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hey it's your boy Mike The Situation Santino welcome to statute of limitations it's the ultimate lineup
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it's Cooks this is not my fault that I stole this car it's conmen this is my
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chance I can be rich for life it's w to be kingpins we all made together $500,000 and queen pins it was basically
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a lounge of criminals these are stories of the nonviolent lucky punks and Robin hoods
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that Dodge the law I could have gone to prison not jail prison because here's
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the situation baby it's only a matter of time before the statute of limitations
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is up and technically you might walk away scotf free but don't take a from me
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guys I'm obviously no lawyer this is statute of limitations what's up I'm Mike The
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Situation Santino welcome to the show where we find ordinary folks who committed extraordinary crimes way back
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when coming up on this episode of statute of limitations we have some intense folks we meet the head of the
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game Mafia and a girl who got major payback on a real life high school mean girl I love that right now we've got the
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story of a small town kid who moved to the Big Apple and got caught up in a big scam stealing luxury goods he could have
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gone down for Grand leny instead he kept his secret long enough to elude the law
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he's like the dawn of the sample sale Ken norra meet Jeffrey hello my name is
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Jeffrey and in the early 2000s I committed grand larsy for several years I started a pretty much a game Mafia in
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New York City where we stole product from the sample sale I moved to New York City without
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ever having been to New York City in 2003 I just jumped right in I thought hey I'm going to start doing comedy and
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I'm going to work at a coffee house this is my life in my 20s one thing I wasn't
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prepared for when I moved to New York is just how expensive was uh my roommate and I converted a one-bedroom apartment
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into a two-bedroom apartment I was literally living in a living room to save money you know you couldn't like go
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out to eat we made ramen all the time it was one of those classic artist struggling artists stories about a year
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in my best friend and my roommate and I started working at a sample sale for high-end designer home
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decor Sample Sales always sell product for a discounted rate so this designer would
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send products that cost thousands of dollars retail and when you marked it down sometimes it still cost thousands
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of dollars that's how expensive this stuff was there was Ring boxes and necklace holders there was uh vases and
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different types of figurines picture frames just like really gudy stuff very fancy it was very popular
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with a very high brow sort of um Eastern European Rich Housewives really enjoyed
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these products when you're a comedian and a barista in New York City every side gig is a bonus I was thrilled to be
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invited to something that seemed fun it seemed nice and temporary it wasn't a
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big commitment no one was really looking over my shoulder there's a manager up at
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the front my roommate and our boss lady was up there she struck me as someone who did not really keep track of what
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she was spending I remember one time she just surprised us all with some caviar cuz she had like gotten a little a a
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wild idea like oh let me get a caviar snack for everybody we were like we've
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never had caviar but thank you she'd stood at the front and she'd check everybody out but she never really was
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looking in the back or worried about the product probably because I came off as very
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trustworthy so after a few days of the first sample sale I was cleaning up in the back and I kind of realized hey I'm
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in charge back here no one's around uh what if I just took a few boxes of these
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things and I slipped them in my backpack I was nervous at first uh but as I slowly walked out the building I
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realized no one saw me and they were mine like who was going to count anything so once we got home my roommate
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kind of side eyed me and was like don't let me see what's in your bag and I was
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like what nothing of course I was nervous that when my roommate caught me that I would get in trouble and he was
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like mhm and he went into his room ultimately he ended up doing that too and I never saw him do it he was better
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at it than I was once I realized that we were kind of incahoots on this the first
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time uh the whole world opened up and I came back the very next day and then I was ready to go Full
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Throttle as we realized how easy it was to take the product um we just kind of siphoned it during the sale and then we
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would sell it online after the sale for lower prices than were even at the sample sale the customers came and they
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did the same thing they would buy product for their homes but then they'd buy a product to sell uh overseas and
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stuff but if I could undercut them on their posting then my item would get bid on First and that would blow up into a
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higher number all of it was free cash for me so I didn't care if it went for
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$500 $800 $1,500 all of it was pure profit for me so after the first season sample sale uh
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where I kind of got my nerves shaken out right I got used to it and I thought well gosh will they rehire me for the
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second one and they did very easily my roommate and I got rehired for the second one no problem so I guess they
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didn't notice anything was missing as the popularity of this product grew so
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did the sample sale so we had to hire more and more people in order to work the sale um and we strategically picked
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out friends of ours to be a part of it and thus the gay Mafia was born not everyone was gay in it but the gay
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people ran it we really kind of graduated in the way we ran our operation so on the next
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sale we had strategically placed our friends as like okay you're the door person here you're the cash register
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person there you're going to be the guy who's watching the sales floor behind
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the table over here and they were all people who were also having their backpacks under the table and just kind
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of putting in a couple here and there I'll say this for our friends they definitely didn't take as much as they
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probably could have uh but I certainly did so in addition to the game Mafia my friend also had us hire temporary
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workers uh people we hired from online just strangers that were working sometimes we had to kind of dance around
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them they were very nice people who wanted to replenish the product and bring it from the back to the sales
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floor I kind of had to make sure please don't move those open boxes please just go do your work over
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here that'd be great thank you so much I had to make sure that they weren't
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accidentally seeing us steal anything uh so I always had to have my eyes on the workers as
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well I sometimes thought certainly somewhere someone is counting how many boxes are on a truck how many boxes get
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sold and how many boxes come back the cash I was accumulating wasn't just covering rent um it was covering bills
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it was covering my comedy classes I really kind of felt like oh I know this is wrong but it's so easy that it
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actually feels good that I'm doing it also it was stealing from rich people let's be honest it was gy junk that
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people really don't have any business spending $11,200 on a thing I was like
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these people are spending my monthly rent on these fancy items they like there's something wrong so there was a
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part of me that also was kind of like Stick it to the Man only I didn't know
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who the man was it was just like a a faceless designer I guess but like I didn't care the rich lady boss did bring
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in another lady to be a manager with her we did not know this lady she also didn't seem to warm or approachable so
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we were so used to this other Bonkers lady being our manager that the new manager kind of scared us a little bit I
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thought maybe I was going to have to cook some books or like come up with some numbers and some sort of paperwork
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about what's coming off a truck and where is it going none of my usual fun charms worked on her uh she definitely
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had like a wall around her Jeffrey went from a small time crook to straight up Kingpin in what he calls
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the gay Mafia forget prison I'd be more worried about getting whacked by those
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dudes but Jeffrey is about to sink in even deeper all these dirty details are coming out on statute of limitations
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next we're back with more statute of limitations my man Jeffrey is smack dab
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in the middle of a scheme to steal high-end Goods just how much did he steal oh man wait to you guys get a load
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of this man check this out the rich lady boss did bring in another lady to be a manager with her we did not know this
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lady she also didn't seem too warm or approachable I was a little nervous that
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none of my usual fun charms worked on her I like I didn't care no one's stopping me and my realization was no
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one's going to so most of the clientele at the sample sale was very rich Eastern
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European Housewives they would come into the sale and they were working their own
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angle right Sometimes some of these ladies would put little trinkets inside other bigger Trinkets and then put that
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in a box and try to get like two for one or three for one part of the gay mafia's
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job was to make sure that the customers weren't stealing uh we were also stealing the irony of busting thieves is
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not lost on me you know it takes one to no one right and sometimes some of the ladies they kind of looked us up and
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down like wow you really have a really good opportunity working here kind of energy when the customers came to the
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front my roommate was checking everybody out and he would take everything out of
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a box for quality control but it was really just to make sure that they weren't sticking more than one item into
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a box which we busted at least two or three every season deep into the sample sale Mafia
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extravaganza we had one sale in particular that an entire box truck backed into the loading
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dock of the building that we were in we actually had coordinated some of our friends to be on the street and they
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just took entire boxes off the truck and walked themselves down the street if I was to guess the Outreach of the entire
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game Mafia in this scheme and how much we all made together I mean exponentially that could be like
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$500,000 I really have no real way to guess because there's probably things that people stole that I don't even know
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about but then something happened that I didn't expect after many seasons of working
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this sample sale we had gotten it streamlined so good like we had it down pat but then the Big Wall Street Market
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crash happened you know when the economy goes in the tanker the first thing that
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people cut out is luxu I is home decor and our sample sale went crash so they kind of pulled the
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plug on the sample sale for a while cuz they just weren't selling any product we
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all just kind of graduated not only in life but we graduated with money in different directions we had kind of
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become more adults so we kind of kissed our our grand larsy days goodbye I know there's that that saying the crime
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doesn't pay right and uh in this case it paid me very well oh it it truly opened up a freedom in me
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in a time where as an artist I was struggling in a very expensive city I really think the universe was like hey
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you know what kid you need a break right now and so here's an opportunity for you
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to game the system work your hustle throw your charm around and smoke screen them all and and and enjoy the money
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certainly now as an adult as a 45-year-old man who has like a real career I would not get so heavily
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involved in something like the gay Mafia and I certainly wouldn't lead a gay
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Mafia but at the time at 25 years old this was the best job I had in my entire life at the time and that's my story at
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a boy Jeffrey way to not blow it he could have got multiple years with the New York Department of Corrections but
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he stayed on the straight and narrow long enough to keep his butt out of prison a very very good situation now we
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go to a story about a former Catholic school girl with a checkered past thanks to a crime that could have put her in a
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California big house for 3 years luckily the big guy and the statute of limitations are on her side because
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she's here to tell her tale and trust me this one's a real gem guys meet
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[Music] Ruby hi my name is Ruby and over 20 years ago I committed vandalism and destruction of
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property the statue of limitations is up and I'm ready to tell my story back in
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1992 I went to very strict Catholic private school and we were very repressed you know like we were so
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restricted from so so many things so a lot of these girls would lash out at each other cuz you got all these women
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you know stuck in this high school and we have a lot of energy right and so there was a lot of chaos going on I mean
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we went at each other's throats all the time my group of friends we were kind of
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like the you know Outcast we were kind of nerdy we had this like book club and we were kind of a little like goth so we
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would get picked on a lot we always had trouble with these like cheerleader types and we were the Juniors they were
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the seniors they had more authority over us they would go around you know with this like Pride that they were the best
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they would leave stuff in our lockers you know trash prank us all the time you know throw glue in our drinks it was
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frustrating I mean you know we had to deal with this daily I had this problem with this girl named Amy I mean she
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would pick on every girl and she would push us she would shove us into the locker and she always had like two girls
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with her all the time so that we wouldn't you know fight back I was tired of it you know I was tired of the
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bullying I was tired it was a buildup that was just like h i i i just couldn't
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deal with it anymore you know she was just a bully and no one could stand this girl
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so me and my friends we decided to get even with Amy and we glued her desk and we threw trash in her desk we loved
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seeing her angry and mad but the bullying almost got worse and it would not stop one day I pull in in my nice Cherry
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classic car I come into the parking lot and then Here Comes Amy behind me with her brand new car as she starts yelling
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you stupid get out of my parking space you know what are you an idiot and I'm
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just like what the hell's going on here there was a lot of parking spaces and
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she could have picked another parking spot and she just decided to pick on me she humiliated me and I'm like what are
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you talking about this is your parking spot there was other girls that were watching what happened and I was just
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like oh my God nobody came to my defense I was there by myself I was scared because she's got two other girls
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they're going to beat me up what do I do Jesus Mary and Joseph it's like my
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mother always said you got to watch out for those Catholic school girls trouble for them is like a habit she's got her
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tools now she's going to put the car in Carnage on statute of limitations next welcome back to statute of
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limitations where our girl who is bullied is seeing red instead of turning the other cheek she's about to exact a
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buttload of payback by vandalizing the girl's car check this out and she starts yelling you stupid
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get out of my parking space there was other girls that were watching what happened and I was just like oh my God
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nobody came to my defense and so I'm just like okay fine you know I I'll get out of the parking space and
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I'll leave so I went back home and I cried the whole day I didn't even go to
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school because I was so upset so humiliated and you know it's just a builtup of anger it it was just a bad
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feeling a very bad feeling so then I was sitting there in my room and I got to thinking you know
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what she she really upset me I'm starting to plot to get revenge on this so I came up with a plan to get
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even with Amy I'm ready to go over to the school and just vandalize and rip her car apart so I got all this stuff
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together paint Sharpies a hammer and a knife so I started to think you know I don't think it's a really good idea to
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do this at school and so I came up with another plan to do it at her house at night
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time so I'm walking down the sidewalk Amy doesn't live that far away from me
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and I got my bag of Destruction and I'm walking I see her car and then someone
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pulls up right to the right side of me and I'm like oh there's someone watching
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me so at this point I'm thinking you know what I got to wait till tomorrow to
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do this so I'm in my room thinking like oh my gosh this these people saw me um should
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I do it should I not but it's like you know I'm a junior she's a senior if I
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don't do it now this will haunt me for the rest of my life if I don't get
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even so it's the next night and I'm walking down the sidewalk and I'm
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looking to my left to my right there's nobody there so I'm like this is my
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move I'm you know have this and adrenaline rush and I'm angry and I'm
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just thinking like you know Amy has humiliated me she bullies me and I'm just like you know what it's time to get
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even it's time to rip her car apart I threw ketchup and mustard all over the
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car I threw paint everywhere and I got my bat and hit the side of her mirror I got my hammer and I broke the glass and
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shattered her window and just for good measure I got my my knife and slash your tires I felt like you know an adrenaline
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rush and you know scared at the same time that I was going to get caught that someone was watching me that there was
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cameras and I'm just like ah yes I total her car you know I got even with Amy and
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then the lights come on the dogs are barking I'm like oh so I grabbed my back
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threw it over my shoulder and I get the hell out of there so the next day I went to school
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and everyone's talking about how Amy's car got total and trashed and I'm just
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like yes I got even I felt good about this and Amy never found out you know she never found out that it was me and
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it was just it was an amazing feeling and I'm just like yes that so now I'm older and you know I had
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a lot of things thinking to do and you know I could have gotten caught I could have gotten arrested and you know I
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think about the consequences and now I'm just like you know what I'll never do
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that again when it was all said and done she never got nailed and now thanks to the statute of limitations she can rest
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easy because apparently sins and vandalism truly are forgiven as long as you wait long
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enough that's so wrap guys for this episode I'm Mike The Situation Santino
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be sure to check out more crazy ass stories of folks that fought the law and actually won baby see you next
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time this program is for entertainment purposes only and it is not legal advice the statute of limitations are
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complicated and depend on many factors if you need advice you should seek legal counsel from a competent attorney in
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your [Music] jurisdiction [Music] yeah