00:00:00
you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian
00:00:05
dude you two are disgusting you two or something we're
00:00:10
bad friends Borderlands border Borderland Borderlands Borderlands
00:00:16
Borderlands Borderlands Bobby's in a new hit movie out real soon did you read any
00:00:24
reviews I I read a couple it was a review like bring up one of the reviews for Borderlands I want to see it the
00:00:29
video game adaptation falls short of low expectations so they set the bar low they still went below it y
00:00:36
once there was a pleasant highlight though as I must say almost saved the film for me if not his brief appearance
00:00:41
Bobby Lee his presence gave me an ease of laughter that I needed when he appeared on the screen if Borderlands did anything right he was casting Bobby
00:00:47
Lee I hope to see him in more in the future that I'm signing off who wrote that as the only redeeming quality of
00:00:53
the film thank you Mr Lee and that was written go up to the top yeah that was uh written by Peter de Brugge
00:01:00
oh thank you Peter go up a little bit what variet my wow dog pretty
00:01:07
big so I met up with Bobby last night after the premiere and Bobby was uh with
00:01:12
a date and we had some friends show up Matt R Matthew re and Jackson McQueen great guy funniest thing Bobby did at
00:01:18
the night when I said I had to go because I had to get up early this morning Bobby ordered an Uber didn't
00:01:23
tell anybody and then I was like goodbye I love you guys and I walked out and then Bobby goes my Uber's here and he
00:01:29
left Matt sitting at the table by himself yeah yeah like what are you doing what do you mean why didn't you I
00:01:35
just he's an adult I have to sit there and chaperone him well you have to walk out with him you send me that yeah he's
00:01:41
going to post that yeah yeah send me that right there that this is a different one with every storm cloud
00:01:46
there's a silver lining and that was Bobby Lee seeing him made me smile instantly and his brief appearance in the film made me all but miss who wrote
00:01:53
this this this can't be real I'm so I'm barely in the movie there's no way this is real dude you're trying to trick me
00:01:59
dude who wrote this can I finish come here Carlos come over here for a second seeing him made me smile Carlos come
00:02:05
over here his brief app the film over caros is him every night that's very very really good trick dude really good
00:02:10
trick very good all right so let me say something okay the first one you can get me right
00:02:16
yeah and um you got a little greedy didn't you yeah yeah yeah so look at me right now okay Borderlands had gold the
00:02:23
first okay Lee and I can't wait to see so the first the first one I'm like
00:02:28
there's that's odd yeah but the second one right now it's fake and and when as a friend right did
00:02:36
you write these no dude I don't know why you can't love yourself yeah why can't you love
00:02:42
yourself all right car all right Carlos so you don't know who wrote These well
00:02:47
go up to the top we can read this one was written by Katie
00:02:53
Walsh dude on our friendship is this a trick look she's real dude K what I
00:02:59
understand I knew who KY Walsh is right the former White House Deputy Chief of Staff yeah yeah so the former white house chief of staff wrote that article
00:03:06
for Donald Trump yeah sure it's for the LA okay all right so who wrote it Carlos look at KY wal it
00:03:12
noet all right so Carlos can I say the funniest part about this yeah it said go back to it says Katie Walsh wrote it
00:03:17
this morning at 11:35 in the morning I I know it's not
00:03:23
funny if that's the review I'm happy so that's good but if I find out dude I swear to [ __ ] God I'm GNA rage out
00:03:30
okay all right so I'm going to give you one last shot did you write it one last
00:03:37
thing bro I don't know what do you mean you don't know
00:03:42
dude wait what was the question yeah what was the question is that review real of course it's real and with my
00:03:49
name so that guy wrote it with my name in there said I I did a good job yeah you're the silver thank you Bobby Lee yeah you're the Silver Lining okay so
00:03:55
that's all I need to know let's move on congratulations okay thank you yeah I okay just I'm but I'm going to tell you
00:04:00
if that's not real I found out it's not real even you Mone right even everyone in the room I swear to God on my mother
00:04:09
no he's fine on my mother's life yeah on my mother's life if that's not real I
00:04:16
will not do your movie at all I don't care when you get the money I swear to God on my mother's life I have nothing
00:04:22
to do with all right so you have nothing to do with the review you have nothing to do with it no I just pulled it up all right you pulled it up I couldn't pull
00:04:27
it up on my phone all right why because it's not real now let me ask you something as a friend dude yeah is that
00:04:34
real it look real to me no but there you don't think there's any T Foolery going
00:04:39
on unless these gentlemen fooled us this is f i got to get to the bottom of
00:04:45
this maybe you too I have nothing to do I know you don't I know let's just move on let's start the podcast we just did
00:04:51
yeah yeah well anyway um I don't I didn't think I was good your date said you were really good she said to me she
00:04:57
goes I let's just move on from let's Che how much s the Nikki you want to talk about sneaky the
00:05:03
Nikki no mine's already gone what I liked it yeah you did right yeah you can be dismissed yeah
00:05:10
yeah well I'm excited to go shoot a movie in Budapest tomorrow going be great tomorrow I know congratulations
00:05:16
dud a little nervous I'm not going to lie you're going to be great this is the first time I've been nervous in like a long time yeah like I'm actually
00:05:23
nervous like I'm genuinely I haven't been nervous in film like nobody makes me nervous but it's like
00:05:30
well the problem is I want it to be good I know you're in one scene right or a couple scenes No no one scene right so
00:05:36
and it's also there's a lot of stars in it and so they've already been working together you probably have to walk into a situation yeah you're new you're new
00:05:43
guy you're right and so you have to kind of kill it the first first take take out
00:05:48
the jump so I've got to make even rehearsals you got to kind of know it oh I dude I know every line line by line is
00:05:53
it a lot I know their lines is it a lot no it's five pages wow but I no no no my
00:06:00
lines aren't five page the scene is a five-page scene how many lines do you have one and a half pages one and a half
00:06:10
lines is it is it really one and a half lines I only have four lines wow and they're flying all the way over there
00:06:15
for that for four lines yeah yeah so you're going to walk in you're going to feel feel the nerves what's the line you
00:06:20
know make it up I know all of them you know all words I know I know their lines
00:06:26
you memorize the whole thing I know the whole scene you know when people do that it's like I I did that cuz I really
00:06:31
wanted to feel the scene I wanted to know what because that's what you have to do is memorize other people's line to feel the scene well let's not talk about
00:06:37
memorizing lines let's not go Toe to Toe on that okay let's not I memorized the wrong
00:06:47
pages I memor I'm today I'm so defensive let me tell you I'm still deceived by the Borderland so mad about I can't I
00:06:54
know but I can't even let that go until I know the truth and then we can move on okay
00:07:00
it's awesome yeah so happy dude I swear to god dude it's
00:07:08
Peter bro I promise it's real I promise let's let's look Bar's texted let's look
00:07:15
at some Youtube footage right now of dogs grabbing GoPros make me make Bobby happy
00:07:20
okay and by the way I am yeah no I am nervous to do it oh and I'll tell you why
00:07:25
uhhuh humble Humble Pie moment yeah go ahead I'm going to look at his photos I
00:07:31
don't want to [ __ ] up oh in the in the movie I just don't want
00:07:36
to look at this a dog with a GoPro boy oh boy is just make me this is going to make me feel good go boy yes oh you look
00:07:44
at him jump whoa he can he can hold it onto his tail
00:07:49
it's on his back oh I thought he was like hooking out with his tail I go that guy's so talented look at him go all the
00:07:55
way dexterity on his tail he go to the beach yeah yeah dude this be so funny he just went into the ocean he does look
00:08:02
and yeah he's going to Jump Right In yay but he just keeps going and then
00:08:08
you see like a little Fin and yeah so let's look at the photos on
00:08:14
in mone's phone this is great is there any nudes he hasn't locked it and photos
00:08:19
okay here we go we got a photo of me in there there's going to be some de that's where all right so um let me just say
00:08:25
just let me just show the photos okay yeah why why would you have
00:08:31
this honestly it's an eagle in a suit yeah yeah why would you have that on your phone it's very funny it's it's
00:08:38
pretty fire but I don't okay here's another thing all right so he just screenshot you know what I mean an
00:08:44
Elliot Smith song yeah sounds right yeah he couldn't
00:08:49
memorize say yes yeah cuz I was listening to yeah shut the [ __ ] up I have shut up all right couldn't remember
00:08:57
I say yes dud yeah I did know would you like to see more please okay is there any DPS in there okay here's another
00:09:03
okay this is a [ __ ] hilarious one he loves Mika matsubara loves
00:09:09
M Bob yeah but can you just not on your Spotify just put onto a playlist or you
00:09:15
make it a favorite song or something you did you have to screenshot it he was my brother was listening to it oh you're right so like let me can I give you some
00:09:22
advice in a podcast when he's talking you yelling doesn't do anything we we can't hear it it does so shut the [ __ ]
00:09:28
up okay here's a funny me I don't know if you created this but my fish is not eating anything please help and it's
00:09:34
supposed to be a joke so there's a dead fish in a box yeah I get it yeah yeah
00:09:40
this is funny stuff dude really good stuff good meme dude really good meme is there no pictures of chicks in there or
00:09:45
anything no but here's here's a this is so [ __ ] white and liberal and like I'm I'm cool you want to see this right
00:09:52
like bro oh my God oh my God it's so gross look at this yeah you're with the
00:09:59
people M I enjoy black people yeah yeah yeah oh I could you
00:10:05
know what I could also do is Google like search Andrew Santino see if he talk [ __ ] about you that's
00:10:13
true let's just say my name yeah this is fun no no no
00:10:20
look stop stop stop
00:10:25
stop stop stop oh my God doing get over there get over
00:10:31
there stop what are you doing dude stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop
00:10:38
stop God oh my God back I'm not going to do it I'm do I'm not going to do
00:10:45
it what are you doing dude what the [ __ ] are you doing dude obviously he's been
00:10:51
talking some [ __ ] just back up I'm not going to do it dude right obviously he said some [ __ ] he said some [ __ ] just
00:10:58
[ __ ] you believe it dude you've said some [ __ ] I already know you did you [ __ ] [ __ ] I guess he said some
00:11:05
[ __ ] yeah so back up dude that's crazy this is pretty wild back up dude back up
00:11:12
dude it's okay if you can say it to other people why can't I read it is it
00:11:17
about me no there's none about you it's about me is it about me I know are you nervous about me did you say something
00:11:23
you shouldn't have said about me did you you have to sit down and admit it go
00:11:28
sit down it down it down give him his phone no I'm not going to give him his phone I'm going to give him his phone I
00:11:35
got to read it no no no no who did you say who did you talk [ __ ] about yeah is it me or
00:11:42
Bobby let's see I'll do this no no no no no no I can't believe
00:11:49
you because you're going to e delete it or whatever what did you say did you talk [ __ ] about us back no look at me in
00:11:55
the face right now you talking [ __ ] about me no about him yeah yeah yeah that's interesting it's
00:12:02
so interesting what does that mean to you well I mean it it means a lot to me it it means um that we can't we're not
00:12:08
that close and do you think it means no Australia oh it means no to a lot of
00:12:13
things okay do you mean do do you think it's removal of job well I I know that I
00:12:18
was being lied to about the the review too so I'm access assessing all that as well okay I'll goess it was my cone yeah
00:12:26
I know I I know it was so I can access writing no I wrote it oh you wrote the [ __ ] Artic the variety thing yeah I'm
00:12:32
taking okay then why the [ __ ] did you lie to be over there I'm taking credit for the creative I didn't want the con to get credit for that I know but why
00:12:38
did you why over there why did you lie to me over there I was rolling with the bit I was oh okay the bit okay the bit was good
00:12:44
yeah very good so let's um C to commercial break how does this work back after
00:12:51
these messages um so I've got a bet I have a bet uh I have a bet with somebody
00:12:57
that I can't raw dog it all the way to uh Budapest and I might take him up on
00:13:03
the bet but I have proof cuz I'm going to be flying with my wife so she's going to Budd pest with you yeah so think
00:13:08
about this oh F think about this it's a good amount of money this bet that I can't raw dog it you know what raw doging on the airplane is no phone no
00:13:16
movie you just have to sit there and stare straightforward on a plane I I can't raw dog it dude I've you're not
00:13:22
going to RW dog a European trip I don't know it could be sick to win this bet and I'll have how much money is it I
00:13:27
don't even want to say thousands it's a lot of money I can do it yeah I know you can
00:13:34
you don't own an iPad yeah you don't have an iPad we have to buy you an technology you don't think I can you
00:13:39
don't think I can get all the way to Europe without r with Rod doging no headphones either no music I can tell you how you do it you don't sleep at all
00:13:46
until tomorrow you're not but listen you can't take you can't do drugs or you can't take drugs or alcohol that's the bet it has to be clean and sober can you
00:13:52
sleep no that's the whole point oh my god well then the BET wouldn't be worth it if you could just sleep that doesn't
00:13:57
do anything that's true the reason the bed is worth money is cuz I have to stay awake and raw dog the whole
00:14:02
flight wow should I try can you talk to people no you have to sit alone and stare straight forward well your wife's
00:14:08
going to be there yep that's the whole that's the reason for the bet that's 12 13 hour flight by the way she'll be
00:14:14
sleeping the whole time so this is called raw dogging flight this is raw dogging on the flight when you fly all
00:14:19
the way this doing it no food no water no AC in no inflight entertainment it's so it's so it's so cool it's a cool I
00:14:26
kind want to do wow wow wow I I I I'll put money on it that I can't yeah there's no way now I
00:14:32
[ __ ] want now that you're in on it now I really want to prove that I can how much does he give you I'll give you by way I'll set up my phone and I'll do
00:14:37
a time lapse so I'll set up my phone so you see I'm not on technology and I'll timlapse film myself on those little for
00:14:43
12 hours it's 15 to London 15 hours and then two more to Budapest oh my God I
00:14:48
could do it wow I might do it and you know what [ __ ] it I'm going to do it what do you want to bet $1,000 I'll bet
00:14:54
you $1,000 I'll do it okay done I want cash okay okay no music no movies yeah
00:15:01
straight staring forward yeah see this is the new thing why are men raw dogging on flights because can you go to the
00:15:07
bathroom yeah fancy I have to go to the [ __ ] [ __ ] your pants [ __ ] my pants and ruin everyone's flight what are you
00:15:14
talking about dude how do we know you don't go on your phone when you're in your B it's going to be timelapse I will let it sit at the seat you goon what are
00:15:21
you talking goofy goon it never I never I set it up once and then you leave it alone you let it so it's recording the
00:15:26
seat the whole time and you timelapse it then see it all in fast motion you'll see what I did by the way how about this
00:15:32
you when you're going to Spain you want to do a raw dog bet that you can't go to Spain in raw Dogg it you want to make a
00:15:38
bet oh yeah see you talk that talk walk that walk then let's go but here but let
00:15:44
me say something yeah I don't want that for you I want to win the money yeah but
00:15:49
you don't it's ridiculous why would you torture yourself it's not going to be money that's going to change anything
00:15:55
it's fun it's a fun bet you don't you don't just do things for fun it's not fun for you though yeah to win the money
00:16:01
is fun it is yeah what do you mean if if it's six figures then maybe but anything
00:16:07
below that it's like what the [ __ ] the point how out of touch are you six figures six you think someone's G
00:16:12
betting me $100,000 to fly on a [ __ ] I mean
00:16:18
let's see how much would I need to get for me to Raw Dog a flight to Europe 50 grand 50 [ __ ] Grand yeah
00:16:26
because I I like Comfort Bob yeah 50 Grand to R you wouldn't do it for any
00:16:33
less than that no wow well then I'm an idiot cuz I'm trying to no no now if I lost
00:16:39
everything if I lost everything then yes okay then no then $1,500 1,500 bucks
00:16:45
yeah yeah if I lost everything but it's like I think it's a a worthy challenge please don't do it I want to take my bet
00:16:50
back no you can't you're done it's on camera you already did it you owe me a grand all right can't wait to do okay let's do okay can you masturbate yeah of
00:16:58
course that's yeah yeah that's what raw dogging really is yeah yeah okay I'm not kidding one time on a flight back from
00:17:04
when I was in Reich when I went to Iceland it's a Night Flight and when I came back I'm not kidding I I I'm almost
00:17:11
positive I saw a guy wanking because I walked up to the bathroom and you know there's lay beds the lay Flats he was
00:17:16
laying laying down but facing the window so his back was up to us but it was this I saw his shoulder moving yeah and I was
00:17:23
like what does he [ __ ] got Tourette's while he sleeps no but you know how dogs do that when they sleep my dog jerks off
00:17:28
when she sleeps oh she does yeah she's always fing but you know how they're always like what are they dreaming about
00:17:34
you I mean take a wild guess what a dog well in your house it must be
00:17:42
nightmares what they dream about you walk into the kitchen faces smells interaction with their owners I think
00:17:49
they it's so basic I think my dog dreams about running because I she does this a lot oh I see yeah I think she dreams a
00:17:55
lot about running think about it she probably dreams about running in like a big field yeah this big wide open field
00:18:01
it's like us what do you dream about what if their dreams are complex and we don't know like she you know she's with
00:18:06
Cleopatra whoa you're right and you know he's barking orders how to get make pyramids King dog right right like you
00:18:15
know what I mean he built the pyramids yeah yeah yeah and he's right and then when the aliens come down right to
00:18:21
negotiate with the
00:18:27
Egyptians it's so it's so complex we don't even know but just in yeah maybe that's what's going on take me to your
00:18:34
dog what that's your dream that's your dream yes I've you have dream that yeah
00:18:40
I have dream about that I have dream about that
00:18:46
before I have where I with clear P put that b there and then have these CR
00:18:53
negotiations with the aliens you've done this yes all right and I'm like I'm super like all of skinned o yeah yeah so
00:19:00
I am Egyptian you know what I mean and I have like all this headwear you know what I mean MH and my nails are nice I have three cats siese cats and I'm
00:19:07
telling the aliens like y mean about like you know are you the you're you're the person that communicates you're the leaz well I'm like C Cleopatra's like
00:19:14
you know um [ __ ] press secretary oh yeah yeah like um Kelly what maanen
00:19:21
what's her name Kelly and kway not not Kelly and Conway yeah you're more like a Kelly and Conway no MC how many
00:19:26
languages can you speak in the Stream oh every language you could beat every language yeah yeah
00:19:33
wow what was that what was that [Laughter]
00:19:40
Italian oh right I need the F right so um yeah yeah you're right you
00:19:46
got it so dogs let's move on dogs dream just like us I just what goes on in
00:19:52
there dogs they're just like us you think they are I think they dream just like we do yeah because they experience it like us they they just see it from
00:19:59
down below but um your dogs have watched you hook up in the past one time I was
00:20:05
getting um you know sexually um pleasured pleasured by the you know I mean mouth Yeah Yeah by the mouth mouth
00:20:14
Pleasures you know what I mean and um I was in the living room mhm right getting mouth
00:20:20
pleasured and um gonner rubbed started
00:20:25
rubbing my leg with his body purring oh my
00:20:31
God yeah yeah you know what I mean and I go we got to go to the room pretty supportive though she's like what she
00:20:39
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my dog has watched us hook up multiple times she just she sits there and stares yeah but what is she's thinking
00:23:35
about I don't yeah what is she think that's what I'm saying yeah Cleopatra a good technique in in my his mind maybe
00:23:42
she's like slower yeah anyway she it it is weird when they watch you there's something
00:23:47
about animals watching because they just they keep clocking it they don't know if you're in pain they're in pain or not
00:23:52
yeah or like wide wide shut eyes wide shut style where people are wearing their masks M at a ballroom and
00:24:00
everyone's Hing like you know I mean and you're just like and some guy just you know what I mean and I'm just like hey
00:24:05
man just cocking go over there you know what I mean like I wouldn't be able to do it yeah you would yeah you would okay
00:24:12
it'd be if someone's watching you with a mask on that would be fun what without mask no some dude like me good job yeah
00:24:21
yeah like would you be able to do it with me in the room yeah probably get me harder I shut up
00:24:29
don't say [ __ ] like that sh off no no no oh yeah I go Bob check this out yeah yeah yeah yeah oh high five yeah I do a
00:24:34
different move pretty cool be trying to show off a little bit you could get off you could hook up with someone with me in the room just standing there really
00:24:42
there's no way why you make me laugh so much so it just it wouldn't work every time you walk in the room makes me laugh
00:24:48
all right right so there's no way anyway uh we were talking about the dogs dreaming and then we went to the GoPro
00:24:53
that's we went from GoPro to all that that's crazy that's how our brains work right that's how it works um but do you
00:25:00
think the dog has any concept of water like the ocean yeah they love water no the concept of how deep and the
00:25:09
creatures in there we should talk to them about it right do you have any concept of How deep the ocean is I just
00:25:14
know it's endless they just found another big creature somewhere look up creature in Ocean found they just found yet another unidentifiable creature it
00:25:22
was in the news I mean this is the kind of stuff that I'm like we're the end is near why why why look at that thing yeah
00:25:31
that's that's literally a picture of my penis look at how pale that thing that
00:25:37
is genuinely a picture pale and sad yeah yeah that's what yeah that is a picture of my penis that's insane I mean what
00:25:44
we're finding these things still now in this day and age this doesn't creep you out to go down what did that say right
00:25:49
there uh below thousands of new species are found each year that's incredible every year we find thousands of these
00:25:55
things in the ocean why are we not go digging down more well cuz we've never been to the bottom it's impossible we
00:26:01
got to go down there what would we find what happened last time what what happened last time we went down there oh
00:26:06
the last time we went down there b stuff Titanic yeah yeah what is that just a
00:26:12
new spider they found in a new spider we're good we're all full tell the Spiderman we're full get out of
00:26:17
here wow there's a new spider they discovered what do we wait let me ask you something how the [ __ ] are he being
00:26:23
discovered now where has he been Where Have You Been dude you me where is he you I mean just literally like where is
00:26:31
he by the way this is how I feel EP Island yeah yeah yeah talk to him he
00:26:36
knows spider he knows everything Hillary will have him killed soon like this guy Where Have You Been son where have you
00:26:43
been dog you know what's interesting this is kind of how we feel in the business they discover us and we've been
00:26:49
around right we're like that spider we've been around and like how come we haven't seen you it's like we've been
00:26:55
here yeah thousands of species are found every every single year it's mindboggling who's here Francisco
00:27:03
Ramos in the blue chair what's up we do need intro
00:27:13
music is that me is that for me what well it's not for Bobby why are you
00:27:19
looking at me like this Bobby welcome it's my welcoming face this this
00:27:24
said your okay I welcome to the program am I am I in trouble is he like a scar
00:27:30
straight kind of thing no he's a serious analyst sometimes he gets real serious W this shows like dat line oh okay yeah
00:27:35
yeah like okay what are we gonna talk about I'm Frankie Copperfield go on
00:27:41
Frank Ted Copple say hello to Our Guest hello welcome thank you how you guys doing bad
00:27:48
friends line no Hi how are you Francisco how long have known you uh for a long
00:27:55
time 12 years or something like that when I started working at The Comedy Store that was 12 years ago I think so or 14 years ago you you and I have
00:28:01
always had a a little bit of combative relationship why is that yeah I don't know yeah you do no idea I don't know
00:28:08
why why do you do why you do what you do why I do do why you guys have a combative relationship that's my thing
00:28:14
well it has it kind of what there was a while there it boiled down to Chelsea FC okay yeah yeah yeah and he would
00:28:21
always rip on Arsenal cuz we never did well yeah and it's very interesting to me because in the last couple years you
00:28:26
haven't said [ __ ] about Chelsea interes well CU they been sucking I that's why so where's your all talk now friend but
00:28:32
where's your big talk now okay but is that because I thought it was like that's a refi in between you know when
00:28:38
you play sports but it's nothing personal yeah yeah you make it personal yeah like you used to come up behind me
00:28:45
put me in a head I go what yeah Arsenal sucks baby damn did you do that no I
00:28:50
think yeah yeah yeah and Stu like that never put head like Ian Edwards what does he like he likes uh man Manu
00:28:57
manester United yeah very cordial yeah you know in fact well but that's how he is stop thanks for coming to welcome to
00:29:03
this program thank welcome to the program God God bless you all right
00:29:09
thank you all right but what I'm saying is that he's very cordial and and when Arsenal doing well he's he gives props
00:29:15
you don't give props okay all so from now what maybe okay get some props I guess get some props okay you're a
00:29:21
Chelsea fan I am a Chelsea yes but okay that's England yeah I was just going to
00:29:26
say that's your but in the Spanish Barcelona another thing you do you're Barcelona yeah what are you are you
00:29:33
Barcelona you are yeah nice even though we suck right now too yeah sometime
00:29:39
here's another thing you did that a couple of times if I booked a job you would say something condescending really
00:29:45
yeah yeah yeah I remember wow yeah I mean like one time I said I think it was like either splitting up together or something and I you go you're on that I
00:29:51
go yeah you go well um should get canceled soon or something or something
00:29:56
like that and I was like hm that Francisco Ras wants a war does that sound like Francisco no well I don't
00:30:01
know how to do the accent go ahead try yeah do it yeah do it no just do a sentence and let me see if I can read
00:30:08
say that's going to get canceled soon that's G to get canceled soon that's G to get canceled soon pretty good that's
00:30:13
pretty good good that's really good that's really good W see I'm like a
00:30:18
mimic but you keep lowering your I know what part of Spain are you from I'm not from Spain you're not Spanish he's
00:30:26
Portuguese no oh you're Argentinian no let's guess is this a guess you're from Portugal no you're from uh well let's
00:30:34
let's start basic okay there is Spanish in you no he's Mexican well there is like a laat Latin yes there is yes there
00:30:39
is Latin in he's South American South American oh let's get that Argentina Columbia no no Peru no well Brazil no
00:30:47
okay uh W there it's narrowing down ugu Chile Chile no Uruguay no [ __ ] how which
00:30:54
are there uh pan panamania that's Central America but no well see that's the tone I was talking about no I
00:31:00
said did you see that that's the tone I'm talking about say Panama saw I didn't say Panama I said panamania okay
00:31:06
that's panamania is a city outside of Brazil you should know that wait wait wait bring up a [ __ ] map Venezuela I
00:31:12
do know that you're venezuel and I know that that's what's so annoying iene Venezuela does Venezuela now have a team
00:31:19
do they have a Sak team in Venezuela they I mean like a national team yeah but they suck they all suck were you
00:31:24
raised there I I was there until I was 12 I moved there there to DC to Maryland when I was yeah this accent comes from
00:31:30
Maryland yes it's a Baltimore accent have you seen the wire that's how they stuck when when you were 12 you moved
00:31:38
and they say that you keep your accent if it's right around right around puberty right around puberty you get to
00:31:43
keep that's when I was started getting hairs you know when you were 12 when I was 12 when you start to develop that's say how you keep your accent that's why
00:31:49
cuz when you guys came here from Korea you weren't you were so young yeah you were how old were you how old were you when did you move here from Korea born
00:31:55
here oh you're American americ like fully America thr through dude cuz I'm American too but I'm National I I get it
00:32:02
listen to your accent but I'm godamn it man do you have two passports I have two
00:32:07
passports it's great yeah you do is Venezuela dangerous right now it is yeah
00:32:12
I mean it's been it's it's kind of it's about to like it's in that right now it's like what happened was there was an
00:32:18
election like a week ago and obviously the position that was running one but
00:32:25
the guy Maduro yeah but this guy doesn't want to give away so we have that we do that so I think it's like I don't know
00:32:31
if you guys get this but it's a guy that doesn't want to give it away and the other side like cheated is he kind of like a trump guy to you guys yeah pretty
00:32:37
much wow so they all follow suit yeah Trump knows exactly how to what it isn't that so funny they all do the same thing
00:32:43
he's like no I I didn't lose exactly then Maduro is like no I didn't
00:32:49
lose they all just follow that's so genius it's genius yeah
00:32:54
but this the problem is this guy's got that the Army on him this is why I actually I do agree as an American to
00:33:00
have the Second Amendment you should be able to have guns yeah here here we
00:33:05
go especially assault rifles well look at and look at the stupid Spaniard said no okay that's you know why' you shake
00:33:11
your head no Spaniard is that because you guys have been pushed out of all this uh International Reign that you had for so long indeed right yeah that's
00:33:19
your that's your fault you guys did so much International damage and then people stopped you and now you're like
00:33:24
okay nobody gets guns now you want nobody to have guns right peace now after you [ __ ] everything up for years
00:33:30
yeah colonize us yeah interesting move after you did all the damage then you're like guys can we not anymore no we want
00:33:37
guns to protect ourselves from people like you after you stole all our gold and women yes no he did
00:33:48
gold valid concern yeah where is all of their gold fancy where is all the Venezuelan gold I think we've lost a lot
00:33:55
of it you've given it away yeah he's guys they parted away all the gold that they stole with a lot of P eating you're
00:34:01
still married you're still married huh I'm I I it's going to be a year that I got married congratulations congrat a
00:34:06
beautiful wife by the way to American North Carolina that's right yeah she's very sweet and smart you've always been
00:34:13
a sexy man yeah that came out wrong no you said it no no you've always been U an in attractive um you good luck you
00:34:21
have Ricky Ricardo I I do get that all the time can
00:34:26
I be your Lucy yes yeah that's is Ricky Ricardo no that's going to be your Lucy Lucy I'm home do you know Lucy yeah
00:34:34
I love Lu yeah I'm a redhead yeah ketchup okay all right so a little behind little behind you doing that
00:34:40
would be a great but let's new Lucy Lucy's trans yeah right
00:34:47
yeah that' be Lucy where's your dick wow that's the opening
00:34:54
scene wow I'm going to write this down instead of instead of the Chocolate Chocolate Factory it's just dildos it's
00:35:00
just all dildos getting replaced who's the neighbor in Lucy the the Fred Fred
00:35:05
Fred and e e you're eth I have to be eth yeah cuz it's also oh it's modern yeah both we're
00:35:12
trans so you're Ethel and I'm I don't know what Ethel sounds like let me see if I can do it lo lo there it is lo
00:35:21
that's great do more right it's like British where Ricky now watch this do your British now do your British accent
00:35:28
oh wow but that that's a little uh uh little uh Liverpool yeah oh right he
00:35:34
know oh you know specifics really come on guy to of the money oh my God wa wait
00:35:43
stop st stop what the [ __ ] was that st stop wait wait stop we thought let say
00:35:48
we thought my English accent was B he just topped it wow that was by the way
00:35:54
he did an English accent with an Irish phrase
00:36:01
no top up the morning wow wow let me hear it one more time let close our eyes close our eyes I
00:36:08
you and I right yeah we're in Liverpool oh I see it now there's a bakery Liverpool yeah Liverpool oh no here
00:36:15
comes beans on toast hello mate you're right hello chaps you top of
00:36:21
them we're both blind let's say we're both blind are we in Cleveland
00:36:28
who's that who who goes there who goes there who's that hey you want some ban and
00:36:33
toast oh my God oh my God that is so bad that was so bad H let's so my wife right
00:36:40
cuz you have a like a Venezuelan accent let's go through can you do what I
00:36:46
thought you going to say something else yeah yeah can you do other accents that can you do Italian yeah yeah go ahead
00:36:51
how are are you okay all right that's pretty good that's actually pretty good that's pretty good how about German yeah yeah
00:36:58
uh no I don't okay all right good try that's okay I got to hear I got to hear Let me
00:37:05
hear you do French oh he speaks a little bit not
00:37:13
really not really a little bit that was a little bit he said uh hi I am and oh really just say the phrases that I know
00:37:20
so you have a special coming out is that what it is yeah it's out right now on YouTube right now it's called Venezuelan American yeah put it up YouTube venez
00:37:27
did uh actually a brad Garett comedy club uh yeah in Vegas in Vegas yeah you shot in Vegas Yes interesting choice why
00:37:33
Vegas well the thing is like Brad wanted to do like a like little specials to then put it on his uh kind of website
00:37:39
kind of Club thing but didn't work out but then he was very kind and gave him the special so he's like hey you can do
00:37:45
whatever you want I love Brad Garrett yeah he's great he's one one of the nicest coolest dudes I've so nice so great loves when he live there he live
00:37:52
no he lives in LA but he has like he goes back and forth I've never met him oh he's amazing seriously never mety wow
00:37:58
great great great great he did uh he came that looks good shot well who did it who shot it uh
00:38:04
Michael Malone is a director and then it was shot by them I mean they they but was it 800B that puts us out I know
00:38:10
after it was done then I contacted 800 pound girl like cuz and to be like hey can you put it on and you know is there an audience shot or is just like this I
00:38:17
thought you there's some audience I thought you just said is there an audience period yeah yeah I thought you is there an audience listening to this
00:38:23
thing there was nobody Club yeah he was just sitting in front here that's why it's like see the heads did Brad do some
00:38:30
time to open the show yeah he did so if you don't know I don't know if you know this but when Brad does his Club yeah he
00:38:37
he you split time with him like you you co-headline like if you headline you do like 10 minutes cuz he goes up first and
00:38:43
does like 30 minutes of crowd work and then you go on then the Fe no the feature comes and does like five minutes
00:38:48
and then he goes up and does another 30 minutes and then you go up and you do like the rest which is like 10 or 15 minutes so you have to split the stage
00:38:54
with him when you do his Club at V in Vegas and he does all cry work like
00:39:00
is right isn't it every weekend so if I headline there he's going to go I'm going to do all this no if I mean he's
00:39:06
like sometimes it's when he's available he goes but he's there a lot of weekends yeah yeah what's a cool thing you to
00:39:12
open up your Club it's his Club yeah yeah whatever wants and that's and he brings I mean the crowd too it's not like people are coming to see him so oh
00:39:19
so did they does he promote that he's going to be there too yeah yeah yeah oh so it's going to pack the room yeah so he what he's doing he's doing his
00:39:24
service to Comics that's great yeah what a great younger Comics that go to the room he's
00:39:30
like I'm going to help pack the audience so they get a better Viewpoint of someone they may not know which is a
00:39:35
[ __ ] huge that's a big that's a big gift were you nervous there or no no I wasn't as a performing you look great I
00:39:42
just before is what I'm saying uh no I mean I I already done that club it was kind of like you know it it was the
00:39:48
whole week so this was like I think a Friday or Saturday so I was already getting how many how many did you film
00:39:53
uh I think it was uh two two nights like Friday and Saturday four shows two nights there just in one show so one
00:40:00
show one Friday you wear the same clothes obviously yeah cut he's wearing a black
00:40:06
T-shirt let's get down to the nitty-gritty people should watch this special go on YouTube and watch it but uh let's get down to the real business
00:40:12
here Israel Palestine Bud um uh T of the T of the morning to you
00:40:20
peace peace peace peace and love you also you know do you act at all I you're like you're good Shameless I've been on
00:40:27
um you know uh yeah it works that's great no I know that you know I just haven't gotten the big part but I am
00:40:33
going to be in a movie that's going to come out hopefully this year called the unexpected that came we shot last year
00:40:38
and who it's uh Matt Walsh is the mat he's a great he's a great a guy so funny
00:40:45
yeah great guy all let me ask you about this uh Fitbit is this a Fitbit yes it is now do you you really this is a I do
00:40:51
use it you use it you do it's great cuz uh it's to count calories pretty much so it's like whatever
00:40:58
you count calories for real I mean now I know like in terms of like I know like what I'm if I spend 15,000 calories
00:41:04
during the day I'm like okay I can eat you know 2,000 CU you've always been in good shape so I'm surprised to see you with one of those I figured you were
00:41:10
just a guy that always been in shape and eats healthy and no but this actually helped me to kind of like be like okay
00:41:16
how much if I if it's a day that I'm not spending too much calories then I don't eat that much have you ever been fat uh
00:41:22
when I was little you were a little fat kid yeah a little fat kid I was I was nerdy too like I had like glass
00:41:28
and like I had the little strings on the glass so like that you look like that you used to look like that oh my God it was exactly like that little fat glass
00:41:33
of Spanish boy when you were young but you evolved I evolved it was like yeah I
00:41:38
mean I don't think I was like an ugly you know ugly duckling like you know the the story yeah I I became um no it
00:41:45
actually happened in high school remember in high school you were ugly ducking duckling I'm sorry do it again
00:41:50
can I get that line again try try it again you were an ugly ducking duckling how's duck hard for you
00:41:55
guys to say what isn't that like a part of your culture duckling yeah what do you mean yeah duck duck duck is so big
00:42:01
in China not in Korea dumpling for you yeah duck duck Dum oh duck dumpl yeah
00:42:07
you're right Z duck you know sometimes Andrew when I'm looking for a meal I'll go in
00:42:13
on app and I'll find the best restaurant that's the best way to do it why wouldn't we do that with our health I know and now the time has come my friend
00:42:19
yeah Zach talk Zach is here baby Zach do is your One-Stop shop for finding a dock
00:42:24
in your area I moved by the way and guess what couldn't find a doctor because I was asking people what was I
00:42:30
doing Enter zacho the place where you can find and search for the doctors that fit exactly what you need Zach do is a
00:42:37
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00:42:49
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00:42:56
got it and they got review from real patients which I love the typical weit time to see a doctor booked on Zach is between 24 and 72 hours that's it you
00:43:03
can even score same day appointments like me I did that the first time I used go to Zach do.com badf friends and
00:43:09
download the Zach do app for free then find and book at top rated doctor today
00:43:14
come on what are you waiting for that's Zach do.com badri zo
00:43:19
do.com bfri zach.com badf wow you know that yes they're so
00:43:25
good duck dumplings are my one of my Favorite Things ducks are the that's the best it's rice D Tha fun have you yes yeah yeah we've eaten it together I know
00:43:32
I love it thank you so much so ask the ugly duckling again go for it again yeah have you ever you were an ugly duckling I was an ugly duckling wow how
00:43:39
ugly like him yeah okay that ugly wow wow no but you but you know like you
00:43:45
know those like 19 movies is like you know when the girl's like she's ugly but she's not like as soon as I take the
00:43:51
glasses off I'm like that was me yeah you weren't that ug like it wasn't like as soon as I took cuz I had like the
00:43:57
thick cuz I'm I'm blind I was I I had lasic cuz I had - 11 in each house- 11 I
00:44:03
was completely are you contacts now no I got Las so now they're perfectly fine I'm 2020 wow until they fail right
00:44:11
Andrew oh sorry good joke good joke no but like no
00:44:16
but I was like completely blind where to the point where was like I couldn't like if I lost my glasses I couldn't I
00:44:21
couldn't see I couldn't literally see nothing I would just see like w you weren't afraid of lasic lasic freaks me out so much no it's I I Rec commend it
00:44:27
100 peel back your eye yeah it's great have you ever seen it do do Google image of lasic it's the weirdest thing it's so
00:44:33
good I mean I remember when I did it I woke up it was like I was like like a newborn did they put you out yeah no you
00:44:39
do it no like it's just all like you feel it you feel that oh my God a laser in your eyeball but it's kind of like
00:44:45
cut no they cut a layer they cut your eye no but that's like old school that what I don't know what that is this guy
00:44:51
like that yeah that was Francisco yeah they do they do do that what is it A Clockwork Orange yeah pretty much
00:44:59
imagine in the middle of that getting Las he just goes put him out put him out no I
00:45:04
recommend it I mean if I recommend that if you actually are really have a high like problem if you have like a little
00:45:10
bit just stick to glass but what are the odds that people because they do say people go blind from this right or it permanently [ __ ] up your vision I mean
00:45:17
that's it's like it's like the like very like the deception is like give me the odds give me the odds all right what are
00:45:22
the odds less than 1% less than 1% extremely rare for the surgery to treat oh yeah that's a good gamble that's really good the vaccine thing yeah God
00:45:29
that's crazy why do they get so good I remember years ago it wasn't that good no of course no now it's like nothing
00:45:35
100% you have a child I have no I don't have no children you don't want any no I do I mean I think I eventually do I mean
00:45:42
my my my wife is younger than me so it's like yeah his wife's only 57 yes so they've got some time yeah she's she's
00:45:48
doing lasc right now and where do you you live in LA right you at the store you live in LA
00:45:55
yeah for 15 years it took you like sometimes I didn't know Matt R lived in Long
00:46:02
Island well that's cuz when he got big when he got money Ro Island when he got rich he did that yeah hey if I get rich
00:46:07
I'm not living oh where you going to go then uh Ireland no where you going to go fit right in uh no I would like I would
00:46:14
I like staying here but I definitely like Europe you know something like in Italy you stay here dude no I like I
00:46:19
like la I love La the best I love La why do people dog on La man I love La well it's easy to hate on because it has a
00:46:26
lot of it gets a lot of of attention any anything gets lot it's like the popular guy or girl in is school right it's like
00:46:31
somebody going uh you know oh Taylor Swift I don't know I don't really like music it's like all right well because everybody talks about it so people don't
00:46:37
want to hear it cuz sometimes I have people from the Midwest I fly them out here just friends
00:46:43
and I had done that before yeah and they go oh this is La I go what you think it
00:46:49
was yeah I think they think it's all Hollywood well it's also they see like the the the the the bad parts of LA like
00:46:55
three blocks of SK what you see it's like you were not staying there yeah no not but with him
00:47:01
and he lives the fancy life yeah that's true you live the fancier life please don't get me [ __ ] started pal don't
00:47:07
even do it to me I like I like that so on YouTube you can check this out yeah yeah yes and then um everyone listening
00:47:14
to this podcast he's an old friend of ours very funny we love him to death yeah I know thank you for having me are
00:47:19
you crazy dude you guys are great thank you so much even though and I can we just whatever we had no okay no I think
00:47:27
you guys should continue this weird beef I kind of like it it's not a beef it's what I thought it was we were making fun
00:47:33
we are we are we are but it it is I think it's one of those situations where it's like
00:47:38
um you know if we were in a platoon right like like in Vietnam like
00:47:44
Vietnam here we are we're in the dog we're in the we're in the uh so we in the same Army what's it called in the
00:47:50
dog hole or whatever yeah Foxhole Foxhole Foxhole yeah yeah
00:47:57
get down Bob why are you making those funny noises with your mouth no I don't
00:48:03
know well you do that the any we can hear oh sorry I'm sorry you keep going you it's like there's no one around
00:48:10
who's this guy who is this new is this guy new he's been yeah hey guys I got transferred Emanuel hey hey how uel
00:48:17
what's C are you a good shot can you shoot oh yeah I'm a sniper that's why I'm here oh wow good thank God you
00:48:23
are why do you have a machete yeah what is that for well you guys were supposed to provide me with a sniper that's I I I
00:48:29
forgot the gun I forgot the gun I forgot the gun sniper would bring their own gun I said I would bring it for the Mas is
00:48:35
just for me just for masad is just for me it's not even a [ __ ]
00:48:43
wow I think it's just I think it's that rain that's rain what that's rain oh it's rain that's rain
00:48:50
H yeah so any hey Francisco yes um we're going to need you to do us a favor yeah
00:48:56
okay so oh you know the enemy yeah get Charlie get the enemy Charlie no no no
00:49:02
no it's Charles it's PC now we say Charles okay Charles no I he's the type of guy he's the type of guy yeah that
00:49:09
he's gonna go he hey I mean same platoon hey Chang cuz Vietnam War go over there
00:49:15
I go over there he shoots me and then he goes I thought he was the enemy because
00:49:21
of this I think that's what you are but I would shoot you in the leg as a joke right as a bit that's a and like and I
00:49:28
don't think that if I got shot you would do a force Gump with me oh like no I
00:49:33
mean BBA no Bobba for his Gump yeah he carry everybody out right yeah he car I
00:49:38
don't think you would carry me out I mean too heavy okay all
00:49:44
right he's strong dude very good no I would you know I was there when the when
00:49:50
the you know in The Comedy Store when there was like somebody the guy that got I was exact I was like literally like
00:49:56
right here the guy and I turn around and I see the guy shooting him I was there that night but I was inside and I heard
00:50:02
it go down but I it was so surreal because I wasn't out
00:50:07
front mhm that when I heard it I thought it was a lie even though I know it was real yeah like but I saved the girl that
00:50:14
and the I pushed them down shut up yeah you're American hero so for people that don't know a gang member came on the
00:50:21
comedy store Patio years ago and went right up to a guy and shot point blank Point Blank how many years the original
00:50:27
no no in the patio the patio yeah but in front of the in in in the outside bar there in 2015 exactly yeah a gang member
00:50:33
ran up on the patio Point Blank shot a guy in the chest how many people were in The Patio right there it was pretty it
00:50:39
was like late it was like maybe like 25 30 people oh my God and then cuz I was on the road or something I didn't missed
00:50:46
it but so then you saw the man got shot I saw the I turn around I see the guy shooting cuz I it look it didn't even
00:50:52
sound like a gun it sounded like firecrack you know I like so I was like Papa I you know reacted through the
00:50:57
people that were with me and I just and I thought it was one of those serial killers was going to basically Sho one
00:51:02
of those famous Comedy Store Comedy Club I don't know Open Mic Open Mic okay that
00:51:08
came back is like Tommy didn't pass me or something all right right you still you still are down with the Second Amendment now all after shot at yeah and
00:51:15
then so when you saw that I I heard Josh Nasser held his body that true yeah he held yeah he did I don't know why I'm
00:51:21
laughing why you laughing at that dude wait he was no he did he did yeah yeah yeah the guy that got shot yeah the guy
00:51:26
got shot and Josh Nasser was he making a Tik Tok
00:51:32
yeah yeah rest in peace with but hey man you look so good dead dude dude so dark that's so dark
00:51:41
but so just joking so you saw Josh hold the guy's body yeah no he hold him like
00:51:46
was there caressing going on like rubbing his head like he was in the stairs so it's kind of like like like come on like like come on like he was
00:51:53
trying to got to shake those bullets out of him wow crazy that is crazy go to the
00:51:59
Google image of it cuz he shot him Point Blank that's insane well the good thing was and go to the first image I hate to
00:52:06
say this but I'm glad that he didn't shoot anybody else no that's what I yeah cuz it's so funny to have your car trapped in the parking lot after a
00:52:12
shooting like Don baris's car he just can't move it yeah yeah were you in the parking or no no no I was in the back of
00:52:17
the comedy store but you you your car was in the parking no that was back when I lived in the neighborhood I used to walk wow I was in the what's wrong with
00:52:25
me sacred ground I was in the back I was by sacred ground in our look my name is on the
00:52:30
[ __ ] both of our names are there wow no zoom in zoom in is my name's not up there yes it is Bobby Le right there who
00:52:36
is it Jeff Ross Bobby Le and Kirk Fox holy [ __ ] you know you know how I know so okay I wasn't out of
00:52:43
town this is proof that I li but he was slate so you left
00:52:48
on the road I wasn't wait a minute was I there that's how like that's right as
00:52:53
much as he cancels spots he was probably not there that's right I don't I cancel spots because I would remember you being
00:52:59
there that night you weren't there that I don't want to play conspiracy theories but maybe Francis were you did you maybe
00:53:06
you left you were the shoter it was a perfect Alibi wow I was out of town I always cancel spots yeah or could have
00:53:13
been could have been Kirk Fox he was also ever catch the guy no they did I think they did they did cuz he was like
00:53:18
crazy it was crazy like it was a gang thing related apparently the guy was from I think Detroit or somewhere like
00:53:25
that and like the guy like he Trav like he was here visiting and that's why he was he traveled to kill him go back to
00:53:30
the very first image I I actually want that printed out and hung up in the studio can you okay yeah yeah that's a beautiful image of a murder with our
00:53:36
names on the Marquee bud I mean that's history right there that's history right there uh well everyone please go watch this go watch Francisco thank you for
00:53:43
also what's your handles you want oh yeah F Ramos comedy on Instagram TI Tok R comedy fros comedy FR comedy go see
00:53:50
our boy uh give it up for uhk you thank you thank you for having everybody
00:53:56
come over here Carlos will uh Carlos will escort you out you [ __ ] dumb [ __ ] I love you doggy you're the [ __ ]
00:54:02
man dude killed it I love you what the [ __ ] dude what are you guys doing bill I
00:54:09
was right next door what the [ __ ] are you are you being real I didn't [ __ ]
00:54:17
do this yeah who did this go that one blue the blue can you do the blue this that's fine that's fine okay Bobby Lee
00:54:24
this is your life wait wait did you know bill was coming
00:54:32
no I was upstairs I was editing my next uhal stupid special yeah they do you
00:54:37
know his editing Suite is right here oh it is BR Neil Brennon was up there I didn't know yeah this is like the [ __ ]
00:54:44
am I doing here wow ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen the great Bill bur can how many times every [ __ ] night
00:54:50
we see each other at the store and now you're acting we acting like we don't live in the same city like oh my God
00:54:55
like I came from [ __ ] New Zealand it's the last person I ever expected to come into the [ __ ] the studio I do it
00:55:02
one more time not as I just came in yeah yeah yeah I just
00:55:08
came in I thought they were on TV I was like Wow there [ __ ] H hd9 or
00:55:13
something that's so [ __ ] clear wow well I didn't want to interrupt you guys I know that you guys have like a you
00:55:18
guys have a close personal Bond yeah well it's so joyous that you're here what are you talking about how happy
00:55:24
does you blushed I did yeah and yeah well you know cuz I saw him walk in and I thought is this a bit that these guys
00:55:30
set up did you guys said you oh oh I see somebody just said you just missed Bobby Lee so I was like looking in I was
00:55:36
looking for your car the first thing I was looking for was a bumper hanging off the [ __ ] thing I don't see his car
00:55:41
here yeah yeah the perpetuation of The Stereotype is real Bobby got in an accident the first month he had the car
00:55:47
and then now again yesterday yeah yesterday yeah but it has nothing to do with Asians it just has to do he doesn't
00:55:53
care dude that's serious thank you so much for saying that I know that's what
00:55:59
it is is that the race I don't want to bring my people down no it isn't yeah it's because I don't give a [ __ ] okay yeah yeah I mean it just so happened you
00:56:05
got into two car accidents within a month yeah I know but does that offset Tokyo Drift yeah yeah probably not one
00:56:13
Bobby Lee erases all of these [ __ ] guys I'll say this one thing and I'll let you guys get back cuz I'm sure you
00:56:19
guys had an agenda no we did no no dud what are you talking about Bill nothing yeah what are you editing your special
00:56:25
yes okay congratulations do we have a name for the special uh I I don't know yet I'm I'm I'm working on it but that
00:56:31
was just absolute hell for four [ __ ] hours and I and I am who the [ __ ] wants to watch themselves for an hour yeah for
00:56:38
four hours it was horrible it was [ __ ] horrible I I I got I got you
00:56:44
know so now now uh you know we got we all the I think I got to go in tomorrow
00:56:49
and then I'm done where'd you shoot it uh I shot it in Seattle look at us [ __ ] doing this little promo thing
00:56:55
yeah it work I feel like one of these younger Comics how they just [ __ ] know how to like promote the [ __ ] out of their stuff
00:57:01
they're amazing well let's talk about it because I part of the reason I signed up uh Hulu is because of
00:57:06
you oh okay well cuz Hulu brought over people from Netflix and they were like I can't shake this guy yeah I keep
00:57:12
following well the reason why I went over to Netflix is cuz the head guys over there told me there's not enough
00:57:18
room for two gingers on One streaming platform and we're going with the younger cuter one yeah yeah when you
00:57:25
they you guys see each other is there an extra Bond yeah well there's a that we have a uh uh s the sadness yeah we've
00:57:34
had the same kind of pain yeah yeah the s a similar pain through line yeah but Bill were you bullied growing up or no
00:57:40
yes oh I didn't know yeah every every I I I was sort of in the middle like I bullied some kids and then I was bullied
00:57:46
and then I hit pu puberty late so then that was the end of my fighting I was 17 when I got my first hair how old were
00:57:52
you oh Jesus Christ I didn't I didn't have a diary oh you did it I wasn't 17 wow cuz when I
00:58:00
got my first hair it was we celebrated it was a big deal yeah we got a cake everything what about under the arm though you still don't have a lot of
00:58:06
armpit no no I still have some look just a cute oh there's a cute oh okay yeah but I remember the first hair I think
00:58:11
it's still there you still got it yeah even when I shave it I keep that one Bobby starting to look like one of those
00:58:17
old career gamblers what that's a good thing yeah
00:58:23
it's a great thing yeah you got you got that if you didn't have the score thing on something you're like Phil lock
00:58:30
you're like one of these guys yeah like that guy oh that guy yeah wow that guy knows P you know what I don't know what
00:58:35
the name of the clip is but one of my favorite ones I ever saw and then I'm going to leave I'm that's going to be
00:58:41
the bit I'm and then I'm going to leave okay was I was watching this World Series of Poker and this guy [ __ ]
00:58:46
goes all in and you know when they go all in they start walking around like here comes the river and it was like he
00:58:51
had a 98% chance of I don't know poker but he and then all the flop came and
00:58:56
then it [ __ ] went down to like 7% but he didn't know and then the last thing hit and he [ __ ] lost and the guy
00:59:04
literally just he literally just goes oh yeah and he [ __ ] just stormed off and
00:59:09
sat there was this little two-step thing to where the crowd was he sat down on those stairs and he put his hand like
00:59:15
that and he cried for like 15 seconds yeah and then he just collected himself
00:59:22
and was like all right and just moved on it was like it was unbelievable M was it you think Millions yeah it was like and
00:59:29
and and he got totally there was no way what do they call it a bad beat there was no [ __ ] way he should have lost
00:59:34
it and he did and he went a he sat down like for like 15 seconds you're not
00:59:41
you're not you're not a gambler are you nah I just don't uh I I don't I don't
00:59:46
have the patience for it and I just also I just I get it I get it you're you're winning and I'm losing like why why
00:59:52
would I do this well we get our dopamine hits from other things what do you get your dopamine hits from what's your what
00:59:59
uh learning new [ __ ] and what it really is it's not a dopamine thing it it staves off my depression so that's what
01:00:06
I've learned like I stay out of the I when I get free time nothing makes me sadder than free time and just sitting
01:00:13
there thinking about life [ __ ] that happen me all it just makes me sad so
01:00:18
I'll literally like you know you know the usual [ __ ] go to the gyms play drums or something like that but learn learning something new because I don't
01:00:24
know what I'm doing and have to like listen to that makes me not think about other can you give us some new [ __ ] that you've
01:00:30
learned give us some new [ __ ] I'll tell you I wrote a I I wrote a [ __ ]
01:00:35
Harley-Davidson Road Glide the other day up in uh Santa Maria and I've never ridden one I was always intimidated
01:00:41
because it was so [ __ ] big I've ridden smaller ones and it was one of them [ __ ] do you remember in Ferris
01:00:47
bu's day off when they were going over the hill yeah the Ferrari it was like the the valet right yeah so like we rode
01:00:53
through the hills and everything and uh first of all it's a [ __ ] the scariest thing is going slow on him and stopping
01:00:59
because it's like oh my God is this thing going to tip over once you get going they just it's a Cadillac they had that big what they call the fairing so
01:01:06
you weren't you know your neck doesn't hurt you're just cruising so we took us up into the mountains and there was literally nobody on the road we went
01:01:13
down one street and there was all of these trees just on one side and the trees were curling over like you were surfing in like a tube except you were
01:01:19
on a bike right it was amazing and then we came out of the valley and uh me and Dean Del we switched bike I got on this
01:01:26
the sports Glide he got on mine and then the guy took us through and then they knew I was comfortable they started tearing down the [ __ ] like the valley
01:01:32
the mountains are coming up like that wow so you know I kicked it up two three times whatever so I thought I was doing like [ __ ] 55 60 I looked down I was
01:01:39
doing 90 wow and I was just w wow dude
01:01:45
that that yeah that was that was like uh you know the adrenaline thing to the heart that was that lasted like a week
01:01:51
wow I I couldn't stop [ __ ] thinking about it and um do you have a bike yeah
01:01:57
I have a I got a little one I got a little Royal Enfield uh can I tell you guys so I but I don't drive around an LA
01:02:04
stre can I tell you guys what I learned or can I can you not can you something I learn he talked the whole show Lear
01:02:10
something he learned something I learned listen let let Asian Bobby Kelly say
01:02:19
something forget it you know no no I want to hear a supportive environment go ahead all right so I'm going to tell you
01:02:24
I mean so stard right it's a video game I play see already dude I I don't like that cuz it's not entertaining go ahead
01:02:31
well I'm just tell you something I learned you know I've been playing that game for years right so you can go to Robin's carpenter shop and actually move
01:02:37
the greenhouse it it doesn't have cuz you know I've always built around the
01:02:43
greenhouse like oh my God there's like enough space but you actually can move it like next to your house is just that
01:02:48
one of those games where you're building a village and then you fight other Villages there's no fighting in that way bill so nice try but I'm just asking oh
01:02:55
it sounded sounded interesting to me yeah yeah no it's and I understand that response because I've done nothing but give you [ __ ] for 20 years than thank
01:03:02
you thank you I get it so it's like it's no it's it's a farming game is it more exciting than the giant
01:03:09
melons bill would you get one of those big bikes would you ever want to invest in one of those big Harley or no uh 100%
01:03:16
so this is the next move it was yeah I'm I'm going to do the gingered wild hogs put me please totally please put me
01:03:23
in the totally the life crisis no it's one of those things just like uh you
01:03:29
know I just feel as an American at some point you have to ride one of those big
01:03:34
those big bikes just do it one even if you just do it one [ __ ] time it was it was like I would never like I don't
01:03:41
ride around here like I'm always in like the middle of nowhere like you know when Colorado we went up in Boulder went to
01:03:47
the Rockies a little bit and it's just just stay away from people but like uh I had a bike out here for about 6 weeks
01:03:54
about 10 years ago level of texting it was like everybody was like had like three beers in them so there was just
01:04:00
all of this drifting and it was uh it was [ __ ] terrifying so uh I remember
01:04:06
like I never pray but I literally I was all the way out in uh somewhere on the near the beaches or whatever and I said
01:04:13
a prayer I said God if you get me home I swear to God I'm never writing this again and I'm going to sell it and I did
01:04:20
and then I uh I [ __ ] up like an addict I rode one when I was in um
01:04:26
I was in Austin and the Moto GP race was there that's the Formula One of bike racing I [ __ ] love that [ __ ] and they
01:04:34
had this thing on Saturday where like the dads you know all the dads could go there and they called it the Victory lap
01:04:41
and I had not written a bike in like 10 years so I said I I think I want to be in the back I want because it was like I felt it was 100 guys in I was like I
01:04:47
want to be in the back I want to be in the back because I don't want to be going fast or anything and they said no dude you want to be in the front you
01:04:52
want to be in the front because we're going to be going like 25 30 miles an hour 40 maybe on a straighter way but those guys in the back they wait they
01:05:00
wait like 2 minutes and they wait and then those guys you know the guys got the full [ __ ] Leathers on so I said
01:05:05
all right could so anyway I did that and I was so thrilled that I still remembered how to do it and then it it
01:05:12
just it just back it's just itch itch have you ever ridden a bike have you never have oh my God but I've ridden
01:05:18
like a bike a bike not a bicycle Bud okay okay a bike a bike yeah what like you know like you
01:05:25
know what I mean like a standard bike bike biker biker no like you know like the balancing kind do you have a tan oh
01:05:31
my god do I have a yeah yeah you look tan did you do somewhere tropical no
01:05:37
okay you have a nice tan oh thank you yeah thank you Bobby that's very nice of you yeah this is our new Bobby this is
01:05:43
our new relationship I don't like it why don't you like it [ __ ] hate it he's so nice to me yeah you've been so nice
01:05:50
to me the last couple years I was always nice to you I just did it in a dysfunctional way I always trashed you cuz I loved you now I love you too now I
01:05:57
can look sort of in your eyes it's a difficult thing to do yeah yeah to try
01:06:02
to see them I mean you really are you are like
01:06:09
extra Asian there you go there we go white eyes we call it white eyes when he does that this is how this is I don't
01:06:14
know if this is maybe a a thing with our skin tone and hair but I've seen you have clothes that I also have and I'm
01:06:21
like is that cuz we have that thing that we pick oh our our limited color palette yeah well those shoes I have those exact
01:06:26
[ __ ] shoes I don't know anybody that has those shoes you know what I love about New Balance is people go oh that's an old white guy sneaker it's like well
01:06:33
yeah I'm an old white guy so like I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing but you you but you fit Simmons
01:06:38
and you guys all have the same kind of attire is it a redheaded thing well is not a redhead not a
01:06:45
redhead Fitz Simmons is a redhead no he's not no he's not he's not one of your tribe no he never had when he did
01:06:51
have hair it was dark he had brown hair I think when he grew a go goatee he might have had red in his a little bit but look he had dark hair when he was
01:06:57
young look at that face though it's so pink I know I'm surprised yeah yeah I that's what I'm looking at what are you
01:07:04
doing why are you making fun of other people what do you mean what I can bully
01:07:09
too dude I can look at somebody's photo and go their pink no but I mean just the messenger is
01:07:15
just just throwing me off you know and it's so funny that you say that Mr Burr because I want to say this all right I've I've gotten gained some confidence
01:07:21
over the years and I think I'm very good-look so how long you know what I would love to do I would love to take a sharpie and color in the skin between
01:07:28
the mustache and whatever the [ __ ] that is on your chin all right I got to I I do have you
01:07:33
don't have to go I love stay we love you bill um thank you so much yeah and I I I I you know I have positive feelings
01:07:41
about you guys yeah um all right that's it that was that was you know what I like that was a
01:07:47
a soft what do they call a soft opening my special oh here you go give I mean
01:07:52
this you're trying this is like uh you went to war W you went to wardrobe give
01:07:58
him a big hug bill will you please I always wanted to know what what is that notary republic stamp tattoo that you
01:08:03
have on your forearm what is that one oh God my body yeah why did you do that to
01:08:11
yourself I know at what point do you just say I got to lose this dude that is third
01:08:16
[Laughter] trimester give him a big hug I love you
01:08:23
thank you Bill you're afraid another Ginger come on bring it in there what a
01:08:28
surprise Bill bur everybody give him a round of applause a surprise Bill great
01:08:33
surprise what a great surprise who's this next [ __ ] that's coming in you might remember her dude that was
01:08:40
crazy look at this [ __ ] little beautiful specimen that we spawned on this show you see this little that was
01:08:46
insane bill just popped in there yeah yeah he's like is Bobby here I was like yeah they're recording but you could
01:08:52
probably just walk right in God it's crazy it's crazy what a what let's talk about our beautiful little specimen that came back but can I just
01:08:58
let's can we just talk about Bill so for some reason sometimes especially in a like I have to get prepared for him but
01:09:05
that surprise I was sort of like Shell Shocked almost you were I was a stumbling [ __ ]
01:09:10
idiot but I'm always a stumbling [ __ ] with him I'm never I'm never myself when I'm around him he's the only one and
01:09:17
know me too why is that cuz his dominance yeah I don't know what to say so then I triy to throw on that stardew
01:09:22
Valley right that was really good no no and then I just go oh cuz he's one of the greatest living comedi oh no and
01:09:30
anybody watching that's what getting bumped feels like we're like Bill I got to follow
01:09:37
that in a way it was just I just like sh girl and the tan thing I said it's like what am I talking about I heard that I
01:09:43
what yeah yeah I was like yeah but at least you're at least you're having fun I'm asking I was asking dumb interview questions you guys
01:09:50
are like girls we are yeah we are I he's one of the greatest living comedians so
01:09:55
it's hard for if Chappelle comes in here I'm done I he came in too I was like Bill's on now yeah if Dave Chappelle
01:10:01
found that one of his employees was talking [ __ ] about him through text yeah that would be a big deal that would be a very big deal don't you think that' be a
01:10:07
big deal yeah what's going on yeah well you know I'll tell you what's going on you're pointing your fingers at me but but met pointing them to somebody
01:10:14
somebody else I'll tell you what's going on I grabbed MC's phone I knew it was my
01:10:20
right right and I go to the messaging and I go I wonder if I put my name in the search thing yeah yeah all the [ __ ]
01:10:26
that you said that's so smart right and he freaked the [ __ ] out he ran from behind there knocked all the artwork and
01:10:33
we I we did a thing you also went through my photo album one time I did you love to Snoop I'm a Snoopy Snoop
01:10:40
he's a little Sno he's a Soper pooper he kept looking for my photos like getting nervous yeah yeah I am so shocked that
01:10:46
you haven't inquired about what's in the bag what's in the bag oh I have gifts for you guys welcome back to what's in
01:10:52
the bag what's in the bag what's can you pass things out to everybody get over Mone I'm exercising my power yeah I love
01:10:57
it dude you've been doing it for years why slow down now no I've learned it from you
01:11:03
yeah what waa what is that what hello
01:11:08
glasses oh my God this is so rad wait wait you have your own sunglasses yes
01:11:14
it's been T it's taken years to make them but it's the only collaboration I've ever taken part of the owner of the
01:11:20
company reached out to me I was like do you want your these are so we talked about this I didn't know you going to do
01:11:25
this you also never called me back after I called you and you wanted some advice you they feel good you never called me
01:11:31
back I knew you were going to bring that up you never called me back I was pissed off about it she never called me back you want me to say the the thing okay
01:11:36
who am I I'm doing an impression with these glasses who am I okay yeah right right no
01:11:45
no Jesse Johnson
01:11:51
no oh oh prince prince prince no wait wait wait I'll get get it on Bobby
01:11:56
wearing pink glasses yeah yeah yeah is this just you Crocodile
01:12:01
Rock Elton John yeah John yeah I hope these glasses bring you as
01:12:07
much joy as they bring me he was looking at you sincerely Jessie Johns these are these Jessie jety juicy Johnson no it
01:12:12
doesn't say that on there yes it does oh it does oh this is incredible dude these are so cool and this is an incredible
01:12:19
thing you did that did thank you I thought you guys were going to hate it for some reason I'm so happy for you I got them for everybody you guys don't
01:12:24
have to we them but I hope you enjoy them and uh we're wearing them rainow also are yours thicker than mine no this
01:12:30
the same they're all the same you can get them online too if anybody wants them watching bring yours over here I don't think they're the same and we'll
01:12:36
put the link in the description they're all the same dude promo code no ours is little mine's little or something promo code what jet jet ski to buy these These
01:12:42
are incredible your face your face is bigger and by the way uh just for the record uh
01:12:50
our good friend Janelle Garza did the art for this which I do think is so sick she's an incredible artist
01:12:56
and look at how dope the bo is I mean that alone in what you been up to Jess touring I'm on my first tour trumpet
01:13:03
2024 Trump trump it 2024 trump it 2024
01:13:09
that's great that's very smart yeah was that on accident yeah and then I made the shirts and then I made the
01:13:14
connection nice dude oh I see I see very nice yeah came later can I plug the
01:13:20
Irvine Houston and Sacramento before I trumpet 2024 tour three more stops
01:13:26
Irvine Houston Sacramento Irvine Improv Irvine Improv the weekend or the weekend
01:13:31
late night shows one one late night show Friday one late night Saturday midnight
01:13:36
uh 10:30 p.m. oh go check it out please go see going please go see our friend go check it I'm not going to go Oh I
01:13:41
thought you were like I'm G to go we can go you want us to open up the show yeah would you guys we should shouldn't we I
01:13:47
think we should open and when is this um everything's on jety johnson.com I'll be
01:13:52
I'll be busy yeah yeah I'm okay I'm going to be busy oh and rainbow Optics the glasses anything you want on the
01:13:58
website 20% off go to what is the promo code jetski promo code jet ski much do it jety sign off the way we used to
01:14:06
thank you for being a bad friend love you
01:14:14
[Music]
01:14:29
the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men
01:14:35
blessed is he who in the name of Charity and Good Will Shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness for he truly is
01:14:40
his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children and I will strike down upon thee with great Vengeance and
01:14:47
Furious anger those who attempt to poison to destroy my brothers and you will know my name is the Lord when I lay
01:14:54
my veng Vance upon you I thought he says lay my vengeance upon thee yeah that's
01:15:00
let me do it backwards but this says upon you you upon Vengeance my lay I when Lord is the name I know will you
01:15:08
and brothers my destroy and poison to attempt who those anger Furious and
01:15:14
Vengeance great with thee upon down strike will and I children lost of
01:15:20
finder the and keeper Brothers his truly is he for darkness of Valley the through
01:15:26
weak the Shepherds will good and charity of name the in he is bless men evil of
01:15:36
tyranny the unselfish the of inequities the bides all on beset is man righteous
01:15:43
the of path thee very good that's actually [ __ ] awesome backwards it's just as good backwards as it is for us
01:15:49
yeah that's why it's brilliant Ezekiel 25:17 yeah God we got to read the Bible
01:15:54
dude the Bible's got some bangers let's take out every other word see if that works
01:16:01
the of righteous is on all by inequities
01:16:07
the and tyranny of men
01:16:12
blessed blessed he it's hard huh blessed he in name charity good Shepherds weak
01:16:22
Valley Darkness he truly Brothers and find a lost wow it worked that way
01:16:30
[Music] too
01:16:40
wo wo [Music]
