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this is an adc warning the crimes you're about to see are true only the names were changed to protect
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the ignorant [Music] do [Music] tonight you'll meet a dumb criminal with really bad luck
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surveillance cam footage of a man pilvering pork chops and a dumb criminal who was just faking it
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all this and more on america's dumbest criminal [Music] welcome to america's dumbest criminals
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i'm daniel butler our constant study of the criminal mind has led us to formulate several truisms regarding the
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criminal mind such as the buses don't go out that far and the lights are on but
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nobody's home join us now in scraping the poop from the shoes of justice as we open the
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files on america's dumbest criminals first up retired captain don parker starts a trilogy on a dipstick bad luck
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brown we called him bad luck brown which of course was a made-up name but i'm
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telling you it was one of the most accurate descriptions that you could find for someone because the guy had
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terrible luck most of it self-created the first time that i had any occasion to deal with him came when he decided he
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was going to knock over a liquor store it's going to rob a liquor store he walks into the liquor store place is
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really busy doesn't want to create a commotion so he takes out an envelope and writes a hold up note give me all
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your money this is a stick up i've got a gun slides the note across the counter
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to the clerk who reads it her eyes get wide she takes all the money out of the cash register stuffs it in a paper sack
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hands it across the counter he takes the money feeling very proud of himself runs
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out of the store the problem was that he wrote the hold up note on the back of an envelope he
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had just received the day before from his probation officer so he had his name address and zip code
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a relatively simple matter to run over to his house and pick him up within a half hour of that robbery a major
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setback for some but bad luck brown doesn't give up easily i was an investigator in those days we got some
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information that some people were going to knock off a motel gonna rob the motel
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so we had the place staked out we had deputies inside the motel we had people at either end of the parking lot myself
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and three or four others were lined up in the woods facing the front of the motel right in the middle of the
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stakeout comes this raggedy old station wagon driving across the parking lot and
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stops we wonder if this is our guys he gets out walks over under a street light we recognize him it's the guy that we
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call bad luck brown what is he doing he walks over to an unattended lawnmower that some maintenance guy had left out
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on the side of the building grabs the lawnmower takes it back to the station wagon lowers the tailgate throws the
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lawnmower it's stealing a lawnmower in front of about 18 cops jumps back in the
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car and of course the supervisor said we you know we can't let them drop off with
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a lawnmower so the other two deputies pull up we're chasing him as we're
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running we can't catch him i decide enough is enough i'm going to fire that
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proverbial warning shot to slow him down i pull my gun out pow i fire a shot into
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the ground it didn't exactly do what i hoped it would do because it scared all the other
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cops all the deputies hit the ground but it did work because badlock tripped over
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one of the deputies sprains his ankle and that's how he caught him some people
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learn from their mistakes bad luck brown learns to make dumber mistakes by far his most successful
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way of earning his title came some years after that he decided to break into an auto parts store and steal a bunch of
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batteries car batteries this is the middle of the summer time down here in florida it gets warm i mean it's
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probably 90 degrees even though it's nighttime car batteries are not the lightest things in the world they weigh
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what 20 30 pounds each the guy is absolutely drained loads the whole back seat of his car up by time he gets
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finished he's exhausted collapses in the front seat car won't start he's got a
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dead battery and the guy is about half drunk he goes nuts he's out there screaming and
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cursing and pounding on the hood of the car we'll guess what the lady hears all
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this young calls the cops i'm the first one on the scene and i see this drunk
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out there screaming pounding and cursing trying to get his car to start with batteries with a back seat load of
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car batteries that's bad luck brown [Music] adc quiz number 382 two shoplifters in a florida bridal shop
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attracted so much attention they were easily caught how were they noticed were they
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a loud and obnoxious b clumsy and awkward or c large men dressed as women the correct
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answer was c here they modeled the fall look for two large guys paul recalls how a crackhead made a
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fashion statement in zip it it's dumb but used and quite frequently to search a suspect
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and uh pull several pieces of crack cocaine out of his pocket first words out of their mouth is
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these ain't my britches they don't even fit i don't know whose these are you mean
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tell me those aren't your britches you're wearing i found them whose riches are they
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they're my cousins so whose jacket are you does this belong to you no no man i
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don't care that look this isn't even my jack that's my brother's jacket
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he let me borrow it this is not my jacket it's not my britches it's not my
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underwear wherever it's found it's not mine i don't care it's not my back
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now from the adc security cam vaults a story we call dipstick the woman posing as a
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prostitute is an undercover officer the man in the truck well he's a dumb criminal
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after he propositions the undercover officer he realizes he doesn't have any
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money then he gives his best excuse my mechanics yes this dumb criminal just said he
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can't go with the woman right now because he has to get his oil changed at least his priorities are in order
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you know i'd always heard that there was something women like about a pickup man
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now we know he had to get his oil changed clean oil daryl price of charlotte recounts the
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story of a knothead who was faking it we had a guy file a police report that he had been beaten up and robbed
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and when we did the interviews his robbery that he was describing to us at that time didn't match what he had
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described in the report and you know as we catch on to those things pretty quick
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because there's a lot of fake robbery reports out there i started questioning
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him harder and harder basically becoming an interrogation and finally he broke down and admitted that he was off with a
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girl another girl other than his wife when her husband had caught him and given him quite a bump
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that wasn't the problem problem was how was he going to explain to his wife how
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he had been beaten to you know practically to death so he made up this whole robbery thing
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just to appease his wife [Music] later on tonight's show a dumb criminal who was sucking more than air
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[Music] [Music] next up drunk driver with his brain out of gear gets tested in one for the road
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david shepler in tampa florida responded to a routine traffic call he found a car
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smashed against a guardrail shepler found the driver still sitting behind the wheel apparently unfazed our officer
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suspected the man had been drinking that's not it i need to see your license
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please huh oh it's my boy you like baseball can you step out of the car from me
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please are you intoxicated sir no no i'm not have you had anything to drink tonight
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no not a drop off oh yeah sure huh yeah i think you have been drinking and i'm
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going to administer a field sobriety test to you uh okay jones is this your correct
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address on here what are you i just told you i'm going to administer phil somebody to what are you doing i
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heard you what are you doing i do much better on tests if i've had a little something to drink
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are you ready now are you sure test me baby are you ready take me home okay let's go
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[Music] in new york it used to be against the law for a man to flirt with a woman but
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it was okay for men in uniform to harass cameramen now two guys with a wet nap for a brain
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lose their pants and swing shift i was working the midnight shift up in the north nashville area
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and we received a silent robbery alarm and i proceeded to the scene and when i pulled into the
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parking lot i noticed this subject come out the door and with a cash drawer in his hand and
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he fell in the parking lot and his pants were down around his ankles so i i approached the man and arrested him
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and i went in to ask him what happened and there was cash drawers and money laying all over inside and they said
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that these two subjects came in the one man that i had his pants kept falling off and he kept
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pulling them back up and he got the cash drawers and when they went to go out the door
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the one with the gun went through the door first and as the door came to it hit the cash drawers and all the money
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went everywhere in his pants he let go of him and they fell down around his ankles and he fell in the parking lot
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and he was arrested for armed robbery when i arrested him he said i guess i should have bought a belt before i came
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over here [Music] now we take you inside the courtroom for trial and error from actual courtroom transcripts a dumb
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criminal participates in the shortest trial in the history of the world mr smith you've been charged with grand
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theft auto how do you plead guilty or not guilty um first judge um let me tell you
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why i stole that car you see stay with this live grenade [Music] later tonight an encounter with an
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actual fire breathing dumb criminal on america's dumbest criminal [Music] next up a car thief with a short supply
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of synapses gets restrained and always wear your seatbelt like any safety conscious motorist
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dwight ketchum put on his seat belt before driving off unlike most motorists however the car he was in
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didn't belong to him a passing patrol car witnessed the theft and gave chase
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[Music] [Applause] after a few minutes of weaving through traffic at high speeds and still not
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being able to shake the squad car ketchum decided to abandon the stolen vehicle but dwight couldn't leave the car our
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dumb criminal was apprehended while he was still struggling to get out of the stubborn
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stop seatbelt i said stop stop from the abc security cam vaults pilfering pork chops
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here's a man closely inspecting a package of pork chops notice the date and time
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that's right it's new year's day at 4 14 a.m but now it's your job to catch this guy
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where'd he go oh no he's not over here he's no he's not in seafood he's not down
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here come on he's the only guy in the supermarket the boss is gonna have my job if i don't find this guy i know he's
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got the pork chops now maybe i shouldn't have gone to that new year's eve party on the loading dock no
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do it there he is well either he just ate all the pork chops like sushi or he's got him down his pants or under his
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jacket i've got to get him this guy should have made a new year's resolution
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i won't steal pork chops today next up paul muller gives us the naked truth about the men who were gone in a
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flash well this uh tale goes back to the early 70s when streaking was in vogue a
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lot of college kids were involved in that sort of thing and one night i was working
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plain clothes and i went to a restaurant downtown and i was sitting there eating
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and there was quite a few people in the restaurant and all of a sudden some people were
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i could see they were jumping and hollering about something that was going on when i looked up from my
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food and the two guys ran right past my table the only thing they had on were their
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shoes and their underwear over their head and i was shocked i hadn't seen anything like this before
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of course i heard i'd heard about it well they had a getaway car in the parking lot the first guy got to the car
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and was able to open the door he put his foot in the door and hollered go so she floored it
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the guy the second guy hadn't made it to the car yet and he's running this fella just ran on across
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the street up into the bushes and uh luckily we had a police car several blocks away
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the uh the car was stopped and we we made the arrest on that particular individual the other one had made it up
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in the block and although we did look for him for a while we never did find him but the first guy
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was able to tell us who it was with him and the man that got away walked along all night long with just his underwear
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and his shoes he made it home about six o'clock in the morning it was scratched all up and uh the
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police were waiting on him to arrest him at that time for that nice hats [Music]
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in oregon it used to be against the law for a man and a woman to ride in a car alone
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because the men would never ask for direction [Music] next up roy williams has an encounter
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with a fire-breathing dumb criminal i had a walking beat years ago in one of our
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uh club areas i guess you would say and as i was walking down i saw this boy sitting in a car
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and he was smoking a joint of marijuana and as i walked up to the car i said hey
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what are you doing nothing man i asked your question what are you doing can't you talk to me what are you doing
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waiting for my girlfriend and it got to burning so bad that he had to spit it out
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and i put him in jail for marijuana with a burnt tongue and everything that's hey and one week just
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and it was gone ah this is his birth and it stuck on his tongue and lit it up [Music]
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next up a bank robber takes a short ride to the big house in the robber with a lemon the staff of the greenback bank
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was surprised when a man came in and demanded money the tellers complied the man had thought
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not to take his own car but to take his work car on his lunch break but he was surprised at how quickly he
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was apprehended but no one else was as the arresting officer said how often do you see a big chicken going down the
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road back a doodle dumb [Music] it used to be against the law to appear in public with loose shoelaces but as
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they say in maine better to be nude than unchewed well that's all the time we have for
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this show we'd like to thank the men and women of law enforcement throughout the
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country for their dedication and their stories i'm daniel butler saying don't
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be dumb don't break the law or we'll catch you next time on america's dumbest
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criminals [Music] [Music] hmm [Music] so [Music] so [Music] you