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Why is it always chaos when we link up? Because nobody plans anything, bro. Good thing the Rogue's ready like that.
00:01:11
For real. Rain, dirt, whatever. Available all-wheel drive. Five modes. We still outside.
00:01:17
And they got some kick, too. That turbo? Torque is crazy. The most in its class.
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00:01:56
Hello. And welcome to the mini-sode. It's where we read your stuff back to you. Sometimes it's hometown murders.
00:02:08
Lately, it's not. Of my favorite murder. Oops. This is how we do it. This is how we do it.
00:02:17
So we're going to be in New York and Brooklyn, or Manhattan and Brooklyn and Boston-ish for a tour.
00:02:26
So here's some hometowns from there. Thank you, Georgia. Take it away. This one made me laugh so hard.
00:02:34
Okay. The subject line is my husband found a hand in the Gowanus Canal on the 4th of July.
00:02:39
Love it already. In parentheses, lighthearted. Love that. Dear MFM family, a few years ago, my husband and I were visiting friends in Brooklyn for the 4th of July.
00:02:48
As my husband and his friend were walking over the Gowanus Canal on their way to get groceries,
00:02:52
his friend started telling him about the cesspool that is the guanus canal i don't even know it uh
00:02:58
our friend explained that it was the most polluted waterway in the country with numerous instances
00:03:03
of waste raw sewage and human bodies being dumped in the canal shit as they got about halfway across
00:03:10
my husband an internal medicine doctor that seems made up um said dude is that a hand oh my god
00:03:19
They looked down and into the bubbling, yes, bubbling water. Ew. And they saw the fingertips from a hand bobbing in the water, looking like it was trying to climb out.
00:03:30
Oh, my God. Being the calm men that they were, they started freaking the fuck out and calling all the authorities they could think of.
00:03:36
911, fire department, local police precinct, Coast Guard. Being that it was the 4th of July, by the time the numerous authorities arrived, quite a crowd had gathered.
00:03:45
the various departments roped off everything and then consulted with my husband and his friend and
00:03:52
each other uh then the one who clearly was in charge i picture him as andy sipowitz said yep
00:03:59
we got a hand right there and then he turned to the department rookie patted him on the back and
00:04:03
said you my friend are suiting up the rookie got into his wetsuit and slowly made his way into the
00:04:10
canal clearly not happy to be swimming in the water that had gonorrhea in it he swam for a bit
00:04:16
using a pole to try and retrieve the body after a few minutes of poking and pulling a mannequin arm
00:04:22
20 feet in the air all the officers groan and start to head on to more urgent crimes
00:04:29
sip wits pats my husband on the back and says don't worry about it we had nothing to do today
00:04:34
anyway the next day we found the rest of our vic at the brooklyn flea market where someone was
00:04:41
selling a mannequin that was missing one arm picture attached steven was fucking with the um
00:04:47
his his thing meaning i knew we had a photo but before i knew it was a mannequin and i was like
00:04:52
i don't want to see a hand in the fucking thing look at those two hot bitches holding that hand
00:04:57
um oh yeah hi guys good job um i fully realize i'm throwing my husband under the bus with this
00:05:04
story but that's what you get when you think you found a dead body and you don't call your
00:05:08
murderina wife to come and watch right hilarious stay sexy and don't go swimming in the guanus
00:05:13
canal melissa oh my gosh let's go swimming in the guanus canal this weekend um that's amazing
00:05:21
That's a good one. Okay. This one's called NYC. Found in wall slash murder closet.
00:05:28
Yes. It says, this is how she opens it. You guys. That's great. All right. You guys.
00:05:36
Back in February of this year, I made some big girl moves and bought an apartment.
00:05:39
It was, it is tiny. It's built in the 1950s. Hadn't been renovated since the late 1970s.
00:05:45
That sounds amazing. When I bought it, my family would joke either one of the previous owners had bodies hidden on the walls or it was used to shoot porn.
00:05:54
They had covered all the walls in brick paneling random floor tile wood paneling and awful wallpaper And it also covered the near wood floors in beige carpeting
00:06:07
Yes. Needless to say, it needed a ton of work. While working on renovations in the apartment one weekend,
00:06:12
my mother and I had gotten to work on the hall closets that had been lined with brick-themed contact paper.
00:06:17
Yes, I've seen that shit. And floored with parquet linoleum. Yes. No joke. My fucking style.
00:06:23
What's parquet mean? I think it's just shitty plasticky. Like, you know, like, it's like, it's like tiles, but it's like plastic tiles.
00:06:33
Oh, yes, yes, yes. So it looks like tiles. Okay, got it. But it's not tiles. As I pulled some of the linoleum up in the closet, I was working and I saw something small and silver roll out from under the molding wall and into the middle of the closet.
00:06:48
At first, I thought nothing of it and went to keep peeling, but then shortly realized, all caps,
00:06:54
it's a goddamn bullet casing that had just rolled out of my apartment wall. Fuck.
00:06:59
Of course, I picked it up right away. And then she writes, but why? To show my mother.
00:07:04
And she just said, huh, that's weird. Throw it in the garbage. I don't know why she's from Wisconsin or something.
00:07:10
And continued peeling the linoleum from her closet. I almost took her advice, but then noticed the big brown slash red stain on the floor where the bullet had rolled earlier.
00:07:19
My mother still could not care less, so I took a picture to send to everyone I knew and asked their advice.
00:07:24
They all said I should call the police, not involve the super in case he was involved, and sell the apartment immediately since it was probably haunted.
00:07:31
In the end, I did not tell the super. I did not sell the apartment, but I left a non-emergency voicemail at my local NYPD precinct.
00:07:38
they never called me back but then i had a friend with a hookup look up my address and said there
00:07:43
had been no crimes reported for my apartment during the past 10 years and the stain in the
00:07:47
picture i had sent them probably wasn't blood yeah right i'm not 100% sure i believe them but
00:07:54
i haven't been able to find any proof that something violent did happen in my tiny apartment
00:07:57
and i have lovingly named the ghost who mysteriously moved a can of coconut oil across my kitchen
00:08:01
counter salvatore uh oh shit i still have the bullet and people have suggested making either a
00:08:08
nice wall plaque for it or to make it make a piece of jewelry i can't wait to see you guys in brooklyn
00:08:14
on the fifth love you all ssdgm and stay out of the murder closet chelsea um chelsea you've made
00:08:19
a terrible error i can't believe first of all saying there's no overt evidence of something
00:08:26
violent happening but and yet you already named that there's 17 layers of shit wallpaper and
00:08:32
paneling and stuff all over the walls like how would you know until you pull some stuff down
00:08:37
here's the thing there's still a blood stain in a shell casing that means they never uh told the
00:08:41
cops about the violent crazy thing that happened there it does you know what i mean like there
00:08:44
would be no report there is no record of it because they put vinyl fucking sighting on it
00:08:50
it's a closet secret what are you doing move out i bet you could sell it for so much more now
00:08:55
But you know what's very funny about both of those stories is like the NYC police are just like, you know that that call comes and they're just like, yeah, delete.
00:09:05
You know, every morning they get in there's 500 voicemails. Men's. And some of them are just screaming.
00:09:13
Okay, I like this one. It's the subject line is murders and treasure. Cute. Dear Karen, Georgia, and Stephen, I've lived in Greenpoint, Brooklyn for 30 years.
00:09:21
Oh, shit. It's been, it's always been pretty safe. The worst things ever to happen here.
00:09:25
are usually accidents, with the exceptions being homeless guys getting attacked and one guy being found buried under a pile of Christmas trees and leaves
00:09:35
with an eye missing one ear. That's horrifying. Jesus. I did find lots of treasure, though, since the neighborhood is so old.
00:09:44
Apparently, even the entirety of McGinnis Boulevard, which connects us to Manhattan and downtown Brooklyn,
00:09:51
was once a row of houses that were demolished and just built over. so all of the basements are still intact under the roads.
00:09:59
Thousands of rats would live down there for decades and eventually started hanging out in the trees in the park by my house at night.
00:10:05
Rat trees. Rat trees, dude. Like rat trees. You're just strolling along, whistling,
00:10:11
because you're always whistling in the park at night, and then boom, a rat just hits your shoulder.
00:10:15
I don't want rats to live in trees. I mean, it's just a reality that we have to face as new New Yorkers.
00:10:22
People finally wanted to get rid of them once they started showing up in the park.
00:10:27
I forget how, but they finally got rid of them somehow in the 30s. Bet it wasn't clean.
00:10:32
I bet it wasn't a good one. I bet it had to do with bats that had nails taped to the end of the bat.
00:10:37
I bet it was a bloody mafia hit. I also found massive trash bags full of Misty brand cigarettes
00:10:44
and a chain link enclosure in the park when I was 11 or 12 years old. Find. Maybe it was a drop off.
00:10:50
I still have no idea, but my friend and I each dragged an entire trash bag through the park into the playground and presented our discoveries to our parents.
00:10:58
My mother scolded us and told me to put it back. My friend's mom yelled at him to quickly fetch his brother, and they promptly left the park for two weeks with both bags in their possession.
00:11:10
Holy shit! Get those cigarettes. Get them down into the basement. Get them. Your uncles will sell these.
00:11:17
I found an old sword once. I used it as a baseball bat. I used it as a baseball bat to strike a volleyball and the blade flew off the hilt and whizzed right by my past my friend's face.
00:11:29
Oh, my God. Nothing found in any walls. But my fire escape does have a sign that reads anyone placing an encumbrance shall be fined.
00:11:38
Ten dollars. Very cute. And the original hallway door said no beggars or peddlers allowed until it was replaced a week ago.
00:11:46
not sure if any of these stories are interesting enough but i'm a big fan and mfm is the one
00:11:52
podcast i replay over and over once i listened to everything that week michael michael what a great no that exactly the kind of story we want Bags of cigarettes Bags of cigarettes Sign me up Dude I love it Where what all of it
00:12:06
I want to know everything. Also, I wonder if this... I am fascinated. There was a neighborhood, and I don't know where I was.
00:12:15
I just know that it was 6 a.m. one morning, and I was on my way to the airport. I've probably told you the story already.
00:12:20
but I was on my way to O'Hare and the cab driver didn't want to get on the freeway because I'm sure it was Monday morning or Sunday morning.
00:12:27
So he was trying to avoid, avoid the traffic. So he took surface streets a lot of the way there.
00:12:33
They do that. It's, you see the coolest fucking houses. You see the coolest neighborhoods.
00:12:36
And at one point we drove down the street and I was looking up the side streets.
00:12:42
And as I was looking and the, and the neighborhood was getting kind of worse and worse and the houses were
00:12:47
getting more run down. Some of these streets looked maybe abandoned or we did. I couldn't tell what was going on.
00:12:54
And as we passed one street, a pack of like 30 stray dogs came around the corner and was running up the street.
00:13:03
But it was like a five second movie. Like I saw it and then we were past it and the view was blocked.
00:13:09
Man, New York's the coolest fucking place. It's the coolest fucking place you can go.
00:13:14
Even the houses, every time that happens to me, I'm just staring out the window because it's so New York.
00:13:20
Yes. It's exactly what you picture New York to be like as a kid. Yes. And it's exactly what it's like.
00:13:25
The funniest thing is California is so comparatively really spread out and houses are very...
00:13:31
Everything's new. Everything's new. It's separate. It's set away from the road. New York, you walk down the street and can look into people's apartment windows.
00:13:38
It's my favorite. It's the best. Okay. I'm not going to tell you the name of this one.
00:13:41
Okay. Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and Pets. First off, love you all and love the podcast and the mental health work you do.
00:13:48
Thank you. Recently, I was having dinner with my parents and I was talking about my obsession with true crime.
00:13:54
My mom blurted out, haven't you heard about the time your dad slept in blanks bed?
00:13:59
I'm not going to tell you what it is. Okay. Now, my dad is a small town military Republican.
00:14:04
Insert eye roll here. Man, so you can only imagine the look on my face when she said this.
00:14:09
My dad explained that in the early 80s, he was stationed in Germany working as a medic for the U.S. Army.
00:14:14
When he got to his bunk, his bunkmates started to tell him about how weird the guy was that used to stay in that bed.
00:14:19
The overall vibe was that the guy was a complete weirdo, and let's just say no one was sad that he moved out.
00:14:24
A few years later, my dad comes home, and him and mom get married. One day, he was watching the news, and he sees a familiar face, one of the commanders he worked with in Germany, talking about Jeffrey Dahmer.
00:14:35
Oh. Turns out my dad replaced Jeffrey Dahmer as the medic when he was discharged and took over his bunk.
00:14:40
Oh, no. Can you fucking believe that? Wish I was going to see you in Medford, but unfortunately, my sister bought tickets for her and her friend and didn't include me before you sold out.
00:14:50
Sisters, am I right? SSDGM, Mel. Oh, my God. So good. That's, I mean, first of all, I was trying to guess, and I thought it was going to be the guy that, in Chicago, that Richard Speck, that killed all those nursing students.
00:15:08
But this is the 80s. So then, when did he kill people? He went home and killed people after this.
00:15:13
Yeah, I think it was in the 90s. Yeah. I think it was like 10 years later or so.
00:15:17
But just that idea that he, that was his bunk, too. And they were all like, the guy that just left was so fucking creepy.
00:15:25
Like, everyone knew. Of course they did. Yeah. Hey, everyone. It's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
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This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's
00:15:41
audiobook Project Hail Mary, massive sci-fi adventure about survival and science and what
00:15:49
happens when you wake up alone very far from Earth. I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary as I'm narrating some of these sections.
00:15:59
And it's like, OK, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent? And I really thought about it. I was like, no, at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it.
00:16:12
But there's places in this book that deeply emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic.
00:16:18
That's great. Because it served the story. people will say like oh my god i cried at the end it's like yeah dude me too
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listen to earsay the audible and iheart audiobook club on the iheart radio app or wherever you get
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Use code IHEART for 10 off That Hero Per serving not a low food Some products contain allulose See nutrition info on Hero for sodium and sugar content All right the subject line of this is mid
00:18:07
Hello, funny humans slash adorable pets. I grew up in the not-so-scary suburb of Long Island in the mid-1990s.
00:18:15
My sister got a college internship working at Disney World in Orlando, Florida. And we took alternating trips down to visit her.
00:18:22
My father and then 13-year-old brother were away visiting her, and my mother and I, age 16, were home alone for the first time.
00:18:29
To preface, we lived on a block designed with all the same ranch-style homes. But in the late 80s, my incredibly talented father spent his evenings building a 700-square-foot extension on our home, which really made it stand out on the block.
00:18:44
It was targeted for burglaries at least three times that I was aware of while we weren't home.
00:18:49
They typically break in through the sliding glass door, and one time they broke a window.
00:18:53
My father was super into the newest technology, so the house was always secured with the best alarm services offered at the time,
00:18:59
and the burglar would normally trip the alarm and bail before getting away with anything.
00:19:04
The extension was basically one great room, which we called the big room, with huge lovely windows,
00:19:09
a sliding glass door, and huge skylights on the pitched roof. It was a dream of natural light during the day, but left you feeling quite vulnerable at night.
00:19:18
Um, so my brother and father had been out of town for a couple days when my mom and I thought it would be a good idea to settle in for the night and watch the movie Seven together in the big room.
00:19:30
The alarm wasn't set since we were at home. And around halfway through the movie, there was a strange knock at the door.
00:19:36
Can you imagine? It had to be around 10 p.m. We both looked at each other like, this isn't right.
00:19:42
And together walked upstairs to the front door. Sadly, it was one of those doors with no window,
00:19:48
so we couldn't see who was on the stoop from the other windows of the house. So my mother cracked the door and was greeted by two large middle-aged men.
00:19:57
One guy said, is your husband home? And my mother very wisely said, he's just up picking up our son.
00:20:04
He'll be right back. Can I help you with something? And they said they'd wait to speak to him and just kind of stood there.
00:20:09
My mom closed the door, locked it, ran downstairs to the nearest silent panic button
00:20:13
provided by the alarm company. And by the time the police got there, they were gone.
00:20:17
The next day, our neighbor who delivered our newspaper came to the door to collect the weekly fee.
00:20:22
And we told her about the odd visit. She asked what they looked like. And she said that she had seen them for at least two nights
00:20:29
sitting in their car on the block while she was delivering the papers at 4 a.m. So creepy.
00:20:35
They clearly noticed that my father's car had been missing from the driveway for a couple days
00:20:39
and were staking out the house for who knows what. Very home alone, if you ask me.
00:20:43
Yeah, that's exactly how long. That was in the email. I'm so glad my mother, one tough lady born and raised in the Brooklyn Project,
00:20:52
had the right instinct to only open the door a crack, lie about his whereabouts,
00:20:56
and press that silent panic button. We called the police to relay what our newspaper lady said.
00:21:01
They sent a patrol car to patrol the block for the next two nights while my father was still out of town.
00:21:07
The men never came back, but I could never finish watching that movie and still to this day haven't seen it all the way through.
00:21:14
Oh, it's so good. You have to watch it. There's a twist. You have to watch it with an armed policeman sitting next to you.
00:21:19
That's right. Ever since then, I've also had a hard time being in that room alone at night, I bet.
00:21:25
And after moving out when I was 20, I have been forced to sleep there on numerous occasions while visiting.
00:21:30
It just gives me the creeps. SSDGM, set your house alarms and get a front door with a window.
00:21:35
Suze. Yeah, but if you have a window, then they can break it and then open the doorknob.
00:21:40
not if there's bars that's right or a people something uh yeah people's are probably better
00:21:46
people's people's people's people's people that's the one and there it is the tagline
00:21:56
that we end on send us your stories at my favorite murder at gmail any fucking weird
00:22:01
ghost we haven't had a lot of good ghost stories lately i know we love them all let's get some
00:22:06
ghost stories some ghost stories going all right um stay sexy and don't get murdered goodbye elvis
00:22:12
do you want a cookie why is it always chaos when we link up because nobody plans anything bro good
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we still outside and they got some kick too that turbo torque is crazy the most in its class it
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load up we out 2026 nissan rogue built for all of it auto pacific segmentation 2026 rogue versus
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