00:00:00
we promised our listeners last week that
00:00:01
we discuss your ketamine Journey
00:00:04
everyone is ask they couldn't believe we
00:00:06
waited last week they were people have
00:00:07
been asking me a lot so give us your
00:00:09
your ketamine journey and please roll it
00:00:11
out for us uh so just to set it up I um
00:00:15
a friend of mine invested in Academy
00:00:17
clinics and for me it was like burning
00:00:18
man I always wanted to do it and I was
00:00:20
chickened out
00:00:22
and yeah and my friend invested in a
00:00:25
clinic and he set it up and he made it
00:00:26
SE seamless for me in Austin and you
00:00:28
walk in and everyone's got their shoes
00:00:29
off it's a very nice
00:00:31
Vibe and they it was actually quite nice
00:00:35
uh you have a person in this kind of
00:00:37
this love room with couches and pillows
00:00:40
it's very comfortable and they give you
00:00:41
a weighted blanket and then the doctor
00:00:43
who talked to me they did pre-screening
00:00:45
to make sure you shouldn't do it if you
00:00:46
have any schizophrenia in your family or
00:00:48
if you're feeling especially anxious or
00:00:51
paranoid um which for me is called a
00:00:53
Tuesday but anyways the I know exactly I
00:00:56
was like who hold on stop sign stop sign
00:00:59
I said all of those things but it's
00:01:00
nothing red light all those things but
00:01:01
it's nothing out of the normal and you
00:01:04
go into a room that feels like the you
00:01:06
know the coolest Den where you'd hang
00:01:07
out and smoke a lot of pot at home like
00:01:10
Rich it feels like a room in a rich
00:01:12
person's house who's very into marijuana
00:01:14
that's right and this the thing that
00:01:17
initially struck me was the doctor came
00:01:18
in we all held hands and prayed which I
00:01:20
actually found quite comforting and then
00:01:23
you do some deep breathing some heavy to
00:01:25
God pardon to God or I I don't know
00:01:27
exactly who who was on the other end of
00:01:28
that I'm not sure anyone was listening
00:01:30
but yeah it was nice to be in the
00:01:32
company of other people holding hands
00:01:33
and hoping for good outcomes okay and
00:01:36
then she gives you an injection little
00:01:37
communion and then she gives you an
00:01:39
injection and you get on an elevator up
00:01:43
or out and the way I would describe it
00:01:45
is that you know they use the term
00:01:46
disassociative for these drugs and that
00:01:48
is you do in fact your Consciousness
00:01:51
your thoughts leave your body your body
00:01:53
feels fine it feels very heavy you can't
00:01:56
really move you have trouble I had
00:01:58
trouble articulating words
00:02:00
but you immediately your Consciousness
00:02:02
sort of leaves your
00:02:04
body and I'll give quickly how quickly I
00:02:07
want details how quickly did you
00:02:09
suddenly feel this within 30 or 60
00:02:11
seconds you are you feel very relaxed an
00:02:13
initial sensation of
00:02:15
relaxation it does reduce your anxiety
00:02:18
and but then you your elevator up pretty
00:02:20
fast your your Willy Wonka in the in the
00:02:23
in the elevator going about the speed of
00:02:25
light except I wouldn't describe it as
00:02:28
your traveling I would describe it as
00:02:29
your Consciousness leaves your body and
00:02:31
then space starts flying around you and
00:02:34
Surround and the things that are on your
00:02:36
Consciousness uh begin you know I think
00:02:39
the the things are important or at least
00:02:41
in your mind start coming into what I'd
00:02:44
call 4K
00:02:46
highdefinition
00:02:48
unavoidable um very visual View and just
00:02:52
visually so me it was just me pictures
00:02:55
of me that's right go ahead that's right
00:02:57
but uh these things come into very
00:02:59
Crystal Clear
00:03:01
View and so I'll give you what I'll call
00:03:04
the downsides and I'll give you the
00:03:06
upsides the downsides are some things I
00:03:08
was anxious about in that moment kept
00:03:10
popping up and I knew even in the moment
00:03:13
that they weren't that important um can
00:03:16
you give me specifics or not I had had
00:03:19
uh I had been what I felt like less kind
00:03:22
to somebody or I said some stupid stuff
00:03:24
and I felt bad about it and it just kept
00:03:26
popping up and and I say a lot of dumb
00:03:29
unkind things
00:03:30
on a regular basis and trying to be
00:03:32
funny or provocative and it just kept
00:03:34
coming up and so you know I waited till
00:03:37
the cem W off and I called them and
00:03:39
apologized but in two if I had done my
00:03:42
trip in two weeks I don't think it would
00:03:43
have come up so your anxieties at the
00:03:45
moment do come up which is a bad thing
00:03:47
the other bad thing is that if you have
00:03:49
a doctor who recommends it because of
00:03:52
trauma or they feel it would help you
00:03:53
with your depression then by all means I
00:03:55
would I would suggest taking medical
00:03:57
advice but if you are not good at drugs
00:04:00
and what do I mean by that I have done
00:04:02
enough drugs that I have been way too
00:04:05
high a couple times and it's a terrible
00:04:07
experience to feel way too high and out
00:04:09
of
00:04:09
control but I you always get through it
00:04:12
but without that confidence of knowing
00:04:15
you're going to get through it I would
00:04:17
absolutely not do this mind [ __ ] because
00:04:20
oh so a mind [ __ ] if you don't take I
00:04:22
shouldn't do it in another words oh I
00:04:23
would not recommend it to any I was
00:04:25
thinking about you I was thinking about
00:04:26
my wife which is a little odd but I
00:04:29
would not recommend recomend it for you
00:04:30
uh because there are moments and I'm not
00:04:34
I I don't want to say there are moments
00:04:35
where it's it's terrifying that's a
00:04:37
strong there are moments that are very
00:04:38
scary that if you could you'd be like I
00:04:41
want off this roller coaster but your
00:04:43
Consciousness your Consciousness
00:04:45
separates from you and you're just
00:04:47
looking at your Consciousness and your
00:04:49
perception of things and the universe
00:04:51
starts flying by you and what I would
00:04:54
say is that the the upside is it's very
00:04:58
clarifying and cementing of things that
00:05:01
are important to you so I had
00:05:03
these
00:05:05
incredibly
00:05:07
incredibly uh Crystal Clear unimaginably
00:05:12
Sharp Images in 3D All Around Me of
00:05:15
these two favorite pictures I've I have
00:05:17
of my
00:05:18
boys and you're thinking about your
00:05:21
relationship with them and how deep it
00:05:24
is but it goes like exponentially deeper
00:05:28
and you sort of like I mean very obvious
00:05:30
stuff you know your purpose is to love
00:05:31
your children but you start you start
00:05:35
recognizing that this is this is
00:05:38
everything for me like this is who I am
00:05:41
is the is so it clarified important it
00:05:43
came to the Forefront Clarity or
00:05:45
clarification and cementing is how I
00:05:48
would describe the upside of it and you
00:05:51
know I had I saw I saw death but in a
00:05:53
good way I think about death a lot and I
00:05:54
thought okay and I'm very into this
00:05:56
concept of surplus value that when a boy
00:05:59
becomes a man man when he's now
00:06:01
producing more than he's taking in and
00:06:03
some people never get to that point
00:06:05
people love you people spend time on you
00:06:06
your school spends resources on you the
00:06:08
world spends resources on you and when
00:06:11
you really become a man is when the
00:06:13
output or the the love the care the
00:06:15
concern the productivity you offer the
00:06:17
world is greater than your
00:06:19
inputs and for me it was clarifying I'm
00:06:21
like okay my opportunity here is still
00:06:23
is to love my boys more than you know my
00:06:25
parents love me oh so that's what came
00:06:28
to the Forefront interesting your work
00:06:30
not your work that's really interesting
00:06:32
not a single image not a single thought
00:06:35
about my work about money about success
00:06:38
about lack thereof about professional
00:06:40
success or disappointment and that
00:06:42
occupies the majority of my waking hours
00:06:45
it was all about my boys and then
00:06:48
surprisingly my can I see was it
00:06:50
hallucinogenic or when you're seeing
00:06:53
these pictures is it just your thoughts
00:06:55
or do you actually see things because on
00:06:57
some of these things like mushrooms you
00:06:59
see things color LSD you see colors
00:07:02
right I so I've told you about the
00:07:04
sphere being mindblowing in Las Vegas
00:07:07
yeah this is the sphere of the
00:07:09
sphere you're the walls are breathing
00:07:12
the universe is flying by you in Crystal
00:07:16
Clear Clarity but you are no longer in
00:07:19
your body and you are thinking just so
00:07:22
like when you die you know that feeling
00:07:24
when they say when you die pull out
00:07:25
that's how I imagine it's like I am
00:07:28
beaming towards the source the source is
00:07:30
comforting and along the way I don't
00:07:33
have time for one of the billions of
00:07:35
planets or the trillions of organisms
00:07:37
that aren't important it's just the two
00:07:40
or three very important things and a
00:07:42
recognition and there was no Discovery
00:07:44
there was nothing new and my actually my
00:07:47
wife came into it but in a much
00:07:48
different way it was like this shock and
00:07:52
the way I would describe the shock was
00:07:55
did you ever when you were a kid get a
00:07:58
gift you weren't expecting it and it was
00:08:01
something that was so unattainable for
00:08:03
you that you could never even imagine
00:08:05
owning it I mean you wanted it so much
00:08:07
but it was unattainable for me it was
00:08:10
when I was a kid I was really into
00:08:11
skateboarding my skateboard cost $2 yeah
00:08:14
and there was a skateboard called a bane
00:08:16
B A hn NE e which was the ultimate
00:08:20
luxury item the equivalent of a Bugatti
00:08:22
or a Birkin bag but they were $45 and in
00:08:25
a million years my mom and I could never
00:08:27
afford a $45 skateboard and my mom's
00:08:31
boyfriend came home one day with this
00:08:33
real rag tag box and he said this for
00:08:35
you and I opened it and it was a bane
00:08:37
skateboard and at that moment that
00:08:39
moment of just like shock and joy that
00:08:41
that was mine when my wife came into the
00:08:44
picture I remember feeling this like
00:08:47
like who is this oh my God I get to hang
00:08:51
out with this person that's correct
00:08:53
thank you Scott we all know that you
00:08:55
know the rest of us know this cuz your
00:08:57
wife is a hot ticket item in every
00:08:59
single
00:09:00
but this this notion of like who is this
00:09:03
oh my God I get to hang out with this
00:09:05
person partner with this person I get to
00:09:07
be physical with this person I get to be
00:09:09
affect it was like it was like this Bane
00:09:11
skateboard times a million and that was
00:09:13
very nice and clarifying your wife was a
00:09:16
b well but you know what I mean oh
00:09:18
interesting did you I know I know let me
00:09:20
did you have any religious spiritual it
00:09:23
absolutely none at all it really doesn't
00:09:25
no you didn't touch the face of God did
00:09:27
you the way I would describe it is it
00:09:28
doesn't illuminate
00:09:30
anything new or teach you anything new
00:09:32
it didn't for me what it did was just
00:09:34
clarify the cement or cement the things
00:09:36
that I know and are that are very
00:09:38
important to me and it just sort of so
00:09:40
no appearances by the pivot team or car
00:09:43
s yeah not a lot but I mean this
00:09:46
absolutely nothing about my work and the
00:09:49
the takeaway I went in with the
00:09:50
intention I wanted to ask myself a
00:09:52
question like what is my purpose how do
00:09:54
I add value and I just came back to this
00:09:57
notion that I have had I've been
00:09:58
fortunate enough to receive a lot of
00:09:59
love and my my goal in life is to have
00:10:05
Surplus value in terms of the amount of
00:10:07
love I give as opposed to the amount of
00:10:09
love I've I've received nice and also
00:10:12
this weird recognition that I'm almost
00:10:14
there and that quite frankly gives me
00:10:16
permission to leave and and I don't want
00:10:19
to say die because that sounds negative
00:10:21
oh please but I have I have permission
00:10:23
to leave and i' I've checked a box that
00:10:26
was kind you've done
00:10:28
enough I've you've done you're a surplus
00:10:31
person you're a plus person you know I
00:10:33
feel like I mean I would think in terms
00:10:34
of masculine I think I am a man I have
00:10:37
loved more than I've been loved and
00:10:38
that's the goal and that but it was very
00:10:41
clarifying it was very positive but let
00:10:43
me Circle back no this is not something
00:10:45
to be done lightly it would be
00:10:48
terrifying if you weren't confident
00:10:51
around your use of drugs and having said
00:10:53
that if the doctor I should do it I mean
00:10:56
this sincerely I I think of you was a
00:10:57
good friend and I wouldn't I would
00:10:58
always advise you I wouldn't do it if I
00:11:01
were you and everyone talks about it
00:11:03
being a life a life-changing experience
00:11:06
there's no free launch and there are
00:11:08
moments imagine the scariest roller
00:11:10
coaster you've ever been on and your
00:11:11
friends talk you into doing it and about
00:11:13
10 seconds into the roller coaster
00:11:15
you're like I would pay almost anything
00:11:17
to get off this thing there are a couple
00:11:20
moments there are a couple moments where
00:11:22
you're thinking about the intensity of
00:11:24
your Consciousness separated from your
00:11:27
body and the life you've built yourself
00:11:29
and how strange it is and all your
00:11:31
emotions and it is so overwhelming it
00:11:34
gets quite frankly just very
00:11:36
scary um you know I I'm I'm recalling
00:11:39
when I was a kid I used to stare in the
00:11:41
when I was very sad about my dad and
00:11:43
stuff I would stare into the mirror and
00:11:45
I would hypnotize myself I would go who
00:11:48
am I what am I doing here and I'd repeat
00:11:49
it over and over again and then I would
00:11:51
disassociate it was amazing I don't I
00:11:53
can't believe I did that as a kid but I
00:11:55
I have a very deep recollection if you
00:11:57
stare into a mirror and say that who am
00:11:59
I what am I doing here I it freaked me
00:12:02
out when I was I think some of that is
00:12:03
good I think some of it is bad if it
00:12:05
gets too much it was imagine that CU you
00:12:08
can't get out
00:12:09
of pull myself out that's that's a
00:12:11
that's a great believeing that's a great
00:12:13
example but it was
00:12:15
um uh scary downside some anxiety that
00:12:19
just shouldn't have been there because
00:12:21
it my mind at the time but it was very
00:12:23
clarifying and you're not I I promised
00:12:25
myself I wasn't going to call anybody
00:12:26
right after Under the Influence Academy
00:12:28
but of course I immediately you didn't I
00:12:29
didn't hear I immediately how long did
00:12:31
it last it's about an hour but you can't
00:12:33
really stand I mean you're you're woozy
00:12:35
but I immediately called my wife and
00:12:37
told her she was a ban skateboard but
00:12:39
she was very moved by it oh
00:12:41
[Laughter]
00:12:43
um oh I'm going to get you one of those
00:12:46
now and put your wife's face on it
00:12:47
that's my that's that's my birthday
00:12:49
present the thing you'd want to give to
00:12:51
people who have a nice relationship with
00:12:53
their kids you
00:12:56
just the word that kept coming up with
00:12:58
the feeling this I'll finish here was
00:13:01
impossible but impossible in a good way
00:13:03
impossible in the sense that my boys can
00:13:06
never understand until they have their
00:13:07
own
00:13:09
boys how deeply I feel about them and my
00:13:11
commitment to them and it was this
00:13:13
wonderful feeling that I have this
00:13:14
secret that that they just can't
00:13:18
comprehend you know the depth of the
00:13:21
commitment and the connection I feel
00:13:22
with them and the Word was impossible
00:13:24
but in a very positive way but it was
00:13:27
all about it was all about my boys a
00:13:29
little bit about a little bit about my
00:13:32
you know my partner in life but nothing
00:13:35
about work nothing about
00:13:37
health nothing about my parents it which
00:13:40
shocked the [ __ ] out of me it was very
00:13:41
weird good for you Scott that sounds
00:13:44
fantastic now I I'm excited about your
00:13:46
LSD trip and your your IA trip and
00:13:48
everything else there you go no I'm
00:13:54
done