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this is an adc warning the crimes you're about to see are true only the names were changed to protect
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the ignorant [Music] tonight you'll see some dopers who are a little too hospitable
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a jewelry store full of dumb criminals and a dumb criminal who is disarmed and dangerous
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these are just a few of america's damaged criminals [Music] welcome to america's dumbest criminals
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i'm daniel butler you know we thought we'd get numb to the sort of crime we
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see in our research for this show however most of the numbness remains in the heads of our subjects
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come with us now and plumb the depths of human stupidity as we open the files on
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america's dumbest criminals first up retired officer david hunter tells the story of an armed robber who
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goes over the edge it was one about an out of state armed robber as he was attempt as an officer
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attempted to pull him over one night he panicked and his car burned out flamed out on him as he was
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crossing an interstate bridge and he assumed that he was still at ground level where he had been when the
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pursuit started so he was a little surprised when he bailed out over the side of the railing and dropped 45 feet
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to the to the rock quarry below they survivor [Music] you have to run before you can fall
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[Music] in montana it used to be against the law for a wife to read her husband's mail
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but it was legal to bake using his letters not everyone knows the proper etiquette
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for late night visits for starters you should always ask who is it i was working uniform patrol
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many years ago and the proverbial midnight it's boring and nothing's going on
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we get the loud music call it's two o'clock in the morning no big deal as always we just go knock on the
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door tell the people turn the music down this particular time we end we're knocking on the door we're
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not really getting an answer so we knock a little louder people inside said come in
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so we opened the door all these people are sitting around the round table snort and cocaine
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everybody know what you're doing now put your hands behind your head hands behind your head now
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you got a little cardi going on here there had to be about an ounce of cocaine on this table and they're just
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uh oh so eight people went to jail just by saying come in and on the way out you just tell the guy
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did your mother ever tell you you know ask who it is first adc quiz number 731 tunneling underground three men came up
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through the floor of what was supposed to be the bank it wasn't was it a the parking lot of the police
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station b an empty warehouse or c a midnight madness sale at an appliance store the correct answer is see a midnight
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madness sale at an appliance store a great place to launder money but now they're doing laundry at the
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state pen come out from the adc security cam vaults no cops here this is actual hidden surveillance
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footage of an undercover officer buying cocaine in a motel room the man you'll see in the ball cap is a
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dealer and what did they watch on tv while doing a dope deal man mtv now every dope deal begins with small
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talk and shooting the breeze and in no time at all the dealer is ready to risk 20 years in prison for
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bucks going out to the car to pick it up all 1600 and bring it back in now the one thing that always takes the
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most time in every dope deal is counting the money finally the deal is done but the
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undercover officer decides to get the dealer one last tip [Applause] [Music] now an undercover officer tells us about
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an early training mission [Applause] i work as an undercover officer for narcotics
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for the sheriff's department and my first or second day there one of the other officers asked me to go
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and buy some prescription drugs from this woman hello hi um yeah yourself guilts here
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i was not familiar with any of them i had to take a piece of paper with me that had the names of the pills on it
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yes yes i meant um the minis you have good yeah and in front of this woman that i was
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buying the pills from repeatedly had to go back to the piece of paper right in front of her and say uh why not client
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final two and all two and all yes i'm in so um [Music] she sold me a quantity of prescription
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drugs for a price of 250 dollars i'm a police officer and you're under arrest oh
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you're a knockout yes i am i need to get in my house there was a house full of evidence
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but nobody home later on america's dumbest criminals a joyride to the county jail that turns
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[Music] ugly undercover police work can be pretty dangerous you've got no cruiser
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or uniform and very often find yourself outnumbered it's worth it though when
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your hard work pays off and you infiltrate a criminal organization all the way to the top and meet the brains
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or half brains of the operation now let's cruise for drugs undercover on a college campus and taken for a ride
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hey man i'll give you a ride come on two undercover officers were cruising the campus to make dope contacts with
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their own jerry rigged camo capped cam they stopped to give hitchhiking dopers a ride
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almost immediately their hitchhiker lit a big joint the officers told them that they were
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looking to cop some dope no problem this doper knew plenty of people with pot you seen yourself before
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you see it you have you tried this absolutely good stuff for the rest of the night the
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narcs were taken from house to house by the helpful doper try these for great they made deal after
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deal on videotape they had enough evidence and enough faces on video to make a major bust
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based on one hitchhiking ride having a great day the doper told the undercover officers of a friend in the
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next town who supplied half the campus so they all drove over to meet the big man on campus himself
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[Music] after scoring big the agents told their happy passenger that they wanted to take
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him someplace for a big surprise you guys been to cops all day [Music] what a bomber
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he's dumber in new jersey it's against the law to detain a homing pigeon but you can like
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castro shown here in hackensack legally sing like a stool pigeon next up another nun tells a story of
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mass stupidity in i was only trying to help myself officers received a call at a jewelry
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store in downtown they went in they saw one you behind the counter stand up i didn't do nothing i was just trying to
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stop him stealing you step over to the counter i got two over here not three more get up stand up
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is anybody else in here is there anybody else in here they got nine out of there later on after
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investigating they found out that one of them i think it was the youngest one that he was supposed to be the lookout
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but he went inside also you know where they got cold or he was just greedy but he
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didn't see the police driving up so all of them were caught inside of the building
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it's always the little guy who's that sweet brain of the outfit now we'll take you inside the courtroom
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for trial and error listen from actual courtroom transcripts as a dope dealer tells about his twisted
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social conscience mr scott you went into the police station to demand the arrest
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of a drug dealer in your neighborhood is that correct i was so afraid that kids was gonna get hurt by the cheap drugs he
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was selling and that's when you threw down the cheap drugs that he had sold to
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you that's exactly right the man's a crook [Music] coming up jerry ponce tells us about a
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real blockhead who suffers from a mental roadblock on america's dumbest criminals
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[Music] next up dan newman of las vegas recalls serving a warrant that placed him in
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arm's way we did a drug bust once up in when i was in narcotics we didn't know that he only
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had one arm so we went into the house and he was running around with no arm and in the bedroom uh there's
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this prosthesis hey hey hey one guy yells out hey i've got the suspect he's unarmed you know so
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[Applause] [Music] two would-be carjackers were shocked when they tried to pull a driver out of
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his car at a red light he sped away leaving one of them holding his artificial leg
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the dumb criminals later tried to plea bargain for just pulling his leg now paul heaton of charlotte takes us
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back to his encounter with stupidity in occupational hazard while driving home one night after work
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i was in plain clothes driving my own personal vehicle and driving down the road all of a sudden i
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was rear-ended by another car well we pulled over to the side of the road and the guy got out he was covered
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in beer you ain't right here i forgot to go make me call seems the reason he had hit me was
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because he just turned up a can of beer and looking down when he looked down bam
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what are you doing here the beer can't pull the cops here i said yeah they probably wouldn't understand
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that so uh so we're standing there waiting on the officers to arrive to take the report
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and uh just as the police cars pull up he says so uh he had been talking the whole time running his mouth he says hey
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what do you do for a living hey paul you have an accident i'm a cop his knees started to sag at that point
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[Music] and he just of all the cars in town he had to pick a cops now from the adc security cam vault guy
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talk undercover narcotics work requires an officer to blend in bond with and earn
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the respect of dumb criminals now if you watch enough movies you'd think every
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drug deal is a tense dramatic scene fraught with intrigue but here's a real major cocaine deal going down on video
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and audio the dealers have just stepped out of their car and are entering the undercover officer's car yeah
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i know that's [Music] right man thank you [Applause] all right so far these evil villains have
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discussed clothes food and the kids staying home from school i still i'm still a little boy with two
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hundred dollars i owe him another hundred percent the officers have seen the dope and the
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dealers aren't armed so he signals with his headlights of course wherever men do deals women
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will be discussed [Applause] um oh [Applause] food is also a major problem [Applause]
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[Applause] [Laughter] and finally they compared the best route [Applause] after a lovely conversation it's time to
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arrest our new friends for felony possession and distribution [Applause] and don't forget to have a nice day
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[Music] next up a blockhead who suffers from a real mental roadblock we had a concert about 10 000 people
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as they let out they were coming out of the parking lot and the people were coming out also with the cars so it was
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very difficult to control the traffic so at one end of the street it was short block
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i placed my car broadside blocking the northbound traffic turned on my blue lights and flashers went back to direct
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traffic and i see a car just pulling past the curb and my cruiser car easing up there where all the people were two
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wheels up on the sidewalk i couldn't believe it i walked over to the car and i said sir before i could
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get my words out of my mouth he said officer you realized i could barely get beyond your car
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i don't believe you that's the whole point i couldn't believe it i said that's the
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object it was pretty clear this guy was pretty dumb and now pete beagleson meets an
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optimistic dumb driver with an early alibi i stopped the guy one one night it was probably a friday or
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saturday night nine ten o'clock at night he's speeding he's probably doing 16 or
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30 just really flying down the road i grew up and i blew light him and pulled him over and woke up and he says
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office officer he said i know i was speeding he said but this is my girlfriend she's pregnant my girl she's
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pregnant and he's all dressed up looking good like he just come from a club so i go up and say well i'll have her
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step out of the car and i put on the spotlights for to get my car and she opens up the door and outsteps this
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long-legged big busted flat stomach well-built good-looking lady and i looked at her and i said
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ma'am you don't look pregnant to me and the guy looked at me he said well
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we're not there yet he says by the end of tonight he said she's going to be
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[Laughter] well as always we're out of time before we're out of crime our thanks to the men
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and women of law enforcement i'm daniel butler saying don't be dumb don't break
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the law or we'll catch you on america's dumbest criminals [Music] [Applause]
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[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] you