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tonight on america's dumbest criminals a small town terrorized by a big pig a
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hard-hitting reminder about why you should always wear a helmet and a flare-up at a funeral home for
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high-octane entertainment don't move a muscle you're about to witness america's
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dumbest criminals [Music] [Applause] [Music] wow [Music] now welcome your host for america's
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dumbest criminals daniel butler and debbie yeah sure confessions time what you have
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something you want to share no it's your turn no oh no yes okay think back when
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you were in college did you ever engage in a panty raid oh no not in college a couple of weeks
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ago but no no no i never i know i'm not really a stand outside a dorm and yell
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for someone's underwear kind of guy no i probably would have stood outside and
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yelled for someone to do my laundry you know but no no not that but did did you ever get panty rated did you ever drop
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underwear down you've got to understand i went to a very conservative school i
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think i would have gotten kicked out of my college for even saying the word underwear oh okay but you could say
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under and where but not together not together okay okay our idea of rebelliousness i think was loud
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whispering in the library too that was conservative so obviously we are not people who live on the edge but there
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are those who grab for the gusto and for other things as well if you need evidence check this out
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the man you're watching is under surveillance by undercover officers in the underwear division of the new
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sewickley pennsylvania police department and yes he is conducting a panty raid he
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even confronted our victim the very first time they looked each other in the face and had this amazing shock upon his
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face but he still came back the trap was set after the owner filed a complaint that this guy returned on a weekly basis
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you can see him grabbing the panties and that's when you seen two men of course i dressed in plain clothes we
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dodged out the door yo please free stop the police clotheslined him and hauled him in at first he claimed that the
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lingerie made good slingshots but eventually confessed to the theft and was placed in the beaver county jail
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daniel that's true that is true continuing our revealing look at the relationship between the underworld and
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under garments we moved to delray beach florida where law enforcement officers have an unfortunately close encounter
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with an ex-con they call the perpetrator hi i'm jeff messer with the dory beach
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florida police department and i've got a dumb criminal story for you guys several years ago we had a gentleman
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do a burglary and while in the home doing his burglary he was confronted by the homeowner
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when confronted he kind of uh lost control of himself i guess we could say and had to leave the home in a hurry he
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ran from the home [Music] he unloaded his pants and his underwear left the underwear put his pants back on
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and fled the area we found his underwear and the evidence we thought we needed in
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the underwear along with the underwear we found that they were his prison underwear with his name and prison id
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number etched in them and we eventually caught up with him and he was given the nickname the pooper
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trader from there on [Applause] the first rule of getaways is this never leave a man behind so if indeed there is
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honor among thieves you should be able to count on the driver of the getaway car to come back for you even if it
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takes a while it's that by-the-book thinking that resulted in these guys getting booked
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when they had every opportunity to flee the scene several years ago when i was assigned a
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patrol division as a lieutenant we had an occasion of a break-in call at a business local business one night
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officers responded over there pretty quick and were able to catch one suspect still at the scene
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two others at least had run from the scene we felt certain but the one suspect was apprehended
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there and we got his car the same so we left the scene transport our prisoner in
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and we assigned officer hayley smith the police department to drive the suspect vehicle in as evidence of the crime the
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vehicle was going to be impounded and used later on in court officer smith was driving the car in two
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to three blocks from the location of the break-in on fisher street here in burlington we got a radio call from him
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on his walkie-talkie indicating there was some problem people being stopped by some individuals out
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there on the street it turned out the two suspects that fled from that occasion had been hiding in
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the bushes in the area saw the car coming they apparently thought if we seize the car we'd be towing it in by
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wreckers and driving it in they thought their getaway man had somehow gotten away from us and were driving down
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fisher street and flagging down in order to get away from the theft scene we of course arrested those two along with the
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initial person had all three of our people rounded up very successful case the great thing about cell phones is
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that they allow your friends and business associates to catch up with you anywhere well the bad thing about cell
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phones if you're a criminal is that they allow your pursuers to catch up with you
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anywhere see what we mean several months back we had a rookie riding with me training and we were
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going out one of the small streets out west and uh watched a guy take off my resume popped in a couple of
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ways on a motorcycle just driving over echoes through he went through a red light
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so i decided to stop and go probably just he's gonna just wind up getting a warning or you know for the way he was
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driving i turned my lights on he turned around looked at me and he just took off
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he ended up chasing probably 20 25 30 miles uh he wrecks out in a little country area
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north of our jurisdiction and he wrecked in the curb before we get to the curve he just slid off the road and
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we never saw him we went right on by and someone another officer come up and found the motorcycle so we all fanned
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out and the county agencies were out there and we surrounded the little wooded area he
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was in and went through the woods and couldn't ever find it i stand on the perimeter of the woods
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and we heard a cell phone ring so we was all looking in this area and heard it ring again and i heard somebody
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say hello hey he's up here and sure enough he gets up in the tree and uh we told him we said you need to come
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down on a tree i'm not coming down to the news crews leaving you're up for
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free you don't really have much of a choice you know you can either come down
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here and check the treatment at that time we cordially coached him down the tree and
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took him into custody and brought him back in and booked him into jail [Music] while we're looking at the greatest
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dummies on two wheels let's stick off in another direction we're going to la to
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pick up on a reckless chase with an ending that is anything but reckless a reckless guy on a motorcycle breaks
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every rule in the driver's manual including zooming along at up to 130 miles an hour in a futile attempt to
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escape from police realizing that speed alone was getting him nowhere fast he opted for an
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off-ramp and then he caught a bus you'd have thought he'd throw in the towel but he still resisted a rest
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eventually he was cuffed and taken away suffering only a contusion to his forehead even though his speedometer
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froze at 55 miles an hour upon impact amazingly dumb huh next thing you know i'm looking at the
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rear view and i see them collide with the bus that's what it hits just bounced so it's
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just not that hard i've been hit harder we doubt the guy on the cycle could say
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the same if you think he's got headaches check out this next couple well on routine patrol on 5 15 98
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it was given a call of a domestic dispute on 479 metcalf street upon arrival found a female
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standing in the yard being rather belligerent he's not going nowhere yes he is
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he can leave we cannot make him stay and neither can you i can press charges you're not listening to me ma'am you
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cannot make him stay here no but i need him to go to jail for domestic battery if both of us have to drink
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both of us she said she wanted him to go to jail and i said i didn't have grounds to take him to jail again when i
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finally got the husband over and talked to him i noticed his shirt was somewhat in
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disarray and torn just chill out now there and everything's gonna be cool okay when i asked him what had happened
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and he stated that she had ripped it off of him and i come up here to get the rest of my clothes she hit me in my face
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five times and i'm a man they don't nobody hit me in my face she said well
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what about all the drugs he's got in the house okay what about him do you want to see him
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yes we confiscated drug paraphernalia seeds three-potted plants with marijuana and a white substance we
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didn't have enough evidence to ascertain whether it was cocaine or not we'll have
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a seat in my car yeah you are possessing the drugs both of y'all are listening run out there and hit his
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drugs he says he goes to errands and smokes with him and his daddy aaron said that's all the lies all he's doing is
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lying listen listen your daddy don't want you son she just wanted him to go to jail
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she was telling us about this was funny in a way she kept telling us about all the uh
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charges he had against him in florida for child abuse etc and we kept telling her that has nothing to do
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with what's going on here you know she wanted us to find some reason to take him to jail so eventually she gave
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us the reason [Applause] and now with news that dan rather had rather not report here's daniel with adc
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headlines [Music] the debate continues over the value of private citizens owning firearms but
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what about your right to own vegetables a man in new york drew 18 years to life in prison for robbing his
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victim with a concealed vegetable yes the robber brandished a zucchini under his coat
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leading his victim to believe he was being held at gunpoint at the sentencing justice justice randall ing scolded the
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accused saying quote you added to the climate of fear we have to live in now so and also some innocent bystanders
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scream look out he's got a zucchini and he knows how to use it a bank robber in virginia beach virginia
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forced a tiller to fill a plastic grocery sack with money unaware that a dye bomb was placed in his hall as well
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the crook then shoved you guessed it the bag into his pants and fled moments later the dye pack activated a
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chemical reaction which according to police creates about 400 degrees of heat witnesses to the robbers getaway told
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investigators they saw the explosion taking place inside the man's pants and
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the crook immediately shed his trousers which were confiscated with a hole seared through the i guess you could
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call it the crotch as of this report the criminal has not been apprehended but is most certainly a
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marked man if it's a problem to get to the criminal ask the criminal to come to you that was
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the thinking of police in keene new hampshire when they were alerted that a parole violator in their midst was
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considered armed and dangerous upon discovery that the man had taken a job delivering pizza
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the officers simply placed an order and waited for him to arrive at a specified address
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he was easily taken into custody and according to published reports miraculously the small cheese pizza was
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returned to the pizza parlor unharmed that's a wrap for abc headlines what do
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you got david daniel how many times have you seen that tense scene in a cops and
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robber movie where a police officer says to the criminal put your weapon on the counter and move away
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well we've got some surveillance camera footage that's like that only there's no
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police officer just a crook who seriously underestimates his victim this robber thinks he's big stuff with
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his rifle in his hand but what happens when he and the clerk engage in a little role reversal
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suddenly the robber is even more motivated to leave the store than he was to come in
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and that's in spite of the fact that the clerk offers to return the criminal's
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weapon one bullet at a time in the old tv show the dukes of hazzard the good old boys were always on the
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lookout for boss hogg well citizens in anniston alabama had their own boss hog to contend with except this troublemaker
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was a real pig we got a call several calls about some animal unknown creature going through gardens
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tearing up the gardens they thought it was dogs going through and tearing up their garden we
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got calls of garbage being turned over of course she assumed dogs and we searched and searched could never
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find any loose dogs never saw any loose animals of any kind that we could find but it was all in the same neighborhood
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the people that were calling and complaining only lived about a block from this ravine where the where the
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actual perpetrator was residing and for probably a couple of weeks we were on the hot trail of an animal
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that was unknown to us at the time it was coming up in a residential area that was
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getting in the garbage cans eating items out of people's gardens tearing up trash and things like that it
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turned out to be a individual's pet which was a pot belly pig early in the in a very heavy travel
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residential area he was stopping traffic we jumped him several times uh actually could not catch him yeah around
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by this time the pig had gained some notoriety uh one of our local radio stations k-98 had
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put a bounty on the pig's head said uh he'd get paid anybody 98 dollars that could bring the pig up there and
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let him pet it and people were calling every day asking you know have you caught the pig have
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you caught the pig everybody that saw me in town have you caught the pig have you
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caught the pig we had some people that were real concerned for the pig you know it's going to get hurt and some other
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people just having fun with it so we took out the k98 prize van we took out the pa system we had hog calling
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contests everybody trying to call the hog in suey pig you know and with the help of the citizen
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after the end of about two weeks it was caught by the citizen his wife who later adopted the pig after we got
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her you know she i she's such a nice pet you know we just kept her you know she's
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unbelievable [Music] [Applause] you know some things seemed like bad ideas from the start like playing in
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traffic or swimming during a thunderstorm yeah you in the wnba or place blessing that's a bad idea it would be i
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mean come on but placing complicated food orders at the drive-thru window true why is that so hard oh you don't do
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that do you well no but i do like certain things i like my condiments stacked in order
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lettuce pickle onion tomato martha stewart okay you're asking for trouble well if that's asking for trouble then
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our next crooks ordered a double helping of danger watch as tonight's edition of
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we're not making this up provides strong evidence that man has not evolved well
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through the centuries we're on location at gobert funeral chapel last fall we
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had two individuals decided they needed some gas they decided to stop by here siphon some gas out of the van they
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didn't have any luck cycling so they took a gas can stuck it up under the van
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took a big buck knife poked a hole the gas tank about that time a lady that works here
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drove up they ran around here to the side of the building and hid in the bushes stayed in the bushes until the lady left
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which was about 10 minutes at that time they came back around to the van one of them had a zippo lighter and they
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couldn't see how much gas it had and can so he couldn't dip a lighter out of his
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pocket ignited the gas both fans caught on fire they tried to stomp it out and at that time he got away from them
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they decided they ran got in the car and left both vans bearing up funeral home burnt
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they're done seeking thousand dollars worth of damage to the funeral home a lot of dumb things happen in the line of
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police work so far this one takes the cake it's last one flashlight comes in heaven we
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don't always go out in a blaze of glory but it looks like we will this time join
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us next time when we'll find a burglar who hopes to get rich but ends up getting the shaft and if you've got a
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lead on the story or you just can't wait till next week for more state-of-the-art
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stupidity visit our website at www.dumbcrimes.com we want to thank you for joining us and
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extend our gratitude to the law enforcement officers who make this show possible every day they lay their lives
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on the line to keep us safe from the stupidity of would-be criminals as always we hope everybody has learned
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from others mistakes but if you haven't we just might see you next week on america's dumbest criminals bye-bye good
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night [Music] closed captioning provided by [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
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[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]
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[Music] wow [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]
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you