00:00:00
This is exactly right. Isn't some far off concept? It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
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Terms and conditions apply. See Pandora.net for more details. Goodbye. Goodbye. When a charming
00:00:58
neurosurgeon rode into Frontier Town selling a persona of confidence and care patients trusted
00:01:03
him. He wore cowboy boots in the operating room and became sought after by patients. He promised
00:01:08
to heal them. Instead, he left a trail of broken bodies. This is a story of greed, betrayal, and a
00:01:14
fight for justice. Listen to Dr. Death, the Cowboy, wherever you get your podcasts, or binge the entire
00:01:19
series right now, only with Audible. Goodbye. My favorite murder. And a long jacket.
00:01:35
That's our cake cover. We got it. All right, let's get out of here. Stephen, did you get that?
00:01:41
That was beautiful. We've been recording for eight minutes. Go to my favorite murder Instagram to see that video that I'll forget to put up.
00:01:48
Yay. Yay. Karen, I'm so impressed. I don't think I've ever seen you play guitar.
00:01:54
Have you not? Oh, except for on stage. Have I not made you sit in front of me up close while I...
00:01:59
You did. It's called Largo. The old one? Uh-huh. Girls Guitar Club. I, one time on the Walking the Room podcast long ago with Greg Barrett and Dave Anthony,
00:02:12
at the end of it, Greg wanted me to play one of my songs. And they used to record in Greg's upstairs walk-in closet because the acoustics were better.
00:02:19
And Dave was like, I can't be in here with this. And had to get up and leave. Because it was too loud?
00:02:23
No, no, no. It's like too uncomfortable to have to sit next to a person who was going to sing a song.
00:02:28
Oh, is it weird singing that close to people? It is. And I think it's that it's like it's a it's vulnerable and it makes you feel probably pity for the person that's doing it or like some kind of emotional thing.
00:02:41
I get that. But only when they're bad. Like when they're good, I'm like in awe. But if you had like you just had to do with me, I would feel bad.
00:02:49
But see, you made an artistic choice. That's bold. Yeah, thank you. I liked it. How about today you have to sing all the hometown murders?
00:02:55
Good idea. This is called the Swiss Cheese Pervert. Lighthearted hometown. So maybe a little bouncy.
00:03:03
Hi, Karen, Georgia, Stephen and Elvis and Mimi. My name is Amanda and I live right outside of Cherry Hill, the New Jersey one.
00:03:13
I hate. I have so much hate for mistakes. No. No. I say no to that. Nope. No. In early 2014, I was a college student in Philadelphia when a man dubbed the Swiss Cheese Pervert began cruising the streets of Philly.
00:03:29
Oh, no. In search of a woman to engage in sex acts with him and a slice of Swiss cheese.
00:03:34
Sorry, what? He exposed both the slice of Swiss and his genitals to four different women, all of whom declined.
00:03:41
Shocking, I know. Hold on. Yeah, let's question this. He's pulling out his dick.
00:03:48
Mm-hmm. That's a classic move of a pervert. Mm-hmm. Was that me? That was me. Okay.
00:03:55
Excuse me. Because I didn't feel it, so that would have been upsetting. He pulls out his dick, but then he also pulls out a slice of Swiss cheese and shows it as well.
00:04:04
I think he's like, eh, eh, eh. And he's hoping some woman's like, oh, my God, that's my exact fetish, too.
00:04:10
And I've always wanted to do that, but nobody's ever... So this was before the internet?
00:04:16
No, 2014. Oh, fuck. Dude. I mean, I hate to fucking be gross about this, but is the holes in Swiss cheese, is that what we're talking about?
00:04:26
Oh, my God. Did he have the Swiss cheese on his penis? Eh? Eh? Eh? And she's like, eh?
00:04:31
He's like, do you like deli? Okay. Are we talking thin sliced? What are we talking here?
00:04:36
Was it a triangle of Havarti? Was it Jarlsberger? Like, are we really going to Swiss town?
00:04:42
Are we going to go all the way to Switzerland? Are you going to pay the premium price of Swiss?
00:04:47
Or is this some Safeway Select piece of shit? Thank God Vince hates Swiss cheese.
00:04:53
Da-da-da-da-da, declined. However, two of the women were able to capture photos of him.
00:04:59
Not in a like, oh my God, in a like, oh my God. Yes. I'm sure cheese slices and all.
00:05:05
Wait, can I, while you read this, look it up? Yes. The Philadelphia police shared the images.
00:05:11
Oh my God, Karen, now. And naturally the pun started rolling in. leave the perv alone oh leave the provolone leave the perv alone oh leave the provolone
00:05:21
thank you honey i love this what a monster nice that's my favorite one so far jesus christ
00:05:28
classic and he probably saw this and blew his brains out b-l-u-e-u blew his brains out yeah
00:05:36
that's a that's a whole different school of cheese though from swiss i'm just saying we're
00:05:41
not close thematically what about um let's see what do we got here uh gouda gouda that's a gouda
00:05:50
looking your dick looks pretty gouda from here something like that there she is um can you can i see that he sitting in a car It so good He sitting in a car He sitting in a car with a shirt on but his pants off
00:06:08
He's dangling the cheese over his dock. This is a very specific thing that happened to him that makes him do this today.
00:06:17
I mean, he's not even creative enough to put his dick through the hole. No, he's just holding the cheese like it's his paperwork that says it's okay for him to show you his dick.
00:06:25
It's almost like he's like, hey, come eat this piece of cheese. I'm going to trick you.
00:06:29
And the women are like, I'm going to eat the piece of cheese. Oh, no, your dick is there.
00:06:32
Yeah, like you're a Labrador retriever where you're like, oh, I love cheese. Uh-oh.
00:06:36
There's a pill in this. And it's called your dick. It's called your dick. Your dick.
00:06:41
The man was identified and pled guilty to indecent exposure. He had arrests from 2006 and 2009 for similar cheese-related harassment.
00:06:48
No. several women came forward i should have read this last several women came forward i get why
00:06:54
steven wrote lighthearted because he's like read this last so you're not all depressed oh yeah
00:06:58
as was our absolute demand last week then steven you shouldn't have put it on top i'm just saying
00:07:04
i'm sorry um i'll read it again at the end uh contact him okay several women came forward that
00:07:12
had contact with him on dating web on dating websites where he would message them similar
00:07:16
proposition, sometimes going into detail about the various types of cheese he has
00:07:20
masturbated with and his conclusion that Swiss was the best because of the texture and the holes.
00:07:26
Can we please get to the holes? Hopefully the Swiss cheese pervert either learned his lesson or found a lady friend
00:07:32
who loves Swiss as much as he does. Neither of those things happen, I guarantee it.
00:07:36
Yep. Stay safe out there, friends. And remember that cheese is the adult version
00:07:40
of candy. Don't accept any from strangers, especially if they have their junk out. Love, Amanda.
00:07:45
P.S. Your show in Glenside was amazing. I'm still laughing about the 911 cow. Oh, yeah.
00:07:51
Oh, yeah. Someone already made a drawing of the 911 cow. The Amish 911 cow. Yeah.
00:07:56
Well, I eventually put Glenside out because that was, I think, one of our favorite live shows.
00:08:01
Oh, my God. The Swiss Cheese Pervert is now in my, I'd say, in my top three. Yeah.
00:08:06
I love knowing that that exists. I love seeing a picture of a man sitting in his car.
00:08:12
Here's the indignity of it all, which I feel like people maybe not, they don't think through of.
00:08:18
What would this picture look like? What does this look like to the person I'm presenting it to?
00:08:21
This is the digital age. Yeah. And so you need to be, at least throw some duck lips out there if you're going to do all the rest of it.
00:08:29
But also that slice of Swiss cheese was huge. It was huge. It was really large. Couldn't say the same for his dick, except I wouldn't know because there was a giant star over it.
00:08:40
Thank God. It was like a world star star right over that penis. I guess you don't want to think about dick and cheese in the same thing.
00:08:46
Dick and cheese. Anyway, it's unpleasant for sure. Also, he has kind of a gut, which almost says like, maybe I should get off dairy.
00:08:54
Right. You know, maybe there's something going on. Maybe he's lactose intolerant.
00:08:58
What if he's just like helpless to it? He's just like, these are the things I have to have.
00:09:03
I mean, I get it. I'm obsessed with cheese. I love cheese. I get it. You know how I am around a cheese plate.
00:09:11
You're kind of a Swiss, I mean, a cheese pervert yourself. I am a cheese pervert.
00:09:14
So when my allergist recently told me I had to lay off it, I almost punched him in the face.
00:09:19
But then he was like, okay, only cow milk. Like he gave me, he knew I couldn't do it.
00:09:22
Oh, well, I love goat cheese. That's not the worst news in the world. Goat's cheese.
00:09:27
What else is there? Buffalo cheese. Velveeta. That's not cheese. You're right. You can go right to that.
00:09:34
That's fair. With a dairy restriction. Okay. There's no subject line on this one.
00:09:39
But hey, guys, I was backpacking through Thailand last month and met a German tourist who shared a story with me that I thought you'd appreciate.
00:09:46
My new German friend was out swimming one day in Khoi Fifi. That's a full guest.
00:09:52
Sure. Or Khoi Fifi. Oy. Oy vey. Oy vey. Cover all your bases. This is an island on the south end of Thailand.
00:10:02
Somewhat later in the evening, suddenly a lady on the beach started shouting about a person floating out in the water that appeared to be drowning.
00:10:09
This person was floating just past the buoy line indicating the end of the designated swim zone.
00:10:14
I guess my new German friend had some previous lifeguarding experience and decided to be the hero and swim out to rescue him.
00:10:20
When he finally reached the person in the water, he realized that they were blue.
00:10:24
Yes, blue. And had a large gouge out of their forehead. The person he had swum out to save was actually a corpse and appeared to have been dead for some time.
00:10:34
the German guy dragged the body into shore upon further inspection of the corpse realized
00:10:41
he knew the guy. No! Yes, this man was on one of his tour groups only two days earlier. The authorities were called
00:10:49
and it was extrapolated that his was struck in the head by a boat while swimming outside the beach's
00:10:57
designated swim zone. Hope you enjoyed this story. Stay sexy and don't swim past the buoy line. Casey.
00:11:03
Oh man. Isn't that nuts? That's maybe one of the nutsest we've had. That's so nuts.
00:11:09
And what a weird feeling because you only know that person two days worth. Yeah.
00:11:13
But you also know them enough as a person to be like, holy, good God. And what a bummer way to go, man.
00:11:20
Hopefully it was fast. Yeah. And hopefully the boating person didn't know that he had just done that and then just kept
00:11:26
boating away into the fucking sunrise set. Did you? Sorry. Yes. You see, there's a sidebar article discussion.
00:11:35
They just discovered. Wait, what? They just discovered a shark. Oh, no. What's it going to be?
00:11:43
They just discovered a shark in Greenland that's 400 years old. No. And, Stephen, please find the picture.
00:11:51
Because it doesn't have any teeth. And its eyes are kind of like, what? It like someone kill me please It looks like a cartoon of a worried shark and it one of the funniest things I ever seen Just thinking of horrible ocean things
00:12:05
But there's also some great things happening in the ocean, too. Oh, an old man shark.
00:12:09
I've seen it. There's one picture that's from the teeth. You can see the mouth. He's like, enough already.
00:12:15
It's a woman, of course. She's like, enough already. She's like, kill me now. Like 300 years ago, I was done with this shit.
00:12:22
She's like, no, I can't join Tinder. Yeah, this water tastes like gasoline. Can I get out of here?
00:12:28
I swam around with everything. Isn't that the best? She's like, Trump's president.
00:12:32
Let me fucking leave this world already. Where's the one where? There's one where it literally looks like someone went and pulled every tooth out of her mouth.
00:12:40
How cute would a shark without teeth be? It's like a snake without venom. You'd be like, oh, you're going to bite me?
00:12:45
I know. Oh, you gum my arm. You funny little thing. You want some applesauce? You're scratching this shark.
00:12:52
400 years old, though. That's bananas. well the sharks are aliens steven brought up sharks with human teeth i think it was uh i forget
00:13:02
it was the shark tank murder in australia oh yeah yeah we should we like threw one of these up on
00:13:07
the stage just for fun the best listen they're aliens it's crazy look look listen okay this one
00:13:13
is uh called cat calling arson okay hi all let's just jump in yes let's learn so when i was 10 11
00:13:23
My older cousin and I were at her parents' house. It was mid-afternoon Sunday, and our parents had gone to church to work on some youth event.
00:13:30
We live in a fairly safe small-town southern community in North Carolina. My cousin's house had a large, unfurnished basement with sheets hanging up everywhere to separate all the hoarded junk sitting around.
00:13:41
That sounds creepy. Hiding their clutter as good southern people do. Nice. Just hanging sheets to hide your hoarding.
00:13:48
Just throw up a nice curtain mid-room. It's like a wall. Don't worry about it. even worry about it. I was helping my cousin
00:13:54
finish her list of chores and follow her downstairs to take another load of laundry down and grab
00:13:58
clothes out of the dryer. The washer and dryer are located in the back of the basement in a large
00:14:02
open room. So I'm folding clothes out of the basket and she's at the washer putting
00:14:06
another load and I hear this whistle. You know that, and this part speaks to my heart because I can't whistle.
00:14:12
So she says, you know that weet woot guys do when they're cock calling a lady on the street. And I fucking
00:14:18
whoo that one. I can't whistle so that's all I would be able to say can you uh there you go that and it scared
00:14:29
both the cats I think it's a way funnier and more attractive thing to just yell wheat woo
00:14:35
just like when I saw the wheat woo like typed out I was like I know what you're talking about
00:14:43
my cousin is mid-sentence so I look at her and go how did you do that and she turns around and
00:14:50
says what and i'm like whistle mid-sentence how did you do that she and i she whistles and said
00:14:55
you clearly whistled not me to which i deny because i can't whistle i still can't whistle
00:15:00
15 years later and then says i'm sitting on the couch fake whistling to confirm um and as we are
00:15:06
looking at each other with our mouths clearly not moving we both hear the whistle again we
00:15:11
picture in your mind this time it's so much creepier yeah this time i drop the clothes and
00:15:19
run tearing up the stairs with my cousin not far behind me we run up the stairs shutting the
00:15:23
basement door and locking it behind us oh we sorry i just put it together like i knew it factually but
00:15:30
i just put it together they're in a fucking basement they're in a basement and there's
00:15:33
sheets hanging all over hiding shit and they hear we you set the whole scene and then the second it
00:15:41
was the cat calling you're like outside outside in front of like a scaffolding like new york city
00:15:47
street they're home alone in a basement in a basement hoarding basement okay uh call her dad who laughs us off until he hears a we are clearly in panic and comes home from
00:15:57
church he's back within 10 minutes with a crowbar and my dad in tow behind him and they go to
00:16:01
investigate fuck yeah dad yes my cousin and i sit upstairs frozen until they call us down
00:16:06
to our horror the basement door that leads to outside is open which it clearly was not when
00:16:11
we were down there so someone was standing there in the dark behind one of those rooms curtained
00:16:15
off by sheets, whistling at two little girls, and hightailed it out the door, and we screamed
00:16:20
and ran up the stairs. My cousin's house burned down twice after that over a period of seven years.
00:16:27
What the fuck? Yeah. The first time, according to firefighters' official reports, the fire started downstairs
00:16:33
in the basement in the middle of a concrete floor, um, how, ruining all of downstairs
00:16:39
and the majority of everything they owned, so they rebuilt and finished the basement.
00:16:42
The second fire supposedly started upstairs in a bookshelf. No explanation of how or source.
00:16:48
No candles around. Nothing. Insurance later dropped them because they could not explain how the fire started and suspected arson.
00:16:55
Whoa. Needless to say, my cousin and I can't help but feel like that creepy Sunday afternoon whistle had something to do with the fires.
00:17:01
Oh, and they're still living in that house. Stay sexy. And if you hear a whistle, run or move, Lauren.
00:17:07
Holy shit. How creepy is that? Also because if it, say it just is, worst case scenario, it's some sex offender that's like hiding.
00:17:14
Yeah, like that's the worst case scenario is a sex offender hiding in the basement where two little girls are fucking doing laundry.
00:17:19
But then it would make sense. That's horrible. If that person continues to live and be in that house, that he's a fire stata.
00:17:27
Yeah. He's a fire stata. Fire stata. Wheat woo. Wheat woo. Name Mr. Wheat woo. Oh, Jerry Wheat woo.
00:17:34
He got out of jail six months ago. I'm not going to read you the subject line of this one because it'll give it away.
00:17:38
Okay. Hey Elvis, assorted other animals, humans, and Stephen's mustache. I think actually that's redundant and Stephen's mustache is assorted other animals, but I'm
00:17:50
not going to start criticizing right away. I don know why I hung on to this story for so long but since I recovering from pneumonia this week I guess I got time Anyway about 35 years ago I went to the Oakland Zoo with my parents who probably had no business being parents to be honest
00:18:05
I was only five or six, so I don't remember anything about this trip except this.
00:18:11
The zoo had a baby hippo named Mugs because he was sponsored by... No. What? Sorry.
00:18:19
Because he was sponsored by Mug Root Beer. oh my god that's the cutest thing i've ever heard why did they name him root beer it's like it's
00:18:28
the most uncreative thing you're just like mug mugs for mug root beer okay luckily it wasn't
00:18:37
named a and w because that would have been confusing hard for the children all right oh
00:18:42
parentheses i would love if anybody could confirm that they had a baby hippo named mugs but i swear
00:18:47
i'm not making this up okay close instagram comments yeah someone will answer that for you
00:18:52
Somebody might even have pictures. That's right. Because that's what I was looking at before we started.
00:18:56
I was trying to make sure there's the Oakland Zoo, but then there's also a place in Oakland
00:19:01
called Children's Fairyland that is, I think, 60 years old. Wow. And I couldn't remember if those two things were connected because I don't think I've
00:19:09
ever been to the Oakland Zoo, but we went to Children's Fairyland many times. That sounds so fun.
00:19:14
It is the best fucking place. My sister recently went there with her class and sent me pictures and all the stuff's the
00:19:21
same. because it's not brand. Yeah. So it's just like, there's one thing where there's a whale's mouth open
00:19:27
and then you walk into the whale's mouth to get to one of the, like to the show area or whatever.
00:19:33
I don't, I don't remember. I'm into it. Okay. Um, um, uh, and there's a water fountain
00:19:39
that you stick your head into a hippo's mouth to drink water. That's so cute. And that's what made me think of it anyway.
00:19:44
Maybe his name is Mugs. Maybe there's root beer. It's root beer. It's root beer.
00:19:47
It's root beer. That'd be amazing if all water fountains at like children's places like that.
00:19:53
Just high fructose corn syrup. It's just a bunch of tang coming out of a hippopotamus's mouth.
00:20:00
Okay. Anyway, of course there were signs that said something like, do not put arms and legs over the railing of the hippo pen.
00:20:07
So of course, what does my dad do? But put me right on the railing with my legs dangling over.
00:20:12
I guess nobody knew how dangerous hippos were back then. They absolutely didn't.
00:20:17
No. Are they super dangerous? They are super dangerous. They're the number one killer of tourists in Africa or in the Congo or something.
00:20:24
Yeah. Wherever people go to look at like animals, you know, in the wild in Africa, they kill
00:20:32
tourists the most because people think they're friendly and cute and ballerinas, but they're
00:20:36
not. Wait, they're not ballerinas? I'm sorry. But yeah, you've been introduced to many a cartoon hippo by thinking that it's a big
00:20:43
female hippo that also wants to be a ballerina. Isn't that funny and great? No. No?
00:20:48
It's not real. George, I'm sorry. Wait, listen, because this will make you happy.
00:20:55
Well, Muggs being curious and probably hungry came right up to me and swallowed me up to my waist.
00:21:03
Oh, dear. I began screaming. My mom began screaming at my dad and my dad started pounding on Muggs' snout.
00:21:10
I distinctly remember being covered in hippo slobber and the feel of the hippo's teeth clamping down on my legs.
00:21:17
everybody is losing their shit now and it seemed like forever but it was probably only a few seconds
00:21:22
but mugs who was probably confused as fuck yeah finally let go of me i guess i didn't taste too
00:21:28
good the even crazier part was there were no zookeepers around oh my god at least none that
00:21:34
i can remember totally traumatizing to kid me but pretty funny now anyway i love you all at mfm
00:21:41
thanks so much for the show stay sexy and don't get eaten by a baby hippo james from oakland
00:21:46
that's bananas like what if it had been a full-grown hippo i know what if it had been
00:21:53
i was trying to think of a funny thing instead of mug like a pint glass forget it uh liter bottle
00:21:58
yeah um no it's i mean if it was a full-grown hippo that little kid would have been gone i think
00:22:04
oh my god isn't that poor hippo is like what are you doing you just dangled food into my cage yeah
00:22:10
you basically gave me two steaks with some shoes on them you handed me a snack what am i supposed
00:22:15
Now you're hating me about it? You know what? I'm not doing ballet anymore. I quit.
00:22:20
I quit. Goodbye to the Nutcracker this year. That's right. You can find another fucking hippo.
00:22:25
Good luck. Dance your goddamn dance for you. I don't get to eat a five-year-old if I feel like it.
00:22:31
While the world watches the stars at the FIFA World Cup this summer, Hyundai has its eyes on the next generation of talent.
00:22:37
The future soccer stars who are already turning heads at age 14. Making plays that end up on everyone's feed.
00:22:43
Scoring from angles that don't make sense. rewriting record books that barely had time to gather dust.
00:22:48
Because Next doesn't wait for an invitation, and Hyundai doesn't either. Hyundai has always moved the future within reach.
00:22:53
Hyundai did it by making advanced safety standard on every vehicle. Hyundai did it by engineering EVs with ultra-fast charging capability.
00:23:01
And Hyundai continues doing it every day. From robotics that change how people live to young athletes changing the game,
00:23:07
the future isn't some far-off concept. It's already here. Next starts now. Hyundai, an official partner of FIFA.
00:23:14
Goodbye. When you're young, you don't really buy furniture. You either inherit something from your parents
00:23:19
or you just drag something in from the street like you're some kind of hipster raccoon.
00:23:24
When you're ready for furniture that you actually like, check out Article. Article offers the style and durability you want
00:23:30
at a price that actually makes sense. They take great care in curating their collection,
00:23:34
focusing on pieces that stand the test of time. There's no filler. Every item is chosen for craftsmanship,
00:23:40
design, and lasting value. And with Article's 30-day satisfaction guarantee, you can shop with confidence,
00:23:46
knowing that if you're not completely in love with your new furniture, you can easily return it.
00:23:50
Plus, Articles' customer care team is available seven days a week, offering knowledgeable support
00:23:54
and even free interior design services to help you get your home just right. Yes, please.
00:24:00
I'll kind of need that, like the eye of an expert. Yeah. Where should I put this?
00:24:03
And also, what should I move here and there? And what should I even get? But Article has it all, so you can get whatever there.
00:24:08
That's right. You could be like, I have this thing. Should I get this one or that one?
00:24:12
Totally. Am I Scandi or am I mid-century? Help me be boho chic, please. If you're in the market for a beautiful new sofa, dining table, or bed, head over to
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00:25:13
Goodbye. This is called My Mother's Ex-Boyfriend, the Cocaine Cowboy. Whoa. And then it says, hi.
00:25:23
You know when you date someone and break up and run into them years later only to be like, yikes, I really dodged a bullet there?
00:25:31
That happened to my mom, except she saw him in a newspaper and he was dead. Oh, no.
00:25:37
A few months ago, she told me about an ex of hers, Andrew Carter Thornton II, definitely bound to end up as some kind of criminal with that name.
00:25:45
They were introduced by a mutual friend and started dating. He was dashing, charming, well-educated, successful, worked for the DEA.
00:25:52
Uh-oh. and took her to great restaurants. That's all I fucking need. That's my only one.
00:25:57
Say no more. Ask no questions. Things were going well, but then the restaurants became seedier and seedier.
00:26:04
He started flaking a lot and his stories never really seemed to check out. When she asked what the deal was with that shit,
00:26:10
he said he was undercover for the DEA and couldn't be seen out or blow his cover.
00:26:15
That's a great story. She didn't buy it and said, bye girl to his shady ass. A few years later in 1985, she saw a headline in the newspaper and then parentheses says above the fold quote, she likes to say, meaning it's like front page.
00:26:32
That read, quote, cocaine and a dead bear. Her boy, Andrew, had jumped from his drug smuggling plane.
00:26:40
His first parachute hadn't opened for a mysterious and perhaps nefarious reason.
00:26:45
We'll never really know. His second clearly hadn't done the job and he was found dead in a Knoxville, Tennessee driveway.
00:26:52
His crash landing earned him the title of cocaine cowboy. Wow. According to the articles I read and lifted from,
00:26:57
he was found wearing a bulletproof vest and Gucci loafers, carrying a Browning 9mm automatic pistol,
00:27:04
a .22 caliber Derringer, ammunition, night vision goggles, books with names and codes, thousands of dollars in cash,
00:27:11
and six Cougarands, and then all caps, TREASURE! TREASURE! But only six? Yeah. I mean, that's why you fell from the fucking ground.
00:27:20
Those things are heavier. right? He sewed them into the lining of his jacket. He also had food rations and vitamins,
00:27:27
uh, and a compass and altimeter identification papers and two different names, a membership
00:27:33
card to the Miami jockey club and the key to the airplane. Miami jockey club, like horse jockey,
00:27:42
I guess What the fuck I don know Where was he Why do you need a compass at the jockey club Are you going to the forest Are you going to Germany Is that what an altimeter is I thought i said altimeter and i also said a compass is that why you thought that but i think altimeters are in planes i don that my guess i don know well i don never i don well i never
00:28:03
uh and then told anything relevant information and then it says oh also 77 pounds of cocaine
00:28:11
Oh, shit. For literally millions of dollars. You know the basics. Yeah. A few months later, the Georgia Bureau of Investigation reported that a dead 175-pound bear was found among 40 open containers of cocaine, matching the packaging used by Thornton.
00:28:28
Oh, no. The bear OD'd? This is that poor bear. It OD'd on the cocaine and had presumably been thrown from the plane mid-flight because it was carrying too much weight.
00:28:38
Wait, no. Let me read that again. that poor bear had odied on the cocaine that had presumably been thrown from the plane mid-flight
00:28:48
because it was carrying too much weight he's he's going down his checklist he's like cougarance
00:28:53
check altimeter check a bear check get the bear on his plane a bear on cocaine that poor bear oh
00:29:02
that poor bear turns out andrew was a former narcotics officer and suspended lawyer who had
00:29:07
not been undercover for the DEA, as he said, though he had worked for them at one point,
00:29:12
but instead had been on the run from them while he was dating my mom. Wow. He'd been working for a huge weapons and drug smuggling operation.
00:29:20
And according to one article, he became one of the highest ranking members. This whole story is allegedly part of a larger conspiracy regarding drug trafficking slash
00:29:28
the CIA slash a major weapons theft. But that could be a Minnesota in itself. So I'll just leave the story at that.
00:29:34
Stay sexy and don't leave your drugs where bears can get them. Sam. shit sam that was great that was legendary it's like a touch of db cooper totally it's a touch of
00:29:44
that story that you did on the tracks yes yeah oh my god oh my god and then of course bears and then
00:29:49
bears bear ods sorry for the uh animal nature people out there that we had to include that
00:29:57
no all bears were harmed in the making of this mini so but at the same time they harm themselves
00:30:03
and addiction is a disease. Say no to Coke. That poor bear thought it was like powdered sugar.
00:30:08
He's like, delicious cereal. I see him like diving, doing a dive. A perfect dive.
00:30:14
And then he's walking around smoking and talking. We're going to go to a restaurant.
00:30:17
We're going to go to a restaurant called Bear Essentials. It's all honey. Oh my God.
00:30:23
We got to get some bees in on this. Sticks his head in a beehive. Okay, the subject line of this is,
00:30:28
my grandpa is crazier than your grandpa. Hi. In the 1940s, my grandpa was a self-described hobo.
00:30:36
He used to hitchhike and ride around on trains looking for work during the school year when he was a teenager.
00:30:41
That sounds like so much fun. I mean, that's the life. And then he would come back to his parents' house during the summer to look after his little brother, Gary.
00:30:50
Every year, Gary would ask if he could go along. And when he turned 12 or 13, my grandpa finally agreed to take him.
00:30:56
Can we just talk about babies named Gary real quick? I just want to take a fucking moment to let everyone know
00:31:01
that there was like a child named Gary at one point in his life like a seven year old like it's me Gary
00:31:06
I just want to go on the train with you Gary it's me Gary stop it Gary will you help the baby Gary's crying
00:31:17
will you change Gary's diaper will you change Gary's diaper Gary spit up again Gary has a briefcase
00:31:26
he's only four his diapers are in his briefcase you just do the basics Gary's got all the
00:31:34
equipment go on with baby Gary baby Gary gets to go because it so long ago it was the 40s it says my grandpa finally agreed to take him 13 is basically an adult right So I actually just started talking through the end of that
00:31:55
paragraph instead of just reading it. So they're leaving their hometown of Walla Walla, Washington,
00:32:00
by the way of hitchhiking, they get picked up and my grandpa is quietly sitting in the back seat.
00:32:04
Well, Gary is making conversation with the driver. Gary 13. Gary is just working the driver.
00:32:09
at this point i should mention two things my grandpa is quiet and salty and he refuses to
00:32:15
comment on the story oh i love him gary is the only one who will talk about it spoiler alert
00:32:20
they both survive okay so this guy is driving and he takes an unexpected turn gary says something
00:32:26
about it and the guy doesn't respond then gary goes seriously mister seriously mister you're
00:32:32
headed down the wrong way and the man tells gary shut the fuck up and turns down a forested road
00:32:37
toward the mountains. After another minute or two, Gary asks the man to let them out. And the guy produces
00:32:43
a pistol, points it at Gary and says you'll get out when I say you'll get out. Oh no. At which point, Gary
00:32:49
hears a click from the back of the car. My grandpa is pointing a gun at the man.
00:32:53
Holy shit! And then it just says in quotes, in quotation, no, I think we'll get out here.
00:32:59
Believe it or not, the guy was convinced and he let them go. Oh. Gary decided the hobo life wasn't for him
00:33:05
and to this day, granddad won't tell anyone where he got the gun. SSDGM, Casey Jane.
00:33:12
P.S. Looking forward to seeing you in San Francisco this October. What about this for a fucking Twisteroo?
00:33:19
Yes. What if Gary, what's the grandpa's name? It just says grandpa. What if grandpa, teenage grandpa, did it on purpose to scare Gary from ever coming again?
00:33:30
Yes. Right? Oh, my God. And then Gary's like, I want to go back home. And grandpa's like, well, teenage grandpa.
00:33:35
I'm teenage grandpa. I got to get going my own, Gary. And the friend that's like, I'm scary, random man from the car.
00:33:44
There's problems because like, why does teenage grandpa know this creepy old man?
00:33:48
Anyway, but that's not where. I mean, that's the hobo life. They're not ageist. You know, people, you have friends.
00:33:53
You can start young. You can end old. You do it however you want. That's great. I love that the grandpa won't comment on it.
00:34:02
I know. You got to have a gun with you if you're going to be like a fucking traveling hobo.
00:34:06
He doesn't have a piece or a switchblade. You get it? And also how smart of him to sit in the back seat.
00:34:11
Yeah. It's like whatever happens here. Also, Gary's just totally a front seat bait.
00:34:16
Chit chat. He's just like, well, yeah, go ahead and go up and sit up there. Go sit next to the old man, pepper him with questions.
00:34:23
See how he responds. I'm not going to read you the subject line. Hello, beautiful ladies, Stephen, and fur babies.
00:34:31
I was listening to the minisode when you read the story about the girl trying to scare her
00:34:35
grandmother, but instead it was someone trying to break in. And it reminded me of this story.
00:34:39
Both my brother and his wife used to be cops. They both switched professions and are firefighters.
00:34:43
Now they've always taught their kids what to do in emergency situations. One day, my niece,
00:34:48
who was about 10 years old at the time, was at her friend's house. Well, while there,
00:34:53
someone broke into her friend's house and threatened everyone inside. My niece was able
00:34:57
to sneak away and head home. But instead of calling for help, she grabbed my brother's gun,
00:35:03
loaded it and went back to her friend's house why they live next door she walked in aimed the gun at
00:35:09
the man and told him to get out of the house luckily this was enough to scare away the man
00:35:14
and he left without harming anyone holy 10 years old needless to say my brother and his wife were
00:35:21
both proud and horrified found out what happened and needless to say they moved their guns to a
00:35:28
different location locked them up and had a long chat with their kids about the correct way to
00:35:32
handle a situation like that. Telling them about how to defend yourself but didn start with number one call the police yes you not the police you 10 you in a fourth grade and you don have to take this on this is not this
00:35:48
is for yours yeah although you did you did therefore you're the most badass 10 year old
00:35:54
of all time and i will never stop smiling because i've heard your story stay sexy and teach your
00:35:59
kids to call 911 instead of taking on a burglar by yourself. Sherry. Amazing. I, I love that 10
00:36:07
year old girl. I'm sorry. One kid, just one. Maybe I'll have one 10 year old. I'll just have a 10
00:36:13
year old. I picture this little girl. This is when I first read this and I could not stop giggling.
00:36:18
I pictured that it's like a terrible home invasion scene. And, and I picture a little
00:36:23
girl with pigtails sliding backwards over the back of a couch. Like when no one's looking like
00:36:28
a slug just kind of sliding back maybe she uh she's uh double jointed and just kind of puts all
00:36:33
of her things at a joint very circus style yeah she's cirque de soleil backwards over the couch
00:36:39
she becomes liquid she's liquids out the door form of an ice cube shape of um and but then it's
00:36:47
pigtails kicking the door in yeah with the gun going get out of this motherfucking house
00:36:53
she's got braces please motherfucker please motherfucker she takes out a retainer
00:36:58
so she can say it really clearly oh I just love it amen children do not touch guns
00:37:05
don't fuck lock up your guns everyone everybody lock your guns children never touch guns
00:37:10
it's not don't touch guns we don't think it's cool also don't listen to this podcast if you're a child
00:37:15
get the fuck out of here what are you doing 10 get out of here except for you little little hero
00:37:21
yeah a little punky you little Badass, punky Bruce DeHero. Wow. Those were, what a great batch.
00:37:26
Those were a great batch. Send your great batch to My Favorite Murder at Gmail. Oh,
00:37:30
and also you can go now on our new, brand new, pretty sparkly website and just submit there
00:37:35
somewhere. Yes, that's right. You can go directly at www.myfavoritemurder.com slash gov.
00:37:44
Thanks for listening and sending in your stuff. And stay sexy. And don't get murdered.
00:37:48
Goodbye. Elvis, you want a cookie? wow I didn't know that one if audiobooks are your thing
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