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NARRATOR: Tonight on
"America's Dumbest Criminals" wouldn't you consider
the suspect's
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hideout an invasion of privacy? Is there a better way to get
on the wrong side of the law
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than stealing a patrol car? And watch as a man on the
run goes from the frying pan
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to the fire, or at
least to the swamp. They're all on the run, but
you can catch up with them
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right here where you are here on
"America's Dumbest Criminals." [music playing] Now welcome your hosts for ADC,
Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan.
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-We are so glad to
have you with us. If you've watched the
show before you know we always have something
unusual in store.
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-Oh, truer words were never
spoken, little Debbie. And I've got a little
something extra special I
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wanna grab right here, OK? -Oh, what is that? -Huh? This is a tiny
surveillance camera.
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-Does it really work? It's so small. -You're one to talk. I mean, you're small
and you work, don't you?
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Come on. -[laughs] Some times. OK.
Let's see you demonstrate. -Well, all right. Give it a second.
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OK. Take a look, huh? Check it out. There it is. -Oh, hey. Wow! That's amazing. -See, yeah.
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This, this is nothing, OK. I think it's time to
conduct a cavity check. Woah. -Daniel, Daniel, stop right now.
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-No, OK. No now wait. Now check out what happens
when I put this into my mouth. OK.
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-Oh, yuck. Yuck. Oh, hey! Hey, that's pretty cool. It's like looking deep
into Mammoth Cave.
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-Oh! -And I mean Mammoth. [groans] -Shh, shh. [groans] -Don't say anything. Let's just enjoy the quiet.
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Well, ladies and gentlemen
if you'll look to your left you'll see where we
found the Dead Sea Scrolls.
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Down to the right is where
Jimmy Hoffa is buried. -Uh-huh. -Ah, hey. Hey, you don't floss.
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That's enough. Get outta there. -Wooh. That's pretty amazing, huh? -That is cool.
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And it's G rated, too. Which is more than we can
say for the intentions of the high tech peeping
tom in our first story.
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-Oh yeah. He was aiming his lens up
ladies skirts at a carnival. Step right up, folks.
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See the greatest
freak on the midway as he was caught on camera. -Every year here we
have a big festival
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in town called the Delray Fair. Um, I was working
security walking around. A lady came up to me
and told me that a man
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had been following her. Um, she pointed the man out. I then started walking
in this direction.
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And, uh, he started walking
away from me, which I thought was a little peculiar.
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Uh, I caught up to
him about block away. And started talking
to him and I noticed
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that he had, uh, like
a suitcase on his side. And later found out that
it was a, a video camera.
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And he had a, a wire
ran down his leg. And a camera in his shoe. And what he was doing is walking
up behind a lady with dresses
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on and standing right behind
them and following them around. I arrested him,
seized the camera,
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seized the, all the
camera equipment. His attorney called up
wanting to know if you he
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could have the camera back. Uh, we seized the camera
and we put the cameras as part, as part
of his agreement.
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He was found guilty of,
um, disorderly conduct and video taping people without,
without their knowledge.
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-The twist in this
next story start when a fireman
catches a burglar. -He was really put out, I hear.
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-[laughs] That's bad. When the smoke clears we're
gonna have some great material
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for the feature we call,
something to remember me by. -Our department received
a call of a burglary
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that had just
occurred to a house. The home owner
came home and, uh, surprised the two criminals.
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-I guess the, uh, when he
walked in the house, uh, one of the guys that
committed the burglary,
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Raymond was loading up
some VCRs and stacking stuff up in the kitchen area. He turns around and
notices the guy,
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the volunteer
fireman with a logo and thinks he's a policeman. And, uh, he said something
tot he effect of, I'm sorry
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officer. I must have got the wrong house. -Yeah. -I was looking for a friend. And with that, the
fireman acted on that
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and decided to act
like a policeman and order them
down on the ground. -Well, he went
down on the ground,
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but unfortunately
Raymond's partner, Kathy, ran out of the house behind
him, got into the van.
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Tried to back the van out. Unfortunately, the, uh,
unfortunately for Kathy, uh, the homeowner's truck was in
the driveway blocking the van.
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So she slammed into the
truck, pulled it forward. Did this a couple of times. Well, during this time,
Raymond and the homeowner
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were a little bit of fight. It kind of spilled
out into the driveway. Uh, Kathy and
Raymond decide well,
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we better get out of here. The van's not working so -As Kathleen was
running across the yard,
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she inadvertently left a few
things behind that told us who she was and
where to find her,
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which included her house key. -Oh. She also left some pawn shop
receipts in the van which had,
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let me think, her name, her home
address, home telephone number, her Social Security number,
and her date of birth.
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Went to her apartment building
and lo and behold the keys that she left in the van
opened the apartment building.
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-We asked her a few
questions and after a few things of what she had to
say that wasn't coinciding
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with what happened we
placed her under arrest. -I brought the, uh, the
victim down to the jail
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the next morning. And, uh, we did the lineup. And gave him plenty of
time to view the lineup.
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He took about, I think, 15 to 30
seconds, uh, said, OK I'm done. I've had enough time.
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It's definitely number four. So we had had her in,
in custody that night, but, uh, after speaking with
some of, uh, her boyfriend
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Raymond's family
members, he finally turned himself in the next day. -He knew the jig was up.
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He knew he wasn't
going anywhere. -He wasn't going anywhere. -After a couple years
as detectives still
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our favorite caper. -Don't mess with my stuff. It's an internationally
recognized credo
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that keeps the peace between
siblings and roommates. -Yeah, you'd think that would
go double when it concerns stuff
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belonging to the
police department, but we've learned of a woman
who couldn't keep her hands,
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or her lead foot to herself. -For the full story, we go to
Sheriff Chunky Click, that's
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his name, Chunky Click [laughs]
in Carlsbad, New Mexico. -On a particular evening
here in [inaudible]
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County one of our officers
was on the routine patrolling and responded to a
traffic accident.
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A, uh, female had
wrecked her van. Uh, it was also DWI. She was arrested
and placed in a,
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a utility type patrol vehicle. And while the officer
was processing the scene, she managed to get out of
the backseat of this vehicle
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and get in the front seat. And drive off with out vehicle. At which time she was
pursued by several officers.
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In the process of
the pursuit she, uh, hit two parked vehicles
and the officers also initiated
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is our spike system. And we spiked out own vehicle. And finally got her stopped
and took her into custody.
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NARRATOR: In Delaware
it's illegal to fly over any body of water without
sufficient supplies
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of food and drink. -In our next story
the suspect definitely had a sufficient
supply of drink,
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but he was a little short
in the food department, so he took matters
into his own hands.
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What I really mean is
that he picked up a rock. What happened next? He threw his hat into the ring
for America's dumbest excuses.
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-The, uh, incident
occurred right here on Atlantic Beach Causeway. A drunk ends up on, one of
our motel, gets the, uh,
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motel manager to the door,
ask him for a hacksaw. Of course the motel
manager doesn't know
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or doesn't care what he wants
and get him out of there. So motel manager, thinking
this is suspicious anyway,
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for the guy to be in the
early morning hours asking for a hacksaw when
everything's closed, calls up.
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When the officer responds, goes
down there, and hears a, uh, loud banging noise coming from
a bar in a restaurant right,
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right next door. The officer goes around
there, calls for a backup. As they arrive, they
cover the-- the breezeway
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to the side entrance
of the restaurant. -I heard somebody
mumbling to their self.
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-Darn, I wish I'd
gotten this hacksaw. -I went and looked around
they edge of the door
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and there he stood
starting, looking there starting back at me. -With this lard rock
in his hand that he'd
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been beating the frame
of the door in with. Place him under arrest. As officers are talking
amongst themselves,
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one says to the other one, I
think they just, he's probably just going to get some more
beer from, from the bar.
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-The drunk speaks up
says, no, I wasn't. No, I wasn't. I was going in there
to fix a sandwich.
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I didn't want that beer. And that's for me to
know and you to prove, and then a rather
quiet ride the rest
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of the way back to the jail. -EMTs face desperate situations. They sometimes break
out the jaws of life,
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but when this suspect
tries to elude police he encounters a very
different sets of jaws.
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For this blue light special,
let's go to Slidell Louisiana and make it snappy. -There was a little
old lday that was, uh,
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getting some French fries
at McDonalds, uh, one night. While she was sitting in
the drive-through window,
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a male came up, pointed a gun
at her and wanted her car. So, um, she jumps out. He, uh, takes the car and takes
off from drive-through window.
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We, uh, chase the vehicle down. Um, we got him cornered
and he bails out of the car
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and runs to a, a
dark wooded area where he thinks he's
going into a wooded area to get away from the police.
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Well, needless to
say, he falls into a bayou, right into
the middle of a mother alligator where she just,
uh, given birth to her,
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to her young. And, uh, he couldn't
wait to be arrested. He jumped out of that
water and back to bank,
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I mean he wasn't even
wet, [inaudible] so fast. He had his hands behind
him ready to be arrested.
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-You probably think that WWF
stands for World Wrestling Federation, but
in this next story
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it stands for wrinkly
white females. Fighters to your corners for the
battle of the tough old birds.
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-I come up and there's
this real old lady. And she's frail and she's
rubbing her hand like this.
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I get out of care and I look
at, at her, what she's running. Notice there's blood
all over her hand.
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I said, what's wrong
with you, sweetheart? And she says, -My sister, she's-- I reached
for the last piece of chicken.
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And she stabbed me right there. -All of a sudden my
chest got real big. And I said, uh huh.
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OK, this must be a
real young sister. I go over there and I knock
on the door real really hard.
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To my surprise, it ended
up being an older sister. And when she opened
up the door, her eye
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was completely swollen shut. What happened to you? -Officer, we was eating
chicken and I told her not
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to take my last piece of
chicken and she did it anyway so I accidentally stabbed
the man with a fork.
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-And she hit me in the
forehead with a frying pan the chicken was sitting in. Come to find out they had both
been drinking all day long.
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And I couldn't figure
out what to do, so I finally found a great great
great nephew that could get off
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his job to come and
look after them. -No. -Let's go. Come on, girls. You want me arrest
a 90 year old lady?
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I don't think so. -And now with [inaudible] from
the drain pipes of America, here's Daniel with
ADC headlines.
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-Only a case of claustrophobia
could have made things worse for a bank robber in
Niceville, Florida.
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Although he never
showed a weapon, the teller gave him money as
requested and he was halfway
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to freedom, but only half way. Just as he exited
through one set of doors in the double doored
foyer, she pressed
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a button the caused
both sets to lock. Next thing you know he's going
nowhere fast in a glass cage.
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So, in most cases investigators
looked for fingerprints to find out who
committed a crime.
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In this case from
Fort Lauderdale the suspect gave police
the finger, literally.
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Apparently it was shot off. As an argument turned violent. The suspect got away,
but with evidence that
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pointed it wasn't long
before police fingered him. Men usually flock to see
the bodies inside the doors
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of strip joints, but it was
the body in the parking lot of a Columbus, Ohio club
that caught officers' eyes.
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A funeral home
driver took a detour to check out the exotic dancers
while transporting a corpse
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from a nursing home
to the funeral home. The officers confronted the man
who assured them that he would
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never again consider
such an undertaking. And that closes the
file on ADC headlines,
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news ripped from
somewhere near the back of your local newspaper. Oh, tiny one. -It's a form of illness
not normally found
00:14:18
in the general
populace, but often runs rampant in the criminal world. The malady?
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Selective amnesia for one of
the most unforgettably foolish cases we've ever seen, let's
check out our special delivery.
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-Two people were
involved in a wreck and I got out there to the
write up the accident report
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and I end up giving one
of the guys the ticket. He signed the ticket and
then he asked for it back.
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And curious, I gave
it back it to him so see what he was
gonna do with it. He crossed out the
name he had signed,
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which later turned
out to be his own, crossed it out like
two or three lines over, and then signed
what later turned
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out to be his brother's name. Not thinking I would
notice two different names there crossed out on the ticket.
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He also went to jail. -Judging from the slapstick
shenanigans of this thief on the loose, you would have
thought he was being pursued
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by the Keystone Kops, but
this wasn't a mad cab movie. It was the real deal. As we learned from
a real life officer
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in Westminster, California. -Probably about 10 years
ago, uh, working graveyard,
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got a call over in
this residential area of a, of a prowler,
a peeking Tom, and a pretty good
description on him.
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So me and, and one of partners
were rolling over there and I get there first. And here's this guy
walking down the street.
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He matches the description. And it's 1 o'clock, 2
o'clock in the morning. So it's, it's worth it to stop
him and see what he's doing.
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So I stop and get out of the
car and I'm talking to him and he's, he's a young kid.
he's about 18 years old
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or something. Get his driver's license
and run him warrants and as we're talking to
him dispatch comes back
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and advises us
he's got a warrant. So I don't care, we're
gonna arrest this guy and he hears it on the radio.
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So he, he just screams,
no and takes off running. And here I am. I'm on his tail.
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I'm chasing him. He gets down to the
end of the street and instead of following
the street around,
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he turns up a sidewalk
up to a house. Runs up to this house, I'm
about two feet behind him.
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He throws open the front door,
runs inside the front door, through the living room,
turns goes down the hallway,
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there's a bedroom, throws open
the bedroom door, here's a man and his wife laying
in bed watching TV.
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[inaudible], and this guy
screams, don't let him get me! And he dives over the bed,
and I dive over the bed
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and he turns on me
and it's fist city. This guy's he's, he's
punching, I'm swinging.
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My partner's getting
out of his car. He's running in. He runs and grabs this
guy, yanks him up,
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we get him handcuffed and stuff. And he's screaming and
kicking and all that. And I look at this couple and
I'm thinking it's probably
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her brother, or his
brother, or something, and I go, I, I'm really sorry. I go, we don't usually
handle arrests like this.
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I go, is, is he your
brother or what? And they go, we've never
seen him before in our lives.
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NARRATOR: In Pennsylvania,
it's illegal to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver,
or other explosive weapon
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at a wedding. -You know, uh, Debbie mentioned
selective amnesia a few minutes ago, but that guy's
medical problems
00:17:16
are nothing compared to
the biological bombshell in our final story. -I wonder if the publishers
of the New England Journal
00:17:22
of Medicine know what
we know as profiled in this edition of we're
not making this up.
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-The defendant was
ordered to submit a urine sample to the
probation department.
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He acted kind of nervous. He was fidgety. He continued to give
excuses as to why
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he couldn't submit a sample. And that's not that uncommon. That happens. You know, people go over
and the probation department
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tries to allow you
to have some time to do what you're
supposed to do. So they gave him some time and
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-Try this. -Oh, thank you. -Asked him if he
needed some water. If that would help.
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He drank water several times. It didn't seem to be helping. -I still can't do it.
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-Still can't do it? Here. Drink this. -They noticed that he was
acting somewhat, a bit,
00:18:07
uh, nervous and
a little uptight. So they were a
little bit suspicious maybe that something
was going on.
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He asked if they
time if he could go out and have a cigarette. -I need a cigarette.
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-And they indicated
that would be OK. He left with his wife. They went out and
apparently had a cigarette.
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And when he came back, he was
ready and willing to provide that sample. -Oh, OK.
00:18:27
Thank you. Finally. -See you. -He submitted the sample. It was tested. The probation department
tested the temperature.
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Temperature wasn't quite right
so they had an additional test which revealed that,
uh, he was pregnant.
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Maybe this was an
amazing miracle, or he had switched his
urine with somebody else.
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-Debbie, I just ran this
little camera down my shirt during the break
and my chest hair
00:18:58
looked like a Redwood forest. [laughs] Congratulations. -Pretty cool, yeah. You want me to check your
ear while I got thing thing,
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-Oh, no, no. I haven't shaved there in weeks. -Ooh! -Oh, now it's time
to say our goodbyes.
00:19:07
-Yeah. We'd like to thank all who
work in law enforcement and especially the good
humored officers who
00:19:12
helped us with this
edition of ADC. -And we'd like to thank
you for tuning in. If you'd like to send us a note
or clue us in on a great story,
00:19:19
visit our website at
www.dumbcrimes.com -We'd love to hear from you. -Uh huh. As always, we hope
that we've all
00:19:26
learned from others mistakes. -But if you haven't, we
just might see your tonsils
00:19:30
next week on "America's
Dumbest Criminals." -Goodbye. [applause] [music playing]