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hi i'm daniel butler welcome to another edition of america's dumbest criminals
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[Music] do on this episode of america's dumbest criminal a drunk does some local
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landscaping no i'm just doing a liquor store i was just gonna get a beer a crook takes an unusual pit stop
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a burglar dresses for success a suspect has the last word down at the station [Music]
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all this and more on this week's episode of america's dumbest criminals here's
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your host daniel babum with the help of infrared technology police were able to capture a couple of car thieves who were
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on a long road to nowhere an armed couple had stolen a car and led the police on the long chase through the
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dark countryside you can see them toss a bag out of the window and continue on down the road where they soon stopped
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and decided to make a run for it the girlfriend had worn high heels a big fashion faux pas if one is planning to
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run through a cow pasture and proceeded to bite the dust every few feet until they made it into the woods where the
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police and canine units caught up with him a few minutes later when police picked up the tossed bag
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they found the nine millimeter pistol drugs the title to the stolen car signed over by the crooks to themselves and one
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of the suspects driver's license that he had accidentally dropped in there during
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all the excitement they're leading a much quieter life now behind bars [Music]
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let me paint the scene for you it's a quiet sunday morning in an average indiana residential suburb the peace and
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tranquility are broken only by the familiar buzz of a lawnmower somewhere in the distance
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at least that was how it had been until our intoxicated outlaw cut a new path of
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destruction across the neighborhood the 57-year-old boozer had a record of drunken conviction as long as the garden
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path when he was finally apprehended he allegedly told the police he was on his way to buy a six-pack of beer but was
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too drunk to walk with a bit of luck a little time and detention will trim his need to drink
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and garden and remember friends don't let friends mulch drunk some dumb criminals don't feel like one
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or two clues or enough to leave behind so they spell it out for the cops like this next genius we call robert bob
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bobby as we drove along we'd been notified earlier that evening in briefing that there was a
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a rash of coin operating machines being burglarized in the area a particular car wash on the corner
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that we were watching out for and uh during the night we had been checking on it periodically
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and the weather got a little worse so we went off and checked some other stuff went back and noticed some footprints in
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the snow and the footprints went up to every paper machine and door in the shopping center
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kept foam around they went behind the business follow them around the business follow them across the street again and
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into a neighborhood [Music] where we found a screwdriver with a name on it named bob so we kept walking and uh in
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the middle of one of the streets we saw the name robert in big letters robert bob you know maybe they're
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related something in the snow so we kept walking and finally got to a house footprints right
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up to the house into the backyard where we found two pairs of shoes with snow on
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went around in the front knocked on the door asked if we could speak to robert it was it was the right one it was
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robert we took care of it [Music] this next segment follows the trail of two drunk burglars who robbed a gas
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station then after getting lost had to stop and ask for directions what they didn't realize was that this
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was the same gas station that they had just robbed a short time before the attendant was on the phone to the
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police when he noticed the thieves making their way over to him they didn't seem to recognize him and
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immediately asked for directions to a hotel in the area he helped them let's go hurry come on
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then he got back on the phone with the police he had no sooner put the phone down when
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the two men once again returned and asked if he could give them a boost because their pickup won't start
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he offered to call a tow truck and immediately got back on the phone to the police
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five minutes later the men were picked up by the police and towed off to prison free of charge
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[Music] we get many stories from officers who come across dumb criminals while off
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duty the next crook was especially unlucky he made the mistake of attempting to rob
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a police officer and a friend of his who was a bouncer the goon ran up with a gun
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and told the men to give him their money the bouncer nonchalantly leaned forward
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and took the gun from the thief throwing him to the floor you see he recognized the weapon it was the same toy that he
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had just picked up for his kid a couple of days earlier not only did this idiot try to hold up
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two trained professionals but he tried to do it with a cheap water pistol i guess when it comes to crime he's
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still a bit wet behind the ears and now crimes of the week with daniel butler and beaumont bacon i'm daniel
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butler and this is beaumont bacon the leopard queen hello daniel hi beaumont i'm starting the show with an officer
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who had one of his fantasies come true daniel this is a family show no no not that kind of fantasy see this particular
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officer was investigating a rash of bicycle thefts in the area a prime suspect was eventually discovered and
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had agreed to come down to the station voluntarily for questioning volunteer yeah
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yeah it only happened in a small town well about an hour before the interview our officer got another report of a
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stolen bicycle he went over and got all the information then quickly headed back
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to the station to meet up with his suspect you mean he actually showed up well as the officer drove into the
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station parking lot his suspect rode in on a bike exactly like the one that had just been stolen you are kidding me nope
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upon closer inspection the officer discovered that it was indeed the bicycle and quickly arrested him
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what a story that was interesting well this next officer had similar luck he was in plain
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clothes on his way to work one night when a car pulled up right beside him right there the driver asked if the
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officer wanted to buy a solid gold bar for one hundred dollars hey jump on it yeah that's quite a deal
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i know that's what the officer thought and offered to take a look at the merchandise which he quickly discovered
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was fake of course the crafty crook then opened the trunk of his car and revealed
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all kinds of stolen goodies on special that day a lot of two for sales an officer had a coupon
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and he told the guy that he had some gold of his own he wanted to show him and quickly showed him his little gold
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patch there said you're under arrest can you imagine the going out of business
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sale he could have had been fighting over those gold mars and everything in the trunk isn't let's go
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must go which brings us to the video of the week an officer arrived on the scene of a call and was told by the
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caller that the people down the street had stripped his car many of its parts and that he wanted them arrested
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the officer took down the information including the vehicle registration number from the dashboard of the
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stripped car the dispatcher ran the number and radioed the officer that the car had been stolen by the same man who
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had registered the complaint hmm the law can be so confusing can't it i'm
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sure he thought he was making a good point yeah to match the one on his ear no pointy head
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[Music] police often find very bizarre clues at crime scenes but there are few to match this one
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it's the case of a brainless burglar who got caught not only with his pants down
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but off police in klamath falls oregon responded to a burglary call they missed the
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burglar but not what he left behind his pants and his wallet which was laying on
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the ground beside them kidding me look at here oh this guy made it easy for us apparently he had burgled the home in
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his unmentionables and left his trousers before fleeing the scene of the crime our bare-bottomed burglar was quickly
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arrested and fitted with a pair of prison issued pants complete with a complimentary set of silver bracelets
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this next surveillance tape shows a dumb burglar in michigan who thought that breaking into this little summer house
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would be a cake till it kicked back the owners had installed a security system that caught this guy as he made
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preparations to break into their house he casually surveys the area and picks up a long pole thinking he can use it to
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pry open the door when that doesn't work he decides to try using his brute strength gives the door
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a little kick and then another and then a big kick that knocks him to the ground
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and forces him to ponder the thong if a dumb criminal falls down in the forest would anyone still arrest him
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as a matter of fact they did called in on a robbery of a photo developing shop this daily city
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detective was questioning the shop's owner when he was presented with a proposition
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we had a robbery of a photo mat one of those drive up photomat stores and we were investigating as you know as to
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who the possible suspect was and getting all the you know information and description of the person
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as we were walking away the clerk says well do you want his name and we turned and we said
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yeah do you know who he is and the clerk says well yeah i think so because he's got some film here
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and we said what are you talking about she said well what happened was this guy that robbed me just now he's the one
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that came in a week ago and dropped some film off so he filled out you know return address and she said i recognized
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him i thought he was coming back today to get his film except he robbed me today
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once taken down to the station our photo finished felon was presented with a different set of free prints
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fingerprints sometimes during a hard day's work we all just want to crawl under our desk
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and take a quick nap who would know probably no one unless you're this dumb criminal
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seems that this rem rod decided to break into an apartment one afternoon to pick
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up a few things instead of going to one of those stores that actually makes you pay for them
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he came in through a window made his way around the room he heard someone come in
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and immediately hid under the bed the tenants found nothing unusual when they got home and went about their day
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a couple of hours later as they were watching tv the tenants heard some horrible noises coming from their
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bedroom but couldn't find the source they called the police who came over and
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discovered our sleeping baby under the bed snoring like a chainsaw they found only two items on him a hair
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barrette and wig both valued at about a dollar should make for an interesting mug shot
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down at the station after a car chase in texas that ended in the arrest of two men the driver was
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being held for outstanding warrants and theft the military officer on the arrest
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was told they could not hold the passenger so after taking his home number he let him go
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later further investigation uncovered that the passenger was a wanted murderer out of belmead county
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having his home number the officer decided to take a chance he called the passenger and told him
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that he could come and pick up his friend sure enough our criminal mastermind entered the lobby of the police station
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who you call him so come pick him up hey wait a minute okay what's the song yeah
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hey you said i could just come down and pick him up and that was all saved man the officers arrested him and he was
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promptly reunited with his fast driving bump buddy and now a story about a burglary suspect
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who shows the cops just how dumb he can be after a rash of burglaries in the area the police arrested a suspect and
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were questioning him about those anything about either crimes on this list and you flat because they got
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nothing on me i think he's telling the truth this guy is strictly small potatoes he's too
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stupid to be pulling off these jobs this is the work of a pro insulted by what the detective had just said the man
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grabbed the list and started pointing to every job he'd pulled he also went on to
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name his partner now he's stupid gee that's a tough one officer bennis tells us about a security
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guard who started the new year off with more of a whimper than a bang this was a new year's eve dwi road block
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they had about seven officers out working a dwi road block set up they had over 100 feet of flares set up and as
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the officers are standing there working their site they noticed this car slowly driving through all the flares
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well the car gets up there and they stop well they notice the guy driving's in
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uniform so they get a little closer and they see that he's a security guard a security
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guard uniform and they ask him you know why are you running through the flares he said well i really didn't notice the
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flares i'm really sorry i was on my way to work and i wasn't paying attention
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and suddenly i was just sitting here and all these burning flares are around him
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and the officer said well okay once you step out of the car and could you hand me your baggie of marijuana
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and he had a big baggie of marijuana laying next to him on the seat it turned out the reason he didn't see
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the flares is he was rolling a joint as he was driving down the street then suddenly he looked up and he's in all
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the flares so he stuck the joint in his pocket but forgot he left the baggie laying in the seat next to him
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[Music] a truant officer in nashville tennessee sent us this story about a hold up
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suspect who didn't hold back the officer had been advised by dispatch to be on the lookout for a vehicle
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believed to have been used in an armed robbery moments later the suspect vehicle was spotted and immediately
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pulled over stop get out of the ground get on the ground haven't i seen you somewhere before you
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look awfully familiar yeah i'm the kind of one but you want we have so many of them but
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stand up what do you supposedly wanted for uh lots of things lots of things sure enough it was him our wanted poster
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boy was number two on the top 10 most wanted list down at the station gosh if only the rest of the criminal
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world would be so cooperative [Music] this next real surveillance tape shows a dumb criminal who made a rather unusual
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pit stop during a high-speed chase a man in a stolen passenger van led police on a wild pursuit through the
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streets of los angeles he managed to stay ahead of them for quite a while until he noticed a camera
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crew standing off to the side and decided to stop by for a quick chat [Music] officers were more than a little
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surprised by the camera hog's move and were able to catch him a few blocks later
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they fulfilled his desire to be on film by taking a full set of mug shots down at the station smile
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we'll see you next week on america's dumbest criminals on the next america's dumbest criminals
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yeah most of you guys are right lousy actors a man adds more than sugar to his coffee a yuletide burglar gets caught
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with his pants down here a loser picks the wrong place to light up stoner makes an indecent proposal to
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a cop hey what's going on guys hey what's up wow all this and more on the next america's
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dumbest criminals just last year we had a dui checkpoint that's a drunk driving checkpoint we had a long line of
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cars that obviously were waiting to pass through this checkpoint and finally when this one particular vehicle
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came through the officers did what they normally do they run the license plate make sure that the person has you know
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california driver's license it's valid and as they ran the license plate found
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out the vehicle had been reported stolen what happened was i guess this subject had stolen the
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vehicle 15 minutes earlier was driving through daly city uh saw the checkpoint you know he was motioned to to pull over
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so he sat for 30 minutes in this long line instead of abandoning the vehicle and taking off or whatever
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he just sat there and i guess he assumed he was going to get through the checkpoint because he wasn't drunk
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[Music] you