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this is an adc warning the crimes you're about to see are true only the names
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were changed to protect the ignorant [Music] tonight you'll see a drunk driver with a
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lame excuse surveillance camera footage of a wheel breaking and entering and aloha to a crap shooter
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these and more tonight on america's dumbest criminals [Music] welcome to america's dumbest criminals
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i'm daniel butler you know every culture has its own system of rules called laws
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and its own means of enforcement the police and unfortunately its own supply of citizens ready to break the law
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called idiots you're about to meet them the elite of the criminally inept as we
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open the files on america's dumbest criminals our first bottle is a nut case with a
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transparent problem in it's a stick up see i got a call from a detective and i
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believe it was from york county and he said i understand you had a robbery with a bag the guy wore a bag and i said yes
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i did he said well we had one down here at a convenience store and i said what was so peculiar about it he
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said well it was a clear plastic bag the guy went in and robbed this store with a
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clear plastic bag open come on hurry up okay hurry up well no we haven't had any of those here
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that's probably somebody from south carolina see i can get away with that because i'm
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from south carolina i guess the guy had heard you put a bag over your head and it never crossed his
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mind the reason is so people can't identify you abc quiz number 412 a thief in florida became stuck as he
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attempted to enter a convenience store where did he try to squeeze through was it a
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the back door b the front door or c the chimney the correct answer is c here he trains in prison with his fellow
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convicts for his next big crime patrick adams recalls a dumb criminal with a distinctive style in aloha sucker
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i used to work west side of town i had a lot of gambling cases and one of the remarkable ones that i
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had this one gentleman had this big hawaiian shirt on and it was it had every color
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in the world in it you know just was green with red and had coconuts and palm trees and
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and when i hit the gambling game everybody scattered this guy ran around the block and turned
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around came right back at me like you know nothing had happened and i ran slap into him hey hey man what are
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you doing what do you want what do you mean where are you going down the street oh i caught you
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grabbed him no no i'm not the guy and all the rest of the guys were across the street
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looking at it i turned to him and said really here man hey you guys seen a hawaiian shirt running around pinch of
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color like this i couldn't believe the guy was trying to you know convince me that uh he wasn't
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involved in the thing now for the adc security cam vaults a do-it-yourself car wash
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two teenagers stole a car the police spotted them and gave chase in the high-speed chase that ensued the two
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teenagers lost control and ran their car into a motel laundry the kids were not seriously injured
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but they were obviously confused about how you launder stolen goods and the police immediately hung them out to dry
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for creating the drive-through laundry next up james claiborne tells us about a loudmouth dumb criminal
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we had an occasion where we did a search warrant on an apartment and as we broke in the front door
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one of the subjects ran out the back door had a pistol in his waistband and he threw the pistol down well our intent
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was to try to make a case against him for the drugs and the gun on a federal level and of course you have to link the
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gun to the drug crime and we were trying to determine the caliber of the gun it appeared to us it
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was either a 40 caliber or a 10 millimeter we didn't know which and there was
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some comments being made about it being a 10 millimeter uh the subject's been brought back to
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the apartment and uh he uh overheard the conversation and he said hey hey that's not a 10 millimeter i
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wouldn't own a 10 millimeter that's a 9 millimeter fools [Laughter] so he confessed to the fact that it was
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his gun [Music] later see real simpletons in action in the compellingly dumb trip the lights
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[Music] put an otherwise normal person behind a steering wheel and they can become very
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quickly not only criminal but stupidly so for example david green needs a less than rocket scientist traffic violator
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who should have kept his eye on the road first situation was a car that was speeding and uh i pulled the vehicle
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over walked up to the driver's side and at 30 mile an hour zone i see your life this
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place 15 to 35 miles yeah that's not real that can't be right well you know
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actually i have a hard time seeing the the speedometer and the road at the same time
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with this eye right here this just scoopy i did write him the citation and at that point i told him i said you be
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sure to keep your eye on the road now funny like i haven't heard that before
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huh [Music] in california it used to be against the law to harass butterflies in protest a
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group from carmel molest a huge iron butterfly [Music] now brainiac versus the air conditioner
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in charge it was a quiet sunday afternoon in atlanta to one man it was a perfect time
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to steal a commercial air conditioning unit from a federal building no one would hear no one would see just unbolt
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it cut the wires and haul it off it seemed our industrious dumb criminal had all the right tools for the wrong crime
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of course he was apprehended and is currently serving time in county jail for this shocking crime
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and now barry knowles of pensacola tells us about a half-baked dumb criminal a few years back we were having a
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problem with burglaries of bakeries and the suspect would go inside the bakery after he kicked the back door in
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and take bites out of all the pastry that was in the display case well we had an individual that was quite
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large framed that we knew was probably responsible for a lot of them because of information
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we picked up on the streets well this one particular night the burglary occurred again and we get there and sure
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enough there's bites out of all the pastry there they spent more time on the white
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powdered sugar type pastry though than they did anything else in the jelly donut
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well the individual that we had been looking at he was found in the area a couple of blocks away
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and we questioned him about it and he said no i don't know what you're talking
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about but the white sugar that was still all over powdered sugar that was all over the front of his thing and the
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jelly on his chin kind of give him away we had to wait for prince but we knew we
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had to write one he was later charged with that burden now we take you inside the courtroom for
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trial and error from actual courtroom transcripts an officer puts the heat on the soup heads
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officer what happened after the suspect stole the armored car they took it into the woods then it
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burned through the back door with these high-powered torches and then they fled the scene when
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captured why didn't they have any of the money on them they burned it up with their own torches
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[Music] next up j.r johnson relives the bacon brain that one size fits all i had a
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subject and we found a pistol on him this your weapon no i've saw it before it's in your pants
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well it's not mine this weapon is not yours no these are your pants are these your
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pants no they're not these are not your pants not my pants who these pants belong to
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they're hers and he said that they were his girlfriend's pants that he had his
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girlfriend's pants on and these pants you're telling me all right yeah and why are you wearing her pants
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i'm a cross dresser i've heard everything now he was quite a bit larger than she was i don't think he
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could have gotten one leg in her pants she used to be bigger and you know the convicts are really
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looking forward to him wearing her pants in jail later on tonight's show two dumpsters
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get bagged in trashed on america's dumbest criminals [Music] you know even the loveliest of cities
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with universities churches and fine upstanding citizens has its fair share of bone-headed criminals lovely
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birmingham alabama was no different for example johnny cooley pulls over a half-baked potato head in blow drive i
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was sitting there and it was uh it was light to moderate traffic and uh what nothing particularly going on well
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i was just kind of watching the traffic remember radar unit went off you know i looked up and it's 102.
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miles an hour and he was man he was moving he you know time he got by me i jerked it down and drive and spun out of
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media well i chased him about two miles before i caught up with him and got him pulled over i said well i got you on
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radar at 102 miles an hour do you why why in the world are you driving that fast on friday afternoon
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you feel like you needed to be going well awesome you saved my car yeah i see it it's a
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nice looking car he said see how clean it is he said well i just had it washed i was
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trying to blow dry it you know i said well that's that's real nice you might have said this car
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paid over a hundred dollars and had his car washed blow-dried [Music] and now from the adc security cam vaults
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crime time live this dumb criminal is breaking down the glass door of an electronic store so
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that he and his accomplice can get in and loot the store quickly they're into the store and out
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again but these guys are such professionals they've done the police one more favor
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as quickly as they got in they snapped their own photos on the floor display video camera with not one view but two
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views normally these photos are taken after you're arrested down at the police
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station now an officer encounters natural-born stupidity in dui officer frank walmer stopped a man for
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drunk driving the man tearfully explained his excuse what are you doing i was where are you going it's my mom
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oh she's she's in the hospital they called me from there i gotta go see my mom it's just in
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the hospital okay i tell you what you had too much to drink to drive the hospital yourself how
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about i give you a ride to the hospital i'll take you to the hospital myself
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i'll take you down there so you can check it out what about my car don't
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worry about your car you thought you were worried about your mother okay um okay all right
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after taking the unfortunate man to the hospital the officer returned to watch over the man's vehicle until the tow
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truck arrived but before the tow truck got there a taxi pulled up [Music] oh you again
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um obama's okay thank you it's a [Applause] miracle kansas it used to be against the
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law for the father of a teenage girl to frighten her boyfriends but he could chill a hot date on ice
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[Music] now eric griffin revisits two airheads tripped the lights we saw the guy that was the worker for
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the railroad company there's two guys and we saw them park their truck and they walked about middle ways down the
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railroad track to do whatever they do to the railroad tracks so by time we went up the street and came back they was
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flagging us down what's the problem two guys just stole our truck we worked for the railroad
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they stole our truck we're working over here on the over here they went down that way about
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two blocks and turned right it's got it no lights flashing on the top of it so
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he said they hadn't been you know two or three minutes ago before they left so we
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turned around and rolled around and we went through the projects which is about two blocks from the railroad tracks and
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we came through the projects the big yellow light is just flashing and the two guys are looking down you know
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trying to figure out how to cut it off they couldn't cut off the yellow flashing light
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it was just funny they couldn't cut them lights off so [Music] next up corey mcclellan meets a dumb
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criminal who would go anywhere he just had to go i was on the interstate and i got behind
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him because he was doing about 70 and a 55. well i get behind him he speeds up 75 80
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85 90. finally i throw the blue lights on and pull him over well he jumps out of the
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car starts running back to me and he's got his hand out like this well he hands
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me his license i said wait a second he runs off into the weeds well he's out there using the bathroom
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and he runs back he says i'm sorry officer i was trying to make it home but when you when you do blue lights i saw
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you behind me but i just couldn't wait i had to do my duty so actually i felt
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sorry for the guy so i let him go [Music] in oklahoma it used to be against the law for a man to talk to an unresponsive
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woman it was also against the law for women to discuss their underwear [Music] now leon martin reveals how to soak for
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brains get trashed we received a call at a local convenience store about uh a gentleman had dropped a
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suspicious looking bag in the parking lot of the convenience store and the clerk was telling me that he was had
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just waited on these two gentlemen that came in the store i pulled the drawstring open on the bag and looked
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inside and there was about about 11 12 baggies of marijuana that were individually packaged for sale
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i got the bag and i was getting ready to turn it in i'm hearing voices from the
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dumpster on the side of the building and i hear i hear voices going back and forth you
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idiot i can't believe you dropped that in the parking lot and and the other one's yelling back and
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it wasn't my fault hey hey what are you guys doing in there oh uh hi we just you know lost something in
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the parking lot today and we're just trying to find it yeah can i help you look i said no
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you'll get your clothes all dirty we don't need any help but thank you we
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appreciate it you know and uh and i just you know just see i can just see the tops of their heads poking up out of the
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dumpster and then they just go back to cursing at each other again uh uh one yelling at the other and stuff is still
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flying out this wouldn't be what you're looking for is it boys yeah thanks officer that's it
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and i said oh really so this is your bag and they said oh yeah that's ours and i
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said well you're under arrest then so that they they did claim that it was their bag
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[Music] [Applause] [Music] we deeply hope that the criminals you've seen on our show will turn away from
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crime unfortunately there are others waiting to take their turn at stupidity that's all the time we have for this
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show we'd like to thank the men and women of law enforcement throughout the country for their dedication and their
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stories i'm daniel butler saying don't be dumb don't break the law or we'll
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catch you next time on america's dumbest criminals [Music] [Music] so [Music]
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[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you