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NARRATOR: Tonight on
"America's Dumbest Criminals." Ever wonder why that birthday
card from your grandma
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never arrived? This man seems
intoxicated by the power of brandishing a
Molotov cocktail.
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But that's going to change. And this canine officer
has a story to tell, and we think it'd be a
mistake to ignore him.
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So don't move a muscle, and
everything will be just fine for everyone, except
for folks we've
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dubbed "America's
Dumbest Criminals." [music playing] Daniel Butler and Debbie Allen.
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-OK, every week
we come out here, and you try to put
me on the spot. -Moi? -Oh, French.
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Oh. Well, this week,
though, I'm going to take charge and
direct the conversation.
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-Oh, no, no, you've been
watching Oprah again, haven't you? You made that
connection, didn't you?
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-No, but our first story
involves some pranksters. And I'm just betting
that you have pulled more
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than your fair share
pranks in your life. -Moi? -Tell us some of the
things that you've done.
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-Well, let's see, I TP'd
the neighbor's yard, I blew up something
with an M-80. Well, you know, I don't
want to talk about it.
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You know, just some stuff. Have you pulled any pranks? -No. Well, I think I'm typically on
the receiving end of pranks,
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because I really
feel for the victims. -Yeah, I know. They sometimes--
they don't turn out
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to be as funny as you thought
they would be, you know? -No. I know that's true. But I hope the guys
in our first story
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would agree that they went out
for a night of firing paintball guns at unsuspecting people
on the streets of Los Angeles,
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and that is not funny. -Nuh-uh. But as you're about
to see, their prank backfired on them in a big way.
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And that is funny. They will most definitely
caught on camera. [music playing] -Oh!
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Yeah. DANIEL: Yeah, it's just an eye
on the town for two real wusses whose idea of a
big time is to hit
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unsuspecting pedestrians
with paintball pellets. Note how much fun they
seem to be having as again
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and again they fire
on defenseless people from the safety of
their moving vehicle.
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-Goodnight. [yelling] [laughter] -Oh, yeah, these
are real tough guys. But now let's leave this
homemade video of what they
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call fun for which the
police refer to as evidence to gain a different perspective.
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Having fun now, boys? [applause] Oh yeah. -How do you manage to lose
a shoe during a break in?
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Well, our next crook knows. -Yeah, we doubt that this
Cinder-fella rode in a carriage
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made from a pumpkin,
and we can't say if he had an
evil stepmother. But he certainly provided
a distinctive clue
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police used to
discover his identity. -Now this is no
fairytale, but it is something to remember me by.
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[music playing] -There was one particular
incident that happened here in Annapolis about
six months ago.
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One of our neighborhood
watch block captains, who was very attentive, found
a gentleman breaking
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into his next door
neighbor's house. When he did that,
he properly called the police department
for assistance.
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When they got to the
house, they trapped the suspect inside of the house. And as they were
surrounding the house,
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he continued to
run through rooms, and through the basement,
and the second floor,
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trying to find some
sort of escape. Finally he decided he was just
going to take a shot for it.
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And he took off
out the back door. Of course, the officers
were there also, and they started
running after him.
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Suspect continued running
through the neighborhood, jumping over fences
and everything else
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with officers
trying to find him. The only problem
was the only thing they got of him was the
shoe that he left behind.
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Based on the fact that he
left his one slipper behind, I dubbed the gentleman,
Cinder-fella.
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-I have heard this story
about Cinder-fella, the shoeless burglar. It was a pretty interesting
story to cover, especially
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when the public information
officer from the police department dubbed
him Cinder-fella.
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CAPTAIN ZORA LYKKEN:
Officers and detectives were able to identify the
individual by that evening.
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And we were able to get
an arrest warrant for him. Based on the arrest
warrant, we got in touch
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with his parole and
probation officer. She in turn knew that
she had an appointment
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for seeing him the next day. And when he showed up for his
appointment, we nabbed him.
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Did the shoe fit? Yes, it did. [applause] -One of the messages we
try to convey on this show
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is that crime will
get you nowhere fast. -You might start out with
life in the fast lane,
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but you'll end up in a mess
as these next these find out. -Now to show you just how
unglamorous life on the run
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can be, I'll do the play-by-play
on this chase for you right here. [music playing]
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Well, it's another day of
catch me if you can as the two ill-advised car thieves take
on the entire LA police force.
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As you can see,
they're driving along, sweating bullets, wishing
they had a cloaking device,
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because it's just kind of hard
to hide a bright red Cadillac. Notice the pattern
that's going to develop
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as the challengers begin
to lose their cool. Here we see a right
turn and a squeeze play.
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That seemed to
loose the fenders. That's gonna cost them. Let's move along
the action a little.
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Here's that right turn
we've been talking about. And now they're going for a
new strategy, running on foot.
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Ouch! Watch that bar! Now they're going
into the open-- but that's not really working
all that well for them,
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looking for a hole, looking
for a hole to grow into. There is that right turn
again, way too predictable,
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and another right, just one play
in their playbook, go figure. I think they sense that
someone' on to them.
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They come out of trees,
looking for an opening. But all they see is this
hulking helicopter overhead.
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They're doubling
back, doubling back. It didn't work before,
why should it work now?
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I don't know. Oh, hello, officer. It's all over. They're down. They're down. No score.
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End of game, guys. And no rematch. [laughter] [applause] In Florida, it is illegal
to sing in a public place
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while wearing a swimsuit. OK. Going postal, it's a phrase
that's used so much that it's
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worked its way into
common vernacular. Maybe it's depressing to be
around all those dead letters,
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I don't know. At any right, we've got
a story about a couple of postal workers
who were making
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special deliveries
to their own pockets. Take a look. [music playing] If your birthday card from Aunt
Jane isn't delivered on time,
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it's not necessarily
slow mail service. Just as the postal
inspector thought, this guy just couldn't resist
those brightly colored greeting
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cards that often contain
cash, like the ones that were planted
for this sting. -You're under arrest
for theft of mail.
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-For what? -For theft of mail, all right? -Got any proof? DANIEL: There's proof all right,
cards stuffed in this drinking
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cup and market
bills in his pocket. This mailman has
a lot to sort out. Now this postal worker
appearing out of uniform
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was not fooling around
with greeting cards. He was after the big stuff. While at work sorting mail,
he intercepted two boxes
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containing a computer
and a television. Then he placed these
swell-looking labels
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with his address
over the real labels. The man in uniform is
really a postal inspector
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who made the arrest on the spot. -OK, sir, you're under
arrest for theft of mail
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for those two parcels that
were just delivered here. [applause] -In our travels
across the country,
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we have talked to a lot
of people about the goofs that crooks make. But we've never recorded
an interview quite
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like the one you're
about to see. To see at unleash
commentary about this, we go to a real news hound.
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[music playing] -A call came out
of a window being open or possibly a burglary. Apparently the suspect had
called it into us originally.
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I was only a couple blocks away. When I talked to him, he said
he'd just been walking by
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and the window just busted
open when he was walking by. He thought it was the
wind that blew it open,
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and so he called the police. I got his name and
his information, and he went on his way.
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And now I tried to get
a hold of an owner, and we couldn't find one. And so we called
a board up company
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to come up and just
board up the window. And I parked just about
15, 20 feet away .
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And here comes the
guy walking back up. He stops in front of the
window, looks around both ways,
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looks inside, and
apparently he didn't see me. I was just sitting
a few feet away.
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But he climbs in the window,
and he was wrapping up a radio and stacking it by the window.
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And he went in the
refrigerator and was taking out food and eating food and stuff.
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So when I called to him,
told him to come on out, he ducked down and tried to
hide, like he wasn't there,
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like we didn't already see him. And so I had Bullet
with me, my police dog. Bullet really tells the
story better than I do.
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Just a few moments after
Bullet was barking real loud that the guy came out was
not interested in tangling
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with the dog at all. [applause] -Coming up later, if a man is
holding a Molotov cocktail,
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it sure isn't happy hour. And now with news that spells
job security for everybody
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in law enforcement, here's
Daniel with ADC headlines. [music playing] -In a vain attempt to
escape from police,
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a 19-year-old suspect
smashed a window and entered a building
that was headquarters
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for a dog training school. Obviously, the
canine had spotted him was at the top of his class.
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It cornered the suspect
and kept him at bay until police arrived,
all without laying
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a tooth on the guy. Good job, Lassie. A petty thief in
Sunnyvale, California, had perfected his crime.
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He would use a credit
card to jimmy open the back door for residence,
slip inside, quickly grab
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a few valuables,
and be on his way. But he got in too much
of a hurry one day and left his credit card at
the scene of the break in.
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Apparently, you shouldn't
leave anyone's home without it, you know? The two guys seemed baffled
that they would get stopped
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by California highway patrolman. I mean, after all, they were
only do 50 miles an hour, ah,
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but it wasn't the
matter of speed. It was a matter of
style, because you see they were having
trouble with the gas pedal.
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One was behind the wheel,
while the other one was under the hood working
the carburetor control.
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You know, I'm thinking he
got a little overheated. And that closes the
file on ADC headlines,
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news ripped from
somewhere near the back of your local newspaper. Debbie? [applause]
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-It takes a guy with
bubbles for brains to concoct a Molotov cocktail. And when you see the cavalier
way he treats this little bomb,
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you can see that he's headed
for much more than a hangover. -We had a gentleman
that attempted
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to set his apartment on fire. Couldn't do that,
tried three times. Would up going outside
with the device
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that resembled a
Molotov cocktail. -I was driving to work,
witnessed a young man
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with a lighter, standing in
front of an apartment complex. JIM ULRICH: While he
was lighting this device
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and attempting to throw
it at the building, a civilian drove by, told him
to stop what he was going.
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This shook the guy
so much he wound up spilling some of the
flammable liquid on himself.
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-Lobbed it out onto the lawn. Lawn took off on fire. He moved-- he was on fire. He put himself out and he
came running at my truck.
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JIM ULRICH: Foot pursuit
started where he ran away and the civilian attempt to
run down with his pickup truck.
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-I dumped her in low,
and the pursuit started. OFFICER TODD RENNER: As I
responded into that area,
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I got to an
intersection and noticed several people running around. TIM WALKER: Jumping
the curbs, fishtailing
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JIM ULRICH: Police
officers arrived on scene with the civilian chasing him. TIM WALKER: There was
times I had his head right
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up by the window, was trying
to reach and grab his hair. -He was so afraid of what
the civilian might do,
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he ran over, jumped
into the police car. TIM WALKER: So I
chased him, hard. Scared him, big time.
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JIM ULRICH: I couldn't
understand much of what he was saying, but I did hear him
say that his legs were burning
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and that possibly
he'd be on fire. -I thought that was the
easiest thing I'd ever done.
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JIM ULRICH: And the police
officer, smelling the gasoline, not aware of what
was going on, just
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asked him to leave
right off the bat. -I told him to get out of my
car and go wait on the corner.
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I still had to go
look for my suspect. -Little mix up on communication. -He drove around
the corner and was
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flagged down by some witnesses. You had him. You had him. I said, who'd I have? He said, that's guy.
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He was throwing firebombs
at the building. That time I realized
that I had just put my suspect
out on the corner.
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-Another brief chase
went on, and then eventually captured
him in a parking lot.
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-But this time he
decided he didn't quite want us to save him by
jumping into my car again.
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This time he wanted to fight. -I'm gonna burn you guys.
Hey! What are you doing?
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Oh! Oh! Don't! -Fight was on. We got him into custody
without too much incident.
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And that was about
the end of it. TIM WALKER: We got it,
and it was well worth it.
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-Well, the mother-daughter
relationship can get ugly. But when a daughter
sticks up for her mom,
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it's a beautiful thing, as this
officer finds out the hard way. Let's saddle up and head
on out to Sandy, Utah.
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-It was one sunny summer
day a few years ago. I was out running radar
in a neighborhood,
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looking for speeders. This lady came by
and was traveling a little bit over
the speed limit.
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So I proceeded to pull her over. She stopped in her driveway. And as she pulled in, she
opened her garage door.
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As I got out of my car
and started to approach, I noticed that her daughter got
out and ran into the garage.
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I think you're going a
little bit fast down there. Not thinking a whole bunch
about it, I came out.
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The woman got out of the car. We started talking. All of a sudden, the little
girl dressed in a cowboy outfit
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comes running out of
the garage with a rope and starts tying me up. And she's screaming,
don't worry, Mommy!
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They're not going
to take you to jail. I'll save you. So in about 30 seconds,
I'm standing there
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with my ticket book in my hand. My legs are tied together. I can't move. Mom's laughing.
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I'm laughing. It was actually pretty cute. Oh my gosh. I'm had. Which is very unique to have
a situation like that occur,
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where you pull somebody over. It seems like just a typical
day, a typical traffic stop.
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And here's this little cowgirl,
all dressed up, runs in and gets her rope, and ties
up the bad policeman that's
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gonna try to take
her mommy away. It was probably one of the best
traffic stops I've ever made.
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I ended up letting her go. I never wrote her a ticket. And it was fun, good experience.
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[applause] [music playing] -You know, the book of
Proverbs says a righteous man fall seven times,
but he gets up.
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How many goof-ups
does a criminal nitwit make before he
doesn't rise again? In this case, plenty.
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-Oh yeah. This thief picked a
poor target for a break in, took the hard
way in, and found
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it even harder getting out. -If you didn't hear this
from a police officer, you might not believe us.
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And that's why we filed it
in the department we call, We're Not Making This Up. [music playing]
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We got a disturbance call
in a residential area. About 3 o'clock in
the morning, there
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was neighbors that
were being awakened by some guy that was
screaming for help. They didn't know where
it was coming from,
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but all they knew was that
somebody was yelling for help, and they wouldn't stop.
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I came into the area,
rolled my windows down, and I could clearly hear
a guy yelling, help!
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Help me! Started walking around
the neighborhood, and slowly I was
able to determine
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it was coming from in
between two houses. So finally I started
yelling myself. Where are you at?
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And the guy says, I'm in here! I'm looking around, and I don't
see where he could possibly be.
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So I say, you're in where? And he says, I'm in the chimney! So I climbed on top of
the roof of the house.
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I walked over to the chimney. And I looked down into the
chimney, and there I saw him.
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He was about 15 feet
down in the chimney. He was curled up
in a little ball. He was covered in black soot.
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And I looked at him, and I said,
what are you doing in there? He just said, I was trying
to get into the house
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and I'm stuck. So you need to get
me out of here. -When I got there,
I saw his car,
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but I couldn't
find Phil anywhere. -I said, Phil, where you at? And I look up, and I see him
on top of the roof the house.
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And I said, well,
what's going on, man? And he said, well, I get this
guy stuck done in this chimney.
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I tried and tried
to get this guy out, but I couldn't, so I finally
had to call the fire department.
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The fire department came out. They tried a couple different
things to get him out
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of the chimney, and
they were unable to. -Nothing was working. OFFICER PHILIP S. BLACK: So they
called the heavy rescue people
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who came out, and they figured
the only way they could get this guy as a chimney
was to go ahead and use
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sledge hammers and jackhammers. -I'm talking a really
big jack hammer. -And the homeowner showed up
and asked me what was going on.
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And I told him somebody was
trying to break into his house. He said, why would anybody
want to break into the house?
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It's vacant. There's nothing in
there for him to steal. And in addition
to that, he said,
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all of the windows in the back
of the house had broken locks. After five and a half hours
of the fire department trying
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to get this guy
out of the chimney, they were finally able to
get a large enough hole
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that this guy could climb out. And then we were
actually able to see the guy that was in the chimney.
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He was a black male
about in his late '20s. The firefighters brought a hose
over, began to spray him off.
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And after about 20 minutes
of him cleaning himself off with the hose, he realized
that he wasn't a black guy,
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that he was actually
a white guy. -It's a white guy! -So this guy spent five and a
half hours stuck in a chimney.
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-I mean, he was
way down in there. OFFICER PHILIP S.
BLACK: Trying to break into a house that was a vacant.
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-And there was absolutely
nothing to steal. -If you ask me, the guy was-- -Really dumb.
00:19:11
-Dumb. -A lot like the house,
the lights are on, but nobody's home. [applause] -Oh yeah.
00:19:18
-Poor guy. -Great story though. Well, we're out of
time for tonight, but we're glad you rode
shotgun with us tonight.
00:19:24
-Join us again next
week, because there's more dumb to come
as we chronicle the misadventures
of more crooks.
00:19:30
-If you've got a lead
on a story or you just can't wait until next week
for more state of the art
00:19:34
stupidity, visit our website
at www.dumbcrimes.com -You do that so well. -Thank you.
00:19:41
-Before we go, we want
to thank everybody who helped us with
tonight's show. The officers did a fine
job for us tonight.
00:19:45
But they do a great job by
keeping us safe each day. We appreciate them
and others like them.
00:19:50
-Absolutely, and you and I
would be nowhere without them, quite frankly. -You've got that right.
00:19:55
As always, we hope
that we've all learned from others' mistakes. -But if you haven't, we
just might see you next week
00:20:00
on "America's
Dumbest Criminals." -Goodbye. [applause] [music playing]