00:00:00
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two
00:00:07
are disgusting. Well, you two are something. We're bad friends. Probably one of the funnest birthday
00:00:13
parties I've ever been to. Was it one of the most fun birthday parties you've ever done? Yeah. There's Chef Yun right there.
00:00:18
He was out of pocket. What did he do? He didn't do anything wrong. He tried to squirt stuff in my mouth that Well, he had a Saki squirt gun.
00:00:25
Yeah, he had a little saki squirt gun. Show the Saki squirk on when I let me light the
00:00:31
There's Max getting it right in the mouth. That had Saki and Super Soaker. Super Soaker, by the way, invented by a
00:00:37
black guy. We learned stolen by a white guy. Wow. We learned that. We learned that. But show the one of me. He He let me He
00:00:42
let me light the grill on fire. Huge. More. More. More. He kept yelling.
00:00:49
Light on fire. And then he goes saki squirt gun. And he unloads maybe 16
00:00:54
ounces of Wait, wait. He started the palisades fire.
00:01:00
Oh, yun. Yun Yun Yun. He hits himself in the face. He has flaming rods and he hits himself
00:01:06
clean in the face. Not once there, but he does it. He does it twice. He did it right after this. Do it again. Right in
00:01:12
the face. Twice. But I told him three times. I go, I'm sober. And the fourth time he's like,
00:01:17
you want to relapse? He He didn't listen. Relax. Work on. He was so fun. That guy
00:01:23
was one of the most fun times I've ever had in my entire I was threatened by him. You loved him. I made an announcement. Remember I go,
00:01:28
"Don't replace him with me." I would Yeah. I said, "Are you are you busy? Do you want to do a podcast?"
00:01:34
Cuz he had he had real good energy. Great comedic timing. Yeah. Good comedic timing. I've been a
00:01:39
little off lately. There's me getting squared. Wow. What a silhouette. Looks like someone's pissing in my mouth. Internet, take this and run
00:01:45
with it. Yeah. Take this and run with it. Carlos also did not get squirted in the mouth. Carlos, of course, is a for it's our
00:01:52
Halloween. It's our spooky Halloween episode. Woo. You got a Halloween song prepared, Bob?
00:01:58
Huh?
00:02:14
Oh, I'm not You're No, I'm doing the beat. Let's see who goes first.
00:02:21
Scary scary Halloween scared shitless
00:02:27
scary. Who do we have in the studio?
00:02:34
What the [ __ ] are you? What the [ __ ]
00:02:40
You don't just get to moan. Oh, she thought it was a native chant. Yeah, she's a party girl.
00:02:46
She was going to do a haka there. You know she's a party girl. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. What's going on with you? You know what's so funny?
00:02:51
Going out with all these black guys. Yikes.
00:02:56
Going out with black guys. Sleeping over at black guys house.
00:03:02
Walking out of the house like she just rode a horse. Blegged. Blegged. Jewels.
00:03:07
Jeles. Jules. Jules. What have you been doing? Um, I've just been Are you dating someone new? Is that
00:03:12
what's going on? Just seeing a couple of people. Yeah. Taking after. Every time though, she's just like, "Look at this guy. It's
00:03:19
this gigantic, handsome black guy." Every time. You like a little bit of chocolate now, huh? You like your chocolate milk? I love chocolate.
00:03:25
You love chocolate. Fantastic. How come How come I never see Asians in your little rotation?
00:03:30
I've done Asians. Yeah, I know you have. So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You've moved on? Yeah. Moved on. Moved up.
00:03:36
Try something else. Yeah. Yeah. You got to try other stuff. And that's that's Carlos's life motto. You got to try other stuff.
00:03:42
I do agree with that. Honestly, we're not going to be able to hear a word that you're going to say. Yeah. Take that [ __ ] thing off. What is that, by the way?
00:03:48
It's a furry mask. It's like something a shooter would Google at night. My favorite thing is you pretending like you did like you already didn't have
00:03:54
that costume. Oh, order a furry. Yeah, like that wasn't in your closet. I've always wanted to try it since I saw
00:04:00
it on Entourage like 15 years ago. Who did a furry on Entourage? Drama has sex with a girl.
00:04:06
Who's a furry? Yeah. Yeah. Shout out to the furry community. Dude, I met uh me and D. Rosa in Vegas.
00:04:12
met these two be three beautiful sweet women who were dominatrices
00:04:17
and I wanted the download and she was like I'm a big fan. Where's Bobby? First question out of everybody's mouth. Where's Bobby?
00:04:23
You're doing with Shane? Yeah, Shane. We did I did a couple of shows in Vegas. Yeah. Um I have a photo for you.
00:04:28
What is that? Let me show you a photo. Okay. I did a couple of shows with Shane in Vegas. Shane,
00:04:34
you know, just phenomenal, dude. The the venue was unbelievable. What is that? Oh, it's a photo of me and uh
00:04:40
Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Yeah. friends with Taylor Swift. Oh yeah, you guys.
00:04:48
He's high class now. Elite elite. No, we went to the football game. It's
00:04:53
funny that that's the only photo that they chose to snag of me. The Times of India. Oh,
00:04:59
once you've made it, you've made it, man. Yeah. Taylor Swift surprising chat with Andrew. Surprising chat with loser ugly
00:05:06
ginger boy Andrew Santino. Chiefs game sparks his wedding disc. Yeah, this was the most in misinterpreted thing I've
00:05:12
ever said. I said I probably I I had said on um on pardon my take. I had said
00:05:18
like they were like, "Oh, you're going to go to the wedding." I was like, "Dude, I don't know. I also don't want to talk about it." I was like, "Leave me the [ __ ] alone about this."
00:05:24
But that photo though, what? So you're mid smile. You have you're like looking out. You have your finger. You have your
00:05:29
finger here. She must have said something funny. So what? So you say
00:05:35
what she said. Come on. If you think I'm gonna let you bake me
00:05:40
or something. What's the finger about though? I'm sure I was I trying to cover your mouth.
00:05:46
Yeah, I was covering my mouth. I was saying a racially charged joke to her and I was trying to cover my mouth. Yeah. And she's in mids saying a punch
00:05:52
line or something and you look at your face. You've never laughed that hard in front of me ever. What What What in
00:05:59
God's What is she saying that's going to give you that reaction? I actually don't. Look at that face. I don't know the
00:06:05
moment in time. I've never seen you make that face. What? What does she smell like? Yeah. What does she smell like? Tell Tell us. I mean, you could. Why don't you guess?
00:06:12
Okay. Rose matcha. Rose hips. Yeah, rose hips. Rose hips. Yeah. You mean? Um, soft serve matcha.
00:06:19
That's just your favorite. That's why you're saying No, no, no. Just on the pits. Um,
00:06:24
smells like a global superstar would smell. Whoa. Bottle that up.
00:06:32
Dude, she's so very sweet. very cool, very nice, and they're very courteous to let me even come near uh uh that booth
00:06:40
because uh probably the most uh unaccomplished ugly guy in the whole click.
00:06:45
But they let me let me in. Wow. Anyway, incredible. What was I saying? You broke up my brain.
00:06:50
Yeah. Why? What did you break up my brain? What were we saying? Oh, these dominatrices. Oh, yeah.
00:06:56
So, Joe and I go to get pizza after the Gillis show. Um, and we go to get pizza
00:07:01
and these three women. It was the Dude, this is crazy. In Vegas, it was the marathon, the four aces, the WNBA team's
00:07:08
parade for winning a championship. Emo Fest, which was you would have [ __ ]
00:07:13
love Emo Fest. Dashport confessional is my favorite. Dash. Well, Blink played with Panic at the Disco and two, I don't know, three
00:07:19
other bands. And we meet these three girls and I was like, "Oh, did you guys go to Emo Fest?" And she's like, "Kind
00:07:25
of. We did something else." I was like, "Oh, what did you do?" And she's like, "We're dominatrices." And I was like, I am so [ __ ] curious about like I want
00:07:32
to know. I was like, what like how many guy what percentage of men do you actually like hook up with or who just
00:07:38
wants the you know the game? And she's like it's much it's way low on actual
00:07:43
sex. I got tied up once. Oh, tied up is nothing. This is like kick, beat, insult, drag, make you dress
00:07:50
up in different outfits, spitting, kicking. I go, how many guys get like uh genital mutilation? She's
00:07:56
like a ton. A high amount of people. like razor blades to the anything. Kick, pull, squeeze. I'm not [ __ ]
00:08:03
Yeah. These were not shy of girls. These were not shy girls. They're not German. These were German girls. Yeah, they weren't German girls.
00:08:08
We came to Vegas for a little fun. Yeah. Little poopy poopy circus. Circus poopy poopy.
00:08:13
Would you ever get that done though, brother? What? No. Get tied up in I don't like No. Why not?
00:08:19
I'm missionary for a minute and a half and then go to bed. Really? Okay. A minute. Maybe a full minute. Not
00:08:24
even a minute and a half. Yeah. No. I don't want to get hurt while I have sex. That's not for me. I respect it. I do easy mode first.
00:08:31
Yeah, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Don't go full full-blown masterpie. I play as the first guy, you know, as the first avatar,
00:08:36
like an NPC. Yeah. This the simple NPC. This is me. Yeah. That's who I am. I've been willing to get tied my hands
00:08:43
behind my back. You're You're this NPC. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My my legs tied like this, right? And just a light smack on the cheek.
00:08:50
I don't mind. And then I'll go, you know what I mean? Turn it up. Turn it up. You got to start You got to start with
00:08:55
one. You can't start at nine. You can't start at nine when your first time getting tied up. That's nuts. No, no, no. I go, "Okay, do that."
00:09:01
Right. Just a little. And then level two is what? Two cheeks. Double double. And
00:09:06
two cheek it. Maybe she chokes a little bit. Right. And then maybe uh stick a toothp
00:09:12
toothpick inside the penis hole. Uh no. No. Is that how What level is that? I don't That's level five or six. You're
00:09:18
skipping. Oh yeah, I'm skipping levels. Go from like pop to three. Oh, twist my nips.
00:09:24
Twist nips. Twist nips. Twist nips. Yeah. And I'm not talking about my Japanese friends. Carlos likes, by the way. Carlos is a
00:09:30
nip twist. But she was she was fascinating, dude. I was so intrigued. I was like, I want to know everything about it. The one girl was very
00:09:35
sharable. The other one was like, I'm eating my pizza. Leave me alone. I wish I was there. You would have loved it, dude. I would have done it.
00:09:41
And they were rad. How much money do you think? She didn't tell cuz I didn't want to ask her about finances, but I I imagine cuz
00:09:47
I did say, "How expensive does it get?" She's like, "Well, some sessions are in the thousands." Mhm.
00:09:53
So, in the multi,000. Why am I Yeah. Why? We have We have one right there. But do do people orgasm or they just
00:09:59
like the pain? It's not about coming. God damn it. That's the best part. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. You just need a
00:10:05
Richie. Isn't that the best part? Of course. Of course.
00:10:11
Who? Me? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to see Richie tied up. Can we get you a dominatrix and you'd be
00:10:17
down to Sure. We're going to film it. Okay. You're really down to be on cam.
00:10:22
depending on how far it goes. I also met a guy level five toothpicks in the
00:10:27
I also met a guy this weekend who in this familiar group of friends uh that I
00:10:33
guess we had met before. He is a he works in porn. He started off as a film
00:10:38
as a filmographer. He started off as McCone, right? A shooter. And now he I
00:10:44
go, "You ever get in front of the camera?" He goes, "I've been doing it lately." I go, "Ooh, little tiny Filipino guy." I go, "What's going on
00:10:50
with that? Who's it?" And he goes, "Uh, yeah, it's kind of cool." I go, "Well, what are you what are you like, what are you doing?" He's like, "I'm the cuck."
00:10:57
So, he's like, "I don't get to penetrate. I'm the boyfriend that gets cheated on in front of me with the girl." What? Tell me. Explain. Explain.
00:11:03
Explain. He's the cuck. He in the video of like, you know, like in a in a porn where it's like he's cucking. He just stands there
00:11:08
and watches. That's not him. Yeah. Yeah. But he just stands there and watches. Can he play with himself while it's
00:11:14
happening? No. Oh, man. That's like the punishment. Can he stick his finger in his own? He can do nothing. He doesn't. I go, "Do you ever get to do anything?" He goes,
00:11:19
"No, I just have to watch." That's what that would be me. I'd just be like with one finger in there. One finger in your ass.
00:11:25
I wouldn't even go up and down. I'll just stick it in. He uh he was great. He was very interesting.
00:11:30
Wow. Very very interesting stories. I met This Weekend in Vegas was interesting little uh I wonder what that But I mean it must be
00:11:37
arousing to watch. I mean may I don't know. I mean I think the goal would be to not get into it
00:11:44
because then you're really in character because it's it's about the pain of it all. Yeah. Some guys uh let their they they
00:11:50
like to watch their wives. That's what cucking is. That's what Well, I'm just explaining to the audience.
00:11:56
No, but would I mean explaining to one of my family members who watches the show weekly? Does that My aunt is like, "hm, thank you, Bobby."
00:12:04
A hot wife is married hot wife is a married woman who has sexual relations with other men with the full knowledge and consent of the husband.
00:12:10
This is the opposite. They call them hot wives. That So, a hot wife is a woman who has a cuck husband.
00:12:15
Yeah. And it's all good to go. Consensual non- monogamy. I want to be with that ugly wife so I can do it.
00:12:21
I'll be the hot husband, buddy. Well, you don't think I'd ever be the I don't Buddy. You don't think I'd ever be the hot husband?
00:12:29
I don't think. Yeah. Yeah. Not in this lifetime. I can explain. I can describe to you the
00:12:34
woman. I believe in reincarnation. I do think in your next life you could be, but I do not think that's in your cards
00:12:39
this time around. Oh boy. And that's a compliment because you date women much more attractive than you.
00:12:44
God, that makes me so upset what you're saying. Shreking. It's We Shrek. I'm not Shreking.
00:12:50
You've been Shreking all day. You're Shrek King. Yeah. Yeah. You tell me you don't date women out of your league. That's insane. That's all
00:12:55
you do is date beautiful women. That's all you do. And that's a compliment. Yeah. But it's a backhanded one.
00:13:02
It's still backhanded. But it doesn't matter. Every guy we know dates women out of their league. Do you know someone that's with someone that's
00:13:07
compar that's on their level of looks? Yeah, you're right. I don't want to name names. I know a couple of guys with
00:13:14
girlfriends. I'm like in I'm not But I had a magical little weekend in Vegas. It was wonderful.
00:13:21
It is an interesting city. Is it dead like they say? No. [ __ ] no. What do you mean? I just told you how many things were there. Like literally the marathon emo fest.
00:13:27
Every hotel was packed, sold out. It was crazy. Look, it's probably also because it's high season right now cuz it's
00:13:33
getting shitty in other parts of the country. People want to go get away and Vegas was perfect weather and the shows
00:13:39
were [ __ ] incredible. And we were gambling with Shane's dad, which was the funniest thing in the world because
00:13:44
Shane gave him a little bit of money. I met his dad. I like his dad. Phil's the [ __ ] greatest man alive. He gave him a little bit of money. So,
00:13:49
we go down and sit at the table. And Shane was like, "I got to go to my room to go get money cuz I have cash in the room." And I was like, "Well, we we can
00:13:56
just give you cash and he's like, "No, Phil, I just gave you cash." He just gave his dad cash. Like, he had just given it to him. And he was giving me
00:14:02
some. And his dad was so funny. He's like, "No, no, I'll give you a little bit." And he was like holding out on
00:14:07
giving him money. And Shane was like, "Are you [ __ ] serious right now? I just gave you that money." But he gave
00:14:13
him like a lot of money. I think he just handed it to him. Was like, "Dad, go gamble." And he was holding back on it. But dude, Shane on fire.
00:14:19
Yeah. He's No, no, he was g He was winning money. I lost all my money. And at the very end, he goes, "We got to go. We were going to
00:14:25
go to this other thing." And he goes, "Just put whatever all in." And I was like, "All in." I go, "All in." And I'm excited. I get 20. I get two face cards
00:14:32
and I'm like, "We're winning." She She flops out 21. Oh.
00:14:38
It actually hurt. It actually hurt. Yeah. He was like, "You're good. You don't care." I was like, "No, no, it's okay.
00:14:44
It was all the money that I put down, but it's okay. It doesn't matter." You ask me about my weekend.
00:14:52
Well, I'll act the same as you just acted about me explaining my what happened your weekend here. What happened in your weekend? What did you
00:14:58
do? Nothing. No, I went to um I did the uh Irvine improv
00:15:03
again. Orange County's finest. Yeah. Yeah. Can I ask you this though? Okay. So, I have a real problem. I I
00:15:08
need your advice. Yeah. So, you know, um
00:15:14
I don't want this to be taken the wrong way. Okay. But how many black guys have you been dating? Um just two.
00:15:21
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And no whites? No whites. Good for you. Good girl.
00:15:26
So, I've been kind of like a black guy where I have a lot of entourage now. Oh, yeah. How many people are you traveling with? Well, well, cuz I called you from the
00:15:32
hotel room. Yeah. Yeah. And I talked to it was you, Ramsay, Catbird,
00:15:38
um, uh, um, Luke. Luke. Yeah. And one more person. But then Gilbert, Alex, my guy, showed
00:15:45
up. Yeah. And a couple of assistants from the agency. Right. But here's my problem with it.
00:15:50
Mr. Hollywood come with an entourage from Hollywood. Cut to the Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift.
00:15:57
Go to the Taylor Swift photo. I cut to the entourage of Hollywood. I didn't bring an entourage. What?
00:16:03
I didn't bring an entourage with Taylor. The world is your entourage.
00:16:08
You You've never heard that quote before. No, but I got to tell you,
00:16:14
you better use that. It's really good. Yeah. Yeah. The world is your entourage. The world is your So what? You had about how eight nine
00:16:19
people in the Right. But my problem is, and this is fine, right? I'm, you know, I can afford it, but
00:16:26
but you're so annoying. That's so in the middle in between shows, right? It's like I need to eat.
00:16:33
Yeah. Right. So, everyone goes. Everybody's got to go eat. No one has money. Well, yeah.
00:16:38
No one has money. No one has money. You're taking door guys from the store. I know. I know. And then all of a
00:16:44
sudden, it's like I'm fine, right? But I'm like, you know, there's all these like we went to this Korean restaurant,
00:16:49
which is pretty good, right? Next to the There's a new Korean restaurant next to the Irvine Improv. Okay. Right. And it's uh it's called Galby
00:16:55
Social Club. Close. Yeah. They're right there. Close. And it's literally right next to the Right. So I'm like, "Let's go to the
00:17:01
Galby to show the You're going and then they have these packages like, you know what I mean?" Yeah. What kind of meats do you want?
00:17:07
Like there's a feast package. Sure. Right. And usually like I can I'll just go I'll
00:17:13
take one of that. Right. But now it's like Yeah. I'll take five of that. Yeah.
00:17:19
Right. It adds up. It adds up too. It adds up. Right. And people are feasting. Yeah. They're doing the Trump feast.
00:17:25
Yeah. Yeah. Throwing, you know, I mean, boogie in their mouth, right? playing little games, right? Right.
00:17:32
Marinated. And then they're ordering more. More steamed egg. More steamed egg. Right. In my mind, I'm calculating more
00:17:37
steamed egg. That's [ __ ] 1995 there. You know what I mean? Saki drink on and
00:17:43
on. All right. And you get the bill and you look around the table and they all look like little orphan Annie's friends.
00:17:49
Yeah. Meek, right? Like Oliver Twists. May I have another, sir? May I have another bowl of poet, please?
00:17:55
More one more steamed egg, please. Yeah. Right. And then it's just like you got to do it because Why don't you tell me how much it was?
00:18:03
I mean that many people. What is the bill for that many people? It's not that much. It's not that it's
00:18:08
like I said I I can afford it. You can. But um and you and you did it. So that's what happens. But yeah, you you have no problem with
00:18:16
it. There is a code of standup that you are supposed to pay for your openers and
00:18:23
yeah, you have to with Yeah. Because you have the money in there. Yeah. Everyone from CA, come down. Well, no, no, no, no. Okay, okay, okay.
00:18:29
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Come on down. You hear me? With the agents, by the way, the rule is, yeah, the hierarchy pays. The agents, when
00:18:36
they show up, they should pay. It wasn't the agents, it was the assistants. Why? Oh, then you got to pay. I got to pay.
00:18:41
But if the agent shows up or someone at the agency, they pay because I love them, by the way. Thanks for showing up. Because it makes you feel
00:18:46
good that the the company's coming out. I don't want anybody to show up ever to my shows that's at my age. Please don't ever show up. Yeah. Yeah. Come on down. Come on down.
00:18:53
But go to his shows. I prefer no one to come. You know, I'm on the group. I go to Arby's before and then I want my feature.
00:18:58
I want my host my feature and that's it. Yeah. That's all I don't want a bunch of people. I feel good. I want to do that.
00:19:04
You like the entourage. No. No. It gets you off. You like that. Yeah. You enjoy that thing. And then all of a sudden like, you know
00:19:09
what I mean? A guy has three other friends. You know what I mean? They came to the show comped.
00:19:14
Sure. Comped. Yeah. Well, what? They're not going to pay for fine. It's fine. But then they're like, "Can they come?" And you're like, "They
00:19:21
can come." Yeah. Let them come. Everyone wants to come. Let everybody come. Right, Richie?
00:19:26
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Say, "Let everybody come. Let everybody come." Clip it. Yeah. Honestly, dude, you got to do it.
00:19:32
Well, what's my opinion? You want my opinion? Do you have to do it? Yeah. You You got to do it. It's the hierarchy of pay. Those that make the mo. And by the
00:19:38
way, then when you're with other comics, like at our at our we either swap like I'll pay, you pay, or you do credit card
00:19:44
roulette. So, one of us has to throw our credit card in a hat and then one of the and usually make the server pick it, then
00:19:49
they pick it out and then whoever gets hit gets hit. Have you ever picked up the tab? No. Oh my god.
00:19:54
I Have you ever picked up the tab? Who? I don't even think she pays for gas. Sometimes with my friends.
00:20:01
No. Really? Sometimes. Do you Let me ask you in your friend group, do you have the most money? I don't think so.
00:20:07
Really? I've seen your friend group. Let's go out to
00:20:14
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00:22:58
Yeah, but I don't I never I don't know. Sometimes. How about this? When you're going out on dates now.
00:23:03
Oh, I don't pay. You cannot pay. Do they Do you offer half? You don't even do that? No.
00:23:09
No, thank you. Has any guy ever said, "Do you want to split it?" No, but that would be crazy. I would
00:23:14
just leave. I I saw a video the other day empowerment right there. Yeah. On full display. A Tik Tok where a guy picks up a girl
00:23:21
first date. Mhm. And the girl brings her son to get a free meal. How old is the kid? He's like 5 years old.
00:23:27
That's okay. If you picked up a girl with this kid, five years old is cute. Five is funny.
00:23:32
You can You know what, by the way, you use that as ammunition. You joke with the kid, you say funny stuff, you make faces, you make him laugh, she loves you
00:23:38
more. That's a home run. Okay, I guess strategy. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Well, by the way, five 56 kind of the
00:23:45
cut off. If she brings a 10-year-old, that's bananas. Yeah, he can stay at home alone. 10. I was I mean when we started being
00:23:51
home alone we were like eight. Yeah. You're fine. There's hot dogs in the fridge. Do you remember I was dating?
00:23:56
Yeah. And so I remember she came out with her son. That kid was 30. Yeah. Yeah. No, he was 12 years old.
00:24:02
Right. Right. Two. That's over the breaking point. And then he goes, "Um, when I pick up from the airport, all he could say is,
00:24:09
"I have a short throat." Right. He has a little short throat. Yeah. No, sore throat.
00:24:15
Oh, a short throat. Yeah. I have a sore throat. Right. So, we get to my house and I go to, you know, Door Dash and I just go,
00:24:21
I have a sore throat. I can only eat caviar. I said, "Hey, kiddo." I say, "Hey, kiddo, what kind of um flavor do you
00:24:28
want?" He don't care. I gave him every brand. Well, that's a problem.
00:24:34
It comes to my house. I give him a I give him packets of it, like bags of it.
00:24:39
He sticks it in his mouth and he goes [Music]
00:24:44
it and spits it on the floor. Right. Denied. So then I go, "Pick it up." And
00:24:50
he goes, "You pick it up, nigga." He goes, I go, "Pick it up. You pick it up." I go, "Pick it up." She goes, "You
00:24:55
pick it up." You know what I did? I picked it up. Yeah. Yeah. I [ __ ] picked it up. He never had another bag again. I still
00:25:01
have those [ __ ] [ __ ] things in my house. He's got a bag of sort of Ever since then, I'm like, "No more kids."
00:25:06
Yeah. You got to cut it off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But five or six is cute. And you use that. You go you you ingratiate yourself
00:25:11
to the kid. Then it's going, "Oh, he's a nice guy. He likes my kid." And if the kid's funny, you might have more fun
00:25:17
with him than a date. She would have to be Carlos, back me up on this. Yeah, they got to be hot because
00:25:23
they have to be the hottest thing. I I look, look, not in the dating game, but I got to
00:25:28
tell you, there's probably a lot of 5-year-olds I'd rather joke around with than some of the girls that you date.
00:25:37
[Laughter]
00:25:43
They're annoying, right? Some of them are for sure. They're annoying, right? I can see your face.
00:25:49
Some of them I'd rather be like I'd rather chat with a 5-year-old about trains and monsters. Yeah. I remember one time I was with a
00:25:55
girl and we were in Vegas or something. You literally called cuz I was gone. I went to the bathroom or something. You go, you got to get the [ __ ] back here. I
00:26:02
go, why? I go, you said so and so is [ __ ] annoying. You can't leave me alone with these people. I don't know what to talk to them about. I feel more comfortable with
00:26:08
a kid and we can joke around. I can make a fart noise and that's 30 minutes right there. Yeah. I start doing and they're like they lose
00:26:15
their mind. You can't do that to your date. I had this one girl I had this one girl go um she had to come back and apologize
00:26:21
to you for being rude. Okay. Do you remember that? I do. Because she was just like cuz she was a huge fan. But then she was like, "But
00:26:28
when I meet him a fan of you?" No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She said, "When I meet him, Andrew, right, I got to I got
00:26:35
to have confidence. You know what I mean? I got to like I can't be a fan girl, right?" I'm like, "No, just be
00:26:40
yourself." I go, "Just be your [ __ ] self." She goes, "No, no, I have." And then when she met you, she was a [ __ ]
00:26:46
[ __ ] Super mean. Yeah. She was like, "Hey, what's up?" And I'm in my mind I'm like, "What?
00:26:52
What? What are you doing? Not the move." Yeah. Yeah. And then like uh 10 minutes later, she had to come back up to you
00:26:57
and go, "Hey, sorry about my attitude." By that point, I was already out. You're out. I'm out. I'm out. This is my point. So, look, on new dates,
00:27:04
new dates, bring a kid, ladies out there. Yeah. I don't have a kid yet. Mark my words.
00:27:11
No. Yeah, it's coming for you. But you're up to no good. If if you went on a date with a a guy
00:27:17
and he had a couple of kids, would you would that turn you off or No, I think right now it would.
00:27:22
Why? I just don't want to deal with kids. Yeah. Yeah. But what if you met a guy Okay, look. You're 23.
00:27:28
Yeah. What if you met a guy that's 28 and he has a kid? Then no. Here, look. Ages 20 to 29, which is your
00:27:35
age range. Approximately 24% of black men in this age range have father to child. Oh, a quarter of the men that are
00:27:40
going to take you out have a father. So, or have a child. So, you're going to meet a guy who's going to have a kid.
00:27:46
You're going to have to decide at some point what are you going to do? You going to fall in love with this man and be the new mom?
00:27:51
No, I don't want to be a mom. Well, I'm just telling you statistics are there. Ever. Yeah.
00:27:57
35% of non-Hispanic Asian I want to be like you Bobby. Like, explain to me what my I'm like
00:28:03
and just old and just like I Yeah. Single and old. Single and old. Did you say I want to be
00:28:08
like you? Yeah. Interesting. Really? Yeah. I influenced you in that way. I think so.
00:28:14
Yeah. Yeah. My lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. You are a life coach. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. You are.
00:28:20
Cuz last night I was just like, I'm just going to play Dying Light part two till 5 in the morning.
00:28:25
How'd that go? Great. Completed it. No, it's impossibly. There's so many beat.
00:28:30
It's on and on. It's the scary. It's the dumbest game at night. Have you played Dying Light? No, not yet. that night. It's the most
00:28:36
terrifying. What about Silent Hill? I couldn't I couldn't finish it. I couldn't finish it.
00:28:42
I started I started watching the BTK killer last night and everybody cuz everyone's been sending me that it's you.
00:28:47
I know, dude. You saw the BTTK killer. This is the drawing is you. Have you seen the drawing? I know. Go to BTK killer.
00:28:53
I Please don't. I get DMs and text about all day. Look at that. Look, it's that's 100% you.
00:28:58
That's so obvious, Richie. That's so obviously you, though. It's like, who's that? That's Bobby Lee.
00:29:04
Yeah. Yeah. Did you watch that BTK killer? No, but I'm a big fan.
00:29:09
It's tragic, dude. It's awful to watch. Who's here? It's heartbreaking. Who is here?
00:29:15
Who's here? Oh, do we have a guest? Oh,
00:29:20
spooky. Oo, spooky. Spooky flames. Spooky. Spooky flame is here.
00:29:26
Spooky flame. Dude, you look like you just got off a meth binge. Yeah, it looks like somebody exting
00:29:32
extinguished your flame there. Hey, what's going on, dude? Uh, you look seem wildeyed. Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
00:29:40
Your eyes are so blue. Yeah, your eyes are blue. Pretty. Okay. Thank you. Thanks. Beautiful boy. Thank you.
00:29:45
How's it been going? Real beautiful. Good. Is this your Halloween costume? We asked you to come in costume. Uh, yes. Um, it's like the the Project X
00:29:52
outfit. Oh, it's what you wore in the movie? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god. That's Is that exactly the clothes that you wore in the film?
00:29:58
Yes. Uh, well, I mean, different jacket, but pretty much. Uh, can I be honest with you, bud? It's not even a little
00:30:05
bit like that. Wait, zoom in. Look at how young you are there. How old are you there? 18. Wow.
00:30:10
Wow. How old are you now? 33. Is that good memories of Project X?
00:30:16
Yeah. Yeah, you do. You have good memories of that. That was filmed near here. Yeah. Yeah. Do you still Do you still get residuals
00:30:22
from that movie? Uh, yeah. Pretty small, but yes. Like what's an average one from that film? Um, I think probably like 3,000 a year.
00:30:31
That's not bad. Yeah. Not bad. Free money. Yeah. And then Dumb and Dumber.
00:30:36
No. What? Uh is who y'all are dressed as? No. Ben and Jerry the ice. Ben and Jerry the ice cream. Yeah. I'm
00:30:41
chunky monkey. Yeah. Who are you? Meg. Oh, okay. Cool. Cool. It's not all part of the same theme.
00:30:47
Like those guys are not part of Ben and Jerry at all. Can you guess what they are? What What do you think? Um Carlos is
00:30:54
uh Sonic. Yeah. Yeah. Sonic the Hedgehog. And look who's right next to him is Tails right there. That's Tails. Yeah.
00:31:00
Richie's Tales. Richie, what do you think Richie is? I don't know.
00:31:06
Karen Carpenter. Karen Carpenter. And then who do you think is in the back there? Who do you think is in the back? He told me Groucho Marks.
00:31:11
So, you already got tipped off. Yeah. Well, can you want to lie and retake it again? Yeah. Who Who is that in the back?
00:31:18
Uh, someone with a mustache. You started off right. It's Hitler. It's Hitler. That's
00:31:23
actually Hitler. That's Hitler before he shaved it into a little tiny. So Hitler actually that's that's
00:31:29
actually the outfit that he was known for the most. And then he shaved the little tiny mustache here.
00:31:34
The art school one. This is art school Hitler. Yeah. Oh the art school Hitler, dude.
00:31:40
That's art school Hitler. That was art school Hitler before he got denied and kind of really changed his
00:31:47
thought process about the world. But there he is. That's Art School Hitler. Is that him as a kid?
00:31:52
Yeah. Yeah. Do you think you could at that point? Look at that. Whoa. Whoa.
00:31:57
Look at those legs. But as a kid, do you think it looks like Pete? You'd be able to change his mind.
00:32:03
Huh? If you ran into Hitler, he had a time machine. You ran into a Hitler that was like 9 years old. Do Do you think you
00:32:09
could be able to change the direction of his life? [Laughter]
00:32:14
What would you say? That's a really good question. What would you say? Hi, little Hitler. I I can't do the act of
00:32:20
Okay. Yeah. Hello. Hello, little Hitler. Hello, Chinese boy.
00:32:26
Already it's hard. Yeah. Well, you know, um I'm not Chinese. I think you're just um you know, I'm from
00:32:31
a different But you know, we're all human beings. We're all kind of the same. You're all from China as far as I'm concerned.
00:32:38
Yeah, I get it. But it's like I'm Korean rice man. You know what? Calling derogatory words.
00:32:43
Little rice man. Tiny little Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, um No, I like you. You people are okay.
00:32:49
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not so bad. Yeah. I think all people are equal. No, all people are equal.
00:32:54
Yeah. Not all. What do you What do you mean? A few people don't deserve the same
00:33:01
things as me. I I see. Well, let's go through Let's go through the [ __ ] groups.
00:33:06
Blacks, Jews, Asians. Yeah. All equal with you. They're equal on their little plane.
00:33:13
Oh, so you're in a different category. Yeah, we're superior. Okay. I don't know. You killed nine-year-old.
00:33:20
I would I would kill him. You can't flip that guy. I don't think he was born I don't think he was born like that. I think something tragic happened to him. I think he was probably
00:33:26
molested in art school which is why he had this whole weird art school thing. He was molested and then this was his
00:33:31
rage against the world. Was Hitler molested? Got to be.
00:33:37
Was he gay? Got to be. No, Hitler wasn't gay, dude. He wasn't cool enough to be gay.
00:33:42
Historians and scholars have found no credible evidence Adolf Hitler was sexually molested. Rumors circulated after World War II. were largely for
00:33:48
propaganda purposes and have been discredited. I like how they discredited like they had to go out of their way to
00:33:53
find out. They're like, "All right, who molested Hitler?" He had a harsh father dramatic episodes. Yeah, I think he had
00:34:00
something [ __ ] up. All right, raise your hand if you molested Hitler. Guys, come on. We're
00:34:06
not going to get back to painting until you guys tell me who did it. Yeah, we want to do watercolors.
00:34:13
Listen, I think you're right. I think he was born that way. You really do. He's probably a sociopath.
00:34:19
No, because something had to have happened to him, dude. I think we're all born pretty clean and good. Something cracks a human.
00:34:26
Something breaks. Every time you watch these true crime documentaries, something really bad happened.
00:34:32
Right, Dax? Has anything really bad happened to you in your life? Um,
00:34:39
not like that. See? Yeah. And that's why he's high functioning normal adult. Yeah. But someone did say
00:34:44
something the other day about often serial killers are uh bedwars to
00:34:50
an older age. And how how when did you stop? I did I did until old too old but not
00:34:56
any more of course like maybe like nine or something. Nine. That's pretty old to wet the bed.
00:35:01
Yeah. Yeah. That's older than kids that women bring on dates with Bobby. That's pretty nine is old.
00:35:06
I can imagine him coming downstairs like in The Exorcist and just appease them on
00:35:12
the floor. The triad was proposed in ' 63 by psychiatrist JM McDonald based on the observation of small group of
00:35:17
nonviolent patients who had made threats. It's a misconception the serial killers are bedwarters. That's not true. Okay. That the McDonald triad. So that's not
00:35:23
like getting a head injury, right? What? A head injury. Head head injury, molestation, both
00:35:28
physical and sexual abuse towards uh that that's that this they all kind of have a lot of that stuff in common.
00:35:35
But if you look at our society and then you look at like um how many um serial killers were in Sweden or Thailand,
00:35:41
you're talking about low numbers like three, four people throughout their history. Well, the highest concentration of
00:35:46
serial killers has got to be from here, right? It is. Well, we're number one. We're number one again.
00:35:52
But why here? Head injuries. No. What? We have the most head injuries.
00:35:59
You think so? A lot of doctors dropping babies. Yeah. Studies suggest a correlation between head injuries and serial killing. It's not a direct cause, but it
00:36:05
there is a tie. I wonder what the other one is. What's your favorite breakfast, Jules?
00:36:12
Rice, eggs, and um seaweed and kimchi and um
00:36:17
spam. Spam. Google that and see if that's a serial killer meal. That sounds like one. That's exactly what I like. What do serial killers eat?
00:36:24
Is it like a mixed up? Yeah. What is that called? Is that called a dish? Do you have a you nickname it
00:36:29
something? Name? I don't think so. Serial killer is a variety of foods. Zoom in. There's no single serial killer diet, and there should be. That's a new
00:36:36
diet plan. You want to have a rip body, you got to have the serial killer diet. The last
00:36:42
meals, uh, fried chicken, French fries, onion soup, while another one requested steak with baked potato. I've been thinking about Dmer lately,
00:36:48
but I don't know. No, we're not going back down that rabbit hole. We have some famous horror movie scenes to bring back. I'd love to bring I'd
00:36:54
love to do a script reading. Let me see. Also since we have a professional actor among us, Dax [Music]
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00:38:21
you see one that you want to do, Jill? Jules, I mean, you love scary movies. Um, what about Seven? The scene from Seven.
00:38:28
Yeah, let's do seven. Who you going to be, Jules? Mills or John Doe?
00:38:33
Um, Mills. Okay. You're John Doe. You're going to be John. No, no, no. You got to be John Doe. I do
00:38:40
stage directions. Okay, please. Okay, go ahead. Who's Mills again? I don't remember what. Who's Mills?
00:38:45
That's um uh Brad Pitt's character, right? Then Dax, you are Somerset in this scene.
00:38:51
Okay. And remember Somerset, you're an old black man.
00:38:57
So, you really got to turn on that voice. Yeah. Yeah. Is it Morgan Freeman? Yes, it is. Have you ever seen the movie?
00:39:04
Okay. Okay. Even better. Um, Marshands Early Evening.
00:39:11
Here he comes. That's what stop. You're Kevin Spacy on this. That
00:39:18
was my spacey. Okay, my bad. He's talking about a boy he extension uh marsh um marshlands early
00:39:26
evening. Here he comes. What? I wish I could have lived like you.
00:39:35
Shut up. The [ __ ] you talking about? Do you hear me, detective? I'm trying to tell you how much I admire you and your
00:39:41
pretty wife. What? Tracy, what you [ __ ] say?
00:39:48
Too Asian. Read the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mills freezes, turns to do. Do smiles.
00:39:55
Somerset is close. It's disturbing how easily a member of the press can purchase information from the men in your precinct.
00:40:01
Somerset starts running towards Mill. Throw your gun down.
00:40:06
Now that is Morgan Freeman. That's it. Now that is Morgan Freeman. Give me to me one more time.
00:40:12
Yeah. You're also screaming it. Throw your gun down. I know. But that was loud. I understand
00:40:19
that. But you know how far apart they are. Yeah. You're yelling. You're literally like, you know, I mean, a quarter a mile away.
00:40:24
Go for it. Yeah. Throw your gun down. Same. Very good. Same. Yeah. Yeah. I visited your home this morning after
00:40:31
you'd left. Meals is filled with aching terror. I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man.
00:40:37
Somerset is 50 yards away and closing. Throw it away. Louder. Throw it away loud as you can.
00:40:44
Yeah, throw it away. It didn't work out, so I took a souvenir. Her pretty head. Mills.
00:40:52
Mill raises his Mills raises his gun in the air. Mills gun in the air. No, no, no. Give me the gun.
00:40:58
What's going on over there? Some throws his own weapon away.
00:41:04
Put the gun down. Show me the box. What was in the box? Because I envy your normal life.
00:41:12
Put the gun down, David. It seems that envy is my sin. What's in the box? What's in the [ __ ]
00:41:19
box? I just told you you lied. You're a [ __ ] liar. Shut
00:41:25
up. Cut for a second. Just cut for a second. Right. Um
00:41:30
you you I think you subconsciously know that there's something terrifying in the box. And you I think you do know that
00:41:38
it's your wife's severed head. So you're angry. Much more panicked.
00:41:44
Well, how would you feel if you if you did if you if someone had a severed head that of someone that you love?
00:41:50
Scared. Scared. Yeah. And pissed and mad. And mad. Rage. Well, imagine if someone came to you in
00:41:56
the desert with a box and Tito's Bobby's head was in there. How would you feel? Mad.
00:42:01
But not with a smile. Yeah. I don't think that would be a good example. I think um
00:42:07
somebody else. Yeah. Um No, I'd be mad. Yeah. Yeah. Mad. Issa, your sister. Oh, Issa's head is in a box.
00:42:14
Yeah. Okay. No, not in a happy donut. Don't Yeah. Yeah. Why you smiling? The smiling is crazy. Or let's go back to um uh let's go back
00:42:21
to It seems that envy is my sin. It seems that envy is my sin.
00:42:26
What's in the box? What's in the [ __ ] box? I just told you. You lied. You're a [ __ ] liar. Shut
00:42:33
up. It's what he wants. He wants you to shoot him.
00:42:39
No. No. You tell me that's not true. That's not true. Become vigils. David,
00:42:46
she's all right. You tell me. He's crying. He's crying at this. She's crying at I'm crying.
00:42:52
Yeah. Kind of crying. Rage. Become wrath.
00:42:57
Tell me she's all right. Are you laughing? If you murder a suspect, David.
00:43:04
No. No. She begged for her life, detective. She begged for her life and the only life of
00:43:10
the baby inside her. Somerset slaps John Doe across the face. Shut up. Mills face lit fills with confusion,
00:43:17
then a wave of horror. Do's eyes register shock. He didn't know. Mills raises and lowers the gun a few
00:43:23
times, sobbing. Give me the gun, David. Mill turns the gun on John Doe.
00:43:29
David, if you kill him, we He will win. Oh god. Oh god,
00:43:36
dude. Dude, Morgan Freeman would be jealous. He would be jealous. Yeah. Yeah.
00:43:41
So good. Dax, hello. Okay. Very good. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Very good stuff.
00:43:47
Very good stuff. Those are very good. Very good. You want to attempt Blue Velvet or That'll be
00:43:54
It's a good scene. Do you miss acting? It was good. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, it was good. Do you miss acting?
00:43:59
Yeah. Yeah. I love acting. We got to get you back. We got to make him We have to write a movie and get Dax in it. He's got to be the nemesis, though.
00:44:05
You have to be evil. You have to be evil, right? Would you play an evil guy? Mhm. What's the most evil thing you've done in your life?
00:44:12
Kill the fish. Purposely. Purposely. But because my grandpa had
00:44:17
left, we went fishing and you know, you have to put kill the fish after you catch it. You don't have to. Well, I couldn't get the hook out of its
00:44:23
mouth. Um, so I and then he had left to go help my
00:44:28
mom and then I had to kill the fish with a rock. Uh, Carlos, will you Google serial
00:44:34
killer tendencies ties with killing fish with rocks? Is there a tie to Well, check if it's like while people
00:44:40
are fishing cuz No, no, no, no. That doesn't matter. That's I think we got two well-known
00:44:46
serial killers, Jeffrey Dmer and Albert Fish have documented ties to killing fish and other small animals. But I didn't like it.
00:44:51
This you didn't. It says right here, "Neither of them enjoyed it while it was happening. They were fishing with their grandfather."
00:44:57
Did you cry while you're doing it? Um, no. No. They show tendencies to not cry at all
00:45:02
while they're killing the fish. Did you feel anything at all? Yeah. Yeah. What did you feel? Uh, terrible.
00:45:08
Studies show the word they use is terrible at the beginning, but then sexual arousal when it's over.
00:45:13
Did you have an erection? No. Okay. Okay. Most of them can't get an erection. It says here because of the terror. Terror.
00:45:21
Wow. Do you think you may have some serial killer tendencies? Um, no. But that maybe aligns.
00:45:28
So, yeah. Uh, maybe one, maybe singular
00:45:34
that I think he's the opposite of a serial killer. I think he's a good guy.
00:45:39
I think your heart is so pure. Well, he could just be a regular killer and not realize, you know, he could Yeah.
00:45:44
No, he's not a killer. I think you're a sweet guy. Thank you. Yeah. Also a party guy.
00:45:51
I've seen him a lot in parties that I went. Okay. What party did you go to where you saw Dax?
00:45:56
Um the Zach Justice one and another one and another one.
00:46:01
Oh, that's true. It was my friend Ryan's birthday. And you went to that? Yeah. A lot of influencers people there.
00:46:08
A lot of young people. Who invited you? Zach. Cuz you know she's on his podcast now as a permanent.
00:46:14
I see that. Yeah. I see that on the internet. How do you Wait, wait. How do you feel
00:46:19
about that, Andrew? Oh, you're a bad friend. Then you do Tiger Belly. Then you do Trash Tuesday. Then you do this. You're kind of like a pod You're kind of
00:46:25
a pod hopper if I'm being honest. Yeah, let's be No loyalty. No, you're a pod hopper. Look, there's a pod hopper right there. Oh my god.
00:46:31
Yeah, look at that. There she is pod hopping all over the place. Pod hopping all over the place. Look at her.
00:46:36
You're You're a pod hopper. It's actually not a good thing to be. It's just family podcast. Tiger belly.
00:46:42
Ew. You pod hopping. Look at that. Look at this. More. More. You're evil pod hopping. Yeah, that's what's evil is pure is pod hopping.
00:46:48
Yeah. You stay loyal to us. But no, she's pothopping. He's pod hopping, dude. Are you and Zach just good friends? How
00:46:54
do you know him? Bobby, right? So, you introduced the pod hopper, too.
00:47:00
Yes, I did. Well, it's your fault. You know, he swooped in. Pod hopping. He pod hopped. Mrs. I don't feel like podcasting.
00:47:06
I had to force you to do it. Yeah. Now pod hopping. Now, anyone asks, you'll do it.
00:47:12
How excited are you for about the Dodgers? Oh my god. You're such a big Dodger fan. I am.
00:47:17
And where are they now? World Series. You named some of your favorite Dodgers. Yeah, Freeman. I like Freddy Freeman. I
00:47:23
like show the best that other [ __ ] that that game that he played last year. Best game. It's probably the greatest
00:47:28
in the history of baseball. You're a big Dodger fan, Dax. Um as big of like any other team.
00:47:35
That doesn't That's not an answer. Yeah, that's not an answer. That's not an That's like when you say, "Do you like food?" And they're like, "I
00:47:40
like food like people like food." Yeah. They're show handsome. He's handsome.
00:47:45
Elitist. Big boy. Big boy. That's what she goes to, right? To big boy. Yeah, he is a big big boy. J, that's Japan's
00:47:52
finest export. He has Pearl Harbor energy all the time. Well, it's payback, baby.
00:47:57
Payback. Yeah. And that's his girlfriend. Yeah, right there. That's wife. Oh, wife. Sorry.
00:48:03
Miko. Yeah. What is it? Mamiko. Say it again. Mamiko. Very good. You don't have to.
00:48:09
It's not Hello Kitty. Do you think though? Do you think in his head though she makes me look tan? That's what I like about Japanese women. They make me
00:48:14
look tan. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think in his mind he's like, "I shouldn't marry because now I think I could get white pussy."
00:48:20
No. Do you think or do you think No, dude. He's from Japan. Bob's mad now.
00:48:26
He's from Japan. His favorite I think Japan. He has to He represents Japan. He's got to have a Japanese wife.
00:48:31
Yeah, he has to. He has some dumb American wife. What a waste of his time. He's got some bozo
00:48:37
goofball. Like he played in Orange County before. Imagine if he was with some Orange County girl. Some like Laguna Beach chick. You'd be
00:48:43
She's very pretty. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. Gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful Japanese girl. What's it? Why you laughing?
00:48:49
Because I know you have that mindset of like holding out till like you have succeeded a lot. Bobby, what are you talking about?
00:48:55
Cuz you can get the hottest girls when you're at your richest and most famous. And I know you actively seek that cuz I
00:49:00
would too. I get it. You've said to me an Asian-American at their highest pinnacle is getting a hot
00:49:06
white girl. You've said that. You've said that. You've said that as a
00:49:11
as a successful Asian-American, the pinnacle is getting a hot white girl. It's called playing in the snow. Playing in the snow. Snow bunny life.
00:49:17
Yeah. You say that, dude. Don't pretend like that's not true. Is that not true?
00:49:24
No, it's not. Okay. Acting. I mean, do you think would you ever date
00:49:30
an Asian woman? Uh, yes. Have you? Um, no.
00:49:35
I I've been on a date with an Asian. Yeah. You can't take this the wrong way, please. You seem like you do like Asian
00:49:42
girl. Yeah. Okay. You've got I like Asian girl, white guy energy. Yeah. Like it's almost a fetish.
00:49:49
Oh. Um, no. Like a tech guy. Yeah.
00:49:54
Sure. Do you like Do you like dried squid? Uh, I've never had that. Okay. Seaweed.
00:49:59
You watch porn? What do you watch? Oh, I don't know. He He doesn't watch it. Do you watch it?
00:50:05
Um, sometimes. Wait, look. What's your Google history?
00:50:10
I mean, your u Pornhub history. The feds probably know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What were we talking about earlier?
00:50:19
Really? It's uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to talk about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:50:26
It's You know what's so funny? You cuz I know you now pretty well. You don't like to talk real private stuff.
00:50:33
True. Yeah. Yeah. You want to protect some things about your private life. Yeah. Why is that, you think?
00:50:39
Um, I'm just too timid talking about porn on a podcast.
00:50:44
I agree. It's It's stupid. We shouldn't be talking about it at all. Okay, I agree with you. I agree, too.
00:50:50
Say it's stupid, guys, to talk about this crap. It's stupid to talk about this crap. Let's talk about something smarter.
00:50:56
Thank you. Oh, I see. And he's right. Let's tell me. Give us
00:51:03
something smarter. That is true. What would you like to talk about that's more intellectual? Do you know much about that A1 Atlas um
00:51:10
meteor approaching Earth? Um yeah. Is that what it's called? A1. Yeah. What? Tell us about this uh this
00:51:18
comet that's hurling toward Earth. It's risky, but people aren't too worried. What's risky about it?
00:51:24
That it could collide or something. But do you think it's an alien spacecraft? No. Okay. We have another way to test
00:51:30
intelligence. I have a Halloween trivia game. Let's see how smart you really are.
00:51:37
Bad Friends Halloween trivia. How do you Do you yell it out or do you
00:51:42
just raise your hand? It's going to be like the old days. It's pointbased. There's 25 questions. We're
00:51:48
all going to go in order of that. Everybody gets to buzz in and go first. But we'll start with you being able to
00:51:53
go first. But I mean, do you want to buzz in or do you want to go? Everybody equal gets a first question. Everybody equal.
00:51:58
Okay. I'm not going to plug in cuz you're not going to see this. So it'll just go down the line. Like if I don't get it right, then it's your
00:52:04
turn. your turn. Well, you guys will all guess cuz some of them are going to be like multiple choice. Not multiple choice, but like
00:52:09
like question one, what is the most popular Halloween candy? What's the most popular Halloween candy? Bob, what do you think?
00:52:15
Uh, [ __ ] that's a good one.
00:52:22
[ __ ] man. I know my answer. Do we have to go candy corn?
00:52:27
Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Candy corn. I was going to say candy corn. That's what I was saying. Guess something else. Huh? Guess something else.
00:52:32
Well, that's the one I That's not the game. That the game's not good that way. Okay, cool. You can I mean you guys can both guess candy corn.
00:52:38
And then if you both are right, you both get a point. Yeah, I think that's good. Candy corn is my guess. Candy corn. Uh Reese's Peanut Butter Club.
00:52:46
I would say one. Okay, we candy corn. They do cups. They're correct.
00:52:51
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. One point for Rudy, one point for Dax. That'll piss me right off. That pisses me off. Pisses me off. What
00:52:56
was candy corn originally called? Andrew starts. What was candy corn originally called?
00:53:02
Yes. Candy corn was originally called witches toes.
00:53:09
Witches toes. Uh, really? I don't [ __ ] know.
00:53:16
I have no idea. Pumpkin fingers. Ooh, pumpkin fingers. Fingers. Body parts. It seems to be the theme.
00:53:22
Candy pyramid. Candy pyramid. Very specific. Harvest candy. Harvest candy. That's actually good,
00:53:28
too. The answer is chicken feed. Chicken feed. Next one.
00:53:33
What candy is given to soldiers in battle in the Korean War? Ketamine in the Korean War.
00:53:39
Starting with Rudy. Meth and fetamine. What What candy candy was given to soldiers in the Korean War?
00:53:45
I think I know. Sugar the sugar cane candy. Sugarce candy. Sugarcane candy.
00:53:50
Hershey's. Hershey's. I'm going to go with Hershey's. I'm going to say sugar babies.
00:53:56
Tootsie Roll. [ __ ] Damn it. These are hard. D. This is one where you
00:54:01
have the opportunity to get three points. Dax, you're up first. Or two points or one point. What are the top three most popular Halloween
00:54:07
costumes for dogs? For dogs. For dogs. For dogs. Ladybug.
00:54:13
Ladybug. Uh, scarecrow. Astronaut.
00:54:21
Me? Yeah. Sunflower. Vampire.
00:54:28
Um, mommy.
00:54:35
Uh, Toto. Um,
00:54:42
zombie and uh butterfly.
00:54:47
Um, ghost or Oh, ghost. Ghost. We forgot about ghost. How did we [ __ ] forget about
00:54:53
firefighters or firefighter? Yeah, that's so funny. No. Yeah, you mean Dalmatian. Yeah. Yeah. Firefighter. Yeah. Yeah.
00:54:59
Yeah. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it, too. Butterfly, too. Butterfly. What are the three?
00:55:04
Pumpkin. No one of us. Hot dog. None of us. And Bumblebee. None of us. None of us. It is still two to nothing. I mean, one
00:55:12
to one to nothing to nothing. Bumblebee over butterfly or ladybug.
00:55:17
[ __ ] That's what it says. [ __ ] you. Okay, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Where'd you get this off? A truth social. I pull from a bunch of different
00:55:23
sources. Okay, go ahead. I only make dogs bumblebees. In what American state is it illegal to
00:55:30
be a priest or nun for Halloween? Oh, I already know.
00:55:38
Kansas. How you actually? Now that I think I was going to say Utah.
00:55:45
I don't know. Name any state. Tennessee. The good guess. Um, Arkansas.
00:55:52
These might be too hard. This is Alabama. No, he was close. Give him a point. He's close. No, no, no. You don't. No, you don't. No, no, no. We need to start racking up
00:55:59
points. Yeah, he's closest. Alabama and Arkansas are neighbors. That's close. Okay. We were nowhere [ __ ] near it.
00:56:05
Okay. A pumpkin is a fruit. True or false? True.
00:56:12
True. True. You got to go against the grains, kid.
00:56:18
False. It's true. It's true. Idiot. Idiot.
00:56:24
Idiot. Idiot. Bobby and Rudy tied at one point. Nice. Andrew and Dax tied at three.
00:56:30
Let's go, [ __ ] Uh, Dax, which famed horror actor performed the monologue in Michael
00:56:35
Jackson's Thriller? Um, Vincent Price,
00:56:41
Bella Losce, Emerald Legosi,
00:56:47
sorry. Um,
00:56:53
oh god, why did you say Vincent Price? I remember there's that like deep voice in
00:56:59
that song. Yeah.
00:57:04
Um, I don't know. I'll say I'll say Vincent Price. I'm
00:57:11
going to copy you. I'll copy you. Vincent Price is correct. Yes. Very good guess.
00:57:17
Cool. Thanks. Yeah. You're welcome. You're welcome. I I I'm getting out now. I'm getting I'm getting out now. There's no way to come
00:57:22
back. Yeah, there is. Hold on. There's enough questions where you can tie. Okay. Okay. Um so the standings right now, Dax and
00:57:28
Rudy are tied with five. I have four. Andrew's with four and Bobby is taking up the rear with one.
00:57:34
You're always taking it up the rear. His tone, dude. He can no longer be the question guy.
00:57:40
Richie should be doing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How many? Richie, can you take over? Richie, take over. Rich, take Richie, take over. Richie,
00:57:45
it's going to hurt. I think it's it's his negativity. He's he's he's embodied Groucho March right now. I I don't like it. Yeah. So, Grit,
00:57:52
you take No, Richie takes over. Richie takes over. Yeah. Go ahead, Richie. Yeah, Richie. Go ahead, bud. All right. How many Halloween movies has
00:57:58
Jaime Lee Curtis appeared in? The closest. Okay, Rudy.
00:58:03
Um, perfect. Six. Two. One.
00:58:11
One. Seven. Oh my god. Rudy gets it again. Oh my god. Don't look at me, dude. I'm
00:58:17
I'm in the last place. I don't remember. You go with me again against what I'm saying. I don't remember at all. In Twilight.
00:58:23
No, shut Richie. Richie, dude. In Twilight.
00:58:29
Richie. Richie. All right. Richie. All right. In Twilight, what year did
00:58:34
Edward Cullen turn into a vampire? Never seen the movie. In what year?
00:58:40
What year? Closest to the year. Rudy's up first. No, you don't even say closest to the year. You say closest to the
00:58:46
year, Richie. Closest to the year. Yeah.
00:58:52
Like 1720. 1820. What's the question? No. Richie.
00:58:59
In Twilight, what year did Edward Cullen turn into a vampire? Oh, in the movie like his character.
00:59:05
So, you said you already guessed 1720 and you guessed 1820 something.
00:59:11
1650. I think 1514
00:59:18
1918. Oh, so that is Dax again. I've never seen the movie. So Rudy has the opportunity to tie him
00:59:25
here. Stop for a second. The last question. There it goes.
00:59:31
Yeah. Yeah. Can I see something? Okay. Richie does a question. I want to hear your voice.
00:59:37
Yep. Yeah. All right. Yep. I mean I How many times do I have to tell you? All right. It's just It's just
00:59:43
irritating. I don't know what it is. I think that's why I'm losing. That's why. That's why I think that's why I'm losing.
00:59:49
That's why. Yes. All right. So, I don't want to hear a word from I love you, bud. But Richie, from now on, I'm so sorry,
00:59:54
guys. I'm sorry. He's the reason I'm losing.
00:59:59
You're [ __ ] Go ahead, Richie. Don't worry. I'm your good luck charm here. How many minutes does Michael
01:00:04
Keaton appear on screen in Beetlejuice? What? Say it again. Uh, how many minutes does
01:00:10
Michael Keaton appear on screen in Beetlejuice? Okay, Dax, start. 10.
01:00:16
17 minutes. 28 minutes. Seven minutes.
01:00:22
17 minutes. Bobby gets it right and wins the game. I told you. You also Good luck, John.
01:00:28
How did he win? No, he didn't. Dax. Dax still wins. Dax won. Final score, Bobby Lee three. Andrew
01:00:35
Santino five. Rudy Giuliani six. Dax Flames 7.
01:00:40
Happy Halloween. You're no longer welcome on the show, Dax. You understand me? Yeah. Yeah. Don't come in here on your
01:00:46
Okay. You're supposed to throw the game for us. I'll give a point to everyone.
01:00:52
So, that gets you down. 654. Next time we do a game, right? Here it goes. No more dates and square footage of a
01:01:00
[ __ ] of an area. That's insane. There's no square footage. Yeah. Or a feet or of any That's insane.
01:01:05
Right. From now on, it's just [ __ ] facts. Facts. Yeah, it's only facts. You didn't get the facts ones, right?
01:01:10
Whoa. You got the You got the guessing ones, right? Yeah. Yeah.
01:01:18
Hey, you ruined I think you ruined my Halloween, dude. This is the worst Halloween I've ever
01:01:23
had. Come on. Yeah. No, I'm being real. You ruined anything. Yeah. Yeah. Any candy that you're excited about getting this year?
01:01:29
No. Because I have access to all the candy I want. Not me. This is the only time here I'm allowed to have it in the house.
01:01:34
Really? So, what are you what are you what are you looking forward to? The um Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are
01:01:39
shaped like pumpkins. Some of my favorites. What are you excited about this year?
01:01:46
Um Snickers. Don't Don't Don't do it.
01:01:51
What? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
01:01:56
What? Dax. Uh nerds gummy clusters or that makes sense. I do like that. I like
01:02:03
like sour gel or some sort, you know, just gel. A packet of sour gel. I went to um in Burbank there's a um
01:02:10
horror museum. I'm sorry. Rudy with the Snickers. It's like it's
01:02:17
right there. It's By. Yeah. I mean last year reminds you of something
01:02:26
sneakers. But I only like the king size.
01:02:32
You [ __ ] perve. You're gross. Pervert. You don't even like Snickers, you pervert.
01:02:38
I went roller skating again last night by myself. Why are you doing that? Invite someone to come with you.
01:02:44
No. Why are you going solo skating? Cuz what if you fall again and get hurt? I did fall a couple of times.
01:02:50
And then I fell once. I got up and then there's a He happens to be black. He he's he has a referee outfit on and he
01:02:58
goes, "Keep it moving. Yeah. Well, you can't hold I'm like I I literally got the wind knocked out of me. Give me a second.
01:03:04
Keep it moving. But you got it. You got to get up and go, man. There's a whole thing going on. I know. And then you got to put your
01:03:11
thumbs up to see if you were right. Well, were you okay? So, when you slam, you have to go like this.
01:03:17
Well, that's so humiliating. That's how they know you're not hurt. I'm okay. I'm okay. Was it your first time since the
01:03:22
incident? No. I've been going by myself. Training. Yeah. It's never going to happen again. You're
01:03:27
never going to fall again. the most lonesome human experience you could ever have. You put on headphones?
01:03:33
No. You just I'm just skating around. There's this 90-year-old Japanese man. He's one foot
01:03:39
backwards. Wow. Yeah. He's killing it, right? And it's just like I'm going to Oh, this is Yeah.
01:03:45
This is my life. You're that guy. No family, nobody. Stop it. You can invite so many people
01:03:51
that would love to come skating. No one's going to go skating on a Monday night. You should have asked mama. I'm not going with your mom. Why not?
01:03:58
She would fall over like a coconut and explode on the [ __ ] coconut meat all over the place. There's
01:04:04
no coconut skate sesh. Coconut skate sesh.
01:04:09
No, there's something I like it because it kind of like um it's like when you watch a movie by
01:04:14
yourself and stuff, you're like, I'm okay being by myself. I don't need anybody. I don't want to be in a
01:04:19
situation where I'm like, I need somebody to make me feel whole. I want to be able to do it on my own. It's a
01:04:26
little depressing, but um I got to get prepared because I don't have any children. So, it's like I have to be
01:04:32
prepared that you're going to die alone at the end. You know what I mean? It's going to be We're all going to die alone.
01:04:38
Well, you're going to have friends and family around. So will you. Yeah. That Japanese man from the Roller Rink. Maybe
01:04:43
he'll be long gone, my friend. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But um Right, Dax, don't you think
01:04:49
the dying alone? No, but I'm just saying um do you feel comfortable just being by
01:04:55
myself? Like eating a meal by yourself? Uh I do, but it sounds like you're
01:05:02
you're you're not sure about it. Oh, wow. Explore that. Would you rather be alone? Uh a lot of the time.
01:05:08
Do you long for a partner at all? Yes. Yeah. Are you on the hunt? I did go on a hinge date last night.
01:05:16
What are we talking? Where'd you go? Um to a bar. What bar? Bigfoot Lodge.
01:05:21
Oh, I love Bigfoot Lodge. A beer. What did she order? Uh, sorry. They
01:05:27
uh I think she went by she. Okay. What did she order? What did she they order? She, her, they or they.
01:05:33
U cider. Little cider. Yeah. Give me the conversation. What was it? What was it?
01:05:38
What kind of things do you do for fun? And uh Were you intrigued?
01:05:44
Mhm. Was she pretty? She was pretty. Were you looking pretty? I don't I don't
01:05:50
know yet. What did you wear? A black shirt and some jeans. That's pretty. Thanks.
01:05:55
But you always wear your Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Did you make a move? No. You give her a hug?
01:06:00
Yes. Now, do you make a move when you see a sign or what what is it gut instinct
01:06:06
thing with you? What is it? Uh, it's really hard. I have Yeah, I first kiss is such a hard thing to know
01:06:11
how to do. Do you ever ask? Do you just go, "Hey, I kind of want to kiss you." Yeah. Have they said no? Um, no. No. Oh, you've never said that.
01:06:19
Closes every [ __ ] You're a closer, dude. You're a [ __ ] pretty girl. Ask me for a kiss. I had such a fun time tonight.
01:06:25
Do you want a kiss? Oh, that's how direct you are. That was pretty fast. Oh. Uh I I guess
01:06:31
I mean I'm wet, but that was fast. You know, I you know, that's interesting. I don't do that because I'm too scared
01:06:37
to ask. I I I I honestly believe that like I I have to have a couple of signs before I go in.
01:06:42
What are the signs? Um I have to know like if they're like
01:06:48
What? What? Baseball sign. Yeah. No, you Yeah. Yeah. No, I um I need They have to
01:06:55
be touching me a lot. A lot of touching. Right. Right. And then it's just the way they look at me.
01:07:01
How do they look at you? Oh, wow. I see. That is a white girl. Yeah,
01:07:06
she is. You know what I mean? And then I'm like, I think it's on. What's your signal to move in for a kiss? I can't I I can't tell. That's why.
01:07:13
So, you say, can I have a kiss? Yeah. Or would you like a kiss? How do you phrase it? I don't remember the last I think the
01:07:19
last two times where they actually asked. What do they say? Should we kiss or something? Or
01:07:25
do you say yes right away or do you go sure? Yeah. You say, "Yeah, I want." Yeah. Have you ever said the words like,
01:07:33
"Have you ever said I love you to somebody?" Yes. Yes. You've been in love? Yeah. Yeah. And what happened?
01:07:39
We broke up. That's what happened. It's not funny. Oh. Why do you think you broke up? Um.
01:07:45
Oh. Um. Well, I think she just wasn't sure what like needed to figure out life
01:07:52
or something. She did. Yeah. Cuz you've got it figured out. No, I mean uh but I was I didn't feel
01:07:58
like I needed to break up. So you said you said to her, "I love you." And then she said, "Let's break
01:08:04
up." Uh I mean, how fast did that? Oh. Uh not in the moment. Oh, okay. Okay. Uh cuz she had said it
01:08:11
back before. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? Like she had said like we had been
01:08:17
saying it for months. Who said it first? Me? Say it to me.
01:08:23
Um, as if you're her back then. Anybody? Someone I love.
01:08:28
I love you. I don't believe you.
01:08:34
I don't believe you. I don't believe you either. Do it again. You want me to do it to you?
01:08:40
I'd love to. Look, lock me in the eyes. Don't dart your little eyes away. Look at me eyes. I love you.
01:08:45
Who's she? Who's that? Wait, who is that? I'm Chang, [ __ ] Hi, I'm Chang.
01:08:52
Get me again. Damn me again, Dax. I love you. I believe it.
01:08:58
I believe that you like Chang better than the other one. Yeah. You want a kiss?
01:09:04
You do have an Asian fetish. What?
01:09:09
You want a kiss? Oh. Um, yes. Do you know? Do you do you go closed
01:09:15
mouth first or you or do you open tongue it? Closed. Tongue it. What if she tries to dart your her
01:09:22
little tongue inside your mouth? What do you do? Then I would just probably accept that.
01:09:27
Yeah, you got to take that. I I feel like guys have to adapt to her and not the other way around. Of course.
01:09:32
But why? Cuz we're lucky they want to do stuff with us, right? That's insane. So, you instinctually know, okay, this is her style.
01:09:39
Cuz you've seen guys, you look at what a man looks like. They don't want to do Why? Why would they want to do anything with us? It's insane.
01:09:44
No, but in terms of when you first lock lips, have you ever seen you naked? You fully naked in the mirror. Oh, yeah. It's horrifying.
01:09:50
No, I'm not saying you. I just mean men in general. Why are you guys whispering? What are you whispering? I I called you an incel for saying that
01:09:57
and then he said you are performative male.
01:10:03
It's just back of the room talk. Like a back of the classroom talk, but we can see you. Yeah, it's like in school. They can see
01:10:08
you. It's like I'm a performative male. What does that mean, Matt? Mone.
01:10:15
Pull it up. I mean, kind of like the old like when you'd like pretend to be like uh reading or like crying in your car or
01:10:21
something. Pretend to be like deep. You like matcha. Yeah. Like performing a thing for So
01:10:27
So he's a performative male. It's like a meme now on the internet. And Bobb's like exactly that.
01:10:33
Guys that try to look mysterious or like, you know, like they're Oh, yeah. I'm performative. I'm performative. Just
01:10:38
I don't think that's a bad thing. It's I'm performative. There are worse things. I think it is negative. It is a negative thing. And um there
01:10:45
will be revenge. Do you all have first kiss advice?
01:10:51
Yeah, I do. Get permission. And people usually say start slow.
01:10:58
Go as fast and hard as you can. Tongue as much tongue and you hold their ears.
01:11:04
Grip their [ __ ] ears. No, I'm not. Imagine it's honeycomb. And you're a
01:11:10
bear. You're a bear, right? And you got to see a beehive. Sniff them first. You open up a hole. You stick your
01:11:16
[ __ ] bear tongue in there and you get all the honey. And sometimes in the middle of kiss go
01:11:22
Yeah. Like a bear like Yeah. A
01:11:30
yeah, be a bear goat. Is that a bear? Is that Is that a parano? I don't know.
01:11:36
Really? Close your eyes. You're in the woods. Okay.
01:11:43
It's a ghost of a bear. It's a ghost bear. Obviously a ghost. Yeah. Kissing advice. Let's give him kissing advice at the exact same time. One, two,
01:11:50
three. You got the ghost. Are you going to do a whole sentence? You going to do a whole sentence? Just
01:11:55
on the count of three, we give him advice at the same time. 1, two, three. But more like, whoa. More like how to initiate it rather than
01:12:02
the mechanics. See if you can pick it up. We're going to do it simultaneous. See if you can pick up some notes. Ready? One, two, three.
01:12:07
You got to lock eyes with them. And then, you know what I mean? Grab the back of her head. And then you just dart
01:12:13
your face right into the face. You know what I mean? And then you open your mouth and you dart, dart, dart, dart,
01:12:19
dart, dart with your tongue, right? And if she goes, "No." Oh, you got to keep going.
01:12:26
Keep going. Keep going. Keep going. Keep going till she's done. Okay. Thank you. And then say, "Thank you for being a bad
01:12:32
friend." Thank you for being a bad friend. Say it louder. Thank you for being a bad friend. Do it like Morgan Freeman. Thank you for being a bad friend.
01:12:39
Very good. [Music]
01:12:51
Yeah. Woo!
01:12:56
Yeah.
