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DANIEL BUTLER: This
is an ADC warning. The crimes you're
about to see are true. Only the names were changed
to protect the ignorant.
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[sirens] [music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: Tonight on
"America's Dumbest Criminals,"
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you'll see a flasher who
falls asleep on the job, our shoplifting film fest, and
a drug deal that goes wrong,
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then goes right. These are just a few of
"America's Dumbest Criminals." Welcome to "America's
Dumbest Criminals."
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I'm Daniel Butler. In terms of sheer intellectual
power, street smarts, savvy, and plain old common sense,
the criminals on our show
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have very little. Let's take a look now
inside the empty minds of America's dumbest criminals.
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Our first case comes
to us from Captain Rick Bilyeu in
Las Vegas, Nevada. -We had gotten information that
there were some prostitutes
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working out of a, a pizza
parlor, a local pizza parlor. And we'd gotten their
number and we'd uh, set up
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and arranged a, a date where
they would come to the hotel and provide their
services for a fee.
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But we had to consummate
the actual face to face solicitation. So they came to the door.
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Unbeknownst to us, they
also had worked the streets and immediately looked at the
three of us, pointed to the one
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and said, "You're
a police officer." And we said uh, "No, no,
we're not police officers.
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We're from San Diego. We're just here on a
convention." "No, no. You're a police officer."
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And she had her friend
with her, there were two. And, and they had pointed this,
this one younger officer out.
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And uh, "I know you're
a police officer." The uh, third officer
and myself started
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telling this prostitute,
"No, he's our nephew. We're all from San Diego. We're here on a convention."
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And she was persistent. And then at one point,
she gave his name, because he had arrested
her in the past.
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And we thought, oh
boy, we've had it now. Not only does she know
he's a police officer,
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but she knows him by name. "No, no. I know you. You're Office So-and-so
and I know you.
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You've arrested me before." "No, I'm not gonna party and
I'm not gonna date with you.
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I'll date with you two guys, but
I'm not gonna date with you." MAN: [laughs] -And she actually made us
uh, have him leave the room.
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And then, then she went
ahead with the solicitation. We arrested her. MAN: [laughs]
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-And-- her and her partner. [sirens] DANIEL BUTLER: And now,
Sergeant Earnest Burt
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tells us about a
cold blooded robber. -One time we was, uh,
[inaudible] one on a guy that
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had been breaking in cars
in the western part of town. So we got there and the mother
said uh, he wasn't there.
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And we looked over the house,
and we looked over the house, and we kept looking.
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You know, we followed
each other around, make sure each go in the room. And I went back in the
back in the kitchen.
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I went to this room
and I look and look. You know, you get that gut
feeling somebody's in here.
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And I looked and looked and I
couldn't find the guy nowhere. And I looked up at the wall
and I saw a little section
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there was left open to this
old, in deep freezer again. We had been there
about 20 minutes
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then looking for the guy. So I went to jump on the deep
freezer, then something say,
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wait a minute. I step in front of the deep
freezer and I looked at it. And I opened it up
and there he is,
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squat down in the deep freezer. -[laughs] -[shivering] -If he had been there about
another-- we'd have stayed
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about another 20
minutes or so, he, he might not have
got out of there. His skin had already
started to turn
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ashy-white like when we got him. And when I got him, I put the
handcuffs on him, he was cold!
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DANIEL BUTLER: And thus, the
dumb criminalcicle was born. And now, actual
surveillance cam footage
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we call "Attention Shoplifters." Folks, if you haven't
figured it out yet, there are surveillance
cameras everywhere.
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Cameras that can zoom. Cameras that can pan. Cameras that will follow
you everywhere you go.
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Like these two ladies, who
just happen to be stealing buttons from designer blouses.
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We assume they just
need to replace buttons on their blouses. And we all know how
expensive buttons are.
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Now let's see who's over
in this side of the store. Hmm, another shopper who's
trying to find her size.
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No, she's just trying to find
the opening to her shopping bag, where she places the
garment she just stole.
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Even Grandma is switching price
tags on towels, thinking no one is watching. But folks, the camera
is watching you.
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Coming up on "America's
Dumbest Criminals," a prowler who concealed more
than a weapon.
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DANIEL BUTLER: And now
an undercover officer discovers just how gullible
a dumb criminal can be.
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-I guess one of
my dumbest clients that I ever did
business with, we were uh, buying crack cocaine.
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Uh, we had called
the guy's pager. He had returned the call, made
the agreement uh, to meet us.
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So we get-- the guy
shows up and uh, he wants me to prove who I am. I reach in my back pocket
to get my wallet that
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has my uh, identification, and
I'd gotten the wrong wallet. When I opened it up, my police
identification card was there.
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And of course, it
has the word police. It has the, the badge uh,
in the thing with my photo.
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He looked at it,
he says, "No, man. You're a cop." And I said, "No. Hell, that's my identification
in case I lose my wallet."
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"Oh, OK. Well, I sure hope
you're not the cop." [laughs] So I bought $100
worth of crack cocaine off him,
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sent him to jail. [laughs] -And now you know the
arrest of the story. [sirens] DANIEL BUTLER: In Georgia,
it used to be against the law
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to slap someone on the back. But it was, and still
is, legal to give somebody a swift
kick in the rear.
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And now inside the courtroom
for Trial and Error. On the stand, a
teller explains how
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she was issued a holdup note. -Miss Reed, you claim my
client flashed a holdup note,
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quickly grabbed some cash,
and sprinted from the room. -Yes, he did. -Well, if everything happened so
quickly, at what point were you
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able to positively
identify my client? -When he handed me
the holdup note, it was written on the
back of a subpoena.
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Issued in his name. [gavel bangs] DANIEL BUTLER: Next,
Captain Annetta Nunn gets help from the Red
Army to make an arrest.
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-We received a call of
loud music complaint. And we were riding the area,
we didn't hear any loud music.
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So we told dispatch we
didn't hear anything, we were still riding. And we passed a house and
we heard glass breaking,
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and we saw these males
run out of the house and take off the
side of the house. So we pulled up and I took
off running after them.
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And Diana kinda lost me. I finally got on the radio
and told her where I was and to come across.
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And I told her, I said, "These
guys, they ran over here. They went around the
side of the house."
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So we were about to split up. She was going one direction,
I was going the other
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around the side of the house. All of a sudden, we
heard bushes moving. -Get out of the bushes!
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CAPTAIN ANNETTA NUNN: So
we said, they're over here. And we went around
the side of the house
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and the guy was
balled up on the side. He was like, laying
on the ground. But he was laying in an ant bed.
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MAN: [laughs] -And that's what made
him start moving. Ants were covering him. -Put your hands on
top of your head!
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Put your hands on
top of your head! Spread your legs. Do it now! Spread your legs!
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Man, what's your problem? Why are you itching? -I got ants! -He's got ants all over him.
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FEMALE OFFICER: Put your
hands on top of your head! CAPTAIN ANNETTA NUNN:
So he had to stand
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til we got through
searching him. And these ants,
I mean, he's just trying to get them off of him.
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But I guess if he hadn't
moved, we might not have seen him balled
up in no bushes.
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But the ants got him. -A new twist on taking
a bite out of crime. And now, more
actual surveillance
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cam footage of
shoplifters at work. The camera is watching, folks. Do you remember
the television show
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where you won a shopping
spree in a store? Well, these shoplifters
think they must've
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won that, blatantly
stuffing clothes into their purses and bags. Now what's over on
this side of the store?
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Ah, a teenager who's
decided take the five finger discount on a pair
of headphones.
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People, the surveillance
cameras are watching you. You will get caught,
and you will do time.
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These men are not
rushing out to tell these ladies to have a nice day. Thanks to surveillance
cameras, shoplifting
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is the dumbest crime of all. Next up, Sergeant
Paul Heaton tells us about a drug deal on wheels.
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-We went down there,
and while we were there, we noticed an
individual about a half
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a block away in a wheelchair. We recognized him as
a known drug dealer. So we thought we'd go down
and just speak to him,
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say hello, let him know we
were in the neighborhood. Well, he was in a
wheelchair, keeping in mind,
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because the previous week he
had accidentally shot himself in the foot with a
shotgun while cleaning it.
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And so he had to be a
wheelchair for a couple weeks. So we're gonna walk
up to him, say hello.
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Soon as he sees us
start toward him, he throws something down
on the ground on the corner
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and starts to
casually wheel away. So we walked up behind him
and pulled his chair over.
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-I didn't drop nothing. -You didn't drop it, huh? Let's see what we have in here.
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Oh my goodness! Crack cocaine! -I don't know what you
talking about, man. SERGEANT PAUL HEATON: Is
this yours, by chance?
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-What you want to
hassle me for, man? SERGEANT PAUL HEATON: I think
this is yours, isn't it?
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-I ain't never seen it before. SERGEANT PAUL HEATON: Is that
uh, your name on this bottle?
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-Oh man! SERGEANT PAUL HEATON: [laughs] -It seems that because of that
self-inflicted gunshot wound,
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the doctor had issued a
prescription to him for pain. And still affixed to the bottle
was the prescription label
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with his name and address on it. MAN: [laughing] DANIEL BUTLER: This
was one dumb criminal
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who was downright dumb. In Pennsylvania, you have
better odds of winning the state
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lottery than of
ever been paroled if serving a life sentence. In fact, the odds
would be better
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at a cross dressing
monkey motocross race. Coming up, a dumb criminal
takes a nap in his birthday suit
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on "America's
Dumbest Criminals." [sirens and music playing] DANIEL BUTLER: In
our next story,
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an undercover officer
tells us the bare facts of a case we call "Buck Naked." -I was dispatched to a
man exposing himself.
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Myself and another female
officer arrived at the scene and we found a gentleman
sitting in his car asleep
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outside of a convenience
store uh, with no clothes on. Um, we approached the
vehicle, knocked on the window
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and woke him up. [knocking] -Wake up, sir! [knocking] -Roll down the window. Hello, sir.
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What is your name? What's your name, sir? -I'm sorry? -What is your name? Good morning.
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-Bob Franklin. -Bob Franklin. Bob, OK. Where's your clothes? -I'm sorry. I, I don't have any clothes on.
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I-- -We can see that. You realize we're
gonna have to take you in for indecent exposure?
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FEMALE UNDERCOVER OFFICER:
The gentleman asked uh, can I put my clothes on? And I, I looked in
the vehicle, all
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I saw were his shoes
and socks sitting on the floorboard of
the passenger side. And I explained to
him I didn't think
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that was gonna make
too much difference. MAN: [laughs] -Uh, he then told
me that his clothes
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were stuffed between
the two seats. -Uh yeah, I keep
these in my seat. Mainly so nobody'll take them.
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FEMALE UNDERCOVER OFFICER:
Uh, we're, you're safe now. Your clothes are safe with us.
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-I allowed him to
put some clothes on. FEMALE UNDERCOVER
OFFICER: Could you, can you move around in
the car maybe to get it?
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I don't want to mess up your,
your little outfit there. OK. FEMALE UNDERCOVER OFFICER:
Placed him under arrest,
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transported him
down to the jail. FEMALE UNDERCOVER OFFICER: I
don't know if that's a good--
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-We don't have
that many flashers fall asleep on the job. DANIEL BUTLER: Once
again, case closed
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on another dumb criminal. ADC quiz number 324. In Italy, a man
riding on a motorcycle
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was accused of purse snatching. He was positively identified
by one of his victims.
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Was his victim A, a nun? B, his mother? Or C, his probation officer? The correct answer is B. She
recognized him because he was
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wearing her purse
as his disguise. And now more actual
surveillance cam footage of dumb
criminals shopping.
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Folks, it doesn't matter where
you shop or whom you are. And it doesn't matter how
nonchalantly you go about it.
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If you shoplift, you
will be caught on tape and you will be caught. Like this lady stealing
picture frames.
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Everywhere in the store,
the camera can follow you. And everywhere in the store,
people are shoplifting.
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These two boys have
picked up a watch. Hmm, it'll fit into our
pocket, so why should we pay?
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They pocket the expensive watch
and start out of the store. Then the alarms start to sound.
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There are alarms everywhere. Detectors everywhere. Sensors on every garment. Invisible strips you can't
even see on every item.
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And the camera is
always watching. In Nebraska, it used to be
against the law for barbers
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to shave chests. And yet it is legal
to give a monkey a manicure if he had
a shave and a perm.
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Undercover narcotics
is dangerous work. You've got to be
ready for anything. Having dealt with
drug dealers before,
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Officer Dan Leger knew
the unpredictable breed could be both mean
and touchy-feely.
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Officer Leger's on
the right and he's about to do a drug
deal for crack cocaine when the dumb dealer
decides to frisk him.
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-I, I ain't got no ears, man! -You don't got no ears? Hey man, you're a cop! -Aw man, listen!
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Check this out! Listen-- -Hey man, I don't want
to deal with you, man. -My lawyer told me to get this.
My lawyer--
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-Your lawyer?
-Yeah! Listen, my lawyer
told me to get this. That way, you can record it
all and prove entrapment.
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No, check it out! It's new, man. You should get one of these too. DANIEL BUTLER: The undercover
cop told the dealer
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where to get a wire and gave
him tips on how to wear it. Officer Leger even played the
recording for the dumb criminal
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a short time later in
a court of law, just before the dealer
was found guilty. -We can work a deal.
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-All right, man.
I'll make a deal with that. -All right. DANIEL BUTLER: And
now he's the only
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dumb criminal wearing
a wire in prison. [sirens and music playing] [sirens and music playing]
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-Our final story tonight comes
to ADC from Officer Steve Turner of the Nashville
Police Department.
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Let's find out what happened
when a cat burglar curled up for a cat nap in "Junior
Meets the Sandman."
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-I got a call that uh, the
house had been broken into. The neighbor who
was watching the uh,
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lady's house who was
gone out of town. DANIEL BUTLER: This was a house
burglar's dream come true.
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A woman leaving town, an
open house with no one home. Let's go inside the
dumb criminal mind
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for this house burglary. Hmm, I'll just
pry open this door and I'm ollie-ollie home free.
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Ha, here. Here we go. Ah hey, that was easy. All right. Hmm, let's see. Ooh, a nice stereo!
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I can get a lot for
this at the pawn shop. And a ladies watch! Hey, my girlfriend
will love this.
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Hmm, let's see if there's
anything in this mug. No, but wait. What's this? Ah, cash money.
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Is this a great day or what? Oh and look! A color TV! I can get at least $100
for this at the pawn shop.
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Mmm, you know, I'm
getting kinda hungry. Let's see what's in the fridge. Ah, a whole broasted chicken.
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That'll be perfect. And maybe some
ice tea with that. No, better have the
cranberry juice.
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You know what my doctor said. -After he had checking
all the rooms out and taken what he
wanted, then he
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decided just to take
him a little plate and go upstairs and look at the
television for a little while.
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DANIEL BUTLER: [yawns]
Ah, see what's down here. I could take a shower. Ah, I'll do that later.
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You know, a nap would be good. Oh my, that bed's kinda small. I don't know. I-- oh!
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King size! Ah, now this is nice. [chuckles] Hey, and it-- wait a minute. It's a, it's a water bed!
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Great! Ooh, and she's got
cable! [laughs] Is this a swell job or what? [yawns] Think I'll just lie down
and watch a little tube.
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Yeah, I can get the TV and the
stereo and all that other stuff after I watch a little TV.
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Eh, maybe I'll just
take a little nap. Boy, being a house burglar
sure is a [yawns] a swell job.
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[yawns] Junior, her flight was canceled. She's back! And she brought friends! OFFICERS: Junior, wake up!
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-Uh, he just said, "Oh man,
I just, just was tired." [laughs] He said he was tired!
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So I guess, guess he
had a long day. [laughs] -And with that, we come to
the end of another show.
00:18:48
Our continued thanks
to police officers across the nation
for their stories. I'm Daniel Butler
saying, don't be dumb.
00:18:54
Don't break the law. So long. [music playing]