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hey it's your boy Mike The Situation Santino welcome to statute of limitations it's the ultimate lineup
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it's Cooks this is not my fault that I stole this car it's conman this is my
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chance I can be rich for life it's want to be King Pins we all made together
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$500,000 and queen pins it was basically a lounge of criminals these are stories of the
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nonviolent lucky punks and Robin hoods that Dodge the law I could have gone to prison not jail prison because here's
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the situation baby it's only a matter of time before the statute of limitations
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is up and technically you might walk away Scot free but don't take her from me guys I'm obviously no lawyer this is
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statute of limitations what's up everybody it's your boy Mike The Situation sortino on
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this episode we have a car collector of other people's cars and a young couple
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who took the law into their own hands with the help of some FBI t-shirts you know the ones with FBI the front female
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body inspector on the back man what a country they sell everything at Venice Beach let's get right into it here's a
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young New Yorker playing a real life game of Grand Theft Auto in the Empire State though guys that's no joke here's
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Moses hey what's up my name is Moses I ran a valet scam it was over 20 years
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ago it's beyond the statue of limitations so I want to tell you about it so had a crazy ass childhood I grew
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up in a Time where you know crack cocaine hit the streets of New York and it was decimating neighborhoods and
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households including mine a lot of times you know we went hungry we went without
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heat we ate still food it was rough and for me everybody my heroes everybody looked up to was the neighborhood drug
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dealers you know the fancy cars the beautiful women when I entered my pre-teen you know I'm selling drugs you
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I hit the streets running you know that's what I did I always had a small man complex you know 20 years ago I was
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a scrapper you know I like five five like 150 lbs back then Raymond that that was like my right hand like he was
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strong as me he was fast as me we was 18 failing at being a weed distributor I smoked all the weed you know all the
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pretty girls in the school smoked all my weed so there was our weed business so sitting there walk with my friend
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Raymond down the street and we were desperate like white stuff in the corner of our mouth just actually hungry like
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we don't even have energy to walk down the street you know you just like I I
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wish somebody would just like hand me a bag of money well a bag of money just dropped from the sky so as I'm thinking
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this these crazy thoughts I'm walking by this valet stand and I see this dude
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look just like me got you know at the time had braids had long braids had tattoos everywhere and I see the
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exchange so I'm like hold up they just so freely just just giving it away like
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like there's no problem you know what I'm saying she look him down and nothing
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thinking scheming I'm like yo I can do that like you know mean start I turny to
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raing I'm like yo what happen if we just had like the the valet uniform and start
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stealing cars and his biggest thing is like where we going to get him so I'm
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think I'm think I'm thinking my girl Alicia Hunter mom's they make wedding
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dresses and suits and everything I'm like hey I'm going hit up Alicia you
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know she going to put it together for me all right boom I'm thinking in my mind
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we're going to stay in Manhattan in New Jersey but I didn't want to do the
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restaurants I didn't want to do something small I want to keep it big just hit up like you know Broadway
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Lafayette you know we're shaking there's a lot of valet especially on the Friday
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Saturday for big vents there was like four or five 10 agencies we walked past just the scheme
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on it as soon as we walk past valet dude yelled at me and asked me why I wasn't
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valet and cars and that's when things went crazy cuz they actually thought we
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was actually working so what we do we get to work so we're halfway doing the job for
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me it was like an affirmation like oh I'm supposed to be here doing this he I
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mean so what we used to do is we had the key to the car that we were stealing obviously cuz we were driving it and
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then we had the key to the car we were bringing back so on the way back we picked up the car for Violet and so it
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was smooth so it wasn't like we were just leaving with cars and not coming back or anything we was part of the
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circle of life baby in the beginning I felt bad like cuz I was thinking my mom like you just
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giving me the key like you you know you Ain going see his ever like you know what I'm saying you know after a couple
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joints after making some couple dollars you know feeding some family I I didn't
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care like I was I was on it at the smaller joints you we would stay for like an hour for me that was just like
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my limit cuz soon as we come back to the other car the first joint is gone so we
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good money it so it's it's it's like clock work and then like you go up town you
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know meet with this one dude and was getting paid about anywhere from like you know 3 to 5,000 per car depending on
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what it was you know the biggest thing that you could steal back then was the Escalade with the double doors the all
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black joints with the B surround system in there smelling like vanilla ice and I
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even think about it we was stealing the stuff that was in the car before we can get the car like you know we was like go
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go the glove boxes and stuff like that you know somebody had a couple dollars somebody had a gun before you know some
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weed so it was like little gift prizes within the bigger prize and everything so it was good money I came back we was
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the hood saviors you mean and ain't nobody went hungry that night it was steak and lobster like a mobster for
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weeks like you know what I mean like people wanted spending their food stamps that month like for real everybody in
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the projects we took them school shopping we able to help some of our friends start up legitimate businesses
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and stuff like that when we started going to these bigger joints we talk we was getting like 15 20 25 calls you know
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and it was just like in the same amount of time just moving shaking I remember this one night it was
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this one dude and he had this old red Mustang like SE or something fast and furious in the face with it you know
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revving up unnecessarily like next to us and so he looks at me he's like yo if
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there's one scratch on this this is this is going to be your ass don't mess up my
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car the whole time that scene from Ferris bules day off we stole the fraud went enjoy ride I was like I'm just
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going to hit the city hit the West Side Highway real quick a couple times like I
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need some time with your car this one's personal I wanted to get him like you
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know what I'm saying yeah like you mean that going see this you know what I'm
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saying so boom took the joint so I'm headed back to the site I pull up to the
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valet stand be before I can even get down there I seen it just swarm with police B mad police like police
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everywhere like somebody got bodied I'm like boom dude the muscle call he must
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have have some type of lowjack system on you know what I'm saying I think I'm almost dooky on
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myself for real like I like literally like I like wet farted on myself to keep it real I was like clenching my butt
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cheeks together dumb hard pulling up I just see like I could have turn and just went somewhere else but for some reason
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I just can't stop I was I was like paralyzed with fear like it was just like the new was down kind of get some
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of the wet for out of there like I'm just like driving into this like I'm
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going to jail for Grand the father like it's it's a rap it's over there he figur
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this out br bro that was way nasty man damn Moses anyway so much for a clean getaway
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they should arrest him for giving us that visual right for Real come on is he going to get popped or have an accident
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next on statute of limitations we are back guys with more statute of limitations as Moses a guy
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stealing fast cars for some fast cash is about to have his career of crime come to a screeching halt and he's in a
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stolen whip when he spots the cops ahead and he damn near causes an accident check this
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out I pull up to the valet stand be I seen his just sworn with police be mad police but for some reason I just can't
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stop I was I was like paralyzed with Fe like I like I just like driving into this like I'm going to jail for Grand
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and father like it's it's a rap it's over it they figur this out so almost on
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myself the window was down kind of get some of that wet for out of there and then I like went past the cop he like
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looked at the car and I just had to throw in the white Bo how you doing just and they didn't even look at me they pay
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me no atten you say hi back nothing like just let me go like they were like in their business I go around the back of
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the parking lot I projectile the vomit I need some exist and just got out the car
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and ran my ass to so I'm stressed out all night all night I know I like I know when my heart
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that I'm going to jail like like I'm already in jail like I'm like Harding in
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myself like I'm in the mirror like making my face look tough any given moment they going to bang down my joint
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for grant that F what do you know like I don't know 7 8:00 in the morning knock
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at the door man you I live in a hood don't knock on my door like there's no
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reason like if you know me you would just walk in like you know what I'm saying so my joy is just just just
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beating out of my chest I'm almost at the point that I'm accepted of it like
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I'm almost ready to just go out and say I did it you just take me away like you
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know what I'm saying like whatever I stood in front of the door for like it felt like it was forever palms are
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sweaty and so last minute I just like concocted the story you know what I'm saying I I'm a thinker at least that's
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how I feel about myself it was some [ __ ] ass story and I was confident with I was like you know what I'm
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saying I open the door it's the police like everything is is is done it wasn't like aggressive cop
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it was a detective clean cut detective and he says hey good morning sir this would have been the friendliest arrest
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ever right like what the hell is going on say like he um we recovered some stolen cars then I'm like like you're
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trying to hold on here and one of the cars happened to be yours yo I forgot that I drove my car to
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there so D shot at me so they thought I was a victim we never got caught it was just
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like it was just too close of a call you know it was crazy crazy but I never did
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that again I look in retrospect I look at all the crime look at the madness I look how
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I grew up and I don't I don't condone this I don't condone crime but the the
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passion and everything that I have from it is like I apply it to legitimate legal things today I'm actually a
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Salesman I've sell Kirby Vacuums I've sold gy memberships i s time share I'm a
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dad um I'm a grandpa I have tons of friends I I love I do so that's what it
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is take it or leave it but that's my story I love this statue of limitations Moses got the break he so
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desperately needed when he hit the breakes on his life of crime now here's a life lesson if your parents ever told
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you you could be anything you want in life it's kind of true just ask these next two people cuz they decided to
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impersonate a couple of federal agents a crime that could have earned them 3 years in the federal prison it's a story
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that involves a drug dealer a dog right and one very lucky Duo here's Joe and
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Todd hi I'm Joe I'm Todd and in the early 2000s we impersonated Federal officers and um committed Grand
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th and now the statute of limitations is up on this one so so we're admitting
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this well we're going to tell you our crazy story crazy so yeah we met in college we were
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both at the same bar and after a football game yep we won and a little embarrassing she was sitting next to me
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while I was with my friends and we were having a picture drinking contest and I spilled little on her instead of
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slapping me we got to talking and and the rest is history yeah we ended up dating for the rest of college and then
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got out and got a place in uh Santa Monica together we loved our apartment it was
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everything we dreamed of I put up fresh flowers I had my big screen TV and we even had room for our dog
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Mac his friend Mike had a friend who needed a place to stay we were going on vacation and place was going to be empty
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anyway and so and we needed someone to feed our dog he said okay let's hook him
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up and let him stay there so we get back from our vacation which was awesome lovely and walk in the front door and
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everything is gone worst of all he stole our puppy so I don't know if you've ever
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experience being robbed but there's no feeling like it you feel violated you
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feel betrayed you're afraid to stay in your house just a punch to the gut man
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you're constantly every noise you're wondering if somebody's in there if it's
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going to happen again now that they know where you live even though there's nothing left to take this guy cleaned us
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out couch TV pictures off the wall everything even our like dog bed was gone like it literally looked like a
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moving company had come in and just we called Mike and we said you know what the f your buddy just cleaned us
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out and you know Mike was sounded as shocked as we did but sympathized with us and was able to give us the address
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for where his buddy lived and so of course we're hard charging we're going
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to go get our stuff back and so dog and our dog so we rolled over to this guy's
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house and pounded on his door and then he answered and you know I was this close to Leading with my fist and and
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asking questions after but you know we ended up intimidating pretty good and he unfortunately said that he owed his drug
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dealer money and gave him all of our possessions who gives a dog to a drug dealer and that was the only way he
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could think of to pay back what he owed now we're in a situation where he doesn't have our stuff but he knows who
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has our stuff so we take it a step further and we get him to tell us where does his drug dealer live we tell him
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now he owes us he owes us the name of the dealer and I smash a bunch of his stuff to show them we mean business
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because in our minds we can go there to get our stuff back so I know it sounds crazy and at the time it felt crazy when
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we got the address of the drug dealer but we wanted revenge and he had our dog so we we decided to take maners into our
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own hands I don't know neither of us really has experience with drug dealers so
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we're trying to think of how can we get our stuff back without getting ourselves
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into a dangerous situation and we're trying to come up with some kind of plan
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you can't just walk in there as Todd and Joe I mean we need to be something scary
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like the actual police or the FBI we do live near Venice and we have seen those t-shirts that they sell in the shops
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those FBI t-shirts the female body inspector we got a couple and uh went to the costume store got a decent poster
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with a lifik prop gun and aviators yeah agent dangle y That's who we were and I
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was agent Smith of course oh we printed out a search warrant that we found on Google that's right and since we had the
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guy's name we actually put it on to make it official yep yep so and we went and
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served him he was staying in Westchester in this like really seedy place you look
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like a badass babe so we pounded on the door just like the movies then she shouted federal
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agents and he answers the door and we kick it open and he falls back falls back this
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scrawny little white dude what you doing first thing out of my mind is like low-level drug dealer he's clearly not
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running the show lip quivering eyes watering and I'm like sit down Joe don't play Man I mean listen
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the fake outfits the fake warrant these guys got balls right here it's about to
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go down this right here is a movie what happens when two regular folks pretending to be the feds confront a
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drug dealer I love this I don't know about you guys but find out on statute of limitations
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next welcome back guys to statute of limitations where a brave pair of people Joe and Todd are pretending to be FBI
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agents with a dealer who's got their stuff including their dog this right here we're done to playing around so
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while most people would have just called the cops they took the law into their own hands I love this right here guys
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now we're about to find out why they made the perfect call check this out first thing out of my mind is like
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low-level drug dealer he's clearly not running the show lip quivering eyes watering and I'm like sit
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down we know what you've been doing we know who you you are we know who you run
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with we know who you sell to we have been watching your sorry ass for months and we got you you're throwing jargon
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out there cross state Distributing intent to sell you money laundering I mean you're giving him the
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laund waving the warrant around a little bit so so then I decided I'd be a little
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good cop and start talking to him while I yeah I took off through the rest of the house looking for our dog looking
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for our stuff I I called out to Mac didn't hear him bark but I did see you know drug
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paraphernalia a gun on his desk actually which is a little frightening it was a good thing I didn't know about the gun
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cuz I was going full Dangle on Mr dealer I was saying like do you know what they
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do to guys like you in federal prison they will turn you into Burger you will sideways keeping them distracted you
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know what I mean uh I looked in the bedroom looked in the kitchen uh tried went through closets I did not see any
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evidence of our stuff unfortunately but in his bedroom I looked in the closet and there was a safe he left the safe
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open and so when I looked inside there was a decent amount of cash in there so you know I said to myself if we can't
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get our stuff back I mean he's got to compensate it somehow so there's I
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pocketed all the cash and walked out and I showed her the money and I had to have
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a look see so I quickly looked around the apartment and uh what did I find in the closed back
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bathroom yeah Mac our P yeah he was happy to see us we didn't get the dog bed back though but we got our dog no so
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on the way out holding our dog our dog I said you're we're still watching you
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we're going to be watching you we know this isn't your dog though so if you
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don't want another felony on your record we're taking no you could be free but
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I'm taking the dog right for a couple weeks we wondered like did anyone see us leave was the
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dealer going to come after us you know fortunately for us we never heard from Mike's friend or the drug dealer again
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did get enough money to put a decent upgrade on our place I mean we got a a new love seat new couch a
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TV uh I got new PlayStation Matt got a new dog bed Matt got a new dog bed got dishes and enough
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money for a second dog yeah little lucy at the time it felt good I don't regret getting my dog back but I we
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would never do something that stupid again in hindsight if it had been someone else on the other side of that
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door we probably would have been dead or severely hurt or in a lot different situation yeah yeah the real FBI isn't
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going to be pounding on our door no once that time expired and we aren't stupid
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enough to do it again no ever no never or let anyone spend the night at our house now that we have
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nice and uh that's our story I'm pretty sure guys if Big Daddy s tried to impersonate an FBI agent today
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the feds would come for me really really hard but Joe and Todd pulled it off be sure to check out some more stories of
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everyday folks confessing some crazy crimes I mik the situation Santino reminding you being F guilty and feeling
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guilty are two very very different things trust me guys peace this program is for entertainment
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purposes only and it is not legal advice the statute of limitations are complicated and depend on many factors
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if you need advice you should seek legal counsel from a competent attorney in your
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[Music] jurisdiction yeah [Music] yeah