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All right. All right. And. Hello. Begin. Hi. Welcome to my favorite murder, the mini-sode of our podcast.
00:02:00
It's a smaller version of the podcast. It's easier to carry around. It's lighter.
00:02:05
Compact. Better on your lower back. And we don't have to do any homework for it.
00:02:08
That's what we like about a mini-sode. We don't have to do hours and hours of research, which we love doing.
00:02:15
No. More than once a week would not be. Oh, no. No, that was a no in agreement. Sometimes I agree with you so much I have to say no first.
00:02:23
Like, no, it's shut everything down because that's exactly right. No, you're right.
00:02:27
No, you're exactly right. Yeah. Don't even finish your sentence. Just stop because you're right.
00:02:33
No, there's this is a joy. Comparatively speaking. Yes. Yeah. It's just it's like we're communicating with the listeners.
00:02:41
They're telling us shit they want to talk about. Right. It's not all us hogging the conversation.
00:02:46
We can prove that we know how to read, that we're literate by reading emails. You know, and I'm sure you already knew this about me before I'd say it.
00:02:53
But I was the kid in class that would always raise my hand to read. And I loved reading aloud in class.
00:02:58
It was the only thing that brought me joy in school. Karen, can we let someone else read aloud?
00:03:03
Except for that. They're so bad at it. Like, it drove me crazy when people would read out loud.
00:03:08
It'd be like, da, da, da, da, da. Where it's like, just read the fucking sentence.
00:03:11
Yeah. Or they wouldn't say the punctuation was a question. And so at the end, they'd realize it was a question.
00:03:18
you know i i should have taught a cold reading class that's really i think where my
00:03:25
passion lies i think i'm pretty bad at reading aloud so it's not my favorite oh that's not true
00:03:30
this has helped me tremendously this is the best training you could ever that's the only reason i
00:03:36
started this podcast with you is to be able to learn how to read aloud better so that you could
00:03:40
then go on to be a news uh radio host all i've ever wanted you'd be very good at it um so we're
00:03:46
reading your emails. Out of the White House today. But I am going to instead of that ticker tape
00:03:52
say actually, sound or not ticker tape, whatever that sound is. Because you know, all they want to do
00:04:02
is read about shit that's going on in the White House today. Oh, fuck. Did you see
00:04:06
the thing where they arrested a White House worker who was on the lam for attempted murder? No.
00:04:12
I just retweeted it like an hour ago. Donald Trump? It could be him. They didn't specify.
00:04:17
Melania. Poor Melania. Is she? All right, you want to hear this one? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:04:26
The subject line is, I got a present from the murderer at my workplace. Love it.
00:04:31
Hello, Georgia, Karen, Stephen, and the furry family. I can take it. Okay. A few years ago, I moved away and started a job at a new workplace.
00:04:39
All pretty normal until one day a drop-dead gorgeous man walked through the doors,
00:04:43
and we all swooned. We found out that he was new to the area, single, and he had an accent like caramel.
00:04:49
I say caramel, but she spelled it caramel. I used to flirt with him every damn day in the kitchen, of course, pretending to be interested in his healthy eating habits.
00:04:58
What is more fascinating than someone's healthy eating habit? Wait, I'm sorry. Are you saying you microwave that broccoli?
00:05:04
That's crazy. I'm fascinated by someone's unhealthy eating habits. Yeah, that's exactly right.
00:05:09
Not their healthy ones. It's like, I noticed that you have a bag of cold Jack in the box in your desk.
00:05:13
I'd love to talk to you. I want to know about your life. Because I bet it's fun.
00:05:18
I want to fucking party with you, Dan. I absolutely do. Okay, so healthy eating habits.
00:05:27
And one day he came in with some special tea for me. Because I explained the day before that I'd had trouble sleeping.
00:05:33
It was only then that I noticed that he was a little bit strange. It didn't feel like a gift.
00:05:39
It felt like he was trying to buy something from me. But I had no idea what. And just put it down to me being a paranoid weirdo and suspicious of every fucking nice thing anyone does.
00:05:49
Good for you. I wasn't wrong. A few months later I left the company and quote unquote Pete came to my leaving drinks We exchanged numbers and agreed to keep in touch We didn My friend from the company Tim called me a few months later
00:06:06
and asked if I was sitting down and still in touch with Pete, to which I replied yes and no, respectively.
00:06:13
I've always wanted to say that. Is that from you or in the letter? It's the letter.
00:06:19
But I dropped my voice because it was in parentheses. That's good. I'm really acting it up.
00:06:24
I get it. He then went on to send me an article link that explained how this hot, mysterious guy at the office had killed a child in his hometown, moved away and changed his name.
00:06:33
Even creepier, they only found out because he'd been telling one of the younger girls at the office that he was a model and she Googled his name.
00:06:40
What? It turns out it was a huge case back in his hometown with plenty of mysterious twists and turns, but he confessed to, quote, accidentally murdering the victim.
00:06:50
in parentheses. He found time to dispose of the body afterwards, however, and was jailed for manslaughter.
00:06:57
Upon his release, he swiftly moved away, changed his name, and it ended up at my workplace
00:07:00
where he remains now. No, child killers shouldn't be let out of jail ever. They don't get to have healthy eating habits.
00:07:07
They get to have prison eating habits. Now, I just want to call... Okay, and then it says
00:07:11
I really like this line. If he looks good, but you feel weird, you're on to something. A fucking
00:07:17
bad. SSD GM or accept tea bags from convicts. B. I love that. That is... Never trust a beautiful person.
00:07:25
Please be careful of beautiful people. Effortlessly beautiful is just, they don't put effort into anything.
00:07:31
They don't understand how life really works. No. And so because of that, they'll
00:07:35
kill you. Lesson learned. And that's all we're here to do is teach you shit. Teach you who to avoid.
00:07:46
So far, it's everybody and everything. Okay. This is called Body Found at the Ski Lift After Two Years.
00:07:56
Shit. No intro. Okay. This is a story from Utah where we have the greatest snow on earth and lots of people come here to ski and snowboard.
00:08:04
Originally, these events were kept quiet and the media was not informed. Everyone involved signed non-disclosure agreements until someone I share a Murderino obsession with revealed everything.
00:08:14
it sounded like what they're saying is they signed non-disclosure agreements about skiing
00:08:20
like if you ski it is a secret i mean it's true i don't know anyone who skis that can't be possible it's just rich people outside of provo there are several popular ski
00:08:30
resorts with the freshest powder in this hemisphere in 2014 at the smallest of these
00:08:34
ski resorts had an international skier go missing from the group and the search party
00:08:39
was and a search party was launched after several days and several blizzards spent scouring the back
00:08:43
trails, assuming that the skier had ventured off the main slopes, search and rescue called
00:08:48
off the effort. Everyone thought the skier had simply walked off the resort, cut their flight back to their
00:08:53
home country, and everything was fine as the skier's party had stopped communicating with
00:08:58
authorities. So no one was like, this person's still missing, I think is what they mean.
00:09:03
That's crazy. You got to have one of those people calling long distance international calls.
00:09:08
Also, if your job is to find someone who's missing and then you just suddenly decide they probably flew home, you should change your you should do a different job.
00:09:19
Maybe be a travel agent. A great idea. Come spring, all the snow melted. And guess what?
00:09:24
What? No body. It wasn't until all caps two fucking years later that they found the body cradled in a blue spruce tree within spitting distance of the ski lift.
00:09:37
I think this means he fell from the ski lift into the tree. Maybe. Thousands of people skied and boarded right underneath the body with no idea.
00:09:47
I keep wondering if I ever boarded down that trail during those two seasons, and I'm sure I did.
00:09:52
In all that time, no one noticed the bright jacket, the reflective goggles, or the person's skis hanging in the tree
00:09:58
because all along each side of the lift, the trees are full of bras, panties, and Mardi Gras beads
00:10:03
from people who don't need underwear when they ski lift or have sex on the ski lifts or whatever.
00:10:08
Jesus Christ. Is that true? That sounds dangerous. They're doing whatever they want up there on those ski lifts.
00:10:13
I believe it. Keep your underwear on when you're on a ski lift. It's so cold. It's so cold.
00:10:18
Because it was so unbelievable that no one noticed or smelled the body for two fucking years,
00:10:23
again, in all caps, the resort shelled out epic amounts of money and unleashed the lawyers to hush up what happened.
00:10:30
Clearly that worked. Now, whenever I go boarding and get up on that lift up past those trees with the bras and beads, I search for bones.
00:10:38
Because if they lost one person that close to a hot chocolate stand, who knows how many other people are hanging dead in the Mardi Gras tree.
00:10:46
Thanks so much for making this podcast. I've made so many friends and found my people because of you guys.
00:10:50
Love you all. And don't get lost at the ski resort. Love, Mickey. Shit, Mickey. Mickey.
00:10:55
So he fell. How did he fall out of the... Those things always scared the shit out of me.
00:10:59
A ski lift? I'm never going skiing again in my life. It's the fucking worst. I'm fine with it.
00:11:04
I hate it so much. Like, why would I ever do that? It's not for us. No. It's for Norwegian people.
00:11:11
That makes me think of my friend Alicia Gonzalez, who I love the most. This was back when we lived in Sacramento, and some guy invited her to go to Tahoe for the weekend.
00:11:19
And she yelled on the phone. I was in the room with her. She yelled on the phone, I don't ski.
00:11:23
I'm not white. And it was so hilarious. I love that I married someone who will never ask me if I want to go skiing.
00:11:30
Yeah. He'll never ask me if I want to go for a hike or go skiing. God bless that man.
00:11:35
Or do anything I don't want to do. No, he likes all the coolest things to do. He wants to do the shit I want to do, which is eat cold, delt, jock in the box.
00:11:44
Out of a bottom drawer. Talk about it. Okay, you go. Okay, this is good. The subject line is my serial killer grandam.
00:11:54
Oh shit The weirdest thing that has ever happened to me Again no intro love it so in 2004 2005 i bought a used car a 96 red pontiac grand am it was ugly and awful and the radio had a short but for 1200
00:12:08
it was affordable yes fast forward six months i get a call from the oklahoma branch of the fbi
00:12:14
oh my god saying hey we think your car was used in a crime and we need to see it a week later i'm
00:12:19
sitting at my receptionist job waiting for the FBI to come take my car to whatever to wherever
00:12:24
for whatever now get now to get to set the scene I want you to imagine something from a porn
00:12:31
two hot as fuck FBI agents walk into my office I'm talking black suits sunglasses indoors tall
00:12:38
buff FBI agents coming to talk to an eight-year-old receptionist me eight-year-old 18 sorry
00:12:44
Okay, 18-year-olds. Jesus, this is child labor. This is, this is, okay. I'm literally drooling and smiling like an idiot.
00:12:54
They flash badges and ask to talk somewhere private. Hell yeah, we can go somewhere private.
00:12:59
I take them back to a back office. We all sit down, sunglasses are removed. Quote, we would like to talk to you about your car currently in your possession.
00:13:07
We ask that you please do not go to the media as this is an ongoing investigation, but we
00:13:11
will tell you what we can about the situation. A year or so ago, a guy came home to his girlfriend crying.
00:13:18
The guy is crying. And he tells her, I just killed a sex worker in the backseat of a car.
00:13:23
The car registered to him at the time is your car. Oh, my God. He also had an enclosed trailer that we've recovered.
00:13:30
Evidence of blood was found in that. And we'll probably be removing the backseat of your car as evidence.
00:13:35
We believe the man is responsible for killing several sex workers along the interstate between Arkansas and Oklahoma City.
00:13:41
then the second thus far silent agent says before we go we need to know if you or anyone you know
00:13:48
has ever bled in your car oh my god right literally the weirdest question i've ever been asked in my
00:13:54
life no sir uh they took my car for two days brought it back covered in luminol the back seat
00:14:00
was still there so not sure about that the carpet from the passenger side floor board was removed
00:14:05
they asked for two quotes on cleaning the car i sent them and received a direct deposit of 1150
00:14:11
i still have no idea who the actual killer was or what happened i never got my car cleaned
00:14:17
and drove it for the next year with missing carpet and luminal residue no i'm there with you before
00:14:23
upgrading silver lining i guess the car only cost me 50 bucks at the end of the day anyway ssdgm
00:14:29
Ashley oh my god Ashley have you not sent that in earlier Ashley I can't stop smiling there's
00:14:36
everything about that it's just like this is insane and horrible someone was murdered it's
00:14:41
awful it's terrible and but also it's just like she's trying to get a junker car to get around
00:14:47
she's just trying to get by holy shit she doesn't want to be involved with the FBI or does she want
00:14:53
to be involved the fact that she got like basically the same price that she paid for the car is
00:14:58
banana. Well, essentially, because some horrible asshole killed women in the car, she got a free car.
00:15:04
It's insane. But that car is absolutely haunted. Haunted as fuck. That is super haunted. I couldn't drive that car.
00:15:10
All right. That's the kind of car that would somehow start driving you into walls or like
00:15:14
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Where to next? Goodbye. this is called all caps richard speck's fucking house uh-oh again no steven did you take out the
00:17:51
intros in any of these steven no no okay there no um intro i love it people are just like i don want to be criticized by you Let just get to it I don want to say hello wrong Yeah Because you so judgy It all wrong
00:18:05
So I'm a college student at Grinnell College. Probably saying that wrong. In small town, Iowa.
00:18:11
One of my teammates is from Monmouth, Illinois. And her childhood best friend lived in the house that Richard Speck lived in before he
00:18:22
moved to Chicago and fucking slaughtered those eight student nurses. My friend and our mom are really into spiritual stuff, going to graveyards with spirit sticks
00:18:30
and communicating with the spirits in their houses and stuff. I don't know. Are they like smudge sticks?
00:18:37
I don't know. I wish my mom was. That'd be fun to bond with your mom over stuff like that.
00:18:42
That'd make me feel very insecure. I really don't bond with my mom over anything.
00:18:46
But you want to bond with your mom over cemeteries? Just something like fun. Oh, yeah.
00:18:51
It's like a fun hobby. Instead of fighting. Yeah, instead of bonding over fighting.
00:18:55
Well, you're good at fighting, though. We both like hamburgers and beer. There you go.
00:19:00
There, that's that. And she told me stories about hanging out in her friend's house that Speck used to live in.
00:19:08
Okay, so there was an attic that they discovered in middle school. And, of course, her friend, Haley, decided to turn it into a super cool, angsty hangout spot.
00:19:18
Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Once they started clearing out some of the old stuff in there, they discovered a bunch of old newspaper clippings and an old key.
00:19:25
Since it was the coolest thing to do at the time, Haley took the key and put it on a chain and started wearing it around her neck.
00:19:30
As soon as they started shuffling things around up there, weird shit started happening.
00:19:34
Yes. At first, they'd hear just footsteps coming up the stairs. But then it got more aggressive and they'd hear loud running and shit throughout the house.
00:19:41
It kept escalating until one day they literally heard someone pounding up the stairs and violently shaking the door handle to get in the attic.
00:19:49
Wow. Attic. Don't get in the attic. My friend, being the spiritual connoisseur that she is, recognized that it was maybe getting dangerous and decided that she wasn't going to fuck with that shit anymore and told Haley she wouldn't hang out there anymore.
00:20:03
One night, Haley went to bed and took the key necklace off and put it on her bedside table.
00:20:07
She woke up the next morning and the key had disappeared. After that, all the noises in the house stopped and there weren't any more issues.
00:20:14
I don't know what that kind of spirit, wait, I don't know what kind of spirit it was in the house,
00:20:19
but it makes me kind of excited to think that they were maybe being bothered by Richard Speck's salty-ass spirit.
00:20:25
He really doesn't deserve to have moved on to another realm. I like that reasoning.
00:20:30
I usually hate all that sappy, oh, I usually hate all that sappy stuff people put in their hometowns,
00:20:34
but for real, shouts out to you two for helping me realize that the tightness in my chest
00:20:38
and feeling of impending doom is in fact anxiety fingers crossed i get to see you live one day also
00:20:44
shout out to jillian for introducing me to your podcast which we binge listened to as we traveled
00:20:48
alone across europe jillian spring break last year yeah girl thankfully we didn't get murdered
00:20:53
although we came close in athens athens athens ssdgm sydney oh that was a good one well you know
00:21:02
what I was trying to picture is I feel like the story might be was that key to something that
00:21:09
Richard Speck had totally hidden away and he's like I need my key and it's that it's my lock
00:21:14
box it's my lock box of worse things than I already did already yeah like there's not a lot
00:21:19
Richard Speck could be keeping in a box that would freak you out more than him fucking just
00:21:24
systematically systematically annihilating nurse these poor nurses all these I mean god that's a
00:21:30
fucking the my from doing that story the one thing i remember most is how the every cop almost every
00:21:36
cop that went into that apartment um came out barfing stop barfing on the crime scene it was
00:21:43
yeah at least they did it out on the lawn i think of like what would like the first thing i think
00:21:47
about or like scary thing that you would find in a box or like fucked up thing is just teeth
00:21:52
it's always just loose teeth it's such a fucking jarring yeah and also that's common because people
00:21:58
keep their children's baby teeth, which is weird. I have my wisdom teeth. Oh, are they big? Yeah.
00:22:05
And they're really yellow. Like clearly I wasn't brushing too good. You should start bleaching
00:22:11
your wisdom teeth that aren't in your mouth anymore. Just keep it all tight. I'm whitening
00:22:16
my teeth. But your teeth don't look whiter. No, no, not these ones. The other ones. It's like by
00:22:22
your bed and he's like i can't sleep their teeth with roots um do you want to hear this last one
00:22:29
the subject line is high school forensic science teacher wanted by the fbi absolutely okay i have
00:22:34
one last one too okay it's a good one there's so many good ones yeah you guys really light-hearted
00:22:40
ish okay hi everyone this is not a murder but it did involve the fbi and me saying fuck politeness
00:22:46
and kind of cock blocking his escape well then great you've justified your presence here i grew
00:22:51
up in a small town in northern Arizona. The school didn't offer much since we didn't have
00:22:55
that many students or teachers. Cool. That's weird. They should they should set up whole
00:23:03
systems where you get an education no matter what to try that. But my junior year, we got
00:23:08
a new teacher who was teaching forensic science parentheses. One of the girls in that class
00:23:13
ended up acting as a victim in an episode of Criminal Minds, which was pretty exciting.
00:23:17
Wow. Awesome. Congratulations. She did learn something. Did she have to lay really still or did they make a rubber doll of her body is my question.
00:23:27
Is my first of many questions. Anyway, I signed up as soon as I could for the forensic science class.
00:23:34
Day one, huge red flag. He tells us that he used to be a rodeo clown. His little desk area didn't have any pictures of him with other people.
00:23:44
Just framed pictures of himself dressed as a rodeo clown. That is 19 red flags. That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
00:23:52
He looked like a weird bald turtle. As opposed to those turtles with long, luxurious hair.
00:24:00
Like a weird bald turtle with constant male camel toe. Whoa! Yeah. And he had a slow southern drawl to his voice.
00:24:07
But not the soothing storyteller kind. The creepy, I have something to hide and this may not be my real accent kind.
00:24:14
That's very unnerving. That's a great description. Yeah, it really is good. There's a big difference between those two.
00:24:21
The very first assignment we were given was this research project about Panama. We each had to research a certain thing like careers, the current housing market, the laws, all in Panama.
00:24:32
Being like a total shithead that I was in school, in high school, I raised my hand and said something like,
00:24:37
yeah, I'm not doing that. That has nothing to do with solving a murder. I love it.
00:24:42
Amen. And we got to do some fake CSI type things eventually, but he asked us to do a lot of random assignments
00:24:49
that made me very suspicious of his intent behind them. So I refused to do anything that was not pertinent to forensic science, which eventually got me kicked out of class a week before the semester.
00:25:00
Cut to the next semester and he's not at school. And a newspaper article comes out that he had a 24 count warrant out for his arrest from the FBI for things like embezzling, forgery and theft.
00:25:14
He stole a bunch of money from his ex-wife and disappeared back in 1998. he changed his name and moved around the country a bit before settling in my hometown.
00:25:22
And the article said that the judge believed that he was a flight risk because he had attained citizenship to where?
00:25:29
You guessed it. Fucking Panama. Oh my God. Part of me kind of wished that he was wanted for something more interesting,
00:25:38
but he was still a total scumbag. Thank you guys for being you and bringing so many people together.
00:25:43
It's truly amazing. Stay sexy. Don't do research projects for wanted fugitives. cocoa. Coco. Coco. I love you. Oh, God. All right. Can I do this last one? I love the idea of raising
00:25:55
your hand, but just going, yeah, I'm not doing that. That sounds like a Karen. It's a fucking,
00:25:58
it's the definition of my life. Yeah, I love it. I'm not doing that. A lot of times I won't say it,
00:26:02
though. I just won't do it. I'm learning. I'm learning how to do that. Right. A creepy mortician.
00:26:10
This is just about a creepy mortician. I don't want to tell you what it is. Okay. Okay. This is
00:26:14
just says, all right, you guys. Perfect. I've been listening to MFM pretty much from the beginning
00:26:20
when it was big deal that 5,000 of us were in a group on Facebook. Yay. It was such a big deal.
00:26:27
Which still is, which makes the story even more embarrassing because I really should have known
00:26:31
better. Last year, keep in mind, I'd been getting biweekly advice on how not to be murdered for a
00:26:36
year at this point. I was in college and in between jobs and well, desperate. I got the bright idea to
00:26:42
look on Craigslist for house cleaning job postings to make some quick cash while waiting
00:26:46
to hear back from one of the places I applied. Already a bad idea. Very worried.
00:26:50
We had to told you not to do that. Soon enough I got a friendly response from a man named Rocky who offered a good hourly rate to clean a small house once a week The only part of this that was even slightly thought through since I was 20 and invincible is I used a fake name and email address
00:27:05
Oh, nice. Soon enough, Rocky started making some strange comments that raised suspicion and my curiosity.
00:27:10
Things like mentioning he's in the, quote, healthcare profession. So if I see stethoscopes or other medical equipment around his house, that's why.
00:27:19
Then, even before I set up a day and time for my first cleaning, he asked me if he could listen to my heart with his stethoscope.
00:27:26
What? No. The answer's no. No, it's not. No, it's not. Not for Haley. In an email, he asked that.
00:27:36
Not for Haley. He doesn't wait to face to face and somehow try to like. He's so excited about this.
00:27:44
It's like, yeah, I would have said yes if you had waited until at least we pretended I was doing this thing.
00:27:49
Yes, like, okay. Yeah. he then he throws in this incentive for me how would you like it if i just pay you 200
00:27:58
dollars to listen to your heart for a few minutes and you don't have to clean anything okay um
00:28:02
this is making me so nervous i know she's alive it's okay i feel like i have to answer this email
00:28:09
no you cannot don't do it there's more no i have to do it i have to let him i immediately
00:28:15
assumed this was a weird sexual thing i started trying to get more information about this guy
00:28:20
I love that she was like, and it wasn't like I stopped talking to him. Yeah, exactly.
00:28:23
I need more information. Eventually, I somehow found out through his Facebook and found out he's a fucking mortician.
00:28:32
Only in Florida, folks. Now, I have nothing against morticians, but if you're a mortician and you're at the point where you're wanting to pay a 20-year-old girl to listen to her heart, you might need some therapy.
00:28:41
Or if you're a vampire. Or if you're anything at all. I'll try to wrap this story up.
00:28:48
I ended up meeting with him in a fucking Walmart parking lot with a close friend that tried to talk me out of it in the car nearby watching.
00:28:56
I sat in his car and he listened to my heart and stomach with a stethoscope for about five minutes.
00:29:00
And I think I got like $300. Wait, the first time and $200 the second time. What was wrong the second time?
00:29:11
Yeah, it wasn't hurt. The heart rate was too low. To this day, I still don't understand why I would do it.
00:29:15
I certainly was in a bad place, but goddamn, I didn't realize how little respect I had for myself.
00:29:20
Honey, I don't think it's about that. It's not that. It started off in a very decent business-like way.
00:29:25
And it was your curiosity that, you know. And you got convinced. And thank God. Here's the thing.
00:29:31
We need the name of that friend that sat in that car. Oh, yeah. Because that's the person you owe about $700 to right now.
00:29:38
Anyways, thanks for the years of entertainment and making me hate myself less for having, oh, depression, anxiety, and dropping out of college.
00:29:44
Yay! the trifecta I'm actually doing really great now working as a paralegal with no student debt
00:29:51
and a salaried job that doesn't make me miserable you've helped me realize the importance
00:29:55
of laughing at myself stay sexy and don let creepy morticians listen to your heartbeat for money or else you might end up murdered in a Walmart dumpster Haley
00:30:07
Just does Craigslist still exist? Like you're still let people use that thing. I don't think they should.
00:30:15
Because it is it really brought out. It was like the tide came up and went back out.
00:30:20
And then it's just all the weirdest people at a bus. everyone at a bus stop just started expressing themselves and offering 75 dollars for shit and
00:30:30
free dirt and it's that is that kind of thing of like i'm so glad that she wasn't harmed so glad it
00:30:36
was only the thing it was it then makes me obsess on how bizarre and lonely people are yeah where
00:30:44
you would offer someone money and it's like i it all boils down to i just need this one thing well
00:30:49
You think about Rocky. He's a mortician. So all he does is work with dead bodies all day.
00:30:55
Yeah, but he knew that going in. Yeah, but now he just wants to hear the beating of a heart.
00:31:00
Yeah, but how about you get a girlfriend? And listen to her heart? Or a boyfriend, whatever.
00:31:05
Like, yeah, I think it's the solution. It's like, here's my solution. I'm going to make myself seem like the creepiest person in the world
00:31:13
instead of getting over my fear of intimacy. Right. Well, we all have a thing, and he's not hurting anyone, thankfully.
00:31:19
well I hope there's proof of that she just wrote it I don't think she's the first person
00:31:26
to respond it makes me sad there's love for everyone it's so specific that's not true
00:31:33
it must be hard for a mortician you probably smell like formaldehyde but man I think a lot of our listeners
00:31:41
would fucking love to date a mortician seriously if you are a mortician out there and you're lonely
00:31:47
you might want to jump on that Facebook page Oh, absolutely. Do an AMA on that Facebook page.
00:31:52
Hey, what's up? I'm a mortician and I'm not creepy. Yeah, I'm not. I'm actually kind of like into doing the thing that a lot of people don't like to do.
00:31:59
That's my thing. I take care of business for people. I do the hard stuff. Make great fucking waffles.
00:32:05
I'm a waffle. They call me the waffle master. But I also like to listen to waffles with a stethoscope.
00:32:14
Anyway, come clean my house. That's the problem I have. he was tricky about it so it's like someone trying to get you
00:32:22
into their house to then do sure if he had put up a Craigslist post that said I need to listen to someone's heart
00:32:26
for $200 it would have been fine bring a friend I'll do it in the public it's just a certain thing I have
00:32:33
now a daze I wonder if Rocky's discovered the ASMR videos on YouTube where I bet you there's fucking just straight up heartbeats
00:32:40
or if stethoscoping was part of the appeal I wonder if Haley and Rocky fell in love
00:32:46
and got married and that's the part she's not telling us oh my god it's kind of like the movie
00:32:50
secretary this movie is so problematic oh well we have fun here god damn it i love these stories so much would you please send us more Please send If you have a Craigslist story that won make us need to take a bleach bath we would love to read it
00:33:09
I would love a, oh my God, I can't believe how stupid I was. Yeah, we love those ones.
00:33:13
And I did this thing, but I survived and it's okay. Yeah, it's a cautionary tale.
00:33:17
Cautionary tale. Because that's the other thing. Don't never again think about the fact that you did that because we all do that.
00:33:23
Oh, yeah. It's true. When you're in your 20s, you know a lot about life, and you know fucking absolutely nothing about life.
00:33:30
And you do things that, I mean, I can't even. Like, I would have showed up for that like 17 beers in and then been like, what's up, Rocky?
00:33:39
Let's fucking step it up. And I mean, I can't even tell you. No shame. No shame.
00:33:45
No shame. Except a little is fine. A touch of shame just to keep you from doing it again.
00:33:50
Keeping it real. just keep it real with a little shame keep it keep the touch of shame so you keep your feet
00:33:57
on the ground touch of shame never hurt anyone a fucking dude on craigslist has so please be
00:34:02
careful proof of that yeah proof of many there's yeah there you go and mostly stay second don't
00:34:08
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