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See nutrition info on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content. Thank you. What's up, Austin?
00:03:39
Holy shit. My eardrums. Oh, my God. They're broken. You broke them. Wow, this place is fucking huge!
00:03:53
What are you doing? What are you doing in here? Crazy! Wow! Thanks! Guys, this is our last show of the 2018 Fall Tour.
00:04:18
Amazing. I did a real gross dance about it backstage. Yeah. Do it, Georgia. Let them see your backstage.
00:04:28
Let them see. It was a little more crude, but this is the stage. She was in plain Spanx.
00:04:38
That's right. How did you like that? I came out of the... It was fun. I came and spanked.
00:04:45
Right in my peripheral vision, I thought there was an old lady, but it was Georgia,
00:04:51
and she pulled her bicycle Spanx up to the bottom of her bra. They're a nude flesh tone.
00:04:58
Wait, wait, wait. No, my Spanx go up to the bottom of my bra. That wasn't special for you.
00:05:04
Truly, listen. They go up to here. Yes. Yes. I didn't realize they do that because I wear a scuba suit.
00:05:17
all my dresses, so I just figure. I thought you were doing bikini Spanx. No. That's how I look underneath this. It looked
00:05:25
really good. Thank you. Your Spanx pulled up to the bottom of your bra, and then she was just
00:05:29
going like this behind me. And there was no reaction at first, and she kind of looked
00:05:35
me up and down and then laughed. Because when I don't wear my glasses, I can see to about here,
00:05:41
and then everything else is a funny blur that people are doing for me. Just a nice presentation.
00:05:47
Meanwhile, poor Vince is behind us on the couch, just ignoring us. Ignoring. Just trying to get things taken care of That right Doing an actual job as we like Robin Listening to some Robin back there That right
00:06:09
Oh, wow. What a gorgeous rug. Truly, just in the fall shades of mauve. Autumnal.
00:06:19
Tope. Autumnal. That's my least favorite word, and it's the word I say the most.
00:06:23
Which is? autumnal oh yeah because it's just so dumb i can't stop saying it you know that thing
00:06:28
autumnal because you just you hate it so much that you have to keep saying yeah like i say it
00:06:34
as a joke but then i just that's all i say i think i might do that with moist it's such a
00:06:39
such a terrible word it puts all these ideas into your head unwanted thoughts no do do we
00:06:48
It's so moist. It's so moist in this autumnal air. No, it's not. It's autumnal air.
00:06:54
It's inaccurate. I can't stand how inaccurate your weather forecast is. What are we talking about?
00:07:03
This one's going to go off the fucking rails. Let me just tell you this right now.
00:07:07
I'm sorry. I have to pre-apologize. When we hit the stage last night, which was super fun, it was in Atlanta.
00:07:16
it was as if we'd never done a show before. Truly. We were just staring at each other like,
00:07:20
what? Aren't you going to say anything? Right before we walked on stage, I was like,
00:07:24
what are we going to talk about? And then, I don't know. We'll just do it. I was like, okay, great. I'm like, Karen, take care
00:07:30
of it. So I came up and was just like, go ahead. I don't know. And I was like, oh, let's see.
00:07:34
I did drugs one time. I got drunk one time. I was a rebellious child. What about,
00:07:42
oh, I did something in my hotel room today that I've never done in a hotel room before. Let's fucking hear all about it. Hi.
00:07:50
Right? I fucking, like maybe, and of course it's the last show of 2018 that I do this.
00:07:55
Can I guess? Yeah. You masturbated on a pillow? I don't even know how that would work.
00:08:08
Sorry. Every time I go into a hotel room, which was now constantly, they always have a decorative pillow.
00:08:17
And then in my mind, I just flash through like 30 dudes that have jerked off onto it.
00:08:22
No! Simply because they can. What? Face it. This is reality. And then she licks the remote control and she's ready to go.
00:08:33
You take things and you put them in the corner and then you like fold things down.
00:08:37
and you start the wiping of surfaces. Oh, God. Sorry, did I ruin your game? I'm sorry.
00:08:45
No, it was just yoga, but now it feels stupid. I'm so sorry I fucking bit your yoga story right in half.
00:08:59
It wasn't a great story. Oh, shit. And then I masturbated on a pillow. Well, that's all we want to know.
00:09:07
women aggressively masturbating around hotel rooms as a form of revenge yeah yeah i have to say and maybe this is why i came up with that so quickly i recently
00:09:23
uh-oh no no no this is gonna get weird yeah let's stop recording now this is gonna be a private
00:09:30
a private performance this is a private conversation yeah this is between you and
00:09:35
us and no one else yeah it stays in this huge room this in this 17 level star wars style auditorium
00:09:44
my dad i sent my dad a video of we came out um onto the stage beforehand and we're like oh shit
00:09:53
how is this happening and i took a quick video for my dad and i sent it and in two hours i'm
00:10:00
going to get a text that says, how many seats? Because that's all he cares about.
00:10:04
It's like he's boiled this whole thing down to stats, and he just wants to know how many
00:10:09
seats are in every house that we're filling. Is it better than the night before?
00:10:12
Is it worse? Are we winning or losing? Do I still love you or not? Let me know. He's like, I need to figure out what to get you for Christmas, how many seats were in
00:10:20
that theater last night. Just get me the two Starbucks gift cards, Dad. You're still killing it.
00:10:30
Why two Starbucks gift cards? I didn't tell you that story. Maybe. In the saddest time when my mom was sick
00:10:39
and my dad had to take over all the mom duties and was not prepared and couldn't do it.
00:10:43
We had a Christmas where my sister got a ton of great shit. And of course, my niece Nora got everything she could have wanted.
00:10:50
And I got two Starbucks gift cards. They were each for $50. So I got $100 at Starbucks.
00:10:57
No one needs that. That's like two years. and then 15 at Sephora. I was just like, fuck off.
00:11:03
This won't get me in the door at Sephora, friend. I'm middle-aged. Nothing worth $15 is worth anything to my face at Sephora.
00:11:12
Oh, my God. Yeah. And I was like, thanks, Dad. Oh. All the things I wanted. My dad once got me.
00:11:19
My parents are really bad at gift-giving. My dad once got me, and he wrapped it like a port or a trash.
00:11:27
What's it called when you can throw things away? after they're done. Recycling bin? No.
00:11:32
The garbage? Essentially like an under the sink reusable. Oh, trash compactor? No. Shit. Fire
00:11:39
extinguisher. It was like a can that you can just use once and throw it away. Oh. Yeah, like a
00:11:47
I mean, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is either. We should call
00:11:51
my dad and ask him. It's a one-off fire extinguisher? Yep. That how much anxiety happens in my family And it was like definitely a made for TV product kind of a thing And then my mom once got me a flashlight that you plug in in case of emergencies
00:12:06
We just have anxiety. They should just pay for my therapy instead of buying me fucking presents.
00:12:11
Yeah. How about we get out of the emergency realm of gift-giving and into the gift part
00:12:16
where things you want when things aren't on fire or burning down, when there's not an earthquake.
00:12:24
Right, exactly. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. It's okay. Steven's not here.
00:12:33
Oh, yeah. Sorry. We can't bring him. His writer is too demanding. You wouldn't believe.
00:12:42
He demands to get eight cats in every city that we go to. And they have to be different cats, too,
00:12:47
of varying ages and cuteness, and their names have to all be kind of adorable, and they have to have hashtags.
00:12:52
Yeah. They have to have their own social media accounts. Right. Pre-set up. Yeah.
00:12:57
So I do that. Yeah. And it just takes care of my cats. It's insane. And then just clogs my story feed on my Instagram.
00:13:04
Yeah. With the most insane shit that I love. Cat content? Lots of my cats. And dinosaur unboxing videos.
00:13:14
Do you know he does that? What? Dinosaur unboxing videos. You're being serious? I swear to God.
00:13:19
Oh, I thought you threw three hilarious nouns for Stephen together. I'm not kidding.
00:13:24
No, I watched in my own living room as he opened a toy from a Jurassic Park thing.
00:13:33
It was cute. But now my living room has the memory of being unboxed in Jurassic Park.
00:13:42
Unboxed against its will, like so many hotel rooms. Listen, this is My Favorite Murder.
00:13:55
We're a true crime comedy podcast. Thank you. This is Karen Kilgaro. And this is Georgia Hardstart.
00:14:08
And this is our last tour of 2018, so fucking nothing. So call your girlfriend. Everything goes.
00:14:18
Spanx up to the top. You're spanked up. Pull, pull. You're spanked up. You know?
00:14:27
Hey, what are you, besides full body spikes, what are you wearing? Oh, thanks for asking.
00:14:35
That's interpretive. It's a little bit, there is a coming on to drugs feel right now.
00:14:41
I feel it. But I assure you and all the police in Austin that I'm not on drugs. I just have a dress with pockets in it.
00:14:47
That's it. Thank you. Oh. You're getting good at that. I just did this. Oh, no. No.
00:15:03
Oh, no. And then they're going to yell. It's asshole time. I finally gave up wearing.
00:15:10
I wore black clogged boots for two years of touring because my sister hated them so much,
00:15:15
and I thought it was hilarious. Even though she was at, like, two of the 15 shows we did.
00:15:19
Yeah. But every once in a while she'll sneak on Instagram and look and then she'll be like, the dress was cute
00:15:25
but fuck those boots. And then that alone would just warm my heart. I could go right to sleep.
00:15:32
But then I got these and they're better so I had to let that go. You're growing.
00:15:38
You're growing and changing. I'm trying to grow and I'm trying to change. I love it.
00:15:42
Thank you. What about your outfit, Georgia? I have a thing on. It's black. Those are my wedding shoes.
00:15:46
I've decided that next year I'm not wearing black dresses anymore it'll be fine I promise
00:15:58
also it's not a discussion there's like six different women were like sorry so hold on then what does that mean
00:16:04
do you guys get refunds I already got my tickets I just you have to understand my closet I love clothes
00:16:12
it's this much fucking couch material grandma dresses, vintage of like crazy old
00:16:18
salty women who in the past I've bought these from. And then there's this little
00:16:22
section of like show dresses of these sad black dresses that I found and I'm like, I guess this will do.
00:16:28
I bought so many just to be like, maybe because it's not my thing. I'm not a goth.
00:16:33
You know what's hilarious? Listen, she finally admitted it. She's not a goth. I'm a raver!
00:16:42
What I love is that I'm a raver well then the next tour is all rave closed finally
00:16:51
humongous jeans we just taught we meaning me just taught Karen the term speaker tweaker
00:16:58
that she loves that you ravers will know as someone who fucking gets up on the speaker and
00:17:03
is on so many drugs that it just feels great to your ears and your body yeah exactly
00:17:09
careful Well, so Karen's now a speaker tweaker. I'm a natural speaker tweaker. Oh, but what I was going to say is it's funny because we are the ones that made up the rule that we have to wear a black dress.
00:17:23
We made it up. And then George is like, look, I can't do it anymore. And then I'm like, no, you fucking have to.
00:17:29
This is all made up. And I didn't decide until the one weekend where you wore a print dress.
00:17:34
And I was like, we can do that? Well, I'm going to do it then, too. No. No more.
00:17:40
No more. we won't be slaves to ourselves. I don't know. Our own dumb ideas. It's worked so far.
00:17:49
She's the town? I guess so. Yeah. Ooh. Ooh. Look at these Are these our friends from these are nice Andy Cohen Andy Cohen I bet they are Did you hear that story Do we not We so Andy Cohen and uh Anderson Cooper Thank you Uh
00:18:09
they tour and we're like, I guess we're like following behind them on their tour because
00:18:13
they, they like refuse to sit in plebe chairs. So they send these like fucking nice chairs to
00:18:20
every city, but they're too, it doesn't make fiscal sense for them to send them on. They just
00:18:24
leave them there. So we keep getting these really nice Andy Cohen Anderson Cooper. Oh.
00:18:32
Shit. With full up and down action. Are you going to stay down there? Yeah, come on down.
00:18:43
It's a real relief. I don't really want to. Other side, thank you. Yeah. Do you want to go back up?
00:18:50
I want to go back up. Okay. This is half an hour of the show. So if you guys need to go to the bathroom or leave, you know.
00:19:01
There is adjusting that you have to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:19:04
It just really hurt my back. That yoga was pointless that I did earlier. What type of yoga did you do?
00:19:10
Hot? Hot? Well, the heater was on. So I just did a video, which I fucking never do.
00:19:18
Okay. Truly, my phone was like, are you sure? You were trying to... I think you touched the wrong button.
00:19:22
Yeah, yeah. You were trying to watch videos of your cats. Are you sure you want to yoga?
00:19:26
But I did it. I did it. Was it a lady? It was a lady. It was like a 20-minute stretch flow situation.
00:19:32
I can show you right now. Do it. Oh, my God. That's the best content for a podcast.
00:19:38
And this woman... She was so... This woman was so positive. Bless her heart. She was playing, you know, positive...
00:19:47
The sitar? Yeah. I think at one point in my head I went, oh, fuck off. But then I was like, don't do that, Georgia.
00:19:55
That's not positive. Don't resist the positivity and the sitar. I like to do yoga in the privacy of my own home because I just pretend that I'm not myself.
00:20:07
So like I sit down, I'm like, this is going to be great with like a really open face and attitude.
00:20:13
Which normally, then there's the real me sitting like two behind me that's like, what the fuck is this?
00:20:18
Get off the ground. Why is her face so open? Turn the TV back on now. We haven't watched all the British procedurals yet.
00:20:28
There's got to be one left. Stop improving yourself immediately. But I was going to tell you, I just started doing a thing where it's a journey through the seven chakras.
00:20:42
No. I swear to God. I have opened my root fucking chakra. Which one's that? It's the fucking bottom.
00:20:49
Oh. Open. Open your butt. Like a fucking baboon. You wouldn't believe what's happening down there.
00:20:58
Oh, man, I think you should close that. I'm going to. Now that we talk it through, I have to shut it.
00:21:04
That's some portal of hell shit. Anything could get in there. You don't want to.
00:21:10
We're always traveling. Our immune systems are probably fucked up. I would avoid opening any.
00:21:17
Shut it down. Chakras. Permanently. And then just kind of cement over my third eye and forget about it.
00:21:24
Don't go in there. Don't go inside. It's not safe. No, I'm really happy for you.
00:21:31
I'm trying to be supportive. I'm trying to be supportive. It's okay. I'm happy for you.
00:21:34
Thanks. You can't say I'm happy for you but not move your mouth. And then I'm supposed to believe it.
00:21:41
Shit. Fuck. I always do that. I'm a bad liar. Whenever I'm lying, I just don't have my mouth.
00:21:45
I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for you. Congratulations on your yoga journey.
00:21:53
Yeah, we're getting super spiritual, so you heard it here first. The next season of tours is just going to be one large yoga class.
00:22:04
We're going to, it's just going to, chakras are going to, it's just going to smell real bad.
00:22:09
It's going to smell. It is so much unwashed lululemon. Yeah. We're going to happen upon that eighth chakra.
00:22:20
And just be like, oh. Whoa. We didn't even know. The BO chakra? You go first? I go first.
00:22:28
You go first. Oh, yeah. We forgot to make this announcement last night. That's how off kilter we are.
00:22:32
Could have gone real bad. We understand there's people here who have never listened to our podcast before.
00:22:38
And they are confused and probably a little bit angry right now. This is a true crime comedy podcast.
00:22:45
That's right. What does that mean, Karen? Well, it can be a very complex combination of topics and feelings, because we are talking about the worst things that could happen to people in the world, while simultaneously and kind of parallel to that, we are making each other laugh about things.
00:23:06
Stupid shit, mostly. We don't think that murder is funny. We don't think that people being killed is funny.
00:23:13
We just think that we're funny. well i mean that's my first step into positivity and so sometimes that can be a difficult combination
00:23:30
there's people that get offended by that or they don't know us enough to trust us to do it
00:23:34
um they they tense up they they reject it or whatever so we just want to say now to those people you can get the fuck out because we don't need to
00:23:46
Yeah, that was my root chakra. That came from the bottom of my soul. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.
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00:25:54
See nutrition info on hero.co for sodium and sugar content. Okay, you're first. I'm first tonight.
00:26:04
It looks long because I made it a 16 font because I think I might be going blind.
00:26:13
I can't fucking see anything anymore. Oh, no. How is that going to, my Spanx jokes aren't going to land.
00:26:22
I'm just going to have to go with you and just agree with whatever you tell me you're showing me.
00:26:26
I am so funny right now. Trust me. So tonight I'm going to do the story of Robert Elmer Class Cleason,
00:26:36
The Real Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Ooh. There's a real one? Now, as we all know, as fans and lovers of true crime, they like to do that.
00:26:54
They like to compare things to other things and be like, this is the real. This is the original one.
00:26:59
This is the original. But you will find as you hear the story that it's just kind of a couple of items that combine the story.
00:27:07
and in fact that Toby Hooper did not base his film on this because this actually happened three months after Texas Chainsaw Massacre was released.
00:27:18
Come on. And yet the names suck. Yeah. You know what it is? I got it from a British series called Real Stories,
00:27:25
and they'll fucking say anything about this country. They're so mad that we became independent.
00:27:31
Oh, yeah. this movie let's just start in the fun part this movie there's an article
00:27:42
from 2004 that was written by a guy named John Bloom for the Texas Monthly magazine which I personally love
00:27:50
we get a lot of good research from Texas Monthly it's real good magazine so John Bloom you know
00:27:58
it was 14 years ago but he wrote this amazing article basically about how Texas Chainsaw Massacre got made.
00:28:05
And I'll read you the first sentence of that article. It's, in 1973, a ragtag group of Texans scrounged up $60,000
00:28:10
and created a film so violent and visionary that it shocked the world. And it was filmed right in and around Austin, Texas.
00:28:20
Yes. Nice. And it is not just probably the most legendary horror film of all time.
00:28:30
it's the most financially successful film in the history of Texas did you know that about your
00:28:36
this is come on cheer for your fucking home team when you spend 60 grand on a fucking movie
00:28:47
when a ragtag group of people get together 60 grand scrounge together some old Texan hippies come together
00:28:53
and fucking literally torture actors so it looks like they're being tortured okay okay so uh toby hooper's inspiration for this movie of course was ed gein and it was also
00:29:09
dean coral and dean coral's accomplices who procured people for him and all that fucked up
00:29:16
shit um so there's plenty of inspiration he didn't need to go anywhere else but uh um just to connect
00:29:23
the two. I guess we have to stop talking about this now. Three months after the movie premiered, another psycho took up residence in Austin, Texas.
00:29:32
He didn't wear a mask made of human skin, no. Of an actual human face, actually.
00:29:39
Oh, there's a super fucked up story that Toby Hooper tells that a doctor who was a resident that he knew,
00:29:47
he got the idea for Leatherface because a doctor told him a story about when he was a resident and in the coroner office or whatever he cut the face off of someone on a Halloween and wore it as a mask No
00:30:05
Did he get fired? Did he get fired? I'm sorry to say no. He's the Surgeon General of America
00:30:14
right now. He was Trump's top pick for Surgeon General. Sounds about right. So we're back into my really dramatic intro.
00:30:31
So, no, this man was not wearing a human face over his own face. He was a quiet, unassuming, church-going man.
00:30:40
They always are. And his name was Robert Elmer Cleason. Okay, so he was born on September 20, 1934, in Buffalo, New York.
00:30:49
To... Interesting. to a mentally ill father and a homemaker mom. And he's an only child, and his father, uh, no.
00:31:03
Enough. Oh, they never get to do that. Let them do it. That's what I love. It wasn't just one person.
00:31:14
I know. Seven only children just cheered for themselves. They've been waiting. they're all here alone tonight
00:31:22
they never learned how to make connections no they're here to connect playing little video games by themselves
00:31:34
I don't want ketchup on it why is there ketchup on it because other people exist
00:31:41
they never cheered again turns out that was our clutch our clutch group yeah okay his father who's a paranoid schizophrenic
00:31:55
loves guns and so then he raises his only child who also loved guns what could go wrong magical
00:32:02
in 1950 when he's 16 years old he jumps on a nail it's an accident why so accidentally okay
00:32:11
so I should have put that in there and his mom takes him to the emergency room but after a while they're made to wait
00:32:18
because it's an emergency room there's bigger emergencies turns out so he gets impatient
00:32:24
he punches his mom walks out to the car grabs a gun and comes in shooting into the emergency room
00:32:30
what the fuck yes this is in Buffalo so luckily no one was hurt and luckily they sent him to a psychiatric hospital
00:32:38
but just for two years to kind of rinse it out. Just a quick visit. I'm sure it was a very tender place
00:32:49
full of caring, normal things that people got ice baths. Yeah. Yeah, 70s mental hospitals.
00:32:57
Oy vey. Not ideal. So he gets out. He exhibits. He continues to exhibit strange behavior.
00:33:06
It turns out eventually he is also diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic, just like his dad.
00:33:11
In 1971, at the age of 37, he earns his sociology degree. Oh, good. Okay. Listen, as someone who's never earned shit, congratulations.
00:33:23
Whatever year you do it, God bless America. Do it. Fair. That's a fair. Right? Look, it took him 28 years.
00:33:31
That doesn't matter. He's still a sociologist. Okay. So he celebrates that by getting into an argument with a guy and shooting him in the foot.
00:33:47
Celebrate. Good times. Come on. Come on. So Rob, Bob gets arrested, but he jumps bail and he decides it's time for me to go to Austin, Texas.
00:33:58
Yeah. Yeah. So he shows up and immediately starts hanging out at the taxidermy shop in Austin, coincidentally named Austin Taxidermy.
00:34:12
What a weird coincidence. Yeah. So he's very interested in taxidermy. I think I have this picture.
00:34:19
He's a big hunter, obviously. He likes to hunt and he likes to kill huge animals and hang them on walls.
00:34:28
He like to pose near them too. He puts them up as high as he can so that he has to stretch to touch them.
00:34:34
And that makes him feel like a giraffe. Yay, I'm an animal too. Oh my God. When I first saw this picture, I thought that over there was a towel rack.
00:34:46
And I'm like, is this this motherfucker's bathroom? I was so excited. Oh my God.
00:34:53
Can you imagine? You know where this will look great. In my vaulted ceiling bathroom.
00:34:58
In my bathroom. With the ducks. Oh, you may. All of those animals are just like, run!
00:35:05
Yeah. Okay. So he starts hanging out at Austin Taxidermy. First, he's a, I was going to say a patient.
00:35:16
He's a customer. Sorry. He's a customer. But then he starts to hang out there, and he asks the owner if he would teach him how to become a taxidermist himself.
00:35:26
Okay. So he kind of follows the owner around and learns how to use all the machines.
00:35:32
And then when he finds himself without a place to live, the owners offer, they say,
00:35:39
you can live in the trailer behind the taxidermy shop. So he's just getting those sweet fumes right up into his fucking nose.
00:35:47
He's just saturating himself in his dream. Yeah. In his dream of dead animals being stuffed.
00:35:53
Great. So like a cartoon creep he moves into a trailer behind a taxidermy shop all by himself Great And then his next step because he like all right I in Austin
00:36:10
I'm hanging out at a taxidermy shop like all the hot young guys do. Then he starts telling people that he's a Korean War veteran, that he was...
00:36:18
Is there a baby? Is there a baby that doesn't like my story? Wait, shush, shush.
00:36:26
Everyone shush. Nope. It's a ghost baby. Okay. That is the baby that killed another baby
00:36:38
and now haunts this theater. This college is so fucked up. Is this a ghost baby college?
00:36:47
Have you gone to the fighting ghost babies? They win every game Because everyone's like, holy fuck, that baby's dead.
00:36:57
This is insane. I think it's inappropriate that they made their mascot a ghost baby, but I don't make the rules.
00:37:07
Times were different. They do what they want down here. That's weird. He starts telling people he's a Korean War fighter pilot.
00:37:18
Yeah, veteran fighter pilot. Okay. who shot down enemy aircraft in Korea, claims he's in the French Foreign Legion.
00:37:26
Why not tack that on? That he has three PhDs. He speaks six foreign languages fluently.
00:37:31
He was involved in the Bay of Pigs. Jesus. He was responsible for the assassination of Che Guevara.
00:37:37
That's a brag. Bob. He claims he once was court-martialed for flying under bridges.
00:37:47
Like Sully, but a rebel. And then, of course, his big lie is he tells everybody he's ex-CIA.
00:37:55
Now, here's a hard and fast rule for this life. If someone starts telling you that they are ex-CIA, they are mentally ill.
00:38:05
Yeah. Bar none. Yeah. Because the whole thing about being in the CIA is you don't fucking brag about it.
00:38:12
It's like Fight Club. It's totally Fight Club. It's governmental Fight Club. That's right.
00:38:17
Zip the lip. Yeah. CIA style. Yeah. That's the whole fucking point of being a CIA is you don't tell people that.
00:38:25
Do I need to underline it again? Watch the movie True Lies and you'll fucking know what it's like.
00:38:30
You'll see what Arnold was up against. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Fucking all he wanted to do was tell her about his life.
00:38:37
And it drove them apart. And then it brought them together outside of a helicopter.
00:38:42
This should be a movies podcast, I think. Yep. Let's change it. so now he's got taxidermy now he's got stolen valor what's the third
00:38:54
horse in this trifecta that's right the church of latter-day saints whoa i was not gonna guess that one yeah he's like how to how am i gonna lock this down and
00:39:08
be the most popular guy in austin i'm gonna pluck this one from the fucking tree of what's that oh
00:39:15
What's this ripe berry from the top of the tree? Yep, he joins the LDS. And so he actually gets baptized into the church.
00:39:31
Hot stuff. And then he makes a bunch of uncomfortable acquaintances that are like,
00:39:37
It's great to meet you. Why are you here? Why are you here? I made a hot dish. Go over there and eat it, please.
00:39:44
I don't want to. I made you funeral potatoes, but I don't want to bring them to you.
00:39:51
So, of course, in December of 1973, he gets arrested for wrestling bison. You knew it.
00:39:59
You knew I was going to say it. I'm sorry. Wait, for real? Or is that another lie he made up?
00:40:05
No, it's real. Oh, my God. He doesn't even need to lie. Why are you lying? He's so ridiculous.
00:40:11
here's his mugshot from wrestling bison he didn't wrestle them I don't think it's called wrestling
00:40:19
when a bison beats the shit out of you he looks like someone I've dated does he look like
00:40:27
Carl Urban star of Star Trek no call your girlfriend I mean I'm just saying if you lived in Austin
00:40:54
you were just like a young waitress just trying to see what was going on you went to high school with everybody
00:40:58
and it's all the same people and then this fucking guy moves to town the bison rustler
00:41:03
talking about bison you're just like what kind of plane did you fly in Korea? Wow, tell me more about the CIA.
00:41:12
All the secrets that you just keep... Tell me about those secrets. Do you have one of those suitcases that shoots people?
00:41:19
That's the first question I would ask. So he gets arrested and he goes to jail, but none of his Mormon friends come and visit him
00:41:28
and they don't get him a lawyer. Guys. So he becomes super enraged in jail. Oh, I thought you were going to say Jewish or something.
00:41:36
just picks another religion. You know who will come to my age? L'chaim! Yeah. Just whoever will show up.
00:41:46
We'll show up. We'll come get you from jail. Will you? Do you promise me right now?
00:41:50
Bring a fucking kugel, too. It a hot dish Trying to shove a casserole dish through the bars Eat the kugel Yes there raisins in it It weird It make you feel better I like it
00:42:05
Eat it. Eat the kugel. Wait, is kugel a casserole that has raisins? It's a noodle casserole.
00:42:12
It's kind of sweet, but we eat it with dinner. It's not dessert, and we put white raisins in it.
00:42:18
And, like, what else, though? It's just like a good, like a custard. It's weird.
00:42:22
What is wrong with that? And I love gefilte fish, too. Everyone's horrified by that.
00:42:30
Anyway. But you make great bread. This is neither here nor there. That's very true.
00:42:36
Where are we? I don't know. Oh, okay. No one's getting him help, and no one's coming to visit him.
00:42:43
Right, because he's not Jewish. Mormon church is like, sorry, I didn't see your text.
00:42:49
It's just a whole, it's 300 people that are like, what? You texted me? that's crazy i didn't get it i didn't get it the one thing you automatically get and check
00:42:59
yeah every four seconds all day long didn't get i just didn't um so he spends five months in jail
00:43:06
and he's pissed kind of naturally and then once he gets out his behavior becomes more and more
00:43:13
bizarre um uh he starts to send letters to the elders of the church going it's a little something
00:43:20
like this. I will not mess about any longer. I am going for the kill. I gave up everything I owned and was
00:43:26
chased, hounded, tracked down, jailed, starved, and insulted, not only by my enemies, but by the church itself.
00:43:33
I don't want a pat on the head or a paw shake. I want blood. I want to go after my false accusers now and bring
00:43:38
them to dishonor. Wait, that's from the bison or from... Oh, that's from... That was a
00:43:46
letter written by a bison. He shoved a pencil in his hoof. I was just like, no, I'm sorry. I'm pissed. I'm saying it. I'm going to finally fucking tell
00:43:56
them how I actually feel being a Mormon. I said, shit, dude. Yeah. So the Bishop of the church
00:44:07
gets this letter and he's like, Hey everybody, Ixnay on the Albert Ray guy. Um, don't talk to
00:44:15
him anymore. Literally tells everybody we have to stop associating with this person. He's dangerous.
00:44:19
And there were two young men who were missionaries. Their names were Gary Darley, who was 20 years old, and Mark Fisher, who was 19 years old.
00:44:27
And they had been having dinner with Robert since he moved to town, basically. They were kind of like the LDS kind of welcome wagon, and they would kind of go visit him.
00:44:38
And because, of course, he's a creep in the trailer behind the taxidermy shop, he doesn't have a phone.
00:44:44
He just yells out that slatted window when he needs to communicate with people. So they tell the bishop, okay, well, we're just going to go visit him one more time.
00:44:55
He just said don't talk to him anymore. Yeah, but, you know, rebellious Mormon missionaries, they'll just say fuck you right to your face.
00:45:08
So on October 28, 1974, Gary Darley and Mark Fisher go out to the taxidermy shop.
00:45:15
they go to the trailer for one last visit and they're never seen alive again. So because everybody knew
00:45:24
that Bob Cleason was the last person that would have seen them alive, the police question him
00:45:30
about where he thinks the boys could be. And first he tells the police they never
00:45:34
got to his house for dinner. He has no idea. But of course then he's asked again and he changes his story and says
00:45:40
that there's a Mormon conspiracy against him and that he's being set up. That's the one.
00:45:44
Yeah, that's the answer I should have gone with first. Sorry, that's my real answer.
00:45:49
And then they bring it up again, and he says, actually, there's a judge in this town who is a war criminal,
00:45:55
and I, as ex-CIA, have information about him, therefore he is trying to silence me.
00:46:00
Uh-uh, that's not it either. Yeah, and slowly the cops are backing toward the door,
00:46:06
like trying to feel for the doorknob behind them. Uh-huh. Oh, you don't say. A war criminal, you say.
00:46:12
I'm going to go check something in my car. How about a scene in a horror movie where a cop just goes up into a high girl voice because he's so fucking scared.
00:46:22
Okay, Bob. See you in a bit. Actually, in this Real Stories, which is, it's a great episode of Real Stories about this guy.
00:46:30
There is this amazing cop, Austin Petey, who says he was 24 years old when he first met this guy.
00:46:37
And he said he's the scariest human being he's ever been around. Because he came in real like, he almost talked like almost babyish where he'd be like, oh, I don't know.
00:46:46
And he kind of talked like that. And then if you pissed him off, he would turn and they said his face would change and his eyes would change.
00:46:53
And all of a sudden he was the scariest person you ever saw. I don't like that. I don't.
00:46:59
So. Then. Here's what happened. Listen. Oh, okay. They arrest him. I just said that part.
00:47:10
So they go to the trailer, and they do the search, and outside they find Fisher's ID tag with a bullet hole in it.
00:47:21
Then inside the trailer, they find both of the boys' bloody watches. Oh, no. So they are like, this is not good.
00:47:28
They also then see Cleason has this shooting range that's set up in the backyard.
00:47:33
Great. And then a bunch of people that know Cleason say, oh, yeah, here's a thing he likes to do.
00:47:38
is he invites you over to the shooting range like you're going to shoot and he'll go look at me I'm this
00:47:42
expert shot and he'll do all his shots and you're supposed to go down and get the target
00:47:46
thing and go bring it back and multiple people said that they would go down to get the target and when they turned
00:47:52
around he was standing there aiming the gun at them and that was like his funny joke
00:47:57
that he liked to pull on people Really solid comedy. So the police are now like, this is clearly how he murdered these two boys.
00:48:09
Then also inside the trailer, they find it's like he's trying to write a book. It's a manuscript called A Thousand Whitetails, A Poacher's Manuscript.
00:48:19
And it is hundreds of pages of him describing in detailed writing how to kill, dress, and dispose of animal carcasses.
00:48:27
what if you had to read that like you had to don't do it I would just get through it
00:48:36
you know what I mean I would just do it I'd just do my job I guess that's the right answer
00:48:41
that wasn't a great question I can admit when I'm wrong Steven edit that out Steven turn that part up louder
00:48:53
I think it was powerful a powerful moment of honesty I'm Irish Catholic therefore I'd shut down all my emotions
00:49:01
and just get the job done that's how I'm that's how I made it to age 48 thank you
00:49:09
shut it down press it down don't think about it till you're crying in the grocery store and you don't know why
00:49:18
you don't know why it's over I'm like halfway through this. I'm so sorry. That was amazing.
00:49:29
No, I love it. It's the best. Okay. Here's I lost now I don't know where I am, but
00:49:40
this is a little bit random. This information is going to reset all of our taste buds to the horror that we're actually
00:49:47
living in right now. Stop it. No, I'm going to stop it first and then everyone else
00:49:51
can stop it. This guy has been married three times. All these women have left him and the most recent one left
00:49:59
him because she walked into the bathroom and he was taking a bath with a disemboweled
00:50:05
deer. And I will always love you. Holy shit! Oh my god! That was amazing! Why isn't this
00:50:25
a singing podcast. Why isn't this an insanity podcast? Oh, it is. I mean, okay. That's fucking disgusting.
00:50:34
It's the worst and then just the visual. It's the worst. Because then you'd be like,
00:50:39
oh, I'm sorry. And then flashes of what you just saw. Yeah, yeah. Never stopping.
00:50:46
But is it wrong that I'm trying to think like, well, he must have been terrible before that
00:50:50
because if I saw Vince doing that, I don't know if I'd immediately leave him. You definitely want to hear the story first.
00:50:57
Yeah. What if he wasn't taking a bath with Justin Baldi or what if he fell into the bathtub full of water?
00:51:04
Sure. She was probably like, yep, this is old Robert. Yes. But I'd be like, this isn't Vince.
00:51:10
This is not like him. This isn't like him. Why would he put bubbles into this guy?
00:51:17
So something must have been, I'm going to guess something else. I bet something else.
00:51:21
I bet his funny game of pulling guns on people. Vince in the back is like, I can finally live my life, my real life.
00:51:28
She'll accept me for who I am. And then there's a deer standing next to him like, what?
00:51:32
What did you say the plan was? Okay. So once the police put all this horrifying information together,
00:51:42
they send a forensic team to investigate the taxidermy studio. And this is where the connection to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre comes in
00:51:50
Because they end up finding hair that matches the two young missionaries and human blood and tissue on the bandsaw that's in the taxidermy studio.
00:52:04
Fuck. And they also find their hair behind the shop, in this bin behind the shop, where the employees disposed of the unused animal parts.
00:52:14
And so then the police put together that basically he killed these boys and then got rid of their bodies by basically dismembering them and getting rid of anything that would have looked human so that he could put it into that taxidermy bin.
00:52:30
So it's the worst of the worst. So the state only has circumstantial evidence. They only have all that stuff that they found in and around the taxidermy place and his trailer.
00:52:43
but they go to trial anyway in 1975 and he is found guilty of murder and the jury
00:52:50
immediately gives him the death penalty hold, hold, don't do it don't fall for it
00:52:55
you must know that there's more to come and it's not good it's actually the worst
00:53:02
in 1977 he's on death row for two years when the appeals court finds that the search
00:53:08
warrant used to look through his trailer was defective is the word that I cut and paste.
00:53:15
So who wrote that? That's not. The search warrant was defective and so the bloody watches,
00:53:21
the name tag, the hideous manuscript are all inadmissible. No! Yes. Judge, whatever your name is.
00:53:28
Why? So his conviction is overturned and the authorities are like, it's too big of a risk to retry him
00:53:34
when we don't have any of this evidence. So instead, they bring him up on weapons charges
00:53:42
in Buffalo from when he shot the guy in the foot. Fuck! And he gets the death penalty again?
00:53:48
Nope, damn it. Sure doesn't. He gets nine years in a prison in Buffalo. Yes. And secretly Austin like well at least he not here anymore So he goes to jail He in jail in Buffalo And while he there he signs up for a thing called International Pen Friends
00:54:07
No. Yeah. And he begins exchanging letters with a widow named Marie Longley, who lives in the very British-sounding town of Barton-upon-Humber.
00:54:20
Oh, really? Oh, really? Oh, really? It's up in the northeast of England. And he explains to Marie, of course, that he is a Korean decorated war veteran who is also a college professor, teaches literature to prisoners.
00:54:35
And that's why all the pictures he sends her are from the inside of a prison. Shut up.
00:54:39
Yeah. Yeah. Shit. And they make me wear the prison blues. I just try to blend in to make them want to learn from me.
00:54:48
Yeah. so he gets her more and more to reveal all the details of her life like that she is a policeman's
00:54:58
widow she so she makes a pension she owns her own house and she has a modest but stable income and
00:55:05
he's like ding ding ding ding I'm in love so in 1988 he's released from prison the city of Buffalo
00:55:16
of course doesn't want him and it sweeps week also the week he gets released so literally
00:55:21
reporters just follow him around town yeah he gets released from prison he has nowhere to go
00:55:27
and reporters are just like how do you feel by how nobody wants you here and you need to leave
00:55:31
immediately no uh yeah oh i just want to show that he he wore the maga hat first that's him
00:55:38
That's him. A ridge. Just saying. Oh. No way. They get married? That's Marie. Look, he looks like the fattest vampire of all time in this picture.
00:55:54
He does. Like, you're only drinking blood. What are you? Oh, my God. And also, that is a medal that is not his.
00:56:06
Yeah, yeah. He's wearing fucking lunatic. Oh, I'm scared. It's scary. So essentially the people, the city officials in Buffalo are like, we want him out.
00:56:18
People start petitions. At one point he tells a reporter, I'm not the monster that they portrayed.
00:56:24
He has this weird little baby voice. And if they dig a little deeper, why, they'll find out I'm just an average sort of guy.
00:56:31
He has that really irritating Midwest accent where you're like, you're fucking hiding something, you old weird Dracula.
00:56:37
So... This deer comes around the corner and is like, he's fucking lying! He's a lunatic!
00:56:44
He took a bath with my cousin once! My cousin's in his bathroom! Follow me! A deer standing on his hind legs,
00:56:54
yelling out to the people of Buffalo. Don't believe him! Fucking listen to me, you idiot!
00:57:00
Okay. Robert waits out his parole, and then he writes to Marie in England and says, I'm going to come and visit you.
00:57:09
And she's like, that sounds okay, pen pal. Then she starts getting dozens of boxes
00:57:14
sent to her house. It's filled with all of his shit. And literally garbage. Like they open one thing
00:57:20
and Marie's friend Liz says that there's just some macaroni in a tin. Like he's just sending,
00:57:28
he just boxed up a bunch of shit and is like, I'm moving to Marie's. Shit. so she likes him fine at first everyone's like he was super nice to her and he was just nice and
00:57:38
you know he was this war veteran and everybody liked him and he uh told them of course he won
00:57:43
the purple heart and the congressional medal of honor and then he had a girlfriend in canada
00:57:47
who was really into him um within four months they're married that was that picture i just
00:57:54
showed you then he starts joining the local gun clubs in her little british town which is like
00:57:59
there must have been one. Yeah. Maybe. Um, and he also starts hoarding guns and ammunition. Um,
00:58:07
he applies for a gun permit to buy and sell guns. Um, he gets so many guns that he has to knock out
00:58:14
a wall in Marie's upstairs area. So it's just one big room full of guns. It's so many guns for
00:58:22
England. It's like, I think he collected every gun in England. He's just like, I got them all.
00:58:27
Let me know what you need. So, of course, British Marie is getting the full-on gun creeps from this guy.
00:58:35
And then he starts doing it because then the mask drops away, of course, and he has his horrible anger and stuff.
00:58:42
And then he starts doing things where he's cleaning his gun, and then he just aims it at her.
00:58:46
That old thing he loves to do. So she's like, honeymoon, over. You weren't like this in your letters.
00:58:53
then of course the domestic abuse comes at one point she starts locking herself in the back bedroom
00:59:01
and just like living back there and she'll only come out when he's gone or just like if it's necessary
00:59:06
so after a while at the gun club the mask comes off because he ends up living in this town for 10 years
00:59:13
so at first everything's fine but he can't handle it they end up nicknaming him Odd Bob
00:59:21
which is like you fucking gotta love the British because even in the face of like serial killers they're just like
00:59:27
okay Odd Bob kill some more people he of course has all his ex-CIA claims they're like bullshit
00:59:36
one time he parks illegally and one of the fellow gun club members comes out and is like move your fucking car
00:59:42
he gets into his car, sits there, sits there that comes out with a double barrel shotgun
00:59:46
holds it in the guy's face fucking Elmer Fudd style Yes. A little flag comes out that says bang.
00:59:54
Yeah. He says to the guy if we were in Texas I kill you right now Holy shit Uh And all the British people are like oh my We don do this here
01:00:06
So they start, they want him gone. And so this local gun shop owner named Tony Fox is in this real story special.
01:00:15
He starts digging around. He writes a letter to the American Medal of Honor Society.
01:00:22
This is how you Googled back then. That's exactly right. Just long letters. And also, could you look up the capital of Wisconsin for me?
01:00:30
It's a different issue. But I would be a great favor. They write back and tell Tony that Bob Cleason's military honors are all bullshit.
01:00:41
And so they finally have a reason to ask him to leave the gun club. When this happens, Tony is the one that confronts him.
01:00:50
And Bob says, if you tell anybody else about this, I'll kill you. and you won't see me coming because I'm fucking ex-CIA ninja Dracula.
01:01:01
And you can't tell the police. And Tony's like, sounds great, mate. And he'd already told the police every single thing he knew.
01:01:09
So the police come to Bob and Marie's home and they run his name through in a poll.
01:01:15
They find out about the prior offenses and the gun law violations. so they raid Maria's house
01:01:21
and they confiscate 42 guns and the police say that when they took the guns out of the house
01:01:27
Bob sat down in a chair and cried for 5 hours Jesus yeah wow wept wept like an only child
01:01:40
just kidding so So then, when all this happens, Marie's friend, Liz Butterfield, who features prominently in this Real Stories episode, she rules.
01:01:57
Love her. She's the greatest. She finds out from Marie that Bob has moved a bandsaw into their kitchen.
01:02:06
That's not where bandsaws go. It doesn't belong in the kitchen. And it's also the same thing that they found all the DNA on in the taxidermy shop.
01:02:16
So Liz is like, all right, everybody needs to buckle down. Sweetie, time to. Yeah.
01:02:21
So what she does is she gets her son who knows how to use a computer, and she's like, look this fucker's name up.
01:02:26
Oh, finally. Help us with the internet. Because it's like the year fucking 2000 or whatever,
01:02:32
and everyone was still scared to touch electric things. So the son looks it up. They find out all of his police records.
01:02:40
He's like, they didn't even realize you could do that. and they find not just the ones in Buffalo,
01:02:45
but the fact that he was on death row in Texas. And everyone shits a brick. Liz goes over, but very politely because they're British.
01:02:57
Liz goes over. She tells Marie, you're married to a murderer. She says she can't leave because he says he's going to kill me
01:03:04
if I try to leave him. Three days later, Marie disappears. No. Oh. So everybody in this town, up 10 upon down 10,
01:03:16
they're scared that he's killed her. But actually, it turned out that after all that happened,
01:03:23
Marie and Liz fucking put this plan into place CIA style. And they fucking snuck the fuck out of it.
01:03:31
They tell him that they're putting together a jumble sale. and they put all her shit in plastic
01:03:37
like grocery bags and they're just lining it up like oh this is all the stuff for the jumble sale
01:03:41
it's all her shit and then Liz just comes by one morning like we're off to the jumble sale and he's like
01:03:47
see you later and they load up that fucking car and drive her away to a safe house
01:03:53
yes it it actually takes the police five days to find her because they were so fucking serious
01:04:03
they're like oh no They didn't tell anyone. They didn't tell anybody. Holy shit, dude.
01:04:07
It's so awesome. So when the police get back to the cottage, they find two more illegal weapons,
01:04:13
one of which is an assassin's rifle that has a silencer on it. Is it in a briefcase?
01:04:19
It's wearing its own little beige raincoat. So they arrest him again, and they let him out on bail.
01:04:29
No, no, no, no. I don't even know. So he goes back to the house, and he immediately starts writing another pen pal.
01:04:39
Nuh-uh. For real. And so he finds a German woman that he now begins romancing. And the cops are watching him and following him around.
01:04:49
He's somehow gotten this German woman to come to that town. So they're driving around in this van filled with Marie's furniture.
01:04:56
And this new woman that they're like, holy shit. they finally the sentence goes through and he has to go to jail for three years.
01:05:07
But then one year later, so he's in jail, and then a year later because it's 2001 and suddenly there's DNA evidence
01:05:15
everywhere. So they go back and they pull a jumpsuit that the cops had found in a can outside
01:05:23
the taxidermy thing and they test all of the blood that was on the front of this jumpsuit and um it it has gary darley and mark fisher's blood on it and they
01:05:33
finally have the proof that robert cleason is the one who killed them oh my god and that means they
01:05:41
can retry him for those murders so the uk agrees to extradition and then robert cleason on april
01:05:49
21st, 2003, dies of a heart attack. What a dick Right At the age of 69 Nice And that is the insane horrible story
01:06:06
of the not really real Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Robert Elmer Gleason. That was excellent.
01:06:17
Sorry, it was so fucking long. Sorry, so good. How the fuck am I doing? Wow. That was horrible.
01:06:25
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See nutrition info on Hero.co for sodium and sugar content. Okay. All right. Well, I'm going to do the murder of Stephen Robards.
01:09:07
Don't worry about it. You'll figure it out. And I have to go right at the top. I got a shitload of this info from a great article from the Texas Monthly by our best friend, Skip Hollisworth.
01:09:22
The greatest. Love him. Give that man a podcast. For real. All right. So this dude, Stephen Robards and Beth Lomer, fall in love in high school in Fort Worth, Texas in the 70s.
01:09:39
Fort Worth in the 70s was gorgeous. They get married in 1974, whatever, when Beth was just 18.
01:09:52
Two years later, they have a daughter, and they name her Dorothy Marie, but she goes by Marie.
01:09:58
But their relationship ended pretty quickly in 1980. Beth got tired of her husband's behavior.
01:10:03
It alludes to the fact that he might have been bipolar, but he would have jealousy issues, temper tantrums.
01:10:11
It doesn't matter. They break up. um and when marie was about three and so uh about a year later when marie is about four
01:10:20
beth gets remarried to a dude named frank he's an ex an ex navy officer blah blah blah
01:10:26
uh and then three of them moved to granberry granberry granberry is it a town that was built
01:10:34
around a really huge berry grandberry it's about 35 miles outside of fort worth um and at first
01:10:41
Marie is close with her stepfather and they fucking get along. She even starts to call him dad
01:10:47
and her real father, Stephen, who visits him a couple times a month back in Fort Worth.
01:10:55
She starts calling him, which he had to love this, Stephen dad. Ew. Sorry. She was an only child?
01:11:05
Yeah. Yeah. You know. So Marie and her mother are extremely close, almost in an unhealthy way.
01:11:15
They're more like sisters, that sort of thing. And it seems like Marie had this really strong bond to her mom.
01:11:21
And as she enters high school, she turns out to be this really, really smart girl.
01:11:26
She gets really good grades. She doesn't mouth off. I don't know. But all the teachers loved her.
01:11:34
She excelled. and then a week before her 16th birthday everything changes when Marie comes home early
01:11:43
and finds her stepdad Frank in fucking bed with another woman oh no yeah who he had been having
01:11:49
an affair with she tells her mom Beth and ultimately Beth fucking blames herself and
01:11:56
her crazy work schedule was like I'm staying with him and so From that point on, Marie fucking hated Frank,
01:12:02
and there was all this crazy tension in the house. So eventually she refuses to live with them,
01:12:08
and she leaves home and goes to stay with her grandparents, and is just angry. But fucking Frank was like, well, I have this rule that if any of...
01:12:17
He had a kid, too. If you ever leave the house and say you want to move out, you can't come back in.
01:12:21
And he was, like, really strict about it. Oh, so he's strict about rules that he sets.
01:12:25
Right. But, like, the rules of the Lord don't matter. Right. Okay. Frank, if that is your real name, sounds good.
01:12:34
He seems like a dick. It seems like the perfect how-you-don't-parent-teenagers rules,
01:12:41
unless they're your stepchildren, and then whatever you want is fine. I'm a child of divorce, obviously.
01:12:49
We're working with a lot of shit up here tonight. That's right. So, of course, as any teenager who fucking went off in a huff,
01:12:56
changes her fucking mind five days later and tries to come home, and Frank's like, you can't fucking come back here.
01:13:00
And Marie's best friend, her mom, is like, I felt like I had to choose between the two of them.
01:13:05
And ultimately she chose her fucking cheating-ass husband. Gross. I know. And so Marie is devastated,
01:13:14
and she ends up going to move with her dad in Fort Worth into his one-bedroom apartment.
01:13:23
and have you guys divorced dad apartments? I have everything is beige. Carpets, just like
01:13:34
my dad would have you had to get hand-me-down furniture so like he'd have like someone else's
01:13:41
old patio furniture as his indoor furniture. Oh no. It's kind of depressing. Love you dad.
01:13:47
Was there bird shit on it or anything like that? No bird shit. My dad was very clean.
01:13:51
A neat freak. And then, so she went to live with him, but Stephen was really happy to have his daughter there,
01:14:00
a chance to connect with her. He tried really hard to make her happy. She began attending high school in town in Fort Worth.
01:14:07
And at that point, Stephen had gotten his life together after the divorce. He was in a relationship with a woman who lived in this building.
01:14:12
She was a single mom. They had met at Parents Without Partners. Oh, yeah. Wonderful organization.
01:14:19
Yeah. he was going to a local church he got a good job as a mail carrier and was stoked to have his daughter with him
01:14:26
but of course Marie was heartbroken that her mom had fucking ditched her and she didn't like living in her dad's house
01:14:35
she wrote to her mom and called every night complaining about her new school that her father had no homemaking
01:14:41
skills, that he had few kitchen utensils, I identify with, because we just keep losing forks
01:14:48
where are they going what if steven steals one fork every time he stays at my house
01:14:52
just to fuck with us we're kind of rad i do i do that all the time it's always teaspoons and then
01:15:00
i find them all in the back seat of my car because i eat yogurt on the way to work as i drive and
01:15:06
then when i'm done i'm like see you later at least it's not out the window though
01:15:13
teaspoon out the window hit a motorcycle cop now i'm arrested um i'll come to prison and get you you would the kugel the kugel you're forcing me to eat
01:15:26
georgia i'm in prison okay it turns out they serve kugel in here too yeah um said that he didn't clean the apartment and marie so he was trying to get a two-bedroom
01:15:39
apartment in the building but in the meantime she had to sleep on a rollaway bed in the dining room
01:15:43
and so she was pissed off about that sure um been there and uh sorry she's 15 she's 16 at this point
01:15:52
16 yeah and like you need your own 16 year olds hate their parents no matter what they do right
01:15:57
so um and marie even sent her mom a letter telling her that she was thinking about suicide but old
01:16:04
our friend old beth over here was like i just thought she was being dramatic and that was typical teenage angst.
01:16:10
Bop, bye. I'm going to go hang out with my husband. I don't like that mom at all.
01:16:14
I don't either, but I'm not supposed to say that. Okay. Let's not say it. So things start to settle down finally
01:16:20
and she starts to excel at school, at her new school again. She's doing really well.
01:16:24
She's one of those kids that reminds me of the type that are super eager to please
01:16:28
because everything around them is chaos and they don't want to be the one fucking things up.
01:16:33
So they're like, I'm going to fucking make sure there's not a single thing about me
01:16:36
that they can be mad about. I don't get that. That was not me. I was like, I'm going to fuck everything up.
01:16:43
And I'm going to laugh in your face when you're mad at it. Goodbye. That's when baby Georgia picks up that meth pipe
01:16:50
and she's like, let's do this. I'm throwing spoons out the window. Shooting up, then the meth, then the spoon out the window.
01:17:04
Okay, wait. things are still down, she goes with it, and then excellent grades, etc. She starts
01:17:08
to settle in. Then out of the blue, on February 18th, 1993, Marie turns up on Stephen's new lady friend's door.
01:17:20
That's what my dad called the girls he was dating, the lady friend. I've got a new
01:17:24
lady friend. I had a boyfriend who tried to call me that once and I just left the store that we were in.
01:17:31
Why did he do that? I guess he was uncomfortable with the word girlfriend. And then I just stared at him and I walked out and got in the car and left.
01:17:39
I was just like, no. Here's the thing. You don't have to call me anything. But if you're going to call me something, lady friend is not fucking it.
01:17:49
Dude. Was it my dad? That's. I dated Marty for seven wonderful months Oh no And your step mother clean your room i gonna call you karen mom clean your room making the worst microwave
01:18:10
like lean cuisines for everybody sit down children there's no utensils also we're adults
01:18:18
Why do we have to eat here? There's so many questions. Okay. So out of the blue, February 18, 1993, Marie knocks on Lady Friends' door,
01:18:30
and she's like, my dad's sick. Stephen had come home from church after dinner complaining of a stomach ache.
01:18:37
And so Marie babysat the Lady Friends' young son, and she rushes over to find Stephen in bed complaining he was getting stiff in his arms and legs.
01:18:47
He couldn't swallow well. And then there was saliva coming up through his mouth.
01:18:51
She calls an ambulance, and Stephen's foaming at the mouth. And the paramedics try to get an oxygen tube down his throat to keep him alive,
01:19:00
but his throat's completely closed up. He ends up dying at just 38 years old. And according to the coroner, Stephen died of a heart attack.
01:19:09
A throat attack? Yeah. The end of the story. No. Oh, well. So, yeah, so fucking Stephen dies.
01:19:21
With her father dead, Marie is now eventually moves in with, she tries to move in with her mom in Florida
01:19:28
because they were going to leave Frank. Then Frank comes back. Fucking Beth takes him back again.
01:19:33
So eventually Marie ends up moving in with her grandparents, her dad's parents in Mansfield near Fort Worth.
01:19:43
There she enrolls at Mansfield High School. the fighting. Potted plants. Damn it.
01:19:51
That was good. Imagine fighting potted plants. Shards of clay pot all in your football pads.
01:20:03
Their mascots, just a big ficus. Just the angriest ficus in all of Home Depot coming to get you.
01:20:12
Ficus, fuck you. Fuck it, fuck you. Why aren't more high school cheers ending in fuck you these days?
01:20:22
That's what it's all about. Someone start that, please. Please. Express yourself.
01:20:29
She now becomes, again, a really great student. But then, in their senior year, Marie meets a new bestie, best girlfriend.
01:20:38
She comes super close with this chick, fucking no joke, named Stacy. Hi. Oh, hi.
01:20:43
Hey, like H-I-G-H. Yes. Good for her. Stacey is a really popular student. Her parents had divorced as well,
01:20:53
and that wasn't really a normal thing in their school, so she wanted to get to know Marie.
01:20:57
She said that Marie was one of the most mature girls she had ever met. Stacey liked to go out and party, and Marie was super studious,
01:21:03
and Stacey was like, maybe this will rub off on me. Great. But she becomes super close,
01:21:08
but Stacey says she always feels like Marie is holding back from her. Oh, here's that photo of our friend Marie.
01:21:14
Oh, okay. In the fucking most amazing time of our lives. I mean, did she craft that jacket out of pure sorrow or what?
01:21:25
It's so, it's so. It's trying to be like, it's fine. Everything's fine. Right. Yeah.
01:21:33
But she looks all, yeah, whatever. Okay. She's very pretty, obviously. That was them.
01:21:38
I don't remember what the next one is. Oh, that's her and her dad. Yeah, look at him.
01:21:44
Look at his socks. They looked mismatched, but that's just the shadow. He didn't wear a light blue and a white sock.
01:21:53
They're still, he's dressed such like a dad. He's just a dad. He's a total 38-year-old dad.
01:21:59
Totally. All right, so Stacey and Marie. Marie won't open up to Stacey, but they spent a lot of time working on the school yearbook together,
01:22:10
They're hanging out. Besties, et cetera. Then in January 94, Marie and Stacey are studying Hamlet.
01:22:16
And Stacey has a favorite scene in Hamlet, like as all high school students do. I don't know.
01:22:22
Never cracked one of those fucking books. Never. And Stacey, this is how the fucking story goes.
01:22:29
And we're like, Stacey, what really happened? Because you did not recite a soliloquy of the Danish monarch Claudius, who poisoned his brother.
01:22:36
or she's like, let me recite to you my favorite part, Stacey says. And she recites this part about Hamlet,
01:22:44
you know, getting all, killing her father and am I going to be okay and all this shit.
01:22:49
I didn't read it. That was the CliffsNotes version. Yeah. And Stacey's like, what'd you think of that, Marie?
01:22:56
And Marie's fucking sobbing. And she's like, uh, you okay, dude? And Marie, she said Marie's hand started,
01:23:04
Marie turned pale, her hands were trembling. she begins to weep and then fucking confesses to Stacey that she killed her father.
01:23:11
What? Yep. The girl with the jacket. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Poison? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, that's right.
01:23:25
She tells her what happened was she's fucking getting aces in fucking chemistry class.
01:23:32
she finds a bottle marked with a skull and crossbones and the word poisonous on it and
01:23:38
pours it into a napkin sorry none of that happened that's no absolutely this is the 90s
01:23:44
they're like go ahead and handle poison everyone at your own risk let's see at this high school
01:23:49
we going to line the poison bottles up over here and you can check them out but please fill out this form but she also like a really good student so it possible she got like she was able to like come and go as she pleased maybe had access Hey can I get into that poison closet I really mature
01:24:07
I love Hamlet and shit. Can I just get a couple sips? Thank you. Well, somehow she got it,
01:24:14
poured it into a napkin, brought it home, and fucking slipped it into her father's refried beans
01:24:18
and their takeout Mexican food. Yeah. He was the good one. Yeah. she said she confessed
01:24:30
that she had murdered her father by poisoning him she's like you gotta keep it a secret
01:24:34
and Stacy's like great I just like Hamlet and partying I kinda wanna get into okay college
01:24:41
she's like one of those cops okay I'll be right back doorknob doorknob doorknob that's right
01:24:49
give me one second before I keep that secret No, I don't want a bite of your food.
01:24:57
Stacey promises to keep Marie's secret. Does so for weeks, but she's fucking tormented by guilt.
01:25:02
She's having nightmares eventually. She's like, I was so bothered by the idea that Marie might be a totally different person than she thought she was.
01:25:09
Meaning, I think she's going to fucking kill me too. Fair enough. And Stacey eventually tells the police.
01:25:16
But, okay, while the police investigate, which I think takes like eight fucking months, they still have to go to school together.
01:25:22
Oh, no. And I don't know. I don't think Marie knows yet that Stacey told. So Stacey's like, you know what?
01:25:28
I'm going to quit the yearbook staff. And kind of starts to distance herself from her.
01:25:33
And Marie's like, why every time you talk to me do you not move your mouth? This is weird.
01:25:39
Welcome to Europe. Everything's great. We're great. It's perfect. I'll tell you one, too.
01:25:45
Let's share Doritos. Share Doritos. That's all of high school to me. Oh, sharing Doritos?
01:25:54
And those donuts, those packages of donuts. That's for me. Some donut gems? Yeah.
01:26:00
Shit, girl. Those were good. The crumb ones. Okay. The crumb ones will make you choke, by the way.
01:26:06
That's just a public service announcement. Don't eat two crumb donuts in a row or you will die.
01:26:12
It's true. They're so dry. We're doing the Lord's work on this podcast. We're getting the word out to people about...
01:26:19
Choking hazards. Hello. Okay, eventually, so they have to pretend they're friends still.
01:26:32
Stacey is losing her shit. Poor Stacey. She eventually goes to an after-school program at a private psychiatric treatment center in Mansfield,
01:26:39
and she's like, I need some help. My life is swirling down the fucking toilet right now.
01:26:45
Yes. So it takes eight months for the testing to be done to see what kind of fucking poison,
01:26:51
because to detect the poison, a specialized $150,000 machine is required, which the medical examiner who was like Mr. Old Heart Attack back there a couple years ago,
01:27:05
he didn't have that machine. So he's just like, heart attack, heart attack, everyone.
01:27:10
Great. There's a knife in someone's eye. I don't know. I feel like the heart stopped at some point.
01:27:15
better write it down he's a bison it seems to me this person died of a heart attack
01:27:28
I was going to try to make a bison sound I have no fucking clue nobody knows no one knows what a bison
01:27:40
it's a mystery they've all been rustled okay so um they finally find out that it's barium acetate and it's uh 250 times the amount
01:27:54
that's usually found in a person's blood i guess we have that in us is found in poor steven um
01:28:00
and so at this point marie's and fucking a freshman at the university of texas here in austin
01:28:07
Oh, shit. The flying... The fighting bass players. Oh, they love to fight with each other.
01:28:15
Really? That's not how you do it. Get you out of here. I'm gonna get you out of here.
01:28:23
That's the song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one. And they're gonna beat you in football.
01:28:26
Yeah. At the Austin police station, Marie just admits to killing her father. Good.
01:28:33
Just make it quick. Yeah. Get it over with. and they're like, what did he do to you?
01:28:39
Please give us a reason why you would have killed him. Please tell us he molested you because we can't fucking deal with this.
01:28:44
And she's like, he was great. He never did anything wrong. He didn't. And so she says that her motive was that she believed her father's death
01:28:53
was the only way she could return to live with her mom. And she said, quote, I just wanted to be with my mom so bad
01:28:59
that I would do anything to be with her. So this chick has fucking got some, she's been this poor.
01:29:04
It's worse. When you're 16, you never want to be with your mom. Everything your mom does, you're like, ugh!
01:29:17
Yeah. Eye rolls. It's so sad. Yeah. It's not the way you're supposed to grow up.
01:29:22
Something going on. And when her mom found out about the death of her ex, before knowing that her daughter had did it,
01:29:31
she was like, it sucks because I was actually about to come get you and move us to Florida in a week
01:29:36
and I just hadn't told you yet. Yeah. Marie's like, bitch. Yeah. You gotta be fucking kidding me.
01:29:45
Beth said, if only I had told Marie one week earlier, which is like, none of this would have ever happened.
01:29:51
If only you had been a normal mom. If only. No it not her fault I sorry No it not her fault It not her fault I have mom issues Okay We working some shit out Let us do it They used the life insurance money that Marie received after Stephen death
01:30:07
60 grand to hire two veteran Fort Worth defense attorneys whose strategy was to convince the jury
01:30:13
that Marie didn't know that she just wanted to get her dad sick so she could move back. That was
01:30:17
what they said, thinking it would lead to a lighter sentence of manslaughter rather than murder.
01:30:20
but Marie, who was 19 by this time, there she goes, 19 by the time she went to trial in 1995,
01:30:30
she sobbed quietly throughout much of the trial. And then Jim Robards, who was Stephen's dad, her fucking grandpa, took the stand and said that Marie should be forgiven
01:30:44
and offered a probationary sentence. He was like, it wasn't her fault. I know, it's so sad.
01:30:48
In the end, the defense plan didn't work, and Marie was convicted of murder and sentenced to 28 years in prison.
01:30:55
But she was released on parole for good behavior after eight years in 2003, and she changed her name and is now living.
01:31:04
Here tonight. Come on. That's right. Get out here, Bridget. And that is the murder of Stephen Robards.
01:31:15
Oh, that's so sad. I know. That's that thing too when like you're a teenager and you have a lot of anxiety
01:31:27
or stress or whatever and then you come to these decisions and it's like everything's black and white.
01:31:31
It's a half to this or that and there's no other option. That's right. And you don't understand like consequences yet completely
01:31:38
because your brain's not fully fucking formed and shit. I know we actually don't
01:31:43
but do we have time for a hometown? Yeah, let's do a quick one. Sure. the last hometown
01:31:48
oh my god I don't know what that says oh there he is hi hi yeah these are not Anderson's chairs
01:32:00
they're not they wouldn't sit in these things oh those are much more plush with a wider arm
01:32:06
yeah you're right they usually do a velvet number also I was following along I don't know if you mentioned
01:32:11
but Marie the poison she got was from her high school chemistry class with a bottle that just had a skull and crossbones.
01:32:16
I already said, oh, I said it was poison. Karen made fun of me. I gotta get out of here.
01:32:22
I'm gonna go get the money. Did he just mansplain my fucking murder to me? That's husband-splaining.
01:32:39
Vince has been getting into the Lone Star backstage. Okay. Hometown. You guys know the rules, basically, but it's very important.
01:32:55
Please let it be local. Definitely Texas, if not Austin. We don't give a shit about what happened to you in Arizona.
01:33:01
And I'm not fucking kidding. You have to make it quick, beginning, middle, end. It's very important that you tell a good story.
01:33:09
And it's very important that you tell it quickly. Because if you get picked, everyone hates you.
01:33:13
All right? Georgia will now choose the hometown murder. The last hometown murder of the 2018 fall tour.
01:33:21
Here we go. Go right that way. Over there, where Vince is. That way. Someone yelled, she's sober.
01:33:28
She's sober? And I'm like, no, she's not. What does that glow-in-the-dark thing say?
01:33:35
I can't read it. Skull Team. What? Skull Team. Okay. It's a new thing they have out there where people run around in groups of five.
01:33:44
They hold a skull. It's called Skull Team. It's hilarious. So, guys, last hometown of 2018.
01:33:54
God, I... So much pressure. Oh, last night when we were in Atlanta, someone gave us a raisin cake with a pentagram on top of it.
01:34:05
Just so you know the kind of gifts we're getting. Hi, what's your name? Did you say Carrie?
01:34:11
Carrie. Hi, Carrie. Come here. Come meet Georgia. Oh, my gosh. This is so crazy.
01:34:17
Here, take this. Take that microphone. And come over here. And then center up. Carrie, where are you from?
01:34:22
I am from Fort Worth. Oh. Fort Worth. Okay, so my story is about my cousin, Greg.
01:34:31
Mm-hmm. And he lived in Louisville, which is about three hours from here. Okay. Shout out.
01:34:39
They do that to every city. Oslo. They love it. So Greg was dating a lady named Carol.
01:34:53
And Carol had been with a boyfriend named Earl. Texas, you know, good Texas boy name.
01:35:04
Yeah. Earl was abusive, not a good guy. And so when Greg started dating Carol, Earl, who was also a realtor, got a key to her apartment, got a locksmith to get a key to go into her apartment.
01:35:22
And he went in, and they were in bed together, Greg and Carol, of course, they were dating or whatever.
01:35:29
He got livid, so mad, he storms out, and my cousin Greg was a subcontractor, big construction on homes and such.
01:35:42
He had gotten a message that someone wanted to, they needed some work done on a house, and it was an empty house.
01:35:51
so Greg goes to meet this client at the empty house and I he's shot in the head and killed in the garage.
01:36:06
So this was in the early 80s. And what better way to cover up a murder in the early 80s
01:36:11
than to dump red paint on the floor and write 666 on the garage and make it look like a satanic ritual.
01:36:19
So that's what happened. And Earl put my brother's body into his own truck, into Greg's truck,
01:36:27
drove it out on on um i-35 parked it put a flat tire on it so he sat there for a couple days
01:36:34
and um finally you know the police found him and they kind of tied it back that it was
01:36:42
earl who had set it up but unfortunately it was only circumstantial evidence that they could find
01:36:48
so uh he was never prosecuted oh shit but here's what i'll say you ladies have encouraged me and
01:36:56
inspired me. And I really want to reach out to the Louisville Police Department and ask
01:37:01
their cold case division to look back into this because there have been so many developments.
01:37:06
That's such a good idea. You should do that. Thank you. So thank you ladies very, very much.
01:37:12
Thank you. What an amazing story. Thank you for sharing that. Carrie, everybody, let's hear it.
01:37:18
Thank you so much Thank you Great job Oh my God I have chills and I might cry I know I know
01:37:32
That was really amazing. This is such a crazy community, you guys. That we all made.
01:37:38
I can't believe it. This insane little thing that we had this fascination with by ourselves
01:37:44
and watched all these TV shows late at night about true crime and now we're all together like normal people.
01:37:52
And realize how normal it is to have it in your life and in your family or just to be interested in it.
01:37:56
But you're not a sick fuck for being interested in it. You're just, you know, human.
01:38:01
Yeah. Yeah. It's very cool. Yeah, we talk about this all the time. And we try to freshen it up and make it new for every show.
01:38:09
But we really are. We're just flabbergasted at the response that we've gotten for this podcast and the support.
01:38:15
And the community you guys have created for yourselves. You raise money. you fucking have get togethers
01:38:23
you fight your own anxiety and you meet new people and you go out into the world
01:38:27
and you're taking back the world around you and now you get to say what's weird and
01:38:33
you get to say what's allowed and you know we get a lot of credit for that but you're doing it
01:38:39
for yourselves and it's an amazing thing to see so thank you so so much for being here with us
01:38:44
you too balcony you too Oh shit Ticky talk All the way to the top Yeah, it's really...
01:39:00
No, go ahead. This has been yet another incredible tour with these fucking awesome shows of our friends.
01:39:08
We're so lucky. Thank you guys so much for coming and supporting us for almost three fucking years.
01:39:13
Yeah. We get to meet people at the meet and greet And sometimes they'll go like, we came to see you in this show and this show and we're coming tomorrow and we went there last year.
01:39:23
And it's just, we can't say it enough that it's just, we're having the best fucking time.
01:39:29
And it's really incredible that this is our job now. So thank you very much. Very much.
01:39:36
And Austin, especially, this was a fucking amazing, great show that we had the best time at.
01:39:43
thank you for letting us what a perfect perfect ending for this tour that's it's been amazing shows
01:39:50
but oh my god what a huge high to end on thank you so much so stay sexy and go get
01:39:57
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