00:00:06
DANIEL BUTLER: This
is an ADC warning. The crimes you're
about to see are true. Only the names were changed
to protect the ignorant.
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[music and sirens] DANIEL BUTLER: Tonight on
"America's Dumbest Criminals," a DUI with a W-I-F-E, a
comically disabled criminal,
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and a traffic temper
that goes wrong. These are just a few of
"America's Dumbest Criminals."
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Welcome to "America's
Dumbest Criminals." I'm Daniel Butler. You know, very often as we
examine the criminal plan more
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closely, we find that there
is no plan to examine. You're about to meet
those planners, the elite
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of the criminally inept,
as we open the files on "America's
Dumbest Criminals." Our first story is
about a dumb criminal
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who hung around way too long. -A former police officer owns a
store up here on Parkway East.
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And uh, they got robbed. And uh, the clerk said that
the first guy that was in there
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was doing all the
talking and everything. -The money and nobody gets hurt! Come on, come on, come on!
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-[inaudible]
-Let's go, let's go! Come on, come on, come on! OFFICER ED LEACH: He
did all the talking,
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took the money and
everything and left out. But he forgot the other
robber was still inside.
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-Come on! Up, up, up, up, up! Up, up, up! Come on, come on, come on! OFFICER ED LEACH: And so they
came back inside to get him,
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said, come on, let's go. Let's get out of here,
'cause so-and-so's out here waiting for us.
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And so he started
back out the door. And so the guy's still sitting
there mumbling, holding
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a pistol up, saying something,
looking around the store. So they had to come back
in a third time you know,
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to finally get him out of
there and take him off. And that's how the
clerk identified him.
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DANIEL BUTLER: So he
just forgot to leave the scene of the crime. In Ohio, it used to be
against the law for a woman
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to be a bellhop. She can, however,
legally do a belly flop. And now a case we
call "Skunk Driver"
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from Wilton Manors, Florida. OFFICER SHAWN CHADWICK: I was
driving up 26th Street one day
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and I saw a man and a woman
uh, going up the road in a car. He was kinda all over the road.
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And he didn't have
a seat belt on. Neither did she. So I pulled them over, and he
started getting real indignant
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with me as to, as to
why I pulled him over. Asking me, you know, uh,
you know, I-- telling me
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that he didn't do anything wrong
and wanted to know why the hell I pulled him over.
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And he's pretty nasty about it. -Here man. Here's the license, all right? Don't you see I'm
minding my own business?
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Don't-- hanging
out with my lady, trying to have a nice time.
I'm a tax paying citizen!
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Can I do that? -I wasn't getting
anywhere with him. So I, I asked to talk to her.
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And as I'm talking to her,
he still keeps yelling at me. And so I, I said to, to her--
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-Ma'am, what's wrong with him?
WOMAN: Never mind! -She said, "Never mind him. He always acts like that
when he's drinking."
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MAN: [laughs] -What? What the, wait a minute! The hell you mean drinking?
WOMAN: You are on my last nerve!
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-What are you talking about?
WOMAN: You are on my last nerve! -That don't make
any sense at all!
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[interposing voices] DANIEL BUTLER: And now
actual surveillance camera footage of a dumb criminal
who dropped the ball.
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And the gun. The man shown here had robbed
four banks successfully. In each one he was armed,
but no one was hurt.
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Then finally, just after his
fourth successful bank robbery, he made the mistake of choosing
to rob a grocery store.
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When he robbed the
manager and he bent down to pick up the bag of money,
his gun dropped from his hand,
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slid across the floor right
to the manager, who picked up the dumb criminal's
gun and held it on him.
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He was arrested, taken
away, and convicted, and he'll be away for
the rest of his life.
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And now a man who is about
to learn not to throw temper tantrums. The hard way. OFFICER ROBERT
FANNIN: We were uh,
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working in unmarked
cars and plainclothes. And we'd just left the
precinct out of roll call
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and this person just pulled
right out in front of us, running a red light. So we pulled up to the
next red light with him,
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and we had a handheld
blue light that you put on top of the
roof of the car. But I just put it in my hand and
turned to the guy and I said--
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-You need to watch the lights! OFFICER ROBERT FANNIN: Well,
he kinda got mad at us.
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And he started cussing
at us and mouthing off and shooting us the bird. And I just turned and I said,
"Sir, just watch the lights."
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Well, he reached under his
seat, pulled out a gun. -You watch this! That's right!
Run, you bunch of hillbillies!
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-Go, go, go, go! OFFICER ROBERT FANNIN:
He kinda pointed to us and said, "Why
don't you all come
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back here and tell
me what to do?" So you know, he didn't know
who he was pointing the gun to.
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So all three of us jumped out. He saw all these badges. And he just threw that gun
almost through the window,
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put his hands through
the ceiling almost. And his eyes were so big. I ended up putting
him under arrest
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right in the middle
of the street. -Down! Down! DANIEL BUTLER: Interesting
how the man's face
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went from red to
yellow to green. ADC Quiz number 1702. A Texas man,
convicted of robbery,
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worked out a deal to
pay $9,600 in damages in lieu of jail time. Did he A, renege and skip town?
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B, write the court
a forged check? Or C, rob a bank to pay it off? The correct answer is B. He
wrote the court a forged check.
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His third mistake was trying
to escape from the fourth floor of the Lubbock
Courthouse on a bicycle.
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Coming up, a dumb criminal
who has his application denied and his summer vacation foiled.
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DANIEL BUTLER: Welcome back. Our next case is from Denver,
and we call it "K-911."
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A guy had the bright
idea to rob a market. Everything went according
to plan except the part
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he didn't plan. He robbed the clerk
at gunpoint, then he started to run back to
his truck with the money.
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But as he ran to jump
in, his dog jumped out. The dog ran around
and the robber could not coax him
back into the truck.
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With the police
on the way, he was forced to leave the scene of
the crime without his dog.
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[engine starting] -So this guy comes in. Goofy looking guy. Bad hat, big thick glasses.
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Hits me for about $200,
goes to jump in his truck, and his dog jumps out. That, that's his dog!
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POLICE OFFICER: Good boy. DANIEL BUTLER: Sure enough,
the dog wouldn't come back
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to the dumb criminal, but it
would come back to the police. And his name and address
was on the dog's tag.
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Maybe the dog should take
this guy to obedience school. In Texas, it used to be against
the law for more than one train
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to cross at the same
crossing at the same time. Unless of course, one
train was being pulled
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by a team of lovely
waitresses serving hot wings. J.D. Roberts of
Brunswick, Georgia
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had just led a successful
raid in which hundreds of pounds of pot
were confiscated.
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As Officer Roberts stood in the
driveway behind a marked car, a pickup truck pulled up.
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-I think he's still selling.
Is he still selling in there? -Sure. -Cool! -Right on around back.
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DANIEL BUTLER: The two men had
just asked narcotics agents with "Police" stenciled
on their backs
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if the man was
still selling dope. They sent them around
to the back door. -We got a buyer coming back.
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Hang on. -You're kidding me. [laughs] CRIMINAL: Hey, Mike? Hey. -Hey!
-Where's Mike?
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-Guys! Uh, Mike? Mike stepped out for a while. Uh, but I think I
got what you need.
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-Cool. -Yeah, uh-- -Oh man! -How's this look? -Check this out! -You like that? -It's killer, man.
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-[laughs] -Smell that. -Smells good, doesn't it? -Yeah! How much you got of this?
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-Um, got all of this. How much you got? -Got $60. -How much? -$60. -That'll do. -[laughs] Great, man.
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Here you go. -Yeah, OK. -Good. Yeah, take some more.
-Thanks! -Yeah. DANIEL BUTLER: They arrested the
men, confiscated their pickup,
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and impounded it
in the backyard, when another vehicle pulled up. -Just leave your car here and
we'll take care of it for you.
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DANIEL BUTLER: The
entire thing was being captured by
surveillance camera. -Right on around back there.
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-Watch my car now, all right? -Yep. -Hey! -Hey. -Does uh, Mike still sell? -Oh yeah, got it right there.
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DANIEL BUTLER: The police could
not get away from the house. They came on bicycles,
they came in cars,
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they came in pickup
trucks, they came on foot. But they came to buy. Each vehicle was
confiscated and each buyer
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arrested, until the
backyard was almost full. -Hey! Uh, Mike still around back? -Yeah.
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Yeah, he's around [inaudible]. You better hurry.
-Oh, thanks. DANIEL BUTLER: The police
arrested 35 people,
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impounded 12 cars, two trucks-- -Hey, are Tommy and
Mike still selling? -Yeah. Right around back.
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I can hold your board
for you if you like. -No way. -OK. DANIEL BUTLER: And a skateboard.
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Now, actual surveillance cam
footage of one of the dumbest groups of dumb
criminals in America.
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What do all these people
caught on surveillance camera have in common? They all applied for
disability, but then
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were caught on
tape hard at work. This man was paralyzed. His back pain was so
great, he couldn't even
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set foot out of bed. But there he is, carrying
heavy pipe and digging a ditch. This man could
also not even lift
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a phone because of
his pain, and yet he could do your muffler work. This woman couldn't
even hold a coffee cup.
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But she could move
a load of hay. And this man was
a roofer, but he said he could never work again.
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Until they caught
him on video tape. Next up, David Hunter tells us
about an unusual job applicant.
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-Young man walked into the Knox
County Sheriff's Department. He had applied for a
job as a security guard
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and he'd been given
a piece of paper to fill out to show he
had no criminal history.
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When the clerk put his name
and birthday into the computer, a warrant for armed
robbery popped out.
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-Is something wrong? OFFICER DAVID HUNTER:
Young man apparently realized that
something was wrong.
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--[whispers] What's
going on here? OFFICER DAVID HUNTER:
So he fled on foot. But another officer
on his way to work
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saw the vehicle
pull into traffic. When he got him stopped, had
him on the ground of course,
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in a felony stop, cuffed him. And as they got into
the car, he turned around to the
officer and he said--
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-What'd you get
me for this time? OFFICER DAVID HUNTER: Well,
when you uh, filed for a job
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at the station, we found an
armed robbery warrant for you. -Is that all? Uh, can I still get a job?
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OFFICER DAVID HUNTER:
I don't think so. -Oh man! There goes another summer! DANIEL BUTLER: That's right.
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No summer camp. Summer work house. In Massachusetts, it used
to be against the law
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to walk across the street. However, flying like
a bat was allowed. [crash] DANIEL BUTLER: And now,
inside the courtroom
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for trial and error. An officer on the witness
stand describes how a diversion tactic really backfires
on some dumb criminals.
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-Officer Monroe, how did you
apprehend the defendants? -Well ma'am, we never
would have if it
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hadn't been for the crowds. -Crowds? -Yes, ma'am. When the perpetrators
exited the crime scene,
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they attempted to create a
diversion by throwing some of the stolen cash from
the window of the van.
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-Did that work? -Well, not really. Because you know,
soon after that, they were mobbed by
angry people trying
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to get their hands on
some more of the cash. -There you have it. -Yes ma'am. There you have it.
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[gavel strike] DANIEL BUTLER:
When we come back, a dumb criminal who
wasn't very photogenic.
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On "America's
Dumbest Criminals." DANIEL BUTLER: Welcome back. Thomas Pennington
of Las Vegas, Nevada
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proves that being
a desk sergeant is not all that boring. -I was working the desk as desk
sergeant downtown at City Hall.
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This guy walks into
the desk and he says that the detectives
were by his house and he didn't know why,
why they was there.
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And hadn't he supposed
to contact them? And I go, well, I don't know
which detectives, you know.
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Uh, who was that? And they go-- -They were narcotic detectives. -Really? -Yeah. -What makes you think that?
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-Ah, see I was a little
trouble in California. But I haven't been in
any trouble in Nevada.
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So you shouldn't
be looking for me! OFFICER THOMAS PENNINGTON:
And I go, well, hold tight
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and I'll see.
-What's your name? OFFICER THOMAS PENNINGTON:
What's your name? He gave me his name
and stuff and I go,
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I'll call over the detective. And I called over the
narcotics detectives and then they go,
Tom, grab this guy!
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He's got a million dollar
warrant for his arrest in California. And then I go, well here.
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The detective wants
to talk to you. And now as he's talking
to the detective, he's sort of engrossed
in the phone call.
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And I walk around from the desk
and around behind this guy, and everybody else is
standing around in the desk.
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-Oh well, well thank you. It's about time
somebody apologized! -Put your hands on the desk.
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-What the hell's going on? -You're under
arrest, [inaudible]. -What?
What am I under arrest for?
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OFFICER THOMAS PENNINGTON:
Well, you had a million, million dollar warrant for
your arrest in California.
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He goes-- -But this is Nevada! What? Damn! OFFICER THOMAS
PENNINGTON: He just couldn't seem to
understand that,
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because he, he was dealing
drugs in California and had a warrant in California,
didn't seem to comprehend
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that we could arrest
him here in Nevada. -Out of state, out of mind. In Vermont, it used to be
against the law to drop rocks
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from an airplane
without permission. But you could pick up maple
syrup from a convertible
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without asking. Mike Thompson of
Pensacola tells us about a dumb criminal who
can't say cheese head.
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-Several years ago, I was
assigned to the uh, Armed Robbery and Burglary
Task Force here
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at the Pensacola
Police Department. And we received a call
that there was a burglary
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in progress at a residence
on the west side of town. And shortly after
ent-entering the residence,
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I noticed that they had
a uh, uh, an alarm system that activated when you
broke the light beam
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and it makes a clicking noise. So I went on to the
back of the house and shined my light underneath
the uh, bed in the bedroom.
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And I saw tennis shoe
soles facing me and uh, as if the suspect was laying
down underneath the bed.
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-Tommy? Is that you? -Get your hands on
top of your head! -Hey Mike, is that you?
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-Yes Tommy. And you're under arrest. -After a, a brief
discussion, he asked me did,
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did a neighbor call in on him? Is that how we caught him? And I said yes, in fact, because
I didn't want to disclose the,
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the fact that the uh,
individual that owned the house had an alarm system,
a silent alarm system.
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-Well, I, I heard his
camera clicking out here. But I didn't give
it much thought.
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It's too dark out
here to take pictures! Guy must be really
stupid if he thinks he can take pictures
in this light.
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-I said, you know, I,
I'm sure he never even thought about that [inaudible]. DANIEL BUTLER: In this
surveillance cam footage,
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an officer proves
you can't count on the dumb criminal
who can't count. This is a hidden camera
of a drug deal going down.
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The man on the left is an
undercover narcotics officer. The man on the right
is a dumb criminal.
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Unfortunately, the dumb criminal
is the one counting the money. Outside, eight SWAT team members
are ready to make the arrest.
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As soon as this dumb criminal
finishes counting his money. OK, he lost his place again.
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Now as soon as this man
finishes counting the money, the SWAT team will move in.
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OK, OK now I think he's
finished counting the money. Yes, OK, he appears
to be leaving.
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Now the SWAT team
comes in, forcing him to use a calculator. You know, we've talked to
many policewomen involved
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in prostitution stings, and
they all tell us the same thing. After the men are arrested, one
of the first questions they ask
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is, is my wife
going to find out? Because most of
them are married. But one married man barely
had time to ask that question
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in a case we call
"Wedding Night Blues." -We had one um, a guy drove
up-- well dressed in a tux.
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DANIEL BUTLER: He
was well dressed. And why not? It was his wedding day. Folks, this record breaking
winner is a real loser.
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-Well, where you off to? -I think he'd been
married about four hours. MAN: [laughs]
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-And he's on his honeymoon
going to get beer and uh, he propositioned me. MAN: [laughs]
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-And uh, and we got him. DANIEL BUTLER: I
think you'll agree, the honeymoon is
definitely over.
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And this criminal is one of
America's dumbest husbands. [sirens and music playing]
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DANIEL BUTLER: In
Pensacola, Florida, a dumb criminal picked
himself out of a lineup.
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-We had an informant
that uh, supplied us with a lot of information and
would call us whenever he knew
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something that was
fixing to go down that we were interested in. And one day, we went out and
did some uh, just street level
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crack cocaine buys
and we were attempting to video all the transactions. Well, most of them came out
really good, but got cloudy.
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And there was a
couple of the buys on there that you didn't
have a real good facial
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on the suspect, on the criminal. So what I did is I
called this informant, told him I needed him to come
in and look at some pictures
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and see if he could identify
these people for me. And uh, he comes and I
plug in these video tapes,
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and the first one he
looks at, he said, "Man, how'd you all get me on camera?" -Oh man! [laughing] How'd
you all get me on camera?
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Man, that's me! Check that out! Hey, you know what? I look good enough to
be on "Cops," don't I?
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-Yeah! -That's the homeboy! UNDERCOVER OFFICER: And I
look at him, I look at the TV,
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and it was him! He was the one selling the dope! The next two videos I pulled
out, they were also him.
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He identified himself in
all three of him. [laughs] So we had to arrest him! That's it.
00:18:05
It was hilarious! And we didn't have a,
we did not have a clue that that was him til
he identified himself.
00:18:14
-As always, we're out of time
before we're out of crime. Our thanks to the men and
women of law enforcement.
00:18:19
Until next time, I'm Daniel
Butler saying, don't be dumb. Don't break the law. We'll catch you, next time on
"America's Dumbest Criminals."
00:18:26
Goodnight. [music playing]