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hi i'm daniel butler welcome to another edition of america's dumbest criminals
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[Music] [Applause] [Music] oh [Music] on this episode of america's dumbest criminals
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the video debut of roller bullies a motorhome madman takes a short trip a drunk driver tries breaking a
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stupid habit dumb doper in monkey nazi monkey all this and more on this week's episode
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of america's dumbest criminals give me your money here's your host daniel butler
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three kids in redondo beach were out skateboarding one night when a car suddenly pulled up beside them two no
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neck minis got out and scared the kids into giving them their skateboards keys and a video camera that one of them had
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been using to record their stunts hey would you say fool no no man never what what what what's going
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on what are you doing [Music] what the goons didn't realize was that the camera was still on and recorded the
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whole event in living color for the police to view when they caught them about 10 minutes later
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[Music] the boys got their property back and the greedy geeks got to watch their home
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video debut with a judge and a court full of their peers the jury gave the thugs two thumbs down
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and made sure that they were unavailable to film any kind of sequel [Music] there are all sorts of excuses that
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people give for breaking the law some are funny some are not but most of them are pathetically stupid like this one
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a state trooper was clipped by a car while speaking to a motorist that just pulled over the driver didn't even slow
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down however he was pulled over for dui a couple of hours later at his trial the
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lawyer argued that her client was not drunk but had in fact taken a home remedy for diabetes that had caused her
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clients erratic behavior however the driver's doctor thought otherwise testifying to his patient's daily scotch
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habit of over 15 years to say that he has a drinking problem would be an understatement needless to say our
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pickled pepper was promptly picked packed and parked at the penitentiary [Music]
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officer mark miller tells the story of a drunk driver who had a little run in with the law and a car and a yard and a
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house paul i remember some years ago we responded to a traffic accident it was a hit and run
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we arrived at the scene a house had been run into the suspect vehicle was gone but the damage it included hitting the
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house hitting a parked car hitting the lawn sprinklers to where the pipes were broken and there was water spewing
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everywhere one of the witnesses handed us a garage door opener and advised us that the guy
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driving the suspect vehicle had dropped that when he was getting out and back into his car
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so we drove up the hill click every five or six houses click click about three miles up the hill and how
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many houses later click the garage door opens and there inside the garage is the suspect vehicle it's wet it's
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dripping with water from the lawn sprinkler the windshield wipers are on the headlights are on the engine's still
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running and our guy is still sitting behind the wheel also inside the car was his dog i went
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in the garage asked him what was going on he says he's just taking his dog for a walk
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but it was raining so he's going to wait we arrested him for drunk driving [Music]
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it's one thing to try to make a clean getaway but it's another thing entirely
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to put too much emphasis on the clean part in fair oaks california a woman came home to her house and discovered
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items piled on the floor and her stereo missing she quickly called 911 and waited for the police to arrive when
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they did the standard search for clues became a wash in good luck oh my god the water turned into the bathroom i didn't
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leave it on don't put it on okay the burglar was still in the house of taking a bubble bath sound asleep
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believe it or not the officers actually had to shake the bathing burglar to make
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the arrest oh man another dumb criminal down the drain and now crimes of the week with daniel
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butler and beaumont bacon i'm daniel butler and with me is the bold and beautiful beaumont bacon but no longer
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young and restless thank goodness unlike this guy who took a long jump off of a second-story dorm balcony to escape a
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pursuing university police officer the campus cop spotted him running into a mouth of an underground drain pipe and
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the chase was on and the chase was on well not exactly they let the thief cool his jets for a while before they sent a
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k-9 unit in and not a moment too soon the pruned prep had wedged himself into a small pipe and was stuffed in so
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tightly that he was blocking the flow of water oh and probably the flow of blood
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to his brain i bet much like this wisconsin snow job who was on the run from the law and mistook himself for an
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ostrich the police were responding to a silent burglar alarm at an auto body shop and arrived on the scene in minutes
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the police figured the guy was still nearby and searched the premises they noticed their quarry within seconds or
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should i say a part of them he had stuffed his head into a snow bank figuring if he couldn't see the cops
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that they couldn't see him well actually i've done that what no yeah well if i if
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i pretend it's not there you know i think maybe it'll go away you know well actually i i've done that
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well almost sometimes when i'm out of gas and i've often made it to the gas
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station on the smell of an oil rag alone and then i realize i have no cash so what did you do i left my id with
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security the same thing that our idiot of the week from santa ana california did a week later he goes to collect his
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id and pay for the gas well that's nice not really while the clerk goes back to
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get the man's id he eyes a gold chain on another customer grabs it and runs leaving behind his id
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exactly the police promptly nailed the necklace never at the address on his id card in addition the arrest was in
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violation of his parole the confiscated chain was exchanged for some nicer little
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platinum cufflinks there [Music] we've highlighted crooks who've left identification at the scene of the crime
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a driver's license or perhaps a credit card something that might have fallen
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out of a pocket and could at least be attributed to carelessness this texas turkey had no excuse but
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sheer stupidity the man at the front desk is about to empty the till at this downtown hotel
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but he's waiting for the lobby to clear out before he makes his move so he fills
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out a registration card once alone with the reception clerk he shows his weapon and demands the day's
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take but with a limited amount of common sense he forgets to grab the registration card he so patiently filled
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out with his real name address and phone number it didn't take long for the local
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sheriff to track down the robber and check him into a lovely room with a view at the texas state prison
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[Music] an off-duty officer was on her way home wearing a police-related t-shirt when
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she stopped in at a convenience store to buy a drink she noticed a security guard buying
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cigarette rolling papers and on a hunch approached the guard outside and ask him
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if he had a bud another term for a marijuana flower the guard stated that he didn't but
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would sell her a joint after the transaction she immediately arrested him she couldn't believe how stupid this guy
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had been and actually had to point out her prominently displayed badge and gun to our clever con
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he must have been blitzed during the attention to detail seminar at his security guard training sessions
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studies have shown that parents don't spend enough quality time with their kids like they used to
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well this family spent a little time together and learned a little something about one another in the process
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it was an average day at this convenience store in northport alabama a kid comes into the store and immediately
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rushes to the counter threatens the clerk and quickly grabs some cash and runs out the kid might have gotten away
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except for one little oversight what he didn't notice was this man carrying the slurpees well he just
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happened to be the kid's father who was on his way out to the car where his wife
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the kid's mother was waiting you can see them staring in disbelief as they watch
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their offspring in action to make matters worse the kid called the parents a little later to ask for a ride because
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his car had broken down during his getaway the less than proud parents convinced
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him to turn himself in and send him directly to the police station without any supper
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following a tip on a dealer working from home two policemen in full uniform decided to pay the house a visit
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well the two officers knocked on the door and were invited in that's when they discovered a man holding a plastic
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sheet with cocaine piled in the center of it hey what do you got there coke you're under arrest
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yeah no this is not my house man let's go i'll be hurt this is not my house
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not to worry they quickly found a new home for our misplaced misfit [Music] women always give us guys a hard time
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about asking someone for directions when we need them for some reason women just don't seem to
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have a problem with it as this will show an officer was busy on a traffic stop when a car pulled up in front of the
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vehicle he was dealing with a woman got out of the car staggered up to him and asked if he could give her directions to
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a specific bar it was clear to the officer that she had already had a few for the road and he
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asked her to wait until he was finished with what he was doing then he would be more than glad to help her which he did
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as soon as he was done he gave her all the directions that she needed like how to touch her finger to her nose walk a
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straight line and how to enter the back of his cruiser for a ride down to the station
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a destination that he was certain she could find without anyone's help [Music]
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when a criminal goes to court the kind of judge he gets at his hearing can make a big impact on what kind of sentence he
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will receive this particular bank robber in massachusetts might have had a better
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chance if he had put a little more thought into his famous last words to the judge
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the judge in this particular case seemed to feel a bit sorry for the crook and after the guy apologized over and over
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for his crime and practically threw himself on the mercy of the court she decided to ask him one final question
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if you were out this very moment would you do this again to which the pleading perp replied i'm gonna have to
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take the fifth on that your owner that wasn't quite what the judge wanted to hear so she gave the guy five to ten
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more years to think about his answer before his next trial [Music] every gardener has had to learn to deal
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with pests white flies potato bugs inchworms the list goes on and on however this man dealt with a new breed
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the dreaded criminal stupidus a 74 year old man was spending a quiet afternoon gardening when he was
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approached by a goon with a gun who wanted more than pruning tips hey give me your money at which point the man
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grabbed his weed whacker and took a stand out of here the startled suspect tried to run but
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fell and was unable to escape the whirling weapon that he had come into him he was charged with armed robbery
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and assault and spent most of his cell time standing an officer in fresno california got more
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than he bargained for on this routine stop our officer noticed a car driving very
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slowly and erratically on an open road figuring that the driver was probably intoxicated he flashed his lights and
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motioned for them to pull over suddenly the driver's side door opened and the
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driver stepped out of the car which continued on its merry way the officer ordered the driver to stay
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put which he seemed to be doing anyway and took off on foot to stop the moving vehicle he caught up with it and reached
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in the driver's side window and threw the car in the park that's when he
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discovered the driver's snackered girlfriend she was slouched down and clutching the steering wheel determined
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to keep the car on the road and within the lines the officer arrested her and escorted the girl back to her catatonic
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counterpart who was standing in the exact place the officer had ordered him to a few minutes earlier
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[Music] it's not often that citizens set up an appointment for their mug shots
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but this woman in coleman alabama is a special case a suspect wanted in some atm thefts saw
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her picture in the common times and marched right into the police station to complain
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that's my picture in the paper that is not me well looks like you but after answering
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a few pointed questions and looking at all the evidence against her the woman finally confessed
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if there are any criminals out there watching now it really does save the cops a lot of
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time and trouble if you just come on down and turn yourselves in we'd all really appreciate it
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[Music] the man got ticked off at his friend while they were fishing so he just decided to take off in his buddy's rv
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you can imagine the tense drama inside the rv it's speed three bagel from heck
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dad's pushing 57 miles per hour and it's frantic dash from the law so he's really
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working up a hunger honey make me a ham sandwich junior's about to get his high score on
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nintendo 64 and sisters doing her homework at the dinette and talking on the cell phone honey pull over we need
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some more mayo i can't hear you with all those dawn sirens and that damn pain
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blaring in my ear dad make him turn that off i can't study shut up stupid you
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shut up don't make me stop this avi dad she kicked me that's it they finally
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pulled over and the officer gave the fished off dad a stern talking to and sent him down to the station without any
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dinner well our bungling buffet is now closing but please join us next week as we serve up another heap and helping of
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hapless hoodlums here on america's dumbest criminals after being on the police department for
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maybe six six years i made a normal traffic traffic stop of a vehicle and it was a young driver in his 20s
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i walked up to the window asked him for his identification and his driver's license and he did the typical
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thing as he opened his wallet and took out his driver's license there was a daily city police card sitting there
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and um so i noticed it and i go i just happened to notice it and i said oh do you know
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this officer you know an officer he goes yes he's a very good friend of mine i've
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known him for a long long time he's a very very good friend of mine i go really i said do you mind if i take a
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look he goes sure and he takes it out and he proudly hands me this business card for one of my fellow officers and
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there is my name eric wallman police officer daley city police sitting on this card i go really i said how long
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have you known this guy oh we're very good friends we're very good friends oh okay well
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that's really interesting to know thank you so i walked back to my car and and the thing about me is i'm the
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easiest one you could talk out of a ticket i'm pretty if the person knows what they did wrong there's a good
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chance they may get a warning but i walk but this one was too too good to pass up
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so i walked back to my car and i fill out the ticket and for whatever the violation was
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you know stop sign or something i fill out the violation obviously sign the ticket and i come
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back to the car now obviously he's disappointed and i give him the ticket to sign
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and then um i said by the way i said you may uh i said do you know who i am he goes uh no no i don't know you are i
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said well check the name on that citation that you just signed and have a nice day
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i'll see you later as far as patrol was one of our officers who unfortunately
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isn't here today was on patrol and there was a there was a car driving up the street
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and behind it attached to the to the bumper of this car was another bumper of another car
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and obviously that's a little unusual so this officer pulls in behind it pulls
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the guy over walks up to the car obviously it seems like the guy's probably a little intoxicated and the
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officer says he goes hey excuse me he goes but do you know that there's a there's a bumper on the back
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of your car he goes yeah i noticed that and the guy's been tailgating me all the
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way up the freeway [Music] you