00:00:00
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00:02:04
Goodbye. Hello. And welcome. To My Favorite Murder. the menu so the menu so would you like to see a menu so oh man that was good that was fucking
00:02:32
great uh this is where we read you your menu and then would you like to start off with a beverage
00:02:39
yeah and you can add to the menu if you want if you're a great idea for a new dish yeah like
00:02:43
that that's how most restaurants work yeah you can byo casserole yeah please do at this place
00:02:50
You know what the chef loves is suggestions. Yeah. That's all she wants. She and he are always open to suggestions.
00:02:58
That's right. And improvements. Just any like, could you put a little more salt in that?
00:03:02
Try salt. Try this email. Are you ready? Why don't you put some seasoning in this?
00:03:08
On this motherfucking email. In the episode. Okay, go ahead. This dish. The subject line is, another Power Ranger, parentheses, attempted murder.
00:03:16
Oh, shit. Get ready. Stephen, hold on to your butt. Steven, get ready for the facts.
00:03:21
Hi. In the summer of 2017, best yet, best yet, congratulations, you win for the intro of the year award.
00:03:29
In the summer of 2017, I was attending Phoenix Comic Con, where one of the featured guests was the Green Power Ranger, Jason David Frank.
00:03:38
That's three fucking first names as a name. God bless. God bless you. If one gets broken, fucking move on to the next one.
00:03:47
Switch them up. Switch your boot. If you want to know more about this character's origin, you're going to have to ask Stephen because I have no fucking idea.
00:03:56
Anyway, a dude attending the convention was posting some really weird and concerning things online about killing people at the event.
00:04:03
An acquaintance of this guy did the right thing by reporting his post to her local authorities in California.
00:04:08
When Phoenix police responded to the threats, they located the man who had three handguns, a shotgun, a combat knife, pepper spray, and throwing stars on him.
00:04:19
Oh, my God. He had somehow gotten around the convention's security guards and prop checking station
00:04:25
and just waltzed inside with the intention of killing the Green Power Ranger and Phoenix police officers.
00:04:33
That was the plan. He was charged with attempted murder, resisting arrest, multiple counts of aggravated assault,
00:04:38
carrying a weapon in a prohibited place, and wearing body armor during the commission of a felony.
00:04:44
And in parentheses, didn't even know that was a law, but okay. I recently checked his court records, and as far as I know, there hasn't been a trial or sentencing so far.
00:04:52
There's some semi-secret news articles about mental competency hearings for him, so I assume he's trying to plead not guilty and may possibly go to trial.
00:05:01
While all of this was happening, I was standing outside of the convention center in the 100-degree-plus-weather heat.
00:05:08
Sorry, the 100-plus-degree heat. I mean, it's weather. It is weather, technically, but specifically hot weather, waiting to get inside to attend a panel by one of my favorite authors.
00:05:19
After two hours of waiting outside and already missing the event I was there for, I said, fuck this, and went to day drink at a nearby hotel pool.
00:05:27
When I found out that this murder plot was the reason I didn't get into the con, Murderino me was a little disappointed by not getting to know all the details.
00:05:35
But anxiety me was pretty stoked that I was far, far away from this and that no one died.
00:05:41
Additional sidebar, the convention keeps inviting the Green Power Ranger back as a guest each year, so I guess he does not fear death and probably shouldn't be fucked with.
00:05:50
Stay sexy and don't ruin Comic-Con by trying to murder a Power Ranger. Jen. You got to imagine that next year their security is going to be pretty fucking tight Yes Like the tightest of all the cons I would hope Yeah Green Ranger would hope
00:06:05
Well, I feel like nobody expects it until it happens. And then it's like, oh, we should have been paying better attention.
00:06:12
But it makes sense if everyone's dressed as, what do they call them? Action figures?
00:06:19
Yes. Everyone is dressed as a Barbie or a can or a skipper. You have to pick one of those three.
00:06:24
And Barbie always carries a weapon with her. A lot of people don't know that Barbie is really good at throwing stars.
00:06:30
That's right. She can hit a target from 50 paces. In fucking on tippy toes. On constant tippy toes.
00:06:38
The woman cannot bend her feet. No. She is constantly on permanent tiptoes. That's right.
00:06:45
Because of the war injury she has in both feet. It's sad. That's an awful scary story that you just told me.
00:06:50
It's pretty bad, right? Yep. Here's one called, Maybe He Just Wanted a Grilled Cheese.
00:06:56
Hey, gang. Nice. This creepy story took place in the early 90s when I was four or five.
00:07:02
One afternoon, I was sitting on the living room rug watching Sesame Street while my mom was in the kitchen making grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch.
00:07:08
Yum. Suddenly, a disheveled looking man opened our front door and walked in, mumbling something incoherent.
00:07:16
Being a naive kid, I casually called out, Hey, mom, someone's here. My mom poked her head out of the kitchen and saw this guy standing in our house just a few feet away from me.
00:07:27
She immediately reached back into the kitchen, grabbed a knife and screamed, all caps,
00:07:32
get the fuck out of my house before I call the cops. At which point I finally realized something was out of the ordinary,
00:07:38
something out of the ordinary was going on. The man just turned and walked back out the front door, still mumbling.
00:07:44
Yes. To my mom's credit, I don't remember being especially frightened by all this.
00:07:48
I was mostly shocked to hear her say the F word. the town we lived in had a large homeless population and it's likely this man was just
00:07:55
struggling with mental illness and or substance abuse but i truly don't think he meant any harm
00:08:00
i bet he smelled that delicious gooey grilled cheese and thought he would pop in for lunch
00:08:04
sure i don't think my mom even filed a police report looking back on this as an adult i can't
00:08:10
imagine how terrifying that experience was for my mom and i shudder to think about how differently
00:08:14
the situation could have turned out if he'd had different intentions or if my mom had not reacted
00:08:18
so quickly. So I guess the moral of the story is, stay sexy and lock your fucking doors. Lock your fucking
00:08:24
doors. And then here's her name. Brie. Oh! Like cheese! Like a grilled cheese! I don't even know if she realized!
00:08:32
Thematic! No, because you wouldn't make a grilled cheese with Brie, that would be not.
00:08:36
You're right. Well... Have you had a BLT with Brie? I don't like Brie. I told you my Brie.
00:08:42
You told me many times! That... I went to an Oscar party. Everybody made baked brie. Oh, yeah. So there was nothing else to eat literally but baked brie. And I never
00:08:54
had it. So I was like, Oh, this is good. And everybody made it slightly different. Yeah,
00:08:59
this one has cranberry on it. And this one is a sauce, whatever. And two thirds of the way through
00:09:05
the Oscars, I was like, I have to go home. And I walked into my it took me, you know,
00:09:10
10 minutes to get home. I walked into my apartment door and just barf. Because there's
00:09:15
You can't eat that. You can't eat brie for dinner. No, no, no, no, no. It's small amounts.
00:09:21
Yes. Or large amounts after dinner. Yeah. Something. It's just non-barf amounts.
00:09:29
Exactly. We learn. This is how we live. And we learn, to quote Alanis Morissette.
00:09:34
The subject line is accidental kid injury. Hey, MFM fam. I'm a speech language pathologist in a preschool in upstate New York and survived my long commute
00:09:44
Thanks in large part to your podcast. Some of my coworkers might find it weird for me to be listening to murder stories when I'm pulling into work.
00:09:52
But fuck them. Hearing the American flag story in Minnesota 118 reminded me of an accidental kid injury that happened to me in the early 90s.
00:10:02
I thought you might enjoy. So if somebody doesn't know, I overjoyed to update you.
00:10:07
The American flag story is somebody wrote in saying that when they were like eight years old, I think, they were on a stepladder.
00:10:14
And for some reason, they were holding a little American flag on a stick in their mouth.
00:10:19
And then they fell and the stick from the American flag got jammed into their tonsil.
00:10:25
But they were fine. Okay. And for some reason, it makes me laugh harder than I think.
00:10:32
Kid logic. So we're back in now. My mom is a registered nurse, and when I was around four or five, she was working in an oral surgeon's office.
00:10:39
One night, I was sitting on the couch watching TV with my brother and sister while our mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner.
00:10:45
I was digging around in the couch cushions for treasure, as one does. I'm sorry.
00:10:49
I was digging around in the couch cushions for treasure, and what luck, I found a piece of candy tucked away in the cushion.
00:10:56
So I quickly unwrapped it and ate it before my siblings could steal it or tell on me.
00:11:00
My next memory is standing above a pasta pot spitting out blood, sobbing, and screaming.
00:11:06
It turns out the candy I found was a glass capsule of ammonium carbonate, a.k.a. smelling salt, used to treat fainting, which shattered when I tried to eat it.
00:11:18
No! Presumably the capsule had been in the pocket of my mom's scrubs and had fallen out and gotten lost in the couch.
00:11:25
My mom says she remembers me running into the kitchen with blood pouring out of my mouth.
00:11:30
Oh, God. But having no idea what happened. I mean, that alone is why it can't be apparent.
00:11:36
That alone. The shock of things you don't expect. Yeah. Where you're like, sorry, how do you have an American flag in your eye?
00:11:43
How did you hurt yourself? What are you doing? Okay, so unsure if I had actually ingested anything from the capsule, my mom called poison control.
00:11:51
Their response was that they didn't know what she should do. And then all caps Good job guys my mom decided to give me some milk and call it a night yeah milk that the one why an rn needed this on the ready is still a mystery to me smelling salts because
00:12:08
people faint you have to wake them up yeah but you'd think that you have to empty your pockets
00:12:12
before it's like you know like at a retail store and they're like they check your purse on the way
00:12:15
out yeah that should be double time at a fucking hospital one would think but who's gonna do it
00:12:20
Who's going to take the time? Stay sexy and don't eat couch candy, Jenny. Couch candy.
00:12:27
I love that so much because that thing of, it's the thing you forget when you're an adult,
00:12:33
but when you're a kid, and this used to happen to me and my sister all the time,
00:12:36
finding a good food that the other one couldn't get. Like if I had anything, my sister would grab it out of my hand.
00:12:43
Yeah. Like that was, you were constantly fighting for. So it's like, oh my God, a mini Snickers on the couch.
00:12:49
You would just like try to eat it before someone took it from you. Because that's all it was is fighting for things.
00:12:53
It's fighting for things and like older siblings taking shit out of your hands because they can.
00:12:58
I remember we go grocery shopping the next day. Like the entire box of crackers would have been eaten by my brother.
00:13:04
Yes. And you're like, I don't even, you weren't even, I was awake the whole time.
00:13:08
How did you fucking eat that? Yes. It was a real bummer. That's why you love crackers so much.
00:13:14
That's why I hate my brother. Crackers. Crackers. Crackers. Okay. Your brother's name's Crackers.
00:13:21
Mr. Crackers! All right, this is called Easter Revelation. My mom almost killed me.
00:13:27
Ooh, lighthearted. Nice. Great. Hi, everyone, and new Stephen. Oh, what about old Stephen?
00:13:34
Wait, do they mean Jay? They mean Jay. Oh. That's Stephen. This past Easter weekend, I was dying eggs with my mom.
00:13:41
Are you five? We were talking about our earliest memories, and I mentioned my first surgery when I was
00:13:47
about five years old. I had a growth on my eyelid and a couple of precancerous moles, so my mom had the doctors remove them all at the same time.
00:13:55
I only remember choosing bubblegum space gas and the ride home from the hospital.
00:14:00
Yeah. Fun! My mom took me to the store on the way home and said I could get whatever I wanted.
00:14:06
And you're so high that you got it all. That she chose Play-Doh. She said, I chose Play-Doh.
00:14:12
My mom was super clean and never let me have it otherwise. I got back to the car and suddenly threw up everywhere.
00:14:18
In the present, my mom looked at me earnestly and asked, Is that all you remember from that day?
00:14:24
I replied curiously, Yes. Then she proceeded to tell me something she has never told anyone before.
00:14:30
She said that she was extremely nervous the entire day because of the surgery and became even more flustered with the chaos of my vomit explosion inside the car.
00:14:40
She noticed a red light a bit too late and stopped fast, and I flew right into the dashboard.
00:14:46
In the chaos, she forgot to buckle my seatbelt. This was the 80s, so at five, I wasn't required to sit in a car seat in the back.
00:14:54
No, hell no. No, you weren't. You were required to sit face first into the fucking windshield.
00:14:59
That's right. You're required to be a part of the dashboard. You were basically the fucking airbag.
00:15:06
Yes, you were your own airbag and you were strong enough to be. I was dazed, but okay,
00:15:11
and apparently it knocked that portion of my memory right out of my brain. Yeah, it did.
00:15:17
She said she felt so horrible, she accidentally projected her little girl covered in mom and bandages
00:15:24
right into the dashboard of her car. When she told me this, I laughed hysterically until I was in tears.
00:15:30
I brought it up at Easter dinner. Yes, you did. She looked embarrassed. She said, you're going to tell all your friends this story, aren't you?
00:15:36
Yes, we are. I replied, hell yeah, I am. I'm sending this story to my favorite podcast.
00:15:44
Thank you for the amazing community you've built. I went on my first solo trip this year to the East Coast just to see you in Philadelphia.
00:15:50
The Philly Bertorinos were so welcoming and invited me to the after party at the Tavern
00:15:54
on Broad, which is in the basement of the Bellevue Hotel, the hotel Georgia spoke about
00:15:59
in her story that night. Yes! It was the coolest coincidence. I also went to NYC in Boston during that trip and knocked off several bucket list items,
00:16:06
including seeing my grandpa's name on the memorial wall at Ellis Island. Whoa. Without you, your podcast, and the community you created,
00:16:14
I would have never been able to recognize the strength and confidence I possess in order to do something like this.
00:16:19
Wow. Especially with a head injury. So brave. That was me. I don't think I could ever meet you guys in person
00:16:25
because all I would do is bawl my eyes out while hugging you, which is fine. That's what we like.
00:16:29
We're totally fine with that. You would kind of require it. Thank you for everything.
00:16:32
Love, Kira Mae. Nice. Thanks, Kira Mae. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. You know what's funny too is that the mom in the chaos didn't do the one thing that my mom would do even if the stop was very light, which is throw an arm across.
00:16:46
That's right. Which is a very, it doesn't happen anymore. It doesn't need to happen.
00:16:50
I do it to my purse. Do you do it to your purse? I do it to whoever's there. Sometimes I do it to Chris Fairbanks on Do You Need a Ride?
00:16:57
Because I am so, I'm such a bad, strange fantasizer where I'll suddenly I'll be like, I'm driving.
00:17:04
Stop doing that. I'm driving. Me too. I'll be like in a weird world. While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer,
00:17:10
Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent. The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14.
00:17:16
Making plays that end up on everyone's feed, scoring from angles that don't make sense,
00:17:21
rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust. Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either.
00:17:27
Hyundai has always moved the future within reach. Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle.
00:17:33
Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability. And Hyundai continues doing it every day.
00:17:39
From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game, the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here.
00:17:46
Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA. Goodbye. When you're young, you don't really buy furniture.
00:17:53
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get your home just right. Yes, please. Don't we all kind of need that? Like the eye of an expert?
00:18:38
Yeah. Where should I put this? And also, what should I move here and there? And what should I
00:18:42
even get? But Article has it all, so you can get whatever there. That's right. You could be like,
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I have this thing. Should I get this one or that one? Totally. Am I Scandi or am I mid-century?
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Goodbye. Summer clothes should feel easy and still look polished. Low maintenance, high reward.
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00:19:35
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quince.com slash mfm goodbye last one for me i won't read the subject line because it's
00:20:20
good yeah do it hi friends my grandma ma was an amazing woman who grew up in super rural west
00:20:27
virginia she was growing up at the height of the great depression so she had lots of stories to
00:20:32
share about her how her family cut corners and made life work love it one of the stories she
00:20:38
told was about her grandma's haunted house ma said that her grandpa quote had a touch of the crazy
00:20:44
and he didn't trust banks so he would bury any extra money he had in the backyard ma said she
00:20:51
remembered watching her grandpa dig a hole and plop down a mason jar she said it wasn't tons of
00:20:56
money ma guessed maybe 50 to 75 dollars parentheses what would be around 1.7 million dollars today
00:21:03
and then one of those laughing emojis. Close parentheses. When he died, the family tried to dig around
00:21:09
and find it to help with the expenses, but they only found a few empty jars. His jar burying wasn't a secret,
00:21:16
so they figured someone just stole the cash and reburied the empty mason jars. A couple years later,
00:21:22
Ma was spending the night at her grandma's. She said she woke up for no reason and saw her grandpa standing at the foot of her bed.
00:21:29
Ma said she wasn't scared, so she just watched him. He smiled at her and pointed at a spot on the floor up against the wall where two pieces of baseboard met.
00:21:40
She said he disappeared after that and she just went back to sleep. Parentheses.
00:21:45
I would have woken up the entire damn house, but whatever. Yeah. Close parentheses.
00:21:49
Ma told her dream the next day. And of course, she told my ma that it was just a dream.
00:21:55
Ma's grandma believed her, though. her grandma told that her grandpa told her that he had buried a few decoy jars in the yard.
00:22:05
After they couldn't find the money, her grandma figured they were all decoys, and the money was lost.
00:22:11
She had Ma point out the baseboard and had her dad rip it off. You guessed it. Oh, no.
00:22:16
Inside the wall was a mason jar stuffed with cash. Oh, my God. Ma died in 2007, and I cherish her stories just as much as her handmade quilts.
00:22:25
Oh. I might not be able to come back from that. My favorite story involves a teenage ma jumping on a police officer's back in the middle of a bar.
00:22:35
Long, hilarious story, but it shows that her grandpa wasn't the only one in the family with a touch of the crazy.
00:22:41
Stay sexy and wake up the whole house when you see a ghost, Heather. What was the name of that subject line?
00:22:47
Ghosts, things in walls, grandmas, all exclamation points. That's beautiful. I mean, the money was where the ghost pointed it.
00:22:55
That's bananas. Are you a believer now? I believe you. I believe you. Here's what you want.
00:23:04
Oops. I believe you. Ghosts are real. Ghosts are real. Grandpas are real. Grandpas are the realest.
00:23:11
Mason jars are unfortunately a thing. They are. And they're everywhere. They're always buried somewhere.
00:23:17
Don't trust banks. No. That's about it. Yeah. Oh, I have one more. Okay. Grandpa and Uncle save life.
00:23:25
Lighthearted. Just the one life? I guess. Is that not enough for you? Let's see whose it is.
00:23:32
Is one life not important? One life. One life. Is as important as many. MFM fam.
00:23:39
I'll start by telling you about my great uncle Dick. Built his own house by hand on a ranch in Florida.
00:23:44
Dug his own pond by hand. And no teeth because he doesn't want to wait at the dentist for dentures.
00:23:51
He's got ponds to build. That's right. Last time I saw him, he said he got a cat.
00:23:55
I asked its name and he just shrugged and said, I just call him Kitty. He even read it.
00:24:00
Dog that four families had given up within a year because the dog was, quote, untrainable.
00:24:05
Those fucking families are untrainable. That's right. Also, who needs to train dogs?
00:24:09
Yeah. As a person with two dogs that run the household, it's more fun. They're still fucking amazing.
00:24:15
Anyone can sit. Yeah. Watch. I fall over. His farm includes a dog, cat, two miniature donkeys, and a mule.
00:24:24
All in all, a badass with no patience for bullshit and yet an animal lover. Oh, my God.
00:24:29
And no patience for teeth. Okay. Long ago, Dick and his brother, my grandpa, were out ice fishing on a property with lots of ponds.
00:24:36
So if you saw someone on a pond, you just go to another. They didn't see anyone on their walk to their favorite pond.
00:24:41
They were there for about 30 minutes before my grandpa heard someone yell, help.
00:24:45
Ooh. He tells Dick and Dick replies, I didn't hear shit. Dick. Dick, what are you so mad about?
00:24:53
I don't know. So about five minutes later, my grandpa hears it again and says, Dick, I really hear someone yelling help.
00:24:58
to which dick replied you're just old and hearing shit i have better hearing than you and i didn't
00:25:03
hear it my grandpa ignored him and listened for about a minute and um and realizing the nearest pond was about half a mile away He couldn have heard anything Five minutes later my uncle jumps out of his chair and took off sprinting
00:25:17
My grandpa, shocked, yelled, where are you going? And Dick replied while sprinting away, someone's yelling for help.
00:25:24
So my grandpa took off running after him. They got to the nearest pond and found a guy who had fallen through the ice while trying to save his dog who had fallen through as well.
00:25:32
being in the woods my grandpa scooped up a long stick the guy grabbed onto the large stick and
00:25:37
they pulled him out then they focused on the dog the dog wouldn't grab onto the large stick
00:25:42
what a dick because he was panicking because he was untrainable not because he was untrainable grab the stick grab grab it um but thinking in a panic my grandpa literally
00:25:55
ripped a small tree out of the ground and used a small branch of the tree to loop onto the collar
00:26:00
of the dog and pulled him out yes everyone survived my grandpa and uncle dick both received
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outstanding citizen trophies for the city from the city for saving a life i only found out about
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this while my grandpa and i were cleaning out his storage room and i found the trophy oh i would kill for that trophy that right maybe we get it Thank you for reading Stay sexy And if you hear someone yelling for help you should probably just go check it out
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Erin. I just like to picture that that trophy, they just had to grab a baseball trophy from a
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local trophy store and snap. I was thinking bowling. Yeah. Just snap the sport off.
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And put a cauliflower on it so it looks like a tree. Here's you holding not a bowling ball.
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Would you look at yourself in this trophy? Great this looks. Amen. What a great collection of stories and lore.
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You guys, please send yours in to my favorite murder at Gmail. So many good grandpa and grandma stories.
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Yeah. All of those. We'll laugh. We'll cry. We'll look. We'll listen. Make us feel.
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Goodbye!