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this is an adc warning the crimes you're about to see are true only the names
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were changed to protect the ignorant [Music] tonight on america's dumbest criminals
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you'll see a bank robber who didn't have a car or brave a dumb criminal who gets
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a special delivery and a dumb criminal who learns about gravity these are just a few of america's
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dumbest criminals [Music] welcome to america's dumbest criminals i'm daniel butler
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we've gone from police station to police station investigating case after case
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and our research of the criminal mind has revealed that it is completely empty and you're about to meet them the sour
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cream of the crop as we open the files on america's dumbest criminals and now daryl price tells us about a
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bank robber who only lacked two things a car and a brain let's watch as the charlotte mecklenburg police department
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sacks the bag man we got a call at around noon that day that there was a bank robbery in process
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and when we arrived we had had about seven calls on the same bank robbery from numerous people cellular phones
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pay phones we got there we found out why we had a subject that had put a brown paper bag
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on his head a grocery store bag he had cut two very small eye holes in it and put it on his head about
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i guess about a two-tenths of a mile away from the bank and walked all the way to the
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bank with a bag on his head he entered the bank and uh he started shouting demands that this was a robbery
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and that he had a weapon and he never never displayed a weapon excuse me i'm sorry sir i have no idea what you're
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saying basically the robbery took probably about seven or eight minutes because everyone was having a hard time
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understanding him because he didn't cut a mouth hole in his back and it was real
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muffled and every time that he would turn the bag would stay in one place and he would
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lose his eye holes so he he leaves the bank and takes off running back in the direction he came for almost this
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quarter of a mile still with the bag on his head as he runs across the traffic six lanes
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it's rush hour i mean not not rush hour but rush hour for lunch traffic was real heavy and as he got in
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the middle of traffic the bag turned and he started going through traffic because
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he couldn't see and so all these cars were about to run over well he finally
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got the bag twisted back around his head we could see where he was going and got
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through the traffic went into some woods so my sergeant and i rode down we caught him probably a
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quarter of a mile from there and we caught him and got him downtown and got a subsequent confession out of
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him that he had committed a robbery but his story was that i heard there was a bank robbery so i
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went into the woods and i caught the bank robber and robbed him and took the money from him
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you know once that guy decided to rob the bank the toughest question facing him was paper or plastic
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[Music] in omaha it is against the law to double park it is however legal to give a pedestrian
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a flaming hood ride thank you mr motorist and now actual footage of a low-speed chase
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in many cities across the u.s especially los angeles high-speed chases are being
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broadcast live on television like this one but we thought we'd like to show you
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one that's a little different a lot of these chases end up with innocent civilians in car crashes or dumb
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criminals and shootouts with the police or the dumb criminal in a bad traffic accident but this one ends a little
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differently with the dumb criminal running out of gas we just thought you'd like to see a
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different high-speed chase [Music] abc quiz number 637 in thailand eight white-collar criminals were found guilty
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of defrauding investors and together their sentences equal a 300 hours community service teaching
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english to elephants b 30 years or c 1.5 million years the correct answer is c 1.5 million
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years of course the same crime in the u.s would get you about all 36 holes at a federal pen without beer
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[Music] coming up on america's dumbest criminals a dumb criminal who finds the promised
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land [Music] welcome back next you'll meet the burglar who made one too many house
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calls and his number came up police officers responded to a residential burglary call the owner of
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the house reported that a burglar had broken in and stolen quite a few items including his son's beeper while the
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officers took down the list of stolen items the father jokingly suggested that he should call the thief on his son's
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beeper and see if he calls back you know it can't hurt sure the homeowner had nothing left to lose
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by paging the robber to just give you a fair shake you know and not ask any favors of anybody but i certainly don't
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expect to walk home come home and find everything stolen out of my house we went to dinner we went to a movie i
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don't know what time we got hello yeah somebody paid me to this number um somebody pays you from this number uh
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my son must have called and uh and he's in the shower right now could you call
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back in just a few minutes thank you that's him you wouldn't happen to have a caller id
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by any chance would you yes the police looked at the caller id got the name and number and relayed the
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information to the dispatcher can i have a correct address on a stephen laser [Music]
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the dispatcher got the address on the phone number and sent a marked unit to the robber's address
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yeah somebody paid me hold on a second hello whoa hey what's up hey what are
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you doing yeah yeah we got him you got me for what hey man what'd you call that beeper
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number back for he beat me i'm supposed to come back it's only polite that's right it was a dumb thing
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for a criminal to do but at least he had proper phone etiquette in california it used to be against the
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law to swim on land but to show you how far california has come today a woman can receive a grant to pursue a career
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in log rolling strip teas and they start at 35 000 a year now captain don parker tells us about a
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dumb criminal whose mother should have taught him you never talk to strangers we have one of our local dopers here who
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was in uh rather dire straits she had just gotten out of jail his car had been repossessed he didn't
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have any money he had about a half a dozen baggies of really poor quality marijuana decided he would hitchhike to
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the beach and sell the dope to try to get some money up [Applause] gets to the beach comes up over the top
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of a sand dune guy's not feeling really well i got to tell you boy opens his eyes and looks
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and it looks like a family reunion to him as far as the eye can see there's long hair and beards and this pasty
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white skin he can't believe it man it's like a dream come true he runs down the
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beach grabs the first guy sees in a blanket and says hey man you you want to buy some dope guy says yeah i'd be
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interested sure what you got hauls out as half a dozen baggies of marijuana lays them out on the on the
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beach blanket the guy said well this looks like pretty good let me tell you what let me get a few of my friends over
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here they might want to buy some too call they come over there guys in heaven he can't believe it so how much you want
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well he quotes him a price of like three times the going street rate and a guy says yeah that's fine problem is we
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don't have that much money we'll need to pull our resources that'd be okay sure go for it they start
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shelling out dollars a big old pile it must be a closer you know a couple hundred bucks on it hands on the pile of
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money the guy shows the dope over to me said pleasure doing business with you and about that time 50 badges come out
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our dumb criminal just sold dope to every undercover narcotics agent in the southeast who were just attending a
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seminar life's a beach ain't it [Music] now we go inside the courtroom for trial
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and error from the witness stand a bank teller describes in detail how she received the
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endorsement of a dumb criminal mrs flick would you please read the note the defendant gave you
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this is a stick up give me all the money or you'll get hurt you must have been frightened
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no there's bulletproof glass in the drive-through so what did you do then well i called the police and then i told
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him that even though this was a robbery he would still have to sign a withdrawal
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slip so i slipped one through to him he signed it returned it and then the police came
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[Music] in hartford connecticut it's against the law to cross the street while walking on
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your hands it is however legal to fly using pizza boxes ken mcginnis birmingham tells us about a
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dumb criminal who fell from grace and landed in the halls of justice it was about uh three or four years ago i went
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to serve a uh robbery i mean a robbery arrest warrant with a robbery detective went up to the house knocked
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on the door no one answered we could hear people scuffling around on the inside finally at some point the mother came to
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the door opened it up she was screaming yelling at us asking us while we were there the detective
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told her that he had a robbery warrant for her son so she said he wasn't there we could
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come in and look around so my partner and i went in the front door and we were using our way down the
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hallway he's a good boy he's a very good boy you can look in any room and uh we got about
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halfway down the hallway and uh out of nowhere the ceiling above me gave way [Music]
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the guy fell right in front of me was covered in drywall and knocked the breath out of him he
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couldn't breathe and i told my partner i said man it's a message from god
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so we rolled him over and handcuffed him and we took him on out to the car and took him to jail for robbery
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so chicken little was right this guy is falling now actual footage of a male sorter
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receiving his own special delivery the man in the postal uniform is actually a postal inspector the man without the
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shirt is actually an off-duty mail sorter they're carrying two parcels into the
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mail sorter's house now these parcels were sorted by this mail sorter they appeared to be a television in a
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computer so he sorted them to go to his house he simply put his own label over the actual label
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it was such a professional labeling job i'm amazed he was caught but this dumb
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criminal went to jail for his own special delivery [Music] when we come back the adventures of the
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naughty nocturnal animal we call a dumb criminal on america's dumbest criminals
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[Music] welcome back we take you now to brunswick georgia where we follow the story of a man who forged a stolen check
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and temporarily forgot who he wasn't detective ted mcdonald served the warrant on the man
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are you robert norton [Music] yeah i'm robert norton mr norton we have a warrant for your arrest for receiving
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and cashing a stolen check what makes you guys think that i did something like that
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well when you forged the check you wrote the name printed on the front of it on the back when you endorsed it you used
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your real name and you provided the teller with your driver's license with this address
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well i guess when she uh asked me for my id uh i guess i went into check writing mode
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pretty dumb huh [Applause] [Music] in north carolina it used to be against the law to sing badly until over 5 000
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bad shower singers protested and the law was repealed [Music] we've heard it all the time trust your
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instincts if something you're about to do doesn't look right or feel right
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don't do it but especially if it looks really wrong i was involved in a narcotics transaction i was working
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undercover and my partner and i made a deal earlier that day to purchase a hundred pounds of marijuana and in our
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conversation with the individuals they said well it's still on the stalk we hadn't had a chance to cut it yet
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but we can give it to you on the stall can give you a discount with it instead of paying full price because of the
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weight of the stalk and all so we negotiated the deal and they were supposed to meet us later that evening
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so my partner and i arrived at the location at the said time and sure enough here they come loaded down with
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stalks of marijuana it's not even bundled up or anything just right on the stalk like they'd pulled it from the
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ground and we were in a little compact car you know just big enough for two people
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much less a briefcase or anything like that my partner came out with the shotgun to
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make the arrest because there's no way in the world we could have gotten it in
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that small car agreed got the best of them i think [Music] and now actual footage of a case we call
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one of the odds a woman was shopping in a mall when she had her purse snatched her purse
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contained all of her husband's credit cards the two thieves took the credit cards
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from her stolen purse and went on a shopping spree at this store where they immediately purchased a camcorder from
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this man who happened to be the lady's husband whose purse they had just stolen
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in a city of over a million what are the odds they're always bad when you're a
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dumb criminal using careful deductive reasoning and crafty logic the criminal often arrives
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in jail you know when you have a day when everything goes wrong well this guy is
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about to have one of those days condensed into five minutes near cleveland ohio a robber entered a
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cafe with a knife wait this is a robbery the cashier filled a paper bag with money and the gunman escaped with the
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cash think about it yeah get the 20s get the 20s but as the man exited the restaurant the
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sac tour opened on the door spilling the money as he ran across the parking lot then he made it to his truck but
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realized he had locked the door he forced the key back and forth and it broke off in the lock
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which he used to shoot himself in the foot he was later arrested at the emergency
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room where he arrived with a gunshot wound in his foot in ohio it used to be against the law to
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drool in the salad bar here a known drooler is caught trying to pass in disguise
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up next an inebriated house burglar comes face to foot with the homeowner the nervous crook sat in his car
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knocking back beers to get his nerve up the beer only managed to shut down his brain
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while the crook's body went out to rob a nice home totally anesthetized our crook pried
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open the door after he realized it was closed he gained entry to the house and began stumbling through the dimly
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lit hallways in moments he was bruised bleeding and still very drunk but he still wanted to
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rob the house he just felt like he needed a few minutes to rest so he laid down on the floor right where
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he was which just happened to be right beside the bed of the sleeping homeowner who had slept through the entire
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burglary but now needed to heed the call of nature she was looking for her slippers when
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she almost put her foot in his mouth he got five years for his nap time with bozo
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[Music] well that's our show for this week we hope you'll agree that it was time well
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served our appreciation to the men and women of law enforcement across the country i'm daniel butler saying don't
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be dumb don't break the law or we'll catch you next time on america's dumbest
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criminals [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
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you