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DANIEL BUTLER: This
is an ADC Warning. The crimes you're
about to see are true. Only the names were changed
to protect the ignorant.
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[theme music] Tonight, on "America's
Dumbest Criminals," a man who was driving under
the influence of Elvis,
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a high speed chase
in a camouflaged car, and a petty thief who
meets the Caped Crusader.
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This and more on
tonight's special edition of "America's
Dumbest Criminals." Good evening, and welcome to
"America's Dumbest Criminals."
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I'm Daniel Butler, your host. You know, folks, we've
been around this country from Seattle to Fort
Lauderdale, and we've
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seen a lot of dumb crime. But tonight, we bring you
a very special edition of "America's
Dumbest Criminals."
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The acts you're about to see
are illegal in themselves. But the disguises are
downright criminal.
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We were filming on location
in Nashville, Tennessee, when we discovered a unique
breed of dumb criminal.
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Sgt. Floyd Hyde
was on the scene. -We were in south Nashville, and
we had closed a lane of traffic
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down because they were--
we were filming a series for "America's
Dumbest Criminals."
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And we closed the road
down with traffic cones, a sign that said
"lane closed" on it.
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Behind that barrier, we
had two wooden barriers. And then behind
those two barriers,
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we had a police car
with the blue lights on. Of course, in front of the
police car were the policemen.
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So we're standing there trying
to make sure the traffic control is smooth
and everything.
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And we look up, and
here comes this man down the wrong side of the road. He had drove around
all three barriers.
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And then he drove
around the police car before we could get him to stop. -Whoa, what are you doing?
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SGT. FLOYD HYDE
(VOICEOVER): And we asked him where he was going. -Stop the car.
What are you doing?
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SGT. FLOYD HYDE (VOICEOVER):
And he said, well, I didn't realize that
this lane was closed.
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I knew the other
lane was closed. -Pull over. You, pull over. -I think this is the
talent for the next show.
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-Sir?
Sir? -Oh, what a minute. We got two of these guys. -Wait.
I'll handle it, sir.
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I'll handle it. -He looks drunk. DRUNK DRIVER: What's
going on up there? -Of course, we knew at that
time that he was intoxicated.
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So we made him park
his car, told him he couldn't drive on the
wrong side of the road
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simply because the
right side was closed. And right there in
the middle of the set,
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we did our field sobriety test. And of course, he failed,
and we arrested him for DUI.
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And then he asked us
what we were filming. And when we told him it was
"America's Dumbest Criminals,"
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he kind of chuckled
and said, well, I guess I'm a candidate
now, ain't I? It's unbelievable
how many people
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come up to the police cars. It was well marked that
the road was closed. There was marked units out
there, and they'd see them,
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but the people continued
to speed through there. We made 30, 40, 50 speeding
arrests, a couple revoked
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driver's license,
and eventually, a DUI arrest as a result of it. It was a very
productive night for us,
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and I guess for ADC also. DANIEL BUTLER: Our first Elvis
impersonator caught in a trap.
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But this was only the beginning. ADC quiz number 318. A house burglar
in Pittsburgh was
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unable to resist when
captured by the police. How was he caught? Did he-- A. Break in while
the owners were home?
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B. Leave his
fingerprints on the door. Or C. Lay down and fall
asleep on the couch?
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The correct answer is C. A
crowd of G-Men surrounded him and immediately applied
the couch potato cuff.
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Was our next dumb criminal
the King of Rock and Roll or the Godfather of Soul? You be the judge.
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-I was just driving one night. And I rolled up next to this
guy in a Honda Civic '95 model.
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And I just happen
to look over there. And I looked in the ignition,
and there were no keys.
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So I said, OK, be cool. And so I got on the radio,
ran it, actually came up. My dispatcher said, where
did you have that car?
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And I told her. She says, that car is stolen. Taken in a car jacking. And so, OK.
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I hit my lights. This guy took off. I said, OK. [inaudible]. I love it. And you can tell it's 5 speed.
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He couldn't drive the 5 speed. You could tell that much. Couldn't drive
because the back end
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was going up and
down, up and down. And another thing, I was able
to tell the dispatcher which way
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he was going because whenever
he'd turn, he'd signal. So OK, he's gonna turn right.
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He's gonna turn right. OK. So we go down this
dead end street, and he jumps out the car.
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So he ran toward these bushes. I lost sight of him. But what he had done, he
had hidden underneath those.
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Well, I didn't
know he was there. So I'm running, running,
running through the bushes,
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and I stepped on him. ELVIS: Whoa! UNDERCOVER OFFICER
(VOICEOVER): And there he was.
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I think he was
eaten up with ants. -Get on the ground! -Ants in my pants! UNDERCOVER OFFICER (VOICEOVER):
Anything-- Anything
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that was there in those bushes,
they had him for dinner, more or less. -On the ground!
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-I-- oh, god! Ants in my p-- officer, baby. I got ants in my-- oh! Oh! Please, help me, help
me, help me, help me!
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DANIEL BUTLER: The King
had found a new place to dwell-- it was down at
the end of Lonely Street
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in an ant hill motel. It's obviously a crime to
impersonate the King of Rock and Roll, but it's also
a crime to impersonate
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the King of Ding and Dent. This is actual surveillance
camera footage from a body shop
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that employed "the money maker." Hey, watch this. To increase a car's
damage and his profit,
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the Dr. Nick of crash and
crunch wrapped a sledgehammer in duct tape, and
then mauled the Mazda.
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One for you, $500 for me. Two for you, $800 for me. This devil in disguise was dumb
enough to do his damage right
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in front of his own
surveillance camera, which was used to convict him. Hey, I totalled it.
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I made it to the bonus round. In Florida, it used to be
against the law for a wife
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to collect her
husband's paycheck. But she could impersonate
a giant Casaba melon
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and collect a
loving cup of gravy. Ladies and gentlemen,
we are proud to present
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the first twin Elvi sighting. -Well, we had armed
robbery downtown. And there's two
individuals involved.
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So one individual got away. He got out the back of the
bank before we arrived. The second individual was
caught by our officers
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coming out the
front of the bank. The first individual
came out of the crowd. And the suspect that had gotten
away, we asked him, you know,
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why he came back because
he was in the clear. Well, they was
from another town. And he said, my buddy
had the car keys.
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And he said, I had to
come back and get the car keys cause I didn't
have a ride home.
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DANIEL BUTLER: These
twins got all shook down. Coming up, an Elvis impersonator
who really bombs at the bank.
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Up next, a petty
thief accidentally runs into to the King of
Rock and Roll justice.
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-Many years ago, there was
a burglar working at a truck stop, area where 18-wheeler
semi-trucks were coming
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in day and night,
24 hours a day. And he was breaking into
these 18-wheeler trucks
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with some regularity. And the merchandise was
being sold the following day on streets a few
blocks away just
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to passerbys on the street. Well, one night, this
burglar got greedy, I guess. And he broke into an 18-wheeler
truck at this truck stop area
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and decided that he wanted
to sell the merchandise, get the money right then. Well, the only two
businesses in the area
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was the truck stop and a bar. So the burglar took a specific
number of audio cassettes
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in a certain case into
the bar and proceeded to attempt to sell
the audio cassettes.
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What he didn't realize
was the bar was full of truckers, and the man that
he handed the audiotapes to
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to try to sell, they
belonged to him. -All right.
I got him down. I got him down.
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BUDDY TIDWELL
(VOICEOVER): So needless to say, we responded to a big
disturbance call at the bar.
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By the time we got there, there
were several burly truckers outside holding the man at bay.
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-Hit him. Hit him. Get outta here. DANIEL BUTLER:
This dumb criminal was a hunk-a hunk-a all beat up.
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In Ohio, it used to
be against the law to sit on top of a taxi. However, it was
legal to roller skate
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on the world's
tallest turntable. Warning-- the following scene
contains graphic footage
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of a serious eating disorder. -And this officer, he'd come
up and was hungry that night,
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was on his way
home, so he decide to stop at the
restaurant to get one of their famous strawberry pies.
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And so he got this call. He said, well, I'll catch
this call before I go home. He pulled in behind
this business
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and left the pie and everything
in the backseat of the car. So he goes in to
process the crime scene.
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And he's in there with
his walkie-talkie, and he's dusting for
prints and whatnot.
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And all of a sudden, he hears
a frantic call over the air, "help, help!"
MAN (ON RADIO): Help me!
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Help! Help! -And the dispatcher comes on
and said, unit calling for help, identify.
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The guy said, I don't know. I don't know my car.
I don't know where I am. I don't know where I am.
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I need help. And she says, well,
look at the car door. She thought it was a citizen--
calling from a citizen.
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Look at the side of the car. So he looks out and
he says, oh, 412. 412. And she's, all cars,
officer needs help.
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Unit 412. And she dispatches his location. Well, the officer inside
says, wait a minute, I'm 412.
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What? So he dashes outside,
and he looks, and he finds this man
sitting in the backseat
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of his car just
covered in blood. And he's just, ah,
give me the paramedics. I got a man hurt.
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All of a sudden, he
looks at this guy, and he looks in the back seat. And the guy's drunk.
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He crawled in his
backseat to get warm. And he's eating
the strawberry pie. What he saw and
thought was blood
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was strawberry pie
just all over this guy. -Get outta there. Come on. What is the pr--?
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You messed up my car. You ate my pie. Come on now, what's going on? -It was cold.
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I climbed inside to get warm. -Yeah, yeah. -I had a buzz on. I got munchies. DANIEL BUTLER:
This dumb criminal
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is definitely going to Faceland. You know, Elvis liked
fast cars, but he also liked great landscaping.
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This sketch contains
one of those. This is an outlaw landscaping
company car receiving
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a high speed police escort on
the way to a corporate client. First of all, the landscapers
will remove a pesky tree
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to make room for new growth. Now as they remove the
tree from the grounds for proper disposal,
they'll fog for insects.
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Now, once they've properly
disposed of the tree, they'll quickly
sweep the street,
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then they'll cut the grass. After a frantic
mulching, they're ready to plant their
bulbs in jail where they
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will compost for 15 to 20 years. Ladies and gentlemen,
the first known father and son Elvis sighting.
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Bizarre but true. Here, Elvis Senior and Elvis
Junior enter a liquor store. Dad immediately instructs Junior
to disable the video cameras.
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-Hey. Junior, get that
ca-- get that video. Get that camera. -OK. It's OK. Wait a minute.
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I'll do it for you. DANIEL BUTLER: The problem
with most surveillance camera footage is that you never
get a really good close-up
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of the face, so it's
difficult to make an ID. -I'm getting it, Daddy. I'm getting it, Daddy.
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DANIEL BUTLER: But Elvis Junior
obliged by putting his face right in front of the camera
before he clipped it off.
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Hey, it's still
better than having a daughter who marries
Michael Jackson. Coming up, here's something you
don't see everyday-- an Elvis
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impersonator with
a missing Philco on "America's
Dumbest Criminals." Next up, John Rhodes
tells us about a man
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who impersonates a bank robber. -It was a bomb threat,
slash, bank robbery. A man had called a bank on one
end of the county and said,
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there's a bomb on your building. I'm going to come through
the drive-through. You give me however
much money he wanted
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or else I'm going to
blow up your bank. So sheriff's
department all started moving towards that bank.
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They had Investigators working. That was just a diversion. And he called the other end of
accounting us at the same thing
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I think everybody's going
to be down here this bank. Well, the bad guy had called
inside the bank and said,
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there's a bomb on your building. I'm coming through
the drive-through. I'll show you a green flag.
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Give me X number of dollars. Soon as they hung up the phone,
they walked out of the bank,
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locked the door,
and went next door and called the
sheriff's department. Nobody was in the bank.
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He came through
the drive-through. Nobody was there. He sat there for a few
minutes in his car.
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They're at a business
next door watching. And he's waving a green flag. Nobody's at the bank.
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And when the deputy
drives up, he's standing there
banging on the window. -I need my money now.
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[inaudible] where you at now? I need my money now. Come on. -Get on the ground! Get on the ground!
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Put your hand behind your back. DANIEL BUTLER: Of course,
the real King never bombed.
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This is actual surveillance
cam footage of Flora, Dora, and Debbie-- the fairy
godmothers of crime.
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Watch closely as
Flora, Dora, and Debbie crowd the customer
in black on the left.
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Dora diverts the
customer's attention by reaching in front of her,
while Flora filches the funds.
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Once the grab is made,
Dora sprints around left in, just in time to
make the hand off to Debbie.
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Now let's see that in slow
mo replay to spot the foul. The teams are lined up. Dora calls the signals.
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2-48. 2-48. Hut, hut. There's the snag. Dora blocks while Flora
dashes for the corner.
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She's got some
open running room. Debbie's pulling in just in
time to receive the hand off.
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There. She's got the ball now. She's got possession,
tight-roping down the sideline.
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Debbie high steps to
paydirt and a jail cell. And now, for a dumb criminal
who got all stuck up.
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Uh-huh. -One night, they get a call
on a burglar in progress-- a man trying to go through
the second story window.
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And they go up. And they pull up. And they're shining
their lights. And sure enough, he had one
foot in the tree and one foot
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behind a drain pipe. And they said-- OFFICER: He's all right, Jeff. Johnny, what are you
doing up there, man?
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Just hang on, man. Don't fall. Are you stuck, man? -Uh-huh. -You can't get down from there?
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-My feet's a shakin'. The branch a breakin'. My foot's a stuck. And I don't know how I got up.
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-Well, why don't
you come on down? We'll do a couple of choruses
of "Jailhouse Rock," huh?
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Hang on, hang on. Yep, we need Fire and Rescue
on this one, I believe. -OK. -Just sit tight.
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We'll get you down. -Uh-huh. -And they had to call
the fire department out to help ply him off.
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They had to pull the
pipe off the wall. DANIEL BUTLER: This
Elvis impersonator just couldn't help falling.
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In Ohio, it used to be
against the law for a student to date a ski instructor. But as wise men say, only
ski instructors rush in.
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Next up, Frank Walmer bags two
bean heads in a doubleheader. While on duty in
Baltimore, Frank Walmer
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spotted a man
carrying a television. -Excuse me, sir. Yeah, you. Could I ask you a few questions?
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Could you put the
TV on the hood? -Right here? FRANK WALMER: Yeah. Right there's good.
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Is this your TV, sir? -Oh, yeah. Yes, sir. Yes, I was letting
a-- a friend watch it.
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FRANK WALMER: A friend, huh? -Yes, and I was
just taking it home. -OK. Well, do you have some ID, sir?
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-Ah, yes, sir. Yes, sir. He wanted to watch
the 50th anniversary of the "Hee Haw" reunion show.
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FRANK WALMER:
Yeah, that's great. -Officer Walmart? FRANK WALMER: Walmer. -Oh. FRANK WALMER: Walmer, yes.
-My second guess.
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FRANK WALMER: Here, let
me call this in, sir. Just a second. DANIEL BUTLER: Officer
Walmer ran the serial number
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and checked for burglaries
involving that brand of TV. Finding nothing,
he let the man go.
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FRANK WALMER: All right, sir. Here's your ID back, sir. -Thank you. FRANK WALMER: Thank
you very much.
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-Thank you very much. DANIEL BUTLER: A few
hours later, the officer was dispatched to the scene
of a residential burglary.
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And sure enough, one
of the items stolen was the television
he had just seen. But nothing prepared the
officer for what he saw next.
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-Hey, heard you
guys were coming by. You're the officer I called
about the theft here?
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FRANK WALMER: Yes, sir. You had a break in? -I don't-- you know what. Baby was in fixing me,
in there, a sandwich.
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And I had-- excuse
me just a minute. Just make sure that you
can see my eyes and all.
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FRANK WALMER: Thanks. -Thank you, baby. And, uh-- I'll be just a minute. And I come in.
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Sounded like somebody was
jimmying my screen door. And-- and, uh, I come in. -Screen door.
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Yes, sir.
-The screen door. Yeah. -The items were taken? -Appreciate that. You got my name down there?
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-Yes, sir. -E. Presley. -Yes, sir. -Thank you very much. And I come in, and somebody--
excuse me there for a minute.
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Somebody'd taken the Philco.
-What is that? What-- what's up with this? -Oh yeah, that's some alfalfa.
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That's my cousin's. And-- -What-- what's that? -That's some potpourri that
wife, uh, keeps in the house.
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-Can I see this, sir? -Makes it, uh-- you can
go on and keep that. Keeps it smelling nice and the--
the--- I didn't see anybody.
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I come here and my
Philco was gone. It was [inaudible]
since I bought it. They didn't take my headphones.
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They didn't take
nothing else, but-- you don't want my sandwich, do you? Man that did it was--
they didn't take--
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-Uh, this, sir? -Oh. -What's that? -Baby, I-- I told
you about keeping these carburetors out
here in the house.
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It's from an old Chevy. And, uh-- -Mr. Presley, I think you
need to come with us, sir.
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Downtown. -Excuse me? -I think it's time for
you to leave the building. -Hang on a minute.
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Baby. They want me to come
downtown for just a minute. Signing autographs or
something, I reckon.
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I don't know. Give me another sandwich. DANIEL BUTLER: Officer Walmer
arrested the impersonator
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and later, grabbed the burglar. It was truly a doubleheader. -That's all the time we have on
"America's Dumbest Criminals."
00:19:12
Tune in next week, don't
impersonate the King, and remember what
Black Elvis says--
00:19:18
-Don't be dumb. Don't break the law. [theme music]