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182 - Something Kevin-y (The Book Q&A)

July 18, 2019 /

This episode of My Favorite Murder features hosts Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark discussing their recent book, Stay Sexy, Don't Get Murdered. They answer fan questions about their writing process, personal experiences, and the reactions to their book. Topics include their friendship, mental health, and the challenges of sharing personal stories.

Karen shares her journey with sobriety and the impact of her health issues on her drinking habits. She emphasizes the importance of being open about her experiences without labeling herself as part of a program. Georgia discusses her admiration for authors like Douglas Adams and the significance of their literary influences.

The hosts reflect on the surprising reactions from their families regarding the book, including political comments from Karen's mother and the emotional responses from their parents. They also talk about the dynamics of their friendship while working together on the book and how therapy has helped them navigate their relationship.

Listeners hear about the challenges of maintaining a friendship amid their success, the importance of vulnerability in their writing, and the positive feedback they've received from fans. They express gratitude for the support and discuss the emotional weight of sharing personal stories.

The episode wraps up with light-hearted banter and a reminder of their appreciation for their audience, emphasizing the fun and surreal nature of their podcasting journey.

TLDR

Karen and Georgia discuss their book, personal stories, family reactions, and the dynamics of their friendship while answering fan questions.

Episode

48:14
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Terms and conditions apply. See Pandora.net for more details. Goodbye. Hello. Hello, you guys. Hello. Welcome to this middle of the summer. Oh, God. Episode of my favorite murder. The podcast. The podcast that's on vacation. That's right. So what are we doing talking to you here? Well, we missed you guys. We miss you deeply. We're sorry to be away. Yeah, we're coming back. Yeah. But in this way, that's we just needed a minute. Like we're having a moment. We were so fucking overwhelmed. And I feel better already. Oh, my God.
00:02:19
You should see my skin. It's glowing. Greenish. It's got a greenish hue. I'm sweating and I've starred in Chernobyl.
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Yeah. So we decided we would do a new recording so that if you missed us, you wouldn't be mad anymore.
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Yeah. So we're going to do a Q&A episode specifically about the book. And on the fan cult, a bunch of people wrote in on the forum questions about the book.
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We haven't seen them. Yeah. We're just going to read off of paper that we haven't looked at.
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But that's the level of vacation we're on. Yeah. We're kind of come in and read off a piece of paper level.
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That's what we always do. But first of all, can we just say thank you so much for the overwhelming feedback and support for this book.
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We've said it a million times, but it was hard to write. It was hard to release, like expose ourselves.
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And we knew you'd be there for us. But I was definitely surprised at the amount of positive feedback and people saying that they loved it is so lovely.
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It is. We really appreciate it. It's overwhelming. We feel so grateful that we got you guys to support us because you're so supportive.
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Yeah. And that was a really hard thing to do. You're supportive of our dirty little secret.
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Yeah. Thank you. You're like the best moms ever. Can we turn that light on? Or can we read?
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Yeah. Let's get in the mood. Yeah. The moodiness. Stephen, light the disco ball as we read your questions about our book, Stay Sexy, Don't Get Murdered, featuring Paul Giamatti.
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That's right. That's now the full official title, by the way. Do you want to go first?
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Sure. Ask me a question and we'll both answer it. Okay, great. The first question on this piece of paper Stephen printed for us is from ZZ.
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Oh, I have plenty of questions, but the most pressing, to Karen, when did you join AA?
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You mentioned the trip to the hospital where you realized 12 drinks every night is 10 too many for a body to handle.
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I'm wondering how long between this realization, the start of AA and the journey in between that brought you there.
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So I'll stop there because now there's a to Georgia. I'll stop there and answer it.
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I am not in AA. I try to tell people this when we do our meet and greets. I am not in a program.
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I stopped drinking because I started having seizures. And later I joined a 12 step program for eating disorders, which helped me immensely.
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I've gone back to and dropped out of because, of course, it's very, very difficult.
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But I got a lot of recovery in that program, have never gone to a for for quitting alcohol.
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But not because it was so simple, but because having seizures scared me so badly that for a long time,
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I was like, I'm never going to drink again. I've had like a glass of champagne at weddings here and
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there over the years, because it's been since 1997. But it always makes me sick, or I get drunk
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really fast in a weird way, and then don't like it. I think it's really cool. And I always have
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that you you make sure to tell people that you are not in the program. You don't want to like
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you're not trying to trick anyone being like, I'm sober, Karen, you're just really straightforward
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word about what works for you. Yeah, what works for you. And it doesn't, you know, that might not
00:05:35
work for that probably won't work for most people who have alcohol problems, right? But you're open
00:05:40
and clear about it. I think that's cool. Yeah, thank you. I mean, it's a big, it's a big thing.
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And I think if you are in a place where you feel like you need help, and it's out of your control,
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I absolutely recommend 12 step programs, because the structure and the community,
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it makes you see that this is a thing that you can let go of And you not alone Yes exactly It very common and there lots of people there with good help
00:06:06
But, yeah, I've never claimed to be an AA for that. Probably the misunderstanding is me talking about 12-step programs,
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and I was talking about the ones for eating disorders, which also have a lot of great help.
00:06:21
So, yeah, that's my journey to Georgia. Is there another author that you would love to meet?
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Loved how your passion for reading was present throughout the book. Absolutely jealous you had the best chance to meet Ray Bradbury legend.
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You guys are the bestest. You too, Stephen, in parentheses. Yeah, my other favorite author is Douglas Adams, who wrote Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
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He's also deceased. So, you know, this is a who would you have dinner with? Like game living or dead.
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Yeah. Yeah, and he is just so hilarious and funny with that British wit and sense of humor.
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I highly recommend listening to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy audiobooks, which he reads and are so fucking...
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The author reads them himself? Douglas Adams reads them. That's awesome. He's so fucking cool and funny and entertaining.
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And I would just cry meeting him. Awesome. Yeah. Okay, you're right. What reactions to the book being released have surprised you?
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Can we talk about my mom's reaction? It's up to you. This is from Kat. Also, do you think everyone has read your book, then immediately read Daring Greatly?
00:07:31
Love you both so much. I think Brene Brown owes us royalties. Yep. And we're going to need...
00:07:37
An honorary doctorate. That's right. And we're going to want our own TED Talk. And we're going to...
00:07:42
And we're going to... And I want to... Love it. So my mom texts... But the weirdest reaction, I think, has been from my mom who text me and Karen on the thread together how she has your number.
00:07:55
I'm sorry. I gave it to her. OK, good. Yeah. That said, Karen said, Georgia, I love this part that you wrote and then wrote, Karen, you don't know this, but you're you're a right winger because us right wingers have the same philosophy of you that lefties are lazy and need to pick themselves up off their own boot.
00:08:14
It was like some rant about. It was about being responsibility. Right. But against left wing people who are liberal like you and I.
00:08:24
Yeah. And I got so fucking angry at her. I responded mom, period. And then I got a different thread with her and just fucking went off on her and was like,
00:08:32
Karen wrote about her mother fucking dying of Alzheimer's. And you have the gall to call her to call that out.
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Anyway, just to make it political. Make it political, which I've asked you not to do.
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But I would say this. Yeah. I mean, it's my mom. So, of course, I'm going to get mad.
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It's your mom. And also, families always think, and when you're that close with people, they always think they can be the ones that say things.
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Because especially with parents, they always think they're smarter than you. Right.
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So, they're, like, going to inform you about what you can't see about yourself. Right.
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And I think she was just trying to be, like, in it with us maybe a little bit. I don't know.
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I didn't. I don't care. I know you don't. I feel like so many people have been radicalized with this political thing.
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And there are people that are feeling things they haven't felt in years because they suddenly belong.
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And everything is real clear and black and white and simple. And that's when you know, if things are black and white and simple, that's when you know you're in a bad place.
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Yeah. There's no nuance. No, there's no context. There's no subtlety. There's no gradient.
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Could it be this or this? That's a good point. Um, you know, and that's a lot of people are scared these days.
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I'm not making apologies for anybody. Uh, absolutely. I, and I will say this, if we're, if let's throw parents under the bus, my dad, my dad
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texted me after he read it and said, didn't tell me he was reading it. Didn't say anything.
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And then he just, all he texted me was, when were you a latchkey kid? Out of nowhere.
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Oh my God. And I said, dad, it's too late. Yeah. It's too late. This is not a discussion anymore.
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But I mean, he really it's funny. He's he's always had that a little bit of like, oh, yeah, I don't I don't know about how we did.
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My parents just did what they what they had to do and what was done at the time and what was very common.
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Yeah. But it was really funny because he was like, I thought latchkey meant that you didn't have parents and you didn't you were just in the apartment by yourself.
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It's just light neglect is all it is. Exactly. It's just like you, everybody in the 80s who were just like, you know, get home yourself.
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And if you can jump in a van on the way, so be it. Okay, you want to ask a question?
00:10:44
Let's see. This one's from Bad Granny. Okay. I want to know more about how Karen and Georgia managed to maintain and apparently grow their friendship while also writing a book together.
00:10:54
Man, I don't like group projects. And I don't know if any of my relationships would survive working with me on a long term, important, deadline driven writing project.
00:11:04
Look, I know I'm the problem in these situations, but it's only because I am almost always right and usually belligerently wrong on those rare occasions when I might be wrong.
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How did they do it? Bad granny. Bad granny. Great questions. Such a good question.
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We don't know. Do you know? I feel like that's when we started going to therapy, right?
00:11:23
Right. But it was also like if we were stacking up big responsibilities, that was like the third brick in the stack.
00:11:30
Yeah. We were in the mode of make it work, get it done. Yeah. And I think that the key to it was when we realized the book should be like the show and we should be writing our own essay.
00:11:41
Right. Because, yeah, no one writes a memoir together unless you have like a ghostwriter or something.
00:11:48
We have completely different writing styles, you know. And also I think that throughout the whole thing the podcast and everything is that it was so quickly successful that we kind of there was no like backing down Right We both kind of knew we had to move forward And there was a good reason to which is you know making it work
00:12:08
Yes, that's right. And I think that we did go into therapy and talking stuff through for me anyway.
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It felt like that thing of like we both knew that whatever the problems were in the interim, big picture, we wanted it to work.
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We wanted to be happy and we wanted to take the success and not like basically what I was always afraid of, but also sabotage.
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Oh, right. Where it's like she made me do quit or any of that bullshit that I've definitely done in the past.
00:12:40
Yeah. Yeah. But I think that sabotage thing is right. We have this amazing chance.
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This is the first, you know, this is what I've been praying for. Yeah. You can't fucking just walk away and be like, well, fuck you then.
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Which is like my instinct all the time. All the time. Fuck everything. Well, also, it makes you start thinking and like we won't get so far into it.
00:12:59
But it also makes you go like when you fight about things, what are you actually fighting about as opposed to the topic?
00:13:04
Yeah. Because you're never fighting about the topic. Yeah. What is it really? It's always like anger or hurt.
00:13:10
Hurt and control and fear. Yeah. And fear. Yeah. I don't like talking about any of those things or admitting to any of those.
00:13:19
Me neither. But we have to. Oh, that makes you a righty. Okay. Um, well, here's another one.
00:13:28
Was there ever a time in the last three years that the two of you almost called it quits
00:13:32
because their relationship wasn't working? This is from Irish Amy five. She says that's a lot of time together between podcasts, book writing and touring.
00:13:40
Yeah. Yeah. A lot of time. Yeah. I don't. I feel like as angry as we've gotten at each other or like the fights that we've been in.
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Yeah. And I think it's always a power move to be like, I'm going to walk away. Like, everybody has that ace up their sleeve.
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Always. Totally. We got like a third party in to be the neutral negotiator early enough.
00:14:03
Yeah. That that was not no longer the card that was ever going to get played. Right.
00:14:07
Was like, fuck you. You don't want to make the shirt I want or whatever. Yeah. And then also, it's like, you know, that walking away makes it your own fault kind of, too.
00:14:17
Or it's like you just decided not to work on yourself anymore. I think having Vince for me, too, to like bitch to and then for him to be the voice of reason to me as well has been really helpful.
00:14:27
And I'm sure, you know, who you bitch to has a love of fucking head. Lizzie. Oh, the Lord on high.
00:14:34
Steven. Yeah, that's true. You have to. Yeah. But you know what? You know what I was thinking recently, too, is because we've talked about this before, too.
00:14:42
It would be a lot for a friendship. yeah but this basically i feel like we skipped from acquaintanceship to sisterhood we're totally
00:14:50
sisters we're sister and it's almost like rougher because you know i could say anything to my
00:14:55
fucking sister and guess what bitch you're still related to me that's right you know that's right
00:14:59
and that's good that's the situation we are in where it's kind of like still have to do the show
00:15:04
right still have to do the show but it's good because i have all my life had the habit of
00:15:11
walking away of like, I'll throw the I'll fucking flip the table with the monopoly set on it
00:15:15
happily and ruin the rest of vacation. Like, I love chaos. And I love drama. Yeah. And so to have
00:15:22
to be in a situation where it's that thing, and I'm sorry, but this is like the Ram Dass podcast,
00:15:28
I'm listening to all the time, you find your guru, and you find the person that needs to teach you
00:15:32
what you need to learn. Yeah. And that's how life goes, I believe. Yeah. So I just had to start
00:15:38
going in the in my most stressed in my most like using macaroni uh macaroni and cheese as drugs
00:15:45
yeah that's when i was like what what am i supposed to actually be i'm supposed to be
00:15:51
changing right i'm not supposed to be holding the line i'm supposed to be changing and growing so
00:15:56
how about i do that fine yeah fine what that is yeah eat the mac eat a little bit of the mac and
00:16:01
cheese it's fine yeah but there's better things yeah and it's like ultimately don't be so scared
00:16:07
of growing. It's not that bad. Yeah, it's not. If you're always on the lookout for a great
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Quince.com slash MFM. Goodbye. So this is from Cece Luz. Is there anything you are wishing you had not written?
00:19:05
Now that it's out. Or the reverse of this. And just a comment, Georgia, I don't know how many times I have heard you talk about Kim's observation of the altar of self-doubt.
00:19:15
But I've always been like, yeah, yeah, got it. Have some confidence, got it. But after reading your fuller thoughts on this, I get it.
00:19:22
So much more than a matter of self-esteem, but a call to jump in, really jump in.
00:19:28
Makes me happy to hear that she herself realized it was a breakthrough moment, like a goddamn real-life goodwill hunting our ordinary people.
00:19:35
And it's a testament to your writing and explanation that I finally understood. Thanks, Stephen. You're a gem.
00:19:42
Thank you. That's so nice to hear. It's so, the thing about the writing the book is that I really want, we really wanted to come across and get our thoughts and feelings across.
00:19:53
And especially in that chapter, when I'm writing about therapy and depression and anxiety and like the most, I mean, the most prevalent, you know, part of my life, I really wanted to make it clear.
00:20:04
So that was really fucking hard. And I'm, I think I'm happiest with that chapter than I am with any other chapters.
00:20:11
I like politeness too. and is there anything you regret writing i regret i wrote about taking my top off for a photographer
00:20:19
and i'm so fucking glad i did like i don't i don't regret that at all you shouldn't because
00:20:24
that's the part people talk to you about yeah a lot yeah and that came up almost like it feels
00:20:29
like every interviewer people asked us about it yeah um because i think it happens yeah you know
00:20:34
what about you there is no in the at the end first of all i don't remember what i wrote and
00:20:40
I haven't reread it. And in 10 years, I'll probably read it. And then I'll be all happy.
00:20:43
And I'd be able to answer any question you want. But I think the way that came out, I kind of honor
00:20:49
the that's how it is with making stuff and creativity. Sometimes it has to come out as
00:20:56
it comes out. And you don't get to it's not about it being this perfect thing or saying making the
00:21:01
perfect statement. It's like, it's about getting out the thing that you need to say. So, you know,
00:21:07
part of me regrets all of it because that was private and I don't like being I don't like that
00:21:12
public life it's so exposed it's so exposed but uh and that's all I was kind of thinking about
00:21:19
beforehand but since we talked to people face to face clearly it was exactly how it was supposed
00:21:26
to happen right so yeah not yet good no regrets yet good but I'll always hold out for some space
00:21:32
for regret. Oh, it's always got to be there. Karen. Yeah, this is from Jean Marie Gibson.
00:21:38
Every time you talk or write about your mother, you share with all of us the joy, humor and wit
00:21:43
that she had and the honest struggles and hardships of her illness. I feel very honored that you have
00:21:48
shared so much of her with us and trust us with her legacy. If you had to pick one word to sum up
00:21:54
the wonder that is Pat Kilgareth, what word would you choose? I mean, badass. Yeah, she really was
00:22:01
like, and thank you. That's lovely. It's also when someone dies of Alzheimer's, they go away
00:22:13
in slow motion. So writing those chapters about her, I got to remember her from like,
00:22:21
when she was like my active daily mom every day, and really go into those memories. And it was like,
00:22:28
You know, there's parts of our brain that when you think of something, you're there.
00:22:33
It like really delivers you to that space and that time. And it got I got to like take that chunk and then kind of put it and replace it with these the more recent memories where I really didn't like that person, which there's a lot of guilt around that.
00:22:50
And people that have to be around relatives who have Alzheimer's, you don't like the sick person.
00:22:57
because they're really hard to be around and it isn't them. Yeah. So, yeah. Thank you for the reception of my real version of my mom.
00:23:08
Yeah. Who was the opposite of how she was when she was sick. So there was just this real additional layer of the bummer kind of.
00:23:16
Yeah. Well, it was great. I mean, we really got to know her in the book and it was like fun.
00:23:21
And she, I can't tell you how much she would be loving this. Like my mom was the mom that if you had dinner at our house when we were in high school, she would like whoever my friend was that she brought over for dinner.
00:23:32
She'd be like, do you want a glass of wine? She was always like trying to be be the cool mom and the fun mom and the like mom you could talk to.
00:23:39
And people really treated her that way. Like she people, my my friends and my sister's friends would like confide in my mom and tell her problems.
00:23:49
And my mom would just be like, hey, listen, here's the deal. You've got to blow.
00:23:52
Like she was really good at it. So, you know what I think? My reaction to my mom's text is...
00:24:00
Part of that was like, I'm kind of it makes me feel guilty and sad that you're that it's my mom who gets to react to it.
00:24:10
And that's how she fucking does it. Instead, your mom would probably be like my dad, which is full of praise and everything.
00:24:18
But that I will remind you not to argue. But that was one moment. She had lots of other reactions.
00:24:23
She was there at the book launch in New York, which again, thank you, everybody at Forge and McMillan.
00:24:30
They rented us. I don't know if we even got to talk about this because it was on break time, but rented us.
00:24:36
We had the back room, like the private book room. The rare books room. At the Strand Bookstore in New York City, which is a very big fucking deal to us anyway.
00:24:45
And Janet flew out and was there and was stoked. She was going around the room. She talked to everybody.
00:24:52
took photos of just the most inane random i know she was so proud great mom energy to that day
00:24:58
and like in a very grounding way where sometimes we go through this stuff and i'm just like i don't
00:25:04
know what the fuck's happening it's like getting on an elevator and then you're just like okay bye
00:25:08
okay this is fun to watch it through other people's eyes too because when like you see a
00:25:13
friend or someone who's like like i have a emily gordon my friend was at um a family vacation and
00:25:19
her like niece was like freaked out that we knew and she was like I didn't realize how crazy it was
00:25:25
until my niece wants a signed copy of your book and couldn't believe that I know you right shit
00:25:30
yeah okay right I guess I just wish my mom had said something encouraging and and nicer because
00:25:37
it's you know I feel bad that your mom doesn't get to enjoy it too and yet and then my mom swoops
00:25:42
in with some fucking political comment look though that's just this is where this is where we are yeah
00:25:47
And, you know, who knows? My mom could have said something passive aggressive. Like she was no fucking saint.
00:25:53
There were definitely minuses. Like, you know, it's it's not it's not that it's not that I know Janet like Janet's super
00:26:00
proud of us. And she was thrilled after that. I'm here. Here's another one for you.
00:26:04
OK, Karen. Did you find it easy to date again after divorce? I'm going through a divorce now and feeling ready to date, but I don't know how to shake
00:26:13
the weird guilt I feel. And this is from V. McTernan. Oh, my God. That's a that's a great question. I don't know if I'm the best person to ask, though, because before like I've never dated. I was a comic and an alcoholic. So I came up in my 20s.
00:26:31
So you're a catch. basically yes who wants to take me home so it was always just like suddenly there was a guy that
00:26:38
didn't leave is what it felt like to me um so when i would say not only did i find it hard to date
00:26:44
after i got a divorce i had no idea what was going on on top of which oh and this is something i don't
00:26:51
know how old you are what's her name v uh-huh v but times have changed and like even in a very
00:26:57
short amount of time, like five years, I made a joke to this guy once about, hey, now you
00:27:03
can call me. And his face dropped. It was as if I had gotten down on one knee and asked him to marry me.
00:27:08
And that's when I realized, oh, no one calls each other anymore. It's only texting.
00:27:12
Texting and apps and fucking. Texting and apps and distance and ghosting. And if I like you, I'm going to wait two weeks, but I probably won't even get a hold of you
00:27:20
anyway. Because there's someone better out there and I want to date them. Yes. It's a fucking nightmare.
00:27:24
So if you meet someone you like, freak out for it. Yeah. Freak out. Start screaming.
00:27:30
Yeah. But don't I'd say then don't jump into it like with everything because like go slow, probably.
00:27:37
Go slow. And also, yeah, save it. Like, I mean, I'm still talking about my therapy to my therapist about it because there was a time where I said to her, like, I just won't be able to.
00:27:47
So unless someone literally rings my doorbell, I can't do this. Well, I think that's a good thing to say, too, is that to let your close friends and trusted friends know that you're dating again.
00:27:55
So if they know of anyone, keep you in mind. Yeah. And that way you're not doing the apps.
00:28:00
You're not trying to meet someone at a bar called Turkey, which is, you know, that they're thinking of you and thinking of their single friends.
00:28:06
Right. And also, here's something I think is really helpful. And I can't remember if I read this or someone said it to me, but it only really works out once, twice, if you're lucky, three times at all.
00:28:18
Yeah. So you can't get discouraged every time someone isn't into you or you're not into another person.
00:28:23
That's a great point. It rarely works out. So if it finally does, just know that it's like it.
00:28:29
You should you should expect either rejection or disappointment. It's kind of the name of the game.
00:28:35
Try to have fun in the meantime. Keep it light. Keep it light and keep it moving.
00:28:40
And, you know, my finally we developed the plan. I think my friend Bradford and I have to always have five crushes.
00:28:46
crushes so that somebody disappears or lets you down or whatever you can move on down the line
00:28:51
love it and just and do that until it feels like you shouldn't do that anymore i met vince three
00:28:56
months after i ended my engagement really my ex three months later and i was dating someone else
00:29:01
and i met him and like that night was like sorry dude we're not dating anymore i was like this guy
00:29:07
yes yeah just you never know when it's gonna that's the thing too i always tell my friends
00:29:11
too is like it it takes one it could be a one night that changes it all yeah you know it's not
00:29:17
like you have to it's going to be the next two years of your life you can randomly fucking run
00:29:21
into someone and meet someone and suddenly you're with them now you know yes like you just don't
00:29:26
know so with that being said I mean let's just keep on talking about this but um the one thing
00:29:32
I do like either regret or uh keep try to keep aware of now is I am a huge along with you know
00:29:41
all of my addictions and food and alcohol and whatever. I'm a huge isolator. It's like the only
00:29:46
it's like I get overwhelmed. And that's all I can do is just like everybody leave me alone.
00:29:51
You have to go out and just be around. You don't have to go on dates. Just be in public Just be go to the movies with your friends spend time with people stay with people Stay social Because really what I ended up doing was I was completely isolating
00:30:06
And then the times where I would meet someone that I liked, it became this huge deal that felt like I can't handle how big this is.
00:30:13
Because you had no other life. You were relying on this person to be your life. And that is so scary and overwhelming.
00:30:18
But when you have this big full life with friends and options and crushes, then that one dude that you meet that maybe isn't that great even.
00:30:26
You don't know. You can't know until you know. And also when you come at someone with that energy.
00:30:31
Oh, God, yeah. Even if they think you're the coolest person in the world, they will run the fuck away.
00:30:35
When it's like, it's you, the one that's going to save me. I'm a crazy person. You go.
00:30:40
Oh, this is good. This is from Sherry. What's the story of how you got sweet baby Angel Paul Giamatti to do the audio book?
00:30:47
You said in the previous Q&A how hard it was to write the book. How hard was it to record the audio book to read your written words?
00:30:54
The book is great, but you really need to get the audio book in here. Oh, she's just talking to everybody.
00:31:00
And hear Georgia and Karen and Paul tell you the stories. So much more emotional hearing it than reading it for me.
00:31:06
Thank you. Karen's joked about Paul Giamatti a few times in like, who's going to play you in a movie of her life?
00:31:14
Karen says Paul Giamatti. and then we were being asked, oh, are you guys going to record the audio book?
00:31:19
Right. And on Twitter and shit, which I think drove you crazy. Well, yeah, it's just like, what else do we do but talking to microphones and our own book?
00:31:28
But so I made the very sarcastic joke that it would be Paul Giamatti reading the audio book.
00:31:35
And then I would say it was like a couple months later. It wasn't immediate. I woke up one morning and had an email in my inbox from Paul Giamatti, which was,
00:31:44
and it was basically him saying hey I heard you guys talked about me I'm so honored I love the show
00:31:49
which was of course in and of itself crazy and awesome and you thought it was fucking fake which
00:31:55
I thought it was fake because I come from a long line of 90s comedians who absolutely would do that
00:32:01
to you yeah make you answer and then make fun of you for being excited so I started to write back
00:32:08
an email that said hey you know what fuck you whoever this is because I didn't recognize the
00:32:12
email and it was like whoever this is your dick and like fuck you and then i thank god uh hit pause
00:32:20
and was like now hold on yeah because who knows because this life has been fucking crazy the past
00:32:25
couple years so it might it could be paul giamatti it could don't tell paul giamatti to fuck off yet
00:32:30
like put a 48 hour hold on make sure it's actually paul giamatti you're telling to fuck off and not
00:32:35
some random comedian really get specific so when i finally answered the email i basically said this
00:32:40
is thrilling we think you're the best and if you do want to know why we were talking about you
00:32:45
and if you do want to be a part of the audiobook we would love it sorry to be yeah gross and ask
00:32:52
you for something hollywood ask but might as well do it and he immediately wrote back i'd love to
00:32:57
sounds great like it was the easiest booking in the world yeah um and then he actually came through
00:33:02
and did it which i mean we weren't there for it we didn't we haven't met him yet we haven't met
00:33:07
him we don't he just did this thing this like favor for it was a favor it was a huge favor and
00:33:12
he has what do you have billions billions millions is it billion billions he has millions and billions
00:33:21
of dollars probably he has plenty of shit to do yeah and he took the time we still haven't sent
00:33:27
him like a gift basket or anything we talked about a muffin basket even get him an edible
00:33:32
arrangement. Oh, yeah, Jay. Can you send... I love Stephen was like, that's not my
00:33:37
fucking job anymore. Now, we called Stephen and Stephen calls Jay. That's now the order.
00:33:41
I think the edible arrangement where it's pineapple dipped in dark chocolate is probably... We're not going to scrimp. No way.
00:33:47
We're going to splurge on Giamatti. That's right. Every time I talk about Paul Giamatti, I think I've said this.
00:33:53
My dad, if I mention his name to my father, my father says, I've ever heard about his father?
00:33:59
And then he starts to lecture me about Paul Giamatti's father who owned a baseball team, right?
00:34:04
Is that wrong? Of baseball. Yeah, he was like a big deal in baseball, but he also was like a professor.
00:34:12
Jesus. He's a big deal. Okay. We love you, Paul Giamatti. Thanks, Paul Giamatti.
00:34:16
We love you. As for recording the audiobook, that was so intimidating because I'm such a huge audiobook
00:34:23
fan and I stop listening to books that are having a narrator I don't like. Right.
00:34:28
And I fucking hate my voice. And I've tried to listen to the audio book a little bit on my own just to, you know, fucking cross check.
00:34:36
And God, it's annoying. Right. I mean, of course, that's like that's the age old thing is like the first time you hear your voice on an answering machine or something.
00:34:46
And you're just like, no, don't let that be me. I also cried recording the audio book.
00:34:51
Of course, I was supposed to record the first chapter first. And it was the mom chapter.
00:34:57
And it was nine in the morning. And I, God, the poor sound guy, the recording engineer, I wish I remembered his name.
00:35:06
I'm going to say Kevin. It's not Kevin. Something Kevin-y. He was like, I felt so bad.
00:35:12
I was just like, um, sorry, can I do a different chapter first? He's like, yes. Like, oh my God.
00:35:17
No, he was sweet. He didn't want to get into it. Our friend of the show, Shmoo, says, Karen, Karen, your Latchkey Kid chapter made me laugh really hard.
00:35:26
Was your sister involved in writing that chapter? If not, how did she react when she read it?
00:35:31
Is that how she remembered those hours after school? That is such a good question.
00:35:36
Because interestingly enough, I wrote that chapter at my sister's house. Oh, that must have helped.
00:35:42
Yeah. It I think it was either Christmas or Thanksgiving or some kind of a holiday that we were on six months behind.
00:35:50
Yeah. Yeah. We didn even talk about that how we were constantly and always six months behind in that book but um and I kept being like well Karen hasn turned anything in so I don have to turn anything in And I going to wait until Karen turns something in before I turn something in Yeah It was the great standoff
00:36:05
The editor loved it. She thought it was precious. So, yeah, I started, I got the idea of that because I was staring at the title, which is How to Be a Latchkey Kid.
00:36:14
And then I was just like, the pictures that were coming into my head were so specific.
00:36:19
It was the second house we lived in in Petaluma on Eastman Lane. it was like it was where all the main memories happened to me like it's it's always set there
00:36:32
in my mind and so and I could think of like you know 20 different things that would happen
00:36:39
constantly and I just suddenly was like tell people think of the children who would never
00:36:44
be latchkey kids who have no idea what this even means explain to them moment by moment
00:36:49
because it's so normal to you it was your childhood but then when you realize that some
00:36:52
people don't even know what that is. Have never been left alone like that. Jim Kilgareff, for
00:36:56
example. Oh, wait, because then she did write also wrote, what was your dad's reaction? And then she
00:37:02
said, basically, I just want to know everything about that chapter. My sister, I had my sister
00:37:08
read the first pass, basically. But I she was like, Yeah, that's good. She did one of those,
00:37:14
which the reason she's like, that is the reason I'm like this, like, she is never no, no one in
00:37:18
My family's ever given me praise or approval. And that so I'm always like, what if I did it this way?
00:37:25
I reread it and realized that I I I went out of the voice of it and went back in and fixed it.
00:37:31
And then and then she was, you know, but then she didn't care. She's a single mother.
00:37:35
She's a single mother. She's way better stuff to do. My sister. So we both have big sisters who are pretty close in age with us.
00:37:41
And she got sad and couldn't finish it. And I think it's partly that I write about so many of the bad things I did and bad things I went through, like drugs and, you know, going with strange men to the top of a fucking mountain and taking my shirt off.
00:37:54
Yeah. And as my big sister, she feels responsible and that she should have protected me.
00:37:58
But she was she's 18 months older than me and going through her own shit. And it's just like it's, you know, you were my big sister, but we were we were both embroiled in our own crap.
00:38:08
So I feel kind of bad that it bummed her out. That's well, but also that's, I mean, I feel like that's true.
00:38:14
That's like how it's really hard. All those stories aren't, it's not like, and then I won first prize.
00:38:22
There's no first prize. We don't fucking win any shit in that. I barely got my high school diploma.
00:38:26
Yeah. And it is hard. Those are the parts. It's like writing about the juiciest parts of life are the hardest parts.
00:38:33
And it makes sense that the people that were with us don't want to go and sit in it with us.
00:38:37
Also, can I say I didn't thank her husband in my thank you. So I just want to thank Andy right now.
00:38:43
Oh, good. You're a great brother in law. Apologies. I think you only did family, though, right?
00:38:49
Yeah, but he's family. Oh, true. I did my sister in law, too. I've known her for fucking 20 years.
00:38:53
Andy, God, can you leave me alone? Jesus. All these demands you keep making. OK, did I just ask that?
00:39:00
Yeah. OK. Kay Mooney, 22, says, just wanted to say that I've been putting off finishing the last chapter
00:39:06
because I love the book so much. I love that. That's the ultimate compliment. It was beautiful and felt just like the podcast,
00:39:13
like my friends were indulging me in all of their life mishaps in a beautiful, vulnerable, incisive way.
00:39:19
So proud of you guys. So proud of you guys. Thank you. So proud of you guys. So proud of you guys.
00:39:27
Questions. What was the hardest story to tell? Were there any moments or stories
00:39:31
that you thought should be played down to protect someone? like Georgia calling out her mom throughout
00:39:38
and what has been the best outcome from all the vulnerability you shared in the book
00:39:44
that's nice there's just so much I think the people who struggle with mental health
00:39:51
telling us that our frankness and our casualness about talking about it it makes it like
00:39:57
the stigma is gone of getting their own help and I fucking love that so much And if that's what our legacy is, I'm fucking, that's bigger than I could have ever imagined.
00:40:09
Yeah. You know, what an impact I would have had on the world. Totally. I'm proud of that.
00:40:13
Yeah, you should be. It's very cool. And it's, I like it because we didn't do it on purpose.
00:40:19
Totally. Like it wasn't this weird trend. Yeah, yeah. It was just, I didn't, I didn't realize how many people were so self-conscious about it
00:40:29
or ashamed. Yeah, ashamed. Yeah. Um, but that's because, you know, I don't, I would say when we, I, not the best outcome,
00:40:37
cause I'm not really sure about the outcomes, but I'll say the moment that it felt like
00:40:41
it was more than just, um, we put out this memoir, which is kind of how it felt like
00:40:46
when we turned in the final draft, I was just like, get this away from me. I don't, I don't know what this is even going to be.
00:40:53
And we were in, I believe it was Toronto. and there were like 30 people from um the booksellers remember that yeah and they all
00:41:03
met us in the hallway and um the looks on their faces the way they were holding the book because
00:41:10
the book hadn't come out yet they were like getting their first copies because they were
00:41:13
all booksellers that's right so they were early yeah they were early readers and we kind of all
00:41:19
said hi and nice to meet you and everything and then one girl just goes it was a really good book
00:41:25
And she said it like, I need you guys to understand. And it really, thank you so much.
00:41:31
I'm sorry, I don't remember your name offhand. But it was that kind of moment where I went, oh, fucking thank God.
00:41:37
She understood the need. And of course, we weren't going to ask that or whatever.
00:41:41
But it was like, she really needed us to understand it. And thank God. And it was the best feeling because it was like, yeah.
00:41:49
I agree. This is Gone Cirillin. How do Karen and Georgia it you and me remain so close I feel like it would be difficult to maintain a healthy friendship after everything that has happened with their success I truly envious of their friendship
00:42:05
Wasn't there a rumor going around that we're not on a vacation, that we hate each other?
00:42:11
And that the podcast is ending. Which is hilarious because we were in like our best, when that got spread, we were at
00:42:17
like our best place in our friendship, I feel like, too, where we're like texting each other
00:42:20
gifts all the time. And like, you know, I don't think we've gone more than a week without texting.
00:42:24
Even when we're mad at each other and we're fighting about something, we still need to start texting.
00:42:28
And I kind of love that, like, I think we're in a fight. And then I show up at the office to record something with you.
00:42:33
And we're both just like, hey, how are you? What's going on? Like, it breaks this tension that for me is really hard.
00:42:39
Because I can hold a grudge and I can be a bitch and be like, you do not get to see the cool Georgia part of me.
00:42:45
You, you know, you don't deserve it. But when I walk in and we're both just like, oh, your hair looks cute.
00:42:50
What are you doing? Like, OK, we can dissolve, like just dissolve this, you know, the fighting and just be like normal people like sisters.
00:42:58
Yes. It's a sister thing. Yeah. Friendship is like when you're a little more distant.
00:43:02
And so it's like, can we get dinner on Friday where it's like I've watched you eat so many times.
00:43:08
I've watched you pick things on menu. I could order for you. I mean, we've spent we've we it was like it was like being in the army or something.
00:43:17
And we were forced together through great luck and wonderful success and whatever.
00:43:25
Like being in the army. Yeah. I don't know what it is. But yeah, so it's the time we spend together.
00:43:32
We have insane, as I like to call them, peak experiences. Like when we walk out on stage at live shows, you and I are having that shared experience that that audience is giving us.
00:43:44
And we've gone into these realms together. So I don't feel like I need to be like, hey, you want to get brunch on Sunday?
00:43:50
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Okay. Here's another question. It's from Alice Yar. Let's be honest about the inevitable movie deal that's going to follow the book.
00:46:24
Does she know something we don't know? How the fuck would you shoot that movie? Here's a good one.
00:46:29
So the question is, who's the cast of SSDGM the movie? it's all toddlers with voices of grownups
00:46:36
I mean I would obviously love Leanna Mormont from Game of Thrones to play me as a child
00:46:41
and then Sansa can play my sister I don't know there's no movie deal guys write your local theater
00:46:50
we don't know because did we tell that story of when we were interviewed we went on
00:46:56
the CBS this morning with Gayle King can we tell you guys real quick Gayle King is the most amazing woman we have ever met.
00:47:05
Guys, you guys. Did we even talk about this? I don't think we've been recording.
00:47:08
Stephen says no, no, no. Great. So when we went on that show, Gayle King, I was trying to tell Georgia, here's how it's
00:47:15
going to go. Because that's what I always want someone to do for me that no one ever does.
00:47:20
So I always think she wants that, which I don't think she does. Well, you've worked on live TV, too.
00:47:23
And I'm all nervous and crazy. And so you kind of calm me down. And this is great, too, about us, is that we're never both nervous at the same time.
00:47:30
No. One of us is freaking out and the other one's fine and calms the other person down and vice versa.
00:47:34
So I was freaking out about being on fucking live television, as you would. And Karen's worked in live TV a lot.
00:47:41
So she was like, here's how it's going to go. There's going to be a producer that comes in.
00:47:44
She'll brief us, blah, blah, blah. It'll be a little jarring because we're going to actually see Gail and the other two hosts on the set.
00:47:50
But don't worry. Whatever. Well, three minutes into us being in hair and makeup, Gail King comes bounding in.
00:47:57
Powerhouse. Literally went, Karen and Georgia. Yeah. did a thing and we were both like our mouths are open.
00:48:04
Yeah. And then she opened the book and she had made notes and notes about George's stories were in blue and notes about my stories were in red.
00:48:14
Yeah. She had read the book. She had made notes, done research. It was, it was like above and beyond.
00:48:20
Yes. What's the question? Movie deal. Movie deal. So then the next day we went back and did the podcast that she hosted and we talked even more.
00:48:30
and at the end of that when she was walking out of the room we were like thank you so much it was
00:48:34
great to meet you and then she was like a movie did she did that if she does it then she knows
00:48:39
this was from taylorino this is book related this is how it starts this is book related
00:48:46
how was doing that interview photo shoot for the hollywood reporter p.s y'all look like four
00:48:51
million bucks oh cute i thought i love a photo shoot man there's nothing i love more than getting
00:48:56
fucking dolled up and photographed. Don't like looking at the photos after, but I think it's super fun. I was
00:49:04
in hell. The people couldn't have been nicer. You know, we were at Edendale. Edendale Grill,
00:49:12
which is gorgeous. It used to be an old firehouse. It's the coolest restaurant. But were you happy
00:49:17
with how it turned out? I didn't look at it. You haven't looked at the photos? No, I just gave... We look hot, dude.
00:49:21
Oren gave me like three copies, and I just gave them to my dad and my sister. You look hot. Great.
00:49:29
I mean, I'll never see it. That's just... Oh, Karen. It's just where we are right now. I got it.
00:49:35
But I will say this. It was an honor. Okay, here's one for you. Okay. This is from Katz
00:49:41
BB. Karen, what made you decide to write your chapter on the Canadian alderman and mention
00:49:47
Paul Bernardo? Fun fact, my uncle was one of his prison guards while he was on suicide watch when he was first arrested.
00:49:53
Wow. Yeah. I guess because when we very first talked about doing that book it was obviously they wanted the original voices that were like helping us There was suggestions of there should be really strong true crime kind of themes running through it
00:50:10
And we were I think that also added to the delay when we didn't start writing it for so long.
00:50:16
It was because it didn't feel right to. Yeah. It just it isn't what we do. We're not true crime journalists.
00:50:22
We write reports based on other people's journalism. Yeah. You know, which we're very aware of.
00:50:27
Yeah. So then to just pretend to be crime to crime journalists just wasn't in our in our brains.
00:50:34
Yeah. And it wasn't something that came easily. But in talking, that's my friend Paul Greenberg story that I talked about because it was it was basically my friend Paul Greenberg is from Toronto.
00:50:46
And his mother had essentially a hometown where Paul Bernardo stalked her while she was swimming in her pool.
00:50:53
Yes. And she was older. She was in her like 60s or 70s. Creepiest story. And I remember when my friend Paul told me that story and I just freaked out and was like, it's the best story.
00:51:03
It's in the book, whatever. I love it. So in telling that, then it was like, then I wanted to draw in.
00:51:08
And I'm sure Allie Fisher, our editor, made this suggestion, too, because she was like, well, you've done this.
00:51:13
So you might want to pull in some of the things that you learned when you were writing that.
00:51:17
Right. I think I did that Paul Bernardo, Carla Homolga when we were in Toronto because I used an article that a woman wrote that was amazing.
00:51:26
She wrote an amazing article about him and how all that happened. And I drew from that.
00:51:32
So it was like I realized that was a chance to kind of pull in all these like cool writers, cool points.
00:51:38
And it seemed to kind of get all that taken care of in one spot, which is back in the day, which now it doesn't seem like that long ago.
00:51:47
But like in the 80s, when people were faced with like a loose serial killer, serial rapist in their town, what they came up with was every lady stay home.
00:51:57
Yeah. And that that is the old way that that's the old way of criminal justice, the old way of law enforcement.
00:52:04
And that idea that I can speak to anything about criminal justice or law enforcement in a real way but I can quote other people that I think this whole wave of true crime popularity is about women going yeah we not not only are we not fucking staying home but we going to help solve these cases
00:52:22
Well, I think it's important that you're writing it from a place of someone who has been scared of these things before as a woman and as a human being out in the world.
00:52:31
It's, you know, we're talking about our own fears and our own anxiety and our own fucking reactions and angers to bullshit like that.
00:52:39
So that's what we can do and we can offer. And thank you for mentioning it because I was really worried about that because that was one I had to like footnote.
00:52:45
And then the lawyer was like, we have to make sure because I didn't I didn't want anybody to feel persecuted or anything.
00:52:51
But also, like, let's make sure that doesn't happen anymore by saying it happened in the past.
00:52:57
But yeah, that was a worrisome chapter. Because you had to get shit right or it's in there in writing.
00:53:01
Yes, exactly. Like Nora's misspelling of her name. That is the craziest, funniest thing.
00:53:08
Yeah. In this first edition, someone slapped an H on the end of my niece's name.
00:53:14
In the dedication. In the dedications. Her name is spelled N-O-R-A. And of course, when I told her, she was like, that's okay.
00:53:21
like she could give a shit it's a collector's item now it's a collector's item yeah it's not
00:53:27
well so the next three weeks we're going to be posting the top three episodes that you guys chose
00:53:34
in the fan cult of all time we're really excited to see what you guys pick and then
00:53:40
we're back and then we kind of come back thank you guys for all of this we do get very
00:53:47
self conscious But thank you for your grounding comments and support and questions.
00:53:55
Ultimately, what you should know is that we've been having a really good time. This has been the vacation or amazing or the I think the whole thing.
00:54:03
Yeah, I think the whole experience. The whole experience is surreal. Still, I still can't wrap my brain around it.
00:54:09
I still get so excited what to get you know where when a murderino comes up to me and recognizes me Like it just exciting every time this whole fucking thing It very fun And it more than just I talked to someone named Stephanie in Bloomingdale the other day for like 10 minutes who stopped me and was like I so sorry
00:54:29
And I'm like, no, I was just like standing around. I'm immediately in the middle of going to hug them as soon as they're like, are you Jordan?
00:54:35
And I'm like, hugging you. So, yeah, we're very grateful. And thank you for the support.
00:54:41
I honestly was so scared that this book was going to suck shit. Oh, I thought we were going to get like on BuzzFeed about what monsters we are.
00:54:49
Thank you. And stay sexy. And don't get murdered. Goodbye. Elvis, want a cookie?
00:54:59
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Goodbye.

Badges

This episode stands out for the following:

  • 70
    Most emotional
  • 70
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  • 65
    Most heartwarming
  • 65
    Best overall

Episode Highlights

  • Overwhelming Support
    The hosts express their gratitude for the positive feedback on their book, highlighting how meaningful it is to them.
    “Thank you so much for the overwhelming feedback and support for this book.”
    @ 02m 55s
    July 18, 2019
  • Family Reactions
    The hosts share humorous and surprising reactions from their families regarding their book, revealing personal dynamics.
    “You're like the best moms ever.”
    @ 03m 35s
    July 18, 2019
  • Navigating Friendship and Work
    They discuss how they managed to maintain their friendship while writing a book together, emphasizing the importance of therapy.
    “We were in the mode of make it work, get it done.”
    @ 11m 30s
    July 18, 2019
  • Mom's Cool Energy
    A heartfelt tribute to a fun and supportive mother.
    “My mom was the mom that... would like whoever my friend was... do you want a glass of wine?”
    @ 23m 32s
    July 18, 2019
  • Dating After Divorce
    Navigating the complexities of dating post-divorce can be daunting.
    “It takes one. It could be a one night that changes it all.”
    @ 29m 11s
    July 18, 2019
  • The Legacy of Vulnerability
    Sharing personal stories can help break the stigma around mental health.
    “If that's what our legacy is, I'm fucking, that's bigger than I could have ever imagined.”
    @ 40m 03s
    July 18, 2019
  • First Praise for the Book
    A bookseller expresses gratitude for the authors' work, leading to a moment of relief.
    “Oh, fucking thank God.”
    @ 41m 33s
    July 18, 2019
  • Friendship Through Tension
    Despite conflicts, the bond between the two friends remains strong and supportive.
    “We can dissolve this, you know, the fighting and just be like normal people.”
    @ 42m 50s
    July 18, 2019
  • The Collector's Item
    A humorous mishap in a book dedication leads to a light-hearted moment.
    “It's a collector's item now.”
    @ 53m 21s
    July 18, 2019
  • Vulnerability About the Book
    The authors share their fears about the book's reception, revealing their insecurities.
    “I honestly was so scared that this book was going to suck shit.”
    @ 54m 41s
    July 18, 2019

Episode Quotes

  • You're like the best moms ever.
    182 - Something Kevin-y (The Book Q&A)
  • Don't be so scared of growing. It's not that bad.
    182 - Something Kevin-y (The Book Q&A)
  • Oh, it's always got to be there. Karen.
    182 - Something Kevin-y (The Book Q&A)
  • It takes one. It could be a one night that changes it all.
    182 - Something Kevin-y (The Book Q&A)
  • I agree.
    182 - Something Kevin-y (The Book Q&A)
  • It's a collector's item now.
    182 - Something Kevin-y (The Book Q&A)

Key Moments

  • Overwhelming Feedback02:55
  • Family Dynamics03:35
  • Friendship Challenges10:54
  • Personal Growth16:07
  • Dating Advice26:09
  • Final Draft Relief40:46
  • Bookseller Praise41:13
  • Photo Shoot Fun49:01

Tension Over Time

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown