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See full terms at mintmobile.com. hi and hello and welcome to my favorite murder the minisode where we read you your shit
00:02:36
um these are your stories of true crime the ones you grew up with the ones you experienced first
00:02:42
the ghost stories that your mom won't stop talking about things that happen in your family that are
00:02:47
big secrets that aren't anymore really funny weird shit you found in walls other stories that have
00:02:52
nothing to do with true crime um this is a random minisode about whatever we decide do you want me
00:02:58
to go first because i'm just chomping at the oh i love it it's great when we're reading these and
00:03:03
then one of us like read them to ourselves to to find out which ones we're gonna tell and one of
00:03:06
us starts cracking up yes like yay this is gonna be fun and it happens a lot the subject line in
00:03:12
this is the chainsaw chicken. Fuck yeah. Hi, Georgia, Karen, Stephen and furry podcasters.
00:03:17
No, absolutely not. Love it. My hometown murder isn't exactly a murder, but it's pretty freaking crazy.
00:03:22
And I feel like you'll both enjoy it. I grew up in a small town outside of Portland, Oregon.
00:03:27
When I was in middle school, a string of unexplained acts of vandalism shook my little town to
00:03:32
its core. For several weeks under the cover of night, a mysterious individual would take a chainsaw
00:03:37
and cut down various trees and utility poles. causing them to land on nearby country roads
00:03:44
and even fall across the town's main four-lane highway, familiar to many as Highway 26.
00:03:51
The perpetrator always evaded capture, and the trees and utility poles often would cause power outages
00:03:56
across the whole rural countryside. Oh, my God. My friend's older sister even drove her car head-on into a fell tree
00:04:04
because she didn't notice it in time. That's what I was going to say. That was super dangerous.
00:04:08
Oh, my God. It says in parentheses, Don't worry, she survived with minor injuries.
00:04:12
Oh, I think. The individual was nicknamed the Chainsaw Chicken by the town and the local news stations.
00:04:18
I know, super catchy. I love it. Finally, the vandalizer, is that a word in parentheses, was arrested and turned out to be none other than a boy from my middle school.
00:04:31
What? Oh, you little fucking shit. Go to your room. Who was a couple grades younger than me.
00:04:37
Wow. He would use his family's chainsaw and disappear into the night, possibly committing these crimes as some kind of outlet.
00:04:46
I really didn't know him that well, but he always seemed to be pretty quiet, but kind and unfortunately rather friendless.
00:04:52
After his arrest, he disappeared in the juvenile detention system. For all I know, he could be out of juvie by now.
00:04:58
I would hope so. But like I said, this all happened in middle school, which was like eight years ago.
00:05:04
Anyway, thank you for your time. and always remember to stay sexy and don't hang out with chainsaws or chickens.
00:05:12
Bye, Maddie. Oh my God. What if he's like a forester now or like works for the utility company?
00:05:18
Whatever he's doing now, I need him to know that I'm in love with him. Yeah. The spirit the audacity it takes to get up in the middle of the night and grab your parents chainsaw I mean just wreaking havoc Just fucking What a little shit The loudest havoc he could wreak
00:05:36
And how do you not get caught? He's a super genius. Like, you're taking down an electrical pole,
00:05:43
and you seem to get away before anyone spots you. And then suddenly you're a 12-year-old.
00:05:48
Like, out of the blue, it's just like, boom, I'm 12. Fuck you, motherfucker. I'm 12.
00:05:54
bitches do you think he rode around on his like on his bmx bike with the chainsaw around like i
00:06:01
like a guitar on his back yes i love him so much what's his name i bet it's like it's jimmy derek
00:06:08
jimmy jimmy it's something with a y yeah it's jimmy it's yeah it's something like that yeah or
00:06:15
like uh cody cody that's a cody move that's such a cody move taking a uh chainsaw cody you little
00:06:22
shit go to your room god damn it cody cody has like six other brothers so he has no choice it's
00:06:28
just like well i get beaten up every day so i need to take a change this is the only thing i can do
00:06:33
to get any i can't tell you how many times in my childhood i wanted to take a chainsaw to everything
00:06:37
in the town because of your sister laura go to your fucking room laura all right you made me
00:06:42
this is a founded walls story oh shit what we always love it's a pretty good one okay hi mfm
00:06:49
crew. My husband is a contractor in Seattle. Oh, these are all Portland, Seattle and Vancouver
00:06:55
stories since we're going to be there this weekend for live shows. We're teeing it up.
00:06:58
What's up? What's up? My husband is a contractor in Seattle and recently started working on a new
00:07:04
project renovating a commercial space that is on a busy road in town. Yes. He began demolishing the
00:07:10
walls and those few odd small vials fall out of one. Oh, the vials are pinky sized clear and with
00:07:17
some white powdery residue inside. Cocaine. They are also very old. Old cocaine.
00:07:23
Yes. Just age to perfection cocaine. Age to cocaine. This tastes like a 1912. Oh, yes.
00:07:30
In the Basque region. A few of the vials have labels that are still intact and very clearly legible and say, quote,
00:07:39
the name is zonitors. My husband immediately thought it was something meant to go in a nose to stop nosebleeds,
00:07:47
like cocaine. Oh, yeah. But as he found one with a complete label, he realized he was wrong.
00:07:52
These are old school vaginal suppositories. What? Then it says WTF. That is correct.
00:07:58
I work at a nearby clinic and he rushed over to show everyone and we had a good time speculating
00:08:02
about what they did for the vagina and more importantly, why they'd be in a wall.
00:08:07
Perhaps the space used to be a pharmacy, a medical clinic, a brothel, some old gal secret
00:08:11
stash. A quick internet search gave us more info about what but not why. According to the National Museum of American History, these date back to the mid-50s and were meant as a feminine hygiene deodorizing product.
00:08:24
Man, the shit that women are supposed to put up their pusses. It's not good. It's never good.
00:08:29
It's bad for you. The main ingredient was chloramine, which is no longer used on or in our bodies as it is similar to chlorine.
00:08:37
Oh, no. And there's one exclamation mark in parentheses and can cause tumors to grow.
00:08:42
It sounds like these poor women were bleaching their vaginas. Here's a copy of the vintage ad we found stating, are you ready for this?
00:08:48
Yes. The only vaginal support system for feminine hygiene. Zonidars completely deodorizes.
00:08:54
They keep your person so dainty and feminine. A blessing to fastidious young wives.
00:09:00
Oh my God. No. I work with women in my clinic, so we all thought it was a pretty fitting find.
00:09:08
I have a couple of the vials now on display in my office, and I giggle every time I see them.
00:09:12
Thanks for keeping me entertained on my commutes. stay sexy and keep your vag dainty,
00:09:16
Melissa. Really, just keep it as dainty as possible. I honestly wanted you and was hoping to God
00:09:24
you were going to say it was like cod liver oil or some old fashioned terrible medicine. Just the idea that it was
00:09:32
bleach is so fucking tragic. I know. It's disgusting. Yeah. Motherfuckers. God damn it. The patriarchy.
00:09:40
Go to your fucking room. Get out of there. Go to your room with Cody. Take Cody. Bleach your fucking system. Fucking cut you down with a chainsaw, motherfuckers.
00:09:51
No wonder I take a chainsaw at every goddamn light pole in my tiny country town. Okay.
00:09:56
The subject line of this one is my dad kicked Paul Snyder out of a bar. Hi, all. Everyone's
00:10:01
great. On to the story. Yes. Perfect. My dad was born in Vancouver in his 20s. He worked
00:10:09
and played a lot in the more infamous bars and nightclubs like the Marble Arch and the
00:10:15
Number 5 Orange. Oh, that's a good name. Those sound like they're a fun time. That's a real cigarette holder kind of a place.
00:10:21
Yeah, they got jazz cigarettes there. Let's go get baked at the Number 5 Orange.
00:10:27
Absolutely. He was a bartender for many years before me and my siblings came along.
00:10:34
I asked him if he'd ever had to break up a movie-style bar brawl. He did. that's how he met my mom oh that's hilarious and awesome and if he'd ever had to kick anyone famous
00:10:45
out his answer i nearly got glassed by that a-hole who killed dorothy stratton what of course being a
00:10:52
murderino my ears pricked up and i asked for more details paul snyder the eventual estranged husband and murderer of canadian playmate and actress Dorothy Stratton was once a regular on the Vancouver night scene My dad didn know him but said that no one seemed to actually like him
00:11:07
No, he was a piece of shit. Everyone knows. I bet his mom did. Okay, despite this, I actually started this book about her and it goes into detail of what he was like.
00:11:18
And he is like the guy, well, I'll read this because her dad knows best. Okay. My dad didn't know him
00:11:25
Oh wait My dad didn't know him But said that no one Seemed to like him Despite this
00:11:29
He had connections And access So maybe they couldn't Get rid of him I'm kind of picturing
00:11:34
A Canadian Begbie From Trainspotting Oh yeah That's hilarious According to my dad
00:11:38
He had a reputation For trying to pick up girls In bars and clubs And sometimes add them
00:11:42
To a stable of sex workers That he kept Kept as a small time pimp He was even known
00:11:47
To wear a long fur coat Oh yeah One night Snyder was at a club my dad worked at and he was being super loud and obnoxious.
00:11:55
My dad finally had an F and asked him to leave, but instead Snyder tried to break a glass across my dad's head.
00:12:00
A bunch of people jumped in and helped my dad get him out. The woman Snyder had been trying to get to leave with him,
00:12:07
thanked my dad, and offered him some cocaine and thanks. My dad is full of crazy stories like this.
00:12:14
He said that when he and his friends heard that Dorothy Stratton had been killed,
00:12:17
they, like many others in the community, felt a sense of guilt and loss. like they'd let their little sister
00:12:22
get eaten by the big bad wolf. Oh, that's fun. Anyways, thanks for reading. I'm so excited to see you in Vancouver
00:12:28
in a few weeks. And my boyfriend is flying in from England to see you too. England?
00:12:33
Jill. Bloody old England. Bloody old England. Oh, well, oh, well. England, go to your room.
00:12:43
You can tell we haven't recorded in a while. It's been a while. We're having. Bloody old England.
00:12:47
We forgot how to do this. Why is it always chaos when we link up? Because nobody plans anything, bro.
00:12:53
Good thing the Rogue's ready like that. For real. Rain, dirt, whatever. Available all-wheel drive.
00:12:59
Five modes. We still outside. And they got some kick too. That turbo? Torque is crazy.
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Data accurate is of 220-26. Let's see here. This is what people come for is the impression.
00:15:05
Right. To be sent to their room. Okay, this one I think is the funniest one I've ever read.
00:15:12
Okay. Okay, ready. This is called The Haunted Flip Phone. Perfect beginning. Hi, ladies and Steven.
00:15:22
Oh. Just a really quick story. I had all but forgotten forever until it reappeared in my memory bank late last night in bed when I should have been sleeping.
00:15:32
In the early 2000s, I was a preteen and very excited when I got my first flip phone, mostly just to call my family members and one friend every few weeks.
00:15:41
I remember receiving a text randomly from my mom one day that said, Terry is dead now.
00:15:46
And Terry spelled T-E-R-Y. I was so confused and asked my mom and she said she definitely did not send that and had no idea who Terry was.
00:15:54
For weeks, my sister and I were so freaked out trying to figure out who Terry was.
00:15:58
and we were so worried she died and some creepy ghost or murderer texted me and I was the only one who knew.
00:16:05
I even thought of telling the police in this case, in case a woman named Terry had turned up dead and I held a missing clue.
00:16:11
Maybe this is the beginning of my true crime fascination. I laid in bed every night for weeks, so worried that Terry was dead
00:16:18
and no one knew but me and the flip phone ghost might return to haunt my text messages.
00:16:23
To me it seemed like months like this went by Maybe it was days My memories are a little skewed from back then Finally one day after talking about dead Terry again my mom suddenly had an epiphany She looked at her old text messages in her flip phone and started cracking up
00:16:36
She exclaimed that she had solved the Terry mystery. She showed us a text message that was supposed to be sent to me that said, my battery is dead now.
00:16:46
Somehow my bat part had been cut off and suddenly the biggest mystery of my life was solved.
00:16:52
shitty cell service has created the most creepy text that haunted my dreams not a ghost or a
00:16:57
murderer terry was not dead all was well in the world that's all love you guys and can't wait to
00:17:02
see you in portland i'm dragging my non-murderino friend along so please tell very disturbing stories
00:17:07
and freak the fuck out of her love samantha oh my god terry is dead now i didn't send that
00:17:14
i deny everything also terry is such a specific it's like a british man from the 70s yeah
00:17:22
T-E-R-Y. It's like you can picture it. Yeah. Okay. This is similar, but the subject line is deathbed confession, lighthearted.
00:17:33
Georgia Karen Steven Petz. Three years ago, my mom was in the last stages of dying of cancer.
00:17:39
In the last week, she told me she had a confession to make that she had kept a secret from me for almost 30 years.
00:17:44
Oh, my God. I was expecting some sort of tragic accident or I was adopted or something.
00:17:49
No. When I was a kid, I wrote a letter to the Lucky Charms people that I had gotten a box of cereal with almost no marshmallows.
00:17:56
The company sent me an apology letter and a coupon for a free box. My mom admitted to me that she had actually eaten all the marshmallows, but hadn't wanted to admit it for 30 years.
00:18:10
Can't wait to see him in Vancouver in October. Elizabeth. Oh, my God. And that she had she couldn't pass on without admitting.
00:18:18
She had to tell her the truth about the lucky child. That is the sweetest, most adorable thing I've ever.
00:18:23
And then she's like, and you're adopted too. Bye. Oh my God. Everyone needs to have a deathbed confession.
00:18:29
That's like, well, also don't save them for the deathbed. Yeah. It's how funny would that have been?
00:18:34
I mean, like, it's still hilarious, but it's like, it also, you know what it is?
00:18:37
It paints a picture of what her mom was like. Yeah. Cause I immediately was like, I bet you she's one of those moms.
00:18:42
She probably didn't overeat. She was like zoned out in the kitchen and started doing it and then caught herself
00:18:48
and was freaked out. Yeah. And then the next morning her daughter was like, why are there any...
00:18:52
And like her daughter freaked out about it and like wrote a letter and like... And she just had to stand there
00:18:57
going, I know. I don't know what's crazy. There's no martial arts. Well, you know what you have to do
00:19:00
in a situation like this? You have to stand up for yourself. You stand up for yourself
00:19:03
and you let those people know. Oh, unfair it is. Her name is Cody with an I. Cody, you need to write a letter.
00:19:08
Cody, your room. Send us your funny, weird, fucked up shit. Deathbed confessions are great.
00:19:16
I want to know more. they don't have to be good they can just be like that one yes exactly they don't well they don't
00:19:22
have to be like gray i didn't mean good as in like yeah i'm not calling you cody i'm sorry okay
00:19:27
look um it's elizabeth elizabeth i'm sorry i called you cody cody is the code name for uh
00:19:34
the destructos cody short for elizabeth isn't it yes that's what up in the north northwest
00:19:40
in the pacific northwest they do things a little differently they do things weird send us letters
00:19:46
My favorite murder at Gmail. We want to just hear anything weird and funny. Yeah.
00:19:50
And we can't wait to come and see you Pacific Northwest. Yeah. The home of all murders.
00:19:55
Stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, want a cookie? Goodbye. This episode is brought to you in part by Vital Farms.
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