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tonight on america's dumbest criminals is this the mark of a fender bender or a
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new kind of hit-and-run shouldn't they have expected a half ton of trouble when they took their tailgate
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party on the road and in a pickup of another kind do you notice anything unusual in this
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surveillance video watch closely tonight as we huff and we puff and we blow the cover off of
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america's dumbest criminals [Music] wow [Music] now welcome your host for america's
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dumbest criminals daniel butler and debbie hour hi there hi welcome again to america's
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dumbest criminals yep we've got a great show so drop whatever you're doing and
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um just i'm really sorry excuse me i'm sorry yeah you know we're right in the
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middle of a tv show yeah go ahead go ahead hi yeah no yeah we just started okay once again
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we have scoured the country in search of profoundly foolish criminal acts sure to
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bring a smile to your face yeah kid two percent or skim damn daniel come on yeah uh love you too okay
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i'm sorry it was a very important call bruce my agent some people want me to do
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a thing all right either you do that thing or you be on america's dumbest excuses no no
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that's okay i'm sorry where were you go perennial all right i was about to
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introduce the first story all right go ahead that's good okay remember the aw
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you felt as you watched the first walk on the moon there were no words to describe what you felt well there are no
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words to describe the picture you're about to see so fortunately for us it was caught on camera
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well one mid morning in late october we received a report from a major um computer component manufacturing plant
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their security called us and said there was a suspicious person in their parking
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lot so of course we sent units out to the scene to check it out to our surprise once the officers got on
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the scene we found a man dressed in black bra black panties and a pink tutor not to mention high heels it was inside
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the parking lot they were checking out cars once our officers approached us man security and the police had to take foot
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pursuit to this man had to chase him through the parking lot uh outside the plant and they went to a residential
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neighborhood once the officers just about got up to the suspect he climbed over a wall and in doing so
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he broke the heel well of course our officers went around went through the house went to the yard and we arrested
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the man i guess the moral of the story as far as the way the guy was dressed was you must
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wear flats or tennis shoes don't wear heels but everyone's asked me why is he
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dressed like this i guess sometimes a guy just likes to feel pretty usually you go to a car lot and kick the
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tires when you're checking out a new vehicle well we found a situation involving a minivan that got out of hand
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and out of foot and it's indelibly marked as something to remember me by myself and another officer we responded
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to a local restaurant uh for a criminal damage to property report someone had kicked a van that belonged to the
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restaurant and left a rather large dent on the side of the band door we spoke to the owner of the restaurant
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the owner of the van and he advised us that just minutes prior he had engaged in an argument with a subject who had
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come into the restaurant they had his argument there was some swearing and hollering back and forth we went to the
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suspect's house spoke with him the suspect came to the door first thing i did was
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look at his shoes to see what kind of shoe he might be wearing unfortunately he wasn't wearing any shoes so he
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invited us into his house to talk about the matter he admitted being at the restaurant he admitted being
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engaged in his argument however he denied any involvement as a last resort i asked him what kind of shoes he was
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wearing when he went to the restaurant he brought me some work boots out of another room
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i took a look at the work boots and again with nothing else going for us i kind of paused for a second and told him
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that maybe a good idea if he put some clothes on come down to the station and talk to us because the shoe
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print on the van looks similar to the uh the boot that he gave me at which time he replied
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aha he said that's bull because i wasn't wearing these boots when i kicked the
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van but i was wearing these and he walked into the kitchen and brought me a new pair of sneakers which
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matched the shoe print on the van perfectly and he was subsequently arrested for picking the van and now
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he's kicking himself [Music] once upon a time americans look to radio to entertain them yeah yep and then we
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came along now i'm not much to look at but unlike radio at least i can move radio delivered great shows like the
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lone ranger fiber mcgee and molly and the shadow who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men well for the answer to
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that question we look to a surveillance camera hidden in an antique radio take a
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look instead operation we had a storefront a business where we put the word out on
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the street that we'll buy stereos and tvs and car stereo stuff like that and anybody can come in and just sell it
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to us and we had put cameras various cameras in the storefront and one of them which was in a uh
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a radio and this guy was one of the first customers we had in there he came right in there and i'm standing
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behind the counter he looks past me at the at the radio and points at it and says
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i know what that is which scared everybody i said what do you mean you know what
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that is i know exactly what that is and i said that's an antique whoa we looked at the radio he didn't
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know the camera we were happy after that [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]
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in prescott arizona it's illegal to ride your horse up the stairs of a county
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courthouse [Laughter] i suppose if you were in a real hurry you'd try riding your horse almost
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anywhere well our next offender was certainly in a hurry but you may find that you sympathize with this fellow
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more than most people caught breaking the law here's a heartfelt example of america's dumbest excuses
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one afternoon i was working traffic between oregograndi new mexico and el paso texas i pulled over a
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vehicle who was running extremely fast and the guy jumped out of the car he ran back to
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mine which startled me and he was just kind of like this and said officer please
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i've got to use a bathroom so bad if you will follow me into our granny to that
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standard gas station i'll take any tickets you give me please let me go to that gas station i said
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sure i'll follow you in so i followed him about 25 30 miles into our granny at speeds too fast to mention
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as soon as he jumped out of his vehicle he made a mad dash for the men's room
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with the standards he uh ran in shut the door and i walked up relatively close to the bathroom and i
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could hear and understand his problem about five minutes later he came back out with a very satisfied look on his
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face said officer i'm ready for those tickets now and i said partner been there done that
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this one's on me i fully understand your problem have a good day now i would like to recite a porn that i
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wrote at camp when i was but a boy goes something like this beans beans good for your heart
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gives police in pursuit a logical start i i may have messed up a few words but i
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think that was pretty close and it's pretty close to what happens in this blue light special
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[Music] five guys hungry guys decided to break into the deli here fifth street deli
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and steal about 35 pounds of food that was in separate containers they they went back out the same way they came in
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and had to duck under the broken glass door and in doing so they dumped the food trays across the street all the way
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to the steps of their house i came down to the deli met with the officers the witnesses
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they showed me the damage to the store and then they gave me the tour of the various food items that led from
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the deli across the street to the suspect's house the trail consisted of paper bags and
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pop cans of pop the main thing that we fought was this trail of beans all the way back to their
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house i then went back to the police department and prepared a search warrant for the residents since that's obviously
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where the suspects were and probably most of course some part of the food items themselves we went inside the
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house and asked them if they had seen or heard anything that went across the street last night of course
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they denied it when you're interviewing one of them had spilled the potato salad down in front of him
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and the other one had some amount of coleslaw or something in his hair you know it's quite obvious in the
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refrigerator was one of the large steel containers that contained the remnants of potato salad
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they had no explanation i mean they tried to point fingers at that point of time
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but based on what we found in the house which was the different food items it was a little bit difficult for us to
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believe that none of them were involved next time ishmael they call dominos they
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deliver okay maybe you've heard this joke before what do you call a bus full of lawyers
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going off a cliff that has just one empty seat a shame sorry to all my lawyer friends well our
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next story has all those elements except for the lawyers the bus and the cliff but there may have been room for one
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more person in the back of this truck bound for destiny take it away river oaks texas i get the call that we have
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an injury accident on the south side of town and i was closest motorcycle officer to it so i take the call and
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i get out of the fast lane five lanes each direction i got 100 miles an hour lights on siren
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going i looked in my rear-view mirror and here's his truck coming up behind me
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i looked on it i'm doing 100 miles an hour i looked mirrors again yep that truck is gaining on me and not only
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gaining was gaining quickly i looked down my strobe lights around i got a million candle power strobes facing each
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direction this guy's got to see me and i said he's coming up fast enough i'm
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worried that he's even going to run into me at this point in time so i look and i look and they get up
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behind me they're honking the horn honking horn they're waving their hands
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out the window and stuff like this they come around me on the right hand side and they're drinking beer and throwing
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cans out the window they wave and smile it's just unbelievable how this scenario went down i just couldn't
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believe it i called on the radio tell my supervisor on this patrol shift i said this is
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what's happening explaining the story and he said stay with us these folks here i'll get patrol officers take care
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of the accident for you it takes about five miles to get these guys off the side a little bit i thought
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it took a really dumb criminal to catch up with a police motorcycle hit a hundred miles an hour when that police
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motorcycle had his lights and siren on it was really unusual situation [Music] and now with news is a man who is to
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journalism what austin powers is the dentistry here's dan with adc headlines
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it took almost no work to flush out a man who repeatedly called 9-1-1 to complain that his toilet was overflowing
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and flooding his home he called seven times demanding that a deputy be dispatched to his house well he got his
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wish and a citation for abusing the response system nine minutes after being freed for
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serving a five to fifteen year sentence an ohio man was bounced back behind bars
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the reason his irritable buddy who picked him up his chum threatened to guard then drove
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off with mr newly paroled in a stolen vehicle then when police stopped the car they discovered the driver was an ex-con
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with a suspended license all right well because the paroled man wasn't supposed to associate with anyone
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who had a criminal background both landed in jail after nine minutes when a columbia tennessee woman returned
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to her home late one night she found a window broken out of her door and a stranger sleeping on her floor
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according to reports he was so intoxicated that he didn't even wake up when an officer arrived the responding
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officer was quoted as saying we like to catch him this way passed out really makes our job a lot easier
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and that closes the file on abc headlines news rips from somewhere near the back of your local newspaper debbie
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[Music] she said that she knew everybody in the police department in bristol township
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pennsylvania but if that were true why did this lady of the evening do what she did it provides a perplexing chapter
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in the feature we call special delivery this case involves the apprehension of a prostitute our
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undercover officers had been monitoring an area where prostitutes frequently loitered and engaged in conversation
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with motorists three undercover officers actually pulled up next to a woman who was walking down the street they
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suspected that she was a prostitute and they engaged in conversation they asked her if she wanted to party she said
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certainly and she entered a vehicle with three undercover police officers okay yeah we're going to have a good time and
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they start negotiating in the price for their prostitution related activities one of the three officers who was inside
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the vehicle was actually wearing a police badge and when the suspected prostitute entered the vehicle he
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actually had to conceal it she doesn't realize it but they are driving right to the bristol township
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police station they continue to talk as they travel as they are pulling into the
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police station she is actually laughing with the undercover officers and she remarks that i know a lot of people who
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work undercover here well she is in the car with three undercover officers they pull right up to the back door of our
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police station the gig is up or she is placed under arrest but she laughed enjoyed the trip
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negotiated a price with three officers who actually drove her right to the bristol township police department
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as i vividly demonstrated earlier the great thing about cell phones is that people can always get you and as you're
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about to see the bad thing about cell phones is that people can always get you see what i mean
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we had two of our deputies were chasing a bad guy through the woods they momentarily lost sight of him he had
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laid down in the brush and they couldn't find him and they were sitting there
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trying to figure out which way to go and how to how to find him when the bad guy's cell phone rang so they were able
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to find him in the woods they even heard him saying hello on the phone talking on
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the phone so they were able to find him and arrest him now let's look back at one of abc's
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greatest hits from the year 1997 now actual hidden surveillance cam footage of an above average crime
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here we see our dumb criminal he's doing a drug deal there the hat is off the
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drug deal is done the officers are closing in now the dump criminal flicks the drugs right at the arresting officer
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now he flashes his innocent smile who me now he appears to make himself look larger to scare away the four men with
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loaded weapons let's see that again on instant slow-mo replay there he flicks the drug almost hitting
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the officer the officer has him out of the car there's the innocent smile and
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now he's going to appear to become larger is he five feet tall is he six feet tall no he's seven and a half feet
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tall but i think he can kiss that basketball scholarship goodbye unless of course
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he's going to the sec in this surveillance cam footage an officer proves you can't count on the
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dumb criminal who can't count this is a hidden camera of a drug deal going down the man on the left is an
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undercover narcotics officer the man on the right is a dumb criminal unfortunately the dumb criminal is the
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one counting the money outside eight swat team members are ready to make the arrest as soon as this
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dumb criminal finishes counting his money okay he lost his place again now as soon
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as this man finishes counting the money the swat team will move in okay okay now
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i think he's finished counting the money yes okay he appears to be leaving now the swat team comes in
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forcing him to use a calculator in hood river oregon juggling is strictly prohibited without a license
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we had a call one night we got there and it was involving two shims and shims are
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two guys that dress and act like girls and we get there the one she's complaining that she wants him out
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because he was using drugs and everything so we asked him where the drugs were her drugs
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right around that corner right there so we go out there and we look can't find
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it come back and we say are you sure he goes officer i swear her drugs are over there because mine are inside
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you're drugs we go in there sure enough we lift up the bay and there it is there's drugs we got pop we got his
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crack cocaine everything right there underneath we didn't get the other guy because the other guy threw all his out
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we couldn't find it over there but she sure enough gave us hers we don't usually do sweet stories on
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this show personally i like them but you know old blood and guts debbie now she's always clamoring for bigger
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crashes more shootouts sleazier by squad sting she's a dictator like a little
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napoleon only shorter i mean i don't think you're buying this are you well
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okay all right being an old softie i lobbied for this story instead of taking you to the mean streets tonight we're
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taking a stroll down sesame street it's a cute little addition to we're not
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making this up [Music] i was dispatching one day and 9-1-1 rang i answered 9-1-1 emergency a little boy
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was on the other end crying and he was frantic saying the garbage cans on fire the garbage cans on fire and he hung up
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on me so i called back and his mom answered and i explained what had happened asked
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if everything was okay and she said i'm so sorry he's watching sesame street and oscar's garbage can is
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on fire so there's not a problem in the house it was on sesame street [Music]
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i love a happy ending oh me too and we have an opportunity to give our viewers one now if we say our goodbyes right now
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well thanks so much for joining us tonight if you've got a lead on a story or you just can't wait till next week
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for more state-of-the-art stupidity visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com we want to thank you for joining us and
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extend our gratitude to the law enforcement officers who make the show possible every day they lay their lives
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on the line to keep us safe from the stupidity of would-be criminal as always we hope that we've all learned from
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others mistakes but if you haven't we just might see you next week on america's dumbest criminals
00:19:40
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] wow [Music] [Applause] [Music] you