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Terms and conditions apply. See Pandora.net for more details. Goodbye. Goodbye. My favorite murder
00:01:36
Hello! Welcome! To My Favorite Murder, the Minisode. Episode 101. I'm drowning. Okay.
00:01:54
Someone help me. Karen grab my arm it's a quiet drowning on this side of the table
00:02:01
oh I sucked George and I were having a regular conversation just in exchange of do you think this
00:02:09
and the way George said no to me made me suck water up the back of my nose like a reverse neti pot
00:02:14
right up in there well I'm glad that I'm funny isn't it a great feeling it fucking feels great to make people laugh
00:02:24
To make people choke. That's the best. Spitting, choking. Anytime people say, I was listening to an episode, now my computer's ruined.
00:02:37
That's my favorite. Oh, yeah, because they spit all over their computers. Yes. Got it.
00:02:41
The ultimate. Because they threw their computer on the ground because it was so funny.
00:02:46
I decided to snap my MacBook in half because you're so funny. This is where we read your stuff.
00:02:53
emails of all kinds we've gone now into um after the last one i've read a ton of safeway stories
00:03:01
oh have you yeah now we're just doing general grocery store anecdotes i mean what is this about
00:03:08
what are we what is this well let's get back to basics great stuff found in walls yes an entire
00:03:14
city oh my god hi all i was watching old episodes of good mythical morning on youtube recently
00:03:20
shameless plug clearly it's your show yeah and found a story think you'll like in 1963 a guy in
00:03:27
turkey found a mysterious room behind a wall in his home as he dug further he found out there was
00:03:33
access to an entire underground city from his house i've seen this one on the now um politically
00:03:41
incorrect ancient aliens which i didn't realize until we got emails from it that they uh is very
00:03:47
problematic show aside from the fact that they do not believe Egyptians could have built anything
00:03:52
which is in and of itself very racist right they book people that are of very questionable uh
00:03:59
holocaust didn't happen people exactly right yes so um so can't be recommending ancient aliens
00:04:05
anymore except for the fact that that and i guess good mythical morning are the only places i've
00:04:11
ever heard of this Turkish city underground. Holy shit. Okay. So, um, the city is called
00:04:17
Darren Cuyu. It's super old, built around the seventh century BC before the Lord. It has
00:04:24
multiple floors, stables, chapels, and could hold 20,000 people. The people who built the city also
00:04:31
built access points and ventilation shafts all over the city. But after the tunnels were abandoned,
00:04:36
I guess most of the access points were closed off. Lucky for this guy, there happened to be
00:04:41
an access point in his house. Oh, fucking yeah. I'd be like, you can't come, motherfucker. I'd be
00:04:46
like, it's the ultimate man cave. Goodbye. A whole city. Get my cable TV way down there.
00:04:54
That's right. My recliner in here. Football is the best when it's in a small chapel,
00:04:59
one mile underground away from your wife. Clearly, this isn't something I found in a wall,
00:05:05
but it just seemed like something you guys would be excited about. You're right. Exactly right.
00:05:08
now it's open to visitors so maybe if you ever go to Turkey you can visit I'm going there
00:05:15
absolutely SSDGM Natasha really really well curated story Natasha because that's Darren Cuyu
00:05:22
is right up my alley this is a fact podcast this is a real place you can go to you can get a tour
00:05:29
unlike the deep salt mines in Malta where they say giants are mining salt if you go down deep enough
00:05:36
Are these lizard people of core, earth core people? They could be lizard people.
00:05:44
It could be flat earthers. Okay. They could be journey to the center of the earthers
00:05:48
where they're just dedicated to the Disney movie from the 60s. Sure. I mean, that's lost podcast on the left territory.
00:05:55
Yeah we pass this one over to Marcus and the boys That right Okay this one called The Headless Mennonites Okay My dear badass MFM family
00:06:06
And then she says, And that then says Pennsylvania Dutch for what's cracking? Wow.
00:06:15
My husband and I, who was also a big fan, grew up in conservative Mennonite families and closely associated with the Amish culture.
00:06:22
Ooh. I think that's kind of an exciting fan poll. Yeah. We got the Mennonites. We got a Mennonite on our side, too.
00:06:30
Oh, but these are, listen, but thankfully we came to a point in our early 20s where we realized we were in a cult and went home.
00:06:37
Anyhow, I don't know if that's on purpose, but it says N-E-H-A-W. Anyhow, we still live and work in Holmes County, Ohio, shoulder to shoulder with a lot of Amish slash Mennonites.
00:06:48
My husband is manager of the company his father owns and was interviewing a potential employee.
00:06:52
My husband was asking this future employee about where he was from, and he said, Mount Eaton, Ohio.
00:06:58
And then goes on to say, My brother murdered our parents a few years ago, but I wasn't involved.
00:07:04
That's right. Wash your hands and walk away, girl. He knows you're going to Google him.
00:07:09
He's just like, just going to get this out of the way. When you Google me. Clear it.
00:07:12
I just want to let you know I wasn't home that day. That's right. Just put the word out there and then just let it go.
00:07:17
That's right. My husband, obviously stunned, finished the interview and immediately told me about this bizarre interview.
00:07:23
We, of course, did some Googling and were stunned to find out that this guy's Mennonite parents had been found dead at their farm,
00:07:29
shot in the head. He had also decapitated his father. The cops found him in West Virginia with a gun and a chainsaw in his car.
00:07:38
He has been on trial three times and has been found incompetent to stand trial due to his mental illnesses, even though the two psychologists have said
00:07:46
his behaviors do not indicate he suffers from delusions he claims to have. Oh, he's lying.
00:07:51
Yeah. So he sits in a mental hospital until he is, quote, competent to stand trial.
00:07:56
This is just a small snack of the odd and strange happenings in Amish country that are often covered up by the dark and secret of culture.
00:08:03
Hello, beard cutters and rapists. Whoa. Wow. Anytime you're. And then it says. It's a beard cutter on par with a rapist.
00:08:11
Apparently that's the thing. Or maybe like they cut your beard off when you've done something wrong.
00:08:16
It says you're in jail. Whoa. Yeah. I'm going to have to look that up. Then here's an invitation.
00:08:20
Anytime you're rolling, like now we want to come check it out. Anytime you're rolling through Ohio, we would be honored to introduce you to delicious cheeses,
00:08:28
Amish mashed potatoes, and all the weird and creepy Amish gossip. Wow. Stay sexy and keep your electricity, Carrie.
00:08:37
I want to hear that gossip more than anything. Oh, I bet it's the creepiest. First, you have to say a prayer.
00:08:42
Yeah. Straight out of Ezekiel. Right. And then, I mean, I shave my beard almost daily, so I feel like I'm ready to go.
00:08:49
I will cut my beard for this one special occasion. What was it? Sorry, did you have the what's cracking in Amish?
00:08:56
The beast. The beast. In reverse. Yeah. Okay. The subject line of this one is my mom was held at gunpoint.
00:09:04
Hi, my favorite squad. That's charming. I've been binging your episodes per usual,
00:09:11
and one of your I Survived episodes reminded me of my mom and grandma being badasses.
00:09:15
when my mom was seven or eight she answered the door to a man asking for her dad she invited him
00:09:21
in said one minute and went to get my grandma they lived in a small town my mom wasn't primed
00:09:26
to fear people coming to the door so this wasn't out of the ordinary for her when she returned with
00:09:30
my grandma the guy had pulled a huge gun and told my grandma to give her all give him all your money
00:09:35
jewelry and possessions of value in the house he made them take him around the house to get jewelry
00:09:40
from each room. My mom and grandma went into survival mode. My mom making eye contact
00:09:45
with my grandma and then just wiggled a ring finger so my grandma turned her engagement
00:09:49
and wedding ring around to hide the stone. Oh my god. And then in parentheses it says,
00:09:54
my favorite part of the story. That's right, because an eight-year-old thought to do that.
00:09:57
Yeah. Genius. At the same time, I'm like, give him the fucking wedding ring. Yeah, right.
00:10:03
I mean, if he asks for it, but don't flash it around. Don't be like, hey, you want this too?
00:10:06
Yeah, it's like a huge Zsa Zsa Gabor rock. grandma turn it in he'll know we're rich um he then tells my grandma to drive him somewhere about
00:10:15
20 minutes away giving turn by turn directions apparently he was smoking a joint in the back
00:10:20
and high as a kite so when they arrived at whatever creepy ass building he told my grandma to give him
00:10:25
her keys uh he didn't notice her slip the car key off the ring oh my god so genius he put the key
00:10:33
ring on a fire hydrant across the street said wait five minutes and then they would get the
00:10:38
then they could get the keys back. The second he went across the street and turned around the corner,
00:10:42
my grandma and mom booked it out of there, and this is my family story of I Survive.
00:10:47
My mom didn't tell me the story until I was in middle school as school shootings were becoming more and more common.
00:10:54
I'm 21 now in junior college. And her point was there are bad things that happen in the world,
00:10:58
but that doesn't mean you need to be scared of the world and hide. Take the world by storm like the strong woman that you are,
00:11:04
prepared and safe. Stay sexy and don't forget, you're smarter than the bad guys.
00:11:09
Cece. Oh my God. But I wouldn't know the rest of the story. Did they catch the guy?
00:11:13
They didn't, right? They probably didn't or they would, I bet that would be in there.
00:11:17
But I love the idea that just it's like, take advantage of that scenario and just like try
00:11:22
to get like, how did she do that? The advanced thinking of get the car key off the ring.
00:11:27
Give him all the keys he wants. Yeah, that's good. The ring thing and the keys are good thinking.
00:11:32
Like stuff that you don't, I feel like I'd be too scared to try in that moment. Of course.
00:11:37
But if you're fucking stone to the bone in the back seat. Yeah, that's right. Remember, stone people think everything's funny.
00:11:43
You turn on a little ELO on the radio would have distracted that guy for seven minutes.
00:11:48
Oh, they're so easy to trick and confuse. Stay present. Stay focused. That's right.
00:11:53
Maybe she got a little fucking contact eye and was like Oh I not taking this ring this fucking key off Okay This is called my mother ex boyfriend the cocaine cowboy Whoa And then it says Hi You know when you date someone to break
00:12:09
up and run into them years later, only to be like, yikes, I really dodged a bullet there.
00:12:13
That happened to my mom, except she saw him in a newspaper and he was dead. Oh, a few months ago, she told me about an ex of hers. Andrew Carter Thornton, the second,
00:12:24
definitely bound to end up as some kind of criminal with that name. They were introduced by a mutual friend and started dating.
00:12:29
He was dashing, charming, well-educated, successful, worked for the DEA, and took her to great restaurants.
00:12:37
That's all I fucking need. That's my only one. Say no more. Ask no questions. Things were going well, but then the restaurants became seedier and seedier.
00:12:46
He started flaking a lot, and his stories never really seemed to check out. When she asked what the deal was with that shit,
00:12:52
he said he was undercover for the DEA and couldn't be seen out or blow his cover.
00:12:57
That's a great story. She didn't buy it and said, bye girl to his shady ass. A few years later in 1985, she saw a headline in the newspaper and then parentheses it says
00:13:09
above the fold quote, she likes to say, meaning it's like front page. That read, quote, cocaine and a dead bear.
00:13:19
Her boy, Andrew, had jumped from his drug smuggling plane. His first parachute hadn't opened for a mysterious and perhaps nefarious reason.
00:13:27
We'll never really know. His second clearly hadn't done the job and he was found dead in a Knoxville, Tennessee
00:13:33
driveway. His crash landing earned him the title of cocaine cowboy. Wow. According to the articles I read and lifted from, he was found wearing a bulletproof vest
00:13:41
and gucci loafers carrying a browning nine millimeter automatic pistol a 22 caliber derringer
00:13:48
ammunition night vision goggles books with names and codes thousands of dollars in cash
00:13:52
and six cougar hands and then all caps treasure treasure but only six yeah i mean that's why you
00:14:01
fell from the fucking ground those things are heavy right he sewed them into the lining of
00:14:06
jacket yeah he also had food rations and vitamins uh and a compass an altimeter identification
00:14:13
papers and two different names a membership card to the miami jockey club and the key to the
00:14:19
airplane miami jockey club like horse jockey i guess what the fuck i don't know where was
00:14:28
why do you need a compass at the jockey club like are you going to the forest are you going to
00:14:32
Germany? Is that what an altimeter is? I thought I said altimeter. And I also said a compass.
00:14:38
Is that why you thought that? But I think altimeters are in planes. I don't. That's my
00:14:41
guess. I don't know. Well, I don't never. I don't. Well, I never have been told anything
00:14:47
of relevant information. And then it says, oh, also 77 pounds of cocaine. Oh, shit. Or literally
00:14:55
millions of dollars. You know, the basics. Yeah. A few months later, the Georgia Bureau
00:15:00
investigation reported that a dead 175 pound bear was found among 40 open containers of cocaine
00:15:07
matching the packaging used by Thornton oh no the bear OD'd that poor this is that poor bear
00:15:14
had OD'd on the cocaine and had presumably been thrown from the plane mid-flight because it was
00:15:18
carrying too much weight wait no let me read that again that poor bear had OD'd on the cocaine that
00:15:28
had presumably been thrown from the plane mid-flight because it was carrying too much weight.
00:15:32
He's going down his checklist. He's like, cougar ants, check. Altimeter, check. A bear,
00:15:38
check. Get the bear on his plane. A bear on cocaine. That poor bear. Oh, that poor bear.
00:15:45
Turns out Andrew was a former narcotics officer and suspended lawyer who had not been undercover
00:15:50
for the DEA, as he said, though he had worked for them at one point, but instead had been on the run
00:15:55
from them while he was dating my mom. Wow. He'd been working for a huge weapons and drug smuggling operation.
00:16:01
And according to one article, he became one of the highest ranking members. This whole story is allegedly part of a larger conspiracy regarding drug trafficking slash
00:16:09
the CIA slash a major weapons theft. But that could be a Minnesota in itself. So I'll just leave the story at that.
00:16:15
Stay sexy and don't leave your drugs where bears can get them. Sam. Shit, Sam. That was great.
00:16:21
That was legendary. It was like a touch of D.B. Cooper. Totally. There's a touch of that story that you did.
00:16:27
On the tracks? Yes. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then, of course, bears. And then bears.
00:16:32
Bear ODs. Sorry for the animal nature people out there that we had to include that.
00:16:39
No, all bears were harmed in the making of this mini-sode. But at the same time, they harm themselves.
00:16:44
That's right. And addiction is a disease. Say no to Coke. That poor bear thought it was like powdered sugar.
00:16:50
He's like, mmm, delicious cereal. I see him, like, doing a dive. A perfect dive.
00:16:55
And then he's walking around smoking and talking. We're going to a restaurant. We're going to a restaurant called Bear Essentials.
00:17:03
It's all honey. Oh, my God. We got to get some bees in on this. Sticks his head in a beehive.
00:17:09
While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
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The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed.
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Scoring from angles that don't make sense. rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
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Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
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Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
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And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game,
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the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
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Goodbye. When you young you don really buy furniture You either inherit something from your parents or you just drag something in from the street like you some kind of hipster raccoon When you ready for furniture that you actually like check out Article
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And what should I even get? But Article has it all, so you can get whatever there.
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Goodbye. Summer is all about saying yes, going out and bringing the mess home in your car.
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00:19:31
Goodbye. Okay. The subject line is, can my house get haunted by this? Hey guys, just wanted to share this odd story that happened recently. Yay. Please always,
00:19:43
always show your odd stories. I was in front of my house raking leaves as one does when living in
00:19:48
Northeastern Ohio with my three-year-old steadily on my heels. I was keeping a very close eye on him
00:19:55
when I saw him squeal with delight as he picked something up off the ground. I ran over and saw
00:20:00
that he had found an old rusty heart-shaped necklace. I told him it looked pretty old and
00:20:05
he exclaimed that it was so cool and put it around his neck. Oh my god no. I felt it was totally
00:20:11
harmless and finished my raking before we headed back inside. He continued to play with the necklace
00:20:16
all afternoon, putting it on various stuffed animals, our dog, even let me try it on a few
00:20:21
times. Soon it was bath time and a battle ensued of me trying to take this necklace off him.
00:20:28
I finally caved and just let him keep it on for bath time because sometimes you can only fight
00:20:33
with a three-year-old so many times in a day. So true. We did our usual nighttime routine and after
00:20:40
fell asleep, I took the necklace off and took it downstairs. As I was walking with it, I noticed
00:20:45
it wasn't just a heart-shaped necklace, but in fact, a locket. I was in the kitchen when I got
00:20:52
the bright idea to try to open it. It was sealed shut pretty good. What if his photo is inside of
00:20:57
it? The kid's photo. And that's why he loves it so much. But it's him in a coffin. Okay.
00:21:04
That's not it. No. I was in the kitchen when I got the bright idea to try to open it. It was
00:21:08
sealed shut pretty good so i resorted to a butter knife to pry it open i eagerly wanted to see what
00:21:15
sort of pictures it held inside only to my utter horror as i cracked open the locket gray dust flew
00:21:22
everywhere it was fucking ashes inside this motherfucking locket i literally screamed my son
00:21:30
was playing with this oh and he just got a fucking bath with it all day oh my god i'd like to say
00:21:37
that I tried finding the owner to the necklace, but couldn't figure out how to tell them that I
00:21:41
opened the locket and 80% of them went down my kitchen drain. So I just tied it in a bag and
00:21:47
carefully placed it in the garbage outside. I'm just really hoping my house doesn't become haunted
00:21:51
by this. Hope you guys get a laugh out of this. I can't wait to see you in Pittsburgh in March
00:21:55
at the Friday show. Stay sexy and don't let your kids play with old Rosie Lockett's Nicole.
00:22:00
Oh my God. Why did they put ashes in a necklace? I get it. I get it. Like I was like a 13 year old.
00:22:09
I would have been like, I'm going to put my grandma's ashes and, and it'll always be close to my heart.
00:22:14
And then you lose it. It's not like they let you scoop them out. It's not like the family gets their share.
00:22:19
I think that happens sometimes. Oh no. Like, do you want a little piece of grandma?
00:22:23
Also maybe, yeah. Also maybe it wasn't that like, maybe it was ashes from like a flower that a guy had given her and she
00:22:30
burned it because she's super goth she's really goth she was the first goth yes it was 1892 and
00:22:36
now that little three-year-old speaking in tongues mothman prophecies that's a great that's a great
00:22:44
story for us you know what i mean like it's like yeah i love it it could have been an antique it
00:22:50
could have been anything no it's filled with human cremains cremains cremains learn that word from
00:22:55
this podcast. Okay. This is like a lighthearted. Oh, great. This is called magic spit. Okay. All
00:23:07
right. Hi, guys. I recently listened to a mini set about parents making up lies that you believe
00:23:11
forever. And this made me think of something my parents did. My parents were totally normal,
00:23:15
but had a few weird traditions. When my sisters and I were growing up and got a boo boo, we would
00:23:20
go to either of them crying and begging for them to make it better. What we were really asking for
00:23:24
was magic spit. You see, our parents would spit on their fingers and rub it into whatever bruise
00:23:30
or cut we had. This miraculously cured whatever we were crying or in pain about because they
00:23:35
convinced us that the magic spit was the cure all end all. I never disagreed until I was in fourth
00:23:40
grade and was alone with a friend riding bikes and she fell and skidded her knee. It was bleeding
00:23:45
pretty badly and we didn't know what to do. So I responded with, well, I can try to put some of my
00:23:50
magic spit on it, but I'm not sure it'll work. She was so freaked out and scared, and I guess I sounded so confident
00:23:56
about my spit that she agreed. So yes, I spit on her scraped blood. kneecap. And we called it a day. After we got back to her house, her mom asked what happened.
00:24:05
And she said, Don't worry, Kimmy spit on it. And it's all better. So that's when I found out you
00:24:10
should not spit in cuts, especially not your own, because it's extremely unsanitary. And that my
00:24:14
parents were actually pretty gross. Thanks for being my go to pick me up when I'm in need of a
00:24:18
good laugh. Stay sexy. And don't spit in people's wounds, Kimmy. Shit. So don't spit in people's
00:24:25
Spit, I mean, you'd think it'd be good, right? Well, I think the idea that it worked like such an insane placebo on those children is pretty amazing.
00:24:33
It's like you have a crying kid and then they just believe that everything's solved.
00:24:38
I would keep that lie going for as long as right into college. Right until there is an infection.
00:24:43
Yeah. Right up until the amputation. Right. I think parental spit is okay. Spit outside the family.
00:24:51
Don't do it. Keep it in the family until someone gets gangrene. That's right. And stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Bye. Elvis, you want a cookie?
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