00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
00:00:33
Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. If audiobooks are your thing, or if you've been meaning to listen to more of them,
00:00:40
you should check out a podcast called Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club, hosted by Cal Penn.
00:00:46
Each episode spotlights standout audiobooks on Audible across all kinds of genres.
00:00:51
Sci-fi, comedy, romance, thrillers, and more. With Cal talking to guests who help break down what makes each story worth listening to.
00:00:57
It's a fun, easy way to discover your next great audiobook. Check out Earsay on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
00:01:06
Goodbye. Pandora Jewelry brings the sparkle to summer, now with even better prices.
00:01:11
Shop now for up to 50% off select jewelry featuring personalized pieces to must-have summer favorites.
00:01:17
Timeless jewelry made to move with you through every moment. Shop in-store or online now through July 5th.
00:01:22
Terms and conditions apply. See Pandora.net for more details. Goodbye. Goodbye. My favorite world
00:01:57
What's up, Vancouver? Vancouver? Look, they go all the way up there. Oh, my God.
00:02:26
Hey, guys. Right there. And over there. That's right. Now we're just going to do this for three hours.
00:02:42
Different sections. That's right. Competing for sound. Oh. Hi. Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
00:02:57
Yay. You can tell that this is the fourth night of this leg of the tour because I have no idea what my hair is doing right now.
00:03:07
I really don't. Oh, I know what mine's doing. What's yours doing? It's fucking not getting washed and getting in pigtails.
00:03:13
Oh, really? Really. Yes. This is my, oh, shit, I think I have to stop doing this when I turn 40.
00:03:22
What am I going to do? You mean no pigtails past 40? I don't know. I keep pushing it further and further, though, so I feel like I'm going to be no pigtails past 80 someday.
00:03:33
I have an idea. You can keep the pigtails past 40 and well into your 60s as long as you wear high vinyl boots and a miniskirt with them.
00:03:42
Done. Done and done. What if I just rip this and I hand that on underneath it? Speaking of outfits, look at yours.
00:03:51
Oh, yes. Well, that's okay. Oh, Canada. Pockets, that's right. I have pockets. Two.
00:04:06
I asked for two in this one. And they gave them to me. Wow. You must know someone at the top.
00:04:13
I was like, you know what? Add a second pocket. I have two hands and I'm going to use both of them.
00:04:19
Well, I mean, what to say about my outfit? It's from Land's End, a wonderful catalog for women who have their own rutabaga farms in New England.
00:04:36
And I didn't realize that they made dresses that fit me perfectly and have pockets until I ordered one.
00:04:44
And I was like, Land's End, you're my boyfriend forever. New boots that you hate because they hurt, but they're so cute.
00:04:54
I've got boots that are making me pay for every sin I've ever committed in my life.
00:05:00
Fun. Which is fun. There's a guy right there. I know. I know. There you go. Guys.
00:05:07
Also, I got these tights at the drugstore right before I left Los Angeles. Don't do that to yourself.
00:05:13
These tights are light gray at best. They're nowhere near black. So now I'm doing black, gray, black, ruined.
00:05:22
The look is ruined. Cancel it. But that's okay because my hair is all fucked up and I look like a girl named Donna who smokes at the bar.
00:05:29
So that's the character I'll be doing tonight. Right? She's fun. I love Donna. Donna?
00:05:37
She's the best to hang out with. Well, I look all dressed up tonight. Yes, you do.
00:05:44
Thank you. Should I have said that to you? No, I mean, I'm not complimenting myself.
00:05:50
Truly, if this isn't dressed up, then I am fucking, I quit, you know? But when I but I was going to tell them about what I look like when I fly Yes please do That the best Oh my God Okay Here the thing you guys I not one of those like girls that look really pretty when they sleep and
00:06:07
wake up. Who are those girls? They have princess hair. Yeah. No, not real. It's not me,
00:06:14
which is fine. I don't think that's anything anyone needs to strive for. No, right?
00:06:19
If we're now worried about being hot while we sleep, let's just fucking give up.
00:06:23
It's insanity. Let's not. But you know those movies where it's like, she looks like an angel.
00:06:29
It's like, that's not me. Because they have fucking makeup artists that are coming in to touch them up every five seconds.
00:06:35
And they're not real. And they're not sleeping for real. It's a movie. Right. Beauty standards, turns out, are fucked up.
00:06:42
They're fucked. Because the reality is, sometimes what you look like when you're sleeping is that your fucking entire jaw is unhinged.
00:06:50
And you are just wide open with your mouth open. and you are on a plane and you're wearing sunglasses
00:06:57
because the fucking asshole in front of you didn't get the memo that everyone else's fucking windshield,
00:07:02
is that what they call them? Nope. It's closed. And so it's bright. And then it turns out you have a husband
00:07:11
who takes a photo of you while you're sleeping. He's fun. And you love him. You still love him.
00:07:16
Yeah. Go, go. I swear to God This one does not get old It does not get old You know what's really fun is people were posting
00:07:33
People took pictures of it last night And posted it It's so much funnier from the back of the room
00:07:37
I swear to God Just the scope of it I feel like this weekend has been the get over it tour
00:07:44
For me It's just what your life is like now And it's totally okay which is fun. I'm like, great. It's pretty great. And I love that Vince, I don't know,
00:07:52
I've told him before, like, I love when you take candid photos of me, but this isn't what I meant.
00:07:59
You didn't really mean candid at all. No. And he doesn't normally do that. And so when I woke up,
00:08:04
he turned to me to show me what he had done. But he had his earbuds in, so he did that thing where
00:08:13
you yell because you have music on. So we're on a plane, a small plane, shows me the photo,
00:08:19
turns to me and yells what he thinks I look like. He goes, the Unabomber! On a plane! He yelled,
00:08:28
the Unabomber! You shouldn't do that. If I was on the plane and I had my earbuds in and I was
00:08:36
going to show you that picture, I would have said, blind Paddington Bear! But you weren't on that plane.
00:08:44
Turns out I missed that plane. Here's the thing. This lifestyle I really love. And I want to make it as rock and roll as possible.
00:08:55
So what I did was roll. Because normally, and this is kind of boring. But normally we leave for our flights out of LAX.
00:09:03
Which is like 1,000 miles away from where anyone lives in Los Angeles. but they actually made
00:09:09
or Vince booked us on a flight out of Burbank which is literally 10 minutes down the street from my house
00:09:15
it's so exciting. And it's like you just breeze in they're like, they look at you and they're like you look fine
00:09:19
and you just get in. It's the easiest thing ever. It's easy, it's very small They have fucking valet parking
00:09:26
They do! They know who it's for. Total assholes in Los Angeles Our flight was at 9.30
00:09:33
and I left my house at 9.15 I don't know. At what point did you realize that was...
00:09:41
I don't know. I have so many questions. I can actually tell you. As a fucking obsessive-compulsive, untimey person,
00:09:48
I'm just striving to understand. I don't think I can explain it to you because I'm an obsessive-compulsive, not-timey person
00:09:56
where I'm almost 50 years old and clocks still baffle me. I'm like, what? How is it that time?
00:10:04
Like they're actually being mean to you. Yeah, they're attacking me personally. I had detoured myself a bit plucking every hair off of my face before I went.
00:10:16
Sometimes you just want to have very thin eyebrows on the airplane. I don't know what happened.
00:10:22
All I know is when I went out to pick up my bag and I looked at the clock, I just started screaming fuck really loud.
00:10:28
Like that was going to get me there faster. But what was funny is, and I kind of love stuff like this,
00:10:34
is when I went up to the counter to check in at Alaska, the woman, when I said, oh, I'm on the 9.30 flight to Portland,
00:10:41
she goes, the 9.30 flight? What? It's already closed. Like, it was her fucking flight.
00:10:49
Like, I ruined her tour weekend. Like, she had a show in Portland to get to that night.
00:10:55
I was like, bitch, unbutton that vest. You're not going anywhere. So I had to text.
00:11:01
I, as an adult, had to text another adult and tell them that I missed my fucking flight that was arm's reach from the front door of my house.
00:11:12
Vince was like, no problem. I'm going to book you on the 11 a.m. flight. And here's how he's a brilliant man because he's teaching me how to not miss my flight anymore.
00:11:21
Instead of flying first class on Alaska, I was now flying on Southwest. That's right.
00:11:29
That's right. you know that one that you have to line up for with people who have never seen numbers before
00:11:35
in their fucking lives it turns out with all the people there's like a section of businessmen that
00:11:41
like to fly southwest and talk about their dumb jobs at the top of their fucking lungs have you
00:11:47
ever do sat in front in the front of two businessmen they're like well last week last week we
00:11:53
You were in Albuquerque. It like sir the yelling is unnecessary That guy was on I hate to break this Southwest hate fest we have going on but that guy was on my flight Oh And I was in that first class we spoke of sleeping like this
00:12:10
And the general manager of... He said Albuquerque. Yeah. Fucking swear to God. Did he really?
00:12:14
I swear to God. They're all the same. They're all from Albuquerque. It's one actor going around and pissing people off.
00:12:19
It's like a prank show that never pays off. and then so then but I go I interrupted your
00:12:29
because no I think that was it okay great I mean we're talking about airplane flights and shit
00:12:34
these people do not care how can they how can they um oh speaking of that this is my favorite murder
00:12:41
the podcast oh hello thank you hi thanks guys this is Karen Kilgariff hi and this is Georgia Hartstar
00:12:50
hi We're very happy to be here in Canada with you guys. We had a very exciting thing happen at the border.
00:13:02
Oh, yeah. Yeah. You guys all drove up today, and we were behind you. Yeah. Because when we got to the lady in the box,
00:13:13
Vince handed over all our papers and information, and she said, what are you doing or whatever,
00:13:18
and Vince said, we have a show tonight, in Vancouver. And she goes, oh, you guys are doing the show?
00:13:24
And we're like, yeah. And she's like, oh, what did she say? Everyone coming through is going.
00:13:30
Yeah. Or something like that. She didn't, she said something like, I don't have to ask about it
00:13:35
because the last 10 people told me about it. You guys are our ground team. Spreading the word.
00:13:45
Thank you so much because we were able to smuggle so much heroin into this country.
00:13:50
They never looked twice at us. That's right. We're posing as podcasters. We have an international drug smuggling ring.
00:13:57
The best cover ever. Steven's not here. No. There's not enough room under this table for him.
00:14:06
Do you want to know where he is? I'll show you where he is. Oh. That gets sent to me the other day from my house of Mimi.
00:14:16
I mean, have you seen a bitchier cat's face in your life? Truly, the most judgmental cat.
00:14:28
She's like, you're not using that filter, are you? Here's the thing. At some point in the future, Stephen's going to be, I think, a father and a husband.
00:14:38
Okay. Can you imagine stumbling upon a picture of your father like that? Just being like, what the fuck?
00:14:44
Oh my God. My dad used to dress up like a rabbit online. Oh, my God. And get judged by cats that look like Daria?
00:14:53
And like... Oh, my God. Dad. Holy shit. Mom, the Easter Bunny's here, and I think he might be a sex pervert.
00:15:08
Mom, the Easter Bunny has a mustache. Or maybe she's having flashbacks because every year I have these Easter bunny, this like Easter bunny bonnet I put on her.
00:15:18
Do you put on Mimi? Yeah. Oh, she doesn't like that. No, but it's so quick. I do it so quickly.
00:15:24
I get one photo and then I put it up and it makes me happy and brings me joy. And she realizes that that's happening.
00:15:31
No. Look at her. No, I know. If she was on the stairs and I was there, I just wouldn't go upstairs.
00:15:37
I mean, Mimi doesn't fuck around. Yeah. It's like putting a bonnet on Ruth Bader Ginsburg or something like that.
00:15:44
Like, who are you? Why would you do such a thing? If anyone knows computers, could you please give Mimi a Ruth Bader Ginsburg-type bun?
00:15:52
Just that real, tight, cold, hardcore, old ballerina. That's your thing today. That's your assignment.
00:15:59
That's your assignment. If you choose to accept it. And then we have one more that I want to show you.
00:16:03
Okay. What Stephen did to my cat. I don't know where he fucking even got that, you guys.
00:16:14
It came out on Thursday, that new line of shit, and he somehow acquired one. I did get my flu shot, and I got $5 off $25.
00:16:23
Oh, good job. Yes. What's your flu shot? Cheering for a flu shot. Yep, yep. And then he dressed my cat, which feels like a personal attack.
00:16:33
It is an attack on you, for sure. In a shirt that says that he's himself. Yeah. And I know that sweet look in his face of why, you know?
00:16:43
Like, I know that look. I've seen it when I, like, I do, you know, when I hold him like a baby,
00:16:47
and he's like, I don't want to do this, but I love you. Yeah. It's that. Or maybe you put, like, reindeer antlers on him at Christmas.
00:16:54
He's Jewish. Oh, sorry. He's Jewish. He's the world's only Siamese Jew cat. No, there's a lot of them actually
00:17:05
Are there really? It's a whole network We have a Facebook page Subgroups Little yarmulkes we put on
00:17:13
You should actually get just one single shirt made That says I'm the Elvis I'm the Elvis
00:17:18
Right Or like X out the N I'm in I'm in Never mind We'll work it out We'll work it out backstage
00:17:24
I'm sorry guys We're workshopping for the next show Do you mind if we just talk about merch for a while?
00:17:30
We're going to have a quick merch meeting and get back to you. That's right. Should we sit down?
00:17:38
Yeah, let's do it. Oh, yes. Yes, Canada. We ordered the punk rock chairs. And we got them.
00:17:48
The punk rock extra duct tape. This chair is about to tell me to fuck off when I sit on it.
00:17:54
Okay. I can handle it That right These chairs have Mimi look on her face Yeah They seen so much They have That comfortable
00:18:05
There we go. And here and there. Oh, I like these. There's a little ring down there, or like a bar I can hook my boot heels on the back of.
00:18:12
Oh. And then just, whoa. Whoa. Oh, God. You're scaring me. I wish I was closer to the edge of the stage for that.
00:18:21
Whoa. Crowd surfing. we have to start crowd surfing. Totally. Would you guys would just break everyone's fingers?
00:18:34
Their poor faces. People who do not listen to this podcast that work here are like,
00:18:39
what in the fuck is going on? What is any of this shit? Oh my God. This is a true crime comedy podcast.
00:18:48
Yes. It's confusing to some people except for that person. This is a... We now have a viewer discretion warning
00:18:59
at the top of the show because we know that some of you guys like to force people
00:19:05
to come here with you who don't listen and don't care. Aren't interested, don't get it.
00:19:11
But got promised a nice dinner. Right. Kind of wish you had ordered something more expensive
00:19:16
to make this worth it. But so, for those people who aren't sure, There's a true crime comedy podcast, which are, you know, some might argue diametrically opposed concepts.
00:19:28
True crime being all about murder and the loss of human life and tragedy and then comedy.
00:19:36
And it can be very kind of complex and layered. It's like I just realized it's those two, you know, comedy and tragedy.
00:19:44
Masks. Yeah, that's right. Why isn't that our logo? That should have been our logo.
00:19:52
Yeah, it is going to be our logo. Next year we're going to turn our logo to the comedy tragedy masks of theater.
00:19:58
I mean, truly nothing legitimizes you more than the comedy and tragedy masks. That's right.
00:20:03
It's like we're of the theater and we're also fucking nerds. Yeah. So listen to our podcast.
00:20:08
Right. Anyway, the whole point of this speech is that sometimes the combination of those two things might be offensive to some people who don't know us or don't listen.
00:20:20
It might it might seem wrong to you if you're one of those kind of people we just we really want you to know you should get the fuck out now because it's
00:20:29
It's not gonna get better It won't get better That's right, you know before we start I printed up some fun Vancouver trivia. Do you want to hear it?
00:20:43
She didn't tell me that I'm that was a that was my my reaction from the theater truly
00:20:50
Oh. You did? You did? Yes. Tell me everything. Well, because Stephen sometimes sends us an email of trivia.
00:20:57
Yeah. God bless his soul. He really busts his ass for us, and all we do is just give him shit.
00:21:02
And make fun of him on stage. That's not cool. He's like, truly loves my cats. And I'm like, ew.
00:21:08
Ew. Don't put a shirt on it. But, like, Stephen's trivia, I think one of the only things in that email just said that the California roll was invented here.
00:21:20
We're just like... Thanks, guys. Thanks, Steven. Although interesting, what the fuck?
00:21:27
It's nothing like this trivia that I got out of the Vancouver Sun. For real. In 1908, Jeff the Boxing Kangaroo amused big crowds at the Pantages Theater.
00:21:39
So that's the kind of shit we have to follow tonight. How are we going to follow that?
00:21:43
I don't know. Shit. Jeff. Somebody named a kangaroo Jeff in 1908. Oh, my God. It's called being a visionary.
00:21:52
Yeah. Ahead of his time. I mean, in 1909, the following year, Vancouver took its first mechanized ambulance out for a test drive,
00:22:00
and it immediately ran over and killed an American tourist. No! Yep. No! Oh, my God!
00:22:14
R.I.P. That sucks, dude. Wow. What a bummer. Jeff the boxing kangaroo was on the sidewalk giggling behind his hand.
00:22:26
Jeff. Fucking stupid American. In 1931, the province newspaper had this startling lead to a story.
00:22:36
One person in every 300 in British Columbia is insane. That's hilarious. Including your ambulance drivers.
00:22:48
Maybe that was back when ambulance drivers had to stir up their own business. You know what I mean?
00:22:53
Yeah, it was like a private company, and they were like, well... It was for-profit ambulancing.
00:23:01
In 1920... Oh, wait, I didn't do this chronologically. In 1920, in Surrey, loggers found an eagle's nest so big it was too large for a farm wagon to haul away.
00:23:14
Well, that just makes you assume that the person knows how big a farm wagon is. I'm from the suburbs.
00:23:21
I'm pretty sure every farm wagon is standardly about two bales of hay wide. And four long, right, I would say?
00:23:30
You stack them up four. Right. Well, it sounds like a big nest. I mean, I'm saying it was a fucking pterodactyl nest and no one's talking about it.
00:23:37
Oh, God. I'm here tonight to say you guys. Legends. Are the land of the lost. And on October 11th, 1939, Vancouver's first public aquarium opened.
00:23:50
The manager was an American named Ivar Haglund, who later moved to Seattle and opened a restaurant called Ivar's Acres of Clams.
00:24:00
He's always been into seafood. He fucking loves it. Oh my God. I don't want acres of clams, personally.
00:24:07
I'd like half a dozen. It would take you so long to walk over acres of clams. Okay, the final one is margarine was banned in British Columbia for 70 years.
00:24:23
You guys? You guys are not fucking having margarine. No. What did margarine ever do to you?
00:24:30
The British Columbia dairy industry. Margarine, they banned it in 1886. They only unbanned it in 1949.
00:24:41
What happened in 1885? Someone who was in charge of banning shit got a bad batch of margarine.
00:24:48
I was like, fuck this shit. Someone was given a piece of toast and they bit into it and they were like,
00:24:54
who put Vaseline on my toast? I don't want that shit. They're like, oh, no, we're passing off as butter now.
00:25:00
They're like, no, you're not. And when did it come back? In the 80s? 49. Okay, because remember how big it got in the 80s?
00:25:06
That was Marjorie's fucking heyday. Everyone lost their shit. Everyone's mom who was reducing.
00:25:12
Yes. Going to fucking jazzercise. And Janet Craig. Yep. Yes. That was the I can't believe it's not butter years.
00:25:19
Great. Yeah. Let's talk about that, you guys. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't butter.
00:25:24
Let's talk about Country Croc I thought it would be fun to kick off with some trivia
00:25:30
I loved it Thank you Listen, you did it You guys did it You guys named that thing Jeff, not us
00:25:39
It was you all along Well, there hasn't been a kangaroo named Jeff It was 75 years
00:25:45
Now do it as a drunk person Oh my gosh, you know Jeff Hold on Do you know Jeff? I'm going to tell you about Jeff.
00:26:02
That's okay. Don't clap for drunk Karen or she'll come back. You'd love it, wouldn't you?
00:26:15
No, I would fucking hate it. You would? I bet like a day would be great. Yes. But like, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
00:26:21
Then it would be like, I have to drive. There's a lot of that behavior. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer,
00:26:31
Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent. The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14.
00:26:36
Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense,
00:26:41
rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust. Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either.
00:26:47
Hyundai has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle.
00:26:53
Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability. And Hyundai continues doing it every day.
00:26:59
From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here.
00:27:06
Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. When you're young, you don't really buy furniture.
00:27:14
You either inherit something from your parents, or you just drag something in from the street
00:27:18
like you're some kind of hipster raccoon. When you're ready for furniture that you actually like,
00:27:23
check out Article. Article offers the style and durability you want at a price that actually makes sense.
00:27:28
They take great care in curating their collection, focusing on pieces that stand the test of time.
00:27:33
There's no filler. Every item is chosen for craftsmanship, design, and lasting value.
00:27:37
And with Article's 30-day satisfaction guarantee, you can shop with confidence, knowing that if you're not completely in love
00:27:43
with your new furniture, you can easily return it. Plus, Article's customer care team is available seven days a week,
00:27:49
offering knowledgeable support and even free interior design services to help you get your
00:27:53
home just right. Yes, please. Don't we all kind of need that? Like the eye of an expert? Yeah.
00:27:59
Where should I put this? And also, what should I move here and there? And what should I even get?
00:28:03
But Article has it all, so you can get whatever there. That's right. You could be like, I have
00:28:06
this thing. Should I get this one or that one? Totally. Am I Scandi or am I mid-century? Help me
00:28:10
be boho chic, please. If you're in the market for a beautiful new sofa, dining table or bed,
00:28:15
head over to article.com. Goodbye. Summer is all about saying yes, going out and bringing the mess
00:28:22
home in your car. Sand, grass and melting snacks will inevitably hit your ride. But with WeatherTech,
00:28:28
you can live life to the fullest. WeatherTech floor liners, cargo liner and seat protectors
00:28:33
allow you to keep up with your summer adventures without the worry. WeatherTech is built for all
00:28:37
of those summer things, allowing you the freedom to go all in. WeatherTech is an American-made
00:28:41
premium product built to last and easy to clean. If you're going all out this summer,
00:28:46
you need WeatherTech. Visit weathertech.com today. Goodbye. We have a clicker here. Vince told us not to press that button. I'm not gonna. We don't know
00:28:58
what happens. He called it the ghostbuster button because there's just a circle with an
00:29:02
X wrote it, and we knew immediately what he meant. Let's go off. Foam party starts.
00:29:07
Foam party! We'll press it as we leave the stage. Okay. I'm stalling because, all right, this is what happens.
00:29:16
Let me just tell you, I'm first, right? Yes. Because I chose to be. Because this thing happens, you know, you're going through your week,
00:29:22
and you're like, I've got to pick my murders for this weekend, and you, like, do this, you know, Sweet Steven sends you a list of, like,
00:29:27
ideas with, like, one line of description in the beginning. You're like, I can't do that.
00:29:31
I can't do that. Great, fine, I'll do that. Like, I did fucking, what did I get?
00:29:34
D.B. Cooper yesterday. It was just like, this is what's going to happen. It was good.
00:29:39
It was really good. It was fun. I had a great time. Well, that's all that matters.
00:29:43
So this one I picked, and then I started, and I was dialed in, and then I started researching it.
00:29:49
How come no one ever told me about this one? It's the most insane thing I've ever, never heard about.
00:29:54
Really? I like obsessed with it now It the Abbotsford killer What in the fuck you guys
00:30:08
Everyone's yelling at us about a fucking asshole pig farmer. When meanwhile, this is the most insane thing I've ever heard of in my life.
00:30:17
Shit, okay. And it did bring me, the one thing that this brought me that is joyful is that I listened,
00:30:28
there's not a lot of information when you just like articles, but there's a lot of documentaries,
00:30:33
and then there's a couple podcast episodes about it from True Crime Podcast, which brought me to my new favorite podcast.
00:30:38
It's a Canadian true crime and dark history podcast called Dark Poutine. Amazing.
00:30:46
Truly. How great is that? Like you just immediately know you're going to like these dudes.
00:30:56
It's great. It's great. I mean, it is already dark, right? Do you have any questions about it?
00:31:07
I'll ask later. I just, God bless you for that name. Wonderful. Wonderful work. So I listen on the way from Seattle to here, and there's beautiful fall leaves.
00:31:19
Oh, it's so gorgeous. We don't have that in California. Oh, we don't have trees.
00:31:23
We don't. Everything burnt down. Oh, I didn't fucking do it. Yes, she did. No. It was just.
00:31:35
I was out there in the forest. Shh, give me this. I have matches. I have matches.
00:31:40
Do you want matches? All right. So let's get into this, because shit. Okay. All right. Around 5.30 in the morning on October 14th, Saturday, 1995, in Abbotsford, British Columbia.
00:31:56
It's about an hour from here, right? On a good day. I don't know. a 16 year old girl named misty cockerel stumbles bleeding beaten and nearly hypothermic into the
00:32:09
front doors of msa general hospital oh uh despite a massive fracture in her skull she's conscious
00:32:15
they said it's the size of a fist a whole size of a fist she's conscious and able to tell them
00:32:21
that she had just woken up near in the parking lot near right by there after having been beaten
00:32:25
by a man with a baseball bat and that she was with her friend at the time, 16-year-old Tanya Smith,
00:32:32
and Tanya's now missing. She had just woken up, come to, stumps her the fucking horse.
00:32:36
Holy fuck. That's right. Despite all her injuries, she survives, and later that morning,
00:32:44
she tells police that Tanya, so this is the story she tells police. She and Tanya had been at a party
00:32:51
that Friday night, so it was Friday the 13th, and they were at a party in Surrey.
00:32:56
They left around midnight, got a ride closer to home, and they decided to walk a few blocks to a different party,
00:33:01
a couple blocks from their house. And they're all joking about it being Friday the 13th.
00:33:05
Misty, who has a great dark sense of humor, says that she joked, watch, some guy's going to jump out of the bushes and try to rape us.
00:33:15
Yeah. And she said that we laughed it off and continued walking. Just a few blocks into their walk,
00:33:20
They stop when they heard a man's voice behind them, and the guy said something like,
00:33:25
you bitches want to party? Like something terrifying. They dismissed him like some asshole, kept walking, and he did it again,
00:33:33
and they turned around, and they noticed that he had an aluminum baseball bat in his hand.
00:33:38
The guy steps out of the bushes, grabs them both by the arms, and then pulls them through.
00:33:42
It's like a tall, thick hedge. Pulls them through into the parking lot. He orders the girls to strip, and Misty doesn't move.
00:33:51
Tanya starts to take her clothes off, and as the guy focuses on Tanya, Misty realizes that he had put his baseball back down.
00:34:02
This fucking badass chick grabs the bat and swings it at him and hits him. She refused to run and get help, and she just didn't want to leave her friend,
00:34:14
so she hits him. They start struggling. She yells for Tanya to run, but Tanya didn't want to leave
00:34:18
her friend either. And unfortunately, he gets a hold of the bat and begins to hit her with it.
00:34:26
She says she counts seven hits before she blocks out. Oh, fuck. When she comes to, and this is what,
00:34:34
this is another thing she later says, is she remembers as she's laying on the ground after
00:34:37
the seventh hit, she says, I open my eyes and I see my high school, because it was like across the
00:34:42
street. And I remember thinking that that's going to be the last thing I see as my high school.
00:34:46
But what they don't put in that, the article I read and I had to see somewhere else is
00:34:49
I was pissed off because I fucking hate that place. Which I was just, I mean, amazing.
00:34:59
Seriously. That's the first thing I thought is like, that's the most depressing thing of all time.
00:35:03
Yeah. Oh, there. So, and it's great. So these girls are 16 and it's 1995. That's, and they're in high school.
00:35:10
It's exactly my age, pretty much, and I just, the thought of me being 16 and going through this, you know, it's insane to me that they went through this and that Misty was able to fucking joke about it this way.
00:35:21
It's bananas. She, when she comes to, when she woke up after being, after passing out, she comes to you, Tanya's gone, she finds her way to the hospital, to the front doors, and she describes their attacker as very tall with a receding hairline and remembers looking into his eyes and knowing that he intended on killing them.
00:35:38
And then later it's said that as she entered the emergency room and stumbled in that the triage nurse caught sight of her and began to scream.
00:35:47
And she says, that's a hard thing to do. That's really saying something. Yeah. She's a fucking triage nurse.
00:35:54
Yeah She says quote I thought man whoever came in behind me must be in really rough shape I know I love her This sweet baby angel
00:36:05
Shit. Sadly, later that morning at about 7.30 a.m., fishermen at Better Canal, which is about 10 miles away,
00:36:14
find the naked body of Tanya Smith. She had been severely beaten, sexually assaulted, and then thrown in the river face down where she drowned.
00:36:22
this killer became known as the Abbotsford killer. So Abbotsford is a Bible Belt community.
00:36:29
I think it was really conservative at the time. I don't know if it still is. It's like a bedroom suburb of Vancouver.
00:36:36
It is. Welcome. We're glad to have you. And so, of course, I mean, like any town,
00:36:46
they're like fucking shocked that that happens here. You know, they're into Jesus and stuff.
00:36:52
Don't say his name like that, Georgia. Who? Jesus. Jesus. Okay. So they're all fucking freaked the fuck out over this, understandably.
00:37:06
And I grew up in a fucking Republican-ass town, too, that was suburban, bedroom-y community.
00:37:11
And the shit, we would have lost our minds. So a joint investigation is launched between the Abbotsford police and the Chilliwack RCMP.
00:37:20
Chilliwack? Yeah, you did it. I was like, I know I'm going to get that wrong when I saw it earlier.
00:37:28
Days after their attack, okay. Okay, days after the attack, they're setting up a hotline for tips, and they get a fucking phone call.
00:37:39
Let me show you the girls real quick. I'm sorry, let's get that up. I look like that.
00:37:45
She has a choker on. I wore chokers. Oh, yeah. It was required in the 90s. Yeah.
00:37:50
so they get a phone call they're not yet taping so that's not recorded the caller
00:37:57
they're taping but they're not tracing it thank you the caller says that he's Tanya's killer
00:38:03
and he was giving them a chance to find him before he starts looking for his next victim
00:38:07
whoa he gave a gruesome piece of evidence that only the killer would know that they had
00:38:11
of course kept out of the media and that he had bitten Tanya's nipple and he tauntingly
00:38:15
told them that it tastes good this fucking asshole piece of shit so the call is that was like the second call he had made
00:38:24
that call's traced, the time police arrived at the location, the caller had fled
00:38:28
it was a phone booth and they dust it for fingerprints can't find any and 20 minutes later
00:38:34
or so, the man calls back and asks if the police thought he was foolish enough to leave fingerprints
00:38:38
behind, so he's just fucking taunting them at this point he continues to call the police to taunt about
00:38:44
his next kill and when it's going to happen he belittles them for not being smart enough
00:38:48
to catch him. He's just fucking enjoying it. And in the Dark Poutine podcast, they play all the...
00:38:53
What are they called? The calls? His phone calls? His voice and shit. Yeah. I mean, he just sounds
00:39:00
like a normal... It's that thing of no one would have known. He sounds like a normal dude, and you think he's
00:39:06
going to sound like a monster. He just sounds like a fucking normal person. It's creepy.
00:39:10
I'm sure the town was freaking the fuck out. Da-da-da-da-da. Okay. So, the cause terrorized the lower mainland,
00:39:17
and they're gripped by fear, Inspector Rob Geel described the driver case, oops, I just gave something away,
00:39:25
as one of the most bizarre in his 27 years of police work. He says, I hope I never see anything like it again.
00:39:33
The way this individual taunted the community and put this community in a state of fear
00:39:36
was like nothing we had ever seen before. So a fucking suspect, three people calling this,
00:39:43
okay, a sketch gets drawn. Okay. All right. Yes. a composite sketch based on Misty's description of him.
00:39:50
There's two of them, and these are them. Oh, yeah. Take a look at those. You see those in the paper, and you're like,
00:39:55
well, I'm moving. And never leaving the house again. That looks like David Thewlis, the great British actor.
00:40:07
But, you know, in a bald cap. So creepy. And that looks just like a weasel. with a Hitler mustache, for fuck's sake.
00:40:19
So, okay, imagine this dude, and three people call in, and they're like, that looks exactly like this dude I know.
00:40:27
And I saw a video of this guy. It looks exactly like this dude. It's so creepy. This guy's held in,
00:40:35
they are like, we've got the guy. It looks exactly like him, and he's kind of like a meth-y street dude.
00:40:41
They hold him, and they have DNA, and they have the bite mark. So they do a dental impression.
00:40:47
They do the DNA testing, which it's the fucking mid-90s. So it takes two months.
00:40:53
They keep him in custody that long before finding out the DNA doesn't match and it's not him.
00:40:57
And they have a video of him like piecing out of the fucking, like he's just like later days, dude.
00:41:04
And through that entire time, the guy had stopped calling. So they were like, we've got him.
00:41:10
But really what probably happened was he's like, great, someone's going to go down for this for me.
00:41:13
So he fucking quieted out and latered. So, boop, boop, boop, boop, da-da-da-da, okay.
00:41:19
So then the cops are like, well, they're starting over. They need new suspects. They need this guy to call back.
00:41:26
So they decide to put out an article taunting him on purpose. They tell him that, in the article it says, like,
00:41:36
psychologist thinks he's too scared to call again, or he's, you know, taunting him.
00:41:40
He responds by doing this insane fucking thing. On February 17 1996 a call is made to the local radio station at Radio Max and DJ Mike Ciccone he gets a call and the guy like go look at the radio station car that got plastered with a it probably a PT cruiser
00:42:05
I don't know. You know. You're seeing it in your mind's eyes. Yes. A purple PT cruiser.
00:42:11
Exactly. With radio masks across the side. Across the side. Big Mikey C on mornings.
00:42:17
Right. And they go to like, I'm sure they go to car sales openings and, you know, dog walks.
00:42:23
I don't know. What's a dog walk? Dog walks. Dog parade. The radio shows up when you're walking your dog.
00:42:30
I don't know why dog walk got in there just now. Maybe it's because you showed me a photo from the Circleville Pumpkin Show today of the animal parade.
00:42:40
Tell them what that was. Someone was walking a duck. Did you see that? On a leash.
00:42:45
On a leash. My dream is to get Elvis. How else would you walk a duck? Well, walking a duck is like, well, you know.
00:42:53
On a leash, I said. Sorry. No, it's great. Okay. This is insane. Okay. Fucking Mikey C.
00:43:07
Yeah. Goes out to the Radio Max car and finds that someone had tossed a concrete headstone,
00:43:17
gravestone, on the fucking hood of the car. it's fucking Tanya's headstone. No, what the fuck?
00:43:25
I fucking know. If this was a movie, I'd be like, I'm not watching this anymore.
00:43:32
It's stupid and bad. It's like, that real, like, can you imagine, then they show Mike C in like some old video
00:43:40
and he's just like some, you know, like some kid guy. I'm sure he's just like, I'm moving, I'm moving, goodbye.
00:43:48
That's insane. so he had gone and I had fucking stolen Tanya's gravestone and there he had there was like a
00:43:55
photo of her on it and he had fucking etched messages into it Jesus Christ including saying
00:44:00
I'm still out there I'm the one and quote she wasn't the first and she won't be the last and
00:44:06
then he writes one day Misty and Misty is the one that survived and her whole family's already in
00:44:12
fucking protective custody or on what's it called witness protection program obviously you want to
00:44:17
too bad you have to see it whoa where is it right there see holy shit i know well how have we never
00:44:26
heard of this i know the fucking pig farmer again and this you guys are holding back all right
00:44:34
so in there in there okay hold on Okay. The community, everyone just starts screaming.
00:44:49
We don't blame you. Yeah, everyone just goes grocery shopping and mows their lawn while they're screaming.
00:44:56
Terror. Which I totally, yeah, we understand. Then two days later, a note taped around a heavy wrench is thrown through the front picture window of a woman
00:45:06
who's fucking home alone with her kids at the time. Later determined she has nothing to do with it,
00:45:11
he just fucking picked a window. Inside the envelope containing the note mentioned three other assaults
00:45:17
that the killer wanted credit for. He included clippings from the articles in the Vancouver Sun
00:45:22
on the unsolved murders of three women, Vancouver sex worker Linda Tatray, Colleen Shook of Burnaby,
00:45:31
who was attacked after getting off a bus, and Kim Stolberg, who was killed at her father's Richmond engineering office
00:45:37
while she was arranging a surprise fucking wedding anniversary for her parents. All three women are stabbed to death in 1989, six years earlier.
00:45:47
But although horrified, investigators finally have a break that they think they can use.
00:45:52
The killer left a crucial mistake behind in his fingerprint on the tape that had been used to tape it together.
00:46:01
But they kept that part secret. So the police tried many tactics to get the killer to contact them again.
00:46:08
They set up a sting operation in malls and at phone booths across the city. They, of course, recorded and staked out Tanya's funeral as well.
00:46:18
And they published fake stories. And then they had also released a lot of info on the killer, including, of course, the sketches.
00:46:26
And then parts of the recorded calls he had made, they were like, can someone please just fucking recognize this goddamn voice and tell us who this is?
00:46:33
and then they offered a $40,000 reward leading to the arrest. So they have this plea.
00:46:41
They put the voice, what it sounds like, out, and then if you want to hear it again, you have to call this 800 number,
00:46:48
and they put a fucking tap on it so that people who called more than three times,
00:46:52
they were just like, why are you? They knock on the door and are like, are you fucking crazy?
00:46:56
Why are you doing this? You're like, nope, just a murderino, sorry. Just trying to solve the crime for you.
00:47:03
It's kind of my passion. Anyway, great to meet you. You look great in that jacket.
00:47:12
Around this time, a woman and her son hear the voice and kind of lose their shit.
00:47:20
Because they fucking think they recognize it. It sounds like the woman's son. And the rest of the family agrees.
00:47:28
But the composite sketch looks nothing like him. So they're like, well, maybe it's not him.
00:47:33
Let's just call it in. So the police go to the house, and they're like, it doesn't look anything like him.
00:47:40
But we have to check it out anyways. Let's just have a quick little chat with him.
00:47:44
But the guy is sketchy as fuck, and he refuses to give any DNA or any fingerprints or take a lie detector test,
00:47:49
which immediately they're like, well, you're stupid. So finally, the dude comes in the next day with a lawyer, and...
00:48:00
And he says that he'll give them his fingerprints, but they can only use it to try to match, and then they have to destroy them.
00:48:06
They can't use them again. They can use them once. Okay, any other restrictions or needs that you have about giving your fingerprints, you fucking creep?
00:48:15
Right. That's me as the secretary at the police station. Sassy cop operator. I dig it.
00:48:25
Right? My new show? I love it. More than 9,400 suspects had been questioned, and all these people had been given DNA and fucking fingerprinted
00:48:37
and taken dental shit before. And finally, when this fucker comes in, they finally catch 31-year-old Terry Driver, and he's arrested.
00:48:47
Whoa. That's right. Yes. Fucking God. I don't remember what else I... That's him.
00:48:56
Whoa, it doesn't look... That's so weird. And it kind of does once you see some other photos.
00:49:00
There's like a, he's like a, yeah. But the receding hairline is, that's a problem.
00:49:04
No receding hairline. But it cut, like his nose in a couple angles. It looks like him.
00:49:10
He's just disgusting. But the Weasley picture looks nothing like that guy at all.
00:49:14
Anything like him. So the Matthew dude who was held for two months was like, fuck you, bitches.
00:49:19
And we were like, fair enough. I was there now. I don't know. Then they gave him the key to the city.
00:49:29
So this fucking asshole, he's married with two children. And the reason my hair is in pigtails and I didn't have time for a shower
00:49:38
is because just as I was about to do that, I find that she had done a, like, I married a monster episode of something.
00:49:47
And I was like, well, I'm staying. And I'm watching this. These are the sacrifices we make in this podcast for you guys.
00:49:54
Yeah, so he's just a fucking dude who's married with two children. Of course, he's super controlling all this crazy shit.
00:50:03
He works at a print shop. He had worked there for five years. Of course, everyone's shocked it's him and couldn't believe it, blah, blah, blah.
00:50:10
His father had been a hero cop with the Vancouver Police Department, which you see in every fucking article.
00:50:17
But then our friend Scott at Dark Poutine is like, well, guess what? I used to fucking hang out at his house when I was a kid.
00:50:24
what it's insane he was friends with his brother i feel like i'm i'm he you have to listen to the
00:50:31
episode and you're like my friend scott told me yeah so he knows all about these people and he was
00:50:37
like yeah they had a room that was just full of nazi memorabilia no uh-huh uh-oh so i was right
00:50:47
about that fucking Hitler mustache, wasn't I? I was intuiting it. I know a Nazi when I
00:50:55
see a drawing of a Nazi. And when Terry was a kid, at like two years old, think of a baby, a two-year-old.
00:51:07
They take him to the doctor and like, we can't fucking manage this child. Two. He doesn't respond to
00:51:12
basic discipline. He's already fucking with people at by five they were like we can't handle him and they put him in a home for like uh badly
00:51:22
behaved children i'm sure there's a name for that that sounds like a horror movie
00:51:27
that's not what just you just behave badly you're going into a home i love that idea
00:51:36
you know canada's very strict and they just manners first is what um the national motto is
00:51:43
That's right. You took the last piece of margarine toast. You're going to school. Oh, sorry.
00:51:48
Looks like you're going to the home. You know, it's so funny. That just made me think a girl
00:51:53
that I work with. We were all talking about like crazy shit. Your parents lied to you about when
00:51:58
you're a kid. And she said that her dad told her that until she was 10, she could still,
00:52:03
uh, she could be put up for adoption legally. We were all, we were all talking about how our
00:52:10
parents controlled us. Like my dad just had a stare that was honestly like, I think heat,
00:52:15
heat lasers. Cause you could be doing anything and then you'd look over and you'd be like,
00:52:18
Oh my God. He'd just creep you out from the side. They're good at that. But she honestly,
00:52:24
until she was 10, thought she was going to be given away. That's horrible parenting.
00:52:30
Truly. She made it to Hollywood. So she now craves gratification via television writing.
00:52:37
That's right. Okay, so... He went to the home. He's a fucking asshole. He, of course, is obsessed with being a cop.
00:52:46
He wants to be a cop, but he's also into breaking into houses and stealing money from his work all through high school.
00:52:51
He's like a problem child, obviously. A psychopath. He's a psychopath. So they go to trial.
00:52:58
Oh, Scott also has a story. Our friend Scott at Dark Poutine also has a story. My best friend?
00:53:03
Another insane story about how he worked at a fucking paper recycling plant. And one day through the line comes secret files from his pretrial that someone had decided to recycle instead of shred.
00:53:19
You know, it's some guy named Eric at the fucking cop's office. And he's like, no, no, I love trees.
00:53:25
So it's like it could have given him a mistrial. He could have gotten off because of this.
00:53:32
He just takes it out of the regular garbage. He's like, guys, we've talked about this.
00:53:36
So we have to save the planet. Let's act locally. It's insane. Truly. Why did, okay.
00:53:47
Someone at the recycling plant was smart enough to pull that off the line. Scott was.
00:53:50
What? He worked there? Yes. Hold on. Are you sure this doesn have straight up bullshit podcast I don think it is Are you guys friends with him He real right Yeah Is he a total liar He their best friend Don call him a liar How bananas is that
00:54:09
And it's like they have like 40 something episodes now. It's their third episode that they do. It's
00:54:14
fucking great. Okay. So what was number one? If this was number three, um, okay. So here's the
00:54:22
fucking trial, of course, he testifies. They were like, okay, they have a bite mark, they have DNA,
00:54:28
and they have fingerprints against us. We're fucked. Here's what we do. We say, and he fucking
00:54:33
testifies, I stumbled upon them, passed the fuck out. As people say this, I raped and took Tanya
00:54:41
and realized she was dead and threw her in the water. And then I dropped Misty off at the hospital
00:54:47
unconscious and left her there. He says he fucking, yeah, it's like the most bullshit story ever.
00:54:52
Well, and also he's choosing a terrible thing. It's not like he's choosing the better option.
00:54:57
Yeah. Where it's just like someone else was awful and beat them. Yeah. But I was good enough to rape and then drop one off.
00:55:04
What the fuck is the thinking there? And it's also like after all this, like these phone calls and taunting and like really almost like seeing like he really is enjoying all this attention to just be such a fucking bitch and not be like, yeah, I'm guilty.
00:55:17
You know what I mean? Yeah. Classic move. Asshole. He said three doctors are called as defense witnesses,
00:55:26
who have to be real proud of themselves, to explain Terry's impulsive sexual behavior and bizarre post-crime calls,
00:55:34
because they're like, yeah, it was me who called and did all the other shit. They said he suffered from, the reason he did it is that he suffered from Tourette's syndrome.
00:55:42
No, uh-uh. No? No. Fuck you! No. So that's not what Tourette syndrome is, I know.
00:55:51
It's a special subset of Tourette's where you always pick up the phone first. I can feel terrible taunts and threats coming on.
00:56:00
Hold on, hold on. Let me call the police. You've got to call the radio station. And it was also explained by OCD and ADHD.
00:56:09
And I was like, well, we all have that. Yeah, everyone's handling it fine. Yeah.
00:56:17
Prosecutor Sean Madigan said he was pissed off about the defense using those disorders to explain away his behavior because, quote,
00:56:24
there are a lot of people with these afflictions and they function very well in society and I hated to see them branded the same as the Abbotsford killer.
00:56:32
Amen. Fucking badass Missy shows up at the trial, fucking testifies on the stand, looks him right in the fucking face,
00:56:45
points him out when they ask him who did it and recounts her entire fucking story and does it
00:56:51
in his fucking face. It's amazing. Incredible. Sorry, I was getting into this. No, I liked it.
00:57:00
I liked it. It's fun. Terry Divers convicted in 1997 of the first degree murder of Tanya Smith and
00:57:08
the attempted murder of Misty Cockerell and declared a dangerous offender and sentenced
00:57:12
to the mandatory term of life in prison with no parole for 25 years and another 10 years concurrent prison term.
00:57:21
And labeling him a dangerous offender means that he'll probably never fucking get out,
00:57:26
which is great. And they made that up when Paul Berendo did his fucking shithead thing.
00:57:32
Bernardo. Let her say what she wants. Berendo's a street near where he used to live, right?
00:57:40
That's right. That's where it is. I even wrote Berendo. Shit. Shit. Shit. Ah, shit.
00:57:47
Shit. In a later trial, he's convicted of the two assaults. The two of the assaults he mentioned in the note he threw out the window.
00:57:56
He had also... So one of those two are that he assaulted a mentally ill woman living in a group home,
00:58:02
and he hit another woman over the head with a bat, fracturing her skull and causing permanent brain damage.
00:58:07
So he's convicted for those two assaults. Good. And after, okay, so after the trial, Misty finished high school and received a scholarship
00:58:15
from the Canadian Crime Victim Foundation to attend the, what did I do? To attend the university college of the phrase.
00:58:28
You made it so she can't read. I'm scared. She gets a BA in sociology. Thanks. Now a day she volunteers for victim services,
00:58:41
and she said her ordeal has made her learn a lot about herself and the support network that's available for assault victims in the Providence.
00:58:48
She just coaches people and does lectures and talks and is just this incredible victims advocate now.
00:58:56
She said, quote, Victims are stigmatized to feel sorry for themselves forever, and it wasn't really my thing.
00:59:04
I didn't feel sorry for myself. I love her. I know. She's a mother of two daughters, and she still lives in Abbotsford,
00:59:10
and has also worked as a bereavement counselor for families of homicide victims.
00:59:14
Wow. She's amazing. She says that being a victim of assault doesn't define her, and she prefers to see herself as a survivor, and that is the Abbotsford County.
00:59:28
Wow. Wow. That is an episode of I Survived. No. Yeah. She's on I Survived. Shit.
00:59:42
I just realized that when you said the thing about the hedge, it's just a weird detail from the beginning.
00:59:49
Wow. Yeah. I wish I hadn washed my bangs in the sink and had more time to watch that I would have skipped that step altogether Well the thing too is there there none of those details like the headstone thing wasn in there Jesus Christ That unbelievable
01:00:06
While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent. The future soccer stars who are
01:00:14
already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time
01:00:22
to gather dust. Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai
01:00:27
has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every
01:00:32
vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability. And Hyundai
01:00:37
continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing
01:00:42
the game, the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai,
01:00:47
an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. Summer is all about saying yes, going out and bringing the mess home in your car.
01:00:55
Sand, grass and melting snacks will inevitably hit your ride. But with WeatherTech,
01:01:00
you can live life to the fullest. WeatherTech floor liners, cargo liner and seat protectors
01:01:04
allow you to keep up with your summer adventures without the worry. WeatherTech is built for all of those summer things,
01:01:10
allowing you the freedom to go all in. WeatherTech is an American made premium product
01:01:14
built to last and easy to clean. If you're going all out this summer, you need WeatherTech. Visit weathertech.com today. Goodbye. Summer is fun, but it can also
01:01:24
completely destroy your routine. Between days at the beach, recovering from days at the beach,
01:01:29
and then remembering you don't even like the beach, it can really mess up your day. That's
01:01:33
why it's helpful to have something like cachava that makes it easy to stick to one healthy habit.
01:01:37
Cachava is an all-in-one nutrition shake, and now it comes in new travel packs. Every packet gives
01:01:43
you a simple shake with protein, fiber, vitamins and minerals, greens, probiotics, omegas,
01:01:48
electrolytes, and more. They're easy to toss into a bag, easy to take on the road, and a simple way
01:01:53
to stick with your normal wellness habits, even when your schedule changes. Cachava is a clean,
01:01:58
simple option for staying fueled when life gets busy. I am so excited about this because Vince is
01:02:03
the crazy person who packs all his vitamins whenever we go somewhere. And I'm like, I don't
01:02:07
have room for that. And I also will just ignore them the entire trip. So this is like how I'm
01:02:12
going to get it all in. And then you have a satisfying shake. So you have a breakfast or a
01:02:17
emergency lunch like they're making it so convenient. Oh, my God. I'm so excited.
01:02:21
Take your daily ritual with you. Go to cachava.com and use code MFM for 15% off your first order.
01:02:27
That's cachava. K-A-C-H-A-V-A dot com. Code MFM. Goodbye. I just want to talk about the mysterious floating severed feet of the Salish Sea.
01:02:39
holy shit it's not inspiring and it's not you know a survival story it's just fucking weird it's a series of weird things that people are trying to tell us isn't a big deal and
01:02:56
it is a goddamn they're trying to explain it away they're trying to make me not theorize that there's
01:03:03
a very specific serial killer or shark out there doing weird shit. Or a fucking duo of a shark and a serial killer.
01:03:13
Oh my God. Yeah. A land, sea duo? Yeah. A surf and turf killer duo? Yes. Yes. Yes.
01:03:25
Canada, you've got it all. Oh, wait. We'll be moving here within six months. Wait, someone start the paperwork.
01:03:32
There's one more photo. That's Misty now. There she is. Yep. Yep. She is in, she's on an I Survived. She's super badass on I Survived. Amazing. Yeah. If you see her, say hi to us, please, Abbotsford. Oh, this. All right. Do you recognize that? It's the West Coast. Oh, yeah. It's the West Coast of United States and Canada. We've been there this entire weekend. This is where we call our home this weekend. Up and down, up and down.
01:04:02
It's beautiful. Oh, we've driven hither and yon. I asked Stephen, this was the original, but then I asked Stephen to zoom in.
01:04:12
I asked him to zoom in, and this is what I got. Stephen, can you make it look kind of like modern art and not help informationally in any way?
01:04:27
And he was like, I'm on it, Karen. I love you. Yeah. So we'll just do that. Okay.
01:04:34
Be a little more helpful. Okay. Oh, God damn it. I got this information from the National Post, the New York Times,
01:04:42
a wonderful website called Atlas Obscura that I love. It's a good one. Vox.com did a really good kind of comprehensive thing on it.
01:04:50
And then, of course, really my second brain, Wikipedia. Okay. I thought you were going to say just conjecture.
01:04:59
And then, of course, my own personal theories. Okay, since August 20th, 2007, beachcombers in the greater Vancouver area
01:05:08
and up and along the west coast of the United States and Canada have been finding more than just the standard kelp piles and broken seashells
01:05:16
washing up on the sandy shores. Beautifully written. Thank you. Wow. This is why I don't have time to do my hair.
01:05:25
Just waxing poetic on my laptop. flourish of words. Having the best time, I was like, what is on the beach? Oh, well,
01:05:32
there's piles of kelp. Sure. And of course, there's always part of a seashell that looks
01:05:36
kind of rad and then it's just broken and you fucking huck it. But you got to mention the sand.
01:05:42
Where would you be without mentioning the sand? Oh, that's true. You did. Oh, I did. Yeah. Sandy
01:05:46
Shores. Oh, thank you. I thought you were pointing out that I hadn't. No. Yeah. I'm shaming you for
01:05:49
not bringing up a fucking, what Karen, if you're on the beach and you're not talking about the sand,
01:05:54
I don know what you doing I can visualize where I am unless you tell me what is there Okay but that was for to say 16 detached human feet have been found along the West Coast waterway that connects the United States and Canada
01:06:09
16. You guys, what are you doing? What are you or any of us doing? Why do we even?
01:06:17
All of these floating feet have had either a running shoe or a hiking boot attached.
01:06:22
Oh, except one. Most often, they are New Balance, Nike, and of course, Ozark Trail, which can be purchased at Walmart.
01:06:31
Really? Yeah. New Balance, it's like New Balance, cool, Nike, cool. Ozark Trail.
01:06:37
Ozark Trail is like Timberland for poor people. Got it. It looks exactly the same.
01:06:42
People who aren't brand whores. Right, exactly. Maybe people who aren't so materialistic, Karen.
01:06:47
You don't need a fucking label to define them. Labels. exactly thank you am i right thank you labels thank you that reminds me this is very random
01:07:00
but when i got into the elevator at our hotel um as the doors were closing i don't know why i want
01:07:06
to just be in the elevator by myself so bad but i really do and when the doors are closing and
01:07:11
someone throws their arm out what'd you say sorry nothing pretend i did did you say did you fart
01:07:15
yeah i mean i do but not that time okay as the doors are closing this old lady throws an arm out
01:07:25
and gets in with me and she's got a chanel purse and i think a chanel scarf she's smell really rich
01:07:31
she had a lot of things on but she goes whip floor and i was like said the floor and then she goes
01:07:37
And then when she got off on her floor, she went goodbye. She's aggressively polite.
01:07:48
And also I could have pressed my own button. She ran that elevator for us. So then I didn't regret letting her on.
01:07:58
Chanel, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, we go now to the first reported incident. On August 20th, 2007,
01:08:07
On Jedediah Island, a girl visiting from Washington is walking along the beach, and she picks up a blue and white size 12 Adidas shoe with a sock inside.
01:08:17
Why? She told her friend she'd bring her a present back from her trip to Canada.
01:08:24
That's not a bad question, right? Why? Why? She's a curious mind. She's an inquiring mind.
01:08:34
Have you ever picked up a fucking random shoe? It's an old shoe. Well, she's like, perhaps there's some treasure in here.
01:08:41
Oh. That's true. It could be full of, you don't know, it could be full of doubloons or something.
01:08:48
Yeah. But no, instead there was a sock in there, and then when she opened the sock.
01:08:53
Why? Why? Well, if you're going to do it, go all the way. And inside the sock is a man's right foot.
01:09:02
Ah. Six days later, on Gabriola Island, a couple... Isn't that the best island for feet?
01:09:12
Oh. So gorgeous. A couple find a men's size 12 white Reebok shoe with a foot inside.
01:09:22
It's always going to end like that. I'll stop being surprised by it. What? No! I thought at least once you'd give me an empty one.
01:09:32
Those fucking stories. Can you please pepper them in? It's so funny because when you think about it,
01:09:38
like a single shoe laying there is a very disturbing sight. That's true. You're like, so someone's running and their shoe came off.
01:09:45
They didn't go back for it. Like what emergency happened here? What story needs to be told?
01:09:52
Yeah. So it's bad enough with just the shoe alone on the beach. Then you're like a wet sock.
01:10:00
Yeah. Then you unwrap it like a present. Yeah. She's like, oh my God, my friend Deanna's going to love this.
01:10:09
Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. Deanna, God damn it. Now I have to get her a sweatshirt. Royal Canadian Mounted Police Officer Gary Cox is quoted as saying,
01:10:20
finding one foot is like a million to one odds. Finding two is crazy. Oh, Coxie.
01:10:27
Good old Coxie. Gary. Gary, I feel like if you're going to be giving press quotes, you're going to want to tighten up the language a little bit.
01:10:37
Gary, as a police officer, we don't like to let the press know we're surprised by anything.
01:10:42
That's kind of against what we do. Try to do a thing where you're acting like you're handling it.
01:10:48
You're not as shocked as the 12-year-old girl who found the foot. Maybe put your hand on your hip and use the word location and observe.
01:10:59
Stuff like that. Vehicle. They love to say vehicle. Pretend like you've seen some shit.
01:11:04
Yeah. As my friend, my dog, he used to say, act like you've been in the end zone before.
01:11:10
I like that. It's football, right? That's right, Georgia. Thank you. Sports. Six months later, on February 8th, 2008, a third foot in a size 11 white and blue men's Nike running shoe
01:11:29
is found on Valdez Island, also a right foot. Then on May 22, 2008, a right foot is found inside
01:11:38
a women's white and blue New Balance running shoe on Kirkland Island. Nobody? I'm like, that belongs to Costco.
01:11:49
They don't like it. Yeah, they're like, those cheap jeans? We hate that shit. That was weird because usually there's a sound or anything.
01:11:57
At least one sad person. I was like, yeah. It sounded like everyone held their breath at one time.
01:12:01
They're just like, she's not talking about Kirkland Island, is she? Not tonight.
01:12:05
We won't have it. That one is off limits. Talk about literally anything else. Don't you dare talk about my Kirkland Island like that.
01:12:15
A month later, another foot is found on Westam Island. Right? Thank you. Now we know everything's okay with Westam fucking Island.
01:12:24
It's a left men's blue and white Nike running shoe. and it's eventually matched through DNA to the right foot that was found on Valdez Island in February.
01:12:33
They're across the channel from each other. And eventually they're identified as belonging to a Surrey man who'd been missing since 2006.
01:12:44
In November of 2008, a left women's blue and white New Balance running shoe is found on Kirkland Island.
01:12:55
No, no, she's doing it again. Don't do it. Lay right along. This shoe matches the right shoe found in May and is linked by DNA to a woman who'd been missing since 2004.
01:13:08
So eventually when people start theorizing, I mean, this is now we're up to like six feet in shoes.
01:13:14
People just start screaming again. People are like, this is quite something. It was, it had actually, sorry, made the, make sure I don't pick up my trivia and start talking about Jeff anymore.
01:13:25
It had made headlines from newspapers all around the world. The Melbourne, Harold's Son, The Guardian in London, Cape Times in South Africa.
01:13:38
Everybody's talking about these shoes and feet. You guys, they know about you. And they're so proud of you.
01:13:46
And it's called, this series of discoveries is called Astounding and Almost Beyond Explanation.
01:13:50
explanation. And actually, one night on, for a while, on Letterman, I remember Letterman,
01:13:58
Letterman used to, anytime there was a Canadian guest on, he would ask him about the seven feet.
01:14:03
No. Yeah. He would just check in and see if they knew anything. Amazing. It's like the original
01:14:09
hometown. Exactly. Okay, so on June 18th, 2008, another human foot is discovered on Tyee Spit
01:14:18
near Campbell River on Vancouver Island. It was a hoax. I'm so sorry. It was actually a skeletonized animal paw
01:14:31
that was put into a sock and a shoe and then stuffed with dried seaweed, you sons of bitches.
01:14:37
By the biggest fucking asshole in the entire world. They're like, you know what's fun?
01:14:44
What a dick. Severed feet. Did they catch you, did it? Royal Canadian Mounted Police, I wonder if it was Gary, launched an investigation of the hoax and an arrest could be made due to charges of public mischief.
01:14:58
No. But that was 10 full years ago, so I bet we haven't heard, so nothing happened.
01:15:03
He's grown up and he's sorry for it. Oh, what if he goes to church every morning because of it?
01:15:10
Then, I mean, it's not that bad. That's what I'm saying, he's overreacting. Yeah.
01:15:15
You know how men are. You know how that guy is. Okay. I'm on that one. Less than a year later in October, I mean, sorry, this is a series of these.
01:15:29
Less than a year later in October of 2009, a right foot in the size, an eight and a half white, blue, and red men's Nike running shoe
01:15:38
is found in the Fraser River. And this is eventually linked to a man who had gone missing a year before.
01:15:45
Then on August 27, 2010, so like six months later in Washington State, a woman's right foot without a shoe or sock.
01:15:54
You wooed at the wrong time. I know you didn't mean it. It's found on Whidbey Island.
01:16:02
The whole island's here? So many people. They canoed over from camp. Camp Whidbey.
01:16:15
The current's going against us. It had been in the water for two months. And when they checked the DNA, there was no match in the national database.
01:16:26
Then about six months later, December 5th, on the tidal flats of Tacoma, Washington...
01:16:32
I mean, it's a weird cheering situation, right? Because you love your city, and then here comes some foot news.
01:16:45
A right foot inside a boy's six Ozark Trail hiking boot is discovered. Oh, no. But police say it could have been worn by a juvenile or a small adult female.
01:16:57
It still sucks. Yeah. It doesn't make anybody feel better. Then on, so like eight months later, August 30th,
01:17:08
a men's size 9 left foot is found in a men's white and blue running shoe in the lagoon near the Plaza of Nations.
01:17:18
Yeah, the lower leg bones were still attached. So we're actually now talking about part of a leg that was found.
01:17:27
But it had that shoe, so we're going to include it in the series. Just in case. On November 4th, a group of campers find a right foot in a men's size 12 hiking boot in Sassamat Lake.
01:17:41
Great. In Port Moody. This will eventually be matched through DNA to a 65-year-old fisherman who'd been missing since 1987.
01:17:51
Isn't that nuts? Are you choking? No way That crazy Shit I was swallowing You do spit take across the table Let see on December 10th I mean it just keeps coming
01:18:08
It's like once a month. They try to tell us that doesn't mean something. It fucking does.
01:18:12
On December 10th, a leg bone and a foot are found in a plastic bag under the Ship Canal Bridge in Lake Union, Seattle.
01:18:21
Did you hear about the foot and leg? yes yes that's why we're here this is our job
01:18:43
it's so fun listen if we're ever hiring you guys should get a job like this it's pretty sweet
01:18:51
in Vancouver on January 26, 2012, human bones inside a boot are found along the waterline
01:19:00
at the dog park near the Maritime Museum. Yeah, I mean, yeah. It's convoluted, that one,
01:19:08
because it's a bummer, but then you know the dogs were kind of into it. They can't
01:19:14
help it. They don't know. Bones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In October 2012, a right foot
01:19:22
in a white and blue men's tennis shoe is found in False Creek. DNA analysis, that's very tasteful
01:19:28
of you, False Creek. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're here. We're here, but we're being
01:19:33
respectful of random feet. DNA analysis links this to the left foot that had been found the year
01:19:40
before also in False Creek. So in Seattle on May 6, 2014, a left human foot in men's size 10 and a
01:19:49
half white New Balance shoes with a blue trim, or it's just the one shoe. It's one foot wearing
01:19:54
one shoe is found along the shoreline of Centennial Park near Pier 86 Grain Terminal.
01:20:02
Jesus, the hits keep coming. I mean, it doesn't end then. So then there's a little bit of a break.
01:20:06
And then about two years later, February 7th, 2016, a left foot is found in a black, gray and
01:20:12
blue New Balance running shoe on the Botanical Beach on Vancouver Island. Vancouver Island, you already cheered.
01:20:24
On February 12th, a right foot is found in the same color and type of New Balance shoe
01:20:29
on Botanical Beach, and DNA matches it to the left foot that had been discovered five
01:20:34
days before. I mean, here's the thing. There's no other body parts being reported as washing up anywhere.
01:20:42
Just feet, feet, and more fucking feet. Yeah. It's enough to be creepy as fuck. They want to explain it away, which I'm going to do very soon and ruin everything.
01:20:52
Great. But goddammit. Great. On December 8th, 2017. Great. Great. The remains of a leg and a foot inside a shoe washed up on Vancouver Island near the Jordan River.
01:21:05
And they were able to match the DNA to a man who'd gone missing two months earlier.
01:21:09
that on May 6th of this year, a man discovers a hiking boot with a foot inside wedged into a log jam on Gabriola Island.
01:21:21
What was he doing in a log jam? The guy who found it, I mean. Oh, he's got this weird perversion.
01:21:28
We shouldn't talk about it. Okay, okay. Son of my business. Son of my business. Haven't you ever seen log jam porn?
01:21:36
Okay, so here's some of the theories. Okay. they ruin all the fun. When I first heard about this,
01:21:44
when the articles started coming out of like, what is this series of severed feet?
01:21:48
And I was like, yes, oh my God. And then of course, immediately people are like,
01:21:52
well, if you die in the water somehow, and in that area, there's lots of bridges.
01:21:58
And so there are suicides of people that decide to jump off a bridge. And apparently the muscles
01:22:05
and the things around your ankles are one of the weaker parts so your feet disarticulate.
01:22:12
That's a word I use constantly. Disarticulate from the rest of the body early. And if you're wearing a running shoe or a hiking boot,
01:22:19
there's so much plastic on it, it flips and floats. And apparently these types of things, feet and shoes,
01:22:30
can float for thousands of miles on the water. And then they find a fucking unsuspecting 12-year-old on a beach.
01:22:37
Just trying to be on vacation. to need therapy for the rest of their lives. So some people think disaster.
01:22:46
So it's victims of tsunamis that are around the world, plane crashes, boat accidents.
01:22:52
We know people fall off of cruise ships a lot and it's not talked about and we need to talk about it more.
01:22:57
Yeah, like right now. They just disappear off of cruise ships. Shut up, does that happen a lot?
01:23:02
Should we talk about it right now? Yes, yeah. Let's never go on a cruise. Okay. I feel like if we had a My Favorite Murder cruise, which has been pitched to us by our agent,
01:23:12
if anyone buys tickets, we'll be like, you're not a listener. You should fucking know better.
01:23:17
Yeah, you should know that if you get on that cruise ship, you will be killed. You'll be disappeared off that ship.
01:23:24
Our agent's like, for some reason, you're not selling any tickets to this thing.
01:23:27
We're like, that's fucking right. They're as paranoid as we are. Spencer Davis wrote in the Pacific Standard,
01:23:34
when a body floating in water is subjected to the push and pull of its environment,
01:23:38
the bones of hands and feet, oh, I said that already. It's Spencer Davis' idea. They're always the first to fall off.
01:23:44
And then this particular current, it's a strong and common one. That the theory So it like there the Great Pacific Garbage Patch right That over here Then there Foot Island over here
01:24:08
You do the math. And which one's the one that's kicked the booth that's kicking the...
01:24:12
No, that's Italy. That's Italy. I know. Some people theorize that drug dealers are organized crime members.
01:24:23
Are they called members? They have membership cards. Or the organization. Right.
01:24:28
The members of the organization organized crime. They use this area specifically as a dump site.
01:24:36
Huh. Because you've heard of the very powerful arm of the Gambino crime family here in British Columbia.
01:24:41
Nuh-uh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're everywhere. Gab-a-goo. Crazy. So those are all the kind of the explanations, right?
01:24:51
And they're probably all a little right. Yeah, I mean, they're reasonable. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:24:55
But let's do the unreasonable one. Okay. Yay! Because... Those are way less depressing.
01:25:00
Now, listen. Nobody mentions this part, which I think is pretty fucking key. That right here in Vancouver, there's a shopping center called Leg and Boot Square.
01:25:10
Nuh-uh. Yes, there is. And there's a reason it's called fucking Leg and Boot Square.
01:25:15
And that's because... What? In 1887, a boot with a leg in it washed up on the shores of False Creek.
01:25:22
Nuh-uh. Wait, let me see if I have a picture of a boot from 1887. No. Hold on. No.
01:25:30
Oh, those are just shoes. What? Steven. Steven, we know what shoes look like. Oh.
01:25:38
Steven just wanted to fucking, he had a date he wanted to get it over with. He's like, Karen, is this okay?
01:25:45
You're talking about shoes, right? Okay. None of these shoes have been found with feet in them,
01:25:57
but they're all available for purchase online. If you had to choose one, which one would you choose?
01:26:03
I guess I'd choose a yellow one. There's that boot. What? That's a boot from 1887.
01:26:09
I don't know if it's the boot that was found. It's in good condition. Also, I love the fact that the picture gets cut off
01:26:16
before the actual shoe part is involved. Yep. If you had to spend one night with that boot on, where would you go?
01:26:27
What would you do? What would you have for dinner? Can I come? I guess I'd have acres of clams.
01:26:36
Callback. That's what that is. Boom. Now where am I? Oh, Leg and Boot Square. Right.
01:26:43
The amazing shopping center that I saw six pictures of online. So gorgeous. Why do they name a whole?
01:26:49
Okay. Because I'm telling you. Right. Somebody found a leg in a boot in 1887, and the cops, the local constables,
01:26:55
they didn't want to go out and actually find who it belonged to, so they took the leg in the boot and they stuck it on a pike
01:27:02
and left it in front of the precinct office. It just looks like a wanted poster, but it's the actual.
01:27:09
Have you seen your own leg? Oh, my God. And then after two weeks, they threw it out.
01:27:17
because no one claimed it. Did they recycle it? The recycling center? That's right.
01:27:22
And then Scott found it? That's right. And then Scott at the recycling center is like,
01:27:26
are you got to be kidding me? I have to start a podcast. My life is nuts. So my theory is that the ghost of the person
01:27:36
whose leg was in the leg and boot has come back to wreak havoc on the police who never solved his mis...
01:27:43
Thank you. What I'm saying is, take the facts, take the information and give me something.
01:27:51
No one wants to talk about suicide. Let's talk about ghost revenge. That's the shit.
01:27:58
Yes, yes. In 2016. Okay, but they still named an entire shopping center. Leg and boot.
01:28:08
I mean, it also seems like no one knew what that name was from. You're just calling it leg and boot?
01:28:13
Why do they call it that? I don't know. Anyway, some weirdo named it. This is the reality check part.
01:28:19
In 2016, coroner Barb McClintock told the Canadian press that most of the feet are the remains of people who died
01:28:25
because of accidents or suicide. Of the 12 feet that had been discovered at the time of this publication,
01:28:31
10 had been linked to seven individuals. And she says, quote, we pretty well think we know what happened in every case.
01:28:37
They're all very sad. But since that article was printed, two more human feet have been found in the area.
01:28:47
So let's not give up hope that it's a ghost shark. It's the ghost of a shark. Oh.
01:28:53
Coming back for revenge. With his serial killer buddy. Yes. He rides the ghost shark.
01:29:00
Yes. And then. Yep. One day, and it's the ghost of the boot guy. Yep. On the ghost shark.
01:29:07
Right. It's two ghosts now. Heading. To leg and boot square. to pick up his leg.
01:29:15
And that is the story of the floating severed feet of the Salish Sea. Good job. Thank you.
01:29:24
Wait. Oh! Steven! That's a Timberland! Don't pay Timberland prices when you can get Ozark Trail.
01:29:37
There's no need to do it. Are we going to have to pay royalties to use those photos?
01:29:42
Yeah. shit. I think so. Yeah. I think we have time for a hotel murder. Vince. Look who's here.
01:29:55
That my husband Is his microphone on Yeah Awesome I forgot the present for the hometown people You didn bring it No I run and grab it Okay We got you guys a present whoever does it
01:30:07
The name of the porn movie in Big Lebowski is called Log Jabin'. Oh, that's right.
01:30:13
And Canada does not have Southwest Airlines. Is that true? I think from now on we need Vince to sit on the stage with a laptop.
01:30:23
and like a head mic. Corrections Corner. Living Corrections Corner. Yes, please.
01:30:29
I'm going to go get the fruit skewer. Thank you. Okay. Vince, everyone. Vince Sabrell.
01:30:38
Tour Manager to the Stars. Oh, we're going to brief you very quickly. I know we really don't have to because
01:30:44
you're Canadian and you're very polite. But here's the deal. And I think you already know it.
01:30:48
For the hometown murders, we love it when it's local. If it can be a Vancouver story,
01:30:53
Definitely a British Columbia story. That's what we want. You think no, it doesn't matter. My story is great and I'm from Chicago. Fuck you
01:31:02
Is our answer Is what we say to that Don't be so drunk don't be so drunk that you can't follow your own line of thinking
01:31:17
It should be quick beginning middle and end And people always love a nice ending.
01:31:21
So if you can tell us what happened, where the people ended up, if they ever served time, whatever, that's good.
01:31:28
And remember that if you get picked, everyone else hates you. So you have to go nice and fast and keep it quick.
01:31:34
All right. I think that's it. Thanks, Vince. Oh, here it is. We stopped at a little, thank you.
01:31:39
Thank you, Vince. We stopped at this, like, adorable, tiny little, like, fruit stand mart.
01:31:43
And I freaked the fuck out when I saw this. It's just a skewer with, like, fruit candy and, like, gummy candy.
01:31:49
So it looks like fruit. It's not fruit. But it's candy. Do you guys have candy here?
01:31:58
And Karen goes, hometown present? I don't know. It was the best. You're picking tonight.
01:32:05
Can we get the lights up so Karen can get a good look at y'all? I'm going to feel it.
01:32:12
I'm going to do it more with my gut. Holy shit. Look how many people are here. Oh, hi.
01:32:17
Hi back there. So exciting. You're too high up in the... You're going to jump? Okay.
01:32:24
Which way? Oh, her. Okay. Can you turn the lights down? Because she'll freak out if she sees all these people.
01:32:30
Thank you. It's truly terrifying. Oh, hi. Oh, my God. What's your name? Hi, Lexi.
01:32:45
It's Lexi, everybody. Say hi to Lexi. Hi, Lexi. Here, take this. Come stand here.
01:32:52
It's right in the middle. Look, it just got the boots on. Holy shit. Leg and boot! Leg and boot!
01:32:57
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. She's the ghost! I rode my ghost shark all the way here.
01:33:03
Nice! Thank you. Where are you from? I'm from Vernon, British Columbia, which is...
01:33:09
Yeah! What up, Okanagan? So it's about, I don't know, a five-hour drive from here.
01:33:16
Oh. So my hometown is actually very cool. It is a mass murder. Oh, that is cool.
01:33:23
I mean, it's not cool, but we know. We really know. You're doing great. I'm going to be over here.
01:33:30
So in April of 1996, Mark Chahal left Burnaby. What up? No? Okay, fine. Fuck that.
01:33:41
and drove in his car to the Kelowna airport. At the Kelowna airport... She's a security screener.
01:33:54
Shut up! At the Kelowna airport, he then rented a van and drove the rest of the way to Vernon.
01:34:02
The reason he was going to Vernon is because he was going to take revenge on his estranged wife
01:34:09
who had been living with her family there, and they were preparing for her sister's wedding.
01:34:16
So in his car, he had a .38 caliber semi-automatic Smith & Wesson handgun, a .40 caliber Smith & Wesson revolver,
01:34:28
and something else, gauge shotgun. Yes. 15? A 15 or a 16? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
01:34:36
Yeah, those ones are the worst. Okay. So he arrived at the family home at about 10.30 in the morning.
01:34:48
He took both handguns out of the car and walked up the driveway where his ex-father-in-law was washing one of the cars.
01:34:56
He then shot him in the face. And then he fired into the home through the front window
01:35:04
and then went through the house. He shot everybody. Oh, my God. He shot his ex-wife, her sister, her grandmother,
01:35:13
the only people that he spared were the children, which is nice. He fired 28 shots while he was in the house.
01:35:25
And then he left through the back door. The neighbors called the police. By the time the police arrived, six people were dead.
01:35:32
Later, three more died in hospital. after he left he drove back to his motel that he had rented
01:35:39
and it seemed like he had planned on escaping and instead he changed his mind he wrote a suicide note and killed himself there
01:35:49
and that's the end oh my god perfectly done perfectly done Thank you. Lexi, everybody.
01:36:04
You did it. Thank you. That was fucking horrifying and really fast. Wow. Jesus Christ.
01:36:17
See, this job gets hard sometimes, though, too. And that's because that's awful, and we hate it, and it's terrible,
01:36:24
but it's this kind of little way for us to connect, and also because so many of us have this anxiety
01:36:29
because we are well fucking aware that horrible things happen to people all the time
01:36:35
and we're not fucking stuck up enough to think that we couldn't be those people too.
01:36:40
So we have this crazy anxiety. But what we love about this community that's come together
01:36:43
is that with each other, we've shown each other that we're all into this fucking insane thing
01:36:49
and are fascinated with it, but also all have this crazy anxiety. And what we love about this podcast
01:36:55
is so many people thank us and tell us that they have sought help for that crazy anxiety because we so open about it Which is just I mean the fact that they thank us is ridiculous and hilarious and wonderful but it does mean a lot to us that you guys connect with each other
01:37:11
through that anxiety and take care of it because it's important. Yeah, that's right.
01:37:17
And we also, we like to take this time just to say, you know, we do understand and realize that we're the luckiest people in the world.
01:37:27
We, three years ago, just thought it would be fun, just like the dark poutine guys. We thought it would be fun just to get together and talk about
01:37:34
this thing that we love to talk to each other about so much. And, and now we get to go on,
01:37:40
you know, world fucking tours and we get to meet amazing people that are just like us that have the
01:37:46
same interests and the same passions and the same, you know, everything. And, and then we get to watch
01:37:52
you guys all meet and connect with each other, which is probably the most beautiful part of all
01:37:56
of it. Like people walking up and saying, because of you, I now have this best friend because of you,
01:38:01
I'm closer to my sister, me and my mom listened to this together. Like it's just the coolest
01:38:05
thing in the world And we so lucky So thank you very very much for being here with us Vancouver Canada we fucking love you guys so much
01:38:17
You support the shit out of us. We'll always come here on our tour. Thank you guys so much for being here tonight. It's been incredible.
01:38:24
Thank you. And stay sexy. And don't get sexy. Bye, you guys. Thank you. Vacation planning should feel like a breeze.
01:38:34
not a deep dive into countless travel sites searching for the best deal. With Cheap Caribbean's Budget Beach Finder,
01:38:40
you can search every destination and every date all in one search. You'll save time and money with the Budget Beach Finder.
01:38:46
Say goodbye to endless scrolling and tab hopping and hello to Budget Beach Bliss at your fingertips.
01:38:51
Go to cheapcaribbean.com to try out the Budget Beach Finder and see just how stress-free vacation planning should be.
01:38:57
Goodbye. Summer is all about saying yes, going out, and bringing the mess home in your car.
01:39:03
Sand, grass, and melting snacks will inevitably hitch a ride. But with WeatherTech, you can live life to the fullest.
01:39:09
WeatherTech floor liners cargo liner and seat protectors allow you to keep up with your summer adventures without the worry WeatherTech is built for all of those summer things allowing you the freedom to go all in WeatherTech is an American premium product built to last and easy to clean If you going all out this summer
01:39:25
you need WeatherTech. Visit weathertech.com today. Goodbye. Clothes shopping, not as easy
01:39:32
or fun as it sounds. You just want to feel confident in your clothes. You can spend hours
01:39:37
scrolling, zooming in, reading reviews, only to end up with a cart full of nothing that feels or
01:39:42
fits right and a bunch of returns to do. Stitch Fix makes it so much easier. A personal stylist
01:39:47
sends pieces that match your size, style, and everything's in your budget. No guesswork, no
01:39:51
stress, and your guaranteed compliments. Here's how Stitch Fix works. Take a quick style quiz,
01:39:56
share your size, style, and budget, and get matched with a real human stylist who gets your vibe.
01:40:02
It's no risk, all style. Get a personalized fix box straight to your door and try it all on in the
01:40:07
comfort of your home. Shipping and returns are always free and there's no subscription required.
01:40:11
Plus, get a free try-on for your first fix. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash murder to get $20 off your first order.
01:40:19
That's stitchfix.com slash murder. Goodbye.