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My favorite murder Hello. Hi. And welcome. This is My Favorite Murder. It's a true crime comedy podcast where we tell you horrible things and then we just leave you to it.
00:01:55
And then you have nightmares. Then you're on your own. Sorry, bye. Sorry, you're all alone in this world, bye.
00:02:00
Yeah, that's us. That's Karen Kilgara. And that's Georgia Hardstark. Thank you. Ooh, Hardstark.
00:02:06
Hardstark. You said thank you. No, thank you, Georgia Hardstark. Can I just say, speaking of this being a true crime comedy podcast, I was going to tell you really quickly.
00:02:17
Okay. So, I saw my mom the other day, and I'm just, like, at that place in my life where I'm, like, primed and ready for her to insult me all the time.
00:02:24
Sure. Maybe it's on me. I don't know. I think that's moms and daughters. Yeah. So she's,
00:02:30
we're at some funeral. Okay. I didn't want to say it. You buried the lead. I literally,
00:02:36
we buried my uncle. Uh, we're at the thing. There's like a distant relative and she's totally,
00:02:42
you know, bragging about me. She also has somehow got it in her head that we have the biggest podcast in
00:02:47
the world. And I just, I don't think she wants to be corrected on it. I'm sure she doesn't.
00:02:51
I've tried. Yeah. And then she's like, they have the biggest podcast in the world.
00:02:55
It's a mystery. and I was like it's not a fucking mystery Karen and I worked really hard
00:03:01
and she goes no it's a mystery podcast right which I didn't correct her on I was like
00:03:08
oh yeah yeah yeah which is better because she used to think it was a ghost podcast
00:03:13
oh that's true so she's getting closer she is she's at least it's a mystery fuck you mom
00:03:21
mom I worked I tried my hardest it's not a mystery podcast so maybe it's so maybe it's me did she let it slide she acted like yeah she was she offended
00:03:33
no no she was like oh you know oh good she didn't get it that i that i was just being a complete
00:03:38
dick or she ignored it hey look though look janet that one's on me look and listen janet sometimes
00:03:44
it's hard you get into the patterns you fucking oh yeah you hear what you hear because that's what you think is coming.
00:03:53
How do you not hear it? I'm primed and ready for her to insult me in some special way.
00:03:57
It's a mystery. It's a mystery. Jan. How was your week in fucking Hawaii? Dude, I was so in Hawaii.
00:04:08
You were so in Hawaii. I was like walking around in a bathing suit cover up at the grocery store.
00:04:13
I was so on vacation that not only did I not have my debilitating and crippling crippling body image issues.
00:04:21
But I was like, fuck you. I was just having, it was so gorgeous. That sounds incredible.
00:04:26
And you were gone for what, a week and a half? Yeah, it was a long time. I think it was eight days, right?
00:04:31
Yeah. Seven or eight days. Amazing. How many times did I text you? Like, not at all.
00:04:35
As you were leaving. You just did that one. Just like, hope you're having a good time.
00:04:38
As you were leaving last week, you were like, so if anything important comes in,
00:04:43
can we just wait till I get back? Because you know me. And I'll be like, real quick.
00:04:46
Is this okay? Do you like this or this? Um, which I know is, you know, that's a big request.
00:04:52
And I did it. Yeah, you really did. Except for one time when I got a Linda Belcher gif of Linda Belcher dancing in Georgia going,
00:04:59
are you having a good time? And I was, that was the cool thing is. I texted you as a friend, not as a work business partner.
00:05:07
Which I love and appreciate. And I think I told you at least one anecdote. Oh yeah.
00:05:10
Um, no, we had, it was the kind of thing where like, I realized I haven't been on vacation.
00:05:16
I mean, I've gotten to travel and have a good time, but still had to work. It's a different thing.
00:05:22
It's so different when you just get up to nothing and you're with, we were with like,
00:05:27
well, I think there were four families all together. So it's just a ton of people.
00:05:31
That kind of thing where you, no matter how early you get up, someone else is already up.
00:05:35
And like this person's like, I'm going to do, I'm good at breakfast. I'm going to do breakfast.
00:05:38
This other person's like, let's go. Everyone want to go grocery shopping. And that's the most fun.
00:05:42
It was really, we had a minivan that we'd drive around in. At one point, Robin, so it was us and the Colasinghams.
00:05:49
Oh, the Colasinghams. You know the Colasinghams. It's Adrian's family. Okay. And the Ramati family which is we got to stay at Janet Ramati house And Fourth of July is their big holiday So we all got to be there for that which was so gorgeous We were on this beautiful beach in Kauai
00:06:06
Yeah. When you looked up and down the beach, everybody brought their own fireworks.
00:06:13
And we did, too, because Gordy, who was the one who told me the amazing at Thanksgiving.
00:06:20
So last Thanksgiving is when this whole idea started, because it was kind of like this mishmash Thanksgiving of a bunch of random people who
00:06:27
had never had Thanksgiving together before. And we had the best time. It was super fun.
00:06:32
And that's when Janet was like, we should all do Fourth of July at my house. And that's so we got
00:06:38
a second house in her neighborhood. I was like, great. And then I would never speak to them again.
00:06:43
Exactly. Well, and I kind of had that feeling of like, I don't think I'm really invited,
00:06:46
but it's nice. And my sister was like, no, you have to come. It's going to be so great.
00:06:51
and then I was like well I would love to go and that it sounds like a dream but I didn't want to
00:06:55
like be invasive well it ended up I was gonna get a hotel room there of course were none because
00:07:00
it's kawaii in the summertime so anyway it turned out amazing and it was like couldn't have felt
00:07:05
more welcome and it was so it's so fun to be around families I'm never around yeah you're
00:07:10
laughing at their shit isn't it fun to watch a family like interaction and be like oh you guys
00:07:15
are seeing shit that no one else fucking sees yep and on vacation it's like no there's no all
00:07:22
the moms are like yeah i'm i already made my breakfast i'm going out onto the lanai like it
00:07:27
was truly every man for itself love it um oh yeah i was so uh adrian's husband robin started having
00:07:32
norah drive from our 11 year old niece the 11 year old niece driving from one um rental house to the
00:07:39
other she was sitting in his lap she was only doing the steering but but she was fully steering
00:07:44
the minivan with all of us in it. She's going to remember that for the rest of her life. She was
00:07:48
giggling so hard at one point she turned all the way around to look at everybody and everyone goes
00:07:52
turn around. It was like it was just a bunch of stuff like that. Yeah. So fun. Also one night
00:07:58
they started playing drinking games in the garage and they were they taught us how to play baseball
00:08:03
which is some crazy like it's basically quarters but advanced because now everyone does like
00:08:08
quarters with ping pong balls and cups and shit. No clue. I didn't go to college so I have no
00:08:13
right same here i've never even heard of it yeah it's just a it's basically like throwing ping pong
00:08:17
balls into cups and but then if you steal a base then you have to do that cup flipping thing you
00:08:23
know how the kids were really into cup flipping i'm good at cup flipping are you really i say that
00:08:27
and not knowing for sure if i am but i think i am it's it was just funny how all the over 40s
00:08:34
adapted because it's like i've got four beers in me and i want to kick your ass yeah it's like the
00:08:39
competitive little shit it was like suddenly everybody was 19 i love it and it was it yeah
00:08:45
it was a total joy but on fourth of july as you looked up and down this beach like as the sun was
00:08:51
setting people just started kicking off their piccolo peats and so it just as far as the i
00:08:57
could see was just little fireworks it was the coolest best trip so like dreamy yeah you know
00:09:04
so relaxing like i didn't realize how much i needed to just plain relax and do nothing and
00:09:10
kind of like just go to the beach and sit around and tomorrow well there's nothing too i was our
00:09:15
mine and vince's therapist don't worry we're fine we're just we're learning how to communicate
00:09:21
effectively sure um tell please give me some tips when you're done we didn't know how badly we were
00:09:28
like we're like let's just i'm so preemptive therapy girl so let's just go and we'll learn
00:09:32
some shit because there were some like you know communication shit and then we're like oh fuck
00:09:36
this would have gone like our marriage would have been over in 10 fucking years if we hadn't figured
00:09:40
this shit out yes it's the hardest yeah like it's the key men and women do it very differently right
00:09:46
well he was telling us because we're going to fucking hawaii next week but we're going for
00:09:49
three nights and our therapist basically was like what is wrong with you you you have a brain change
00:09:55
when you go for more than like five or six days you're like something clicks in your you know that
00:09:59
you know the next day is nothing and the next day is vacation it changes like you know can you tax
00:10:05
some days on no but i think we'll go somewhere else later oh okay yeah because it's very true
00:10:11
like we i started calling it vacation brain because people would ask me something very basic
00:10:16
about my own life and i'd be like um i don't know ask me later like truly it felt like my brain's
00:10:23
like no we're gone for the weekend you need an arrest yeah especially like this our past year
00:10:28
has been really fucking hard and insane. And I think we haven't been able to acknowledge it
00:10:34
because we would have broken. Yeah. Like a spinning top. And it's like, don't stick a fucking thing in it.
00:10:40
No, you got to let that thing spin and keep spinning it. And we still can't tell you guys the things we've been doing
00:10:45
that we're going to be able to tell you, hopefully in the next month. And they're big and they're really fun.
00:10:50
And some of them are so exciting that I really, really wish I could tell you right now.
00:10:55
Me too! A lot. I'm mouthing it to Georgia. What is it? huh paul owens who's that see it again oh oh oh oh my god you guys would die yeah you guys would
00:11:14
die you're going to die soon don't worry apologies to paul owens whoever that is paul owens i miss
00:11:20
you so much um i'm really i'm good at flippy cups i'm bad at mouth reading apparently
00:11:28
we're gonna work on it uh yeah we we have fun stuff to tell you and things that we've been
00:11:33
working very hard on and uh but also it's hard i think we are very similar in that way it's hard
00:11:41
for us to relax yeah i've i feel like i've been in this mode for quite some time so relaxing is as
00:11:47
upsetting as being stressed out i'm not the personality as someone who can chill out like
00:11:51
even when i if i gonna watch a movie on tv or whatever the fuck i have to like do my sewing projects paint my fucking nails I have to clean out a drawer I can just chill That the beauty of ADD
00:12:05
Conversely, that's the beauty of the Hawaiian Islands. Right. Because everyone there goes real slow,
00:12:10
and they're not going to speed up for your crazy California ass. Not you specifically.
00:12:16
Anybody. Everybody's just like, yeah, we don't do it that way here. I'll try. And it's really cool.
00:12:21
I'll do my best. It also smells, the air smells beautiful and it's insanely clean.
00:12:26
We'll see how it fucking goes. You're going to love it. I'm really excited. It just unwinds your spine.
00:12:31
Yeah. It's very, very good for you. Unwind your spine, man. Unwind your spine. Oh, are you going to read that to me?
00:12:37
Yes. Okay. Okay, so we got this email that is number one. It is number one. Oh my God, I'm excited.
00:12:44
I don't know it yet. And you were laughing out loud. I lost my mind a little bit.
00:12:47
The subject line is John Wayne Gacy is a fucking fraud. Hi. So I work with correctional officers all over the state of Illinois, and sometimes I get really good stories from them about how horrible inmates can be.
00:13:00
Hell yeah. Parenthetically. So much thrown pee. Oh, throwing pee? That's rough. And every once in a while, a story, the story I want about infamous murderers.
00:13:10
I was talking to some officers from Maynard Correctional Center, or Menard, sorry, which formerly housed John Wayne Gacy.
00:13:19
after I brought him up they told me he was not a bad inmate considering but they did tell me the following
00:13:26
that I had to share with you guys so apparently all the paintings that Gacy sold while he was in prison weren't done
00:13:32
by him oh my god the fucking scoop of the goddamn century he had like an assembly line of inmates
00:13:40
in his art class that would all contribute for example one would do the trees and one would do the creaky clown face
00:13:45
etc Gacy frequently only contributed his signature to the whole thing. I was told that when these paintings
00:13:51
were sold for stupid amounts of money, he gave money to each inmate that worked on it. Well, that's kind of nice.
00:13:57
I really don't know how it all worked and how it was even allowed in prison, but shit,
00:14:03
the 80s were a different ballgame. They sure were. I gotta give credit for Gacy's entrepreneurial spirit,
00:14:10
even though he's a fraudulent, sick fuck. I just wonder if he made the inmates working on his paintings
00:14:15
call him Colonel. Stay sexy. Don't trust serial killers. Works of art. B. Well, I kind of love
00:14:22
that because we always talk about don't like how gross that is. Yeah. Like you don't want,
00:14:27
excuse me. We're not, this can wine's making me nervous. We're not obsessed with serial killers.
00:14:31
You know, we are obsessed with stories. And so people think that we are obsessed. And I just
00:14:35
love that. It's like, oh, you bought a John Wayne Gacy painting. Sucks to be you, motherfucker.
00:14:40
I just never understood when that kind of, that seemed to kick up in the nineties a little bit.
00:14:45
And I do remember I did have a T-shirt with a huge picture of Ed Gein's face on the front of it that I got at EK on Vermont.
00:14:53
That is like, but that's like, you know, like only certain people would know what it is.
00:14:59
Yes. You know? Yes. Back then it felt very, you know, underground. It felt edgy.
00:15:04
Yeah. Edgy and like. Subversive. Yeah. Is that the word you're looking for? No, but I like that one better than what I was thinking.
00:15:11
Was it edgy? No. Esoteric. esoteric's good yeah i love that word um but point being i never wore it i bought it because i was
00:15:23
like i know who it is and i want credit from like the other comics that i know that are into serial
00:15:27
killers but i don't want to walk around with ed geese's face right but it always freaked me out
00:15:32
that people would want a piece of one of those people in their home it's like how much that's
00:15:38
like the definition of bad vibes yeah the artwork if you believe in ghosts or karma or like they have
00:15:44
vibes and shit yeah like that that john wingace would be putting his you know it's your internal
00:15:50
your the artwork is like your internal what you're tripping man man i'm still on island time have you
00:15:59
been have you been sniffing jailhouse paint fumes and shit um yeah i wonder this is just one more
00:16:06
a terrible blow to johnny depp's um whole financial he's in so many did you read the
00:16:12
rolling stone article about johnny depp recent yeah no about his financial shit oh yes he that
00:16:17
he spends like five hundred thousand dollars a month or something on wine oh bro it was it was
00:16:23
funny i did read the thing where recently he punched somebody in the face on on the movie set
00:16:28
good for him no locations manager terrible good for him no i'm totally that poor location manager
00:16:35
is just like i just want to do my job without getting punched by johnny depp yeah i make uh
00:16:41
let's see, eight million less dollars than you. So how about you keep your fucking hands over there?
00:16:46
Yeah. Yeah. Bro. Do we have any housekeeping? Housekeeping. Housekeeping fan cult.
00:16:52
What's up? We're getting, we're posting weekly videos and we're posting live shows and we're about
00:17:01
to come out with an exciting new merch line. Yeah. Like really soon. We've got a couple things in the chamber.
00:17:08
Like we keep saying. But we do. We just have to organize ourselves and deliver it.
00:17:13
But some really good ideas. Also, last night on Twitter, I started posting. It was really late.
00:17:19
I was just kind of in a weird place. And I was thinking about all the hotel rooms I loved on our last, actually, couple of tours.
00:17:25
So I just started posting pictures of hotel rooms that I've loved. Oh, my God. And people are like, I want to see all of these.
00:17:31
So, like, I feel like that's for this fall tour I'm going to do. I'm going to keep a hotel room diary.
00:17:36
I love it. because a lot of times we just stay at wherever the place is that's like mid-level or whatever.
00:17:44
We don't always splurge like crazy. It's kind of extended stay place. Yeah, exactly.
00:17:49
But sometimes, like on the European tour, we splurged in a couple places where it was like, I can't even believe.
00:17:54
Because it was Karen birthday you guys Don call us snobs Don call us sluts Yeah and it was her birthday so I had to stay somewhere nice too i can be staying at a fucking you know no offense i actually yeah let not name
00:18:06
names i actually we get an offer from the like days in they're like we heard you talk shit about
00:18:12
we'd love to work with you um i actually asked vince if he would make you stay somewhere bad
00:18:18
while i stayed somewhere good he said no oh because he'd have to stay there with me yeah
00:18:21
so we fought for your love bring that to the therapist Doug look how much he loves me
00:18:30
Doug proof yeah I don't I don't even remember the last time we recorded so I can't think of any
00:18:38
yes I do oh corrections corners here we go do you know the one I'm going to say I think I have one and you have one
00:18:46
okay you go first I can't remember mine so you go first this is i would say could it be our sloppiest uh so far so good so far so bad yeah so we do have a
00:18:58
correction i i have a corrections corner um and luckily i love that this is how everyone now
00:19:04
gives us our corrections the nicest sweetest way possible so and this one feels especially dumb to
00:19:11
me but um for on my part uh so Bambi uh wrote to us and wrote uh even though Karen and Bjork wore
00:19:20
it before Rihanna Bantu knots have been around for a long long time no shade intended just info
00:19:27
where I was like oh thank you Bambi oh my god that was so nice of you but uh if I intimated in
00:19:32
any way that I thought Bjork invented those yeah it makes me feel so stupid because in no way did
00:19:37
I think that so thank you so much for the fact that Bambi wrote no shade was was so heartwarming to me because I was like we get I mean, like I can take shade.
00:19:51
Yeah, you can serve up the shade if you're pissed. But anyway, so thanks for that.
00:19:56
Good job, Bambi. Yeah, thanks, Bambi. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
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It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.
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00:21:56
who goes first this week if we're going by the live show then karen would go first
00:22:03
did i go first the week before uh do you want to go first no no why did you whisper damn it
00:22:11
because i'm drinking my uh canned wine and i have to slow down on a canned wine oh okay
00:22:16
no it's fine go first okay okay i don't know why i'm i'm like get it out of the way person
00:22:21
with everything. Oh, I see. Let's just get shit out of the way. That's going to be fun on vacation.
00:22:27
Oh, it's great. I'm great. I'm really chill. Uh, well, so because I can't let go of being,
00:22:34
uh, in Hawaii, uh, actually while we were there, Mary Ramazzi, who is, um, it was her mom's house that we were staying at,
00:22:42
listens to the podcast. Hi, Mary. And she was like, how have you ever done a Hawaiian serial killer?
00:22:48
And at first I said, no. Then I remembered there was, um randall i'm not gonna be able to remember his last name but he's the guy that escaped from the
00:22:56
hospital and actually made it to like yeah he made it to california right um and his brother's house
00:23:03
or some shit yeah exactly he was extremely scary um but i was like are there any because of course
00:23:10
at the time where like the palm trees were swaying in the background and we're just like
00:23:13
there's no way why would anyone well then i wikipedia it and there was one it's still a cold
00:23:20
case the case of the honolulu strangler all right so i don't have to tell i think most people about
00:23:28
hawaii um are not most people first of all it's a state let's just start there um uh so hawaii
00:23:40
obviously has always been this gorgeous tourist um destination it is if you haven't been i her i
00:23:48
I highly suggest that you go to really any of the islands, including Molokai. It used to be a leper colony.
00:23:55
Now there's about 11 people that live there. My sister's gone because we have...
00:24:00
like distant family that lived there. It's like my cousin's wife's sister's family.
00:24:06
And my sister said it's incredible and like very remote. And you, it's just that thing where when you go on vacation in Hawaii,
00:24:13
you really are just gone. You're out in the middle of the ocean. And it's, it's, it's an amazing experience.
00:24:19
So anyway, so it was a huge vacation destination in the fifties. and then it had this resurgence in the 80s because after in like the 60s and 70s the tourism had
00:24:32
fallen off it was huge for so long and then like everything you know there was the recession and
00:24:36
people started staycationing with no name or cute buzzfeed columns about it um they just didn't go
00:24:43
anywhere and lined up for gas it was just called don't fucking go anywhere it was called we're
00:24:47
fucking broke yeah if you want to go into nature stand outside um but uh by the mid 80s it was
00:24:55
ramping back up again the island of oahu which is where honolulu is so i'm not gonna act like a
00:25:00
total expert because we like you know i think when i was growing up i just thought of hawaii
00:25:05
as honolulu right just like there was a picture on our refrigerator of my grandma in the 50s
00:25:11
standing in front of a big pink hotel in honolulu wearing a lay and it was like that was the shit
00:25:17
that was like the american dream totally but in the in the 80s it came back so that you there
00:25:23
were people like baseball shirts that said Hawaii 82 on the front of them. Remember those tourism shirts where it was like the year it looked like a football shirt,
00:25:30
but it was like Hawaii 82. I remember like it was like, it was like, where are you going to live?
00:25:35
Hawaii? Like it was like the place to be. And I remember someone at school saying that all the drinking fountains had pineapple juice
00:25:40
in them. And I was like, oh my God, that's so like, that's like what paradise it was.
00:25:46
It was like pineapple juice and all the water fountains. fountains i was just like blown away although i have to say the first time i visited hawaii
00:25:56
um with my ex uh we sat and ate fresh pineapple and triscuits and cheese for like a week straight
00:26:05
that's all i was like this i'm fine and trop you know you know the tropical snack of triscuits and
00:26:10
cheese i was like here's my protein yeah got a grain and now it's just pineapple pineapple
00:26:16
pineapples so amazing um so uh okay so in the 80s one of the main reasons tourism kicked up again
00:26:24
and also there was um military personnel and people coming to work at telecom companies
00:26:30
so all these people there was an influx of people coming into the state of hawaii um
00:26:36
10 and a half million people visited the islands during this time and this uh all before the stock
00:26:43
market crash of 87 all right i didn't know existed all right 87 uh we can't get into the stock market
00:26:49
right now i can't this is not a stock market podcast guys could you imagine if i just started
00:26:54
it was a bull and bear market you're just like what you don't know how to pronounce city names
00:26:59
but you can talk about the stock market the crash of 87 um but it was so for hawaii huge for the
00:27:08
economy great for business but of course because with all those people brought the influx and
00:27:14
increase of robberies rapes and violent crimes stop it and um up until this point as far as they
00:27:21
knew there had never been a serial killer as far as like in terms of the police ever knowing about
00:27:27
it on may 29th 1985 vicky purdy um she leaves home around six o'clock she's gonna go out clubbing
00:27:33
with her friends and she's going to, you know, go dancing and drinking. Essentially. She's a,
00:27:38
she's a tourist or she lives there. She lives there with her husband and she's going to go
00:27:43
into Waikiki and go drinking and dancing with her friends. So the husband stays at home and
00:27:48
she's going to go out and party. She parks her car at a place called the Shorebird Hotel.
00:27:56
She ends up calling her friends. She doesn't meet up with her friends until she calls them at 10
00:28:02
p.m. and uh she tries to make a plan of meeting up with them but they she never shows up and they
00:28:10
never see her or hear from her again her husband gary she doesn't at midnight when when she's not
00:28:15
home her husband starts to worry and she has a pager he starts paging her over and over yeah
00:28:22
but she never answers and the last person to see her alive is a cab driver who dropped her off
00:28:29
at the shorebird hotel to pick up her car at midnight so she had gone somewhere but it wasn't
00:28:36
to meet her friends uh yeah they're not sure like her weird yeah so in the morning get he pages her
00:28:45
and pages her goes to sleep assumes she's just going to get home late um in the morning he sees
00:28:50
that she's never come home and he's frantic so he goes into waikiki to look for her himself
00:28:56
and he finds her car at the shorebird hotel her keys and purse are gone there's nothing
00:29:02
like of her own in the car but there's a dent in the car that was not there when she had left
00:29:08
um the day before no and then the next morning gary's worst fears come true vicky's body is found
00:29:16
in the keehi lagoon um she was wearing the yellow jumpsuit and the red belt that she was wearing when
00:29:23
she left the house the night before. Her arms are bound behind her back and she has been raped and
00:29:29
strangled. So she had been working at a video store. So her husband, Gary tells police, he thinks
00:29:37
it's related to her work because the video store has an adult bookshop connected to it. And six
00:29:44
months before Vicky started working at this video store, there was a double murder. Yeah, at that
00:29:52
location. Ultimately the police decided it was a coincidence and it didn have anything to do with her murder But I think that insane What was the double murder was It was a coincidence and it didn have anything to do with it with her murder But I think that insane What was the double murder was It was just What that Like we don know what the double murder was
00:30:06
No. Okay. I think it was a cab driver. So eight months later, 17 year old Regina Sakamoto leaves for school at Waipahu.
00:30:18
And of course, I apologize for all these pronunciations are some of the hardest.
00:30:22
You're trying. So like you're trying. my best. I can tell and I think that they should cut you a break. Well, I did look up Keihi,
00:30:32
that lagoon. I watched a news reporter from Hawaii say it about 29 times. But it's still
00:30:38
when you look at it, you just doubt it because, you know, there's so many E's. So Waipaihu
00:30:45
High is where she was. It's her senior year. She plans to go to Hawaii Pacific University
00:30:51
that fall. And her younger brother, Omar, describes her as a fun loving person and someone everyone
00:30:58
looked up to. So on January 14, 1986, it's 715 in the morning. And she calls her boyfriend from a
00:31:05
phone booth to tell him she's missed her school bus, and that she's going to be late for school.
00:31:10
And that's the last time anybody hears from her. So that next morning, her body is found by
00:31:18
fishermen a mile away from where vicky purdy's body was found in the keehi lagoon um regina's
00:31:26
body is naked from the waist down again hands bound behind her back she's been raped and
00:31:31
strangled and except for that location only a mile away it's a it's the exact copy of vicky
00:31:38
purdy's murder how how far apart were these two the location no no the time eight months okay
00:31:45
Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. So then two weeks after that. Two weeks. Okay. On January 30th, 21-year-old Denise Hughes is on her way to work.
00:31:55
So she lives in a neighborhood called Pearl City, which is north of Honolulu. And she is a secretary.
00:32:04
She works for a phone company and commutes to work by bus. and Denise's mom told her
00:32:10
she thought that Pearl City was too remote, too far away there weren't enough people that lived there
00:32:15
and she didn't like the fact that she would commute by bus and wait at that bus stop by herself
00:32:20
so her mom told her, wait until the last second when you know the bus is coming and then go out to the bus stop
00:32:25
so that you're not just standing around by yourself and that's normally what she did
00:32:30
Mom, good idea but that day, January 30th 1986, Denise never shows up for work And two days later, three teenagers are crabbing near the Moana Lua stream, which is two miles upstream from the Kehe Lagoon.
00:32:49
And they come across something that's wrapped in blue material in the water. Yeah, it's the body of Denise Hughes.
00:32:57
And again, her hands were bound behind her back. She'd been raped and strangled.
00:33:03
But because her body was in the water, it had a lot more decomposition. but all three women so far have been found south of their homes by the Honolulu airport
00:33:15
and close to if not in water so the police can no longer dismiss that these murders aren't
00:33:21
connected yeah and the way the bodies like are still bound behind their hands behind their back
00:33:27
yeah rape everything about the mo is is so matching oh how creepy so but up until this point
00:33:34
the Hawaiian authorities have never dealt with a serial killer to the point where when they finally make,
00:33:40
when they talk about it in the paper, they have to explain what serial killer means.
00:33:45
That's how untouched the community had been up until that point in the mid 80s. So the Honolulu police set up a serial killer task force that will eventually over that year,
00:33:57
it grows into consisting of 27 people. and they actually end up enlisting the help of the FBI and the Green River Killer Task Force.
00:34:06
Yeah, they were really smart. They reached out to all the right places. But they have nothing to work with, almost nothing to work with,
00:34:13
because when the bodies are in the water, there's no blood evidence. And it was before DNA evidence was in the fore in any way.
00:34:22
It's just such a new concept in general to everybody. So police make this announcement, and they think at least two of the women
00:34:29
possibly could have accepted rides from strangers while they were waiting at these bus stops.
00:34:34
And because of that, the authorities caution all women not against taking rides or hitchhiking at all.
00:34:43
Good for them for, like, you know, not hiding it and instead being like. Yes, like safety first.
00:34:51
I mean, it should be like, men, stop killing women. Of course, we know that. But in addition to that.
00:34:56
But since we know that's never, that's a note that won't be taken apparently. Right.
00:35:00
But what they do tell women to do is that travel in groups, wear clothing that they can move quickly in, which I think is kind of amazing because I've always been a big believer in runnable shoes.
00:35:13
Like high heels are fine for when you're indoors and looking pretty. But like, you know, that makes me happy.
00:35:21
that was like wear clothing that would allow freedom the freedom to move quickly don't carry
00:35:26
packages so don't don't be bundled up and weighed down with stuff and don't get close to cars that
00:35:33
approach you asking for directions so they got real specific with warning people and they said
00:35:39
they told women quote if you feel like you're being followed trust your gut which is rad yeah
00:35:44
They even set up a sting using undercover policewomen around the Honolulu airport, but nothing ever came of it.
00:35:53
Yeah. So about six weeks later on March 26th 25 Louise Medeiros from Waipahua she leaves the island of Oahu and she going to visit her family on Kauai
00:36:08
That's where I was. So Louise's mother had died recently and she has to go there for the reading of the will.
00:36:14
But she has two kids and she's three months pregnant. So she's trying to make it the fastest possible trip because she left her two kids with her boyfriend and she's just like, I got to get back.
00:36:27
Her family wants her to wait until morning so that she doesn't have to take the bus from the airport late at night.
00:36:33
But Louise is like, no, I have to get back as soon as possible. When she gets off her airplane in Honolulu, she disappears.
00:36:40
and a week later on april 2nd louise's body is found at the north end of the keehi
00:36:48
uh keehi lagoon she is naked from the waist down her hands are bound behind her back
00:36:54
and like the three victims before her she's been sexually assaulted and strangled
00:36:58
so the whole emma was the same yeah um and then three weeks after that jesus yeah on april 29th
00:37:07
36-year-old Linda Pesci leaves for work in her car. So she also works for a phone company.
00:37:14
She's recently been promoted there. She's a single mother devoted to her daughter.
00:37:18
She has a roommate, and she tells the roommate, tonight I have a meeting, so I'm going to be home later than normal.
00:37:24
When Linda doesn't arrive home by the next morning, the roommate's really concerned.
00:37:31
She calls up and finds out Linda left work at 6.30. mm-hmm her roommate calls the police because she knows that linda would never go anywhere without
00:37:40
her daughter yeah just it would never happen yeah um uh and linda's car is found on the nimitz
00:37:46
highway at the northeastern end of the keehi lagoon um and it from what the police put together
00:37:54
they figure that her car broke down uh half a mile from a bus stop no yep so they immediately
00:38:03
call a press conference. They warn the community that Linda is now considered a missing person
00:38:09
and they tell women not to leave their car if it breaks down. If your car breaks
00:38:13
down on the side of the road, stay inside of it with the door locked. And then the police say,
00:38:19
which is very touching and sad, this involves everybody's wives, everybody's girlfriends, and
00:38:25
everybody's daughters. We have lost our innocence as a community. How terrifying.
00:38:32
And also when you go over there, It's so tiny. Yeah. I mean, it really is a community.
00:38:36
Yeah. Everybody knows each other on all these islands. I mean, I can't speak for Oahu, but the places I've been, which is Maui and Kauai, it really
00:38:46
seems like you're coming into a neighborhood. Yeah. It's not like, you know, a whole island.
00:38:50
It's just a little neighborhood. Yeah. Where people like wave to each other as they drive by.
00:38:55
Sure. Four days later, and this is where it gets fucking weird as hell. Okay. A 43-year-old mechanic calls the police and tells them that a psychic told him that Linda Pesci's body was located in a place called Sand Island.
00:39:10
Oh, shit. And he tells police that he followed the directions that the psychic gave him and that he thinks he found the body.
00:39:17
Oh. And he also explains he knows Linda Pesci because she tried to sell him a pager one time so that they had a connection at one point.
00:39:27
Fishy. Uh-huh. so um police check linda's appointment book and they see that this mechanic's name is actually
00:39:36
anna's information is in her appointment book and she had written it in there the day she disappeared
00:39:41
so my god they go to sand island the authorities go to sand island with this mechanic
00:39:48
and he shows them around the whole island i don't know how big it is i imagine it's
00:39:53
Some little place. It's the size of a grain of sand. I'm not sure. He walks around the whole island, avoiding one spot.
00:40:02
And then he's like, oh, I guess it's not here. When police check out that spot, that's where they find Linda Pesci's body.
00:40:09
Dude. She is face down, covered in dirt, and there's a concrete block on top of her.
00:40:15
And she's been raped and strangled. Oh, my God. So meanwhile, when she went missing, the police actually put up a roadblock.
00:40:22
And they started asking, they stopped commuters and asked them about what they saw the night that Linda's car broke down on the side of the road.
00:40:30
And one witness said that she saw a Caucasian or a mixed race man in his 30s or early 40s driving a light colored American made van that had black lettering on it.
00:40:41
And they were seen, he was seen in his van on the side of the road with Linda and her broken down car.
00:40:46
the mechanic fit the description the mechanic that brought them to sand beach fits the description
00:40:52
of this guy the the mechanic that brought him to sand beach has a light colored american-made van
00:40:58
with black lettering on it he's 43 years old he's like right in there and he lives in the
00:41:04
ewa beach ewa ewa beach area um which actually the task force had you know when they do that
00:41:10
thing where they do like a with a compass or whatever and it's like this is the area they'll
00:41:15
probably live because it's like right in the vicinity in the middle yes yes like that so he
00:41:21
was right in that spot iwa beach was right in that area i'm sure some fbi profiler i don't know
00:41:27
specifically that's who it is but they had basically figured that he worked at an air
00:41:31
cargo company or a place near or at the airport on lagoon drive police figured that he worked
00:41:37
at the airport or nearby the airport i was gonna guess the airport the yeah the the the mechanic
00:41:43
who called them and talked about the psychic worked at an air cargo company near the airport on Lagoon Drive
00:41:50
which is the road that runs along the Kihei Lagoon Dude Yes This guy has no prior record but he does have relationship issues yeah i mean well don we all they start to surveil this guy and they see they catch him trying to scrape the
00:42:09
letters off of his van yeah on may 9th six days after he had led the police to linda's linda pesci's
00:42:16
body um they bring the mechanic in for questioning he sits in the interrogation room from eight o'clock
00:42:22
until three in the morning, Jesus, barely moving, arms crossed, head down. He won't say a word.
00:42:28
That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard. They give him a polygraph. He fails it.
00:42:35
But the police know that they only have circumstantial evidence, that basically it's just eyewitnesses.
00:42:40
And so they go and talk to his ex-wife and his girlfriend, both of whom tell police that this guy is into bondage,
00:42:49
specifically tying hands behind the back. Yeah. Also, the girlfriend says that they got into fights and he stormed out of the house on the nights that these girls went missing.
00:43:05
No. Yes. But again, this is all hearsay. And he said, she said. Can you imagine realizing that when you're like, put the nights together and you're like.
00:43:14
The slow burn reveal of this person is not not only who I think it is, but perhaps a complete monster.
00:43:23
Oh! Yeah. So, of course, of course. I don't know what's happening to me. A horse is a horse.
00:43:30
A horse is a horse, of course, of course. He lawyers up and never talks to police again.
00:43:35
They go to the DA saying we have all this, but it's all circumstantial. And the DA says, if we take this to trial, we will lose and he'll be gone forever.
00:43:44
When the mechanic walked out the police station door, the local press was there waiting.
00:43:50
and someone asked if he knew Linda Pesci and he started to say, I haven't talked to...
00:43:55
Then he stopped talking. What does that mean? He realized he should not be saying anything
00:44:01
to the press at all. What was he going to say? But he basically started to give an answer.
00:44:06
I haven't talked to... Linda since the day I killed her. I mean, so months after this,
00:44:13
a woman comes forward and says, and she ends up, She says she saw a man by the side of the road.
00:44:21
The woman broke down car, the whole thing. They put a photographic line up in front of her and she picks the mechanic out.
00:44:28
Are you kidding? Well, but maybe she saw him on the news months later. Like, that's weird, right?
00:44:34
Well, but here's the thing. She will not testify because this is like an actual eyewitness.
00:44:39
But she says when as she passed, he turned and looked her right in the eye and she was so scared.
00:44:45
she's positive if she testifies he'll kill her that's how scared like scary he was oh my god did
00:44:51
you see his picture is he i see i did see a picture of course transition lenses so he looks like every
00:44:57
he looks like any of those serial killers yeah yeah like a dommer style yes skinny no he had
00:45:04
kind of a round face it was just like but i mean it could it could completely be circumstantial and
00:45:10
he just got caught up and it's not him um no he ended up uh they continue to surveil him
00:45:17
he then goes to the midwest they call whatever state he goes to and they continue to surveil him
00:45:25
um while he's there they call the fbi they follow him to the fbi follows him to europe twice what
00:45:32
the fuck he then moves back to the east he comes back goes to the east coast they continue surveilling
00:45:38
him them they never catch him doing anything they never see anything suspicious nothing at all
00:45:43
he ends up dying in 2003 what the fuck so in 2016 the honolulu police said that they're stepping up
00:45:51
cold case in old cold cases and investigations which is what everyone's doing now which is
00:45:56
amazing and they're they're afraid that the they want to retest the dna they have on file they're
00:46:08
we we're fine with that we we us uh us dna experts uh-huh like me you you can make it work we can
00:46:15
make it work okay good but they they they say that they consider all cases open until the suspect is
00:46:22
identified or caught but not but another one didn't happen after that correct it all stopped
00:46:27
after that it was him and that is the story that's it of the honolulu strangler that's there's not
00:46:33
that much about it because it's like the classic cold case but there was um case file has an episode
00:46:39
about it okay which that guy couldn't be more detailed or awesome so i'm sure there's there's
00:46:46
more stuff in there and then i did find there is an id channel of course if you google the honolulu
00:46:53
strangler there's an ig channel there's an episode of a show called something yeah it's like a bunch
00:46:59
of a bunch of cases and they profile this is one of them and it's one of them you can look when you
00:47:05
google it you can find a couple things but wow that's awful i've never heard of it i've never
00:47:11
heard of it i mean it's yeah it's crazy yeah um also just when those when it is such a classic
00:47:18
serial killing case yeah and there's no it couldn't even be like it's not it's not far apart
00:47:25
Like the first one, there's eight months, but then it's just like this once a month or every two weeks.
00:47:31
That's like it's classic serial killer. Like this guy's just driving around hunting at night.
00:47:36
I mean, and then like his ex-girlfriend, who's just like, yeah, every time we got in a fight, that was a night.
00:47:40
I mean, yeah. Oh, yeah. So many coincidences. Right. But they but they aren't. Shit, dude.
00:47:48
Yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah. Oh, OK. Good job. Mm. Thank you. All right. Give me one second.
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00:50:12
Did you see it? No. wear glasses. Put that down and we'll do an eye test. I have a problem where I always think
00:50:24
Karen, I always think I don't hide my shit enough and I think Karen is going to know five seconds before I tell her what
00:50:30
murder I'm doing. I feel like was your sister or brother sneaky with you? Did they do weird shit like trick you
00:50:38
into things? That's all we did with each other was be sneaky, tricky with each other.
00:50:42
Like it was every man for himself. I'm going to find any kind of dirt against you
00:50:46
I can. Jesus Christ. I'm going to read your fucking diary and I'm going to tell mom.
00:50:50
Oh, fuck. And it's not a mystery. See, Laura was the exact opposite. Laura was like the Don Draper of I never think about you at all.
00:50:59
Where, like, if I put something down like that, she would never even take the time to look at it.
00:51:05
Well, how are you going to get? You know what you do all the time that drives me fucking crazy?
00:51:08
Because all I want to do is look at it. Because you don't close your, like, you don't turn off your phone.
00:51:13
I know you've mentioned that to me 1,000 times. I just feel like I'm going to see something that you don't want me to see that I don't want to see that I'm going to get then see.
00:51:22
Because you love to look at people's phones. No, but I won't do it. I don't do it.
00:51:26
I don't do it. Although I was at Joe DeRosa's house the other night and he had like a stack of checks, you know, like to deposit.
00:51:33
Oh, yeah. Can I look at your checks? And I was just like, what's that? Who's this for?
00:51:38
What's this for? Like, I totally did that. And I was like, that might be rude. I'm sorry.
00:51:42
Well, he would. But you know, Joe is a good enough friend. He said, I would say no if I didn't want you to.
00:51:47
And I said, I wouldn't have asked you if I knew you wouldn't care. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:51:51
That's really funny. I love looking at people's like weird per diem. Not per diem, but what's it called?
00:51:58
Residual checks? Yeah. That's where it's like, why did you get a check for $4.94?
00:52:03
Right. We're in China. The show you were on for three minutes play. I still get checks from the Drew Carey show.
00:52:10
Shut up. It's insane. But they truly are like crazy for nine cents. that was so long ago it was over 52 years ago it doesn't make sense it was 52 years ago tonight
00:52:21
tonight why is your carry on your porch all right listen look look and listen in a fucking stunning coincidence oh we are going to remain on the island on the fucking you
00:52:37
you and me and steven are on the fucking coincidence island yes tonight yeah we're
00:52:42
the only inhabitants because we're about to fucking do the galapagos affair oh island time
00:52:48
island fucking time shit now just so you know i'm on this island but i'm not here to make friends
00:52:53
good luck players i'm gonna throw you under a bus literally okay okay wait sorry really quick
00:53:01
there's a documentary about this right yes i've been told to watch this documentary
00:53:04
probably 50 times a night and i hear it's amazing they were right everyone was right okay i know
00:53:09
were like shut up i know everything you know like you know it's it's fucking good okay okay but i'm
00:53:14
gonna need your help with so like every character in it looks so much not like anyone okay that i
00:53:20
can't describe them by saying they look like a young so-and-so great so and you're good at that
00:53:24
so i'm gonna need your help i even showed events and i was like who does this look like to you
00:53:26
and he's just like my friend dave from college no no he did get one good one okay okay can i just
00:53:33
tell you sorry tell me always you giving me a job i you just you just picked up the second grader
00:53:39
inside of me and made me sit up real tall like I have a job get your crayons I'm ready I can't wait
00:53:46
let me um all right okay here we go all right let's just start okay this is what's gonna happen
00:53:50
so this this story is told by the inhabitants of this story like based on the letters that everyone wrote the books that were later that they later wrote about it So what is fact and what is someone else story and isn true and is true is like left
00:54:09
up to fucking conjecture. Amazing. Or some word that sounds like that. Yes. So but here's what we know.
00:54:16
And here's how we are going to do it. And just really quick. That's all. the only the way we tell all stories is just through the eyes of either the police or a
00:54:26
reporter or a family member like you always forget that because you're like no this is fact right and
00:54:30
when we do our research we try our best to find stories that are like to look for the stories that
00:54:35
everyone is telling and then piece together what sounds like the most plausible based on what we're
00:54:39
telling you and so we're fucking wrong too probably so we're adding to that guaranteed so
00:54:44
but we're right always um floriana island let's start there it's one of the islands that make up
00:54:51
the archipelago archipelago archipelago didn't know that word before i heard it on uh well let
00:54:59
me say this podcast hold on archipelago great thank you to the podcast the conspirators nice
00:55:06
for telling me how to say that archipelago all right so here we are archipelago uh that makes up
00:55:11
the Galapagos Islands formed by volcanic eruption. It's like another little tiny cluster of islands like near Ecuador that were like that you're
00:55:20
in the middle of fucking nowhere. Okay. Let's see. Floriana is named after Juan Jose Flores.
00:55:29
He's the first president of Ecuador. During his administration, Ecuador was like, you know what?
00:55:35
This Galapagos Islands are ours. Goodbye. Wow. And I'm like, okay. the islands are of course known for their unique and wondrous creatures like giant tortoises
00:55:43
um that are used as an inspiration for charles darwin's the origin of species that's what
00:55:50
everyone knows knows it for you know the island some motherfucking there was like all these like
00:55:55
europeans and pirates and people who would take over this little island of floriana
00:55:59
then one dick was like i'm gonna um play a joke and i'm gonna light a little fire
00:56:03
and it ended up burning the whole fucking island down no and um it's he let's see that's not a
00:56:11
funny joke no it's the helmsman of the nantucket whaling vessel the essex in 1890 does that
00:56:17
and the captain of the vessel swore retribution on the culprit and but then the ship is rammed
00:56:24
and sunk by a sperm whale and uh that's when herman melville got his fucking idea to write
00:56:30
moby dick shit yeah so there's like history wow you know what i mean but like don't burn a fucking
00:56:35
island down you dick especially not an archipelago an archipelago okay but the 1920s ecuador is
00:56:44
broke and they're like we need some fucking money um let's let's sell the islands to help with our
00:56:50
economy so uh then europeans are like great let's go buy some of these islands and fucking live there
00:56:56
it's you know post world war one there's an economic crash and everyone's freaking out
00:57:03
so that brings a wave of european settlers and they want to buy the land and they want to live
00:57:10
on a tropical island paradise like this idea that this is going to be paradise so two of those people
00:57:15
are dr frederick ritter who's 43 and his lover who's 15 years younger than him dora strouch so
00:57:24
she's a teacher and a bored fucking housewife. They're from Germany. And they had met there when
00:57:30
Dora had become a patient of Dr. Friedrich. So they had met when Dora had became a patient of
00:57:40
Dr. Ritter. He's a dentist, I think. And she had Dora had been diagnosed with MS. And all of her
00:57:47
doctors were like, it's incurable. You can't do anything about it. Fucking deal with it. Goodbye.
00:57:50
but dr ritter was like uh fuck that shit he believed he was like super into uh nietzsche
00:57:58
oh and he was like here's uh here's what's gonna happen if he believed in the healing power of
00:58:05
thought he mansplained to her that she didn't have to submit to her illness and she fell in
00:58:10
love with him he fell in love with her and uh they decided to leave their spouses for each other
00:58:18
wow he looks like steve zahn you know nice you know what i mean i love steve zahn like a rugged
00:58:24
steve zahn oh like a rugged 1920s like um did you ever see sunshine cleaning company no um he's
00:58:34
steve zahn in that movie is a cop okay so he's insanely yoked he's like no longer hippie steve
00:58:40
zahn he's like he's evil cop steve okay he's like steve zahn and popeye had a baby yeah you know
00:58:46
what I'm saying? And she looks like a young Emma Thompson. Okay. Okay. That's a nice combination.
00:58:52
Right. So Dr. Ritter, he's an eccentric. He said he's Nietzsche, like any good angry hipster,
00:59:00
I wrote. Sure. Because it's like, oh my God. Like if you went on a date with a guy who's like,
00:59:04
I'm really into Nietzsche. I'd be like, oh wait, sorry, really quick. That's my friend over there.
00:59:09
And I would fucking run as fast as I could. Exactly. Faker. Faker. Bye. So he's into his
00:59:15
philosophical principles and advocacy for a natural life and a vegetarian diet and they want to
00:59:22
go to an idyllic Pacific Island existence. He just fucking hated modern life. He was like, get me the fuck out of here. Everyone walks too
00:59:28
slow. This sucks. I don't want to be a doctor. Let's go to a tropical island. Let's get the fuck out of here. Everything
00:59:33
is like all about buying shit. It's impersonal. It's valueless. I hate it. Okay. I can get behind that. Sure.
00:59:40
Sure. And Dora was that character? Sometimes it's fun. to live a valueless life oh okay um so dora is like fuck you know she's 15 years younger she's
00:59:53
like oh my god this guy is the smartest guy ever i obsessed with him i in love with him uh he looks like Steve Zahn He looks like Steve Zahn So she also hated this bougie lifestyle She didn want to be
01:00:05
a fucking housewife for the rest of her life. And she was pissed off that she had this
01:00:08
disease that was ravaging her body. And I guess her husband might have been a dick.
01:00:14
So, she said that existence poisons the spirit. Just mere existence? No, no, no. That existence.
01:00:22
Oh, that lifestyle. You know. So she calls Dr. Ritter her teacher and her guide and her fate.
01:00:33
Oh, I know. Right. She got a bad. Yeah. Wanting to leave civilization, they decide to leave their spouses.
01:00:39
And they said to the spouses, take care of each other. Oh, like, don't do that. Then you're like looking across the room at some stranger.
01:00:47
You're just like, yeah, really? What do you like? Yeah. So they leave their houses and they get the fuck out of Germany and they travel to the uninhabited Floriana where they could indulge in his raw food theories.
01:01:00
Oh, no. And he could write his magnum opus, which is a philosophical Theothist book.
01:01:11
And then I wrote where he could mansplain her in privacy. Now, if you're a doctor, that's not mansplaining.
01:01:17
That's you know way more than a person. Oh, okay. All right. And does he just because you're a doctor and you like memorize some fucking medical books?
01:01:27
Well, yeah, if you're a doctor talking to a patient, that's not man's life. Yeah, but it's now his fucking lover.
01:01:32
Right. You know, but she was just like, just tell me more. It's a lot of editorializing.
01:01:38
Okay, fair enough. Just putting it out there. Okay, so the pair live by the strict Nietzschean principles that Dr. Ritter had imposed on them,
01:01:48
including nudism, vegetarianism. I hate these people so much. They're like, he sucks so hard.
01:01:57
She went with him for some reason. She's like young and thinking. I don't think she's that young.
01:02:01
I think he was 43 and he's 15 years younger. So how many years is that? That's 30.
01:02:06
So she's like late 20s. Yeah. So she's not that young. She's not like innocent. 17 year old, you know.
01:02:13
But I get it if you have some kind of disease where you're just like, Yeah. Oh, wait, I better grab life while I can.
01:02:18
Sure. And this person is telling me that I can overcome this disease where everyone else is like, great, you're an invalid now.
01:02:23
And she's like, I want this. Yes. And I'm sick of this boring lifestyle. I think her husband was a dick.
01:02:27
She's like, fuck this shit. Okay. I get it. Listen, I'm behind it. In my late 20s, the fucking dudes I had crushes on.
01:02:34
Oh, it's all like Kierkegaard and fucking veganism and shit where you're just like, you're so different and new.
01:02:40
Yeah. Smoke pot all day. I love it. Oh, my God. This is groundbreaking philosophies.
01:02:44
good job everybody you're not it's not that you're lazy and in a band it's that you're a genius it's
01:02:52
not that no one will hire you it's that you don't care about money i get it now i also don't care
01:02:57
about money i have to pay rent again okay i'll do it sounds good great someone got to care about
01:03:04
that money okay but here's what our exes didn't do oh so he had this ritter dr ritter the dentist
01:03:10
had this obsession. He was also really into obsessive mastication, which is exactly what
01:03:17
it sounds like. Chewing. Chewing a fuck ton. A fuck ton of chewing. Now, you know you're supposed
01:03:22
to chew 35 times per bite. Did you know that? I didn't and I don't do that. I rarely do it,
01:03:28
but every once in a while I'll remember and then I start counting and then I'm like,
01:03:31
this is insanity. Yeah. Yeah. I hate it. I remember reading, sorry. I remember reading,
01:03:38
sorry this is no sorry here i read an article called chew your juice one time that was like
01:03:44
you need to do that to juice as well as food where it's like because your your saliva acids needs to
01:03:50
break down the thing i was just like none of this and then i'll never get cancer yeah and then i'll
01:03:56
be beautiful yeah forget it yeah forget it it's the like it's like the brushing your hair a hundred
01:04:01
times thing where it's like but some people are like no it'll break your hair and it's like can
01:04:04
everyone just shut up yeah or how about i just do whatever yeah how about i do my best so and my
01:04:11
worst yes and his worst was that um so we burped at the same time just now our burp cycles are
01:04:18
matching up oh my god so sorry i'm not talking anymore no no keep talking because you see you
01:04:25
are because i'm gonna tell you some shit okay so this rule is obsessive mastication rule
01:04:29
had destroyed dr ritter's teeth so the dentist yeah so before they left germany for this fucking
01:04:36
island he was like there's not going to be dental shit on this island so he pulls all his teeth out
01:04:41
what and he instead gets steel dentures stainless steel dentures no no no before leaving germany
01:04:48
so he's got a fucking mouthful of nothing so he is a bond villain uh-huh on an on an uninhabited
01:04:56
island and a nudist do you think like but it's like they were leaving the night before and then
01:05:00
he did that and she was like oh shit oh i already told my husband to go off with his wife this
01:05:05
might have been a mistake shit i gotta go through it now yeah okay so uh not surprisingly though
01:05:12
dr ritter's actually like kind of a bully he refuses they get to the island great yeah he
01:05:17
refuses to allow dora simple pleasures that his philosophical principles didn't allow like coffee
01:05:22
and her teeth. No. Once on the island, he preemptively removes her teeth as well
01:05:30
with garden tools and together they share his set of dentures. No. When they need to eat.
01:05:39
So then they have to sit there toothless while the other one chews multiple times.
01:05:43
And like pass it back and forth. Like my mom and her boyfriend do the cute thing
01:05:48
where they like have his glasses and she hands them and they look at a menu together with their glasses.
01:05:53
Very sweet. Adorable. And now imagine that with fucking teeth This is we have just gotten to this island and I so disturbed It doesn matter what happens after this It gets so much worse
01:06:06
Also, just like the whole story, just remember that they don't have teeth. Because you could have moved from, where were you, Cologne, Germany?
01:06:17
Why didn't you just move over to Berlin and test it out for two months? What's the island, the English, where they have the cows and shit?
01:06:25
go to guernsey like you don't need to go to galapagos yes test island first which exactly
01:06:32
ireland like even even there's like a galapagos islands santa cruz it's like kind of inhabited
01:06:38
by like a bunch of norwegian people it's like people are just doing their best there but it's
01:06:41
not like you can just be your own person they were like fuck no and they went to this fucking place
01:06:45
where the closest neighbors were 60 miles away and it's also i don't know okay and it's also not
01:06:52
like it's not paradise if you look at the the this documentary and these photos it's like this crazy
01:06:59
rocky lot like black lava rock beach with like sticks and stuff and then they get and then they
01:07:05
get there and uh they're like great we're just gonna plant food and stuff and it's gonna be
01:07:10
amazing but it turns out that it's hard to live on an island because they had to where did i put
01:07:16
that okay it's actually constant fucking labor instead of the uh life of contemplation that dora
01:07:23
had uh envisioned so a year okay so they said they were like we want to be the fucking adam
01:07:31
adam and eve sure great so a year and a half in finally their eden is starting to come together
01:07:37
um dora had tried to keep up with dr ritter i'm calling him doctor yeah dr ritter yeah uh
01:07:46
Because he's like, you know, Popeye. And she's like, what's up? I have MS. Right?
01:07:51
And no teeth. MS and no teeth. And he keeps telling me how it's like mind over matter.
01:07:56
So, like, I can't, you know, I can't be sick. I can't imagine he's a guy who's going to bring you like a fucking cold washcloth when you are exhausted.
01:08:04
No, just imagine a cold washcloth on your forehead. Why do you need a real one? Right.
01:08:08
Also, there's no cold water here. So, calm down. All the water is boiling hot. Yeah, yeah.
01:08:12
I don't know. There's no. Okay. But, you know, he's not going to baby you. yeah clearly the way we all kind of need when we're sick because we just want somebody like
01:08:19
what can i bring you he's like do you have any more tea that could pull out do you just did i
01:08:23
leave one in there i'd love to pull at least five more tea there's got to be something um
01:08:28
and so it turns out uh that dr ritter's mansplaining bullshit had not cured dora of her
01:08:35
ms yeah which would flare up and make it hard for her to do any manual labor and like they're
01:08:40
pulling like in the documentary they're pulling trees down and carrying the giant banana stalks
01:08:44
and shit yeah um but that only made dr ritter pissed off that she couldn't get it fucking
01:08:50
together and ignore her ms ignore her fucking she couldn't meet you her way out of ms yeah
01:08:58
oh this is like when you pick a bad boyfriend to get away from your current friendship group
01:09:04
you know sometimes that happens you're like no i just need to be with him all the time because
01:09:08
you're sick of the people that you're spending time with the life you have of like mine was like
01:09:13
going to like you know dancing and going to clubs and drinking fucking long island ice teas yeah so
01:09:18
i found a boyfriend i'm like bye no i'm all about this guy now and then it's like but you didn't
01:09:23
move to an island i moved to san francisco oh same thing same thing actually yeah well so you know
01:09:30
exactly what dora's pain is all about how are your teeth in san francisco well they're these are all
01:09:34
fake look at them they're huge i can't get over it no you shouldn't get over it it's so nuts
01:09:42
ladies okay ladies look and listen so dora in her writing complains that uh dr ritter
01:09:51
his name's frederick but it's frederick but i don't want to you know say it wrong
01:09:55
because it looks like it's the european spelling of frederick yeah but it's not frederick fred's
01:09:59
good let's call him dr fred okay okay she's like fuck dr fred he's dissatisfied with everything i
01:10:05
do um he's stern with her even when she's sick and he would write home and he would only speak
01:10:13
of her negatively in his letters being like she can't keep up blah blah it's like bitch she came
01:10:18
to a fucking island with you yeah and took her goddamn teeth out um she can't i love this and
01:10:25
it doesn't need to be in here but she's like i can't find kindness and patience with dr fred
01:10:30
So instead, her burrow, her donkey, becomes her best friend. Oh, no. And there's video of her playing with this sweet donkey.
01:10:39
It's like a dog. And they're playing and dancing. And like, oh, my God, it's her baby.
01:10:43
It's so sad. It's like her baby. It's so cute. Oh, no. And then fucking Dr. Fred gets pissed off about how she loves animals.
01:10:53
He's mad about it. Yep. Yeah, exactly. That's what Nietzsche was big into, animal abuse.
01:10:59
Right. and then I wrote this but this bitch took her teeth out for him and he can't even baby her once
01:11:04
in a while I want to know how long they were together before they left Germany oh that's a
01:11:11
great question it was like six months if it was like three weeks and if they were together and
01:11:15
hadn't left their spouses yet so they had never like spent that real night together like a week
01:11:19
together or even a weekend which is what used to happen to people all the time yeah I'm super in
01:11:24
love with this person but you've never spent the night with them exactly exactly yeah okay okay
01:11:30
so they write letters documenting their lives on the island they send they send home and they send
01:11:36
to a newspaper in berlin who publishes these letters and without them knowing it uh they become
01:11:43
fucking like kind of famous as the robinson caruso of the galapagos island oh no so they're like on
01:11:51
the cover of newspapers being like, look at this like modern day Adam and Eve. And they're
01:11:55
like living off the land and it's paradise. And like everyone's talking about how incredible
01:11:58
this is that they're doing. this because they didn't know one's smiling in any picture um when they find out they're famous
01:12:06
they're fucking pissed off about it and the press had grand grandized their lives on the island and
01:12:11
called them eccentrics and philosophers it's like this you know noble thing they're doing
01:12:17
and not they don't write about probably how bad they smell i'm guessing that donkey's like i'm
01:12:23
to stand over here yeah even the dog he's like so uh even a ship full of scientists from america
01:12:31
uh from the u.s who were documenting all the exotic animals throughout the galapagos stop by
01:12:37
floriana just to see the quote modern day adam and eve so they were like we gotta add this as a stop
01:12:42
on our way these like famous fucking this couple like a cruise ship would go by it's like their
01:12:46
big yacht oh okay okay yeah so they were they all the scientists got off the island and they all
01:12:52
made friends and you know it was a positive thing even though dr fred was like but i don't want any
01:12:58
more visitors but and then he just like open his lips i don't want any more visitors okay
01:13:03
okay so three years into their life on the island in the summer of 1932 a fucking schooner arrives
01:13:13
carrying uh heinz whitmer and his wife margaret who's five months pregnant onto the island and
01:13:21
uh Heinz's son from a previous marriage named Harry who's a teenager so his Harry's uh Harry
01:13:28
had fragile health and uh he had gotten sicker sicker recently and they had been reading about
01:13:34
these adventures in the fucking tropics so they were like fuck this let's get out of here and
01:13:41
bring our family and go live on this island uh they were also German they had sold all their
01:13:46
possessions after reading about this stuff and were like we're gonna do this once they pull up
01:13:51
at the beach they were like oh shit this is not what we fucking thought it would be
01:13:54
they find a a desolate island with only one stream so heinz and margaret are like comparably
01:14:06
very normal like they're a normal couple with normal wants etc and the doctor and dora are like
01:14:15
this is the most boring couple that could have come to this fucking island like we're not gonna
01:14:19
have they say to each other as they pass teeth back and forth yeah you're right they're boring
01:14:25
they're the boring ones fucking lunatics so when the um when they uh so doctor the doctor and dora
01:14:33
start fucking blobby-blog about nietzsche the whitmers are like double what the fuck
01:14:38
this fucking these are not normal people these people are bananas and they're like we what did
01:14:44
we do we shouldn't have come here and then margaret also who's five months pregnant she
01:14:48
expected that this dude dr fred would fucking doctor her and help her with her pregnancy dude
01:14:54
like for free you know and a dentist and he's a dentist i'm not 100 sure he's a dentist it said
01:15:01
it in some of the shit and some of the others okay uh but it's it is that's a mistake you could
01:15:08
make where it is still counts as a doctor right you could be a doctor and be a researcher you
01:15:12
could be a doctor right and be like no i just wrote a super long paper yeah it doesn't mean i
01:15:17
know how to deliver your baby yeah yes that's true yeah so uh and and dr fred was like i don't
01:15:24
want to be a fucking doctor anymore fuck you normal woman you think i'm gonna deliver your
01:15:28
fucking baby um and then it can't be too normal if they just shut their whole life down and then
01:15:35
we're like oh we're gonna go live with people from a magazine well it also seems like they had this
01:15:40
like fantasy of what it was gonna be like and it was not like that at all um and of course dora
01:15:45
immediately dislikes Margaret, the pregnant woman, because she's content to be a housewife. Like,
01:15:51
it's, you know, just be a mother and a wife. That's all she wants. Yeah. So it's immediately
01:15:56
like disdain for each other. So Dr. Fred's, of course, pissed to have these boring uninvited
01:16:02
guests. So he is like, Yeah, let me show you where you can stay. And he like walks them for
01:16:08
like an hour to these caves where pirates used to live. And he's like, here's your home. Goodbye.
01:16:14
and like leaves them there to fucking fend for themselves such a dick these are guest caves
01:16:21
there's towels in the way back they look like bats but don't even pay attention to that
01:16:26
don't worry about it uh but it turns out that the whitmers are good at island living
01:16:32
and quickly their little enclave is thriving oh which of course pisses dr fred off because
01:16:39
they didn't have the same experience. Well, you know what it is, is that they had three sets of teeth.
01:16:45
And that's the key to island living. You gotta gnash. You gotta be able to gnash if you want to thrive on an island.
01:16:53
We've always said that, you and I. You and I, that's basically our fucking tagline for this podcast.
01:17:01
Okay. So they're doing well at the caves. They're doing great at the caves. Pisses Dr. Fred off.
01:17:06
But quickly, they kind of fall into this understanding of like, you know, they're not besties, but they are they're doing OK.
01:17:14
They're neighbors, you know, no one loves their neighbors. True. And everything kind of settles down and everyone settles into this life.
01:17:20
Fine. Great. And then the fucking Baroness shows up. The Baroness? The fucking Baroness.
01:17:26
Is that my part? This is where Karen comes in. Karen comes in. No joke. Riding a fucking donkey.
01:17:32
A second donkey? Yes. Oh, hell yes. Yeah. She didn't steal the other one. I don't think so.
01:17:39
I don't know which. I tried to find this fucking happy donkey, like the friend donkey.
01:17:42
So like the name of it. And I couldn't find it. Let's call him Clive. Okay. Clive.
01:17:52
Okay. She comes up. This woman gets there She is the Baroness Eloise Wehrborn de Wagner Bosquet is her name Hell hell yes but we gonna call her the baroness although i do love the name eloise uh she comes to this fucking island i
01:18:09
think she'd been reading about it as well in the newspapers and and because she's also german she
01:18:13
said she's from vienna and she's like guess what motherfuckers i'm opening a luxury hotel for
01:18:17
american millions millionaires on this island what's up here i am coming in on a donkey
01:18:23
Margaret's the first one to see her she fucking pulls up she's got like a gun and she's flanked by two men
01:18:31
that are both her lovers yes my role of a lifetime and she looks like alright here we go
01:18:38
here's where I need your help okay hold on yay this is my favorite story of all time
01:18:44
okay tell me I need you to tell me what she looks like and I need you to tell me also
01:18:49
if she kind of looks like me she has my mouth okay these fake teeth i have she has them straight out of galapagos all right so this is she
01:18:58
here she is okay with her two lovers sweet i'm so into two lovers just get it going
01:19:07
whoa okay yes or no she kind of looks like me i feel like it's like a clea duval
01:19:12
you know who she looks like is maggie gyllenhaal totally straight up you are much much prettier
01:19:18
than this lady the baroness thank you the baroness is so funny she totally looks like
01:19:23
i knew you'd know this yeah this is my speciality that's maggie gyllenhaal do you want to see the
01:19:28
toothless wonders yes please oh wait a second i'm just gonna say her lovers look like um i was gonna
01:19:34
say the blonde one looks like uh prince charles a young prince charles yeah no you can do better
01:19:39
than that well it's the ears you nailed that okay because he's tall and skinny um but he actually
01:19:47
looks like James Cromwell, the actor James Cromwell. Yes. Uh, LA Confidential. They're like,
01:19:52
can you believe James Cromwell was this hot when he was young? Yep. That's what he looks like.
01:19:56
Big pig in the city. Definitely. Then this guy in the front, no one ever, like maybe a Steve
01:20:01
Martin character. Yeah. Like a, like from the jerk. He totally has Steve Martin face where he's like
01:20:07
squinty eyes, but also standardized good looking. It's like a Steve Martin doing a character.
01:20:12
100 like weird curly wavy hair yeah he has very 20s hair it looks like yes he he puts a headband
01:20:19
in to make it look like that 100 let me find um also i don't doubt that those two guys might not
01:20:25
look for the affections of each other every once in a while i think we all slept in a bed together
01:20:30
if you know what i mean i think these guys kicked off pansexuality 80 years before it was cool well
01:20:35
here so here's the thing okay here's here's um what did it steve martin no no uh buscemi no
01:20:42
the guy who I said the toothless people look like. Oh, yes. Yes. Doesn't he kind of?
01:20:49
How come we can't remember? Steve Vaughn. Eric Vaughn. Steve Zahn. Zahn. You're thinking Vince Vaughn.
01:20:59
Yeah, it looks. And then she's dead on. She's a young Emma Thompson, maybe. Yeah.
01:21:04
I think there's something better there, but I can't figure out what it is. There is something better, but you know what it is?
01:21:08
Not a lot of actresses look like this woman because her nose is kind of big. So you don't get very many mainstream actresses that look like this.
01:21:18
And mainstream actresses usually put in fake teeth after they pull them off. That's right.
01:21:23
They wouldn't go full dentures for a man. You know who he looks like? And maybe this is why you're thinking Emma Thompson.
01:21:31
He looks like Kenneth Branagh. Who's that? He used to be married to Emma Thompson.
01:21:36
Remember that guy? no let me look you know i don't know anyone kenneth braun brought on oh here he comes
01:21:42
braun let's see oh yeah come on dude honk honk guys right now guys i'm doing that when you pull
01:21:50
the air for a semi truck to honk at you she's doing it so and then the whitman whitmers are
01:21:57
just so boring that they don't even they're not gonna look like anyone okay you know yeah you
01:22:02
want to see them though they're sure they're just not they just look any but like anybody
01:22:07
they look like nobody and anybody okay they're fine i'm gonna picture um those two people from
01:22:12
the american gothic painting one guy looks like an old oh my god is that it yes i'm psychic
01:22:18
hug hug hug jimmy that air horn bitch okay i just have to say guys i've been drinking cold brew
01:22:27
coffee and i have lost my mind karen uh came over i'm out of water so i was like doing some cold
01:22:33
brew and i was like you pour it i don't want to like make it for you because i know how hard it is
01:22:37
And she pours herself some and I went, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Like she poured that much in her.
01:22:42
And I've only had half. You've only not even had half. So. And yeah, this is the greatest experience of my life.
01:22:47
This episode is to warn you about the dangers of cold brew coffee. That's right.
01:22:52
Can I tell you one of my saddest things that happened while you were gone? Yes. Really quickly.
01:22:56
That you missed me. Sidebar. And then I missed you. Okay. A hundred percent. Okay.
01:23:00
There was an estate sale close by. And they had a photo on the fucking listing of the case that you'd see in health class when a cop would come for like dare or to like warn you of drugs.
01:23:15
The case that they opened up and showed you all the drugs. They had a fucking narcotics.
01:23:22
Example case. Yes. And I fucking almost lost my mind. I went early in the morning on like a Thursday morning before therapy.
01:23:30
I was late to therapy. i didn't tell her why but we have talked about my shopping addiction it's fine everything's fine
01:23:37
uh and it was gone already and i was that's where i got you the fucking paint by numbers
01:23:42
that thing is amazing i really wish i had taken the price tag off so you didn't know it's 15
01:23:47
but i saw it and i was like i have to give this to karen but like through the week uh since you've
01:23:52
been gone uh i been like getting used to it and liking it and i was like do i give that to karen and then you came in i was like give it to Karen Georgia come down you have everything you and suddenly it missing from the wall in my house I like wait a second it weird god that was just pointless okay it was super worth it boop
01:24:08
boop boop but they also go for like four hundred dollars on ebay I found out since
01:24:12
what paint by numbers paint no the drug case the drug suitcase all I want someone whose dad was a
01:24:20
dare counselor go into your basement i promise you you're gonna have one of those like there's
01:24:25
a thing that calls that it says like a heroin outfit and it shows like the heroin shit like
01:24:31
a spoon and a needle it's called a heroin outfit and then someone on my instagram where don't you
01:24:36
hate when you go to a party and someone's wearing the same heroin outfit i loved it okay i want one
01:24:43
anyways two lovers so her lovers are robert phillipson and rudolph lawrens he's the blonde guy she's so uh the baroness is described as a flamboyant and ill-tempered woman
01:24:57
hell yes from vienna okay uh she both couples are on the island are fucking scandalized as shit by her
01:25:05
and her lover's arrival she is way before her time like feminist as fuck she's brash and brazen
01:25:11
uh she dominates her lovers who are by all accounts terrified of her but clearly turned on by it right they come to a fucking island with her you know
01:25:23
she's most definitely a narcissist uh she yes she even later convinces those scientists when
01:25:31
they come back on their yacht to like visit the island again she convinces the captain
01:25:36
to make a silent film with starring her and she's a man hungry pirate pirateress pirateess
01:25:45
in in the movie in this silent film movie amazing which you it is in the fucking uh documentary or
01:25:52
you can just watch it online it's like a silent film she's wearing like a mesh like you can see
01:25:56
her titties like yeah it's like a mesh shirt nips are out like and apparently she walks around the
01:26:02
island in a bra and underwear and doesn't give a fuck like with a fucking pistol and shit oh yeah
01:26:07
she sports a writing crop and an ivory handled pistol pistol which she's fond of pointing at
01:26:12
people who displease her her name is karen kilgarra in another way do this thing this is
01:26:18
what you're gonna be like as an old woman this is i cannot wait well we don't like this part though
01:26:23
okay she liked to shoot animals in the leg so that she could have the pleasure of nursing them
01:26:28
back to health ew monster in fact she once stole a burrow and i don't know if it's uh cleave
01:26:35
clive clive you said i don't know if it's clive but she took a burrow from the dr fred's house
01:26:43
put it into the patio of the whitmers and uh so and then the whitmer was like i thought it was uh
01:26:51
you know uh wild and shot it so like she's stirring shit up she's like kind of a she's
01:26:57
yeah she's trying to mix it up on that island she has fun fucking with people of all the people that
01:27:02
could land on that island the baroness shows up well she's like i'm gonna make a million bucks for
01:27:07
this fucking island or a hotel of mine amazing yeah so okay writing crop baby of a buck okay
01:27:15
she even chased visitors off the island one time shot one though she didn't kill him don't worry
01:27:20
this of course pisses everyone else off uh and she continues to do so by anytime like people would
01:27:27
come by and passing ships and leave them gifts of like food and you know shit to help them live
01:27:32
she would fucking be like mine bitch and like steal it um with her boobs swinging back and forth
01:27:39
got it come and fight me for it exactly and she would open their mail and so the outgoing mail
01:27:45
she would write uh her own version of shit with her as the star so like the shit that went to the
01:27:50
fucking newspapers would be like this baroness who's this hot fucking you know lady and so
01:27:57
she became like the star of the island which of course pissed everyone off well she she deserves
01:28:02
it does she okay yes probably uh she would change the wording of his letters and she became something
01:28:09
of an international celebrity yeah because the public loved the scandalous tales of her so like
01:28:14
like yachts would come to see her and bring her gifts and shit i bet yeah uh the everyone else is
01:28:21
like fuck this shit they complained to the governor of the galapagos and he pays the visit to the
01:28:26
island to be like, let me sort this out. Fucking totally falls for the Baroness's
01:28:30
bullshit because she's charming as fuck. And he's like, he grants her four square miles of territory
01:28:36
for her proposed hotel, which includes that stream that everyone shared. The Whitmers and
01:28:44
Dr. Ritter and Dora only get 50 acres each. Yeah, because they're not interesting.
01:28:50
I don't know. I think Dr. Ritter and Dora are pretty fun, or Dr. Fred and Dora are pretty interesting, but they're
01:28:55
They just took it in such a weird direction of removing their teeth. I feel like they're boring and they seem crazy.
01:29:03
Like, and they think they're really interesting. Yes. It's like fake. The Nietzsche interesting is not truly interesting because that's not original.
01:29:10
You're just reading something and repeating other people's ideas. Yeah. And then pulling each other's teeth out.
01:29:15
And then in addition to that. Yeah. And listen, I'm probably saying Nietzsche wrong.
01:29:18
I don't give a shit. Oh, I did. I said Nietzsche. I don't know. Nietzsche, Nietzsche.
01:29:22
Listen, I didn't go to college and I don't care. Look and listen. can't not interested okay boo boo boo all right so now here comes the email from Nietzsche himself
01:29:30
how dare you he's dead Karen is he corrections corner we know this for a fact does time exist
01:29:36
is he is he an ubermensch or not time is a flat circle isn't that's from true detective
01:29:41
no is it yeah okay so now shithart starts hitting the fan in 1933 the island is hit by a year-long
01:29:50
drought so of course everyone like up on their fucking crazy time yeah you know sure um that stream becomes very important i would imagine that stream becomes a trickle of fucking water oh shit yeah so all the plants and shit start to die that their food source
01:30:05
especially those fucking nietzsche vegetarians over there right they can't eat burro meat no
01:30:11
the whitmers blame the duchess and her entourage for the drought because of the stream uh dr fred's
01:30:17
pissed that so many people are on his fucking island the baroness is fucking with both her
01:30:22
lovers and pin them against each other. Her former favorite, the blonde guy, Rudolph Lawrence, becomes like a slave and has to
01:30:31
build a hotel for them. He's like a whipping boy to her. And he has to do all the difficult labor.
01:30:38
Did I tell you that the hotel is called the Hacienda Paradiso? No. That's right.
01:30:42
That's rad. That's also what your house is called now. That sure is. Come to the Hacienda.
01:30:47
That's what your pussy is called now. so many donkeys no edit that out Lorenzo edit that out
01:31:00
okay he and Lorenzo's barely fed enough to survive and she lets her lover beat him as well
01:31:08
so she's letting one lover beat the other one while she starves him and he does all the work
01:31:14
there's no way he wasn't into that somehow like he's that was definitely it was sexual definitely probably okay so and then there are
01:31:24
rumors so like mr whitmer and fucking dr fred are both like i hate this woman yeah but there's
01:31:31
rumors of them both making regular visits to her fucking ding dong ding dong they're like hey i
01:31:38
just want to come up and say i saw your your boobies swinging on the beach today and i just
01:31:43
want to say i'm a big fan and thank you so much yeah and so then probably the wives are pissed or
01:31:49
the women are mad about that too i mean listen i'm not going to be maybe they're hooking up with
01:31:53
her too we don't know anything could happen but you know when there's like especially at this time
01:31:58
a strong woman that's like bossy and making waves yeah there's that is a scapegoat waiting to happen
01:32:05
plus like dora goes there to seemingly to be subservient to this man that she is so excited
01:32:11
to have all for her, like to herself. Like when I was that young and I would date older dudes,
01:32:15
I'd be like, all I want is to be somewhere alone with you and like for you never to look at another woman again.
01:32:19
Right. Like just pay attention to me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So I take my teeth out.
01:32:25
Impossible. Yeah. I took my teeth out for you, motherfucker. Then you learn that you have to become the person
01:32:30
that the other person is like, all I want to do is be alone with you and be with you forever.
01:32:33
That's right. So that you can go, no thanks. Yeah. Or you both have that. And then you're me and Vince.
01:32:38
Oh my God. Sorry, Chris. call the therapist and cancel all your future appointments we're fine
01:32:45
next time i come here it's all silver tea it's shared silver tea you guys didn't do it please
01:32:53
tell me you didn't do it elvis has turned into a burrow we name him clive jesus christ jesus
01:32:59
clive jesus clive okay lord pissed off the baroness okay wait okay so and lorenz this the
01:33:06
fucking whipping boy is like one toke over the line or like you didn't listen to my safe word or
01:33:12
something yeah he fucking gets the fuck out of there and goes to the Whitmers he first goes to
01:33:16
dr fred and dorn he's like get me the fuck out of here and they're like no no we like the baroness
01:33:20
will be pissed at us so he goes to this sweet Whitmers we're like they seem like a very sweet
01:33:25
normal family she has her baby they have children on the island like they're truly just trying to be
01:33:30
like it really seems like it getting away from it all let's get the young asthmatic to get some
01:33:35
fresh air type of stuff. I think they had really good intentions and they were boring and normal and just like
01:33:39
wanted to live this island life. Okay. So they do take Lorenz in. And that, of course, pieces the baroness off because then Lorenzo tells them that she isn't
01:33:51
a fucking baroness at all. Oh, she's not? I'm sorry. No, she's not. She had actually been a cabaret dancer in Constantinople during World War I.
01:34:01
What? Yeah. You mean it used to be Istanbul and now it's Constantinople? it's an opal and it's a symbol like basically yeah okay and then uh i love her more now she's insane
01:34:11
i love her she had met and married a french merchant together they moved to paris this is
01:34:18
a little foggy lorenzo might have been the man like the man who put the money up for them to
01:34:23
open a boutique in paris or she just met him there i can't really tell but then uh the other
01:34:29
the whipping guy the other one uh philipson gets hired at the boutique and then she's like what's
01:34:35
up you're my lovers yes and they're like is this included in the minimum wage that we're making
01:34:40
yeah um so by uh by march of 1934 the drought had already lasted for months and it's up to
01:34:47
120 degrees in the shade they say yeah no very hot i am just that stupid fucking cunt in the heat i
01:34:55
can't deal with anything i can't deal with much over 85 no 87 yeah that's fine and then leave me
01:35:02
alone um and of course all the food growing on the in the gardens die and a ship isn't showing up
01:35:10
like usually there's a ship every you know month or two a ship hasn't come for months so there's
01:35:14
no extra supplies and then one evening dora hears that she's relaxing trying not to sweat her teeth
01:35:23
out she hears a blood-curdling scream of a woman in the forest two days later margaret and lorenz
01:35:31
show up to her house. And this is according to her fucking story. So this is according to Dora.
01:35:36
Yeah. Okay. So this is what she says happens. Lorenzen, Margaret. So the fuck boy and the mom,
01:35:45
normal lady, the normal lady, they are, they show up and they're acting all like fucking cagey and like rehearsed and
01:35:51
shit. Right. Okay. And they're like, Hey, you know what? Guess what's so funny. The Baroness showed up at her house and she was like,
01:36:00
our friends just showed up on a yacht. So me and Phillipson, the like current fuck boy,
01:36:05
we're totally leaving the island to go to Tahiti for a bit. See you later. Like,
01:36:09
see, I wouldn't want to be a, Oh, like they just fucking left. Okay. They just left.
01:36:14
So she divide up her stuff. Well, exactly. Oh, and she said the Baroness was like,
01:36:20
keep an eye on my shit or don't. Cause I might not be back. Goodbye. And so Lorenzo Lorenz is like,
01:36:25
well, uh, Hey, uh, Dora, do you want to like buy this shit? because I need to get money to get the fuck off this island now.
01:36:32
Oh. Even though, like, maybe she'll come back or maybe she won't. Right. And Dora's like, we didn't see a fucking ship.
01:36:38
Like, you see a ship if it's coming in. Yes. We didn't see a ship. Yeah. So, Dora goes with them back to the Huss, Sanda Paradiso.
01:36:49
Wait, did they actually build that place? Or build a place? They built a place, a huts and things.
01:36:55
and one of the like scientists who showed up was like it was fucking disgusting like the sanitation was terrible like it wasn't a hacienda paradisio okay at all that was just the
01:37:08
name yeah okay but so dora is super suspicious but she goes to the hacienda with them sees uh
01:37:15
a bunch of her stuff is gone because margaret took it so they like margaret has a really nice
01:37:20
beautiful um i guess that like a tablecloth and shit and then door goes into the bedroom
01:37:26
and like freak has chills down her spine when she sees on the nightstand uh the baroness's
01:37:32
prized possession sitting there on the nightstand that she never fucking left the house without guess what it is her whip no you're wrong sorry you would never gun no how
01:37:45
my guesses do i get one more it's not a weapon oh it's a book a tiara it's a book the bible
01:37:51
no you have two more guesses what book it is like think of a book that like in college you were like
01:37:57
this is the book and like i know this book this is everything it's not catch on the rye because
01:38:02
it's too that's not written for a while but it's like no it's the future copy of the infinite death
01:38:10
um it's like it's just tell me i have no okay it's the picture of dorian gray oh yeah interesting
01:38:16
and that was her prized possession like that was her prized possession her good luck uh charm she
01:38:21
carried with her everywhere it's like such a college girl thing to do like oh my god calm
01:38:25
down you know it's such a fake baroness thing exactly um and the camp is basically pillaged by
01:38:32
the two families like they just take everything so shortly after lorenz is like i gotta get the
01:38:38
fuck out of here so he hops in or like a norwegian comes by from santa cruz he hops uh his boat and
01:38:45
later's the fuck out of there okay sees that there's going to be a big boat on this other
01:38:48
island so he uh is trying to get this fisherman to take him to that other island and the other
01:38:53
and the fisherman's like well no because it's friday the 13th and i refuse to fucking uh boat
01:38:59
on friday the 13th oh lorenz offers him enough money that he says okay wow they motherfucking
01:39:05
disappear no yeah they disappear just the boat is gone and they're both gone everyone's gone
01:39:11
whoa let's not worry about him right now okay because maybe he killed the baroness and her
01:39:16
lover so like do we care what happens to him no no not necessarily but it's just i love a mystery
01:39:21
and the mystery too is like who actually the baroness and uh this dude are never seen or heard
01:39:28
from again they don't show up in tahiti there's no boat that maybe came in tahiti like who who
01:39:34
killed them yeah right so personally i think it's um uh mr whitmer and lorenz but margaret knew what
01:39:43
was going on or like you know covered it up at the end she was in on it in on it like yeah okay but
01:39:49
who knows uh and also they have these trees there this wood there that you could burn and it would
01:39:54
burn so hot that it would burn even bone whoa yeah okay that's bad so um all right so that happens
01:40:02
And then like this is the fucking dismantling of the island. This is when everything falls apart at this point.
01:40:07
Clearly. Then. So. Dr. Fred. There's like a pig and it's sick and he kills the pig and then he feeds the pig to the chickens
01:40:18
and the chickens all die. Oh, no. They're like, let's not get rid of the chickens.
01:40:22
Let's can the chicken. Because if you boil the chicken long enough, it'll kill whatever the fuck the botulism
01:40:27
that's in there and it'll be fine. We can eat it. It's fine. And they even offer some of the Whitmers and they were like,
01:40:32
no thank you no way but um they but dora is like no no it's fine cooks the chicken
01:40:40
my bro elvis is being a very bad boy okay okay cooks the chicken and you're like wait they're
01:40:51
vegetarian but all the fucking plants had died so they have nothing really to eat but meat they
01:40:54
have to eat it yeah she cooks the chicken she feeds it to herself and dr fred and dr fred
01:40:59
immediately becomes super sick with botulism symptoms like paralysis and difficulty breathing
01:41:06
oh no tongue gets all swollen and shit she didn't dora didn't go to get margaret to help her until
01:41:12
like he was very very ill she's had it with him she's fucking had it with him she's like okay
01:41:18
you're really sick i'm gonna get you help but just as a test do you want to eat a little more chicken
01:41:23
just to test it out and then she goes look i'm eating some too and then she does the thing where
01:41:26
you like you turn your head to the side and you pretend to put it in your face and you
01:41:30
drop it behind your shoulder. She steps behind a screen. Yeah. Look, I'm eating chicken too.
01:41:35
It's like that trick everyone's doing online with the dog blanket when they like do the
01:41:39
blanket and they drop the blanket and the dog's like, where'd the person go? It like that but with chicken botulism chicken Sure Or maybe just like two fingers making a rabbit yes also there that one that easier let name tricks so by the time roger gets there he can even fucking speak he dying um his illness progresses
01:41:58
it's getting worse and worse of course in dora's book that she writes about it she's like you know
01:42:05
we had this moment he looked at me with this beautiful intensity and we and i read nichi to
01:42:10
him and he was like mark that passage that'll always remind me you of me and all this like
01:42:15
romantic shit margaret's like fuck that shit i get there he can't fucking speak he gets a pencil
01:42:20
and starts writing some shit um and uh his final moments and writes a note to dora it's so romantic
01:42:29
are you ready for this this is like his last words okay i curse you with my dying breath
01:42:33
can you even and she she probably opens her mouth and shows her him the lack of teeth oh yeah
01:42:46
oh yeah he's got the teeth now motherfucker look i know i'm laughing at people dying it's terrible
01:42:50
but well but this situation this is not random violence this is not someone plot this is they've
01:42:58
all chosen to put themselves in a situation that is insane yeah and it's like who do you think you
01:43:04
are that you're going to go to the galapagos islands and like have a happy normal life i'm
01:43:09
just so grateful that to live in the time where the internet came into existence where you we all
01:43:15
know now better than to just yeah just don't move to an island like buzzfeed will tell you the top
01:43:19
10 places to go in the world you don't need you don't need a number 11 doesn't matter never galapagos
01:43:25
that's 15 men's minimums so the body of uh oh so shortly after he curses her with his dying breath
01:43:38
shortly after he curses her with his dying breath that probably smelled terrible because his
01:43:42
fucking gums were rotting i'd already taken those teeth out it was all gums before she buried him
01:43:48
i'm sure she took the stainless steel teeth and we're like these are mine now mine the missing
01:43:52
Norwegian fishermen and Lorenz are found. It turns out like they must have gotten into a storm and blown off course and landed on
01:44:00
this other island called Marchina. Okay, there are photos of their mummified bodies washed up on the fucking shore.
01:44:10
Fucking sweet blonde kid who was just like, all I want to do is kill my fucking tormentor
01:44:16
and get out of here. Like that's all he wanted. But the Lord says no. The Lord was like, no, and we're taking this fucking innocent Norwegian fisherman.
01:44:25
Who just was trying to do somebody a favor. Just needed the money. He had, like, kids and a wife and shit.
01:44:30
It's so creepy. It's like, the boat is this tiny little wooden schooner, and they're bummified on the island.
01:44:37
They had some food, but there was no water. They died of thirst. Oh, no. Yeah. And shortly after, Dr. Fred is buried on the island.
01:44:46
Dora layers the fuck out of there and goes back to Germany. so everyone else you know dies departs or you know whatever the fuck bails bails shit happens
01:44:57
to them i can't tell what's true or not okay um but even the whitmers leave too no the whitmers
01:45:03
fucking stay and flourish on that island because it turns out they're dragon they are vampires
01:45:12
and they have all their teeth and then some they have seven sets of lizard teeth exactly
01:45:19
they they still populate the island whitmer people wow they built a hotel and shit like
01:45:26
just like she fucking wanted yes and like you know what that was a good idea yeah you know what
01:45:30
we're taking it and running with it margaret whitmer the fucking matriarch she passes away
01:45:35
at age 95 in the year 2000. Whoa! On the fucking island. Whoa! She stuck to her story
01:45:42
that the Baroness and her lover had hopped a passing yacht even though they were never,
01:45:47
ever seen again. Wow. And that's the fucking Galapagos affair. I... I'm glad... Turns.
01:45:55
I'm glad I never saw that documentary because that, as a fresh... I'm so relieved.
01:45:59
As a fresh, your version is the best experience of all time. This is a fuck. I am a documentary maker.
01:46:05
I mean, that's you. It's if you just told me a series of lies, it couldn't have been crazier.
01:46:14
How has this not been an episode of drunk history? This is a drunk history. This is fully a drunk and cold cold brew coffee history.
01:46:24
Oh, my God. Yeah. Like I had always like seen the photo and like known that there was this like crazy story.
01:46:31
But there were so many names and I got confused and stopped paying attention. yeah to this story so many times so when i finally decided to do i was like this is gonna be great
01:46:38
because i'm gonna get my story straight this is a great fucking story to just yell at people when
01:46:42
you're at a party yeah thinking and you know have you ever heard this yeah because someone's gonna
01:46:46
bring it up and you're like no and you're gonna tell them all the crazy stories and shit you know
01:46:50
that's like the best oh that's so good also it is that was a time where people we shout on them a
01:46:58
lot but up until i think that was the end of it that adventuring you know what i mean people going
01:47:03
like i'm gonna go there and start all over or whatever like people really did do that for a
01:47:09
long time well what's really cool so the documentary is called the galapagos affair
01:47:13
satan came to eden which you're like calm down but that turns out that's what fucking uh dora's
01:47:18
book was called dang but they actually like in they it's really good it is really good they
01:47:22
interview uh other families members who did go to the galapagos to live and make like life there
01:47:28
So you kind of understand what motivated people. So it a cool kind of it a cool movie that tells that story and narrates their letters and shit it really good amazing but uh yeah i curse you with my dying breath
01:47:43
what a dick can we get that can we please get that on a balloon and i'm like a mylar balloon at the grocery store can we please get that with um
01:47:55
you know those half heart necklaces yes that's great a greeting card anything all we want is some fucking i curse you with my dying breath that is high level storytelling
01:48:09
that was amazing thank you oh uh what is your uh what do we call it fucking hooray the fucking
01:48:17
hooray well oh i do want to say uh this made me think of it's weird that i did this because uh
01:48:23
i'll do two i'm gonna do two quick ones okay because one is really fucking depressing okay
01:48:28
um listen i cannot well okay we all have to watch nanette i haven't finished it yet so i can't
01:48:35
plug it but we're getting there yes right uh this i cannot tell you how triggering this
01:48:42
this thing i'm about to fucking plug is okay so don't watch it unless you have therapy planned
01:48:48
the next day i almost called my therapist in the middle of it don't watch it alone and don't watch
01:48:54
it if you have a history okay do watch it though it's called the tale it's by documentary filmmaker
01:49:00
jennifer fox it's one of the most insanely beautiful movies i've seen i know what this is
01:49:06
i'm talking about it stars uh what's her face is it alice and jammy no is it the other one yes uh
01:49:13
it's laurie metcalf no close it's uh you know her oh she's so good you know uh hold on sarah
01:49:21
Paulson? Stephen, please. Laura Dern. Laura Dern. Shit. It stars Laura Dern. It's this woman, Jennifer Fox, who's a documentary filmmaker.
01:49:30
That's what she does. And then she decided to make a movie about her experience as a 13-year-old being basically groomed and sexually molested by someone she trusted.
01:49:44
and as an adult suddenly realizing that the narrative she had in her head of it,
01:49:49
which is that I had an affair with an older man, is not what she fucking thought it was.
01:49:54
And it's so well, it's really, really triggering. And I normally wouldn't bring that up,
01:50:00
but it's so well done and so important and hit me in so many fucking places of my own 13-year-old issues
01:50:06
that it's really beautiful, but it is incredibly triggering. I would say watch it in pieces,
01:50:12
but it is an important, a really important movie. And I hadn't heard about it before this.
01:50:16
So I just wanted to, I really do want people to watch it. And it's, I mean, it's really moving.
01:50:24
Wow. Yeah. I definitely heard about it, but that there's also then Hannah Gatsby's comedy special,
01:50:34
Nenette, that when I hear about those that seem like it's a heavy subject or it's,
01:50:39
it's, you know, there's parts that are really hard to listen to, or there's lots of crying. When I, you know,
01:50:46
sit down at night, these days, I feel so stressed about the reality of the world that I am definitely
01:50:52
100% in escape mode when I watch stuff. So I very rarely want to go into that heavy stuff.
01:51:00
But I've had a couple people, especially about Nanette, be like, no, no, no, it's very important
01:51:05
that you see it. Yeah, it's like, stay off the internet for one day and watch this important
01:51:09
thing that will empower you because it really, you know, Vince was out of town when I watched
01:51:13
this thing alone and at 13 years old specifically, which is the same time period of this woman's
01:51:18
life. I thought it was just an adult. I thought I was making decisions on my own.
01:51:23
I, you know, made very poor decisions in my life. And then you come back and you have to wrap your head around them and understand them.
01:51:30
But it's so beautifully done. It kind of, um, every single woman, you know, will relate to it in some way.
01:51:37
Amazing. And Laura Dern is just such a treasure. Oh, and then fucking Jason Ritter.
01:51:43
Yes. Who's like, he's the best. I don't want to see him this way. Yeah. He plays a creepy character in it.
01:51:50
But apparently he had to pause filming to cry. Sure. And all these other little things that you're like, I don't want Jason Ritter to be like this because I love him.
01:51:59
But it almost makes him better because he then talks about it and they bring this important subject up.
01:52:03
And it is important. Yeah. Especially if you're a parent to a young girl or, you know, boy, it's important.
01:52:09
Well, and when I read that he played that part, I thought that's such brilliant casting because those are those wolf in sheep's clothing.
01:52:16
They never seem like the kind of person that would do that. Never. They're the ones that can be like, I'll drive your kid home.
01:52:21
No big deal. I mean. Yeah. And then Ellen Bernstein plays the mother. So it's just like.
01:52:27
Burstyn? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to call her Bernstein Bear. Do you love how I just confidently say words?
01:52:33
Like, I don't do that is the theme of this show. Confidently failing. It's just a really, really, I just I don't want it to go hidden because it's such a hard subject matter and so hard to watch because it really is important.
01:52:48
Good. And it did make me understand myself more. Good. Yeah. But it tail. But if you have issues around it, you be careful watching it.
01:52:57
Right. You know. OK, cool. Yeah. All right. And also hashtag or epic lava flow has been putting me to sleep at night.
01:53:08
What's that mean? There's an Instagram called, it's just called epic lava underscore.
01:53:13
And some dude who lives on fucking Hawaii randomly, this is what I'm into lately, is just filming lava flows.
01:53:20
And it the most relaxing thing you ever seen in your life Like up close lava bursts and lava flows and it just really cool and all because they had that they had the major volcanic eruption where did you see those
01:53:31
like the video of the lava that's just coming down the street type of shit like close up of
01:53:36
of that which i know is horrible and it's like people's houses are being ruined and shit but
01:53:40
yes it is as but as a you know it's almost like um asmr for your eyeballs neat yeah yeah there you
01:53:47
go um god i guess this was very exciting on when i got home from vacation i did have a bunch of
01:53:54
stuff on my dvr that was waiting for me and i really i i probably have given this one before
01:54:00
because it is a british procedural but is the british there's season i believe it's season four
01:54:05
of endeavor um uh and it is such a good british procedural it takes place in the sixth like the
01:54:15
late 60s i dig it and i believe it's in oxford and he is it's you know later on there was a very
01:54:22
famous um british series called inspector morse uh-huh so this is him as a young man how he started
01:54:29
um being a detective and the guy um i want to say sean white but that's this that's the snow border
01:54:37
oh no you're saying evans sorry okay his name is sean evans and he is this um british actor and
01:54:44
he's so good he's like this real this smart guy detective that listens to opera and you're just
01:54:49
like oh you know the guy that you would have a crush on um in college and it's just a really
01:54:56
well put together beautifully shot show so that was waiting on my ddr and then there's the new
01:55:01
season of shetland which is another i believe that's um it's scottish procedural and it's the
01:55:09
the visuals talk about asmr for the eyes the i watch these shows and i'm usually asleep
01:55:15
like 20 minutes in because they take those long panning shots of like a land rover driving down
01:55:21
lush an empty road with moors on either side or whatever the moss everywhere so gorgeous and then
01:55:27
of course the sing-songy beautiful accents of our friends in the uk um so yeah i just had and
01:55:34
I'll re-up on CB Strike, which is now the show. I've already given this as a fucking array, but it's now
01:55:40
the show I wait for. I think that comes on either on Friday nights or Sunday nights, and I literally am waiting around
01:55:46
for it because I love the lead actor. I love the lead actress, and it's so well done.
01:55:52
CB Strike on the one that BB Europe the UK stars. I think it's stars. Okay. It doesn't matter.
01:56:05
All right. So, yeah. Cinemax. Cinemax. Of course, Cinemax. Thanks, Steven. Cinemax, when I grew up, was just the dirty channel.
01:56:13
Cinemax. Well, it's new. So, you know, this isn't your father's dirty, dirty cable channel.
01:56:18
Wrap your head around it. Yeah. So, just a lot of good TV, I guess. I'm so vacation-brained.
01:56:24
Have it. And then, of course, vacation. I love it. The song by the Go-Go's. All I ever wanted.
01:56:30
thanks for listening you guys guys this this has been this has been a real this has been a doozy
01:56:37
this has been a clusterfuck of an episode this has been my favorite murder we hope you didn't
01:56:42
spit your teeth out laughing so i can and please stay sexy and don't get murdered again
01:56:49
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