00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now.
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00:01:06
Goodbye! If there's one thing to know about traveling with dogs, it's that they can't eat like you do on vacation.
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Go to justfoodfordogs.com and get 50% off your first order. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hello Christmas Eve
00:02:26
Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas Welcome to My Favorite Murder The Christmas Eve minisode
00:02:32
That's right That is in no way themed Christmas Eve No We're just telling you the best minisode stories on this.
00:02:41
This is the eve of Christmas. What are you going to be? We're obviously recording this before.
00:02:49
What are you going to be doing on Christmas Eve? What are you going to be for Christmas Eve?
00:02:53
I'm going to be an elf on the shelf. What are you going to be? I'm going to be a Jew on the couch.
00:02:58
I'm going to be a dumb Jew ignoring your dumb holiday. But I bet you had a great Hanukkah.
00:03:06
I probably did. I bet you smashed it. I bet it was the best Hanukkah I've ever had.
00:03:09
I bet you gave away so many little beautifully wrapped gifts. I bet you're right.
00:03:14
Days after days of gifts. When I first as a child heard that Hanukkah meant eight days of gifts,
00:03:21
I'd already felt so much like that was the tribe I was supposed to truly be in. I thought I was supposed to be a divorcee Jewish child in Manhattan.
00:03:29
Oh, okay. I was that in Orange County. But you didn't feel like you needed to be on the East Coast?
00:03:35
Probably. I hated everything about my life. So yeah, probably. you probably wanted to be several thousand miles away.
00:03:41
But as this is what always bothered me, you guys got a ton of presents too. We did,
00:03:46
but just knowing nothing about Judaism, I just pictured that it was Christmas every night for eight nights where I'm
00:03:53
like, they have all the humor. You get like every, you get like a big, huge present every night.
00:03:59
There's, I was picturing baskets of bagels, water, water bagels. That's true. deliciously stacked deli sandwiches that actually that's what for Hanukkah my family we get
00:04:10
caters uh Cantor's catered oh deli sandwiches the greatest best there's you can't wrap your
00:04:17
mouth around a Cantor sandwich no it's the best you have to like dismantle it and eat four small
00:04:23
sandwiches it's the best um yeah that Hanukkah present thing man it's a real fucking lie they
00:04:28
tell you that to get you to convert right it's not true to get you to drop out of Catholicism
00:04:32
and jump on. Usually we would do like little gifts seven nights and then the one big gift
00:04:37
on the eighth night. Right. But small gifts are still pretty good gifts. Yeah. I mean,
00:04:42
it would be like stocking stuffer type of thing. Right. So sorry to burst your Hanukkah bubble.
00:04:47
I guess I'll just stick with me old Catholicism. We're doing such a great job. The subject line of this first email is that's what it's like to have a killer in your home.
00:04:58
Oh, hello, Karen, Georgia and Steven. I absolutely lost my mind when Karen covered a story from my hometown, Edmonton.
00:05:05
Although Edmonton is quite literally the most boring place on Earth. Cough, cough.
00:05:10
Our nickname is Deadmonton. We do not have a shortage of crazy effed up crimes. Unfortunately, snowy, cold, boring Edmonton at Alberta is the murder capital of Canada.
00:05:20
Holy shit. Yeah. That's not boring. And also Edmonton is a city and Alberta is a province.
00:05:26
Right. Right, as you said in the episode. As I know. Exactly as you knew. As a fact-knowing citizen of Canada.
00:05:35
My story comes to you from when I was working as a server in a senior's home. I was cleaning up a table after the meal, and a group of old ladies at a nearby table were talking.
00:05:44
I overheard one lady say something like, And that's what it's like to have a killer in your home.
00:05:48
Oh, my God. Now this lady was quite a character and a joker and she and I liked to banter quite a bit So I decided to jump in and lightly tease her Haha what are you talking about How does something like this come up in conversation Just thinking that this is her offbeat sense of humor
00:06:05
She was quoting herself in that in my act out. The old lady turns to me and says, oh, so casually.
00:06:11
Oh, no, it's the truth. I've had a killer in my home. My grandma, my granddaughter was married to Mark Twitchell.
00:06:18
My brain broke. I walked back to the kitchen in a daze and went through the rest of my shift like a zombie.
00:06:24
Mark Twitchell is the Dexter copycat killer, a would-be serial killer who created profiles on dating websites
00:06:30
to lure men to his garage where he would attack them with a stun baton. He killed one man, but his next victim managed to escape
00:06:39
and Twitchell was apprehended. Holy shit. Twitchell had dreams of making movies and he was a huge fan of Dexter
00:06:45
and it's believed he became a killer to be like Dexter. What the fuck? It was a huge story here in Edmonton and in Canada in general,
00:06:53
so huge it was covered by Dateline. I remember my OG Murderino mom turning to me while watching the episode
00:06:59
and saying, isn't it exciting? Keith Morrison is here in Edmonton. Fuck yes, Keith Morrison.
00:07:07
And then in parentheses she wrote, chill mom, he's from Lloyd Minister. I guess that's another town.
00:07:15
Province. Province of Alberta. I was too nervous to bring it up with the lady ever again
00:07:19
but I wish I did. I keep thinking she was there at the wedding and for the Christmases.
00:07:24
One of the most sensationalized murder cases here, and she'd probably seen the perpetrator in a tacky Christmas sweater.
00:07:30
Oh, my God. Stay sexy and don't eavesdrop on old ladies' conversations. Beth. Wow.
00:07:35
I remember that case. It's so – the guy that ended up living, it's such a terrifying, horrible thing.
00:07:43
Yeah. Because this crazy person. Because he still got, like, tortured and shit. Yeah.
00:07:47
He thought he was showing up for, like, a blind date. Oh. The guy that survived.
00:07:52
Ugh. It's amazing. Wow, that's bananas. It's so crazy. Oh, man. Can you imagine being fucking married and then being like, oh, guess what?
00:07:59
Your husband. If there's a coldness that can't be explained, if there's an emptiness, if there's.
00:08:07
I don't think you could see it sometimes. If there's a duffel bag that you won't talk about.
00:08:11
And then you're not allowed to look in. Yeah. Yeah, you can't. You'll never know because that's their specialty.
00:08:17
Right. It's covering it up. Totally. Vince, please, please. It's always the last one you'd suspect.
00:08:23
No, I suspect him, though, so it won't be him. There you go. It's great. That's my secret.
00:08:27
You just spread that suspecting dust around everywhere. The secret to a good marriage is suspect him of everything.
00:08:33
And then when he doesn't do anything, you're pleasantly surprised. Oh, my God. What a relief you say every single day.
00:08:38
That's right. Okay. This is called Riding in Cars with Strangers. Hi, everyone. When I was in my early 20s, I moved to a small town at the edge of San Bernardino County.
00:08:47
Don't worry. I got out of there as quickly as I could, it says. Good for you. There was only one tiny little dive bar in the area, and since it was such a small, remote desert town, the only thing to do on the weekend besides a ton of drugs was to go to this bar.
00:09:00
And do a ton of drugs. And do a ton of drugs. Uber wasn't a thing back then, but luckily the bar had a, quote, bar car, a quiet older guy who they would call and he would pick you up and take you home for whatever you thought the ride was worth.
00:09:13
Uh-oh. At first I was a little bit skeptical, but after a few rides with my friends, it turned into a normal thing.
00:09:18
It was always the same old man. he was always happy to take us home no matter how drunk we were,
00:09:23
how late it was, or how little cash we had left to tip him. He volunteered to help the town drunks get home
00:09:28
because he wanted to make sure everyone made it home safely. Which, like, in a normal world, that's great.
00:09:34
Yes. This is not a normal world. It's not a normal world. This is a podcast. Especially in the outskirts of fucking San Bernardino.
00:09:42
San Bernardino. That's right. Get out. Flash forward to last year. I've since moved away but was back in town to visit family for Christmas.
00:09:48
I called one of my old friends and we had planned to meet at the bar. I asked him if the bar car was still running and he responded with, you didn't hear?
00:09:55
The old you didn't hear. He's in jail for murdering his girlfriend in the 80s. Fuck.
00:10:01
I was horrified by this. I had taken countless rides home by myself when I had gotten blacked out drunk and stumbled
00:10:07
out of the bar into his old car. My friend said it had been a small town, it had been small town gossip for decades and
00:10:13
he was suspected to have murdered his girlfriend and they just never thought to mention this
00:10:17
to me. As it turns out, in the 80s, his girlfriend went missing. Several months later, they found her severed head and hand in a river near the town.
00:10:26
This would be the only parts of her body the police would ever find. He would be the prime suspect, but they didn't have any evidence to convict him, and the case went cold.
00:10:35
In the early 2000s, they reopened the case and were able to test the DNA, which linked him to the crime.
00:10:41
Later on, as my family was drinking around the Christmas table, I told my mom with a suspicious tone,
00:10:45
hey do you remember that bar car driver who killed his girlfriend the look of sheer horror
00:10:50
on my mom's face as she realized this was the same guy who had driven me home was only matched
00:10:55
by the excitedness of my aunt a fellow murderino as she asked questions about what it was like to
00:11:00
get rides home from a murderer yes merry christmas and l'chaim bitches stay sexy and don't get in
00:11:05
cars with murderers b yes but how can you know it's almost like he was doing it to make up for
00:11:12
it. Yeah. Because it's such a, he did, it clearly didn't hurt anybody while he did it or he would
00:11:17
have gotten caught. Right. Right. So maybe he's like, no, I'm a good guy still. This just thing
00:11:22
happened. I just had this bump in the road where I beheaded my girlfriend. Awful. Not cool at all.
00:11:29
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The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense, rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
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the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
00:13:16
Goodbye. Peace of mind can be hard to come by. Especially at 2 a.m. when your house suddenly makes a weird noise.
00:13:23
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00:13:31
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00:13:44
Listen, Cookie is a really good watchdog, but she's not going to tell me what is actually going on.
00:13:48
If it's a raccoon or if it's a person looking through my windows, like you have to get this
00:13:53
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00:13:57
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00:14:18
I'm not going to read you the subject line because it tips it too much. Okay. Dear Karen, Georgia, Stephen, and various furry animals.
00:14:27
Very, various furry associates. Oh. Well, so many tiny briefcases. One year during dinner on Christmas Eve, my family got talking about my cousin's old job at a haunted morgue.
00:14:38
Unrelated story. It then came up that my uncle's old house was actually haunted too.
00:14:43
Apparently, when his kids, my three much older cousins, were younger, they all slept by themselves in the same room or nursery for the first part of their lives.
00:14:51
Throughout each of their respective childhoods, they all described to their mom, my aunt, as having the exact same imaginary friend as the other.
00:15:00
According to my aunt, they each described the friend as a young blonde girl with a red and yellow striped dress.
00:15:07
One day, my aunt even walked in on my cousin, heatedly arguing out loud with this girl while he played while he was playing dolls. She said it
00:15:14
was like he was just yelling to himself about his friend who wouldn't share. Oh my god that's creepy.
00:15:20
Aside from these weird coincidences and occurrences my uncle also said that after the kids moved out
00:15:25
of this specific room they used it as a guest room and guests would report feeling extremely
00:15:29
cold in the room as compared to the rest of the house and often felt very uneasy sleeping there.
00:15:35
Insulation. Gotta get that insulation checked. Get those nice thick windows. Right.
00:15:39
Okay. Aside from these weird, nope. Fast forward a few years and my dad and his friend who owned a construction business at
00:15:47
the time were hired by my uncle to renovate his house before they moved. As they tore up the floor in the old suspicious front room, of course they find a secret room
00:15:56
hidden underneath the floor. It was incredibly dark in the room and my dad was too big to squeeze down there.
00:16:02
So he tried to convince his coworker to check it out. Yeah, right. To which he replied, uh, fuck no.
00:16:08
To my intense surprise, they didn't investigate any further and just tiled over the hole.
00:16:14
A couple days later, probably, they opened up the wall in said room. And I shit you not, stuck to the wall as if placed there was a fucking red and yellow striped dress.
00:16:25
Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. I have no idea exactly what they did with it, but I know that since they moved out, the house has been on the market several more times.
00:16:33
This story, this is the story I always tell people to their disbelief when sharing spooky
00:16:38
stories. And I thought you guys would love to hear it. Thank you so much for reading.
00:16:41
I sincerely hope to see, to join you at the Des Moines live show in spring. Stay sexy and don't play with selfish ghosts.
00:16:49
Maya. Oh my God. That's like, I love that story. I love it. But I've been for my own sanity to say no way.
00:16:55
Not true. I mean, you'd, here's the thing. people who don't care about shit like this would take that dress and put it in
00:17:03
the garbage. You and I, and what I believe to be normal people would put on some doctor's gloves and
00:17:11
go in there with tweezers and pull that fucking dress. After photographing the shit out of it.
00:17:15
Photographing every aspect. And then we put it on our pet and let our cat or dog run around.
00:17:22
I would ship it to this Sony. I would light some sage and I would, Okay. This is my last one.
00:17:32
Okay. This is called Good Luck at College, Don't Get Murdered. Okay. Hello, podcasting gals, guy, and assorted furry animals.
00:17:41
I grew up in a small town in eastern Oregon. When the time came for me to select a college, my parents and I felt a small school would be an easy transition for me.
00:17:50
I enrolled in a liberal arts college outside of Portland Oregon and had just over 2 students and was ranked as a top 25 small college bragg bragg bragg bragg Brag about college Congratulations about college The school was very conservative It was very conservative This is what she basically saying There was no dancing
00:18:05
It was conservative. Roommates. No boys allowed, et cetera. Okay. They were all making plans to travel home for Christmas.
00:18:13
And then, okay. My roommate was planning to ride back to Montana with a fellow student who was also from the Big Sky State.
00:18:19
He had been in the room several times. She had a crush on him. Blah, blah, blah.
00:18:22
Imagine our shock and awe and confusion when the FBI showed up one morning and arrested him.
00:18:28
Yep, you read that right. He was dragged out of our dorm in handcuffs. As we learned soon after, he was a serial killer.
00:18:34
And I actually question this. You tell me. Yes, a person who killed multiple people.
00:18:39
That's not a serial killer, right? Well, it has to be within a certain amount of time.
00:18:43
Right. Okay. He was the center of a multi-state manhunt. Days before coming to one of the top-ranked Christian schools in the nation,
00:18:49
He went to the home his family had previously owned and killed the owners in their bed.
00:18:54
Whoa. He then left on his full ride scholarship to the Northwest. When he arrived at college, he asked us all to call him by his middle name.
00:19:03
That should have been a clue as to something that was up. His middle name was Shadow.
00:19:11
Was he a little gray cat? He was an owl. why did we not see that as a red flag okay the murdered couple were found naked in their bed a
00:19:23
few days after the killing when a neighbor became suspicious that all the windows were open
00:19:26
the trail of the killer grew cold and the police even considered consulted a psychic who described
00:19:32
the killer as a slight built young man with black hair who knew the victims and the layout of the
00:19:39
house he said that the man was at college somewhere in the west and would be arrested in december of
00:19:43
1993 holy shit with that insight the police began looking into the history of the murdered couple
00:19:49
before their search reached oregon shadow confided in a fellow student that he had a gun of course
00:19:55
the religious student immediately contacted campus security which led to a call to local
00:19:59
law enforcement our small school made the news that night but not for academic achievement many
00:20:04
of us followed his trial and he is now serving a sentence of 150 years shit needless to say the
00:20:10
University did not list it as a highlight in the yearbook, nor is it in any brochures.
00:20:14
The moral of the story is that small schools aren't necessarily safe. Don't trust people
00:20:18
named Shadow and always SSDGM. Brie. Wow. Crazy, right? That's so insane. Yeah. It's awful. It's crazy because it's that idea like you're going to do this thing and then just
00:20:33
go off to your new life and be like, call me by my middle name. Hey, I can have a normal life now.
00:20:38
Yeah. It's me, Lynn. You know, if he hadn't told him about the gun, that one guy, and the guy hadn't fucking narked on him, he might have killed more people.
00:20:46
That's how it always goes. They can't keep their trap shut. Good. Yeah, that's true.
00:20:51
Oh, you mean, I thought you meant the person he told, not Shadow. You're getting mad at the guy who narked on him.
00:20:58
Shut your mouth, you snitch. Yeah, snitches get candy. Okay, we'll wrap it up with this one.
00:21:05
Okay. I won't read this subject line. Hi Georgia Karen, Steven and Pets I wanted to share what happened to me 20 years ago
00:21:11
When I came home for the holidays My parents had moved to a new house After I left for school
00:21:17
That's important only because it meant I was sleeping in a guest room With no phone
00:21:22
One night my parents were out of town And I was home alone with our dog and two cats
00:21:27
At 2am I woke up suddenly Thinking I heard a man's voice I had just about convinced myself it was a dream
00:21:33
When I sat up and saw that the dog and cats were wide awake staring at the bedroom door with hackles raised oh god i started looking
00:21:42
around for something to use as a weapon when i heard a male voice from the next room in a creepy
00:21:47
sing-song voice say peek-a-boo i got out of bed and grabbed the bedside lamp the dog and cats were
00:21:57
growling at the bedroom door ready to throw down again the voice said peek-a-boo in exactly the
00:22:04
same tone, which was now sounding a little familiar. It turned out a talking big bird doll
00:22:09
my mom had bought my niece had been hidden away in a closet for Christmas and it had started talking
00:22:15
on its own. Needless to say, I disemboweled that thing and put its electrical components in one
00:22:22
room and the doll in another before trying to go back to sleep. Oh my God. My family kept that
00:22:29
creepy toy for years after my niece had outgrown it just to torment me. Thanks for being my constant
00:22:34
companions. As I walk my dog, you make me laugh out loud like an idiot and I don't mind. Stay
00:22:39
sexy and sleep with a pack of ride or die pets in case big bird shows up. Sarah. I gotta get a dog.
00:22:46
I gotta get a dog. Holy shit. That used to happen when I was little. Um, one of the first big
00:22:54
Christmas gifts we got was this, it was called, I think it was called, I want to say baby alive,
00:23:00
but I think baby alive was the one that you fed. Yeah. This was the one that crawled. Oh yeah. And
00:23:05
it was like a dull head, but then a machine. And we were so excited to get it. Cause it was like
00:23:10
the commercial that was on every cartoon, um, you know, block. Um, and the first night I went to bed
00:23:19
with it in the middle of the night it turned on and it was it's so scary because it's really loud
00:23:25
yeah and then it has baby noises and it's like that you can hear the mechanical part of it oh
00:23:30
that's a photo what's it called steven oh wait that away what baby that away no that's a terrible
00:23:37
name for it look at this baby that way thing and so it's that thing but the joints are like screws
00:23:44
and bolts and like it's like I'm coming for your soul late 70s machinery Karen I'm coming for your soul
00:23:56
but at least it didn't fucking say peekaboo in a manner Man's voice is a nightmare.
00:24:02
It's a familiar man's voice. Yeah. It's like a soft-spoken man, which would be scarier.
00:24:07
That's one of the top three things I don't want to hear coming from the other room when
00:24:11
I'm home alone at night. The word peekaboo, specifically. No. By anyone. Peekaboo's horrifying.
00:24:16
Peekaboo's like, oh, you're going to murder the fuck out of me. That's straight out of a horror movie.
00:24:20
Yes. The other day I was walking through my house and I whispered no more milk to myself.
00:24:25
What? Why? because I just tried, I was drinking too much milk, but I whispered it to myself and then I
00:24:31
could not stop laughing at how someone had heard you. If somebody was, had just walked in the door,
00:24:37
no more milk. Sometimes you can be the creep you're scared of. Sometimes it's you. Yeah. Congratulations. Um,
00:24:48
happy Christmas and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and all of every, if you don't celebrate anything,
00:24:53
sorry yes um if you don't celebrate anything you can celebrate these wonderful stories that you just
00:24:59
heard of human strength and the will to survive that's right and uh hey if you're having if you're
00:25:06
not having a great holiday reach out to someone you know friends family we want to make sure that
00:25:12
everyone stays connected this holiday season because it's not always fun for people yeah it
00:25:17
It can be very shitty depending. So a great thing to do if you're feeling shitty, go to a food bank and help out.
00:25:24
Go to a soup kitchen and help out Donate a toy Yeah You know do something cool Put yourself around other people and put yourself around people that are good at helping others And then
00:25:34
you can blend right in and turn it around for yourself. I love it. Yeah, right? Yeah. All right.
00:25:39
Well, stay sexy. Don't get murdered. Again, bye. Elvis, want a cookie? Cheap Caribbean summer savings event is here. Right now, get $100 instant savings on vacation
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for less money. Book your summer vacay today at CheapCaribbean.com. Goodbye. Pandora Jewelry brings the sparkle to summer, now with even better prices. Shop now for up to 50%
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Terms and conditions apply. See pandora.net for more details. Goodbye. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup,
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Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent. The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14.
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Because next doesn't wait for an invitation. And Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
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Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. And by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
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And Hyundai continues doing it every day because the future isn't some far-off concept.
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It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye.