00:00:07
NARRATOR: This is
an ADC Warning. The crimes you are
about to see are true. Only the names were changed
to protect the ignorant.
00:00:14
[theme music] Tonight on "America's
Dumbest Criminals," you'll see a 10-year cab
ride, a dumb criminal who
00:00:42
uses his head, and a criminal
who has a very bad payday. These are just a few of
America's dumbest criminals.
00:01:02
Hi, and welcome to the show. I'm Daniel Butler. What makes a dumb criminal dumb?
00:01:07
Well, we know that
drugs, alcohol, greed and just old bad luck are
all contributing factors.
00:01:13
But what really makes a dumb
criminal dumb is not thinking. And tonight, we've got a
cell block full of crooks
00:01:19
who were brain dead
before arrival. These guys are America's
dumbest criminals. Our first story is about a
burglar who breaks in and then
00:01:29
has to use his
head to break out. About 18 years ago, I received
a burglar call to a Quick Mart.
00:01:37
The whole service station had
been made into a Quick Mart. Got there and right at the base
of the window was a small hole.
00:01:43
My backup car said there ain't
no way anybody got in there, and said, we're going to leave.
00:01:49
And what had crawled-- the
suspect had crawled in. It was a rather small hole. Didn't appear that anybody
couldn't have gotten in.
00:01:57
I decided that I would
just ease back and wait. I was waiting on
the elder to come
00:02:03
down and check
his building, too. I just had that feeling
somebody was in there.
00:02:08
That second intuition, I guess. So about 45 minutes later, I see
a young criminal stick his head
00:02:15
out from the storage
room in the back. And he's looking all around like
he's looking for the police.
00:02:20
He knows we're already gone. But I'm not already gone. So his arms loaded
down with probably
00:02:26
20, 25 cartons of cigarettes. And he lowers his
head and starts running as fast as he can, going
to run through the front door,
00:02:33
which is a plate glass window. The only thing is
it has that push bar across the center of it.
00:02:40
He hit the push bar, knocked his
self out, and fell backwards. And he was knocked out
until the owner of the store
00:02:47
got there and opened
up the door and I was able to go and handcuff him. He wanted to know
where he was at then.
00:02:55
NARRATOR: Some of
these criminals are unconscious,
especially that guy. In New Jersey, it used to
be against the law for women
00:03:04
to wear sharp pointed
hair barrettes, but it was legal to
wear dead ferrets. Next, we go to Las Vegas,
where Caroline Green
00:03:13
has a story for us
about a jewel fool. -We had an elderly lady
come into the station.
00:03:19
She appeared to be about 75. She was accompanied
by a gentleman who appeared to
be in his mid 30s.
00:03:29
-I'd like to report
my jewelry stolen. -She just needs to
collect insurance. I just drove her.
00:03:35
-Sir. -At each of our
complaint desks, we have a sign that says
one person per desk
00:03:41
because of the space
accommodations. She stated she wanted to
report her jewelry stolen.
00:03:49
So one of the office staff
proceeds to begin the report. The usual-- your
name, your address,
00:03:56
when did it happen,
what's missing? -Well, there were two
diamond rings, one of them
00:04:02
was appraised at $1,500. That was my mother's. -When we got to the
suspect information part,
00:04:11
they asked if she knew the name. Yes, she did. Where did he live? She gave the address.
00:04:16
The clerk just ears
kind of perked up, and she said, on
into the report, do you know where
this gentleman is now?
00:04:25
And she said, yes I do. -As a matter of fact, I do. He's sitting right over there.
00:04:31
-And it was, wait a minute. Your suspect accompanied
you to the station to report the loss of thousands
of dollars worth of jewelry.
00:04:43
Yes. -Ms. Birdsong, what
did you tell them? He was taken into custody,
admitted the theft.
00:04:48
-He didn't think
I knew, but I did. -But it was a little
unusual for a suspect to accompany the victim
to file the crime report.
00:04:59
-Oh, I guess I'll need a
ride home now, officer. -It was most unusual. NARRATOR: ADC quiz number 911.
00:05:11
The largest haul of marijuana
ever seized by the US Drug Enforcement Administration
occurred in February 1982.
00:05:18
How much pot did they get? Was it A, 3,200 tons? B, 5,050 tons? Or C, a whole lot more, man,
than anybody's ever seen?
00:05:28
The correct answer
was A, 3,200 tons, which is also sort
of the same as C. Coming up on "America's
Dumbest Criminals,"
00:05:38
a guy who takes a cab ride and
the meter is still running. Welcome back. And now, further proof
that drinking and thinking
00:05:54
don't mix. -Got a call to a
house one evening. This cab driver, I
met this cab driver,
00:06:01
and the cab driver said, the
guy in the house just robbed me. So I took down this physical
description and all,
00:06:07
and I said, how do you know
it's the guy in the house? He said, well, first of all,
I picked him up at the tavern.
00:06:12
And he said the guy
was pretty intoxicated. And so then he wanted
me to take him home
00:06:17
and I brought him out here. He said-- I asked him
for the money and-- -I said that would be $5.
00:06:25
-Oh, $5. Just send me in, man. You know what? I don't have my money with me. I have to go into my
house and get my money.
00:06:34
I'll be back just--
just a minute. Don't move. -I was a little bit leery
of that, but he said,
00:06:41
I really didn't
have any recourse. You know, here's the guy
and here's the house.
00:06:44
And he said the guy
went in the house, and he said he staggered in and
stayed there about two or three
00:06:49
minutes and he
staggered back out. And he said, give
me all your movie. I said, well, you're crazy.
00:06:56
I want your money. Enough for the cab fare. And he stuck a gun
in my face, he said,
00:07:00
I don't have any
money in the house, so I'm going to have
to take your money. So he said that he robbed me
and went back in the house
00:07:06
and he's in the house now. So I knocked on the door
and never did get an answer.
00:07:12
I knocked again,
the door was open, and I could see him in there. I said, is this the guy?
00:07:17
The cab driver looked
through the door and he said, yeah, that's him. -Yeah, that's the
man who robbed me,
00:07:21
and that's my
money on the table. -I said, well, we'll just
go and get him, then.
00:07:25
We've got positive ID. He got 10 years out of that. NARRATOR: What originally
would have cost
00:07:34
him $10.00 now
cost him 10 years. In Tennessee, it used to be
against the law for a frog
00:07:41
to croak after midnight,
but huge snails could squeal all night long. You'd think that
even a dumb terminal
00:07:50
would be able to spell
his own name, but nope. -Working a robbery detail
and saw this guy acting very
00:07:56
suspicious around
one of the stores, so I waited until he
came by some bushes and snatched him
off the road there
00:08:01
and asked him what's his name. -Randall Michael Huddleston. I'd like to check for stops on
a Randall Michael Huddleston.
00:08:12
-Well, I ran records
and there was an outstanding warrant on him. So I said, well, we're going
to have to go to the station.
00:08:18
-Going to have to go downtown. On the hood. Spread your legs out. -Listen, officer.
00:08:28
My name is really
Roland Ephraim Blair. -So I went and
pulled his record, and sure enough, there was an
outstanding warrant on him,
00:08:35
as well. I said, now, what is your name? -Roland Ephraim Blair. -I said, well,
spell that for me.
00:08:41
-R-o-l-a-n-d. -Now the middle one. -Ephraim? E- f-- E-- well, I
don't use it much.
00:08:59
It's my mama's name-- -Oh, yeah. -And I just call her Mama. -And that was his name.
00:09:08
NARRATOR: Well, it's his name. He can misspell it
any way he wants to. And now, actual
surveillance cam footage
00:09:14
of a convenience store
robbery we call "Slip Up." We apologize for the poor
quality of the video,
00:09:21
but the stupidity
quality is very good. In the upper left hand corner,
this convenience store clerk
00:09:26
is mopping the floor
when a customer enters. He returns to his counter
and the dumb criminal remarks
00:09:34
that you wouldn't want
anyone slip on that floor. Now the clerk is behind
the counter on the right
00:09:43
and the dumb criminal makes
a purchase of some gum and pays for it. The clerk rings it up
and opens the register.
00:09:51
Now at this point, look closely. The dumb criminal pulls a knife,
but the knife is not open.
00:09:58
But he does point it at
the clerk and threaten him. He insists that the clerk
open the cash register,
00:10:04
but the clerk doesn't
take him seriously, so then the dumb criminal
puts the unopened knife
00:10:08
in his jacket and
pretends like it's a gun. The clerk still
isn't buying this. So now the dumb criminal
pulls out the knife-- again
00:10:16
unopened-- insisting that the
clerk open the cash register. Now he decides to get serious.
00:10:21
He comes around the counter
and opens the knife. The clerk insists that the man
leave the building before he
00:10:26
gets into a lot of trouble, but
now he's swiping at the clerk. Unfortunately, he feigned the
clerk off towards the deli
00:10:36
counter where the
clerk picks up a bigger knife-- a butcher
knife, in fact. Now a small sword fight
ensues between the pen
00:10:44
knife and the butcher knife. The clerk refuses
to open the register and insists that the man leave.
00:10:53
Now the clerk gets a trash can. The man is beating on
the electronic register. Finally, he decides to flee.
00:11:03
But first, he decides to take
a huge, heavy electronic cash register. He didn't unplug it, though.
00:11:11
Watch the cord now as it spools
out, hitting the wet floor. Bam, our dumb criminal
takes it on the rear.
00:11:20
Yep, he just busted his back. He ran out of store
with the register and the police found
him in the vacant lot
00:11:26
next door still
trying to open it. In our opinion, this
is the dumbest crime ever caught on
surveillance camera.
00:11:35
Now, let's go to
Decatur, Illinois, where we're about to
catch a criminal who got his hands on some cold cash.
00:11:40
A burglar had broken into a
home in a quiet neighborhood and taken a couple
hundred dollars
00:11:45
in coins that were
kept in the freezer. Not much to go on,
until the officer stopped at a gas station.
00:11:52
-Now, funny you should mention. A guy came in here
the other day. It was cold. I mean, I didn't
think much about it,
00:12:00
but-- other than that-- -Thank you. NARRATOR: The very
next day, the guy with the cold quarters
stopped back by the market.
00:12:11
Turns out he lived
in the neighborhood. The amazing thing was the
quarters were still cold.
00:12:17
That meant that he was
storing them in the freezer, I guess thinking
that the quarters
00:12:21
might melt if he took them out. The clerk simply took
down the license number, a warrant was issued
that afternoon,
00:12:29
and the thief was
picked up at his house one block down the street. -Yeah, Detective-- Ken
Thompson at the market--
00:12:38
-You'd think he'd have waited
a few minutes for the money to warm up or driven
five blocks away for gas,
00:12:43
but he didn't think
at all, did he? NARRATOR: In Texas, it used to
be against the law for a woman
00:12:49
to pull up her
stockings in public. But oddly enough, she could
legally ride a horse naked.
00:12:57
Now, inside the courtroom
for trial and error. A police officer describes
an attempted bank robbery
00:13:03
where the criminal
broke in and stayed in. -Officer Huddleston, -Yes, sir. -Is there a witness who
saw the actual person
00:13:09
who broke into the bank? -No, sir, but-- -Yes or no will suffice. Is there any surveillance
camera footage
00:13:15
of the actual perpetrator? -No sir, but the defendant-- -Thank you. Then on what basis do
you charge my client?
00:13:21
-Well, sir, he broke
into the basement, he couldn't get the money,
and he couldn't get back out.
00:13:27
So I guess that's when he
figured out he should call 911. NARRATOR: Coming up
later, a dumb criminal
00:13:38
signs his confession
with spray paint on "America's
Dumbest Criminals." Next, a dumb terminal
flags down a police officer
00:13:55
to get a lift that winds
up being a ride to jail. -Well, actually he was flagging
a car down in the middle
00:14:00
of the street in
a known drug area. So I go over and I said, come
here, let me talk to you.
00:14:05
I said, what are you
doing flagging cars down in the middle
of the street? He says, no, Officer, I'm
just trying to get a ride.
00:14:10
I was trying to get a ride. I said, you know that's
disorderly contact, stopping traffic like that.
00:14:17
Then he gives me
this lame excuse that he wants to go
to Salvation Army and that's why he's
flagging down this truck.
00:14:22
-I know, Officer, I was
just trying to get a ride and I'll be about my business,
Officer, I promise you.
00:14:25
-I can give you a ride. -All right, OK. -I'll have to search you before
I can put you in the car.
00:14:30
He said, OK, Officer, fine. Got this matchbox up
here in this park. I said, I'm going to have to
check this because back then,
00:14:36
drug dealers were known to
put crack rocks in matchboxes. Opened up the matchbox
and there's the crack.
00:14:44
So basically, what he did was
he gave me reasonable suspicion, probable cause,
consent to search.
00:14:52
It's almost like he
wrote his own arrest report to go to jail. NARRATOR: That's
what can happen when
00:14:57
the criminals start
pulling over the police. In Alabama, it used to be
against the law for a person
00:15:06
to crawl on the street, but it
was legal to slide in a swamp. And now, it's show
time when the Las Vegas
00:15:15
Police Department
goes Hollywood. -I approached my captain and
the police administration
00:15:24
and asked them to
give me an opportunity to do a graffiti sting involving
a movie production company that
00:15:31
was fabricated by
undercover officers. And they gave the go ahead. What the operation
involved was to set up
00:15:39
a warehouse and a movie
production company and then send out flyers
asking for graffiti artists
00:15:46
that are tagging in Las Vegas. And our goal was to get some
of the higher up taggers
00:15:52
that we did not
get at an earlier operation about
four months earlier. And in a two-week period,
we had 57 phone calls
00:16:00
of interested artists that were
high profile that showed us what they did in our studios--
their art work, if you
00:16:09
could say, or their vandalism. And our undercover officers
acting as a producer and director would
immediately ask these vandals,
00:16:19
we want you in our picture,
but we need to see your artwork outside on the
walls of Las Vegas.
00:16:24
And we had undercover officers
acting as production assistants and took our undercover
officers out and showed us
00:16:30
where they had tagged
all over Las Vegas. And then other officers
acting as investigators went
00:16:36
and assessed these
areas, photographed it, put damage amounts to it. And at the end of
the operation, we
00:16:42
ended up arresting 28
juveniles with an estimated $150,000 worth of damage. -Come on, let's get
your face up here.
00:16:51
-Baby, this is it. Baby buzz. NARRATOR: Now he can decorate
his own walls in jail.
00:16:57
And now, actual
surveillance camera footage of a dumb
criminal candidate. Is this woman a dumb criminal?
00:17:03
It's difficult to
tell because she's shielding her face to
cover her identity. Let's look closely now.
00:17:08
Watch her carefully. Yep, she is. Welcome back. Now, a robber
fleeing from a bank
00:17:26
unexpectedly runs into
some people on their way to the bank. -One morning, we
had a bank robbery.
00:17:32
I was working patrol headed
toward that direction, and lo and behold, the
criminal went right by me.
00:17:37
He just nails it and takes off. Of course, I was right behind
him, took off right after him.
00:17:43
He barely makes it
through an intersection-- a busy, busy intersection. He slid through that
intersection, barely missed
00:17:51
t-boning another car,
then took off again. Little did he know
that it was pay day
00:17:56
and at the next
major intersection we have six officers waiting
there to get their paychecks.
00:18:03
[crashes] Needless to say,
traffic was back up at the light, thank God. And he couldn't stop, so he
rear-ended a car-- I mean,
00:18:14
nailed it good. Jumped out of his car, threw
the money under his car, and took off around a business.
00:18:20
He comes around that building
back out to the street and there are four officers
there waiting for him.
00:18:27
NARRATOR: You know what they
say-- timing is everything. You know, we couldn't
have done this show
00:18:33
without the cooperation
of the men and women of law enforcement
across America. We'd like to thank them for
their time, their dedication,
00:18:40
and for making our
lives a lot safer. And we learned that cops
are just people, too.
00:18:45
With one exception--
they're willing to lay down their lives for us.