know i didn't
00:48:59
it's sad i try to pretend to cry yeah nothing came out nothing i know and then i walked away
00:49:04
going trying to cry i couldn't do it i don't know why it was so surreal for me
00:49:10
when my dad died in the he took his last breath you took his last breath you told me you
00:49:16
sucked it right out of his mouth yeah and as soon as he goes
00:49:22
right you heard it yeah and that's it my mom and my brother
00:49:28
acted as if it was the worst it was pretty bad very bad yeah one of the worst things
00:49:34
yeah right but they were like doing rolls on the ground
00:49:39
just losing it you know i mean flips i mean running through the wall coming
00:49:45
back in yeah yeah yeah i mean and just bonkers and i'm standing there
00:49:51
i'm just looking at my dad and just nothing no tears no and i walk up to him i kiss
00:49:58
his forehead i say i love you and i just walked out of the room yeah we handle it differently huh we all
00:50:05
handle it differently i told you have i told you what my uncle did no i don't think so maybe okay so my my dad's best friend is my
00:50:13
uncle all right and um we call him jagannatha
00:50:19
small dad i mean that's the translation yeah
00:50:25
so we call him and go he's you know going to die soon because okay and he drives from san
00:50:32
diego to phoenix he walks in the hospital and the hospice my dad had died maybe 20
00:50:39
minutes you know before he got there just missed it he missed it he walks in he looks at the body like
00:50:46
this and he goes bye and he got in his car
00:50:52
and drove no way sword of god he just said bye he goes to
00:50:58
us he doesn't say bye to him he didn't look at my neck that would
00:51:05
have been so funny no he just kind of looked and they looked at us and he goes bye-bye and he just left have you talked
00:51:11
to him since no no yeah that's it like i had an uncle growing up that wasn't my real uncle
00:51:16
but this is funny i didn't know until i was a little bit older when i say a little bit older by the time i got cognitively aware that like
00:51:22
oh clearly it's not my uncle yeah his name was ira and he was a really really in-shape good-looking gay guy jewish gay
00:51:31
wait you had a real uncle that was not my real uncle i didn't know till later i thought he was my i called him uncle ira
00:51:36
okay he's my dad's good friend gay jewish guy i'm thinking this is my uncle
00:51:42
we don't have any jews in our family i was like oh i don't know my uncle ira and only later would i realize that he was gay i didn't know i just was like
00:51:49
uncle ira's in great shape and he always has so many friends my dad is like well yeah some of his friends are you know they're really good
00:51:56
friends and i'm like wow this guy's got a lot of good friends he always had like seven or eight dudes around him
00:52:02
all the time young good looking you know like 22 23 year old dudes and i just did i was like this guy's
00:52:07
just so cool all the guys want to be around him yeah yeah yeah and then that's how i learned about body shots
00:52:14
no but i'm going to delete that body shop story it's it's shameful why it's just so sad that i took a body
00:52:20
shot off a guy yeah can i ask you something wait a minute you've never done anything shameful like that like i've sucked a dick before okay let
00:52:28
me say something ask you something yeah when you talked about the ira guy ira yeah okay it
00:52:33
sparked something else that i thought i would never say but um i need your advice
00:52:41
okay so i'm not gonna tell you i'm never gonna tell you who it is i know who it is
00:52:47
already no you don't yeah i do okay you don't even know the gist of the story
00:52:52
uh you told me where it came from so my brain is going to a place okay so i was at a club
00:52:59
a comedy club hanging out another comic was just it was just me and this other comic how long ago
00:53:06
before the pandemic probably a year ago okay and he's just sitting there and he goes
00:53:12
hey man can i express something to you man because i know your dad died you know it was like
00:53:18
right after my dad died and he goes um i go yeah he goes i don't know man it's just like when i
00:53:24
was a kid my dad had a business partner and i go uh-huh
00:53:31
and the business partner would call the house and ask for me
00:53:36
and i go huh basically man like he gave me a hundred because we were poor you know what i
00:53:43
mean we're poor i don't like to jerk them off and i and i was like
00:53:49
i didn't know what to say what was the business it was a hand-jerking
00:54:01
[Laughter] yeah wait a minute but when somebody
00:54:07
says something to you he said he'd be his dad's business partner paid him a hundred dollars just to give him a hand job yeah and he did it all the time he did a lot
00:54:13
hundred dollars pretty good it's pretty good yeah that's right i think that's what i told him yeah second and he goes oh it is yeah he goes i go yeah what year
00:54:21
it was in the 80s i go yeah it's like 500 bucks today it's like 500 bucks today
00:54:26
wait so he did a lot he could wait but yeah and i kind of went i didn't give him any advice because what do you say
00:54:31
to some i just said all right man i'm about to go up
00:54:37
he just got the light yeah yeah i gotta go i just don't know how to like did you deal with it have you ever
00:54:42
talked to him about it no he wanted you to help him through that he obviously was sexually abused you told me never to talk about it
00:54:48
we just talked about it yeah but i didn't say his name let's take a guess let's have a guess no no no no we're not
00:54:53
playing let's have rudy guess anyway his name starts with uh let's just say we'll say who it is he's
00:54:59
an older comic i don't want to talk about it he's an older comic rudy his name starts with a c and his last name yeah okay yeah yeah so
00:55:06
c yep h it starts with c h right the last name right t o
00:55:14
all right so chuck yes
00:55:32
dude that guy's so good he's such a good comic i can't believe he did that stuff great one-liners great one yeah yeah his point of view is
00:55:39
very specific you guys ever jerked off one of your dad's business partners for a hundred dollars god knows i have it's good to be here
00:55:49
that's sad i shouldn't make fun of that yeah it's so sweet but he didn't have to kiss him or nothing [Laughter]
00:55:55
[Music] you know that brings up that brings up
00:56:00
right that brings up like even this joke that we're doing yeah it's a joke it's a complete and utter joke but i
00:56:07
just feel like that we're in a time you know we never joke about us we can't even
00:56:12
joke about stuff like that it's not a funny thing listen anyone listening right now we're not it's a terrible thing they're
00:56:19
fans they know we're just kidding i understand that but i just we have to now reiterate to them because
00:56:24
you're afraid that someone's going to take that out of context you know it's a i've been accused of a lot of things that are taking out
00:56:30
out of context on a podcast sure but anybody that knows anyone that knows that means anything in
00:56:36
the business ie all the people that you're working with right now they know that this is a that we're [ __ ] around we're having a good time yeah but still people on the
00:56:42
internet on reddit and people they just start like you know coming up with their own like their theories and
00:56:48
why do you think that is i don't know huh do you think it's because people are bored and they have nothing [ __ ]
00:56:54
better to do no the pandemic i think that a lot of people out there have you know have been hurt you know in the
00:57:02
past and have been victimized and i think there's a lot of anger and rage that goes on with that and you know i'm all for
00:57:08
fighting for for the little man you know and and and fighting against oppression
00:57:14
and you know and wrongdoings but it's like there comes to a point where it's like
00:57:20
it is getting out of hand well i think it's getting out of hand i think people are going to pull stuff out of context
00:57:26
on a podcast because it's the easiest thing to do to just go oh they made a joke about that and it wasn't okay it's oh
00:57:32
it's you can say every joke is not okay you can say that with every joke ever made you can go that's not okay that's not an okay thing
00:57:38
to say but people also seem to think that everything that i say or what we say is truth
00:57:44
yeah of course yeah no yeah and we're so far from i mean it's like you know yeah maybe 80 of my stories
00:57:51
are based on some sort of truth but we embellish things right we will put in new
00:57:57
characters yeah and change things to make the story funnier or better because more storytellers well
00:58:05
that's what comics do well like for instance that story you just told that guy he didn't give him a hand job he used to blow his dad's friend
00:58:11
you'd [ __ ] him no condom right in the [ __ ] but um yeah we're gonna get written up for that
00:58:17
you know what's so funny though what people people are strange people
00:58:24
and you're a stranger but look then some people are getting some people are getting in trouble when you know it was coming that's what's
00:58:30
even funnier to me like the joe biden the guy that got in trouble for uh he wrote joe in the hoe did you see that
00:58:36
campaign that they did i was like you know you're going to get fired a guy tweeted an image that was
00:58:41
like joe biden's uh uh twitter campaign or whatever and he tweeted it and it basically just said
00:58:46
joe in the ho and he was like a professional photographer or something who was you know i was like how do you not know
00:58:53
that you this is what i mean like if someone pulls something out of context for us yeah what are you going to do they the [ __ ] they just they they what what a
00:59:00
weird that's yo what a weird that's joe ho yeah yeah no joe and the ho
00:59:06
was a thing that someone just yeah look at this guy look at this and he tweeted this yeah
00:59:12
and then he got fired for it almost immediately obviously because you know how do you not know that that's
00:59:17
going to get you [ __ ] fired especially if you had a job that has promoted first of all you would know that
00:59:23
that's what i'm saying like how obvious yeah but that's that's my point is like when the internet calls out stuff that's like ridiculous
00:59:29
like that i go yeah come on dude that guy [ __ ] you got to know that that's the dumbest thing but when somebody takes something out of context there's a story from a [ __ ]
00:59:35
podcast of us just joking around uh i just how do you not know the difference that's just like you're
00:59:40
of course they're gonna [ __ ] yell at you about that i'm not saying the guy should be [ __ ] strung out to dry and kill him for that but it's like well he knows that's dumb
00:59:47
that's a dumb thing to tweet yeah it's just concerning to me yeah i mean you know i don't know we're going
00:59:53
to make it out alive as soon as we get out of the pandy i think we're going to be fine and and rooted when when when when he is
00:59:58
going to lead us out of the pandy when is that going to happen rudy when's it going to happen
01:00:03
next year what time you're the soothsayer you know april april of next year
01:00:10
april 2021 oh my god god how many months is left now september october november january march april i have to count on
01:00:16
my hands i don't know how to do that month seven months so crazy think about it do you really think
01:00:21
that when's the last time you did stand up uh uh philadelphia uh philly punchline
01:00:28
march 2 march 8th yeah me too in march sometimes march 8th and 9th january march how long has it been mark
01:00:35
april may june july august 5 months oh wow wow i don't feel like a standup
01:00:40
anymore i don't either you know it's so funny i don't even think i'm a stand-up we're not we're podcast guys we're podcast guys now look at us one two
01:00:47
three podcast guys welcome back to podcast no i don't feel like a stand-up at all
01:00:53
yeah i had an i got an offer what is it outdoor show 20 people
01:00:59
la jolla no that i did get already as well yeah i got that outdoor show 20 people where i'm not
01:01:05
going to mention it because i don't want to i don't want are you going to do it no yeah 20 people yeah i mean i've got
01:01:12
every day i get calls i can't do that there was a televised thing they asked me to do it was i can't tell you who it
01:01:17
was but probably the same guy yeah but it was going to be like on streaming and it's uh 20 40 people might be in a
01:01:25
big you know park and i'm like yeah i go i'm not doing stand up until
01:01:31
it's back in the club until it's stand up again yeah look i don't blame people for doing it i just don't i don't think i'm gonna
01:01:36
be good at it i said on this other podcast if you and i got to go on a tour and do
01:01:42
a little fun thing yeah we would probably have some fun but it's so hard to route
01:01:48
it's tough to like get in a bus and then we have to drive all the way across the country yeah it's like you know back in when we
01:01:54
were doing stand-up and somebody you you'd run into an alternative comic say hey man i have this show in silver
01:02:00
lake you know i mean at a laundromat and you're and every once in a while you'll go [ __ ] it like he's out he asked
01:02:06
me every [ __ ] week he's a good dude i like him so i drive over there and it's like there's just 20 people in a laundry mat
01:02:11
and here's some lady dropping check and it's like and the comics up there are like reading other jokes off of a
01:02:17
notebook and they're crushing right and i go up there to do my performance piece
01:02:23
right nothing you know and then you think and you get off and you go man i [ __ ] ate it i haven't eaten that
01:02:29
so long like you did well right it's the same thing as this it's going to be the same thing yeah you're not going to be able to feel
01:02:34
it at all yeah yeah you're not going to be able to feel it i like being on stage and getting
01:02:42
right and dicks in the audience getting hard you know what i mean yeah yeah and just
01:02:47
like yeah you know i mean juices just kind of i like it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't like
01:02:54
cricket cricket cricket i don't know i don't want the outdoor thing is gonna gotta be tough i think a lot of people are just doing it and dealing with it but i just
01:02:59
don't i don't know man i maybe you and i should go do one outdoor show
01:03:04
well i don't know i i mean it's because we if you're listening andrew and i were trying to do a road we
01:03:11
were gonna do a road tour yeah a road tour maybe podcast in certain towns right you come out you know outside you know i i would do
01:03:18
that like let's get a it's just really hard to do it's hard to like figure out well okay not do stand up but let's do it get a minivan
01:03:24
not a man but like a trailer oh how about this a long time ago rogan wanted to buy one
01:03:30
of those sprinter vans yeah and he was like dude if you outfitted a spinner van with a bunch of cameras you could podcast from the van on the
01:03:36
way to whatever venue you were going to yeah i was like that's a genius idea and he never did it and i was like just because he was like you could buy you
01:03:42
could rent one of these trainer vans or buy them which is what he wanted to do and just put cameras in them and we could just pod from there we'd have
01:03:47
fancy b working the controls will you be in there with us fancy b of course can you see we could drive can he can you drive do you have a license
01:03:54
i do did they give you guys licenses yeah yeah fancy b could drive right jules would have to go yeah she
01:04:01
has to be shotgun shotgun can you stay awake for long trips though i don't want you falling asleep in case fancy b dozes off
01:04:06
i always um sleep on car rides she always does okay so we can't have her in the front we have to have someone
01:04:13
that's a co-pilot that can stay awake we should do it what if we give you a little bump of cocaine you think you can stay awake
01:04:19
do you never done drugs look at me in the face and say he's never gone through she never has so i promise but we go to town to town
01:04:24
we do four cities four cities start to start with four cities where do we go where do we go first
01:04:30
we probably go to phoenix phoenix right then to albuquerque
01:04:36
albuquerque austin austin houston houston dallas yeah back home
01:04:43
yeah that we could do a little southwest tour yeah okay no i'm being real i know we'll
01:04:49
we pot it and pot in it like a van right do you think it's no but we have we have to set up like venues where we can do our
01:04:55
podcast it's a live podcast yeah outside the outside and um figure
01:05:00
that out you think we should be you think we'd be able to do that yeah live pod outside and then people just
01:05:06
show up in their cars like that no seats or nothing right now we could even do seats and just have like some sort of like
01:05:11
social distancing merch table where we sell stuff and we'll make fancy or we'll make
01:05:16
fancy beer george sell fancy will you go sell merch yes or we have or people can just people
01:05:22
can what i love would i would love because people wait in line right we have a table set up and you and i are
01:05:29
just standing there's a whole area where we're way far back from people 30 40 feet 20
01:05:34
feet 20 feet right and people can say hi right and we just go what's up man thank
01:05:40
you for coming in and that kind of thing and then no we'll do we'll do we'll do a plexiglas yeah and we'll like the
01:05:46
scientists do when they're doing experiments we'll have our hamster with the gloves yeah i'm talking about and we can we can wave to people and shake their hands
01:05:52
through those we can also do a pec plexiglas thing to take photos with people that's what i'm saying yeah but our hands can go through the
01:05:58
gloves like the scientists do yeah yeah that's cool and we can high five them yeah and they can kiss us on
01:06:03
the glass if they want to kiss us on the glass kisses five bucks obviously yeah or smear your kid against the window
01:06:09
yeah put your head on the platform plexi tits yeah yeah and then we'll we'll shake hands and we'll say hi to people
01:06:14
and you want to do that yeah i do and if they can't hear us we'll put a um uh uh string through it and
01:06:20
like a can remember when you say a kiss yeah yeah i'm down to do it if you're down to do it we get in a bus we can we can do it we have to rent a
01:06:26
big bus and we have to sleep on the bus well yeah it's gotta have beds in it yeah so we do a trailer what do you call them a no rv rv yeah
01:06:33
we'll do an rv a cool rv you know probably george and george
01:06:38
fancy bee fancy bee jules and us and are we bringing our ladies are no you
01:06:44
have to leave them yeah because because there's nowhere for them to sleep and they can't sleep with us we need to sleep in our beds alone
01:06:49
yeah joe george and fancy bee share a bed rudy gets one and you and i get one
01:06:55
three beds yeah well four well three beds but four you guys are fine sharing a bed aren't you fancy but if you look at one of
01:07:00
those trailers there's a um a back seat section right where the main
01:07:05
bed is that's me and you we're sleeping in there together okay yeah but we gotta get up not yeah but
01:07:13
separate beds we'll put a piece of glass between us no no uh i'm not sleeping next to you lane that you wouldn't sleep in bed with me
01:07:19
are you a [ __ ] mom you wouldn't sleep in a bed with me no but then on the side there's these
01:07:25
individual beds on a tour bus right yeah and they get those they get those there's always four how about this this will be great
01:07:30
here's what we'll do because because we want a democracy yeah you can get the main bet i'll take because four beds i'll take the top
01:07:36
no here's the deal we switch over who gets what bed what night it's a gamble we put our name and a hat
01:07:42
no no i'll just take a small bed i think a smaller on the top but i don't get a water you can take the main bed in the back sounds great to me
01:07:47
i'll get good you can take the main bed in the back you don't want the main i like the little bed i like the little bed because it feels like back home that's
01:07:53
racial but on my own what do you mean back home i have a [ __ ] double king-sized bed right home back in korea
01:07:59
oh yeah yeah it's a small bath there's tiny little beds on there yeah yeah yeah let's do it though no i'm
01:08:05
serious if you really want to do it no but i don't want you to say it let's let's make the call we'll do it for the fall i'll call after this
01:08:11
in the fall well yeah i'm saying earlier we're approaching the fall right do you know what time of year it is right now we're about to be in the fall in like
01:08:17
three weeks yes that's the fall i want the fall can we call one of our agents and see if we can do it yeah let's do it you wanna
01:08:23
yeah oh who do i call we'll call your agent let's see let's see what he says
01:08:31
hello matt blake andrew santino great to talk to you bud what's up santino how are you buddy it's
01:08:37
me too bobby bobby's your agent i mean your agent your client bobby your client you're on our show you're on a show right now on
01:08:44
our show oh boy
01:08:55
[Music]
01:09:04
is [Music]
01:09:17
do you have sleep apnea i do you do don't you yeah i can hear it when you breathe
01:09:22
i do have it i'm dead serious like if you here let's be silent for two seconds will you just breathe into the mic i've been smoking too much i think i
01:09:28
gotta quit let me hear you breathe with your nose into the mic just your nose go
01:09:35
oh yeah there it is i can hear it you have sleep apnea huh in the middle of the night you go oh i
01:09:42
make noises at night yeah i i make like these kind of yeah yeah
01:09:47
and i and it drives kaleila crazy but then joe joe coy has it
01:09:52
joe rogan coy no joe rogan coy has it and he has to wear one of those bane masks
01:09:58
and i saw him wear it once and i go i just don't want to but i think it's the smoking you think the smoking is causing it yeah
01:10:04
i'm smoking a lot but sleeping adequate sleep apnea you can die from in the middle of the night
01:10:10
you know that right that's why he wears a mask yeah but how many are smoking now are you smoking a pack a day
01:10:16
no less but i've been um i'm just having a hard time breathing let me ask you something real i'm not
01:10:22
being mean does kalila make you brush your teeth before you kiss her after you smoke like a couple times yeah yeah she's like
01:10:28
get in there and yeah wash out the trench before you get over here yeah i think i need to get healthy
01:10:33
or i'm gonna die i don't think i don't think you're gonna die right now from smoking but it's definitely gonna hurt you in the long
01:10:38
run i guess yes it is gonna i mean maybe i'm having a hard time breathing i think
01:10:44
like in general like when you just walked up the stairs after you smoked it was like mount everest seriously it's hard yeah
01:10:50
are you breathing heavy here's a good pulse here check your pulse i put your here no i have high
01:10:55
blood pressure well how many beats per minute are you 42. that's literally impossible i don't know 42 would be like a high-end
01:11:02
athlete that's like a world-class athlete is sub 60. two three four five six yeah 42. two three
01:11:08
four five six what is that a broadway play two three four five six seven eight yeah i have i have real conditions are
01:11:14
you taking blood pressure med yeah i am what's it called a amble pain amble pain yeah
01:11:19
and what is it for is it for people who have who have high blood pressure i've never heard of that one does it does it affect you any other way
01:11:25
or no it affects my dick a little bit you can't get your pee pee hard yeah was
01:11:31
here are you being serious well i i i was making love to kaley the other night and um bro
01:11:36
and she was looking at my talons are your hook feet your yeah like i don't i don't cut my nails it's so she
01:11:42
took a glimpse of my toes sticking out of the blankets like this and then she was just like that
01:11:48
took me out of it a little bit do you have it look don't look at my feet show your feet i don't want to shut my feet no i'll show my feet you show your phone
01:11:55
no you end up on wiki feet i don't want to be on wiki feet i have bad feet what if you're already on wiki feet for having weird feelings i'm not
01:12:01
on wiki feet have you looked yeah how do you know there's no way i'm on wikipedia
01:12:06
celebrity search let's see bobby lee god i hope so bad you're on wiki feet damn it
01:12:12
nothing whose feet do you think that's that are on here that you want to see on wiki feet
01:12:17
i'd like to see uh brad pitt brad pitt's feet you think he's got hot feet i didn't
01:12:23
even know there was a wicky feet yeah wiki feet feet feet brad pitt too many tees so many t's
01:12:30
how do they knock out that guy's foot that guy's gotta go because he's wearing shoes all the time he gotta take off them shoes no who do
01:12:35
we have here uh this says celebrities but i don't know any of these names ely goulding she's a singer alicia ambrosio vanessa
01:12:42
hudgins isn't this weird there's a real sight dedicated to people's feet yeah it's not not new i've never had
01:12:48
like a foot fetish have you no i mean i think i think like women's legs and feet are sexy i do too but i don't but like this look
01:12:55
there's no nudity but just somebody like but i've seen porn where like the guy is like taking a woman's foot
01:13:01
and then he takes the bottom of the feet sandwiches his penis in between yeah you know and
01:13:07
then the and then the girl has to do this weird like you know i mean this this move and the
01:13:13
guy's like yeah you know i mean i'm like what the whole time i'd be like oh
01:13:18
this is the thing people like like they like to look at their feet what is that rudy do you have a fascination with feet do you know why
01:13:25
people do i don't know it's sexy for them yeah i guess but it's kind of weird see
01:13:31
let me see let's say if you're let's say let her because i know that you're attracted to harry styles
01:13:37
right let's see if his feet are on here how do you spell his name h-r-y-s-y-l-e-s yeah
01:13:45
come on wiggy feet what a crocodile all right so um jules feet of the year let's suppose you're
01:13:50
making love to harry styles and you look down and his feet right were like green and black because of like you know
01:13:58
if they were like tito bobbies like my feet would you would that turn you off and they smelled
01:14:03
kinda but i think i'd still do it right because you just love them so much
01:14:08
that's how hot that guy is wow but you know what's so crazy about this feet or feet carry the weight of your body they're inherently going to be
01:14:14
gross i don't care how good you take care of your feet you're going to have gross feet they carry the weight of your body and they're the bottoms of our body
01:14:19
right mm-hmm it's the same way i feel about like why are we attracted to butts it's just it's your poop portal and i don't know
01:14:25
why i like it but i'm not like i'm very specific with bots like what kind of bodies you like like i
01:14:31
know you know i have certain friends that like you know booty black guys
01:14:36
i'm not gonna say that black guys that's what i meant i did mean that oh yeah yeah right but they're just like thick ass
01:14:43
they love big booties and i look at like like look at this one on the internet whatever and i go uh-uh
01:14:49
right i like it to a degree you like a regular when it's cartoony i don't like cartoony butts either yeah
01:14:55
and now people are getting butt implants and i said yes to cartoons yeah but i um i like i'm a
01:15:00
regular i'm a bad guy right that part i like too yeah yeah and there are certain ways a vag looks where
01:15:06
i just got turned off but that's you know i know i'm not body shaming anybody yeah you are whatever your vag
01:15:12
looks like that's on you that's fine no whatever you know like just the way you're doing your hands you're like whatever you're very yeah
01:15:18
yeah let me ask you this if you let's suppose you you're not married and
01:15:23
you meet the most beautiful woman you've ever met yeah i see her now okay and she spreads over her you're eating
01:15:29
you know just don't be too graphic i'm not eating the badge i'm going down on here yeah
01:15:36
and you know you open up the cavernous flower the flower and you um instead of a [ __ ]
01:15:43
right instead of [ __ ] there's a little penis
01:15:49
you're like in the beginning you're like is that a clip but then it just gets erect
01:15:54
right and it just gets harder and it's literally you know you know mm-hmm you have the head and
01:15:59
the head and the head and the and the snap pull away and i go what is that and she said yeah i was just born with a little penis inside my vagina
01:16:06
oh whoa and then she looks at you and she goes will you suck it please would you suck it
01:16:13
what if i get it you would do a lick first [Laughter] yeah you would do a quick lick just one
01:16:20
okay she's the most beautiful woman i've ever met in my life yeah she's like more please
01:16:26
right right and then i would say i have enough money can we get it taken off no i really like that's where i get all my sensation actually i come out of it
01:16:34
right so she was like just suck it right yeah yeah like i stick it in my mouth real quick
01:16:40
and take it back out yeah and then what if it just you know it just sprays in your face
01:16:47
like just hot milk you know what i thought would be really cool was if if a girl had one big boob if there was just one boob on a chest
01:16:53
i think one boob would be cool yeah two boobs is weird one big boob would be cool if it was just one big mound boob
01:16:59
yeah you know i have fantasies about limbs missing like like a girl with like a with one
01:17:04
leg gone yeah a leg on or like a removable no i wouldn't want that that makes me laugh yeah i wouldn't
01:17:11
laugh too hard if a girl gets in bed he goes takes off her legs
01:17:29
about people with missing limbs yeah one time i was at the la jolla comedy store and there was a girl i just saw her face and she was beautiful
01:17:35
yeah and i looked down and she just had nubs both of her arms both are arms geez and i thought to myself yeah still
01:17:43
100 percent i think you'd have to drive all the time yep and that's the excuse yeah you can't
01:17:49
you know also she but you never have to give her a hug that's true she's never gonna be like hug me goodbye
01:17:54
you're like i just wave yeah but then you have to wipe everything down is waving rude [Laughter]
01:18:00
right is that like showing off oh yeah that's not how i would wave you know how i opened it right you'd be like bye and i would i
01:18:07
would wave with my elbow see ya see you yeah i said this is this is crazy but there was a guy sitting at the bar and
01:18:13
where were we in austin at the cap city and we were outside of the bar all night it was drinking with this guy talking
01:18:19
laughing he gets up to go away and he's got one of those legs where the shoe is big
01:18:24
do you know what i'm talking about it's like a big shoe because his one leg is really really short and i saw him get down he goes i'll take
01:18:31
take it easy and i didn't know what to say yeah and i'm looking at it and i go oh my god
01:18:36
that's you gotta that's a uh i don't know i got so uncomfortable and he was like what's up and i was like and
01:18:41
uh that those custom shoots those shoes are dope and he was like oh yeah yeah yeah it's yeah i have to get it because
01:18:47
my one leg is long and the other one i was like i know i see it yeah it's weird i don't know what to say sometimes i was at the ice
01:18:53
house and there was a line to come to my show right and there was a group of guys and one guy was making like the funniest
01:19:00
face it was like that just [ __ ] around yeah he was like in front of his face i go
01:19:05
that's a funny face and he goes what do you mean [Laughter] it was that was his face like he had
01:19:11
some sort of like you know disorder disorder right you know he's been that and i was like i mean you know i mean
01:19:19
you're handsome you don't know what to say what if he does a regular face and he looks like us like this is him all the time and yeah
01:19:25
he's like oh look i'm one of you guys oh yeah he goes right back to it
01:19:31
do regular face do regular face mike he's like
01:19:37
yeah they have a nice laugh at us yeah hey we all have to make fun of each other equally isn't that right poop
01:19:44
yeah do you ever watch it i've ever talked about body bazaar i have right no what is body bizarre
01:19:49
it's one of my favorite shows in the whole world do you know what this is no body bazaar is the best show ever
01:19:54
on what it sounds like an old discovery no it's new they have new seasons body bizarre yeah
01:20:02
i'm telling you right now look it up body bizarre yeah show okay but tell me what is it what's
01:20:07
the deal every episode there's like three or four different cases of people with like disorders that are very like unusual
01:20:16
oh dude i've seen this yeah body bazaar i've seen this body bazaar yeah i've seen this before
01:20:23
yeah well i i've seen uh i saw the guy that grew up a guy that has hair like growing out of his eyeballs and stuff to
01:20:28
get the hairiest man in the world yeah that guy yeah or what about like you know i mean a guy that lives in the
01:20:33
jungle and he's a tree yeah he's made it yeah he's made a tree man right well look at this tall like tallest woman in the world
01:20:39
yeah tallest boy and then wait the tallest boy and the man with his the tallest boy
01:20:45
that's a boy is that a boy that's a woman it says the tallest boy in the man that's a woman it says the tallest boy
01:20:52
my friend that's not a boy i've seen that episode that's a woman it literally says the tallest boy so that's a boy nothing the man with
01:20:58
this that's just the um background of the actual show that has nothing to do with the this
01:21:04
stuff is that one right twins attached to the head twins who have hold on twins that have attached at the
01:21:11
head that blows my mind dude if you and i if you were if you and i were fused
01:21:16
to the head and we had the same personality our same dynamic the worst thing in the world they just one day would find our
01:21:22
skeletal body one with a [ __ ] you know in our skeletons right yeah one's completely burnt on
01:21:29
fire i mean imagine every night i mean because i don't sleep until six in the morning i'd [ __ ] kill you i
01:21:35
would [ __ ] kill you yeah i'd kill you so fast i would kill you so [ __ ] how would you kill me slit your throat
01:21:41
no but if we're head to head yeah and i go on top of it all right right yeah i'd stab you yeah
01:21:46
we would be in a stabbing like this yeah oh my god this poor woman these some of these cases are just insane
01:21:52
insane that's crazy that's you and me what can i say we're attached to the hip yeah that's great that's the craziest
01:21:59
kind of stuff to me that their bodies are fused you know what i don't like when i watch is like whoa check it out like if
01:22:07
wait hold on yeah just look at this one whoa i know dude over here please over here
01:22:13
please yeah what are you looking at
01:22:18
yeah what don't you like what this is what i hate like i hate like you know how why people want
01:22:26
to fix people what i when do i try to fix you check it out so all right well sometimes you'll see like in a
01:22:32
village in india a girl will be born with like 12 arms
01:22:39
and she and and what happens when that happens what do you mean she's the coolest girl in town oh yeah the villagers find her they they worship
01:22:46
her yeah she's fascinating her attempted i think she's shiva i pray right but then some white british doctor was i'll do it
01:22:52
for free i'll do the surgery for free to make his you know yeah
01:22:57
and then she just he removes all the arms she's not a god anymore and then like eight years later she's working at a non
01:23:02
factory [Laughter] right yeah with just regular arms yeah and she's like this is
01:23:07
[ __ ] [ __ ] i used to be a god they used to throw petals at my feet yeah and i walked in and do [ __ ] now i gotta [ __ ] make
01:23:14
none all day no it was like well i did it i did it for free yeah yeah white save your [ __ ] as [ __ ] i hate
01:23:19
white savior if i had 12 arms i would just say please don't remove them well how about the guy how about the one
01:23:25
guy that left his arm so long in the air that his you know his arm fused that way did you ever see that guy he would hold his arm
01:23:30
he held his arm up for like 60 years do you know you've never there's a guy that held his arm up in
01:23:36
the uh man holds arm in air dude he held up his arm in
01:23:41
the air for like look at there he is boom there's my guy indian sadhu indian sadhu keeps his arm raised for 38
01:23:48
years sorry i was wrong 38 years this guy look at this guy yeah this is why this is years ago this had
01:23:54
this years ago why he was waving to somebody and they just didn't see so he left it up there until they
01:24:00
just i will not put it down until he waves back this was a long time ago this guy though his devotion look uh this is years and
01:24:07
years ago amir bahat bharati claims to have kept his hand raised for 38 years in devotion to hindu
01:24:12
deity shiva you know what i would do shiva's the one we're talking about his buddy right no no no no he'd be like
01:24:19
this right and i would pull his fingers up so he'd do this like a hitler thing right you're like
01:24:25
hinduism i can't put it down he can't pull it down please help help help twist my fingers back
01:24:31
but they showed this guy pictures of this guy you can see his fingernails grew super super long it's crazy to me dude yeah
01:24:36
what people do look at this guy and look at how skinny he is oh my god it's a stick now yeah and look at his finger those are
01:24:42
his fingernails that's how long those are those are his fingernails so i guess if you don't it looks like he's always hanging on a cap if you
01:24:47
don't move it it just you lose all the muscle well the muscle dies and then the bone
01:24:52
fuses that way wow and the bone fuses that way yeah there's no energy that that takes then
01:24:57
nope right he would do great in new york he's got a cell phone look at him yeah he's calling he's calling he's calling his
01:25:02
uber he's hailing his uber yeah can you imagine yeah that's insane left this arm for 38 years
01:25:10
that kind of stuff is crazy to me ma dude honestly some people have way more uh discipline that's discipline and that's
01:25:16
how we're gonna get you to quit smoking will you read a book i have a book for you to quit smoking yeah i need to do it i'm serious
01:25:22
you gotta quit i need to do it soon everyone that's listening all the fans write in on bobby's instagram page quit
01:25:28
smoking everyone right quit smoking in the comments yeah i gotta quit it's the stereotyping my lungs
01:25:33
well what can we do to get you to quit for real i don't know what are you willing to what do you how are you willing to go about quitting
01:25:39
well i'm doing less so i'm more mindful about when i do it how about this here's a way to do it
01:25:46
go into your pack and throw away half of the pack i have 15 packs at home okay this isn't
01:25:52
gonna work yeah wait really you're 15 you bought a carton you have like hundreds of packs of this why
01:25:59
so i don't run out all right you're going to go home rude and you're going to throw the word as i hit them why do you do this i hide it can you
01:26:05
find your cigarettes you know where they are maybe on his bed in his bed
01:26:11
like at the side oh there's a table but it's really um disgusting it is what do you mean there's like
01:26:18
ant there's ants inside your house on your side bedside table so we have we have these two
01:26:23
beautiful side you know um bedside tables inside tables
01:26:28
and we call us and i are the same style right her drawer is has these little
01:26:35
compartments she put little boxes in there this is where my meds go right this is where the keys go right if you open mine it's like a
01:26:42
[ __ ] aerial view of [ __ ] vietnam i mean it's like what's in there is there food in there
01:26:48
yeah food wrappers old donuts ants do you eat food
01:26:53
fingernails um you eat food in bed skin does clyde let you eat food in bed no
01:27:00
but i'll what i'll do is she'll fall asleep and i'll go indian style in front of my um
01:27:05
bedside table and i prop my ipad on it and i watch like horror movies yeah and
01:27:11
then i'll be eating like a snickers bar you know what i mean and then i'll take powder powder yeah i
01:27:19
take this stuff called dream powder it helps me go to sleep oh does it not really
01:27:24
so i'll be eating snickers i'll do dream powder and i'll drink a diet coke and i'll be
01:27:30
like i don't want to go to the kitchen i just throw it in the [ __ ] so you throw it in the drawer next to your bed yeah yeah and it's never been cleaned
01:27:37
everyone needs to ride in bobby i have problems quit smoking no quit smoking yeah that's the first thing we're going to take care of next
01:27:43
week we're going to do an exercise how to quit how to quit smoking yeah i might be too late though no no no no no no my lungs are over my dad smoked like 35
01:27:50
years and he quit you did how long did you smoke for you've only been smoking for like six i was 18. all right so 45 years for yeah yeah yeah
01:27:58
we're gonna get you to quit smoking okay your dad is still alive yeah and his lungs are clean now they are i mean they're cleaner than
01:28:04
they're cleaner than when they when he was smoking yeah will you please quit yeah i'm gonna try all right all right
01:28:10
thank you for being a bad friend
01:28:27
is [Music]
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[Music]
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is [Music]
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is [Music]
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[Music]
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is that isn't that bad but what's weird is that not only that isn't that
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but what's weird is that not only that isn't that bad but what's weird is that not only that
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is that this is [Music]
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[Music]
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is
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that's that [Music]
