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-Tonight on "America's
Dumbest Criminals", wouldn't you think
guys at a crack buy
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would exhibit better
behavior than this? Well, it won't be just the
police who set them straight.
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The store offered low prices. But these guys wanted
electronics for nothing then.
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And, who's the real
dummy in this picture? Hint. It's not the one being carried.
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Prepare to be carried away
by the stunning stupidity of "America's
Dumbest Criminals".
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[police scanner] [music playing] -Duh. -Now, welcome your
hosts for ADC, Daniel Butler and Debbie Allen.
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[music playing] -Hi, again. We're so glad you're watching. Well, I see you brought
along a friend today.
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-Yeah. But now this is no
dummy, Debbie, OK? This is one tough customer. This is a police dummy
who single-handedly
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brought thousands to justice. -Well, you might credit
it to his steely gaze. But I think there's another
reason for his track record.
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-Well, yeah. I mean, speeding
motorists see him sitting in an
unmanned patrol car
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and think he's the real deal
with a radar gun aimed at them. -But it causes a
surprisingly quick connection
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between the conscience
and the brakes. -Yeah, but later tonight, we'll
find a police dummy personally
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involved in a hostage situation. But before that, we'll encounter
all sorts of other dummies
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on the other side of the law. -First up, we've got
a throng of thugs who gather to buy
and sell drugs.
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-But there are
surprises in store. And not just for those
making the deals. -Tonight we've got a family
portrait caught on camera.
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[music playing] -A couple years ago, we had
a place called The Tree. And law enforcement generally
calls it the Tree of Knowledge.
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And the reason for that
is the wide variety of people we have there doing
either consuming alcohol
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or doing the drug sales. There aren't there for
legitimate reasons, most of the time.
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And it was my job to go
up there and try and catch the people that
were selling drugs.
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And we put a couple
of undercover officers in a car and a video
camera, and sent
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them through there to buy drugs. And we bought drugs from
quite a few different people.
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And one particular
day, the people that owned the piece
of property had told us that there were no drug
sales taking place there,
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or drug purchases. And when we sent the undercover
officers through there, her grandson came
out there and was
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fighting off the
other drug dealers. And just so he could
sell us the drugs. And it was a short
time later, we
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arrested him for the drug sales. And when we showed
her the videotape, it wasn't long after that
that the city took possession
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of the property,
turned it into a park so we could get rid
of the drug dealers. -Police officers
spend the majority
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of their time tracking
down hoodlums. But occasionally, they're
able to turn the tables
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and have the crooks
come looking for them. -It's practically a self-service
situation for our next hombre.
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-Yes, just another momentous
memento of something to remember me by. [music playing]
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-About a year or so ago,
some fellow officers and I were trying to catch
a parole violator.
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And we just missed
him several times, apparently, at his,
at his mom's house. We had his mother's
phone number.
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So I got a wild idea one
day, let's just calling him on the phone and
see if he answers
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or if we can talk to him. As luck would have it,
he answered the phone when I called.
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And I asked him if he had
recently lost a wallet. And he kind of was hesitant,
but then said, well, maybe.
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So I'm went ahead and told him
that we had recovered a wallet during another search warrant
at someone else's house
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and I thought it might be his. Of course, I knew,
and I'm sure he knew, he hadn't lost a wallet.
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And I asked him if I could meet
him somewhere, because I didn't think that-- I didn't want
to push my luck by asking him
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to come to my office right here. So he asked me, where
are you right now? And I said, well, I'm
at the Sheriff's office.
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He said, well, I'll
just meet you there. I've got to go to
the store anyway. And he drove right down here
and he walked in the door
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and there was about four or
five officers including myself standing in the doorway
when he walked in.
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And I had my hand
cuffs in my left hand and I shook hands
with my right hand, and he introduced himself
and I cuffed him up.
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And he told me, he says, I
can't believe I fell for that. He said, that's the
craziest thing I ever heard.
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[laughter] -Savvy retailers are
well aware of the impact that impulse shopping
can have on their sales.
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And that's why you
find all those products at the checkout counter. -Yeah, but savvy retailers are
also well aware of the impulse
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shopping of those who seek to
avoid paying for the things they pick up. -And that's why those savvy
retailers set up surveillance
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cameras, to catch
shoplifters like these guys. Take a look. We'll compress this seven-minute
drama to keep up the pace.
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But watch how you can almost
hear these shoplifters thoughts by watching their actions.
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OK. Let's be nonchalant. Let's act like
we're just browsing. Let's just look at things and
put them back, pick them up
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and put them back, and pick them
up and put them in the-- oh, somebody's coming.
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Oops, just kidding. I wasn't doing what I was doing. You know how these
things happen.
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You know, if we were
really good shoplifters, we wouldn't stop with
just this $20 Walkman.
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We'd sneak out with that
stove at the end of the aisle. OK, here we go. Why don't I put this
item in your backpack
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before somebody steals it? There we go, nice and snug. You take care now. I'm going to go scope
out the big screen TVs.
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And with that, he was gone. But about 45 seconds later,
his friend has new company.
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The security staff. And they want to
know if they could take a peek inside
that backpack.
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And lo and behold,
look what they find. Busted. Well, that's one man who won't
be walking out with a Walkman.
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[music playing] [applause] -In Marion, Illinois, it's
illegal to eat a doughnut and walk backwards
on a city street.
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[laughter] -The Marion town
fathers sure know how to take the fun
out of life, huh?
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But there is nothing
funny about drunk driving. If there's anything at all
positive about this next guy
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who was charged
with DUI, you'd have to say that he was
careful, well, kind of. Here's 100-proof example of
America's dumbest excuses.
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[music playing] -Here in Carlsbad,
we'd experienced some rain over a week's time.
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And they'd put out roadblocks
with flashing lights on them. And some of the low water
crossings sometimes run water.
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And we put those
out to warn people from driving across them. And here in the desert, the
rain dries up pretty quick.
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On patrol one night, I
pulled up behind a vehicle sitting at these flashing
lights, and exited my car
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and asked them what
they were doing, because the crossing was dry. There was no water
running across it.
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And with the slurred
speech, these individuals told me that they were
law-abiding citizens
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and they were
waiting for the light to change so they
could proceed on. We got them out of the car
and give them a nice place
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to sleep for the evening,
and fed them real good, and took them to see their
favorite person, the judge,
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the next day. [applause] -You remember the classic
story of "The Wizard of Oz". The scarecrow wanted a brain
and the tin man wanted a heart.
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All right. Well, you're going to see
some twisted similarities in our next story,
except that it's
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the tin man who needs a brain. And instead of going
to the Emerald City, well, let's follow
the Yellow Brick
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Road to the Blue Light Special. [music playing] -We had a big operation going. This fellow had committed
a number of burglaries,
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he had kidnapped
this young girl. We had probably 30
officers out, helicopter, dogs working the trail.
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A resident drove
up to us and said, there's a man down
on the bridge. He's apparently
exposing himself.
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Kind of didn't think,
since we were looking so hard for this other guy,
that it'd be the same one.
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So we drove down,
checked him out anyway. Sure enough, there's
a fellow standing
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there with not too much on. But he looked like the Tin Man. He had been breathing
in paint fumes, choice
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being usually silver or
gold, for some reason. And he was covered with silver. Paint huffing is-- these
folks would spray the paint
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into a plastic bag
and huff and puff. They'd inhale the paint fumes. And unfortunately
for them, it makes
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them do really stupid things. And it also causes very
significant brain damage. The officer asked him for an ID.
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The fellow located some
pants, gave him an ID. And as the officer
held onto his ID,
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the fellow took off running. Indeed, looked like the Tin Man
running through the land of Oz
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without too much on. But he wasn't hard to find. He was, given the fact
we had a helicopter there
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and bloodhounds and
40 police officers, and he was the only man running
through the woods without too
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much clothes on, looking
like the Tin Man. He was promptly
arrested and jailed. [applause]
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-One day I got this call
of a traffic altercation at a location here in town. And when I got there,
this couple approached me.
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And they were yelling
and screaming, pointing at a vehicle near
them that they had
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followed back from
downtown Chicago. And they're saying, this is
our car, this is our car,
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and that man's over
there driving it. And the guy' had actually
stopped for them.
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They were flashing their
headlights and everything. So he got out of the car, and
he was yelling and screaming
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and he's pretty adamant
about this being his car. He had just bought it. So I asked the guy, what's
the deal with this car?
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And he says, I just bought the
car a couple days ago for $100. -I just was in need for a car.
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-And the guy didn't
have the keys to it. But what he did give
me was a screwdriver,
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so I'd be able to start the
car with and drive it around. -That's how I started it.
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That's how we start the car. -So I checked the
car out, and it had a busted steering column.
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And it actually turned out
to be that couple's car. So the guy did end up going to
jail, and he's out 100 bucks.
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[applause] -Well, like we'll see
in our next story, our crook's bread isn't done,
if you know what I mean.
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And that results in a
little role reversal. Now unlike the thief, I don't
want to give too much away.
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So here, take a look. -We had a man that was
breaking in to houses. He broke into three or
four in one neighborhood.
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And we ended up arresting him. We went to get one of the
victims, to have her come over
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and ID him to make sure
we had the right bad guy. As she was approaching the
car, the bad guy blurts out--
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-Yeah, that's the woman
who's house I broke into. -That's the woman who's
house I broke into.
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[laughter] -And now, for a man who thinks
news briefs are something you wear, here's Daniel
with ADC Headlines.
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[applause] -All right. A man in Athens,
Alabama was attempting to flee on foot after ditching
a truck he had stolen.
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But blending into his
suburban surroundings proved difficult, because of
one gigantic identifying trait.
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A neighbor reported that a
suspicious man was running down her street with a
snake around his neck.
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He was the only one with
a snake around his neck, so in moments, he slipped from
inconspicuous to incarcerated.
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Things weren't too
kosher for another would be robber
from a Florida deli. First, the clerk walloped
the crooked in the face
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with a giant salami,
breaking the bad guy's nose. Then Mr. Smashed Schnoz ran
and hid in the trunk of a car.
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As luck would have
it, the vehicle was driven by an
undercover police officer and the poor mensch was in jail.
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A lead-footed
driver in San Diego was doing over 80 miles
an hour before she was stopped by a patrolman.
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Now hoping to get off,
the chagrined driver explained that she was
speeding because she
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was late for traffic school. Buh, buh, buh
winning no sympathy, she finally exclaimed,
look, you don't understand.
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I'm the instructor. [laughter] And that closes the
file on ADC Headlines, news ripped from
somewhere near the back
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of your local newspaper. Debbie? -For many, jewelry is
a cherished keepsake. But for goodness
sakes, what this guy
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will do to keep a bracelet. It certainly created a
memory for our next suspect. But I doubt that it's
one that he treasures.
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-We get a felony warrant
on a domestic offender. And myself and my
partner Cannonball,
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we go out and try to
serve this felony warrant. We make contact with
the fella's wife.
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She says, what do
you want him for? Said we have some
paperwork to have him sign
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and he left a couple
of bracelets with us that we'd like to
get back to him. I left a card and my
pager number on it.
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And I said, have him page me
if he wants his bracelets back. Later on in the
day, he pages me.
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And I have my voice mail. And he says, Detective
Garcia, he says, I'd like to get
my bracelets back.
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I'm at home right now. So myself and my
partner Cannonball go back out to his house.
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And he happened to
step outside, and I said, you want your
bracelets, turn around,
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put your hands behind your back. And we put our bracelets on him. After that, he was
arrested and brought
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to Yuma County Sheriff's
Detention Center and booked. [applause] -OK. It's bad news to find a
virus in your computer.
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But what the technicians
found in this printer Is a bigger fly in the
ointment than any bug
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infesting the Silicon Valley. -I was working one
evening and requested to come into one of our local
retail outlets in Syracuse.
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And as I made contact with
the computer technician, he said he had been working
on a computer printer
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and had some questions for me. He produced a little baggie
with some green leafy substance
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and says, ever seen this before? And I said, quite frequently. It looks like marijuana to me.
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And then he proceeded to tell me
that an individual had brought a printer into the
store to be repaired.
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He told the guy that the printer
would no longer feed paper. Cannon had told him to shake
the printer upside down,
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make sure there was
nothing in obstruction. He told the technician
at the store that he had done what the Cannon
had told him on the phone,
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and there was nothing that
he could see in there. The technician said, well,
he felt he could fix it,
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took it back into the
shop, opened it up. And in the printer
wheels, he finds all kinds
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of green leafy substance
jamming up the wheels and causing it not to be able
to feed the paper properly.
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I said, when the
guy comes in to pick up the printer to
please call me. About two days later, he showed
back up to pick up his printer.
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They paged me. I came in and at which time
he was detained and arrested for possession of the marijuana.
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Initially, he was very shocked,
said he had no idea how marijuana could
get in his printer.
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And I asked him if
the printer was his. He said, yeah, it's my printer. I said, does anybody
else use your printer?
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He says, no, I'm the
only one that uses it. After I'd arrested him for the
possession of the marijuana,
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I asking him,
jokingly, I said, what were you trying to
do, roll a marijuana joint in your printer?
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He didn't think
that was very funny. He didn't laugh. -Now let's look back at
one of ADC's greatest hits
00:15:30
from the year 1997. -And now, actual
surveillance cam footage of an officer who has his
cover blown, but still
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manages to do the deal. The first thing this dealer
says to our undercover officer
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is that he saw him at
the police station. But he continues to do the deal. This guy knows he's a cop,
but he still does the deal.
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He believed right
and he got busted. [applause] -In Wilbur, Washington, it's
illegal to ride an ugly horse.
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[laughter] -Can you believe this
guy got arrested. When he got into the jail, city
officer opened up his door.
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The guy just took off running. He falls 20 feet down
into our basement ramp gate on the secured side.
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So he was trying to escape
from jail and ended up in jail. Not only did he
land back in jail,
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but he broke both of
his wrists and his leg. [applause] -Ouch. -Before you jump, know
where you're jumping to.
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Some people just
seem irresistibly drawn to things they should
avoid, like a moth to flame.
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-Or a bug to a windshield. -Well, this story
forces you to ask the question, who
is the real dummy?
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-It's tonight's mind
numbing example of, We're Not Making This Up. [music playing]
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-Here in Boulder City, we have
a traffic enforcement dummy car that we set out in
certain areas of the city
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to hopefully slow down
traffic or detour speeders. I received a dispatch that
there was a couple of subjects
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out towards the new
light at Adams extension. They were messing with
our mannequin dummy car
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that we have out there. So I responded out there. And upon arrival, I found
a white pickup truck,
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four-wheel drive
Chevy pickup truck, stuck in the dirt median. I asked them to step to
the back of the vehicle.
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And I could smell that
they had been drinking. They were all standing back
at the back of the vehicle,
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by this point and just
having a good old time. And I asked them
what they were doing,
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and they said they
tried to flip a U-turn and they got stuck
in the dirt median.
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So I asked for another officer
to come, just to back me up. And upon his arrival, he noticed
in the bed of a pickup truck
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there, the head to our
dummy, Lieutenant Dan. Placed them all under arrest,
at this point in time.
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The funny part of the
story is that the truck was a four-wheel drive, and
they were so intoxicated
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that when they were
stuck in the dirt median, all they would
have had to do was put the truck in
four-wheel drive
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and they would have
been able to drive off. After recovering Lieutenant
Dan, myself and Officer Vibrant
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were able to perform
first aid on him. And we're happy to report that
he's back out on the streets
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of Boulder City detouring
traffic speeders. [applause] --[inaudible] and
I don't have legs.
00:19:00
Well, Sergeant Spanky, it's
time for the three of us to head on out. -You know, the pitiful
thing is this dummy's
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probably got a more
active social life than either one of us. -Wanna dance later, Debbie?
00:19:09
Come on. -Give us a week to cheer up. And we'll be back with more
far-fetched, yet true stories.
00:19:14
-If you can't wait, or you just,
you've got a lead on a story, visit our website, at
www.dumbcrimes.com.
00:19:20
-We appreciate you joining us. And we want to take
this opportunity to thank the officers who
helped us with tonight's show.
00:19:26
-Just like their colleagues,
every day they lay their lives on the line to keep us
safe from the stupidity
00:19:31
of would-be criminals. We appreciate your good work. -As always, we
hope that we've all
00:19:35
learned from others' mistakes. -But if you haven't, we
just might see you next week
00:19:40
on "America's
Dumbest Criminals". -Good-bye. [applause] [music playing]