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MFM Minisode 79

July 16, 2018 /

This episode of My Favorite Murder features stories about a haunted washing machine, a near-miss with the Son of Sam, and a grandmother who fought off an intruder.

Jenny Lawson shares a humorous tale about her washing machine that screamed like a murder victim, coinciding with the murder of her repairman. She recounts her attempts to cleanse the machine's spirit with holy water.

A listener recounts how her aunt was almost shot by David Berkowitz, the Son of Sam, while hanging out with friends in Yonkers, New York. The story highlights the randomness of violence and the impact of such events.

Another story features a grandmother who bravely confronted a thief in her home with a golf club, resulting in a broken arm for her but ultimately scaring off the intruder.

The episode blends humor with dark themes, showcasing the unexpected twists in everyday life and the resilience of individuals in the face of danger.

TLDR

This episode shares stories of a haunted washing machine, a near-miss with the Son of Sam, and a grandmother's brave confrontation with a thief.

Episode

21:24
00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
00:00:33
Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. When a charming neurosurgeon rode into Frontier Town
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selling a persona of confidence and care, patients trusted him. He wore cowboy boots in the operating room
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and became sought after by patients. He promised to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies.
00:00:51
This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a fight for justice. Listen to Dr. Death the Cowboy wherever you get your podcasts
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or binge the entire series right now only with Audible. Goodbye. Where does summer take you?
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Find your summer escape today. Visit Pura.com to learn more. Goodbye. My favorite murder
00:01:35
Hiya! Hiya! Welcome to the My Favorite Murder mini-sode. And the lights go off. It's a series of clapping podcasts.
00:01:55
Learn to clap correctly. George is going on vacation tomorrow. That's right. In real time.
00:02:02
So, um, so here's your mini set. So, yeah. So here's your last final push of work before you get to go on vacation.
00:02:14
You know, Vince and I cannot stop singing that even though it's a Christmas fucking
00:02:17
Hawaii song. It doesn't matter. The only one we know. It's, and it feels good. It does feel good.
00:02:22
Okay. So I'll go first. Do it. This is a mini set where you send us your stories of misfit,
00:02:28
and mayhem. Wow. Yeah. Okay, so real quick, backstory. In 2007, I had just gone out of a
00:02:36
bad relationship. And I was at a desk job. It was boring. I hated it. The thing I did all day was
00:02:41
read blogs. And I fucking loved them. And they inspired me to start my own blog and start writing
00:02:47
and fucking rest is not history. It's just my life. But they helped me a lot. And one of my
00:02:54
favorite blogs was called the bloggist this girl woman jenny lawson uh wrote it and i just thought
00:03:03
she was so fucking hilarious when she was also really open about her mental health issues and
00:03:07
it just really helped me a lot so now she's my fucking friend on twitter and she fucking messaged
00:03:12
me and told me she wants to tell us her fucking hometown murder and it's just i got really excited
00:03:18
so here it is do it jenny lawson the bloggist she wrote the book called furiously happy everyone
00:03:22
should buy it. It's on top of my CPAP machine right now and I'm reading it. So she says,
00:03:28
Hey, y'all, I love your show and have listened since the beginning. I didn't fucking know that.
00:03:32
You are the sound, the weird soundtrack to my life. Please do not put this letter in between
00:03:36
inspiring brave survival stories because it will make me sound even stupider than I am
00:03:42
or do whatever. When I was 21, I bought a junky ancient washing machine from this guy who
00:03:47
scavenged broken appliances and refurbished them. It probably would have been a really good deal if
00:03:52
the washing machine didn't break every couple of months, but the repair guy was really nice,
00:03:56
and when it would crap out, he'd come over to our house and fix it for beer money.
00:04:01
He seemed nice enough, and I lost track of how many times he came to fix the washing machine.
00:04:05
Not a euphemism, this isn't porn. About a year into having a personal, terrible washing machine butler,
00:04:12
the washer broke a final time, but this time it still worked, but it would make these horrific noises
00:04:18
whenever it was on. It sounded like someone getting murdered. low groans that moved into a blood-curdling scream and then started over again.
00:04:27
It was super unsettling and once a neighbor came to the door to ask if I'd check her mail while
00:04:31
she was out of town and the washing machine was screaming from the back of the house and I had to
00:04:35
explain that it was not a serial killer, that I was not a serial killer, and that my washer was the
00:04:40
person screaming. I'm not sure if she believed me, but when I told her to come inside to see,
00:04:45
she declined, but I'm not sure if it's because she believed me or because she knew this is how
00:04:50
you end up chained in a sex dungeon. Fair play to her, really. I called the repair guy, but he was MIA,
00:04:57
and so I had to live with the washer that screamed at me like a lunatic while I waited for him to return my call.
00:05:03
But turns out that he was not returning my call because someone else had called him to repair a washer
00:05:09
and murdered him. Apparently, the girl he was dating had a jealous ex, so the murderer called in a fake washer emergency
00:05:18
and stabbed him to death. Oh, no. And then I got freaked out because my washer started screaming the same week he was murdered.
00:05:25
And I was convinced our washing machine was haunted by the soul of our murdered repairman.
00:05:30
A friend who was Catholic stole a big gulp of holy water from her church, and we dumped it in the rinse cycle to try to free his soul, but it didn't work.
00:05:39
My husband says that's because the sound was from a pipe going bad and not a ghost in the machine,
00:05:43
but I was pretty sure it was probably both of those things. So I said a prayer for him and the washing machine and we traded in for a new washer that was less terrifying.
00:05:51
To this day that possibly haunted washing machine is why I don like to do laundry And also I really lazy Hugs Jenny Lawson whoa i totally thought it was gonna be the repairman that was such a good mislead a repairman who you give beer money to
00:06:08
is like bound to be a murderer well and also somebody that's supposed to be a repairman but
00:06:13
it keeps breaking right it's like doing it on purpose yeah to get into your house that's awful
00:06:18
i know it's so sad so like it really was this nice repairman who just wanted beer money yeah
00:06:22
He got murdered by this new love of his life's ex. Horrible. Yeah. All right. The subject of this is the time I woke up to a cokehead watching me sleep.
00:06:33
Hey, guys. Very new listener, but I've been binging episodes for the entirety of my eight-hour shifts and absorbing hours of murder each day.
00:06:41
Thank you so much. When I graduated high school, I almost immediately moved out of my parents' house and was living with a roommate right outside the bad part of town.
00:06:48
My street was relatively calm. In fact, all of the police presence in the neighborhood was caused directly by my next door neighbor.
00:06:54
He was a drug dealer. He and I had very few interactions, saying hi at the mailbox,
00:06:59
waving if we got home from work at the same time, him offering me free Coke if I come to one of his parties.
00:07:05
I never took him up on it, not because I'm one to turn down free drugs, but because something always seemed a little off with him.
00:07:13
Yeah. Uh-huh. I grew up as a murderino, so I've always been very careful to lock the doors and windows at night.
00:07:19
Very good. One night after double checking all the doors, I take two sleeping pills and go to bed.
00:07:24
A few hours later, I start to wake up, which was weird because when I take sleeping pills, I'm usually conked until morning.
00:07:32
You take two. Yeah, Jesus. When I woke up, I rolled over to check my phone. I looked down on the floor and my neighbor is sitting on my floor watching me sleep.
00:07:42
Oh, my God. After taking a minute to process what was going on, I push him out of my room and downstairs to the door, which is still locked.
00:07:50
Since I was foggy from the sleeping pills, it took me a solid 30 minutes to remember that I should call the police.
00:07:56
By the time they arrive, his car is long gone and his driveway, oh, from his driveway, the police arrive and immediately notice that the garage door has been pried open.
00:08:06
Since he was long gone, the officers said they'd keep an eye out for him and keep a patrol car stationed at the house.
00:08:12
They never found him. Needless to say, my roommate and I moved out of that place the very next day.
00:08:18
I later found out that he had just previously been arrested for sexual assault and had several warrants out for his arrest.
00:08:25
As it turns, he fled to Colorado after he broke into my house. A few months later, he was in a horrible car accident and broke his pelvis.
00:08:34
So even though he hadn't been charged for breaking into my house, I felt like I got a little bit of cosmic justice.
00:08:39
I'm so lucky that for whatever reason my cheap sleeping pills decided not to work that night
00:08:44
or god knows what would have happened remember to lock your doors at night and know that having a
00:08:49
garage is basically a death wish so you can ssdgm phoebe oh no I don't want to worry about garages
00:08:56
now too that's not it's not true yeah plus you just lock the door to the garage exactly right
00:09:02
and put one of those things under the doorknob that they sell you know a chair no
00:09:05
no the ones that look like a crutch it's like and you stuff it under the doorknob yeah there's
00:09:12
there's plenty of ways to to get all get all up in your house the best is to get a pit bull
00:09:18
yes i highly recommend several dogs yes okay let's do uh okay the son of sam tried to kill
00:09:26
my aunt shit we get a lot of the my mom almost got picked up by ted bundy's yeah but this is the
00:09:31
first son of sam when i read so in the 70s in yonkers no intro oh it just gets right in 100
00:09:38
not even a greeting no in yonkers new york my aunt was almost shot by david berkowitz
00:09:44
my aunt patty was blonde was a blonde beautiful teenager from yonkers well i don't know why like
00:09:50
you love that yonkers is a place and then blonde beautiful teenagers live there i imagine patty
00:09:56
was chewing was the type of person who would chew gum and smoke at the same time oh my god
00:10:01
loudly both one day uh during the summer my aunt and her friends were hanging out in a stoop
00:10:08
my aunt was sitting her friend was standing right next to her uh they were just hanging out probably chain smoking when all of a sudden her friend gets
00:10:16
shot right in the kneecap fuck no one saw anyone or knew why her friend would get shot
00:10:21
not very long after david berkowitz was found in police guests that he was going to shoot my aunt
00:10:26
but missed and hit her friend's knee that was right next to her head. Shit. I only found this out because my dog Zilla, a six-month-old Mastiff, yawned,
00:10:35
and it sounded like she said, hello. I made a Son of Sam joke, which just like when I read that, I was like, I love you.
00:10:43
Yes. She said, I made a Son of Sam joke, as one does, and my dad just plainly said, he almost killed Aunt Patty.
00:10:52
This is why I'm reading this one. because this person, Michaela is sitting at home with her dad and her fucking dog,
00:11:00
the dog yawns and it sounds like it says hello. And her joke is about son of Sam with her dad and her dad.
00:11:05
Like, that's just who we, it's who we are and who, what I want our listeners to be.
00:11:10
And also that, that there's, this is clearly not a family story. Yeah. Her dad's like,
00:11:14
Oh, now that you mentioned it. Yeah. But nobody cares. Talk about son of Sam. I forgot.
00:11:19
Oh yeah. Oh, uh, he almost killed that Patty. Hey, Patty. I meant to tell you. You know your patty?
00:11:25
I lost my shit and had to know everything. Well, I immediately thought of you guys when I heard it.
00:11:29
Thanks for reading and making my commute a million times better. SSDGM, Michaela.
00:11:34
That's amazing. Talking Mastiff would be the best thing ever. I mean, shit. All I want is a dog that, you know.
00:11:43
Ruh, ruh. I love you. I love you. You have to get a Husky. Apparently, they're the ones that do it the most.
00:11:47
Huskies are the ones. Yeah. I love you. They speak English. Dude, send us your Husky saying I love you.
00:11:52
I say that Elvis all the time I wrote Like trying to get him to say it To say it back to you He won Okay The subject line of this is surprise party with my friend and a fugitive
00:12:05
Hi, ladies and gentlemen. I spent my formative years growing up in a suburban part of Austin, Texas,
00:12:10
known as Westlake Hills. In 2000, I had just graduated from high school and my friends and I were going to throw
00:12:15
a surprise party at my parents' house for my friend Colin, who happened to live across the street from me.
00:12:20
As part of the party preparation, a friend was supposed to take Colin out for ice cream and then stopped by my house to see if I was home to hang out. All of our cars had
00:12:29
carpooled and parked way down the street so he wouldn't see familiar cars outside my house.
00:12:34
About five or six friends and I were hanging out at my house waiting for the last party guest,
00:12:39
Clay, who was arriving late. We were just chilling watching TV when a special news report came on
00:12:44
saying that someone had just been stabbed in the parking lot of the mall that happened to be about
00:12:49
maybe two miles away from my house. The assailant had fled the scene and police were currently on a manhunt
00:12:55
for a guy wearing a gray t-shirt and black shorts. Oh my God. I went to lock the front door
00:13:00
because I'm not a goddamn moron. And right then, Clay pulled up in his very conspicuous classic car
00:13:06
and started to come to the door. I yelled, park down the street, dumbass. This is a surprise party.
00:13:13
Karen Kilgaris, is that you? Right? It's the Austin me. Clay got the message and drove off
00:13:18
and I locked the door and got back to the news. We realized about 15 minutes later
00:13:22
that Clay hadn't come back yet. Parking down the street should have taken five minutes at the most.
00:13:28
We joked that the fugitive had found him and Clay had been abducted. Then 20 minutes passed and we realized
00:13:34
that that might actually have happened and we were being dicks and so we started to worry.
00:13:40
About 25 minutes after leaving to park his car, a very sweaty Clay rang the doorbell
00:13:45
and we asked him what the hell happened. He explained that because he's batshit crazy, he decided to park nearly a mile away in an undeveloped part of the subdivision and then run home.
00:13:56
Another sign of batshit craziness running for fun. Since he had been at work, he had no idea that there was a fugitive stabber on the loose.
00:14:07
I thought he was going to be the fugitive stabber. And that running to my house might not be the best idea.
00:14:12
Then he proceeded to tell us that the weirdest thing happened. Oh, my God. When he was running in the completely underdeveloped, undeveloped, wooded part of the road, a random dude just jumped out of the bushes and started running away.
00:14:26
Clay, being the obscenely pleasant person that he is, said hi to him. And the creepy bush dude kind of waved and said hey and then sprinted away.
00:14:36
What the fuck? When we asked him what the guy was wearing, without prompting, he said a gray shirt and black shorts.
00:14:42
Why? and that's when we told him that he had just exchanged pleasantries with a guy who was on
00:14:49
the run from the police for stabbing someone half an hour before oh my god once colin arrived i think
00:14:55
he enjoyed the story of clay's brush with death even better than the surprise party we planned for
00:14:59
him later that night they did catch mr stabber and the woman from the mall survived with minor
00:15:05
injuries he apparently wasn't even good at stabbing i have more stories from my time as a
00:15:11
prosecutor. Wow. But I'll save those for another email. Can't wait to see you guys in LA on
00:15:16
Halloween. Yeah. Stay sexy. Don't run alone at night. Kim. That's a massively great story.
00:15:23
Twist and turns. I thought Clay was going to be the murderer. Right. You heard that and then your
00:15:27
friend knocked on the door wearing gray shirt and black pants. Exactly. And then you're like,
00:15:31
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There's no safe like simply safe. Goodbye. Okay, this is called Sometimes Things Hidden in Walls Come Out on Their Own.
00:18:35
Ooh, blood? Hi. Hi. When my brother and I were younger, we had a lot of pets. My brother had a number of snakes over the years, but only one was actually memorable.
00:18:48
The snakes never had names for some reason, but this one was a corn snake that was about
00:18:52
12 inches long when we got it and had a brown gray coloring. Anyway, one day my brother notices that the snake isn't in its cage anymore.
00:19:01
This had happened before with other snakes and they would turn up a few days later.
00:19:06
Maybe it's because you're using a cage. So everyone kind of met it off and figured it would turn up or get out of the house and
00:19:17
we'd never see it again. This sounds like the fucking definition of the 80s. Yes.
00:19:21
we're like no corn snake whatever right fast forward a few years now and my brother and i
00:19:26
at our are at home with our 70 something year old uh 70 something old lady babysitter we're sitting
00:19:32
in the living room watching tv the living room has a fireplace which covers an entire wall
00:19:36
it's fucking 1970s yeah that's nice from floor to ceiling with gray brown brick coloring colored
00:19:42
brick so we're watching tv and i get bored so i'm staring off into space and notice the fireplace
00:19:47
bricks are moving i think it's just my imagination so i snap out of my daydreaming stands and it's
00:19:54
the snake it's a whole lot bigger now like four feet long so he must have been eating good all
00:20:01
those years hiding in the wall he'd been living in there how terrifying also this has been his
00:20:10
worst night you know he can't even like if we're watching tv and a snake comes on he he can't
00:20:14
to look away. Shit. He says, tell me when it's over. So I casually pointed out like, oh, there's a snake.
00:20:21
And the babysitter loses her shit and starts running around saying she's going to call
00:20:24
the fire department or whatever. My brother and I are still like, meh, and just tucked our feet up and kept watching TV.
00:20:31
The babysitter called my mom and she comes home. My mom walks in like a boss ass bitch and grabs the snake with her bare hands.
00:20:38
This thing is freaking mean now. So it's trying to bite her when she grabs it. Of course, my mom isn't a professional snake grabber, so she grabbed it in the middle of the body instead of behind the head so it could twist around and try to bite a lot easier.
00:20:51
No. My mom wrangles this thing into a kitchen pot and puts the lid on it, and then they write, it could get air, like for any of the fucking PETA people.
00:21:01
Anyway, she taped the lid on the pot, and my brother wrote, corn snake bites, corn snake bites on the tape.
00:21:08
The next day we took it to a local pet store and sold that fucker for like 500 bucks.
00:21:13
Yeah. Anyway, keep up what you're doing, Alexandra. That might be the best things in the wall story we've had so far.
00:21:22
And it doesn't even really count. Don't judge your story. Just send it to us. Sometimes things hidden in walls come out on their own.
00:21:34
Like how could Steven not open that email? It's so good. But also the idea that the snake gets out of its aquarium or whatever, hopefully glass walled container.
00:21:44
And then just is like, I'm staying in this house. There's that fruit bowl over there.
00:21:48
I'm sure they have corn somewhere in the house. And then it's just like a mouse every now and then.
00:21:53
Right. Some kind of bugs or whatever. Yeah. But then just like go full camouflage.
00:21:58
I bet it lived in that fucking brick wall for years. But I mean, like they stared at it.
00:22:04
Yeah. I love that snake. I love that snake too. Have you seen, I've sent you that gif of the,
00:22:10
that insane huge snake and the woman catches it. And it's like girls in Australia.
00:22:15
Yeah. And she's just like cash near, it's like they're next to a lake. Yeah. They're like camping.
00:22:20
Crazy snake. Right. Steven comes at her from the water. Right. Yes. It's look up that like lady catches snake gif.
00:22:27
Unless you're Vince who doesn't listen to this fucking podcast. Anyway, so he's not going to do it.
00:22:31
He doesn't like anything about this podcast. All right. We're going to end on a self-proclaimed lighthearted.
00:22:38
Okay. If you put lighthearted in your email, that's always helpful, too, because then we know how to end on something.
00:22:44
Yeah, exactly. Or in your subject line. Okay. So the subject line is golf-wielding grandmother.
00:22:51
Lighthearted. Great. Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and animals. I stumbled upon your show recently, and it has made my commute to work in law school so much more enjoyable.
00:23:00
I did make the mistake of listening to your episode about the leaf man too close to bedtime
00:23:06
and ended up sleeping with the lights on because obviously murderers wait until you turn them off
00:23:11
but otherwise I'm so impressed with your wonderful mix of humor and tragedy with these dark and fascinating stories
00:23:17
my hometown isn't about a murder but an attempted robbery one day my grandma phoned to say that she was in the hospital for a broken arm
00:23:26
which on its face seems rather ordinary However, the story comes out that my grandma woke up in the middle of the night to noises coming from down the hall.
00:23:34
She lives alone and doesn't have any pets, so she knew something was up. Naturally, she grabs one of my grandpa's old golf clubs, sneaks out of her room to investigate,
00:23:42
and finds a large man rifling through her things in the living room. At this point, most people would call for help, but apparently my badass grandma thought that she would handle the situation on her own.
00:23:53
After all, she had lived through World War II in Latvia before she was... That's where my family's from.
00:23:58
Is that right? Yes. Yeah. So she was forced to flee to the U.S. as a teenager after some of her family were killed.
00:24:07
Yeah, she doesn't fuck around. She's not fucking around. She doesn't scare easy.
00:24:10
So she looked around her house to make sure the man was alone, smart, popped out with her golf club raised and started beating the thief over the head while shouting at him in Latvian.
00:24:20
Good girl. He was so startled and probably concussed that he dropped what he grabbed, resisted the grandma attack very briefly, which is when my grandma's arm was broken.
00:24:29
and then fled into the night. He was never caught by the police, but thankfully, he also never returned.
00:24:35
Afterwards, my mom gave my grandma a lecture about the importance of calling the cops,
00:24:39
the risks of attacking intruders without knowing if they are armed or not, and how she could have made an escape instead.
00:24:45
My grandma promised that she would be more responsible, but when we visited her next,
00:24:49
we discovered that she had placed a golf club in every room of her house. Oh, Grandma!
00:24:54
Anyways, you're awesome, so make sure you stay sexy and always carry a golf club.
00:24:59
love Erica. Oh my God. Fuck yeah. Latvian grandma doesn't take shit. She couldn't have hit that hard with that
00:25:07
right? Like I mean surprised the shit out of this dude. Yeah. Well it probably hurt and maybe
00:25:13
like knocked him a little senseless but yeah. And then also this woman screaming at you in a foreign language.
00:25:20
Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. I like that one. Yeah I do too. Those were all amazing.
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Those were great. And listen any story you have that's fucking crazy just send them to us my favorite murder at gmail
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Goodbye.

Badges

This episode stands out for the following:

  • 70
    Most shocking
  • 65
    Funniest
  • 60
    Most intense
  • 60
    Most unserious (in a good way)

Episode Highlights

  • Dr. Death the Cowboy
    A charming neurosurgeon leaves a trail of broken bodies instead of healing them.
    “He promised to heal them.”
    @ 00m 47s
    July 16, 2018
  • Haunted Washing Machine
    A woman believes her washing machine is haunted after the repairman is murdered.
    “I was convinced our washing machine was haunted by the soul of our murdered repairman.”
    @ 05m 30s
    July 16, 2018
  • Fugitive Stabber Surprise Party
    A surprise party takes a turn when a friend encounters a fugitive on the run.
    “I thought Clay was going to be the fugitive stabber.”
    @ 14m 09s
    July 16, 2018
  • Snake in the Wall
    A corn snake surprises siblings by emerging from the wall years after it escaped.
    “This sounds like the fucking definition of the 80s.”
    @ 19m 18s
    July 16, 2018
  • Selling a Snake for Cash
    After wrangling a snake, the family sells it for $500 at a pet store.
    “The next day we took it to a local pet store and sold that fucker for like 500 bucks.”
    @ 21m 08s
    July 16, 2018
  • Badass Grandma Fights Intruder
    A grandma defends her home with a golf club against a thief, breaking her arm in the process.
    “She doesn't scare easy.”
    @ 24m 08s
    July 16, 2018

Episode Quotes

  • Summer smells like bright citrus, warm sand, and endless possibilities.
    MFM Minisode 79
  • I was convinced our washing machine was haunted by the soul of our murdered repairman.
    MFM Minisode 79
  • I thought Clay was going to be the fugitive stabber.
    MFM Minisode 79
  • He apparently wasn't even good at stabbing.
    MFM Minisode 79
  • My mom walks in like a boss ass bitch.
    MFM Minisode 79
  • Latvian grandma doesn't take shit.
    MFM Minisode 79

Key Moments

  • Summer Vibes01:08
  • Washer Screams04:19
  • Cosmic Justice08:39
  • Fugitive Encounter14:09
  • Snake Emerges19:54
  • Mom vs. Snake20:34
  • Selling the Snake21:08
  • Lighthearted Ending22:34

Tension Over Time

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown