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tonight at america's dumbest criminals a look at a peeping tom who doesn't like
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anyone invading his private territory a drunk driver leaves a lasting impression
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that leaves him high and dry and what's got this man wired could it really be
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the nicotine when the smoke clears see who's left standing and sitting in jail
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right here right now on america's dumbest criminals [Music] [Applause] [Music]
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[Applause] wow [Music] now welcome your host for america's dumbest criminals daniel butler and
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debbie allen hi there welcome to the show okay debbie i'm going to put you on the spot oh great
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that's nothing new though is it no but how good a citizen are you i think i'm pretty good okay are you a
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member of your neighborhood watch well my neighborhood doesn't exactly have a
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formal one but i watch for my neighbors no i don't watch your neighbors it's a
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neighborhood watch okay i'm not a nosy neighbor i just watch out for the neighbors
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okay what about you yeah well you don't know my neighborhood it's not no but it's time to move on to
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our first segment that's not fair you squirrel out of everything yeah weasel
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it's got a weasel and what happens in this story is not fair either and oddly enough it involves
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a neighborhood watch yeah well sort of all right let's take a look detective robert stevens of the dairy
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beach police department crimes against persons unit one of the most funniest cases we've had
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in a while was a gentleman that broke into his neighbor's business when he lived directly behind the
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neighbor knew who he was came into the store after the guy closed on videotape stole
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a gun he was a convicted felon and on videotapes took the gun from the store [Music]
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afterwards the store owner called the guy at home told him to bring the gun back or he was
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gonna have him arrested the guy pleaded with him several times if you don't turn
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me in i'll bring the gun back he showed back up with the gun and we were waiting
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there for him when he came [Music] they made it easy i like that when they make it easy for them
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what do you think is this a good look for me or what sure night vision goggles make you look very distinguished dan
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the guys in our next story actually could have used a few pairs to distinguish who was who when they went
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to prowl in one very dark night take a look debbie if you can back this way look look here
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i was investigating a suspicious vehicle that was parked behind the rear of the business
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and the wooded area and it was late at night and there was one occupant in the vehicle
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and when i was talking to him i asked him if he'd come around to the front of
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the business and have a seat in my police car and he did i went around to the car that he was in and i was
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searching the car and then i heard a noise at the rear of the car saying hey bill pop the truck i got some stuff
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so i popped the truck and he's man i got some cool stuff here i hit three more
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places he says you gotta look at this lamp i said show me that lamp so it's dark as could be and he starts showing
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me the lamp i said what is that made out of and he starts telling me how it's
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carved wood i said how many places did you hit he says i hit three places take a look at this one as he's showing it to
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me that's when he realizes i was a police officer so he starts fleeing but as he was
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running someone in the subdivision nearby apparently lit a firecracker and he thought i was shooting at him so he
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surrendered to me put his hands up as long as i wouldn't shoot him that was a firecracker that was a
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firecracker you you silly thing when a case like that stumbles right into you it's a pretty easy catch that
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way [Music] bang you know okay there's bad luck there's will bedlock and then there's this guy in greenville
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alabama he did a very bad thing but he left an awfully good impression here's
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this week's something to remember me by [Music] it's a call of an accident a traffic
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accident when i arrived on the scene a lady was extremely hysterical i asked her
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what had happened she started trying to explain to me that she'd gotten hit in
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the rear end and i looked for the other vehicle there's no vehicle around she
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said he left and i asked her what what kind of vehicle was it she said i think it
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was a pickup truck so i began my investigation trying to determine what kind of uh what color the
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vehicle might have been looking at the rear of the vehicle and at that point we noticed that the
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vehicle had left the perfect imprint of the tag number in the rear end of the vehicle that they
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had hit and the fact that with the extensive damage on the front of the suspect vehicle
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it busted his radiator we were able to follow his trail through town and about 10 miles out of town when
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we found him at the end of the trail of antifreeze and made an arrest for charleston with dui and leaving the
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scene of an accident in my 17 years of experience i don't think i've ever seen
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anything like it [Music] hey here's another dumb law it is illegal for an unmarried woman in
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florida to parachute on sunday [Music] that's an odd little law i think i'd
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obey that one every day of the week okay when pulled over by police for speeding
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probably almost every woman has thought about using her feminine wiles to try to
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get out of a ticket but now you're going to hear about a lady who tried to invent
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a brand new disability [Music] probably the best one i heard for speeding is i stopped a white female with blonde
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hair as i went up and asked her was it any emergency reason why she was speeding
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she looked up at me and smiled and stated i'm just being blonde today oh man it won't work for me three nets
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never catch a break you know what i mean daniel oh sure yeah that's that's why
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you got those highlights in here come on i'm trying it's a curse being a brunette
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it's just a curse and i'm sure our next culprits felt cursed as well we have two
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stories for you presenting a pair of shoplifters who think they're fast on their feet in a shoe store but her
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surveillance camera proves them wrong these stories make bookends for our blue light special
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now this young man wants you to believe that he's just trying on a pair of shoes
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like everybody else except everyone else hasn't hid their old shoes in the box that the new ones came in
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now he seems to forget he was just trying them on suddenly there he is to cover his tracks he asked for a job
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application but that happy spring in the step is quickly sprung by a watchful security guard
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busted [Applause] [Music] and i don't think he got the job either now for part two of our blue light
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special do you know what big feet mean small brand take a look look at the size of the shoe this guy's
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inspected but he's not checking it for arch support or soul construction he's
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sizing it up to steal it watch closely as he makes an awkward attempt at making it disappear
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he's on the verge of indecent exposure as he struggles to make sure that no one
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sees that size 12 high top he's putting in his pants and yes i said high top as
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in singular he's only stealing one shoe or to be more correct he's not stealing
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anything because security nabbed the man in the parking lot now we're about to meet an undercover
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police officer who outwitted a slow-minded crook by thinking fast on her feet even when the wire she's
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wearing is seen by the criminal she makes the most of a bad situation a couple years ago when i was
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assigned to the narcotics unit myself and another officer sergeant clark we were working a
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drug investigation and we had an informant wired with the body wire and had sent that informant into a local bar
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to get some drugs and possibly some more drug information once the informant was talking to the
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suspect who was the bartender at the time the informant leaned over the counter to
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talk to the bartender and the bartender noticed the body wire taped to the informant's chest and
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the bartender said what is that and our informant thinking very quickly leaned over and pulled her shirt down
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and said it's my smoking pet see and the bartender said okay fine and gave the informant what she needed
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[Music] coming up in a minute we'll witness a couple fighting like cats and dogs until
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she rats on him about what he has squirreled away cats and dogs residence girls and now with news about people you won't
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want joining you for the holidays here's daniel with adc headlines [Applause]
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[Music] [Applause] donald talmud from milwaukee was charged with criminal damage to property after
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he plowed into 10 trees and three street signs during a lunar eclipse he reportedly told police officers that
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this bad driving phenomenon only occurs during this astronomical phenomenon all right now if donald's telling the
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truth be especially careful if you plan to be out on the road on january 21st of
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the year 2000 because donald might be driving that night okay a robber walked boldly into a bank in
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columbia tennessee and announced give me your money just one minor oversight though the bank
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had moved down the street months before so the crook was caught in mid robbery of an insurance agency
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one employee quoted the behind the times crook as saying with astonishment this ain't a bank anymore
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nope sorry mac yeah but would you like a calendar for your cell wall it's what my insurance man gave me
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now here's a bird brain scheme for you a man in la jolla california is now serving a five-year prison sentence
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after being convicted of smuggling 800 cockatoo eggs from australia he and his cronies would slip the eggs
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into specially designed pouches hidden in vests worn next to the smuggler's bodies that's a little warm
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they would sometimes hatch in mid-flight don't you hate when that happens you
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know but their efforts had resulted in a 1.8 million dollar nest egg before the crackdown occurred
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all right well that ruffles the feathers and closes the files on adc headline news ripped from somewhere near the back
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of your local newspaper gabby [Music] they're good oh goody goody we're going
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shopping again this time for shoplifters and we've bagged a dandy pair who just
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don't know when to quit check this out this couple is out for a full day of pickpocketing notice how they hold up
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shirts in an attempt to block the view from other people as the woman gingerly dips her hand into the purse of her prey
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she quickly feels around but no luck so they take a break from pickpocketing to do a little shoplifting watch the
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shorts now you see them now you don't back on the job they put forth a valiant
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second effort to get this woman's wallet she reaches in but comes out empty again
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one more time digging digging don't you just hate it when you can't find
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something well it doesn't matter you won't be needing it where the two of you are
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going you know many police departments have mottos with words to the effect to protect and to
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serve well the following story you'll see someone who after consuming ample amounts of alcohol took that concept of
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service much too far when he realized the sobering truth it was much too late here's tonight's dizzying episode of i'm
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where you're who i was working the night shift at one of our local troops troupe
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in baton rouge louisiana and i said the gas pump was about about midnight or so somewhere around there and i look down
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the street i'm gassing up i see a car coming down the road and it's swerving
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all over the place and i see it slowing down and it starts heading towards me and i'm saying oh my god the guy's not
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going to stop he's you know he's drunk i don't know what what to think i was
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saying just kind of pulls in gradually next to the gas pump across from me the gentleman kind of gets out he opens
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the car door two or three beer cans fall out all over the place and he kind of looks at me kind of does his eyes he
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takes his keys out and he throws them and says hey son gass it up for him and get me a room for the night and uh
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i'll be back here a little bit to get the car he starts wandering at this point over towards the the front door of
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the troop to where the death sergeant i'm saying where the death sergeant said
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kevin i've been on the texas through everything i need to get a room for the night
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[Music] yes sir what can we do for you i need to get a room for the night what kind of room
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a hotel room did you drive here no sir you didn't how did you get here and we certainly did take care we gave
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her room for the night and put him in the local jail [Applause] [Music] he took real good care of him
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well she wanted to break out of jail but what she nearly did was break her neck she was close to freedom but gravity
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grabbed when she wasn't looking for the story we go to woodland park colorado
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i had this couple that i arrested for counterfeiting and brought him into the station put the mail in the lockdown and
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the female i put an interview room because we were going to go back in and talk to her
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[Music] a few minutes later i'm typing on my computer and and some ceiling particles
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uh are falling into my keyboard and i stop and i look up and i stop and i look up
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uh i thought wonder what that's from and i heard this thump sound right above my
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head and i look up there and the ceilings bowing at the fault ceiling so i got up to to check it out and went
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to the room next door which is the interview room and i noticed there was a chair on top of the table and the
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ceiling tile's missing so i walked back towards my office and in the hallway there's another ceiling
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tile missing looked up and i'm looking eye to eye with this girl who was trying to escape from the
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police department i don't know what she was thinking she was pretty done to think she could have got out of a police
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department because there was just no way out [Music] [Applause] i'm lieutenant barry schrum of the ocala
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florida police department and i catch america's dumbest criminals still to come a peeping tom with a bad
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case of peepers envy [Applause] [Music] [Applause] turning green with envy helped police in
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stillwater oklahoma catch two peepingtons one was caught red-handed and the other
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guy blew the whistle on him here's this week's eye-opening installment of we're
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not making this up [Music] we had a jogger in a neighborhood that reported seeing a peeping tom in a
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lady's window our patrol officers responded out there found a guy in the area he was leaving
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the area they stopped him detaining he gave a pretty viable story so they cut him loose and i called the witness back
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in talked to him for a little bit he said a couple things that kind of bothered me but then i went ahead and
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interviewed the suspect he came across with a confession we went ahead and filed charges on him
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and looking at the case i went back to our witness there was a couple things that really bothered me he
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first of all didn't look like a guy that would typically be a jogger and he was in full jogging attire
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and said that was his purpose for being in this neighborhood secondly why did he
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drive all the way across town to jog in this area so i ended up re-interviewing him he ended up
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confessing that he had been peeping tom on this lady's window for several months
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well he got mad when he jogged up to her window there was already someone there so that he got mad at that point
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utilized his jogging suit jogged to a pay phone three blocks away and called the police so
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result for his confession we ended up presenting charges on both of them [Applause]
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there's a little line out there you know you gotta take a number we're now
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serving peeping town number four you know well that's probably enough absurdity
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for one night but we'll head back to the streets to seek out stupidity wherever
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it may occur and deliver it right to your tv next week if you've got a lead on a story or you just can't wait till
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next week for more state-of-the-art stupidity visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com
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we want to thank you for joining us and extend our gratitude to the law enforcement officers who make this show
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possible every day they lay their lives on the line to keep us safe from the stupidity of would-be criminals as
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always we hope that we've all learned from others mistakes but if you haven't
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we just might see you next week on america's dumbest criminals [Music] wow [Applause]
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[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
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[Applause] [Music] wow [Applause] [Music] [Applause]