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NARRATOR: Tonight on
"America's Dumbest Criminals," you think she's mad
now, wait till someone
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really yanks her chain. Could things be worse if
the suspects on the road had been dressed in
rawhide chew sticks?
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Could this little fella inspire
courageous crime fighting? Sit back, relax, and watch
as every dog has its day
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here on America's
Dumbest Criminals. [theme music] NARRATOR: Now, welcome
your hosts for ADC,
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Daniel Butler and Debbie Allen. -Hi, there. -Good evening. We're going to the
dogs in this edition
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of America's Dumbest Criminals. -In fact, we've
got several stories where dogs take a
bite out of crime.
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-Oh, yeah. And I've brought in
my own dog, equipped with is doggy cam for this show.
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-Doggie cam? -Oh, yeah. You want me to demonstrate?
-Sure Please do. -Yeah?
OK. Come on.
Come here, boy.
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Come here, boy. Good boy. Come on. Did you park the car like
I asked you, in the shade?
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-You brought your dog to
park your car in the shade? -Well, you've heard of a German
shepherd and an Irish setter,
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right? -Yeah. -He's a Swiss valet. Yeah. Good dog. -Daniel, you amaze me. -You think I'm smart?
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Wait. Check out what this dog can do. All right. You ready? -All righty. -All right.
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Come here, Bobby. Find the person
carrying the most cash. Come up. Get the scent of money.
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Get the scent of money. That a boy. That a boy. Find him. Come on, look for a purse.
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Forget the wallets. Come on. Huh? There it is. There it is. Come on, boy. Bring it back.
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Come on. Come on. That a boy.
Come here. Give it to daddy. Hey, there you go. -Wait a minute!
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How'd he do that? -Well-- oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good boy. Yeah. Actually, well, he started
sniffing change in the sofa
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cushions, and we
went from there. You know. -Daniel. Well, I don't think we have
anything that rivals that,
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but we do have
some good stories. We start with an unusual
weapon used to hold up
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a convenience store in
Columbia, Tennessee. -Yep. Does a dog save the day in this?
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-No. There's no dog in
this one, but you can pretend there was one
just outside the door,
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if you'd like. Now, let's take a look at
the first ever one calorie hold up as it was
caught on camera.
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NARRATOR: What's the
strangest yet most refreshing weapon ever used in a
convenience store robbery?
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Well, how about a
large soft drink? It's less deadly than
a gun, but no less unnerving, and no
less effective.
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In fact, things happened
so fast that the robber almost beats the
clerk to the door.
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How did the clerk feel? -Pretty scared. First time he'd
ever been robbed. NARRATOR: Right after his
close encounter with cola,
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the clerk ran across the street,
dialed 911, took a big gulp, and said-- -When I charged him for the
gum, when I opened the register,
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he threw the drink all over me
and crawled across the counter. NARRATOR: And almost as fast
as he'd robbed the place,
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the carbonated crook
was in custody. In fact, it took just 30
minutes to make the rest.
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The arresting officer, a veteran
with over 20 years experience, was asked if this
type of assault
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was one for the record books. -That's a first. First one I've ever heard of. NARRATOR: But with
the aid of a mop,
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the mess of this sticky
stick up was soon wiped away. -The key to solving a
burglary in Atlantic Beach,
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North Carolina was a motel key. -But sorry, no pets allowed. -Aw. Kind of blows our whole
dog theme, doesn't it?
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-Well, only a few of our stories
are specifically about dogs. This show just has
the flavor of dogs.
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-Oh, like Vietnamese food. Yeah. -Aw, Daniel. -I like it. -Here's Something
To Remember Me By.
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-I love [inaudible]. -Two officers were
riding together. They drove past a motel parking
lot in the early morning hours.
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It was pretty vacant, except
for they noticed one gentleman standing in the parking lot,
going through his trunk.
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As he looks over his shoulder
and sees the squad car go by, he immediately slams his trunk,
turns around, puts his hands
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in front of him, and is just
eyeballing the officers. Now, that is a dead
giveaway for cops.
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The officers rode
around the corner, spoke to a citizen who
had heard some noises,
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searched the outside
of the residence, found that it had
been broken into. They were doing a search,
they found a motel room key.
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It was the same motel
as they had just left and saw the gentleman at. They proceeded to go back
there, knock on the room.
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Had the guy's room key in hand. Asked him to step out. He admitted to the
breaking and entering,
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and he doesn't have a
key to his new room. -Now, on the playground
they teach you
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that if you throw rocks,
you're going to get in trouble. -It's a lesson that was
lost on the next crook,
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though, especially
considering how many watchful eyes
were upon him. Take a look.
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-We were staking out an audio
store up on North Magnolia here in Ocala. We'd had some problems with
some people breaking in,
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throwing rocks through
the front window, and they'd go in and take
the audio amplifiers.
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Myself and my partner back then
had been staking this place out about-- I think we
were on the third night
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when we saw a guy coming
across North Magnolia. We could see when
we first saw him
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that he had a big boulder,
or rock in his hand. So we watched him walk
across the street,
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went right to the front
of the audio place, and looked around a little
bit, put a shirt over his head,
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and takes the rock, and throws
it through the front window. And we went inside the
building and confronted
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the guy that was
in the building. Of course it was a total shock
that when he turned around,
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we were standing there. He came toward us, and
eventually charged us. And the fight was on
from that point on,
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and we wrestled around with him. And when we finally got
his legs surrounded, we all fell to the floor.
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The fight was pretty
much over then. I was glad it was over,
because I'd about give out,
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and he said, OK, you got me. NARRATOR: In San
Jose, California, it's illegal to own more
than two cats or dogs.
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-I guess that eliminates
the possibility of a three dog night. Sorry. That's what I get for trying
to bring joy to the world.
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Well, our next
story follows a man who was three sheets in the
wind and an accident waiting
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to happen. His odd odyssey
provides us with one of America's Dumbest Excuses. -Me and my partner were en route
to the sheriff's department
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one night, and we're driving
through downtown Angola here. Next thing I know, there's
this guy right on my butt.
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He is just tailgating
me, and he couldn't have been more than
a foot off my bumper.
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And I'm thinking, who
is that guy back there? So I do the old tap the brakes
a couple times, you know,
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see if he'd back off. Well, he doesn't back off, so
I turn my emergency lights on,
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and he still doesn't back off. Finally, he stops. So I walk up to the
guy, and I'm thinking,
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oh, this has got to
to be a good one. Sir, I said, is
there a reason why you were following
me so close tonight?
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He looks over at me, and I can
tell right away he's drunk. He just-- like this, and
he just leans over at me,
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and he goes, yeah. He goes, you got
a headlight out. I go, really? I said, is that all?
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And he goes, no. He goes, you were speeding, too. I was like, jeez. So we pull him out
of the vehicle,
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and he was just toasted. Wonder how he knew
I had a headlight out when he was tailgating me.
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-A dog makes a brief
but memorable appearance on screen in our next story. You'll note that
most of the action
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happens out of the
surveillance camera's view, but when you hear what's going
on, you'll probably be glad.
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Expect to gain a little
respect for canine units as you watch this
Blue Light Special.
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NARRATOR: It's been a
tough night for the crooks in the car up ahead. First they head to inner
city New Orleans to buy dope,
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then they rob the
dealer at gun point. Got lost and kidnapped a
pedestrian to get directions.
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Oh, and did I
mention they're also wanted for attempted murder? Now the guys decide to make
a scenic stop on a levy.
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As the crooks scatter,
officers are ordered to stay in their
cars while a police
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dog goes to fetch the bad guys. One officer, however,
didn't get the word. -No! No!
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NARRATOR: And if you think the
police officer had it rough, imagine how things
went when the dog
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made contact with the suspects. Ruff! As a footnote,
the shaken officer laughed about his encounter
with his canine cohort later.
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Much later. -You've heard that a fool and
his money are soon parted. Well, that's also true of high
school buddies and their beer.
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Or in this case,
50 cases of beer. Let's take a look at a
wild party that never happened in Ocean
City, Maryland.
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-One June afternoon, a couple
of our bicycle officers were riding down
one of the alleys,
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and they heard a
disturbance behind one of the beach cottages. They went around to investigate,
and found a group of teenagers
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unloading several cases
of beer out of a van. -Excuse me. How are you? Is anyone here 21 years of age?
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-Actually, they had
just gotten into town. They had just pulled
up behind the cottage
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to start unloading when our
officers approached them. -Where did you
get all that beer?
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That whole van is loade.d -With the help of
some friends, they unloaded about 45 cases of beer,
or about 1,000 cans of beer.
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Equivalent of about
$800 worth, and it took them about an hour and
a half to pour it all out.
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Many of these kids, when they
come down for their high school graduation senior weeks,
they want to drink.
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And we want them to
have fun, but we're serious about enforcing
the underage drinking laws.
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Ironically, our
officers had just been to their county talking
about underage drinking
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enforcement, so
obviously they must have missed that presentation. -And now with the news that
you won't find anywhere else,
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and what a relief
that is, here's Daniel with ADC Headlines. -Many schools have new get tough
policies on behavior and attire
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on campus, but a typo in the
high school student handbook in Hendersonville,
Tennessee pushed
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zero tolerance to new limits. It said, and I quote, profane
language will not be tolerated.
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Stern discipline will be
death to any student guilty of this conduct. Now according to the
principle, it should have read
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discipline will be
dealt to any student. He added most folks know
that it was a misprint.
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And they actually give you a
timeout right before death. Too much peeking
in Pekin, Illinois.
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When it got too hot, a 76
year old man shed his clothes and gardened au natural.
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Wearing only a straw hat,
work gloves, and sandals. His predisposition
toward exhibition
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had garnered the gardener
15 arrests for public nudity since 1962. Upon his last visit
to court, the judge
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warned that further flashings
could result in jail time. I can't assure anything,
the old fella responded.
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I just hope heat wave's over. For his neighbors'
sake, so do we. Fights break out over all
sorts of things-- drugs, women,
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who gets to go to
the john first. But here's a new one, fresh from
Bessemer City, North Carolina.
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Shots were fired as two
roommates argued over who had finished off
their Frosted Flakes.
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Now, I think someone's a little
cranky because they're not getting enough
fiber in their diet.
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One man, whom we'll refer to
as you Toucan Sam, accused his cousin, let's call him Tony
the Tiger, of being a moocher.
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Ferocious, furious, Toucan
Sam grabbed a knife, and Tony the Tiger
went for his rifle.
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A bullet ricocheted off the
floor, hit Sam in the elbow. Fortunately, the violence
ended before the conflict
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resulted in a cereal killing. And that closes the
file on ADC Headlines, news ripped from
somewhere near the back
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of your local newspaper. Debbie? -What exactly does it look
like to raise a ruckus?
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Well, we think we know. We've got the story of a woman
who threw such a fit in court
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that she turned a minor
charge into major trouble. Let's go courtside for
this Special Delivery.
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-Gal walks into a courtroom. She's coming back for her
jury verdict in a drug case of possession of
methamphetamine with intent
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to distribute. When she comes back, she
sits quietly at the table. She's about half an hour
late, and the jury's
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not very happy at having
to wait for her to return. So the jury gives their verdict.
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-Judge, members of
the jury, I want you to find this woman guilty
of possession of drugs,
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and I think that we find
that we should put her away. -Jury finds the defendant
guilty as charged.
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-What? How could you have
done this to me? I cannot believe you did this! -And, uh, she's not very
happy with the jury,
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and she starts cussing,
and kicking the table, and cussing at the prosecutor,
and cussing at the judge,
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and she's just not
a very happy gal. So they decide that it's
probably in everyone's best
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interest if they go
ahead and remand her into the custody of
the sheriff's deputies,
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who are waiting
patiently for her. They take her into custody. She's trying to hand her purse
off to her attorney, who says,
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I don't want that. So they get her cuffed up,
they get her taken back into the place where
they keep people that
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are remanded into the
custody of the court. And lo and behold, in
her handbag they find
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eight rocks of methamphetamine,
in addition to a very large screwdriver, which somehow
made it past security.
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All in all, it wasn't a
very good day for that gal. -If you play with
fire, you're going
00:14:48
to get burned, though
maybe not as you'd expect, as this arsonist quickly learns.
00:14:53
Featuring a cameo by
a dog, let's blaze a trail to Pinellas
Park, Florida. -There were kids
on scene that were
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starting fires out
behind this house. When we got on
scene, walked around to the back of the house,
we saw this one kid
00:15:08
that looked up, and then
took off through the woods. Well, me and my
partner decided we
00:15:12
were going to try and catch him. -And our lieutenant decided
that, discretion being
00:15:17
the better part of
valor, he'd use his mind. -We've got a dog! You'd better stop!
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-Overheard the lieutenant
yelling out, stop! He was going to
release the dogs. -The funniest thing about this
is most people know that fire
00:15:30
departments don't have
dogs, and they especially don't have dogs
that chase people.
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-I was thinking that maybe
it would be a good idea to start barking like a dog,
but then I heard barking.
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And I thought it was
my partner barking, but it turned out to be
one of the neighbor's dogs
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that was agitated by us
running through the woods. Well, immediately the kid
running stopped, put his hands
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up in the air and
says, OK, you got me. -We do have a dog. It's Sparky, the faux fire dog.
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-We never had the heard to tell
this guy that we didn't have a dog, and we're
thinking he's going
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to be watching this in jail. -When we were standing
there waiting for the police
00:16:04
to arrive on scene,
the lieutenant asked me if we had
retrieved the dog. And I said, yeah, Sparky's
back on the truck.
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NARRATOR: Now, let's look back
at one of ADC's Greatest Hits. This was our somber
suspect's second time
00:16:22
in front of this
particular judge. The first time he showed up
to court without his pants.
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The judge wasn't impressed. Now in front of judge
again for burglary, he knew he couldn't use his
body to impress the judge,
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so he decided perhaps
a patriotic serenade might do the trick. -Will everyone please
rise for the singing
00:16:38
of the national anthem? -Mr. Gilmore. -(SINGING) Oh say, can you see
by the dawn's early light--
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NARRATOR: Yeah, well,
unfortunately the judge was not wooed, and he removed
the warbling rock
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star from the room. And they didn't hear a
peep from him after that. NARRATOR: In Paulding,
Illinois, a policeman
00:17:06
may bite a dog to quiet him. -All right. Our final story has no dogs, but
if you think of fire hydrants
00:17:17
and trees, you're scent marked
and ready for this story. -Watch as the fields of
criminology and urology cross
00:17:24
paths in We're Not
Making This Up. -I was working a task
force type of thing. Legendary story that they
told about this one detective
00:17:36
unit that had a way of
getting confessions. And the way they
would do it is they
00:17:42
had a detective who
would wear a white smock, like a doctor's jacket. His wife was actually
a pharmacist.
00:17:49
And they would tell
the suspect that they needed a urine sample from him. And he, of course,
would question why.
00:17:56
And they would tell him that
they had this doctor who was trained in lie detection
through urine analysis.
00:18:03
And the guy would pee in a
bottle, pee in a jar for him, give him a urine sample.
00:18:08
And they kept a jar of
apple juice in the drawer of the detective's desk,
and they'd ask them a series
00:18:15
of questions, those of which
they knew were the truth, and those that weren't. And they would ask them
a truthful question,
00:18:22
and the doctor would take out
what the suspect thought was the urine sample,
take a little swig,
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swish it around his
mouth, swallow it, and say, yeah, that's the truth. We believe him on this one.
00:18:34
And when they would get
to a known lie, or one that they thought that was
a lie that would bolster
00:18:39
their case a little
bit, the doctor would take it in his mouth. And as soon as he'd taken it
in his mouth, he'd spit it out,
00:18:45
and he'd say, that's a lie. And the expression
on the guy's face, like, he knew it was a lie.
-I did it!
00:18:50
I did it! -They knew, pretty much,
it was a lie, anyway. You could say the
truth leaked out.
00:18:54
I dunno. [barking] -OK, OK. I know. The story had the same
effect on me, fella. Yeah, my dog needs to go,
and coincidentally, so do we.
00:19:07
-But we'll be back
next week with more crooks and fewer dogs. -Yeah. Hold your water
while I say thank you
00:19:12
to the police officers
who helped us tonight. Stay. -We also like to
express our appreciation
00:19:16
to all who work in
law enforcement. We are glad you're on
the job for us each day.
00:19:20
-Yeah, and if you haven't
visited our website, drop by this week. The address is
www.dumbcrimes.com.
00:19:25
-As always, we
hope that we've all learned from other's mistakes. -Yeah, but if you
haven't, we just
00:19:31
might see you next week on
America's Dumbest Criminals. OK, boy. Let's go.