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00:01:53
This is plain old podcasting. Hello. Hello. And welcome. To my favorite murder. It's a podcast.
00:02:06
That talks about murder. And other stuff. Mostly other stuff. That's Karen Kilgara.
00:02:11
That's Georgia Hardstark. Try to get the voices right from the beginning. This is the most official we've ever started this podcast, I think.
00:02:18
It's just easier. You know, we're back from vacation. We're very professional. we're not fucking around anymore
00:02:24
this is a serious podcast we're here to be we're here to do it correctly we're news people
00:02:31
we're news journalists we're journalists now we went to Honolulu for a live show
00:02:36
and we both got our journalism degrees at the U of H University of Honolulu Waikiki
00:02:44
it was hard work but we did it oh I'm so tired from my trip to Honolulu So much investigative stuff.
00:02:54
So many like little notepads with pens and just taking notes. Little notes. Yeah.
00:02:59
What we had was the most sugar. And this is really saying something coming from me.
00:03:05
The most sugar I've had in a long time. All we did was eat sugar. We ate. We slept.
00:03:11
We slept. Drank some coffee. Sat in the pool. It was a vacation. And then I get home today and Vince gets me a box of See's candy.
00:03:19
um oh happy galentine's day karen oh i don't accept that i'm not accepting any of those i'm
00:03:26
not offering it for real oh okay i hate it so sorry that means tomorrow's the real valentine's
00:03:31
day tomorrow's like the day this comes out right now if people are listening on thursday it's
00:03:36
valentine's day happy valentine's day fucking valentine's day guys you know oh it doesn't
00:03:42
matter your fucking office mate cynthia who gets her fucking roses every year loudly freaks out
00:03:49
about it have you ever seen cynthia's boyfriend barry i don't think you have and like what is he
00:03:54
trying to prove that he has to buy her though that he's real that he's real that's what i'd
00:03:58
like for him to prove yeah i've never seen barry step foot in this fucking office i'd like to see
00:04:03
his fucking account at 1-800 go get flowers and see how many women he's fucking delivered
00:04:08
where was this to that day? Hey, Marcy. Marcy? No, I realize that I don't have any
00:04:12
ability to access Barry's account. Could you just do me a favor? We all have an office pool going. That's right. It's a
00:04:18
friendly $500 wager. If Barry's real, then we'll go ahead and give it to, what's her name?
00:04:24
Linda? Cynthia. Cynthia. Cynthia wins the money. Cynthia gets the money, but she has a boyfriend, so
00:04:30
she doesn't deserve any money. That's right. She deserves nothing. She's got it already.
00:04:36
She's got everything. You know how you have everything when you're in a relationship.
00:04:40
You're so happy. You never look outside the relationship and think the grass is greener.
00:04:45
No, you never compare. Don't resent the person. You don't resent them. They never do anything wrong.
00:04:50
No, you're purely only ever happy. That's right. Yeah. Congratulations, Cynthia.
00:04:56
And congratulations to love. If it's true. We'll see. We'll see. What about some of that good false love?
00:05:03
That's what I'm in for this year. There's true love that people write songs about.
00:05:07
Oh yeah. people are so into. I think you mean lust. No, I just want some false love. Okay. I would like
00:05:13
someone to go down on one knee insincerely. Oh, that's called my ex-fiance. He didn't mean that
00:05:20
shit at all. He did it, but he didn't mean it. He did not mean it. Thank God. Thank God we both
00:05:27
got engaged and then didn't really talk about it again. Maybe this is your new book is talking to
00:05:36
people about how you can become disengaged and it's not embarrassing and it's not shameful.
00:05:41
It's you, uh, cutting yourself off at the pass. Yeah. That's a good thing. I am.
00:05:47
I am so into, and many aspects of life, clean slates. Yeah. Let's just throw this whole thing away and start over.
00:05:53
You know what? I don want to do a ton of work Is this worth a ton of work Right If you been together 20 years maybe Right If you been together three fucking years and he proposed after three months and he doesn have a job let clean slate this shit
00:06:05
Clean slate it. Take a walk down. That's right. To Cynthia's office. Ask her, how did she land Barry?
00:06:12
Does Barry have a brother? Is there a dating site she used that she loves? Barrys.com.
00:06:19
All the berries you can muster. Mustard. Yeah. berries and mustard that's what love is all about is about mustard various condiments yeah and but
00:06:33
on berries where you're like i don't like it this way i guess i'll pretend i do for a little while
00:06:37
yeah see if it works out sure i'll have some oh honey mustard on berries okay yeah i'm into that
00:06:43
too right then you do that ranch dressing and finally you're like i fucking hate this and the
00:06:49
person's like, I never asked you to pretend. Right. And you're like clean slate. Let's clean
00:06:54
slate it. Yeah. Throw all those berries out. Clean slate 2019. Let's do it. Everybody break
00:07:00
up with everybody. Wait a minute. I'm not, I'm not break. This has nothing to do with Vince.
00:07:06
I'd appreciate if you wouldn't break up because that would be very bad for me. No pressure.
00:07:12
I'll stay with Vince for you. Thank you. For the family, for you, for the family, for our children.
00:07:17
we now the people that we met in honolulu know this but we did go on a family vacation we did
00:07:23
it was hilarious there was true hijinks on some nights yeah we had uh we wait so vince was with
00:07:32
us and we brought our friend who's constant entertainment lizzie cooperman yes who we talk
00:07:37
about all the time yes and who we are trying to now convince to give up her own career so that
00:07:42
she can just be on the road with us because it really was the perfect combination.
00:07:47
You'll see if you're in the fan cult, we posted a backstage video that we made Lizzie make.
00:07:51
That's just as fun and ridiculous and silly as our entire weekend was. So go watch that in the fan cult.
00:07:57
Yes. And there is a longer cut she could probably do because she did shoot some stuff where
00:08:02
it was just her walking around backstage making random jokes. And I was like, it's not that I don't like it, but I just feel like it needs to be sure.
00:08:10
Sure. But now that we know that she's a documentary filmmaker. Right. She's our backstage person now.
00:08:18
Yeah. Not that we loved our weekend in the polar vortex with you, Philly, Baltimore, and D.C.
00:08:24
Philly, and look, Detroit and Toronto, we're going to love you in two weeks. Oh, I have a coat that I can't wait to show you.
00:08:30
That's right. It's like a sleeping bag, but there's a zipper on the front. I can't wait.
00:08:34
But Honolulu was fucking majestic. I mean, it's fucking Honolulu. There was also a cookie I would like to talk about.
00:08:41
Oh, yeah. Do you know who they were made by? I feel like her name was Marie. But somebody gave us.
00:08:47
And maybe someone, if this is you, we met you in the meet and greet. Your dad drew cards.
00:08:52
Yes. He drew birds on cards. Yes. And you gave us these cookies. I actually have those cards sitting on my kitchen table right now.
00:08:59
But I didn't. But the cookies were locally made. It was Marie. But professionally made.
00:09:04
Yeah. So they had like a label on the front. Yeah. and they were so good that one night I was kept trying to find them at like the local ABC stores
00:09:12
subtly not to seem pathetic or desperate but I needed them because they were chocolate chip
00:09:17
macadamia nut cookies yeah and we came home that night or we were still in the ABC store and I was
00:09:21
like I just kind of want to find those cookies and then Georgia looks me goes I have a whole other
00:09:26
bag in my room right and my heart I was just like I think I ate them all though this is no you didn't
00:09:31
okay I was right there with you hell yeah I think you know that I wouldn't have let you eat them all
00:09:35
that's the one thing you can trust about me she'll always share she'll always grab she'll always let
00:09:43
you share with her she'll let you share no it was so fun it was so much fun also there's something
00:09:48
about being that far away like there was just something about all of it that was so neutralizing
00:09:55
it's the air whatever it's how beautiful it was also crazy windy there was that one day that it
00:10:00
It was so windy. Me and Lizzie and I were out shopping and we're trying to walk home and we had to like pull
00:10:06
into a little like spot out of the wind just to stand there because it was blowing so hard.
00:10:12
There was weather. It was real. It was crazy. We loved it. I think it was. Yeah, it was great.
00:10:17
And the audience was insane. So good. They gave us so many lays. Lays and crowns of flowers.
00:10:24
Oh, and then, okay, I posted the photo of us on Instagram wearing all the lays. You're supposed to stack them up.
00:10:30
As everyone said, it was like a high school graduation. That's usually, if you're Hawaiian, you get that for your high school graduation.
00:10:36
But then someone commented in the, you know where? In the comments. In the comments.
00:10:39
And said, you know those are known to have spiders in them, right? And I was like, oh my God.
00:10:46
Stephen, I'd love for you to go find that person in the comments. And so that we can say, hey, hey, there's also sometimes not spiders in them, you motherfucker.
00:10:56
I don't think I got bit. Bless her heart. I thought it was funny. I'm not mad at her.
00:11:01
And we didn't in there. If she said it while they were on, then I would have a scream trying to take off 30 lays at
00:11:08
one. Right. Yeah. But they were so beautiful. And the people that gave us the flower crowns that we put on at the very beginning, I was
00:11:15
giving the guy shit because, of course, we walk on stage and immediately there's people
00:11:18
just doing stuff toward the stage. And I was just like, the fuck is going on? So I was doing a bit of like, oh, yeah, you're in charge and you have to run this thing.
00:11:26
Well, that guy was in the meet and greet line after. And I grab he's this beautiful.
00:11:30
He was so beautiful. He's someone's husband. This beautiful Hawaiian man. Cynthia's husband.
00:11:35
It was Cynthia's. Finally, not only is he as good as she says, but he was this beautiful Hawaiian man.
00:11:41
And I grabbed his arm. I was like, I'm so sorry. I was yelling at you. I was trying to be funny.
00:11:45
And then I realized this is this is this beautiful Hawaiian tradition of showing that we are welcome.
00:11:51
And you saying officially, like, we welcome you. Well Hawaii let me know that you not invited back Oh just me Just for that Oh okay Just that one thing Yeah No he actually when I said that to him I was like I so sorry
00:12:05
I didn't think about it until after or whatever. He goes, I loved it. I loved it all.
00:12:09
The way he said it was the cutest. Like, we don't get that many men, you know, at our shows anyway.
00:12:15
And the fact that he was like, that's what I'm here for. I was like, thank fucking God.
00:12:19
Do we have any corrections? Do you? Oh, I have one. Okay. Now we're going to go all the way to the other side of the world.
00:12:25
Let's do it. As far from Hawaii as we, oh, also the, in Hawaii, the Mariners call themselves Aloha
00:12:32
Arenos. Yeah. Oh, and they gave us so many treats backstage. So many treats. And then a piece of paper that held all their names on them.
00:12:39
And there was so many. I loved it. It was so exciting because we were worried because it was like not sold out.
00:12:45
And we're like, is everyone kind of going, we know you're using us for the vacation
00:12:49
facilities. And it was not like that at all. It was beautiful in every way. So thank you.
00:12:53
When I made my correction, because this is now a double correction. Okay. I don't know if we need a new corner or a platform or whatever the fuck.
00:13:02
Correction, correction, corner, corner. Corner, corner, corner. When I made the correction about saying that Dairy Girls takes place in Belfast.
00:13:11
Yeah. Yeah. I made that correction. So what I went and did was I went and looked on the map.
00:13:16
So I was like, go look at Northern Ireland, see where you're talking about, and actually speak from what the map tells you.
00:13:23
Sure. And what the map tells me is that the name of the city is Londonderry. That's what's on every map.
00:13:28
Okay. Well, so that's what I say. Oh, my mistake. It's actually called London. Well, here come all the offended Irish people who are like,
00:13:36
it's called Derry. Where it's like, guess what? Not on Google Maps, friend. My apologies.
00:13:42
But on this one, I tried to go by the book. You can't expect us to do everything.
00:13:47
Or anything. Or really anything. because you know we're listen we're doing our best look look and listen it was on the map we
00:13:54
can't help go like google tells us i mean i can't get any smarter than wikipedia that's the max so
00:14:01
if it's not there yeah if i look up your town and it says here's the full name yeah i'm gonna go oh
00:14:07
i better call it because of course the message we'd be getting if i was like it's in dairy would
00:14:12
people be going it's in london dairy if you would please pronounce it we're getting mad at you guys
00:14:16
I'm sorry. It's a correction, but it's not an apology. That's all I'm trying to say.
00:14:22
It's an aggressive correction. That's what it's called. Aggressive correction corner.
00:14:27
It's the, it's yeah, passive aggressive. I'm sorry, you're upset. Correction corner.
00:14:33
The worst kind I could possibly give you. That's right. To my Irish brethren. Oh, I have a corrections corner singular.
00:14:39
This is the first time I'm saying this. Okay. Is what I, in the episode back before the live one,
00:14:45
I was saying that I got a lot of info from the podcast called Southern Fried Crime, but it's actually Southern Fried True Crime.
00:14:52
Oh, so just wanted to clear that up. Just in case people are going into Google, who knows everything.
00:14:58
Right. And searching for it. Oh, OK, good. That's it. OK. I'm sure there's something else, but it's been two weeks, so I don't remember.
00:15:04
I mean, a lot. We've we've missed a lot and and we've forgotten a lot. Stephen has taken his mic, which makes me think that he has something he wants to say.
00:15:12
No, no. I just wanted to the Instagram of the spider, spider woman was, or the spider person.
00:15:18
Sorry. It is spider woman. Yeah. It's spider. The other Panda. There are spiders on those garlands.
00:15:24
I don't think she wanted to be called out by name because she deserves to be much shit.
00:15:28
That's called ruining things. The other Panda. She's trying to fuck with everybody.
00:15:34
Right. Well, fuck by, if you want to join the fan cult, you can see the video that we posted.
00:15:39
Right. Did you say that already? I think so. But we post weekly videos. usually unboxing but when lizzie's there we force her to make a video we're trying to make
00:15:47
new and different and interesting content for you that's right got all kinds of plans for the
00:15:51
fan cult that we think you're going to be very excited about that's right future yeah very exciting
00:15:56
okay who goes first it's me i think based on hawaii no based on uh baltimore baltimore
00:16:04
oh because hawaii is our experience but it's not reality okay it's very complicated so georgia goes first yeah because you did that not based on why yeah yeah
00:16:15
just not sorry i didn't mean i didn't mean to be a nerd yes you just nerd it out well that's
00:16:21
perfect actually because this was a story i was gonna do before the one i found that i actually
00:16:27
ended up doing in honolulu oh i was going to do this one but it makes me very nervous to do uh
00:16:33
because it's very much about culturally, you know, the Irish culture. Wow. Google.
00:16:42
Google. Someone needs to fix that. It's so much about surfing in Londonderry. No.
00:16:46
The Irish culture. The Irish culture in Honolulu. The luck of the Hawaiian Irish.
00:16:51
It's about two intense subjects, which is the Hawaiian culture and surfing. Okay.
00:17:01
So I'm going into a territory where I absolutely don't belong and I'm not welcome.
00:17:06
Well, you know a ton about surfing, but not as much about. Exactly. About the topography of Hawaii.
00:17:11
Sure. What I do love is that one of the first like pictographs or whatever. Is that the word I'm looking for?
00:17:19
I like it. Infographs. I found a picture and it was just Hawaii is an island chain.
00:17:25
Islands are the tops of volcanoes. No. It explains what I mean. I think it was for like grammar school.
00:17:31
Oh, but I was like, hello, here's some information I can absorb. And it was just basically like, it's basically like Hawaii.
00:17:38
Hawaii is a bunch of volcanoes. We got to put out of my favorite murder diary that just has the most simple, you know, explanation for what something is.
00:17:45
Yes. North is up. South is down. It's that kind of shit. I'm like, why didn't anyone ever tell me that?
00:17:51
Day is bright. Night is dark. If it dark outside don get scared Right The sun just asleep Okay But I excited also to talk about this because it a person I had never heard of that it feels like everyone should know about
00:18:06
And there's a really amazing ESPN 30 by 30, which is a documentary series that ESPN does
00:18:12
so well. So good. It's like if you, I'm the kind of person that goes, come on, I don't care about sports.
00:18:17
Me too. Sports are boring. I don't get it. I don't know. Whatever. You will absolutely love whoever.
00:18:23
Totally. They do it on. you'll be like, this is my hero. Yeah. So there's an incredible one.
00:18:29
I also got some information on surfline.com. I went on there as a surfer. Uh-huh.
00:18:36
You have to sign in as a surfer. I went on as KKHang10269. Okay. So this is the legend of Eddie Icao.
00:18:46
Okay. Okay. So Eddie Icao was born in also, obviously, we said this during our live show,
00:18:54
so many pre-apologies for the pronunciation. Oh, yeah. I don't think I'm so bad at these Hawaiian pronunciations as I thought I would be,
00:19:01
but they're very difficult. They're very difficult, and we're not going to yell at you to spell it like you say,
00:19:07
because that would be culturally insensitive. Well, yeah, exactly. However, we're doing our best.
00:19:11
However. However. We're doing our very best. As many as you know. That's a Lizzie Cooperman one.
00:19:19
What's her album called? We should bug it. It's called Organism. Okay. There's a comedy album by Lizzie Cooperman that you can get on Spotify or whatever.
00:19:27
Everything. I think iTunes. Yeah. Probably. All of it. Yeah. It's called Organism.
00:19:31
It's called Organism. And I think we may have plugged it once before. She recorded it live here in LA.
00:19:37
I opened for her the same night. You were there. I was. Everybody was there. And it was one of the funniest hours of comedy I've ever seen.
00:19:45
I was backstage laughing like I was in seventh grade. It's fucking ridiculous. Yeah.
00:19:50
She's hilarious. And there was a lot of, on our trip to Honolulu, there was lots of seventh grade laughing.
00:19:55
It was like hysteria, kind of. Yeah, it was very freeing. Yes, it was good. Lots of laughter.
00:20:02
Okay, so we'll talk about Eddie Ikao now. So he was born in Kahului, Maui, on May 4th, 1946, one of five kids.
00:20:13
He started surfing when he was 11 years old. That's the thing that I fucking love about Hawaii.
00:20:18
when we went to Kauai for 4th of July last year, little kids surfing, little girls surfing,
00:20:25
running straight out into like semi rough waters and just being like, they do it every day.
00:20:30
It's terrifying. It's amazing. Adorable. It's beautiful. So he starts surfing in the shore break at Kahalui Harbor.
00:20:40
And his brother, his younger brother, Clyde, who is featured prominently in that 30 by 30.
00:20:46
Oh, sorry. The 30 by 30 is called Hawaiian, the legend of Eddie Aikau. Oh, I stole their title.
00:20:51
I just realized that. Sorry, ESPN. You'll never catch me because you don't listen to this podcast.
00:20:59
Women talking. Why would I listen to women talking? Gross. So his brother Clyde is,
00:21:07
I believe, two years younger than him and describes Eddie as being, quote, high risk at an early age.
00:21:13
Oh, dear. That phrase fills me with joy. That was me, too. Me, too. Here we are.
00:21:18
It was always like, get down off that thing. How did you get up on that thing is my whole life.
00:21:24
Why are you on that thing? You're going to split your head open. Don't touch that thing.
00:21:29
Put that thing down. I've told you many times not to touch. Okay. Don't run with that thing.
00:21:34
Okay. In 1959, Eddie's family moves to Oahu. So the same year, on August 21st, Hawaii became the 50th state in the United States.
00:21:46
Hi, welcome. We are stoked. But it was contentious, obviously, because Hawaii was its own land, its own culture.
00:21:55
And the older native Hawaiians were doing everything they could to ensure that the heritage wasn't stamped out by this newfound statehood.
00:22:02
You know, we like to do that here. It's what whites do. Right. It's not beyond the, you know, they're not being paranoid.
00:22:09
No, no. Because there's hundreds of years of proof. Yes. To their point. To the smashing out of everything, but like, oh, but Mai Tais.
00:22:18
And, you know, it's not good. What can we drink from your culture? Yes, exactly.
00:22:22
How many pineapples can we take? Oh, that was the other thing is we kept getting checked for either bringing in soil or taking out soil.
00:22:29
Right. A lot of rules about soil in Hawaii. And you know how Karen loves her soil samples.
00:22:33
I just need, you know, some people have emotional support. It's just a handful of soil from my backyard.
00:22:44
Carry with you. And then I start crying. What? I have to have it. Smell it at night.
00:22:49
Oh, OK. So obviously the people who are of Hawaii and also when you're there, it's like it's a different space.
00:22:59
Yeah. It goes so slow. It is a tropical paradise. people are just like hey hey whitey why don't you calm the fuck down you're on vacation right it's
00:23:08
like every you just have to like get into what's happening there yeah um and you should uh so
00:23:15
they're trying to keep obviously their culture but there's uh also the constant push where
00:23:21
there was the the economy that is growing because because of the tourism and how much people wanted
00:23:27
to go and be in hawaii and there are people who are like that's great for us and let's embrace this
00:23:32
Um, so that's just kind of the underpinning and that's as that's what Eddie was growing up in.
00:23:39
In 1962, he's 16 years old, he drops out of school and he starts working at the Dole Pineapple
00:23:44
Cannery and he uses his paycheck to buy himself his first surfboard because obviously that's,
00:23:51
that's like, it's basically like playing baseball. Yeah. Um, you know, over here, it's like if you live right by the ocean and that's
00:24:00
everybody else is doing. You want to do it. Yeah. You're like, this is good. I want to do this for
00:24:02
the rest of my life. Yeah. Yeah. And it is a, you know, they talk about it, that it's this lifestyle
00:24:08
and it is a thing you do for the thing itself. There's competitions, there's who's better and
00:24:13
who's worse or whatever. But ultimately surfing is this kind of individual sport that is for you
00:24:18
and for the sake of it. That's how napping feels for me. You got invited to that napping invitational, didn't you? Competitive napping?
00:24:29
I did. I am practicing hard. You're going to be so good at it. I know. Okay, so 1967, the city and county of Honolulu hire Eddie as their first lifeguard.
00:24:45
Wow. So essentially, now there's all these people coming to those hotels. And it's where we were staying.
00:24:54
It's Waikiki. It's Wailea Bay. It's all along that area. There's now so many tourists.
00:25:03
And they have to have lifeguards. And so two years after that, oh, I said his brother Clyde was two years younger than him.
00:25:10
But that's because I made that up. He became a lifeguard two years after Eddie. Okay.
00:25:17
So that's why I'm saying that. There's two years involved. He's younger. He's younger.
00:25:20
I don't know how many years. The two years have to do with lifeguarding and not life.
00:25:26
Okay. But Eddie and Clyde are inseparable. They're lifeguards together. They surf together.
00:25:31
They're a cohesive team on the beach and off, you know, best friends. But as all these hotels go in and the tourism dominates the area,
00:25:41
native hawaiians are becoming less and less welcome on their own beaches um and which is
00:25:49
fucking disgusting and like you know there's always that that like that point break idea we
00:25:55
have now which is that like locals only that's a that's a very kind of la thing but but there
00:26:01
it was the reverse it was as if um you know the hotels and the tourism were going in and there
00:26:06
were like no locals allowed on this beach you have to be staying at those hotels to go to the
00:26:11
beach yeah i think yeah which is kind of like you can't go to church i mean that's it's you know
00:26:16
interesting yeah it's it's pretty offensive so okay so in 1965 so uh surfing and i can't go into
00:26:24
the history of surfing i wish you would i wish i could i wish i had time to google it all um but
00:26:30
essentially surfing of course becomes popular um and it it it they have the in 1965 they have the
00:26:38
first annual Duke Kahanamoku Invitational, which they just called the Duke. And this is one of
00:26:47
Eddie's heroes. He reveres Duke Kahanamoku for being an all-around waterman. And he's so excited
00:26:55
that a Hawaiian has one of these invitationals named after him. It's finally like they're getting
00:27:01
the credit. And this is a one-day event. The first year it was held at Sunset Beach.
00:27:06
and it's an elite invitation list. So sometimes you can just go and like sign up and then compete.
00:27:12
But this you had to be invited to. So this was kind of like, it was the elite, as I just said.
00:27:18
So 24 of the world's greatest surfers are invited. The organizers bring them to Waikiki.
00:27:24
They wine them and dine them. They drive them around the town in limousines. There are only four Hawaiians invited.
00:27:34
Kialoha Kayo. Don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. obviously, George Downing, Paul Strouch, and Jackie Eberle. Eddie's brother Clyde is quoted
00:27:42
as saying, it was like the event was invented by the Howleys, I guess. And it was kind of run by
00:27:47
the Howleys. So if you wasn't in with them, then you wasn't in. So essentially, it's just like these
00:27:52
people coming and being like, we're going to have this here. But you guys, the people are probably
00:27:57
better surfers than everybody aren't allowed to come. So basically, Eddie and his friend,
00:28:02
Ben Aipa. I hope that's right. You're doing great. Thank you. I don't know for sure, but
00:28:08
I mean to be doing great. I know. I can tell. So they're both considered Hawaii's new breed
00:28:15
of surfers. They're like the best. Everyone thinks they're the best. And it's this, the new,
00:28:20
they're the new style. They decide that they're going to enter unofficially because you have to
00:28:25
be invited. But they're like, so this is how Ben Aipa tells the story. He says, me and Eddie
00:28:30
He paddled out that morning of the first Duke, and we'd just take off in the back of those guys.
00:28:37
So basically, the guys were surfing, and then these two guys that weren't signed up were also surfing along with them.
00:28:42
They would drop in. Drop in. That's one. That's a term. Yeah, I know. And that's a correct term.
00:28:48
Thank you. So they were in there. They were getting any part of the wave that they could get.
00:28:54
And basically, what they're saying is, we're here, too, and we should be in this.
00:28:58
You can't put a fence around the part of the ocean that you want to surf on. Especially when we fucking own it.
00:29:03
Yeah. Yes. So he said, what did he say? We just take off in the back of these guys.
00:29:12
We were rushing. We were charging. Didn't matter if we got pounded. We was trying to make a statement.
00:29:17
You look at some of the shots. We're too deep, too far in the bottom. But that's part of what me and Eddie were trying to do.
00:29:22
We just didn't lean in, but we drove down to the bottom. We were doing before doing our turn.
00:29:28
That's how we found the acceleration that made our surfing different. Like I said, we didn't know where we were headed.
00:29:34
We just wanted to get into the Duke. So it worked. And the next year, Duke Kahanamoku suggested adding Eddie Aikau and Ben Aipa's names onto the invite list.
00:29:47
They get in. And with a demonstration that foreshadowed big wave, high performance surfing by several years,
00:29:54
they both surfed their way into the final placing sixth and seventh respectively So they basically bust into this and they saying yeah I not some blonde guy from fucking Malibu Yeah Um
00:30:05
I'm a local and I'm a bad-ass. Totally. You have to pay attention. And everyone of course is so stoked.
00:30:11
And at the award ceremony later that night, Duke himself presented Ben and Eddie with their trophies.
00:30:17
Nice. So, um, so this, so basically the, the entire time there's their, um, lifeguards, they surf, you know, they're surfing this whole time. In 1976, there's the International
00:30:31
Professional Surfers Organization is established, they basically come together and they're like,
00:30:35
take all these random surfing contests, and they basically make a circuit out of it. And
00:30:43
with that, they just draw droves of non native, native Hawaiian surfers to a walk. Right. So the
00:30:50
influx is so dramatic that um the the in one year the amount of competitions in oahu jumped from
00:30:59
three a year to 24 a year holy crap yeah so um so because of this they start making regulations
00:31:08
um that forbid locals from surfing in competition areas unless they were competitors or had special
00:31:16
permits to surf. So the locals are like, uh, fuck you. Like, so like the day of the tournament,
00:31:23
they said there were, you had to have a permit if you wanted to go in that area. I don't think
00:31:26
the day of the tournament, I think like the air, the time of the tournament. Wow. Yeah. So it just
00:31:31
be like, Oh, you can't be in this area at all. Yeah. And they're like, um, this is where I live.
00:31:36
And this is where I surf all the time. And also the idea that you'd be a surfer with a permit is
00:31:41
the fucking dumbest thing. What? So you fold it up in your pocket, put it in a Ziploc bag,
00:31:46
Yeah. So laminate that shit. Yeah. And then wear it around your neck. That's right.
00:31:51
Like you got backstage on a wave. So a group of 30 local Hawaiian surfers formed the Hui Oh Hi'i Nahi.
00:32:01
God damn it. I hope that's right. A group of natives. They wore black swim shorts with yellow and red stripes down the sides.
00:32:07
And they wrote any wave they wanted anywhere they wanted with with or without a permit,
00:32:12
which of course kicked up problems and it was like they got you know it was like they were the bad
00:32:19
guys yeah when they're the fucking natives and it was their spot right and you can't police the ocean
00:32:24
and you can't fucking tell me what to do okay so eddie and all this time he's surfing in dozens
00:32:31
of competitions he's known as one of the best and but the one they talk about and this is the
00:32:37
they talk about all the guys that were there talk about this in that 30 by 30. And I highly recommend you watch it.
00:32:44
They also have footage of it. So the waves where they do the Duke. So it's like,
00:32:50
it's the invitational. It's just this it's in winter time. This year was night. It was in 1977.
00:32:56
The waves are 40 feet high. Holy shit. So it's, it's so crazy when you see the, the footage,
00:33:02
but normally it's like, you know, it's big wave surfing. So that's kind of the idea,
00:33:06
But big wave for a lot of those people was like 15 feet, 20 max. And they thought maybe that the competition might get canceled because the waves got so big.
00:33:18
And one of the guys in the 30 by 30 talks about getting out of school and running down to the beach because the word on the street was the waves were 40 feet high.
00:33:26
Holy shit. And that Eddie was surfing them. And they get down there, and that's exactly what's happening.
00:33:32
It's all these white guys basically from Australia and California and all these other places that are trying to drop in on these waves and coming down.
00:33:41
I mean, it's it's so dangerous. Look, it looks insane. Yeah. And they also look like the when they do this big wave surfing now, they're the ones where people get towed out.
00:33:51
Right. Right. Like for safety. But it's not that's not how it is. It's 1977. No one's invented a jet ski yet.
00:33:59
I don't think. Well, I guess we'll hear from the jet ski experts. That's right. We're going to hear from Big Jetski.
00:34:04
And they're like, can you take, you're going to need to bleep that. I want an apology and I want a see-do.
00:34:10
So they get down there. People are wiping out. People are freaking out, whatever.
00:34:14
And here comes Eddie with his red surfboard dropping in on a 40-foot wave and riding the whole thing.
00:34:21
And, of course, he ends up winning that year. Holy shit. How many, listen, I'm trying to picture something.
00:34:26
How many stories is 40 feet, do you suppose? I'm going to have to turn to Steven with the Google.
00:34:33
Is there a, what did it look like? A picture of building you. It looks like I would guess 10.
00:34:41
Okay. But in the video, when you're watching it, it looks like it looks like an,
00:34:46
um, a disaster movie. Yeah. The wave that's coming. You're like, nobody should be anywhere near that CGI.
00:34:51
And when you see people on the wave or like sitting there waiting and writing the low part and like looking at the,
00:34:57
it looks like no one should be anywhere near this beach. Okay. It's that scary. Crazy.
00:35:01
And he comes up along. So the other people are also dropping in. I can't talk about this in a knowledgeable way.
00:35:08
I can only talk about it in what I looked at. Okay. But they're dropping in and going into the tube.
00:35:14
Tunneling tube. I know what you're talking about. Into the water tunnel. Yeah. And disappearing.
00:35:18
And you're like, that guy died. Like there's no way he lived through that. Pommel.
00:35:23
Because yeah, the second it drops down, it's just all the white. yeah yeah yeah crazy crashy part foamy part death part we were calling them on the trip zoodles
00:35:33
yes because it got really windy one day so there were all these like waves and you could just see
00:35:37
white foam lines in the ocean and lizzie of course said those look like zoodles yeah you know zucchini
00:35:43
noodles all over the water it was zoodle city zoodle time we can't go out low carb fucking
00:35:50
all the time. Yeah, it was full paleo out in that ocean. So yes this is So when Eddie drops in I say drops in like I know what I talking about dude bro bro When Eddie drops in he standing fully upright standing up
00:36:09
So everybody else has dropped in, crouched down like they're trying to stay on. He's standing all the way up and he's got this wide stance and he does a thing where he cuts it.
00:36:18
They talk about it. Watch the thing and listen to people who know what they're talking about.
00:36:21
but you can't believe he just rides it right down the front of it so he it's like he never goes into
00:36:27
the tube he's always in the right correct part of it yeah so that he stays up the entire time
00:36:32
amazing and everyone is blown out and he fucking wins steven do we have a oh i i opened up a
00:36:38
pandora pandora's box of like controversy of what a story actually is but essentially like if it's
00:36:43
10 feet per story then it's like a uh like a four-story building oh so four stories that's
00:36:48
pretty crazy that's all four stories maybe technically it looks 10 i mean it looks i'm
00:36:53
sure crazy i believe you okay um okay so i would rather ride a four story building than a 10 foot
00:37:02
way than a 10 foot wave yes just a nice elevator ride yeah up to the 10th floor okay so of course
00:37:10
the the hometown boy wins it and it's huge and a very big deal and a huge honor but they also talk
00:37:16
about seeing him drop in as a look it's all these white guys sitting on their surfboards unable to
00:37:23
do it and here comes the hawaiian with this beautiful brown skin and his red surfboard that
00:37:27
they said looked like a poster it looked like the quaint it was what surfing was supposed to be
00:37:33
um so it all feels very good to everybody and then in 1978 the hui which are the the group of
00:37:40
surfers that were like fuck you i don't need a permit right right um and the ips call a truce
00:37:45
and they start working with each other to share the beaches. And Eddie is at the forefront of this truce that they call
00:37:52
because he's a calming presence. That's who he is. He's a personable person. And ultimately what he says is he just wants everybody to be able to surf.
00:38:04
It shouldn't be just these people or just those people. He's like, everybody should get to do it.
00:38:11
And so they end up calling a truce. Um, so in 1978, uh, he, Eddie is one of a handful of people who are chosen to join the cultural expedition, um, voyaging a, so they're basically sailing a Polynesian canoe called the, uh, Hokulea.
00:38:31
pretty shirts the hokulea and so it's built by a team of scholars and historians trying to prove
00:38:38
that the early polynesians could travel incredible distances with no metal no metal fittings no
00:38:45
compasses basically paying homage to hawaii's heritage and so it's a 62 foot long double
00:38:52
hulled canoe it's a lot like those ones but way bigger that were out in front of the hotel
00:38:58
So it's like the double hole thing that's kind of up above the water. Yeah, yeah.
00:39:03
And that's how the Polynesians, that's how they got to Hawaii in the first place.
00:39:10
So the whole thing is basically like the celebration of the culture. So they're leaving Oahu bound for Tahiti.
00:39:17
And it's a 2,500-mile trip. 2,500. Yes. And they're going to, it's 30 days. It's going to take them 30 days to do the whole thing.
00:39:30
Just on that one boat? Yeah. Did they bring a hotel with them? What kind of stupid question is that?
00:39:35
They brought a four-story hotel on the back of the boat. No, but it's cool because you see the pictures of it.
00:39:42
There's all this fruit and supplies hanging from underneath the holes. And they basically set it up exactly like how the Polynesians would do it.
00:39:50
So they're just recreating the journey. And Eddie was asked to be one of the crew members,
00:39:54
And he was incredibly proud to be a part of it and thrilled. So on March 6, 1978, Eddie and the rest of the crew set sail from Magic Island, Oahu, bound for Tahiti.
00:40:07
And when they go to set sail, the wind starts kicking up. And they weren't ideal conditions, but they decide to sail anyway.
00:40:16
And then as they're out, the conditions get worse. Waves start crashing against the hull of the Hokulea.
00:40:23
and the crew then notices there's a leak in one part of the boat. And as they're going through the Molokai Channel,
00:40:31
it's 12 miles off the coast of Lanai. I'm sure. You know Lanai. I know who I am.
00:40:36
That's the fan. You know who I am. The canoe capsizes. And all of the emergency equipment, the radio, all the food,
00:40:43
everything is in the water. And the whole crew is just stuck on this, holding on to the capsized canoe,
00:40:51
and they can't contact anyone for help. And so they stay there all night, about eight hours,
00:40:58
holding onto this canoe in like stormy seas. And finally, Eddie tells them, I'm going to get on my surfboard
00:41:05
and I'm going to get to Lanai and I'm going to get us help. And everyone's like, don't do it.
00:41:09
It's too rough out there. And he was like, no, I've got to do it because we're just stuck.
00:41:13
So he leaves, they put, they string some oranges and they put them around his neck
00:41:18
so that he has like, Because it's a, I think they said it's a five-hour trip from where they were for someone just to paddle there.
00:41:26
So they give him some more just for sustenance. He strings them around his neck.
00:41:30
He puts one of the only remaining life vests around him. And then he paddles out for Lanai.
00:41:36
And that's the last time anyone sees him alive. So at daybreak, there's a small plane that's flying over.
00:41:42
They see the capsized Kogulea. They radio for help. the Coast Guard intercepts that call
00:41:48
and immediately sends out a rescue team and the entire crew is rescued except for Eddie,
00:41:54
who is never found So they send out search parties by air and sea to look for him And it goes on for days One helicopter pilot reportedly burned through worth of fuel for just his helicopter
00:42:10
search alone. It was the largest air sea search mission in Hawaiian history. But despite their
00:42:17
best efforts, Eddie was never found. And so at 31 years old, 31 years old, he's lost.
00:42:25
In 1984, Quicksilver, the surf company, Quicksilver. Okay. I thought you were going to say Quicksilver lining.
00:42:32
But like. Quicksilver. Well, there is actually a great one. Quicksilver. Quicksilver, the company.
00:42:38
Company. Got it. The shorts. The sunglasses. Sure. The hats. They set up an invitational in Eddie's memory called the In Memory of Eddie Aikau Invitational.
00:42:48
Everyone calls it the Eddie. It's the first one was held at Sunset Beach. They later moved it to Waimea Bay.
00:42:55
where it's been since. And so this is the competition where they have to have a minimum
00:43:02
wave height of 20 feet. So they're not doing any of that bullshit kind of come and show off on these
00:43:07
waves. It's a big wave competition that there's no toe out for. So you got it. Like authentic.
00:43:17
Exactly. You have to be able to be a big wave surfer basically to be in it. They only do it
00:43:22
in the winter so that that's when the waves are really big. And if the waves aren't 20 feet,
00:43:26
they just don't have it. Yeah. Which is badass. So during the first Eddie, the organizers were
00:43:31
considering canceling because of bad weather conditions, but surfer Mark Foose said Eddie
00:43:36
would go. And that became the motto of this competition. So there's t-shirts and bumper
00:43:42
stickers and it says Eddie would go. And it's just basically like, Oh my God, the bravest guy they
00:43:48
You know, the guy that would kind of do what no one else had the guts to do. And that's kind of everybody's motto is like it's their version of go for it.
00:43:55
Yeah. Which is Eddie would go. I don't know why that gets me. It gets me. I love it.
00:44:01
I love it. This year, the Eddie, they had it. They hadn't had it in a couple of years, but they had it this year.
00:44:07
And this year was the first year that they had. They invited a woman to compete.
00:44:11
And her name is Keala Keneally. Wow. She's a very accomplished surfer anyway, but she's the first woman to ever compete in the Eddie.
00:44:20
Amazing. And Eddie's brother, Clyde, who I talked about before, he won the second Eddie in 1986.
00:44:26
And Eddie and Clyde are the only native Hawaiians to win the Duke. Wow. Yeah. Which is kind of, I mean, that's how legendary those guys are and how renowned.
00:44:39
And this is, to me, the most mind blowing part of it. In Eddie Aikau's nine-year career as the lifeguard at Wailea Bay, he made over 500 rescues.
00:44:53
Holy shit. Nobody ever died. Zero loss of life while Eddie was the lifeguard at Wailea Bay.
00:45:02
Eddie, oh my God. Isn't that amazing? Yeah. And that, so that's the legendary story of Hawaiian hero, Eddie Aikau.
00:45:11
Amazing. I wanted to do that one in Hawaii, but then I found that other crazy one that I had to do.
00:45:18
And this one's a little bit more of a celebration, but. I think you would have been too nervous.
00:45:21
I think you would have been nervous to get stuff wrong in front of people for that.
00:45:25
There was so much to get wrong. Yeah. And then if you want to tell it, you told it really well, and you want to tell it without people yelling corrections at you.
00:45:32
Yes. Every single, yeah, every single time. But also I think for me, there's just like a little bit of that.
00:45:39
when I went to do my story, I was just like, I just don't want to be gone from Hawaii yet.
00:45:44
I don't want it. I don't want it to be totally over and us to be completely back into this.
00:45:49
So, well, I brought my souvenir of an extreme sunburn. How is it? It's terrible.
00:45:55
Is it worse than it was the other day? Well, no, I'm doing that. I'm showing her my leg.
00:45:59
Yes. It has a bit of a purple tinge to it now. It's slightly purple. Yeah. I've been doing aloe, so it's helping, but no, it's, yeah.
00:46:08
Yeah. You guys burned yourselves. We did. That was beautiful. Thank you. All right.
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Awards based on 2025 model year. New remodels may be shown. Music Hey everyone, it's Cal Penn. I'm the host of Ear Say, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.
00:48:06
This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Ray Porter, the narrator of Andy Weir's audiobook Project Hail Mary.
00:48:15
Massive sci-fi adventure about survival and science and what happens when you wake up alone very far from Earth.
00:48:23
I really had to make a decision because I caught myself getting that frog in my throat and starting to get teary
00:48:28
as I'm narrating some of these sections. And it's like, okay, yo, yo, yo, is this indulgent?
00:48:32
And I really thought about it. I was like, no, at this point, it would kind of be betraying the trust
00:48:38
the author and the listener have in telling this story if I don't go through it.
00:48:42
But there's places in this book that deeply emotionally affected me. And I left it on the mic.
00:48:49
That's great. Because it served the story. People will say like, oh my God, I cried at the end.
00:48:54
It's like, yeah, dude, me too. Listen to Ear Say, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club
00:48:58
on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. So this is mine. I was originally going to do
00:49:06
three different topics on this, three different murders on this subject, but then reading the most famous one,
00:49:15
I was like, this is a fucking story in itself. Okay. So this is the case of Kenneth Parks,
00:49:19
a.k.a. the sleepwalking murderer. Remember? Yes. I remember. Yes, but remember, I feel like this is a combination of several different investigation discovery shows that I've watched.
00:49:35
But I feel okay, go ahead. Yeah, no, I kind of remember it. And you first hear it, it kind of reminds me of like the woman who spilled McDonald's coffee on her lap.
00:49:44
And you're like, Oh, that's, you know, this legend that that crazy woman. Yes. And then you see the documentary about it.
00:49:50
I can't remember what it's called. And you're like, Oh, this is legitimate. Yes.
00:49:53
So I kind of, you'll have to tell me what you think, but all right. So I got a lot of information from Psychology Today.
00:49:59
There's an article by a woman named Barrett Brugard. She's a PhD, obviously, and a bunch of other letters.
00:50:07
Is there an M in there somewhere? I'm sure. A little C, a big C? And little dots and stuff.
00:50:12
Yeah. She's very smart. Yeah. And then also there's a paper called The Homicidal Cynambulism,
00:50:16
A Case Report in the Sleep Research Society. It's like crazy. Okay. Hey. Hey, Karen.
00:50:23
Hey. So sleepwalking is relatively common in childhood. Did you know that? I did not.
00:50:28
Have you ever slept walked? Not that I know of. Yeah. But there's a good chance that I did.
00:50:33
I woke up, was traumatized, and then just went back to sleep by myself. Lots of stuff happened in the middle of the night where my parents wouldn't get up.
00:50:41
Because I was very high maintenance. Right. In the nighttime. Sure. So my mom was always like, go to bed, go back to sleep.
00:50:46
Yeah. So about 15 to 20% of all children sleepwalk. Only about 2% of children, mostly boys, weirdly.
00:50:53
go on to be adult sleepwalkers. So it's not a huge fucking thing in adults. So don't try to say it.
00:50:59
Yeah, exactly. Don't come at us with sleepwalking. There have been about 68 cases of homicidal sleepwalking.
00:51:07
68? Uh-huh. And like throughout history. Okay. And that only goes until 2005 because that's what Wikipedia told me.
00:51:14
Got it. Wikipedia is, I don't know if there's been one since then. Is that the year everybody stopped doing Wikipedia?
00:51:19
That's when everyone stopped. to the homicidal sombranilism and sleepwalk and wikipedia um okay but this is arguably the most
00:51:27
famous one may 1987 we're outside toronto canada um and here's kenneth parks he's a 23 year old
00:51:35
married man he's married to a woman named karen um who she played by in the 1997 tv movie the
00:51:43
Sleepwalker Killing. 97. Justine Bateman. Hilary Swank. Close. Same vibe. Yeah. And they had a five-month-old daughter together.
00:51:57
And at the time, Ken is under extreme stress. So the previous summer, Ken played by a 1997 TV movie, The Sleepwalker Killing.
00:52:07
Chad Lowe. Charles Easton, which I think is weird. He's the dude from Nashville.
00:52:11
Oh. The show Nashville. the hot country guy? Sure. Him. Okay. Okay. So Kenan developed a gambling problem. His friends
00:52:20
had like taken him gambling to the horse races. He was like, whatever. And then he won some money.
00:52:24
And then he was like, Oh, shit, it's on and couldn't stop fucking he got the fucking fever.
00:52:29
He got the horse race fever. Okay. And so he quickly fell into deep fucking debt. To cover
00:52:35
these debts, he starts taking money from him and Karen's savings. I think he forges a couple
00:52:40
checks as well. I'm getting a debt stomachache. Are you okay? It's just, I know the feeling
00:52:46
and being that in debt, you're in debt. And then you're, you're doing something pretending it's
00:52:51
going to solve it when you know, deep down, right, will not help. But there's no other way to fix it
00:52:56
as quickly as if you did win. Yes, I actually there was one month where I did not have my rent.
00:53:04
And I honestly considered there was somebody that I knew, like very tangentially and through
00:53:10
comedy whose father was a professional gambler. And I almost called him to say, can I please give
00:53:16
you $200 just to see if your dad could turn it into something. I mean, his dad, if he were any
00:53:20
good, wouldn't say no. I would hope. That's insane. But also the guy would be like, hey,
00:53:25
since you never talked to me, go fuck yourself is probably what would have happened. Wow. Yeah.
00:53:31
Scary feeling. Sad solution. My solution was never get a job. Isn't that interesting?
00:53:35
Well, Karen's solution is that he began to steal from his employer where he worked in electronics.
00:53:44
So he's just fucking trying to, you know, win back the money constantly, but he keeps losing it all.
00:53:51
And by the time his employer finds out about the fact that he been stealing they find out in March 1987 he stolen from them That too much money Also that means he stealing and betting and stealing
00:54:06
That means he's in debt, probably triple that. That's just how much he's taken. Yes.
00:54:11
Obviously, he's fired and he's charged with fraud and but he's awaiting trial. So he's out.
00:54:17
But this is real stress. Here we go. This isn't just like, oh, I'm I'm slightly nervous.
00:54:22
And he has a five month old daughter, too, at the same time. So before getting into this debt, though, Ken had a good marriage to Karen and he had a really good relationship with her parents.
00:54:32
42 year old mother in law, Barbara and who knows how old he is. Dennis Woods, the father in law.
00:54:38
He was interestingly 18. Isn't that neat? It's kind of it's a sexy little. We can do it, ladies.
00:54:44
Yeah. Happy Galentine's Day. Marsha. Cynthia. Cynthia, Marsha. Let's see. Okay, part of the reason why her parents fucking adore him.
00:54:56
Part of that reason is because they had gotten married really young. And when Karen and Ken first met, she was a runaway.
00:55:03
And Ken convinced her to return home. So they were like, Ken, thank you so much for getting us our baby back.
00:55:09
And we're so grateful for it. We love you. Everything. And by all accounts, he was a super sweet dude.
00:55:15
She Barbara and the mother in law called him her gentle giant. and it kind of seemed like they were this like replacement for his parents because his parent he
00:55:25
wasn't close to his parents ever and they they kind of weren't involved in his life so he you
00:55:30
know he had this lovely in-law set of parents yeah you know and they said that he was closer
00:55:36
with karen's parents than his own okay but after losing his job because of all that fucking money
00:55:42
remember Ken is unshamed is unshamed that's not true he's proud he's the opposite of unshamed
00:55:50
he's deeply shamed completely shamed and he can't find a new job and so he stops visiting Karen's
00:55:55
parents because he's so embarrassed and doesn't want to like talk to them about it and he does
00:56:00
also continue to gamble which of course makes his and Karen's marriage fucked up so it is an
00:56:06
addiction it is an addiction that's like 100 it's so horrible I just the idea of that where it like
00:56:12
It defies logic. And you're like, look, I'm super broke. Let me just gamble this money.
00:56:18
It feels like you have hope when you're doing it. Like I've been to Vegas a few times.
00:56:21
I feel like that could be, I shouldn't live near anywhere near a place where you can gamble
00:56:25
because it's so fun. And you have this like, maybe me feeling. And that feeling for like somebody that's always wanted to be a performer or an actor
00:56:36
gets real kicked up when you're just like, is this when I become special? Like how many times?
00:56:41
The first time I went to Vegas with friends when I moved to LA, we drove out there.
00:56:46
We got there. Within, I would say, two hours, I had lost $300. Wow. And I was like, I did not have money.
00:56:54
So I was just like, oh, no, I can't do this. And then you realize how boring it is there when you don't have money because all there is to gamble and drink.
00:57:01
That's all. Well, one time in, like, fucking 2001, I won $300. So now it's been, what, 100 years?
00:57:08
And I'm still like, but I could maybe win. even though I won't. Right. The amount of money I've actually lost there is much more.
00:57:16
Is a lot more. Can I just add one more story? Because I won once on one of those oversized machines.
00:57:22
I love those. And I, it was very odd. It was like the last day we're going to leave,
00:57:26
whatever stuck in $10. I won $400. Wow. You would have thought it's classic me that I won 4 million.
00:57:35
I was just like, thank you everyone. And like reaching out to touch people and stuff.
00:57:39
You grab someone's flowers that's just walking by and throw them at yourself. She's like, those are mine.
00:57:43
Those are mine. It's my anniversary. It was the most. And then taking the coins from that oversized thing over to the cashier.
00:57:52
Those dirty fucking disgusting ass coins. You licked every single one of them. I was scared to death.
00:57:57
I was positive that was when the heist was going to take place. Of course. They want your $400.
00:58:01
My $400 precious dollars. Ridiculous. I still play the lottery though. Okay. It's fun.
00:58:08
It's so fun. So, yeah. So that's very stressful. So much fucking money. He continues to gamble, though.
00:58:15
And she's like, dude, bro, what the fuck? Yeah. And since he had started gambling the summer before, his personality had completely changed, obviously.
00:58:24
He stopped socializing. He starts to suffer from pressure headaches. And he gained 70 pounds.
00:58:30
Oh, no. Yeah. He's just like addiction central. Dude, I relate. Yeah. Yeah. He suffers from insomnia and he would only sleep for four to six hours a night, which sounds like a lot of sleep to me.
00:58:41
I know, that's not bad. But he slept on the couch a lot and he'd go to, you know, he'd sometimes go entire nights without sleeping at all.
00:58:47
And then he had the fucking baby. So that's like double time, non-sleepy times, you know.
00:58:51
He eventually agrees to go to Gambler's Anonymous. And in that May, he agreed to stop gambling.
00:58:58
and he agreed to tell both his grandmother about what was going on and Karen's parents,
00:59:06
who he was super close to. He was like, all right, we'll go over there on a Sunday and I'll confront, you know, my
00:59:12
confront them. No, no, no. It shouldn't be like that. No. Listen, you motherfuckers.
00:59:17
I have a fucking gambling problem. You're making me bet on horses. Right. So he agreed to do it and he agrees to tell him about the upcoming trial for fucking fraud
00:59:26
that he has going on too. So like shit is fucking bad right now. Yeah. So the day, so it's the, one of those things where it's early in the morning of the day.
00:59:36
So 4am on Sunday morning, the day he was supposed to later that day, obviously go tell his grandmother and his beloved in-laws about what was going on.
00:59:46
So it's May 24th, 1987. The night before he he falls asleep on the couch watching SNL at about four in the morning he gets up from the couch where he been sleeping puts on his shoes and jacket walks out the front door which he left unlocked which he never fucking did
01:00:05
And he drove the 14 miles to the house of his in-laws in the Toronto suburb of Scarborough.
01:00:11
He drove. He sleep drove. Yeah. Fuck. That's if you believe this. Oh, okay. The other thing, too, is like some people are like bullshit.
01:00:19
Right, right. so when ken rises at their house he takes a tire iron from the car trunk and he uses his key that
01:00:26
he has to their house to open the house goes to the bedroom of his in-laws he first strangles his
01:00:32
father-in-law dennis until he is unconscious then he proceeds to beat his 42 year old mother-in-law
01:00:39
barbara ann 42 years old 42 um he beats her with the tire iron and stabs her repeatedly with a
01:00:47
kitchen knife oh my god he then stabs his father-in-law oh barbara is found in a room five
01:00:53
to six feet away from the bedroom and she had sustained six stab wounds through her chest
01:00:58
one through her shoulder blade and a fatal wound through her heart and now it's fucking awful i'm
01:01:03
sorry no um barbara dies but dennis survives barely oh my god and there were other kids in
01:01:11
the house i think a teenager i don't know who else because they were young they were young they
01:01:16
had other kids who were under in their teenage years. Right. And they woke up from the noise,
01:01:20
they start yelling and but Ken left them alone. And he walked out of the house. So the kids saw
01:01:26
him. I don't know if they saw I feel like they just heard the noise. They heard maybe they saw
01:01:30
something they all locked themselves in their room. Oh, yeah. So that would make sense. But he went,
01:01:35
he goes to the door and just leaves. He doesn't try to come towards them or anything like that.
01:01:39
Right. Very weird. So it was almost like this is the mission. Yeah. The end. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
01:01:43
So from their house, he drives straight to the police station. He gets there at 4.45 a.m.
01:01:49
He's covered in blood. The police say he seems distressed and he was shaking. He kept repeating, and it's fucking many times that he says this,
01:01:57
I just killed someone with my bare hands. Oh, my God, I've just killed two people.
01:02:02
I stabbed them and beat them to death. It's all my fault. He says to the police.
01:02:08
Isn't that insane? Yes. Police also said that he seemed completely oblivious. And not in pain of the fact that he'd severed tendons in both his hands with the knives.
01:02:19
Oh. He wasn't even fucking aware of it. Ew. I know. Steven is gripping his hands so tight right now.
01:02:27
Steven is hiding his hand. If you hear skin on skin, it's Steven. That's crazy. Isn't that fucking...
01:02:34
You can't fake that. No. Tendons. Not being in pain. I guess you could say something about adrenaline, maybe.
01:02:42
Maybe. tendons that's a bloody mess and also you would you'd still have to be conscious in some ways
01:02:49
right i don't know i don't buy that right i don't know no maybe i just don't want to i'm in denial
01:02:53
i so i after reading this homicidal somnabilism report synambulist thank you um i believe him
01:03:04
and i fucking didn't at first and i was like well bullshit i don't really buy it but after reading
01:03:10
that and all the details and stuff it's crazy and like that particular uh thing bananas also
01:03:18
oh well i'll just throw this in really quick to me it seems like if you're faking it you would go
01:03:23
home and get back into sleep and right be like what do you mean i was up like you would be playing
01:03:28
the part right of someone who slept walked yeah because usually the picture you have of sleep
01:03:33
walkers is they go out they do something and then they come back but he was bleeding so badly that
01:03:36
he could have been like oh i need to get to the hospital how do i like make it seem like that
01:03:41
you know what i mean true true so that's just an argument to that but turning yourself in
01:03:45
right you would have just gone to the hospital holy fuck because it what what if you woke up
01:03:51
covered in blood i mean it's like it's like that um there's that amazing um movie it's farrah
01:03:58
faucet it's the same it's basically the same thing she wakes up covered in blood and doesn't
01:04:02
know what happened because she's a blackout drunk oh shit it turns out she got set up oh fuck
01:04:07
spoiler alert okay um yeah i can't tell you the name in the movie so i didn't spoil it no one
01:04:14
will ever watch it so you can't spoil something we're not going to watch okay ken is arrested
01:04:19
and he goes to trial to face charges of first degree murder of his mother-in-law and attempted
01:04:24
murder of his murder of his father-in-law um and his defense they have to they have to say it in a
01:04:29
certain way. It's basically temporary insanity due to sleepwalking. It's way more fucking involved
01:04:34
than that legally. But we don't need to do that right now. Right? You get it. So that's all I get.
01:04:40
That's right. While in prison, Ken undergoes all these sleep tests and psychological tests.
01:04:47
There's an EEG scan while he's sleeping that shows that he had some abnormal brain activity
01:04:51
during sleep. So he did legitimately have a sleep thing. And periods of partial awakenings,
01:04:56
indicative of parasomnia. And it's fucking I mean, I read a lot about this shit and like sleepwalking
01:05:02
and sleep talking and people actually committing crimes. And you know, a lot of them seem like,
01:05:07
I don't know about that. But this one seemed legit. Yeah, he was studied for months by team
01:05:14
of psychologists, and they determined that he was in an acute state of emotional turmoil,
01:05:19
leading up to the attack. And that's what caused him to lash out and kill these people that he
01:05:26
loved and really had nothing to gain by killing them. Right. And there was no anger or anything
01:05:30
like that involved. It was just extreme stress. Well, and they, he hadn't told them yet. They
01:05:36
didn't know. Right. His wife is the one that knew. So, right. It seems like if you're going to do
01:05:42
something to try to remove the fact from your existence, just go upstairs and kill your wife.
01:05:47
I mean, to me, that would be... That's a really good point. Thanks. You're welcome.
01:05:53
And like yeah that a good point It almost like the thing he was so stressed about which is telling his parent is the thing he acted out on Yes Because that was what was in his brain His brain wasn functioning properly And it was like neuron to neuron go do this thing
01:06:09
It's like the fixation of if you get rid of them, you don't have to tell them. Right, right.
01:06:14
You can see where like the fucked up brain thing messaging would be there. Yeah, crazy.
01:06:19
Yeah. So let's see, since there's allegedly no way to fake an EEG result, and since Ken had appeared to feel no pain when he arrived at the police station, it is determined that he was sleepwalking when he attacked his in-laws.
01:06:33
So but there's like kind of some weird shit. Like Karen said she had never seen Ken sleepwalk, which I feel like she would have.
01:06:39
Right. She did say he was a really deep sleeper and sometimes she would talk to him, to her in his sleep.
01:06:44
His mother said she remembered only one incident of Ken sleepwalking as a child when his brother grabbed his legs as he like crawled out of a window.
01:06:53
Oh, shit. I know. So like there was something going on there. And Ken's grandfather and a lot of his family members sleptwalked and had some sleep issues, which it is hereditary, which I found interesting.
01:07:06
And children whose parents are sleepwalkers are two to three times more likely to become sleepwalkers.
01:07:12
Okay. Bananas. and my brother slept walked a little bit in his youth and yeah I don't know I did a thing one time
01:07:20
and it was purely out of stress but I wasn't I was trying to go to sleep and the stress built up and
01:07:25
then I just jumped up and ran and it was one of the weirdest things I've ever done because I
01:07:30
couldn't really it was when I still married and my husband was like what are you doing I was like
01:07:35
no no I have to get out I have to get out your body was like clean sleep clean sleep get out of
01:07:39
You get out and you get out. Yeah, it was super weird. And it was just from like, I can't deal with this pressure anymore.
01:07:47
Yeah, I think stress will do that to you. At trial, Ken says he didn't remember any of the details of the attack.
01:07:53
He said he remembered falling asleep on the couch sometime after midnight. His fucking next recollection is his next thing he remembers seeing is opening his eyes and seeing his mother-in-law's brightened face.
01:08:06
And her eyes and mouth are open. and in while he's in prison he is distraught and devastated and he's mourning this and he's just
01:08:16
feels horrible um karen's with him during the trial oh ken says that after seeing his mother-in-law's
01:08:23
face he just sat there he didn't he just like almost like woke up then and then he heard the
01:08:29
kids yelling and he says he thought the kids were in trouble so he said he yelled kids kids kids
01:08:35
But the kid said they only heard like grunting animal noises. So he thinks like he's in a dream.
01:08:41
He's talking and saying these words, but they, but that's almost like, that's what he thought.
01:08:46
It's the way somebody would if they were sleeping and thinking that they're saying something.
01:08:51
Totally. Yes. And so also at the, for some reason, Ken picked up the phone at the house and left it off the hook and also walked up to the bedroom of the kids, but didn't go in or try to at all.
01:09:02
So that's just a weird little, I don't know. He sorry, like as he was leaving? I don't know if it was before or after.
01:09:08
I think before he left, he went to the kids room. I don't know about the phone. Yeah.
01:09:13
Yeah. An Ontario Supreme Court jury deliberated for nine hours before finding Kenneth Parks not guilty.
01:09:21
The judge upheld the ruling saying that the state had failed to establish beyond a reasonable doubt that Parks was aware of his actions, which fucking upset a lot of people.
01:09:30
A lot of people call bullshit on it. I mean, there's really no way to tell. But based on what I read, I feel like it's true.
01:09:36
But am I just like being foolish? Jesus Christ, I just saw something out of the corner.
01:09:42
Is someone walking by? A ghost. Oh, well, you know, it's funny to me. This seems like like you're saying the lady, the McDonald's lady that at first pass.
01:09:52
Of course, you say that because that sounds like the ultimate excuse. The best excuse.
01:09:57
It sounds like the beginning of a date line. Totally. You were sleepwalking. And there are a bunch, there are a few of those that are there.
01:10:03
I mean, it's almost like, to me, it kind of reminds me of the staircase where it's like,
01:10:07
he says that she fell down this, you know, and it's like, of course he said that he fucking
01:10:11
killed her. But, you know, but and that's almost the, this one's almost worse that a fucking, that
01:10:16
he was sleepwalking. It's like bullshit. Right. But then like, what if it's true?
01:10:20
Right. What if it's true? And, and what are the, what could actually support that?
01:10:26
And those people took all that evidence and for nine hours worked through it and went, yeah, he didn't do it.
01:10:32
But at the same time, it's like, but he did still do it. Are you not culpable at all in your sleep?
01:10:37
Like he is there some kind of like a manslaughter or something? You know, like he just gets to leave.
01:10:44
He's done. Well, but he did go to jail, you said, right? Well, just during the trial.
01:10:47
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, that's horrible. And yeah. Yeah. What do you say?
01:10:54
Yeah. what only he knows i mean like only he knows totally um i do know that they didn't stay married
01:11:03
only because a murderino fucking emailed us and said that she was friends with this girl when she
01:11:07
was younger and uh went over to her mom and stepdad's house before and she told her about it
01:11:12
so they weren't married anymore well how could you be though no how could you even if it was the
01:11:19
love your life and you absolutely believed he was yeah that's just he's not innocent he still
01:11:23
killed your parents. You're right. Yeah. But I mean, like that it wasn't an intentional
01:11:27
plan. Can you imagine sleeping next to him? I mean, Jesus. Well, that alone. Yeah. That alone. We're just like, yeah, that's it's
01:11:35
I've punched Vince in my sleep before. Have you? Yeah. Like having a dream about a fight. I mean, I punched him so bad.
01:11:44
And I'll sometimes talk. Mostly yell. Yell at my mom. Oh, yeah. But he did end up, they're so hard to find any information.
01:11:54
The most recent thing I found was that he was running for a spot on the district school board in 2006
01:12:00
mentioned that he had six kids ages four to 19 in 2006. So he was in another relationship at some
01:12:06
point. Right. Yeah. And like, you can't find anything else. He probably just wants to live
01:12:10
his life. And if he fucking didn't do it on purpose. Great. But also like, can you imagine
01:12:14
like knowing your past you? It's crazy. It's horrifying. It's crazy. It's horrifying. And
01:12:20
that is the case of Kenneth Parks, aka the sleepwalking murderer. Wow. The fuck? Yeah,
01:12:27
that's I mean because there's ones we do where it's like they they you describe their childhood
01:12:32
and it's the worst thing you've ever heard so then when they become killers then you're like
01:12:36
well I it doesn't justify it but I see how a plus b equals c right but so this is a version of that
01:12:43
it is because you're like you I can imagine being so under under so much stress brought on by
01:12:48
yourself that's the other thing too is like the stress he brought on was by himself yes so it's
01:12:53
also still like, well, you're culpable for that. Yeah. Are you culpable for the murder? I mean,
01:12:58
for the things that happened because of your choices and actions. Yes. I mean, it is. I mean,
01:13:03
this is a real like conundrum in that way where to be, can you imagine being on that jury?
01:13:09
Oh, fuck. No. And probably that you, I bet there was sleepwalk right out of that fucking jury. I'd
01:13:15
just be like, sorry. I don't believe in sleepwalking. Goodbye. Don't believe in it. Oh my God. I think
01:13:22
It's an urban myth. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. Isn't it bananas? Yeah. And I could see, I mean, I can't imagine staying married to the person after that.
01:13:30
No, you couldn't. That's too much to ask. You couldn't. Yeah. Oh, my God. Fuck, man.
01:13:36
Horrible. That was heavy. Sorry. No. Sorry, I just told you a horrible murder story.
01:13:42
Oh, you mean like the theme of this podcast we've been doing for three years? That's right.
01:13:48
Yeah, wow. Yeah. Now, happy things. Yay. Oh, let's say real quick. Go Exactly Right is our podcast network.
01:13:56
And we have right now four awesome podcasts that you can listen to on the network.
01:14:00
We have Stephen Ray Morris' The Perkast, of course. We have The Fucking Incredible Fall Line, The Fucking Incredible This Podcast Will Kill You.
01:14:06
And, of course, our friend Chris Fairbanks and Karen Kilgariff's very own podcast, Do You Need a Ride?
01:14:13
What if you didn't know the name? Do You Want a Ride? Do You Like Cars? Tell them the name, Karen.
01:14:18
It's season two of Do You Need a Ride? Do You Like Cars? That's that. Should have done that up top.
01:14:26
Well, you know, that's a new one that we're learning. I like sometimes we don't plug so much at the top.
01:14:31
Yeah. Chit chat it up and get it going. I was going to say that documentary is hot coffee.
01:14:36
Oh thank you And that documentary will change your mind It change you Yeah That the McDonald one The fucking coffee was the temperature of jet fuel And they show you
01:14:48
Oh, the wound. They show you the wound. And you're like, oh, never mind. Someone.
01:14:52
I know someone who talked to me through that documentary because I was like, I can't watch it.
01:14:55
And they go, but here's why you need to. And then explained. And it's that idea where these corporations, when they're it's the billionaire thing that we all have problems with.
01:15:03
when you have enough money to influence systems to besmirch and malign people as individuals,
01:15:10
when someone who's just a lady that got coffee spilled on her, suddenly when you hear about it, she's the joke and she's the asshole for suing.
01:15:18
She just wants, she's just in it for the money. She's a money grubber. And it's all that stuff of how like the court system and the legal system is so skewed toward,
01:15:26
it's basically just rich people getting their way. It is. It's infuriating. Infuriating.
01:15:31
and uh i wish there was something positive at the end of it but there's not no um well i think it's
01:15:38
the i think we're now hitting a time in our culture where people are going yeah we're kind
01:15:43
of done with this benevolent benevolent billionaire concept this idea that these people with all the
01:15:49
money should be in charge should like yeah but their laws are already in place and we can't
01:15:53
change them so it doesn't matter but we can change them because we made them that's right i mean
01:15:58
And that's what people are starting to get their minds around. Yeah. The law was made by human beings for human beings.
01:16:04
We change them. We decide. I guess it's just frustrating to watch people vote against their best interests because they believe all this rhetoric and bullshit.
01:16:12
Yes, Janet, I am talking about my mother all the time. We want you back on our side.
01:16:17
We know you're a fun loving hippie deep down. Come back over, Janet. Janet, what's your fucking hooray?
01:16:24
well okay i'll say it i wish you i'll tell you tell me or don't when we came back so i've had
01:16:36
tell me if i've done this one already but i think it's relatively new i've had a lady clean my house
01:16:42
i don't think you okay thank you steven he's listening to me i so my grandmother was a maid
01:16:49
for basically all the years which that she was in this country before she got married
01:16:52
and she used to clean the Jews' house. Oh. She loved Jews because the only experience she had with Jews
01:16:59
were the one super rich family in Seacliff that she used to be the maid and the nanny for.
01:17:04
Okay. So she, ask her anything about a Jew, she loves them. Okay, great. Any other race,
01:17:09
fuck them. And I mean every other race. Wow, grandma. Portuguese, no thank you. Jesus.
01:17:15
Like any nationality that isn Irish or Jewish Okay But she loved the Jews But having come from those are that my people working class people You don have other people clean your house You fucking clean it yourself
01:17:29
you lazy bastard. So of course I just have had a relatively messy house once I got dogs filthy.
01:17:35
Yeah. And recently I was just like, it's got to change and I'm not going to do it. Like,
01:17:40
I'm just not going to do it. No. And even if you do it, it's not going to be to the standards.
01:17:44
no it's not going to be the way a person who does it professionally does it right so for the last
01:17:50
i'd say month i've had a lady come clean my house it was every two weeks and then last week i was
01:17:55
like just come every week and it is a pleasure when i came home from hawaii sad as sad as i was
01:18:03
to be home from hawaii i walked into a house that smelled just ever so just lightly of clorox
01:18:08
every surface was sparkling i could have had people over immediately the last time uh
01:18:15
and her name she's the best i guess i won't name check her just in case but she's also a murderina
01:18:22
yeah so when she comes over she goes did you see the thing whatever and just we chatted up but
01:18:28
she's doing things like i cleaned all these dog prints off this wall like things i don't even see
01:18:34
anymore because it's just like oh that's the in that room and you're like my house looks new now
01:18:38
Why did I never think to do that? Yes. Like with magic erasers and shit. Yes. Those things are fucking magic.
01:18:44
Yes. I believe in them. She's anti. She doesn't, she, she doesn't like them. They're probably destroying the earth.
01:18:50
Yeah. Or like just all the skin on your hands. Whatever. It's just a block of bleach.
01:18:54
But I fucking love those things. I do too. They're amazing. And they really do work.
01:18:58
Like, cause I always flick hair dye everywhere when I dye my hair. So then I have to go over all of it.
01:19:04
And those things take it all. Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, everybody. That's my fucking hooray.
01:19:09
It's brought to you by. No, but it's a little self care of don't have so much weird working class shame that you don't take care of yourself.
01:19:17
And you're paying good money for it. I'm sure you're tipping well. Yes. So it's like, you know, it's OK.
01:19:24
Yeah. To have help sometimes. Yes. Mine is another thing, too. Well, so. Yeah. OK.
01:19:30
I have fucking travel anxiety. I can't even take a vacation. I'm just anxious. And there last week, I was so fucking close to just going home the morning after our show and canceling it and telling my partner telling you and Lizzie to go have fun.
01:19:44
And I didn't fucking want to. And like Vince was like, let's just try it. And if you hate it, we can go home.
01:19:48
It'll be fine. I end up fucking having the idea to stay an extra day because I had such a good time.
01:19:55
And part of that is because I went and fucking got myself a pet camera that you set up you know pointing at wherever this is pointing at my bed where they spend all the time And so whenever I was like anxious or depressed or miss the cats or whatever I could just pull it up see that they were just sitting there happily sleeping and everything was
01:20:12
fine. And it fucking calmed me so much that I stayed an extra day of vacation. So guys,
01:20:19
if you have anxiety about that, it's like a baby monitor for cats. Go get it. That's it. Yeah.
01:20:24
Thanks for listening and learning and loving and laughing with us and laughing at near us.
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Hope you get flowers. Hope you get flowers. Hope you get flowers today or not. Get yourself flowers or ignore it completely.
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