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My city is home What's up, Louvins? We got facts, we got toys, we got things. I never knew how much I wanted a bat until tonight.
00:02:03
Don't sit down. No. Oh, my God. Sorry. I'm sorry. People are like, wait, what? Is this a new thing we're doing?
00:02:11
Oh, I had flashbacks to Temple just now. Okay. Did you sit down at the wrong time at Temple?
00:02:17
I mean, I was just always begging to sit down. Yeah. You know? Amen. Amen. Down.
00:02:24
Um, fucking Louisville Slugger. I mean. Shit. Yes, definitely that. And also, they fucking gave us,
00:02:34
this has my favorite murder on it. And then... It says, triflers need not apply on the other side.
00:02:45
This is a thing, right? That's definitely a thing. Am I playing baseball? Stretch it out.
00:02:51
And like, when your post-apocalyptic punk gang goes to kill somebody. Just go ahead and put it across your mouth like that.
00:03:00
Got it. There's all kinds of things. You can also practice baton. Like, if you can get good at baton with a baseball bat,
00:03:07
then you'd be really good at regular baton. And it has a name. Oh, it's amazing.
00:03:12
Thank you, Louisville Slugger. Thank you so much. So, Casey. Casey Davidson at Louisville Slugger.
00:03:20
Thank you, Casey. I don't know if we're supposed to say your name, because are you going to get fired for these?
00:03:24
You might not have been allowed to make these. She went into the pressing area late at night and was just like T-R-I-F-L-E-R-E-S.
00:03:34
Do you know I still look at things like this to make sure my last name is spelled right?
00:03:39
Even though it's like, I don't think anyone's going to get it wrong in this room.
00:03:43
Sure. I still am like, I have bad memories. Well, and you have the soul of a copy editor, so you care about spelling and stuff like that.
00:03:53
Yeah. Hi, you guys. What's up? Hi, best friends. You're not going to believe what we did last night.
00:04:04
It is crazy. Don't tell anyone. We fucking performed at the Grand Ole Opry. I walked out and immediately started crying.
00:04:16
Now, that sounds cute and touching and stuff like that, but it's very bad for comedy performance, I have to tell you.
00:04:23
It was so crazy. Georgia's like, we're like kind of standing there, and I'm like, uh-oh, uh-oh, this is not going to be good.
00:04:30
And then you look, and you're like, oh, you're crying. Oh, sorry. You're actually crying.
00:04:35
No, no, no. But I mean, I think, yeah, you have the faith in me to kind of keep it together a little bit better than that.
00:04:40
No, I was hoping one of us would, because I feel like they're expecting it, right?
00:04:43
Yeah. I think you're kind of required to. I think you should. I said the word cunt on stage at the Grand Ole Opry.
00:04:50
Thank you. I'm proud. I'm very proud. Thing is, though, Carrie Underwood does that all the time.
00:04:58
Like, we're kind of stealing her bit a little bit. That's true. Can you imagine?
00:05:03
Yeah. I could, too. Yeah, I could, too. I could. Then we took a little road trip, stopped at America's favorite restaurant,
00:05:11
The Cracker Barrel. Oh, yeah. God. Nearly an hour after breakfast, and I was like,
00:05:18
well, I might not be that hungry, chicken fried chicken. What's up? You always go in there like, you guys eat, I'll just shop.
00:05:26
And then the next thing you know, you're like, I'll have the loaded hash brown casserole.
00:05:31
And then a side of loaded hash browns. How does that sound to everybody? Here's the weird thing, though.
00:05:36
I was like, oh, I need a pair of slippers. Because I like to take any high shoe that I wear off immediately after I wear it.
00:05:47
and then slide into a nice pair of slippers and like, ah, it's the good life. And then we do the meet and greet and slippers
00:05:53
and for some reason, I did not bring my slippers this time So I like Cracker Barrel this is a lock I totally getting Cracker Barrel slippers Yes you are Hopefully they filled with loaded hash brown casserole
00:06:06
Not a fucking pair of slippers in the place. I'm not kidding. What's that about?
00:06:11
They're in the gardening supply phase of the year at this point. Slippers are forever.
00:06:17
They're eternal. I know that. When do you not want them? I want them always, but I feel like Big Slipper Company hasn't figured that out yet.
00:06:25
They're not going to release them like in the summer? Big Cracker Barrel's like, people go barefoot.
00:06:31
Right? That could almost be a bad joke. It's not how she meant it. I guess it's how I meant it.
00:06:40
I don't get it yet. I think it's a hillbilly adjacent. Oh. Please. Oh. I got that and then I was like, no one cares about, oh, they do?
00:06:53
Okay. I don't know. We're from California. Let's see. Let's say some other offensive shit.
00:06:59
Oh, speaking of, this is my favorite word of the podcast. Oh, hi, yeah, hi. Thank you.
00:07:06
That's Karen Kilgara. This is Georgia Hardstar. Thank you. Thank you. And we'll be your moderators tonight.
00:07:15
We'll host you through this from the outside of your head. It's going to be so weird this time.
00:07:22
We're going to read the Cracker Barrel menu. We're not going to stop talking about Cracker Barrel.
00:07:28
Then we're going to swing bats at each other. Good. Oh, we stayed last night at an Airbnb.
00:07:38
I want to tell you guys about the, that they went shopping at Bed Bath & Beyond and bought all the art there,
00:07:44
including like it's wine time for mommy or whatever they have but we have to also tell
00:07:50
them about the surprise chicken strips oh yeah that was awesome so we got back to the airbnb
00:07:56
after obviously the show and when we leave the show we always have people you guys bring us
00:08:02
presents and people make us beautiful things like bats with our names on them yeah and uh
00:08:07
but all kinds of things and cakes and pies and fucking insane shit so we're always like see you
00:08:12
later. So, so last night we get back and it was like, unlike we made a joke that we were going to
00:08:22
split up in the hallway of the Airbnb and just go into our rooms and not talk anymore. Cause
00:08:26
that's how it is. When we go to our hotel, we're like, we get back and we're like, see it's 6am or
00:08:30
whatever's happening. So we're like, well now we all go back into the living room together.
00:08:34
I go back out. I've washed my face. Georgia and Vince are sitting in the living room already
00:08:39
watching Forensic Files. It already was on. You can't, even though we're not in a hotel,
00:08:43
you can't change tradition. Yeah, you have to. You need to wind down with a little bit of luminol.
00:08:51
Nice glass of luminol. It's luminol. Mommy thinks it's luminol time. Let mommy have her luminol, please. We got to detect blood in this room.
00:09:00
We got to make mugs that say, this might be luminol. Right? So as I'm unpacking, trying to find my pajamas that are also my airplane pants,
00:09:17
which are also my car pants and before show pants. So I'm unpacking those out of the bag, and I find...
00:09:26
Wait, here's what I hear from the other room. Chicken strips! I'm like about to go to the flash my own face like a grown-up and chicken strips
00:09:37
and they were in like one of those old-fashioned paper carton things like it didn't have a lid
00:09:44
it was wrapped in paper but they were it was four chicken strips sitting in a little red and white
00:09:50
checked carton in my bag and we all you went out we all kind of huddled around even in the hallway
00:09:57
We were like, examining them. Chicken strips. And then Vince was like, oh shit, those were actually for one of the guys
00:10:02
at the theater. Anyways, we stole them. But the moment we heard that they weren't,
00:10:08
they were safe chicken strips, Karen and I glanced up at each other in the quickest glance
00:10:13
and then both at the same time ate a bite. Loosely wrapped chicken strips that were also in the bag
00:10:22
with these boots and some sweats. I didn't know that part. Other stuff. I didn't know that part.
00:10:28
But they were truly wrapped three times. Somebody took a lot of care. Whoever was given these chicken strips as a gift was like, fucking thank you.
00:10:37
I'm so excited to take these home and watch Forensic Files and eat these. I had to sit through two women talking and what's a podcast?
00:10:45
God, it was like hours. It seemed like hours. Now I can finally go home and have some chicken strips.
00:10:50
My favorite chicken strips. And for some reason he's like, got called away to business and be like,
00:10:56
well, I guess I'll put these in her bag. So sorry, Doug at Grand Ole Opry. Was it Doug?
00:11:04
I don't know. No. That's a good name. Poor Doug. Poor Doug. Poor Stephen. He's not here tonight.
00:11:14
You hate him or you love him? Yeah, that did not seem to be a negative reaction at all.
00:11:19
You're like, finally free! He's not allowed anywhere near places that make bats now.
00:11:25
That's right. Because of the problem? The mustache and bat problem. Stephen, after the movie Suicide Squad came out,
00:11:33
Stephen started dressing up like that girl. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. He's listening to this first.
00:11:39
I'm sorry, Stephen. I'm like the meanest older sister you have. He has an older sister.
00:11:44
I'm sure she's way nicer to him than I am. Way nicer. Listen, it's 362 days until his birthday,
00:11:51
so we can say whatever we want to. That's right. Until his birthday. Until next birthday Can I show them Your dress Your beautiful dress Look at her go look at her fly
00:12:06
And, as a bonus, this was your great idea, I have... She's... No, it's not chicken strips.
00:12:20
No, it's not funny, because that would have been amazing. Yes, it is, but... Here's the thing though, I hope everyone's going to be able to hear this at home when this is posted.
00:12:31
Because the joy and excitement in which you guys were yelling chicken strips just now.
00:12:36
Chicken strips! Couldn't be chicken strips, she brought us chicken strips. No, look under your chair though.
00:12:42
Chicken strips for everyone. Tonight we're sponsored by Chicken Strip United. No, show them what you really have because it's awesome.
00:12:52
Oh no! cookie? That's Swiss cheese. It's a cookie. And it's from Baked Bakery. They sent us a box of beautiful...
00:13:07
Good job, you guys. Those are beautiful. And also, they wrote on the piece of Swiss cheese.
00:13:13
Eh? Eh? How amazing is that? I took a bite to prove that it wasn't Swiss cheese,
00:13:20
but I could have taken a bite of Swiss cheese anyway. So I have that in my mouth.
00:13:26
But Swiss cheese wouldn't have broken off in seven pieces like that. So cleanly.
00:13:31
You gotta hope. Beautifully. Flaky. Really nice bake on that Swiss cheese. You guys. Good job. Let me clean this.
00:13:38
Yeah. Oh, I almost just ate it. We'll sweep it up later. Sorry. Okay. We'll sweep it up.
00:13:44
Yeah, we got it. The theater manager sits up there, right? We'll sweep it up later.
00:13:49
Usually. Doug? Is Doug here? Yeah, Doug's here. with vengeance in his eyes. I came for my chicken strips.
00:13:59
Georgia, grab your bat. He wants the strips. Fuck you, Doug. They're ours now. What's happening?
00:14:06
I'm not sure. Sorry. Sorry. This is normally in your head, I think. I usually keep it private.
00:14:13
I wait until the show's over to do my play. It's your white woman's anger show. Was anyone here last night for the musical version of Cruel Intentions?
00:14:25
Yeah. Have you been here since then? That's crazy. No camping out. No. That's not allowed.
00:14:32
You have to, um, they left us a. They left us a playbill backstage because there's a couple's cast members who were murderinos.
00:14:40
I know. I know. So now it's our favorite musical. Yeah, those support Cruel Intentions, the musical, touring all over the nation.
00:14:49
What if someone came here not because they thought it was Phantom of the Opera Part 2, but Cruel Intentions, the 90s musical?
00:14:56
And they're like, you're not whoever those people are that are in that movie. No, that's when I was on drugs.
00:15:02
I don't know anything about that movie. Sorry. Oh, you're lucky you missed that one.
00:15:07
What was that one? There was, it was. Were people mean to each other? It was like, you know, it was like when you're like 11 or 12 and it's almost too late to play with Barbies.
00:15:19
Yes. You know, but you don't tell anyone, you still do. And you think you know what romance is.
00:15:25
Yeah. And then Ken and Barbie act them out. It's like that. Oh. And you smash them together and you're like, they're boning.
00:15:33
And they're not, they're just plastic. First you make them do horizontal, then the vert.
00:15:37
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This must be it. Yeah. Something like this. Then you steal your brother's G.I. Joe.
00:15:45
Every direction. Good. I think that we've done it. Do you think we've covered it all?
00:15:55
I think we've done it. We lived it. Should we sit down? Yeah, let's do it. All right.
00:16:03
Now here's a problem we didn't think through. You have to keep your bat on your shoulder the whole time.
00:16:08
It's only polite. I don't know it. Okay. Here we go. Can you lay your bat down? Is that sacrilegious?
00:16:15
I don't know. I truly don't know what to do. Here we go. That's nice. Nicely featured.
00:16:24
Oh. Thank you. Georgia lives Instagram. Whether she's taking pictures or not, please set a nice picture.
00:16:35
Let me make it look cute real quick. You know? Okay. Hi. Do you want to tell them about this podcast?
00:16:42
Oh, okay. They know, they know. But every once in a while, you insist upon bringing people who don't know.
00:16:51
You get a plus one, and then you're like, I know, I'll invite Dan. Dan. Dan's the one that knows everything.
00:17:00
Dan's the expert. And then when Dan hears that it's a true crime comedy podcast, Dan thinks that's wrong.
00:17:07
because true crime usually means murder. There's nothing funny about murder. That's the worst thing that can happen to anybody.
00:17:14
Who the fuck do these cunts think they are? Sorry, Dan, sorry. Jeez, Dan. Dan, we have bats.
00:17:25
Dan. And you're a little judgy, Dan. No, but so we just like to take this time to tell anybody who isn't familiar with the podcast
00:17:34
and doesn't hear it and doesn't know that basically George and I have been obsessed
00:17:37
true crime since we were very young, but also the way we were raised and our personalities,
00:17:42
we process anxiety, horror, the worst things in life through humor, as do many of you.
00:17:49
And so that's why not only do we not think there's anything wrong with doing a true crime
00:17:54
comedy podcast but if you don like it you can get the fuck out Yeah Hey Dan Don't leave angry, just leave.
00:18:09
Sorry. Well, I'll know. You know what? This is sexist. You spit on your mouth? Yes, yes.
00:18:18
I think that's the highest form of compliment in comedy, right? I don't know, I'm not a comedian.
00:18:23
It's me spilling my water. Yes, truly. Actually, backstage, I was like, Karen, I'm trying to work a tweet out in my head, and Karen's the queen of it, so I was like, can you help me?
00:18:32
Oh, wow. And so I said it to her, and then there was a beat, and I was like, oh, shit, she's not going to laugh.
00:18:40
And then you went, and I was like, oh, my God, thank God, I was so scared. It was a thinker.
00:18:45
Okay. Well, that's not what you want to tweet about. Well, my advice to anyone who, if you have a tweet and you're not sure, just let that thing marinate for 48 hours.
00:18:56
Just hit cancel or delete, but then it says, do you want to save it? Save that shit.
00:19:03
Save it. Read it with fresh eyes the next day. Not ambient eyes later that night?
00:19:09
That's what I do. That's funny. You're like, is this a tweet or am I ordering a VCR off Amazon?
00:19:16
It doesn't matter. Do it. Just hit send. Oh, me and the president. Okay. So. How fun is that?
00:19:32
Let's do spit takes all night. Spit takes. Spit takes all night. Yes. Into my face because I'm kind of hot.
00:19:38
Yeah, I know. It's a little warm. I could use a nice spritz. Oh, it's Good Friday and also Shabbat and also Passover.
00:19:45
I know. Hey. Happy congratulations. Hey, hey believers of all sorts way to go We did it. Um, you're doing it. I
00:19:57
Believe it's you. No, it's you wait You're right Totally me. Yeah, and I was right before you screamed Georgia four fucking times
00:20:11
I really got it. Oh, you know what? I forgot to have coffee. That's it. Should we get you some? Let's go to Starbucks.
00:20:24
That's got to be it. Wait, do you want to tell them about your invention? Oh, that Starbucks, if it's in your hotel, it should be room service?
00:20:30
Yes. It's not really an invention as much as like a really good idea for really lazy people, such as myself.
00:20:38
Well, I just had to sit there and write my story. And then I was like, man, I'd love to call down and get four things I love at Starbucks right now.
00:20:47
Starbucks. Fucking you owe us money. The rest of the show is actually going to be funny.
00:20:52
We just wanted to talk through some ideas first. That was almost private. Okay. If you spend all day waiting to take your bra off, it might be time for Third Love.
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00:23:01
Goodbye. Okay, let's see. I'm doing the murder of Marlene Oaks, y'all. Shh. Thank you for your silence.
00:23:18
That's exactly what I was hoping for. Yeah, I think that's what we always want. Always.
00:23:22
Just a really deep, respectful silence. A couple little murmurs of, oh shit, she's doing that one.
00:23:29
What? Why? She shouldn't do that. Oh, I hate this one. I got info from Forensic Files, Cold Case Files, Wikipedia, and South Coast Today.
00:23:39
All our favorites. Is that the newsletter from the South Coast Mall? South Coast Plaza?
00:23:44
No. Oh, okay. From the actual South Coast. Oh, okay. Where the South Coast Plaza in Orange County got its name.
00:23:50
No, it's not. Okay. Let me tell you about Verona, Kentucky. Okay. It's a small town.
00:23:58
See? Okay. she's the only one proof Verona gets one clap per 10,000 citizens so that's perfect
00:24:11
well no well I'm going to tell you it's about 80 miles away from here maybe I just go to google maps
00:24:21
and then 27 miles from Cincinnati and they're from Verona and Okay, the population when the forensic files came out, which was like 2004, was 500 people.
00:24:37
Oh. Which in today's people is... Uh, fuck. Hold on. 94, it's 2,500 people. No. Okay.
00:24:46
Well, maybe. Actually, I think I'm going to say yes, because the last census thing was from 2010, and it was 1,455.
00:24:53
So if you do math, it just turns into whatever you just said. everything is roughly a thousand off of everything else that's right and that's
00:25:02
this is really comforting to people like us in life um it's you know tiny town all this shit
00:25:08
um and in 1980 here we go um someone gave us kombucha backstage elixir kombucha thank you
00:25:17
danielle it's fucking great and i'm gonna burp a lot on stage um in 1980 bill major
00:25:25
and Marlene Oakes major have been married for nine years, and they have two children age eight and four.
00:25:31
I'm going to look over here while I burp. That's yours. But I didn't go second last night.
00:25:42
I think Jay fucked up. That's why I think... Jay! That's why you think what? I think Jay put in it Georgia Goes First tonight,
00:25:51
because that's why I thought I went first. Let's get him on stage. No, he's not here. Let's call him.
00:25:57
But I did go first last night. You totally did. No. One second. Go. Are you sure?
00:26:10
Yeah. I was right. Yes. Wow, guys. This takes... Oh, also, we had a red eye and yesterday got into Nashville at 7 a.m.
00:26:23
Doesn't matter. I'm excusing myself. It doesn't matter. Okay. I'm doing the Louisville Torture House.
00:26:32
Featuring this guy. Let's move it along. Sorry. No. Sorry. Last night was kind of a blur.
00:26:43
Yeah. So I'll tell you a little bit about, this is Dick Heaton. Yeah, his name is Dick. It's going to be Dick the whole time.
00:26:52
Get your laughter and joy about it out now. Okay. Continue to. No judgments. I'm just saying.
00:26:59
I'm going to say the word dick and the name dick a ton of times. Well, we love dick, so.
00:27:05
We all love dick. Who doesn't? Okay. We're done. We're not going to be like that anymore.
00:27:11
Let's celebrate dick like we never have before. Okay. Who doesn't get it enough?
00:27:17
This is going to be a dirty show. I can feel it. Yes. Okay. So Dick and Mary Heaton, well, this is just Dick, but Dick and Mary Heaton are a young married couple who knew each other since childhood.
00:27:31
They eloped together when Mary was 15 and Dick was 25. She. Sorry, this was in 1916.
00:27:44
So in today's age. Mary was 42. Ew. She was an old maid by 15. Disgusting. Stay home.
00:27:54
She was 15 and he was what? 25. That's too many. That's 10 many. That's 10 too many.
00:28:01
It's 10 more for sure, but she's from a prominent, wealthy Louisville family, so he's justified.
00:28:10
He's like, get out of money. He's like, get in my car. he's a well-known well-liked figure in Louisville and he is a partner at a successful
00:28:21
merchandise brokerage firm called Heaton and Fisher he is eventually I don't know when they
00:28:26
were first married I'm not sure so here's Dick Heaton this is the thing we always like to do
00:28:31
I like to do is if I'm casting the made for tv movie about this murder I know who okay Tony Hale
00:28:38
No, but that's such a good guess Shit I was going with Anthony Edwards Oh, yeah Yeah
00:28:49
Yeah If only his mouth was closed in this picture Yeah Definitely You remember him from ER
00:28:58
Revenge of the Nerds Okay, what? It feels like there's another show In a different part of this theater
00:29:08
It's like waves It's called the drunk people Drunk party Okay, so Dick Great So about two years
00:29:24
Into the marriage, trouble starts In 1918 Sounds about right Dick begins accusing Mary
00:29:32
Of having an affair With their mutual childhood friend And his name is William Gates
00:29:38
I don't think you can have a mutual child friend when you're 10 years fucking older.
00:29:44
Yeah. When you're 10 years old when your wife was born. Oh, you're going to be able to poke holes all over this story.
00:29:51
All right. Bill Gates. Bill Gates. Oh I didn even catch that Right Obviously if we casting the made movie Bill Gates Boom Amazing Boom Amazing Oh God
00:30:09
And finally. Yeah, I knew it. Yes. I just want to watch him on the screen. He's magnetic and he's an amazing performer.
00:30:18
Okay. Mary adamantly denies this accusation. Dick will not let it go, of course.
00:30:26
He becomes irate. He is very controlling. Even though he has no reason or any evidence to believe that Mary is having this affair
00:30:32
with this person they both knew growing up who doesn't live in their town anymore,
00:30:38
she cannot convince him that it's not happening. And she would later describe Dick's behavior at this time as being unbearable.
00:30:46
so by 1923 William A. Fisher who is Dick's partner at the brokerage firm that he works at
00:30:55
Heaton and Fisher he can no longer ignore Dick's strange behavior at work he often leaves the
00:31:02
Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick he often leaves the office without warning he won't tell anyone
00:31:13
where he's going or what he's doing and when he's at work he doesn't focus on work. He's very distracted. Me too. Right. Works hard.
00:31:23
And this goes on for like a year. And then in February of 1924, Dick's paranoia reaches new
00:31:31
heights. He hires a female detective from Chicago named, sure, named detective, detective Jenny Moore
00:31:40
and she is hired to chaperone to chaperone to chaperone Mrs. Heaton Mary Heaton everywhere she goes
00:31:50
is she at least cool? I mean I hope so she's a female detective in 1924 I bet she's kind of cool
00:31:56
and her name is Jenny there's no one named Jenny at that she was a trailblazer in name
00:32:02
and in career she wore a wonderful trench coat she never stopped smoking. Night, day, asleep, awake.
00:32:14
When do you want to go to the store? Let's go to the store. Stuff like that. I won't tell him.
00:32:18
I won't tell Dick. I'll tell you when we go to the store. Okay, so then he tells,
00:32:29
so Detective Jenny Moore has to go everywhere with Mary. Then he tells her that she has to start answering the phone and screen all the calls so that Mary can't answer the phone by herself.
00:32:43
Okay. Or first. Yeah, right? Get off the phone. Then Dick decides that Mary can no longer use the phone without permission or supervision.
00:32:54
Meanwhile, the Heatons have two elementary school-aged children. Oh. So this cannot be convenient.
00:33:02
or it's insanely convenient. Like suddenly Detective Jenny Moore is freeing up Mary's time
00:33:08
and she can really do those manicures and fucking finger wave her hair and shit.
00:33:14
Okay. At work, William Fisher finally confronts Dick about his odd behavior and his minimal work hours.
00:33:19
So Dick confides in Fisher that he believes, quote, several men are trying to break up my home.
00:33:26
Several. That sucks. because usually when you experience domestic strife in any way,
00:33:33
it's because a cabal of shadow operatives are conspiring against you and your marriage,
00:33:39
and it's not because you married a high school freshman. It's not that at all. It's the government.
00:33:45
It's the shadow government. It must be. Read my website in 1924. Okay. So Dick then confides in Fisher that, quote,
00:33:56
there's only one man left and as soon as I have attended to him all my troubles will be over and
00:34:02
I will return to the office. But that's not how mental illness works it turns out. Please watch
00:34:10
A Beautiful Mind. He explains that he has rented a house at 637 South 41st Street. You guys know
00:34:18
that awesome spot. And he plans to take this man to the house and scare him so badly that he
00:34:25
quote, learns to never cross my path again. Great. Right. So of course, Bill Fisher,
00:34:32
who's this guy's business partner, he's like, yeah, don't do that. Don't rent a house and then
00:34:39
trap a guy there. He's saying, you're just going to get in trouble. This is crazy. And, but of
00:34:45
course, Dick brushes him aside. He says, you don't tell anybody about my plan or there will be severe
00:34:51
consequences. So he's threatening his business partner. And he's like, okay, great. See you in
00:34:56
the boardroom later on. Oh, here's that house. This is the house. Dick rented. Spooky. So. Okay.
00:35:07
So he had a lot of money, huh? Yeah. I guess he had some money to throw around and buy houses
00:35:12
and capture people that were after his marriage. Right. Okay. So let's talk about Bill Gates.
00:35:20
Microsoft is... I was going to bring up a picture of Clippy and say that's who he really looks like
00:35:31
but then I became very sick of myself and I couldn't do it. Bill Gates is 31 years old.
00:35:40
He's Dick's old friend who also grew up in Louisville where he was and still is very popular
00:35:45
and a lot of people know him and like him But he got a job at Procter Gamble so he years before had moved to Logan Sport Indiana where he lived with his aunt And that where he was and what he was doing when Dick became obsessed with the idea that he Bill and Mary were fucking
00:36:05
So Bill Gates has no clue that his old friend wants to kill him and is obsessed with his dick.
00:36:17
Bill Gates thinks that their friendship is as strong as ever and just is awaiting cards and letters from him.
00:36:25
So, okay. So on the night of Thursday, March 6, 1924, Dick calls up Bill and asks him to come to his office.
00:36:33
Bill Gates is like, my old friend, I'd love to come and see you. Sounds great. So he comes into Louisville.
00:36:40
He goes to his uncle's house, puts his stuff there, and he's like, I'm going to go see my friend.
00:36:44
I'll see you soon. I'll be right back. Hold on. I lost my place. and now all the words look the same.
00:36:52
Something about losing your place, like it freaks me out. And I'm like, I'll never find it again.
00:36:57
And they're staring at me. I can't read. I've never been able to read. Bill agrees.
00:37:04
But as he enters the office, he's immediately grabbed and handcuffed. Bill, turns out, has a pistol on him.
00:37:12
Because it's the 20s. And so that's what you're doing, see? and uh and uh but the pistol he's patted down the pistol's taken off of him he's put into a car he's
00:37:24
driven to an unknown location it's fucking dick's rental house um spoiler alert so
00:37:31
bill's taken to an upstairs bedroom and there he sees there's a mattress on the floor which is very
00:37:38
disturbing for people in the 20s okay because no one there were no college students that did that
00:37:43
back then. Everybody had a full-on bed frame. Mattress on the floor meant super emergency.
00:37:50
Okay. If you don't have rusty old springs, then... Yeah. Those were required. Yeah.
00:37:58
They were only like $1 back then. Okay. Mattress on the floor. But worse than that,
00:38:04
he sees an assortment of surgical tools in the room. A surgeon's knife, several pairs of forceps,
00:38:11
a hemostat, about a dozen suture ligatures, two or three instrument trays, a surgeon's apron,
00:38:19
rubber sheets and rubber gloves, bandages, medicated gauze. Why would you bandage?
00:38:26
No. Yeah. For after? Yeah. I think at least he's like, I'll take care of you after.
00:38:31
Sure. I won't let you. Yeah. You won't bleed out right away, I think is the message.
00:38:37
um also you can tell i cut and pasted this list because then it says absorbent cotton
00:38:43
the touch the feel of absorbent cotton in your kidnap house as opposed to what fucking kind of cotton come on watch the redundancies people i'm stealing from
00:38:57
okay disinfectant and a large can of chloroform right everything you need to perform a fucking
00:39:05
operation. He walks in and he's like, is this a haunted house? This is fake. You know, like one of
00:39:10
those fake haunted houses? Yes, exactly. Come on. Wait, that's a bowl of grapes. No, it's real eyeballs.
00:39:19
So of course, it's Dick Heaton. It's his doing. This is his whole setup. He forces Bill down onto
00:39:25
the mattress and ties him down. And Bill then watches as Dick stuffs some cotton into a funnel
00:39:32
and then pours chloroform onto the very absorbent cotton. And then Dick starts to unbutton Bill Gates' shirt, Cinemax style.
00:39:45
No, surgically. And that's when it dawns on Bill. That's when it dawns on Bill? That's when it dawns on Bill.
00:39:53
Finally it hits this dipshit. No. Dick is going to perform some kind of surgery on Bill.
00:40:00
Oh, shit. He's like, I'm good with all these organs. I don't need you to fucking.
00:40:05
Buddy, remember when we used to hang out and I loved my liver and spleen? Same, buddy.
00:40:10
I haven't changed. So while all this is happening, Bill Gates feels something slide down his leg
00:40:20
and realizes he brought a second gun with him. Yes. I think that part of the story is the reason I picked this story.
00:40:31
simply. He's like, thank God, back up-y. I forgot. Imagine being so blasé about carrying
00:40:40
guns. You're like, oh yeah, that other one's there too. Oh, the other one. Good.
00:40:44
Great. Very good. Now it's slithering down my leg for some reason. Slithering down? Like, where
00:40:47
were you keeping it? Was that your pelvic gun or... Tape it to your hip? Butt back?
00:40:55
High butt back? We don't know what it was like back then and we never will. So we have to lie about it.
00:41:06
Okay. So now he makes a mental note, but he doesn't make a move for the gun, because Bill Gates, as we all know, is pretty smart.
00:41:13
So Dick holds the chloroform-filled funnel over Bill's mouth. Bill holds his breath, fakes like he's passing out,
00:41:22
and as he does, he begins to fake mumble about how he wrote his aunt a letter saying that if he ever were to disappear, Dick Heaton would be the one to blame.
00:41:31
Shit That's a lot to get out Yeah As I go What's one last thing My aunt knows it was you
00:41:42
She's got a letter from me I wrote it on February 23rd 1924 Good night But it was a good plan As cheesy as it sounds Things back then weren as cheesy as they are now Because it stops dick in his tracks
00:42:06
It's any combination of dick and a verb is funny. I don't, I don't blame you at all.
00:42:12
It's fun. So he buttons Bill's shirt back up. Oh shit! Cheapishly, I imagine, and goes downstairs.
00:42:21
So the next day is Friday, March 7th, 1924. And a man named, I mean, I would pronounce that Heidi.
00:42:30
Where? Right there. Heidi. I bet one of those stupidies are silent. Think so? Hide.
00:42:35
Hide. Let's go hide. Okay. Let's go hide. Let's go hide. Not now. I want to call him Heidi Conrad.
00:42:49
Okay. What was the mayor in your story last night's name? Priscilla? Beverly. Priscilla.
00:42:58
No, that was, what's his name's daughter's cat? Remember backstage we met the daughter?
00:43:08
Glenn Campbell's, we met Glenn Campbell's daughter last night. And she's lovely.
00:43:12
Who was an amazing musician on her own accord, separate from her family. I follow her on Instagram now.
00:43:18
But her cat's name is Priscilla. Is that right? Yeah. I remember every cat's name.
00:43:23
Not people, though. Or which one of us went first or last. I was positive I went first.
00:43:32
All right. I think, yeah. Go ahead. That I did? No. I swear you went second. I think.
00:43:39
It doesn't matter. Yes, you did. It doesn't matter. It does. Okay. Okay. So the next day is Friday.
00:43:48
March 24th, and Heidi Conrad shows up at William Fisher's office, and he has a note from Dick
00:43:53
Heaton, and in it, Dick is asking Bill Fisher to come to the rental house. So Fisher comes hoping
00:44:01
to talk some sense into Dick, but when he gets there, he sees that he answers the door, and he
00:44:08
looks terrible. He's haggard, and he looks like he hasn't slept. He's all pale. Because he doesn't
00:44:13
have a mattress. His friend's tied to it. How are you going to take a nap? He's just standing around
00:44:18
waiting for a proper bed from the 20s. So Dick tells Fisher to stay there and watch the prisoner
00:44:27
so he can go home and get some sleep. Oh my God. And Fisher's like, no way, fuck you. You're insane.
00:44:35
Yeah. Right. And then Dick begs him to please just stay for half an hour so he can at least go home
00:44:41
and check on Mary like a lunatic. And then to that, Fisher's like, all right, fine.
00:44:46
You can go stalk your wife if you want to. I guess I have 30 minutes. Yeah, that's fine.
00:44:51
But I have to be back to the office. I'm running without you. So basically he brings Bill Fisher up to the room
00:45:01
where he's keeping gates. And Fisher sees that the man's strapped to the mattress floor.
00:45:09
His face is covered with a drape, so he doesn't see who it is. And Dick assures Fisher that the man is sufficiently tied down,
00:45:16
won't escape, and then he leaves. And so Fisher's just kind of sitting there quiet for a while,
00:45:23
and then he kind of looks around and realizes that he recognizes the hat and coat.
00:45:29
And so when Dick gets back, Fisher's like, you have Bill Gates upstairs? And Dick replies, it might be,
00:45:38
and then starts laughing maniacally. Oh my, what point did he not think to himself,
00:45:44
I'm going to the cops right now? This, I think he had, I think his idea was, this is his business partner
00:45:51
and they have this brokerage firm that's doing well. Yeah. So he doesn't want to like turn,
00:45:55
it's going to be scandal no matter what. So save yourself, I guess. I mean, he's trying to keep like,
00:46:02
he's like, okay, so you've kidnapped someone. And we still deescalate this back into,
00:46:07
we just make money and don't have problems. And I think that's just his attitude the entire time.
00:46:12
Great. So Fisher begs Dick to let Gates go. Of course, Dick says no, because he's saying he's just trying to scare him
00:46:22
and basically scare him so he never bothers us again. And he asks Fisher if he'll come back later that night.
00:46:29
So back at the office, Fisher thinks about calling the police, but Dick assured him that no harm would actually come to Gates,
00:46:37
that it was just going to be this really scary threat. And so Fisher stays silent.
00:46:41
So when he goes back to the house later that night, he again tries to convince Dick to let Bill Gates go.
00:46:48
But Dick keeps laughing and refusing and being a creep. So Fisher gives up after arguing with him for about an hour and leaves
00:46:57
and doesn't call the police. Okay, so later that, it's Friday night, Dick unties Bill Gates and takes him to his office
00:47:05
and forces Bill at gunpoint to call his aunt, who he lives with, and tell her to send those letters that he had mentioned the day before to Dick's office.
00:47:18
But since the letters weren't real, Bill's aunt had no fucking clue what was going on in this phone call.
00:47:24
Oh, no. Yep. And she was just totally baffled. Bill sticks to the story and just does what he's told.
00:47:31
And then Dick brings him back to the rental house, ties him up again. Okay, so it's the next day.
00:47:37
It's Saturday, March. Now it's Saturday, March 8th, okay, and Heaton has been holding gates for two days.
00:47:43
Anytime Dick walks into the room, Bill pretends to be asleep. He's just, how am I going to...
00:47:49
And then as he's pretending to be asleep, he's watching Dick come in and he'll pick up
00:48:00
like the scalpel and stare at it and smile. Ew. And then pick up like the forceps and smile at them.
00:48:07
Give them a little kiss. That's creepy. Kiss the scalpel and then your lips are bleeding and you're smiling.
00:48:15
Oh, no. This is, I forgot to tell you, this story is what the movie Saw is based on.
00:48:20
Did you know that? See, it's not. Okay. So it goes on all day long. Um, um, so finally, um, Bill is going insane.
00:48:31
He's like, this is the fucking creepiest thing of all time. And he knows something bad is coming.
00:48:35
Obviously this guy is not, not well. Um, so he tells Dick that this is the classic move.
00:48:40
I recommend it to anybody. If you're ever in a pinch, tell the person you have to go to the bathroom.
00:48:45
Um, Dick unties him from the mattress, handcuffs him, leads him down to the bathroom, lets him go.
00:48:51
When he comes out, Dick walks him back to the mattress and uncuffs him so he can tie him back down.
00:48:57
the way he has him. And that's when Bill reaches into his vest, pulls out the second secret gun,
00:49:03
points it at Dick, tells him to put his hands up, but Dick reaches for his own gun
00:49:08
because everyone's got a gun. And when he does, Bill fires, shoots Dick once in the neck
00:49:17
and another time in the chest just above the heart and kills him dead. Wow. Wow.
00:49:25
So Bill Gates, having just murdered Dick, runs down the stairs. He's running for the front door.
00:49:32
I gave you that one for free. Runs down the stairs. He's running for the front door.
00:49:38
But on his way out, he hears a sound going, who's there? Is that a ghost? And he says, and this is when it turns into the scariest ghost story of all time.
00:49:51
Um, no, it's Mary Heaton. And, um, so she, uh, she says, she says it's Mary Heaton, but what he,
00:50:01
someone says who's there. I think, I guess it's Bill Gates says who's there. She says,
00:50:05
Mary Heaton. He runs past her out the door. He keeps running. He runs all the way back to his
00:50:11
uncle's house where he was staying, where he had disappeared from two days ago, gets all the way
00:50:16
back there. So the Louisville police bring Mary Heaton in for questioning, and she
00:50:22
tells them, she goes upstairs and sees her husband lying dead on the ground. So she goes with the police
00:50:28
obviously. So she tells the police all about her husband's false accusations, about the affair
00:50:34
with Bill, and about Detective Jenny Moore, and basically that she's been a prisoner
00:50:42
in her own home for like four years. Mary says that Dick had told her about the plan to scare Bill Gates,
00:50:49
but because of the phone privilege issue and the detective babysitter issue, she was unable to tell anybody about it or warn anybody.
00:50:58
And so police then questioned Detective Jenny Moore, who confirms all of Mary's story.
00:51:04
So it's actually kind of lucky that she's in the mix, because it's so insane that everyone's like, sorry, what?
00:51:09
Like, what is this? So Mary says that Dick had come home briefly on Friday to tell her that he had captured Bill Gates.
00:51:19
And she says that he was laughing maniacally when he told her. Oh, so much maniacal laughing in this story.
00:51:25
Yeah. I hope Anthony Anderson is really good. I mean, Anthony Edwards. Anthony Anderson is the star of Black-ish, and that would be a different story altogether.
00:51:35
so he laughs tells her he has bill gates mary's scared shitless she doesn't know what to do so on
00:51:45
saturday after still not having heard from her husband all day long she goes to the rental house
00:51:49
she sneaks away from detective jenny for one second to go to the rental house to see what's
00:51:55
going on and basically when she walked in is right after bill gates shot her husband to death yeah
00:52:02
So William Fisher arrives at the police station, finally wanting to share the news that he has about what Dick's been doing at the rental house.
00:52:10
Oh, are you ready to talk? Yeah. You ready to share? Guess what, Bill? You're a day late and a dollar short, so get the fuck out.
00:52:18
But he basically attests to how Dick's behavior had been growing more and more erratic at work.
00:52:27
You brought Dan, didn't you? Dan loves it. Leave him alone. I want to think that you were laughing at something I was doing,
00:52:40
but that seemed like a private joke between the two of them. Or a grab or something.
00:52:44
I don't know. It is a dirty show tonight. Get yours, Dan. Okay. I'm almost done.
00:52:56
And then you guys can be together. Okay, so essentially he's, that Bill Fisher's there saying this guy's been a fucking nut at work for a long time.
00:53:08
Goes through all the issues. Wait, Dick's been a nut. Dick's been a fucking nut.
00:53:15
I'm sorry, I'm 12. I still play with Barbies. He tells police he begged him not to go through with it, apologizes for not coming to the station earlier.
00:53:28
and now, right? Because now he's consumed with guilt because if he had gone in earlier,
00:53:33
maybe Dick Heaton would not be dead. And he wouldn't have such a great business partner
00:53:39
to work with anymore. So then they bring in Heidi Conrad, probably Hyde, but I'm calling him Heidi,
00:53:46
the guy that brought the note. And he states that he'd known both Bill Fisher and Dick Heaton for a while.
00:53:53
He was the organist at the local theater That what he did for a living But he was friends with these big brokerage dudes He receive a call from Dick on Thursday asking him to come to his office at 6 o that night
00:54:05
And once he was there, he introduced Heidi to a man named Frank. And then he gave him instructions to go out to the car and wait as he and Frank wait for them to leave the office and then follow them in his car.
00:54:21
So he waits and then sees three men emerge from the office. and hop into the car.
00:54:26
He follows the car to the rental house. He follows them inside, where Frank and Dick
00:54:30
take this third man upstairs. I'm just trying to think of what other bad name. Harry and Dick, I guess, could be good.
00:54:38
Oh, yeah. Frank isn't working. So they take this third man upstairs. Basically, Heidi witnesses everything that happened.
00:54:49
He then tells Heidi to take Frank to the bus depot, buy him a ticket for Indianapolis,
00:54:54
then go to the hotel where he'd been staying and settle his hotel tab. But when Conrad asks Frank what's going on,
00:55:04
Frank says the man upstairs is someone who had stolen something from Dick, and it's okay, and he doesn't need to worry.
00:55:10
So Heidi Conrad doesn't feel good about any of this. He follows through on the bus ticket ask,
00:55:16
but then he doesn't go to the hotel. Instead, he spends the night at the rental house,
00:55:20
leaves the next morning and tells Dick he will not be coming back. So he participates thoroughly and then is like, and that's plenty for me.
00:55:31
So here is the room where Bill Gates was held. That's the mattress on the floor.
00:55:38
Isn't that creepy? Oh, it's so creepy. Oh, the 20s were creepy. Then, in the middle of all this, Bill Gates arrives at the police station to turn himself in.
00:55:51
So he gives his account of what happened. He tells about the whole kidnapping, being held hostage in the rental house,
00:55:58
finally killing his own captor. It checks out with everyone else's stories, but they still have to charge Bill with murder,
00:56:05
with the murder of Dick Heaton. So the case goes to trial. This is my favorite headline of all time.
00:56:11
Former local man. What? What's this kind of man now? So we don't care. Yeah. He's from Louisville, but he left, so he's a former local man.
00:56:23
He's not one of ours. Monday, May 12, 1924, the judge rules Bill Gates acted in self-defense.
00:56:29
He's found not guilty, and he walks away a free man. In the meantime, the police have identified this Frank
00:56:37
as Indianapolis private detective Frank Cordell, and he and Heidi Conrad are tried as accomplices in the kidnapping.
00:56:45
Conrad's case is dismissed because he clearly did not know what the fuck was going on.
00:56:51
But Frank Cordell, however, admits to having been a part of the kidnapping. He just didn't know the severity of Dick's plans, so Cordell ends up getting 60 days in jail.
00:57:00
In the end, the police theorized that based on the amount of surgical and medical equipment in the house,
00:57:05
Dick Heaton was planning to castrate Bill Gates for the imagined crime of sleeping with his wife.
00:57:13
And if Bill hadn't brought his second secret gun with him and outsmarted him, he would have gone through with his insane plan.
00:57:20
And that is the bizarre story of the Louisville torture house. Did you have a question?
00:57:30
No. Or a concern? I just wanted to say that Dick would have taken his dick, but that's not what that is.
00:57:39
And we've had enough dirty jokes for the night. Enough already. Stop it. Everyone.
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Goodbye. So I go second What are you doing What are you going to do tonight So we back in Verona Picture it It beautiful
01:00:05
I was about to show you this photo. Marlene Oakes with her children. Adorable, lovely.
01:00:12
And this story, you feel like it's a regular the husband did it story. And then there are twists and turns.
01:00:19
And fucking, he did it. But there's crazy shit happening. But it's crazy. Okay. Spoiler alert.
01:00:27
Okay, they've been married nine years, eight and four-year-old kids. And then this dude, so they pick up a hitchhiker named Glenn St. Hilaire.
01:00:36
He works for Bill and lives on their property in a trailer. And Bill, the husband, is like, hey, Glenn, you should fuck my wife.
01:00:44
Yeah. Yeah. And Glenn's like, okay. I think it was way more romantic than that. Was it?
01:00:53
Sounds about as romantic as it can be. Basically, Bill, so Marlene and Glenn fall for each other.
01:01:02
They're hooking up, but Bill has a chick on the side, like all this crazy stuff.
01:01:08
Yes. So here we are. On the day of October 11, 1980, Marlene and Bill have an argument,
01:01:17
and according to Bill, Marlene's gives town. A couple days later, Bill reports her missing.
01:01:22
and he tells police that he and Marlene had gotten in an argument and she just got in her car and drove away
01:01:28
leaving all her social security and licensing things and purse behind like women love to do.
01:01:35
I have to get away mostly from my purse. It's dragging me down. I need a sign out of my purse
01:01:43
for now. Just be free of identification. He claims he spent the whole night driving around looking for her
01:01:51
and they also questioned Glenn and they both denied any involvement in Marlene's disappearance.
01:01:58
And Marlene's kids were in bed the night she disappears and didn't hear anything out of the ordinary.
01:02:04
And Bill tells his two children that their mother is a drug addict, an alcoholic, and a sex worker.
01:02:13
He doesn't use that word. Right. And that she didn't care about them and left town.
01:02:19
Just your mom doesn't love you. She left. I'm the daddy in this situation. He says, so the next, within a week, okay, wait,
01:02:31
police find no evidence of a struggle in Marlene's home or in Glenn's trailer, and they really try to find her.
01:02:37
Her dental records are faxed all over the U.S. in case there's an unidentified body,
01:02:43
but there's no new leads and the case goes cold. A week after Marlene disappeared, Bill Major took his two kids
01:02:50
and moved from Kentucky to Pawtucket, Rhode Island, where his parents live. Nuh-uh.
01:02:59
That's Marlene Oaks and Bill Major. And yes, Siamese cats usually don't like assholes, but that cat doesn't look happy.
01:03:09
He doesn't. He's definitely stretching away. Yeah. Look how cute she is. Okay, so Bill remarries pretty quickly one year later, and the kids are raised with this asshole.
01:03:25
So the daughter, Lelana, and her brother, Donald, grow up believing that their mom ditched them,
01:03:31
and their father is, of course, extremely abusive. Lelana remembers her father beating up her brother so bad once that Donald couldn't pick himself up off the floor.
01:03:41
And in the Forensic Files episode, they show a photograph of the kids from that time,
01:03:46
and he's smiling, but he has a fucking black eye. He's like a little eight-year-old.
01:03:50
It's the saddest thing you've ever seen. They both have to miss school to hide the bruises all the time,
01:03:56
and it turns out he's also sexually molesting both of them and raping them. He's a fucking monster.
01:04:03
Yeah, so he's a monster. Eventually, Lelana gets the courage to tell their new stepmother what's going on,
01:04:09
even though the dad, this fucking asshole Bill, had threatened that I'll kill your brother if you tell,
01:04:14
I'll kill your sister if you don't. And they, of course, believe it. The stepmother eventually gets around to calling the cops.
01:04:22
But this first time around, she confronts him, and he says that he'll never do it again,
01:04:28
and he has a problem, and all this crazy shit. But eventually, Bill, when Donald's 13,
01:04:36
he tells the stepmother again, the cops are called, and Bill is immediately arrested for first-degree sexual assault.
01:04:41
Good. Yes. Yeah. He's convicted in 1985 and sentenced to 15 years in prison, and now 9 and 13, Lelana and Donald move back to Kentucky
01:04:52
to live with their maternal grandmother. And one day, Lelana, and this chick is such a fucking badass,
01:04:58
she's interviewed throughout the whole of both of these episodes, Forensic Files and Cold Case Files.
01:05:02
I mean, the courage this woman has is insane. When she's a kid and she's living with her grandma,
01:05:08
She asks, why did my mom leave? Have you heard anything from her? And her grandma is quiet and then says, your mom's dead.
01:05:16
Your father killed her. Like tells her. It's awful. And also, the stepmother who told finally and who fucking skedaddled after that, thankfully,
01:05:27
she also gave the mom back her wedding ring, which turned out to be Marjorie's ring.
01:05:33
Gave it to the grandma? Yeah. so Bill is released from fucking prison after serving nine years
01:05:41
eleven years I mean a little better but not much it doesn't make a deal so in 1996
01:05:50
in Kentucky here in Verona they trying so hard to pin this on him they know he did it they just don have a body they don have enough evidence that he did it So when they see he getting out of jail they try to extradite him and bring him back
01:06:05
And they now know about the sexual abuse that was going on when he lived in Kentucky.
01:06:09
So they're going to try to get him on those charges. They find other kids who also had been molested by him.
01:06:16
But the motherfucking statute of stupid limitations runs out on fucking child molesting.
01:06:26
Yep. I know. And instead, he's let go, and he goes to live in Fairhaven, Massachusetts,
01:06:35
with his third wife. How? How do they do it every time? He has five total. He must be so good at small talk.
01:06:44
I mean, like. He's good at small prison talk, because they have been corresponding when he was in.
01:06:52
Oh. Yeah. The romance of the incarcerated man. I see. You know. He's dangerous. He's a bad boy.
01:07:00
No, he's a literal monster. Well, she thinks he was in prison for robbery. But eventually, Bill's fucking dad calls her and is like,
01:07:12
yo, your husband's a fucking pedophile. And she stays with him. Oh. I know. I don't know.
01:07:21
That's the thing about being a rebel. Oh, this is Lelana. She's such a fucking badass.
01:07:24
Oh, nice. So, no? Okay. They're confused. Okay. He moves away, but Lelana is determined to put him back in jail,
01:07:37
so she decides to investigate the fucking disappearance on her own. Nice. Yes, and she starts watching old murder investigation shows.
01:07:45
Yes. I'm sure, like the ones she's eventually on. Yeah. And she's like, I'm going to learn everything I can about Luminol,
01:07:52
and also about investigating a crime. I'm going to fucking take care of it myself.
01:07:57
It's amazing. When she's only 20, she's given access to her mother's cold case files.
01:08:04
And in it, she finds that on the day of her mom's disappearance, Marlene had told her sister that she had proof against Bill
01:08:10
and if anything happened to her, the information would go to police. And she also tells her that she's planning on leaving Bill.
01:08:17
And it turns out that Marlene had kept a diary that she had given to Glenn, the old in the back dude she was hooking up with.
01:08:26
Her lover. Her lover. Thank you. Because she was worried Bill was going to do something to her.
01:08:31
And when Marlene had disappeared, Glenn knew she wouldn't have abandoned her kids,
01:08:35
so he had given them the diaries to the police as evidence. And in the diary, a lot of finds entries
01:08:40
that imply that her mom had found out about him molesting Donald, that she had walked in and seen him with her son
01:08:47
and was like, you motherfucker. and it says he tried to hide what they were doing,
01:08:53
but I know what I saw. I guess I died inside. I told him not to touch me ever again,
01:08:58
and if he ever touched Donald, I'd kill him. He wants me to help him, and I don't know what to do.
01:09:04
So, like, help him get better? Yeah, like, I'm sick, you know, that bullshit. And Alana also finds evidence that her mother
01:09:10
was considering divorce as well and threatening that she was going to tell Bill's mother
01:09:15
that he was a fucking pedophile molesting his kids. So obviously he has reason to get rid of her.
01:09:23
To find out more, Lelana interviews everyone she can who knew her mother. She logs all the conversation
01:09:31
and everyone tells her the same thing. We know your fucking dad did it. And let's see.
01:09:37
And then Lelana discovers that one year after her mother's disappearance, a hunter found a human skull
01:09:43
in a rural strip of land just a mile from her home. I know. And the bones had been too badly degraded for DNA at the time.
01:09:53
It was fucking 1980. But there were no teeth and no jaw, so it couldn't be identified.
01:09:59
And it was a Caucasian female, approximately 30 years old. But Lelana's convinced it's her mother's skull, of course.
01:10:06
It's almost 20 years later, and Lelana starts fucking, And she starts digging herself in that area,
01:10:13
trying to find the rest of the body. It's insane, this poor woman. And she learns that there's new forensic testing
01:10:20
that might be able to help her. It's 2001 now. And so everyone, it's going to cost 20 grand
01:10:27
to get the DNA tested. And everyone is like, the whole family is ready to contribute.
01:10:33
One of her sisters is going to cash in her fucking, what is it called, retirement fund.
01:10:37
Oh, wow. And let's see. But finally the town's like, no, we'll cover it. We got it.
01:10:48
Thank you. Vastidia Verona? Yeah. Way to go. Yeah. Da-da-da-da-da. Okay, so it's from 2004, the forensic files.
01:10:58
So they explain to you what the new thing called mitochondrial DNA is. Ugh. What?
01:11:05
That sounds like bugs. It's just, it's really cute and quaint. You know, we're like, we know, this is your new luminol.
01:11:15
Okay. And so it's tested against Lelana's saliva, and it matches that this is, you know, someone related to her, it's her mother.
01:11:24
So with new scientific evidence and the diary, prosecutors are finally able to build a case against Bill.
01:11:31
And also, I don't, let's see here. There we go. Bill's dad James is like fuck this guy I hate my son essentially truly
01:11:42
yeah he's 80 he's an 81 year old retired truck driver and he's interviewed in the
01:11:49
cold case files and oh what a beautiful interview it is truly a salt of the earth um he comes forward and he's like my son called me when he was
01:12:00
for that second time and told me he fucking did it and told me how he did it. He said, quote, he told me he pumped six bullets into her and threw her in the back of the car
01:12:10
and then drove to Florence and walked her up into the woods. This motherfucker. Okay, so prosecutors believe that Marlene discovered that her husband was sexually abusing her kids
01:12:24
and was going to use that information to divorce him and take the kids. so let's see
01:12:30
there's a rule that if you can confess to someone but unless there's a backup it doesn't count
01:12:36
you know it's hearsay I think is the word we use now and that I didn't write down
01:12:41
so it's like listen I have to tell you a secret oh also this is my backup Connie
01:12:47
okay anyway so but Bill's dad James is like let's wire my phone and I'll call him again
01:12:56
And so he does it. They fucking wire him, his phone up, and he's like, did you do it?
01:13:01
And he's like, basically. And they're like, you're arrested. Yeah. Bill, now 59, is arrested and charged with Marlene's murder.
01:13:14
And during extradition to Kentucky, he confesses to the local sheriff. I'm sure the sheriff was like, yes, the fucker. Mine.
01:13:22
He tells him he shot her twice in the head and four times in the chest, which is he emptied the gun.
01:13:28
Like, it's insane. And he also admits that he threw the murder weapon in a nearby pond, buried the body in a sinkhole,
01:13:35
and pushed her car into the Ohio River. But they weren't able to ever find these things.
01:13:40
It was, you know. He says that killing Marlene meant nothing to him. It was like getting up on a normal morning and tidying his shoes.
01:13:49
Tying his shoes. Either way, I hate this fucking guy. It doesn't really matter what he does with his shoes.
01:13:58
I also hate that they get quotes like that. It's like, who the fuck is asking that question?
01:14:03
Clearly, it meant nothing to him. He's a piece of shit. Let's not poll him for his opinions about a shitty crime.
01:14:11
Enough. A hundred percent. That's just, it's like, yeah. In 2003, the case goes to trial,
01:14:20
and Bill's defense lawyers argue that Bill had a stroke in 1995 and then anything he had said after that couldn't be trusted.
01:14:28
Blah, blah, blah. So. No. So I mean like, yeah. So fucking Grandpa James is like, well, I'm going to testify then.
01:14:41
Did he? Yeah. This guy. He gets up on his Louisville slugger. He's like, out of my way.
01:14:48
does he have one too he's like he's warned that if he testifies and gives this stuff
01:14:56
that his son could receive if it's a guilty verdict he could possibly get the death penalty
01:15:01
and he says quote he pedophiled his own kids any SOB like that deserves to die I'll pull the expletive switch if they need me to
01:15:11
shit shit Uh-huh. And Lelana and Donald testify against their fucking father in trial.
01:15:26
That's right. Beautiful. It takes the jury only 43 minutes to find Bill Major. What did I say?
01:15:34
I don't know what they're doing at this point. They're just having their own good time.
01:15:38
It takes the jury only 43 minutes to find Bill Major guilty of first to remitter Yeah that right And he sentenced to life in prison Ew Sorry sorry Cursed image cursed image cursed image
01:15:53
Both Marlene's children, they know that their mom died because she was trying to protect them.
01:16:00
And with their father now in prison for her life, Marlene will finally be at peace.
01:16:04
Marlene Oaks is buried in Lancaster, Kentucky, beside her parents. And that is the murder of Marlene Oaks.
01:16:10
Wow. Amazing. Wow. We're lucky you guys aren't famous for making pitchforks, because fuck.
01:16:19
I wish I had gone second now. We have a Elvis Pez dispenser from Crack Horror Barrel,
01:16:28
and I think we have time for a hometown. It's Vince Averill, everybody. What is up?
01:16:41
Vince Averill. I've just been spending some quality time with my own Louisville Slugger.
01:16:49
That's right. Vince got one too. They put his podcast name on it. We Watch Wrestling.
01:16:54
Check it out. Thank you. I'm going to have to go all the way out there. Okay. All right.
01:16:59
Thank you. That sign? Walk towards Vince. Okay. Now we have rules. Okay. You should hear them because you've never been here before, sir.
01:17:07
Rules and regulations. we so very much would love it if it was a Louisville native hometown.
01:17:17
We don't know how to ask this question in a way that gets through to those types of people's heads
01:17:22
who are like, I'm from Cincinnati and I'm going to tell my story tonight. Don't be that person. We beg you.
01:17:30
It could also be nearby, obviously, but it's so much more fun when it's here. And also, obviously, you can't be so drunk. You can't tell your own story.
01:17:38
It needs to be quick because we're always on a clock and it needs to have a beginning, a middle and an end.
01:17:44
If you don't know the end, if you don't know the details, if you don't know how it ended, learn it and come back another time.
01:17:51
Is my advice to you. Okay, now Georgia can pick a hometown. You in the, yeah, in the glasses.
01:17:59
Yeah, next to your. All right. Okay, go to Vince over there. Hometown has been chosen.
01:18:04
Go to Vince over there. I'm sorry, everyone else. Good luck, players. Good luck, players.
01:18:07
I can see all your faces, and it breaks my heart. Yeah, can we bring the lights down?
01:18:12
Because people are glaring at us now. They're pissed. They are mad. Here we go. Hi.
01:18:19
Hi. It's Jennifer, everybody. Come here. So you go in the center. You look so eager.
01:18:31
Don't let me down, Jennifer. Oh. I know. It's a lot of pressure. I'm going to let you down to start.
01:18:35
Okay. Because I am from Cincinnati. That's okay. However. Oh, wait. Sorry. Are you being serious?
01:18:41
I swear. And where does this murder take place? Well, he's from Louisville, and he's my great-great-uncle.
01:18:47
Okay, great. And he's a killer. Okay, great. All right. Okay. Okay, we're here for this.
01:18:51
So that's all we need. So I'm here with my three kids, and they were like, can you practice cussing?
01:18:57
I'm a second-grade teacher, so my job is to not cuss. No, you be you. You be you.
01:19:02
So, okay, I won't say what they think I'm going to say. All right. So I called my mom, and I was like, they call somebody on stage for a hometown murder, and she's from Kentucky.
01:19:12
And she was like, well, you know, your great-granduncle was the last man hung in Indiana.
01:19:17
Okay, so I wanted to hear. So his name was George Washington Barrett, and he was born in 1899.
01:19:23
And he was a great guy, so he ran moonshine and stole things his whole life. And one time he got really upset because his mother whipped his 11 son so he shot her His own mother Uh Dead Yeah dead
01:19:40
Dead. And then his sister mouthed off because he shot her mom, and he pistol whipped her.
01:19:45
Oh. And so he then went on the lam for eight years, and they caught him finally.
01:19:51
But it was a hung jury because he said it was self-defense because I guess he was defending his son, you know, because he got spanked.
01:19:57
Okay. Okay. So fast forward, this is like 1934 by this point, and they just passed this federal law that if you shot a federal officer, you had to be hung, period.
01:20:10
Okay. So he sold a car, and he was running from the federal agents, and at this point he's in the Cincinnati area.
01:20:19
He crossed over the Indiana state line and had a shootout with a federal agent and shot the guy, killed him.
01:20:26
Ohio and Indiana had a big fight over who would get to hang him. For real. It's for real.
01:20:32
Like, you can Wikipedia. This is the truth. We trust you so far. It's true. You're a teacher.
01:20:36
We believe you. Totally. Okay. Fuck yeah. Woo! Ah! Okay. Try that on Monday morning.
01:20:45
Yeah, really. Well, I did it before I left. I'm like in teacher clothes. Anyway.
01:20:49
Okay. This school year's almost over. I know. You're going to be on it. Fuck yeah, it is.
01:20:53
You're going to make it. You're going to make it. Okay. Okay, so it's 1934. Indiana has not had a hanging since 1912.
01:21:00
But the federal law says they have to be hung. So they had to get this farmer from Illinois to come and build the gallows.
01:21:09
Is that what they're called? Yeah. And this is just like a little aside. I'm not just saying this because he's my great-great-uncle and I'm super proud.
01:21:16
But he was like really, really hot. Like we saw pictures, right? Am I kidding, right?
01:21:22
Like who? Like what did he look like? What did he, oh my God, we said that. What did he look like?
01:21:27
Like an actor of some kind? Like Tom Selleck. A Tom Selleck. I know that's old. Big mustache?
01:21:31
Big dimples. Sure. Yeah, like real. Hawaiian shirt. Totally, and chest hair. Lots of chest hair.
01:21:38
Yes. Okay, hot. He had a glass eye. This is important to the story. Okay. So anyway, so he got injured in the shooting and his leg, he was in a wheelchair.
01:21:48
Like in some of the old pictures, he's got his legs straight out. Anyway, so, and he had a glass eye.
01:21:53
I said that. Yeah, got it. Every time they would come in to be like, you're getting hung, he would pop his glass eye out.
01:21:59
For real. And say, like, I'm going to eat this. I'm going to eat, like, so he would scare people that way.
01:22:06
Ew. That's gross, right? How is that a threat? I don't know. Go ahead, you stupid fuck.
01:22:12
Right. Is my answer. As the truth. So apparently there were, like, thousands of women.
01:22:18
Am I taking too long? No. There were, like, thousands of women that were writing in saying they wanted to come and watch it.
01:22:23
but whatever. So they build these things to hang in. The gallows. The gallows, yes. And the sheriff,
01:22:30
this is awesome, was only five feet tall because he used to work for Ringling Brothers.
01:22:33
Oh my God. I know. I'm glad you picked me. Yes. Totally. Okay. So he was five feet tall and he
01:22:43
couldn't pull the whatever. I feel like it's like Christ is right. We're like the lever.
01:22:47
He couldn't spin the wheel fast enough? Yes, right. So they had to have somebody help him.
01:22:54
Oh, no. Yes! Okay. Was it a really fat lady or a really tall man? Well, she had a beard, but she wasn't that fat.
01:23:00
Okay. Got up on his shoulders. Right. Yes. Okay. So they did it, and they hung him.
01:23:05
And so he was the first man ever hung by this law, but the last man ever hung in Indiana.
01:23:13
Wow. Unbelievable. Jennifer everybody Oh my God Jennifer Jennifer You killed it You so pretty Congratulations Oh shit You don get it now Great job
01:23:28
Good job. She hugged me like, there's such a second grade teacher. You're so pretty.
01:23:38
Wow. She brought the circus into it. Oh, a glass eye. That's going to be the new rule.
01:23:42
That's the new rule. If you can't bring the circus into it, fuck off. Oh, my God.
01:23:49
I'm thinking more people who look like they're about to have a seizure in their chair with their hand up.
01:23:54
Yeah. That's how you figure it out. That's right. Wow. Great job, everyone. That was amazing.
01:24:04
So beautiful. Yeah. Really. What a fun thing to come and spend time with all of our best friends that we don't know that well.
01:24:17
It's such an honor. Yeah. Are they yelling at me? Huh? Are they yelling at me? Uh-huh.
01:24:30
I'm just trying to say I like you. Fuck you. We are really honored that we get to do this for a freaking living.
01:24:39
We can't believe it. It hasn't caught up with us yet. And so every time we come out here and you guys are here to hang out with us,
01:24:46
we are so stoked we love it so much we have the best time we get to do this for a living now and
01:24:53
it is the most fun thing in the world and it's a it's a true fucking honor yeah that we started a
01:24:58
podcast so we could talk to each other about this thing that we like so much and all of a sudden
01:25:03
this community grew up around it of people beautiful intelligent sensitive people with
01:25:09
really bad anxiety who really like murder and now you're all getting to know each other and this
01:25:18
thing is growing in these ways that we could have never predicted didn't plan and are enjoying
01:25:23
watching it as much as you are so thank you thank you thank you so much that's right of course stay saved and do god's missions please
01:25:36
if you can, but also stay sexy. And go get married! Thank you, little girl. Thank you.
01:25:45
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