00:00:00
[music playing] ANNOUNCER: Tonight on
"America's Dumbest Criminals," why would any man
in his right mind
00:00:10
throw money around
like it was confetti? Do you sense that
this robber may be new to the world
of handgun safety?
00:00:17
And how is this thief able
to escape without a trace? Well, except for this
irrefutable video.
00:00:23
We've got the answers to
such questionable behavior, all neat and tidy,
in the show we
00:00:28
call "America's
Dumbest Criminals." [police radio chatter] [music playing] Now, welcome your hosts for ADC,
Daniel Butler and Debbie Alan.
00:01:11
-Hi there. Hello. -Boy, this is going
to be a great show, because Debbie has
naughty photographs.
00:01:17
-What? -Uh, yeah. Well, to report them. I meant, Debbie has naughty
photographs to report on.
00:01:22
You didn't let me
finish the sentence. OK? -Give me a break, OK? -No. Wait, no, wait.
00:01:26
I just remembered. The naughty
photographs are mine. -Oh, man. And suddenly,
thousands of people
00:01:31
scramble to change channels. -Wha-- to us, or away from us. -Oh, don't flatter yourself,
big boy. [laughing]
00:01:37
-Yeah, well-- all right. Perhaps I should be
clearer about what we have to present tonight.
00:01:41
-That's a good idea. -We have a story involving
naughty photographs that will air later in
this broadcast.
00:01:47
It does not show
anything inappropriate, and the story is mine
to present, not yours.
00:01:51
-Thanks for the clarification. -But if you'd like a
picture of Debbie's tattoo, send a self addressed stamped
envelope to Debbie's tattoo--
00:01:58
-Daniel, just get on with
our first story, please. -All right, OK. It involves the perception of
what's real and what's fake.
00:02:03
-And a bank robber
who sort of throws out the baby instead
of the bath water. It's all caught on camera.
00:02:13
-We had a bank robbery
at a local bank here in Lake City, Florida. -And believe it or
not, the bank robbed
00:02:19
was just across the
street from the Lake City police department. -And at the time of the
robbery, the gentleman
00:02:25
went into the bank and asked
for $50 and $100 bills. We were watching the
surveillance tape
00:02:30
from the bank, we noticed that
he had his hand in his shirt, and we asked him what he had
his hand in his shirt for,
00:02:38
and he advised that
he did have a weapon. -And the weapon he had
was, in fact, a water gun.
00:02:44
-After he robbed the
bank, he actually left the bank riding a bicycle. He got down by a local
court house, which is there
00:02:51
by a lake, and he was
looking over his money that he had gotten,
and he noticed that the $100
bills looked funny.
00:02:58
-He take it and throws
it in the sewer, because he figures
it's bogus money. So he didn't need it and
didn't want to keep it.
00:03:04
-He was not aware that this had
been the time that $100 bills, the appearance had
just been changed.
00:03:14
-Banks sometimes
offer incentives to gain new customers. But I don't think this next guy
got a toaster for what he did.
00:03:20
-Well, but for what he did,
both the people at the bank and at the police station
gave him full credit.
00:03:26
He offers something
to remember me by. -It was a couple of years
ago, on a Sunday afternoon,
00:03:34
like it is today,
and one gentleman walked into one of our local
banks here on the east side
00:03:39
and removed a credit
card application from one of the many counter
tops in the local bank.
00:03:44
Decided to start filling it out. Filled it complete with his
name and address and work
00:03:49
information, social
security number. And left it sitting
there on the counter, and decided that instead
of a credit card,
00:03:55
he'd like to help
himself to a little bit of whatever was
left in the vault. Walked up to the counter top,
announced an armed robbery,
00:04:02
made off with several thousand
dollars and left the bank. When the police
officers arrived,
00:04:08
they started doing their
routine evidence collection and found a credit application
that one of the clerks
00:04:13
had seen that he was filling
out, complete with a full set of fingerprints and
all the identifiers.
00:04:20
So basically filling out his
own booking card, in essence. This guy must have been just
laid off at NASA or something.
00:04:26
He was a real rocket
scientist, leaving his name and his address behind. Just a complete moron.
00:04:34
-I don't know about
you, Daniel, but I just love to watch those
how-to shows on TV.
00:04:39
-Oh, you mean the ones
where they teach you how to add a room,
landscape an estate,
00:04:42
and fix a leaky toilet
in about 30 minutes? -Yeah. Those are the ones.
-Yeah. I wish those guys
would come to my house.
00:04:47
--[laughing] I know
what you mean. Well, we've come up with
an instructional video
00:04:51
you just won't believe. It'll teach you how to lose
a friend in under 10 minutes.
00:04:55
Watch as a thief is
captured on hidden camera. No, that's not Thing
from "The Addams
00:05:01
Family" you see
at the door frame. And no, it's not
Bob Vila, seeing if he can do a little handy
work on the chain lock.
00:05:07
Now, if it was Bob
Vila, he'd have this lock uninstalled
in a flash. This is one determined yet
slightly uncoordinated robber
00:05:16
who thinks he can't get charged
with breaking and entering, if technically speaking,
nothing gets broken.
00:05:22
What he's attempting to
do is use a screwdriver to remove the lock
from the door frame.
00:05:27
Because, and as far
as he knows, there's no law against
unscrewing and entering.
00:05:32
He spends over seven minutes
tinkering with the lock, until finally, he's in. As you can see, he likes
to tidy up as he goes,
00:05:40
not wanting to leave any
unsightly fingerprints on this work. And he doesn't leave
anything undone.
00:05:46
He puts everything back
the way it was, almost like no one had ever been there. Oh you're a crafty one, you are.
00:05:52
How about one more turn
to make it nice and tight. Good job. As you can see, this
is the kind of guy
00:05:57
who'd take the shirt
off his back just to make sure things
are done right. After a brief break to
scratch, chew, and spit,
00:06:04
he's gloved up so he won't have
to do any more dusting as he disconnects this apartment
tenant's electronics equipment.
00:06:11
He thoroughly rifles through the
items in and on the nightstand, looking for loot.
00:06:15
Now keep in mind that
he is completely unaware that a hidden
camera is recording
00:06:19
every incriminating
move he makes. The only way he can make
it easier for the police
00:06:24
is if he stenciled his name,
address, and telephone number across his back. Well, now comes a moment
that every handy man knows
00:06:30
is critical. There. There it is. The hiking of the pants. The mark of a true professional.
00:06:36
Now he grabs his prize and
makes for the door, so proud that he masterminded
and executed
00:06:41
such an ingenious
and flawless plot. About the only thing the
camera didn't capture
00:06:46
was the look on his face when
officers came a-knocking. I wonder if he has a chain
lock on his prison door
00:06:51
to keep the people out. ANNOUNCER: In Seattle, it's
illegal to carry a fishbowl or aquarium onto a bus, because
the sound of water sloshing
00:07:04
may disturb other passengers. --[laughing] Hey, somewhere
along life's highway, you've probably had to explain
to an officer why you were
00:07:12
in such a hurry
to get somewhere. But explaining your
crack usage, well, that might prove a little
harder to justify.
00:07:20
When one guy tries,
he weasels his way into the hall of shame we call
America's dumbest excuses.
00:07:30
-Well, I was working narcotics. We went out on the street
to make buys and arrest
00:07:35
the person who we
buy the dope from. We just made a purchase
on a dark street, arrested
00:07:40
the seller, had him in
the middle of the street, handcuffing him. A truck pulls up and stops.
00:07:46
My partner and I
have our badges out. I flashed my badge at this guy,
motioned for him to go around.
00:07:52
He just sits there. After we get this
suspect handcuffed, I walk up to the truck, the
guy tells me he wants a 20.
00:08:00
I asked him again,
you want what? He said, a 20, which is a
$20 piece of crack cocaine.
00:08:05
I walked back to my partner,
told him what I had, took a piece of crack
cocaine, which we had just
00:08:10
taken off of the other suspect. I sold it to this guy for
20 bucks, arrested him,
00:08:15
took him out of the truck. Arrested him for purchase of
crack cocaine as well as DUI.
00:08:21
I then asked the question,
did you not see my badge and see us arresting the guy
right in front of your truck?
00:08:27
He explained to
me that he thought we were just horsing around. -And what did you do
to make money as a kid?
00:08:34
I bet doing chores or
running a lemonade stand was never as
lucrative or as easy
00:08:39
as what these teenagers tried. But what you did
probably didn't earn you a place on this
show either, did it?
00:08:45
They, on the other
hand, are featured in our blue light special. NARRATOR: These crazy kids
came up with a wild way
00:08:54
to make money. They made money. Yeah. See, these high school students
were temporarily high rollers
00:09:00
in the world of counterfeiting. -Take your genuine
money into the scanner, scan it in, using your
software, into your computer.
00:09:07
Tweak it a little, line it up. And then print it on
the ink jet printer. NARRATOR: They used
their fresh new $5 bills
00:09:13
to buy gas, hardware
items, and pizza. But the pizza
presented a problem. -We had their first
name and their address.
00:09:20
-Looked just like
a normal $5 bill. You know, same colors. NARRATOR: There was one fatal
flaw with their bogus bills.
00:09:27
They look great on the
front, but the backs, well, they lacked a little something.
00:09:32
Next time you kids want to
make money, try mowing lawns. -Was the gun loaded,
or wasn't it?
00:09:40
What makes a weapon a weapon? Well, these are but
two of the questions you'll have to ponder as we
wander through a clumsy caper
00:09:46
from Kingston, North Carolina. Take a look. -We get a call to an armed
robbery early one morning
00:09:52
at one of our
convenience stores. And we get there, and the
lady, she's just livid.
00:09:56
She is just so angry. And there's a bullet
hole in the store window. And we walk in, and we
ask, well what happened?
00:10:03
And she tells us
about the robbery. And she says, well
I've got it on video. So we go back and we start
looking at the video.
00:10:08
Two young males come in,
and the shorter of the two walks up to the counter and
asks for a pack of cigarettes.
00:10:14
She reaches up, takes
down the cigarettes, and lays them on the counter. He takes a small handgun out of
his pocket, sticks it at her,
00:10:20
and says, now give me the money. She said, you must be crazy! Don't you see all those cameras?
00:10:26
Put that thing in your pocket,
and get out of my store. So he racks-- going to rack
one back into the chamber,
00:10:32
I guess, apparently,
to shoot her. When he pulls the
slide back, the bullet jumps out of the gun,
over onto the floor.
00:10:39
He very sheepishly walks
over, picks up his bullet and puts the bullet
back in the gun.
00:10:43
His partner walks
up to the counter-- -Sorry ma'am. -I'm sorry this happened. They fly out the door.
00:10:50
He turns around just as
they get to the corner. I guess he has to
make a statement.
00:10:53
Shoots back at store
and hits the window. About two weeks later, they
rob a store in another city,
00:10:59
and they're caught there. And then we get
them for ours also. -And now with the
news, here's a guy
00:11:09
who could add charm
to any police lineup. Here's Daniel,
with ADC headlines. -A burglar in Louisiana
didn't leave a calling card
00:11:19
when he fled from a
home he was pillaging. He left something even
more incriminating.
00:11:23
Along with a
suitcase full of loot he had gathered was a court
notice requesting his presence
00:11:29
at a hearing for his
previous nefarious activity. The police officer was just
being a good Samaritan when
00:11:36
he found a pager
in a phone booth and called the last
number displayed on it. But to his surprise, the
person who answered the phone
00:11:42
identified the
owner of the pager and mentioned that
the individual was wanted for fraud.
00:11:48
Moments later, the owner
returned to retrieve the pager and was promptly
escorted to the jail.
00:11:53
So, now no one
will need to wonder how to get a message to him. Here's a bit of a
career counseling thing.
00:12:00
If you're trying to
become a police officer, you decrease your chances of
being welcomed onto the force
00:12:06
if you do the following. One, drive to your written
exam in a stolen car. OK. And two, park it illegally
in front of the station.
00:12:18
Call this a public
service announcement from some guy in
Chicago who won't be wearing a police
uniform any time soon.
00:12:25
And that closes the
file on ADC headlines. News ripped from
somewhere near the back
00:12:30
of your local newspaper. Debmeister? -I can't imagine that anyone
could have been more precisely
00:12:38
at the right place
and right time than an officer
in Kaufman, Texas. He brings a brand
new and very literal
00:12:44
meaning to the
term drug drop off. It's a hands-on example of
an ADC special delivery.
00:12:53
-This was a couple years ago. We were running a
drug raid over here on one of our
local dope dealers.
00:12:59
And my job was to cover
the back of the house. And when I went around
to the back of the house,
00:13:04
I came up to one of the windows. At about the time they
slammed the front door, the window came open, this
hand comes out, drops a bag.
00:13:11
And I just reached
out and caught it. I couldn't think of anything to
say except I said, thank you.
00:13:17
Now get on the ground. Turned out it was about
1/4 pound of dope in it, which is what he
had in the house.
00:13:26
DANIEL BUTLER: When the
beginning of the conversation was the question, do you
develop nude pictures?
00:13:32
You have to know
that things could only go downhill from there. And my friends, I don't
think you'll be disappointed.
00:13:37
Here from Slidell, Louisiana, is
the story of a man who may not have been a raging Cajun, but he
definitely had raging hormones.
00:13:44
Take a look. -We received a call at Slidell
police department in reference to a man who wanted
to develop some film.
00:13:51
He dropped the film off, he made
an inquiry about whether or not they would develop
film with nudity.
00:13:57
And the clerk advised him that
as long as it didn't involve teenagers, or children,
or a crime, that he would.
00:14:03
So he did get them developed,
and when the pictures came back, they had some
pictures of a very
00:14:08
young female in the photos. -We set up around the area. The employees gave
us a description
00:14:16
of the subject who
brought the pictures in. ROB CALLAHAN: Once
he came back, he was question-- questioned
about the pictures.
00:14:24
But in the process, we also
wanted to check his car out. We found out the
license plate was
00:14:28
stolen out of West Virginia. And that the car itself was
stolen from the government,
00:14:32
out of South Carolina. So things were getting
worse for the guy. And what happened
was, he decided
00:14:37
that once we were
going to tow the car, he decided he
wanted his property. Well, no problem.
00:14:41
So we decided to get
the property for him. But he mentioned that
he had $1,00 in cash
00:14:45
in a shoe box in the trunk. So we open the trunk up. CHRIS NEWMAN: We pop
the top on the shoe box,
00:14:50
and there's his $1,000 in cash. -But in addition
to that, there was a pound of marijuana
in the box also.
00:14:57
So things got
really bad for him. -So the subject has one count of
possession of stolen property,
00:15:02
being the license plate. Another count of possession
of stolen property, being the vehicle.
00:15:07
And three strikes you're out,
with possession of marijuana. NARRATOR: Now, let's look back
at one of ADC's greatest hits.
00:15:20
DANIEL BUTLER: If you live
in the Indianapolis area, please help us find this
guy and buy him a belt.
00:15:26
He has robbed a series
of banks in an effort to buy this very
necessary device. He obviously needs our help.
00:15:34
If you see him around
town, call the FBI. They have one waiting
for him, ready to wear,
00:15:38
one size fits all. NARRATOR: In West Virginia it's
illegal to walk lions, tigers,
00:15:47
or leopards, even on a leash. -About four and a
half, five months ago, I had a situation where I
was coming out of the jail.
00:15:56
And as I was leaving
the jail, I was able to see on the opposite
side of the sally port
00:16:01
of the door where I
exited, a bicycle. And ordinarily,
that's no big deal, because there's five
or six over there.
00:16:07
This one has a distinctive
purple fork as opposed to the rest of the blue bike. And I immediately
recognize this.
00:16:14
This one was my son's. And I walked straight
over to the bike to find out what was
going on, as there
00:16:20
was a piece of paper
attached to it. Hopefully this would
tell me, perhaps a case number or something.
00:16:24
So then, armed with
that, I went in to go find out more about
why this bike was there.
00:16:29
Turns out that the bike was
being used by this individual while he was on work
release from another portion
00:16:37
of our correctional facilities. And he had broken the rules
over there, so to speak,
00:16:42
and had been brought back
over to the main facility. And when they did, they had
no clue about the bicycle,
00:16:47
and thought it was his. So they dutifully brought
the bike back over and put it in a jail sally port, waiting
for when he got out again,
00:16:54
so he could continue using it. What he didn't know,
and they didn't know, is it was taken off my front
porch about a month and a half
00:17:00
before we found it in the jail. It turned out that his
obtaining this bicycle violated his work
release opportunity.
00:17:09
So now he is at the larger house
of better education for him. -Law enforcement officers are
always looking for new tools
00:17:20
to do their job better. And when they become available,
those new technologies are put right to work.
00:17:25
-But every once in a
while, crafty officers invent new crime fighting
tools right on the spot.
00:17:30
-Such was the case in East
Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania, where something smarter
than a smart bomb
00:17:35
was activated to capture
a dimwitted crook. -Witness the genius in
tonight's episode of we're
00:17:41
not making this up. -There's a local dumb criminal,
we call him knucklehead, because we arrest
him all the time.
00:17:50
He likes to hide, which
makes it more fun. We find out where he's
living, go to his house.
00:17:56
A girl comes to the
door, she answers it. And she says that
he's not living there.
00:18:00
But we already know
that he lives there, that he's staying there, because
his other girlfriend, that she
00:18:04
doesn't know about, has told
us what kind of car that he has and where he's living.
00:18:09
So we don't believe her. She lets us in, we take
a look through the house, and the only thing
we find is upstairs,
00:18:13
two girls pretending
to be asleep in bed. So we go back outside,
hang out by the car,
00:18:19
have us a couple of cigarettes,
and about 5, 10 minutes goes by. So we go back to the door.
00:18:25
I explain to her that we know
he's in here, because while we were at the car, we broke
out our brand new, space
00:18:32
age, high-tech, infrared,
bio-detector scanner. Otherwise commonly
known as a flashlight.
00:18:39
The next thing I
know, here comes knucklehead, walking
down the stairs. Oh, I give up.
00:18:43
I didn't know that you
guys had those yet. He's the easiest
guy to arrest now. You pull up in front of
the house, honk the horn,
00:18:49
he comes down. He doesn't want to be scanned. And when he sees
this, now we're going
00:18:54
to have to go chasing
him around again. DEBBIE ALAN: [laughing]
Well, we don't need a bio-scanner to
know it's time to leave.
00:19:02
-Nope, we just rely on the
guys behind the cameras, waving their arms. -But we'll be back next
week with a new gang
00:19:08
of moral misfits. -Now, between now
and then, check out our website at
www.dumbcrimes.com.
00:19:14
-You can read other stories
of state of the art dumbness, feed us tips on stories
you know about, and more.
00:19:19
-Yep. And before we go, we want
to thank you for joining us, and extend our gratitude
to the law enforcement
00:19:24
officers who make
this show possible. Every day they lay
their lives on the line
00:19:28
to keep us safe
from the stupidity of would-be criminals. -As always, we
hope that we've all
00:19:33
learned from others' mistakes. -But, if you haven't, we
just might see you next week
00:19:38
on "America's
Dumbest Criminals." -Bye-bye. [music playing] [music playing] [music playing]