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tonight on america's dumbest criminals it's not just what this guy's doing
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that's crazy it's where he's doing it get the cold hard facts on the nutty
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buddy behind the wheel of this ice cream truck and get the buzz from a stoner whose
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credibility goes up in smoke don't move don't inhale and don't touch
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that dial we've got the dope on the dopes who make up america's dumbest criminals
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[Music] [Applause] wow [Music] now welcome your host for adc daniel butler and debbie hour
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hey hey great to have you ride along with us today well i see you brought along a
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treat for the road yeah the ice cream man was just here you want a bike no thanks no thanks and you better be
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careful because i hope that suit's made of teflon i've seen you eat or cold well ice cream generally is
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daniel oh brain fruit oh you ate it too fast i think i'll just enjoy this peaceful
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moment and while i am here's the story of a thief who steals an ice cream truck
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which leads to a sticky situation caught on camera [Music] the ice cream truck driver claims he was
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a victim i think he pulled up thinking it was going to be like a regular deal like i'm going to sell this guy a snow
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cone and the next thing he knows he's being ice cream jacked so to speak the
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long and short of it is somehow he says he was taken hostage by a man who had a gun though i don't believe he ever saw
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the gun and made him drive all around the neighborhood with the bells ringing giving out free ice cream to people even
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he says allegedly was made to smoke crack he said he was in fear of his life you know he says i'm gonna kill you if
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you don't smoke it you know even when the perpetrator the bad guy left the ice
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cream truck and went up to talk with friends about crack deals and everything else where it seems like to most of us
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he'd have a clear way to get away he said he was here for his life and he couldn't go i guess the other guy claims
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that they were in cahoots with humanity it's his word versus the other guy's
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word and i think where police are skeptical is when the guy claims the ice cream truck driver claims that the
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alleged bad guy made him smoke crack because police say hey no crack dealer in the world is going to
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share their crack with anybody not even an ice cream truck so that story is not flying
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[Applause] now we turn to a man who is on the run with a k-9 unit on his trail yep he
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thought he could outsmart the dog but mentally speaking the pooch clearly had the upper paw we take you to ocala
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florida to find something to remember me by the bike guys tried to stop a vehicle
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for a traffic infraction and when they did the person that was driving let him on a little chase and he finally stopped
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and he got out and ran on foot and they called me to try to do a track with the dog
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we finally found him in between two houses i checked with my flashlight and found the person that we were looking
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for huddled up in a little ball and he didn't have any clothes on he said afterwards that he thought if he
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took all of his clothes off that the dog wouldn't be able to smell him [Music]
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drugs do strange things to the mind oh yeah yeah i knew a guy in college he stared at a lava lamp for two hours and
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swore he'd watch the movie the blob well we've got the story of a freaked
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out teenager who adds a smashing new twist to the concept of home theater take a look
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got dispatched to an accident where a car had run through a chain-link fence across the lawn and crashed into a house
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and i pulled up on the scene and sure enough the car's still sitting there you
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know and i walk up to it and the kid is still sitting behind the wheel and he's
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just frozen and he's staring at the side of this house and he's laughing and
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giggling into himself i take him out of the car and i handcuff him and he's high
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he's drunk i put him in the front seat of my car and i'm talking to him and i explained
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to him that he's under arrest and he won't believe me he's so high you know i
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show him my badge and say you know me i've arrested you before and he laughs
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and giggles and he thinks we're the drive-in movie he's taking some hallucinogenics and he just keeps
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laughing and giggling they have another cop show up to check on me because they haven't heard from me and when his red
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lights come through the window this kid says oh my gosh because the cops are here and he starts to get nervous he
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finally something registers that he's in trouble even though he's handcuffed and
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he realizes there's a cop outside the car so he tells me get my drugs out of
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my sock get my drugs out of my sock so i reach down and inside his sock there's a
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big wad of dope and i pull it out you know and i go back and say you know hey i'm a cop too and he laughs and says no
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just be cool so the other cop comes up and taps on the window to check on me and i roll down the window and ask me if
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everything's okay and i said yeah everything's fine and he takes off and
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this kid still doesn't hit me oh you did that good man you really threw that cop
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off he didn't know he had drugs or anything and he never did get the fact that i was a cop he was so high until
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later on he just thought he couldn't move his hands because he was so stoned
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and that we were sitting at a drive-in movie but the movie had a bad end for him needless to say
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in california animals are banned from mating publicly within 1500 feet of a tavern school and place of worship
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i don't know about you but i always feel just a little bit queasy when i place my
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car keys in the hand of a parking ballet especially when i hear squealing tires just after my car is driven out of sight
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well tonight we found a story of something that's a lot worse and a little better than that scenario it's a
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new twist on america's dumbest excuses [Applause] we had a gentleman that had just been
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released from the county jail paced back and forth in front of a guard that was there and then kept naming people and
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talking about how he needed a ride to get to work and just by luck some guy runs in to do some business and leaves
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his car unattended running he jumps in and takes off so the next thing we know the guy's
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reporting his car stolen we had a pretty good idea who might be responsible because he's the only person hanging
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around the jail everybody else that had been released left well i did a few phone calls and finally
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got a hold of him at work and told him he needed to come in for an interview well i get the individual in
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and he sits down and the first thing he says is that he didn't do it he took a
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bus home and i farmed him at 3 30 we don't have buses running in clayton and
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with that he basically admitted to taking the car and he then stated that he was upset that he had done it he was
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remorseful he decided to park the car at a gas station where it was well lit and
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it would be protected so nobody else stole the car and he also filled it with a tank of gas
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for the people and then went into the store and called them to make sure they could come get their car
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and at the end of the interview he reiterated and again wrote in his confession that he had filled it with a
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tank of gas and left it in a lit area so it wouldn't get stolen again and also made mention of the fact that
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he should have stuck with his bus story mark twain once said man is the only animal that blushes nor needs to there's
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an avalanche of embarrassment about to descend upon a poor guy captured on camera one wintry day in bellwood
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illinois see for yourself [Music] this swat team came up empty-handed when they searched a neighborhood for a
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suspect but they can't say that they wasted a drive because they got to see this
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ouch [Music] well since 10 officers of the law witnessed his little oopsie the driver
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of the snowplow figured he'd better pile out and see if he could set things straight
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so that's just what he does sheepishly returns to the scene of the crime okay
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here he goes straighten straighten that's close enough for governor you ever watch a press conference for a
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politician or a big company they usually choose a spokesperson who's articulate
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poised and well groomed while judging from the teenager who spoke on behalf of his partying buds standards are a little
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more shall we say relaxed my partner i got a call to a loud party disturbance call and this is a house
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that we're very familiar with we go to it several times a week the drug usage
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is high the minor consumption of alcohol is high so anyway my partner got up there and he said he had some kids
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scattering and running and called for more officers to show up as we show up they send their party spokesman out to
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talk to his name's leon he comes over to us and he wants to know while we're
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there harassing the party and i said well you know we're here for the drug use and i asked him i said you have any
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drugs on you absolutely not officer i don't use any drugs and he asked me the
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questions if you intend to imply that i use marijuana sir you're wrong well i kind of looked at my partner and
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he looked back at me and we smiled and drained a little bit because the whole time
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leon had been taking hits off his marijuana cigarette recently one of the local convenience
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stores was robbed well the individual had had his girlfriend stop at a side street right
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next to the convenience store drop him off he proceeded to go into the convenience
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store and had to pass the pay phones which are located outside this convenience store and a friend of
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his was on the telephone as he's coming after the convenience store he stopped
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to talk to this friend that was talking on the telephone all right have a good one
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the individual went inside the convenience store robbed the convenience store come back out of the store stopped and
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talked to his friend again and then went around the corner and got back in the vehicle with the girlfriend
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to drop him off we got the call that we had it was an armed robbery very very easy to find this individual
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all we had to do was just ask the gentleman's on the telephone he said yes i know that's the individual that robbed
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the place i just saw him he's a friend of mine he lives at this address and we went directly to the address and
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located this individual and now for a man who almost does as much for news as marv albert did for
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lingerie here's daniel with abc headlines [Applause] a research laboratory in pennsylvania
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found a great way to cut cost in conducting environmental studies for its 415 former clients
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they made up all the test results in fact the company didn't even own all the equipment required to conduct the
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studies when the bilked clients and the epa discovered that reports were routinely falsified and hazardous
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materials were disposed of improperly they grew dangerously testy marriages you know are supposed to be
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for better or for worse but one in illinois got off to a rock bottom start upon entering the courthouse to get
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married the groom was discovered to be carrying marijuana but the judge not wanting to stand in the
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way of true love presided over the marriage ceremony then he sentenced the groom on drug charges
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no word on how the happy honeymoon's going now three men were arrested in san francisco
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after they pelted the city's mayor in the face with pies as he delivered a speech although these three stooges
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claimed they were merely protesting the mayor's policy on homelessness the prosecuting attorney is pursuing charges
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of misdemeanor assault and battery in hopes that they will get their just deserved and that closes the file on abc
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headlines news rips from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper debbie billy crystal once explained the
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difference between a class clown and a class comedian he said that a class clown was the guy who would race across
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the school building naked the class comedian was the one who convinced him that it was a great idea
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we'll send in the clown for this week's special delivery naked guy comes into the police
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department he's been partying with his buddies all day naked buck naked walks up to the front desk flashes
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everybody yeah he shook just like that and runs out the front door he gets into a car and we have cameras
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around the police department the dispatcher as vigilant as she was zoomed in on it the license plate no not
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that the license plate his friends ben would come in and shake his things and he did all that
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it was a bear he did it on a bet and they had been drinking that night they didn't believe he'd go in and do it well
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he did they go over to the house they summons the guy we didn't actually physically arrest him we gave him a 68
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dollar ticket if he had the box to do that run into a police department naked we
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cut him a little break no pun intended little break [Laughter] while we're exposing the naked truth we
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streak from manchester connecticut to jacksonville florida where we find an officer who concentrates on the little
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details to make sure he gets his man take a peek toward the end of december 1st of january at the beaches it was
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extremely cold it was wind blowing off the ocean there was hardly anyone on the streets because it was so cold and
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somewhere around 1 30 2 o'clock the dispatcher gives us a call of a streaker
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it's a white male and he's wearing a stalking mask well another police officer who i work with always has to
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question for a little bit more information whenever he gets sent on a call and this particular incident after
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hq told us that we would look for a naked white male wearing a stocking mask the officer came up on the air and says
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what color is that mask now let's look back at one of adc's greatest hits
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and now actual surveillance cam footage from the dashboard of a trooper's car
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it's a brush with death we call citizens arrest this trooper just pulled over a car for
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a minor traffic violation on an interstate highway as he's ticketing the vehicle a pickup truck loses control
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the pickup truck brushed the trooper's left hip the rear view mirror slapped the trooper
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in the left shoulder but the trooper is not seriously hurt the pickup truck did not slow down or stop he fled the scene
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of the accident the people who had been stopped for the traffic violation were concerned about
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the trooper's safety but he was fine and back in his car within moments in pursuit of the dummy in the pickup
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fortunately a citizen driving on the interstate who saw the whole thing also gave pursuit
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moments later he had made a citizen's arrest this driver was dangerously dumb
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[Applause] [Music] [Applause] in jonesboro arkansas it's illegal to say oh boy
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overheard radio traffic the gentleman had been electrocuted this gentleman used an incredible poor judgment in what
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he attempted to do drank about five or six beers and then decided that he was going to cook his power back up to his
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residence had taken an aluminum ladder leaned it up on an energized pole once he got to the top of the aluminum
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ladder he still couldn't reach the transformer so he shimmied his way on up the power pole and sat on top of the
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disconnected transformer i took her piece of thin copper wire and attempted to use a jumper wire from transformer to
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the hotline and when he did he got the shock of his life he received about 7 620 volts of
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electricity hitting the ground possibly restarted his heart i can just see a warning on the side of
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beer cans from now on playing with power lines and drinking is not real good to your health
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it's not only an amazingly dumb thing for him to do he's also an amazingly fortunate person
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to still be alive farmers put grinders on their mules to keep them from getting distracted from
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the single purpose of moving straight ahead well tonight we find a man who plows into problems because his single
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vision is a bit too literal yeah strange but true it's tonight's cycloptic
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scenario for we're not making this up we had a juvenile he was working at a gas station and had
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been terminated for one reason or another that's a small community everybody in town knew him knew the
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people that worked there this individual was clinically blind in in one of his eyes about three months
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after his determination the place was robbed surveillance tape was taken from the
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scene we put the videotape in our machine we noticed that the individual that was committing the
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armed robbery had taken a knit cap and cut out one eye it wasn't too hard to narrow it down to a past employee
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with limited sight in one eye he was so concentrated on the fact that he was going to rob the place and needed
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to see that one eye he didn't take the time to think it might look good if he
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cut out the other item and we might not have caught him quite so fast he thought he was actually being smarter
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than your average robber and and hiding more of his face by only cutting out one
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eye well i hope we've all learned something tonight well yeah sure we learned two
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eye holes are better than one oh i hope we learned more than that well we also learned if you run around naked you end
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up on our show yeah the crooks on our show the cops on nypd blue yeah i think you're right about both there and you
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know what else i think what's that i think i'll come back next week for more
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dimwits on the loose well if you come back there's guaranteed to be one did we
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don't know he's doing the caffeine out there will join us too well and if you've got
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a lead on a story or you just can't wait till next week for more state-of-the-art
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stupidity visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com thanks again for tuning in and if you've
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had fun why not tell a friend friends don't let friends watch infomercials and we also want to express our special
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thanks for the officers who helped us out tonight they're representative of thousands of people in law enforcement
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who keep the bad guys at bay we appreciate everything you do as always we hope that we've all learned from
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others mistakes but if you haven't we just might see you next week on america's dumbest criminal goodbye
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[Music] wow [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]
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[Music] wow [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you