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hi i'm daniel butler welcome to another edition of america's dumbest criminals
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[Music] [Applause] do [Music] on this episode of america's dumbest criminal tigers get lights camera busted
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give me the money a gutsy gal tries applying herself this is really stupid a crook gets all
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dressed up [Music] and you want butter on your fingers hey man you wanna buy some crack the
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laughs just keep coming on this week's episode of america's dumbest criminals
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here's your host daniel butler usually graffiti taggers work under the cover of night defacing public property
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as discreetly as possible however some clever cops in san jose california figured out a way to lure these taggers
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into the light in the spotlight actually police set up a fake film production company and sent out flyers which
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invited the taggers to appear in a documentary on their illegal art form a trip to hollywood was even offered as
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a bonus avoiding entrapment by asking their subjects not to paint and just show them
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their previous works the officers slash cameramen were quite surprised when many
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of their stars began spraying the wall anyway the on-camera ad-libbing resulted in 31 arrests as the documentary turned
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into a giant game of kick the can perhaps dizzy from the fumes one disappointed youngster asked a pressing
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question in the police station so does this mean i'm not going to la [Music]
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our next story comes to us from the kerry north carolina police department a woman had come into the shop earlier and
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filled out a job application she returned a short while later but not to see if the job had been filled but
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rather to empty the till as soon as the woman left with her unearned wages the counterman called the
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cops i'm calling from the coffee shop down at the mall here listen we just got
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robbed some gal came in she filled out an application here she's uh she actually left her dress on it with all
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the vital information in the hands of the police the woman was soon apprehended and charged with attempted
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robbery as it turned out the woman needed the money to bail her husband out of jail
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for violating parole but now they're together again in prison ain't love grand
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[Music] officer carl traber recounts how he was able to get two dumb criminals to call
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the kettle black my partner and i we work in wheelchair division traffic and of course
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friday night you look for drunk drivers we got out there about 11 o'clock that's
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when we started our shift and we were going northbound on pico and we spotted a car pulled him over said my goodness
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we got hardly out of the station already got a drunk driver and he was pretty pretty breeze house put the cops on put
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him in the back seat and while we were checking out the car and everything another car came by almost hit us so we
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chased after him not a drunk driver so we put him in the back seat while we were in route to the station is
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one drunk looked at the other and said you mean to tell me you were driving as drunk as you are
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so the other guy said you you have to talk i mean i wouldn't be driving it might be as drunk as you are and the one
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guy said if i would be as strong as you i would have to drive i couldn't even
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walk and we actually used them on the police report as witnesses against each other
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this dumb criminal decided to pick up a few things at a local hardware store after it closed unfortunately he forgot
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to grab one last item before he left the building you can see our sneaky snatcher
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as he casually carries items in and out of the back door of the business they probably would have made a clean getaway
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except for one little hitch when police arrived on the scene they immediately noticed a piece of paper
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that had been used to jam the door open during the robbery ah look at this can you believe that let me let me call
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it in it turned out to be a traffic ticket issued to the american bungalow earlier
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that day complete with his name address and car tag [Music] what will you do if your new vcr breaks
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down after a year or so well it's no problem if you have the good sense to get an extended warranty
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however in this case good sense turned out to be just plain nonsense it all started in a pittsburgh electronics
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store after two men presented credit cards to buy over two thousand dollars worth of high-grade goods well why not
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enjoy the comfort of extended warranty coverage you only have to fill out a simple form
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and our two clever consumers proceeded to do just that however there were only a couple of glitches in the transaction
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number one the credit card they had just used to make their purchase was hot uh can i get you to fill out a couple of
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warranties for the uh yeah yeah number two they filled in their real names and addresses on the
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warranty forms the credit card had been reported stolen just that morning to quote a police officer on the scene
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somewhere in this world two villages are missing their idiots i'm daniel butler and this is the lovely
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the luminous beaumont bacon thank you daniel you're welcome in new hampshire
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two guys stole the safe from a friend's house and made off with it in a wheelbarrow for safekeeping not very
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their little plan hit a bump tipping it over and sending the safe crashing to the ground
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yeah they panicked when they were spotted by a woman across the street so they quickly picked the safe up carried
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it behind the wall and buried it how far six feet under how far close under a pile of leaves actually
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it must have taken the police hours to really dig and blow away all those leaks oh i'm sure it did with the woman's help
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though the police caught them quickly and piled the rakish rogues into a cell for questioning well why didn't they
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just hide the safe in a fog bank speaking of banks this crafty criminal in fort lauderdale decided to take a
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taxi to rob a bank however the bank was closed so he told the driver to take him
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to another one and wait for him to cash a check and come back out the driver figured that this was the
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goons way of sneaking out on paying his fare so he called into the bank on his cell phone and told him to let him know
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if the guy tried to slip out yeah bank robbers have been known to be slippery in the past this robber though he
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returned to the cabin instructed him to drive quickly to his next destination as
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they were pulling away the bank called the cab driver on his cell phone and let him know about the robbery and that the
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police would be stopping by to pay his fare a little visit which they did a few minutes later wait so the cabbie ended
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up not getting paid anyway well i'm sure that he was able to do a little shopping
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with the reward money that he got oh good for him which brings us to our favorite part of this segment
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of the week from all of the stories we received this one is our favorite an officer made a routine traffic stop and
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noticed a strong smell of wacky tobaccy as the driver rolled down his window a quick search of the car produced a bag
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of marijuana and the goof was put in the back of the cruiser for the long ride downtown well crook kept himself busy
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during the trip when the officer took the guy out of the cruiser he noticed a wadded up piece of paper left behind on
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the back seat where the guy had been sitting when they also removed the little bundle of joy there was white
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powder on the seat and powder spilling out of the wadded up paper i bet it wasn't baby powder well it was just big
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baby powder the crook tried to deny that it was his until the officer pointed out
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that the powder was wrapped in a traffic citation that the goon had gotten a week
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earlier why pay those citations when you can carry them around to wrap your drugs
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at them yeah really probably even keep my vitamins fresh you know i have to get a lot of parking tickets
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though [Music] there are certain things that you don't want to wake up from a nap a bear an
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ex-girlfriend or a cop two burglars were busy as bees filling the back of their car and didn't seem to
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notice the police cruiser parked right across the street our napping night shift officer heard
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the commotion looked out of his window and witnessed the stupidity going on right in front of him
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so he did the neighborly thing he got himself all gussied up and gave his new neighbors a little housewarming present
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right there huh you guys do them neighbors house give me that camera a free ride down to the station
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dumb criminals know a lot about putting their foot in their mouths but this next
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buffoon topped them all by putting his foot in his mouth and then practically swallowing it in a court of law no less
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in oklahoma city a man on trial for armed robbery had fired his lawyer and was doing a pretty decent job of
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defending himself until he came up against a hostile witness can you tell me exactly where you were on the night
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of july 17th you know where i was and you know and i know that you did that's
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a lie that's a lot i should have shot you that night when i was there if your honor i was there of course if
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he didn't win the case a man walked into this palm beach restaurant one afternoon and ordered a
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vodka a plate of lemon slices and sugar this sounded strange but not as unusual as his next request do you mind if i cut
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my money yeah i guess okay thanks man [Music] the counting crow then pulled out about
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ten thousand dollars and began arranging it neatly on the table in front of him the waiter got the drink in lemons and
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then made a quick call to the local police yeah yeah that'll be amazing officers arrived and arrested the sour
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purse who it turned out had just finished robbing two small banks a few blocks away
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needless to say the waiter didn't get a tip [Music] people go to the movies to be
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entertained even dumb criminals but sometimes you'll find a really dim bulb who wants to light up the marquee and
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get into the action himself give me the money in lebanon indiana an ex-con went to the local theater and perhaps
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depressed by the coming attractions demanded a jumbo bucket of hot money from employees
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police think he asked for extra butter because the sap tried to give them the slip before he even left the building
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cursing a blue streak out the door it didn't take long for the authorities to
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track down colonel slanders and arrest him is this the guy that you uh call about
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with the money in the popcorn bag yes yeah is this uh does that look like the amount of money exactly like yes all
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right great anyway let me take him outside i'll put him in the car i'll be
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right thank you some of you may have heard of the five-fingered discount or in layman's
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terms shoplifting well let's take a look at this gift-giving grifter who decided to try
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her luck and go for 10. a victorville woman had stolen a part for her husband's car to give to him as
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a birthday present unfortunately she stole the wrong model but told him that she'd exchange it the
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next day for the correct one opting to bypass customer service she sneaked gift number one back to its
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shelf snatched its replacement and that's when she was snagged by store security missed
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you see that camera right there we watched everything you've done that should teach your husband to always
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look a gift horse in the mouth there's an old adage that a criminal always returns to the scene of the crime
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but usually not the way these two did it happened in meridian mississippi late one sunday night two yen broke into a
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restaurant made off with all the cash and books of gift certificates the ambience at the restaurant must have
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been quite compelling because two days later the same two knuckleheads came back for dinner
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and to add insult to injury they tried to pay for the meal with some of the stolen gift certificates
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they were easily recognized and arrested now like their crustacean counterparts the guys are in a tank of their own
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downtown some people just won't take no for an answer like this dumb driver in los angeles
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officers pulled over a guy after he ran a red light and found out that he was driving without a valid license after
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his arrest he and his car were picked up down at the station by a relative less than half an hour later the same
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officers were out on patrol and noticed a car pull up beside them at the light i
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can't believe this guy the same guy who they had just arrested was driving the same car he was just as
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surprised as the officers beside him and was arrested again this time he was in double trouble his
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car was impounded and he was incarcerated [Music] sometimes in life when you do a good
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deed you're rewarded in some positive way in the future this officer must have been in the
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karmic express lane an officer from portsmouth virginia decided to be a good samaritan when he encountered a drunk
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and opted to give the guy a lift home rather than a trip down to the station however as he was about to pull away
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another man jumped into the passenger seat hey man come on buy some crack yeah get in although the officer was in plain
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clothes his badge was clearly in sight and his gun was on his belt even his radio was broadcasting police call and
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there you are oh come on man come on the officer then took the confused crackhead for a little wheeling
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and dealing down at the station the footage we are about to see is from an in-store closed-circuit security
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camera now what makes this footage stand out from the average caught on tape fare
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well it's not just that we see our stupid suspects in plain sight no it's
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not even the fact that they thought destroying the camera would also destroy the tape machine located in another room
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it's the fact that the very next day one of these morons showed up at the police
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station for an unrelated charge wearing the same chicago bulls jacket and cap he
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wore in the robbery the officer who had taken the initial police report and watched the
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surveillance tape was working that day and instantly recognized the perp arresting him on the spot and that's no
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bull [Music] we hope you've learned one thing this week for every dumb crime there's an
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even dumber criminal just waiting to bungle right here on america's dumbest criminals
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[Music] huh wake up oh man on the next episode of america's dumbest criminal open
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the video debut of roller bullies a motorhome mad man takes a short trip a drunk driver tries breaking a habit
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a dumb doper in monkey nazi monkey doom all this and more on the next episode of
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america's dumbest criminal hey give me your money we have a lot of traffic warrants in los
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angeles uh thousands and thousands of traffic wars and of course the suspects the violators
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they realize that if you come to the house and you say are you mr wilson all they have to say is no
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and unless the police officer has independent knowledge that this is mr wilson we can't arrest him and when we
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ask him for id he says i don't have any so what are you gonna do so i devised
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something with my partner what we did is i said that we had a warrant for example
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for roy wilson went to the address knocked on the door and said police officer mr uh are you mr
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bill johnson he says no oh wait a minute now it says here 52 fourth avenue uh he says no i'm not bill johnson i
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said the physical description you fit the description he says no i'm not bill
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johnson so i said can you prove that you're not bill josh i said of course i have a
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driver's license let's see of course the driver license said roy wilson i said oh
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roy wilson you know we happen to have a warrant for roy wilson also and so it worked pretty good uh we got him on
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that one so it was it was kind of fun you didn't have to fight the guy you know and he did go to jail and obviously
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that's our job to arrest the violators as i told you i retired from the los angeles police department in 84 and i
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joined the los angeles community college district as a police officer and we had kind of a interesting experience
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there unfortunately we had a lot of break-ins in the men's locker room and the victims were mostly the football
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players who when they go practice which they did every day they put their stuff in their their wallets and their stuff
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in the lockers lock them up and then went out to practice field so we did we had a little stakeout and one of our
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cadets uh observed a big tall six foot three uh size african-american about at least 200 pounds or heavier
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break into one of the lockers so he called us so we came running out and of course the guy spotted us and took off
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unfortunately he went the wrong direction he went right across the football practice field and we couldn't
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catch him because we had all our gear on and of course he was free and so i call it out to the football
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players there's the guy who is breaking into your lockers and the whole 30 40
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men team were after him and they have some good runners especially the wide receiver
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and to make a long story short they caught up with him on coldwater uh coldwater canyon
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and my job basically was to keep the football players from killing him they really got a hold of that guy
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[Music] you