00:00:05
ANNOUNCER: Tonight, meet
a cabbie whose meter is running but whose mind isn't. Find out the real reason why
your teachers told you not
00:00:12
to play with fire extinguishers. And see what problems occur when
brazen bandits order carry out.
00:00:18
It's all ready to go right
now on "America's Dumbest Criminals." [theme music] ANNOUNCER: Now welcome your
hosts for "America's Dumbest
00:01:00
Criminals," Daniel
Butler and Debbie Alan. -Hello, there. -Thanks so much. Daniel, is that a
plunger you have there
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or a do-it-yourself
liposuction kit, which I'd like to borrow
a little bit later.
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-No, it's a transistor
radio, Debbie. Yes, it's a plunger or
plumber's helper, yes.
00:01:19
And a new one, at least
that's what Lee the prop guy told me but he was
smiling kind of funny.
00:01:26
-And why are you
carrying a plunger? -Well, I'm glad you asked. It may look like a mild
mannered plumber's helper.
00:01:33
But it was actually
used as a weapon in one of tonight's story. -At least it's rubber
tipped for safety.
00:01:39
-Oh yeah, those metal
ones really hurt. But, yeah, I mean,
even robbers have to comply to national
safety standards.
00:01:47
You don't want those
OSHA guys on your back. -Well, you keep a firm
grip on your prop,
00:01:52
and I'll plunge into
our first story. OK? It's a twisted
take on Robin Hood. Now, our central character
robs from the poor
00:01:58
to give to himself. But his scheme was
blown wide open when he was caught on camera.
00:02:08
-I got called to a King Supers. We had a report of a
suspicious activity. When I got there, they have
a heavy surveillance system
00:02:19
at the store. A security officer
plugged in a tape and showed me a driver for
the Disabled American Veterans
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pulling up behind
the King Supers, getting out and stashing-- he
had a color TV and a couple
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of comforters, and
I think a shirt that he liked and you
know, just whatever he liked during his
pick up for the day.
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He stashed them
behind a dumpster, obviously with intent
to come back later. Fortunately, with out sharp
security officers there,
00:02:50
we were able to
intercept those goods and put them aside and
return them to the DBA.
00:02:55
When we called the
guy-- I talked to him on the phone about the incident. He said he didn't know
what I was talking about.
00:03:02
So I said, why don't you come
on into the police department. I said about four words
to him, come in, sit down.
00:03:08
I played the tape, asked
him, any questions? He said, nope. I said, sign here on the ticket.
00:03:12
He said, OK. Video doesn't lie. -You've heard the road is
paved with good intentions.
00:03:20
Well, we've found
the trail to trouble is sprinkled with fire
extinguisher dust.
00:03:25
-See how it all
settles as you watch "something to remember me by." -We got a call for a
suspicious activity.
00:03:35
A concern citizen
or alert citizen called and said there was
a group of kids wheeling
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what appeared to
be a filing cabinet across the street from a school. And she requested
area check to see
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if we could locate the subjects. We went across the street
and looked at the school,
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found a broken window. And what appeared to have
been a fire extinguisher had been extinguished around
the area and the tracks
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and footprints leading
out of the cafeteria. Followed the tracks
and footprints all the way to the house.
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We walked around the
side of the house. We found a piano
behind the back gate. And we all started chuckling.
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One of the suspects went ahead
and opened the door for us and got four guys out of there.
00:04:21
And they basically admitted
to having been drinking and smoking marijuana and got a
little hungry and mischievous,
00:04:27
so they busted into the
school and took a piano and took the food that
was in the refrigerator.
00:04:32
-You know there's something
to be said for a nice dinner in a diner if you hit there on
a night when it's not too busy.
00:04:38
-Well, evidently,
that's pretty much what this robber was thinking. He thought he'd hit
there on a night
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when it wasn't too busy
with an accomplice. -But sure as clockwork,
the surveillance
00:04:48
cameras caught the whole thing. See what the video recorded
in Clinton, South Carolina.
00:04:54
DEBBIE ALAN (VOICEOVER): It's
a slow night here at the diner, not much going on, not much
action over at the register
00:04:59
either sad to say. I hope this guy coming out
the restroom appreciated that new fruity smelling soap.
00:05:05
Coming to the register, he
must want to settle up and go. Rob me? What do you mean
you're going to rob me?
00:05:11
And how do I know that's
a gun in your pocket? It looks suspiciously like a bar
of fruity soap if you ask me.
00:05:17
OK, keep your drawers on. I'm opening it. Well, sorry you came on a slow
night, Mr. Soap In The Pocket.
00:05:24
Do me a favor and leave
good, clean fingerprints. Hello, police department,
I just got robbed
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and I've got it all on tape. Plus, the robber's got
an identifying mark. I think you'll find your
man smells of fruity soap.
00:05:41
ANNOUNCER: In
Tampa Bay, Florida, it's illegal to eat cottage
cheese on Sunday after 6:00 PM.
00:05:50
-Consumers today, we're
told, are far more suspicious and jaded than people
a generation ago.
00:05:55
We demand quality and expect
to get our money's worth. And then there's this poor
sap who could smell something
00:06:00
was fishy, but couldn't
resist the bait. He provides us with
tonight's installment
00:06:04
of America's dumbest excuses. -We were working an
undercover drug operation where we send our cop in as
the person buying the drugs.
00:06:19
We sent our guy in
with a $20 bill. And the dealer would
not sell to him. So we send our guy
back in with $30.
00:06:26
The dealer still
won't sell to him. With $35. -Come on, man, I need-- -You again?
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-Yes. -$40. -Man, I need some dope. I'm jonesing. Come on. -No. -We make it up to $50.
00:06:42
-How much? -I've only got $50. -At $50, he finally sells the
dope to our undercover cop.
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-All right, man, you're under
arrest, sheriff's office. -You're kidding me. No way.
00:06:56
-We asked him, why
didn't you take the 20? Why didn't you take the 30? Well, he was suspicious
of our undercover guy
00:07:02
that he was a cop. But he really needed the
$50, so he took a chance. -You know, when passing through
a toll booth or boarding a bus,
00:07:12
it's always a good idea to have
correct change right there. But there's nothing correct
about what a would-be passenger
00:07:18
in Minneapolis tries in
this surveillance video. Here's tonight's
blue light special.
00:07:26
DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER): When
this pulled up to the stop, look what the waiting passenger
presented in lieu of bus fare.
00:07:31
(PRETENDING TO PLAY VOICE OF MAN
IN VIDEO) I don't got no cash. Do you take guns?
00:07:35
(USING NORMAL VOICE)
But mass transit is a cash only business. So the fast thinking driver
slammed the door and sped away.
00:07:42
-Individual at 11:30
at night trying to rob a bus like Jesse
James in the wild, wild west,
00:07:49
there's no money to be had. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER):
Yet this young man pointed a modified short
barreled rifle and using
00:07:55
colorful language
demanded greenbacks. -The driver has
no money and does not have access to the money.
00:08:01
When it goes in the fare box
it goes into a locked vault. DANIEL BUTLER (VOICEOVER):
So the bad guy
00:08:05
was left standing flat. The door of opportunity
slammed into his face. And we offer him this token of
our affection by conducting him
00:08:12
into the blue light
special hall of shame. Toodles. -How far would you go to
make a robbery look good?
00:08:20
Well, probably not as far as
the guys you're about to meet. Travel with us to
Chelmsford, Massachusetts,
00:08:25
to find a couple a low lifes up
to some unbelievable hi-jinx. -The call came in that
we had an armed robbery
00:08:31
and two people were shot. -Well, apparently, they
needed a few extra bucks, so they decided that there
was enough money in the till
00:08:39
to split between them if they
staged their own robbery. -They have made up this intense
plan to stage a robbery.
00:08:46
But rather than just say
they were robbed and shot, they actually followed through
with shooting each other.
00:08:52
-They thought it
would be much more believable if
somebody was wounded. Neither one of them
wanted to go first
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so they decided if you shoot
me, then I'll shoot you. They thought that
was a great idea.
00:09:04
So that's what they did. -I'll shot you first. -No, I don't know
about-- no, no.
00:09:07
[gun shot] -He first shot one of them
in the left shoulder area. -Second guy started to get
cold feet after the first guy
00:09:16
got shot and was
reeling in pain. So he wasn't sure
he go through it, but the other guy was insisting
he go through with it.
00:09:24
-Give me that gun. OFFICER (VOICEOVER): Before
he passed out, he took the gun and shot his other
fellow employee.
00:09:29
-What they obviously
didn't realize was that a 22 could hit a
piece of bone or something
00:09:33
and deflect in there and
go anywhere in the body. But they thought it's
just a 22, so it's
00:09:39
not going to be that bad. -A grand total of
$400 was involved. It didn't take much
and they finally
00:09:44
admitted what had
really happened, told us where the money and the gun was. -Pretty dumb, yeah, you'd have
to go along to top that one,
00:09:51
I think. -And now with news
from the guy considered to be the Phantom
Menace of journalism.
00:09:59
Here's Daniel with
ABC headlines. -There's speeding, then there's
this guy from New Orleans.
00:10:10
Rocketing along on a
stolen a motorcycle, the man was clocked
at 162 miles per hour.
00:10:17
When you realized that
police were after him, he lost control of the
bike and slid off the road
00:10:21
onto a embankment
near a cemetery. Oddly enough, amazingly he
sustained only a broken leg
00:10:27
and a world class
case of road rash. When the promotions director
at a Houston TV station
00:10:35
rigged a the contest to have his
mother-in-law win a new pickup truck, he had no idea
that his devious deep
00:10:42
would be exposed to
the viewing public. When his scam was
exposed, the judge ordered him to wear a placard
at the college football
00:10:49
game broadcast on
the TV station. And his sign read in part, "I
am liar, a cheat, and a thief."
00:10:56
OK. Had to sit right next to the guy
with the wig and the John 3:16. A Nashville man was charged with
stalking when police discovered
00:11:06
that he kept detailed
records on hundreds of women he had met as
door-to-door salesman.
00:11:13
In all he had 52 scrapbooks
filled with memorabilia. Now that's creepy,
yeah, for sure.
00:11:18
But far more disturbing
was a discovery police made when they
searched his home.
00:11:23
On videotape this man had
collected every episode "Family Feud" and
"Three's Company."
00:11:28
Now that's creepy. Huh? That's weird. And that closes the
file on ABC headlines,
00:11:35
news ripped from
somewhere near the back of your local newspaper. Debbie. -Cabbies tend to be
an independent lot.
00:11:48
They like the independence
of charting their own course. And in doing so, some
roll up surprisingly
00:11:53
higher fares in the process. We learned of a taxi
driver in Florida who didn't want to be
taxed with the paperwork
00:11:59
necessary to operate his cab. See what we mean. -The chief received information
that there was a taxi service
00:12:07
operating in the city
without a franchise life. So what I did was I set up. I came up to the PD, used
a payphone right behind me.
00:12:14
And I called up. The name of the cab service
was Charlies' Taxi Service. So I called him up.
00:12:19
And I told him I need a cab. He said, where can
I pick you up at? So I told him, pick
me up at the library,
00:12:26
which is right
across the street. And he said, I'll be there
in about five minutes.
00:12:29
So I went over, got in the car. And he said, well, are going? And I said, well,
I'm going to work.
00:12:34
I work at the county jail. There was no meter obvious. There was no meter in the car.
00:12:37
So what he did he
had a cell phone. And he must have
thought I stupid. So he took the cell phone
down and pushed a few numbers
00:12:43
as if he was looking
up a time or something. While actually he was
just punching numbers in,
00:12:48
dialing them and
thought I believe him. Once we get back to
the back of jail, I ask him how much it was.
00:12:54
He said, $6.00. Told him he was under
arrest for operating without a franchise license.
00:12:59
So we was talking
and he said, well, you said there was 1,000
people at the jail?
00:13:04
I said, yes, but
now there's 1,002, because you two are
going to jail right now.
00:13:10
-We see all kinds
of wacky weapons used by criminals on ABC. Tonight, well, we're going
to christen a new one as we
00:13:18
welcome the induction suction,
courtesy of a plunger. -One night last November we
were called to a residence
00:13:26
Madisonville where a
couple had awakened in the middle of the night to
a man looming in their doorway
00:13:29
armed with two
screwdrivers and a plunger. Since it was an odd time of
day and since they had not
00:13:34
called for either a
handyman or a plumber. He was not easily
deterred, however, and went to the rear of the
residence, where he began
00:13:43
pounding on their patio
door with the plunger. -Let me in. -They, of course, called 911
and we responded quickly.
00:13:50
But he'd already left the
scene when we got there. Our deputies fanned
out throughout the area
00:13:54
and found a number of other
residence under construction in the area had
been burglarized.
00:13:58
And they also found a
car that was in a ditch. They ran the license plate to
a man from the Slidell area,
00:14:03
and in fact, a
few minutes later, located him walking
down the highway. He was extremely intoxicated.
00:14:08
He seemed unable to
communicate or even remember how he had
come to be there. After the subject
was arrested, he
00:14:12
was booked with criminal
damage, trespassing, leaving the scene of
an accident, burglary,
00:14:16
and of course, carrying
an unregistered plunger. -Based on the mini film
festival you're about to see,
00:14:24
you're going to wonder if
druggies ever hit anyone up for drugs who isn't
a police officer.
00:14:28
The coast definitely isn't clear
as we travel all across America on a crime busting spree.
00:14:34
-My partner and I we're going
to out and look for some areas to purchase crack cocaine.
00:14:37
-We're in vice, working
on drug trafficking. -We were working one of
the public housing areas.
00:14:43
-Had on a police coat. -In full uniform. -With gun belts,
the whole works. -And happened to stop
behind one of the buildings
00:14:50
on a public street, well
lit, no problem, just to see what was
going on in the area.
00:14:55
-And one of the people
I knew waved me down and wanted to sell
us crack cocaine.
00:14:59
-He said, how you all doing? -What do need? -I want to get a 20. -Knowing that she was going
to recognize me at any minute.
00:15:05
-I've got rock if
you're interested. -And I drove back up
there and handed her $20
00:15:10
and told her that we are ready
to buy the crack from her. -I couldn't believe
what he was saying
00:15:14
being how we were dressed. -We arrested her
for retail theft. -Turns back to the Sergeant,
and said, let me get 20.
00:15:21
I ain't got all day. I got places to be. -About two weeks later, we're
going to do the same thing
00:15:25
in the same car,
and the same girl waves us down and
wanted to sell us crack. -So my Sergeant said,
OK, you're under arrest.
00:15:33
-She looked at me and
she said, you really have to be careful
because there's a couple of undercover
officers working this area.
00:15:38
And she goes, a
big guy like you. And pointed to my partner
in the back and said,
00:15:41
and a little guy like you. -Trying to sell to an undercover
which really wasn't undercover.
00:15:45
-So I told her I wanted
to her to get in the car so we could smoke the
crack down the road.
00:15:49
As we started driving off
I pulled my badge out. And I showed it to her and I
said, Bessie, it's me again.
00:15:54
You're under arrest. ANNOUNCER: In
Blythe, California, you are not permitted
to wear cowboy boots
00:16:02
unless you already
own at least two cows. -I had my bicycle stored
at my brother's house.
00:16:07
And I was going to
go for a bike ride. So I went to my brother's house. I pulled it our of my brother's
garage, closed the garage door
00:16:12
and went through the house. And the bicycle was gone. We looked all over for the
bicycle. we couldn't find it.
00:16:18
Two days later, I was riding
down Mary McLeod Methuan Boulevard, and I
see this guy riding
00:16:26
a bicycle that looked
just like mine. I turn around. When I turned around
he took off running.
00:16:30
I chased him down. I checked the serial number. Sure enough, it was my bicycle. He kept saying, no,
that's my bicycle.
00:16:37
That bicycle wasn't stolen. I couldn't take it anymore. I said, well, the bicycle
was stolen two days ago.
00:16:44
And it was my bicycle
that was stolen. He goes, oh, man, I
guess I messed up. And finally a couple months
later we went to trial on it.
00:16:53
The attorney didn't
prepare for the trial. He kept asking me how I knew
that bicycle was stolen.
00:16:59
So finally I told
him, because it was my bicycle that was stolen. He stopped asking
questions right then.
00:17:06
ANNOUNCER: Now let's look back
at one of ABC'S greatest hits from the year 1997.
00:17:11
As you can see, this
man walks into the shop looking like he
might buy something.
00:17:15
But he quickly
and quietly, let's the women behind the counter
know that he has a gun
00:17:19
and wants their money. Not overly impressed with
his laid back technique, employee Jean Casey
decided to see
00:17:25
a liquor goes to the
goofy gunman's head. This guy's got a hard head. Co-worker Debbie Nelson
tries some Napa red.
00:17:32
Ouch. That's wine on his
forward, folks, not blood. This round was
definitely on him.
00:17:37
But when the final bell
rang, the women stood tall. And our wobbly wino was quickly
arrested and sent to prison.
00:17:45
-Just when we think
we've seen it all, we realize that there's a whole
the dimension of weirdness
00:17:50
that we barely glimpsed. -Tonight, we have a strange
story of a bank robber who has both a surprising
alias and an astonishing modus
00:17:58
operandi. Here's the honest
to goodness truth of "we're not making this up." -There was a guy, has a
striking resemblance to Jesus
00:18:09
that lives in town, long
hair, beard, blue eyes, real striking resemblance
to any portraits of Jesus.
00:18:16
-This guy actually
believed he was Jesus. And he called himself Jesus. -One day he got the banner
idea to try to rob a bank.
00:18:25
He goes into the bank
with a paper bag. He had a couple
of shotgun shells and a stick of air
freshener in the bag.
00:18:30
And he walks in there and
hands it to the teller. -I think it was kind
of a Robin Hood thing.
00:18:36
-And he says, I'll be back
in 30 minutes for my money. So he promptly leaves. 30 minutes later he comes back.
00:18:41
-Robbing the rich
to feed the poor. -And he's promptly arrested
by the on-duty detectives
00:18:45
and patrol officers for
attempted bank robbery. -When we interviewed him, he
went through all the scriptures
00:18:52
and had a logical
answer for everything according to the
Bible as he sees it. He actually said, I'll
come back in 30 minutes
00:18:59
and pick up the money. I mean, he actually
truly believed he was going to get
away with this thing.
00:19:06
-All right, well, it's
time for us to clear out, but before we do we want to
thank all the officers who
00:19:10
helped us with tonight's show. -They represent
thousands of others on the job to make this
world a better place.
00:19:16
-Here at ABC we
want you to know how much we appreciate
your good work. -Of course, we'll
be back next week,
00:19:21
but if you've got
a lead on a story or you just can't wait for more
state of the art stupidity,
00:19:26
visit our website. -Or if you have a backed
up drain, call us to. The address is
www.dumbcrimes.com.
00:19:33
-As always, we
hope that we've all learned from others mistakes. -But if you haven't, we
just might see you next week
00:19:38
on "America's
Dumbest Criminals." [theme music]